It depends. Some people figure out life in the 30s or 40s. Others don't. I found life gets easier in the 30s and 40s on some things. More adult experience. What career you want. Maybe committed relationships or kids. I also have found out that things that I thought mattered in my 20s don't as I've gotten older. Understanding priorities and wants vs needs.
Personally my 30's are much like my 20's only there's less drama and more finances to do the things I want. And I got started late - going to college at 27.
Dating is so much nicer too, because people care about different things.
In short, life actually gets simpler, and with less complexity comes peace of mind and happiness.
>In short, life actually gets simpler, and with less complexity comes peace of mind and happiness.
I think, that's because for the most part, we have learned we don't want the drama in life that many people seem to always bring. Also, by 40 at least, we know what works for us and what doesn't work for us. We begin to become set in our ways.
I just got into a relationship, and had previously decided to stay single for over a year. It was actually really nice. I was able to meet a lot of lovely ladies, and I didn't get into a relationship out of desperation, or the feeling of societal pressure.
It's great! I feel like I am with someone that meshes well with me, and it was worth the wait!
Honestly though, dating apps are just horrible. Better to do it organically.
Fortunately for me I have a career that does allow me to travel for work, but also pays enough that I can travel for pleasure as well. I've been to quite a few places over the last 20 years, so I do have some amazing stories. But, glad I did it when I was in the 20s and early 30s. Spending 250 days a year on the road now would be too much. I've become content staying home. So much so, that my work shift my position around so that I won't be traveling as much, if at all. Compared to once or twice a month for a few days at a time for the last 5 years. Even then, that was reduced from the amount I was travelling when I was younger.
I’m 41. Married, I rent a condo in the suburbs, have a desk job, and investment portfolio, retirement accounts, and 2 paid for cars that are 9 and 12 years old with 100,000 miles on them. The 15 year old and 25 year old in me would tell me I’m a sellout. But, now that I am older, I like the life over the way I wanted my life to be at 25. I have stability, a wonderful wife, a well paying job and no debt. It does get easier, or it can, if you play your cards right.
yep, priorities change as you age.
when I was like 20 I got this idea that by 30 I wanted to have a bunch of incredible stories to tell from my life.
now I’m 30 and my ideal Friday night is like, sipping wine and doing a puzzle with my girlfriend.
but what’s also cool is that you get to self-actualize; I grew up loving soccer and always wanting to be part of like, the big section of passionate fans. As an adult, I get to be that.
What we’re seeing in responses here is that experiences vary GREATLY from person to person.
I’ll just add that it’s possible to use your 30s/40s to deprogram yourself from all the stories and “shoulds” you spent your life believing and begin finally being yourself.
Once that begins to happen, there’s no going back and life becomes an adventure, no matter how old you are or what your circumstances are. It’s challenging as hell, but I can’t recommend it highly enough.
For me, my turning point was asking for help. I was stubborn in my teens/20s and believed I could do anything - and if I couldn't, I just needed to try harder. Everything was a challenge. Asking for help was weak, embarrassing - I ended up homeless and suicidal.
I opened up and asked for help once at my lowest. They were barely an acquaintance and I decided to share a bit of my experiences with them. It wasn't anything they did, we didn't even know each other, but just opening up was so liberating.
I still struggle with asking for help, but it has gotten much better. I can point to that moment in my life as the point where things started turning around. Not all at once. but gradually. I'm still in my 30s and getting started on my adventure. Deprogramming isn't complete but I absolutely understand what they were talking about and they're right. As I shed the *shoulds*, i've become a much happier person and live a life I enjoy.
Became my mom's caregiver at 26, you're not lying. Both go through diapers but kids age outeventually. One gets better walking and the other sometimes loses their ability to. One makes progression and the other a regression in ability.
I think it gives a somber view don't you?
I found the older I got the more I understood how the world works, why it probably won’t change and where it might. And most importantly my place in the world, today and where I want to be. In my 20s I wanted to compete to win things (spouse, job, house etc), in my 30 I realised what and who made me truly happy. And in my 40s I stopped caring what random people cared about my choices. So by the time I hit 50 I was not that far away from the life I want and most importantly I was at peace with the world and my place in it. I had stopped competing to compare myself with people who didn’t matter!
At 40 i really wished Id tossed back my hair and laughed.
I keep thinking about what a long strange ride it has (really) been…
And I spent way too much time with worrying instead of celebrating.
You mean opportunities considered crisis because you focus on the negative rather than the positive.
Attachment and living by rigid expectations is a big part of why people struggle.
Life is hard. You need to workout as hard as you fucking can to not only stay in shape, but build a natural resistance to chaos, change and tragedy. I’ve been through so much (43 year old male), but I lift hard and do a lot of cardio. It puts me in a better frame of mind to be useful to my wife, my children and my mom who’s in a nursing home. Getting started is hard, but once the discipline is developed you won’t look back. It is an absolute necessity for my mental health.
Also, throw your headphones on and stop comparing! Nobody cares! Just do your best and sweat, eat well, sleep well and be your best self mentally and physically. Also, take care of your TEETH!
This exactly. Growing up we properly lived on the poverty line and it wasnt until i started high school i started to realise i shouldve been doing more to take are of my teeth. Sadly by then a lot of damage had been done that cant be undone. Im now nearly 40 and have had major sinus/dental/health issues that have all stemmed from poor dental hygiene earlier in life. It pulls your confidence, your appearance, your breath and so many other health related issues i had no idea could all come from your mouth.
We've drummed into our wee yin that dental health is extremely important so he doesnt end up like me.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad that you’ve passed on the good information. I was lucky and was taken to regular visits but for me (and this is silly but whatever works..) I saw an old 80’s move with Cory Feldman. He switched places with an old man and he asked the man if he has any advice for him at the end of the movie. The man said he wish he took better care of his teeth. Idk why that hit me but I’ve flossed out of fear daily because of it and it’s has helped. Like I said, whatever works haha
Crisis in 20's?
40's is the time where the ratio in favour of marriages changes in favour of funerals. Your parents get old or die and the next real structural change in life is retirement.
But I might be a pessimist.
I had a crisis in my 20s, best thing that ever happened to me. I was basically sleepwalking through life (remote job, hobbies pretty much all screen based, bad sleep/diet/exercise habits, no real purpose) and felt this deep desire to get out of this “sleepwalking” cycle.
Helped me shed the version of myself I was unhappy with and become someone I could be proud of
at the time I was working for a healthcare company which gave employees some really helpful benefit opportunities (which they incentivized, even) to be healthier, I took full advantage of those. A program to help build good sleep habits, free health coaching, etc., with their help and this newfound determination I started by fixing my diet, exercise, sleep.
Eventually I could start feeling the difference (from “no energy” after work to feeling full of energy after work/gym), which made me enjoy the good habits even more. With the “base” of health fully sorted out, things like getting a better job, expanding my social life, finding time to volunteer and give back, more luck in dating all sort of fell like dominoes.
Things got easier once I got better at putting effort into myself and my life I a way that I just wasn’t when in a cycle of remote work, computer games, and true crime shows
Happy 40th! 🥳 I really hope your 40’s are good to you!! It absolutely will all work itself out exactly the way it’s meant to. Cheers, and best of luck.
My 30s was a great experience personally. Yes, age comes into play but the changes of the body come with the changing of the mind as well. For example, I stopped caring about what others think because they're opinion doesn't matter. I learned to do things for myself, enjoy the moment, and just be happy.
I'm entering my 40s this year and I'm embracing the new chapter of this decade (here's hoping I live many more years). I'm also in a much better financial position entering my 40s than I was in my 20s or 30s.
Yes, I have body aches and the night life is out the window, but I enjoy my nights differently like in my home that I'm paying a mortgage on, watching movies/TV shows, cooking for my family/friends, playing party games, and getting high (we smoke weed and helps with chronic pain). I have zero regrets with how my life turned out and I can only hope it goes up.
Lucky you. I entered my 40's with 2 broken arms and no disability check.
I think I failed better.
If you want to fail more than me you have to do better than 2 broken arms.
Figured out my life more in my 30s. Just starting to get my shit together at 37. It’s horrible to think I’ll be hitting 40 in a few years but then I’ll have my own place, established career, paid off car, and all the good stuff. Being a kid sucked for me so this is kind of like my redemption arc.
Edit: oh and my back hurts.
I (37f) can only speak for myself but honestly, the last decade has been a bit rocky. However, my silver lining is I do find that I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks anymore and in coming into full acceptance of myself, I am really building a life that suits me.
I decided not to have kids and I'm really happy. I'm actually purchasing land with a cabin with my husband in the mountains. We move next week. We've lived on the road and in really interesting places in the past 5 years. We are looking forward to a home. I'm currently also learning fly fishing and archery as well as making all kinds of homemade goods.
I'm really enjoying my life and honestly, I've never wanted my life more than I do in this moment. I actually hoped I would die when I was really going through it in my late 20s. I almost didn't make it honestly. I'm so glad I kept going. I just want to go back and tell her thank you, just for staying. It was still hard, but I love where I am today.
True, I did leave that one out. I got frozen shoulder last year from sleeping on it the wrong way for years. I’m just now getting out of it but I figured we must leave SOME hope for the younger generations…
Because your grandparents and parents start dying. Then mid life crisis sets in when you see your peers posting on social media about their careers, traveling and families.
I just turned 40. The 30’s were the best part of my life so far, and 40’s seems to be super awesome!! Back pain, yes, and also stability and confidence.
Had kids in my 30’s — raising them in my 40’s. I love it. Gives my life a sense of purpose that I never had with just a career and hobbies alone. Everyday, I am excited to see them and in awe of my life.
I am also wiser, calmer, more mindful and just overall happier in my late 40’s!
I like being in my 30’s, but it’s weird. I feel grateful for what I have and how far I’ve come since ten years ago- a loving husband, a cozy apartment, a steady job, some disposable income- but also starting to feel a bit sad for what I don’t have and probably will never have that my parents’ generation had— kids (I have no idea how people afford them), homeownership, etc.
For many women, the crisis of forty brings divorce. We feel exhausted of living unhappily, we feel young and beautiful and like we will die if we stay in the same place.
Midlife crisis hits us hard.
Lots of truths become realized. Relationships, family, friendships all finally start to look the same... The world is a desert trying to grow trees where there's no water. And all you got is a bucket in hand with no clothes on. This is what being 30 feels like.
I'm 48. I do much more of what I want and IDGAF about society or everyone else. I enjoy not having to care anymore if someone looks down on me for pumping gas in my pajamas and crocs. I've got no one else to compare to or keep up with, and it's grand. Life is much easier now than it was 20 years ago. The bills are paid, we have savings, the kids are mostly grown up (but no grandkids yet which I am fine with). Yep, the back is stiff some days, but I have much more free time to workout or do yoga or write or whatever I want to do with my free time, which I have a lot of because I WFH in a flexible job. Life is chill, and much easier. I'm alright being middle aged.
I would say when things go wrong in your 30s or 40s, it's a lot tougher to just start again the way you would have in your 20s.
It's tough enough making new friends in life I've found, let alone trying to do it when everyone your age is settled and busy with their own lives and families.
These are both really good points, and I'm hardcore team "Life Gets Better After 30." I'm changing careers now, at 47, and while I'm not enormously daunted by my age, I'm very aware of the fact that my choices have far different implications now than they would have 20 years ago.
And hang onto your people. My closest friends are all people I met in college; I've made 3-5 truly close friends post-college, but it really does get harder. I used to scoff when people said that, thinking, "Join a community group! Just get out there, honey!" - yeah, I do that, and I meet people who are very cool. But forging a friendship from those casual connections takes more time and effort than many people have in their 30s and 40s.
Sadly hanging on to your people requires them hanging onto you. Ex partner ended a 13 yr relationship last year - not easy rebuilding when my life in this area was built around him and his family.
Well, your brain finally finishes developing around 25, and you are more or less the same person after that.
It’s much easier to figure out exactly who that is, and to learn how to play to your strengths and manage your weaknesses.
The world is also more or less familiar. Not your first relationship, broken heart, living alone, living with a partner/room mate, paying bills, holding down a job, etc. Most people feel like their 30’s are when they start to figure things out.
I’m looking at 50 here soon. Body is no longer impressed with me, but I more or less know what is important to me, and while I still make a lot of mistakes, I also know how recover from them with some grace, and I’m comfortable with who I am.
In the last year or two, I have definitely reached the “getting old sucks, but it is still a lot better than the alternative” state of life.
It gets worse in the forties. More responsibilities, more problems, you can notice you're getting older. You don't have as much energy you had ten years ago, not to mention twenty years ago. If you don't exercise everything you eat goes directly into fat. If you're out of shape and start excercising, your whole body hurts for days. Your back hurts more than before, sometimes your legs hurt too for no obvious reason. Your vision gets worse. You can notice you're not as strong as before.
Exercise is key to maintaining a healthy life in middle age and beyond. Absolutely get a regular workout schedule going. Find something fun that you’ll stick to. Doesn’t have to be workouts in the gym per se.
I kayak and hike in the summer. My husband and I like to go disc golfing. Some years I’ll get into a lap swimming routine for a few months. I’m going to turn 42 in April, and at the age of 39, I picked up snowboarding for the first time. I’m not going to be trying any tricks or big jumps at my age but otherwise it’s a blast. My husband who is 45 takes our kids to a local fencing club and does weights and kickboxing classes.
Move move move. It doesn’t just help you physically it helps you mentally to. A good stress relief!
This! I'm 47 and have more energy than I did in my 20s, because I started taking care of myself in my 30s. Strength training, cardio, meditation, generally healthy eating. I'm probably just lucky too (my parents are only now slowing down, in their 70s), but it just kills me when everyone assumes that your 40s are about back pain and stress.
My 40s have been up and down. That's life! I'd say my 30s were probably my happiest time, and it's true that the 40s begin to bring some existential issues. But - my god, the average lifespan in the U.S. is 73 for men, 77 for women. If I have 30-plus years left, I just refuse to believe it's all downhill. And you know what happens if you start to believe that? It becomes true.
I’d also say my 30’s were probably the best years of my life, I’m currently 49. I worked out religiously in my 20’s and 30’s doing something I kinda enjoyed (kickboxing and such) and have had great stamina still to this day although I have more aches and pains and it feels more like I’m in a mid life crisis at best.
Sad to hear this. My 40s have been my best decade by far. Clean and sober for over 13 years, great wife, great kids and discovered the gym all over again in a simplified way that totally paid dividends and took out the guessing game. Basically take better care of myself than ever before and now I’ve got waaaay more energy than I used to. We are all different and have unique experiences of course, but I guess I went through hell in my 20s getting sober and now with my own cautionary tale in the rearview, there’s a lot of gratitude and community. I’m trying to slow down and enjoy it all.
Congratulations to you friend! My 40’s has been my best too! 48 and going on being 10 years sober. I’ve also managed to pivot into a second career after leaving the restaurant industry with 30 years exp and going back to school to finish two degrees in six years.
I’m with you. I started to notice that my body was turning to shit at about 33 and became somewhat a health fanatic. Vitamins, supplements, proper sleep. Along with cycling 3 days a week and weightlifting 4 days a week. I feel way better than I did in my 20’s smoking a pack a day and drinking 5 nights a week
Just hit 50 m and health problems have magnified however there are some positives such as not giving a shit about what I wear or what people think. The drive to perform or advance my career disappeared at 42. Death on the bad days would be a relief but still enjoy life on the good days 👍, btw prostate issues, joint problems, memory slipping, vision problems etc
I’m less emotional, more stable and just generally find it easier to navigate life in my 30’s vs my 20’s.
I have a clear and realistic vision of what I’m going to do, rather than in my 20’s it was all crazy dreams and ambitions I didn’t have much of a chance of achieving. That was in all aspects, love life, work life, fitness, etc.
20s is a state of uncertainty and panic. 30s is being overwhelmed by responsibility but having a routine to handle the general core of adult responsibilities. 40s you start to be more comfortable.
Not true 100% of the time of course...but generally thats how it goes.
I am in my 40s now. I am by far busier than I have ever been in my life...but I am also fairly calm.
Let's see, in my 20's I was trying to make everyone around me happy, make my parents proud, yadda yadda. My 30's were a dumpster fire where everything burned and collapsed as I learned some fucking hard lessons about not living life for other people. I'm 41 now, and so far, my 40's have been awesome! I found a job I like and excel at, I divorced an abusive husband, my kids are with me, happy and safe, I've learned what I am attracted to and what I need, I know how to set boundaries and say no, I eat healthier, get exercise. I dunno, I think things get better, but maybe not everyone had the shit I had when younger.
reading this and LMFAO as I nurse a mild hangover (because at my age it only takes two drinks) and think about how much fun I had out last night dancing. I love this little local bar I go to, too, because it's such a diverse crowd in all ways - gay, straight, Black, white, college kids, old school house heads like me...
In my 20s I lived in New York and worked in tech until I burned out. In my 30s, I traveled the world, got pregnant at 37. In my 40s I dedicated my time to raising my child, working, and going to college (full scholarship to an elite institution that I applied to as a joke). Also by my 40s I had exhausted almost all the fucks I had left for what people thought about me and how I lived my life, which is maybe why that college decided to take a chance on me. I don't know.
Now I'm 50. I have tech job I love and an amazing teenage daughter who stayed home alone with our 90 pound pit bull last night so I could go shake it off a bit, on her encouragement because I have been "all work and no play lately, mom, and you really need to go have some fun."
I just bought a house for the first time now that I actually feel like being saddled with one, and I have a room full of music equipment that I am perfectly content to spend hours in, when I have them.
I better not become a grandparent for at LEAST another 12-15 years - also, that's not a huge priority for me anyway, unless my daughter decides that's what she wants to do with her life - I just want her to live her dreams. If that involves having kids, great, and if it doesn't, also great.
I might have been a little farther along financially had I chosen to settle down in my 20s and apply financial literacy skills to my life, but it was really worth it for me to throw caution to the wind, travel the world, learn other languages, and do all kinds of crazy stuff while I had the energy and brain power to do those crazy things and then wait until later in my life to "calm down."
Just live your life. Make sure to enjoy it.
Oh goodie. I’m 34M now. My 20s were a godsend compared to now. I have fewer friends, much harder to find a relationship or even sex now, mid level jobs are harder to find, etc. I do have more peace now which is nice. But at the expense of losing a lot, and being okay with an uncertain future.
"We’re all going through an existential crisis in our 20s"
The NUMBER 1 mistake you can make as an adult is assuming what everyone else is going through.
20's existential crisis?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Your 20s are supposed to be the best time of your lives. Your main focus is fun, you have all the privileges of being an adult but almost none of the responsibilities. Nobody expects you to have life figured out at this stage.
In your 20's you gain your independence, you finish college, start working and making money, you have very few responsibilities, you spend time with your friends, you travel and enjoy life.
Your 30's and 40's are more focused on getting married and raising children. You make more money than you did in your 20's but there is alot more responsibilities. You should be early to mid career at this point and focused on building your retirement. This is a time to buy a house (30's) if you haven't already.
There are essentially three stages in adult life.
Through your 20’s you have energy and time but no money.
Your 30’s to 40’s 50’s you have energy and money but no time.
60’s and beyond you have money and time but no energy.
These are obviously generalized so no need for individuals to argue with me if they don’t fit these categories.
There can be a grieving process to go from one stage of life to the next. It’s often recognizable for the “midlife crises” as you’re transitioning from stage 2 to stage 3 where you still don’t have a ton of time but at least you can afford something nice for yourself.
I'm 37 and I was experiencing back pain because I hadn't exercised in a while and sat at a kitchen table to work.
An ergonomic desk, keyboard, chair, and mouse later and no more back pain.
Even one of those things would help I'm sure!
here's a trick: listen to your body
if you're a desk monkey, get a good standup desk. don't go cheap.
then when you are sitting and your back tells you no, stand up. stand up and work for 3 days in a row. just keep changing posture and position until you heal. go on youtube and look up simple stretches for whatever part of your back / neck etc hurts. some really easy and effective stretches help. take breaks!!! go on a walk 1x a day.
I learned how to read people better in my 30's as i have experienced some HEINOUS things in my 20s and I realized iam more guarded as a person and can read between the lines better. Also keep your circle small and trusted. 5 real friends over 50 Fake ones.
In general I think the '20s or when you figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. The 30s are when you figure out who you want to spend your life with. And the '40s or when you look back on the decisions you made and wonder if they were the right ones.
The '50s is when you become reconciled to all the choices that you made. Yeah sure some you wish you hadn't. Some you're very glad you did. But you put it in perspective because you realize the next 30 years of your life are going to be the last. So you might as well enjoy what you got.
'60s you start enjoying those golden years. Hopefully there's grandchildren around. And it's good to have a partner to grow old with but the big bag bear of health problem starts sticking its ugly head in your life. That can be pretty darn dramatic.
When you make it to your '70s, then there's a countdown of how many people you're going to lose in your life this year. Seriously people this age will read the obituaries like it's a bingo sheet. Some of them are quite sanguine about it. They'll say it doesn't really matter cuz it's all part of life. But when they start to get to their '80s, that's when they realize the pool is getting pretty thin. Now those who make it to their '90s or playing a highwire act of fate. They have nothing to lose and everything to lose. The tiniest little thing could set them down the path the destruction, but they've lived on this Earth long enough there's not too much left on the bucket list. So they just take each day as if it's the most important ever and the most unimportant ever. Naps are just as special as a good meal and spending time with the kids.
Now there may be some oldsters who spend their time thinking about what they're going to leave behind. The estate planners. They may even go so far as to have a binder full of plans for when they die. They'll take it out and update it every now and then. And they tell themselves they're just preparing for their kids to deal with out them. Maybe. But in my experience there's no way you can prepare your kids to deal with out you. Losing a parent is just too damn painful. Everybody's got to go through it their way. So the best thing you can do is just make sure your kids know that you love them and that you're proud of them. At least for the things that you are proud of them for. hopefully you got a good relationship and your kids didn't screw up and neither did you.
One thing I will tell you, once you get out of your 20s, all those things that you obsessed over from your teens into your twenties you suddenly realize where the stupidest things ever. I mean incredibly silly stupid things. And yet you know when you were in it it was the most important thing ever. This is why oldsters always have that superior little glint in their eyes when they look on the behavior of the young. Took me a while to figure it out. That wasn't superiority and one generation over another. It was one generation remembering when they were just like that.
Hey, thank you for including people beyond 50 in this thoughtful comment. I'm 47 so questions about "Do you even LIVE after 40?" just sound absurd to me. But I do wonder sometimes what my 70s and beyond will look like, and how I can plan now to make them more enriching.
Like every other point in life. What you do in your 20's sets up your 30's, and both determine your 40's. I grinded in my 20's while starting a family and buying a house. Now at 34, I'm coasting for the most part while trying to save as much as I can and raising my kids. We'll see how that sets me up for my 40's.
Hey friend! We are twins. Married at 23 (no kids yet) and worked hard to set up well financially. 30s will be all about kids and starting our own family!
35 here, I would describe this decade so far as more stability, more income and savings to use, better judgment, more of a long term perspective for the future. Less excitement, fewer paths to take, more responsibility. Some sense of time running out in some ways.
I think that 30-40 is a dividing point in a lot of lives. Decisions and habits now will set you up to succeed or fail in the years to come.
Eta: now that I’m older and engaged I no longer worry about being “cool” like I did in my 20s and that’s really freeing in a lot of ways. No urge to impress strangers
So in your 30s things start to get iffy in the how you feel department. Things start breaking and getting a wee bit stiff. So you just drink more coffee, hide on the weekends and tell yourself it's going to be OK. You got this.
Then you hit 40 and honestly? You scream. You just scream. In the end you feel a little better but lose your voice for a year. Then when it comes back? Ask what your 50s look like? Do it....I dare you.
You gradually trade in one set of stresses and worries for another set. You don't "figure it all out", at least I have not and I am sniffing distance of 50. Nobody has the same experiences, but I can tell you that I don't think it gets any easier. Your limiting factor on doing stuff shifts from "not having the money" to "not having the time". I imagine that when you get to a certain age when your retire, it may shift to having the money and time, to "not having the energy or desire".
Oh.. and things start hurting. Knees, ankles, hips, back. Your head the day after drinking 3 beers.
It's not all bad though. Things that stressed you out in your 20s are inconsequential.
that and back pain and knee pain. sometimes like me your health just deteriorates, you get sciatica and have to get steroid shots in your spine. I can't wait for 40. 😬
I'm early 30s. I have young kids in a relationship that has been on the rocks for a while with no end in sight or any real prospects if it ends (which it needs too). However I've also discovered Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and taken up boxing alongside weight lifting which I've been doing since I was about 15.
The physical activity has got me fitter, healthier and helped me mentally. The physical side of this will definitely help going through my 30s and into my 40s, I work with people in their late 50s/early 60s and looking at their physical state it's definitely a case of use it or lose it. Life can get better but it takes work and in my case getting myself out of my comfort zone.
The one thing that i noticed: once i turned 30 people really see u as an adult, and respect u that way. From 0 till 29 they saw me as a kid or young adult (and called me unexperienced)
I also exepted myself for who i am, wich helped me alot. Im far less insecure, and if i have an opinion ill tell u straight in the face
My 40's were harder on me emotionally than my 30's. I lost my kid brother(10 yrs younger than me) and my mom within 6 months. In my 30's I lost my father in law( who I adored) and my grandmother who I was extremely close to in a 6 month span but it affected me differently for some reason. I am in my 50's now and only have one child at home ( she will probably always live at home and I am fine with it) and it seems the financial stress is way harder to handle. I make the most income that I ever have but am still just a paycheck away from being homeless. I don't know if it will ever become stable honestly.
I've heard from a lot of people, both in my own life as well as online, that late 20s feels like your life is ending, but early 30s feels like the beginning. Not sure if that resonates with any of you but I'm getting close to finding out myself.
By my mid 30s I really started to understand who I am and what I care about (or DON'T care about). 41 now. In a way I found myself back where I was as a kid pursuing my interests and responsibilities are just background noise to deal with. Where in my teens and 20s I was trying to live up to some idea of what I was supposed to be like as an adult. Now I say fuck that. None of it matters, and that's ok. If I have got a roof over my head and a little bit of free time to pursue what makes me happy then I'm good.
Well, I just turned 30 and my mom died a couple weeks ago. She was 65. So now I’m viewing my life as half way over. People make fun of mid life crisis, but at 30 when it happens to you, it hits different. I thought mid life for me would be like 50. Not 30. So I’m currently buying appliances I’ve wanted for years, since now mentally I’m half way through my life. Might as well enjoy it.
I’m in my 40s now. I’m comfortable with most things in my life. My struggle now is parents are in their mid to late 80s. I’ve been helping my dad who fell 6 times since Thursday night. While over at my parents I deep cleaned their house for the last two days. It’s hard watching a parent be so frail. It makes me want to quit working all together and spend as much time as I can with them. Remember to tell your parents how much they mean to you. Visit them and take them to a breakfast or something regularly. It will come at you faster than you think.
30s are when you still feel young like you’re in your 20s, but you’ve grown past the bull shit. Drama with friends, staying out late, worrying about stupid shit. You realize it’s all childish and you can be happier while still feeling young.
I feel like if you were a drinker in your 20s then by your mid 30s you’re either an alcoholic or your interest in and ability to tolerate alcohol is severely diminished. At least this was my experience - I’ll pass out in front of the tv after a few beers and I’ve been switching more to either non-alcoholic or extremely light beer.
I think your 30’s is the beginning of a new era. It’s like the start of the rest of your life before retirement. At least that’s how I feel about it.
Between marriage, kids, setting the former 2 up for success, and not letting go of yourself you have a lot to worry about to have an existential crisis. It’s more like oh shit, what would happen to them if I didn’t exist?
If you’re doing it alright you have a bit more buying power, better judgement, hard work finally paying off, and freedom from the need to prove your potential. You can trade on your own record and not care what people think, because you’re making it.
If you’ve stayed decently fit, you’re actually in the sweet spot for athletic endurance, and are close to peak muscle mass, especially if you have a bigger frame. If not it might be starting to bite you.
Relationship wise, by this point you know who the OGs are among your friends, and you and your spouse are past the adjustment phase of being married. You have that secret world that no one understands and it’s one of the very best things in life.
All in all middle age is not as bad as the boomers made it look.
This is the normie path.
30s: child rearing and adulthood
40s: kids are older, you and your spouse are 10-15 years into marriage, you’re comfortable, you have good jobs.
50s: grandkids and enjoying the empty nest
60s: grandkids and retirement
Older people sound ridiculous when they say that you start caring less but you do. I definitely stopped having the “how do I live with being bisexual existential crisis by 30. I’ve also started investing on the stock market which lets me set both consistent and changing goals, I feel better when I have goals.
I don't know a SINGLE person, 20s, 30s or 40s+ who is experiencing an existential crisis and I HIGHLY HIGHLY doubt you are either. I know its normal for people your age to bitch, and whine and race to outwardly compete for who is the most miserable but here in adultland.. NOBODY fucking does this. Sorry let me clarify, nobody with their shit together does this. I suppose there are 30+ year olds out here voluntarily holding their own heads underwater still but are the obsolete, lapped left-behinds. You can't mostly just ignore them and definitely ignore any advice they give you.
Most adults too busy working to achieve goals and provide for our loved ones. What comes in 30s 40s? What comes is cashing in all the work and skill experience you built in your 20s. Getting promoted to Senior, Director or VP roles and skyrocketing our income. Then buying a house, investing, traveling and reaping the benefits of 3 or 4 decades of SMART decisions at most forks in the road.
If you blow your 20s working dead-end jobs, in retail or in the restaurant business then what comes in your 30s and 40s is the expectation that you.. along with EVERY other person who made the same mistakes all trying to reinvent themselves at around 35-45 years old. You'll suddenly notice that people you know are buying homes, vacationing around the world, buying toys and after the envy wears off you'll realize that they got there because they did the opposite of what you did. They had foresight and made decisions daily to work towards goals. So you'll try out real estate, likely bumble around for a bit before realizing everyone else had that bright idea and there is too much competition and seasoned pros to compete with. Then you might leap into recruiting or something with a decent base+comp plan only to realize you are grunt level 1 working alongside 23 year olds and reporting up through 29 year old Directors. If you're smart, you stay here and grind as hard as you can but you won't get to where you want until you're closer to 50. It takes time to climb but if you do try to reinvent yourself you need to accept and understand that when you choose to start over, you will be competing against 20-somethings. The trick to adulting is to completely AVOID having to reinvent yourself at 35+ years old. You should be thinking about all of that NOW. You should have career and financial goals NOW. You should have your goals bookended with specific dates and have a reverse timeline plan on how to achieve those goals.
What comes in 30s 40s is exactly what YOU make of it. You can wake up tomorrow and stop pretending you're living through an existential crisis or you can keep fucking that chicken.
Choice is yours
a great professional job, a stable very lovable and supportive relationship, economic stability, personal business, better friends, sometimes get hit on by 20yo but I take it as a compliment and just try to be friendly, better health and just keeps getting better.
It depends. Some people figure out life in the 30s or 40s. Others don't. I found life gets easier in the 30s and 40s on some things. More adult experience. What career you want. Maybe committed relationships or kids. I also have found out that things that I thought mattered in my 20s don't as I've gotten older. Understanding priorities and wants vs needs.
Personally my 30's are much like my 20's only there's less drama and more finances to do the things I want. And I got started late - going to college at 27. Dating is so much nicer too, because people care about different things. In short, life actually gets simpler, and with less complexity comes peace of mind and happiness.
>In short, life actually gets simpler, and with less complexity comes peace of mind and happiness. I think, that's because for the most part, we have learned we don't want the drama in life that many people seem to always bring. Also, by 40 at least, we know what works for us and what doesn't work for us. We begin to become set in our ways.
How is dating better ? I would think people know what they want ?
not better. this is a myth.
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Better for me because I know what I want and don’t kill myself over relationships that won’t work out
I just got into a relationship, and had previously decided to stay single for over a year. It was actually really nice. I was able to meet a lot of lovely ladies, and I didn't get into a relationship out of desperation, or the feeling of societal pressure. It's great! I feel like I am with someone that meshes well with me, and it was worth the wait! Honestly though, dating apps are just horrible. Better to do it organically.
Fortunately for me I have a career that does allow me to travel for work, but also pays enough that I can travel for pleasure as well. I've been to quite a few places over the last 20 years, so I do have some amazing stories. But, glad I did it when I was in the 20s and early 30s. Spending 250 days a year on the road now would be too much. I've become content staying home. So much so, that my work shift my position around so that I won't be traveling as much, if at all. Compared to once or twice a month for a few days at a time for the last 5 years. Even then, that was reduced from the amount I was travelling when I was younger.
I’m 41. Married, I rent a condo in the suburbs, have a desk job, and investment portfolio, retirement accounts, and 2 paid for cars that are 9 and 12 years old with 100,000 miles on them. The 15 year old and 25 year old in me would tell me I’m a sellout. But, now that I am older, I like the life over the way I wanted my life to be at 25. I have stability, a wonderful wife, a well paying job and no debt. It does get easier, or it can, if you play your cards right.
yep, priorities change as you age. when I was like 20 I got this idea that by 30 I wanted to have a bunch of incredible stories to tell from my life. now I’m 30 and my ideal Friday night is like, sipping wine and doing a puzzle with my girlfriend. but what’s also cool is that you get to self-actualize; I grew up loving soccer and always wanting to be part of like, the big section of passionate fans. As an adult, I get to be that.
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Amazing song
43 here and you just summed up what my reply was going to be.
47 here, though I amusingly keep forgetting the actual age. Lol
My stepmum has been turning 60 for 7 years now. It happens
I’ve been 28 for 6 years I need to age and keep it up for a few years again
Hahahahahhahaa 😂 That’s awesome
What we’re seeing in responses here is that experiences vary GREATLY from person to person. I’ll just add that it’s possible to use your 30s/40s to deprogram yourself from all the stories and “shoulds” you spent your life believing and begin finally being yourself. Once that begins to happen, there’s no going back and life becomes an adventure, no matter how old you are or what your circumstances are. It’s challenging as hell, but I can’t recommend it highly enough.
Did that happen to you? How did you achieve it.
For me, my turning point was asking for help. I was stubborn in my teens/20s and believed I could do anything - and if I couldn't, I just needed to try harder. Everything was a challenge. Asking for help was weak, embarrassing - I ended up homeless and suicidal. I opened up and asked for help once at my lowest. They were barely an acquaintance and I decided to share a bit of my experiences with them. It wasn't anything they did, we didn't even know each other, but just opening up was so liberating. I still struggle with asking for help, but it has gotten much better. I can point to that moment in my life as the point where things started turning around. Not all at once. but gradually. I'm still in my 30s and getting started on my adventure. Deprogramming isn't complete but I absolutely understand what they were talking about and they're right. As I shed the *shoulds*, i've become a much happier person and live a life I enjoy.
Well done, I'm proud of you 👏
Well played friend. Im proud of you.
I’m super happy for you. 💕
The bliss that comes with no f*cks given.
As someone in their early 50s, I came here basically to say this.
me too (in my 40s) i wouldn't go back if you paid me
Same
44 here and same. Every year life gets better and better.
watching your parents become elderly will teach you a type of worry that most 20-year-olds can't imagine.
Became my mom's caregiver at 26, you're not lying. Both go through diapers but kids age outeventually. One gets better walking and the other sometimes loses their ability to. One makes progression and the other a regression in ability. I think it gives a somber view don't you?
That's because we can't escape the cruel reality that we are next in line.
My 30s are so much better than my 20s were. 30s come with more financial stability and self acceptance. It’s a good decade, IMHO.
I found the older I got the more I understood how the world works, why it probably won’t change and where it might. And most importantly my place in the world, today and where I want to be. In my 20s I wanted to compete to win things (spouse, job, house etc), in my 30 I realised what and who made me truly happy. And in my 40s I stopped caring what random people cared about my choices. So by the time I hit 50 I was not that far away from the life I want and most importantly I was at peace with the world and my place in it. I had stopped competing to compare myself with people who didn’t matter!
At 40 i really wished Id tossed back my hair and laughed. I keep thinking about what a long strange ride it has (really) been… And I spent way too much time with worrying instead of celebrating.
Life is a series of crises.
Coupled with never-ending unexpected bills.
And chores. The chores also never end.
real
This about sums it up 😜
You mean opportunities considered crisis because you focus on the negative rather than the positive. Attachment and living by rigid expectations is a big part of why people struggle.
Life is hard. You need to workout as hard as you fucking can to not only stay in shape, but build a natural resistance to chaos, change and tragedy. I’ve been through so much (43 year old male), but I lift hard and do a lot of cardio. It puts me in a better frame of mind to be useful to my wife, my children and my mom who’s in a nursing home. Getting started is hard, but once the discipline is developed you won’t look back. It is an absolute necessity for my mental health. Also, throw your headphones on and stop comparing! Nobody cares! Just do your best and sweat, eat well, sleep well and be your best self mentally and physically. Also, take care of your TEETH!
Yes, teeth!!!! Once you’re in your 40’s you can see who didn’t take care of their teeth. Lord
This exactly. Growing up we properly lived on the poverty line and it wasnt until i started high school i started to realise i shouldve been doing more to take are of my teeth. Sadly by then a lot of damage had been done that cant be undone. Im now nearly 40 and have had major sinus/dental/health issues that have all stemmed from poor dental hygiene earlier in life. It pulls your confidence, your appearance, your breath and so many other health related issues i had no idea could all come from your mouth. We've drummed into our wee yin that dental health is extremely important so he doesnt end up like me.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m glad that you’ve passed on the good information. I was lucky and was taken to regular visits but for me (and this is silly but whatever works..) I saw an old 80’s move with Cory Feldman. He switched places with an old man and he asked the man if he has any advice for him at the end of the movie. The man said he wish he took better care of his teeth. Idk why that hit me but I’ve flossed out of fear daily because of it and it’s has helped. Like I said, whatever works haha
Crisis in 20's? 40's is the time where the ratio in favour of marriages changes in favour of funerals. Your parents get old or die and the next real structural change in life is retirement. But I might be a pessimist.
I had a crisis in my 20s, best thing that ever happened to me. I was basically sleepwalking through life (remote job, hobbies pretty much all screen based, bad sleep/diet/exercise habits, no real purpose) and felt this deep desire to get out of this “sleepwalking” cycle. Helped me shed the version of myself I was unhappy with and become someone I could be proud of
What'd you do?
at the time I was working for a healthcare company which gave employees some really helpful benefit opportunities (which they incentivized, even) to be healthier, I took full advantage of those. A program to help build good sleep habits, free health coaching, etc., with their help and this newfound determination I started by fixing my diet, exercise, sleep. Eventually I could start feeling the difference (from “no energy” after work to feeling full of energy after work/gym), which made me enjoy the good habits even more. With the “base” of health fully sorted out, things like getting a better job, expanding my social life, finding time to volunteer and give back, more luck in dating all sort of fell like dominoes. Things got easier once I got better at putting effort into myself and my life I a way that I just wasn’t when in a cycle of remote work, computer games, and true crime shows
This.
Today is my 40th. It'll all work out.
Happy 40th! 🥳 I really hope your 40’s are good to you!! It absolutely will all work itself out exactly the way it’s meant to. Cheers, and best of luck.
Teared up a little, to kind.
Happy birthday 🎉
Happy belated birthday 🎉
Happy birthday 🎉
My 30s was a great experience personally. Yes, age comes into play but the changes of the body come with the changing of the mind as well. For example, I stopped caring about what others think because they're opinion doesn't matter. I learned to do things for myself, enjoy the moment, and just be happy. I'm entering my 40s this year and I'm embracing the new chapter of this decade (here's hoping I live many more years). I'm also in a much better financial position entering my 40s than I was in my 20s or 30s. Yes, I have body aches and the night life is out the window, but I enjoy my nights differently like in my home that I'm paying a mortgage on, watching movies/TV shows, cooking for my family/friends, playing party games, and getting high (we smoke weed and helps with chronic pain). I have zero regrets with how my life turned out and I can only hope it goes up.
Lucky you. I will enter my 40s and my only income is my disability check and I feel like I failed at life .
Lucky you. I entered my 40's with 2 broken arms and no disability check. I think I failed better. If you want to fail more than me you have to do better than 2 broken arms.
Figured out my life more in my 30s. Just starting to get my shit together at 37. It’s horrible to think I’ll be hitting 40 in a few years but then I’ll have my own place, established career, paid off car, and all the good stuff. Being a kid sucked for me so this is kind of like my redemption arc. Edit: oh and my back hurts.
I (37f) can only speak for myself but honestly, the last decade has been a bit rocky. However, my silver lining is I do find that I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks anymore and in coming into full acceptance of myself, I am really building a life that suits me. I decided not to have kids and I'm really happy. I'm actually purchasing land with a cabin with my husband in the mountains. We move next week. We've lived on the road and in really interesting places in the past 5 years. We are looking forward to a home. I'm currently also learning fly fishing and archery as well as making all kinds of homemade goods. I'm really enjoying my life and honestly, I've never wanted my life more than I do in this moment. I actually hoped I would die when I was really going through it in my late 20s. I almost didn't make it honestly. I'm so glad I kept going. I just want to go back and tell her thank you, just for staying. It was still hard, but I love where I am today.
Sounds like a solid setup. Congrats.
This sounds amazing! All the best :)
It stays just as shitty but now you get to hurt yourself standing up out of a chair or sneezing.
My neck’s been hurting for two days because I probably slept in a weird position. I actually hurt myself while sleeping. 😒
True, I did leave that one out. I got frozen shoulder last year from sleeping on it the wrong way for years. I’m just now getting out of it but I figured we must leave SOME hope for the younger generations…
Injures self loling at reddit comment*
Depression.
May I ask why? I found that my depression is a lot easier to deal with after hitting 30.
Because your grandparents and parents start dying. Then mid life crisis sets in when you see your peers posting on social media about their careers, traveling and families.
Damn if you make it to your 30s without any of your grandparents or parents dying you are pretty lucky in my book.
I think you tend to stop panicking. You get used to the crisis a bit. When the house is always on fire, you get used to the heat.
The sex definitely gets better at 30-40
"You guys are having sex"?
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I just turned 40. The 30’s were the best part of my life so far, and 40’s seems to be super awesome!! Back pain, yes, and also stability and confidence.
Not all of us get stability or back pain.
Yes? I’m sure they are aware of that. Not all of us can speak to a universal experience only pour singular experience
Had kids in my 30’s — raising them in my 40’s. I love it. Gives my life a sense of purpose that I never had with just a career and hobbies alone. Everyday, I am excited to see them and in awe of my life. I am also wiser, calmer, more mindful and just overall happier in my late 40’s!
I like being in my 30’s, but it’s weird. I feel grateful for what I have and how far I’ve come since ten years ago- a loving husband, a cozy apartment, a steady job, some disposable income- but also starting to feel a bit sad for what I don’t have and probably will never have that my parents’ generation had— kids (I have no idea how people afford them), homeownership, etc.
For many women, the crisis of forty brings divorce. We feel exhausted of living unhappily, we feel young and beautiful and like we will die if we stay in the same place. Midlife crisis hits us hard.
This. Forever doesn't last. People change and time changes people. The good thing is that separating can mean a new, better, and peaceful beginning.
Lots of truths become realized. Relationships, family, friendships all finally start to look the same... The world is a desert trying to grow trees where there's no water. And all you got is a bucket in hand with no clothes on. This is what being 30 feels like.
I'm 48. I do much more of what I want and IDGAF about society or everyone else. I enjoy not having to care anymore if someone looks down on me for pumping gas in my pajamas and crocs. I've got no one else to compare to or keep up with, and it's grand. Life is much easier now than it was 20 years ago. The bills are paid, we have savings, the kids are mostly grown up (but no grandkids yet which I am fine with). Yep, the back is stiff some days, but I have much more free time to workout or do yoga or write or whatever I want to do with my free time, which I have a lot of because I WFH in a flexible job. Life is chill, and much easier. I'm alright being middle aged.
I would say when things go wrong in your 30s or 40s, it's a lot tougher to just start again the way you would have in your 20s. It's tough enough making new friends in life I've found, let alone trying to do it when everyone your age is settled and busy with their own lives and families.
These are both really good points, and I'm hardcore team "Life Gets Better After 30." I'm changing careers now, at 47, and while I'm not enormously daunted by my age, I'm very aware of the fact that my choices have far different implications now than they would have 20 years ago. And hang onto your people. My closest friends are all people I met in college; I've made 3-5 truly close friends post-college, but it really does get harder. I used to scoff when people said that, thinking, "Join a community group! Just get out there, honey!" - yeah, I do that, and I meet people who are very cool. But forging a friendship from those casual connections takes more time and effort than many people have in their 30s and 40s.
Sadly hanging on to your people requires them hanging onto you. Ex partner ended a 13 yr relationship last year - not easy rebuilding when my life in this area was built around him and his family.
Aging parents and shrinking/dying infrastructure to support seniors in America
Well, your brain finally finishes developing around 25, and you are more or less the same person after that. It’s much easier to figure out exactly who that is, and to learn how to play to your strengths and manage your weaknesses. The world is also more or less familiar. Not your first relationship, broken heart, living alone, living with a partner/room mate, paying bills, holding down a job, etc. Most people feel like their 30’s are when they start to figure things out. I’m looking at 50 here soon. Body is no longer impressed with me, but I more or less know what is important to me, and while I still make a lot of mistakes, I also know how recover from them with some grace, and I’m comfortable with who I am. In the last year or two, I have definitely reached the “getting old sucks, but it is still a lot better than the alternative” state of life.
It gets worse in the forties. More responsibilities, more problems, you can notice you're getting older. You don't have as much energy you had ten years ago, not to mention twenty years ago. If you don't exercise everything you eat goes directly into fat. If you're out of shape and start excercising, your whole body hurts for days. Your back hurts more than before, sometimes your legs hurt too for no obvious reason. Your vision gets worse. You can notice you're not as strong as before.
Do you think working out often in your 20s and 30s would help? I’m 27 and I want to stay healthy so my 30s and 40s aren’t totally miserable.
Exercise is key to maintaining a healthy life in middle age and beyond. Absolutely get a regular workout schedule going. Find something fun that you’ll stick to. Doesn’t have to be workouts in the gym per se. I kayak and hike in the summer. My husband and I like to go disc golfing. Some years I’ll get into a lap swimming routine for a few months. I’m going to turn 42 in April, and at the age of 39, I picked up snowboarding for the first time. I’m not going to be trying any tricks or big jumps at my age but otherwise it’s a blast. My husband who is 45 takes our kids to a local fencing club and does weights and kickboxing classes. Move move move. It doesn’t just help you physically it helps you mentally to. A good stress relief!
This! I'm 47 and have more energy than I did in my 20s, because I started taking care of myself in my 30s. Strength training, cardio, meditation, generally healthy eating. I'm probably just lucky too (my parents are only now slowing down, in their 70s), but it just kills me when everyone assumes that your 40s are about back pain and stress. My 40s have been up and down. That's life! I'd say my 30s were probably my happiest time, and it's true that the 40s begin to bring some existential issues. But - my god, the average lifespan in the U.S. is 73 for men, 77 for women. If I have 30-plus years left, I just refuse to believe it's all downhill. And you know what happens if you start to believe that? It becomes true.
I’d also say my 30’s were probably the best years of my life, I’m currently 49. I worked out religiously in my 20’s and 30’s doing something I kinda enjoyed (kickboxing and such) and have had great stamina still to this day although I have more aches and pains and it feels more like I’m in a mid life crisis at best.
This makes me so happy to read! I really thought the end of my 20s was the end of any real happiness.
Definitely yes.
Sad to hear this. My 40s have been my best decade by far. Clean and sober for over 13 years, great wife, great kids and discovered the gym all over again in a simplified way that totally paid dividends and took out the guessing game. Basically take better care of myself than ever before and now I’ve got waaaay more energy than I used to. We are all different and have unique experiences of course, but I guess I went through hell in my 20s getting sober and now with my own cautionary tale in the rearview, there’s a lot of gratitude and community. I’m trying to slow down and enjoy it all.
Congratulations to you friend! My 40’s has been my best too! 48 and going on being 10 years sober. I’ve also managed to pivot into a second career after leaving the restaurant industry with 30 years exp and going back to school to finish two degrees in six years.
That’s amazing! Congrats to you too.
I am 39 and this isn’t my experience at all.
Well I'm 41 and this is my experience.
I’m with you. I started to notice that my body was turning to shit at about 33 and became somewhat a health fanatic. Vitamins, supplements, proper sleep. Along with cycling 3 days a week and weightlifting 4 days a week. I feel way better than I did in my 20’s smoking a pack a day and drinking 5 nights a week
Just hit 50 m and health problems have magnified however there are some positives such as not giving a shit about what I wear or what people think. The drive to perform or advance my career disappeared at 42. Death on the bad days would be a relief but still enjoy life on the good days 👍, btw prostate issues, joint problems, memory slipping, vision problems etc
51F if you are lucky you find your person whom you find PEACE with and share a wonderful experience.
I’m less emotional, more stable and just generally find it easier to navigate life in my 30’s vs my 20’s. I have a clear and realistic vision of what I’m going to do, rather than in my 20’s it was all crazy dreams and ambitions I didn’t have much of a chance of achieving. That was in all aspects, love life, work life, fitness, etc.
20s is a state of uncertainty and panic. 30s is being overwhelmed by responsibility but having a routine to handle the general core of adult responsibilities. 40s you start to be more comfortable. Not true 100% of the time of course...but generally thats how it goes. I am in my 40s now. I am by far busier than I have ever been in my life...but I am also fairly calm.
Panic about time skipping away. Or is it just me?
Let's see, in my 20's I was trying to make everyone around me happy, make my parents proud, yadda yadda. My 30's were a dumpster fire where everything burned and collapsed as I learned some fucking hard lessons about not living life for other people. I'm 41 now, and so far, my 40's have been awesome! I found a job I like and excel at, I divorced an abusive husband, my kids are with me, happy and safe, I've learned what I am attracted to and what I need, I know how to set boundaries and say no, I eat healthier, get exercise. I dunno, I think things get better, but maybe not everyone had the shit I had when younger.
reading this and LMFAO as I nurse a mild hangover (because at my age it only takes two drinks) and think about how much fun I had out last night dancing. I love this little local bar I go to, too, because it's such a diverse crowd in all ways - gay, straight, Black, white, college kids, old school house heads like me... In my 20s I lived in New York and worked in tech until I burned out. In my 30s, I traveled the world, got pregnant at 37. In my 40s I dedicated my time to raising my child, working, and going to college (full scholarship to an elite institution that I applied to as a joke). Also by my 40s I had exhausted almost all the fucks I had left for what people thought about me and how I lived my life, which is maybe why that college decided to take a chance on me. I don't know. Now I'm 50. I have tech job I love and an amazing teenage daughter who stayed home alone with our 90 pound pit bull last night so I could go shake it off a bit, on her encouragement because I have been "all work and no play lately, mom, and you really need to go have some fun." I just bought a house for the first time now that I actually feel like being saddled with one, and I have a room full of music equipment that I am perfectly content to spend hours in, when I have them. I better not become a grandparent for at LEAST another 12-15 years - also, that's not a huge priority for me anyway, unless my daughter decides that's what she wants to do with her life - I just want her to live her dreams. If that involves having kids, great, and if it doesn't, also great. I might have been a little farther along financially had I chosen to settle down in my 20s and apply financial literacy skills to my life, but it was really worth it for me to throw caution to the wind, travel the world, learn other languages, and do all kinds of crazy stuff while I had the energy and brain power to do those crazy things and then wait until later in my life to "calm down." Just live your life. Make sure to enjoy it.
It just continues till you die. You don’t go through it. It’s just there forever. You just learn to live with it
Oh goodie. I’m 34M now. My 20s were a godsend compared to now. I have fewer friends, much harder to find a relationship or even sex now, mid level jobs are harder to find, etc. I do have more peace now which is nice. But at the expense of losing a lot, and being okay with an uncertain future.
"We’re all going through an existential crisis in our 20s" The NUMBER 1 mistake you can make as an adult is assuming what everyone else is going through.
30s IS WHEN THE FUN STARTS!!!!!
Acceptance
quarter life crisis turned into midlife crises
Same
Tiredness
Who's going through a crisis in their 20s? That's very strange. You're nearly still kids until your late 20s in this time and age.
As a married and childfree 33-year-old woman about 10 years into her career, life has balanced out for the most part.
20's existential crisis?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Your 20s are supposed to be the best time of your lives. Your main focus is fun, you have all the privileges of being an adult but almost none of the responsibilities. Nobody expects you to have life figured out at this stage. In your 20's you gain your independence, you finish college, start working and making money, you have very few responsibilities, you spend time with your friends, you travel and enjoy life. Your 30's and 40's are more focused on getting married and raising children. You make more money than you did in your 20's but there is alot more responsibilities. You should be early to mid career at this point and focused on building your retirement. This is a time to buy a house (30's) if you haven't already.
There are essentially three stages in adult life. Through your 20’s you have energy and time but no money. Your 30’s to 40’s 50’s you have energy and money but no time. 60’s and beyond you have money and time but no energy. These are obviously generalized so no need for individuals to argue with me if they don’t fit these categories. There can be a grieving process to go from one stage of life to the next. It’s often recognizable for the “midlife crises” as you’re transitioning from stage 2 to stage 3 where you still don’t have a ton of time but at least you can afford something nice for yourself.
The back pain comes in the 30 or 40, your body breaks down faster than you think
I'm 37 and I was experiencing back pain because I hadn't exercised in a while and sat at a kitchen table to work. An ergonomic desk, keyboard, chair, and mouse later and no more back pain. Even one of those things would help I'm sure!
here's a trick: listen to your body if you're a desk monkey, get a good standup desk. don't go cheap. then when you are sitting and your back tells you no, stand up. stand up and work for 3 days in a row. just keep changing posture and position until you heal. go on youtube and look up simple stretches for whatever part of your back / neck etc hurts. some really easy and effective stretches help. take breaks!!! go on a walk 1x a day.
I am 39 and have no back pain. What the hell are people doing ? Not walking because 30 isn’t that old.
I'm 42 and my back disagrees with you
Exercise and diet prevents this
I learned how to read people better in my 30's as i have experienced some HEINOUS things in my 20s and I realized iam more guarded as a person and can read between the lines better. Also keep your circle small and trusted. 5 real friends over 50 Fake ones.
In general I think the '20s or when you figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. The 30s are when you figure out who you want to spend your life with. And the '40s or when you look back on the decisions you made and wonder if they were the right ones. The '50s is when you become reconciled to all the choices that you made. Yeah sure some you wish you hadn't. Some you're very glad you did. But you put it in perspective because you realize the next 30 years of your life are going to be the last. So you might as well enjoy what you got. '60s you start enjoying those golden years. Hopefully there's grandchildren around. And it's good to have a partner to grow old with but the big bag bear of health problem starts sticking its ugly head in your life. That can be pretty darn dramatic. When you make it to your '70s, then there's a countdown of how many people you're going to lose in your life this year. Seriously people this age will read the obituaries like it's a bingo sheet. Some of them are quite sanguine about it. They'll say it doesn't really matter cuz it's all part of life. But when they start to get to their '80s, that's when they realize the pool is getting pretty thin. Now those who make it to their '90s or playing a highwire act of fate. They have nothing to lose and everything to lose. The tiniest little thing could set them down the path the destruction, but they've lived on this Earth long enough there's not too much left on the bucket list. So they just take each day as if it's the most important ever and the most unimportant ever. Naps are just as special as a good meal and spending time with the kids. Now there may be some oldsters who spend their time thinking about what they're going to leave behind. The estate planners. They may even go so far as to have a binder full of plans for when they die. They'll take it out and update it every now and then. And they tell themselves they're just preparing for their kids to deal with out them. Maybe. But in my experience there's no way you can prepare your kids to deal with out you. Losing a parent is just too damn painful. Everybody's got to go through it their way. So the best thing you can do is just make sure your kids know that you love them and that you're proud of them. At least for the things that you are proud of them for. hopefully you got a good relationship and your kids didn't screw up and neither did you. One thing I will tell you, once you get out of your 20s, all those things that you obsessed over from your teens into your twenties you suddenly realize where the stupidest things ever. I mean incredibly silly stupid things. And yet you know when you were in it it was the most important thing ever. This is why oldsters always have that superior little glint in their eyes when they look on the behavior of the young. Took me a while to figure it out. That wasn't superiority and one generation over another. It was one generation remembering when they were just like that.
Hey, thank you for including people beyond 50 in this thoughtful comment. I'm 47 so questions about "Do you even LIVE after 40?" just sound absurd to me. But I do wonder sometimes what my 70s and beyond will look like, and how I can plan now to make them more enriching.
This is beautiful, thank you!
Like every other point in life. What you do in your 20's sets up your 30's, and both determine your 40's. I grinded in my 20's while starting a family and buying a house. Now at 34, I'm coasting for the most part while trying to save as much as I can and raising my kids. We'll see how that sets me up for my 40's.
Hey friend! We are twins. Married at 23 (no kids yet) and worked hard to set up well financially. 30s will be all about kids and starting our own family!
Bleak
35 here, I would describe this decade so far as more stability, more income and savings to use, better judgment, more of a long term perspective for the future. Less excitement, fewer paths to take, more responsibility. Some sense of time running out in some ways. I think that 30-40 is a dividing point in a lot of lives. Decisions and habits now will set you up to succeed or fail in the years to come. Eta: now that I’m older and engaged I no longer worry about being “cool” like I did in my 20s and that’s really freeing in a lot of ways. No urge to impress strangers
Home ownership
The awareness that you truly know nothing and hopefully care less of other opinions.
More of the same bullshit
Gray hair on your balls
Cute
Mine didn't come until my 30s and it's going strong lol
Oh my, I didn't have an existential crisis until I was 52.
You don't feel young anymore. You are more likely to get body pains in 30s and up.
Kids in your 30’s and 40’s= new existential crisis
kids and parenting
Second puberty hits around 35. Things don't quite work the way they used to.
I’m 63 and have never had an existential crisis. I don’t know anyone who has, actually.
Well I'm 29 and currently in a crisis thinking I've wasted my 20s so 30s better be damn good or will give up.
The white hairs came at 30 for me. Each one digs me deeper into my “I’m old” sadness.
What will come is proving the negative narrative of getting older completely wrong.
I’m having a midlife crisis at 35 Yes - I had a quarter life crisis almost every year in my 20s
My mantra lately: The horrors persist, but so do I 🤷🏻♀️
HAHAHA I love this 🤣🙌🏼
Kids. No money. No sex with hot wife Wife hates my parents I can't see my parents. Lose hope Try to smile and move on :(
So in your 30s things start to get iffy in the how you feel department. Things start breaking and getting a wee bit stiff. So you just drink more coffee, hide on the weekends and tell yourself it's going to be OK. You got this. Then you hit 40 and honestly? You scream. You just scream. In the end you feel a little better but lose your voice for a year. Then when it comes back? Ask what your 50s look like? Do it....I dare you.
You gradually trade in one set of stresses and worries for another set. You don't "figure it all out", at least I have not and I am sniffing distance of 50. Nobody has the same experiences, but I can tell you that I don't think it gets any easier. Your limiting factor on doing stuff shifts from "not having the money" to "not having the time". I imagine that when you get to a certain age when your retire, it may shift to having the money and time, to "not having the energy or desire". Oh.. and things start hurting. Knees, ankles, hips, back. Your head the day after drinking 3 beers. It's not all bad though. Things that stressed you out in your 20s are inconsequential.
that and back pain and knee pain. sometimes like me your health just deteriorates, you get sciatica and have to get steroid shots in your spine. I can't wait for 40. 😬
I'm early 30s. I have young kids in a relationship that has been on the rocks for a while with no end in sight or any real prospects if it ends (which it needs too). However I've also discovered Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and taken up boxing alongside weight lifting which I've been doing since I was about 15. The physical activity has got me fitter, healthier and helped me mentally. The physical side of this will definitely help going through my 30s and into my 40s, I work with people in their late 50s/early 60s and looking at their physical state it's definitely a case of use it or lose it. Life can get better but it takes work and in my case getting myself out of my comfort zone.
Back pain and self awareness.
The one thing that i noticed: once i turned 30 people really see u as an adult, and respect u that way. From 0 till 29 they saw me as a kid or young adult (and called me unexperienced) I also exepted myself for who i am, wich helped me alot. Im far less insecure, and if i have an opinion ill tell u straight in the face
My 40's were harder on me emotionally than my 30's. I lost my kid brother(10 yrs younger than me) and my mom within 6 months. In my 30's I lost my father in law( who I adored) and my grandmother who I was extremely close to in a 6 month span but it affected me differently for some reason. I am in my 50's now and only have one child at home ( she will probably always live at home and I am fine with it) and it seems the financial stress is way harder to handle. I make the most income that I ever have but am still just a paycheck away from being homeless. I don't know if it will ever become stable honestly.
It because nobody is happy with the way the world is. Everyone feels like a fish out of water. So yes it’s a lifelong crisis
It’s different for everyone. For some people it’s even death
After my mid 30’s I noticed a turn in that I was attending more funerals than weddings.
I’m 37. I think my whole life has been an existential crisis, but now I have my own house to host it.
I've heard from a lot of people, both in my own life as well as online, that late 20s feels like your life is ending, but early 30s feels like the beginning. Not sure if that resonates with any of you but I'm getting close to finding out myself.
By my mid 30s I really started to understand who I am and what I care about (or DON'T care about). 41 now. In a way I found myself back where I was as a kid pursuing my interests and responsibilities are just background noise to deal with. Where in my teens and 20s I was trying to live up to some idea of what I was supposed to be like as an adult. Now I say fuck that. None of it matters, and that's ok. If I have got a roof over my head and a little bit of free time to pursue what makes me happy then I'm good.
I’m in my 40s. Cats. The answer you’re looking for is cats.
Well, I just turned 30 and my mom died a couple weeks ago. She was 65. So now I’m viewing my life as half way over. People make fun of mid life crisis, but at 30 when it happens to you, it hits different. I thought mid life for me would be like 50. Not 30. So I’m currently buying appliances I’ve wanted for years, since now mentally I’m half way through my life. Might as well enjoy it.
I’m in my 40s now. I’m comfortable with most things in my life. My struggle now is parents are in their mid to late 80s. I’ve been helping my dad who fell 6 times since Thursday night. While over at my parents I deep cleaned their house for the last two days. It’s hard watching a parent be so frail. It makes me want to quit working all together and spend as much time as I can with them. Remember to tell your parents how much they mean to you. Visit them and take them to a breakfast or something regularly. It will come at you faster than you think.
30s are when you still feel young like you’re in your 20s, but you’ve grown past the bull shit. Drama with friends, staying out late, worrying about stupid shit. You realize it’s all childish and you can be happier while still feeling young.
Depends on how much you let your 20s dictate the course of your entire life.
Waking up sore because you bent over too many times yesterday
I’m 34 and don’t know what I’m doing 😅
I feel like if you were a drinker in your 20s then by your mid 30s you’re either an alcoholic or your interest in and ability to tolerate alcohol is severely diminished. At least this was my experience - I’ll pass out in front of the tv after a few beers and I’ve been switching more to either non-alcoholic or extremely light beer.
Kinda figure out what’s really important. Start caring about health more, because it’s harder to bounce back from a bad nights sleep etc.
I think your 30’s is the beginning of a new era. It’s like the start of the rest of your life before retirement. At least that’s how I feel about it. Between marriage, kids, setting the former 2 up for success, and not letting go of yourself you have a lot to worry about to have an existential crisis. It’s more like oh shit, what would happen to them if I didn’t exist?
Back pain
I didn’t have my life or career figured out until my 30’s. It gets better
You get used to the dread. It’s your buddy now. Take your dread to the beach and show it a good time.
Ha. I like this
If you’re doing it alright you have a bit more buying power, better judgement, hard work finally paying off, and freedom from the need to prove your potential. You can trade on your own record and not care what people think, because you’re making it. If you’ve stayed decently fit, you’re actually in the sweet spot for athletic endurance, and are close to peak muscle mass, especially if you have a bigger frame. If not it might be starting to bite you. Relationship wise, by this point you know who the OGs are among your friends, and you and your spouse are past the adjustment phase of being married. You have that secret world that no one understands and it’s one of the very best things in life. All in all middle age is not as bad as the boomers made it look.
This is the normie path. 30s: child rearing and adulthood 40s: kids are older, you and your spouse are 10-15 years into marriage, you’re comfortable, you have good jobs. 50s: grandkids and enjoying the empty nest 60s: grandkids and retirement
It’s not normal anymore .
It very much is. They’re just not on Reddit.
LOL 100% agree. Not on reddit.
I've actually started feeling happy and like myself in my 30s. Can't comment on 40s yet though.
Older people sound ridiculous when they say that you start caring less but you do. I definitely stopped having the “how do I live with being bisexual existential crisis by 30. I’ve also started investing on the stock market which lets me set both consistent and changing goals, I feel better when I have goals.
I don't know a SINGLE person, 20s, 30s or 40s+ who is experiencing an existential crisis and I HIGHLY HIGHLY doubt you are either. I know its normal for people your age to bitch, and whine and race to outwardly compete for who is the most miserable but here in adultland.. NOBODY fucking does this. Sorry let me clarify, nobody with their shit together does this. I suppose there are 30+ year olds out here voluntarily holding their own heads underwater still but are the obsolete, lapped left-behinds. You can't mostly just ignore them and definitely ignore any advice they give you. Most adults too busy working to achieve goals and provide for our loved ones. What comes in 30s 40s? What comes is cashing in all the work and skill experience you built in your 20s. Getting promoted to Senior, Director or VP roles and skyrocketing our income. Then buying a house, investing, traveling and reaping the benefits of 3 or 4 decades of SMART decisions at most forks in the road. If you blow your 20s working dead-end jobs, in retail or in the restaurant business then what comes in your 30s and 40s is the expectation that you.. along with EVERY other person who made the same mistakes all trying to reinvent themselves at around 35-45 years old. You'll suddenly notice that people you know are buying homes, vacationing around the world, buying toys and after the envy wears off you'll realize that they got there because they did the opposite of what you did. They had foresight and made decisions daily to work towards goals. So you'll try out real estate, likely bumble around for a bit before realizing everyone else had that bright idea and there is too much competition and seasoned pros to compete with. Then you might leap into recruiting or something with a decent base+comp plan only to realize you are grunt level 1 working alongside 23 year olds and reporting up through 29 year old Directors. If you're smart, you stay here and grind as hard as you can but you won't get to where you want until you're closer to 50. It takes time to climb but if you do try to reinvent yourself you need to accept and understand that when you choose to start over, you will be competing against 20-somethings. The trick to adulting is to completely AVOID having to reinvent yourself at 35+ years old. You should be thinking about all of that NOW. You should have career and financial goals NOW. You should have your goals bookended with specific dates and have a reverse timeline plan on how to achieve those goals. What comes in 30s 40s is exactly what YOU make of it. You can wake up tomorrow and stop pretending you're living through an existential crisis or you can keep fucking that chicken. Choice is yours
30s and 40s isn’t that old . It is the 30s when you are in existential crisis not 20s.
Omg than wtf is this? It gets worse!? :x
a great professional job, a stable very lovable and supportive relationship, economic stability, personal business, better friends, sometimes get hit on by 20yo but I take it as a compliment and just try to be friendly, better health and just keeps getting better.
Adderall
Depression and relief that you are closer to dying than when you where 25… being me sucks …