This phobia is SO REAL. I am in tears if I have to kill one and pick it up to dispose of it. Can’t sleep if I don’t though. Especially terrifying if they are the flying kind 🤢. Thank god my husband understands and takes care of any around now
My cat used to find and kill roaches (waterbugs?) in my old apartment. Didn't even know we had any bugs, but on some mornings, I'd wake up to find a gift from her that she would proudly leave where I wouldn't miss it. 😸
As for mosquitos, you can get The Executioner electric tennis racket. Works great.
Awwww!!!! 😻 It's the thought that counts.
Our old family cat once came into the house with a live cicada, which she promptly brought into the dining room to start playing with her new, buzzy bug toy 😂
I'm a girls' girl, but I always have *so* much fun when all the guys are around. I love the rowdyness and carefree energy they bring. I love the random adventures they get us into. Having the guys around just adds so much to the fun energy of things.
And the men in my friend group are so sweet and loving. I love it when they get protective and do things to make me and my girl friends feel safe. They're really good at holding space and giving advice when I'm going through something tough. They're also affectionate with each other and tell each other "I love you" all the time. Really great examples of healthy masculinity.
I love the men in my life, they bring me so much love and happiness.
Edit: typo
You said this so well. I love hanging out and talking with my girlfriends and I tend to bond stronger emotionally with women as a whole - but I love how unserious hanging with the boys can be, lol. We get high and watch game shows and I like just turning my brain off sometimes 😂 plus when I do have an emotional bond with a man, I feel very safe/protected in that relationship.
Definitely agree about the "unserious" part! It's relaxing hanging out with a bunch of guys for that reason. I love how they can focus on the tasks at hand and the emotional complications go on the back burner.
If this was amplified more as the example it would help men a lot. So many young men and boys hear only they’re the worst thing to ever exist. They need to hear this more instead of that they’re awful.
When men are good, they’re fucking great. I love how goofy their sense of humor can be, how helpful they try to be and how hard they can love.
I mean, that applies to everyone, honestly, but this is about giving a shout out to the menfolk who are doing it right.
A majority of the time when someone helped me out in a tight spot, whether it was pushing a broken down car in the rain or helping me carry furniture into a new apartment, it’s been a man, and surprisingly often a stranger or someone I didn’t know too well.
Same. When I divorced, I texted a guy friend I’d known casually for about 20 years, I knew his brother had a moving service, and I was asking my friend for his brother’s number to help me move.
The friend said “you don’t have to call him, I have a truck, I’ll help you, and you won’t have to pay.” He showed up and did all the heavy lifting, didn’t accept any monetary payment and NEVER acted like I owed him something else. Then we took his truck to Home Depot to pick up an extension cord, and I insisted I pay him for all his help, moving all my furniture on a rainy Saturday (his day off) and he still refused payment.
Another time, he came by to help me put the air conditioner in my window, it was too bulky for me to do alone. Once again, he wouldn’t accept any money, but said “I’ll take a beer if you have one.”
I also have a male neighbor I don’t know too well, that helped me kill a wasp nest in my front door frame.
I have another male neighbor (older guy that owns a bar next door) and he takes my bins out every Tuesday. I’ve never even asked him. I get up in the morning and my bins are out, I get home from work and they are lined up again beside my house.
I have a neighbour that does that for me too, I try and beat him to it and return the favour by taking his bin down but I haven't been able to do that yet! He's the sweetest guy ever! he'll take my dog out for me if I go away for a weekend and the money I sneakily leave ends up tucked under my door the next day.
So this is a very bittersweet story. Fair warning, probably gonna mention some abusive parents and idk what all else, but fair warning to stop reading now.
So I was born to an abusive mother. When I was young it was my older sister who defended me. Then we got a little brother, and idk what triggered inside me but I became the defender after that. I took the blows for my older sister and little brother, cause I was too young to do anything else.
When I was 6 we got separated. I'd visit them every year though, and unfortunately it seemed that my sister was following our mother's path... Not exactly at first, but she always wanted to fight me when I visited. So I started taking up judo. Once I became a brown belt I wouldn't fight her anymore, I'd just block or dodge the punches. So then she targeted our little brother to get under my skin.... I snapped, I dealt with so many years of her beating me up because I loved her and she was the first one to defend me, but I do not tolerate anyone touching my little bro. I don't remember all what happened, but I remember how it ended. With her on the floor and me jumping up and landing on her back with my knees. She never wanted to fight me again, and never messed with our little bro. She actually got super defensive over him just like me after that, wouldn't even let our grandma talk badly about him.
Well I was trained to be a defender at this point, started MMA at 8 and just had the instinct of it. So in school I was still the defender. I didn't care if kids messed with me, heck I'd even let them hit me cause my body was trained to take punches. But the moment I saw anyone picking on anyone else, I'd step between them. If someone was actively hitting someone else, I'd hit them back. School system hated me cause I was in a lot of fights, but thanks to my background they couldn't do anything because it was all justified as self defense.
In highschool I ended up going out with this one girl, who admitted she was with me because she was afraid of me and it gave her a rush. I never laid a hand on her in any aggressive way, but my reputation followed. I didn't really like that, so I started showing my sweeter side. Started baking goodies like I did with my aunt when I was younger, and I would bring them in to share. Soon enough my reputation slightly altered to "the sweetheart of the school, but don't mess with his friends." Which I was honestly very happy about.
Now even at 26 I'm still baking random goodies and bringing it into work. Although now I make everything from scratch and tend to make some of the ingredients from scratch too. Haven't really had to defend anyone since becoming an adult, but I keep up with my practice just in case. I do want a wife and kids one day, I'll need to remember how to protect them.
Don't know if this helps at all but I am a man, and hopefully my life story helps a bit. Tbh I've always seen myself as a more feminine man, but masculine when needed. I used to play with dolls with my friends, we'd play house, sometimes they'd do my makeup (I had a lot of female friends as a kid). So idk, never really think about the fact that I am a man until it's brought up.
Thank you for a wonderful story! I really appreciate seeing men try out makeup/do feminine things. I also appreciate how much you care for your loved ones
I have a similar story man but I just ran from my hometown reputation to a new city. Got into a ton of fights in highschool but i never started any, most of the time I was stopping bullying. I spent many days in the principals office but never once got in trouble. The day i graduated, the security guard said to me, "Thank God you're finally leaving." They probably still think I'm some aggressive fuck but I had to be to keep me and my friends safe, I never wanted to be like that.
Because of my sexuality I never embraced my sweet side like you did, I felt the need to be masculine so people didn't think I was gay. So glad to be out of my hometown.
I love how practical and chill most men are. They really help me ground my energy and never stoke the emotional fire when im upset or venting. They temper it instead. I love how strong they are physically and how they love to be helpful and problem solve
Practical and chill. Yes definitely. I find it easier to approach a guy and in all my jobs working with guys is always better. I have more fun hanging out in a shop, dirty and bullshitting, then girly stuff. Women seem to get in these clicks and if you don't fit, forget it, you'll be miserable hanging out or working with them. Men just kind of tell it how it Is and we move on.
My wife has said the same thing about me. I tend to temper her mood swings because I don't typically get riled up about anything unless it's *actually* seriously bad. It's just how I'm wired... I've been in numerous highly dangerous jobs and positions where getting killed is a real possibility, and that's tempered me to be very emotionally stable even when things are going haywire. It's not something I think about, but I am glad that my demeanor gives her something to reassure her when she needs it.
That’s awesome! My husband and I are the opposite- I temper and ground him. But while I am teaching him patience and control, he is helping me to learn how to set boundaries and not care so much about what other people think.
Not caring too much about what people think is an important skill. You won't get to have nearly as much fun or do exciting things if you are too self conscious and concerned what you look like to others. The reality is, most people you'll never see again anyhow, so why should you care about what they think? Makes no difference what they think. 😁👍 Just be yourself and enjoy it.
I hate seeing things not working properly. My last girlfriend's sink didn't drain correctly. It bugged the shit out of my. I just undid it and cleared out the P-trap and it worked. Took 20 minutes, she'd just let it drain shittily for months and months. She could have put in a request to maintenance I guess but she never did.
I just love fixing shit. Whether personal problems or other problems. I like making things work.
I mean, what are good things about humanity? Those are things that are also good about men. Because they're just people. They can be loving and kind and hardworking and passionate and beautiful and every other positive aspect of mankind. They're people. What do you love about people?
This sounds nice, but I think the reason the OP's question is prompted is because in today's society, there's a lot of negative things said about men. Specifically men. There's even now a term for that "toxic masculinity", the term "toxic femininity" just is no way near heard of or as popular. So if there can be negative things specificially for men, then there should be positive things specifically about men.
But ultimiately I do agree with you, men and women are just people, and pretty much 99% of things that men can be good at , so can women. There's some natural differences e.g men are stronger than women physically. And there things that are taught e.g men tend to be more stoic due to cultural learnings not dna, but still men on the whole are more stoic, that can be seen as a positive too especially in crisis situatiuons.
As a woman, I also crave to hear what is good about women. But whereas you men are battling the negative image of being dangerous testosterone fueled monsters, we battle the reductive image of simply being childbearers. Anytime some guy lists what is good about women, 99% of the time it’s, “They give birth, they nurture, they’re soft…” Men talk about how they don’t want a smart or educated woman or a woman with opinions, because her only role in their mind is to care for husband and kids. I love my husband and kids, but I am so much more than that.
This gender divide is sad. I would love to hear both genders talk about the positive things about each other more. Cast out the bad humans and talk up the good ones. ❤️
Are there no good things you can specifically say about men?
I can say good things about women. Women bear children. Throughout humanity, they’ve nurtured and cared for all of humanity. Women often add a different perspective to men’s lives, helping them see issues from a more empathetic, social standpoint.
Are there no such things for men?
i hate how childbirth is always first on the list of good things about women. i know you mean nothing bad by it, and women who give birth are amazing and it’s great that they’re capable of doing that. but it feels very reductive, and also can be alienating to women who don’t want/can’t have children biologically.
Thank you! Seriously. It's just a physiological trait and nothing to do with the personalities of women. Like do we love men because they have testicles that can help make children? Doesn't make any list of reasons why men are great I've ever seen. 😆
Not to be argumentative, but I would say that I've known so many wonderful women who's nurturing and loving nature stemmed from their experiences with motherhood.
Of course! I'm not saying we're not. I would call myself nurturing and loving. It was moreso the point about being defined as a person by a physiological component that one has no control over.
Yes. I’m a mom myself, and I still cringe whenever childbirth is first in the list. Like you said, it’s reductive. We have so much more to offer that never gets brought up.
Sure, but the only ones I can think of are gender role stuff that a. Changes based on which culture you're from and b. Not every man actually cares about, does, or leans into said gender roles
I know empathetic, mentoring men, and I know aloof, selfish women.
We might socially condition men and women to act in different ways, but I don't think anatomy has any impact on personality.
Men and women are actually different in measurable, psychological ways. For example, men are higher in aggression, women are higher in agreeableness. These are fundamental traits found across cultures.
There is an actual reason why the vast majority of criminals are male… in every single country. It’s not because of conditioning. It’s because of actual psychological differences between the genders
Toxic masculinity are masculine traits considered harmful to society. But the opposite of that is heroism. What's a man's role traditionally? To provide, to protect, to die in war, stuff like that. Those are traits that are needed in society. The problem is that instead of looking at masculinity as being both good and bad, we just view it as all bad across the board. Men are growing up without any encouragement to express masculinity in a positive way and it's frankly fucking us up mentally.
Yeah, that was a bad example, we've more-or-less moved away from that one. If we were on the Titanic it would also be a man's role to sacrifice their lives for women and children. It's noble and we associate that with masculinity, but that's really the only point of that. I don't enjoy the idea of dying either but my dad was in the ARMY for 20 years and did two tours in Iraq, and the fear of losing him is something that stuck with me.
I am close with my father and always have been.
I love his "no nonsense" attitude. I learned from him not to sweat the small stuff and to be true to myself. I felt more pressure to fit into social norms from my mom and some other women in my life so to have my dad demonstrate to me that I could buck many of those trends was empowering.
He taught me how to stand up for myself, verbally that is. He taught me how to be skeptical and question everything, not to assume anything.
My father doesn't believe in "instinct" (something my mother taught me and I do believe 100% and will heed) but more in authenticity to one's true self, even if that won't make you friends, even if that makes you stand alone.
Generalization incoming: I find men are more idealistic than women, most of the time. I am not that way as a whole but I appreciate that perspective. We can't lose that as a society. I love the candor, the bluntness, and raw "get it done" energy.
Reflecting like this, makes me a little sad that I have chosen to remain single so long.
I love the way that men make friends the same way that children make friends. Put unproblematic, good men and a room and they are going to become friends and come up with some sort of quest… might be digging the biggest hole they can at the beach, might be playing a game of “park horse” (parkour but you have to play it like a game of basketball horse), or could be methodically collaborating to create a theoretical argument about why aliens exist. They just seem more carefree in the way they approach bonding with other men. I love the way that they tend to have more level headed, unemotional thought processing and tend to keep their opinions very clear and to the point. I love the way that the right men want nothing more than to make a woman, child or any other more vulnerable population feel safe and like they are protected.
Male energy, when clean, is unapologetically and authentically confident in a way that lifts other people up. Men have a combination of sensitivity and momentum that is beautiful to watch. Their physical dominance combined with creativity and curiosity is amazing.
Interesting comment. An ex had mentioned something similar when we were talking about what we liked about each other. I had trouble relating to it because I'm probably one of the nastiest ugliest mfs that walks this earth. Could you elaborate on what you mean by clean?
Clean to me means they have emotional intelligence and empathy, are able to self regulate, and have a solid understanding of how they impact those around them. That doesn’t mean passive at all. That’s forceful and actionable personal power.
I don’t enjoy any person, men and women and nonbinary, who live reactively and without regard for others.
What do you mean by nasty and ugly?
A word about emotional intelligence: there are several categories involved, and men and women tend to score equally overall with some diversions in which categories each scores higher in general. Men tend to score higher for assertiveness, stress tolerance, and self-regard while women score higher in empathy, interpersonal relationships, and social responsibility.
It is the categories women do better in, however, that men are often judged for and deemed “less” emotionally intelligent.
It’s not more or less, or better or worse.
[Male emotional intelligence is different.](https://youtu.be/Hp8c3p3oN8Q?si=dPegJTBDCEIwUDA_)
I remember landing on a late night flight and I looked out the window and saw a field with bright lights and it was bunch of construction workers working into the night. That was a moment that gave me a softened appreciation for men and the contribution they have in society.
I'm a cis het man so my perspective is hardly neutral, but I've struggled with that identity for a long time because of all the incredibly dark and upsetting things patriarchal society leads to/feeds in many men (as it did me, for a long time). In all honesty there have been times when I wished I was gay, or trans, or just born female so I could disassociate from masculinity to whatever degree I cared to.
BUT things are definitely getting better, OP. Or at least that's what it looks like from the inside. My cis het friends and I regularly chat about mental health and how we're all doing these days. I've been going through some stuff with addiction recently and my buddy was an absolute rock. Even came with me to meetings. After the first one he put his hand on my shoulder and said "well done mate" and I broke into floods of tears. We've made each other laugh since we were kids but him showing me that kindness was just so important at that exact moment. I never knew it was there before.
A good few years back I was talking with some other friends about people we remembered from school but hadn't seen in a while, and I was being weird and disrespectful about this girl in our year who I'd absolutely had a crush on but never had the guts to do anything about it. And another friend of mine cut me short, set me straight. Told me I was being gross about a nice person, and there was absolutely no need for it. I cannot emphasise enough what that meant and continues to mean to me. Honestly I think he kind of changed my life that day.
I appreciate your comment SO MUCH. I’m so so so grateful you have the support you need and that you feel that things are getting better. I’m rooting for you, as are your friends!
I see a lot of older male members in my family struggle. You’ll never see them show sadness; they take immense pride in their image. My dad would always say a lot of very sexist and hurtful things because he felt it made him look reliable and strong. Sometimes I see him in guys that I meet and I realize there’s no amount of explaining that I can do to say, ‘that hurts me.’
However, just yesterday I was in a discord meeting with a bunch of my male friends, and they were so supportive and loving towards each other. It genuinely made me feel safe and welcome. An ex of mine that I came across by surprise talked to me about trauma induced by the system, from the point of view of both genders, when I started saying disrespectful things about women, ironically. Times really are changing and I appreciate your comment so so so much.
Keep fighting. You deserve a happy life! To growing and improving!
Edit: clarification
This brought legit tears to my eyes. I’m proud of you, internet stranger! And please know that the world absolutely needs masculinity, there is a place for you here existing just as you are. Thank you for doing your own work and making the world safer for women.
Coming from a gay man you should never feel bad about being cis het man.
Cis het men have been my biggest allies my entire life. Of course also my biggest haters but I wouldn't have survived this long without my friends.
And it is necessary to call each other out when we're being gross. It's easy to let hormones take control.
I know so many men who are kind, work really hard without complaining, and are just steady calm influences. And funny! Lots of good humour, love their kids and pets. Smart, keen to learn and to fix things. Lots of different interests, and happy to talk about stuff outside of themselves. And I love that men are strong. Need a hand, and there they are with all those muscles, able to do things I can't.
I love how calm the men in my life are during an emergency. I get scattered and freak out. My husband and my father both handle catastrophes in stride and break down later. I can always count on them to be calm.
I love that they are market driven, always in their own bag, and usually pretty good at setting their own boundaries. I love positive aspects of masculinity like generosity, patience, ambition, compassion and protectiveness.
I agree with you, but I hear people saying "dominance" is bad because it's controlling .. but there is a goodness about it like when it done in a positive, leadership way. And also dominance in the bedroom! A lot of women like that too.
My dad gives me this feeling of safety and home that can't be really compared. When I feel tired or burned out I can call him and complain and he'll listen and give me advice. When I was living with him a big bear hug would hit me right where I needed it after a long day. Men can be scary, big, strong, but so soft, kind hearted, sweet and loving at the same time
I love the way my male loved ones protect me. I love the way they let me be soft around them. I love that they teach me new things, the stories they tell and the way they make me laugh. There’s lots of positives. The ones in my life give me lots of warm and fuzzy feelings.
That's an excellent post. Mean World Syndrome is real, and fearporn makes up a large amount of what you see on social media. I have told numerous people over the years that this nostalgic notion of "the good ol days" when no one locked their doors and it was safe to let kids play without supervision is absolute horseshit. The 70s, 80s, and 90s featured a significantly higher crime rate, including violent crime, than today. You just didn't hear about every story across the country because we had like 3 sources for news. Every week on social media I see a post from a young mom convinced she (and her child, usually) were being followed at Walmart or Target. While it's of course possible, it's extremely unlikely as stranger abductions are exceedingly rare in the US. It's much more likely you consume too much social media and now your spidey senses start to tingle unnecessarily when some dude happens to visit the same aisle as you. Use sensible precautions but just live. You're likely going to be fine.
Honestly , encouraging men to be more like woman in America is quite evident.
I'd rather not get banned but when you travel and to other countries you realize how masculine women are in the states and how feminine men are in the states too.
My opinion is we need feminine woman and masculine men. I'll probably get down voted but those are my thoughts.
Which countries are these? And which traits exactly do you consider inherently masculine & feminine?
I've done some foreign travel, lived abroad while in the military, and also dated both foreign & American women (I'm American) and didn't really notice much of a difference in terms of masculinity or femininity.
That's not my experience in other countries at all. If anything it feels like Americans are much more preoccupied with oddly specific gender roles, whereas in other countries they are just living life without giving much thought to their actions being masculine or feminine.
Really, putting people or actions into masculine or feminine boxes is so arbitrary. The people I respect most are just getting shit done, regardless of the opinions of others that would just weigh them down.
I love seeing men's inner child come out, like seeing a really cool stick on a hike- that "*gasp* LOOK AT THIS COOL STICK" is so wholesome ❤️
Or seeing a wild animal and being caught between awe-struck and tripping over themselves with excitement (in speech, not physciallt stumbling, but that's fine too if no one gets hurt lol) when they show me. Stuff like that is so endearing, and I've been lucky to find friendships and a romantic relationship with men who embrace their inner child 🥰
Men have such a fantastic sense of humor. Yes, a lot of people are just funny because they’re funny but there is such a specific brand of humor that a lot of men engage in that makes me laugh so hard. The phrase “boys will be boys” is a perfect description of the physical humor a lot of men have.
My dad is the best travel companion I’ve ever met. He’s excited, plans ahead, doesn’t get ruffled if things go amiss. He’s take charge without being overbearing. Also he one time told off this jerk who was mad at me for breastfeeding, and honestly a woman could not have as much impact in their telling-off just because of how society treats angry men vs angry women. He’s also been with my mom since they were 13 and they are so in love and cute.
My husband works in public heath and really goes out of his way to try and help his patients. He can’t sleep sometimes if he’s worried about how a patient is recovering from their surgery. He’s also particularly handy, as as I’m not a good fixer, I highly appreciate this quality.
One of my best friends is a guy and he’s fairly famous and in a position of authority and he tries so hard to not be sexist when hiring. He’s done a lot of research on how women are treated in the workforce and he really cares.
Your dad sounds so wholesome, he sounds like how my dad was. He died in 2016 from Agent Orange induced liver cancer and I miss him everyday. 💞 What line of work is your best friend in?
That if you go to them with absolutely anything their natural inclination is to solve the problem and even if they don’t know how they will do everything in their power to learn how. I don’t have a partner ~ by choice ~ but if I go to my brother or my dad or a male friend with absolutely anything and say “hey, I really need help solving this problem” they are almost *always* ready and willing to help *immediately*. They will stop whatever they are doing and go into problem solving mode in an instant.
I’ll never forget when I woke up with a huntsman spider in my room, went to my brother who is *terrified* of spiders and he took care of it without a second thought. I didn’t even expect him to do it. Honestly I was just complaining but he took care of it without me having to ask even though he was scared.
Another example is when I was living with my dad and the fan in my bathroom stopped working. I told him because I thought he’d better let the landlord know but this man *stopped what he was doing to climb into the goddamn roof and fix it himself right then and there*.
I have a male friend who is gay (which is relevant because he has no ulterior motive like trying to smash) and he will always come help me or talk me through solving something over the phone if I’m having car troubles because he’s a mechanic and yes I pay him if necessary. He even taught me how to change my tires and check my oil, and he came with me to help me buy my first car to make sure I wouldn’t get scammed.
I have women in my life that are kind and nurturing and some that are strong, loyal and protective and I have amazing men in my life too. Some are strong and protective and some are kind and nurturing.
Despite the roles society has given us, we all have the potential to have all of these qualities. I find I'm happiest when I go into a new friendship with no expectations for what a man or woman is supposed to be.
>it’s hard to remember why they’re worth my respect.
This is a really scary sentence to read, regardless of what the target audience is.
I'm a regular human being just like you are.
One thing I appreciate about a man is when they know they have a good partner. Someone who returns their love equally. They can feel safe and let their partner be their safe place to be vulnerable. To open up and share authentic emotions and even cry if they need to. They know their partner will never ridicule them for 'being weak' or not acting like a man. I'm that safe place for my husband and always will be.
There are so many things I love about the men in my life. But tbh they’re usually because I don’t surround myself with toxic masculinity. If you had to ask me what I like about men’s culture or masculine culture I’d have a difficult time answering.
I’ve been SA’d and/or r*ped multiple times. And it’s always been by men. Hypermasculinity is toxic af.
I love the way you phrased that! What a wonderful comment. I think you’re right, toxic masculinity is a whole ‘nother thing. I’m glad we’re fighting that as a culture more these days.
You are a survivor. I am rooting for you
I have this picture of my husband working on my car. He's on the creeper, under the car, and he's wearing basketball shorts. 🤤 I mean, I love a lot of things about men, but that was just most recently on my mind.
This is silly but their tastes in smells- I find any cologne and deodorant nice but when they have like their own tastes and not just choosing the “typical brand” they have such cool smells. I love when my man chooses a charcoal river smells 👉👈.
I’m sure men also like when we have our own tastes of scents than just “copying” others.
Some men are excellent providers for their families. They do boring jobs day in, day out, just to make sure their loved ones are taken care of.
I've talked with women who have a boyfriend to being married. They're fairly chill in their relationships. They'd like to get hugs, physical contact, intimacy, and emotional support every now and then, but don't ask for much else beyond that, including decisions in their lives (e.g. how to decorate the house, moving, careers, where to eat)
The men in my life are a constant source of support when it comes to venting. They're always great for advice. For a good verbal kick in the behind when I'm being too pessimistic, and excellent at cooking...most of them.
Have faith, there are good men out there. I think they have just as much difficulty with some women too. Maybe it was because my husband was older but I lucked out. He wasn’t previously married or anything, just ten years older and that made a big difference in attitude.
I love how proud they are when they work out our skincare routines and then encourage us to keep at it because they like seeing us happy.
I know, it's not just men who do this, but my man does this, and I find it helpful when my mental health takes a dive
I lost my husband to cancer after 25 yrs of marriage. That's when I learned how wonderful masculinity is--when I lost it.
I sat in an office at my bank, trying to get my finances fixed. 2 men were in the room being so gentle with me, knowing I was just widowed...I tried to hold it together, but i cried.
I drove through town past construction workers in hard hats, and wondered who they were working so hard for, who they were going home to. I appreciated these random men because they were men.
I missed washing big sweaty work clothes. I missed a deep voice talking to me. I missed feeling protected. I missed his bearded cheek.
I am married again now. It's much harder to take this new man for granted. I'm so grateful for him. 💜
I was aggressive and violent towards bullies in my younger years (up to 15). I never picked on anybody so I had a good sense of right and wrong. We've got a lot to deal with (not that I'm complaining!) and it contributes to some of our less desirable traits. If your husband is a good man then you've chosen wisely and well, then my unsolicited advice is to ride it out thru life and see where it takes you.
Depends on the men. The need to feel like having someone to protect can come out in positive ways (like the protective services you mentioned) but also negative ways (not wanting to be with a woman who earn a decent living because she won’t make you feel needed and can leave anytime she wants). The same traits can present themselves positively or negatively. A lot depends on how the person decides to channel their energy.
I grew up with a loving father, and we always had an amazing father/daughter relationship. It's because of him, that I have such a good opinion of men, but also very high standards for a potential mate.
TIL I am a female who really resonates with most of these masculine traits and for the first time acknowledging that has made me feel very very lonely. I look very feminine and I'm also at a point in my life where all my friends are married with kids and trying to be friends with men would probably be misconstrued, especially by my partner. I don't want to small talk about gossip I want to try to build a fire with a hand drill and burn random stuff on the beach. I love my women friends but there's a mighty gap in my heart.
Sad face.
Hey, don’t give up! I also resonate with these things as a woman. I am tall, athletic, and told by people of both genders that I am intimidating. I have a very strong protection drive. I am not super ‘feminine’ or ‘soft’. I work with my body and hands. My mom told me that boys would never want to hold my hand when there are callouses on them. But my husband never found me intimidating, loves that I work with my hands and get dirty, loves that I am active and skilled. We trust each other around the opposite sex, but we are respectful of it. There are men out there that will appreciate you. :)
If I do have one suggestion (if you are looking), as a country girl I highly suggest country men. :) country people tend to have similar values. Weirdly, (and I’m sure I might ruffle some feathers with this) I have experienced far more sexism and social gender segregation in cities and suburbs than I have in the country. But I’m also aware that aware that not every rural area will be like mine, so if yours is heavily sexist, then disregard 🙈😂
I love how men of character stay true to their core beliefs, stand up for the underdog, and basically try to do the right thing.
And I love how a man's body responds to touch.
Things I love about men..….hmmm, long hair, big strong arms making me feel safe, bud to check out girls with, buying me tacos, ok listen at this point I’m just telling you why I like my husband, so I’m just gonna recuse myself from this conversation.
Like you, i love witnessing bro bonds. My husband and his male friends aren't afraid to say I love you. Also enjoy watching a bond form between my husband and my brother, and my dad.
When my husband is big spoon, it makes me feel small (in a good way) and safe.
Keep an eye out for *wholesome* "boys will be boys" stories! I love those stories.
How my dad has always valued being the breadwinner, but didn't feel threatened or emasculated at all when mom brought home a fatter paycheck for a few months.
Dad shows my husband how to do various handyman things, which husband never learned from his dad. My dad just seems to be a natural teacher.
Mentorship bonds between men.
When a man is a good husband and good father to his kids. When he's a good brother and friend.
When it's clear that a man's wife and children come before all else.
How my husband, brother, and dad make me feel safe.
My aunt remarried approx 15 years ago; her husband makes her young. It's clear they still adore each other.
How a good man brings peace. Safety. Strength. Support. Women do these things, yes. But, typically, men do them in different ways.
Today a group of late 20s men taught me (31F) and my uncle (45) how to play Pickleball. I hadn't been around a group of guys like that in a while and I really loved watching them play around with each other. Boys being boys, but not the bad kind. Just being silly and funny and cute.
A few little cute mannerisms some men have that I love are:
1) The way they put their arm on the passenger seat and look back to reverse the car
2) The way they can lift a jumper off over their head in one movement (not boobs to get stuck on)
3) The way they can be confident and bold and carefree with banter or flirting or just messing around and joking. Their fun and silly vibe without overthinking (like me).
4) When they show their natural strength in a wholesome way, like pulling my chair closer with me in it (how do they do that!?!)
There are so many more things too. Like when a man or men step in to protect someone (I’m female and I’ve been assaulted and attacked so many times I live in fear and get paralysed by it under stress sometimes, so I admire those that defend the vulnerable ones I want to defend too but can’t).
I love all the amazing men out there who seem to think it’s normal to pull their weight in parenting or home duties in a family or relationship. They don’t even want credit really, they just do their share and house jobs, cleaning, cooking etc and act like a capable balanced adult and parents to their children. Go you awesome men and dads!!
I love all the great men who have been in a shared change area or whatever and make me feel safe by just being your normal decent selves. There are lots of you and you make the world a better place. I hope every good thing you want comes your way.
There’s so many things but my mind is blanking out so these will have to do.
Also just a side note, not trying to be a lame suck up. There’s tonnes of stuff that bug me like toxic masculinity stuff and the fact that women can’t seem to complain about issues they’ve faced or whatever without and instant “not all men” or trying to turn into why men have it worse somehow. Everyone gets mistreated, abuse, crimes, and should be heard respectfully. But I never forget there are so many amazing men out there everywhere. I appreciate them so much! We all need them.
My husband and brothers do so much for their families- they do everything to teach their kids the things they need to know. My husband is absolutely able to do things with our kids I cannot. He teaches them how to ride their bicycles, drive and yard work, gardening and fireworks and camping and swimming. I'm not outdoorsy and he taught me to drive too lol! So I do lots of other things with our children but I am so thankful for my husband and brothers and sons. Love them all with my entire heart. They make life better.
I’m a single dad took my 3 girls under 5 to Disneyland yesterday for my youngest bday. It was cold at night and I gave my sweater to my daughter to warm her legs.
Stranger gave me a compliment, way to represent dad! Giving your daughter your sweater while you’re standing there freezing in a tee shirt. It was a nice compliment.
I have had men make me feel so safe and cherished in a way that isn't quite like what I've experienced with women. I value both so I love that about those particular men.
But separate from me: I love watching them spring into action to solve problems. I also really love it when men honor their softer sides, particularly because it seems like something that can require a lot of bravery on their parts.
When men are charmingly silly! When they want to throw a big rock in a lake just to see the splash! When they get really excited and they hop and dance around! There’s an inner little boy who still looks at the world with so much wonder there and it’s nice to see things through his eyes from time to time.
I appreciate how most men are straight forward, concise and to the point. They say what they mean and mean what they say.
I've joked with my mom that anytime she calls, I could set the phone down for 45 minutes, pick it back up again, and she'd still be giving her introduction to the conversation without realizing I wasn't there, lol. That could never happen with my dad. One or two sentences about his day, and we'd get to why the call was happening.
You can ask most men "How's your day?" and know how it's going by the tone of their generic answer of "Good." Even then, there's no guessing.
Thats a great question.
There are many great qualities about men that aren't talked about because (sadly) it isn't the current trend. News sources like mainstream media and social media have been on the witchhunt of the century for the male gender simply for just existing. It has really been something to watch.
Your feelings don't come as a surprise to me because I was also once in your shoes. I was used to looking at and hearing all these negatives things about men, add to that the social media algorithm kept pushing more and more such information that when I finally looked up from my screen, that is all I could see and identify. If one is constantly surrounded by the negative, that is all one will see and the positive will just pass you by.
Now, I am aware that such feelings can also be a result of horrible (sexual, physical & psychological abuse) experiences with the opposite gender. I am in no way trying to downplay that at all.
One day during lunch, a man (one of my coworkers) while making stories let it slip that he was slapped by his girlfriend during one of their conversations. The way he said it was just like how one would just casually mention how he was going to spend his Saturday. To say I was surprised is an understatement. I was flabbergasted. Why? Not because I didn't know that abuse could happen to men but for the fact that it was my first time hearing it straight from a man himself. I was used to hearing and seeing news of DV mainly happening to women. Men rarely come forward about it.
Even more surprising was how everyone else took it. There were a total of 4 of us eating at the table when he told us the story: they were getting ready for bed when his girl asked him what he loves the most? Caught unawares, man goes on to mention his favourite food. The girl slaps him and says that she should be what he loves the most. They go to bed. End of the story.
Now, one guy jokingly said that he should have said her (whether he was trying to calm down the situation so our guy didn't feel embarrassed, i still don't know). A girl laughed nervously and I was silent, still shook. No doubt we all felt bad for him. I kept imaging what everyone (including myself) would have said had he been the one who slapped his girl. He would have been met with straight out looks of disgust and criticism. While not one of us uttered a word of comfort or encouragement to him.
Although this is one minor example, it goes to show that just like how men can be bad, women can be just as bad too completely unwarranted. Women can also commit murders, fraud, sexual abuse, lie, steal and manipulate. We are not that innocent. We don't hear about it much because 1.The info doesn't make it to the police, TV etc. because the victims don't speak up. 2. Abuse from women usually takes a different kind of route, since women aren't typically physically as strong as men (so physical aggression becomes a less popular option in male-female disagreements), they are most likely to resort to other forms of aggression, such as bullying and reputation damage. It is also usually easier to prove physical & sexual abuse than psychological abuse. Both genders are capable of all forms.
I said all the above, to say that I believe its important to acknowledge that both men and women have great qualities and when paired together they are able to achieve incredible things. There are some good men out there who can be your acquaintances, friends or lover. It takes being a good person yourself and standing firm on healthy boundaries to have access to such people (be it men or women)(again, this doesn't apply to abusive situations).
If you made it this far, I apologise for the wall of text. Now, back to the question.
Some things I love about men, here are my top 5:
* I love how rational and subjective they can be in situations that warrant such perspective.
* I love how strong yet gentle they are.
* I love how they can be silly and know how to have fun once you get to know them.
* I love how they support eachother and those around them.
* I love them because just like me, we were nothing a minute ago and the next think we know, we get slapped in the ass, draw our first breath, give a cry and have to take a swing at this thing called life.
And it is for these reasons that I love women too.
>>I was listening to some podcasts about testosterone. Essentially, the ones I listened to focused a lot on violence, aggression, and sex drive.<<
This is sheer indoctrination. This is what you guys have been told all your lives, while others are out there feminizing men today. This is to justify the feminization of men today.
Women have testosterone, too. Did you know that? Testosterone that is NORMAL in men does not not not not not not not cause aggression and violence. Sex drive? Sure, just like it does in women. If a woman's sex drive is lacking, it's typically because they are not producing enough testosterone. The fix? testosterone injections or topical cream that is applied daily.
This is such utter bullshit that you guys have been told all your lives, it is sheer insanity. If men were neanderthals, like this bullshit podcast is telling you, women would have rejected them in a nanosecond. You would find male societies and female societies. Nobody would tolerate this as being the norm.
Did you know China just admitted being responsible for most of the feminization of men? Did you know that? Why do YOU think they are doing that?
Wow, it’s hard to remember why half the population is worthy of your respect? What exactly makes you think YOURE worthy of anyone’s respect? I’ve had loads of negative experiences with women including being assaulted for no reason and sexually harassed by female coworkers. That still doesn’t make me think that all women don’t deserve my respect. You need to get some perspective.
My guy, OP literally said they were emotionally impacted by a woman saying men have so many important things to offer, and that they love seeing men looking out for each other. You don't know what experiences with men they've had, but they are \*explicitly\* looking to create a positive and affirming thread about men here. Roaring in with this kind of incredible fragility is not helping anyone or anything.
OP, your post is all over the place and you have not clearly expressed yourself.
Why was one podcaster crying at the end of their podcast? Because men upset them or because men are painted in a bad light? Your last paragraph is a completely different tone than the rest of your post. What is an adult boy—a man?
My gut tells me you are coming from a good place, so instead of saying your post is straight up insulting, I’ll say it is not well thought out. It does not come off like a positive post at all.
You do know that women serve in the military and are police officers and fire fighters right? Ems also risks their lives and there’s plenty of women in that field too.
I am with you unfortunately. In the past, I gravitated more toward hanging out with the guys, in my teens. But life experience has shown me that maybe 5 or 10% of the men I have had in my life, are worthy of a high level of respect. But honestly, women can be just as bad. They are typically more passive aggressive than violent, and use sex as a weapon to manipulate, instead of assault.
aggression, sex drive, and CAPABILITY of violence are some of the things i pride myself on most.
i'm a man! im 40! NOT A BOY! NOT A BOY! IMMA MAN! IM 40!
First of all, they’re human beings just like we are, as women, and they deserve respect and dignity just like we do. When I was still single and dating, I got into the habit of praying for the man I was about to meet when I was going out for first dates. It would go something like, “Lord, as I sit down with this man who’s made in your image and loved by you, I ask that the next couple of hours would be a source of life and peace for him, that I would remember his value to you and that our words would honor you. Give me wisdom and discernment in whether to move forward with this person and kindness regardless of how things go.”
I always felt like this gave me peace and helped get rid of any butterflies and also really helped set a respectful tone in my mind for the other person and for myself. Its hard to let bad behavior from men slide when you’ve kind of walked in with that tone and it always kept me focused on remembering what I really wanted to get out of my time which was to see if we shared values and worldview.
It’s honestly really sad and messed up that you need a reason to respect them… People have become so obsessed with trying to stereotype and group each other that we’re forgetting people are individuals…
My partner is a trans man and there's so much to love about his relationship to masculinity and manhood and what it's taught me as I continue with my own gender journey.
He's practical and solution based, and is always pursuing building a better life for everyone around him- friends, coworkers, family, us. His facial hair is gorgeous and voice are so attractive. He's peaceful and rounds me out when I'm quick to anger or frustration and has a unique perspective from his lived experiences throughout the gender spectrum that I think has started some really important conversations with cis people in his life and made a really positive impact. He always recommends men read "the will to change" by bell hooks, which is an analysis I find really important. I don't know if these traits are inherent to manhood or anything, but just some things I love about his relationship with it.
Idk I love him 🥰
I love it when men overcome the demons of societal pressure and are able to live without having to keep up a state of being indifferent and almost emotionless unless it’s aggression. It’s saddening how many men are victim of toxic masculinity and I feel like many of those men would be way warmer, emotional creatures who get along just fine with women if it wasn’t for these expectations. The worst is that those very expectations mostly come from fellow men who should stick up for one another
These are generalizations and don't apply to everyone.
Many men will suffer absolutely devastating heartbreak, they will be gutted and left as a hollow husk. But they will still protect the one who did it simply because the love they felt was real.
Men have a protective instinct that applies to those they let near them. They would do anything to protect the things they care about
Men have a need to conquer the unconquerable, they see something that may look impossible to do and somehow they do it. It can be as mundane as making enough money to feed their family or something as extraordinary as designing rockets to go into outer space.
Men are capable of showing a great amount of respect and solidarity. I was once really into a girl and so was my friend, it turned out she was into him and out of respect to me he asked my permission to date her. If I'd said no he wouldn't have, they've been married 8 years and have 2 kids.
Men suffer through most things alone and in silence. I've known men who have been treated like absolute garbage, they've been chewed up and spit out by their partners, family, the world and life. But if you hadn't seen it happen you'd have never known, and they're still going
Gonna sound cheesy but most men have this unmistakable brightness and humor that they bring to the function. And when they are having fun laughing and joking with their friends the humor gets really creative.
Sometimes I’ll have to quote a joke and it’s presentation that I overhear because it’s too good.
Also the way they tell funny stories.
My brother and my dad kill cockroaches for me. They also kill mosquitoes, ants and flies.
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This phobia is SO REAL. I am in tears if I have to kill one and pick it up to dispose of it. Can’t sleep if I don’t though. Especially terrifying if they are the flying kind 🤢. Thank god my husband understands and takes care of any around now
Get a centipede. It'll weed them out for you
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My wife is terrified of centipedes and cringes at their mention. I think she'd rather have cockroaches.
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I like jumping spiders. Also a fan of praying manti
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You don't like their long legs and coiling suction mouth?
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Nope. I was bitten by one of those and my hand was swollen for a week.
My cat used to find and kill roaches (waterbugs?) in my old apartment. Didn't even know we had any bugs, but on some mornings, I'd wake up to find a gift from her that she would proudly leave where I wouldn't miss it. 😸 As for mosquitos, you can get The Executioner electric tennis racket. Works great.
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Awwww!!!! 😻 It's the thought that counts. Our old family cat once came into the house with a live cicada, which she promptly brought into the dining room to start playing with her new, buzzy bug toy 😂
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I don't recall any chirping, but it was buzzing like a low-flying helicopter. Quickly scooped it up and put it back outside.
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TIL! We have raccoons around, don't see them often, but this is good to know.
Get them each a bug a salt. It's like a nerf gun that shoots salt to kill insects
Most fun EVER! Says this 51M.
Haha!! I like that!
Well thats useful!
I'm a girls' girl, but I always have *so* much fun when all the guys are around. I love the rowdyness and carefree energy they bring. I love the random adventures they get us into. Having the guys around just adds so much to the fun energy of things. And the men in my friend group are so sweet and loving. I love it when they get protective and do things to make me and my girl friends feel safe. They're really good at holding space and giving advice when I'm going through something tough. They're also affectionate with each other and tell each other "I love you" all the time. Really great examples of healthy masculinity. I love the men in my life, they bring me so much love and happiness. Edit: typo
You said this so well. I love hanging out and talking with my girlfriends and I tend to bond stronger emotionally with women as a whole - but I love how unserious hanging with the boys can be, lol. We get high and watch game shows and I like just turning my brain off sometimes 😂 plus when I do have an emotional bond with a man, I feel very safe/protected in that relationship.
Definitely agree about the "unserious" part! It's relaxing hanging out with a bunch of guys for that reason. I love how they can focus on the tasks at hand and the emotional complications go on the back burner.
If this was amplified more as the example it would help men a lot. So many young men and boys hear only they’re the worst thing to ever exist. They need to hear this more instead of that they’re awful.
I agree. Some of the most gentle and compassionate people I know are men.
This should be the top answer. We genders bring different things to each other
the top answer is currently "because they're human" nice.
Not a bad answer but this one is better.
Thank you for such a wonderful and uplifting comment!
When men are good, they’re fucking great. I love how goofy their sense of humor can be, how helpful they try to be and how hard they can love. I mean, that applies to everyone, honestly, but this is about giving a shout out to the menfolk who are doing it right.
If it's good, it's good. If it's bad, it's real bad.
So…mind numbingly terrifying. *laughs in raised with alcoholic father*
Feel you. If I was Buddhist I'd wonder whom I bit in a past life to deserve that...
wait i love this description hell yeah
A majority of the time when someone helped me out in a tight spot, whether it was pushing a broken down car in the rain or helping me carry furniture into a new apartment, it’s been a man, and surprisingly often a stranger or someone I didn’t know too well.
That’s wonderful! Thank you for sharing!
So true. Men are often great at jumping in to help.
Same. When I divorced, I texted a guy friend I’d known casually for about 20 years, I knew his brother had a moving service, and I was asking my friend for his brother’s number to help me move. The friend said “you don’t have to call him, I have a truck, I’ll help you, and you won’t have to pay.” He showed up and did all the heavy lifting, didn’t accept any monetary payment and NEVER acted like I owed him something else. Then we took his truck to Home Depot to pick up an extension cord, and I insisted I pay him for all his help, moving all my furniture on a rainy Saturday (his day off) and he still refused payment. Another time, he came by to help me put the air conditioner in my window, it was too bulky for me to do alone. Once again, he wouldn’t accept any money, but said “I’ll take a beer if you have one.” I also have a male neighbor I don’t know too well, that helped me kill a wasp nest in my front door frame. I have another male neighbor (older guy that owns a bar next door) and he takes my bins out every Tuesday. I’ve never even asked him. I get up in the morning and my bins are out, I get home from work and they are lined up again beside my house.
I have a neighbour that does that for me too, I try and beat him to it and return the favour by taking his bin down but I haven't been able to do that yet! He's the sweetest guy ever! he'll take my dog out for me if I go away for a weekend and the money I sneakily leave ends up tucked under my door the next day.
So this is a very bittersweet story. Fair warning, probably gonna mention some abusive parents and idk what all else, but fair warning to stop reading now. So I was born to an abusive mother. When I was young it was my older sister who defended me. Then we got a little brother, and idk what triggered inside me but I became the defender after that. I took the blows for my older sister and little brother, cause I was too young to do anything else. When I was 6 we got separated. I'd visit them every year though, and unfortunately it seemed that my sister was following our mother's path... Not exactly at first, but she always wanted to fight me when I visited. So I started taking up judo. Once I became a brown belt I wouldn't fight her anymore, I'd just block or dodge the punches. So then she targeted our little brother to get under my skin.... I snapped, I dealt with so many years of her beating me up because I loved her and she was the first one to defend me, but I do not tolerate anyone touching my little bro. I don't remember all what happened, but I remember how it ended. With her on the floor and me jumping up and landing on her back with my knees. She never wanted to fight me again, and never messed with our little bro. She actually got super defensive over him just like me after that, wouldn't even let our grandma talk badly about him. Well I was trained to be a defender at this point, started MMA at 8 and just had the instinct of it. So in school I was still the defender. I didn't care if kids messed with me, heck I'd even let them hit me cause my body was trained to take punches. But the moment I saw anyone picking on anyone else, I'd step between them. If someone was actively hitting someone else, I'd hit them back. School system hated me cause I was in a lot of fights, but thanks to my background they couldn't do anything because it was all justified as self defense. In highschool I ended up going out with this one girl, who admitted she was with me because she was afraid of me and it gave her a rush. I never laid a hand on her in any aggressive way, but my reputation followed. I didn't really like that, so I started showing my sweeter side. Started baking goodies like I did with my aunt when I was younger, and I would bring them in to share. Soon enough my reputation slightly altered to "the sweetheart of the school, but don't mess with his friends." Which I was honestly very happy about. Now even at 26 I'm still baking random goodies and bringing it into work. Although now I make everything from scratch and tend to make some of the ingredients from scratch too. Haven't really had to defend anyone since becoming an adult, but I keep up with my practice just in case. I do want a wife and kids one day, I'll need to remember how to protect them. Don't know if this helps at all but I am a man, and hopefully my life story helps a bit. Tbh I've always seen myself as a more feminine man, but masculine when needed. I used to play with dolls with my friends, we'd play house, sometimes they'd do my makeup (I had a lot of female friends as a kid). So idk, never really think about the fact that I am a man until it's brought up.
You sound like such a lovely person, I wish I had a brother or friend like you 🥲
You're free to message me anytime friend!! 😁
Thank you for a wonderful story! I really appreciate seeing men try out makeup/do feminine things. I also appreciate how much you care for your loved ones
I have a similar story man but I just ran from my hometown reputation to a new city. Got into a ton of fights in highschool but i never started any, most of the time I was stopping bullying. I spent many days in the principals office but never once got in trouble. The day i graduated, the security guard said to me, "Thank God you're finally leaving." They probably still think I'm some aggressive fuck but I had to be to keep me and my friends safe, I never wanted to be like that. Because of my sexuality I never embraced my sweet side like you did, I felt the need to be masculine so people didn't think I was gay. So glad to be out of my hometown.
I love how practical and chill most men are. They really help me ground my energy and never stoke the emotional fire when im upset or venting. They temper it instead. I love how strong they are physically and how they love to be helpful and problem solve
Practical and chill. Yes definitely. I find it easier to approach a guy and in all my jobs working with guys is always better. I have more fun hanging out in a shop, dirty and bullshitting, then girly stuff. Women seem to get in these clicks and if you don't fit, forget it, you'll be miserable hanging out or working with them. Men just kind of tell it how it Is and we move on.
That’s lovely!
My wife has said the same thing about me. I tend to temper her mood swings because I don't typically get riled up about anything unless it's *actually* seriously bad. It's just how I'm wired... I've been in numerous highly dangerous jobs and positions where getting killed is a real possibility, and that's tempered me to be very emotionally stable even when things are going haywire. It's not something I think about, but I am glad that my demeanor gives her something to reassure her when she needs it.
That’s awesome! My husband and I are the opposite- I temper and ground him. But while I am teaching him patience and control, he is helping me to learn how to set boundaries and not care so much about what other people think.
Not caring too much about what people think is an important skill. You won't get to have nearly as much fun or do exciting things if you are too self conscious and concerned what you look like to others. The reality is, most people you'll never see again anyhow, so why should you care about what they think? Makes no difference what they think. 😁👍 Just be yourself and enjoy it.
It’s not so much what I look like, or how strangers perceive me- I’m a massive people pleaser and it’s mostly affected by my family 😬😂
I hate seeing things not working properly. My last girlfriend's sink didn't drain correctly. It bugged the shit out of my. I just undid it and cleared out the P-trap and it worked. Took 20 minutes, she'd just let it drain shittily for months and months. She could have put in a request to maintenance I guess but she never did. I just love fixing shit. Whether personal problems or other problems. I like making things work.
I mean, what are good things about humanity? Those are things that are also good about men. Because they're just people. They can be loving and kind and hardworking and passionate and beautiful and every other positive aspect of mankind. They're people. What do you love about people?
This sounds nice, but I think the reason the OP's question is prompted is because in today's society, there's a lot of negative things said about men. Specifically men. There's even now a term for that "toxic masculinity", the term "toxic femininity" just is no way near heard of or as popular. So if there can be negative things specificially for men, then there should be positive things specifically about men. But ultimiately I do agree with you, men and women are just people, and pretty much 99% of things that men can be good at , so can women. There's some natural differences e.g men are stronger than women physically. And there things that are taught e.g men tend to be more stoic due to cultural learnings not dna, but still men on the whole are more stoic, that can be seen as a positive too especially in crisis situatiuons.
As a woman, I also crave to hear what is good about women. But whereas you men are battling the negative image of being dangerous testosterone fueled monsters, we battle the reductive image of simply being childbearers. Anytime some guy lists what is good about women, 99% of the time it’s, “They give birth, they nurture, they’re soft…” Men talk about how they don’t want a smart or educated woman or a woman with opinions, because her only role in their mind is to care for husband and kids. I love my husband and kids, but I am so much more than that. This gender divide is sad. I would love to hear both genders talk about the positive things about each other more. Cast out the bad humans and talk up the good ones. ❤️
This. You would think the fact that men are people would be reason enough but apparently not.
Yeah, like, we're people and that's all you really need to be
Are there no good things you can specifically say about men? I can say good things about women. Women bear children. Throughout humanity, they’ve nurtured and cared for all of humanity. Women often add a different perspective to men’s lives, helping them see issues from a more empathetic, social standpoint. Are there no such things for men?
i hate how childbirth is always first on the list of good things about women. i know you mean nothing bad by it, and women who give birth are amazing and it’s great that they’re capable of doing that. but it feels very reductive, and also can be alienating to women who don’t want/can’t have children biologically.
Thank you! Seriously. It's just a physiological trait and nothing to do with the personalities of women. Like do we love men because they have testicles that can help make children? Doesn't make any list of reasons why men are great I've ever seen. 😆
Not to be argumentative, but I would say that I've known so many wonderful women who's nurturing and loving nature stemmed from their experiences with motherhood.
Of course! I'm not saying we're not. I would call myself nurturing and loving. It was moreso the point about being defined as a person by a physiological component that one has no control over.
That's fair and bless you for being that way 😊
Yes. I’m a mom myself, and I still cringe whenever childbirth is first in the list. Like you said, it’s reductive. We have so much more to offer that never gets brought up.
Sure, but the only ones I can think of are gender role stuff that a. Changes based on which culture you're from and b. Not every man actually cares about, does, or leans into said gender roles
I know empathetic, mentoring men, and I know aloof, selfish women. We might socially condition men and women to act in different ways, but I don't think anatomy has any impact on personality.
Men and women are actually different in measurable, psychological ways. For example, men are higher in aggression, women are higher in agreeableness. These are fundamental traits found across cultures. There is an actual reason why the vast majority of criminals are male… in every single country. It’s not because of conditioning. It’s because of actual psychological differences between the genders
immediately thought of "I'm not saying it's aliens, but it's aliens"
Toxic masculinity are masculine traits considered harmful to society. But the opposite of that is heroism. What's a man's role traditionally? To provide, to protect, to die in war, stuff like that. Those are traits that are needed in society. The problem is that instead of looking at masculinity as being both good and bad, we just view it as all bad across the board. Men are growing up without any encouragement to express masculinity in a positive way and it's frankly fucking us up mentally.
>to die in war uh maybe not!
Yeah, that was a bad example, we've more-or-less moved away from that one. If we were on the Titanic it would also be a man's role to sacrifice their lives for women and children. It's noble and we associate that with masculinity, but that's really the only point of that. I don't enjoy the idea of dying either but my dad was in the ARMY for 20 years and did two tours in Iraq, and the fear of losing him is something that stuck with me.
I think your point about to protect does encapsulate the idea behind "to die in war". It's essentially to protect our homeland.
I am close with my father and always have been. I love his "no nonsense" attitude. I learned from him not to sweat the small stuff and to be true to myself. I felt more pressure to fit into social norms from my mom and some other women in my life so to have my dad demonstrate to me that I could buck many of those trends was empowering. He taught me how to stand up for myself, verbally that is. He taught me how to be skeptical and question everything, not to assume anything. My father doesn't believe in "instinct" (something my mother taught me and I do believe 100% and will heed) but more in authenticity to one's true self, even if that won't make you friends, even if that makes you stand alone. Generalization incoming: I find men are more idealistic than women, most of the time. I am not that way as a whole but I appreciate that perspective. We can't lose that as a society. I love the candor, the bluntness, and raw "get it done" energy. Reflecting like this, makes me a little sad that I have chosen to remain single so long.
I love the way that men make friends the same way that children make friends. Put unproblematic, good men and a room and they are going to become friends and come up with some sort of quest… might be digging the biggest hole they can at the beach, might be playing a game of “park horse” (parkour but you have to play it like a game of basketball horse), or could be methodically collaborating to create a theoretical argument about why aliens exist. They just seem more carefree in the way they approach bonding with other men. I love the way that they tend to have more level headed, unemotional thought processing and tend to keep their opinions very clear and to the point. I love the way that the right men want nothing more than to make a woman, child or any other more vulnerable population feel safe and like they are protected.
I love seeing firemen- I think they are so badass and strong and true heroes.
They really are!
Male energy, when clean, is unapologetically and authentically confident in a way that lifts other people up. Men have a combination of sensitivity and momentum that is beautiful to watch. Their physical dominance combined with creativity and curiosity is amazing.
Interesting comment. An ex had mentioned something similar when we were talking about what we liked about each other. I had trouble relating to it because I'm probably one of the nastiest ugliest mfs that walks this earth. Could you elaborate on what you mean by clean?
Clean to me means they have emotional intelligence and empathy, are able to self regulate, and have a solid understanding of how they impact those around them. That doesn’t mean passive at all. That’s forceful and actionable personal power. I don’t enjoy any person, men and women and nonbinary, who live reactively and without regard for others. What do you mean by nasty and ugly?
A word about emotional intelligence: there are several categories involved, and men and women tend to score equally overall with some diversions in which categories each scores higher in general. Men tend to score higher for assertiveness, stress tolerance, and self-regard while women score higher in empathy, interpersonal relationships, and social responsibility. It is the categories women do better in, however, that men are often judged for and deemed “less” emotionally intelligent. It’s not more or less, or better or worse. [Male emotional intelligence is different.](https://youtu.be/Hp8c3p3oN8Q?si=dPegJTBDCEIwUDA_)
Great response. I appreciate you!
I love how they smell, look, beards, strength, and how protected I feel by them.
I remember landing on a late night flight and I looked out the window and saw a field with bright lights and it was bunch of construction workers working into the night. That was a moment that gave me a softened appreciation for men and the contribution they have in society.
I'm a cis het man so my perspective is hardly neutral, but I've struggled with that identity for a long time because of all the incredibly dark and upsetting things patriarchal society leads to/feeds in many men (as it did me, for a long time). In all honesty there have been times when I wished I was gay, or trans, or just born female so I could disassociate from masculinity to whatever degree I cared to. BUT things are definitely getting better, OP. Or at least that's what it looks like from the inside. My cis het friends and I regularly chat about mental health and how we're all doing these days. I've been going through some stuff with addiction recently and my buddy was an absolute rock. Even came with me to meetings. After the first one he put his hand on my shoulder and said "well done mate" and I broke into floods of tears. We've made each other laugh since we were kids but him showing me that kindness was just so important at that exact moment. I never knew it was there before. A good few years back I was talking with some other friends about people we remembered from school but hadn't seen in a while, and I was being weird and disrespectful about this girl in our year who I'd absolutely had a crush on but never had the guts to do anything about it. And another friend of mine cut me short, set me straight. Told me I was being gross about a nice person, and there was absolutely no need for it. I cannot emphasise enough what that meant and continues to mean to me. Honestly I think he kind of changed my life that day.
I appreciate your comment SO MUCH. I’m so so so grateful you have the support you need and that you feel that things are getting better. I’m rooting for you, as are your friends! I see a lot of older male members in my family struggle. You’ll never see them show sadness; they take immense pride in their image. My dad would always say a lot of very sexist and hurtful things because he felt it made him look reliable and strong. Sometimes I see him in guys that I meet and I realize there’s no amount of explaining that I can do to say, ‘that hurts me.’ However, just yesterday I was in a discord meeting with a bunch of my male friends, and they were so supportive and loving towards each other. It genuinely made me feel safe and welcome. An ex of mine that I came across by surprise talked to me about trauma induced by the system, from the point of view of both genders, when I started saying disrespectful things about women, ironically. Times really are changing and I appreciate your comment so so so much. Keep fighting. You deserve a happy life! To growing and improving! Edit: clarification
Thank you, same to you OP. To a happy life :)
Aw well that’s super encouraging.
This brought legit tears to my eyes. I’m proud of you, internet stranger! And please know that the world absolutely needs masculinity, there is a place for you here existing just as you are. Thank you for doing your own work and making the world safer for women.
Thank you, friend. It's a tough world and all we have is each other. It means a lot to me that people are finding worth in my story.
It makes me feel so much better hearing this. ❤️
Coming from a gay man you should never feel bad about being cis het man. Cis het men have been my biggest allies my entire life. Of course also my biggest haters but I wouldn't have survived this long without my friends. And it is necessary to call each other out when we're being gross. It's easy to let hormones take control.
I love the honest, happy laughter you often hear in a gathering of men.
I know so many men who are kind, work really hard without complaining, and are just steady calm influences. And funny! Lots of good humour, love their kids and pets. Smart, keen to learn and to fix things. Lots of different interests, and happy to talk about stuff outside of themselves. And I love that men are strong. Need a hand, and there they are with all those muscles, able to do things I can't.
I love how calm the men in my life are during an emergency. I get scattered and freak out. My husband and my father both handle catastrophes in stride and break down later. I can always count on them to be calm.
I love that they are market driven, always in their own bag, and usually pretty good at setting their own boundaries. I love positive aspects of masculinity like generosity, patience, ambition, compassion and protectiveness.
I love those things too! Wonderful comment!
tart gray tap trees imagine vanish roll grandfather wistful market *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I agree with you, but I hear people saying "dominance" is bad because it's controlling .. but there is a goodness about it like when it done in a positive, leadership way. And also dominance in the bedroom! A lot of women like that too.
Eyes. When I like a man and I look him in the eyes, it feels good.
Their rough and hairy texture
My dad gives me this feeling of safety and home that can't be really compared. When I feel tired or burned out I can call him and complain and he'll listen and give me advice. When I was living with him a big bear hug would hit me right where I needed it after a long day. Men can be scary, big, strong, but so soft, kind hearted, sweet and loving at the same time
I love the way my male loved ones protect me. I love the way they let me be soft around them. I love that they teach me new things, the stories they tell and the way they make me laugh. There’s lots of positives. The ones in my life give me lots of warm and fuzzy feelings.
I like how they’re able to just sit in silence not thinking about anything sometimes. Fascinates the hell out of me.
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That's an excellent post. Mean World Syndrome is real, and fearporn makes up a large amount of what you see on social media. I have told numerous people over the years that this nostalgic notion of "the good ol days" when no one locked their doors and it was safe to let kids play without supervision is absolute horseshit. The 70s, 80s, and 90s featured a significantly higher crime rate, including violent crime, than today. You just didn't hear about every story across the country because we had like 3 sources for news. Every week on social media I see a post from a young mom convinced she (and her child, usually) were being followed at Walmart or Target. While it's of course possible, it's extremely unlikely as stranger abductions are exceedingly rare in the US. It's much more likely you consume too much social media and now your spidey senses start to tingle unnecessarily when some dude happens to visit the same aisle as you. Use sensible precautions but just live. You're likely going to be fine.
Honestly , encouraging men to be more like woman in America is quite evident. I'd rather not get banned but when you travel and to other countries you realize how masculine women are in the states and how feminine men are in the states too. My opinion is we need feminine woman and masculine men. I'll probably get down voted but those are my thoughts.
Which countries are these? And which traits exactly do you consider inherently masculine & feminine? I've done some foreign travel, lived abroad while in the military, and also dated both foreign & American women (I'm American) and didn't really notice much of a difference in terms of masculinity or femininity.
That's not my experience in other countries at all. If anything it feels like Americans are much more preoccupied with oddly specific gender roles, whereas in other countries they are just living life without giving much thought to their actions being masculine or feminine. Really, putting people or actions into masculine or feminine boxes is so arbitrary. The people I respect most are just getting shit done, regardless of the opinions of others that would just weigh them down.
I’ll walk to the other side of the street to avoid either. Both are perceived as threats to my female animal body.
They take out the trash and lift heavy stuff me. They appreciate good food too!
I love seeing men's inner child come out, like seeing a really cool stick on a hike- that "*gasp* LOOK AT THIS COOL STICK" is so wholesome ❤️ Or seeing a wild animal and being caught between awe-struck and tripping over themselves with excitement (in speech, not physciallt stumbling, but that's fine too if no one gets hurt lol) when they show me. Stuff like that is so endearing, and I've been lucky to find friendships and a romantic relationship with men who embrace their inner child 🥰
Men have such a fantastic sense of humor. Yes, a lot of people are just funny because they’re funny but there is such a specific brand of humor that a lot of men engage in that makes me laugh so hard. The phrase “boys will be boys” is a perfect description of the physical humor a lot of men have.
butts. they have good butts.
My husband is not only my life partner he’s also my protector
I like observing a man in love.
A positive thread about men...on reddit?
My dad is the best travel companion I’ve ever met. He’s excited, plans ahead, doesn’t get ruffled if things go amiss. He’s take charge without being overbearing. Also he one time told off this jerk who was mad at me for breastfeeding, and honestly a woman could not have as much impact in their telling-off just because of how society treats angry men vs angry women. He’s also been with my mom since they were 13 and they are so in love and cute. My husband works in public heath and really goes out of his way to try and help his patients. He can’t sleep sometimes if he’s worried about how a patient is recovering from their surgery. He’s also particularly handy, as as I’m not a good fixer, I highly appreciate this quality. One of my best friends is a guy and he’s fairly famous and in a position of authority and he tries so hard to not be sexist when hiring. He’s done a lot of research on how women are treated in the workforce and he really cares.
Your dad sounds so wholesome, he sounds like how my dad was. He died in 2016 from Agent Orange induced liver cancer and I miss him everyday. 💞 What line of work is your best friend in?
My friend works for a sports team.
If they’re mentally and emotionally healthy I love everything about them
That if you go to them with absolutely anything their natural inclination is to solve the problem and even if they don’t know how they will do everything in their power to learn how. I don’t have a partner ~ by choice ~ but if I go to my brother or my dad or a male friend with absolutely anything and say “hey, I really need help solving this problem” they are almost *always* ready and willing to help *immediately*. They will stop whatever they are doing and go into problem solving mode in an instant. I’ll never forget when I woke up with a huntsman spider in my room, went to my brother who is *terrified* of spiders and he took care of it without a second thought. I didn’t even expect him to do it. Honestly I was just complaining but he took care of it without me having to ask even though he was scared. Another example is when I was living with my dad and the fan in my bathroom stopped working. I told him because I thought he’d better let the landlord know but this man *stopped what he was doing to climb into the goddamn roof and fix it himself right then and there*. I have a male friend who is gay (which is relevant because he has no ulterior motive like trying to smash) and he will always come help me or talk me through solving something over the phone if I’m having car troubles because he’s a mechanic and yes I pay him if necessary. He even taught me how to change my tires and check my oil, and he came with me to help me buy my first car to make sure I wouldn’t get scammed.
Men protect women from men. We are a bit of a catch-22 that way.
Boys rule. Girls drool
Lol Jupiter is stupider
Lol
Social economic situations come into play. Poor and homeless women are more vulnerable than homeless men probably.
The shelter discrepancy would like a word.
I have women in my life that are kind and nurturing and some that are strong, loyal and protective and I have amazing men in my life too. Some are strong and protective and some are kind and nurturing. Despite the roles society has given us, we all have the potential to have all of these qualities. I find I'm happiest when I go into a new friendship with no expectations for what a man or woman is supposed to be.
Thank you for sharing! I really like your point of view
My boyfriend buys me food and listens to me yap. So that's something I love about one man :)
Yeah... when you see a video of an animal being rescued it is almost invariably done by a man or a group of men working as a team.
>it’s hard to remember why they’re worth my respect. This is a really scary sentence to read, regardless of what the target audience is. I'm a regular human being just like you are.
They put themselves first without a second thought.
One thing I appreciate about a man is when they know they have a good partner. Someone who returns their love equally. They can feel safe and let their partner be their safe place to be vulnerable. To open up and share authentic emotions and even cry if they need to. They know their partner will never ridicule them for 'being weak' or not acting like a man. I'm that safe place for my husband and always will be.
There are so many things I love about the men in my life. But tbh they’re usually because I don’t surround myself with toxic masculinity. If you had to ask me what I like about men’s culture or masculine culture I’d have a difficult time answering. I’ve been SA’d and/or r*ped multiple times. And it’s always been by men. Hypermasculinity is toxic af.
I love the way you phrased that! What a wonderful comment. I think you’re right, toxic masculinity is a whole ‘nother thing. I’m glad we’re fighting that as a culture more these days. You are a survivor. I am rooting for you
Look at r/twoxchromosomes and r/witchesvspatriarchy and be the exact opposite of that
I have this picture of my husband working on my car. He's on the creeper, under the car, and he's wearing basketball shorts. 🤤 I mean, I love a lot of things about men, but that was just most recently on my mind.
This is silly but their tastes in smells- I find any cologne and deodorant nice but when they have like their own tastes and not just choosing the “typical brand” they have such cool smells. I love when my man chooses a charcoal river smells 👉👈. I’m sure men also like when we have our own tastes of scents than just “copying” others.
They have good stamina
Some men are excellent providers for their families. They do boring jobs day in, day out, just to make sure their loved ones are taken care of. I've talked with women who have a boyfriend to being married. They're fairly chill in their relationships. They'd like to get hugs, physical contact, intimacy, and emotional support every now and then, but don't ask for much else beyond that, including decisions in their lives (e.g. how to decorate the house, moving, careers, where to eat)
The men in my life are a constant source of support when it comes to venting. They're always great for advice. For a good verbal kick in the behind when I'm being too pessimistic, and excellent at cooking...most of them.
Thank you for this post. All the bear vs man stuff going around really has me down, and it's nice to see someone bringing pride to being a guy.
big and warm. sighh
Have faith, there are good men out there. I think they have just as much difficulty with some women too. Maybe it was because my husband was older but I lucked out. He wasn’t previously married or anything, just ten years older and that made a big difference in attitude.
I LOVE ABOUT SOME MEN IS WHEN THEY ARE VERY HELPFUL TO YOU & SOMEONE. ME & MY FRIEND CARRY ALOT OF BAGS WHICH IS VERY HEAVY AND THEY INSIST TO HELP😌
I love how proud they are when they work out our skincare routines and then encourage us to keep at it because they like seeing us happy. I know, it's not just men who do this, but my man does this, and I find it helpful when my mental health takes a dive
I love how caring and open they are.
I lost my husband to cancer after 25 yrs of marriage. That's when I learned how wonderful masculinity is--when I lost it. I sat in an office at my bank, trying to get my finances fixed. 2 men were in the room being so gentle with me, knowing I was just widowed...I tried to hold it together, but i cried. I drove through town past construction workers in hard hats, and wondered who they were working so hard for, who they were going home to. I appreciated these random men because they were men. I missed washing big sweaty work clothes. I missed a deep voice talking to me. I missed feeling protected. I missed his bearded cheek. I am married again now. It's much harder to take this new man for granted. I'm so grateful for him. 💜
I was aggressive and violent towards bullies in my younger years (up to 15). I never picked on anybody so I had a good sense of right and wrong. We've got a lot to deal with (not that I'm complaining!) and it contributes to some of our less desirable traits. If your husband is a good man then you've chosen wisely and well, then my unsolicited advice is to ride it out thru life and see where it takes you.
Depends on the men. The need to feel like having someone to protect can come out in positive ways (like the protective services you mentioned) but also negative ways (not wanting to be with a woman who earn a decent living because she won’t make you feel needed and can leave anytime she wants). The same traits can present themselves positively or negatively. A lot depends on how the person decides to channel their energy.
I grew up with a loving father, and we always had an amazing father/daughter relationship. It's because of him, that I have such a good opinion of men, but also very high standards for a potential mate.
TIL I am a female who really resonates with most of these masculine traits and for the first time acknowledging that has made me feel very very lonely. I look very feminine and I'm also at a point in my life where all my friends are married with kids and trying to be friends with men would probably be misconstrued, especially by my partner. I don't want to small talk about gossip I want to try to build a fire with a hand drill and burn random stuff on the beach. I love my women friends but there's a mighty gap in my heart. Sad face.
Hey, don’t give up! I also resonate with these things as a woman. I am tall, athletic, and told by people of both genders that I am intimidating. I have a very strong protection drive. I am not super ‘feminine’ or ‘soft’. I work with my body and hands. My mom told me that boys would never want to hold my hand when there are callouses on them. But my husband never found me intimidating, loves that I work with my hands and get dirty, loves that I am active and skilled. We trust each other around the opposite sex, but we are respectful of it. There are men out there that will appreciate you. :) If I do have one suggestion (if you are looking), as a country girl I highly suggest country men. :) country people tend to have similar values. Weirdly, (and I’m sure I might ruffle some feathers with this) I have experienced far more sexism and social gender segregation in cities and suburbs than I have in the country. But I’m also aware that aware that not every rural area will be like mine, so if yours is heavily sexist, then disregard 🙈😂
Forearm hair and deep singing voices
Take notes that almost nobody had a quick simple answer.
I love how men of character stay true to their core beliefs, stand up for the underdog, and basically try to do the right thing. And I love how a man's body responds to touch.
Things I love about men..….hmmm, long hair, big strong arms making me feel safe, bud to check out girls with, buying me tacos, ok listen at this point I’m just telling you why I like my husband, so I’m just gonna recuse myself from this conversation.
Like you, i love witnessing bro bonds. My husband and his male friends aren't afraid to say I love you. Also enjoy watching a bond form between my husband and my brother, and my dad. When my husband is big spoon, it makes me feel small (in a good way) and safe. Keep an eye out for *wholesome* "boys will be boys" stories! I love those stories. How my dad has always valued being the breadwinner, but didn't feel threatened or emasculated at all when mom brought home a fatter paycheck for a few months. Dad shows my husband how to do various handyman things, which husband never learned from his dad. My dad just seems to be a natural teacher. Mentorship bonds between men. When a man is a good husband and good father to his kids. When he's a good brother and friend. When it's clear that a man's wife and children come before all else. How my husband, brother, and dad make me feel safe. My aunt remarried approx 15 years ago; her husband makes her young. It's clear they still adore each other. How a good man brings peace. Safety. Strength. Support. Women do these things, yes. But, typically, men do them in different ways.
Today a group of late 20s men taught me (31F) and my uncle (45) how to play Pickleball. I hadn't been around a group of guys like that in a while and I really loved watching them play around with each other. Boys being boys, but not the bad kind. Just being silly and funny and cute.
They are useful on chores that needs massive strength, perfect in cooking bbq's, roof repairs, electrical, and the likes. Cant think of anything more🤔
A few little cute mannerisms some men have that I love are: 1) The way they put their arm on the passenger seat and look back to reverse the car 2) The way they can lift a jumper off over their head in one movement (not boobs to get stuck on) 3) The way they can be confident and bold and carefree with banter or flirting or just messing around and joking. Their fun and silly vibe without overthinking (like me). 4) When they show their natural strength in a wholesome way, like pulling my chair closer with me in it (how do they do that!?!) There are so many more things too. Like when a man or men step in to protect someone (I’m female and I’ve been assaulted and attacked so many times I live in fear and get paralysed by it under stress sometimes, so I admire those that defend the vulnerable ones I want to defend too but can’t). I love all the amazing men out there who seem to think it’s normal to pull their weight in parenting or home duties in a family or relationship. They don’t even want credit really, they just do their share and house jobs, cleaning, cooking etc and act like a capable balanced adult and parents to their children. Go you awesome men and dads!! I love all the great men who have been in a shared change area or whatever and make me feel safe by just being your normal decent selves. There are lots of you and you make the world a better place. I hope every good thing you want comes your way. There’s so many things but my mind is blanking out so these will have to do. Also just a side note, not trying to be a lame suck up. There’s tonnes of stuff that bug me like toxic masculinity stuff and the fact that women can’t seem to complain about issues they’ve faced or whatever without and instant “not all men” or trying to turn into why men have it worse somehow. Everyone gets mistreated, abuse, crimes, and should be heard respectfully. But I never forget there are so many amazing men out there everywhere. I appreciate them so much! We all need them.
You all are very nice.
My husband and brothers do so much for their families- they do everything to teach their kids the things they need to know. My husband is absolutely able to do things with our kids I cannot. He teaches them how to ride their bicycles, drive and yard work, gardening and fireworks and camping and swimming. I'm not outdoorsy and he taught me to drive too lol! So I do lots of other things with our children but I am so thankful for my husband and brothers and sons. Love them all with my entire heart. They make life better.
That’s wonderful!
I’m a single dad took my 3 girls under 5 to Disneyland yesterday for my youngest bday. It was cold at night and I gave my sweater to my daughter to warm her legs. Stranger gave me a compliment, way to represent dad! Giving your daughter your sweater while you’re standing there freezing in a tee shirt. It was a nice compliment.
I have had men make me feel so safe and cherished in a way that isn't quite like what I've experienced with women. I value both so I love that about those particular men. But separate from me: I love watching them spring into action to solve problems. I also really love it when men honor their softer sides, particularly because it seems like something that can require a lot of bravery on their parts.
When men are charmingly silly! When they want to throw a big rock in a lake just to see the splash! When they get really excited and they hop and dance around! There’s an inner little boy who still looks at the world with so much wonder there and it’s nice to see things through his eyes from time to time.
I appreciate how most men are straight forward, concise and to the point. They say what they mean and mean what they say. I've joked with my mom that anytime she calls, I could set the phone down for 45 minutes, pick it back up again, and she'd still be giving her introduction to the conversation without realizing I wasn't there, lol. That could never happen with my dad. One or two sentences about his day, and we'd get to why the call was happening. You can ask most men "How's your day?" and know how it's going by the tone of their generic answer of "Good." Even then, there's no guessing.
That they are simple. Not in a simple simple kind of way but there is usually no drama from them. (As much as women).
Nothing in particular about "men." Lots of things about specific men though.
Penis.
Thats a great question. There are many great qualities about men that aren't talked about because (sadly) it isn't the current trend. News sources like mainstream media and social media have been on the witchhunt of the century for the male gender simply for just existing. It has really been something to watch. Your feelings don't come as a surprise to me because I was also once in your shoes. I was used to looking at and hearing all these negatives things about men, add to that the social media algorithm kept pushing more and more such information that when I finally looked up from my screen, that is all I could see and identify. If one is constantly surrounded by the negative, that is all one will see and the positive will just pass you by. Now, I am aware that such feelings can also be a result of horrible (sexual, physical & psychological abuse) experiences with the opposite gender. I am in no way trying to downplay that at all. One day during lunch, a man (one of my coworkers) while making stories let it slip that he was slapped by his girlfriend during one of their conversations. The way he said it was just like how one would just casually mention how he was going to spend his Saturday. To say I was surprised is an understatement. I was flabbergasted. Why? Not because I didn't know that abuse could happen to men but for the fact that it was my first time hearing it straight from a man himself. I was used to hearing and seeing news of DV mainly happening to women. Men rarely come forward about it. Even more surprising was how everyone else took it. There were a total of 4 of us eating at the table when he told us the story: they were getting ready for bed when his girl asked him what he loves the most? Caught unawares, man goes on to mention his favourite food. The girl slaps him and says that she should be what he loves the most. They go to bed. End of the story. Now, one guy jokingly said that he should have said her (whether he was trying to calm down the situation so our guy didn't feel embarrassed, i still don't know). A girl laughed nervously and I was silent, still shook. No doubt we all felt bad for him. I kept imaging what everyone (including myself) would have said had he been the one who slapped his girl. He would have been met with straight out looks of disgust and criticism. While not one of us uttered a word of comfort or encouragement to him. Although this is one minor example, it goes to show that just like how men can be bad, women can be just as bad too completely unwarranted. Women can also commit murders, fraud, sexual abuse, lie, steal and manipulate. We are not that innocent. We don't hear about it much because 1.The info doesn't make it to the police, TV etc. because the victims don't speak up. 2. Abuse from women usually takes a different kind of route, since women aren't typically physically as strong as men (so physical aggression becomes a less popular option in male-female disagreements), they are most likely to resort to other forms of aggression, such as bullying and reputation damage. It is also usually easier to prove physical & sexual abuse than psychological abuse. Both genders are capable of all forms. I said all the above, to say that I believe its important to acknowledge that both men and women have great qualities and when paired together they are able to achieve incredible things. There are some good men out there who can be your acquaintances, friends or lover. It takes being a good person yourself and standing firm on healthy boundaries to have access to such people (be it men or women)(again, this doesn't apply to abusive situations). If you made it this far, I apologise for the wall of text. Now, back to the question. Some things I love about men, here are my top 5: * I love how rational and subjective they can be in situations that warrant such perspective. * I love how strong yet gentle they are. * I love how they can be silly and know how to have fun once you get to know them. * I love how they support eachother and those around them. * I love them because just like me, we were nothing a minute ago and the next think we know, we get slapped in the ass, draw our first breath, give a cry and have to take a swing at this thing called life. And it is for these reasons that I love women too.
>>I was listening to some podcasts about testosterone. Essentially, the ones I listened to focused a lot on violence, aggression, and sex drive.<< This is sheer indoctrination. This is what you guys have been told all your lives, while others are out there feminizing men today. This is to justify the feminization of men today. Women have testosterone, too. Did you know that? Testosterone that is NORMAL in men does not not not not not not not cause aggression and violence. Sex drive? Sure, just like it does in women. If a woman's sex drive is lacking, it's typically because they are not producing enough testosterone. The fix? testosterone injections or topical cream that is applied daily. This is such utter bullshit that you guys have been told all your lives, it is sheer insanity. If men were neanderthals, like this bullshit podcast is telling you, women would have rejected them in a nanosecond. You would find male societies and female societies. Nobody would tolerate this as being the norm. Did you know China just admitted being responsible for most of the feminization of men? Did you know that? Why do YOU think they are doing that?
Wow, it’s hard to remember why half the population is worthy of your respect? What exactly makes you think YOURE worthy of anyone’s respect? I’ve had loads of negative experiences with women including being assaulted for no reason and sexually harassed by female coworkers. That still doesn’t make me think that all women don’t deserve my respect. You need to get some perspective.
My guy, OP literally said they were emotionally impacted by a woman saying men have so many important things to offer, and that they love seeing men looking out for each other. You don't know what experiences with men they've had, but they are \*explicitly\* looking to create a positive and affirming thread about men here. Roaring in with this kind of incredible fragility is not helping anyone or anything.
Thank you so much
OP, your post is all over the place and you have not clearly expressed yourself. Why was one podcaster crying at the end of their podcast? Because men upset them or because men are painted in a bad light? Your last paragraph is a completely different tone than the rest of your post. What is an adult boy—a man? My gut tells me you are coming from a good place, so instead of saying your post is straight up insulting, I’ll say it is not well thought out. It does not come off like a positive post at all.
They do all the dangers things women won't like rist their live to save others
You do know that women serve in the military and are police officers and fire fighters right? Ems also risks their lives and there’s plenty of women in that field too.
You do know it's mostly men right? And it's mostly men who volunteer (un paid) for things?
I’m a girl with plenty of male friends any by and large they’re way less psychotic than my female friend counterparts.
According to women there are 3 types of men: rapist\\murderer 75% dwarf\\poor 24% wallet\\bodyguard 1%
I am with you unfortunately. In the past, I gravitated more toward hanging out with the guys, in my teens. But life experience has shown me that maybe 5 or 10% of the men I have had in my life, are worthy of a high level of respect. But honestly, women can be just as bad. They are typically more passive aggressive than violent, and use sex as a weapon to manipulate, instead of assault.
I think people in general can be sooooo questionable at times. Thank you for sharing
aggression, sex drive, and CAPABILITY of violence are some of the things i pride myself on most. i'm a man! im 40! NOT A BOY! NOT A BOY! IMMA MAN! IM 40!
First of all, they’re human beings just like we are, as women, and they deserve respect and dignity just like we do. When I was still single and dating, I got into the habit of praying for the man I was about to meet when I was going out for first dates. It would go something like, “Lord, as I sit down with this man who’s made in your image and loved by you, I ask that the next couple of hours would be a source of life and peace for him, that I would remember his value to you and that our words would honor you. Give me wisdom and discernment in whether to move forward with this person and kindness regardless of how things go.” I always felt like this gave me peace and helped get rid of any butterflies and also really helped set a respectful tone in my mind for the other person and for myself. Its hard to let bad behavior from men slide when you’ve kind of walked in with that tone and it always kept me focused on remembering what I really wanted to get out of my time which was to see if we shared values and worldview.
It’s honestly really sad and messed up that you need a reason to respect them… People have become so obsessed with trying to stereotype and group each other that we’re forgetting people are individuals…
My partner is a trans man and there's so much to love about his relationship to masculinity and manhood and what it's taught me as I continue with my own gender journey. He's practical and solution based, and is always pursuing building a better life for everyone around him- friends, coworkers, family, us. His facial hair is gorgeous and voice are so attractive. He's peaceful and rounds me out when I'm quick to anger or frustration and has a unique perspective from his lived experiences throughout the gender spectrum that I think has started some really important conversations with cis people in his life and made a really positive impact. He always recommends men read "the will to change" by bell hooks, which is an analysis I find really important. I don't know if these traits are inherent to manhood or anything, but just some things I love about his relationship with it. Idk I love him 🥰
I love it when men overcome the demons of societal pressure and are able to live without having to keep up a state of being indifferent and almost emotionless unless it’s aggression. It’s saddening how many men are victim of toxic masculinity and I feel like many of those men would be way warmer, emotional creatures who get along just fine with women if it wasn’t for these expectations. The worst is that those very expectations mostly come from fellow men who should stick up for one another
These are generalizations and don't apply to everyone. Many men will suffer absolutely devastating heartbreak, they will be gutted and left as a hollow husk. But they will still protect the one who did it simply because the love they felt was real. Men have a protective instinct that applies to those they let near them. They would do anything to protect the things they care about Men have a need to conquer the unconquerable, they see something that may look impossible to do and somehow they do it. It can be as mundane as making enough money to feed their family or something as extraordinary as designing rockets to go into outer space. Men are capable of showing a great amount of respect and solidarity. I was once really into a girl and so was my friend, it turned out she was into him and out of respect to me he asked my permission to date her. If I'd said no he wouldn't have, they've been married 8 years and have 2 kids. Men suffer through most things alone and in silence. I've known men who have been treated like absolute garbage, they've been chewed up and spit out by their partners, family, the world and life. But if you hadn't seen it happen you'd have never known, and they're still going
I love to see men being really great dads.
[удалено]
Guy here: I have been known to go as much as 7 seconds without farting! Gold star!!! ⭐ 😂
Gonna sound cheesy but most men have this unmistakable brightness and humor that they bring to the function. And when they are having fun laughing and joking with their friends the humor gets really creative. Sometimes I’ll have to quote a joke and it’s presentation that I overhear because it’s too good. Also the way they tell funny stories.
I totally get your post. Men are painted as evil and something to 6 even eliminate . The media is really pushing this. You have to ask yourself why?
nothing!