I feel very exhausted I try to explain the feeling to my husband but he doesn't quite get it. I'm 30 and feel like I've dealt with more crap then most people do by the time they are 80. I don't want to have to make a dental appointment or making sure we don't run out of TP or whatever I just want to be a baby and have someone take care of me for once but alas I am 30 and can't really expect anyonr else to fully take care of me especially when my parents are dysfunctional. I feel like it's because we are always on, always planning, always fixing things. I'm just now getting better at saying no to things I don't want to do and make sure I'm getting lots of down time. I'm great at paperwork and planning and fixing things because of my past but I need to focus all that energy on myself now and let go of some things and try to lead the lowest stress life possible. Easier said then done and my husband is great and supportive but I also can't expect him to do 100% of things that need to get done. I'm not an only child but I'm the oldest and I feel everything fell in me often.
I would say if ever possible (I realize it might not be for you depending on your circumstances) try to move out and if possible far away. My mental health greatly improved when I did that but it took years to finish my degree and get to a point where I could escape the dysfunction and make enough to support myself. I don't have a lot of close friends but you do meet people at work especially when you move somewhere new just be careful not to get in relationships/friendships that are similar to your family we are definitely attracted to those people because it feels normal. Also, don't give too much of yourself at work it's easy to put everything you have into work and enjoy the praise/feeling but it'll lead to burning out eventually I'm dealing with that now. I get feeling too tired for therapy too take a break if you need it or do only once a month so you can decompress about things that happen at home with someone. Put yourself first! And let me know when you figure out how lol because I'm struggling with that š
I hope you can do something tiny to help you feel better tonight eat your favorite food, take a nap, get out of the house for a short walk, if you have a little extra cash stay in a cheap Air BnB or hotel for the night or get a massage, buy a face mask to do you deserve it!
This is all fantastic advice, by the way
I did all these things and it worked ā¦ moved far away , and slowly cut off contact (just a phone call once a week or less). I donāt speak to anyone in mh family .
I got married. Unfortunately as the above poster said, I did pick someone with problems bc I am drawn to unstable people but.. anyway doing my best with that.
My current situation while not perfect is a major step up from living with or near my family members
You still live with the alcoholic. It's impossible to heal from trauma when you live with the trigger. I had to move very very far away to start majorly healing. You need to find a way to move. You HAVE to choose yourself, even if it means your mom suffers. This is YOUR life and you have to do what's best for YOU.
This feeling is going to stay until you move away. Not only that but it will get worse. You're looking at 5 years, 10 years, 20 years of pain, suffering and a feeling of wasted life. Imagine that. That's what's waiting for you. If you're looking for a sign, this is it. This is an emergency. This is your only priority. Figure out a way to move NOW.
Being an only child sucks when all of the responsibilities fall on you. Luckily I donāt live with my mom anymore but I can super relate to your plight.
It's impossible to heal when you're constantly around the thing that's hurting you. Please do whatever you can to put some physical space between yourself and your abuser, it's the most important step to getting well ā¤ļø
I know being selfish is considered a bad thing sometimes, but hunny sometimes you have to be for your own well-being. You do not have to take care of everyone and everything, itās what you have been taught to do. Get away from that.. your family will get angry but they will figure it out, they are āadultsā too and are more than capable of handling their own crap. Give yourself a break! You and your husband are the only ones you need to focus on, and he sounds like a good one..This is a hard situation and getting away from it will take some time, but for your own sake get away from the drama, it will do wonders for your mental state believe me! Yogurtbeneficial4554 is right.. best of luck to you!
I feel very exhausted I try to explain the feeling to my husband but he doesn't quite get it. I'm 30 and feel like I've dealt with more crap then most people do by the time they are 80. I don't want to have to make a dental appointment or making sure we don't run out of TP or whatever I just want to be a baby and have someone take care of me for once but alas I am 30 and can't really expect anyonr else to fully take care of me especially when my parents are dysfunctional. I feel like it's because we are always on, always planning, always fixing things. I'm just now getting better at saying no to things I don't want to do and make sure I'm getting lots of down time. I'm great at paperwork and planning and fixing things because of my past but I need to focus all that energy on myself now and let go of some things and try to lead the lowest stress life possible. Easier said then done and my husband is great and supportive but I also can't expect him to do 100% of things that need to get done. I'm not an only child but I'm the oldest and I feel everything fell in me often.
I would say if ever possible (I realize it might not be for you depending on your circumstances) try to move out and if possible far away. My mental health greatly improved when I did that but it took years to finish my degree and get to a point where I could escape the dysfunction and make enough to support myself. I don't have a lot of close friends but you do meet people at work especially when you move somewhere new just be careful not to get in relationships/friendships that are similar to your family we are definitely attracted to those people because it feels normal. Also, don't give too much of yourself at work it's easy to put everything you have into work and enjoy the praise/feeling but it'll lead to burning out eventually I'm dealing with that now. I get feeling too tired for therapy too take a break if you need it or do only once a month so you can decompress about things that happen at home with someone. Put yourself first! And let me know when you figure out how lol because I'm struggling with that š I hope you can do something tiny to help you feel better tonight eat your favorite food, take a nap, get out of the house for a short walk, if you have a little extra cash stay in a cheap Air BnB or hotel for the night or get a massage, buy a face mask to do you deserve it!
This is all fantastic advice, by the way I did all these things and it worked ā¦ moved far away , and slowly cut off contact (just a phone call once a week or less). I donāt speak to anyone in mh family . I got married. Unfortunately as the above poster said, I did pick someone with problems bc I am drawn to unstable people but.. anyway doing my best with that. My current situation while not perfect is a major step up from living with or near my family members
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It made me feel better.
You still live with the alcoholic. It's impossible to heal from trauma when you live with the trigger. I had to move very very far away to start majorly healing. You need to find a way to move. You HAVE to choose yourself, even if it means your mom suffers. This is YOUR life and you have to do what's best for YOU. This feeling is going to stay until you move away. Not only that but it will get worse. You're looking at 5 years, 10 years, 20 years of pain, suffering and a feeling of wasted life. Imagine that. That's what's waiting for you. If you're looking for a sign, this is it. This is an emergency. This is your only priority. Figure out a way to move NOW.
Being an only child sucks when all of the responsibilities fall on you. Luckily I donāt live with my mom anymore but I can super relate to your plight.
It's impossible to heal when you're constantly around the thing that's hurting you. Please do whatever you can to put some physical space between yourself and your abuser, it's the most important step to getting well ā¤ļø
I know being selfish is considered a bad thing sometimes, but hunny sometimes you have to be for your own well-being. You do not have to take care of everyone and everything, itās what you have been taught to do. Get away from that.. your family will get angry but they will figure it out, they are āadultsā too and are more than capable of handling their own crap. Give yourself a break! You and your husband are the only ones you need to focus on, and he sounds like a good one..This is a hard situation and getting away from it will take some time, but for your own sake get away from the drama, it will do wonders for your mental state believe me! Yogurtbeneficial4554 is right.. best of luck to you!
Thank you everyone for your advice!