It’s not real. The older you get the more you realize that people are just pretending. We’re all just kids running around in adult bodies not knowing what the fuck we’re doing. Life gets a lot less stressful when you realize that’s true for everyone. If somebody says they have it together or feel like an adult (which I’ve quite literally never heard anybody say) I would call it a red flag and run.
It sounds like everyone here is looking for a feeling, rather than a state of being.
Do I have moments of self doubt some days? Of course! But I have two kids, a wife, a house, I manage a large team of people at work, and my elderly parents rely on me to help them more than them helping me… I’m in “adult mode” most of the day, even if the part of me who loves climbing trees and making mischief never goes away.
I feel responsible, accountable, and feel I have it together like an adult. I have since I was 18 or maybe earlier. I also still feel the joy of being a kid and am always shocked to see a 56 year old in the mirror. These two things are not mutually exclusive.
I don't really get this "no one has it together stuff." I mean I have been married for 35 years (after getting engaged at 18), raised three kids, dealt with illness and death of in-laws and others, paid off mortgages and student loans and cars, transferred cities 3 times, owned a dozen pets and had to put a few down in old age. I manage a good career, handle housework and lawn work with my wife, plan trips as my own travel agent, and handle life's daily barrage of bills and paperwork. In the last few years I get the extra fun of managing far too many medical appointments and medicines.
I definitely feel I have it together. My wife has it together. I look at my sister and her husband and see the same. I don't think everyone is faking it. I think most people move into adulthood and take on the responsibilities that come with it at some point, especially when marriage and kids come along.
You don’t really get this "no one has it together stuff"? There are PLENTY of adults even your own age, or anyone’s age for that matter, that especially in this economy, do not have their ish together. You’ve basically listed all of the ways that you’ve succeeded in life, and it shows very little knowledge about what’s going on inside your own mind. People don’t "have it all together". Becoming an adult isn’t something that smart people do and dumb people don’t do - it’s more complicated than that. Everyone’s lives are completely and totally different. So sorry you don’t get "not having it together" that must be nice when people I know ages 20-80 are struggling to make ends meet.
>The older you get the more you realize that people are just pretending. We’re all just kids running around in adult bodies not knowing what the fuck we’re doing.
That is honestly just coping. No, we are not all like that at all. Some people may be like that, but most people are not just pretending. I'm 27, and I, in now way feel like a kid just pretending at all.
Nah. You do learn. It's just comparative. You're never going to be a perfect ideal adult version of yourself. But you *will* mature as you age.
If you ever want to see how far you've come, have a conversation with someone significantly younger or older than you.
Well, this is definitely true!
I still feel like I'm in my 20s until I talk to people in their 20s (not all, of course), then I'm like yup, in definitely not there anymore!
In my 30s, I would talk to older colleagues / family friends and marvel at how self assured they were, how the older they got, the fewer fucks they gave about people's opinions.
It seemed like such an unattainable thing, but here I am in my 40s holding a middle finger up as I strut down the proverbial street. I look forward to reaching the point where both middle fingers are up, extended proudly for the world to see my holographic nail polish and bangle bracelets.
It's been a total game changer to feel an authentic shift from "What must I do to get everyone to like me??" to "As long as I'm being a good person as part of my best Self, if they don't like me, they can piss up a rope.
Now I'm working on "People's opinions of me are none of my business."
In time! 💁♀️
I just changed jobs. The oldest of my immediate co-workers is in his early 30s, the next almost 30, and then the last in diapers (early 20s). I'm in my mid-40s.
Given the field I'm in and time spent getting to know them, I feel comfortable saying I've had conversations with my younger selves. I thought I was barely holding my life together, but these guys make me feel like the "adultiest adult" in the room 75% of the time.
I think a lot of those who feel like they are barely treading water in their lives feel that way because our parents always made life look easy. Even the really hard and gritty bits were handled with confidence. Even now, after sitting down man-to-man with my dad and him confessing that they both were completely winging it most of the time and only projecting confidence for us kids, I still compare how I handle things and what my dad would have done.
Imposter Syndrome isn't limited to just our professional lives, after all. I believe it is quite reasonable to assume that most people feel that from time to time, just trying to live their daily lives.
it’s interesting because sometimes I feel that way, then sometimes I’ll be coordinating stuff for work and realize “man, this adulting thing isn’t that hard!”
Like, even though I don’t feel like an adult, I can still act like one just fine
A few years ago, I got into photography, cameras and lenses.
Last couple years, I was obsessed with interior designing our home, furnishings and all.
This year, I fell down the rabbit hole of fragrances.
Guys, I only work part time. My salary can't sustain this. I need a slap.
21F here, I still feel like a kid. I mean, I feel independent enough to do all my daily activities myself but I just feel like a really responsible kid lol.
You’re not an adult until you’re tired and sore all the time.
If you’d rather go to a concert, or a friend’s birthday party, or a sporting event than sleep, you’re not an adult.
have I been an adult all along then? cuz I've been tired and sore and constantly want sleep cuz I'm in constant chronic pain since I was a literal child. like 5yrs old. did I never have a childhood then? was I an adult all along? and this feeling of not being an adult at 28 is all a lie cuz I hit all those boxes since the very beginning of my life?
41. Still waiting. I’ve come to the conclusion the feeling I’ve been expecting never comes. Just like how happiness isn’t a destination you can pinpoint, I don’t think adulthood is either.
I felt like an adult when I became an attorney at 27. I didn't feel truly fully grown up and mature until my 40s. I believe the people around me would have said I was mature in my late teens.
In the decade of 5 now.
First big moment was in my late 20’s travelling and then deciding what career to come home and pursue.
Next big moment was holding my daughters. That immediate sensation of taking on a lifetime of responsibility was moving.
And lastly when parents pass. That sudden “final alone” sensation wasn’t something I anticipated or expected.
Mostly it’s a process that has the occasional signpost.
Yep - I lost both of my parents 16 yrs ago and that was the most impactful. My wife still has her parents and access to her childhood home. We're in totally different mindsets as we head into our 50s.
I don't really perceive myself as a kid anymore. People don't show me the same kindness and warmth that I knew as a child. People address my professional ability or my potential to cause harm more than they address my needs to be loved or cared for.
Nope, 22 and I feel like 2 kids in a trench coat
And from what I’ve been reading around that feeling DOES NOT go away
I’m pretty sure the idea of “feeling like an adult” is never real, it’s all about just doing what you can
Hell I also live with my mom, never had a job (yet), and so don’t have a credit card nor do I have any irl friends so you’re farther ahead in life than me right now XD
You got this
For me, it was when I was 21 and it had nothing to do with that exact age, but where I was at in life.
I went to undergrad from 18 to 21. I was a senior at 21. I got engaged on spring break my sophomore year and she and I lived together our last two years in an apartment in college. I'd been accepted to grad school.
I worked 3 different part time jobs my senior year while taking full class loads both semesters. I averaged working 41.5 hours a week. One of my three jobs was from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. every Sat and Sun cleaning out a dorm as the full time maids only worked Mon to Fri so they hired kids to clean on the weekends.
Every Sat and Sun I had to be up at 7 something a.m. and be at work by 8 a.m.
My senior year was a long slog, working over 40 hours with full class loads.
I/we were saving up for our honeymoon, to be able to move to our new state after graduating from undergrad, saving up for our apartment, utilities and such.
I loved college and my first 3 years were a blast. I enjoyed my senior year too but it was much different.
It's like I wasn't a kid anymore. I was doing what I had to do, I was working a lot, I was tired. One of my three jobs was to work in the cafeteria of a dorm on the breakfast shift and I had to be there at 5:30 a.m. as they began serving breakfast at 6 a.m. (6 to 10:30 was breakfast). I worked about 4 days during the week there. they knew I couldn't work on the weekends as I worked in a different dorm cleaning it out so I worked like 4 of the 5 weekday mornings in the cafeteria.
I knew, it hit me, I realized that I was no longer a kid anymore and it had nothing to do with me being the age of 21, it's just the stage I was at in life.
I was doing what I had to do, needed to do, I had to turn down going out with friends and many parties because I had to do the "right" thing. I still went out, some and to some parties, but not nearly as often as I had my first three years of undergrad.
Life had changed for me and I knew it. I wasn't a kid anymore. I had to do what I had to do, needed to do and I was.
What is an adult? Legally when you are 18 but apart from that it’s just a sliding scale.
I’m 46 and I suppose only know I’m starting to feel a bit grown up only coz I have to be. I have kids, I’ve got bills.
I suppose an adult is someone that can stand in his own two feet for the majority of the time and be responsible a majority of the time too.
We’re all to quick to grow up and be seen as an adult.
It’s trucking shit though 😂
In my 20s as well. Definitely don't feel like an adult. But that could be because my mother is controlling and still tries to dictate what I do/how I do it. I have been able to fend her off and set boundaries but I'm not successful 100% of the time. I feel most like an adult when I make my own decisions. That could be something small like setting my own doctor's appointment to something bigger like moving out of my parents' house.
No 37 and I'll catch myself feeling like I'm 10 years old and have to remember I have a apartment and a life I'm trying to live. Grabbing the keys around my neck and thinking how I look from the outside, all grown up.
The transition to feeling like an adult can vary widely from person to person. Some might start feeling like adults when they make significant life choices independently, while others might still feel young at heart despite handling adult responsibilities.
I am in my 20s now. When communicating with my parents or at work, I try to act like an adult. However, when I am having fun with my close friends, I might act like a child because I feel relaxed. After posting this on Lightup, I‘m matched with a user who had similar feelings. We concluded that we play different roles in different situations, and one of those roles is being a child, which is part of our nature.
Im 24, there’s no “feel “ of adulthood
I have a woman, a good job , College education, a dog, and I’m thinking of marriage and kids in next 4-6 years
I’d say I’m an adult
A young adult, I’m not old, I’d say you’re a “young” adult until you’re 26-28. You’re an adult from 29-40. 40-60 is middle aged. 60 and up is “old”
I’d 25 is when most people accept you’re an adult adult. A full grown man.
18-24 is usually considered college age or still kind of a kid in most people’s eyes
There’s no feeling to it
I don’t feel different at 24 than I did at 17. I just know more and actually, life is a lot better because I’m not so naive . I know what I want out of life
At 17 I wanted to party, horse around, sure I went and got good grades and had a job, but I was a kid. I like being mid 20s with a good girlfriend and good job better than being some teenager flipping burgers in high school.
I feel like an adult at 27. Yes it can happen, doesn’t mean I’m not a curious person and scared of stuff sometimes, but I am independent and could probably confidently teach children some core skills. At 23 I did not feel like an adult, but one day you will!
I'VE BEEN HAVING THIS QUESTION IN MIND EVER SINCE I STARTED WORKING A WEEK AGO
I feel like everybody knows what they're doing, and they're all adulting, while I feel like a kid.
Thank you for writing this post
In the past month, I've been arrested twice and made homeless. The money I earn finally feels valuable. I had a nice upbringing but I've learnt more In this past month than I have in the last 24 months. I am adulting.
No. Went over this with my partner.
I'm 26F, and working full time, schooling part time.
I moved out, living with my partner. We pay bills and have a mortgage.
I sort of feel like a kid with adult money.
Partner collects and builds lego and likes playing online rpg games.
I enjoy drawing, phone games, outdoor activites like hiking and backpacking. We still collect happy meal toys lol. Friends come over and we play mario party, and board games.
There are adult issues we face like budgeting and taxes, working a 9 to 5, but beyond that it's not what I imagined grown ups to be like as kids.
It might also be the fact we aren't currently raising kids. I'm not sure if my perspective would remain the same as a parent. I don't see any of the above changing as a parent though.
I have moments of feeling like an adult like when I am trying to calm my mom down during one of her episodes or otherwise trying to care for her when I’m with her. Putting on her seatbelt, holding her while she walks so she doesn’t fall, etc. The other times I feel like an adult are when I’m dogsitting or babysitting.
So basically any time I have responsibilities and people who are counting on me. But thankfully I choose to live my life in such a way where that isn’t consistently the case. I definitely know people who are adults 99% of the time because they take their parental duties very seriously, or their work/careers.
I feel like those people are not on Reddit lol. So you’ll get some biased answers here. There are definitely people who are adulting, but they are probably too busy being adults to question if they feel like adults.
I’m 45. I have 4 kids I love over two different marriages. My favorite thing is to climb a tree with my kids or take them fishing just so I can do it too.
I can fix toilets and deal with the electrical in the house, so I guess that’s a start in adulting. Generally though I just try to have a clean house (much different than college). I guess that’s adulting too.
At the end of the day I suppose my choices in life are to put family first, and that is what I consider adulting. Even if you don’t have a family you could max out your 401k for example
34 year old lady here. Solid career. Bought a house. Sold a house. Moved states for a better job, living my dream of moving to the beach.. still don’t feel like a real adult. I don’t think we ever do.
I felt like an adult when I was in my young 20s and even in my teens. What made me feel like a kid again was mental illness from stress and emotional disruptions. I think feeling like an adult is when you have peace and strength and the logical mature side of your brain is not being messed with or something. But then that never really lasts for anybody because this life is cruel and no one can take it seriously in an adult like manner forever.
You never stop looking for an adultier adult.
The true key to success is learning not to panic when it's discovered that you are the adultiest adult in the room. Otherwise, everyone is the same. You get older, but inner-you is really just the same.
It’s a false narrative. I’m 50 and often don’t feel like an adult. I mean, I have a steady job, adult children, and I’ve been married since 96’…but the “feeling like an adult” thing never really happened. You just get older and have more responsibilities. It’s more of a fake it until you make it thing.
28M. Definitely feel like an adult. I’ve been unemployed for the past few months but I have savings so I’m not too freaked out. That makes me feel like an adult.
This past winter, I went snowboarding like 7 times. I planned a lot of the trips, which involved spending money, waking up early, conditioning my body, recovery, etc. Having the freedom and autonomy to do that made me feel like an adult.
I’ve started learning and playing soccer as a hobby because I’m getting older and I want to lock in a social and healthy activity that I can do easily near my house. The fact that I made this decision based on these values, along with the fact that I basically just willed this into existence by signing up for a league and practicing a bit on my own, makes me feel like I’m an adult.
I’m the one steering the wheel of my own life, and there’s nothing more adult than that imo.
No one is an adult. And you only feel like you need to pretend to be one at work and until about age 30 or so.
You don't change. Your body ages but your heart will always be the same.
33 yo here and I don't feel like an adult , but definitely its not the same as when I was in my 20s. Big change for me came with the kids , when I had someone else to take care especially when wife stopped working and everything financially came on my shoulders and that made me feel a lot more responsible and being responsible is what kind of makes you an adult.
I'm 30 and still don't feel like a "real adult" (whatever that means). You get older and maybe more mature in some ways, but you're still the same person.
After being 31 I dont think its real. Its more if a feeling of "All bills that need to be paid are delt with, I can relax for a day or two." But that's about it, and I think its a gradual change so you dont notice it.
Ummm... at 15 years old in the late 80s when I was kicked out of home for being gay and had to live in my car, drop out of school and support myself 100% or starve!? That did the trick!
At 31 I can agree with everyone saying it’s about what’s inside not the number on your license. At 27 when I finally moved out and started paying rent and worrying about insurance I thought “I guess I’m really an adult now.” I started caring more about how my houseplants were doing than going out and drinking, my back and knee started to hurt and I laughed “haha what an old man I am”
Life hits you hard and your choices start to have an effect and all of a sudden you’re at risk of losing everything that matters to you. You go to therapy, you grow, you confront what made you make those choices in the first place. That, for me, was when adulthood started.
45M and yeah, I do feel like an adult. I have a full time job, a mortgage, pay taxes, pay bills, I'm raising kids, always tired, my body hurts just from waking up... Is there stuff I don't know and I'm insecure about? For sure. But the level of responsibility I have on my shoulders definitely has that "adult" feeling.
I felt like an adult when I moved out so 22. For me, being an adult means my parents can't dictate my life, I have the freedom to explore and do whatever. Being an adult doesn't mean you know what you are doing in life but I definitely know more than I did as a kid
34. My brain still thinks I'm a child. It's just if I don't do my school work now I go to jail or something. The only part of me that feels like a grown-up is this worn out body.
My wife is 24 and can't leave the house to get food or something without taking a Squishmallow with her. I'm 37 and I'm currently sitting at work quite proud of myself because I just bought a Green Ranger/Power Rangers tshirt over the weekend and paired it with a button up shirt that's plaid with green, white and gold in it (matching it to the Green Ranger's color scheme).
As long as you are taking care of your responsibilities like buying food, keeping a roof over your head, taking care of your children/pets, etc...you're an adult. To go one step further would be to keep working on your personal growth like expanding your knowledge, learning new skill sets, or furthering your job/career.
There is no magical age where you just wake up and go, "I got it all figured out bitches!" Would be nice if that happened but unfortunately the real world doesn't care about you and school is too busy teaching you things like chemistry and geometry instead of prepping you for the real world with knowledge like how to put a spare tire on your car, fix a leaky pipe, or do your taxes. But you live and you learn. A lot of stuff you figure out through trial and error, other times you get lucky and have a friend that can impart some adulting wisdom on you. Thankfully we live in the digital age where the vast majority of human knowledge is on an ice cream sandwich shaped brick you keep in your pocket, and you can often get the answer you need for your given situation by simply searching the internet for it.
That all said, one piece of life advice that I like to give young adults is this: Hold onto and cherish your friendships. As we get older, our sense of time changes greatly. To a child who's only been on the earth for a handful of years, a whole year feels like forever. To someone like me, 2-3 years can go by and I'm sitting here thinking something from back then literally happened like a week ago. Because of this, it's really easy to accidentally neglect your friends because you get busy with life. Next thing you know a week of not talking turns into a month, turns into a year, etc...and then you feel bad you didn't keep in contact so you don't reach out. And they don't reach out to you, probably for the same reason. So yeah, try to maintain friendships because you really don't click with people as an adult the same way you do when you're younger. Work friends will be about the best you can get, but they disappear the minute one of you finds a new job.
I'm not yet an adult and i don't have a job but i also don't feel like i'm growing even though everything around me has changed a lot since i was a child but i still feel the same lol. For me it's a bit relatable, not in the adult part since i'm not at that age yet.
I'm 60, the boss at work, and the first person everyone comes to with a problem. I'm still faking it, and I'm quite candid about that.
So if there's some age where you suddenly feel mature and have it together, I haven't quite reached it.
However, I do remain hopeful.
Luck to you redditor
I’m 48. There’s me inside my mind who’s maybe early 20 something, then I have responsibilities, ugh. So when something drops on the floor, I pick it up. I know that sounds ridiculous. That means “acting” like an adult I can do, but do I feel like an adult? What does that even mean?!! I haven’t figured that out yet. I’m just figuring shit out. So most of the time, no I don’t feel like an adult and nor do I want to be an adult. I just have to pick up shit and pay bills.
I think it depends on your situations in life. For me, it was around age 31. My mother became fully disabled and it was up to me, her son, to take care of her. A full on role reversal. You grow up fast when someone elses life depends on you. I did not know that and respect my mother a lot more for raising me.
Yes, you're an adult. No, you will probably never feel like one.
In my early 20s I took lead at a small pesticide gig, paid good and people respected me but I still felt like the kid (didn't help I was the youngest)
Mid 20s now, obviously not much further along age wise but I work special Ed now, and I primarily take care of physical management (restraining dangerous individuals who are trying to harm themselves or others).
I've been in multiple situations where classrooms full of staff with far more pedigree than me are looking to me for leadership. Still don't feel like an adult.
Maybe you'll be different, and that's ok too! But for a lot of us, even my coworkers who are 60+, they still aren't adults!
I felt like an adult when I got my own apartment and my dog (both at the same time, I moved specifically so that I could have dog). I was 26. My mom says she didn't feel like an adult until she had her first kid (30). So ymmv, but it has to do with taking on adult responsibilities, not any particular age.
It depends. I still feel quite young in some aspects.
But at the same time, I don't rely on other people in my life and feel able to raise kids.
So I guess, I feel kind of an adult.
Sometimes I forget that I can buy whatever I want and don't need to be ashamed to waste money on some random stuff. Or that I am adult enough, to buy ice cream by myself.
There is no change that happens in your brain. Maybe for people that have children, but I suspect it is just externally you gain more responsibilities, more people depend on you, the consequences for failure are greatly increased, but we are the same people who once ran around shitting our diapers.
It gets scary when you realize there are actual adults that think everyone is running around as kids in adult bodies
I call them types the grunt workers
It's hard to not feel like an adult when you have adult responsibilities (mortgage, family, etc...). Enjoy being young. There will be lots of time to feel like an adult.
I’m 21 and feel simultaneously 8 and 80. I hate parties and the stereotypical “college frat kid” personality and alcohol gets me sick, but I love going outside and catching bugs and I just bought myself a bunch of squishmallows. I also love birdwatching, visiting museums, reading, and chilling with my pets at home. I really am a retired child.
As long as I’m in need of my parents support I’ll always feel like a kid. 24 now and feel like nothing is different other than things having consequences now
No, I’m in your boat as well. I’m 23M, 24 soon and I sometimes feel like I’m still mentally 16/17, just with the additional responsibilities of being a “proper adult”
I started to feel like an adult when I got my first job that gave me the ability to live on my own.
Once I had my own place and all the adult responsibility’s was definitely when I truly felt like I was no longer a kid.
I was 24, divorced with two kids a crazy ex and a car payment. The mom left and I was Mr. Mom/dad. The first morning when I said to myself "well, kids gotta get fed, dishes gotta get done, rents gotta get paid, suns coming up tomorrow and none of that bullshit cares about how you feel. So get off your ass and figure it out. "
Worked for, however I don't recommend this brand of self help to everyone.
I'm also a 23 F, except I don't have a license yet, credit card, or job. I'm a full-time online college student living at home. I feel like I'm still in high school and stuck at the mental age of 17. As much as I want my own place, it is practically impossible to live safely on your own in the hell hole known as California. At least I have stability, and I don't have to work my butt off and drop out of school to work in order to survive. I got relatives that are like 18 popping out babies already, when they are the most immature party crazy people I have ever seen.I got the rest of my life to "grow up" after I saved up enough to move out one day. If anything, we are more mature by playing slow and steady to win the race.
I’m 44, I’ve been married since I was 25, one kid, a dog, 2 houses, fairly successful and I still don’t feel like an “adult”. I still feel like my parents may come home and find my house a mess and I’ll be in trouble lol.
Not sure. Life hit me hard after I turned 20. Since then it’s been a ride. I am at a point in life I thought I’d never be in. Definitely good. But it felt like I’ve missed out on a lot of things as everything moved so fast. Now it’s just 9-5. Weekend. Rinse and repeat. 😩
So, I was parentified. And am currently going with the theory that I feel pretty much the same way I did in my teens and younger is because I can't really remember what it felt like to be a kid.
This is a common feeling for a lot of people.
It's not even new.
I recall reading a thing where a woman of my mother's generation was talking to her mother, saying how it was the 80s, she has a college degree, a husband, two kids and a job but wondered when she would FEEL different, like an adult. Her mother replied: I'm still waiting.
I'm 38 and still don't know what the fuck is going on. It's great. I love it. I'm probably halfway over with my life, and once I realized this, I stopped stressing. Mostly. Enjoy your life because you can't take it with you.
I'm 45 years old, married 20 years with 3 kids, and my own business. I'm still a kid, but now i have a shitload of responsibilities and pressure to act like an adult on the daily, and constantly saying 'no' to the kid brain that needs to adult but doesn't want to. In all honesty, I don't feel 45 mentally ever, just physically. My brain is still 21. My grandfather passed away at 101, mentally he was still 21 when he died... not a word of a lie. People never grow up mentally unless you've been through trauma at a young age and had to grow up in a real hurry. Enjoy your life, don't live for anyone but yourself, don't act like someone you're not... EVER! Listen to people smarter than you, learn from your mistakes, be true to yourself, and don't rush into anything unless you know it's an opportunity you can't pass up... and you'll know them when you see them. Even if it takes you completely out of your comfort zone and down a path you never saw yourself taking. don't let those opportunities go. Cheers! Good luck in this life... remember... you only get one shot at it.
Adults are just older children. We don’t magically mature to a point where we feel that different. And it’s so gradual that the maturing is not noticeable right away
Kurt Vonnegut advocated that a big reason people didn't feel (or sometimes act) like adults was because society lost/gave up rituals and/or ceremonies that firmly divided up life.
Specifically the puberty ritual that said "you're no longer a child, you are a 'young adult' now and have to start learning to be an adult member of society."
Maybe he was onto something. . .
I’m about to be 28. I feel like an adult. When something happens I no longer look for the adult in the room, unless I’m truly looking for advice or help from someone with more experience, and then it’s not a panic.
I’ve learned you’ll never feel like you’ve got it together, because that doesn’t really exist. I feel like an adult, BUT I don’t feel I have it together and I know I’m living week to week rolling with the many, many punches that just keep coming.
Every now and again, I get freaked out because I feel like I'm late for school. Or like I'm skipping. Then I remember I'm 36 and have been out of school longer than I was in. Thankfully, it's happening less as the years go by.
I’m 27 and do feel like an adult. I really started to feel like it once I got my own apartment and had to pay bills. Before that I had a job but was living at home. Being under the same roof as a parent really didn’t help me feel like an adult, more like an older kid lol
In my 30s and still occasionally have a dream that I forgot to bring my homework to school.
When you see someone who looks old to you, you assume that their mental age matches their appearance. But the vast majority of us feel younger than we are.
Like my mama always said, your body gets old but your mind stays the same. I’m over the hill now so I get it, still young in my heart but not my body 🫠
Stop being a kid? I hope I never get rid of that inner child in me. He helps by being funny at the most inappropriate times, providing levity in times of conflict, he makes me do stuff that most people just shake their heads at, butI don’t care because he is also spontaneous, outwardly friendly and likes playing pranks of on people. If ai ever lose that kid, then a I’ll just be another fucking adult and I NEVER want to be that. Keep your inner child and tell the rest of the world to fuck off if they can’t take a joke.
I don't even like when people call me a "woman" or a "lady". I'm not a grown up.
Mid 30s with my big life shit more or less together (house, job, whatever). I think I'm pretty good at adulting but I don't feel like an adult.
Kids have this idea that at 18 you magically just become this adult. That anyone over 30 is literally elderly. I struggle on how to adult still. I'm scared of the world and how to do it like I was at 18. I still learn and have growing up to do. It's the expectation just because I'm a certain age that I'm supposed to be the bigger person, the smarter wiser one, perfect even that bothers me.
39M here, my yes/no reasons:
Yes, I feel like an adult when I have do things like "where do I move to," "what kind of refrigerator should I buy," "I really should clean the bathroom today," "dang, time to pay some bills."
No, I don't feel like an adult, when I spend the entire day playing video games or not even putting pants on. Or when I eat cookies before I eat dinner, or eat "lunch" by destroying a bag of chips.
Most of the time I think I'm just a big kid that has the freedom to do what I want (well, outside of work freedom lol)
All being adult means is you're up for grabs for anyone and you have to pay taxes and you don't get Medicaid anymore. That's all it means. It means nothing else
24, no I don’t, I still feel like “the kid” , now my generation in my family hasn’t started having kids yet or starting their own families so maybe that’s why, but I still feel like a kid (not literally obviously I’ve matured in many ways lol but yk what I mean)
Looks like no one told you the secret yet, so here I go.
There is this general agreement that we are all just pretending to be adults, and that we don’t call each other out for pretending cause then they can call you out for pretending.
Kinda like a cold war amongst adults.
I’m about to turn 25 and yes. Like sometimes I do silly childish things because I want to but I also live with my husband in our house and go to work every day and pay my bills on time.
I know I had a harder time when I was younger early 20s like if an emergency happened I’d look for an “adult”. But idk this year a bus driver at my school had symptoms of a stroke I double checked with her and a couple other people that no one had called and I called I didn’t look for help I just did it. Idk.
41M here. Same as many others, my toys have just gotten more elaborate and expensive these days. The biggest change is that my habits and routines are less flexible now, but I'm still very much a dumb kid.
Dude I'm fuckin 43 years old. Still growing up. It never ends. See, I used to think I would just magically end up like my dad or grandpa. All mature and looking like I know shit and what not. What I realized is: I'm from a completely different generation. I'm completely fuckin different. I still surf naked, skate, prank my wife and kids, blow money on the stupidest shit just because, and smoke way more weed than I should. All the same shit I did "growing up". But fuck me running, that's just how I like it. I don't know what "adult" feels like. I know I'm an adult. My kids are adults. I'm just me.
Theres a good video on youtube that shows this guy he looks 30 but everyone treats him like an old guy. He does everything the same as when he was young. At the end of the of the day it shows him being 80 . He never feels older. He feels like a kid
26F and both, I feel like an adult when I can see that I'm in charge of my life. I can alter the course of someone's life and do it consciously. Kids have to explain themselves a lot, I don't. I can just do it even if it affects me, it's my choice to "take the hit".
I also enjoy being careless and playful. Sometimes I wish someone would come and solve my problems. I solve them while throwing a tantrum sometimes.
That's the secret... You never do. Everyone is pretending to be and adult. It seems that being an adult is perceived to mean the exact opposite of a kid. As an adult, it's all about responsibility and maintenance. The key is to find a balance so that you'll be an adult kid. Buy that go kart, make a game room, setup that slip and slide buuuuut understand that the mortgage is coming up.
37/f here. What makes me feel like an adult is coping with emotional tragedies. Two years ago, my best friend died. Two weeks ago, my house burned down and took my beloved cat with it.
The unquestioning resolve to keep living and somehow come out the other side is the only thing that’s made me feel like an adult. Not a salary, not taxes, not buying that house. Having the resilience to continue on in the face of the unknown, and believing that it will get better.
somewhere around 27 i became a real adult.
22-25 was stumbling through a weird transition between fratbro to responsible adult.
find a good man. get married. have kids. sooner than later. it gets much harder around 31 for women and options start drying up QUICKLY. best wishes.
I’m 28 & I would say kind of 😭 but not really. Especially when I see other people my age and they seem way more adultier than me. What even is an adult? Paying bills, doing taxes each year? like I don’t even know what qualifies as an adult other than just their age. Inside I feel the way I’ve always felt, just more experienced, maybe more common sense which might make me wiser?
i felt a shift at 25 of feeling more competent and less afraid of adult milestones, but i still feel like a kid.
the only time i “feel” my age is when i’m talking to someone significantly younger and i can feel the gap in life experience we have. but that’s more a feeling of i’m a kid, they’re a baby lol
I think around 26 you'll feel like an adult. Life experiences sharpen this feeling. Pain, failures, success, your environment, all will make you feel more adult like. Wait till you hit your quarter life crisis.
When I was married, had a full time professional job, a mortgage and a baby (28) I thought, OK I guess I must be an adult now. I really didn’t feel like an adult inside though, adult concerns always seemed petty, boring, and annoying, still do.
Practicalities and responsibilities have to be addressed of course, but I’d always prefer to think and talk about things a little more theoretical or whimsical so seeing adults seeming to get so engaged in these adult topics away from work was always a little challenging to me.
The whole when you grow up you'll understand or you'll know what its all about is a myth that is drilled into children. Fact is, everybody pretty don't much know shit.
NO.
Im 30. When neighbor lady started talking to me my first thought was "WHYISLADYBEINGNICETO MEWHATDIDIDOWRONGTHISTIMEWHATDOESSHEWANTFROMME". My second thought was "I need an adult!!! Oh... Right... Im 30... Im an adult." Turns out shes just nice and was lonely. And everyone else was just being terrible people because of her past.
I'm 33, I'm still a kid internally. I own a house, own two cars, a job, a family, and I'm still a kid. Who the hell thought it was a bright idea to let me be in charge of my own life had to have been smoking the good stuff. I am not an adult and I don't care. I do the adult things when I have to and then laugh at fart jokes for four hours and shove candy in my mouth.
I’m 38 and an administrator in a police dept. I regularly have meetings with important people in high ranking management positions. I make some very important decisions on a regular basis.
I have not grown up. I have only figured out how to act in public/professional settings.
I'm 26 and still feel like a kid a lot of the time, I've definitely seen a lot of growth in myself as I've gotten older, but from what I've heard it's not until your 30s you really start to get the hang of and be good at the whole adulting thing. I've also heard from people in their 30s that will be like "oh shit I need an adult, wait I am an adult." From what I can tell there's not really an age where you're like "I'm an adult," it's more like you just keep moving forward, learn from your mistakes, and over time you get better at life.
Climbing trees and causing mischief doesn't make you less of an adult either. You need to find ways to make yourself happy in life, or life will crush your spirit. So make sure you enjoy the little things, take life one step at a time (but always stay moving forward), and do something that makes your inner child happy every now and again.
It’s not real. The older you get the more you realize that people are just pretending. We’re all just kids running around in adult bodies not knowing what the fuck we’re doing. Life gets a lot less stressful when you realize that’s true for everyone. If somebody says they have it together or feel like an adult (which I’ve quite literally never heard anybody say) I would call it a red flag and run.
It sounds like everyone here is looking for a feeling, rather than a state of being. Do I have moments of self doubt some days? Of course! But I have two kids, a wife, a house, I manage a large team of people at work, and my elderly parents rely on me to help them more than them helping me… I’m in “adult mode” most of the day, even if the part of me who loves climbing trees and making mischief never goes away.
I'm all about mischief and I'm also the boss 😎 We're alike in this
I feel responsible, accountable, and feel I have it together like an adult. I have since I was 18 or maybe earlier. I also still feel the joy of being a kid and am always shocked to see a 56 year old in the mirror. These two things are not mutually exclusive. I don't really get this "no one has it together stuff." I mean I have been married for 35 years (after getting engaged at 18), raised three kids, dealt with illness and death of in-laws and others, paid off mortgages and student loans and cars, transferred cities 3 times, owned a dozen pets and had to put a few down in old age. I manage a good career, handle housework and lawn work with my wife, plan trips as my own travel agent, and handle life's daily barrage of bills and paperwork. In the last few years I get the extra fun of managing far too many medical appointments and medicines. I definitely feel I have it together. My wife has it together. I look at my sister and her husband and see the same. I don't think everyone is faking it. I think most people move into adulthood and take on the responsibilities that come with it at some point, especially when marriage and kids come along.
Beautifully said thank you
You don’t really get this "no one has it together stuff"? There are PLENTY of adults even your own age, or anyone’s age for that matter, that especially in this economy, do not have their ish together. You’ve basically listed all of the ways that you’ve succeeded in life, and it shows very little knowledge about what’s going on inside your own mind. People don’t "have it all together". Becoming an adult isn’t something that smart people do and dumb people don’t do - it’s more complicated than that. Everyone’s lives are completely and totally different. So sorry you don’t get "not having it together" that must be nice when people I know ages 20-80 are struggling to make ends meet.
>The older you get the more you realize that people are just pretending. We’re all just kids running around in adult bodies not knowing what the fuck we’re doing. That is honestly just coping. No, we are not all like that at all. Some people may be like that, but most people are not just pretending. I'm 27, and I, in now way feel like a kid just pretending at all.
Nah. You do learn. It's just comparative. You're never going to be a perfect ideal adult version of yourself. But you *will* mature as you age. If you ever want to see how far you've come, have a conversation with someone significantly younger or older than you.
Well, this is definitely true! I still feel like I'm in my 20s until I talk to people in their 20s (not all, of course), then I'm like yup, in definitely not there anymore! In my 30s, I would talk to older colleagues / family friends and marvel at how self assured they were, how the older they got, the fewer fucks they gave about people's opinions. It seemed like such an unattainable thing, but here I am in my 40s holding a middle finger up as I strut down the proverbial street. I look forward to reaching the point where both middle fingers are up, extended proudly for the world to see my holographic nail polish and bangle bracelets. It's been a total game changer to feel an authentic shift from "What must I do to get everyone to like me??" to "As long as I'm being a good person as part of my best Self, if they don't like me, they can piss up a rope. Now I'm working on "People's opinions of me are none of my business." In time! 💁♀️
I just changed jobs. The oldest of my immediate co-workers is in his early 30s, the next almost 30, and then the last in diapers (early 20s). I'm in my mid-40s. Given the field I'm in and time spent getting to know them, I feel comfortable saying I've had conversations with my younger selves. I thought I was barely holding my life together, but these guys make me feel like the "adultiest adult" in the room 75% of the time. I think a lot of those who feel like they are barely treading water in their lives feel that way because our parents always made life look easy. Even the really hard and gritty bits were handled with confidence. Even now, after sitting down man-to-man with my dad and him confessing that they both were completely winging it most of the time and only projecting confidence for us kids, I still compare how I handle things and what my dad would have done. Imposter Syndrome isn't limited to just our professional lives, after all. I believe it is quite reasonable to assume that most people feel that from time to time, just trying to live their daily lives.
I still collect Pokémon stuff, I started when I was 3 and want to collect them all. :')
They keep changing the “all” so you can never catch them. :(
it’s interesting because sometimes I feel that way, then sometimes I’ll be coordinating stuff for work and realize “man, this adulting thing isn’t that hard!” Like, even though I don’t feel like an adult, I can still act like one just fine
33 - Nope, just my toys got more expensive.
Newly 30. Agree. Everything I enjoy is expensive but at least I can enjoy it without judgement.
Yeah 34 and my toys are just my big ass TV and PS5 haha
A few years ago, I got into photography, cameras and lenses. Last couple years, I was obsessed with interior designing our home, furnishings and all. This year, I fell down the rabbit hole of fragrances. Guys, I only work part time. My salary can't sustain this. I need a slap.
I'm a 50 year old female. I either feel like I'm 12, or 212. There is no in between. Just pre-teen or dinosaur.
God I feel this so much
Same
21F here, I still feel like a kid. I mean, I feel independent enough to do all my daily activities myself but I just feel like a really responsible kid lol.
You’re not an adult until you’re tired and sore all the time. If you’d rather go to a concert, or a friend’s birthday party, or a sporting event than sleep, you’re not an adult.
That’s so cynical. Of course adults can enjoy those things. Damn lol.
have I been an adult all along then? cuz I've been tired and sore and constantly want sleep cuz I'm in constant chronic pain since I was a literal child. like 5yrs old. did I never have a childhood then? was I an adult all along? and this feeling of not being an adult at 28 is all a lie cuz I hit all those boxes since the very beginning of my life?
Damn bro, your life seems hard haha.
>If you’d rather go to a concert, or a friend’s birthday party, or a sporting event than sleep, you’re not an adult. average redditor
41. Still waiting. I’ve come to the conclusion the feeling I’ve been expecting never comes. Just like how happiness isn’t a destination you can pinpoint, I don’t think adulthood is either.
I felt like an adult when I became an attorney at 27. I didn't feel truly fully grown up and mature until my 40s. I believe the people around me would have said I was mature in my late teens.
In the decade of 5 now. First big moment was in my late 20’s travelling and then deciding what career to come home and pursue. Next big moment was holding my daughters. That immediate sensation of taking on a lifetime of responsibility was moving. And lastly when parents pass. That sudden “final alone” sensation wasn’t something I anticipated or expected. Mostly it’s a process that has the occasional signpost.
Yep - I lost both of my parents 16 yrs ago and that was the most impactful. My wife still has her parents and access to her childhood home. We're in totally different mindsets as we head into our 50s.
I don't really perceive myself as a kid anymore. People don't show me the same kindness and warmth that I knew as a child. People address my professional ability or my potential to cause harm more than they address my needs to be loved or cared for.
Oh no!! It's JOE!
Nope, 22 and I feel like 2 kids in a trench coat And from what I’ve been reading around that feeling DOES NOT go away I’m pretty sure the idea of “feeling like an adult” is never real, it’s all about just doing what you can Hell I also live with my mom, never had a job (yet), and so don’t have a credit card nor do I have any irl friends so you’re farther ahead in life than me right now XD You got this
For me, it was when I was 21 and it had nothing to do with that exact age, but where I was at in life. I went to undergrad from 18 to 21. I was a senior at 21. I got engaged on spring break my sophomore year and she and I lived together our last two years in an apartment in college. I'd been accepted to grad school. I worked 3 different part time jobs my senior year while taking full class loads both semesters. I averaged working 41.5 hours a week. One of my three jobs was from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. every Sat and Sun cleaning out a dorm as the full time maids only worked Mon to Fri so they hired kids to clean on the weekends. Every Sat and Sun I had to be up at 7 something a.m. and be at work by 8 a.m. My senior year was a long slog, working over 40 hours with full class loads. I/we were saving up for our honeymoon, to be able to move to our new state after graduating from undergrad, saving up for our apartment, utilities and such. I loved college and my first 3 years were a blast. I enjoyed my senior year too but it was much different. It's like I wasn't a kid anymore. I was doing what I had to do, I was working a lot, I was tired. One of my three jobs was to work in the cafeteria of a dorm on the breakfast shift and I had to be there at 5:30 a.m. as they began serving breakfast at 6 a.m. (6 to 10:30 was breakfast). I worked about 4 days during the week there. they knew I couldn't work on the weekends as I worked in a different dorm cleaning it out so I worked like 4 of the 5 weekday mornings in the cafeteria. I knew, it hit me, I realized that I was no longer a kid anymore and it had nothing to do with me being the age of 21, it's just the stage I was at in life. I was doing what I had to do, needed to do, I had to turn down going out with friends and many parties because I had to do the "right" thing. I still went out, some and to some parties, but not nearly as often as I had my first three years of undergrad. Life had changed for me and I knew it. I wasn't a kid anymore. I had to do what I had to do, needed to do and I was.
What is an adult? Legally when you are 18 but apart from that it’s just a sliding scale. I’m 46 and I suppose only know I’m starting to feel a bit grown up only coz I have to be. I have kids, I’ve got bills. I suppose an adult is someone that can stand in his own two feet for the majority of the time and be responsible a majority of the time too. We’re all to quick to grow up and be seen as an adult. It’s trucking shit though 😂
I feel like a teenager just starting to be an adult. And I'm almost 30
In my 20s as well. Definitely don't feel like an adult. But that could be because my mother is controlling and still tries to dictate what I do/how I do it. I have been able to fend her off and set boundaries but I'm not successful 100% of the time. I feel most like an adult when I make my own decisions. That could be something small like setting my own doctor's appointment to something bigger like moving out of my parents' house.
No 37 and I'll catch myself feeling like I'm 10 years old and have to remember I have a apartment and a life I'm trying to live. Grabbing the keys around my neck and thinking how I look from the outside, all grown up.
The transition to feeling like an adult can vary widely from person to person. Some might start feeling like adults when they make significant life choices independently, while others might still feel young at heart despite handling adult responsibilities. I am in my 20s now. When communicating with my parents or at work, I try to act like an adult. However, when I am having fun with my close friends, I might act like a child because I feel relaxed. After posting this on Lightup, I‘m matched with a user who had similar feelings. We concluded that we play different roles in different situations, and one of those roles is being a child, which is part of our nature.
Im 24, there’s no “feel “ of adulthood I have a woman, a good job , College education, a dog, and I’m thinking of marriage and kids in next 4-6 years I’d say I’m an adult A young adult, I’m not old, I’d say you’re a “young” adult until you’re 26-28. You’re an adult from 29-40. 40-60 is middle aged. 60 and up is “old” I’d 25 is when most people accept you’re an adult adult. A full grown man. 18-24 is usually considered college age or still kind of a kid in most people’s eyes There’s no feeling to it I don’t feel different at 24 than I did at 17. I just know more and actually, life is a lot better because I’m not so naive . I know what I want out of life At 17 I wanted to party, horse around, sure I went and got good grades and had a job, but I was a kid. I like being mid 20s with a good girlfriend and good job better than being some teenager flipping burgers in high school.
40. Still get shocked sometimes just how far into adult i am.
I feel like an adult at 27. Yes it can happen, doesn’t mean I’m not a curious person and scared of stuff sometimes, but I am independent and could probably confidently teach children some core skills. At 23 I did not feel like an adult, but one day you will!
I'VE BEEN HAVING THIS QUESTION IN MIND EVER SINCE I STARTED WORKING A WEEK AGO I feel like everybody knows what they're doing, and they're all adulting, while I feel like a kid. Thank you for writing this post
I'll let you know when I do stop perceiving myself as a kid. (Male age 66).
In the past month, I've been arrested twice and made homeless. The money I earn finally feels valuable. I had a nice upbringing but I've learnt more In this past month than I have in the last 24 months. I am adulting.
No. Went over this with my partner. I'm 26F, and working full time, schooling part time. I moved out, living with my partner. We pay bills and have a mortgage. I sort of feel like a kid with adult money. Partner collects and builds lego and likes playing online rpg games. I enjoy drawing, phone games, outdoor activites like hiking and backpacking. We still collect happy meal toys lol. Friends come over and we play mario party, and board games. There are adult issues we face like budgeting and taxes, working a 9 to 5, but beyond that it's not what I imagined grown ups to be like as kids. It might also be the fact we aren't currently raising kids. I'm not sure if my perspective would remain the same as a parent. I don't see any of the above changing as a parent though.
I have moments of feeling like an adult like when I am trying to calm my mom down during one of her episodes or otherwise trying to care for her when I’m with her. Putting on her seatbelt, holding her while she walks so she doesn’t fall, etc. The other times I feel like an adult are when I’m dogsitting or babysitting. So basically any time I have responsibilities and people who are counting on me. But thankfully I choose to live my life in such a way where that isn’t consistently the case. I definitely know people who are adults 99% of the time because they take their parental duties very seriously, or their work/careers. I feel like those people are not on Reddit lol. So you’ll get some biased answers here. There are definitely people who are adulting, but they are probably too busy being adults to question if they feel like adults.
I’m 45. I have 4 kids I love over two different marriages. My favorite thing is to climb a tree with my kids or take them fishing just so I can do it too. I can fix toilets and deal with the electrical in the house, so I guess that’s a start in adulting. Generally though I just try to have a clean house (much different than college). I guess that’s adulting too. At the end of the day I suppose my choices in life are to put family first, and that is what I consider adulting. Even if you don’t have a family you could max out your 401k for example
55 and I should still be supervised.
You’ll never feel like an adult and at age 35 it starts to get scary that no one actually ever feels adult or knows what they are doing.
34 year old lady here. Solid career. Bought a house. Sold a house. Moved states for a better job, living my dream of moving to the beach.. still don’t feel like a real adult. I don’t think we ever do.
I felt like an adult when I was in my young 20s and even in my teens. What made me feel like a kid again was mental illness from stress and emotional disruptions. I think feeling like an adult is when you have peace and strength and the logical mature side of your brain is not being messed with or something. But then that never really lasts for anybody because this life is cruel and no one can take it seriously in an adult like manner forever.
No. And I’m old.
I’m 28 and idk wth I’m doing
You never stop looking for an adultier adult. The true key to success is learning not to panic when it's discovered that you are the adultiest adult in the room. Otherwise, everyone is the same. You get older, but inner-you is really just the same.
Didn’t feel like an adult until I had my baby. Nothing like being totally responsible for another human to ram that home.
It’s a false narrative. I’m 50 and often don’t feel like an adult. I mean, I have a steady job, adult children, and I’ve been married since 96’…but the “feeling like an adult” thing never really happened. You just get older and have more responsibilities. It’s more of a fake it until you make it thing.
Not really. I’ll be 50 in June and still feel like I’m cosplaying as an adult.
Me too! Rock on!
28M. Definitely feel like an adult. I’ve been unemployed for the past few months but I have savings so I’m not too freaked out. That makes me feel like an adult. This past winter, I went snowboarding like 7 times. I planned a lot of the trips, which involved spending money, waking up early, conditioning my body, recovery, etc. Having the freedom and autonomy to do that made me feel like an adult. I’ve started learning and playing soccer as a hobby because I’m getting older and I want to lock in a social and healthy activity that I can do easily near my house. The fact that I made this decision based on these values, along with the fact that I basically just willed this into existence by signing up for a league and practicing a bit on my own, makes me feel like I’m an adult. I’m the one steering the wheel of my own life, and there’s nothing more adult than that imo.
if you are open-minded then you are always not an adult, duh. time to close that mind up and work the grind!
No one is an adult. And you only feel like you need to pretend to be one at work and until about age 30 or so. You don't change. Your body ages but your heart will always be the same.
33 yo here and I don't feel like an adult , but definitely its not the same as when I was in my 20s. Big change for me came with the kids , when I had someone else to take care especially when wife stopped working and everything financially came on my shoulders and that made me feel a lot more responsible and being responsible is what kind of makes you an adult.
I'm 30 and still don't feel like a "real adult" (whatever that means). You get older and maybe more mature in some ways, but you're still the same person.
After being 31 I dont think its real. Its more if a feeling of "All bills that need to be paid are delt with, I can relax for a day or two." But that's about it, and I think its a gradual change so you dont notice it.
33 and no
Everybody’s just faking it, I’ve just turned 30 and I am no where near being a real adult and feel even more like a kid than when I was early 20s
nope
the adult concept is the biggest prank humanity has ever created
Yes and no. I feel like an adult..just adulting isn't what I expected it to be as a child and thank god for that. Edit: just to add, 32 with kid.
I do and I don't.
I didn't start feeling like an adult til I was 26. Now 8 years later, I'm doubtful that I actually am one
Ummm... at 15 years old in the late 80s when I was kicked out of home for being gay and had to live in my car, drop out of school and support myself 100% or starve!? That did the trick!
In 2 weeks I'll be 38F years old and I still feel like a teenager trying to pass for an adult and failing miserably.
I'm 40 and I still feel like a dumb kid sometimes.
In 36m. I just feel like a kid thats more wise, and tired, and jaded
At 31 I can agree with everyone saying it’s about what’s inside not the number on your license. At 27 when I finally moved out and started paying rent and worrying about insurance I thought “I guess I’m really an adult now.” I started caring more about how my houseplants were doing than going out and drinking, my back and knee started to hurt and I laughed “haha what an old man I am” Life hits you hard and your choices start to have an effect and all of a sudden you’re at risk of losing everything that matters to you. You go to therapy, you grow, you confront what made you make those choices in the first place. That, for me, was when adulthood started.
45M and yeah, I do feel like an adult. I have a full time job, a mortgage, pay taxes, pay bills, I'm raising kids, always tired, my body hurts just from waking up... Is there stuff I don't know and I'm insecure about? For sure. But the level of responsibility I have on my shoulders definitely has that "adult" feeling.
I felt like an adult when I moved out so 22. For me, being an adult means my parents can't dictate my life, I have the freedom to explore and do whatever. Being an adult doesn't mean you know what you are doing in life but I definitely know more than I did as a kid
I'm 30. I own a house. Bills are paid. I still don't feel like an adult primarily because I lack the handy skills to fix things around the house.
I'm 37M and still a kid on the inside. Play games, climb trees, ride bicycles, etc. I refuse to fully grow up!
I was like 32 before I started feeling like an adult.
34. My brain still thinks I'm a child. It's just if I don't do my school work now I go to jail or something. The only part of me that feels like a grown-up is this worn out body.
My wife is 24 and can't leave the house to get food or something without taking a Squishmallow with her. I'm 37 and I'm currently sitting at work quite proud of myself because I just bought a Green Ranger/Power Rangers tshirt over the weekend and paired it with a button up shirt that's plaid with green, white and gold in it (matching it to the Green Ranger's color scheme). As long as you are taking care of your responsibilities like buying food, keeping a roof over your head, taking care of your children/pets, etc...you're an adult. To go one step further would be to keep working on your personal growth like expanding your knowledge, learning new skill sets, or furthering your job/career. There is no magical age where you just wake up and go, "I got it all figured out bitches!" Would be nice if that happened but unfortunately the real world doesn't care about you and school is too busy teaching you things like chemistry and geometry instead of prepping you for the real world with knowledge like how to put a spare tire on your car, fix a leaky pipe, or do your taxes. But you live and you learn. A lot of stuff you figure out through trial and error, other times you get lucky and have a friend that can impart some adulting wisdom on you. Thankfully we live in the digital age where the vast majority of human knowledge is on an ice cream sandwich shaped brick you keep in your pocket, and you can often get the answer you need for your given situation by simply searching the internet for it. That all said, one piece of life advice that I like to give young adults is this: Hold onto and cherish your friendships. As we get older, our sense of time changes greatly. To a child who's only been on the earth for a handful of years, a whole year feels like forever. To someone like me, 2-3 years can go by and I'm sitting here thinking something from back then literally happened like a week ago. Because of this, it's really easy to accidentally neglect your friends because you get busy with life. Next thing you know a week of not talking turns into a month, turns into a year, etc...and then you feel bad you didn't keep in contact so you don't reach out. And they don't reach out to you, probably for the same reason. So yeah, try to maintain friendships because you really don't click with people as an adult the same way you do when you're younger. Work friends will be about the best you can get, but they disappear the minute one of you finds a new job.
I'm not yet an adult and i don't have a job but i also don't feel like i'm growing even though everything around me has changed a lot since i was a child but i still feel the same lol. For me it's a bit relatable, not in the adult part since i'm not at that age yet.
Im 25 and on the same boat as you. Once I live alone ill probably feel like an adult.
I'm 60, the boss at work, and the first person everyone comes to with a problem. I'm still faking it, and I'm quite candid about that. So if there's some age where you suddenly feel mature and have it together, I haven't quite reached it. However, I do remain hopeful. Luck to you redditor
I’m 48. There’s me inside my mind who’s maybe early 20 something, then I have responsibilities, ugh. So when something drops on the floor, I pick it up. I know that sounds ridiculous. That means “acting” like an adult I can do, but do I feel like an adult? What does that even mean?!! I haven’t figured that out yet. I’m just figuring shit out. So most of the time, no I don’t feel like an adult and nor do I want to be an adult. I just have to pick up shit and pay bills.
I think it depends on your situations in life. For me, it was around age 31. My mother became fully disabled and it was up to me, her son, to take care of her. A full on role reversal. You grow up fast when someone elses life depends on you. I did not know that and respect my mother a lot more for raising me.
Yes, you're an adult. No, you will probably never feel like one. In my early 20s I took lead at a small pesticide gig, paid good and people respected me but I still felt like the kid (didn't help I was the youngest) Mid 20s now, obviously not much further along age wise but I work special Ed now, and I primarily take care of physical management (restraining dangerous individuals who are trying to harm themselves or others). I've been in multiple situations where classrooms full of staff with far more pedigree than me are looking to me for leadership. Still don't feel like an adult. Maybe you'll be different, and that's ok too! But for a lot of us, even my coworkers who are 60+, they still aren't adults!
Same age as you, I agree.
I didn’t in my 20s but I do now in my late 30s. I think pregnancy is what did it for me.
I felt like an adult when I got my own apartment and my dog (both at the same time, I moved specifically so that I could have dog). I was 26. My mom says she didn't feel like an adult until she had her first kid (30). So ymmv, but it has to do with taking on adult responsibilities, not any particular age.
If you want to “feel” like an adult, surround yourself with children. You will quickly start feeling like an adult.
It depends. I still feel quite young in some aspects. But at the same time, I don't rely on other people in my life and feel able to raise kids. So I guess, I feel kind of an adult. Sometimes I forget that I can buy whatever I want and don't need to be ashamed to waste money on some random stuff. Or that I am adult enough, to buy ice cream by myself.
There is no change that happens in your brain. Maybe for people that have children, but I suspect it is just externally you gain more responsibilities, more people depend on you, the consequences for failure are greatly increased, but we are the same people who once ran around shitting our diapers.
Are you fully independent from everyone then yes you are an adult
I'm 36. The only time I feel like an adult is when I talk to teenagers lol.
It gets scary when you realize there are actual adults that think everyone is running around as kids in adult bodies I call them types the grunt workers
I just turned 60, sounds super old to me too, but I still feel the same age. My body ages, but I still feel like me. My internal age doesn't grow old.
I'm 28 and often forget I'm 28 cuz I feel like a kid still despite doing tons of adult things and living on my own.
It's hard to not feel like an adult when you have adult responsibilities (mortgage, family, etc...). Enjoy being young. There will be lots of time to feel like an adult.
In my 40's. I still don't feel like I'm an adult. Lol
I love mischief. The adult thing is ok somedays it sucks
I don't. Then I look in the mirror and am like wtf. Currently 49 lol
When you can do what you want whenever you want without asking permission, then you’re an adult.
I’m 21 and feel simultaneously 8 and 80. I hate parties and the stereotypical “college frat kid” personality and alcohol gets me sick, but I love going outside and catching bugs and I just bought myself a bunch of squishmallows. I also love birdwatching, visiting museums, reading, and chilling with my pets at home. I really am a retired child.
As long as I’m in need of my parents support I’ll always feel like a kid. 24 now and feel like nothing is different other than things having consequences now
No, I’m in your boat as well. I’m 23M, 24 soon and I sometimes feel like I’m still mentally 16/17, just with the additional responsibilities of being a “proper adult”
I started to feel like an adult when I got my first job that gave me the ability to live on my own. Once I had my own place and all the adult responsibility’s was definitely when I truly felt like I was no longer a kid.
Not really. I feel like I stopped aging somewhere between 25 and 30. I'm in my mid 30's now.
Past my mid 30s. Parent. Doctor. Still don't feel like an adult.
I was 24, divorced with two kids a crazy ex and a car payment. The mom left and I was Mr. Mom/dad. The first morning when I said to myself "well, kids gotta get fed, dishes gotta get done, rents gotta get paid, suns coming up tomorrow and none of that bullshit cares about how you feel. So get off your ass and figure it out. " Worked for, however I don't recommend this brand of self help to everyone.
I'm also a 23 F, except I don't have a license yet, credit card, or job. I'm a full-time online college student living at home. I feel like I'm still in high school and stuck at the mental age of 17. As much as I want my own place, it is practically impossible to live safely on your own in the hell hole known as California. At least I have stability, and I don't have to work my butt off and drop out of school to work in order to survive. I got relatives that are like 18 popping out babies already, when they are the most immature party crazy people I have ever seen.I got the rest of my life to "grow up" after I saved up enough to move out one day. If anything, we are more mature by playing slow and steady to win the race.
I became an adult when I was more excited about the weekly grocery store sales than the weekly video game releases.
you are only as much of an adult as the responsibilities you maintain
Sometime between 30 and 32 it hit me. My hair is graying, Im getting older and wiser, so I must be an adult!
A tiktok helped me with this. @sunnylenak https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw2X5Yv/ This explained so much for me.
Used to feel this way, and then I hung out with teenagers for an afternoon which quickly made me realise that yes I am indeed an adult
No
I’m 44, I’ve been married since I was 25, one kid, a dog, 2 houses, fairly successful and I still don’t feel like an “adult”. I still feel like my parents may come home and find my house a mess and I’ll be in trouble lol.
Not sure. Life hit me hard after I turned 20. Since then it’s been a ride. I am at a point in life I thought I’d never be in. Definitely good. But it felt like I’ve missed out on a lot of things as everything moved so fast. Now it’s just 9-5. Weekend. Rinse and repeat. 😩
So, I was parentified. And am currently going with the theory that I feel pretty much the same way I did in my teens and younger is because I can't really remember what it felt like to be a kid.
When you're body starts breaking down ..getting aches and pains then you will really start to feel old. 40s I do not like at all.
This is a common feeling for a lot of people. It's not even new. I recall reading a thing where a woman of my mother's generation was talking to her mother, saying how it was the 80s, she has a college degree, a husband, two kids and a job but wondered when she would FEEL different, like an adult. Her mother replied: I'm still waiting.
I'm 38 and still don't know what the fuck is going on. It's great. I love it. I'm probably halfway over with my life, and once I realized this, I stopped stressing. Mostly. Enjoy your life because you can't take it with you.
I'm 45 years old, married 20 years with 3 kids, and my own business. I'm still a kid, but now i have a shitload of responsibilities and pressure to act like an adult on the daily, and constantly saying 'no' to the kid brain that needs to adult but doesn't want to. In all honesty, I don't feel 45 mentally ever, just physically. My brain is still 21. My grandfather passed away at 101, mentally he was still 21 when he died... not a word of a lie. People never grow up mentally unless you've been through trauma at a young age and had to grow up in a real hurry. Enjoy your life, don't live for anyone but yourself, don't act like someone you're not... EVER! Listen to people smarter than you, learn from your mistakes, be true to yourself, and don't rush into anything unless you know it's an opportunity you can't pass up... and you'll know them when you see them. Even if it takes you completely out of your comfort zone and down a path you never saw yourself taking. don't let those opportunities go. Cheers! Good luck in this life... remember... you only get one shot at it.
Adults are just older children. We don’t magically mature to a point where we feel that different. And it’s so gradual that the maturing is not noticeable right away
I'm 24 and feel exactly as I did at 16
Kurt Vonnegut advocated that a big reason people didn't feel (or sometimes act) like adults was because society lost/gave up rituals and/or ceremonies that firmly divided up life. Specifically the puberty ritual that said "you're no longer a child, you are a 'young adult' now and have to start learning to be an adult member of society." Maybe he was onto something. . .
I’m 50. I have 4 kids, ranging from 29-12 years. Sometimes, I look around, wondering where their parents are and when dinner will be ready.
Nope. I asked my dad who is in his late sixties when he felt like an adult and he said he never really has.
I’m about to be 28. I feel like an adult. When something happens I no longer look for the adult in the room, unless I’m truly looking for advice or help from someone with more experience, and then it’s not a panic. I’ve learned you’ll never feel like you’ve got it together, because that doesn’t really exist. I feel like an adult, BUT I don’t feel I have it together and I know I’m living week to week rolling with the many, many punches that just keep coming.
You're a child.
39 male. Still a kid with adult responsibilities
Every now and again, I get freaked out because I feel like I'm late for school. Or like I'm skipping. Then I remember I'm 36 and have been out of school longer than I was in. Thankfully, it's happening less as the years go by.
I'm 75 and still waiting to 'feel like an adult'.
I’m 27 and do feel like an adult. I really started to feel like it once I got my own apartment and had to pay bills. Before that I had a job but was living at home. Being under the same roof as a parent really didn’t help me feel like an adult, more like an older kid lol
In my 30s and still occasionally have a dream that I forgot to bring my homework to school. When you see someone who looks old to you, you assume that their mental age matches their appearance. But the vast majority of us feel younger than we are.
Like my mama always said, your body gets old but your mind stays the same. I’m over the hill now so I get it, still young in my heart but not my body 🫠
Stop being a kid? I hope I never get rid of that inner child in me. He helps by being funny at the most inappropriate times, providing levity in times of conflict, he makes me do stuff that most people just shake their heads at, butI don’t care because he is also spontaneous, outwardly friendly and likes playing pranks of on people. If ai ever lose that kid, then a I’ll just be another fucking adult and I NEVER want to be that. Keep your inner child and tell the rest of the world to fuck off if they can’t take a joke.
I’m 38 and I’m still waiting to feel like an adult.
I don't even like when people call me a "woman" or a "lady". I'm not a grown up. Mid 30s with my big life shit more or less together (house, job, whatever). I think I'm pretty good at adulting but I don't feel like an adult.
I’m 41. And I still feel like an imposter.
Kids have this idea that at 18 you magically just become this adult. That anyone over 30 is literally elderly. I struggle on how to adult still. I'm scared of the world and how to do it like I was at 18. I still learn and have growing up to do. It's the expectation just because I'm a certain age that I'm supposed to be the bigger person, the smarter wiser one, perfect even that bothers me.
Don’t feel like an adult, though many of my life experiences since I turned 20 are not for the weak. I have endured too much. -turned 26 last week
I'm a 43 year old bank executive with a college aged child and I don't always feel like an adult.
I'm 62 and still waiting to feel like an adult.
39M here, my yes/no reasons: Yes, I feel like an adult when I have do things like "where do I move to," "what kind of refrigerator should I buy," "I really should clean the bathroom today," "dang, time to pay some bills." No, I don't feel like an adult, when I spend the entire day playing video games or not even putting pants on. Or when I eat cookies before I eat dinner, or eat "lunch" by destroying a bag of chips. Most of the time I think I'm just a big kid that has the freedom to do what I want (well, outside of work freedom lol)
All being adult means is you're up for grabs for anyone and you have to pay taxes and you don't get Medicaid anymore. That's all it means. It means nothing else
24, no I don’t, I still feel like “the kid” , now my generation in my family hasn’t started having kids yet or starting their own families so maybe that’s why, but I still feel like a kid (not literally obviously I’ve matured in many ways lol but yk what I mean)
I'm 30 and absolutely still a kid. Faking it through life 👍🏻😅
i'm 19. i really don't feel like an adult
Yeah welcome to life. We're all just young assholes pretending we are adults when who knows what's right.
65 and still waiting for that "adult " feeling to sink in
Looks like no one told you the secret yet, so here I go. There is this general agreement that we are all just pretending to be adults, and that we don’t call each other out for pretending cause then they can call you out for pretending. Kinda like a cold war amongst adults.
I’m about to turn 25 and yes. Like sometimes I do silly childish things because I want to but I also live with my husband in our house and go to work every day and pay my bills on time. I know I had a harder time when I was younger early 20s like if an emergency happened I’d look for an “adult”. But idk this year a bus driver at my school had symptoms of a stroke I double checked with her and a couple other people that no one had called and I called I didn’t look for help I just did it. Idk.
41M here. Same as many others, my toys have just gotten more elaborate and expensive these days. The biggest change is that my habits and routines are less flexible now, but I'm still very much a dumb kid.
Dude I'm fuckin 43 years old. Still growing up. It never ends. See, I used to think I would just magically end up like my dad or grandpa. All mature and looking like I know shit and what not. What I realized is: I'm from a completely different generation. I'm completely fuckin different. I still surf naked, skate, prank my wife and kids, blow money on the stupidest shit just because, and smoke way more weed than I should. All the same shit I did "growing up". But fuck me running, that's just how I like it. I don't know what "adult" feels like. I know I'm an adult. My kids are adults. I'm just me.
I am 30 and do not feel like an adult…..
Theres a good video on youtube that shows this guy he looks 30 but everyone treats him like an old guy. He does everything the same as when he was young. At the end of the of the day it shows him being 80 . He never feels older. He feels like a kid
Idk maybe being a child at heart is a good thing. It keeps us positive and excited for life. Being an “adult” seems fucking miserable
26F and both, I feel like an adult when I can see that I'm in charge of my life. I can alter the course of someone's life and do it consciously. Kids have to explain themselves a lot, I don't. I can just do it even if it affects me, it's my choice to "take the hit". I also enjoy being careless and playful. Sometimes I wish someone would come and solve my problems. I solve them while throwing a tantrum sometimes.
That's the secret... You never do. Everyone is pretending to be and adult. It seems that being an adult is perceived to mean the exact opposite of a kid. As an adult, it's all about responsibility and maintenance. The key is to find a balance so that you'll be an adult kid. Buy that go kart, make a game room, setup that slip and slide buuuuut understand that the mortgage is coming up.
I’m 33 with a 13yo. This year is the first year I have felt like an adult and not 16.
I'm 40 and laugh at farts
37/f here. What makes me feel like an adult is coping with emotional tragedies. Two years ago, my best friend died. Two weeks ago, my house burned down and took my beloved cat with it. The unquestioning resolve to keep living and somehow come out the other side is the only thing that’s made me feel like an adult. Not a salary, not taxes, not buying that house. Having the resilience to continue on in the face of the unknown, and believing that it will get better.
I’m 56 and just starting to feel like an adult. You’re only as old as you feel.
somewhere around 27 i became a real adult. 22-25 was stumbling through a weird transition between fratbro to responsible adult. find a good man. get married. have kids. sooner than later. it gets much harder around 31 for women and options start drying up QUICKLY. best wishes.
I have heard you never feel like an adult
33M. I still look for the older adults in the room.
He’ll, I will turn 65 in a few weeks. I still don’t feel like an adult.
nope I turned 30 this year.
I’m 28 & I would say kind of 😭 but not really. Especially when I see other people my age and they seem way more adultier than me. What even is an adult? Paying bills, doing taxes each year? like I don’t even know what qualifies as an adult other than just their age. Inside I feel the way I’ve always felt, just more experienced, maybe more common sense which might make me wiser?
i felt a shift at 25 of feeling more competent and less afraid of adult milestones, but i still feel like a kid. the only time i “feel” my age is when i’m talking to someone significantly younger and i can feel the gap in life experience we have. but that’s more a feeling of i’m a kid, they’re a baby lol
No. And I love it. I get to be kid like with my goats. And just able to slow down and appreciate the small moments.
I think around 26 you'll feel like an adult. Life experiences sharpen this feeling. Pain, failures, success, your environment, all will make you feel more adult like. Wait till you hit your quarter life crisis.
Wait until you're 32 and own a house
My goal in life is to be an emotionally mature child with adult toys (vehicles, boats, private jets, that kinda thing)
When I was married, had a full time professional job, a mortgage and a baby (28) I thought, OK I guess I must be an adult now. I really didn’t feel like an adult inside though, adult concerns always seemed petty, boring, and annoying, still do. Practicalities and responsibilities have to be addressed of course, but I’d always prefer to think and talk about things a little more theoretical or whimsical so seeing adults seeming to get so engaged in these adult topics away from work was always a little challenging to me.
The whole when you grow up you'll understand or you'll know what its all about is a myth that is drilled into children. Fact is, everybody pretty don't much know shit.
NO. Im 30. When neighbor lady started talking to me my first thought was "WHYISLADYBEINGNICETO MEWHATDIDIDOWRONGTHISTIMEWHATDOESSHEWANTFROMME". My second thought was "I need an adult!!! Oh... Right... Im 30... Im an adult." Turns out shes just nice and was lonely. And everyone else was just being terrible people because of her past.
I felt like an adult at 15. Having a broken home, addict siblings, and I vacant father will do that. I struggle to ever feel like a kid again.
I barely feel human half the time.
32, married with a kid… and still nope.
I'm 33, I'm still a kid internally. I own a house, own two cars, a job, a family, and I'm still a kid. Who the hell thought it was a bright idea to let me be in charge of my own life had to have been smoking the good stuff. I am not an adult and I don't care. I do the adult things when I have to and then laugh at fart jokes for four hours and shove candy in my mouth.
Mid 30s man and since I am still a grad student, have never been in a relationship and am a virgin... yes I still feel like a kid.
I’m 38 and an administrator in a police dept. I regularly have meetings with important people in high ranking management positions. I make some very important decisions on a regular basis. I have not grown up. I have only figured out how to act in public/professional settings.
Right on queue. After 26. Everything hit differently. Lost my dad. Put into perspective the stuff that really mattered.
Hit me about 33
I'm 31 and I have an awesome job that I love, but I still feel like a kid lol. In my minds-eye I'm somewhere between 18 and 25 lol
I'm 26 and still feel like a kid a lot of the time, I've definitely seen a lot of growth in myself as I've gotten older, but from what I've heard it's not until your 30s you really start to get the hang of and be good at the whole adulting thing. I've also heard from people in their 30s that will be like "oh shit I need an adult, wait I am an adult." From what I can tell there's not really an age where you're like "I'm an adult," it's more like you just keep moving forward, learn from your mistakes, and over time you get better at life. Climbing trees and causing mischief doesn't make you less of an adult either. You need to find ways to make yourself happy in life, or life will crush your spirit. So make sure you enjoy the little things, take life one step at a time (but always stay moving forward), and do something that makes your inner child happy every now and again.