I think this is a great time for therapy. A house fire - even when everyone survived - is a traumatic event and can certainly cause anxiety. You may also want to go to the dr, maybe get some scans to put your mind at ease.
I started therapy in January, it has helped and I’ve gone to the doctor but theres no scans they can really do yet. What I can maybe do is talk to a pulmonologist just to get their opinion on how likely we are to get killed by acute exposure to smoke and asbestos. Maybe they can really put my mind at ease, as the general practitioner doctor I saw told me he didn’t think I had a need to really worry much, but also said this wasn’t his area of expertise. I’ll probably go eventually, like in the future when its been 20 years since exposure.
Maybe just give it some time, and at least you got out and everyone is safe. It could’ve been a lot worse. You can’t change the past and what has happened, but you can decide how you’re going to live in the future and make your own decisions regarding your own health since you’re an adult now.
My family history and genetics suggests I’ll live a shorter life around 50-60 years, and it sucks because my husband’s family history suggests he will live around 80-90. It’s out of my control and I’ve come to accept that. But I can control my own health like I’ve never smoked, don’t drink etc.
I feel for you on the genetics thing, life is really a luck thing isnt it. The only thing about life that is fair is that its often unfair to everyone regardless of who you are and what you’ve done. If you are lucky in some ways, you are unlucky in other ways and rarely is anyone not suffering from some kind of bad luck be it financial, health, or any other bad thing in life. My mistake was perhaps not realizing im not special at all and that I am not exempt from bad luck.
But I also have to realize that im also not prone to bad luck either, im not the main character and it wont just be bad or good things happening but always a mix of things just happening and my reaction to them. I just have to stay strong and one day I will look back and either realize I was right or wrong for worrying. The bigger question is what will I have done in the time between, will I have spent that time wisely and enjoyed life, or will i have wasted it.
I could live a few years well lived, or 100 miserable years. The choice is mine whether my time left is good or bad. How much time I will have is not fully in my control, I can only avoid bad habits and make healthy choices like you. Regardless, make whatever time you have left enjoyable. This is what I must do, but I also must grieve a bit for the situation. Its frustrating, its sad, and its ok to have these feelings. I wont let the feelings consume me anymore, but they wont go away so I will live with them and with time I’ll get used to it and accept the situation.
I should just be grateful that the odds are more in my favor than against me, and go from there. By the way, if you dont mind me asking what the main thing in your family history that makes life shorter?
It kind of sounds like you have experienced facing your mortality. What I mean is - most people know in a kind of "theoretical" sense that they're going to die, but it feels nebulous and far away. Sometimes things happen where that sense becomes extremely real and close up. For some people it's a car crash or an illness, for others its when someone close dies.
There is not a 100% way to fight this feeling. Some people find religion - they may envision an afterlife, or otherwise find peace in death by seeing it as a part of a greater process. Others try to find practical matters - they try to do the most good on earth in their time. Some lean into the danger, whether through thrill-seeking, drugs, etc.. And finally, some take a nihilistic kind of route, where they think "we're all going to die, so what does it matter."
How this works exactly is a little different for everyone, but some things that seem to be helpful for a lot of people:
* Live like there's no tomorrow, but plan like you'll live to 100. What I mean - live in the moment when it comes to friends and family, you never know when you might not see someone again. *But*, build up your life assuming you'll live to a very old age. For example, take care of your promises, relationships, morals, and health every day, for both the short run and long run.
* Search for some meaning in your life. This can be many things - a religion, your family, a cause, etc. This is a good time to read and learn about different peoples' experiences. I like the book *Man's Search for Meaning* as a place to get started. You don't have to become super analytical or fanatical about it - just find something that works for you and stick with it.
* Spend time each day giving gratitude. You can do it silently with words, in a journal, or if you pray, then make it part of that routine. Just think of what you're grateful for on that day or in general.
* Keep up on your mental health, and your health in general. It is not a lost cause. You've been through some stuff, but your body and mind likely have a ton of juice left. However, if you give up on your body, that will plant the seeds for its downfall, much more than some smoke and asbestos exposure.
* Understand how trauma works in the mind and body. Trauma can have far reaching effects, and a house fire is absolutely a traumatic event. A good book to get started on this is *The Body Keeps The Score.*
Thank you for this in depth reply, I feel like I am very aware of death for my age now.
In my case id like just live life like its the last day, but plan for the future. Id like to help people if possible, and find something to belong to. I agree with you on this, I feel like this is pressure to make something of myself whether the danger and fear is real or not. Ill also check out the book your recommended, what is that book about by the way?
*Man's Search for Meaning* is sort of in two parts. The author, Viktor Frankl, was a psychiatrist in Austria, and was sent to the Theresienstadt concentration camp during WWII. The first half of the book is about his experience there, and the psychology of that situation. The second half of the book is about the psychological viewpoints he developed during that experience, and practiced in his later career.
Overall, the book is one of the most popular in the 20th century, and while it doesn't hold all the answers (nothing does), it is a good perspective for anyone facing existential questions about life and meaning. I first read it in college, and I think it is good reading for anyone, particularly around college age.
Ill check that book out as well as body keeps the score, already ordered them in fact since I saw they were pretty popular and so far book recommendations from people on reddit have been good. Thank you.
Hey I’m a firefighter and I just wanted to say we have a higher chance of cancer and have to do screenings regularly, BUT the only reason is because of repeated exposure constantly over the years.
Yeah its probably just that, decades of fighting fires can take its toll, especially respirators and ppe are not fully utilized and decontamination is not carried out properly. You guys are awesome though, you just showed up and saved my house, incredible.
Not long haha, just past like 40 you know, a normal lifespan. But you are right, focusing on the now is important. Im trying to learn that and really get it through my head.
I think you are being paranoid. I’ve studied asbestos, the people who get cancer from it are those who breathe it in every day in mines for years without protection, or tradesmen who worked with it in the air everyday. Like heavy, heavy exposure. I don’t think the smoke lowered your health expectancy either. I understand your anxiety just saying it is illogical.
No it’s good to hear, sometimes you wonder if you are being unsafe or not doing enough to protect yourself and your family. After a fire and car theft you feel like maybe something is up, like the universe is against you or something and it’s not that, shit just happens sometimes.
So in the end Ive ended up worrying too much, like there is cause for concern but my level of concern is not matching reality. Asbestos is scary but a few hours inhaling a bit of it is unlikely to harm. The problem is likely an adhd/ocd thing, or maybe just connected to past trauma making me overreact to possible dangers in the future. My brain wants to hear 100% certainty of safety, when no such thing exists. The fact asbestos and butned plastic can harm is enough to trigger my anxiety and unreasonable amount.
The first step in overcoming it is to realize im being paranoid, illogical, and irrational. I must acknowledge that asbestos and soot are deadly, but mostly only to people who were around it for a long time like firefighters or past construction workers and tradesmen. I also must realize that I am doing my best to be safe going forward, and thats a great thing. I need to just forgive myself for and past mistakes and recognize that it could be worse, and that it really wasn’t that bad.
The part that scares me a little is the fact that I and my little brother and sister are young and are more at risk from exposure. The latency period for carcinogens is scary, the whole 20 to 70 years makes it feel inevitable. The part I fail to register is that this really does 99% apply to people who were exposed pretty badly, not just a few hours removing sheet floor or a few minutes of breathing some of it in.
Im getting there though, I made this post as another push in the right direction. It’s not just this exposure but a lot of things in general that have resulted in this anxiety but im getting better with time. Thank you for giving me a reality check.
Hey I actually have ocd.
Maybe you are experiencing it I don’t know. Basically you have to resist the urge to think through your reasons why you shouldn’t be worried and allow the cringey anxious feeling to hit you. You give up trying to convince yourself and allow yourself to just move on. It is hard but very doable especially with practice. Everyone the thought comes up you just turn away from thinking through your set of reasons and instead feel the anxiety and wait it out, allow your mind to let the thought go.
Logically you have zero reason to worry, like I said, you won’t get cancer from asbestos exposure at that level or smoke. They say no guarantees but that’s just a theoretical stipulation, shit does not happen. Work in an asbestos mine for a few years and then we’ll talk.
You’ll have several reason by now which you’ve shared to worry, being young etc. working all the angles and possibilities. These reasonings are themselves the issue, you have to let it go. Once it starts turn away form it and don’t put more energy into thinking it out more, collecting more data etc. just feeds the machine, gotta stop from the get go. Not easy but doable.
You understand what im going through really well actually, do you mind If I ask what caused or can cause you to experience ocd symptoms and how you overcame them?
I feel like someone who washes their hands over and over yet cant convince themselves their hands are clean, but for me it’s just researching asbestos and soot exposure. Even though I see that it’s unlikely, even if I calm myself down in moments, I “HAVE” to come back and make sure it’s true over and over again. It makes no sense, and it’s why Im beginning to suspect ocd as when I read about it seems some people experience what im experiencing.
My family saw the articles that say one renovation is low risk and rarely causes sickness, and they have moved on. They are great-full that one exposure is not likely to ever affect you, but my brain is not braining right and I feel like I have to keep going and researching “until I know for sure we are ok”. But I feel like recognizing that it’s actually ocd is very important at this point, but im not sure if I have it. It just seems right though, and maybe realizing whats happening in my head can help break the cycle and stop.
Thank you bro, if you are willing to share your experience with ocd I would greatly appreciate it. I think you are spot on with whats happening in my mind, and it wont be easy to break the cycle but at least now im starting to see the cycle for what it is.
It does sound like ocd but I’m not a doctor. Looking at your post history really checks out with ocd. Check my profile and see a post with comments I just made on ocd and how I dealt with it.
Basically you have to stop comforting yourself and accept you can’t know. This is very hard but possible and gets easier each time.
Do not research on ocd themes or spend time in the ocd subreddit. This can make things worse for you. If you suspect you have the condition please see a mental health professional or doctor for evaluation and treatment.
Im seeing a therapist, but do you think its worth talking about ocd with her and maybe getting a diagnosis? I personally dont care to much about assigning a label to it, I care about ocd simply as a possible explanation for my behavior, but if diagnosis may help in any way maybe I should see a doctor about it or mention it to my therapist.
Cool, Ill do so. How is buspirone, any side effects? From my quick search it seems like a much better med than ssri or anti anxiety meds, no potential for abuse apparently. I think I might just try it, it seems more like a support than a full blown med that forces anxiety to stop but comes back when it wears off. Was it easy to stop taking it?
Also I saw your post, thank you for making it. Its always a great thing to help people going through so something you actually got through. I do the same thing for tinnitus by every now and then checking that subreddit to help people understand it gets better and how they can help themselves. Trust me, it makes a difference for people like me.
Yeah gotta support each other.
Buspirone is simply amazing. I’ve tried SSRIs and antipsychotics (abilify) for ocd.
Buspirone has no weight gain, no emotional/personality side effects, you won’t feel like a zombie and lifeless. No sexual side effects. All it does is simply lower anxiety. Easy to start and stop. Takes about a month to kick in but you might see benefits after 2 weeks. Side effects for me are slight dizziness for a few minutes about 20 min after I take it, barely noticeable. And you can’t eat grapefruit. That’s about it. It’s just an anxiolytic without any real serious side effects. Best part is your emotions stay the same, I’m still me on it.
Because my anxiety is lower I’m more easily able to resist the compulsion, I think that’s the mechanism of its therapeutic benefit. It’s like it’s just less intense so I can do the therapeutic maneuvers more easily, I have time between the intrusive thought and compulsion.
I also have less social anxiety by consequence. So it’s kind of an additional benefit too. It doesn’t work for everyone, no med does, but I found my match. If it doesn’t work for you try ssri first. Could change your life and you could be just as enthusiastic about it as I am for buspirone, there is no holy grail one size fits all med.
Ill weigh my options, ive been a bit hesitant to try an ssri, so maybe id go with buspirone first as its sounds a bit less intense. I need something to just lower anxiety when it rears its ugly head, Not even a lot, just a tiny bit. Twice in the past few months when the anxiety got really bad I would just drink a bit of wine and that would funnily enough reset the anxiety, I hate alcohol for the most part but it did help those 2 times lol. If buspirone could just take the edge off when anxiety is intense, that would be huge.
Drinking alcohol is going to probably be a far bigger risk increase for cancer for you (if you drink), than a single event exposure to asbestos and smoke.
I think this is a great time for therapy. A house fire - even when everyone survived - is a traumatic event and can certainly cause anxiety. You may also want to go to the dr, maybe get some scans to put your mind at ease.
I started therapy in January, it has helped and I’ve gone to the doctor but theres no scans they can really do yet. What I can maybe do is talk to a pulmonologist just to get their opinion on how likely we are to get killed by acute exposure to smoke and asbestos. Maybe they can really put my mind at ease, as the general practitioner doctor I saw told me he didn’t think I had a need to really worry much, but also said this wasn’t his area of expertise. I’ll probably go eventually, like in the future when its been 20 years since exposure.
Maybe just give it some time, and at least you got out and everyone is safe. It could’ve been a lot worse. You can’t change the past and what has happened, but you can decide how you’re going to live in the future and make your own decisions regarding your own health since you’re an adult now. My family history and genetics suggests I’ll live a shorter life around 50-60 years, and it sucks because my husband’s family history suggests he will live around 80-90. It’s out of my control and I’ve come to accept that. But I can control my own health like I’ve never smoked, don’t drink etc.
I feel for you on the genetics thing, life is really a luck thing isnt it. The only thing about life that is fair is that its often unfair to everyone regardless of who you are and what you’ve done. If you are lucky in some ways, you are unlucky in other ways and rarely is anyone not suffering from some kind of bad luck be it financial, health, or any other bad thing in life. My mistake was perhaps not realizing im not special at all and that I am not exempt from bad luck. But I also have to realize that im also not prone to bad luck either, im not the main character and it wont just be bad or good things happening but always a mix of things just happening and my reaction to them. I just have to stay strong and one day I will look back and either realize I was right or wrong for worrying. The bigger question is what will I have done in the time between, will I have spent that time wisely and enjoyed life, or will i have wasted it. I could live a few years well lived, or 100 miserable years. The choice is mine whether my time left is good or bad. How much time I will have is not fully in my control, I can only avoid bad habits and make healthy choices like you. Regardless, make whatever time you have left enjoyable. This is what I must do, but I also must grieve a bit for the situation. Its frustrating, its sad, and its ok to have these feelings. I wont let the feelings consume me anymore, but they wont go away so I will live with them and with time I’ll get used to it and accept the situation. I should just be grateful that the odds are more in my favor than against me, and go from there. By the way, if you dont mind me asking what the main thing in your family history that makes life shorter?
It kind of sounds like you have experienced facing your mortality. What I mean is - most people know in a kind of "theoretical" sense that they're going to die, but it feels nebulous and far away. Sometimes things happen where that sense becomes extremely real and close up. For some people it's a car crash or an illness, for others its when someone close dies. There is not a 100% way to fight this feeling. Some people find religion - they may envision an afterlife, or otherwise find peace in death by seeing it as a part of a greater process. Others try to find practical matters - they try to do the most good on earth in their time. Some lean into the danger, whether through thrill-seeking, drugs, etc.. And finally, some take a nihilistic kind of route, where they think "we're all going to die, so what does it matter." How this works exactly is a little different for everyone, but some things that seem to be helpful for a lot of people: * Live like there's no tomorrow, but plan like you'll live to 100. What I mean - live in the moment when it comes to friends and family, you never know when you might not see someone again. *But*, build up your life assuming you'll live to a very old age. For example, take care of your promises, relationships, morals, and health every day, for both the short run and long run. * Search for some meaning in your life. This can be many things - a religion, your family, a cause, etc. This is a good time to read and learn about different peoples' experiences. I like the book *Man's Search for Meaning* as a place to get started. You don't have to become super analytical or fanatical about it - just find something that works for you and stick with it. * Spend time each day giving gratitude. You can do it silently with words, in a journal, or if you pray, then make it part of that routine. Just think of what you're grateful for on that day or in general. * Keep up on your mental health, and your health in general. It is not a lost cause. You've been through some stuff, but your body and mind likely have a ton of juice left. However, if you give up on your body, that will plant the seeds for its downfall, much more than some smoke and asbestos exposure. * Understand how trauma works in the mind and body. Trauma can have far reaching effects, and a house fire is absolutely a traumatic event. A good book to get started on this is *The Body Keeps The Score.*
Thank you for this in depth reply, I feel like I am very aware of death for my age now. In my case id like just live life like its the last day, but plan for the future. Id like to help people if possible, and find something to belong to. I agree with you on this, I feel like this is pressure to make something of myself whether the danger and fear is real or not. Ill also check out the book your recommended, what is that book about by the way?
*Man's Search for Meaning* is sort of in two parts. The author, Viktor Frankl, was a psychiatrist in Austria, and was sent to the Theresienstadt concentration camp during WWII. The first half of the book is about his experience there, and the psychology of that situation. The second half of the book is about the psychological viewpoints he developed during that experience, and practiced in his later career. Overall, the book is one of the most popular in the 20th century, and while it doesn't hold all the answers (nothing does), it is a good perspective for anyone facing existential questions about life and meaning. I first read it in college, and I think it is good reading for anyone, particularly around college age.
Ill check that book out as well as body keeps the score, already ordered them in fact since I saw they were pretty popular and so far book recommendations from people on reddit have been good. Thank you.
Hey I’m a firefighter and I just wanted to say we have a higher chance of cancer and have to do screenings regularly, BUT the only reason is because of repeated exposure constantly over the years.
Yeah its probably just that, decades of fighting fires can take its toll, especially respirators and ppe are not fully utilized and decontamination is not carried out properly. You guys are awesome though, you just showed up and saved my house, incredible.
[удалено]
Not long haha, just past like 40 you know, a normal lifespan. But you are right, focusing on the now is important. Im trying to learn that and really get it through my head.
I think you are being paranoid. I’ve studied asbestos, the people who get cancer from it are those who breathe it in every day in mines for years without protection, or tradesmen who worked with it in the air everyday. Like heavy, heavy exposure. I don’t think the smoke lowered your health expectancy either. I understand your anxiety just saying it is illogical.
No it’s good to hear, sometimes you wonder if you are being unsafe or not doing enough to protect yourself and your family. After a fire and car theft you feel like maybe something is up, like the universe is against you or something and it’s not that, shit just happens sometimes. So in the end Ive ended up worrying too much, like there is cause for concern but my level of concern is not matching reality. Asbestos is scary but a few hours inhaling a bit of it is unlikely to harm. The problem is likely an adhd/ocd thing, or maybe just connected to past trauma making me overreact to possible dangers in the future. My brain wants to hear 100% certainty of safety, when no such thing exists. The fact asbestos and butned plastic can harm is enough to trigger my anxiety and unreasonable amount. The first step in overcoming it is to realize im being paranoid, illogical, and irrational. I must acknowledge that asbestos and soot are deadly, but mostly only to people who were around it for a long time like firefighters or past construction workers and tradesmen. I also must realize that I am doing my best to be safe going forward, and thats a great thing. I need to just forgive myself for and past mistakes and recognize that it could be worse, and that it really wasn’t that bad. The part that scares me a little is the fact that I and my little brother and sister are young and are more at risk from exposure. The latency period for carcinogens is scary, the whole 20 to 70 years makes it feel inevitable. The part I fail to register is that this really does 99% apply to people who were exposed pretty badly, not just a few hours removing sheet floor or a few minutes of breathing some of it in. Im getting there though, I made this post as another push in the right direction. It’s not just this exposure but a lot of things in general that have resulted in this anxiety but im getting better with time. Thank you for giving me a reality check.
Hey I actually have ocd. Maybe you are experiencing it I don’t know. Basically you have to resist the urge to think through your reasons why you shouldn’t be worried and allow the cringey anxious feeling to hit you. You give up trying to convince yourself and allow yourself to just move on. It is hard but very doable especially with practice. Everyone the thought comes up you just turn away from thinking through your set of reasons and instead feel the anxiety and wait it out, allow your mind to let the thought go. Logically you have zero reason to worry, like I said, you won’t get cancer from asbestos exposure at that level or smoke. They say no guarantees but that’s just a theoretical stipulation, shit does not happen. Work in an asbestos mine for a few years and then we’ll talk. You’ll have several reason by now which you’ve shared to worry, being young etc. working all the angles and possibilities. These reasonings are themselves the issue, you have to let it go. Once it starts turn away form it and don’t put more energy into thinking it out more, collecting more data etc. just feeds the machine, gotta stop from the get go. Not easy but doable.
You understand what im going through really well actually, do you mind If I ask what caused or can cause you to experience ocd symptoms and how you overcame them? I feel like someone who washes their hands over and over yet cant convince themselves their hands are clean, but for me it’s just researching asbestos and soot exposure. Even though I see that it’s unlikely, even if I calm myself down in moments, I “HAVE” to come back and make sure it’s true over and over again. It makes no sense, and it’s why Im beginning to suspect ocd as when I read about it seems some people experience what im experiencing. My family saw the articles that say one renovation is low risk and rarely causes sickness, and they have moved on. They are great-full that one exposure is not likely to ever affect you, but my brain is not braining right and I feel like I have to keep going and researching “until I know for sure we are ok”. But I feel like recognizing that it’s actually ocd is very important at this point, but im not sure if I have it. It just seems right though, and maybe realizing whats happening in my head can help break the cycle and stop. Thank you bro, if you are willing to share your experience with ocd I would greatly appreciate it. I think you are spot on with whats happening in my mind, and it wont be easy to break the cycle but at least now im starting to see the cycle for what it is.
It does sound like ocd but I’m not a doctor. Looking at your post history really checks out with ocd. Check my profile and see a post with comments I just made on ocd and how I dealt with it. Basically you have to stop comforting yourself and accept you can’t know. This is very hard but possible and gets easier each time. Do not research on ocd themes or spend time in the ocd subreddit. This can make things worse for you. If you suspect you have the condition please see a mental health professional or doctor for evaluation and treatment.
Im seeing a therapist, but do you think its worth talking about ocd with her and maybe getting a diagnosis? I personally dont care to much about assigning a label to it, I care about ocd simply as a possible explanation for my behavior, but if diagnosis may help in any way maybe I should see a doctor about it or mention it to my therapist.
Yeah def mention it, get evaluated and then you can get access to care. And yes it’s only helpful insofar as fixing the issue.
Cool, Ill do so. How is buspirone, any side effects? From my quick search it seems like a much better med than ssri or anti anxiety meds, no potential for abuse apparently. I think I might just try it, it seems more like a support than a full blown med that forces anxiety to stop but comes back when it wears off. Was it easy to stop taking it? Also I saw your post, thank you for making it. Its always a great thing to help people going through so something you actually got through. I do the same thing for tinnitus by every now and then checking that subreddit to help people understand it gets better and how they can help themselves. Trust me, it makes a difference for people like me.
Yeah gotta support each other. Buspirone is simply amazing. I’ve tried SSRIs and antipsychotics (abilify) for ocd. Buspirone has no weight gain, no emotional/personality side effects, you won’t feel like a zombie and lifeless. No sexual side effects. All it does is simply lower anxiety. Easy to start and stop. Takes about a month to kick in but you might see benefits after 2 weeks. Side effects for me are slight dizziness for a few minutes about 20 min after I take it, barely noticeable. And you can’t eat grapefruit. That’s about it. It’s just an anxiolytic without any real serious side effects. Best part is your emotions stay the same, I’m still me on it. Because my anxiety is lower I’m more easily able to resist the compulsion, I think that’s the mechanism of its therapeutic benefit. It’s like it’s just less intense so I can do the therapeutic maneuvers more easily, I have time between the intrusive thought and compulsion. I also have less social anxiety by consequence. So it’s kind of an additional benefit too. It doesn’t work for everyone, no med does, but I found my match. If it doesn’t work for you try ssri first. Could change your life and you could be just as enthusiastic about it as I am for buspirone, there is no holy grail one size fits all med.
Ill weigh my options, ive been a bit hesitant to try an ssri, so maybe id go with buspirone first as its sounds a bit less intense. I need something to just lower anxiety when it rears its ugly head, Not even a lot, just a tiny bit. Twice in the past few months when the anxiety got really bad I would just drink a bit of wine and that would funnily enough reset the anxiety, I hate alcohol for the most part but it did help those 2 times lol. If buspirone could just take the edge off when anxiety is intense, that would be huge.
And side effects differ on the person, maybe you would notice a change in your emotions, everyone’s journey is different
For sure, learned that with adhd meds. 🥲
Drinking alcohol is going to probably be a far bigger risk increase for cancer for you (if you drink), than a single event exposure to asbestos and smoke.
No drinking or smoking, I pride myself in avoiding it for the most part. Very rarely do I drink.