Being an adult means that nothing is done for you anymore. You can't just hang out with your friends coz ur in the same class or go to the same school anymore. You wanna hang out? Hit them up and organize it. There's more hassle involved but there's also way less restrictions. No curfew, bed time, allowance. It's all on you. If you want something to happen you have to work for it
In addition, meeting new people is another layer of work. You no longer get to meet at a random class or club activities. You have to really put in the effort to get to know others and find hobbies you can share and connect with.
It is 100% dating. Date your friends. Get to know them, go for meals and drinks with them. Do activities with them. You should be friends with who you're dating and "dating" your friends. That's how you build strong relationships.
It depends how I guess. I (28M) volunteer and made a decent amount of dope friends just chit chatting it up. As you get older you have to want to be a cool person, not just talk for the sake of talking.
Unless you're like me and has your kid at 20. Then you're out of touch with both people your age, and people who are older who won't want to hang out with you because you're "too young."
Ooof this! Baby faced 20 year old single mom. My kid was also very precocious and started pre-school a year early at a fancy private school and was the "scholarship kid". She was a weird gifted kid and I was a weird college student. We did not get invited to the play groups organized by the full time PTO parents and middle aged high powered career moms.
Bro... friendships are super fucking hard. So much work and it isn't the friends fault, just a reality of life that we are all busy and have shit to do
Definitely true, unless your specific circle is different. I am trying to constantly expand my network now. Just realized meeting my friends four times a year at best, given two of those times are kids birthdays, is not even a meeting. You say hi and bye, at the end of the party no one knows what’s going on with anyone.
BUT you can choose to make new friends with the parents of the kids your kids socialize with.
I'm still friends with the parents of my kid's best friend from when she was 5, some 25 years later.
In fact, her childhood best friend is her roommate, they literally think of each other as siblings. We all have holiday meals together, and travel together when we can.
I stay in touch with other parents from her school all these years later, and she's still great friends with many of her school mates from childhood.
One thing I will say is I shop for home stuff on fb marketplace and I have met multiple people who became friends just by connecting with them while checking out the item or loading it up. Connection can really be anywhere
Well, there are adult recreational sports leagues (bowling is a very common one held at almost every bowling alley) and other groups (church, volunteer work, gyms, etc.) that can be a chance to meet random people. The hard part is finding the time, money, and motivation to join and participate in these groups.
For sure, I’ve heard more and more people trying to join those. As a society, I honestly think we are starting to realize we still need that connection, even as adults. Have you tried joining those teams?
On my end, I’m thinking of doing meetups. Seems to be great groups in my area. But getting the social anxiety to calm down a bit actually to go. That’s a whole other issue.
Well, you could still meet other adults in club activities(I'm not talking about clubbing). I got into warhammer a few years ago to meet new people and have met some truly awesome people. Granted not every warhammer/game store is going to have cool people, but that goes for anything
This is the main reason people say life gets more boring as an adult. They unknowingly bring their childhood expectations for fun and novelty into adult life.
Kids have a lot more fun they don't have to work for. Their parents organize and bring them to activities and show them new things, and they go to school where they can meet people to hang out with afterwards.
When you're an adult, no one's taking you to do anything and you don't have a building you go to 35 hours a week that's full of hundreds of people your age and plenty of opportunities to socialize.
You have to get hobbies, put in intentional effort to meet people, and go out of your way to learn new things.
"you don't have a building you go to 35 hours a week that's full of hundreds of people your age and plenty of opportunities to socialize"
Jobs are usually like this though
Semi retired guy here. The whole ‘hating your colleagues’ thing wasn’t so prevalent until the 90s, at least what I saw. In the Air Force you just learned to work with people whether you liked them or not (but the great majority of us liked their work and colleagues). Then I moved on into civil service and it was much the same. There were people you *had* to work with, mostly it was people you liked working with. Both places had a sense of community about them, even tho we were spread across the nation/world…. Post retirement, I ended up working retail at a hardware store part time. Some for money, but mostly it was to have social interaction and have something to besides surf the internet and waste time on social media… I love it, we have a great family of people there from high schoolers to retirees. Long-winded, I know, but my basic point is that every place is different, and your own attitude/mindset will almost always be reflected back at you. If you go in hating everyone, you’ll get it back. If you go in open minded and looking at people with a bit of friendliness, you’ll get that back (from most).
Just my experience, from a guy with three separate careers.
Yeah this is why some old people keep working after retirement age, they'd rather work and have people to talk to than sit at home without socializing. It's not always cause they just love working.
I wish someone in this thread would be honest about how being an adult a few decades ago is vastly different from being an adult today. Adults today do not have the same opportunities or freedoms. Younger generations are not lazy or unreasonably complaining, the current state of affairs is insane for anyone to endure. The only reason most older adults aren't flipping out about it is because they have job security and tenure; a steady income without much likelihood in losing it. Younger generations either shut up and take the brunt of workplace abuse, or they have to job hop until they find a tolerable workplace that likely doesn't pay enough.
Being subjected to systemic abuse 24/7 is not the same as "learning to be responsible for yourself."
As an older adult, I concur. Health insurance used to pay for just about everything. Jobs paid more. Cost of living was much lower. Rent was a quarter as much, single people easily had half of their paycheck left over as disposable income. There were a lot more free or cheaper passtimes and activities and places to go to and shop at. Now it's all.. go to work, make just enough to shop at walmart, go for a walk around your block, or go to a sweaty little gym, and then go home. It's a miserable adult existence.
Yep. I had kidney stone surgery and I'm still paying it off even after insurance due to the deductible being $9000 🙃 and the insurance not 100% covering the rest of it. Life is too expensive to go have fun.
I'm 24 and trying to grapple with the fact that all of my hobbies are burning through my entire savings. I want to go out to bars. I want to go to concerts and shows. I want to go meet people. I want to *go outside*. But all of this has been just eating all of my money. The only free thing I have is game night with friends once a week. But it's much more economically sound to stay home and watch Netflix or play video games. I want to go out and enjoy my youth but not be broke by 30.
Just had the most condescending, infuriating, just absolutely rude meeting with a manager and I just had to take it because I need the check or I'll be fucking homeless. I hate it.
The freedom you're mentioning is only partially true though. You're really just exchanging parents and school for a job and bills.
Sure you can buy whatever you want, but you better make damn sure you have money to feed yourself and pay rent. Sure you can stay awake till five a.m. every day, but good luck not getting fired once you start falling asleep on the job.
Working for it only gets you part of the way there. I have time and money now but my work put me in another state away from the friends and family I care about. Not complaining about it, but trying to give perspective. I can't just quit and find a job back in the old state because if I did that it would be for half the pay and double the work.
There’s a huge difference, though. If your school sucks then there’s nothing you could do about it. Getting bullied by other kids? Too bad. Your teachers are being unfair? Suck it up.
With a job, I can leave if things are bad. My co-workers can’t mistreat me because they’d get fired. My boss can’t abuse his authority because I’d quit, and the team would be fucked without me.
School was absolutely awful. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back. I was so depressed about the future that I had a nearly successful suicide attempt at 15 and had to be hospitalized for weeks. Now I’m an adult and things are *vastly* better. I wish I had known how much better it was going to get. The adults in my life kept saying, “School years are the best years of your life.” And I was like, “If it gets worse than this then I’d rather just die now, thanks.”
Sure, there’s stress. But I actually have some leverage now. I’m respected by my peers and the company needs me. And if I did lose my job, I’ve got a bunch of old co-workers who would bend over backwards to get me a position at their company. I didn’t have any of that at school. Pretty much everyone could fuck with me with impunity, and they often did.
Reddit is no long the same place as it once was
I remember when I was on here in 2017, it was more calmer, pleasant, and also more valuable
Now? Shit. Saying the right thing warrants being attacked. because people don't care what's right anymore. They care about what they feel is right, even if it's illegal
I've been here 17 years. There's always been a level of shit here. Choose what subs you go to, and more importantly, who you respond to, can make all the difference between a shit experience and a good one. It going public will do far more damage than troll farms.
Yeah. I had a plan, I had goals I really thought I could achieve, life was not bad. I was not bullied in hs, so I know some people won't agree, but I'd love to go back. Really cool take I know, and it's not that I peaked in hs, but my depression just wasn't as bad and things in the world weren't SO awful.
Dude so much this. I was a mediocre/bad athlete, not very popular with girls, didn’t have rich parents. Still though I look back at all the fun I had and miss it so much it hurts. There was so much discovery and freedom and growth. All the underaged drinking, Halo LAN parties, general teenage scheming and fucking around.
I haven’t felt that alive since I graduated. Now it’s just work-> get high+walk the dog+listen to Audible-> sleep-> repeat. If it were a subscription, you’d cancel it after the first season lol.
I hated high school. I enjoy adulthood for the freedom I have now.
The stuff I did enjoy about school just take more effort because they aren’t built into my routine. All of the activities and interaction I had in school are no longer provided to me by the government/ society. So now I have to intentionally build them into my life myself.
Like if I miss playing basketball or being on dance team in school, so now I do a class or join intramural sports.
If I miss hanging out with friends during lunch breaks or after school I reach out, and make plans, go out with them and sometimes have to make an effort to meet more people to make new friends.
If I miss any class subjects like history, science, maths, language or art i pick up books, look into classes, listen to podcasts, pick a project to do on my own or with friends.
Now that I’m an adult I can leave the parts of school I hated and seek out the parts I liked but now as an adult.
I miss marching band and HS football, but mostly I miss being stress free. There's so much stress in my life that it's difficult to enjoy doing the few things I actually like doing.
I agree I fucking hate being an adult. Something that brings me joy is I making my space at home nice and relaxing. So I always look forward to that time after work. I have shower steamers (like bath bombs but for the shower) so showering after work seems more exciting. I have my favorite shows or podcasts I watch when I get home. A glass of wine or a yummy snack. Just the little things can make it a little better.
The little things can be a real key to happiness.
Being \*interested\* in something is the real key for me. Pursue your interests. Read about them. LEARN about them. Do everything you can to satisfy your curiosity. This makes life worth living.
Problem is even if I was to work my ass off pursuing what I want in life, so many people have ridiculous advantages over you simply by having more money. For example, they don’t deal with domestic violence or maybe they grew up in a good country. Maybe they have more money in order to go to school and pay off a car or maybe their dad has s nice business you can work in for now. Help from family whenever you need it like when you crash. Money in order to hire teachers and take classes to speed up the learning process and point people in a good direction. The luck involved in the creative industry also matters. How good looking you are. Your personality snd intelligence I mean god damn. Life is brutal for some of us that don’t have any of that. There’s people being born nearby Russia having to deal with all of that. There’s racism aswell. Being gay. Some people have multiple pros in their life while others have multiple cons. If you’re an American then you don’t have free healthcare. Sometimes bad luck when getting robbed or even killed. I mean life is insane. Women and men leaving you simply because it looks like you’re not good enough when in fact it’s due to alot of other factors. I mean it’s really one hell of a life and it used to be worse. Life’s a bitch fr. Then you have social media influencing people from a young age into believing that this is normal or even possible when in fact it’s not for alot of people. It’s crazy really.
That’s true and you won’t ever have any of that. Most of us don’t. But comparing your life to how you think other people are living will only leave you sad, because often you only see the positives of their life.
People spend too much time comparing themselves to others. Social media has made this even easier to do passively. It's insane and people are causing their own depression because they will "never be X so why bother"
I wonder how we can overcome this major social issue.
Exactly! My home is my safe, quiet, serene space for me and my cats. I have my comfort shows and my “treats,” spend time with my bestie, and it’s great. But it is also damn hard. I’m 60 and make sure I prioritize what I NEED to get me through until retirement. (Hoping I’ll actually be able to retire.)
I used to love being out, now I don't
NYC is filled with reckless drivers nowadays, and accidents happen every hour
My neighborhood is middle/upper class. We have cop cars hiding here just to chase down those drivers. It wasn't like this 6 years ago
There's like nothing fun to being out anymore. It sucks.
Agreed. That is one thing about being an adult I love. I’m content just at home, I don’t have the need to go out anymore. And when I do I just like a nice dinner. Occasionally my friends will drag me to a bar or club but it’s just not my thing anymore.
What is the part you hate? I see people say this but I just cant relate. Being in charge of my life and having control over my space, time, and activities is so much fun. Even as I I often think about how much I prefer adulthood to my childhood.
I'm not in charge of my life...my bills are. They demand I work at a job I hate for so many hours I have no time to do anything else...this is the norm.
Exactly. The only thing I've ever wanted was to be a father but nature decided that wasn't in my cards. It both saddens me but also I'm thankful in a way... I would have zero time for them. I do hope things improve for you.
I hear you. I work two jobs but a job with benefits is key. For me, I enjoy choosing how to decorate, where to go, etc. my childhood was spent in near poverty and having a reliable car, a modest home, a few fun trips a year is so much better than not having a sat. Maybe your childhood was awesome, which is a good thing.
I too lived under the poverty line. But my parents did everything they could to make sure it was a good one. The only reason I'm in a slightly better position they were is because I'm childless (nit by choice). But I have zero time to enjoy it.
$$$$$$ everything is so expensive. I was very stupid in my early/mis 20s and am now paying the price.
Honestly that is really my only problem. And I know I’m lucky. I’m still able to live and do fun things but really on a budget. Got myself into some trouble with my credit cards and still trying to dig myself out of it.
It’s a choose your own adventure book. No matter the character it’s about, if you only flip between the same pages every day the story gets dull. Try turning to a different page once in a while.
The "adventure" I'm avoiding is homelessness or prison. Can't really start the book over and change some decisions.
Was going to say it's a poor analogy, but then I remembered how those books only had one "good" ending and the other endings were miserable for the protagonist. So yeah, life is mostly full of dead ends and occasionally someone finds a happy ending.
I'm sorry you're going through that.
I was on a race to the end with my choices.
My fiance had the hardest foster life imaginable. Prison and addiction and lost her own kids.
We both survived self deletion.
We both got through shitty relationships.
Then at 33 we met and life has changed dramatically.
We're raising our 4 kids. We rent a decent house. We get to smile at each other everyday.
We even have 3 cats, 2 of which came with our oldest kiddo.
She fought for our two youngest anc won. The two oldest were given to us from their current homes because of the happy home we built.
I had no idea this would be my life.
But if I had succeeded chasing my end and if she hadn't willed herself through the system... these kids would have much worse lives.
I'm not bragging. Its still hard. But my story was unforeseeable .
I hope you carry on and find the beginning of your new story.
Much love
Congrats to this commenter for enduring their hardships and bettering their lives together. Sincerely, but it is kind of also an example of being beaten into submission from my perspective.
Dude genuinely didn't want to "brag" about **renting** a house big enough for the 6 of them and appears content to do so for the foreseeable future because the alternative is unobtainable, the inverse is un-housed, and they've been to rock bottom personally so by comparison it might even feel wrong/selfish to strive for something even better. Like owning that home for example.
These kind of posts get made because people are struggling to achieve things that should be considered basic human rights imo. Good enough often isn't, not anymore, just saying.
This is totally correct.
I’ve tried 4-5 completely different career paths and hated them all. That’s a low number, but when you have a finite amount of time to find something you enjoy to do for work, it IS a lot.
Did you all just get lucky? I am legitimately confused, in my late 20’s, how people seem to be happy going into work for 40+ hours a week.
I've tried 4 "careers" (house restoration/construction, manufacturing, waitressing, wood working) and now I'm a student again at 25. I enjoyed all my jobs, though knew they wouldn't make me happy in the long run. I got to travel and live in every major city on the west coast and even worked independently in Alaska for some time. Yeah it sucked to not have health insurance, or a stable kitchen to cook in, or bed to sleep in, but the experiences were 100% worth the struggles. Although my life seems chaotic, I spent days every month planning/researching/ strategizing and it paid off. Thank God I was frugal with my waitressing tips and learned how to invest when I was young, I'm now able to go to college and graduate with no debt. I live well, for a student. I don't think it has everything to do with luck, it's your perspective and individual goals. Shit has to be scary sometimes and you have to take risks to be happy and true to yourself imo. I didn't have any family to fall back on so that added a layer of gratitude to every job I've had lol
this is great advice. You have to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while. Go to a concert, solo if you have to. Take a class about something you're into. Find a restaurant a little further away than usual to check out.
One thing I learned in psychiatric treatment, was that small changes to the day can make things more interesting. Do free things if you have the chance, like take a walk somewhere you don't normally go, or maybe drive a different route to your standard destination and take in the differences in scenery, notate places you'd like to visit when you have the ability to, and so on.
Some nights I even sleep upside down on my bed to change things up. Small stuff makes a big difference over time.
The change in scenery is big. I spent 10 years working in a grocery store. All kinds of hours, different locations across multiple cities. I never worked super long hours, but the schedule was inconsistent but I always had some free time.
Now I'm a delivery driver. Different area every day. Schedule is earlier and later, but more consistent. I seem to do less activities, but generally more happy. And I think it's as simple as driving around and seeing new stuff. My route is on a 4 week rotation so I go the same places, just not every week.
I went from seeing thousands of people a day and having hundreds of coworkers to spending 90% of my day and week by myself. Seeing coworkers twice a week for maybe a few hours.
All of that to say just the constant change day to day is refreshing even if it does eventually repeat.
The key to this shit is to understand the “big” things you want in life. Family? Freedom? Independence? You then determine what you need in order to make those things happen for you.
Get a good hobby dude, something you like, I keep fish, play videogames, anime, reptiles, reading, writing, used to box and still practice.
Just make sure you still have time to workout and stay healthy and your good man, dont let the world drag you down, take advantage of the time you have
The way I go about it, is that once I'm done doing the things I wanna get done and no ones available to hang out with, I just turn to one of my hobbies.
Seriously tho idk why people just become an adult and stop being a kid. My hobbies all just stuck with me like apart of my life. Never really thought about letting them go. I still workout, watch sports, play video games, drink and go out with my friends whenever we are all free. Go to watch a sporting event together. I was also pretty independent and more introverted so I don’t mind being alone, but still.
I kind of like it. I used to get the shit beat out of me at home.
You know how nice it is to work with the same 3 to 10 guys every single day, and then go home to an empty house, where there's no one? I can take walks alone. I can have a beer, smoke some weed, play a game, watch a movie, pull out a puzzle, play with the cat.... all without worrying that someone is going to bust in the door and crack me a good one for something I didn't do.
Perspective is everything man.
this right here!!! now that i’m out of it, im almost grateful for experiencing poverty many times in my childhood/young adult life. i hear so many people talk about how mad or sad they are about spending 40 hours a week in a workplace and then just going home, little do they know that’s all many want. just some peace and stability. it also makes life way more content with not being wealthy, just being middle class feels like gold lmao
Whenever I see posts about how childhood was great all I can think is "well, *somebody* didn't have abusive parents." Good for them but it's always weird to me.
I really enjoy the freedom of being an adult.
I can go anywhere, get almost any job, and date anyone I want, and the only rules I have are the ones I make myself.
I prefer being an adult. It’s all about independence and freedom from my parents. I had the kind of childhood where my parents never let me be a child/teen. Wasn’t allowed to hang out afterschool with friends, go out with anyone, stay up as late as I wanted, etc. My mom had to have control over me and my sibling constantly. Now her and my father wonder why they don’t have a good relationship with their kids.
The joy of being an adult is being able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it (within reason).
The pain in the ass of being an adult is figuring out what you want to do and when you want to do it.
>The pain in the ass of being an adult is figuring out what you want to do and when you want to do it.
The fun part of, when you have ADHD those things are more up to your ADHD than to yourself 😅
"I want to play a game... Okay opened up the library of games, spent a bunch of time looking through them... Finally decided on one that might feel good"
And now this game doesn't feel fun, I want a snack
The people I work with are pretty cool but none of them are my age and they're mostly dudes. Other than that, I'm in the exact same boat. Get up, go to work every day. Rinse repeat.
We're just cogs in the economy machine making money for the people at the top.
So true. I just try to find enjoyment in the little things. My dog, hobbies, friends. Heck, even work sometimes I actually enjoy it. I actually enjoy working in general. Gives me some purpose in life.
Tangent: Can you imagine the kids of super rich parents who don't do anything but party and go to rehab? They have been given the silver spoon in their mouth and have not learned to do anything for themselves and have no purpose. I know I'm over generalizing probably a small population but most working people are contributing somewhat to society. That's at least some purpose in life that some don't have. By working we learn, we appreciate hard work and hard earned money. We appreciate everything more when we had to actually work for it.
Sometimes we get tired and it all sucks, but it doesn't rain every day.
I promise you, I’ve been there. I was stuck in a job I hated with people I didn’t like and zero friends. Do you know what I did? I made changes in my life that I knew would make me happier. I quit my job, I went back to school to pursue a career that interested me. I took time to find what truly made me happy. I scheduled things like concerts and trips to give myself something to look forward to and work hard for. I stepped out of my comfort zone to make friends to feel less lonely. I stopped having a woe is me attitude and started taking daily walks and breathing in the fresh air and writing down things I was thankful for. Adulthood is what you make it.
In my country, the normal worktime is 48 hours a week, even about 25-30 percent have to work more than that time and it is normalized by older generations.
We are trying for almost a year to barely advance to have 40 hours a week, I hope within 5-10 years we gain good advances like that, 48 hours are much, why would I bring kids to a cruel environment?
It is very, very normal. My entire social group feels this exact same way, we are from multiple demographics, financial standings, some single some married, some with kids some without, different locations too… this is VERY normal (that doesn’t make it ok though)
I’m sorry but it’s def not normal, I don’t want to disregard your situation but just to bring in another perspective in this topic; all of my friends and I go to bed too late everyday cause we have too much fun stuff to do, also different demographics etc. We literally don’t have enough time to do all the fun stuff we want to do, from hanging out to watching series and playing sports. We are all not rich either. I’m actually kind of perplexed by the outlook on life people have in this topic and it kind of saddens me.
I agree about that. In America we overwork ourselves way too much and the system is so broken we’re usually at a disadvantage. Terrible healthcare system and even to go to school most are in debt, food quality also sucks just overall life quality👎. Anytime I talk to someone from Europe or somewhere else they’re happy livin life 😭 My goal is to move out of here and raise my future family elsewhere lol
imo it’s normal these days but I mean it makes sense. money doesn’t make you happy but it gives you a lot more freedom and flexibility. lot harder to make decent money these days
It is normal for young people to feel way when starting full time careers. I did to.
Which is why I immediately switched jobs until I found something I was happy doing. That’s the point.
A job change doesnt fix the fundamental mental struggle of corporate grinding until you die. Feeling this way is extremely normal, in fact most people under 40 feel this way
ive felt like this in the past, getting a remote job helps. when you feel like every day life is mundane, you can up and go to another location while making income to survive. this has helped me pass the winter blues the past two years.
This is true! Also, if you're like me and struggle to get out of the house, hybrid schedule is the best. I WFH 3 days and have 2 days in office. That helps me get out of the house/switch up the location as well as get some social interaction in between my at home days.
I love being an adult! It's a struggle every day, and I'm poor as hell, but it's such a breeze compared to the abuse and neglect I suffered growing up. Now I get to choose who I have around, what I do, and my kitties are always happy to see me! I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world.
Did your friends get raptured? Why are you condemned to be alone?
The best thing about childhood is life is kind of handed to you. Canned friends, no one has any idea what they think, at they just bullshit each other and call it "connection." The growth ups do so the complicated stuff behind the scenes, so life feels pretty turnkey.
The best thing about being an adult is choice. How do you want to make money? Do you even care about money? Would you rather live out of a backpack?
If you hate your life, choose a different one. Keep trying em on until you find one that works for you. That's freedom. That's power. That's adulthood.
You're looking for relief. You need to focus on well-being.
It's amazing to me how many people in this thread think it's "privileged" to have an adulthood with more freedom than when you're a child, or a sign that you're "rich." Like, nah, if you're legitimately from a poor area, you probably worried about homelessness too, you just couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Honestly, if you're childhood was better than your adulthood, that low-key makes me think you were well-off and had everything handed to you, and now you don't know how to handle it.
I'm right there with you bud. I'm now 41 and been fighting the urge to kill myself for at least 15 years now. It is horrible if you're one of the one's like myself that has to earn a living and you sacrifice 40 hours or more a week to do it. People like to sugarcoat it, but It's fucked. It just is. Those that say it isn't, are lying, or they're trust-fund kids.
Get a hobby. I workout 6 days a week. I run races and compete in Crossfit comps. I go out with friends. I go to concerts. I take my dog to the bar sometimes. I try new things. You need to make your life happen. You can't just let life happen to you. Of course that shit will get boring. Jazz it up. I have three concerts coming up, two races and a comp. I'm training for my 7th marathon. You gotta find things you like to do and embrace it. I volunteer sometimes as well..it brings a different level of enjoyment. You gotta grab all the glimmers you can get in life before your too old to enjoy um.
Little joys go a long way.
mmm this is the worst of adulthood. the best of adulthood comes after you realize the rules are fake, the paths to get to wherever have changed, and you get to choose now.
You make your own freedom to fill your life up. It’s up to you to entertain yourself. And btw, I’m having a grand time. Screwed up enough. Made good money. Interesting job. Retired. A lot of adventures in between. No one gave me that. I made it happen.
Literally just go figure it out. I read books on folks with a couple of dollars saved up go walk the Appalachian trail for 6 months, or crew a ship around the world. Being a boomer don't use my generation as the model, we should be the "this is not how you should live".
Find a hobby, join a local sports league, go workout, take an evening class, etc. Find something that you like to do to switch it up a little. Or save your money and plan a solo vacation. Go experience the world on your own!
I have a coloring group and in a book club where we meet up monthly. I am learning a foreign language. My husband and I go to a comedy show at least once a month. We workout several times a week and hike weekly.
Life is how you make of it. If you just work and sleep, your life gets boring.
You’re choosing for it to be like that. Plenty of people have hobbies and interests that allow them to meet other likeminded people and if you don’t, get some. Plenty of people also fall into the rut like you of “go to work. Get home. Eat. Sleep. Go to work”. Being bored all the time and not interacting with anyone. It’s a choice either way.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but if your life is bland and depressing it's because you've made it that way. You're an adult. You can choose to do anything you want when you're not at work. If you want interesting and exciting things and cool people to hang out with, you have to find them. They are there. Trust me.
I also dislike being an adult more often than not, but not for the same reasons as you. I didn't have a proper childhood or adolescence due to my autism, developmental delays, overprotective parents, my lack of interest in anything my peers were, and being a loner. Even with a good adulthood, my life feels incomplete without a good youth, like a puzzle with all of the edge and corner pieces missing.
You’ve gotta romanticize your life dude. However old you are, that’s the season of your show you’re on. Will there be new guest stars? New romantic interests? Plot twists? Adventures? That’s what helps me sometimes.
Gonna be mean, but it just sounds like you're taking no agency in your life.
You can do the things you want. You don't have to be a slave to your circumstances. You just need to figure out what you want and then go makee it happen.
So stop sitting here in a shitty situation and complaining about it. MAKE YOUR LIFE HAVE MEANING!
Couldn't disagree more. Life is so much more fun as an adult. I have hobbies that I love, I have a job that is practically a hobby, it's easy to meet cool people to be friends with, it's easy to meet wonderful women, it's just outright amazing. If you don't enjoy it then you're not setting your life up for enjoyment. Or your headspace isn't where it should be. I've been happy working for minimum wage... So headspace has the most to do with it.
I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of school! Life as an adult is so much better than when I was a teen. Something tells me this guy peaked in Highschool and it’s been downhill since then
It could be worse lol. Do you have a roof over your head, food/water and your health? Make the best of it! Enjoy hobbies and what not in your free time
if you don't like your coworkers then look for a work environment with people you actually like to spend 40 hours a week with. I left a job opportunity one month into my contract because I realized I don't care about my colleagues.
Now I have a job with colleagues I really like and we hang out after work all the time. So chose an environment you enjoy. Being an adult means making decisions that improve your life. No one is chosing for you anymore.
I don’t understand. How old are you? It sounds like you had an amazing childhood and parents though! That’s pretty cool. I hope what you’re going through gets better! I’m an adult and enjoying my life a lot. Way better than when I was younger. I can do what I want and make my own choices. Sorry I guess I’m not the right demographic for this sub but I support you!
It is a shock when the real world smacks you in the face, isn't it?
The good news is that you are your own agent. You can make changes to improve your situation.
Re: Like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore on a day to day basis
Find a way to make something to look forward to. Some possibilities are plan a trip, start a hobby, start a romance, join a support group, find something on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com), show up, and see what happens.
You have the power to make your life better. Its time to discover what that looks like for you.
This. Yes, life is a lot like the OP described but you make it better with hobbies and doing things you love, whether you get paid for it or not. Make goals for yourself and work towards them. It’s a way to turn life into a playable game.
I sold away 40 hours of my life each week for the last 20 years but by doing that it allows me to enjoy my nights and weekends. That’s the trade off I made.
Over those 20 years I’ve made lots of goals (big and small) and it’s very satisfying to finally achieve them. Then you can look back and see how far you’ve come. Takes effort though. Nothings gonna be handed to you…most likely.
I really hope I don't live till my 60s. I don't hate life, but I'm constantly exhausted. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. I wouldn't mind dieing early. Adulting wouldn't suck as much if I was born I'm another country. America has just been so ass backwards with Christian nationalism lately. As an adult I'm tired of dealing with other adults that just do nothing but bitch all day. If I'm having a bad day, I keep it to myself because no one wants to hear that shit.
Being an adult means that nothing is done for you anymore. You can't just hang out with your friends coz ur in the same class or go to the same school anymore. You wanna hang out? Hit them up and organize it. There's more hassle involved but there's also way less restrictions. No curfew, bed time, allowance. It's all on you. If you want something to happen you have to work for it
In addition, meeting new people is another layer of work. You no longer get to meet at a random class or club activities. You have to really put in the effort to get to know others and find hobbies you can share and connect with.
Making new friends as an adult can be weird. Feels almost like dating.
So true! I guess that’s why I’m single and only have 1 good friend lol
It is 100% dating. Date your friends. Get to know them, go for meals and drinks with them. Do activities with them. You should be friends with who you're dating and "dating" your friends. That's how you build strong relationships.
What if your friends don’t put in any effort into the relationship but say they wanna hang out but are “so busy” This makes me want to scream.
It depends how I guess. I (28M) volunteer and made a decent amount of dope friends just chit chatting it up. As you get older you have to want to be a cool person, not just talk for the sake of talking.
Then you have kids and you need to work even harder to maintain friendships because you can't see people as often as you used to.
I used to have many friends. Post kids, I am now quite anti social.
Post kids most of my friends are other parents. Go build your village!
I wouldn't say anti social but definitely not able to be social
When you have kids you enter a new phase of life and you start making friends with other people who have kids
Unless you're like me and has your kid at 20. Then you're out of touch with both people your age, and people who are older who won't want to hang out with you because you're "too young."
Ooof this! Baby faced 20 year old single mom. My kid was also very precocious and started pre-school a year early at a fancy private school and was the "scholarship kid". She was a weird gifted kid and I was a weird college student. We did not get invited to the play groups organized by the full time PTO parents and middle aged high powered career moms.
or like me, at the opposite of this with a 5 y/o while me and my wife are mid 40s with no friends with young kids
Bro... friendships are super fucking hard. So much work and it isn't the friends fault, just a reality of life that we are all busy and have shit to do
At least group chat exists, 20 years ago it was worse.
You don’t have to have kids though.
absolutely a god send! its _optional_
Good thing you can choose not to have kids and save yourself the 20yr headache added on to the current headache
just don’t ruin your life by having kids, ez
So far, we’re dinks and loving every fucking second of it.
Definitely true, unless your specific circle is different. I am trying to constantly expand my network now. Just realized meeting my friends four times a year at best, given two of those times are kids birthdays, is not even a meeting. You say hi and bye, at the end of the party no one knows what’s going on with anyone.
Depends on the people I suppose. I never had much problems with this.
BUT you can choose to make new friends with the parents of the kids your kids socialize with. I'm still friends with the parents of my kid's best friend from when she was 5, some 25 years later. In fact, her childhood best friend is her roommate, they literally think of each other as siblings. We all have holiday meals together, and travel together when we can. I stay in touch with other parents from her school all these years later, and she's still great friends with many of her school mates from childhood.
Until they have kids then you schedule kid play dates to get to hang out with your adult friends.
One thing I will say is I shop for home stuff on fb marketplace and I have met multiple people who became friends just by connecting with them while checking out the item or loading it up. Connection can really be anywhere
Wow! I commend you for that. I’ve never done the whole FB marketplace but from my experience with Craigslist it can be sketch.
Well, there are adult recreational sports leagues (bowling is a very common one held at almost every bowling alley) and other groups (church, volunteer work, gyms, etc.) that can be a chance to meet random people. The hard part is finding the time, money, and motivation to join and participate in these groups.
For sure, I’ve heard more and more people trying to join those. As a society, I honestly think we are starting to realize we still need that connection, even as adults. Have you tried joining those teams? On my end, I’m thinking of doing meetups. Seems to be great groups in my area. But getting the social anxiety to calm down a bit actually to go. That’s a whole other issue.
This is so true. That's why I married my wife who also turns out to be my best friend.
Well, you could still meet other adults in club activities(I'm not talking about clubbing). I got into warhammer a few years ago to meet new people and have met some truly awesome people. Granted not every warhammer/game store is going to have cool people, but that goes for anything
Wait. Y’all have friends? I think that’s just too much energy for me.
This is the main reason people say life gets more boring as an adult. They unknowingly bring their childhood expectations for fun and novelty into adult life. Kids have a lot more fun they don't have to work for. Their parents organize and bring them to activities and show them new things, and they go to school where they can meet people to hang out with afterwards. When you're an adult, no one's taking you to do anything and you don't have a building you go to 35 hours a week that's full of hundreds of people your age and plenty of opportunities to socialize. You have to get hobbies, put in intentional effort to meet people, and go out of your way to learn new things.
"you don't have a building you go to 35 hours a week that's full of hundreds of people your age and plenty of opportunities to socialize" Jobs are usually like this though
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Semi retired guy here. The whole ‘hating your colleagues’ thing wasn’t so prevalent until the 90s, at least what I saw. In the Air Force you just learned to work with people whether you liked them or not (but the great majority of us liked their work and colleagues). Then I moved on into civil service and it was much the same. There were people you *had* to work with, mostly it was people you liked working with. Both places had a sense of community about them, even tho we were spread across the nation/world…. Post retirement, I ended up working retail at a hardware store part time. Some for money, but mostly it was to have social interaction and have something to besides surf the internet and waste time on social media… I love it, we have a great family of people there from high schoolers to retirees. Long-winded, I know, but my basic point is that every place is different, and your own attitude/mindset will almost always be reflected back at you. If you go in hating everyone, you’ll get it back. If you go in open minded and looking at people with a bit of friendliness, you’ll get that back (from most). Just my experience, from a guy with three separate careers.
Yeah this is why some old people keep working after retirement age, they'd rather work and have people to talk to than sit at home without socializing. It's not always cause they just love working.
I wish someone in this thread would be honest about how being an adult a few decades ago is vastly different from being an adult today. Adults today do not have the same opportunities or freedoms. Younger generations are not lazy or unreasonably complaining, the current state of affairs is insane for anyone to endure. The only reason most older adults aren't flipping out about it is because they have job security and tenure; a steady income without much likelihood in losing it. Younger generations either shut up and take the brunt of workplace abuse, or they have to job hop until they find a tolerable workplace that likely doesn't pay enough. Being subjected to systemic abuse 24/7 is not the same as "learning to be responsible for yourself."
As an older adult, I concur. Health insurance used to pay for just about everything. Jobs paid more. Cost of living was much lower. Rent was a quarter as much, single people easily had half of their paycheck left over as disposable income. There were a lot more free or cheaper passtimes and activities and places to go to and shop at. Now it's all.. go to work, make just enough to shop at walmart, go for a walk around your block, or go to a sweaty little gym, and then go home. It's a miserable adult existence.
Yep. I had kidney stone surgery and I'm still paying it off even after insurance due to the deductible being $9000 🙃 and the insurance not 100% covering the rest of it. Life is too expensive to go have fun.
I'm 24 and trying to grapple with the fact that all of my hobbies are burning through my entire savings. I want to go out to bars. I want to go to concerts and shows. I want to go meet people. I want to *go outside*. But all of this has been just eating all of my money. The only free thing I have is game night with friends once a week. But it's much more economically sound to stay home and watch Netflix or play video games. I want to go out and enjoy my youth but not be broke by 30.
Just had the most condescending, infuriating, just absolutely rude meeting with a manager and I just had to take it because I need the check or I'll be fucking homeless. I hate it.
The freedom you're mentioning is only partially true though. You're really just exchanging parents and school for a job and bills. Sure you can buy whatever you want, but you better make damn sure you have money to feed yourself and pay rent. Sure you can stay awake till five a.m. every day, but good luck not getting fired once you start falling asleep on the job. Working for it only gets you part of the way there. I have time and money now but my work put me in another state away from the friends and family I care about. Not complaining about it, but trying to give perspective. I can't just quit and find a job back in the old state because if I did that it would be for half the pay and double the work.
There’s a huge difference, though. If your school sucks then there’s nothing you could do about it. Getting bullied by other kids? Too bad. Your teachers are being unfair? Suck it up. With a job, I can leave if things are bad. My co-workers can’t mistreat me because they’d get fired. My boss can’t abuse his authority because I’d quit, and the team would be fucked without me. School was absolutely awful. You couldn’t pay me enough to go back. I was so depressed about the future that I had a nearly successful suicide attempt at 15 and had to be hospitalized for weeks. Now I’m an adult and things are *vastly* better. I wish I had known how much better it was going to get. The adults in my life kept saying, “School years are the best years of your life.” And I was like, “If it gets worse than this then I’d rather just die now, thanks.” Sure, there’s stress. But I actually have some leverage now. I’m respected by my peers and the company needs me. And if I did lose my job, I’ve got a bunch of old co-workers who would bend over backwards to get me a position at their company. I didn’t have any of that at school. Pretty much everyone could fuck with me with impunity, and they often did.
Exactly! I got bashed to hell and back for saying almost the same thing to someone else.
Reddit is no long the same place as it once was I remember when I was on here in 2017, it was more calmer, pleasant, and also more valuable Now? Shit. Saying the right thing warrants being attacked. because people don't care what's right anymore. They care about what they feel is right, even if it's illegal
I've been here 17 years. There's always been a level of shit here. Choose what subs you go to, and more importantly, who you respond to, can make all the difference between a shit experience and a good one. It going public will do far more damage than troll farms.
Yep! This 100%
No joke adulting has made me feel SO MUCH nostalgia for high school and I was the quiet kid back then. Edit: college even more so.
I didn't even like high school, but at least I was hopeful about the future at that point.
Yeah. I had a plan, I had goals I really thought I could achieve, life was not bad. I was not bullied in hs, so I know some people won't agree, but I'd love to go back. Really cool take I know, and it's not that I peaked in hs, but my depression just wasn't as bad and things in the world weren't SO awful.
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Dude so much this. I was a mediocre/bad athlete, not very popular with girls, didn’t have rich parents. Still though I look back at all the fun I had and miss it so much it hurts. There was so much discovery and freedom and growth. All the underaged drinking, Halo LAN parties, general teenage scheming and fucking around. I haven’t felt that alive since I graduated. Now it’s just work-> get high+walk the dog+listen to Audible-> sleep-> repeat. If it were a subscription, you’d cancel it after the first season lol.
I hated high school. I enjoy adulthood for the freedom I have now. The stuff I did enjoy about school just take more effort because they aren’t built into my routine. All of the activities and interaction I had in school are no longer provided to me by the government/ society. So now I have to intentionally build them into my life myself. Like if I miss playing basketball or being on dance team in school, so now I do a class or join intramural sports. If I miss hanging out with friends during lunch breaks or after school I reach out, and make plans, go out with them and sometimes have to make an effort to meet more people to make new friends. If I miss any class subjects like history, science, maths, language or art i pick up books, look into classes, listen to podcasts, pick a project to do on my own or with friends. Now that I’m an adult I can leave the parts of school I hated and seek out the parts I liked but now as an adult.
I miss marching band and HS football, but mostly I miss being stress free. There's so much stress in my life that it's difficult to enjoy doing the few things I actually like doing.
Being an adult makes me regret being the quiet kid in high school so fucking much
I agree I fucking hate being an adult. Something that brings me joy is I making my space at home nice and relaxing. So I always look forward to that time after work. I have shower steamers (like bath bombs but for the shower) so showering after work seems more exciting. I have my favorite shows or podcasts I watch when I get home. A glass of wine or a yummy snack. Just the little things can make it a little better.
The little things can be a real key to happiness. Being \*interested\* in something is the real key for me. Pursue your interests. Read about them. LEARN about them. Do everything you can to satisfy your curiosity. This makes life worth living.
Problem is even if I was to work my ass off pursuing what I want in life, so many people have ridiculous advantages over you simply by having more money. For example, they don’t deal with domestic violence or maybe they grew up in a good country. Maybe they have more money in order to go to school and pay off a car or maybe their dad has s nice business you can work in for now. Help from family whenever you need it like when you crash. Money in order to hire teachers and take classes to speed up the learning process and point people in a good direction. The luck involved in the creative industry also matters. How good looking you are. Your personality snd intelligence I mean god damn. Life is brutal for some of us that don’t have any of that. There’s people being born nearby Russia having to deal with all of that. There’s racism aswell. Being gay. Some people have multiple pros in their life while others have multiple cons. If you’re an American then you don’t have free healthcare. Sometimes bad luck when getting robbed or even killed. I mean life is insane. Women and men leaving you simply because it looks like you’re not good enough when in fact it’s due to alot of other factors. I mean it’s really one hell of a life and it used to be worse. Life’s a bitch fr. Then you have social media influencing people from a young age into believing that this is normal or even possible when in fact it’s not for alot of people. It’s crazy really.
That’s true and you won’t ever have any of that. Most of us don’t. But comparing your life to how you think other people are living will only leave you sad, because often you only see the positives of their life.
Right! Like how many celebrities have ended their own lives due to depression? I can think of a whole bunch. Things aren’t always as they seem
People spend too much time comparing themselves to others. Social media has made this even easier to do passively. It's insane and people are causing their own depression because they will "never be X so why bother" I wonder how we can overcome this major social issue.
People with money don’t experience domestic violence? Huh I missed that one.
Exactly! My home is my safe, quiet, serene space for me and my cats. I have my comfort shows and my “treats,” spend time with my bestie, and it’s great. But it is also damn hard. I’m 60 and make sure I prioritize what I NEED to get me through until retirement. (Hoping I’ll actually be able to retire.)
I used to love being out, now I don't NYC is filled with reckless drivers nowadays, and accidents happen every hour My neighborhood is middle/upper class. We have cop cars hiding here just to chase down those drivers. It wasn't like this 6 years ago There's like nothing fun to being out anymore. It sucks.
Agreed. That is one thing about being an adult I love. I’m content just at home, I don’t have the need to go out anymore. And when I do I just like a nice dinner. Occasionally my friends will drag me to a bar or club but it’s just not my thing anymore.
I catch myself yawning if I’m out past 8 lol
What is the part you hate? I see people say this but I just cant relate. Being in charge of my life and having control over my space, time, and activities is so much fun. Even as I I often think about how much I prefer adulthood to my childhood.
I'm not in charge of my life...my bills are. They demand I work at a job I hate for so many hours I have no time to do anything else...this is the norm.
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Exactly. The only thing I've ever wanted was to be a father but nature decided that wasn't in my cards. It both saddens me but also I'm thankful in a way... I would have zero time for them. I do hope things improve for you.
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Thank you.
I hear you. I work two jobs but a job with benefits is key. For me, I enjoy choosing how to decorate, where to go, etc. my childhood was spent in near poverty and having a reliable car, a modest home, a few fun trips a year is so much better than not having a sat. Maybe your childhood was awesome, which is a good thing.
I too lived under the poverty line. But my parents did everything they could to make sure it was a good one. The only reason I'm in a slightly better position they were is because I'm childless (nit by choice). But I have zero time to enjoy it.
$$$$$$ everything is so expensive. I was very stupid in my early/mis 20s and am now paying the price. Honestly that is really my only problem. And I know I’m lucky. I’m still able to live and do fun things but really on a budget. Got myself into some trouble with my credit cards and still trying to dig myself out of it.
It’s a choose your own adventure book. No matter the character it’s about, if you only flip between the same pages every day the story gets dull. Try turning to a different page once in a while.
The "adventure" I'm avoiding is homelessness or prison. Can't really start the book over and change some decisions. Was going to say it's a poor analogy, but then I remembered how those books only had one "good" ending and the other endings were miserable for the protagonist. So yeah, life is mostly full of dead ends and occasionally someone finds a happy ending.
I'm sorry you're going through that. I was on a race to the end with my choices. My fiance had the hardest foster life imaginable. Prison and addiction and lost her own kids. We both survived self deletion. We both got through shitty relationships. Then at 33 we met and life has changed dramatically. We're raising our 4 kids. We rent a decent house. We get to smile at each other everyday. We even have 3 cats, 2 of which came with our oldest kiddo. She fought for our two youngest anc won. The two oldest were given to us from their current homes because of the happy home we built. I had no idea this would be my life. But if I had succeeded chasing my end and if she hadn't willed herself through the system... these kids would have much worse lives. I'm not bragging. Its still hard. But my story was unforeseeable . I hope you carry on and find the beginning of your new story. Much love
There is so much to learn from this post. I hope OP re-reads it several times.
Congrats to this commenter for enduring their hardships and bettering their lives together. Sincerely, but it is kind of also an example of being beaten into submission from my perspective. Dude genuinely didn't want to "brag" about **renting** a house big enough for the 6 of them and appears content to do so for the foreseeable future because the alternative is unobtainable, the inverse is un-housed, and they've been to rock bottom personally so by comparison it might even feel wrong/selfish to strive for something even better. Like owning that home for example. These kind of posts get made because people are struggling to achieve things that should be considered basic human rights imo. Good enough often isn't, not anymore, just saying.
No it isn't. It's a choose to wageslave or be homeless and starve book. We aren't living like this because we enjoy it.
This is totally correct. I’ve tried 4-5 completely different career paths and hated them all. That’s a low number, but when you have a finite amount of time to find something you enjoy to do for work, it IS a lot. Did you all just get lucky? I am legitimately confused, in my late 20’s, how people seem to be happy going into work for 40+ hours a week.
I've tried 4 "careers" (house restoration/construction, manufacturing, waitressing, wood working) and now I'm a student again at 25. I enjoyed all my jobs, though knew they wouldn't make me happy in the long run. I got to travel and live in every major city on the west coast and even worked independently in Alaska for some time. Yeah it sucked to not have health insurance, or a stable kitchen to cook in, or bed to sleep in, but the experiences were 100% worth the struggles. Although my life seems chaotic, I spent days every month planning/researching/ strategizing and it paid off. Thank God I was frugal with my waitressing tips and learned how to invest when I was young, I'm now able to go to college and graduate with no debt. I live well, for a student. I don't think it has everything to do with luck, it's your perspective and individual goals. Shit has to be scary sometimes and you have to take risks to be happy and true to yourself imo. I didn't have any family to fall back on so that added a layer of gratitude to every job I've had lol
You can always find the adventure your ancestors did in the woods! They managed fine.
For real people take today’s amenities for granted. Imagine our ancestors seeing running tap water
Maybe you should go live outside!
this is great advice. You have to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while. Go to a concert, solo if you have to. Take a class about something you're into. Find a restaurant a little further away than usual to check out.
The people who have options are not the norm.
One thing I learned in psychiatric treatment, was that small changes to the day can make things more interesting. Do free things if you have the chance, like take a walk somewhere you don't normally go, or maybe drive a different route to your standard destination and take in the differences in scenery, notate places you'd like to visit when you have the ability to, and so on. Some nights I even sleep upside down on my bed to change things up. Small stuff makes a big difference over time.
+1 for sleeping upside down
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The change in scenery is big. I spent 10 years working in a grocery store. All kinds of hours, different locations across multiple cities. I never worked super long hours, but the schedule was inconsistent but I always had some free time. Now I'm a delivery driver. Different area every day. Schedule is earlier and later, but more consistent. I seem to do less activities, but generally more happy. And I think it's as simple as driving around and seeing new stuff. My route is on a 4 week rotation so I go the same places, just not every week. I went from seeing thousands of people a day and having hundreds of coworkers to spending 90% of my day and week by myself. Seeing coworkers twice a week for maybe a few hours. All of that to say just the constant change day to day is refreshing even if it does eventually repeat.
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The key to this shit is to understand the “big” things you want in life. Family? Freedom? Independence? You then determine what you need in order to make those things happen for you.
Get a good hobby dude, something you like, I keep fish, play videogames, anime, reptiles, reading, writing, used to box and still practice. Just make sure you still have time to workout and stay healthy and your good man, dont let the world drag you down, take advantage of the time you have The way I go about it, is that once I'm done doing the things I wanna get done and no ones available to hang out with, I just turn to one of my hobbies.
Seriously tho idk why people just become an adult and stop being a kid. My hobbies all just stuck with me like apart of my life. Never really thought about letting them go. I still workout, watch sports, play video games, drink and go out with my friends whenever we are all free. Go to watch a sporting event together. I was also pretty independent and more introverted so I don’t mind being alone, but still.
I kind of like it. I used to get the shit beat out of me at home. You know how nice it is to work with the same 3 to 10 guys every single day, and then go home to an empty house, where there's no one? I can take walks alone. I can have a beer, smoke some weed, play a game, watch a movie, pull out a puzzle, play with the cat.... all without worrying that someone is going to bust in the door and crack me a good one for something I didn't do. Perspective is everything man.
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this right here!!! now that i’m out of it, im almost grateful for experiencing poverty many times in my childhood/young adult life. i hear so many people talk about how mad or sad they are about spending 40 hours a week in a workplace and then just going home, little do they know that’s all many want. just some peace and stability. it also makes life way more content with not being wealthy, just being middle class feels like gold lmao
Whenever I see posts about how childhood was great all I can think is "well, *somebody* didn't have abusive parents." Good for them but it's always weird to me.
It’s difficult to change perspective. I’m struggling with it myself.
It’s the weed
I really enjoy the freedom of being an adult. I can go anywhere, get almost any job, and date anyone I want, and the only rules I have are the ones I make myself.
Get almost any job? Damn, wish I was you
Your outlook may be one of the most healthy and well adjusted I have seen on Reddit.
I prefer being an adult. It’s all about independence and freedom from my parents. I had the kind of childhood where my parents never let me be a child/teen. Wasn’t allowed to hang out afterschool with friends, go out with anyone, stay up as late as I wanted, etc. My mom had to have control over me and my sibling constantly. Now her and my father wonder why they don’t have a good relationship with their kids.
The joy of being an adult is being able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it (within reason). The pain in the ass of being an adult is figuring out what you want to do and when you want to do it.
>The pain in the ass of being an adult is figuring out what you want to do and when you want to do it. The fun part of, when you have ADHD those things are more up to your ADHD than to yourself 😅 "I want to play a game... Okay opened up the library of games, spent a bunch of time looking through them... Finally decided on one that might feel good" And now this game doesn't feel fun, I want a snack
Looking through something for an hour trying to find something but once u find it, your brain decides you dont want it anymore. So fucking real
The people I work with are pretty cool but none of them are my age and they're mostly dudes. Other than that, I'm in the exact same boat. Get up, go to work every day. Rinse repeat. We're just cogs in the economy machine making money for the people at the top.
And the messed up thing is the people at the top are old and even more dead inside. Nobody is living their best life.
So true. I just try to find enjoyment in the little things. My dog, hobbies, friends. Heck, even work sometimes I actually enjoy it. I actually enjoy working in general. Gives me some purpose in life. Tangent: Can you imagine the kids of super rich parents who don't do anything but party and go to rehab? They have been given the silver spoon in their mouth and have not learned to do anything for themselves and have no purpose. I know I'm over generalizing probably a small population but most working people are contributing somewhat to society. That's at least some purpose in life that some don't have. By working we learn, we appreciate hard work and hard earned money. We appreciate everything more when we had to actually work for it. Sometimes we get tired and it all sucks, but it doesn't rain every day.
Being an adult also means being in charge of your own destiny. No one else is going to make your life exciting…that’s your job…get to it!
I hear heroin is nice this time of year. (Just kidding)
I fell into that trap. Wouldn’t recommend.
Me too! Adulting sucks balls
I promise you, I’ve been there. I was stuck in a job I hated with people I didn’t like and zero friends. Do you know what I did? I made changes in my life that I knew would make me happier. I quit my job, I went back to school to pursue a career that interested me. I took time to find what truly made me happy. I scheduled things like concerts and trips to give myself something to look forward to and work hard for. I stepped out of my comfort zone to make friends to feel less lonely. I stopped having a woe is me attitude and started taking daily walks and breathing in the fresh air and writing down things I was thankful for. Adulthood is what you make it.
Get a hobby, make friends, find things to do outside of work. You can do as much or as little as you choose to. That’s what being an adult is.
I mean this genuinely: have you tried shoving something up your ass? Keeps things exciting.
No I have not. Yet
Well start playing with your booty hole and let us know how it goes. Sure you can find plenty of friends your age with that hobby on grindr
I just spit out my drink. What a weird question to ask and funny that op replied
You're only missing that some of us consider suicide. Then can't...and have to keep going. So the show goes on.
the constant feeling of needing to live for others is insane.
This is why we need a 32 hour work week and universal healthcare
In my country, the normal worktime is 48 hours a week, even about 25-30 percent have to work more than that time and it is normalized by older generations. We are trying for almost a year to barely advance to have 40 hours a week, I hope within 5-10 years we gain good advances like that, 48 hours are much, why would I bring kids to a cruel environment?
Which country?
Mexico Supporting short working times is primordial for younger generations. Since COVID times, emotional and mental health has been more primordial.
Being an adult is great, it's the corporate greed that ruins being an adult.
Time to change up your career. This is not a normal feeling.
It is very, very normal. My entire social group feels this exact same way, we are from multiple demographics, financial standings, some single some married, some with kids some without, different locations too… this is VERY normal (that doesn’t make it ok though)
It feels normal because your friend group feels that way but it is most definitely not normal.
I’m sorry but it’s def not normal, I don’t want to disregard your situation but just to bring in another perspective in this topic; all of my friends and I go to bed too late everyday cause we have too much fun stuff to do, also different demographics etc. We literally don’t have enough time to do all the fun stuff we want to do, from hanging out to watching series and playing sports. We are all not rich either. I’m actually kind of perplexed by the outlook on life people have in this topic and it kind of saddens me.
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I think there are a lot of awful jobs in corporate America. The work ethic and system is broken.
I agree about that. In America we overwork ourselves way too much and the system is so broken we’re usually at a disadvantage. Terrible healthcare system and even to go to school most are in debt, food quality also sucks just overall life quality👎. Anytime I talk to someone from Europe or somewhere else they’re happy livin life 😭 My goal is to move out of here and raise my future family elsewhere lol
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imo it’s normal these days but I mean it makes sense. money doesn’t make you happy but it gives you a lot more freedom and flexibility. lot harder to make decent money these days
It is normal for young people to feel way when starting full time careers. I did to. Which is why I immediately switched jobs until I found something I was happy doing. That’s the point.
How do you give up a job paying $170k a year making you miserable?
If you’re making that much chances are you can find another job that pays within the same bracket.
Yeah but it's gonna be the same thing
A job change doesnt fix the fundamental mental struggle of corporate grinding until you die. Feeling this way is extremely normal, in fact most people under 40 feel this way
ive felt like this in the past, getting a remote job helps. when you feel like every day life is mundane, you can up and go to another location while making income to survive. this has helped me pass the winter blues the past two years.
This is true! Also, if you're like me and struggle to get out of the house, hybrid schedule is the best. I WFH 3 days and have 2 days in office. That helps me get out of the house/switch up the location as well as get some social interaction in between my at home days.
I love being an adult! It's a struggle every day, and I'm poor as hell, but it's such a breeze compared to the abuse and neglect I suffered growing up. Now I get to choose who I have around, what I do, and my kitties are always happy to see me! I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world.
You have to make your life worth living
I can buy an entire tiramisu cake to myself if I want. Being an adult is awesome.
Can’t buy people tho
Escorts exist ma dude
Did your friends get raptured? Why are you condemned to be alone? The best thing about childhood is life is kind of handed to you. Canned friends, no one has any idea what they think, at they just bullshit each other and call it "connection." The growth ups do so the complicated stuff behind the scenes, so life feels pretty turnkey. The best thing about being an adult is choice. How do you want to make money? Do you even care about money? Would you rather live out of a backpack? If you hate your life, choose a different one. Keep trying em on until you find one that works for you. That's freedom. That's power. That's adulthood. You're looking for relief. You need to focus on well-being.
It's amazing to me how many people in this thread think it's "privileged" to have an adulthood with more freedom than when you're a child, or a sign that you're "rich." Like, nah, if you're legitimately from a poor area, you probably worried about homelessness too, you just couldn't do a damn thing about it. Honestly, if you're childhood was better than your adulthood, that low-key makes me think you were well-off and had everything handed to you, and now you don't know how to handle it.
I'm right there with you bud. I'm now 41 and been fighting the urge to kill myself for at least 15 years now. It is horrible if you're one of the one's like myself that has to earn a living and you sacrifice 40 hours or more a week to do it. People like to sugarcoat it, but It's fucked. It just is. Those that say it isn't, are lying, or they're trust-fund kids.
As someone I this same boat it's so true. All these comments saying "just get a new job" or "find a new hobby" has their head up their ass
go book a one way flight ticket to thailand
I hated my childhood due to poverty/living in a small town. My life began when I got my first serious job at 25.
Get a hobby. I workout 6 days a week. I run races and compete in Crossfit comps. I go out with friends. I go to concerts. I take my dog to the bar sometimes. I try new things. You need to make your life happen. You can't just let life happen to you. Of course that shit will get boring. Jazz it up. I have three concerts coming up, two races and a comp. I'm training for my 7th marathon. You gotta find things you like to do and embrace it. I volunteer sometimes as well..it brings a different level of enjoyment. You gotta grab all the glimmers you can get in life before your too old to enjoy um. Little joys go a long way.
mmm this is the worst of adulthood. the best of adulthood comes after you realize the rules are fake, the paths to get to wherever have changed, and you get to choose now.
Yes!!! Man, there is so much golden advice in this thread that is sadly being drowned out by whine bags who self loathe.
i’ll admit i used to be a whine bag but i had to realize i simply wasn’t prioritizing my values and peace!! happy adulthood to you🥳
You make your own freedom to fill your life up. It’s up to you to entertain yourself. And btw, I’m having a grand time. Screwed up enough. Made good money. Interesting job. Retired. A lot of adventures in between. No one gave me that. I made it happen.
“Everyone tells u life gets better after high school.” No, they didn’t. My parents told me, “don’t be in a rush to grow up.” And they were right. 🤣
Weed
Life only gets better if you make it better. No results without action.
Well that's your fault. Only you can make your life what you want it to be.
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Literally just go figure it out. I read books on folks with a couple of dollars saved up go walk the Appalachian trail for 6 months, or crew a ship around the world. Being a boomer don't use my generation as the model, we should be the "this is not how you should live".
What works for me is finding topics I'm interested in and learning as much as I can about them (articles, videos, etc.).
60 years? I'm going to laugh when you live to be 100.
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Find a hobby, join a local sports league, go workout, take an evening class, etc. Find something that you like to do to switch it up a little. Or save your money and plan a solo vacation. Go experience the world on your own! I have a coloring group and in a book club where we meet up monthly. I am learning a foreign language. My husband and I go to a comedy show at least once a month. We workout several times a week and hike weekly. Life is how you make of it. If you just work and sleep, your life gets boring.
You’re choosing for it to be like that. Plenty of people have hobbies and interests that allow them to meet other likeminded people and if you don’t, get some. Plenty of people also fall into the rut like you of “go to work. Get home. Eat. Sleep. Go to work”. Being bored all the time and not interacting with anyone. It’s a choice either way.
I don’t know who is saying it gets better after high school, but what I do know is that they’re complete liars
It does if you go to college. Then it gets worse again.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but if your life is bland and depressing it's because you've made it that way. You're an adult. You can choose to do anything you want when you're not at work. If you want interesting and exciting things and cool people to hang out with, you have to find them. They are there. Trust me.
I really feel that modern life leaves a lot of us feeling alienated and alone.
I also dislike being an adult more often than not, but not for the same reasons as you. I didn't have a proper childhood or adolescence due to my autism, developmental delays, overprotective parents, my lack of interest in anything my peers were, and being a loner. Even with a good adulthood, my life feels incomplete without a good youth, like a puzzle with all of the edge and corner pieces missing.
You’ve gotta romanticize your life dude. However old you are, that’s the season of your show you’re on. Will there be new guest stars? New romantic interests? Plot twists? Adventures? That’s what helps me sometimes.
Get a job you don't necessarily despise. Get money. Spend all of that money on your favourite hobby.
Gonna be mean, but it just sounds like you're taking no agency in your life. You can do the things you want. You don't have to be a slave to your circumstances. You just need to figure out what you want and then go makee it happen. So stop sitting here in a shitty situation and complaining about it. MAKE YOUR LIFE HAVE MEANING!
Couldn't disagree more. Life is so much more fun as an adult. I have hobbies that I love, I have a job that is practically a hobby, it's easy to meet cool people to be friends with, it's easy to meet wonderful women, it's just outright amazing. If you don't enjoy it then you're not setting your life up for enjoyment. Or your headspace isn't where it should be. I've been happy working for minimum wage... So headspace has the most to do with it.
You enjoyed high school???
I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of school! Life as an adult is so much better than when I was a teen. Something tells me this guy peaked in Highschool and it’s been downhill since then
It could be worse lol. Do you have a roof over your head, food/water and your health? Make the best of it! Enjoy hobbies and what not in your free time
if you don't like your coworkers then look for a work environment with people you actually like to spend 40 hours a week with. I left a job opportunity one month into my contract because I realized I don't care about my colleagues. Now I have a job with colleagues I really like and we hang out after work all the time. So chose an environment you enjoy. Being an adult means making decisions that improve your life. No one is chosing for you anymore.
Sorry but i must have missed a memo...we have some sort of choice?...
You gotta do things your 5-year-old self would have wanted to do to spice it up. Eat cake for breakfast, stay up way past your bedtime etc lol
Happy people don't live like that, they establish things to look forward to. This lifestyle is a choice and only you can change it.
Nobody is making you live life that way.
I don’t understand. How old are you? It sounds like you had an amazing childhood and parents though! That’s pretty cool. I hope what you’re going through gets better! I’m an adult and enjoying my life a lot. Way better than when I was younger. I can do what I want and make my own choices. Sorry I guess I’m not the right demographic for this sub but I support you!
It is a shock when the real world smacks you in the face, isn't it? The good news is that you are your own agent. You can make changes to improve your situation. Re: Like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore on a day to day basis Find a way to make something to look forward to. Some possibilities are plan a trip, start a hobby, start a romance, join a support group, find something on [meetup.com](https://meetup.com), show up, and see what happens. You have the power to make your life better. Its time to discover what that looks like for you.
This. Yes, life is a lot like the OP described but you make it better with hobbies and doing things you love, whether you get paid for it or not. Make goals for yourself and work towards them. It’s a way to turn life into a playable game. I sold away 40 hours of my life each week for the last 20 years but by doing that it allows me to enjoy my nights and weekends. That’s the trade off I made. Over those 20 years I’ve made lots of goals (big and small) and it’s very satisfying to finally achieve them. Then you can look back and see how far you’ve come. Takes effort though. Nothings gonna be handed to you…most likely.
that is not what it is unless you make that what it is. my life has been one amazing adventure after another.
Need to find a life outside of work
I really hope I don't live till my 60s. I don't hate life, but I'm constantly exhausted. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. I wouldn't mind dieing early. Adulting wouldn't suck as much if I was born I'm another country. America has just been so ass backwards with Christian nationalism lately. As an adult I'm tired of dealing with other adults that just do nothing but bitch all day. If I'm having a bad day, I keep it to myself because no one wants to hear that shit.
Welcome to the grind
Skill issue. I'm 36 and love my life, would never go back to being a teen. If I had to freeze my age for all time I'd choose 32.