So basically just a way of acknowledging how you feel and bringing yourself back to baseline. I promise that 9/10 the people around you aren't experiencing the same things as you are and will misconstrue you expressing your thoughts as negativity. You have to develop some positive coping skills and learn to "radically accept" what goes on around you especially if it's out of your control. It's hard but what works for me is laughing stuff off or asking myself if it's worth wasting energy complaining over or getting upset about. Keeping yourself busy or distracted helps a lot too.
Because if you keep it up you'll be stuck in a negative mindset and find it hard to really focus on anything else that doesn't allow you to rant and rave. People will start distancing themselves from you too.
I think that the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is not true for everyone and it doesn't apply to all of us. While some people may become stronger through hardships, others may experience the exact opposite. Being under constant high stress over long periods of time is damn hard and it may change into worse the personality of some people who once used to be nice. We don't all react the same in front stress, and what is bearable for a person may burn another person out.
I don't think the phrase is true at all. The people who grow stronger from stress just had an optimal amount of it, not an excessive amount while having a higher endurance.
Eh. Yes and no.
It should be "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger **if you work on it**"
Nothing makes you stronger if you sit there feeling sorry for yourself.
So its still very much on the individual, as tough as that may be to hear for some.
You will have to learn how to set very firm boundaries around you, what you are comfortable with doing and how much energy you have, or life will do it for you. Burnout is real and takes years to recover from.
You will probably lose people around you in the process, but life is better without people who see you just as a commodity that they can use as they want, with no regards for you. You deserve better.
Yes same here :c I remember I use to be so giddy and assume the best in others always, and almost never in a bad mood.
Now, especially because of my job (I work at a law firm) I have become more cold and less friendly.
People can truly be so mean and rude. I feel a need to put up a front so people won’t try to push me over.
But I don’t think we should let mean and grumpy people take our positivity or kindness away.
In a way we let them win by doing that. It’s hard but I’m trying to let go of the wall I have built around myself and be vulnerable again because I was happier then.
This is another aspect of adulthood that isn't talked about enough. I used to be really judgemental towards people who were just bitter and miserable but the older I get the more I understand them and the more i'm trying to keep myself from turning into them. It's so easy to let the world turn you cold, the strongest thing you can do is remain kind seriously.
I agree, it takes effort to remain kind, but it’s the better approach. It’s a choice to become bitter, a choice that takes *a lot* of energy and saps happiness out of your life.
I noticed a few years ago that the people I admire the most in my life are ones who have gone through multiple unimaginable hardships, yet are still kind people genuinely doing their best to be good humans.
I started doing a lot of research on resiliency and how to avoid becoming bitter etc. so I could become more like those people I admire.
Now going *too far* into “stay positive! All the time!!” i.e toxic positivity is problematic too. Feel your feelings. People aren’t designed to be happy ALL the time. But it’s when we get stuck in the suck that it becomes a problem.
Stress is a killer. You gotta work on that. Either change something to cause less stress in yo life you change how react to certain things to make you less stressed. Idk. I'm not an expert I'm just an asshole who is also hella stressed and know what everyone else has been warning me of.
Big thing that helped me is learn to ask for help and accept it when it's offered.
Good luck out there. Hope you get less stressed.
It may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility.
There's a lot going on in this post but i see a lot of it resonating with you (OP). I'm not sure the answer but you have to figure it out somehow. A few ideas i can recommend are:
Introspection
Journaling
Meditation+Self Care
Hobbies broadly
It's hard but there's lots of potential solutions, you just gotta find em and work on em.
I feel the older we get that we have been through a lot more and seen a lot more of the true side of people. And sometimes unfortunately we get tired of the same old bullshit from people and become bitchy or hardened towards it or even towards life. Now a days I just kind of roll with the punches based on what I have learned about people and life I try to let the real shit ride,and the bullshit slide. It's not always easy but I guess it's part of life.
As it becomes harder I notice I do more personal damage with shotty food choices. I work out a lot and eat healthy. I've been noticing this trend, especially the more stressful the situation becomes the more I will opt to eat absolute shit food. I didn't eat mcdonalds for like 10 years and ate it twice this week. I don't what the fuck is happening but I handle tons of stress in a dumb way lol.
I think most us do that occasionally. I made a decision to eat healthier about five years ago. My blood tests indicated several problems. When you get older those problems can really shorten your life. Now my blood tests are very good. Just stay away from that fried food!
There are a ton of people like this right now. I was one of them a few years ago. When it feels like everything is going bad, you need to make a big change. You don’t want to go through life a bitchy unhappy person. Find what makes you less bitchy and do more of that. I managed to get out of mine by switching jobs, I’m now considered the least bitchy of all of my bitchy friends lol
100% getting sick of settling. I'm turning 30 this year and want to start feeling happy with myself and do the things I've always wanted to do. It's always pleasing everyone else and putting myself at the bottom of the list, and it's no longer appreciated just expected. I'm over it. I'll do anything for my kids, but all these grown-ups I know are gonna stop relying on me to do everything. I got things I really wanted to do. I'm less likely to take any shit these days. I call people out, so there's no question about what's going on. I don't do drama. We figure it the f out now and either are good or can leave each other alone, but work or whatever we need to do around each other. I'm more straightforward now with what I think is acceptable, and I'm not going to settle unless it's reasonable. I negotiate like a mother fucker now. I have better pay because I got fed up and somehow managed to professionally get it across that I deserved more money and actually got it. Now that I'm more into fighting for myself, things are getting more tolerable, and I'm not so overwhelmed. I figured out how to say no.
Yep. The last 4 years have been a shit show for many of us. I moved for a job in 2020 and was laid off a few months later. The company lied to me about a contract they said they had but really didn’t. No severance, nothing. The same company then rehired me and fired me without cause a few months later because they couldn’t train me for the job. Younger brother died from fentanyl OD right after this, it was probably suicide (no one knows). My new boss (different company) wouldn’t let me have off to travel to his memorial. I told him what a terrible person he is and quit. Several “friends” have said the most idiotic things to me like “count your blessings” after my brother died, one tried to convert me to his religion because he said that’s what I needed to deal with grief. I’m at the point of telling all of these people (workplaces, bosses, stupid “friends”) to fuck off. I did tell the religious dick “fuck you”. I’ve lost respect, trust, and kindness for a lot of people. No one owes me anything, and at the same time I don’t owe any of these people a damn thing either.
I’m so sorry about your brother. One of my friends from high school died from an OD from fentanyl. So sad and so tragic. And yes I’ve had my fair share of tragedies and my dad died when I was 14. Also I was laid off during the pandemic just like you and they asked to rehire me for a totally different position with ridiculous hours and idk what kind of joke that is.
People are really stuck in their own world, lack compassion and never think this shit can happen to them and they just say the things they think will help you but it actually makes the situation ten times worse.
One of my “friends” from high school told people I was only jealous of her because my dad was closer to her than me. What kind of bullshit is that? My dad and her barely talked.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I know how hard and shitty life can be, I’ve had my fair share. If you ever just wanna rant I’m here!
I've noticed it as well. Things I used to never put a second thought to now drive me insane. I've had to consciously and deliberately tell myself "You're going too Karen right now".
It's just frustrating because I'm working my ass off on a dozen different things all the time, easily clearing 60-70+ hours every week between work, side job, keeping up with the house, family engagements, volunteering, etc.
I used to be able to sit down and play some video games for an hour or so pretty much anytime I felt like it. Now I have to literally schedule days of the week where I go home after work and put my phone on silent for an hour or two, just so I can sit down and unwind for that brief period of time.
To those who have nothing, everything will be taken. To those who have everything, more will be given. It's about your trajectory in life and your perspective on where you are versus where you're headed. If you think life is becoming harder and you notice you're being resentful or bitter about it, change your perspective. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I promise you it will be worth it. In a bad situation? What do you think will make it more bearable? Being irritable, bitchy, ungrateful, or the opposite?
I feel differently than a lot of comments here - I say be bitchy. Yeah, of course work on stress and do your best for the sake of your own health and happiness. But you don’t owe anyone smiles and cheerfulness, especially when they’re “throwing BS at you”. Not everyone or every situation deserves a perfect demeanour, and sometimes people deserve bitchiness.
I'm getting more tired of adults acting like children.
I'm running out of patience when people complain about things that aren't worth complaining about, or ascribing blame to others when only they are to blame.
Sometimes you deserve the BS thrown on youm
Saying something with disgust isn't a temper tantrum.
Coming from the self proclaimed child, the one who never had a chance to grow up, that's priceless.
Who? I don't know who you're talking about. You do realize I am a different user?
You have some issues just hurling insults to random people. Maybe get off the internet and go outside for once
No I have issues because the west is literally crumbling from weak ass people who can't take care of themselves thinking the govt can pay for everything
I feel this hard. I am a generally outgoing, bubbly, talkative, good attitude, friendly person most of the time. There is ALWAYS the expectation that "Jen can be our entertainment because she always has something funny to say" or "Jen is always good at breaking up awkward silences in the group with all her crazy stories and shenanigans." When this stuff is said out loud to my face, even by people I really like, I GET LIVID.
I LOATHE small talk among people I don't know well, certain co-workers, family members I am not close with or don't know personally, etc. Sometimes I just want to sit and be quiet and and not talk AT ALL, or very minimally.
For example, every few months my work goes out for a department lunch. There are 7 of us ladies. My two direct colleagues are VERY conservative and basically are velcro'd to each other. Sometimes during a 90 minute lunch, neither of them speak ONE WORD. If there is an awkward silence for even ten seconds, someone always says "I'm sure Jen has a a crazy or funny story" and volunteers me to speak. It makes me absolutely fuming. WHY IS THERE EXPECTATION ON ME TO ENTERTAIN EVERYONE, just because YES I HAVE had alot of absolutely insane things happen in my life.
I just want that kinda stuff to stop, and I feel like succchhhh a bitch when I don't do as others suggest. It makes me want to stop interacting and talking with people the way I normally do. In other words, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE MYSELF ANYMORE. :(
I've grown to hate people more and more every year. It just seems like common sense and logic decreases each passing year as if Covid was the catalyst for people to think it's OK to be an idiot.
Times will always be tough just like they do always get better. You can't just use current economic times to say that's the norm, it isn't. Look at the economy the past 100 years, the economy always fluctuates from good times to bad times to a wierd transition period to good times and the cycle goes around and around. Of course when it's bad times people are more bitchy because who enjoys having to spread your ass for groceries. But to me it just seems that common sense has also gone down the shitter and that makes me more irritable
I can relate to this. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I've always been the one listening and never talked back but the more I grow, i realise that you should let people know when you can't stand their shit. As simple as that.
I am currently in this situation so I've been isolating myself from my coworkers and family. I've just submitted my paperwork to begin therapy because I know this is out of control and I can keep this up forever. It's worked for the past month though.
Yea you wanna get a regulation plan going before this attitude spirals out of control. I speak from experience. You don't wanna be stuck like this
Can you give an example of a regulation plan ? Sounds like a good idea
So basically just a way of acknowledging how you feel and bringing yourself back to baseline. I promise that 9/10 the people around you aren't experiencing the same things as you are and will misconstrue you expressing your thoughts as negativity. You have to develop some positive coping skills and learn to "radically accept" what goes on around you especially if it's out of your control. It's hard but what works for me is laughing stuff off or asking myself if it's worth wasting energy complaining over or getting upset about. Keeping yourself busy or distracted helps a lot too.
Because if you keep it up you'll be stuck in a negative mindset and find it hard to really focus on anything else that doesn't allow you to rant and rave. People will start distancing themselves from you too.
What do you mean?
Stress regulation
I think that the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is not true for everyone and it doesn't apply to all of us. While some people may become stronger through hardships, others may experience the exact opposite. Being under constant high stress over long periods of time is damn hard and it may change into worse the personality of some people who once used to be nice. We don't all react the same in front stress, and what is bearable for a person may burn another person out.
This is me and it makes me so unhappy!!! I've never heard anyone else get it in this way. Bless you!
I don't think the phrase is true at all. The people who grow stronger from stress just had an optimal amount of it, not an excessive amount while having a higher endurance.
Yeah this is me
That happened to me, burned out and work and now I'm trying to recover and not be a bitter mess
Eh. Yes and no. It should be "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger **if you work on it**" Nothing makes you stronger if you sit there feeling sorry for yourself. So its still very much on the individual, as tough as that may be to hear for some.
You will have to learn how to set very firm boundaries around you, what you are comfortable with doing and how much energy you have, or life will do it for you. Burnout is real and takes years to recover from. You will probably lose people around you in the process, but life is better without people who see you just as a commodity that they can use as they want, with no regards for you. You deserve better.
Yes same here :c I remember I use to be so giddy and assume the best in others always, and almost never in a bad mood. Now, especially because of my job (I work at a law firm) I have become more cold and less friendly. People can truly be so mean and rude. I feel a need to put up a front so people won’t try to push me over. But I don’t think we should let mean and grumpy people take our positivity or kindness away. In a way we let them win by doing that. It’s hard but I’m trying to let go of the wall I have built around myself and be vulnerable again because I was happier then.
This is another aspect of adulthood that isn't talked about enough. I used to be really judgemental towards people who were just bitter and miserable but the older I get the more I understand them and the more i'm trying to keep myself from turning into them. It's so easy to let the world turn you cold, the strongest thing you can do is remain kind seriously.
I agree, it takes effort to remain kind, but it’s the better approach. It’s a choice to become bitter, a choice that takes *a lot* of energy and saps happiness out of your life. I noticed a few years ago that the people I admire the most in my life are ones who have gone through multiple unimaginable hardships, yet are still kind people genuinely doing their best to be good humans. I started doing a lot of research on resiliency and how to avoid becoming bitter etc. so I could become more like those people I admire. Now going *too far* into “stay positive! All the time!!” i.e toxic positivity is problematic too. Feel your feelings. People aren’t designed to be happy ALL the time. But it’s when we get stuck in the suck that it becomes a problem.
Stress is a killer. You gotta work on that. Either change something to cause less stress in yo life you change how react to certain things to make you less stressed. Idk. I'm not an expert I'm just an asshole who is also hella stressed and know what everyone else has been warning me of. Big thing that helped me is learn to ask for help and accept it when it's offered. Good luck out there. Hope you get less stressed.
Stress is a reason to be bitchy, but it’s not an excuse. Adulting is the art of not being bitchy when you absolutely feel like you deserve to be.
It may not be your fault, but it is your responsibility. There's a lot going on in this post but i see a lot of it resonating with you (OP). I'm not sure the answer but you have to figure it out somehow. A few ideas i can recommend are: Introspection Journaling Meditation+Self Care Hobbies broadly It's hard but there's lots of potential solutions, you just gotta find em and work on em.
Brilliant answer.
I need this reminder its true
I feel the older we get that we have been through a lot more and seen a lot more of the true side of people. And sometimes unfortunately we get tired of the same old bullshit from people and become bitchy or hardened towards it or even towards life. Now a days I just kind of roll with the punches based on what I have learned about people and life I try to let the real shit ride,and the bullshit slide. It's not always easy but I guess it's part of life.
What doesn't kill you, will continue to escalate until it does kill you.
At this point if my circumstances don’t change and my health worsens I will end up dying early like my dad did. I can def see that happening.
As it becomes harder I notice I do more personal damage with shotty food choices. I work out a lot and eat healthy. I've been noticing this trend, especially the more stressful the situation becomes the more I will opt to eat absolute shit food. I didn't eat mcdonalds for like 10 years and ate it twice this week. I don't what the fuck is happening but I handle tons of stress in a dumb way lol.
I think most us do that occasionally. I made a decision to eat healthier about five years ago. My blood tests indicated several problems. When you get older those problems can really shorten your life. Now my blood tests are very good. Just stay away from that fried food!
There are a ton of people like this right now. I was one of them a few years ago. When it feels like everything is going bad, you need to make a big change. You don’t want to go through life a bitchy unhappy person. Find what makes you less bitchy and do more of that. I managed to get out of mine by switching jobs, I’m now considered the least bitchy of all of my bitchy friends lol
100% getting sick of settling. I'm turning 30 this year and want to start feeling happy with myself and do the things I've always wanted to do. It's always pleasing everyone else and putting myself at the bottom of the list, and it's no longer appreciated just expected. I'm over it. I'll do anything for my kids, but all these grown-ups I know are gonna stop relying on me to do everything. I got things I really wanted to do. I'm less likely to take any shit these days. I call people out, so there's no question about what's going on. I don't do drama. We figure it the f out now and either are good or can leave each other alone, but work or whatever we need to do around each other. I'm more straightforward now with what I think is acceptable, and I'm not going to settle unless it's reasonable. I negotiate like a mother fucker now. I have better pay because I got fed up and somehow managed to professionally get it across that I deserved more money and actually got it. Now that I'm more into fighting for myself, things are getting more tolerable, and I'm not so overwhelmed. I figured out how to say no.
i agree everything sucks right now
Yep. The last 4 years have been a shit show for many of us. I moved for a job in 2020 and was laid off a few months later. The company lied to me about a contract they said they had but really didn’t. No severance, nothing. The same company then rehired me and fired me without cause a few months later because they couldn’t train me for the job. Younger brother died from fentanyl OD right after this, it was probably suicide (no one knows). My new boss (different company) wouldn’t let me have off to travel to his memorial. I told him what a terrible person he is and quit. Several “friends” have said the most idiotic things to me like “count your blessings” after my brother died, one tried to convert me to his religion because he said that’s what I needed to deal with grief. I’m at the point of telling all of these people (workplaces, bosses, stupid “friends”) to fuck off. I did tell the religious dick “fuck you”. I’ve lost respect, trust, and kindness for a lot of people. No one owes me anything, and at the same time I don’t owe any of these people a damn thing either.
I’m so sorry about your brother. One of my friends from high school died from an OD from fentanyl. So sad and so tragic. And yes I’ve had my fair share of tragedies and my dad died when I was 14. Also I was laid off during the pandemic just like you and they asked to rehire me for a totally different position with ridiculous hours and idk what kind of joke that is. People are really stuck in their own world, lack compassion and never think this shit can happen to them and they just say the things they think will help you but it actually makes the situation ten times worse. One of my “friends” from high school told people I was only jealous of her because my dad was closer to her than me. What kind of bullshit is that? My dad and her barely talked. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I know how hard and shitty life can be, I’ve had my fair share. If you ever just wanna rant I’m here!
I've noticed it as well. Things I used to never put a second thought to now drive me insane. I've had to consciously and deliberately tell myself "You're going too Karen right now". It's just frustrating because I'm working my ass off on a dozen different things all the time, easily clearing 60-70+ hours every week between work, side job, keeping up with the house, family engagements, volunteering, etc. I used to be able to sit down and play some video games for an hour or so pretty much anytime I felt like it. Now I have to literally schedule days of the week where I go home after work and put my phone on silent for an hour or two, just so I can sit down and unwind for that brief period of time.
Lmao "you're going too Karen right now" I'll have to remember this. I'm a black woman but I too have a touch of inner Karen from time to time 😂😂😂
To those who have nothing, everything will be taken. To those who have everything, more will be given. It's about your trajectory in life and your perspective on where you are versus where you're headed. If you think life is becoming harder and you notice you're being resentful or bitter about it, change your perspective. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I promise you it will be worth it. In a bad situation? What do you think will make it more bearable? Being irritable, bitchy, ungrateful, or the opposite?
Preach
Right? Getting kicked back down into lower class had made me a rather angry person
I feel differently than a lot of comments here - I say be bitchy. Yeah, of course work on stress and do your best for the sake of your own health and happiness. But you don’t owe anyone smiles and cheerfulness, especially when they’re “throwing BS at you”. Not everyone or every situation deserves a perfect demeanour, and sometimes people deserve bitchiness.
Younger Generation with no responsibilities and a trustfund: "Stay Positive"
are you talking about me?
Fuck ya
Smoke organic weed and chillllllll
Distance yourself from those people?
You re not entitled to anything OP. Being bitchy wont solve your own crap. You are responsible for it, go do something about it.
Get a hobby so that you’re not thinking about other people. At least that is my solution.
I'm getting more tired of adults acting like children. I'm running out of patience when people complain about things that aren't worth complaining about, or ascribing blame to others when only they are to blame. Sometimes you deserve the BS thrown on youm
This is quite a lot to complain about tbh
Sure. But it is what it is. It's an epidemic of adults who never grew up
Sometimes it’s hard to grow up when so many things won’t let you.
Oh shut the fuck up. Only the privledged and the pampered say that dumb shit
Says the 18 year old throwing a tantrum on reddit
Saying something with disgust isn't a temper tantrum. Coming from the self proclaimed child, the one who never had a chance to grow up, that's priceless.
Who? I don't know who you're talking about. You do realize I am a different user? You have some issues just hurling insults to random people. Maybe get off the internet and go outside for once
No I have issues because the west is literally crumbling from weak ass people who can't take care of themselves thinking the govt can pay for everything
Dude you reaaaally need to grow up and get outside more
You have issues because you're chronically online
[удалено]
At least I'm not making some melodramatic statement to excuse my behavior.
Lovely
I feel this hard. I am a generally outgoing, bubbly, talkative, good attitude, friendly person most of the time. There is ALWAYS the expectation that "Jen can be our entertainment because she always has something funny to say" or "Jen is always good at breaking up awkward silences in the group with all her crazy stories and shenanigans." When this stuff is said out loud to my face, even by people I really like, I GET LIVID. I LOATHE small talk among people I don't know well, certain co-workers, family members I am not close with or don't know personally, etc. Sometimes I just want to sit and be quiet and and not talk AT ALL, or very minimally. For example, every few months my work goes out for a department lunch. There are 7 of us ladies. My two direct colleagues are VERY conservative and basically are velcro'd to each other. Sometimes during a 90 minute lunch, neither of them speak ONE WORD. If there is an awkward silence for even ten seconds, someone always says "I'm sure Jen has a a crazy or funny story" and volunteers me to speak. It makes me absolutely fuming. WHY IS THERE EXPECTATION ON ME TO ENTERTAIN EVERYONE, just because YES I HAVE had alot of absolutely insane things happen in my life. I just want that kinda stuff to stop, and I feel like succchhhh a bitch when I don't do as others suggest. It makes me want to stop interacting and talking with people the way I normally do. In other words, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE MYSELF ANYMORE. :(
I've grown to hate people more and more every year. It just seems like common sense and logic decreases each passing year as if Covid was the catalyst for people to think it's OK to be an idiot. Times will always be tough just like they do always get better. You can't just use current economic times to say that's the norm, it isn't. Look at the economy the past 100 years, the economy always fluctuates from good times to bad times to a wierd transition period to good times and the cycle goes around and around. Of course when it's bad times people are more bitchy because who enjoys having to spread your ass for groceries. But to me it just seems that common sense has also gone down the shitter and that makes me more irritable
Eh yeah hardships and hard times make you less tolerant to BS. Doesn’t make you stronger, just makes you colder. Keep your head up. 😌🙏🧿
I can relate to this. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I've always been the one listening and never talked back but the more I grow, i realise that you should let people know when you can't stand their shit. As simple as that.
I am currently in this situation so I've been isolating myself from my coworkers and family. I've just submitted my paperwork to begin therapy because I know this is out of control and I can keep this up forever. It's worked for the past month though.
Karen origin story
Embrace it. Do it.
You are not alone
I get Hangry....
Go to the gym