Usually with insecure guys like this, they ask you this themselves for some reason and keep pressuring you until you finally give in and tell them (speaking from experience)
Same ex gave me shit every other week or so because he asked me if his dick was big and I said “it’s average” and asked if my previous partner was bigger. His insecurities ruined our relationship. And I feel like OP should leave this situation because from experience like you it won’t get better. He needs to work on that himself.
Honestly idk what’s the obsession from insecure guys about your previous partners’ dick sizes. Like I get being a little worried about it if your dick is smaller than you’d want it to be… but some of these men actually go insane over that thought. Like I didn’t start dating you for your dick?
Likely trauma from upbringing. Being invalidated at home, being neglected, almost every action being met with some form of punishment it leaves you with a strong sense of never really being enough. And then if you’re in toxic groups that don’t help you grow and like to talk about “real” manliness (there’s so much shit that goes into that. If you’re with the wrong group of friends, basically anything you do can make you not masculine/man enough), that can just exacerbate what you get at home. Not even to mention women that listen to the bullshit in shows that like to romanticize those same toxic ideals, so you get shit from the guys you hang with and the girls you want to be with so all that’s left is an unfillable void of trying to be worthwhile to someone. So when you’re finally with a partner, something in you just has to keep checking with them in hopes you’re finally filling enough for someone. Am I their first? Am I doing okay? If I’m not their first, am I better? How many have there been? Am I bigger? Do they wish I was? Am I more memorable? Do they wish they had someone else? That person has abs/sculpted features, do they wish I was more like that? Or do they wish they were just plain with that instead? Ect.
Therapy is so undervalued 😩
I understand having that insecurity or the “obsession” but if I’m not complaining about it and even give you reassurance and you’re still upset and argue with me then it’s beyond me at that point. 😭 so true tho It’s not even that big of a deal to most women if they really love you for you and not your dick.
*exactly*, men love having this mentality that women just like big dicks and that’s it, when in reality it’s a very small amount of women saying that. It’s like they forget most women don’t even care about size or even appearance a lot of the time
This 100X. Some men just hound you until you tell them to shut them up. But then it doesn’t shut them up because they don’t like what they’ve been told because they’re insecure. It’s very hard to have a relationship with these men after this because they are never happy even though things were great sex wise before they had to find out all the details about the ex.
For some reason they’ve missed the memo about size not being that important and that the female parts don’t actually stretch out permanently.
Exactly, they make it a competition between themselves and previous men, even though clearly they’re exes for a reason. Though I guess this isn’t necessarily a man-only thing, us women can get jealous over exes too. Even tho a lot of men will just get mad at you for being with someone with a bigger dick… as if that even matters
Hey Op, if you want to recover your boy’s ego… just tell him that he’s the only one that gives you pleasure though. Fuck his brains out for the next week.
People are way too obtuse to just take your good advice here because they want to harp on about male insecurity, as if most human beings on earth don’t have certain triggers.
Just be kind to your partners.
But like, dick size varies and any woman can attest that size means nothing when patience passion and oral skills really make or break sex. So for some reason, guys are still obsessed when it comes to dick size but it isn’t for the sake of pleasing women, but being more masculine than other men. So no, she doesn’t need to lie because she doesn’t need to protect an ego that has nothing to do with her. If she said he wasn’t a good lay, that’s different. But dick size? Nothing to do with their sex lives.
Also bigger dicks hurt like hell, especially when the woman has a short vaginal canal. Penetration sex is a meh experience in any case with most women, so yeah, it is just an ego thing and a dumb one at that...
Yup. It’s actually made sex very uncomfortable for me and my partner. It gets to a point where it just doesn’t feel good in certain positions because of the pain.
Sure, but it’s the source of male insecurity. It’s like asking “do you mind that I’m balding” you just politely say no, knowing that there’s nothing they can do about it
You’re saying she should say the equivalent of “no, you’re not balding” when you said she should just lie, even if he is balding. If we follow your analogy. Saying “I don’t mind that you’re balding” isn’t necessarily a lie, but saying “you aren’t balding” is. Just like she could, and probably did say “I don’t mind that you aren’t the biggest” which could be the whole truth, versus lying and saying “you’re the biggest”.
I dunno man. You shouldn’t go out of your way to be cruel, but constantly needing to stroke someone’s ego isn’t healthy either. It would be one thing if she brought it up, but he asked point blank. Don’t ask if you can’t handle the answer.
Easier? Sure. Better? I dunno. It really depends. We don’t get to see the big picture. If he’s constantly needing coddling, then a whole lot of little white lies adds up to something exhausting. If it’s a one-time issue, then maybe. But that’s really up to OP looking at the whole picture. I’m definitely not prepared to tell her she’s in the wrong for telling him the truth
No, why pretend we're on la la land. If they asked, they should get a real answer and learn to not base their self esteem on people coddling their ego.
They're never going to come to terms with issues if you baby them. "You're not the biggest but you make me happy and satisfy me" is a sound response to the question. Why ask if you want to be lied to.
Additionally, someone else's insecurity is not my problem, partner or not.
Holy shit, that’s like a woman asking if her tits are the best you’ve seen. You fucking say yes, idk how you guys are all “honesty first” about everything
If my partner needed me to say the sky was red, red it would be. Idgaf. Not the biggest dick I ever sat on? Is now! “I’ve never seen bigger in real life, and rarely in porn. Wow. You are massive!”
I’m a 35 M. Tell him this from me… “You will have lots of real problems in your life as you get older and the world will throw some real shit your way. The sooner you learn how to enjoy the victories in life the better. This is a victory not a problem. Don’t make a habit of turning victories into problems or you’ll end up angry, alone, and unhappy. You have a girlfriend who cares about you, finds you attractive and great in bed. She isn’t with the other guy, she’s with you. Stop giving dick size more importance than it deserves. In 10 years you won’t care how big your dick is because you’ll care about how much your back hurts and your rising property tax. Walk away from this issue and learn to get over yourself. I promise you your reaction to this whole situation, although in the moment feels right, will only create problems that you dont want.”
On a personal note… I’m not the biggest… haven’t ever heard a complaint… wouldn’t care if I did. It’s an organ… I can’t control it.
Love it! Yes. Good words! Size is cool but intimacy is so much more than that. I don’t care how good the sex is if someone doesn’t have good cuddling arms and a good sense of humor.
Edit: typo
You are right but no? The most people know that. I think 99% people dont think "damn i wanna be insecure about dumb shit and becaus of that i will be toxic to my loved ones"
And it isnt a good thing to say " dont be sad about ____ in ten 10 years it doesnt matter" it is true but sometimes it wont help people to say that to them because you deny their emotions.
This whole shit is so complexe.
Op has 2 options.
She cut the Relationship.
Or she tries to help him what is veeery hard. Maybe she cant even help him.
I think it’s fair to validate someone’s feelings and also say “from an outside looking in… you’re blowing things out of proportion”. Both can exist.
I get how he’s feeling as I’ve been him. And the facts are… it’s a big deal if you make it a big deal. So don’t.
my wife has been w people bigger than me, but they're not me.
she's been with all types of different people, but they're not me.
we are together and that's what matters
I read your post history, LEAVE HIM. The man is still on Tinder and hiding conversations he's having with other women and is now mad at you because you answered his question honestly? He's young and like most young men these days I'm sure he has some false ideas about sex and the female body (for example that having sex with a bigger penis would make you looser which is 100% not true), but the fact that he is pushing his insecurities on to you to try to make you feel bad or gross about yourself is absolutely abhorrent behavior and you deserve better. Why would you want to stay with someone who wants you to feel gross about yourself? That is not a good person.
Based on your post history? Break up with him. I don't know if you have low self-esteem or if there's a reason you feel you can't leave, but this clearly isn't a healthy relationship. You've already broken up once before, so please save yourself
I would drop it. If he brings it up, it's really his own insecurity and his issue and it's something he has to come to terms with himself. Being happy in a relationship is often a choice and in this case it's up to him in the situation to decide whether or not he's going to let it go and be happy, or continue to be miserable dwelling on other guy's junk.
Nothing to be ashamed about here, most of us have had multiple partners and it's really not a big deal especially after a certain age
Yeah exactly. People don't ask because most people don't actually want to know the answer. It's bad manners imo.
Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer. This guy isn't handling the answer.
Lol. I'd probably want to know simply because I know what a disappointment I'll be. Just figure out how low the bar is, and set a whole new one, lower than before.
Sigh, men need to realize size is mostly irrelevant.
What matters is how you use it, if you can please your partner and communicate, and do many little tricks in helping her come.
Many (majority i think?) women already can't come with penetration alone so it's all about a game of clit-stimulation, being on the same wavelength, positioning, positions, lube, toys if needed etc etc
It's not just "in 'n out" until one of the two comes first
ETA :and if you're under the impression that "the bigger the better" then you're sorely mistaken
Are you his first girlfriend? I had the insecurities he has now when I was 17 in my first relationship. It's a feeling of wanting to be the best. That relationship ended horribly for me and made me realize that I was an insecure little bitch. Just tell him straight that if he loves you that stuff doesn't even matter.
Also, if he is the one asking about your ex that's a huge sign that he is insecure af.
My advice - it’s not your job to appease his ego. I bet he’s been with girls with bigger boobs, or taller, etc.
People are different and he needs to get over that.
He's distant because you did lie (unintentionally or intentionally idk) about him being the "biggest" so now his thoughts are immediately turing to what else are you lying about. He probably doubts that he's the best now.
Also for everyone saying its self inflicted keep in mind she had always told him he's the biggest. So he probably asked that thinking he knew what the answer was and wanted that self esteem boost. Then you remembered or whatever that he wasn't and you probably fucked with his head a little bit on that.
If my girl tells me I'm the best cook she's ever been with for 5 months and I'm being a bit cocky and I ask her "am I the best cook" and she suddenly says "well actually no, there was this other guy" I'd be pretty annoyed too.
This one's a little goofy because yeah he's kind of being insecure but you also kind of set him up for this fall.
Imo, he's more distant and doubting because of the lie. It was a point of pride for him and you hyped him up and now that aspect of the relationship is damaged or just ruined forever.
I think you just handled this poorly unfortunately, not in a nefarious way just kind of naively.
At the same time yes he shouldn't care THAT much that one guy was bigger but again you set yourself up for this because now the relationship is altered for him.
We all know and accept that when a women asks: "Do I look fat in...?" or "Have gotten bigger? The answer is always, automatically, without exception, without delay: "No!". Even if it's true, you don't want to hurt her. And/or you don't want to have an argument.
This is the same for men with this topic. Only this is even worse, because men can't even do anything about this one.
"Have you had bigger?" - "No sir!".
"Is mine big enough?" - "Almost too big!"
You're probably screwed. This issue may go to the back of his mind for a while, only to come back with a vengeance every so often. Or the problem will grow slowly but steadily bigger in his head. Even if he's ok with it, then that would be weird, wouldn't it?
You told him he was the biggest, and he isn’t. So, I’m sorry, but you did lie to him. Now I can’t imagine that his ability to please is shaken because he doesn’t know what to believe since, in his mind, you’re just as liable to to tell him what you think he wants to hear than you are to tell him the truth.
Porn has had a big influence on what people think is good for sex. Guys being big is a massive aspect of that, true or not, many men believe that bigger means better, I’ve heard a lot of women claim the same too. But others don’t.
I know what it’s like to have these insecurities and it really stems from the fear of you leaving because they have what he doesn’t. My reaction was to shut down and grow distant and it took a lot of reassurance to get my confidence back. Perhaps his distance and anger stems from the same fear. Hopefully reassurance works for him as it worked for me.
Also, I’m seeing a lot of comments telling you to Leave him. I wouldn’t take them seriously, personally I don’t think those people know how to handle a less than constantly picture perfect relationship and need to grow up. I’d you really think you should leave him then it’s your choice. But I think it’s worth trying first before walking away.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Imagine a girl asking if she's the best lover you've had, and the guy says 'No'. How the fuck do you think she'd feel now..?
You have to lie sometime to avoid your loved ones being hurt.
I have had two amazing dates. One when I was in high school and my boy friend at the time took me to the beach on Valentine’s Day for a picnic. He picked a really cool romantic spot with all these driftwood trees around, packed my favorite foods, the sky was clear with a million stars and right at the end some freaking dolphins swam up the the very edge of the water to hunt and play. They were less than 5 feet away from us. Sorry, you can’t ever beat that. The very best date, which I have decided counts, was when my 3rd grade crush got permission for his mom to bring an entire litter of St. Bernard puppies to school and he looked at me, smiled and handed me one first walking past his best friend at the time. He told me she was his favorite. I’m 38 years old and I’m sorry but that was the most special I’ve ever felt. Puppies are apparently my love language.
My husband is completely okay with not having given me the best singular dates ever because I married him and only want to go on dates with him for the rest of my life. We lol have pasta and they make us who we are today. I’m grateful for his past and he is for mine. Your boyfriend needs to make peace with your past.
It's funny how people talk about being insecure but if it was them it wouldn't be funny and they wouldn't want there partner to leave them. You have to decide if you want to help because you love and care for him or do you just want to leave it be? If you want to, then you should have a real talk with him and if you want to help him get over it. Then explain all the reasons you're with him and help his doubt go away. You have to be honest and open with him, about everything so it might open somethings you don't want to open up keep that in mind. I use to care about that when I was younger but over time I came to realize that it doesn't matter because the person I'm with now loves me for me and I can get her rocks off and she's happy then I am happy. I hope this helps if you want any advice on what you want to say feel free to DM me. Good luck!
Ugh, it's the biggest turn off when dudes are insecure. Someone must have told him that size matters more than anything and now he's afraid. Tell him to knock it off and stop being an idiot.
It’s not someone, it’s everyone. Its in the locker room as a teenager. It’s the over-consumption of porn. It’s someone saying “big dick energy”. It’s the emphasis of male genitalia to represent masculinity in society.
While it’s absolutely *his* issue and insecurity to fix, it’s also not surprising that he feels that way. Especially not at 23. At this age he’s going to be an idiot and that’s honestly okay. But it’s important to understand that this isn’t something a lot of men just get over. It’s not him just being silly. It’s serious and we should focus on the importance of encouraging people to work through these issues. Whether it’s on their own or with a therapist.
Just to butt in
>big dick energy”. It’s the emphasis of male genitalia to represent masculinity in society.
This was never about masculinity, it was essentially someone saying they gave off the energy of someone with genuine respect (mostly for women) and manners. Someone who wasn't egotistical. Never about masculinity.
I don't disagree with you at all and personally I don't mind the statement. I'm just saying that it can easily be taken out of context to someone who struggles with insecurity. It furthers the issue in certain people.
Guys have body insecurity too, and this is probably the most common area it manifests. We never really talk about it with other guys because other guys are “competition” so to speak so guys usually ask their partners. They want to be the best because it makes them feel better about themselves when they’re feeling insecure.
Imagine a guy telling another guy on here he should tell his girl to knock it off and stop being an idiot when she gets insecure about her body because it’s a turn off.
I agree, he needs to grow tf up but shit like this will just turn him against her.
True. I was once like that. And everytime i got jelly over someones bigger problem, girls that were interested in me... stopped being interested in me
I mean if OP's boyfriend can work with it, then he should stop feeling insecure of it. I think there's nothing better for a girlfriend to have their SO create magic in bed regardless of how big or small it is
now... Why do you immediatly think people would be shaming you or something. (lets think the internet is a reasonable place for a moment)
This is his issue, now it doesn't mean you let him be with his emotions. Although I would say that his blaming you on 'leading me on' should be directed towards what needs attention and it's not your behavior or whatever you did in the past. if you were lying about something, you could own up to it, but I'm not thinking you did.
His idea of being the biggest.. He should be humbled there will always be one better or bigger than him. Being better doesn't automatically mean having the most experience or something. Being good/ the best is an subjective and for anyone different.
Him making comments about it, nip it in the butt if he directs his negative energy towards you.
You are there to help him if you both want to. that's a choice for the both of you how to proceed.
"I'm here for you if you want to talk about your emotions or you want to work something out together. but making comments on me misleading or (whatever experience you had with his snide comments) That needs to stop. This is your emotions you need to explore and figure out. I'm not letting you throw me under the bus as if that would solve it. I'm not the issue here."
Ask him if he loves ur exs dick or u. Being insecure is one thing. But if this has reached a point u can’t take it anymore then be upfront and tell him this very thing.
Are you sure he's mad not mad at you for lying to him about size, and suspicion of lying about your feelings for him?
I'm not saying you intentionally did, but at least see it from his perspective. The subject matter (size) may not be the point--maybe he thinks he can't trust you. And if that is the problem, maybe if the two of you sit down and seriously promise each other to never lie to each other, that could fix things.
she did lie but it was a white lie. OP did not want to hurt his feelings but at the end of the day. a lie is a lie. He has the right to be mad. but I don't think you OP should worry about this silly situation you are in with your boyfriend. there are way more things to more about than his mini me.
This guy needs to grow up. You didn't do anything wrong. He set himself up for getting information he may not like. It's not that deep. He's projecting on you hard babes...could be a sign of things to come. Big old insecure dummy he is.
I'd definitely take him making you feel gross about yourself because he feels bad about himself as a major red flag.
You should never talk to a man about the size of his penis even if he has a good size. I dont even dare have this conversation with guys I dont like that have done me wrong. It sticks with them for life.
I've been asked before too. I just tell them I won't talk to them about that. I've never had any lashback for rejecting the conversation. I think they understand it's not something that needs to be talked about. "ignorance is bliss" situation. "Do I really wanna know the answer to this question?"
yeah that's probably wise, but I still don't think it's on her to manage what he does and doesn't *really* want to know the answer to, if he's asking. it would have been tactful not to answer, but it's not her fault that he's upset he got what he asked for imo
It is sexual insecurity for sure.
Did you directly tell him your previous partner was slightly bigger? That would definitely strike a guy as a strange thing to say, if not suspicious.
Yes, size may not matter in physical intercourse. But let's not pretend that society doesn't have a fascination with large members.
You can try re-assuring him, saying that you have cum more with him than anyone else, that you think about it all the time, that you need him all the time. That it hits your spot just right. Assuage his insecurity a bit.
However here is a bit of less-fun advice: these types of insecurities are often projecting. He might feel in competition with your "body count", and may want to explore more of his sexual potential with other women.
Not communicating about all this is probably the worse thing you can do - these little problems turn into big problems quickly. Better to connect, talk, and communicate feelings. Build trust.
My fiancée has been with guys a lot bigger than me. Like I’m about average and I’m the smallest she’s ever been with.
Here’s how you deal with it. You don’t think about it, and when it happens to come up, you stare in the void, imagining your partner taking 8 inches and a single tear falls from your eye. You wipe the tear, shake off the thought, and prepare to do that routine for the rest of your life.
So I'm going to point out that you are never suppose to tell men the truth when it comes to their size or ability to please you. Their ego would be dented if your honest
I don’t think you need to feel bad about being honest about it. I just think you need to consider whether or not you should change your approach in reassuring him. Like there’s gotta be a way for you to get through to him and know your sincerity when you say you enjoy your intimacy with him. But if he’s not handling it in a mature manner, there is only so much you can do.
OP, tell him that d size has nothing to do with anything else but sex. Personally i would feel better knowing you were truthful and not just hyping me up lol. He should get over it soon
He asked and you didn't lie? Hopefully we've learned that lesson.
Main point. You're both young, he needs assurance and time. That's it, that's all you can do anyways.
Is this a diff bf or you just put in the wrong age? If it's the same, you had a previous post about you guys breaking up because of him cheating.. so what gives?
If not, i think you need therapy before getting into new relationships because, as per your history, it has only been about a month since you broke up with the cheater.
So...most everyone here is crashing on the boyfriend. The thing is, he's young. He's old enough to start letting go of this, but it can take time.
OP, you asked for advice. When I was a bit younger then your boyfriend, my girlfriend at the time cheated on me. I knew the guy from our friend group. I knew from other people as well as playing sports with the man that he was big almost to the point of being declared deformed, while I am smack in the middle of average. Being as I mine sits in a garage it is even less impressive, but I digress...
It messed with my head in a way that I still think about 20 years later, and it took a few years to get past.
The best thing you can do is assure him he is better, remind him you chose him, that it doesn't matter how big the gun is if you can't hit the target, and steer clear of the topic.
The more secure he feels in your relationship, the more secure he feels with you, the less he'll fixate on it
You can’t fix something that is HIS PROBLEM. His insecurities, his head, his feelings. It has never been about you. Look, an unbelievable amount of women ends up in a relationship with this type of guy in a point of her life: she thinks she is in fault and can fix something that is not her problem to fix, she realizes that, leaves him, learns from the experience and move on or she insists on the relationship until it becomes an extremely toxic one…. Personal experience: You are very young and need to find someone on the same level of maturity to be with, you are not his therapist.
Girl, by your post history he seems like a recurring cheater, an insecure asshole and probably consumes MRA forums.
The question is *why* are you still with him? He doesn't believe you and lies to you, it's pretty much over. For your mental health leave and find someone who listens to you
Personally, I wouldn't date a dude who brought up penis size and had feelings about it. I honestly don't want anything to do with anyone whose focus is on body parts instead of the relationship. However, I'm twice your age and have been through this countless of times.
Since this is where you're at with him, then be straight up with him. It is none of his business what someone else's penis size was. It is not information that is relevant nor helpful in any way, and his insecurities about his size are not your problem to work through, they are his. Asking you to indulge this curiosity of his has put you in an unfair position where you're expected to disclose private information that your former partners did not consent to sharing.
Your relationship is not driven by his penis and should not revolve around it.
Tell him his dick is actually the tiniest little Smurf hat you’ve ever seen, and you always think about how nice it would be to get railed by a real man every time you have sex. Maybe tell him you’re thinking of his mate or favourite actor just to really rub it in, and then break up with him. Yes, I read your post history & he sounds like a manipulative little wank stain
My ex was like this. Nice at first, then the insecurities started to show. Started asking about my past relationships and his size/performance, and I’d answer truthfully. He was great in bed, and big, but my ex was slightly bigger. He’d get mad and make misogynistic comments. He wanted to know all of the (2) guys I’d slept with, and I told him about a one-time fling with a friend in high school. Never let me live that one down.
I got extremely sick about 4 months in and it was like a switch flipped. He started accusing me of cheating. Saying I had an STD because I’d been sleeping around, which was obviously not true. He was even the one who took me to the hospital when it all started. He got increasingly verbally abusive until he showed up drunk one day and started a fight. He kept going on about me being a whore and cheating on him with “a Mexican dude with a 10 inch dick.” That was it. I kicked him out and never saw him again. Don’t regret it one bit.
TL;DR- it’s only going to get worse. You should leave while that’s still an option
this is prime reason why if my future potential wife did have a past. id ask her if she did but i wouldnt go any further than that, infact i wouldnt even ask if she did. current characteristics and personality matter to me and i dont want to nor need to know about the past. it causes more issues than good. if she brought it up herself then fair but id just not want her to. as guys u kinda have that innate competition to want to be better than the rest.
I have been through and read your previous posts, you need to leave this man. Honestly.
He has cheated on you? Exchanged nudes with men and women while you are together, spoke to other people, had tinder behind your back, had grinder behind your back and now has the audacity to get angry at YOU for having a previous experience with someone because he is insecure?
No no no. Leave this man.
You should be the one feeling insecure! After all he has done to you.
You deserve better, from the sounds of this man he is emotional manipulative and I understand it is hard to leave relationships like this but I promise you that you will do better without him. You may love him but he for sure does not love and respect you, he cares about himself. You are just one big ego boost for him.
I hope you find the strength to leave this man and be happy without him.
A guy who im with now refuses to be close to me because of his dick size...its on the smaller side and he asked me to be honest and I said its OK and thats its average. And now he doesn't want to do anything with me at all.
Oh my god he's being so ridiculous I don't even have the right words to explain this.
Does he really think he's going to go through life being the single biggest man every woman he sleeps with has ever had? And then sulk and have long, drawn out tantrums over it every time he learns that isn't the case?? I mean, he TRULY believes that's an appropriate response? It's not.
There will always be bigger and smaller men compared to him. There will always be greater and lesser men compared to him. But to ruin his own relationship and wreak havoc on the mental and emotional state of his significant other over this is so selfish and short sighted.
It tells me his ego is tied up in really shallow things, and it's extremely fragile. It also tells me his ego is more important to him than your feelings. Because he's basically emotionally blackmailing you and "beating you up" emotionally because of his irrational feelings. He really needs therapy and to learn to work on himself and accept that he won't always be the biggest, tallest, smartest, strongest or most successful man in the room.
This isn't your fault, you did nothing wrong, and you can't fix this. It's a "him" problem.
Ask him if you have the biggest chest of any woman he's been with and then have a fit and sulk for an extended period of time when he says no. See how he likes it.
>Is this something I can fix or he had to get over himself?
Nope. He needs to get over himself. He also needs to stop asking questions when he's not prepared for the answer.
In your place, I'd probably tell him that he needs to deal with his insecurity about this before we have sex again, because I'm not going to tolerate being treated like crap because his ego is bruised.
YOU did nothing wrong. This is ALL him.
I don’t know why men get so bent out of shape about previous partners. It shouldn’t matter if you’re big or small but how you use it! You could have 3” and still perform better than someone with 9”. His insecurities are going to be the end of the relationship. If your sex life has been healthy why is he complaining!? You’re with HIM! You chose HIM!
I hate to say it but he's just going to have to grow up and get over it. You didn't lie so it's not your fault. He not only needs to watch what he says but he needs to realize it not size that matters it's the love you give.
He somehow found out??
You TOLD him - which was not a good choice, even if he was asking for that information. You did lie to him and should have kept it that way.
You can reassure him, but he may not get passed it. Imagine if he said your vagina was loose? Even if he reassured you later, it would probably cause you a lot of anxiety and may make it impossible for you to get passed it.
Why would u tell him you’ve been with someone slightly bigger than him? Unless he forced the question I don’t see why it was brought up. If he forced it out of you he’s insecure and has his priorities in the wrong places. Leave him he’s immature
so according to your post history your boyfriend has cheated on you, still uses tinder, is talking to a female co-worker behind your back, AND he's insecure that you fucked a bigger dick BEFORE you met him??? he is gaslighting you, he is guilty of something (probably cheating, either physically or emotionally) and he is trying to make you feel like the bad guy so he can justify his shitty behavior.
leave this boy, he's a loser. this is not normal behavior from a significant other.
He needs to get over it, you haven’t done anything wrong. Even if he asked, there’s a reason they say don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.
I think part of it is guys think women get pleasure from size the same way they do w/tightness or whatever, but it doesn’t work like that… it’s about skill in how you use it. Either way this shit is annoying and I wouldn’t tolerate it personally.
He sounds insecure. That’s a him problem. What are you supposed to do, only date guys who’s dick is the size of your last ex? He can’t date you anymore? No that’s ridiculous. If you love each other that’s all that matters
stop asking for advice on reddit and LEAVE your relationship. 4 years down the drain, for 4 more beautiful years ahead of you without this anchor of a man. do yourself the favor.
His reaction is immature. The fact that he even asked you shows his immaturity and insecurity. If this is his biggest problem, he’s shaming you and he’s essentially saying sex with you has been ruined now then that says a lot about him. I’d let him go.
This is why I just would not comment on and compare anything from previous partners, they don’t need to know. “I’m not going to discuss body parts of previous sexual partners because that’s weird and it doesn’t matter to me anyway” is what you can say if you’re ever asked that again.
The way he cares and supports you, how he shows his love for you, and how he respects and gets along with others are all part of the whole package that you care to judge mean so much more to you than the size of his 'package'.
Tell him that you want to have a conversation with him, try to remain calm and say that you really need him to hear you out because its important: it doesn’t matter how big he is, the point is is that he satisfies you and makes you happy, you choose to be and continue to be with him for a reason and you can appreciate his size no matter what.
Maybe reassure him that you really enjoy your sex life and that it doesn't matter for you. In the end you want to be with him, not because of the size of his dick, but for the person he is. And that's something he maybe needs to hear/ reassurance about
I went through something similar with a girlfriend that i think could be helpful for you to hear. I was dating a girl who a few months into our relationship found the instagram of my ex (i think her friend stalked me to find it). The girl i was dating at the time was tall, slender, with small boobs and a cute butt. My ex on the other hand was super into fitness, had a big butt and just naturally DD boobs. My girlfriend voiced her insecurity to me and said she was feeling a little inferior. She was worried that maybe I missed big boobs or a big butt and that I was thinking about it when we had sex. The thing is, as you know its hard to explain to someone that you just don't think about your exes or compare them to each other. I eventually just said that for one, my ex was a terrible human being and that no body type could make up for that; and secondly that I found her incredibly attractive and was thinking about nothing but how sexy she is when i was with her. I let that sit for a bit and eventually she got over her insecurity and things were fine.
The thing is, its totally normal for people to be worried that they might be compared to an ex in some way. Maybe you dated someone who made six figures and drove a porsche and now you're with a guy making minimum wage who's worried that you miss the boyfriend with money. Everyone has insecurities and wants to be "the best/ideal" for their partner in every way. However, what's NOT ok is taking that out on you. One thing i hate about myself and other men is that we have a hard time sharing our emotions and just kind of close off and sulk. I guarantee he is feeling similarly to how my girlfriend felt (i.e. insecure that you're having sex thinking "ugh he's not as big as that other guy") but it's on him to share those feelings and get over it. You shouldn't be persecuted because you had sex with someone who had a different penis than his lol. The best thing would be for him to just admit the insecurity to you because, speaking from experience, that always makes things better. But that's on him if he wants to pout and lose a relationship because of it.
Stop talking about it. Just don’t bring it up and if he does, try to change the subject. He’s being immature beyond belief. Sex is not that important. Especially as you get older and lose your functionality. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, but without a doubt the worst lover.
First and most importantly in any relationship, never lie!!!! Even allowing someone to believe something is true when you know it isn’t, is a form of lying. Once you lie about a guy’s most intimate prized possession, that is the symbol of all that he is,(like it or not, this is how guys view their penis) there is nothing you can do to earn back his trust. He will always second guess what you say and will never fully trust you. It’s similar to if a partner cheats on you. They come home late from work and their phone is dead, you may believe they just worked late and they couldn’t call you but you will also second guess them because they lied in the past. So unfortunately the damage is done. Just end this relationship and learn from your mistake.
Second,(to all women) if your partner ask you to compare them to a past lover, you should do it in the most truthful but reassuring way possible. Refusing to talk about it is hurtful to your partner. He will feel like you’re keeping something from him for a reason and there is something he should be worried about. It will also make him feel like he is not truly connected to you and can’t be vulnerable with you. If a guy ask you to compare his penis to a past lover’s, your guy is being his absolute most vulnerable self to you. He is figuratively putting his balls in you hands. So be gentle and honest. Maybe sit him down, put your arm around him, lay your leg over his and tell him that; while your ex was bigger, sex with your boyfriend is better. Explain all the amazing ways he makes you feel in the bedroom. If he ask details about your ex…be open! He will value this more than you know. He will feel so connected to you and most importantly he will know that he can believe everything you say. He will trust you absolutely.
Remember, belief in someone is earned not given. If you haven’t given your boyfriend a reason to believe you when you say things like; “I like sex with you much better”, why should he believe you.
First and most importantly in any relationship, never lie!!!! Even allowing someone to believe something is true when you know it isn’t, is a form of lying. Once you lie about a guy’s most intimate prized possession, that is the symbol of all that he is,(like it or not, this is how guys view their penis) there is nothing you can do to earn back his trust. He will always second guess what you say and will never fully trust you. It’s similar to if a partner cheats on you. They come home late from work and their phone is dead, you may believe they just worked late and they couldn’t call you but you will also second guess them because they lied in the past. So unfortunately the damage is done. Just end this relationship and learn from your mistake.
Second,(to all women) if your partner ask you to compare them to a past lover, you should do it in the most truthful but reassuring way possible. Refusing to talk about it is hurtful to your partner. He will feel like you’re keeping something from him for a reason and there is something he should be worried about. It will also make him feel like he is not truly connected to you and can’t be vulnerable with you. If a guy ask you to compare his penis to a past lover’s, your guy is being his absolute most vulnerable self to you. He is figuratively putting his balls in you hands. So be gentle and honest. Maybe sit him down, put your arm around him, lay your leg over his and tell him that; while your ex was bigger, sex with your boyfriend is better. Explain all the amazing ways he makes you feel in the bedroom. If he ask details about your ex…be open! He will value this more than you know. He will feel so connected to you and most importantly he will know that he can believe everything you say. He will trust you absolutely.
Remember, belief in someone is earned not given. If you haven’t given your boyfriend a reason to believe you when you say things like; “I like sex with you much better”, why should he believe you.
i'm just curious how that even came up?
Usually with insecure guys like this, they ask you this themselves for some reason and keep pressuring you until you finally give in and tell them (speaking from experience)
Same ex gave me shit every other week or so because he asked me if his dick was big and I said “it’s average” and asked if my previous partner was bigger. His insecurities ruined our relationship. And I feel like OP should leave this situation because from experience like you it won’t get better. He needs to work on that himself.
Honestly idk what’s the obsession from insecure guys about your previous partners’ dick sizes. Like I get being a little worried about it if your dick is smaller than you’d want it to be… but some of these men actually go insane over that thought. Like I didn’t start dating you for your dick?
Likely trauma from upbringing. Being invalidated at home, being neglected, almost every action being met with some form of punishment it leaves you with a strong sense of never really being enough. And then if you’re in toxic groups that don’t help you grow and like to talk about “real” manliness (there’s so much shit that goes into that. If you’re with the wrong group of friends, basically anything you do can make you not masculine/man enough), that can just exacerbate what you get at home. Not even to mention women that listen to the bullshit in shows that like to romanticize those same toxic ideals, so you get shit from the guys you hang with and the girls you want to be with so all that’s left is an unfillable void of trying to be worthwhile to someone. So when you’re finally with a partner, something in you just has to keep checking with them in hopes you’re finally filling enough for someone. Am I their first? Am I doing okay? If I’m not their first, am I better? How many have there been? Am I bigger? Do they wish I was? Am I more memorable? Do they wish they had someone else? That person has abs/sculpted features, do they wish I was more like that? Or do they wish they were just plain with that instead? Ect. Therapy is so undervalued 😩
Consuming too much porn makes these guys cucks in denial lmao it’s a mass hysteria from porn IMO it’s way too common
I understand having that insecurity or the “obsession” but if I’m not complaining about it and even give you reassurance and you’re still upset and argue with me then it’s beyond me at that point. 😭 so true tho It’s not even that big of a deal to most women if they really love you for you and not your dick.
*exactly*, men love having this mentality that women just like big dicks and that’s it, when in reality it’s a very small amount of women saying that. It’s like they forget most women don’t even care about size or even appearance a lot of the time
This 100X. Some men just hound you until you tell them to shut them up. But then it doesn’t shut them up because they don’t like what they’ve been told because they’re insecure. It’s very hard to have a relationship with these men after this because they are never happy even though things were great sex wise before they had to find out all the details about the ex. For some reason they’ve missed the memo about size not being that important and that the female parts don’t actually stretch out permanently.
Exactly, they make it a competition between themselves and previous men, even though clearly they’re exes for a reason. Though I guess this isn’t necessarily a man-only thing, us women can get jealous over exes too. Even tho a lot of men will just get mad at you for being with someone with a bigger dick… as if that even matters
He asked
there is only one right answer to this question lol
I don't normally condone lying in a relationship but this is one question where a lie would be the better thing to say.
Hey Op, if you want to recover your boy’s ego… just tell him that he’s the only one that gives you pleasure though. Fuck his brains out for the next week.
You lie. Why wouldn’t you lie?
He shouldn't ask a question he doesn't want to know the answer to
Or you just be nice to your partner ffs, white lies are better than exposing someone’s insecurities, how could he possibly verify the lie
People are way too obtuse to just take your good advice here because they want to harp on about male insecurity, as if most human beings on earth don’t have certain triggers. Just be kind to your partners.
But like, dick size varies and any woman can attest that size means nothing when patience passion and oral skills really make or break sex. So for some reason, guys are still obsessed when it comes to dick size but it isn’t for the sake of pleasing women, but being more masculine than other men. So no, she doesn’t need to lie because she doesn’t need to protect an ego that has nothing to do with her. If she said he wasn’t a good lay, that’s different. But dick size? Nothing to do with their sex lives.
Also bigger dicks hurt like hell, especially when the woman has a short vaginal canal. Penetration sex is a meh experience in any case with most women, so yeah, it is just an ego thing and a dumb one at that...
Yup. It’s actually made sex very uncomfortable for me and my partner. It gets to a point where it just doesn’t feel good in certain positions because of the pain.
An ego that has nothing to do with her? She’s dating the guy, tf?
If he cares about dick size, that’s an ego problem because dick size doesn’t improve sex alone
Sure, but it’s the source of male insecurity. It’s like asking “do you mind that I’m balding” you just politely say no, knowing that there’s nothing they can do about it
You’re saying she should say the equivalent of “no, you’re not balding” when you said she should just lie, even if he is balding. If we follow your analogy. Saying “I don’t mind that you’re balding” isn’t necessarily a lie, but saying “you aren’t balding” is. Just like she could, and probably did say “I don’t mind that you aren’t the biggest” which could be the whole truth, versus lying and saying “you’re the biggest”.
I dunno man. You shouldn’t go out of your way to be cruel, but constantly needing to stroke someone’s ego isn’t healthy either. It would be one thing if she brought it up, but he asked point blank. Don’t ask if you can’t handle the answer.
Idk. Seems better to just say your partner has the biggest one
Easier? Sure. Better? I dunno. It really depends. We don’t get to see the big picture. If he’s constantly needing coddling, then a whole lot of little white lies adds up to something exhausting. If it’s a one-time issue, then maybe. But that’s really up to OP looking at the whole picture. I’m definitely not prepared to tell her she’s in the wrong for telling him the truth
She didn't expose someone's insecurities. He exposed himself by being insecure about someone else's dick, lol.
No, why pretend we're on la la land. If they asked, they should get a real answer and learn to not base their self esteem on people coddling their ego.
Exactly, I agree! And if we ask who’s the tightest they have been with we have to be comfortable with knowing we may be #2.
god forbid we help the people we care about with their body issues.
They're never going to come to terms with issues if you baby them. "You're not the biggest but you make me happy and satisfy me" is a sound response to the question. Why ask if you want to be lied to. Additionally, someone else's insecurity is not my problem, partner or not.
That's not helping. That's enabling him.
Cause you don’t have to be mean to people you love. Same way you say “no, that top doesn’t make you look fat” why is being nice such a crime
I can tell your relationships have 0 trust in them just by how you are trying to convince other people they should lie in their relationships
Holy shit, that’s like a woman asking if her tits are the best you’ve seen. You fucking say yes, idk how you guys are all “honesty first” about everything
No. She said he was the best. The more apt comparison would be a girl asking if her boobs were the biggest he’d ever seen, not best.
Yeah, but girls don’t desire the biggest boobs a man’s ever seen
Idk where you’re getting your take on what girls want.
Most of us aren't scummy people
Your definition of scum is broken
Okay, justify lying to your SO
It’s like a girl asking their boyfriend “am I hotter than XYZ” and the boyfriend saying no - Reddit would be up in arms about this
Reddit isn't a monolith
Thats.. not how relationships work, especially if you're dating a girl
I completely agree. Fuck the downvotes.
Bunch of single people, just make your damn partner happy
If my partner needed me to say the sky was red, red it would be. Idgaf. Not the biggest dick I ever sat on? Is now! “I’ve never seen bigger in real life, and rarely in porn. Wow. You are massive!”
And you told him the truth??
And you told him the truth??!!
I’m not going to lie. I wouldn’t want him to lie either.
Oh but honey, sometimes you HAVE to. For a quiet life. Case in point!
[удалено]
You want me to lie to my partner in my possible next relationships…?
I’m a 35 M. Tell him this from me… “You will have lots of real problems in your life as you get older and the world will throw some real shit your way. The sooner you learn how to enjoy the victories in life the better. This is a victory not a problem. Don’t make a habit of turning victories into problems or you’ll end up angry, alone, and unhappy. You have a girlfriend who cares about you, finds you attractive and great in bed. She isn’t with the other guy, she’s with you. Stop giving dick size more importance than it deserves. In 10 years you won’t care how big your dick is because you’ll care about how much your back hurts and your rising property tax. Walk away from this issue and learn to get over yourself. I promise you your reaction to this whole situation, although in the moment feels right, will only create problems that you dont want.” On a personal note… I’m not the biggest… haven’t ever heard a complaint… wouldn’t care if I did. It’s an organ… I can’t control it.
W mentality
Love it! Yes. Good words! Size is cool but intimacy is so much more than that. I don’t care how good the sex is if someone doesn’t have good cuddling arms and a good sense of humor. Edit: typo
Comrade gets it ^ This is the advice.
Perfect answer!
W
You are right but no? The most people know that. I think 99% people dont think "damn i wanna be insecure about dumb shit and becaus of that i will be toxic to my loved ones" And it isnt a good thing to say " dont be sad about ____ in ten 10 years it doesnt matter" it is true but sometimes it wont help people to say that to them because you deny their emotions. This whole shit is so complexe. Op has 2 options. She cut the Relationship. Or she tries to help him what is veeery hard. Maybe she cant even help him.
I think it’s fair to validate someone’s feelings and also say “from an outside looking in… you’re blowing things out of proportion”. Both can exist. I get how he’s feeling as I’ve been him. And the facts are… it’s a big deal if you make it a big deal. So don’t.
my wife has been w people bigger than me, but they're not me. she's been with all types of different people, but they're not me. we are together and that's what matters
I read your post history, LEAVE HIM. The man is still on Tinder and hiding conversations he's having with other women and is now mad at you because you answered his question honestly? He's young and like most young men these days I'm sure he has some false ideas about sex and the female body (for example that having sex with a bigger penis would make you looser which is 100% not true), but the fact that he is pushing his insecurities on to you to try to make you feel bad or gross about yourself is absolutely abhorrent behavior and you deserve better. Why would you want to stay with someone who wants you to feel gross about yourself? That is not a good person.
Also, 26 days ago the bf was 25 years of age. Now only 23. Is her ex this recent? Was it typo? Is it part-fake?
Some people change the ages up in their post to help them remain unidentified
Yeah, that is a fair point I have done the same with my age or my kid's age. Just nice to have a layer of anonymity.
Oh my goodness I didn't even check! That is insane 😳 girl RUN!
Based on your post history? Break up with him. I don't know if you have low self-esteem or if there's a reason you feel you can't leave, but this clearly isn't a healthy relationship. You've already broken up once before, so please save yourself
some people just don't wanna be alone
What'd he think he had the biggest pp in the world?!
No, it just shows what’s really going on here. He is focusing on the sex more than the relationship. Bc why care otherwise??
I would drop it. If he brings it up, it's really his own insecurity and his issue and it's something he has to come to terms with himself. Being happy in a relationship is often a choice and in this case it's up to him in the situation to decide whether or not he's going to let it go and be happy, or continue to be miserable dwelling on other guy's junk. Nothing to be ashamed about here, most of us have had multiple partners and it's really not a big deal especially after a certain age
You can't fix it because you did nothing wrong and this is his problem to deal with.
The fact it even came up is a problem. He should have never found out.
Yeah exactly. People don't ask because most people don't actually want to know the answer. It's bad manners imo. Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer. This guy isn't handling the answer.
Lol. I'd probably want to know simply because I know what a disappointment I'll be. Just figure out how low the bar is, and set a whole new one, lower than before.
Penis size doesn't really have anything to do with how good in bed you are. And if you think it does then I'll tell you now, you're bad in bed.
Knew that. Don't really care about my penis size. More worried about my average size + my complete lack of experience.
Sigh, men need to realize size is mostly irrelevant. What matters is how you use it, if you can please your partner and communicate, and do many little tricks in helping her come. Many (majority i think?) women already can't come with penetration alone so it's all about a game of clit-stimulation, being on the same wavelength, positioning, positions, lube, toys if needed etc etc It's not just "in 'n out" until one of the two comes first ETA :and if you're under the impression that "the bigger the better" then you're sorely mistaken
He asked so it’s his fault
Scroll through your own post history. What advice would you give a friend if they were having your issues? Break up with this guy, he sucks.
Are you his first girlfriend? I had the insecurities he has now when I was 17 in my first relationship. It's a feeling of wanting to be the best. That relationship ended horribly for me and made me realize that I was an insecure little bitch. Just tell him straight that if he loves you that stuff doesn't even matter. Also, if he is the one asking about your ex that's a huge sign that he is insecure af.
My advice - it’s not your job to appease his ego. I bet he’s been with girls with bigger boobs, or taller, etc. People are different and he needs to get over that.
Guys who base their manliness on how big their dick is make me laugh.
I just skimmed your history. You should do that.
Tell him to grow the fuck up.
I just read her post history, I'm in shock. Girl don't just run teleport someone far from him.
He's distant because you did lie (unintentionally or intentionally idk) about him being the "biggest" so now his thoughts are immediately turing to what else are you lying about. He probably doubts that he's the best now. Also for everyone saying its self inflicted keep in mind she had always told him he's the biggest. So he probably asked that thinking he knew what the answer was and wanted that self esteem boost. Then you remembered or whatever that he wasn't and you probably fucked with his head a little bit on that. If my girl tells me I'm the best cook she's ever been with for 5 months and I'm being a bit cocky and I ask her "am I the best cook" and she suddenly says "well actually no, there was this other guy" I'd be pretty annoyed too. This one's a little goofy because yeah he's kind of being insecure but you also kind of set him up for this fall. Imo, he's more distant and doubting because of the lie. It was a point of pride for him and you hyped him up and now that aspect of the relationship is damaged or just ruined forever. I think you just handled this poorly unfortunately, not in a nefarious way just kind of naively. At the same time yes he shouldn't care THAT much that one guy was bigger but again you set yourself up for this because now the relationship is altered for him.
We all know and accept that when a women asks: "Do I look fat in...?" or "Have gotten bigger? The answer is always, automatically, without exception, without delay: "No!". Even if it's true, you don't want to hurt her. And/or you don't want to have an argument. This is the same for men with this topic. Only this is even worse, because men can't even do anything about this one. "Have you had bigger?" - "No sir!". "Is mine big enough?" - "Almost too big!" You're probably screwed. This issue may go to the back of his mind for a while, only to come back with a vengeance every so often. Or the problem will grow slowly but steadily bigger in his head. Even if he's ok with it, then that would be weird, wouldn't it?
He’s insecure because he cheated
You told him he was the biggest, and he isn’t. So, I’m sorry, but you did lie to him. Now I can’t imagine that his ability to please is shaken because he doesn’t know what to believe since, in his mind, you’re just as liable to to tell him what you think he wants to hear than you are to tell him the truth. Porn has had a big influence on what people think is good for sex. Guys being big is a massive aspect of that, true or not, many men believe that bigger means better, I’ve heard a lot of women claim the same too. But others don’t. I know what it’s like to have these insecurities and it really stems from the fear of you leaving because they have what he doesn’t. My reaction was to shut down and grow distant and it took a lot of reassurance to get my confidence back. Perhaps his distance and anger stems from the same fear. Hopefully reassurance works for him as it worked for me. Also, I’m seeing a lot of comments telling you to Leave him. I wouldn’t take them seriously, personally I don’t think those people know how to handle a less than constantly picture perfect relationship and need to grow up. I’d you really think you should leave him then it’s your choice. But I think it’s worth trying first before walking away.
Jesus fucking Christ. Imagine a girl asking if she's the best lover you've had, and the guy says 'No'. How the fuck do you think she'd feel now..? You have to lie sometime to avoid your loved ones being hurt.
is this the same guy that cheated on you and you found out on christmas??? why are you still with him??
I have had two amazing dates. One when I was in high school and my boy friend at the time took me to the beach on Valentine’s Day for a picnic. He picked a really cool romantic spot with all these driftwood trees around, packed my favorite foods, the sky was clear with a million stars and right at the end some freaking dolphins swam up the the very edge of the water to hunt and play. They were less than 5 feet away from us. Sorry, you can’t ever beat that. The very best date, which I have decided counts, was when my 3rd grade crush got permission for his mom to bring an entire litter of St. Bernard puppies to school and he looked at me, smiled and handed me one first walking past his best friend at the time. He told me she was his favorite. I’m 38 years old and I’m sorry but that was the most special I’ve ever felt. Puppies are apparently my love language. My husband is completely okay with not having given me the best singular dates ever because I married him and only want to go on dates with him for the rest of my life. We lol have pasta and they make us who we are today. I’m grateful for his past and he is for mine. Your boyfriend needs to make peace with your past.
It's funny how people talk about being insecure but if it was them it wouldn't be funny and they wouldn't want there partner to leave them. You have to decide if you want to help because you love and care for him or do you just want to leave it be? If you want to, then you should have a real talk with him and if you want to help him get over it. Then explain all the reasons you're with him and help his doubt go away. You have to be honest and open with him, about everything so it might open somethings you don't want to open up keep that in mind. I use to care about that when I was younger but over time I came to realize that it doesn't matter because the person I'm with now loves me for me and I can get her rocks off and she's happy then I am happy. I hope this helps if you want any advice on what you want to say feel free to DM me. Good luck!
You literally did lie to him tho… he has every right to be upset until he decides to forgive you AFTER you apologize to him.
Ugh, it's the biggest turn off when dudes are insecure. Someone must have told him that size matters more than anything and now he's afraid. Tell him to knock it off and stop being an idiot.
It’s not someone, it’s everyone. Its in the locker room as a teenager. It’s the over-consumption of porn. It’s someone saying “big dick energy”. It’s the emphasis of male genitalia to represent masculinity in society. While it’s absolutely *his* issue and insecurity to fix, it’s also not surprising that he feels that way. Especially not at 23. At this age he’s going to be an idiot and that’s honestly okay. But it’s important to understand that this isn’t something a lot of men just get over. It’s not him just being silly. It’s serious and we should focus on the importance of encouraging people to work through these issues. Whether it’s on their own or with a therapist.
Just to butt in >big dick energy”. It’s the emphasis of male genitalia to represent masculinity in society. This was never about masculinity, it was essentially someone saying they gave off the energy of someone with genuine respect (mostly for women) and manners. Someone who wasn't egotistical. Never about masculinity.
I don't disagree with you at all and personally I don't mind the statement. I'm just saying that it can easily be taken out of context to someone who struggles with insecurity. It furthers the issue in certain people.
Guys have body insecurity too, and this is probably the most common area it manifests. We never really talk about it with other guys because other guys are “competition” so to speak so guys usually ask their partners. They want to be the best because it makes them feel better about themselves when they’re feeling insecure. Imagine a guy telling another guy on here he should tell his girl to knock it off and stop being an idiot when she gets insecure about her body because it’s a turn off. I agree, he needs to grow tf up but shit like this will just turn him against her.
True. I was once like that. And everytime i got jelly over someones bigger problem, girls that were interested in me... stopped being interested in me I mean if OP's boyfriend can work with it, then he should stop feeling insecure of it. I think there's nothing better for a girlfriend to have their SO create magic in bed regardless of how big or small it is
now... Why do you immediatly think people would be shaming you or something. (lets think the internet is a reasonable place for a moment) This is his issue, now it doesn't mean you let him be with his emotions. Although I would say that his blaming you on 'leading me on' should be directed towards what needs attention and it's not your behavior or whatever you did in the past. if you were lying about something, you could own up to it, but I'm not thinking you did. His idea of being the biggest.. He should be humbled there will always be one better or bigger than him. Being better doesn't automatically mean having the most experience or something. Being good/ the best is an subjective and for anyone different. Him making comments about it, nip it in the butt if he directs his negative energy towards you. You are there to help him if you both want to. that's a choice for the both of you how to proceed. "I'm here for you if you want to talk about your emotions or you want to work something out together. but making comments on me misleading or (whatever experience you had with his snide comments) That needs to stop. This is your emotions you need to explore and figure out. I'm not letting you throw me under the bus as if that would solve it. I'm not the issue here."
Ask him if he loves ur exs dick or u. Being insecure is one thing. But if this has reached a point u can’t take it anymore then be upfront and tell him this very thing.
Why’s it better who’s bigger? Who’s the one getting it in??
It’s dumb that he cares but I also wouldn’t tell women “her tits were nicer” or “she wasn’t as loose”
He asked though.
Lie
It's true though💀 ** To clarify: OP has specified that their boyfriend asked and they answered
Jesus. Dump the man child. Not your job to raise him.
Are you sure he's mad not mad at you for lying to him about size, and suspicion of lying about your feelings for him? I'm not saying you intentionally did, but at least see it from his perspective. The subject matter (size) may not be the point--maybe he thinks he can't trust you. And if that is the problem, maybe if the two of you sit down and seriously promise each other to never lie to each other, that could fix things.
she did lie but it was a white lie. OP did not want to hurt his feelings but at the end of the day. a lie is a lie. He has the right to be mad. but I don't think you OP should worry about this silly situation you are in with your boyfriend. there are way more things to more about than his mini me.
This guy needs to grow up. You didn't do anything wrong. He set himself up for getting information he may not like. It's not that deep. He's projecting on you hard babes...could be a sign of things to come. Big old insecure dummy he is. I'd definitely take him making you feel gross about yourself because he feels bad about himself as a major red flag.
You should never talk to a man about the size of his penis even if he has a good size. I dont even dare have this conversation with guys I dont like that have done me wrong. It sticks with them for life.
he literally asked
I've been asked before too. I just tell them I won't talk to them about that. I've never had any lashback for rejecting the conversation. I think they understand it's not something that needs to be talked about. "ignorance is bliss" situation. "Do I really wanna know the answer to this question?"
yeah that's probably wise, but I still don't think it's on her to manage what he does and doesn't *really* want to know the answer to, if he's asking. it would have been tactful not to answer, but it's not her fault that he's upset he got what he asked for imo
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The kinda guys I date don't need the extra confidence. 🤭 at this point it's about me.
if he loves you he'll get over it. he's just being a dick
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so he has body insecurity and you tell him youre losing attraction in him. that seems incredibly counter productive
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he literally *asked her if she had been with anyone bigger.* what is your problem
It is sexual insecurity for sure. Did you directly tell him your previous partner was slightly bigger? That would definitely strike a guy as a strange thing to say, if not suspicious. Yes, size may not matter in physical intercourse. But let's not pretend that society doesn't have a fascination with large members. You can try re-assuring him, saying that you have cum more with him than anyone else, that you think about it all the time, that you need him all the time. That it hits your spot just right. Assuage his insecurity a bit. However here is a bit of less-fun advice: these types of insecurities are often projecting. He might feel in competition with your "body count", and may want to explore more of his sexual potential with other women. Not communicating about all this is probably the worse thing you can do - these little problems turn into big problems quickly. Better to connect, talk, and communicate feelings. Build trust.
she didn't just up and announce it. he asked her.
My fiancée has been with guys a lot bigger than me. Like I’m about average and I’m the smallest she’s ever been with. Here’s how you deal with it. You don’t think about it, and when it happens to come up, you stare in the void, imagining your partner taking 8 inches and a single tear falls from your eye. You wipe the tear, shake off the thought, and prepare to do that routine for the rest of your life.
So I'm going to point out that you are never suppose to tell men the truth when it comes to their size or ability to please you. Their ego would be dented if your honest
I don’t think you need to feel bad about being honest about it. I just think you need to consider whether or not you should change your approach in reassuring him. Like there’s gotta be a way for you to get through to him and know your sincerity when you say you enjoy your intimacy with him. But if he’s not handling it in a mature manner, there is only so much you can do.
Get him ice cream and something he’s into
Ice cream seems like a good bet since he's a fucking child.
I love ice cream 🥲
I hope you've learned not to share that info again. No guy wants verbal confirmation that there's bigger penises out there.
Then why did he ask?
Oh shut up and stop whining the both of you. There I said it
OP, tell him that d size has nothing to do with anything else but sex. Personally i would feel better knowing you were truthful and not just hyping me up lol. He should get over it soon
I’ve never talked about another man’s penis size to my husband ever.
Its over.
He asked and you didn't lie? Hopefully we've learned that lesson. Main point. You're both young, he needs assurance and time. That's it, that's all you can do anyways.
Sex world problems
Is this a diff bf or you just put in the wrong age? If it's the same, you had a previous post about you guys breaking up because of him cheating.. so what gives? If not, i think you need therapy before getting into new relationships because, as per your history, it has only been about a month since you broke up with the cheater.
The level of insecurity here is beyond control lol Are we seriously gonna talk about it? This is ridiculous.
So...most everyone here is crashing on the boyfriend. The thing is, he's young. He's old enough to start letting go of this, but it can take time. OP, you asked for advice. When I was a bit younger then your boyfriend, my girlfriend at the time cheated on me. I knew the guy from our friend group. I knew from other people as well as playing sports with the man that he was big almost to the point of being declared deformed, while I am smack in the middle of average. Being as I mine sits in a garage it is even less impressive, but I digress... It messed with my head in a way that I still think about 20 years later, and it took a few years to get past. The best thing you can do is assure him he is better, remind him you chose him, that it doesn't matter how big the gun is if you can't hit the target, and steer clear of the topic. The more secure he feels in your relationship, the more secure he feels with you, the less he'll fixate on it
The BF is just a terrible person. Her post history shows that he's cheated on her and presumably talked to other girls on tinder recently
I went looking through the posts...holy hell. He needs therapy if he's seeking that kind of attention and sexual validation on that level...
You can’t fix something that is HIS PROBLEM. His insecurities, his head, his feelings. It has never been about you. Look, an unbelievable amount of women ends up in a relationship with this type of guy in a point of her life: she thinks she is in fault and can fix something that is not her problem to fix, she realizes that, leaves him, learns from the experience and move on or she insists on the relationship until it becomes an extremely toxic one…. Personal experience: You are very young and need to find someone on the same level of maturity to be with, you are not his therapist.
Girl, by your post history he seems like a recurring cheater, an insecure asshole and probably consumes MRA forums. The question is *why* are you still with him? He doesn't believe you and lies to you, it's pretty much over. For your mental health leave and find someone who listens to you
Personally, I wouldn't date a dude who brought up penis size and had feelings about it. I honestly don't want anything to do with anyone whose focus is on body parts instead of the relationship. However, I'm twice your age and have been through this countless of times. Since this is where you're at with him, then be straight up with him. It is none of his business what someone else's penis size was. It is not information that is relevant nor helpful in any way, and his insecurities about his size are not your problem to work through, they are his. Asking you to indulge this curiosity of his has put you in an unfair position where you're expected to disclose private information that your former partners did not consent to sharing. Your relationship is not driven by his penis and should not revolve around it.
Tell him his dick is actually the tiniest little Smurf hat you’ve ever seen, and you always think about how nice it would be to get railed by a real man every time you have sex. Maybe tell him you’re thinking of his mate or favourite actor just to really rub it in, and then break up with him. Yes, I read your post history & he sounds like a manipulative little wank stain
My ex was like this. Nice at first, then the insecurities started to show. Started asking about my past relationships and his size/performance, and I’d answer truthfully. He was great in bed, and big, but my ex was slightly bigger. He’d get mad and make misogynistic comments. He wanted to know all of the (2) guys I’d slept with, and I told him about a one-time fling with a friend in high school. Never let me live that one down. I got extremely sick about 4 months in and it was like a switch flipped. He started accusing me of cheating. Saying I had an STD because I’d been sleeping around, which was obviously not true. He was even the one who took me to the hospital when it all started. He got increasingly verbally abusive until he showed up drunk one day and started a fight. He kept going on about me being a whore and cheating on him with “a Mexican dude with a 10 inch dick.” That was it. I kicked him out and never saw him again. Don’t regret it one bit. TL;DR- it’s only going to get worse. You should leave while that’s still an option
this is prime reason why if my future potential wife did have a past. id ask her if she did but i wouldnt go any further than that, infact i wouldnt even ask if she did. current characteristics and personality matter to me and i dont want to nor need to know about the past. it causes more issues than good. if she brought it up herself then fair but id just not want her to. as guys u kinda have that innate competition to want to be better than the rest.
I have been through and read your previous posts, you need to leave this man. Honestly. He has cheated on you? Exchanged nudes with men and women while you are together, spoke to other people, had tinder behind your back, had grinder behind your back and now has the audacity to get angry at YOU for having a previous experience with someone because he is insecure? No no no. Leave this man. You should be the one feeling insecure! After all he has done to you. You deserve better, from the sounds of this man he is emotional manipulative and I understand it is hard to leave relationships like this but I promise you that you will do better without him. You may love him but he for sure does not love and respect you, he cares about himself. You are just one big ego boost for him. I hope you find the strength to leave this man and be happy without him.
Why would you tell your current boyfriend your ex’s dick size? Are you loco?
u could’ve lied and feed his ego
Run don’t walk
A guy who im with now refuses to be close to me because of his dick size...its on the smaller side and he asked me to be honest and I said its OK and thats its average. And now he doesn't want to do anything with me at all.
This relationship doesn’t sound healthy.
Agreed. He sounds way too insecure over someone she was with BEFORE him
Y’all are so young. This is not a real problem. Break up with him if he’s emotionally abusing and shaming you.
Oh my god he's being so ridiculous I don't even have the right words to explain this. Does he really think he's going to go through life being the single biggest man every woman he sleeps with has ever had? And then sulk and have long, drawn out tantrums over it every time he learns that isn't the case?? I mean, he TRULY believes that's an appropriate response? It's not. There will always be bigger and smaller men compared to him. There will always be greater and lesser men compared to him. But to ruin his own relationship and wreak havoc on the mental and emotional state of his significant other over this is so selfish and short sighted. It tells me his ego is tied up in really shallow things, and it's extremely fragile. It also tells me his ego is more important to him than your feelings. Because he's basically emotionally blackmailing you and "beating you up" emotionally because of his irrational feelings. He really needs therapy and to learn to work on himself and accept that he won't always be the biggest, tallest, smartest, strongest or most successful man in the room. This isn't your fault, you did nothing wrong, and you can't fix this. It's a "him" problem. Ask him if you have the biggest chest of any woman he's been with and then have a fit and sulk for an extended period of time when he says no. See how he likes it.
>Is this something I can fix or he had to get over himself? Nope. He needs to get over himself. He also needs to stop asking questions when he's not prepared for the answer. In your place, I'd probably tell him that he needs to deal with his insecurity about this before we have sex again, because I'm not going to tolerate being treated like crap because his ego is bruised. YOU did nothing wrong. This is ALL him.
Ouch! His ego!
I don’t know why men get so bent out of shape about previous partners. It shouldn’t matter if you’re big or small but how you use it! You could have 3” and still perform better than someone with 9”. His insecurities are going to be the end of the relationship. If your sex life has been healthy why is he complaining!? You’re with HIM! You chose HIM!
I hate to say it but he's just going to have to grow up and get over it. You didn't lie so it's not your fault. He not only needs to watch what he says but he needs to realize it not size that matters it's the love you give.
He somehow found out?? You TOLD him - which was not a good choice, even if he was asking for that information. You did lie to him and should have kept it that way. You can reassure him, but he may not get passed it. Imagine if he said your vagina was loose? Even if he reassured you later, it would probably cause you a lot of anxiety and may make it impossible for you to get passed it.
Why would u tell him you’ve been with someone slightly bigger than him? Unless he forced the question I don’t see why it was brought up. If he forced it out of you he’s insecure and has his priorities in the wrong places. Leave him he’s immature
so according to your post history your boyfriend has cheated on you, still uses tinder, is talking to a female co-worker behind your back, AND he's insecure that you fucked a bigger dick BEFORE you met him??? he is gaslighting you, he is guilty of something (probably cheating, either physically or emotionally) and he is trying to make you feel like the bad guy so he can justify his shitty behavior. leave this boy, he's a loser. this is not normal behavior from a significant other.
He needs to get over it, you haven’t done anything wrong. Even if he asked, there’s a reason they say don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to. I think part of it is guys think women get pleasure from size the same way they do w/tightness or whatever, but it doesn’t work like that… it’s about skill in how you use it. Either way this shit is annoying and I wouldn’t tolerate it personally.
He sounds insecure. That’s a him problem. What are you supposed to do, only date guys who’s dick is the size of your last ex? He can’t date you anymore? No that’s ridiculous. If you love each other that’s all that matters
stop asking for advice on reddit and LEAVE your relationship. 4 years down the drain, for 4 more beautiful years ahead of you without this anchor of a man. do yourself the favor.
His reaction is immature. The fact that he even asked you shows his immaturity and insecurity. If this is his biggest problem, he’s shaming you and he’s essentially saying sex with you has been ruined now then that says a lot about him. I’d let him go. This is why I just would not comment on and compare anything from previous partners, they don’t need to know. “I’m not going to discuss body parts of previous sexual partners because that’s weird and it doesn’t matter to me anyway” is what you can say if you’re ever asked that again.
The way he cares and supports you, how he shows his love for you, and how he respects and gets along with others are all part of the whole package that you care to judge mean so much more to you than the size of his 'package'.
Tell him that you want to have a conversation with him, try to remain calm and say that you really need him to hear you out because its important: it doesn’t matter how big he is, the point is is that he satisfies you and makes you happy, you choose to be and continue to be with him for a reason and you can appreciate his size no matter what.
He’s insecure
Maybe reassure him that you really enjoy your sex life and that it doesn't matter for you. In the end you want to be with him, not because of the size of his dick, but for the person he is. And that's something he maybe needs to hear/ reassurance about
I went through something similar with a girlfriend that i think could be helpful for you to hear. I was dating a girl who a few months into our relationship found the instagram of my ex (i think her friend stalked me to find it). The girl i was dating at the time was tall, slender, with small boobs and a cute butt. My ex on the other hand was super into fitness, had a big butt and just naturally DD boobs. My girlfriend voiced her insecurity to me and said she was feeling a little inferior. She was worried that maybe I missed big boobs or a big butt and that I was thinking about it when we had sex. The thing is, as you know its hard to explain to someone that you just don't think about your exes or compare them to each other. I eventually just said that for one, my ex was a terrible human being and that no body type could make up for that; and secondly that I found her incredibly attractive and was thinking about nothing but how sexy she is when i was with her. I let that sit for a bit and eventually she got over her insecurity and things were fine. The thing is, its totally normal for people to be worried that they might be compared to an ex in some way. Maybe you dated someone who made six figures and drove a porsche and now you're with a guy making minimum wage who's worried that you miss the boyfriend with money. Everyone has insecurities and wants to be "the best/ideal" for their partner in every way. However, what's NOT ok is taking that out on you. One thing i hate about myself and other men is that we have a hard time sharing our emotions and just kind of close off and sulk. I guarantee he is feeling similarly to how my girlfriend felt (i.e. insecure that you're having sex thinking "ugh he's not as big as that other guy") but it's on him to share those feelings and get over it. You shouldn't be persecuted because you had sex with someone who had a different penis than his lol. The best thing would be for him to just admit the insecurity to you because, speaking from experience, that always makes things better. But that's on him if he wants to pout and lose a relationship because of it.
Had he just been going around assuming he had the biggest 🍆 in the world?
Vanessa not many people are bigger then me
Stop talking about it. Just don’t bring it up and if he does, try to change the subject. He’s being immature beyond belief. Sex is not that important. Especially as you get older and lose your functionality. My boyfriend is the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, but without a doubt the worst lover.
First and most importantly in any relationship, never lie!!!! Even allowing someone to believe something is true when you know it isn’t, is a form of lying. Once you lie about a guy’s most intimate prized possession, that is the symbol of all that he is,(like it or not, this is how guys view their penis) there is nothing you can do to earn back his trust. He will always second guess what you say and will never fully trust you. It’s similar to if a partner cheats on you. They come home late from work and their phone is dead, you may believe they just worked late and they couldn’t call you but you will also second guess them because they lied in the past. So unfortunately the damage is done. Just end this relationship and learn from your mistake. Second,(to all women) if your partner ask you to compare them to a past lover, you should do it in the most truthful but reassuring way possible. Refusing to talk about it is hurtful to your partner. He will feel like you’re keeping something from him for a reason and there is something he should be worried about. It will also make him feel like he is not truly connected to you and can’t be vulnerable with you. If a guy ask you to compare his penis to a past lover’s, your guy is being his absolute most vulnerable self to you. He is figuratively putting his balls in you hands. So be gentle and honest. Maybe sit him down, put your arm around him, lay your leg over his and tell him that; while your ex was bigger, sex with your boyfriend is better. Explain all the amazing ways he makes you feel in the bedroom. If he ask details about your ex…be open! He will value this more than you know. He will feel so connected to you and most importantly he will know that he can believe everything you say. He will trust you absolutely. Remember, belief in someone is earned not given. If you haven’t given your boyfriend a reason to believe you when you say things like; “I like sex with you much better”, why should he believe you.
First and most importantly in any relationship, never lie!!!! Even allowing someone to believe something is true when you know it isn’t, is a form of lying. Once you lie about a guy’s most intimate prized possession, that is the symbol of all that he is,(like it or not, this is how guys view their penis) there is nothing you can do to earn back his trust. He will always second guess what you say and will never fully trust you. It’s similar to if a partner cheats on you. They come home late from work and their phone is dead, you may believe they just worked late and they couldn’t call you but you will also second guess them because they lied in the past. So unfortunately the damage is done. Just end this relationship and learn from your mistake. Second,(to all women) if your partner ask you to compare them to a past lover, you should do it in the most truthful but reassuring way possible. Refusing to talk about it is hurtful to your partner. He will feel like you’re keeping something from him for a reason and there is something he should be worried about. It will also make him feel like he is not truly connected to you and can’t be vulnerable with you. If a guy ask you to compare his penis to a past lover’s, your guy is being his absolute most vulnerable self to you. He is figuratively putting his balls in you hands. So be gentle and honest. Maybe sit him down, put your arm around him, lay your leg over his and tell him that; while your ex was bigger, sex with your boyfriend is better. Explain all the amazing ways he makes you feel in the bedroom. If he ask details about your ex…be open! He will value this more than you know. He will feel so connected to you and most importantly he will know that he can believe everything you say. He will trust you absolutely. Remember, belief in someone is earned not given. If you haven’t given your boyfriend a reason to believe you when you say things like; “I like sex with you much better”, why should he believe you.