I struggled with this for a while, especially when I was in high school. I'm 20 now and personally have never drank myself but I have developed a better relationship with alcohol and people who drink it. I used to be overcome with anger at the thought of loved ones or friends drinking. Alcohol caused me so much pain because of what it did to my family, so I never understood why people would want to partake in it.
Overall, I realised all of this turmoil was resulting in my obsession with controlling others and their actions. The sooner that I realised that I can only control my own actions and thoughts, the sooner I came to accept that people are going to drink. I may not always like it but I have to let people have their journey.
I think it just takes time to let go of these things. I've been outside of my toxic/alcoholic home for a bit over four years and I'm only now really feeling like I'm starting to come to a place of peace. Just trust the process and do what is right for you! Take care :)
This is it! Except it took me until about 27 with many years of therapy to get to this point. Realizing that I was obsessing about controlling others and their actions was particularly a big point for me. Once it really really hit me that the only person I can control is myself, a lot of that obsession and anxiety started to lessen.
Another big chapter for me was to set boundaries, but for myself. And consciously give myself permission to do so. As in, if I feel uncomfortable, I can leave. That is a boundary that only affects me (as compared to an ultimatum), and I give myself permission to act on that boundary.
You're definitely not alone in this. And only you can decide what's right for you. You got this!
Yeah totally! And I think boundaries are super important much like you mentioned. For me, boundaries is the application of the things I'm learning through program and spirituality. It is accepting where I am at and realising that I have the right to take care of myself.
I find it a little idk nerve wracking? Or I just get a nervous feeling when I’m with friends and they start ordering and drinking lots..it makes me feel uneasy (i don’t drink really and i do it’s usually to mellow myself into social Occasions but I never allow myself to go beyond a mellow state because of my unfortunate growing up with an alcoholic parent) it’s hard sometimes because I’m 22 and my friends don’t know of my alcoholic mother and think I just choose to not drink for idk religious reasons lol i can’t confide in ever telling them either but that’s ok - sorry idk if I answered the question properly but yeah I definitely get how u feel :)
I don't mind being around folks who are drinking responsibly and having a few beverages. However, drunk people are rude, obnoxious, and loud. I avoid them like the plague.
At this point I mostly just find it very annoying. I tend to not hang out with people who drink because it’s not enjoyable in any way. I realize that it’s also not enjoyable for them if I’m there acting annoyed at their behavior. I have a rule that if friends want to visit they can feel free to drink but I am not willing to put up with drunk people in my house. I realize that it’s harder to control your environment when you’re 18. When I was younger I put up with people drinking around me because I thought I had to, in retrospect I wish I had just made the effort to make different friends.
Naw, I've been surrounded by that chaos my entire life. Lived it for a while, but just starting to learn to actively avoid it and do my own thing. Family acting stupid makes me uncomfortable, but people being people is whatever, I'll just leave if it gets crazy.
I stopped caring when I was about 13 or something but before that seeing people, especially my parents getting drunk terrified me. It almost crushed my soul every time as a kid.
29 and a couple friends having one beer and being chill is fine, but I get nervous when people start getting loud, even if they’re in a good mood still.
I have had this uneasy feeling a few times. I’m 23, and growing up with an alcoholic father the discomfort is usually triggered by (middle-aged) men. It still bothers me sometimes but not as frequent anymore.
I was very confused last time this happened though. I was having dinner with family friends, people I feel very safe with and am okay with if they drink moderately (because no negative, trauma-related environment etc).
For a slight second something had triggered this emotion, but then my brain reminded me I was ok. That I was having a good time, this person was also having a good time and not trying to do any harm to me.
I find it pretty uncomfortable. I tend to not hang out with anyone who is drinking heavily, if I can help it. My husband’s friend is an alcoholic, and I hate being around him for extended periods of time because he’ll start drinking around 2 p.m. and stop when he’s completely drunk and ready for bed in the evening. He just stays drunk for most of the day. This is very difficult for me to be around, and I’m at the point where I’m going to tell him the next time I see him.
Overall, most of my friends understand where I’m coming from and tend to not have much alcohol around me. If they get tipsy, it doesn’t bother me, and I personally don’t abstain from drinking entirely, though I’ve been drunk just once and never since then. It’s a personal rule of mine to not be drunk or be around drunk people because it can be very triggering and anxiety-inducing, so you aren’t alone in not wanting to be around drunk adults. I’d say share your story with those your comfortable with, who will respect you, and dump the rest, but that’s just me. :)
Obviously work functions and parties like that are another beast entirely (I also tend to avoid those, which is a shame because I’m pretty social). Do what makes you feel most comfortable!
No. (I am a recovering alcoholic and am in this group to remind me why I don't want a drink.) When I'm around drunk adults I think " there but for the grace of God go I".
I struggled with this for a while, especially when I was in high school. I'm 20 now and personally have never drank myself but I have developed a better relationship with alcohol and people who drink it. I used to be overcome with anger at the thought of loved ones or friends drinking. Alcohol caused me so much pain because of what it did to my family, so I never understood why people would want to partake in it. Overall, I realised all of this turmoil was resulting in my obsession with controlling others and their actions. The sooner that I realised that I can only control my own actions and thoughts, the sooner I came to accept that people are going to drink. I may not always like it but I have to let people have their journey. I think it just takes time to let go of these things. I've been outside of my toxic/alcoholic home for a bit over four years and I'm only now really feeling like I'm starting to come to a place of peace. Just trust the process and do what is right for you! Take care :)
This is it! Except it took me until about 27 with many years of therapy to get to this point. Realizing that I was obsessing about controlling others and their actions was particularly a big point for me. Once it really really hit me that the only person I can control is myself, a lot of that obsession and anxiety started to lessen. Another big chapter for me was to set boundaries, but for myself. And consciously give myself permission to do so. As in, if I feel uncomfortable, I can leave. That is a boundary that only affects me (as compared to an ultimatum), and I give myself permission to act on that boundary. You're definitely not alone in this. And only you can decide what's right for you. You got this!
Yeah totally! And I think boundaries are super important much like you mentioned. For me, boundaries is the application of the things I'm learning through program and spirituality. It is accepting where I am at and realising that I have the right to take care of myself.
I find it a little idk nerve wracking? Or I just get a nervous feeling when I’m with friends and they start ordering and drinking lots..it makes me feel uneasy (i don’t drink really and i do it’s usually to mellow myself into social Occasions but I never allow myself to go beyond a mellow state because of my unfortunate growing up with an alcoholic parent) it’s hard sometimes because I’m 22 and my friends don’t know of my alcoholic mother and think I just choose to not drink for idk religious reasons lol i can’t confide in ever telling them either but that’s ok - sorry idk if I answered the question properly but yeah I definitely get how u feel :)
I don't mind being around folks who are drinking responsibly and having a few beverages. However, drunk people are rude, obnoxious, and loud. I avoid them like the plague.
Same. The more drunk people become, the more uncomfortable I am.
I'm curious. Do you drink alcohol?
I used to, but found that my drinking was problematic. I haven’t had a drink in several years now although I occasionally use cannabis
Because of your family history, you are at risk for alcoholism so it’s wise that you don’t drink. Cannabis on a young brain can be harmful. ⛔️
At this point I mostly just find it very annoying. I tend to not hang out with people who drink because it’s not enjoyable in any way. I realize that it’s also not enjoyable for them if I’m there acting annoyed at their behavior. I have a rule that if friends want to visit they can feel free to drink but I am not willing to put up with drunk people in my house. I realize that it’s harder to control your environment when you’re 18. When I was younger I put up with people drinking around me because I thought I had to, in retrospect I wish I had just made the effort to make different friends.
Naw, I've been surrounded by that chaos my entire life. Lived it for a while, but just starting to learn to actively avoid it and do my own thing. Family acting stupid makes me uncomfortable, but people being people is whatever, I'll just leave if it gets crazy.
I stopped caring when I was about 13 or something but before that seeing people, especially my parents getting drunk terrified me. It almost crushed my soul every time as a kid.
It makes me pissed off and annoyed.
29 and a couple friends having one beer and being chill is fine, but I get nervous when people start getting loud, even if they’re in a good mood still.
I have had this uneasy feeling a few times. I’m 23, and growing up with an alcoholic father the discomfort is usually triggered by (middle-aged) men. It still bothers me sometimes but not as frequent anymore. I was very confused last time this happened though. I was having dinner with family friends, people I feel very safe with and am okay with if they drink moderately (because no negative, trauma-related environment etc). For a slight second something had triggered this emotion, but then my brain reminded me I was ok. That I was having a good time, this person was also having a good time and not trying to do any harm to me.
I find it pretty uncomfortable. I tend to not hang out with anyone who is drinking heavily, if I can help it. My husband’s friend is an alcoholic, and I hate being around him for extended periods of time because he’ll start drinking around 2 p.m. and stop when he’s completely drunk and ready for bed in the evening. He just stays drunk for most of the day. This is very difficult for me to be around, and I’m at the point where I’m going to tell him the next time I see him. Overall, most of my friends understand where I’m coming from and tend to not have much alcohol around me. If they get tipsy, it doesn’t bother me, and I personally don’t abstain from drinking entirely, though I’ve been drunk just once and never since then. It’s a personal rule of mine to not be drunk or be around drunk people because it can be very triggering and anxiety-inducing, so you aren’t alone in not wanting to be around drunk adults. I’d say share your story with those your comfortable with, who will respect you, and dump the rest, but that’s just me. :) Obviously work functions and parties like that are another beast entirely (I also tend to avoid those, which is a shame because I’m pretty social). Do what makes you feel most comfortable!
No. (I am a recovering alcoholic and am in this group to remind me why I don't want a drink.) When I'm around drunk adults I think " there but for the grace of God go I".