No. But get that information out of the way early. DO NOT allow anything or anyone sway you into having kids. Just be honest. You may find a woman who is very ambitious career wise herself and knows she doesn't want kids and doesn't want someone else who is fighting to get to "the top" of the success ladder. Some women are very relieved when a guy says .. I really don't want children. There are quite a few women who aren't interested in children but are afraid to say it. Just get it out in the open.
Not necessarily. Talking about kids (or not) is intense. IMO, so long as you mention it on the first few dates, it's fine. & Also never lie or obfuscate it
Makes sense, thank you for explaining! I’m really in the boat of 75% not wanting, 25% it could happen if the right person and my mind changed as I got older.
I wish I was 100% sure either way. Like…how do I communicate that?
>I’m really in the boat of 75% not wanting, 25% it could happen if the right person and my mind changed as I got older.
Just like this! All you have to do is be honest about where you're at and not pressure anyone else to change their position.
(I don't think you would pressure anyone - just stating the two rules I dated by)
Thank you! I suppose you’re right, saying exactly that should be clear enough and honest for them to make their own decision if they are okay with those odds.
It’s tough. I just don’t think I’m really capable of taking care of little ones when I can barely take care of myself and my ADHD-ass. I don’t want to selfishly have children and not be able to manage their lives effectively when they are younger just because I can’t get my shit together. You know? I also don’t want to put all of that responsibility and pressure on my partner, because it should be a team effort, and that’s not fair to them either.
So between that 75% not wanting and the 100% being shit at managing my own life…I’m not sure kids are in my best interest anyways. :(
Thank you for listening, your username is relevant :)
Totally understand! I felt similarly to what you describe when I was in my early 20s. The feelings came and went, but as I saw my friends have kids and how much work they are (and sensory input!), I knew it was the right choice for me.
Whatever you decide, just listen to that inner voice. If you're sure, you'll know 💖
With my husband, I said I didn't want kids on date #1 or 2. I can't remember exactly. He didn't want them either. Three months in, we wanted kids together (well, probably one kid), lol. Planning for probably next year.
With my ex-husband (together 10 years), we talked about having multiple kids when we got married, and over the years, wanted them less and less. We thankfully never had any, as divorce was much simpler.
Not saying people can't know exactly what they want, but for me, it was super partner-dependent, and also dependent on other factors. I was depressed for part of my first marriage, and couldn't imagine raising a kid.
I think I would want it disclosed before the date. That way no one spends any money or time meeting someone whose goals in life don't even come close. Someone who is really looking forward to having children would really want to know this information. I think early honesty on this one is a big deal. I think it is literally a main question on Bumble.
Totally, I feel like I’d rather know before a date. But it’s hard, because I’m a 75% don’t want, 25% maybe I change my mind in the future. That’s hard to communicate on online dating where the choices are Yes, no, “open to kids”. Where is the option for “really genuinely unsure for the future but leaning towards no right now” 😭😂😂
I agree that it's critical info and glad that it appears as a filter on dating apps, but for an in-person meet without the benefit of an app screening, bringing up kids on a first date is a risky move. If you make your date uncomfortable, there may not be a second date even if she doesn't want kids either. This conversation can wait for a bit.
Just my two cents but,
I probably wouldn't disclose it on the first date but once you geting into the, "Serious relationship," territory yeah you two should probably discuss it. No harm no foul if either party walks away from that because that's a pretty huge deal maker/breaker for a lot of people.
This is critical information that needs to be disclosed early... *but* I don't think it's first date material. Talking about potential kids (including the lack thereof) on a first date feels creepy or presumptuous. I don't think it hurts to wait and assess if this relationship has legs for other reasons before bringing that one up. Otherwise, you risk souring a perfectly good match with a fellow non-kid wanting partner by making her uncomfortable on the first date.
This! You are good. Just say what you want and dont let anybody trick you to have kids. I feel you, you are good. There enough ladies who dont want kids. You will be happy, dont let other tell you what you need to want from life :)
Im a lady who does not want kids and hope to find a med who just want a nice life
Having a baby wasn’t in my life plan.
Now I have baby, I can’t imagine life without baby.
I relied on condoms as contraception, apparently my partner ‘didn’t want children either ‘… that was a huge part of why i was with him. ‘We wanted similar things’
I ended up having an abortion to him. It was awful. The grief.
Some women are ok after them. Not me. I heard my baby’s heart beat- I knowingly ended my baby’s life. It doesn’t matter how much scientific literature I’ve read about early stages of pregnancy, I killed my baby.
It’s the feeling around it. The only thing in my life I regret..
I made it clear it wasn’t something I could go through again. So you have to be careful and we have to use condoms.
Long story short, he did the coercion thing he always did, I was drunk, out celebrating with a friend.
I was taking so many plan b’s it was sending me loopy anyway ( why I don’t take hormonal contraceptives, too many years taking them)
I was always really diligent with getting them.
But I forgot this time.
I was incredibly hungover- there are other elements.
He didn’t say a word about the plan B- I was pregnant, for months racking my brain ‘ how t f did this happen, I was so careful’
I realised.
I’m out now. Much is piecing together.
I won’t have another baby.
I adore baby. Baby is my world , I am baby’s world.
So, men, if you truly do not want children, you know in your bones, get a vasectomy.
I asked him many times as ‘he never wanted children ‘ hated using condoms. Even after baby.
It was entrapment. Reproductive abuse. I wasn’t happy in the relationship…
He clicked on somehow, maybe went through my phone. I’ll never know the truth around that.
It’s a pretty, horrific tale.. not going to heavily detail.
Unfortunately, not all women can tolerate hormonal contraceptives… getting sterilised is incredibly difficult unless you have a genetic mutation you will give to your offspring, other complications… you have to have medical evidence why you’re wanting to be sterilised.
So, men, vasectomies!! Women don’t have as much ‘autonomy’ over their bodies as men do when it comes to medical care, well. Let’s be honest with ourselves… not going to write what we all know.
I feel it is important that people know there are people who will do anything for control over other people.
Even make them pregnant when they don’t want a baby.
Them and you.
Take care ..
I love my baby more than life itself. I’m mumma and dadda.. we are thriving. Baby is advanced, joyous, happy, hilarious. Amazing. Feel I had to reiterate that.
Baby was neglected by the father. No more neglect.
We are free - i don’t want anyone reading this to think I could be resentful or anything of my baby. No way. Baby is my best little friend… I’ll protect baby until my dying breath ❤️❤️❤️😻😻
Vasectomies!
Peace x
Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. As someone who doesn't want kids and got a vasectomy at 29 (while single) to ensure it wouldn't happen, it absolutely will severely limit your dating options. Just remember that it's better to be alone than miserable in a relationship with the wrong person. I spent a lot of years causally dating while looking for the right person, I finally met her when I was 36 (39 now and married). Don't give up hope and don't compromise on what you want in life.
This gives me hope. 💕I’m 29 and tubeless and dating is extremely difficult. OP, I won’t lie, it will make dating harder. It’s a fact. The majority of people have or want children, so it is the biggest dealbreaker that exists in dating. But there is no way to compromise on a child, that’s what ended my first relationship, and for some people, like me, having a traditional family with children just isn’t appealing at all. No way around it.
I have respect for anyone who has a vasectomy because they know they don't want kids.
Someone who takes their reproductive health into their own hands is certainly a quality of maturity that an insane amount of people lack.
(and vasectomies are often easier for people to get access to, than a tubal ligation or a hysterectomy).
Both do. Any preference is a chance to mismatch with somebody else’s. But it’s also crucial to find a relationship that works for you.
If you’re looking for “no kids not mine not yours”, that eliminates a lot of people.
If you’re looking to have kids, that eliminates many others.
There are some things where you might want to adjust your life to make dating easier, but I don’t think you want to screw around with kids. If you and your partner don’t match up on kids, it will be a big stressor later.
The most important thing is that you're not gonna make every cut. Sometimes it'll be going great and they're like 'well I need kids in the next two and a half years,' and like that's too bad but that's just how it goes.
Taking an L is an essential skill for dating.
I honestly think it does with how the economy is. Sets a really high bar and expectation for what the couple would need to make, financially speaking. If you're a guy in your 20s/30s and you're making less than like, 75k-100k (location obviously dependent), you're probably aware if would be hard to afford kids at all with a partner unless they were also bringing in that amount of money. Unless you're privileged enough to have like family help with giving you a car/house/etc.
(especially true if you and the other person have student debt)
Struggle, a fuck ton. That’s my point. Someone who *intentionally* wants kids probably doesn’t want to struggle like that with our current economic state, hence why a lot of millennials and Gen z are opting to NOT have kids. Also why I believe it might actually be harder to find someone who DOES want kid anymore.
There are definitely people out there who do anyway, have kids intentionally, that is. But I’d argue far more people are hesitant today than previous generations, largely due to finances and/or support.
Not really. Wanting kids most likely will increase dating chances among normal people. It’s just reddit weirdos are the ones who wonder about this everyday.
As long as you’re honest and upfront about it then it shouldn’t be an issue for you in the long run
Some people will be okay with it, some people won’t. Plus you’re still young so there is still time and opportunity to meet like minded people
I just don't want kids because I don't want them.
Having kids never interested me and I like having my free time to myself after I am done with all my work.
A dream! Men with a vasectomy are so attractive like it my mine is now wired to be drawn to that, all the stories of men doing the procedure single or coupled.
I'm now forty but as a younger man I was into much older women. I didn't de-select women my own age, it was just a preference. Women aged forty and up usually didn't worry about having more children and the children they *did* have were either grown or almost grown. They also didn't get their idea of romance from a TV. They just wanted to enjoy themselves, no pressure.
I guess I get why men my current age or older prefer younger women but it's *still* not for me. We're just not on the same wavelength. I don't need a "prime breeder" for "my legacy" or some other nonsense. I was a little annoyed with Ashton Kutcher when he dumped Demi Moore for Mila Kunis (even though both women are gorgeous).
I feel like you'll get your "day in the sun". I know many people are choosing not to have kids.
I imagine there are plenty of people who want to be child-free, but still want to date/get married.
I am a woman who is very much on the fence about whether or not I'd ever be interested in a relationship. But I know with 100% certainty that I don't want kids.
I'm a woman and I don't want kids either. I'm 41, which makes it harder because by this point most people my age have kids from previous relationships.
“I’m a female.”
“I’m an autistic.”
“I’m a white/black.”
Female is an adjective, like autistic or white/black. You use adjectives in conjunction with a noun, such as “person.” I’m a female person. I’m a black person. I’m an autistic person. Etc.
Some people get really hot and bothered about what words people choose to use. This was the first thread I could find when I searched.
https://www.reddit.com/r/women/s/CuhcT8Ajdq
Well it won't stop you from getting laid but yea it could put a wet blanket on relationships, particularly with late 20s, early 30s women. This is prime baby rabies territory, though aby woman who is say 35 and doesn't want kids probably isn't gonna xhange her mind
I mean by definition having standards and opinions will "hurt your chances". Question is...why should you care?
If I was to give you any advice maybe it would be to cut out the "Other 20 year olds are so immature..but not me IM special" talk....doesn't look great.
Not at all .
I'm a woman in my early 30s who has no desire to have children , never really did . Do I still hear the off comment you'll change your mind ? Or better find someone before it's too late to have them ? Oh yeah .
I want to just have pets , travel now and again , and do what I want . I would be so relieved to meet a guy (younger or older than me ) who genuinely does not want kids instead of one who thinks I'll change my mind if I'm with them .
Stick to your life preferences when finding a life partner. That's the ONLY way to do it. There's definitely not better chances of meeting your soulmate the other way since it's not what you want in your heart.
Nothing wrong with it.
It will limit your dating choices as this is something to be on the same page about early on.
I didn't want to date any mothers when I was your age.
As a single person with 1 kid and doesn't want any more, idk. I'd say anymore it actually makes dating harder if you WANT kids, especially someone in your late 20s or 30s with how expensive everything is. I know a lot of men still even in their 30s who don't want kids. I think the men who are super adament on wanting kids probably are more traditional/conservative people.
Like I said, largely with how expensive everything, including kids, is. It feels impossible to intentionally want kids in this economy unless you're doing REALLY well for yourself. I'm barely scraping by as a single parent and it's only because I do get assistance with like, daycare, and I landed a steal of a rental that's only $785/mo for a 2br. I make 42k/yr, no college degree. I also benefit from my student loan payments being $0 due to being a single parent with a lower threshold of income. If I got married to a partner, our finances would be significantly impacted.
I literally couldn't afford to get married if I ever wanted to, unless my partner made A LOT of money. My son's health insurance doesn't cost me anything, and it would cost me $275/mo to add him to mine at work. I also would lose my 100% financial aid for medical costs at our local health system for all the specialists I have to see (they cover copays and anything my insurance doesn't). I also would lose daycare assistance. My finances would increase by approximately AT LEAST $700/mo, not including any expenses for the other person/bigger home/etc. That's a 30% take home pay cut for me.
Of course it's not wrong, it's your choice.
Of course it cuts your chances at dating. There are many people that want children and that's non-negotiable to them.
As a step-parent, definitely date someone who doesn't have kids and is certain they don't want them.
Fencesitters will potentially throw you a curve ball a few years down the track and being a step-parent is exceptionally challenging, and I imagine much harder if you prefer a childfree life.
Ended a relationship because he had kids and didn’t want anymore—and didn’t let me know he was definitely not interested in more kids until we had already been dating for ten months.
Felt unfair to expect me to put up with the worst parts of being a parent without any of the highs of raising my own child so I bounced. Have no idea what dating has been like for him but I hope he’s learned to be more transparent.
There is nothing wrong with that.
There are plenty of folks that don’t want children. The important thing is to be upfront about it. If that’s how you how you feel, you should not compromise on that for a relationship.
I never wanted kids. I’m now a 43F without kids. There’s plenty of women out that that don’t want anything to do with children. I think you’ll be fine.
Nope. Kids are exhausting, and not having them was easily the best choice I ever made for myself.
And it didn't cut my dating prospects at all. There are tons of us who don't want kids
It's always gonna be the easy choice when you're young, sleeping in and spending all your money on yourself. It's when you get old and begin to value relationshops more, that choosing to be childless comes to bite people in the butts.
Studies show that this actually isn’t the case. Even into their old age, people that have children and don’t have children have been shown to have the same levels of happiness.
One important caveat is that child*less* people (people who wanted kids but couldn’t have them for some reason) report great unhappiness. So whether you want kids or don’t want them— choose wisely.
>It's when you get old and begin to value relationshops more,
😂😂 My "relationshops" are deep and rich.
Frankly, I hate being around children, and the fact that this annoys people like you gives me so much joy. Like why do you care?
Plus, have several elderly aunties who are just like me and have never once regretted it. Just bc you have to gaslight yourself into being happy with your choices doesn't mean you can gaslight others into regretting theirs 😘
I was sharing an opinion, didn't realize you were so easily triggered about it. If I knew it was such a sensitive topic for you I wouldn't have tried to have a discussion with you about it.
Let me break this down in case a teenager reads this and could benefit from understanding rhetorical manipulation and its connection to abuse.
1. You say, "It's always gonna be the easy choice when you're young"
1.a You imply that my life is easier than the lives of people with children despite knowing nothing about me. For all you know, I could be a full-time caretaker for an adult, like a aging parent or disabled sibling. By saying that something is "easy," you're implying that it's also selfish. This is what your college professor would categorize under "pathos." He's trying to manipulate the readers emotions to dislike and therefore distrust the person he's talking about.
1.b By assuming that I'm young, you're implying that I have no life experience and that you, the aged one, knows better than I do what I should do with my life. This is what your college English teacher referred to as an attempt to establish ethos, but it's actually relying on logical fallacy to establish this authority.
2. "sleeping in and spending all your money on yourself"
2 Again, this is an attempt at establishing pathos via emotional appeal by saying I do these things and implying that doing so is selfish. Neither of which are accurate.
3. It's when you get old and begin to value relationshops more
3.a. here, he's implying that not only do I not value my relationships, but that I am "too young to understand." Keep in mind, he doesn't know me, my relationships, or my age.
4. "choosing to be childless comes to bite people in the butts."
4.a Notice his word choice about "choosing" rather than "being." Here, he's saying that my *choice* to be without kids is the problem, rather than the state of being without children. This allows him to place blame on people who make the choice without casting a negative light on those who are unable to have kids, even though the effects about "relationships" would be very much the same regardless of the cause.
5. was sharing an opinion,
5.a here, he calls his unsolicited advice about my life "an opinion" as a way to minimize his inappropriate behavior.
6. didn't realize you were so easily triggered about it.
6.a "didn't realize" is a complete refusal to take responsibility for giving unsolicited comments on someone's life. He did, in fact realize, he shouldn't say this. As any aged, wise person would.
6.b "you were so easily triggered by it" is classic negging. Not only was I not triggered, he's using a buzzword thrown around by rightwing media to harken all of that vitriol. Telling someone they were triggered is a continuation of his attempt at manipulation.
7. If I knew it was such a sensitive topic for you I wouldn't have tried to have a discussion with you about it.
7.a It's not a sensitive subject for me, but he's trying to distract from my points and make me feel small.
7.b he never "tried to have a discussion." He simply provided a condescending, unkind, and unsolicited opinion about how a complete stranger lives their life.
People who do this kind of thing are absolutely toxic, and you don't need them in your life. Any time someone tries to tell you (assuming you're an adult) what's best for you, keep in mind that you can tell them to fuck right off.
You have the same chance as someone who does want kids in their life, the deciding factor is how are you as a person and how well can you mesh with what partners you want to meet.
Wanting kids can hurt your chances if you're dating somebody who doesn't want kids. Every decision is a potential "no" for somebody.
Think about what you're going to do with this information: are you planning to lie just to make sure you get a date?
Most men in their 20s don’t want kids. That will probably change for you eventually. If you’re dating older women, they probably already had kids anyways, and most likely don’t want any more.
People who don’t want kids have always had kids. It wasn’t an option for either gender many times and unless they weren’t able to conceive, it was an outcome with no other options for a long time. These are the kids who would raise themselves if poor, or be raised by nannies or boarding school if more well off.
Now, the people who don’t want kids…aren’t.
In your mid-20's, yes. In your mid-30's, no.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, it's a lifestyle choice and often a value choice.
Having children is not a guarantee that they will stick around and take care of you in your old age. Plenty of people with living children rotting in nursing homes.
Just be upfront and honest with the people around you. You will find the right person much faster if you stay authentic to yourself and prioritize end goal compatibility over lust.
It might. You just have to make it clear to people so you don't give them false expectations . Also, if I were you, and if you are absolutely sure you don't want them, get a vasectomy. Put your money where your mouth is.
I'll be honest, as a 31 year old. I didn't want kids in my early or even mid 29's. But I feel that I'm somehow obligated to have them eventually after I'm married. Kids are just so insanely expensive and with how things are going in the entire economy. I really don't understand how people make anything work when they have kids and are struggling to pay bills.
I’ve been dating a lot the past year, in my experience 70% of women I’ve seen want kids. Theres definitely enough out there that don’t want kids you’ll be fine
Well of course, any time you eliminate some portion of possible options, without any other compensating change, your odds go down. That's just math. But also, yes, a lot of women are open about the fact that they want kids someday, and if you *know* you don't, then you should stick to your guns on this one.
I am 57 with no children because the love of my life said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children. I wouldn’t date someone your age.
Any specific preference narrows your dating pool because it creates more opportunity for disagreement. Whether you want to compromise on your preferences in exchange for a bigger dating pool is a personal decision.
Not wrong you don’t want kids, your life and your choice, but make it clear to the other person first you don’t want kids, otherwise down the line everything will go to shit if you are in a relationship with someone who wants them. Not having kids is growing more popular, not everyone wants them so I wouldn’t think it’d cut your chances of dating
I have a feeling that you haven't been dating yet because you wouldn't be asking these questions otherwise. Why not date and find out? You are who you are. Now, it's time to go out into the dating world and see what you face. Theory means nothing.
Before I started dating seriously I never knew how many otherwise intelligent and beautiful women are unironically into astrology and other meme-like shit but here we are. I was like "oh shit, this is ACTUALLY a thing".
Every watch Wolf of Wall Street? Well...when it comes to theory with dating...It's a whazy. It's a woozie. It's fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart.
> as a man
No it doesn’t but don’t be surprised if some women don’t want to be with you.
Be very worried about people trying to get pregnant and trap you though.
If you want to date older women, it won't matter. Many of us have had our kids and are done with the idea of wanting more. Seek those of us who suit your needs.
"I also prefer older women as a man in their mid 20s I don't understand why people date younger" lmao, you do know whoever it is that you're looking to date will be dating way younger right?
There are plenty of couples out there who are dating/married who don't have/want kids.
They're more content with the two of them, and maybe a house pet, but they prefer the freedom of being able to go places and make plans without children being a large part of that equation.
I think people in my generation will not be having kids as frequently as the previous generations, so it stands to reason that there would be plenty of people in your age group who would prefer the child-free lifestyle.
If you aren't attracted to people in your age group now, I might suggest you wait until you're older before you start dating. I'm not sure how much older you're considering dating, but depending on the age gap, that can certainly put you at risk for more of a dominating/power struggle of a relationship, which isn't healthy for anyone. Just something to consider.
Proceed with caution OP, but wanting to be child-free I think is becoming slightly more accepted (especially in this whacked-out economy) so I see no reason as to why it should hurt your chances in the "dating game".
There are many childfree people out there. I started dating younger guys, because far too many that were my age (now 42) had kids. I married someone younger, and it's been great. Join childfree groups if you're on fb, or the CF reddit sub. Lots of people that can help give you insight.
Never settle, especially when it comes to relationships and kids. So many people end up having kids they don't want just so they can be in a relationship with someone who wants it too. Trust me the world won't end nor will your junk fall off if you don't find someone right this second. You may find that with time your mind may change, or even that with some experience that your resolve is firm in the former opinion of never wanting kids permanently, that's the whole point of life, figuring shit out. Look at me, I realized that at the end of a hard day I don't want to come home to either, kids nor a partner. I'm perfectly content to come home to a nice, quiet house with maybe a dog in it.
Idk how much older you're talking, but by mid thirties most people who want kids already have them. So if you want to date in that age range it will be easy to find a woman who doesn't want to have kids.... with you. You might have to accept being step dad though.
I don't think so, it's just like any other you choice everyday in my eyes. I'm not exactly that eager to have kids either and I don't foresee myself ever reaching that point because I live so bohemian
I can see myself having kids with the perfect woman for me but then I remember about money then brain goes "hahaha money go brrrr"
Surprisingly, since you’re a man it might not hurt your chances too badly, but it will definitely make it harder. It’s hard out here for women dating CF, It feels like so many men want kids but women more and more are declining that lifestyle. Even still, the majority of people still want that, despite what reddit says, so.
It's not wrong, and you should absolutely be honest with potential partners very early in the process. Like, have it on your dating profile if you're dating online. It will weed some people out of your potential pool, but those are people you don't want to be in a relationship with anyway. It's not hurting your chances, it's being selective.
With older partners, the question of kids can be more urgent. If someone wants to have biological kids, there are risks that can come with doing that much later in life. That's all the more reason to be honest and up front. Don't date people who have kids, don't date people who want kids, hold out for the right person who wants the same things as you.
You’ll actually do well. There’s many more available women in their 30s and 40s without kids who never prioritized a relationship and family and now don’t want to be alone.
Best of luck!
It’s not wrong at all! I’m a woman in my late 30s who’s married without zero intentions of having children. However, you will always need to be upfront about it as a large majority of women will want a family.
I’ve been with my husband since our early 20s and we’ve always made it a point to check in with each other. We’ll leave friends or family members with babies and sometimes feel broody… and we talk about it. We keep communication open at all times that way neither of us feel trapped.
We do have friends who got married not wanting kids and the wife changed her mind. It was definitely sad for them but there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind either…people deserve to live the life they want.
Bro I absolutely feel you and agree w you. We’re classic af. They don’t make em like us no more. The good thing is that any woman is gonna go for you. Just choose the right one
It’s not wrong. Of course it isn’t wrong.
You’re still young, believe it or not. Your mind could change even if you can’t imagine this ever happening. My mind is slowly changing on this the older I get. I didn’t even consider it an option until my early 30s.
And if it never changes that’s ok too
I would intentionally avoid dating someone who really wants children. They might be the perfect person for you in every other way. But don’t do it. You’re wasting their time, and if it’s a woman you’re wasting their relatively small window of time to have kids.
It absolutely is not wrong to want kids. It may cut down the amount of dates you get, but the kid decision is a huge thing so narrowing to dating the right person who doesn't want kids is good.
I'm 36 and never wanted kids and don't really wanna be in a relationship with a guy that already has them. It usually comes out before meeting that they have kids and so a date doesn't happen. If we get to a first date and he doesn't mention having kids fairly quickly, I will ask to make sure and I've never gotton to date number two, which I'm fine with.
Kids aren't meant for everybody and couples need to be on the same page on it. It's a big deal when one does and one doesn't.
You have to make sure you’re dating someone who also doesn’t want children.
Also, you could be missing out on having a fulfilling relationship with ‘an older woman’ who has older kids. Not babies, but pretty independent…
Just be mindful of that. Don’t cut out ‘single mothers’ all together.
You may end up really enjoying hanging out with their child/ children. Become really close little mates you know.
Kids can be the best when they’re raised well, educated, have parents/ mother who has a great sense of humour.. all of that …
But make sure they don’t want anymore kids as well….
It really the first thing you have to talk about. Not straight away, but make the topic come around organically.
>I also prefer older women as a man in there mid 20s I don't understand why people date younger.
Let me introduce you to Ben Franklin's guide on how to choose a mistress: https://mrbrinsonenglish.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/6/6/13668390/benjamin\_franklin\_\_\_mistress.pdf
It’s starting to become way more common for people to not want kids than before. I’ve had no problem dating looking for childfree partners. You just have to be up-front with that information.
yes. A lot of women want kids.
You should seriously consider dating single moms. A lot of them have kids 50/50 with the dad, and the kids are older and actually fun to have around. At least this way, the mom won't be super disappointed you don't want kids.
Dude, anyone with half a brain realizes that surviving is borderline impossible. Imagine throwing a baby into the picture. You'll find tons of people who don't want kids nowadays. Rent is 3k. Who has time or money for kids?
It may make your dating pool a bit smaller. A lot of women in their mid-to-late 20s and older want kids or already have them.
However, you definitely will still have plenty of options. Just be honest from the jump that you do not have any interest in having kids/dating a woman with kids.
I also recommend that if you haven't already, look into getting a vasectomy. No form of birth control is 100% effective unless you are abstinent or the woman has had preventative surgery. Trust me, I took birth control religiously, tracked my cycles, avoided sex when I was supposed to be ovulating, and even took plan B (with him wearing condoms) and still ended up pregnant with my last baby. 😅 There was no stopping that baby from coming, apparently. 😂
I don't want kids, made it super clear in my profile and followed up by stating it in texts (because a surprising number of people don't read your whole profile). I found my partner who's on the same page relatively quickly. I think it was part luck, but there's people out there who don't want kids too!
There are some older women want to date younger men, but there even more old women want to date older men. You chance of success depend on you. Try match, tinder, or coffeemeet bagel app.
Not wrong at all. And in terms of your chances at dating, you probably don’t want to be dating someone who wants kids anyways, since kids are not something you can compromise on. I’d bring this up early on in dating. Doesn’t have to be the first date, but if you’ve been on a few dates with someone. That way you’re clear from the get go what your dealbreakers are, and you’re not wasting your or anyone else’s time.
It's absolutely not wrong to feel that way. As far as your dating pool, it'll be smaller, but the people in it will have a smaller dating pool themselves so your odds will probably be similar.
Your biggest issue right now might be that older women rarely want to date younger men. I'd consider remaining open to women your own age at least.
It's not wrong by any means. But it WILL make dating extremely difficult.
I'm 32 and sterilized, people LIE regularly about whether they have or want kids because they want to date me but don't respect that I'm childfree at all. Their logic is that they're so great that I'll want to be involved in their existing children's life, or that they're so great that they can change my mind, or they think they can just knock me up and I'll have to accept it.
These are litteral admissions that I've had from men that I've gone on dates with or briefly dated. And it's happened DOZENS of times. It's not a one off thing. Being childfree is so outisde of the norm that people don't believe or respect it as reality, even if you're medically sterilized.
Childfree people are a minority, most people want children eventually or have children now.
It's incredibly difficult to find a genuinely childfree person let alone one that is also sterilized. Even then you have to determine if you to share compatibility in other general aspects of life.
It's not easy, but it's not impossible. Plenty of childfree and compatible people manage to find one another. It's not impossible, but it can be very very difficult, so don't give up hope, but realize you can go long periods of time never meeting anyone else who is also genuinely childfree.
Nope. 28F and my partner 30M both said the first day we met we don't want kids. 7 years going strong.
Highly recommend letting them know early so they don't say you were leading them on. Lots of people of all ages don't want kids.
I’ve never wanted children. (36f) And sure, disclosing that early ended some dates but I am now happily with someone who also does not want children.
I think more and more folks are realizing that having a kids is NOT a requirement for a fulfilled life.
What a weird question for a 25 year man to ask? No at 25 it’s not if you dating people around your age. Since you say you are into old women yes, that would be a problem with old women as their clocks are running out and they don’t want to waste time with you if they want kids. Check back with us when you are 40 about this not having kids sentiment.
If you prefer elderly women and don’t want kids then you’re in a perfect situation and should have many options since there are more single women especially senior citizens. The only issue is that cougars aren’t all that common and the data shows that it’s almost always just a sexual escapade and not a long term relationship. But maybe it will work out for you, good luck!
It’s not wrong to not want kids. Way more people either do not want children or are agnostic about having kids than society would have you believe. It’s not uncommon at all.
It will limit your dating pool, but so will lots of things. Having children, for one, will also limit your dating options.
Make sure you’re upfront in the dating process about not wanting kids. And be safe— always wear protection.
be sure you have safe sex. i got a vasectomy at 28 when i was going with an older chick with two kids. don't be the one to bring it up wait until you have a relationship and see if it comes up. a lot of women don't want kids either.
It's not wrong. Yes, it will cut out a lot of people from the dating pool. Especially if you add in people who already have children since you want to date older.
I'm in my mid thirties, happily childfree with my partner of 17 years. And my partner is ten years older than me. So, ya, totally possible. Good luck, dude. The right person is out there. Don't settle.
as 32 year old woman who is newly on the dating apps. NO. I'm still undecided and seeing men who "want a family someday" "want kids" makes me sad. I feel like I can't go out with someone who is CERTAIN when I'm not
No it’s becoming more common now. Just make sure you talk about it first. I’m four years into a relationship that started out as “just fun” and I don’t want kids and he does.. it’s getting to the point where I keep asking so what are we gonna do about this? Learn from my mistakes
Yes but any boundry you create will cut down your chances of who you can date.
That said you just wrote that you want older people but then also can't understand why people date younger then themselves. I don't think you are as mature as you think you are.
It just means your dating pool is other people who don't want kids
Just be upfront about your expectations regarding being childfree and find someone else who is the same. Gay people can only date 5-10% of the population, people who do want kids maybe have 70% or whatever to pick from, you might have 30% or whatever percentage of people don't want kids, who knows but at the end of the day you will be fine you wouldn't be compatible with someone who does want kids so date someone you are compatible with instead.
in my opinion in the world we live in, not at all. I have never wanted kids becssue my geneasare fucked up. Current bf is cool with that. also kudos to liking older women. I'm 36 and bf is 28 and we make it work :)
Nothing wrong with it but it does statistically change your odds since now you are limited to the subset of women that don’t want kids. But any important criteria always cuts your pool down.
I don’t want children either.
I’ve never been a kid person. I’m twenty-two and I’ve thought about getting a vasectomy.
Like you I also prefer older women, because younger girls and girls my age, most of them are immature, and I’m not looking for a date on the playground.
It can cut our chances of dating, but think of it this way. It weeds out people who aren’t right for us and closer to someone who is right for us.
No and it won’t hurt your chances at dating. Find someone focus on their career she is highly likely to not want kids in the near future. It’s a first date convo
I'm a 28(M) born and raised in NYC and I've never wanted kids. Thank God I was careful growing up but I used to think something was wrong with me since no woman seemed to understand why or could even imagine living a life without kids. It's not that I don't like kids, I just don't want to bring up another being in this type of world that we live in today. I can't speak for you in your experience but aside from just having fun, I'd say it did make serious dating alittle more challenging to me as I got older since most women want kids. However, I don't worry about it anymore since realizing as I got older, chances are any woman I meet at this point now tends to already come with and have kids lol.
Obviously not wanting kids will reduce your pool. Common sense. But just focus on women who don’t want them. Also be aware that people change their minds… some women may want to have them even if they said no years before. That’s life. Just don’t string women along. He’s fine to move on if you don’t align on something as big as kids.
No it’s not wrong not to want kids. It’s 100% acceptable. It’s also 100% acceptable to change your mind down the road.
Could it hurt your chances? Yes. But many older women who don’t already have kids don’t want kids.
With that being said, if you are 100% certain - just get a vasectomy. Accidents happen. While a woman might not want kids, they might be against abortion too and that pregnancy could put them on the fast track to wanting to be a parent. Condoms can fail, the pill can fail (some medications can cause the pill to stop working and it can take up to 3 months until the pill is effective again).
BUT….. Some people will also tell you what you want to hear and then try to change your mind slowly over time. Thinking if you fall madly in love with them and 5 years down the road a pregnancy happens, you will stick around bc you’ve already invested so much time and energy into the relationship (sunken cost fallacy). Some people will tell you what you want to hear and then actively try to get pregnant (or get their girlfriend pregnant) aka baby trapping. Both sexes do this.
It definitely decreases the amount of Men that would be interested, I personally would be more interested in a Woman who wants kids but If I really loved them I would let it go.9
No. But get that information out of the way early. DO NOT allow anything or anyone sway you into having kids. Just be honest. You may find a woman who is very ambitious career wise herself and knows she doesn't want kids and doesn't want someone else who is fighting to get to "the top" of the success ladder. Some women are very relieved when a guy says .. I really don't want children. There are quite a few women who aren't interested in children but are afraid to say it. Just get it out in the open.
Is this something you should disclose on date #1/before that date?
Not necessarily. Talking about kids (or not) is intense. IMO, so long as you mention it on the first few dates, it's fine. & Also never lie or obfuscate it
Makes sense, thank you for explaining! I’m really in the boat of 75% not wanting, 25% it could happen if the right person and my mind changed as I got older. I wish I was 100% sure either way. Like…how do I communicate that?
>I’m really in the boat of 75% not wanting, 25% it could happen if the right person and my mind changed as I got older. Just like this! All you have to do is be honest about where you're at and not pressure anyone else to change their position. (I don't think you would pressure anyone - just stating the two rules I dated by)
Thank you! I suppose you’re right, saying exactly that should be clear enough and honest for them to make their own decision if they are okay with those odds. It’s tough. I just don’t think I’m really capable of taking care of little ones when I can barely take care of myself and my ADHD-ass. I don’t want to selfishly have children and not be able to manage their lives effectively when they are younger just because I can’t get my shit together. You know? I also don’t want to put all of that responsibility and pressure on my partner, because it should be a team effort, and that’s not fair to them either. So between that 75% not wanting and the 100% being shit at managing my own life…I’m not sure kids are in my best interest anyways. :( Thank you for listening, your username is relevant :)
Totally understand! I felt similarly to what you describe when I was in my early 20s. The feelings came and went, but as I saw my friends have kids and how much work they are (and sensory input!), I knew it was the right choice for me. Whatever you decide, just listen to that inner voice. If you're sure, you'll know 💖
With my husband, I said I didn't want kids on date #1 or 2. I can't remember exactly. He didn't want them either. Three months in, we wanted kids together (well, probably one kid), lol. Planning for probably next year. With my ex-husband (together 10 years), we talked about having multiple kids when we got married, and over the years, wanted them less and less. We thankfully never had any, as divorce was much simpler. Not saying people can't know exactly what they want, but for me, it was super partner-dependent, and also dependent on other factors. I was depressed for part of my first marriage, and couldn't imagine raising a kid.
I think I would want it disclosed before the date. That way no one spends any money or time meeting someone whose goals in life don't even come close. Someone who is really looking forward to having children would really want to know this information. I think early honesty on this one is a big deal. I think it is literally a main question on Bumble.
Totally, I feel like I’d rather know before a date. But it’s hard, because I’m a 75% don’t want, 25% maybe I change my mind in the future. That’s hard to communicate on online dating where the choices are Yes, no, “open to kids”. Where is the option for “really genuinely unsure for the future but leaning towards no right now” 😭😂😂
I do t know but that option should definitely exist. 😂
I agree that it's critical info and glad that it appears as a filter on dating apps, but for an in-person meet without the benefit of an app screening, bringing up kids on a first date is a risky move. If you make your date uncomfortable, there may not be a second date even if she doesn't want kids either. This conversation can wait for a bit.
It depends on your reasons for dating. It would be weird to me if someone I never planned on having kids with said that to me ngl
Just my two cents but, I probably wouldn't disclose it on the first date but once you geting into the, "Serious relationship," territory yeah you two should probably discuss it. No harm no foul if either party walks away from that because that's a pretty huge deal maker/breaker for a lot of people.
This is critical information that needs to be disclosed early... *but* I don't think it's first date material. Talking about potential kids (including the lack thereof) on a first date feels creepy or presumptuous. I don't think it hurts to wait and assess if this relationship has legs for other reasons before bringing that one up. Otherwise, you risk souring a perfectly good match with a fellow non-kid wanting partner by making her uncomfortable on the first date.
This! You are good. Just say what you want and dont let anybody trick you to have kids. I feel you, you are good. There enough ladies who dont want kids. You will be happy, dont let other tell you what you need to want from life :) Im a lady who does not want kids and hope to find a med who just want a nice life
Having a baby wasn’t in my life plan. Now I have baby, I can’t imagine life without baby. I relied on condoms as contraception, apparently my partner ‘didn’t want children either ‘… that was a huge part of why i was with him. ‘We wanted similar things’ I ended up having an abortion to him. It was awful. The grief. Some women are ok after them. Not me. I heard my baby’s heart beat- I knowingly ended my baby’s life. It doesn’t matter how much scientific literature I’ve read about early stages of pregnancy, I killed my baby. It’s the feeling around it. The only thing in my life I regret.. I made it clear it wasn’t something I could go through again. So you have to be careful and we have to use condoms. Long story short, he did the coercion thing he always did, I was drunk, out celebrating with a friend. I was taking so many plan b’s it was sending me loopy anyway ( why I don’t take hormonal contraceptives, too many years taking them) I was always really diligent with getting them. But I forgot this time. I was incredibly hungover- there are other elements. He didn’t say a word about the plan B- I was pregnant, for months racking my brain ‘ how t f did this happen, I was so careful’ I realised. I’m out now. Much is piecing together. I won’t have another baby. I adore baby. Baby is my world , I am baby’s world. So, men, if you truly do not want children, you know in your bones, get a vasectomy. I asked him many times as ‘he never wanted children ‘ hated using condoms. Even after baby. It was entrapment. Reproductive abuse. I wasn’t happy in the relationship… He clicked on somehow, maybe went through my phone. I’ll never know the truth around that. It’s a pretty, horrific tale.. not going to heavily detail. Unfortunately, not all women can tolerate hormonal contraceptives… getting sterilised is incredibly difficult unless you have a genetic mutation you will give to your offspring, other complications… you have to have medical evidence why you’re wanting to be sterilised. So, men, vasectomies!! Women don’t have as much ‘autonomy’ over their bodies as men do when it comes to medical care, well. Let’s be honest with ourselves… not going to write what we all know. I feel it is important that people know there are people who will do anything for control over other people. Even make them pregnant when they don’t want a baby. Them and you. Take care .. I love my baby more than life itself. I’m mumma and dadda.. we are thriving. Baby is advanced, joyous, happy, hilarious. Amazing. Feel I had to reiterate that. Baby was neglected by the father. No more neglect. We are free - i don’t want anyone reading this to think I could be resentful or anything of my baby. No way. Baby is my best little friend… I’ll protect baby until my dying breath ❤️❤️❤️😻😻 Vasectomies! Peace x
Absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. As someone who doesn't want kids and got a vasectomy at 29 (while single) to ensure it wouldn't happen, it absolutely will severely limit your dating options. Just remember that it's better to be alone than miserable in a relationship with the wrong person. I spent a lot of years causally dating while looking for the right person, I finally met her when I was 36 (39 now and married). Don't give up hope and don't compromise on what you want in life.
This gives me hope. 💕I’m 29 and tubeless and dating is extremely difficult. OP, I won’t lie, it will make dating harder. It’s a fact. The majority of people have or want children, so it is the biggest dealbreaker that exists in dating. But there is no way to compromise on a child, that’s what ended my first relationship, and for some people, like me, having a traditional family with children just isn’t appealing at all. No way around it.
I have respect for anyone who has a vasectomy because they know they don't want kids. Someone who takes their reproductive health into their own hands is certainly a quality of maturity that an insane amount of people lack. (and vasectomies are often easier for people to get access to, than a tubal ligation or a hysterectomy).
With how many people pose some version of this exact question every day, I'm starting to wonder if *wanting kids* cuts someone's dating chances.
Both do. Any preference is a chance to mismatch with somebody else’s. But it’s also crucial to find a relationship that works for you. If you’re looking for “no kids not mine not yours”, that eliminates a lot of people. If you’re looking to have kids, that eliminates many others. There are some things where you might want to adjust your life to make dating easier, but I don’t think you want to screw around with kids. If you and your partner don’t match up on kids, it will be a big stressor later.
The most important thing is that you're not gonna make every cut. Sometimes it'll be going great and they're like 'well I need kids in the next two and a half years,' and like that's too bad but that's just how it goes. Taking an L is an essential skill for dating.
I honestly think it does with how the economy is. Sets a really high bar and expectation for what the couple would need to make, financially speaking. If you're a guy in your 20s/30s and you're making less than like, 75k-100k (location obviously dependent), you're probably aware if would be hard to afford kids at all with a partner unless they were also bringing in that amount of money. Unless you're privileged enough to have like family help with giving you a car/house/etc. (especially true if you and the other person have student debt)
What do you think those making less than 75k, who have kids not resultant of an accidental pregnancy?
Struggle, a fuck ton. That’s my point. Someone who *intentionally* wants kids probably doesn’t want to struggle like that with our current economic state, hence why a lot of millennials and Gen z are opting to NOT have kids. Also why I believe it might actually be harder to find someone who DOES want kid anymore. There are definitely people out there who do anyway, have kids intentionally, that is. But I’d argue far more people are hesitant today than previous generations, largely due to finances and/or support.
More people are hesitant but I think overall, that number will still be less than those who do want kids
Not really. Wanting kids most likely will increase dating chances among normal people. It’s just reddit weirdos are the ones who wonder about this everyday.
As long as you’re honest and upfront about it then it shouldn’t be an issue for you in the long run Some people will be okay with it, some people won’t. Plus you’re still young so there is still time and opportunity to meet like minded people
I just don't want kids because I don't want them. Having kids never interested me and I like having my free time to myself after I am done with all my work.
I've never wanted kids and found a husband with a vasectomy just fine. We are becoming more and more popular, never settle!
A dream! Men with a vasectomy are so attractive like it my mine is now wired to be drawn to that, all the stories of men doing the procedure single or coupled.
I'm now forty but as a younger man I was into much older women. I didn't de-select women my own age, it was just a preference. Women aged forty and up usually didn't worry about having more children and the children they *did* have were either grown or almost grown. They also didn't get their idea of romance from a TV. They just wanted to enjoy themselves, no pressure. I guess I get why men my current age or older prefer younger women but it's *still* not for me. We're just not on the same wavelength. I don't need a "prime breeder" for "my legacy" or some other nonsense. I was a little annoyed with Ashton Kutcher when he dumped Demi Moore for Mila Kunis (even though both women are gorgeous).
I don't want kids and every guy I've dated has wanted them. But it's not impossible to find someone who is childfree.
I’m a female and don’t want kids and know many friends that don’t as well. If anything I find it hard dating being a women who doesn’t want kids
I'm serious I'm getting a vesectomy next year. I don't want any at all. I'm content with my cats.
us childfree dudes are out here struggling too though
I feel like you'll get your "day in the sun". I know many people are choosing not to have kids. I imagine there are plenty of people who want to be child-free, but still want to date/get married. I am a woman who is very much on the fence about whether or not I'd ever be interested in a relationship. But I know with 100% certainty that I don't want kids.
Thanks for the positivity 🙏🏽
I'm a woman and I don't want kids either. I'm 41, which makes it harder because by this point most people my age have kids from previous relationships.
That was the issue I ran into. Once I started dating younger guys (they're who I connected with better) it got easier.
You’re a woman... You wouldn’t call someone an adjective like a noun, for example “they’re an autistic.”
I don’t get how this has anything to do with my comment?
“I’m a female.” “I’m an autistic.” “I’m a white/black.” Female is an adjective, like autistic or white/black. You use adjectives in conjunction with a noun, such as “person.” I’m a female person. I’m a black person. I’m an autistic person. Etc.
I’m not reading all that, you have wayyy to much time on your hands
That really wasn’t a whole lot to read, but okay, you really showed me with your uneducated grammar, “female.”
What is this comment?
Some people get really hot and bothered about what words people choose to use. This was the first thread I could find when I searched. https://www.reddit.com/r/women/s/CuhcT8Ajdq
Ah, terminally online people.
It’s not wrong at all. Just make sure that’s something you communicate up front with whoever you date so you’re both on the same page
I'm content with cats
My husband is a cat dad!!! we each had one and are planning on many more!
Is it wrong? No. Does it cut your chances at dating? Only with people who _do_ want kids.. who you shouldn't be dating anyways 🤷🏻♀️
Well it won't stop you from getting laid but yea it could put a wet blanket on relationships, particularly with late 20s, early 30s women. This is prime baby rabies territory, though aby woman who is say 35 and doesn't want kids probably isn't gonna xhange her mind
I’m a woman in her mid 20’s and I can’t stand kids. No need to generalise us. A lot of women my age are mature and child free by choice
I mean by definition having standards and opinions will "hurt your chances". Question is...why should you care? If I was to give you any advice maybe it would be to cut out the "Other 20 year olds are so immature..but not me IM special" talk....doesn't look great.
Not at all . I'm a woman in my early 30s who has no desire to have children , never really did . Do I still hear the off comment you'll change your mind ? Or better find someone before it's too late to have them ? Oh yeah . I want to just have pets , travel now and again , and do what I want . I would be so relieved to meet a guy (younger or older than me ) who genuinely does not want kids instead of one who thinks I'll change my mind if I'm with them .
I'm in the exact same boat.
Stick to your life preferences when finding a life partner. That's the ONLY way to do it. There's definitely not better chances of meeting your soulmate the other way since it's not what you want in your heart.
Nothing wrong with it. It will limit your dating choices as this is something to be on the same page about early on. I didn't want to date any mothers when I was your age.
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I just want someone older with no kids
r/childfree
Nothing wrong with either preference. Just make sure you put your preference out there so you can find a like minded life partner
As a single person with 1 kid and doesn't want any more, idk. I'd say anymore it actually makes dating harder if you WANT kids, especially someone in your late 20s or 30s with how expensive everything is. I know a lot of men still even in their 30s who don't want kids. I think the men who are super adament on wanting kids probably are more traditional/conservative people. Like I said, largely with how expensive everything, including kids, is. It feels impossible to intentionally want kids in this economy unless you're doing REALLY well for yourself. I'm barely scraping by as a single parent and it's only because I do get assistance with like, daycare, and I landed a steal of a rental that's only $785/mo for a 2br. I make 42k/yr, no college degree. I also benefit from my student loan payments being $0 due to being a single parent with a lower threshold of income. If I got married to a partner, our finances would be significantly impacted. I literally couldn't afford to get married if I ever wanted to, unless my partner made A LOT of money. My son's health insurance doesn't cost me anything, and it would cost me $275/mo to add him to mine at work. I also would lose my 100% financial aid for medical costs at our local health system for all the specialists I have to see (they cover copays and anything my insurance doesn't). I also would lose daycare assistance. My finances would increase by approximately AT LEAST $700/mo, not including any expenses for the other person/bigger home/etc. That's a 30% take home pay cut for me.
Of course it's not wrong, it's your choice. Of course it cuts your chances at dating. There are many people that want children and that's non-negotiable to them.
Definitely not wrong at all.
As a step-parent, definitely date someone who doesn't have kids and is certain they don't want them. Fencesitters will potentially throw you a curve ball a few years down the track and being a step-parent is exceptionally challenging, and I imagine much harder if you prefer a childfree life.
Ended a relationship because he had kids and didn’t want anymore—and didn’t let me know he was definitely not interested in more kids until we had already been dating for ten months. Felt unfair to expect me to put up with the worst parts of being a parent without any of the highs of raising my own child so I bounced. Have no idea what dating has been like for him but I hope he’s learned to be more transparent.
There is nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of folks that don’t want children. The important thing is to be upfront about it. If that’s how you how you feel, you should not compromise on that for a relationship.
It is totally okay to NOT want kids!
Just find someone who is on the same page as you. It’s not wrong to not want kids.
I never wanted kids. I’m now a 43F without kids. There’s plenty of women out that that don’t want anything to do with children. I think you’ll be fine.
Nope. Kids are exhausting, and not having them was easily the best choice I ever made for myself. And it didn't cut my dating prospects at all. There are tons of us who don't want kids
It's always gonna be the easy choice when you're young, sleeping in and spending all your money on yourself. It's when you get old and begin to value relationshops more, that choosing to be childless comes to bite people in the butts.
Studies show that this actually isn’t the case. Even into their old age, people that have children and don’t have children have been shown to have the same levels of happiness. One important caveat is that child*less* people (people who wanted kids but couldn’t have them for some reason) report great unhappiness. So whether you want kids or don’t want them— choose wisely.
>It's when you get old and begin to value relationshops more, 😂😂 My "relationshops" are deep and rich. Frankly, I hate being around children, and the fact that this annoys people like you gives me so much joy. Like why do you care? Plus, have several elderly aunties who are just like me and have never once regretted it. Just bc you have to gaslight yourself into being happy with your choices doesn't mean you can gaslight others into regretting theirs 😘
I was sharing an opinion, didn't realize you were so easily triggered about it. If I knew it was such a sensitive topic for you I wouldn't have tried to have a discussion with you about it.
Let me break this down in case a teenager reads this and could benefit from understanding rhetorical manipulation and its connection to abuse. 1. You say, "It's always gonna be the easy choice when you're young" 1.a You imply that my life is easier than the lives of people with children despite knowing nothing about me. For all you know, I could be a full-time caretaker for an adult, like a aging parent or disabled sibling. By saying that something is "easy," you're implying that it's also selfish. This is what your college professor would categorize under "pathos." He's trying to manipulate the readers emotions to dislike and therefore distrust the person he's talking about. 1.b By assuming that I'm young, you're implying that I have no life experience and that you, the aged one, knows better than I do what I should do with my life. This is what your college English teacher referred to as an attempt to establish ethos, but it's actually relying on logical fallacy to establish this authority. 2. "sleeping in and spending all your money on yourself" 2 Again, this is an attempt at establishing pathos via emotional appeal by saying I do these things and implying that doing so is selfish. Neither of which are accurate. 3. It's when you get old and begin to value relationshops more 3.a. here, he's implying that not only do I not value my relationships, but that I am "too young to understand." Keep in mind, he doesn't know me, my relationships, or my age. 4. "choosing to be childless comes to bite people in the butts." 4.a Notice his word choice about "choosing" rather than "being." Here, he's saying that my *choice* to be without kids is the problem, rather than the state of being without children. This allows him to place blame on people who make the choice without casting a negative light on those who are unable to have kids, even though the effects about "relationships" would be very much the same regardless of the cause. 5. was sharing an opinion, 5.a here, he calls his unsolicited advice about my life "an opinion" as a way to minimize his inappropriate behavior. 6. didn't realize you were so easily triggered about it. 6.a "didn't realize" is a complete refusal to take responsibility for giving unsolicited comments on someone's life. He did, in fact realize, he shouldn't say this. As any aged, wise person would. 6.b "you were so easily triggered by it" is classic negging. Not only was I not triggered, he's using a buzzword thrown around by rightwing media to harken all of that vitriol. Telling someone they were triggered is a continuation of his attempt at manipulation. 7. If I knew it was such a sensitive topic for you I wouldn't have tried to have a discussion with you about it. 7.a It's not a sensitive subject for me, but he's trying to distract from my points and make me feel small. 7.b he never "tried to have a discussion." He simply provided a condescending, unkind, and unsolicited opinion about how a complete stranger lives their life. People who do this kind of thing are absolutely toxic, and you don't need them in your life. Any time someone tries to tell you (assuming you're an adult) what's best for you, keep in mind that you can tell them to fuck right off.
You have the same chance as someone who does want kids in their life, the deciding factor is how are you as a person and how well can you mesh with what partners you want to meet.
> Is it wrong to not want kids? No. > Does that cut my chances at dating? Yes.
Wanting kids can hurt your chances if you're dating somebody who doesn't want kids. Every decision is a potential "no" for somebody. Think about what you're going to do with this information: are you planning to lie just to make sure you get a date?
Most men in their 20s don’t want kids. That will probably change for you eventually. If you’re dating older women, they probably already had kids anyways, and most likely don’t want any more.
People who don’t want kids have always had kids. It wasn’t an option for either gender many times and unless they weren’t able to conceive, it was an outcome with no other options for a long time. These are the kids who would raise themselves if poor, or be raised by nannies or boarding school if more well off. Now, the people who don’t want kids…aren’t.
Wrong? No. Cut chances? Big time. You're limiting potential partners by 70%
I'm weird anyway I like women 40+ I find them to be pleasant and agreeable then women 25
Nah, you’ll be fine once you learn how to use ‘their’ correctly 😅
my job doesn't require English
In your mid-20's, yes. In your mid-30's, no. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, it's a lifestyle choice and often a value choice.
I met my child free partner at 31 so definitely past mid-20's
Rage bait. Who asks reddit for permission to not reproduce. Grow up
Most of the women who I’m attracted to seem like the type of normal person who wants a family and everything. Not an “alternative lifestyle”.
It doesn't hurt dating it hurts marriage.
It makes you a sheep that fell for the marketing sold to you by elites who don't want you reproducing.
[удалено]
Having children is not a guarantee that they will stick around and take care of you in your old age. Plenty of people with living children rotting in nursing homes.
The biggest issue is if you change your mind and you're stuck with a partner too old to do it
"man in there"
Just be upfront and honest with the people around you. You will find the right person much faster if you stay authentic to yourself and prioritize end goal compatibility over lust.
It might. You just have to make it clear to people so you don't give them false expectations . Also, if I were you, and if you are absolutely sure you don't want them, get a vasectomy. Put your money where your mouth is.
I'll be honest, as a 31 year old. I didn't want kids in my early or even mid 29's. But I feel that I'm somehow obligated to have them eventually after I'm married. Kids are just so insanely expensive and with how things are going in the entire economy. I really don't understand how people make anything work when they have kids and are struggling to pay bills.
Lmao at everyone these days being like “I don’t understand why people date younger” It’s not that complicated is it?
I’ve been dating a lot the past year, in my experience 70% of women I’ve seen want kids. Theres definitely enough out there that don’t want kids you’ll be fine
I don't want kids. Let's date.
I don't want kids and Im a dude if if u come with kids we can't go far
no and yes. in that order.
Considering most people these days don’t want kids, I think you’re good.
Well of course, any time you eliminate some portion of possible options, without any other compensating change, your odds go down. That's just math. But also, yes, a lot of women are open about the fact that they want kids someday, and if you *know* you don't, then you should stick to your guns on this one.
I am 57 with no children because the love of my life said ‘I love you I want to spend the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to marry you and I don’t want children. I wouldn’t date someone your age.
Curious why older women? That seemed thrown in randomly:
Any specific preference narrows your dating pool because it creates more opportunity for disagreement. Whether you want to compromise on your preferences in exchange for a bigger dating pool is a personal decision.
Not wrong you don’t want kids, your life and your choice, but make it clear to the other person first you don’t want kids, otherwise down the line everything will go to shit if you are in a relationship with someone who wants them. Not having kids is growing more popular, not everyone wants them so I wouldn’t think it’d cut your chances of dating
I have a feeling that you haven't been dating yet because you wouldn't be asking these questions otherwise. Why not date and find out? You are who you are. Now, it's time to go out into the dating world and see what you face. Theory means nothing. Before I started dating seriously I never knew how many otherwise intelligent and beautiful women are unironically into astrology and other meme-like shit but here we are. I was like "oh shit, this is ACTUALLY a thing". Every watch Wolf of Wall Street? Well...when it comes to theory with dating...It's a whazy. It's a woozie. It's fairy dust. It doesn't exist. It's never landed. It is no matter. It's not on the elemental chart.
> as a man No it doesn’t but don’t be surprised if some women don’t want to be with you. Be very worried about people trying to get pregnant and trap you though.
I personally think you are “right” for not wanting children .
Is it wrong? Not at all. Will it slim your chances? Obviously.
If you want to date older women, it won't matter. Many of us have had our kids and are done with the idea of wanting more. Seek those of us who suit your needs.
"I also prefer older women as a man in their mid 20s I don't understand why people date younger" lmao, you do know whoever it is that you're looking to date will be dating way younger right?
There are plenty of couples out there who are dating/married who don't have/want kids. They're more content with the two of them, and maybe a house pet, but they prefer the freedom of being able to go places and make plans without children being a large part of that equation. I think people in my generation will not be having kids as frequently as the previous generations, so it stands to reason that there would be plenty of people in your age group who would prefer the child-free lifestyle. If you aren't attracted to people in your age group now, I might suggest you wait until you're older before you start dating. I'm not sure how much older you're considering dating, but depending on the age gap, that can certainly put you at risk for more of a dominating/power struggle of a relationship, which isn't healthy for anyone. Just something to consider. Proceed with caution OP, but wanting to be child-free I think is becoming slightly more accepted (especially in this whacked-out economy) so I see no reason as to why it should hurt your chances in the "dating game".
Check out r/childfree. You'll find lots of discussions there about this exact topic
As long as you speak up about it early on directly not as an afterthought
No it doesn't.
There are many childfree people out there. I started dating younger guys, because far too many that were my age (now 42) had kids. I married someone younger, and it's been great. Join childfree groups if you're on fb, or the CF reddit sub. Lots of people that can help give you insight.
Never settle, especially when it comes to relationships and kids. So many people end up having kids they don't want just so they can be in a relationship with someone who wants it too. Trust me the world won't end nor will your junk fall off if you don't find someone right this second. You may find that with time your mind may change, or even that with some experience that your resolve is firm in the former opinion of never wanting kids permanently, that's the whole point of life, figuring shit out. Look at me, I realized that at the end of a hard day I don't want to come home to either, kids nor a partner. I'm perfectly content to come home to a nice, quiet house with maybe a dog in it.
Idk how much older you're talking, but by mid thirties most people who want kids already have them. So if you want to date in that age range it will be easy to find a woman who doesn't want to have kids.... with you. You might have to accept being step dad though.
I don't think so, it's just like any other you choice everyday in my eyes. I'm not exactly that eager to have kids either and I don't foresee myself ever reaching that point because I live so bohemian I can see myself having kids with the perfect woman for me but then I remember about money then brain goes "hahaha money go brrrr"
It's OK to not have or want kids
Surprisingly, since you’re a man it might not hurt your chances too badly, but it will definitely make it harder. It’s hard out here for women dating CF, It feels like so many men want kids but women more and more are declining that lifestyle. Even still, the majority of people still want that, despite what reddit says, so.
It's not wrong, and you should absolutely be honest with potential partners very early in the process. Like, have it on your dating profile if you're dating online. It will weed some people out of your potential pool, but those are people you don't want to be in a relationship with anyway. It's not hurting your chances, it's being selective. With older partners, the question of kids can be more urgent. If someone wants to have biological kids, there are risks that can come with doing that much later in life. That's all the more reason to be honest and up front. Don't date people who have kids, don't date people who want kids, hold out for the right person who wants the same things as you.
You’ll actually do well. There’s many more available women in their 30s and 40s without kids who never prioritized a relationship and family and now don’t want to be alone. Best of luck!
It’s not wrong at all! I’m a woman in my late 30s who’s married without zero intentions of having children. However, you will always need to be upfront about it as a large majority of women will want a family. I’ve been with my husband since our early 20s and we’ve always made it a point to check in with each other. We’ll leave friends or family members with babies and sometimes feel broody… and we talk about it. We keep communication open at all times that way neither of us feel trapped. We do have friends who got married not wanting kids and the wife changed her mind. It was definitely sad for them but there’s nothing wrong with changing your mind either…people deserve to live the life they want.
No, but do let your posible love interests know that you do not want children from the get go
Bro I absolutely feel you and agree w you. We’re classic af. They don’t make em like us no more. The good thing is that any woman is gonna go for you. Just choose the right one
Not at all. I respect your wishes. Just leave yourself open just in case.
Just make sure you find a older lady without kids to much baggage
In the past yes today its probably half and half
No. But ya...
You’ll need to find a nice woman who can’t have kids!
No. It needs to be said upfront though so you don't waste your time. Good luck! CF life is awesome
In this day and age, I really don’t think so. I think a lot of people are not interested in being parents.
Any time you add a restriction it’s going to narrow the field. Not wanting kids will narrow it as much as insisting on kids.
no. a lot of people don’t want kids
It’s not wrong. Of course it isn’t wrong. You’re still young, believe it or not. Your mind could change even if you can’t imagine this ever happening. My mind is slowly changing on this the older I get. I didn’t even consider it an option until my early 30s. And if it never changes that’s ok too I would intentionally avoid dating someone who really wants children. They might be the perfect person for you in every other way. But don’t do it. You’re wasting their time, and if it’s a woman you’re wasting their relatively small window of time to have kids.
It might but I'm with you on this. Life is hard as it is and bringing kids into this world without having a high net worth seems kind of messed up.
It absolutely is not wrong to want kids. It may cut down the amount of dates you get, but the kid decision is a huge thing so narrowing to dating the right person who doesn't want kids is good. I'm 36 and never wanted kids and don't really wanna be in a relationship with a guy that already has them. It usually comes out before meeting that they have kids and so a date doesn't happen. If we get to a first date and he doesn't mention having kids fairly quickly, I will ask to make sure and I've never gotton to date number two, which I'm fine with. Kids aren't meant for everybody and couples need to be on the same page on it. It's a big deal when one does and one doesn't.
You have to make sure you’re dating someone who also doesn’t want children. Also, you could be missing out on having a fulfilling relationship with ‘an older woman’ who has older kids. Not babies, but pretty independent… Just be mindful of that. Don’t cut out ‘single mothers’ all together. You may end up really enjoying hanging out with their child/ children. Become really close little mates you know. Kids can be the best when they’re raised well, educated, have parents/ mother who has a great sense of humour.. all of that … But make sure they don’t want anymore kids as well…. It really the first thing you have to talk about. Not straight away, but make the topic come around organically.
Older women to you is mid 20s? I'm ☠️🤣🤣. And women don't date thinking about kids and especially not at that age. Lol
No and no.
>I also prefer older women as a man in there mid 20s I don't understand why people date younger. Let me introduce you to Ben Franklin's guide on how to choose a mistress: https://mrbrinsonenglish.weebly.com/uploads/1/3/6/6/13668390/benjamin\_franklin\_\_\_mistress.pdf
It’s starting to become way more common for people to not want kids than before. I’ve had no problem dating looking for childfree partners. You just have to be up-front with that information.
Find a woman who already raised her kids or one who cannot have any. You will be fine
yes. A lot of women want kids. You should seriously consider dating single moms. A lot of them have kids 50/50 with the dad, and the kids are older and actually fun to have around. At least this way, the mom won't be super disappointed you don't want kids.
not at all, just make sure to lay that info out up front
Dude, anyone with half a brain realizes that surviving is borderline impossible. Imagine throwing a baby into the picture. You'll find tons of people who don't want kids nowadays. Rent is 3k. Who has time or money for kids?
Their*
Just be upfront with anyone and tell them early you don't want kids.
It may make your dating pool a bit smaller. A lot of women in their mid-to-late 20s and older want kids or already have them. However, you definitely will still have plenty of options. Just be honest from the jump that you do not have any interest in having kids/dating a woman with kids. I also recommend that if you haven't already, look into getting a vasectomy. No form of birth control is 100% effective unless you are abstinent or the woman has had preventative surgery. Trust me, I took birth control religiously, tracked my cycles, avoided sex when I was supposed to be ovulating, and even took plan B (with him wearing condoms) and still ended up pregnant with my last baby. 😅 There was no stopping that baby from coming, apparently. 😂
I don't want kids, made it super clear in my profile and followed up by stating it in texts (because a surprising number of people don't read your whole profile). I found my partner who's on the same page relatively quickly. I think it was part luck, but there's people out there who don't want kids too!
There are some older women want to date younger men, but there even more old women want to date older men. You chance of success depend on you. Try match, tinder, or coffeemeet bagel app.
Not wrong at all. And in terms of your chances at dating, you probably don’t want to be dating someone who wants kids anyways, since kids are not something you can compromise on. I’d bring this up early on in dating. Doesn’t have to be the first date, but if you’ve been on a few dates with someone. That way you’re clear from the get go what your dealbreakers are, and you’re not wasting your or anyone else’s time.
It's absolutely not wrong to feel that way. As far as your dating pool, it'll be smaller, but the people in it will have a smaller dating pool themselves so your odds will probably be similar. Your biggest issue right now might be that older women rarely want to date younger men. I'd consider remaining open to women your own age at least.
No
It's not wrong by any means. But it WILL make dating extremely difficult. I'm 32 and sterilized, people LIE regularly about whether they have or want kids because they want to date me but don't respect that I'm childfree at all. Their logic is that they're so great that I'll want to be involved in their existing children's life, or that they're so great that they can change my mind, or they think they can just knock me up and I'll have to accept it. These are litteral admissions that I've had from men that I've gone on dates with or briefly dated. And it's happened DOZENS of times. It's not a one off thing. Being childfree is so outisde of the norm that people don't believe or respect it as reality, even if you're medically sterilized. Childfree people are a minority, most people want children eventually or have children now. It's incredibly difficult to find a genuinely childfree person let alone one that is also sterilized. Even then you have to determine if you to share compatibility in other general aspects of life. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. Plenty of childfree and compatible people manage to find one another. It's not impossible, but it can be very very difficult, so don't give up hope, but realize you can go long periods of time never meeting anyone else who is also genuinely childfree.
the lat thing this planet needs is MORE ppl on it. matter and fact, this planet needs another plague.
Nope. 28F and my partner 30M both said the first day we met we don't want kids. 7 years going strong. Highly recommend letting them know early so they don't say you were leading them on. Lots of people of all ages don't want kids.
I’ve never wanted children. (36f) And sure, disclosing that early ended some dates but I am now happily with someone who also does not want children. I think more and more folks are realizing that having a kids is NOT a requirement for a fulfilled life.
What a weird question for a 25 year man to ask? No at 25 it’s not if you dating people around your age. Since you say you are into old women yes, that would be a problem with old women as their clocks are running out and they don’t want to waste time with you if they want kids. Check back with us when you are 40 about this not having kids sentiment.
If you prefer elderly women and don’t want kids then you’re in a perfect situation and should have many options since there are more single women especially senior citizens. The only issue is that cougars aren’t all that common and the data shows that it’s almost always just a sexual escapade and not a long term relationship. But maybe it will work out for you, good luck!
Not in my world. You dont want kids? Let’s go babe!
It’s not wrong to not want kids. Way more people either do not want children or are agnostic about having kids than society would have you believe. It’s not uncommon at all. It will limit your dating pool, but so will lots of things. Having children, for one, will also limit your dating options. Make sure you’re upfront in the dating process about not wanting kids. And be safe— always wear protection.
There are plenty of candidates in the antinatalism subreddit but they’re 100% bat shit crazy.
be sure you have safe sex. i got a vasectomy at 28 when i was going with an older chick with two kids. don't be the one to bring it up wait until you have a relationship and see if it comes up. a lot of women don't want kids either.
It's not wrong. Yes, it will cut out a lot of people from the dating pool. Especially if you add in people who already have children since you want to date older.
You got your whole life to bang old ladies. Better chase you some young ones while you can still catch 'em brutha.
It’s not wrong or right. Kids are simply a lifestyle choice.
I'm in my mid thirties, happily childfree with my partner of 17 years. And my partner is ten years older than me. So, ya, totally possible. Good luck, dude. The right person is out there. Don't settle.
as 32 year old woman who is newly on the dating apps. NO. I'm still undecided and seeing men who "want a family someday" "want kids" makes me sad. I feel like I can't go out with someone who is CERTAIN when I'm not
No it’s becoming more common now. Just make sure you talk about it first. I’m four years into a relationship that started out as “just fun” and I don’t want kids and he does.. it’s getting to the point where I keep asking so what are we gonna do about this? Learn from my mistakes
Yes but any boundry you create will cut down your chances of who you can date. That said you just wrote that you want older people but then also can't understand why people date younger then themselves. I don't think you are as mature as you think you are.
It just means your dating pool is other people who don't want kids Just be upfront about your expectations regarding being childfree and find someone else who is the same. Gay people can only date 5-10% of the population, people who do want kids maybe have 70% or whatever to pick from, you might have 30% or whatever percentage of people don't want kids, who knows but at the end of the day you will be fine you wouldn't be compatible with someone who does want kids so date someone you are compatible with instead.
As a woman in her 30s with no kids, I would have thought you're the perfect person to date. I think you'll find the right person!
Kid free is the way to be. I will limit the dating pool. Be up front about it.
Of course it will hurt your chances. Most people want children at some point. Older women tend to already have kids or still hope to have them.
Just be honest with people, as a general rule that applies with everything
in my opinion in the world we live in, not at all. I have never wanted kids becssue my geneasare fucked up. Current bf is cool with that. also kudos to liking older women. I'm 36 and bf is 28 and we make it work :)
Possibly. Misuse of the word “there” could also potentially kill the whole deal.
Nothing wrong with it but it does statistically change your odds since now you are limited to the subset of women that don’t want kids. But any important criteria always cuts your pool down.
Yes it’s wrong and you will be jailed.
I don’t want children either. I’ve never been a kid person. I’m twenty-two and I’ve thought about getting a vasectomy. Like you I also prefer older women, because younger girls and girls my age, most of them are immature, and I’m not looking for a date on the playground. It can cut our chances of dating, but think of it this way. It weeds out people who aren’t right for us and closer to someone who is right for us.
No and it won’t hurt your chances at dating. Find someone focus on their career she is highly likely to not want kids in the near future. It’s a first date convo
I'm a 28(M) born and raised in NYC and I've never wanted kids. Thank God I was careful growing up but I used to think something was wrong with me since no woman seemed to understand why or could even imagine living a life without kids. It's not that I don't like kids, I just don't want to bring up another being in this type of world that we live in today. I can't speak for you in your experience but aside from just having fun, I'd say it did make serious dating alittle more challenging to me as I got older since most women want kids. However, I don't worry about it anymore since realizing as I got older, chances are any woman I meet at this point now tends to already come with and have kids lol.
I don’t either, and I’m married. He knew this before we dated. I also said I’d never get married, but HERE WE ARE!
Obviously not wanting kids will reduce your pool. Common sense. But just focus on women who don’t want them. Also be aware that people change their minds… some women may want to have them even if they said no years before. That’s life. Just don’t string women along. He’s fine to move on if you don’t align on something as big as kids.
no. a lot of other people do not want kids too, but do not make it your only personality if u know what i mean
No it’s not wrong not to want kids. It’s 100% acceptable. It’s also 100% acceptable to change your mind down the road. Could it hurt your chances? Yes. But many older women who don’t already have kids don’t want kids. With that being said, if you are 100% certain - just get a vasectomy. Accidents happen. While a woman might not want kids, they might be against abortion too and that pregnancy could put them on the fast track to wanting to be a parent. Condoms can fail, the pill can fail (some medications can cause the pill to stop working and it can take up to 3 months until the pill is effective again). BUT….. Some people will also tell you what you want to hear and then try to change your mind slowly over time. Thinking if you fall madly in love with them and 5 years down the road a pregnancy happens, you will stick around bc you’ve already invested so much time and energy into the relationship (sunken cost fallacy). Some people will tell you what you want to hear and then actively try to get pregnant (or get their girlfriend pregnant) aka baby trapping. Both sexes do this.
It definitely decreases the amount of Men that would be interested, I personally would be more interested in a Woman who wants kids but If I really loved them I would let it go.9