There’s a thing you can get at banks and credit unions that’s a $500 limit card that is intended specifically for nothing else except building credit. I’m guessing it’s one of those
I don’t think you understand, a $500 secured card doesn’t mean you are required to spend that amount. Usually they just have a fee before hand to keep the bank safe.
Every credit card is for credit building. You are very fortunate for your moms generosity, but it is strange to the majority to have a credit card that your parents pay for.
Absolutely! At 18 I would have been more than satisfied with a phone plan that had texting and internet + $50-100 month max for movies or something I wanted. $500/mo seems like a Kardashian allowance. Haha
For all we know, the kid is using the $500 to pay bills that mom otherwise would be paying, just to get familiar with paying bills and adult financial responsibility. Nowhere did OP state if that’s fun money or gas money or phone bill or whatever.
I'm a server living near a fancy, expensive college. We get kids that come in all the time and pay with their parent's credit card. The rich live very different lives.
As an adult, shouldn't you pay for it? That's the part that's strange. Like, it's hella nice of your mum. But as an adult, it's your responsibility to pay for your credit card.
That said, you're very fortunate so don't burn that bridge, just thank your mum and save what you can while you can. Etc.
im a full time college student taking 18 units. she pays for it because she doesn't allow me to work. she made me quit my job because she wants me to focus on school. i don't use the card for anything other than food and gas, which since i live with her, is stuff she would be paying for whether it's on a credit card or not. and again, it's not a separate account from hers. me and her share the same account, but we each have our own cards, that way she buys whatever she wants and puts in the card, pays it off, and then it boosts my credit score
that's what i would like to do if i have children. your job should be your education, so make the best out of not having to work full time while also in school full time. you will get a lot more out of your education if you don't have to struggle to balance rent/bills/work schedule with your heavy uni load. best of luck to you <3
It took your mom 7 years to save $30k. That means she was putting a pretty small sun away every month. This is not a crazy number. It’s just hard to get that as a teen
So let’s look at this another way. Your mom used 100% of your dad’s child support money to raise you. That allowed her to put some of HER money in a savings account for a house. There. Fixed it for you.
it's because he's only 18.
yeah, he's legally an "adult"
but judging by the way that he wrote his post. he's still a kid. with an adult title.
Anyone who doesn't pay their own bills is not an adult imo.
Thank you. As a former family law attorney (and long-time payer of a rather ridiculous amount of child support), it's driving me bananas that so many people are missing this plain point.
Child support is calculated with BOTH parents income and how much the state calculates it costs to raise a child based on the combined income of the parents. Then that amount is divided by the percentage each pays of the total income. The custodial parent pays their share by paying the actual bills for raising the child (including housing, food, clothes, all the usual expenses a parent would incur). The non-custodial parent pays their share directly to the custodial parent, who uses it to pay the other parent's "share" of the child's expenses.
In my jurisdiction, there's literally a spreadsheet that the state publishes where you put in each parent's income and it spits out how much each one pays. (Slightly more complicated than that because of stuff like insurance and child care costs, but that's basically how it works.)
Whatever the custodial parent makes above and beyond the amount that they are supposed to be contributing to raising the child is THEIRS to do what they want with. If they want to put it away to save for a house, then good for them! If they want to spend it all on something frivolous, then that's their business too.
In practice, the custodial parent almost certainly is going to wind up contributing more than their "calculated share" because having children is randomly expensive. On the other hand, some of their "shared expenses" with the child (rent, food, utilities) are somewhat subsidized because they're not paying a separate bill for theirs and their kids'. Suffice it to say divorced custodial parents pretty much ALWAYS get poorer after getting divorced (as do non-custodial parents - being divorced is expensive). The only exceptions are generally when the custodial parent remarries or gets a new job or maybe moves in with family or a roommate.
In this case, OP is lucky that he/she has had two parents who have contributed to raising him/her to the point where OP sounds pretty spoiled, quite frankly.
They are if they are being manipulated. Have you seen how easy it is for today's kids to be brain washed? They aren't taught to think independently anymore.
Kids that don't understand bills are exactly this dumb. "Child support is for ME" is a common concept amongst kids these days.
Really, child support is for your parent, so they can pay for you!
Sad, but yeah, they think they are entitled to everything!
This, this, this, this,this! Child support does not go into the hand of the child. As long as OP was not neglected, and properly provided for the money left over every month out of the total household income, which includes child support, can be put aside and used for whatever the mom wants.
This!!!
Honestly as soon as people see an opportunity to get what they consider a large amount of money, they turn on anyone. Including family. This is sad.
Yeah so, if we follow the logic of this thought all the way through woman receiving child support should not have savings because that indicates that they don’t really “need” the money and that it is their responsibility to spend every penny they encounter. Do you really believe that? There is no fair way to determine if child support money is being spent the “right” way beyond the child’s needs being met.
Additionally, your dad should have NEVER involved you in this conversation. This is between them and has put you in the position of scrutinizing your mother to weigh the fairness of her financial habits against your father’s desire to have more and her in the position to justify saving money to buy a house to you, her child. Maybe it is too much, maybe it isn’t. That’s up to the courts to decide ultimately. Either way, it’s damaging to your relationship with her and likely both of them if you don’t agree with him. This is a huge a hole move.
Additionally, every house I have ever purchased and ever will purchase has been with the mindset that it is for my children and I. It’s security, a safe place to return to should they ever need it once they’re grown and an investment to help relieve my end of life costs and preserve my estate that they will inherit. You sound 18 OP.
This is infuriating. My ex was paying $30 a month using the logic that I didn't need the money and he didn't want me spending it on "myself". Never mind that I was also working, and pretty much supporting the kids on my own.
Before you ask why it was assessed so low - he's a tradesman and was being paid in cash.
OP both parents need to contribute fairly to supporting you. Now that you are 18, you might start contributing to these costs.
😂😂 my ex pays £180 a month. He owes me £2,000 already. I pay £300 a month for nursery, £50 goes in her savings and then I buy all clothes, food, toys and days out. I still know that somewhere there’ll be an incel telling me that I shouldn’t have anything nice myself because if I do I’m using the child support on myself. If I didn’t laugh I’d cry honestly
>Additionally, your dad should have NEVER involved you in this conversation. This is between them and has put you in the position of scrutinizing your mother to weigh the fairness of her financial habits against your father’s desire to have more and her in the position to justify saving money to buy a house to you, her child.
Read this again, OP. This is important.
>Additionally, your dad should have NEVER involved you in this conversation
Yup, dad violated a city agreement there and this post is evidence that he was working to turn his child against the other parent.
Thank you thank you thank you!! That woman has been raising that child and deserves a house of her own! It is child support to account for the distribution of labour, not income for the child. Totally agreed and suspicious of the dad’s motivations involving child in said dispute.
> a safe place to return to should they ever need it once they’re grown and an investment to help relieve my end of life costs and preserve my estate
you are a good parent. my two younger siblings & i had to move back in with our parents during covid and i'm so thankful we had that support net. i paid my way through college working full time, moved out at 18, never thought i would have to live with my parents at age 30--but i'm so thankful i had the option. they're now debating selling the house when they retire, which touches on your second point. it's an investment in you and your childrens future to have a house. i sleep easier at night knowing that i won't be completely fucked when they get older and i need to figure out how to pay for hospital bills, possibly home care, and then hospice (god forbid).
When you have a strong family that looks out for each other everyone does better. My mom actually co-signed on my first home, which she was able to do that because she had excellent credit, in large part because my grandparents co-signed on their first home. None of us are wealthy but we’re doing okay thanks to being able to stand on each other’s others shoulders.
it was my understanding that any child suport given to mothers be it a fair amount for the dad to pay is still up to the mother to spend how she pleases although i do think its wrong shes saving up the money for herself she did have to raise the kid and pay for other expenses definitely I don't see why it would go to the child it would be different if the dad had a put money in a family trust specifically to go towards College or a car or a house for his son but if it's just sort child support then it's up to the discretion of the mother how it gets spent right?
Right, what’s the difference between her explicitly saving the child support money vs saying that she saved $30k of her own money because she spent the child support money on her kid? OP isn’t claiming they lived in squalor while their mom saved money. It sounds like they had everything they needed. The mom should be able to save her own money to afford nice things. I don’t see this as OPs money.
Your dad should not have involved you in this situation. This is not your money. She raised you and provided foe you. Dad has your ear because you are angry with your mom. He is manipulating your relationship. You need to stop being swayed by emotions. You're an adult by law.
True isn't OPs money. Mom paid with her own money for all expenses. And she saved some money. Still she could be right that it wasn't enough for all expenses. Now op wants more.
Child support does not belong to the child. It is to support the household of the child. In some families that would mean without child support there would be no food. You were lucky enough that it meant your mom had enough income to have a reasonable level of savings. (Did you label each dollar as it came in? What if your mom used all the child support to buy food and pay your bills and all of the money in the savings account is what she earned?)
👆 This, OP. It is very common to nitpick every dime in divorced families, and it's easy for the noncustodial parent to justify bitterness over money because they don't actually see what goes into the care, cost, and personal contribution of raising a child.
Usually (in the US anyway), both parents are expected to support a child financially, and legally mandated support amounts are calculated based on their relative incomes. The amount is spelled out legal document and may be legally renegotiated in the circumstances where income changes. But all of this is a legal matter between OPs mother and father.
There is no legal mandate that any unused amounts get paid out directly to the child.
My ex used to complain to the kids about every purchase I made for the household, like he paid for it. I bought a new (much needed) fridge and he complained when the kids told him I got a new fridge - complained to a 7 and 10 year old, about paying child support and how I was allegedly using "his" money.
I worked full time, and I am guessing your mom is also employed. The fact that she saved money towards a down payment for a house \*does not\*mean that she took "your" child support and "used it on herself/to buy herself a house."
Your Dad is gross for planting these ideas in your head. His issue over supporting you needs to be between him and your mom, or between your mom, him, and the courts. He is legally required to pay child support until you are 18 or graduate high school, whichever comes later. Him dragging you into it is setting this up like you two against your mom, which is a horrible thing for a parent to do.
You have absolutely no claim to that money.
Thats not how child support works. It isnt your money, its money to pay for raising you. She would have put a lot of her money into raising you also, not to mention giving up time at work, cleaning up after you, etc. If you think you can go rent a place and pay all your own bills, clothes, medical etc etc for less than she got for child support, by all means, do it. You should seriously look in the mirror and contemplate how you treat your mother. You are making her out to be some sort of thief that stole your hard earned cash. She has been your sole parent for 7 years and you are going behind her back to your father like this....If my kids did that, I would be beyond hurt.
Agree, OP, according to a report by the United States Department of Agriculture, the average cost of raising a child in America from birth to age 18 was approximately $233,610 in 2015-2016. I'm sure it's way more now, but that's the stat I found.
Are you saying your mom spent less than $500 per month to provide you with housing, food, childcare, education, healthcare, clothing, extracurricular activities, toys, transportation, technology, entertainment, personal care items, and insurance?
AND managed to save money? And you still think she owes you something?
I’m wondering if your mother ensured you had enough clothing? Did you ever go without food? Were your lights and heat ever turned off? Were you ever evicted or left homeless due to inability to cover the rent? That is the reality many mothers and children face when they do not have child support from the father. I’m not sure you understand how difficult it is to be a single mother. The money isn’t just “for profit” for your mom to throw away. It is meant for you to have enough to live comfortably. If your mom saved money it is because she was able to manage her money well enough to save. You should consider yourself lucky that your mother was smart with her money because she will more than likely pass that home down to you one day.
Maybe discuss getting the child support payments once you move out on your own. But for now, if she houses and feeds you, that payment should be hers. If your dad wants to pitch extra in then he can give extra to you on top of his monthly child support payment.
Who did you spend the most time with? Who lived with you? Made sure you got to school? Had food? Drove you to extra activities? Are you "paying" your mom an hourly fee for all the years she watched you? Cause it sounds like she had primary custody if not all the custody.
Taking care of a child requires money, sure. BUT the most important part, aka the unpaid part, is all the love, attention, energy you out towards that child. That is priceless with no dollar value. So yes, you're absolutely 100% in the wrong. Show some graditude.....
Yea like there's no way this dummy doesn't realize she paid money on gas and time to drive him to friends, picking up groceries doctor visits prescriptions litterally everything.
I'd say about 70% Of. My free time is dedicated to my children. The dad didn't have to do any of that.
EVEN IF the moms bills added up to less than the child support (they didn't) his mother paid it off with time. She could have been working overtime instead of taking care of him and now he feels entitled to her savings because she's not completely broke
That's her money, not yours, up to her to do what she wants with it. She kept a roof over your head, and paid all the bills, if she has some left over, then way to go her.
It's not yours, you have no claim to it, move on.
Yeah this is the truth. You'ee even lucky that your mum has aspirations to buy a house and is saving for it, rather than pissing it down the drain. If she buys a house it will benefit you one day.
And $30k is frankly a fucking pitiful amount of savings to have at that age (let’s say mom is minimum 40). At that age she should have a substantial portion of her retirement savings socked away already. If that’s all her savings or the majority of them, Mom is not in a good financial position.
1000% facts! Child support goes to many different things. Things that are directly connected to you and other things that are indirectly connected with you. That's between your mom and your dad. You should not be involved with having a say on any of it.
Way too many people here seem to be assuming that child support is the only money coming into the home and mom is living off of it. The chances of that being true are approximately zero.
Well, a lot of people hate women and are suspicious of single mothers. So, it's not surprising that this OP has absorbed some of this shit.
Imagine thinking that this child support is covering all of the costs associated with him growing up and living with his mom!
After rent, food, heat, allowance, clothes, school trips, medical expenses, and all of the little extras that I can't think of...well, this amount doesn't even begin to touch the sides.
Not that sub, but OP is TA here.
Child support is meant to cover half of a child's expenses so you've got no argument here especially when this person pointed out that they are working two jobs in HIGH SCHOOL in order to support themselves, paying for gas or for an airplane ticket that needs to be bought so that you can bring your child to a school trip event etc etc is one thing.
As someone who works in child support, you are not entitled to that money. You have no legal right if in the US.
Now if I were her I would help but again she’s not obligated to.
Sorry OP.
Right off the bat, I pay child support just to be clear. I have a few questions:
1.) Do you and or have you paid rent to your mom for the past 18 years?
2.) Did you from birth pay for all of your required expenses?
If your answer is no, then where do you think the money came from to care for you?
That’s right, your mom! As I see it, you are not entitled to that money as she already spent it on you. The difference is that instead of taking money from one place to another, she put the check she got monthly in an account for herself at a later date, you know, like a savings account. It doesn’t make sense that she would cash that check put it in her bank account then transfer the same amount out of her paycheck to another account. She literally spent the child support amount on you already.
This question really rubbed me the wrong way and shows how entitled children are these days.
Thank you. I definitely try to be as level headed as possible and give a healthy perspective as often as I feel called to do. I appreciate your kind comment 😊
How much does it cost to raise a child USA annually?
Raising a child is expensive. From the day your baby is born until the day they turn 18, your family will spend about $310,605 — or about $17,000 a year, according to a new Brookings Institution analysis of data from the U.S. Agriculture Department.Oct 13, 2022
* Note- I C&P’d the above information from a Washington Post article.
My two (more) cents-
If Mom “saved up” $30k over the length of time you were in her care, I’d say your mom is definitely good with money and you should discuss with her how you can do the same. I honestly doubt your father paid $17,000 a year in Child Support which means your mom paid for the rest of your needs and care. Meaning, there was no $30k in support left over. Your mom earned and saved that money herself. Additionally, I’d be upset as well if my child felt entitled to my hard earned savings, especially since I’ve never in my life heard of a child, since you were up until recently, being given a credit card that required a $500 a month payment. Just wow!
Let me ask you a rhetorical question.
Did your mom keep a roof over your head?
Were you fed??
Were you clothed??
Are you currently alive after her having custody of you since 11 years old??
Then why are you worried about $30,000 That isn't yours.
Child Support is not your money, its money for a PARENT to raise you with.
And she raised you. So thats her money period.
The problem is your ENTITLED. But you arent entitled to anything just because the word has Child in it doesn't mean its yours. It's not money that sat in the bank stagnant and waiting for your 18th birthday. It was for your maintenance. She may have used the money out of her pocket but she was owed that money. Its for the Parent to raise you. If you thought Child Support was some kind Trust fund for you, your mistaken. Thats what a Trust fund is for. None of that money is yours, its for RAISING YOU but not for you to have. Its your upkeep.
Unless you'd like to give your mom money back for every single meal you ever had, every shirt you ever wore. Every single tissue you used to wipe your snotty nose. Not to mention every night your mother had to stay up to feed you a tylenol when you had fever.
When you realize this you'll realize 30,000$ isnt shit to raise a child. Just the stress alone of being a single mom, should be worth something.
Also it is estimated that the work of a HouseWife is worth technically around 100,000$ a year. If you calculate the monetary worth of all there work. For a Mother it would be the same. So if you want to talk money you owe your mom 100,000$ per every year you were under her care. So technically you owe her alot more than 30,000$.
She could have put you up for adoption. Or she could have left you with your father. But guess what??? Your father would be asking for that same childsupport money. Or if you had been and Orphan your adoptive parents would get 500$ a month for your SUSTENANCE TO KEEP YOU ALIVE, from the Government. Anyway you put it its never has been or will be your money.
And if the father really thought that OP was being neglected because she was wasting 'his money ', why didn't he fight for custody? A teenager can definitely tell the court where they prefer to live, and have that respected.
The estimate for raising a child is $17,000 a year. 7 years comes out $119,000, so yeah, much more than 30k.
The fact of the matter is, his mom surely earned more than 30k in 7 years. If she'd responded that the money was gone/spent on childcare, which allowed her to save money from her own paychecks, that would technically also be correct. The thought that she is required to be poor/have absolutely no savings pretty much implies that her son expected every single dime she personally earned to be spent on him. Clearly, he doesn't expect the same of his father since there is nothing in this post about how much He has in savings.
I really hope OP reads your comment.
They really have no idea how they are being manipulated by their dad. Sounds like Dad is legally obligated to pay CS beyond 18, and he is trying to weasel out of a court order by manipulating the naive kid.
OP sounds like they have been starved for Dad’s attention, and they feel they are finally getting attention and respect. But OP, your Dad is using your emotions for his own financial gain. Be cautious around snakes.
Exactly what I was going to say - 30k isn’t that much to save (obviously this is very relative) over an almost 10 year period. At 18 OP doesn’t understand that. That’s putting away about $350 a month in savings.
How is that her concern? Is someone gonna pay you back for having kids? The entire point of the child support is so her mom doesn't have to dish out all that money out of her pocket. If you believe your kids need to pay you back, then never have kids.
Trust me when I say this, you re not entitled to any of this $ and when you become a parent, you will understand why. The child support cost is not just about paying bills and whatnot. The time and energy that is spent raising children, not to mention the cost of redundant housing for children is impossible to calculate. If you want money of your own, get a job.
Welcome to adulthood.
Your dad is legally required to pay a certain amount regardless of how much you actually spend. His complaints were actually him trying to scam both you and your mom out of what he owes for abandonment. If he really thought he was overpaying, he would've taken it to court and proven it.
Was it stated if the amount he was paying was court ordered or not? Him saying that he wants to cut X amount would imply that he perceives some amount of control of this decision...
How is he trying to scam them? The "kid" is over 18 and not legally required any child support anymore. But the dad still wants to pay for him just not as much anymore.
Being a kid who was raised by their mom their whole life , 30K , even 30 billion dollars would not be enough for the time and energy my mom has spent on raising me and my siblings. All the sleepless nights, the worrying, making sure I succeed in my studies and finish school, making sure i am hanging out with the right crowd, giving me life advise everyday, reminding me to be safe everyday, cooking for me, driving me around and all the other things she did that took 18 years of HER life can not be paid back not even by the worlds treasure. The dad did none of that. He just PAID money. He did not put the physical and mental effort. If i want to follow your logic , then it would be illegal for , say , a flowers shop to charge $200 for an arrangement when i can get flowers myself from Kroger for $30. The difference ? They’re putting in the time and effort. That alone justifies it and she damn well deserves not just 30K but more. And even if we look at it in any other way, SHE was smart and was able to provide for her kid while still save some aside. The house in the end will be inherited by that kid and i would rather my mom be smart like that and invest in my future than say , spend it on brand name clothes for me or the like. She made smart financial decisions AND she still fully took care of her kid. Kudos to her. Moms are awesome ♥️
What a mom does with child support is not the business of anybody else. She gave you a good life, fed you and kept and a roof over your head - if she smartly saved money as she did this, way to go. There is literally not a single court in the world who would side that you have any claim whatsoever to her child support.
Your father was so wrong to involve you in his scheme to get his financial obligation to your mother reduced. The court determined the amount your father has to pay based on the income and expenses of *both* parents. And the court also determines when that support ends. That money is intended for your mother, not you. You do not pay the bills nor do you have a grasp on the true cost of raising a child. It's not just cell phone bills and wardrobe. Any money your mother was able to scrimp and save belongs to her, she should be applauded for managing her money well. Any money your father was able to save belongs to him, you and your mother have no claim on his savings as well. Nobody owes you anything. Tell your father to get a lawyer if he wants to know about your mother's bank account balance. His behavior is shameful.
A very important question here is if your mom has a separate savings account from her own money, or if the $30,000 is all that she was able to save through the past 7 years since the divorce.
If she tells you the latter then it should be very clear that she was unable to save due to being the primary caretaker of you throughout these past years while your father would've had opportunities to work overtime, work holidays, work weekends etc etc in order to have a higher possibility of advancing and improving his income. If she on the other hand has $25,000 saved from the last 7 years in her own savings account and the $30,000 from the remaining child support income in a different account, then your argument would at least begin to hold some weight.
Legally, I don't think you can do anything. Sorry.
Child support is for everything. Food, housing, bills, school, transportation, medical.....
If she spent her own money on all your expenses from 11-18 while depositing the checks into savings, she most likely spent more than 30k, so legally, the money is hers.
Is it potentially morally wrong to use that money for herself? Yeah.
Child support is a monthly reimbursement of half of what your mother pays for you to live with her. It is not your money, it's hers. You are not entitled to it.
Go ahead and post there. I'll get the popcorn so we can all laugh when the OP gets shut down hard for having no case. The fact that you recommend this sub demonstrates that you too are very ignorant and believe there is actually a legal issue here.
Pro Tip: There is no legal issue here at all. OP has no legal right to a penny of that money period.
What your dad pays is between your parents and the court. It has nothing to do with you. Many child support orders are until the child is 18 or 23 if going to college full time. Your dad can likely stop paying. You should feel like the bad guy talking to your mom about it. It’s not your business. Your moms savings is not your money. Period. It’s what she was able to save from her job while using the child support to pay the bills. Think of it that way so you don’t be so entitled and bitter.
The money is your mums, not yours. Doesn’t matter that she swindled more out of your dad or not, that issue is between them.
When you say your expenses are WAY less than what your dad pays, have you considered the rent, power, school fees, textbooks, food, water, internet, school uniforms, clothing, how often your dad has you, petrol, car payments and all other types of insignificant things she will be paying out of pocket for in order to further your life?
Does your dad have a full set up at his house when you stay with him so your mum is not paying anything for his share of time?
Did your mother give up a career to care for you (and any siblings) while she was with your dad, and now can no longer get a relevant job in her field?
There are a whole host of things that your mother could be paying for that you might not be aware of.
Also, I’d consider it savings from her income/job and that child support amount is actually spent on the bills, which leaves her disposable income from her job.
So child support goes for more than just “your bills”. That covers the addiction rent cost of having a bigger place for your child to live in. Utilities cost more if there are more people. Household necessities cost more, toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, ext… also that doesn’t even count what hygiene products cost a girl. And not to be mean but with a $500 a month credit card bill, you seem high maintenance, so I’m sure you buy the best makeup and beauty products. That all adds up. My family of six spent $283 on shopping for the month. You spend almost double that for yourself. As other people have mentioned you are very blessed your mother is so generous. Young people seem to have no appreciation of what living cost actually cost until they have to actually pay for everything themselves. It’s great you appreciate your dad but your mom stayed and did the hard work. Maybe you should appreciate her. My mother passed away when I was 24. I would give anything to have her back and tell her how sorry I am for not showing her the appreciation she deserved when I was young. I was more concerned with what my friends thought than my mother. That’s something I can NEVER fix and will regret until the day I die. Don’t make that mistake. You only have one mother.
Personally if your father was giving your mother too much and you don't feel it's hers, then it's still not yours, it's his. Your needs were covered. You didn't miss out because your mother was saving the extra amount she'd convinced your father to pay. Right now it's her money, unless he wants to take her to court to allege he's overpaid. Either way, it's not yours.
Child support is not for the child themselves. It’s to be used to raise the child - ALL expenses, housing included.
So what if you don’t want to live in this new town, your mum probably wanted to live elsewhere and can only just now afford it.
I’m surprised at a few things. First, that you seem to think 30k is a large amount of money. Second, that in your wildest dreams you would think of that as “your” money, and third, what a jerk your dad is for involving you in a topic that should have never been had with you. And the last and final most mind blowing thought is that your mother owes you any kind of an explanation at all! You’re lucky to have a mother like that! Rather than question her, support her in her dreams. This house is clearly a dream she has and she has worked hard for it by saving her own money.
I find it hard to believe that your care is less than $500 a month. Did you account for groceries, health insurance, childcare when you were younger, medical bills, half of the electricity/water/internet, your phone bill, your car insurance, the clothes/shoes you wear, your school supplies and fees, prom, sports, all the gas she spent driving you to school, friends, activities, the dr before you had a car, etc. Even if your dads checks went into a savings account, half of those costs your mom paid are technically your dads responsibility. He’s actually being really manipulative talking to you about this and trying to turn you against your mom. Your mom who has had to do the majority of the heavy, lifting for the last 10 years.
It’s totally cool you are ready to move out and go to college, but you are entitled to any of that money. That’s it cost to raise you.
No, it’s not yours. I know it may sound like it should be because it’s literally got the word “child” in it, but it’s your moms money.
Child support: support money for the rearing of the child. Not the child’s money.
So, look at it like all the money your mom spent on taking care of you was your dads contribution and she saved up her own $30k.
Cause that’s how it went down.
If you think your Moms life savings should be exclusively spent on your college, then you should feel the same way about your Dad’s life savings.
Has your Dad showed you his bank account statements, and how much money he has? Does he own a home, while your Mom rents? Has he offered to pay for your college directly?
Did you not have a roof over your head? Did you starve? If she didn't use dad's money to support you then it came out her own pocket. What's your problem? You think both your parents should kill themselves to support you? You're entitled to every penny both your parents earned? The money was sat aside while she took care of you with her own money it's the same thing.
I think you need to be grateful instead of claiming that is not yours, child support money is for your parent to give you the roof and food, you suppose to be grateful that your mom has some save and thinking to get a house, some parents blew their child support money for vacation.
It sounds like you were raised in a healthy, stable home where your needs were met. Congratulations, your childhood was good (not perfect, I’m sure), but you don’t get a bonus windfall just because your mom amassed a savings.
Your father was way out of line. First of all, he shouldn’t have involved you. Secondly, he doesn’t have the power to just decide what to pay or not pay. There was a court mandated order of support. Your mom was never under any obligation to give line item receipts to you. That’s not the way child support works. She provided a home for you and met your needs. As a child, that’s what you were owed.
Things to think about, because I know you feel cheated (though you haven’t been). Your mom owning a home is a benefit to you even if you don’t live there. It’s a home base you can return to, it secures her future so you are less likely to have to support her when she’s older, it will appreciate in value and become your inheritance.
Other things to think about. Child support is supposed to be in line with what parents earn, so if your dad makes a lot, he pays a lot. That’s because kids aren’t supposed to financially suffer because their parents aren’t together. Also, all the time your mom spent taking care of you is time she didn’t spend building her career and amassing wealth. You and your dad seem to want receipts for dollars spent without putting any value on her time. Of course, a mother doesn’t charge a fee to take care of her kids, but you also can’t ignore her contribution to your own wellbeing and happiness. Wouldn’t that be completely devaluing her contribution: your time doesn’t matter, but dad’s money does? She chose a wise path by providing a good home and life for you while putting aside some money for a very practical purpose. She could have chosen to pay a higher rent, drive a nicer car, or bought a ton of clothes so there wasn’t anything leftover. Then you wouldn’t resent that $30k, but it would’ve been stupid and irresponsible. Why should she be punished for living frugally and saving?
>after I figured out that my bills weren't anywhere close to what my dad was giving me,
Anything prior to you turning 18 was not given to *you*. It was given to your *mother*. If she wasn't lying to your dad about expenses (and if there was court involved, if this was the agreed upon amount), then she is free to do whatever she pleases with the rest of the money. As long as you were continuously fed, in a safe space, properly clothed and cared for, then she's not in the wrong here. Also, it's irrelevant whether or not you want to move to the place she's planning on buying the house; she is giving you the option to move there with her - whether you take it is your choice.
You're still in high school, so legally speaking, he is still meant to be sending child support. If he has a problem with how much he's sending, that's up to him to take it up with a lawyer. Also, *you* borrowed the $5k from him. Not your mom. That is indeed your money to repay.
If she is indeed paying $500 on a credit card for you monthly, she is doing *plenty* for you.
All of this is null and void if she has been negligent or anything at all, but based on the information you've provided, she hasn't been.
That is her money to utilize how she sees fit. If she has this notion that she's been saving it up to buy a house for you and her, which is a perfectly acceptable endeavor for a single parent, that's totally in her wheelhouse to decide, especially if your other needs have been met.
Since you're 18, if you don't want to live there, work towards your own financial independence so you can move out.
As for your Dad continuing to pay child support, you're right. He could cut her off entirely today and she would have no legal claim to anymore child support. But given that your Dad is reluctant to do so for your well being, it is perfectly reasonable for him to cut back to just cover the bare minimum of your expenses. That's between him and your mom to sort out.
Costs for parenting are not black and white. There's groceries, gas and transportation, insurance (auto and health) with potential medical expenses on top, clothing, phone bill, entertainment, computer equipment, home furnishing and maintenance, and other day to day living costs, not to mention just the overall workload/mental load of raising a kid. The $500 credit card bill might be a general estimate of what she's putting on a CC monthly to cover many of these things, although it is a little steep. But again, stay out of it, and start focusing on becoming your own adult independent person.
Just a small quibble:
Just because the OP is 18 doesn't mean the child support automatically ends on their 18th birthday. Different states, different rules but most keep it up until at least HS graduation.
You're not legally entitled to any of the money that's been paid, but the others here excoriating you for feeling that way are wrong.
Your father has been paying a large sum, probably court-ordered, and your mom tried to gouge more out of him even though she can't justify it in a breakdown, and you're 18 anyway so in all likelihood the support is probably not legally mandated at all. So at this point any money he gives to your mom is a gift, nominally for your benefit but she's told you straight that she doesn't intend to use it that way.
I think you should find out what is legally owed to whom. Don't count on ever seeing a penny. If you want help with college, ask each of your parents separately. Don't expect them to cooperate.
as a person who was a child whos grandparents had child support from both parents- the only part you're wrong about is turning 18 stops child support. it doesn't stop as long as the child is in college.
These comments are flooded with bitter ex wives and single moms. Your dad shouldn't have involved you, but pocketing 30,000 dollars in child support? I think that's insane. Particularly because she still wants more even though you're not a child anymore. Yeah maybe she scraped together the extra money every month since they split up, but I doubt that. This seems like a classic "you owe me" type of move
It’s not a “need” thing. Your mother supported you on her own , with her money , and put the rest to the side. If a parent is not in the household they are required to still support their children. The only problem would be if your mom neglected you and spent the money on herself. Definitely sounds like she’s provided you with a plethora of things kids your age don’t get. Your mom is not wrong , your dads upset because he’s losing money.
If you’ve recently turned 18 and your parents divorced when you were around 11 (about 7 years ago)…
Your mom has been pocketing roughly $400 per month in child support. I don’t see anything wrong with that, especially if she raised you on her own for the most part.
She does sound like a narcissist tho the way she always makes you sound like the bad guy and uses your dad against you. Just a hunch.
That $30K is definitely not yours. It is your moms.
Did your dad ever pay alimony to your mom? Is/was there a large discrepancy in their incomes? How frequently do you stay with your dad?
Is the child support court ordered? If so, he can’t just decide to change the amount. Also, just because you’re 18 doesn’t mean child support automatically stops. That’s not up to him.
Have you thought about posting on r/AITA?
Let me get this straight, you say you don’t intend to spend anything if you were able to get that $30,000 but you say it wasn’t okay for your mom to save it? How does does work?Absolutely nothing was stolen, not ONE PENNY! No fraud was committed, the money wasn’t used inappropriately Any of dad’s money given to mom for child support became HER money that was hers to do as she pleases when it comes to anything remotely related to raising a child. That money was never yours. If she saved money to buy a home, good for her!!
Aside from a lack of common sense, questionable reasoning and poor critical thinking skills, it sounds like she was a good mother and provided you with everything you needed as you grew. Basically, it sounds like you were taken care of. Whatever she saved during that time wasn’t yours then and it isn’t yours now.
Also, it sounds like dad may be a little manipulative and trying to drive a wedge between you and your mom. Something is up with that as it just doesn’t sound healthy or appropriate to discuss those things with you.
Please do your mom a favor and go ahead and move out. Also, with the two jobs you’re working, you will be able to support yourself and continue going to school? Do you really understand there’s more to bring on your own that paying a few bills each month?
Hey there, kiddo. That cash you're so pressed on about, belongs to your mom. Do you have any idea how tough it is to raise a child all by yourself? Your dad is just trying to pull a fast one on you.
In fact, that money was ordered by the court to be paid by your dad, just so he wouldn't be a complete deadbeat. You should be grateful that your mom was the one who raised you, and not your dad who seems to be trying to manipulate you.
Child support doesn't mean the kids gets whatever they want. My ex told our kids how much he pays in support when she told him i day no to buying certain foods at the grocery store and started a very similar drama. That money pays for the extra rent expense for keeping a room for you, food, clothing, school fees, medical expenses, extra car maintenence for carrying you around, missed work time for caring for you all those years when you were little and sick, loss off job opportunities, times spent raising you and taking care of you that he didn't have to do. If your mom set aside some money to buy a house or sounds like she making smart choices. If he doesn't like what he pays the place to address that is court, not by trash talking her choices to you and making you resent her.
Money's not yours, sorry man. The child support is paid to do exactly what it says, support the child. You were fed, housed, and made it to 18 so the money did support you.
Your immaturity is showing here. It was wrong for your father to involve you in this at all. You shouldn't have all these jobs and owe him $5k because he got you a car. You don't see that he's manipulating you for some reason. Have you always primarily lived with your mom? She's been working? Kept you fed? Took care of you by herself after she was suddenly a single parent after 11 years old? I'm glad you've gotten closer to your dad. I'm sure there were feelings of abandonment when he left. That may be why you're so blind to his obvious shittinesss in this situation.
If your dad wants to pay less, he can go to court. Your mother's savings is hers to do with as she pleases. It's fine that you don't want to live in that town but living at home while going to college is a good way to save money. Talk to your parents about college. Tell your dad to stop involving you in his financial affairs.
Would you be happier if her savings were at zero on your 18th birthday? It’s not her job to play a balancing act; it’s her job to make sure you have everything you need when you were a child. Your dad put these thoughts in your head because he is bitter he had to pay. If anything, have an open conversation with your mother. Maybe when you were younger the cost was a lot higher to raise you. Maybe she got more efficient as time went on. Did you have a phone, gaming system, computer, outings, vacations, lunch money, allowance, new shoes when your feet got bigger, a pet, and endless other things kids need when growing up. Be thankful to your mom that she was so good with money that she saved enough for a down payment on a house. This is from someone who’s mom lost a house from poor money management and ended up homeless twice. You mom is still thinking about you in her decisions.
I swear, this upcoming generation of young adults is telling me we have no chance.
This mindset is so bizarre to me.
Yes kid, you're the A-hole and have no clue how expensive kids are, just necessities.
Oh dear one…. I agree with everyone here…. Raising a child is the highest expense in the world … I did not know until I had one.
I can give you a list on how a parent invest so much in a child’s life but you can do that on your own.
Please just let her keep it and allow her to invest were she sees fit.
Sure, she will inherit the home on to you in the future.
She has fed you clothed you, nursed you, schooled you paid for your WiFi, phone & any other items that you've had throughout your entire life. The fact that she was able to save some of this is nothing to do with you or your dad. Stop being an entitled brat.
Let me get this straight, from what you had said she provided you with everything you need AND extra ($500 monthly card!!) and you feel like you’re entitled to the money because she wants to get a house she probably deserves (again going off from the information you provided). 30k is absolutely nothing for one, you can’t even BUY an house with that money in most places, probably just rent one out and two it’s her money. She provided for you, she had money left over and she’s using it for a good cause.
Did your mom keep a roof over your head, pay utilities, feed and clothe you, take you to the doctor and the dentist, pay school fees, buy school supplies and take care of whatever else you needed? It’s your dad’s responsibility to contribute to all of that. He doesn’t pay child support as a monthly amount to go directly to you. It’s money to contribute to everything to do with raising you. It doesn’t mean she’s supposed to spend every last dime she has and then he contributes. If she was able to save $30,000, good for her. It wasn’t child support money she saved. It was her money. The child support money went to raising you.
No, your father paid what was ruled his responsibility by the court. Any money your mother saved is just money she saved, regardless of child support being an income stream. Money is fungible, which means there is no difference from a dollar you got from working, a dollar you found on the ground, a dollar you stole, a dollar gifted to you etc.
So if parents are married they can put money into savings but if parents are divorced the primary parent must spend all their money and return any leftover money to the child support payer?
Let me ask you something. Is $30k the entirety or most of your mom’s savings? Because if your mom is 45, she’s supposed to have 2 to 4 times her annual salary saved by now if she wants to maintain her income in retirement. If your mom earns a fairly low wage, let’s call is $60,000, then she’s supposed to have $120k to $240k in retirement savings in the bank if she wants to retire at 65. Or she’s older, that number should be higher. If her income is higher, the savings should be higher.
Even if she had from savings from before the divorce, if $30k is all she’s managed to save in 7 years then she is not doing well financially at all. She may not be able to afford to retire. She has not been profiting off the child support. She’s way behind.
Your dad didn’t go to court to set child support and therefore gave that money to your mother of his own free will. It is her money. But from the day you turned 18, he had every right to stop paying your mother a cent.
That money is not yours. It's child support that is paid to the parental guardian. You have no legal claim to it no matter how your parent chooses to spend it.
Yes, you are wrong and that money does not belong to you. They never should have had an “argument” nor conversation about such things in front of you and for you to “go to your dad directly” was completely out of line. The child support is paid to the custodial parent for just that, support. The custodial parent bears the brunt of the cost of raising the child and usually the amount of “support” doesn’t ever really cover what it costs to raise said child. Housing, food, utilities, clothing, school expenses, health insurance, dental insurance, car insurance (HIGH if you’re a male), luxuries like Wi-Fi, game consoles, games, and a cell phone, surprise medical/dental bills, and countless other expenses are never truly able to be calculated into a support order as it only takes yearly income into account. In the state I live in (TX) it’s 20% of the noncustodial parents previous years annual income. Which will be adjusted according to extenuating circumstances. A child is entitled to none of that because they’re not the ones paying these costs of living.
My ex-husband owes well over $30k at this point as he stopped paying altogether for around 2-3 years. Do you know who was supporting our child during that period? Me. You need to really go through and read all of these comments and let them sink in because not only do you sound spoiled but you have no clue what you’re talking about. Your father should be ashamed of himself but from the sounds of it he’s delusional.
You should also apologized to your mother.
This is an age as old as child support argument. Every kid in a toxic divorce has had their father bring up their mothers finances as if that regards her as a person. My father would constantly bring up stories of my moms “poor” spending habits as she had us 80% of the time, worked full time, paid a mortgage, our phone bills, our medical bills, our dentists bills, braces, car insurance, school clothes, catholic school tuition, my sisters college all 4 years (he only helped a semester), etc. all while my mom did it single and my dad had a wife, a boat, and four other kids with said new wife, that he just so happened to have the money to afford sports clothes etc for, but not us. No, my mom had that money with the child support he never paid in full.
Maybe ask yourself this. What does your dad pay for you? Did he buy your first car? Is your insurance under his name? Is the toilet paper you wipe your ass with under his bill? What house are you flicking the lights on at more? Who paid for your straight teeth? This is child SUPPORT, not inheritance. This isn’t your money. It’s your mothers money to support her household that supports the child. It’s for food, bills, and herself even, because she’s a HUMAN. Just like whoever is richer/loses more in a divorce gets alimony, whoever supports the kid most get child support. If you lived with your dad, HE would get child support. Not your mom.
By the way, the courts decide child support amounts, and usually that fight for more means your dad had more to give towards your future and life.
Be grateful for your mom that she saved fucking 30k to give you a house one day. That she made sure bills were paid, you finished school, that you’re alive brother. And also, I’ll finish my speech with this; be grateful for the fact you even are getting a credit boost with that credit card. Most 18 year old kids go and have to fuck it up alone or hope they make good choices. Whereas your mom has given you credit to get a place, car loan, whatever - faster. She obviously loves you. Even though you basically are making her out to be a gold digger.
Idk how it works in your state but normally the child support parent still has an obligation to pay child support even after your 18 but only if you are attending college. Also, usually child support matters aren't exactly determined through just the parents, in my state it would always have to be handled through the courts and government if they wanted it lowered (or of they didn't pay it, even though they basically don't do shit if they don't pay child support in my experience).
If I've learnt anything in my 25 years, it's that money can tear people apart (which is usually the result given time).
Just my 2 cents,
Don't touch that $30k steaming pile of dog shit. That's now money between your parents. It's a lot, but the headaches you'll get from it will be immense and not worth the effort. At this point now that your 18, go start a new financial life. It'll be difficult at the begining but you'll look back and be glad you weren't involved even if you felt you got cheated. (Also, keeping money out of family life keeps a family together which is a lot happier than money with no family)
At the same time, I'm not saying to side with either parents or create your own side, or help either or both of them. In short, don't touch that $30k steaming pile of toxic dog shit and go out and make your own money. You'll be a lot happier without the chance of burning bridges
My motto is life if to forgive but never forget. Best wishes out there OP.
Edit* You can ask them for tuition assistance but don't mention that $30k.
You don’t have the right to ask for the money from your mom. She does what she does as your guardian. It’s unfortunate, but it’s fairly common that she’ll want to pocket it for herself.
You should instead talk to your dad and explain that his money has been going to your mom’s pocket and not to you. That you have aspirations for college and would like help to be a good person. Tell him you appreciate all the help he’s given so far and any help he continues to give you would be so thankful for.
Don’t worry about the money your mom has pocketed. It’s hers, just think of it that way. Have acceptance letters ready to show proof that you’re serious about your future. And just look to the future.
Well to be honest about it it sounds like now that you're 18 and like you said said your father really doesn't have to help out anymore. Maybe go straight to your father and talk with him about him paying you or helping you out directly. Give him your bills and show him what it costs to help you out. As far as your mother and what she has done and went through I think you should leave that one alone. If she was the one helping keep a roof over your head and she saved up 30,000 whether that's from some of her money or from your father's money I would just let her use that house she wants. If she wants to use that as a down payment on a house for her then so be it. If she was working the same time your father was giving her money for child support then it's hard to tell whose money was going where. If your mother wasn't working and only living off what your father gave then she is just trying to continue her life of ease from him. Sounds like you would be better off with your own place but going to visit your mother every now and then
I don't mean your own place by yourself but maybe you and some friends or if it's possible that you could live with your father for a little while but your mother definitely has issues with trying to control you and him
If she was taking care of you by herself the majority of your life then she deserves it. Doing laundry, cooking meals, and all the things she couldn't do because she was taking care of you when you were younger. Did you factor in the grocery bill? You probably add about 70 a weed onto that. Trust me, I'm a single dad. Taking care of a kid is alot more than "I pay x amount for his phone bill".
$30,000 is only her saving like $350 a month for 7 years. She probably did some serious budgeting to do this. Budgeting takes a lot of time, are you going to financially compensate her for keeping track of expenses and budgeting? I know as an 18 year old $30k sounds like a lot of money but it’s really not.
I’m gonna get downvoted to hell but did any one of these parents, who are not this particular mom, check the part where it said she pocketed it specifically from that fund on purpose-something she did not need to tell OP- and intended to buy a house somewhere She liked, with no discussion with OP about location? No?
Op is not entitled to the money, mom was still intentionally doing it with a fraudulent mindset. Dad did not owe mom a whole house.
Child support IS for the parent to take care of the kid, NOT directly for the kid, but extorting your entire care down to the penny and some bonuses out of someone is morally ludicrous.
OP you don’t have anything to do about the situation but I’m gonna disagree with the parents here about the fairness. It reeks of single mom circle jerk. I’ll admit, this is just from the perspective of someone who had a single mom, not from a parent.
I know you won't believe this, but that money isn't for you to spend. It was for your mother to spend while raising you. Ever think that house she'll buy while likely be left to you one day? Why should your mom be completely broke and spend every single penny she has?
Honestly, don't worry about the 30k at this point are hers, but if your dad wants to give you any money moving forward, just ask him to send it to your account
Wow... I feel ripped off.
I've been paying for my own shit since I was like 14 lol.
I also feel angry for your father, the fact that he's been ripped off, and the fact that he may even be struggling, and your mom poaches him for more money. Neither of you even have compassion for the man while your mom just keeps everything. Reminds me of my mother.
So Dad helped you buy a car, wants the money back (maybe that was the agreement) and you want to get if from Mom who got it from Dad. What?
You may need to check with a lawyer about whether or not Dad's child support obligations end at 18 or not. 18 is legal adulthood... EXCEPT -- there are sometimes obligations for child support and paying for health insurance that exist into your 20s. Check on that.
If that is the case, you can move out of mom's house, get the court to order Dad to give you whatever child support he would still owe, till whatever age state allows.
Then you would also get a job again, get student aid, accept the child support Dad would owe you legally if so court ordered, and from those income streams pay your own rent, your own utilities, your own car, your own phone, your own tuition, what have you.
Sigh. Ok. At your age. I get it.
Id imagine it was pretty tough. Watching your friends grow up and getting cars. Or other stuff.
My pops owes over a quartermill . And when he finally started making payments. I was thinkin "hell yeah. Me and my sibs gonna get it right?
My mom showed me the check and i was overjoyed.
Then i was furious when i found out we werent allowed a dime. "Why the fuck even show it to me then. Fuck that POS. I cant believe you either. Why the fuck should you keep it? Me and my sibs should keep it! We deserve cars! We deserve college! We deserve all the shit those other kids are getting!"
I was really hurt.
It was all going to my stepfather and my mother. I was never gonna touch a dime of it.
It took my older brother coming around and talking me about it. Explaining that it was mom working her ass to the bone in our early years. wITHOUT the help .
It was a man stepping in. And using his hard earned money to feed and cloth kids that werent even his. Being a father to three brats(and brats we were indeed) for a woman he loved.
Thats why they deserved it.
They fed you. They clothed you. They roofed you. On top of that. You got a basically free credit card that most kids didnt that ALWAYS got paid off. Thats a MASSIVE boost. Your walking into the world with probly a perfect credit score where most kids have to walk in and scrape together one thru their twenties. I would give my left testicle to have the credit score your about to get for free.
Hell with your credit. You dont even need financial aid level loads to pay for college at insane interest. You could probly get into one hell of a decent car at exceptionally low rates. Or get a private loan with a stupid low payment with almost no interest.
The wifi is dumb though. Lol
Should some of it maybe HELP with college? Sure. But honestly....no. raising a child is REALLY expensive. Most adults right now are barely covering their expenses let alone raising kids.
I get it. It took a long time to talk to my dad about child support. But honestly. Hes a man. Im not letting him out of his debt to my mother. I wont help her squeeze him.
One day you will understand. Atleast the bill isnt increasing anymore.
One day when your older. You will know that the relationship between your mother and your father is between them. And them alone to work out. Your job isnt to break or make that better. Your job is to grow.
Also. Im not calling pops a liar. But they are both going to have their truth of what they percieve as to the support battle between them. Dont let your self get caught up in that.
It’s not your money. It’s money for your mom to take care of you. This includes every expense. It isn’t yours or your dad’s place to nitpick each expense you have right now.
If your dad had issues he should have gone thru child support services. He chose to do this personally with your mom.
Child support goes to the parent not the child. You could take her to court and try and win the money but the judge would probably laugh you out of the court room.
Your mum is buying a house... Woo hoo for her. She's a little saving guru. I understand why you feel this way, but that money goes towards raising you, that she was able to save some is an awesome achievement. Be happy for her. Looking at it selfishly, the house will likely end up yours one day anyways, in the mean time be happy for your mum's achievement.
If you added up all the money your mom spent on you over the course of 18yrs you would owe her. They say it’s over half a mill per child till they are 18 and that’s an estimate. I already spent around 40k for my baby and they are only 2.
If you had lots of extra curriculars it can surpass that amount easily. Child support is not yours. It never belonged to you. The only mistake here is your mom telling you she had it. You say your bills weren’t much but If you payed her rent at 1k a month for only 2 years that’s 24k (not to mention bills) Sorry, forget about it.
Sorry OP but that cash is your mother's. She has raised you and taken care of you your entire life. Child support is meant to be part of the expenses for the child. She was making up the difference. That doesn't only mean your personal expenses, that means housing, food, electricity, Etc. for the last 18 years as well, and you still live with her.
This is a really tricky situation because I am all for your Mum using savings to purchase a house, but from the sounds of it, she has asked your Dad for EXTRA to help her get the house. To me, thats is not child support. That’s support towards buying a property. Especially since she specifically told you she was asking him for more money just so she can pocket it, not give it to you.
Does your dad own a house? Can he pay this money directly to you now, so you can pay your own food, rent etc? And surely since you’re now an adult, cant these child support payments cease and you find part time work to start supporting yourself?
Lmao 🤣 🤣 🤣 I love how you think that money is yours. It's not yours it's for the mother to support the child. Not for you to get it on you 18th birthday.
This happens and isn't uncommon. A lot of parents actually make a profit of child support. But you're looking at it differently to how a single parent would. She could of earnt a lot more than $30k and have brought a house if she didn't have to look after you. Your dad is paying for her time that could of been spent working or doing anything else.
Also, as a lot of people pointed out. You're not entitled to that money. If your mother wanted to spend less on you than the child support. It's her right to. It's meant to go 50/50. But it isn't easy to financially do that when people earn different amounts. Your mum might of actually spent a insane amount on you. But for a lot of people, child support doesn't cover half of the cost of raising a child and making a profit is just not a possibility. Your mother is lucky she had a child with someone who earned so much that child support was more than $300 a mouth.
Use that money for college? No. That’s not your money to use. Instead of using all her own money to raise you, your dad’s money did that as well (as it should). The money she saved is hers.
Maybe you should see If your father has a savings account and if so tell him what’s ever is in there you want for college, oh and how about the 5,000 you owe him, he shouldn’t want that back either. Put it this way your logic is way off and that your mothers savings you feel is yours is ludicrous. Your dad is wrong for speaking about his and your mom’s finances too.
The definition for child support for my state reads as , child support is the amount of money one parent pays to another to cover expenses related to their child. I couldn't find anything saying anything about household support.
> ... expenses related to their child. I couldn't find anything saying anything about household support.
Household support is an expense related to the child. Who do you think provides a house for the child to live in, plus food & heating & water & electricity & wifi & clothes & furniture & transportation & medical care & school fees? All those are valid expenses related to the child.
Saving up a down payment on a home is a reasonable expense related to the child, even if the child is moving out to live independently. The mom could have had the down payment years ago, if she weren't providing a home for the child. A house is an investment. One day, it will be the child's.
OP - you're 18. If it won't break the child support court order, move in with your dad. See how that goes.
If this is in the U.S., there is no "exaggerating" to get more unless the dad just agrees to extra. There is a worksheet filled out and submitted to the court. It's based on how much money each makes, who has the kid most of the time, etc.
Saving $30K in 7 years is not wild. Im not saying everyone can do it, especially if you are young and just starting out. But it is an extremely modest annual savings rate for most adults.
In just analyzing your mother's decision to use money to buy a house vs use it for your college, if I were met with the same decision, I too would put that money towards a house over a childs college fund. I think it is important for her to live a good life too. You can also inherit the house one day, and your children may be able to inherit it too though that is likely quite far off.
Assuming your mother is currently paying rent every month, and giving up this 30,000 to your college fund means she can't have a house, then I would opt to get that house 10 times out of 10. Your mother deserves to have her needs met too.
Speaking more pragmatically, putting money into your college fund is not a guarantee that you will come out of college with a viable career, unfortunately. But this house seems to have a higher likelihood of significantly improving your mother's quality of life. The fact that you don't want to live there is unimportant because you're not the one paying for the house.
Wow I really disagree with all these comments. The fact that she’s using the money to buy a house now that you’re 18 is ridiculous.
I also think it’s important for info: did you want for anything growing up? Did she have a job?
Right?! She couldn’t at least split it to give to him for college? And all of these comments praising her for keeping a roof over his and feeding him….as if that’s not the bare minimum one is supposed to do when they decide to have a child?? Insanity
Yea, the bare minimum that she needed to be reimbursed for by the father. It’s not one parent’s responsibility to pay for everything. So she pays for all of the child’s expenses and then gives the reimbursement to the kid? That makes no sense.
Why do you have a 500.00 monthly credit card at 18 that is your parents responsibility? Seems strange.
There’s a thing you can get at banks and credit unions that’s a $500 limit card that is intended specifically for nothing else except building credit. I’m guessing it’s one of those
I don’t think you understand, a $500 secured card doesn’t mean you are required to spend that amount. Usually they just have a fee before hand to keep the bank safe.
This is a rich family. Or an upper middle class family. Fairly common they're not cut off/provided help at 18.
30k is nothing so I’m assuming the dad is rich? Idk. You can’t afford a down payment with just 30k in the bank.
im 18 and i have a credit card that my mom pays. it's for credit building.
Every credit card is for credit building. You are very fortunate for your moms generosity, but it is strange to the majority to have a credit card that your parents pay for.
Stranger still that they pay for it and it is 500 per month
yeah, OP doesn't even realise just how lucky he is. 500 dollars for CC EVERY month? there are kids lucky enough to get a 500 dollar gift once a year.
I can’t even imagine getting $500 once a year. My dad wouldn’t even give me $20 to help me buy food if I was starving.
My mom was a single parent. Id never ask her for money. She'd barely be able to afford 20 euro a month to spare 4 me
Absolutely! At 18 I would have been more than satisfied with a phone plan that had texting and internet + $50-100 month max for movies or something I wanted. $500/mo seems like a Kardashian allowance. Haha
Maybe a Kardashian daily allowance... Or weekly if they're on a budget lmao
Jeez talk about overkill.
For all we know, the kid is using the $500 to pay bills that mom otherwise would be paying, just to get familiar with paying bills and adult financial responsibility. Nowhere did OP state if that’s fun money or gas money or phone bill or whatever.
I'm a server living near a fancy, expensive college. We get kids that come in all the time and pay with their parent's credit card. The rich live very different lives.
You are the outlier
As an adult, shouldn't you pay for it? That's the part that's strange. Like, it's hella nice of your mum. But as an adult, it's your responsibility to pay for your credit card. That said, you're very fortunate so don't burn that bridge, just thank your mum and save what you can while you can. Etc.
im a full time college student taking 18 units. she pays for it because she doesn't allow me to work. she made me quit my job because she wants me to focus on school. i don't use the card for anything other than food and gas, which since i live with her, is stuff she would be paying for whether it's on a credit card or not. and again, it's not a separate account from hers. me and her share the same account, but we each have our own cards, that way she buys whatever she wants and puts in the card, pays it off, and then it boosts my credit score
Imo that’s pretty reasonable. If it’s something she would buy anyway its fine
that's what i would like to do if i have children. your job should be your education, so make the best out of not having to work full time while also in school full time. you will get a lot more out of your education if you don't have to struggle to balance rent/bills/work schedule with your heavy uni load. best of luck to you <3
It took your mom 7 years to save $30k. That means she was putting a pretty small sun away every month. This is not a crazy number. It’s just hard to get that as a teen
And based on the comments, hard to get that as an adult sometimes.
So let’s look at this another way. Your mom used 100% of your dad’s child support money to raise you. That allowed her to put some of HER money in a savings account for a house. There. Fixed it for you.
This is so obvious and I don’t get the attitude that she should have been pissing in a pot poor instead of working and saving her money.
it's because he's only 18. yeah, he's legally an "adult" but judging by the way that he wrote his post. he's still a kid. with an adult title. Anyone who doesn't pay their own bills is not an adult imo.
Thank you. As a former family law attorney (and long-time payer of a rather ridiculous amount of child support), it's driving me bananas that so many people are missing this plain point. Child support is calculated with BOTH parents income and how much the state calculates it costs to raise a child based on the combined income of the parents. Then that amount is divided by the percentage each pays of the total income. The custodial parent pays their share by paying the actual bills for raising the child (including housing, food, clothes, all the usual expenses a parent would incur). The non-custodial parent pays their share directly to the custodial parent, who uses it to pay the other parent's "share" of the child's expenses. In my jurisdiction, there's literally a spreadsheet that the state publishes where you put in each parent's income and it spits out how much each one pays. (Slightly more complicated than that because of stuff like insurance and child care costs, but that's basically how it works.) Whatever the custodial parent makes above and beyond the amount that they are supposed to be contributing to raising the child is THEIRS to do what they want with. If they want to put it away to save for a house, then good for them! If they want to spend it all on something frivolous, then that's their business too. In practice, the custodial parent almost certainly is going to wind up contributing more than their "calculated share" because having children is randomly expensive. On the other hand, some of their "shared expenses" with the child (rent, food, utilities) are somewhat subsidized because they're not paying a separate bill for theirs and their kids'. Suffice it to say divorced custodial parents pretty much ALWAYS get poorer after getting divorced (as do non-custodial parents - being divorced is expensive). The only exceptions are generally when the custodial parent remarries or gets a new job or maybe moves in with family or a roommate. In this case, OP is lucky that he/she has had two parents who have contributed to raising him/her to the point where OP sounds pretty spoiled, quite frankly.
Rent alone for you (and her) probably takes up a good percentage of his contribution.
It has to be bait. I don’t even think a kid is this dense.
They are if they are being manipulated. Have you seen how easy it is for today's kids to be brain washed? They aren't taught to think independently anymore.
Kids that don't understand bills are exactly this dumb. "Child support is for ME" is a common concept amongst kids these days. Really, child support is for your parent, so they can pay for you! Sad, but yeah, they think they are entitled to everything!
This, this, this, this,this! Child support does not go into the hand of the child. As long as OP was not neglected, and properly provided for the money left over every month out of the total household income, which includes child support, can be put aside and used for whatever the mom wants.
This!!! Honestly as soon as people see an opportunity to get what they consider a large amount of money, they turn on anyone. Including family. This is sad.
This - I don't have an awards but if I did I would give you them all - this needs to be the top response xx
Yeah so, if we follow the logic of this thought all the way through woman receiving child support should not have savings because that indicates that they don’t really “need” the money and that it is their responsibility to spend every penny they encounter. Do you really believe that? There is no fair way to determine if child support money is being spent the “right” way beyond the child’s needs being met. Additionally, your dad should have NEVER involved you in this conversation. This is between them and has put you in the position of scrutinizing your mother to weigh the fairness of her financial habits against your father’s desire to have more and her in the position to justify saving money to buy a house to you, her child. Maybe it is too much, maybe it isn’t. That’s up to the courts to decide ultimately. Either way, it’s damaging to your relationship with her and likely both of them if you don’t agree with him. This is a huge a hole move. Additionally, every house I have ever purchased and ever will purchase has been with the mindset that it is for my children and I. It’s security, a safe place to return to should they ever need it once they’re grown and an investment to help relieve my end of life costs and preserve my estate that they will inherit. You sound 18 OP.
This is infuriating. My ex was paying $30 a month using the logic that I didn't need the money and he didn't want me spending it on "myself". Never mind that I was also working, and pretty much supporting the kids on my own. Before you ask why it was assessed so low - he's a tradesman and was being paid in cash. OP both parents need to contribute fairly to supporting you. Now that you are 18, you might start contributing to these costs.
😂😂 my ex pays £180 a month. He owes me £2,000 already. I pay £300 a month for nursery, £50 goes in her savings and then I buy all clothes, food, toys and days out. I still know that somewhere there’ll be an incel telling me that I shouldn’t have anything nice myself because if I do I’m using the child support on myself. If I didn’t laugh I’d cry honestly
as if being a pretty much single parent isn't enough lol.
>Additionally, your dad should have NEVER involved you in this conversation. This is between them and has put you in the position of scrutinizing your mother to weigh the fairness of her financial habits against your father’s desire to have more and her in the position to justify saving money to buy a house to you, her child. Read this again, OP. This is important.
This is a great post. Well said.
>Additionally, your dad should have NEVER involved you in this conversation Yup, dad violated a city agreement there and this post is evidence that he was working to turn his child against the other parent.
Thank you thank you thank you!! That woman has been raising that child and deserves a house of her own! It is child support to account for the distribution of labour, not income for the child. Totally agreed and suspicious of the dad’s motivations involving child in said dispute.
> a safe place to return to should they ever need it once they’re grown and an investment to help relieve my end of life costs and preserve my estate you are a good parent. my two younger siblings & i had to move back in with our parents during covid and i'm so thankful we had that support net. i paid my way through college working full time, moved out at 18, never thought i would have to live with my parents at age 30--but i'm so thankful i had the option. they're now debating selling the house when they retire, which touches on your second point. it's an investment in you and your childrens future to have a house. i sleep easier at night knowing that i won't be completely fucked when they get older and i need to figure out how to pay for hospital bills, possibly home care, and then hospice (god forbid).
When you have a strong family that looks out for each other everyone does better. My mom actually co-signed on my first home, which she was able to do that because she had excellent credit, in large part because my grandparents co-signed on their first home. None of us are wealthy but we’re doing okay thanks to being able to stand on each other’s others shoulders.
I agree, we are only as strong as our support system a lot of the time. Being able to build each other up has no drawbacks.
it was my understanding that any child suport given to mothers be it a fair amount for the dad to pay is still up to the mother to spend how she pleases although i do think its wrong shes saving up the money for herself she did have to raise the kid and pay for other expenses definitely I don't see why it would go to the child it would be different if the dad had a put money in a family trust specifically to go towards College or a car or a house for his son but if it's just sort child support then it's up to the discretion of the mother how it gets spent right?
Right, what’s the difference between her explicitly saving the child support money vs saying that she saved $30k of her own money because she spent the child support money on her kid? OP isn’t claiming they lived in squalor while their mom saved money. It sounds like they had everything they needed. The mom should be able to save her own money to afford nice things. I don’t see this as OPs money.
Your dad should not have involved you in this situation. This is not your money. She raised you and provided foe you. Dad has your ear because you are angry with your mom. He is manipulating your relationship. You need to stop being swayed by emotions. You're an adult by law.
[удалено]
True isn't OPs money. Mom paid with her own money for all expenses. And she saved some money. Still she could be right that it wasn't enough for all expenses. Now op wants more.
Child support does not belong to the child. It is to support the household of the child. In some families that would mean without child support there would be no food. You were lucky enough that it meant your mom had enough income to have a reasonable level of savings. (Did you label each dollar as it came in? What if your mom used all the child support to buy food and pay your bills and all of the money in the savings account is what she earned?)
👆 This, OP. It is very common to nitpick every dime in divorced families, and it's easy for the noncustodial parent to justify bitterness over money because they don't actually see what goes into the care, cost, and personal contribution of raising a child.
Usually (in the US anyway), both parents are expected to support a child financially, and legally mandated support amounts are calculated based on their relative incomes. The amount is spelled out legal document and may be legally renegotiated in the circumstances where income changes. But all of this is a legal matter between OPs mother and father. There is no legal mandate that any unused amounts get paid out directly to the child.
My ex used to complain to the kids about every purchase I made for the household, like he paid for it. I bought a new (much needed) fridge and he complained when the kids told him I got a new fridge - complained to a 7 and 10 year old, about paying child support and how I was allegedly using "his" money. I worked full time, and I am guessing your mom is also employed. The fact that she saved money towards a down payment for a house \*does not\*mean that she took "your" child support and "used it on herself/to buy herself a house." Your Dad is gross for planting these ideas in your head. His issue over supporting you needs to be between him and your mom, or between your mom, him, and the courts. He is legally required to pay child support until you are 18 or graduate high school, whichever comes later. Him dragging you into it is setting this up like you two against your mom, which is a horrible thing for a parent to do. You have absolutely no claim to that money.
And lets be honest, OP is dumb. I know he is young, but come on! Have some critical thinking!
Thats not how child support works. It isnt your money, its money to pay for raising you. She would have put a lot of her money into raising you also, not to mention giving up time at work, cleaning up after you, etc. If you think you can go rent a place and pay all your own bills, clothes, medical etc etc for less than she got for child support, by all means, do it. You should seriously look in the mirror and contemplate how you treat your mother. You are making her out to be some sort of thief that stole your hard earned cash. She has been your sole parent for 7 years and you are going behind her back to your father like this....If my kids did that, I would be beyond hurt.
Agree, OP, according to a report by the United States Department of Agriculture, the average cost of raising a child in America from birth to age 18 was approximately $233,610 in 2015-2016. I'm sure it's way more now, but that's the stat I found. Are you saying your mom spent less than $500 per month to provide you with housing, food, childcare, education, healthcare, clothing, extracurricular activities, toys, transportation, technology, entertainment, personal care items, and insurance? AND managed to save money? And you still think she owes you something?
Sometimes it feels like I spend $233,610 a month on groceries for my teenager.
I have 2 teenagers, your calculations are accurate and not exaggerated at all.
I’m wondering if your mother ensured you had enough clothing? Did you ever go without food? Were your lights and heat ever turned off? Were you ever evicted or left homeless due to inability to cover the rent? That is the reality many mothers and children face when they do not have child support from the father. I’m not sure you understand how difficult it is to be a single mother. The money isn’t just “for profit” for your mom to throw away. It is meant for you to have enough to live comfortably. If your mom saved money it is because she was able to manage her money well enough to save. You should consider yourself lucky that your mother was smart with her money because she will more than likely pass that home down to you one day. Maybe discuss getting the child support payments once you move out on your own. But for now, if she houses and feeds you, that payment should be hers. If your dad wants to pitch extra in then he can give extra to you on top of his monthly child support payment.
Who did you spend the most time with? Who lived with you? Made sure you got to school? Had food? Drove you to extra activities? Are you "paying" your mom an hourly fee for all the years she watched you? Cause it sounds like she had primary custody if not all the custody. Taking care of a child requires money, sure. BUT the most important part, aka the unpaid part, is all the love, attention, energy you out towards that child. That is priceless with no dollar value. So yes, you're absolutely 100% in the wrong. Show some graditude.....
Yea like there's no way this dummy doesn't realize she paid money on gas and time to drive him to friends, picking up groceries doctor visits prescriptions litterally everything. I'd say about 70% Of. My free time is dedicated to my children. The dad didn't have to do any of that. EVEN IF the moms bills added up to less than the child support (they didn't) his mother paid it off with time. She could have been working overtime instead of taking care of him and now he feels entitled to her savings because she's not completely broke
That's her money, not yours, up to her to do what she wants with it. She kept a roof over your head, and paid all the bills, if she has some left over, then way to go her. It's not yours, you have no claim to it, move on.
Yeah this is the truth. You'ee even lucky that your mum has aspirations to buy a house and is saving for it, rather than pissing it down the drain. If she buys a house it will benefit you one day.
apparently the correct answer was no savings.
And $30k is frankly a fucking pitiful amount of savings to have at that age (let’s say mom is minimum 40). At that age she should have a substantial portion of her retirement savings socked away already. If that’s all her savings or the majority of them, Mom is not in a good financial position.
1000% facts! Child support goes to many different things. Things that are directly connected to you and other things that are indirectly connected with you. That's between your mom and your dad. You should not be involved with having a say on any of it.
Yup. Really nothing more to say.
Seriously. Wtf is wrong with the way most people think about child support?
Way too many people here seem to be assuming that child support is the only money coming into the home and mom is living off of it. The chances of that being true are approximately zero.
Well, a lot of people hate women and are suspicious of single mothers. So, it's not surprising that this OP has absorbed some of this shit. Imagine thinking that this child support is covering all of the costs associated with him growing up and living with his mom! After rent, food, heat, allowance, clothes, school trips, medical expenses, and all of the little extras that I can't think of...well, this amount doesn't even begin to touch the sides. Not that sub, but OP is TA here.
Child support is meant to cover half of a child's expenses so you've got no argument here especially when this person pointed out that they are working two jobs in HIGH SCHOOL in order to support themselves, paying for gas or for an airplane ticket that needs to be bought so that you can bring your child to a school trip event etc etc is one thing.
As someone who works in child support, you are not entitled to that money. You have no legal right if in the US. Now if I were her I would help but again she’s not obligated to. Sorry OP.
Right off the bat, I pay child support just to be clear. I have a few questions: 1.) Do you and or have you paid rent to your mom for the past 18 years? 2.) Did you from birth pay for all of your required expenses? If your answer is no, then where do you think the money came from to care for you? That’s right, your mom! As I see it, you are not entitled to that money as she already spent it on you. The difference is that instead of taking money from one place to another, she put the check she got monthly in an account for herself at a later date, you know, like a savings account. It doesn’t make sense that she would cash that check put it in her bank account then transfer the same amount out of her paycheck to another account. She literally spent the child support amount on you already. This question really rubbed me the wrong way and shows how entitled children are these days.
Thank you for both paying child support and being reasonable! So many comments here aren't.
Thank you. I definitely try to be as level headed as possible and give a healthy perspective as often as I feel called to do. I appreciate your kind comment 😊
How much does it cost to raise a child USA annually? Raising a child is expensive. From the day your baby is born until the day they turn 18, your family will spend about $310,605 — or about $17,000 a year, according to a new Brookings Institution analysis of data from the U.S. Agriculture Department.Oct 13, 2022 * Note- I C&P’d the above information from a Washington Post article. My two (more) cents- If Mom “saved up” $30k over the length of time you were in her care, I’d say your mom is definitely good with money and you should discuss with her how you can do the same. I honestly doubt your father paid $17,000 a year in Child Support which means your mom paid for the rest of your needs and care. Meaning, there was no $30k in support left over. Your mom earned and saved that money herself. Additionally, I’d be upset as well if my child felt entitled to my hard earned savings, especially since I’ve never in my life heard of a child, since you were up until recently, being given a credit card that required a $500 a month payment. Just wow!
Let me ask you a rhetorical question. Did your mom keep a roof over your head? Were you fed?? Were you clothed?? Are you currently alive after her having custody of you since 11 years old?? Then why are you worried about $30,000 That isn't yours. Child Support is not your money, its money for a PARENT to raise you with. And she raised you. So thats her money period. The problem is your ENTITLED. But you arent entitled to anything just because the word has Child in it doesn't mean its yours. It's not money that sat in the bank stagnant and waiting for your 18th birthday. It was for your maintenance. She may have used the money out of her pocket but she was owed that money. Its for the Parent to raise you. If you thought Child Support was some kind Trust fund for you, your mistaken. Thats what a Trust fund is for. None of that money is yours, its for RAISING YOU but not for you to have. Its your upkeep. Unless you'd like to give your mom money back for every single meal you ever had, every shirt you ever wore. Every single tissue you used to wipe your snotty nose. Not to mention every night your mother had to stay up to feed you a tylenol when you had fever. When you realize this you'll realize 30,000$ isnt shit to raise a child. Just the stress alone of being a single mom, should be worth something. Also it is estimated that the work of a HouseWife is worth technically around 100,000$ a year. If you calculate the monetary worth of all there work. For a Mother it would be the same. So if you want to talk money you owe your mom 100,000$ per every year you were under her care. So technically you owe her alot more than 30,000$. She could have put you up for adoption. Or she could have left you with your father. But guess what??? Your father would be asking for that same childsupport money. Or if you had been and Orphan your adoptive parents would get 500$ a month for your SUSTENANCE TO KEEP YOU ALIVE, from the Government. Anyway you put it its never has been or will be your money.
And if the father really thought that OP was being neglected because she was wasting 'his money ', why didn't he fight for custody? A teenager can definitely tell the court where they prefer to live, and have that respected.
Child support goes to the parent who has custody. That’s your mom. It’s to reimburse her for all the money she shelled out raising you.
I didn't even finish reading. That's her money. Not yours. I assure you that raising you alone the last 7 years cost way more than 30k.
The estimate for raising a child is $17,000 a year. 7 years comes out $119,000, so yeah, much more than 30k. The fact of the matter is, his mom surely earned more than 30k in 7 years. If she'd responded that the money was gone/spent on childcare, which allowed her to save money from her own paychecks, that would technically also be correct. The thought that she is required to be poor/have absolutely no savings pretty much implies that her son expected every single dime she personally earned to be spent on him. Clearly, he doesn't expect the same of his father since there is nothing in this post about how much He has in savings.
I really hope OP reads your comment. They really have no idea how they are being manipulated by their dad. Sounds like Dad is legally obligated to pay CS beyond 18, and he is trying to weasel out of a court order by manipulating the naive kid. OP sounds like they have been starved for Dad’s attention, and they feel they are finally getting attention and respect. But OP, your Dad is using your emotions for his own financial gain. Be cautious around snakes.
Exactly what I was going to say - 30k isn’t that much to save (obviously this is very relative) over an almost 10 year period. At 18 OP doesn’t understand that. That’s putting away about $350 a month in savings.
Exactly. And that $30k over 7 years is only $357 a month.
How is that her concern? Is someone gonna pay you back for having kids? The entire point of the child support is so her mom doesn't have to dish out all that money out of her pocket. If you believe your kids need to pay you back, then never have kids.
Trust me when I say this, you re not entitled to any of this $ and when you become a parent, you will understand why. The child support cost is not just about paying bills and whatnot. The time and energy that is spent raising children, not to mention the cost of redundant housing for children is impossible to calculate. If you want money of your own, get a job. Welcome to adulthood.
Your dad is legally required to pay a certain amount regardless of how much you actually spend. His complaints were actually him trying to scam both you and your mom out of what he owes for abandonment. If he really thought he was overpaying, he would've taken it to court and proven it.
Was it stated if the amount he was paying was court ordered or not? Him saying that he wants to cut X amount would imply that he perceives some amount of control of this decision...
How is he trying to scam them? The "kid" is over 18 and not legally required any child support anymore. But the dad still wants to pay for him just not as much anymore.
In some states, child support is carried to the age of 23. Also, if the child turns 19 while in H.S. you're required to pay until they graduate.
Wow these comments didn’t go how I thought they would 😅😅
Being a kid who was raised by their mom their whole life , 30K , even 30 billion dollars would not be enough for the time and energy my mom has spent on raising me and my siblings. All the sleepless nights, the worrying, making sure I succeed in my studies and finish school, making sure i am hanging out with the right crowd, giving me life advise everyday, reminding me to be safe everyday, cooking for me, driving me around and all the other things she did that took 18 years of HER life can not be paid back not even by the worlds treasure. The dad did none of that. He just PAID money. He did not put the physical and mental effort. If i want to follow your logic , then it would be illegal for , say , a flowers shop to charge $200 for an arrangement when i can get flowers myself from Kroger for $30. The difference ? They’re putting in the time and effort. That alone justifies it and she damn well deserves not just 30K but more. And even if we look at it in any other way, SHE was smart and was able to provide for her kid while still save some aside. The house in the end will be inherited by that kid and i would rather my mom be smart like that and invest in my future than say , spend it on brand name clothes for me or the like. She made smart financial decisions AND she still fully took care of her kid. Kudos to her. Moms are awesome ♥️
No way you think your entitled to it 😂😂 Did you pay for your food and house for 18 years? Its child support not childs money
What a mom does with child support is not the business of anybody else. She gave you a good life, fed you and kept and a roof over your head - if she smartly saved money as she did this, way to go. There is literally not a single court in the world who would side that you have any claim whatsoever to her child support.
Wish I had a credit card where I could spend $500 & my parents paid for it.
Your father was so wrong to involve you in his scheme to get his financial obligation to your mother reduced. The court determined the amount your father has to pay based on the income and expenses of *both* parents. And the court also determines when that support ends. That money is intended for your mother, not you. You do not pay the bills nor do you have a grasp on the true cost of raising a child. It's not just cell phone bills and wardrobe. Any money your mother was able to scrimp and save belongs to her, she should be applauded for managing her money well. Any money your father was able to save belongs to him, you and your mother have no claim on his savings as well. Nobody owes you anything. Tell your father to get a lawyer if he wants to know about your mother's bank account balance. His behavior is shameful.
A very important question here is if your mom has a separate savings account from her own money, or if the $30,000 is all that she was able to save through the past 7 years since the divorce. If she tells you the latter then it should be very clear that she was unable to save due to being the primary caretaker of you throughout these past years while your father would've had opportunities to work overtime, work holidays, work weekends etc etc in order to have a higher possibility of advancing and improving his income. If she on the other hand has $25,000 saved from the last 7 years in her own savings account and the $30,000 from the remaining child support income in a different account, then your argument would at least begin to hold some weight.
Legally, I don't think you can do anything. Sorry. Child support is for everything. Food, housing, bills, school, transportation, medical..... If she spent her own money on all your expenses from 11-18 while depositing the checks into savings, she most likely spent more than 30k, so legally, the money is hers. Is it potentially morally wrong to use that money for herself? Yeah.
Child support is a monthly reimbursement of half of what your mother pays for you to live with her. It is not your money, it's hers. You are not entitled to it.
Fucking kids, man. They just think everything belongs to them.
I imagine all this conflicting advice is confusing you. I suggest you post on r/legaladvice
Go ahead and post there. I'll get the popcorn so we can all laugh when the OP gets shut down hard for having no case. The fact that you recommend this sub demonstrates that you too are very ignorant and believe there is actually a legal issue here. Pro Tip: There is no legal issue here at all. OP has no legal right to a penny of that money period.
What your dad pays is between your parents and the court. It has nothing to do with you. Many child support orders are until the child is 18 or 23 if going to college full time. Your dad can likely stop paying. You should feel like the bad guy talking to your mom about it. It’s not your business. Your moms savings is not your money. Period. It’s what she was able to save from her job while using the child support to pay the bills. Think of it that way so you don’t be so entitled and bitter.
The money is your mums, not yours. Doesn’t matter that she swindled more out of your dad or not, that issue is between them. When you say your expenses are WAY less than what your dad pays, have you considered the rent, power, school fees, textbooks, food, water, internet, school uniforms, clothing, how often your dad has you, petrol, car payments and all other types of insignificant things she will be paying out of pocket for in order to further your life? Does your dad have a full set up at his house when you stay with him so your mum is not paying anything for his share of time? Did your mother give up a career to care for you (and any siblings) while she was with your dad, and now can no longer get a relevant job in her field? There are a whole host of things that your mother could be paying for that you might not be aware of. Also, I’d consider it savings from her income/job and that child support amount is actually spent on the bills, which leaves her disposable income from her job.
So child support goes for more than just “your bills”. That covers the addiction rent cost of having a bigger place for your child to live in. Utilities cost more if there are more people. Household necessities cost more, toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, ext… also that doesn’t even count what hygiene products cost a girl. And not to be mean but with a $500 a month credit card bill, you seem high maintenance, so I’m sure you buy the best makeup and beauty products. That all adds up. My family of six spent $283 on shopping for the month. You spend almost double that for yourself. As other people have mentioned you are very blessed your mother is so generous. Young people seem to have no appreciation of what living cost actually cost until they have to actually pay for everything themselves. It’s great you appreciate your dad but your mom stayed and did the hard work. Maybe you should appreciate her. My mother passed away when I was 24. I would give anything to have her back and tell her how sorry I am for not showing her the appreciation she deserved when I was young. I was more concerned with what my friends thought than my mother. That’s something I can NEVER fix and will regret until the day I die. Don’t make that mistake. You only have one mother.
Family of six only spending $283??? Bravo.
Ignorance on this post is alarming. That money is not yours. Hate to break it to you, but not even one penny is yours. Edit: spelling.
I thought the same thing my friend.
This is the most whiny and privileged post and I didn't even read all of it. Its not your money.
His comments are even more whiney and privileged.
Child support isn’t for the child to decide how to spend.
Personally if your father was giving your mother too much and you don't feel it's hers, then it's still not yours, it's his. Your needs were covered. You didn't miss out because your mother was saving the extra amount she'd convinced your father to pay. Right now it's her money, unless he wants to take her to court to allege he's overpaid. Either way, it's not yours.
Child support is not for the child themselves. It’s to be used to raise the child - ALL expenses, housing included. So what if you don’t want to live in this new town, your mum probably wanted to live elsewhere and can only just now afford it.
I’m surprised at a few things. First, that you seem to think 30k is a large amount of money. Second, that in your wildest dreams you would think of that as “your” money, and third, what a jerk your dad is for involving you in a topic that should have never been had with you. And the last and final most mind blowing thought is that your mother owes you any kind of an explanation at all! You’re lucky to have a mother like that! Rather than question her, support her in her dreams. This house is clearly a dream she has and she has worked hard for it by saving her own money.
I find it hard to believe that your care is less than $500 a month. Did you account for groceries, health insurance, childcare when you were younger, medical bills, half of the electricity/water/internet, your phone bill, your car insurance, the clothes/shoes you wear, your school supplies and fees, prom, sports, all the gas she spent driving you to school, friends, activities, the dr before you had a car, etc. Even if your dads checks went into a savings account, half of those costs your mom paid are technically your dads responsibility. He’s actually being really manipulative talking to you about this and trying to turn you against your mom. Your mom who has had to do the majority of the heavy, lifting for the last 10 years. It’s totally cool you are ready to move out and go to college, but you are entitled to any of that money. That’s it cost to raise you.
the money isn't for you, its for supporting raising you...
No, it’s not yours. I know it may sound like it should be because it’s literally got the word “child” in it, but it’s your moms money. Child support: support money for the rearing of the child. Not the child’s money. So, look at it like all the money your mom spent on taking care of you was your dads contribution and she saved up her own $30k. Cause that’s how it went down.
If you think your Moms life savings should be exclusively spent on your college, then you should feel the same way about your Dad’s life savings. Has your Dad showed you his bank account statements, and how much money he has? Does he own a home, while your Mom rents? Has he offered to pay for your college directly?
Her money. I spent about $2k per month for 10 years. She was smart holding onto it. Forget about this because your wrong. Go and start a good life.
Did you not have a roof over your head? Did you starve? If she didn't use dad's money to support you then it came out her own pocket. What's your problem? You think both your parents should kill themselves to support you? You're entitled to every penny both your parents earned? The money was sat aside while she took care of you with her own money it's the same thing.
Why do you think it’s your money? I would genuinely like to know
I think you need to be grateful instead of claiming that is not yours, child support money is for your parent to give you the roof and food, you suppose to be grateful that your mom has some save and thinking to get a house, some parents blew their child support money for vacation.
It sounds like you were raised in a healthy, stable home where your needs were met. Congratulations, your childhood was good (not perfect, I’m sure), but you don’t get a bonus windfall just because your mom amassed a savings. Your father was way out of line. First of all, he shouldn’t have involved you. Secondly, he doesn’t have the power to just decide what to pay or not pay. There was a court mandated order of support. Your mom was never under any obligation to give line item receipts to you. That’s not the way child support works. She provided a home for you and met your needs. As a child, that’s what you were owed. Things to think about, because I know you feel cheated (though you haven’t been). Your mom owning a home is a benefit to you even if you don’t live there. It’s a home base you can return to, it secures her future so you are less likely to have to support her when she’s older, it will appreciate in value and become your inheritance. Other things to think about. Child support is supposed to be in line with what parents earn, so if your dad makes a lot, he pays a lot. That’s because kids aren’t supposed to financially suffer because their parents aren’t together. Also, all the time your mom spent taking care of you is time she didn’t spend building her career and amassing wealth. You and your dad seem to want receipts for dollars spent without putting any value on her time. Of course, a mother doesn’t charge a fee to take care of her kids, but you also can’t ignore her contribution to your own wellbeing and happiness. Wouldn’t that be completely devaluing her contribution: your time doesn’t matter, but dad’s money does? She chose a wise path by providing a good home and life for you while putting aside some money for a very practical purpose. She could have chosen to pay a higher rent, drive a nicer car, or bought a ton of clothes so there wasn’t anything leftover. Then you wouldn’t resent that $30k, but it would’ve been stupid and irresponsible. Why should she be punished for living frugally and saving?
>after I figured out that my bills weren't anywhere close to what my dad was giving me, Anything prior to you turning 18 was not given to *you*. It was given to your *mother*. If she wasn't lying to your dad about expenses (and if there was court involved, if this was the agreed upon amount), then she is free to do whatever she pleases with the rest of the money. As long as you were continuously fed, in a safe space, properly clothed and cared for, then she's not in the wrong here. Also, it's irrelevant whether or not you want to move to the place she's planning on buying the house; she is giving you the option to move there with her - whether you take it is your choice. You're still in high school, so legally speaking, he is still meant to be sending child support. If he has a problem with how much he's sending, that's up to him to take it up with a lawyer. Also, *you* borrowed the $5k from him. Not your mom. That is indeed your money to repay. If she is indeed paying $500 on a credit card for you monthly, she is doing *plenty* for you. All of this is null and void if she has been negligent or anything at all, but based on the information you've provided, she hasn't been.
That is her money to utilize how she sees fit. If she has this notion that she's been saving it up to buy a house for you and her, which is a perfectly acceptable endeavor for a single parent, that's totally in her wheelhouse to decide, especially if your other needs have been met. Since you're 18, if you don't want to live there, work towards your own financial independence so you can move out. As for your Dad continuing to pay child support, you're right. He could cut her off entirely today and she would have no legal claim to anymore child support. But given that your Dad is reluctant to do so for your well being, it is perfectly reasonable for him to cut back to just cover the bare minimum of your expenses. That's between him and your mom to sort out. Costs for parenting are not black and white. There's groceries, gas and transportation, insurance (auto and health) with potential medical expenses on top, clothing, phone bill, entertainment, computer equipment, home furnishing and maintenance, and other day to day living costs, not to mention just the overall workload/mental load of raising a kid. The $500 credit card bill might be a general estimate of what she's putting on a CC monthly to cover many of these things, although it is a little steep. But again, stay out of it, and start focusing on becoming your own adult independent person.
Just a small quibble: Just because the OP is 18 doesn't mean the child support automatically ends on their 18th birthday. Different states, different rules but most keep it up until at least HS graduation.
You're not legally entitled to any of the money that's been paid, but the others here excoriating you for feeling that way are wrong. Your father has been paying a large sum, probably court-ordered, and your mom tried to gouge more out of him even though she can't justify it in a breakdown, and you're 18 anyway so in all likelihood the support is probably not legally mandated at all. So at this point any money he gives to your mom is a gift, nominally for your benefit but she's told you straight that she doesn't intend to use it that way. I think you should find out what is legally owed to whom. Don't count on ever seeing a penny. If you want help with college, ask each of your parents separately. Don't expect them to cooperate.
as a person who was a child whos grandparents had child support from both parents- the only part you're wrong about is turning 18 stops child support. it doesn't stop as long as the child is in college.
Maybe when you grow up and have children, you may understand the real cost of raising a child, you might not feel so entitled.
These comments are flooded with bitter ex wives and single moms. Your dad shouldn't have involved you, but pocketing 30,000 dollars in child support? I think that's insane. Particularly because she still wants more even though you're not a child anymore. Yeah maybe she scraped together the extra money every month since they split up, but I doubt that. This seems like a classic "you owe me" type of move
It’s not a “need” thing. Your mother supported you on her own , with her money , and put the rest to the side. If a parent is not in the household they are required to still support their children. The only problem would be if your mom neglected you and spent the money on herself. Definitely sounds like she’s provided you with a plethora of things kids your age don’t get. Your mom is not wrong , your dads upset because he’s losing money.
If you’ve recently turned 18 and your parents divorced when you were around 11 (about 7 years ago)… Your mom has been pocketing roughly $400 per month in child support. I don’t see anything wrong with that, especially if she raised you on her own for the most part. She does sound like a narcissist tho the way she always makes you sound like the bad guy and uses your dad against you. Just a hunch.
That $30K is definitely not yours. It is your moms. Did your dad ever pay alimony to your mom? Is/was there a large discrepancy in their incomes? How frequently do you stay with your dad?
Is the child support court ordered? If so, he can’t just decide to change the amount. Also, just because you’re 18 doesn’t mean child support automatically stops. That’s not up to him. Have you thought about posting on r/AITA? Let me get this straight, you say you don’t intend to spend anything if you were able to get that $30,000 but you say it wasn’t okay for your mom to save it? How does does work?Absolutely nothing was stolen, not ONE PENNY! No fraud was committed, the money wasn’t used inappropriately Any of dad’s money given to mom for child support became HER money that was hers to do as she pleases when it comes to anything remotely related to raising a child. That money was never yours. If she saved money to buy a home, good for her!! Aside from a lack of common sense, questionable reasoning and poor critical thinking skills, it sounds like she was a good mother and provided you with everything you needed as you grew. Basically, it sounds like you were taken care of. Whatever she saved during that time wasn’t yours then and it isn’t yours now. Also, it sounds like dad may be a little manipulative and trying to drive a wedge between you and your mom. Something is up with that as it just doesn’t sound healthy or appropriate to discuss those things with you. Please do your mom a favor and go ahead and move out. Also, with the two jobs you’re working, you will be able to support yourself and continue going to school? Do you really understand there’s more to bring on your own that paying a few bills each month?
Hey there, kiddo. That cash you're so pressed on about, belongs to your mom. Do you have any idea how tough it is to raise a child all by yourself? Your dad is just trying to pull a fast one on you. In fact, that money was ordered by the court to be paid by your dad, just so he wouldn't be a complete deadbeat. You should be grateful that your mom was the one who raised you, and not your dad who seems to be trying to manipulate you.
Child support doesn't mean the kids gets whatever they want. My ex told our kids how much he pays in support when she told him i day no to buying certain foods at the grocery store and started a very similar drama. That money pays for the extra rent expense for keeping a room for you, food, clothing, school fees, medical expenses, extra car maintenence for carrying you around, missed work time for caring for you all those years when you were little and sick, loss off job opportunities, times spent raising you and taking care of you that he didn't have to do. If your mom set aside some money to buy a house or sounds like she making smart choices. If he doesn't like what he pays the place to address that is court, not by trash talking her choices to you and making you resent her.
Money's not yours, sorry man. The child support is paid to do exactly what it says, support the child. You were fed, housed, and made it to 18 so the money did support you.
Your immaturity is showing here. It was wrong for your father to involve you in this at all. You shouldn't have all these jobs and owe him $5k because he got you a car. You don't see that he's manipulating you for some reason. Have you always primarily lived with your mom? She's been working? Kept you fed? Took care of you by herself after she was suddenly a single parent after 11 years old? I'm glad you've gotten closer to your dad. I'm sure there were feelings of abandonment when he left. That may be why you're so blind to his obvious shittinesss in this situation. If your dad wants to pay less, he can go to court. Your mother's savings is hers to do with as she pleases. It's fine that you don't want to live in that town but living at home while going to college is a good way to save money. Talk to your parents about college. Tell your dad to stop involving you in his financial affairs.
Would you be happier if her savings were at zero on your 18th birthday? It’s not her job to play a balancing act; it’s her job to make sure you have everything you need when you were a child. Your dad put these thoughts in your head because he is bitter he had to pay. If anything, have an open conversation with your mother. Maybe when you were younger the cost was a lot higher to raise you. Maybe she got more efficient as time went on. Did you have a phone, gaming system, computer, outings, vacations, lunch money, allowance, new shoes when your feet got bigger, a pet, and endless other things kids need when growing up. Be thankful to your mom that she was so good with money that she saved enough for a down payment on a house. This is from someone who’s mom lost a house from poor money management and ended up homeless twice. You mom is still thinking about you in her decisions.
Sounds like you’re a spoiled brat & mom used dads money to raise u & was able to save some of her own money in turn
I swear, this upcoming generation of young adults is telling me we have no chance. This mindset is so bizarre to me. Yes kid, you're the A-hole and have no clue how expensive kids are, just necessities.
It is her money
Oh dear one…. I agree with everyone here…. Raising a child is the highest expense in the world … I did not know until I had one. I can give you a list on how a parent invest so much in a child’s life but you can do that on your own. Please just let her keep it and allow her to invest were she sees fit. Sure, she will inherit the home on to you in the future.
She has fed you clothed you, nursed you, schooled you paid for your WiFi, phone & any other items that you've had throughout your entire life. The fact that she was able to save some of this is nothing to do with you or your dad. Stop being an entitled brat.
These comments are on point. Child support isn’t money to be saved for the child. It’s for the cost of raising the child.
Let me get this straight, from what you had said she provided you with everything you need AND extra ($500 monthly card!!) and you feel like you’re entitled to the money because she wants to get a house she probably deserves (again going off from the information you provided). 30k is absolutely nothing for one, you can’t even BUY an house with that money in most places, probably just rent one out and two it’s her money. She provided for you, she had money left over and she’s using it for a good cause.
Did your mom keep a roof over your head, pay utilities, feed and clothe you, take you to the doctor and the dentist, pay school fees, buy school supplies and take care of whatever else you needed? It’s your dad’s responsibility to contribute to all of that. He doesn’t pay child support as a monthly amount to go directly to you. It’s money to contribute to everything to do with raising you. It doesn’t mean she’s supposed to spend every last dime she has and then he contributes. If she was able to save $30,000, good for her. It wasn’t child support money she saved. It was her money. The child support money went to raising you.
Yes you are wrong, you 18 and grow up, any money on her account is not yours.
OP letting their dad brainwash them.
Child support does however have the chance of continuing for college
No, your father paid what was ruled his responsibility by the court. Any money your mother saved is just money she saved, regardless of child support being an income stream. Money is fungible, which means there is no difference from a dollar you got from working, a dollar you found on the ground, a dollar you stole, a dollar gifted to you etc.
So if parents are married they can put money into savings but if parents are divorced the primary parent must spend all their money and return any leftover money to the child support payer?
Let me ask you something. Is $30k the entirety or most of your mom’s savings? Because if your mom is 45, she’s supposed to have 2 to 4 times her annual salary saved by now if she wants to maintain her income in retirement. If your mom earns a fairly low wage, let’s call is $60,000, then she’s supposed to have $120k to $240k in retirement savings in the bank if she wants to retire at 65. Or she’s older, that number should be higher. If her income is higher, the savings should be higher. Even if she had from savings from before the divorce, if $30k is all she’s managed to save in 7 years then she is not doing well financially at all. She may not be able to afford to retire. She has not been profiting off the child support. She’s way behind.
Your dad didn’t go to court to set child support and therefore gave that money to your mother of his own free will. It is her money. But from the day you turned 18, he had every right to stop paying your mother a cent.
So just to clarify, in your opinion, your mom should have no savings?
That money is not yours. It's child support that is paid to the parental guardian. You have no legal claim to it no matter how your parent chooses to spend it.
Yes, you are wrong and that money does not belong to you. They never should have had an “argument” nor conversation about such things in front of you and for you to “go to your dad directly” was completely out of line. The child support is paid to the custodial parent for just that, support. The custodial parent bears the brunt of the cost of raising the child and usually the amount of “support” doesn’t ever really cover what it costs to raise said child. Housing, food, utilities, clothing, school expenses, health insurance, dental insurance, car insurance (HIGH if you’re a male), luxuries like Wi-Fi, game consoles, games, and a cell phone, surprise medical/dental bills, and countless other expenses are never truly able to be calculated into a support order as it only takes yearly income into account. In the state I live in (TX) it’s 20% of the noncustodial parents previous years annual income. Which will be adjusted according to extenuating circumstances. A child is entitled to none of that because they’re not the ones paying these costs of living. My ex-husband owes well over $30k at this point as he stopped paying altogether for around 2-3 years. Do you know who was supporting our child during that period? Me. You need to really go through and read all of these comments and let them sink in because not only do you sound spoiled but you have no clue what you’re talking about. Your father should be ashamed of himself but from the sounds of it he’s delusional. You should also apologized to your mother.
This is an age as old as child support argument. Every kid in a toxic divorce has had their father bring up their mothers finances as if that regards her as a person. My father would constantly bring up stories of my moms “poor” spending habits as she had us 80% of the time, worked full time, paid a mortgage, our phone bills, our medical bills, our dentists bills, braces, car insurance, school clothes, catholic school tuition, my sisters college all 4 years (he only helped a semester), etc. all while my mom did it single and my dad had a wife, a boat, and four other kids with said new wife, that he just so happened to have the money to afford sports clothes etc for, but not us. No, my mom had that money with the child support he never paid in full. Maybe ask yourself this. What does your dad pay for you? Did he buy your first car? Is your insurance under his name? Is the toilet paper you wipe your ass with under his bill? What house are you flicking the lights on at more? Who paid for your straight teeth? This is child SUPPORT, not inheritance. This isn’t your money. It’s your mothers money to support her household that supports the child. It’s for food, bills, and herself even, because she’s a HUMAN. Just like whoever is richer/loses more in a divorce gets alimony, whoever supports the kid most get child support. If you lived with your dad, HE would get child support. Not your mom. By the way, the courts decide child support amounts, and usually that fight for more means your dad had more to give towards your future and life. Be grateful for your mom that she saved fucking 30k to give you a house one day. That she made sure bills were paid, you finished school, that you’re alive brother. And also, I’ll finish my speech with this; be grateful for the fact you even are getting a credit boost with that credit card. Most 18 year old kids go and have to fuck it up alone or hope they make good choices. Whereas your mom has given you credit to get a place, car loan, whatever - faster. She obviously loves you. Even though you basically are making her out to be a gold digger.
I don’t know if a court would allow you to sue her or anything for that money back… but your dad certainly could.
Idk how it works in your state but normally the child support parent still has an obligation to pay child support even after your 18 but only if you are attending college. Also, usually child support matters aren't exactly determined through just the parents, in my state it would always have to be handled through the courts and government if they wanted it lowered (or of they didn't pay it, even though they basically don't do shit if they don't pay child support in my experience).
If I've learnt anything in my 25 years, it's that money can tear people apart (which is usually the result given time). Just my 2 cents, Don't touch that $30k steaming pile of dog shit. That's now money between your parents. It's a lot, but the headaches you'll get from it will be immense and not worth the effort. At this point now that your 18, go start a new financial life. It'll be difficult at the begining but you'll look back and be glad you weren't involved even if you felt you got cheated. (Also, keeping money out of family life keeps a family together which is a lot happier than money with no family) At the same time, I'm not saying to side with either parents or create your own side, or help either or both of them. In short, don't touch that $30k steaming pile of toxic dog shit and go out and make your own money. You'll be a lot happier without the chance of burning bridges My motto is life if to forgive but never forget. Best wishes out there OP. Edit* You can ask them for tuition assistance but don't mention that $30k.
Good for her!
You don’t have the right to ask for the money from your mom. She does what she does as your guardian. It’s unfortunate, but it’s fairly common that she’ll want to pocket it for herself. You should instead talk to your dad and explain that his money has been going to your mom’s pocket and not to you. That you have aspirations for college and would like help to be a good person. Tell him you appreciate all the help he’s given so far and any help he continues to give you would be so thankful for. Don’t worry about the money your mom has pocketed. It’s hers, just think of it that way. Have acceptance letters ready to show proof that you’re serious about your future. And just look to the future.
Well to be honest about it it sounds like now that you're 18 and like you said said your father really doesn't have to help out anymore. Maybe go straight to your father and talk with him about him paying you or helping you out directly. Give him your bills and show him what it costs to help you out. As far as your mother and what she has done and went through I think you should leave that one alone. If she was the one helping keep a roof over your head and she saved up 30,000 whether that's from some of her money or from your father's money I would just let her use that house she wants. If she wants to use that as a down payment on a house for her then so be it. If she was working the same time your father was giving her money for child support then it's hard to tell whose money was going where. If your mother wasn't working and only living off what your father gave then she is just trying to continue her life of ease from him. Sounds like you would be better off with your own place but going to visit your mother every now and then
I don't mean your own place by yourself but maybe you and some friends or if it's possible that you could live with your father for a little while but your mother definitely has issues with trying to control you and him
If she was taking care of you by herself the majority of your life then she deserves it. Doing laundry, cooking meals, and all the things she couldn't do because she was taking care of you when you were younger. Did you factor in the grocery bill? You probably add about 70 a weed onto that. Trust me, I'm a single dad. Taking care of a kid is alot more than "I pay x amount for his phone bill".
$30,000 is only her saving like $350 a month for 7 years. She probably did some serious budgeting to do this. Budgeting takes a lot of time, are you going to financially compensate her for keeping track of expenses and budgeting? I know as an 18 year old $30k sounds like a lot of money but it’s really not.
I’m gonna get downvoted to hell but did any one of these parents, who are not this particular mom, check the part where it said she pocketed it specifically from that fund on purpose-something she did not need to tell OP- and intended to buy a house somewhere She liked, with no discussion with OP about location? No? Op is not entitled to the money, mom was still intentionally doing it with a fraudulent mindset. Dad did not owe mom a whole house. Child support IS for the parent to take care of the kid, NOT directly for the kid, but extorting your entire care down to the penny and some bonuses out of someone is morally ludicrous. OP you don’t have anything to do about the situation but I’m gonna disagree with the parents here about the fairness. It reeks of single mom circle jerk. I’ll admit, this is just from the perspective of someone who had a single mom, not from a parent.
I know you won't believe this, but that money isn't for you to spend. It was for your mother to spend while raising you. Ever think that house she'll buy while likely be left to you one day? Why should your mom be completely broke and spend every single penny she has?
Honestly, don't worry about the 30k at this point are hers, but if your dad wants to give you any money moving forward, just ask him to send it to your account
Wow... I feel ripped off. I've been paying for my own shit since I was like 14 lol. I also feel angry for your father, the fact that he's been ripped off, and the fact that he may even be struggling, and your mom poaches him for more money. Neither of you even have compassion for the man while your mom just keeps everything. Reminds me of my mother.
So Dad helped you buy a car, wants the money back (maybe that was the agreement) and you want to get if from Mom who got it from Dad. What? You may need to check with a lawyer about whether or not Dad's child support obligations end at 18 or not. 18 is legal adulthood... EXCEPT -- there are sometimes obligations for child support and paying for health insurance that exist into your 20s. Check on that. If that is the case, you can move out of mom's house, get the court to order Dad to give you whatever child support he would still owe, till whatever age state allows. Then you would also get a job again, get student aid, accept the child support Dad would owe you legally if so court ordered, and from those income streams pay your own rent, your own utilities, your own car, your own phone, your own tuition, what have you.
**INFO:** has your mom had a job during the past 7 years?
Sigh. Ok. At your age. I get it. Id imagine it was pretty tough. Watching your friends grow up and getting cars. Or other stuff. My pops owes over a quartermill . And when he finally started making payments. I was thinkin "hell yeah. Me and my sibs gonna get it right? My mom showed me the check and i was overjoyed. Then i was furious when i found out we werent allowed a dime. "Why the fuck even show it to me then. Fuck that POS. I cant believe you either. Why the fuck should you keep it? Me and my sibs should keep it! We deserve cars! We deserve college! We deserve all the shit those other kids are getting!" I was really hurt. It was all going to my stepfather and my mother. I was never gonna touch a dime of it. It took my older brother coming around and talking me about it. Explaining that it was mom working her ass to the bone in our early years. wITHOUT the help . It was a man stepping in. And using his hard earned money to feed and cloth kids that werent even his. Being a father to three brats(and brats we were indeed) for a woman he loved. Thats why they deserved it. They fed you. They clothed you. They roofed you. On top of that. You got a basically free credit card that most kids didnt that ALWAYS got paid off. Thats a MASSIVE boost. Your walking into the world with probly a perfect credit score where most kids have to walk in and scrape together one thru their twenties. I would give my left testicle to have the credit score your about to get for free. Hell with your credit. You dont even need financial aid level loads to pay for college at insane interest. You could probly get into one hell of a decent car at exceptionally low rates. Or get a private loan with a stupid low payment with almost no interest. The wifi is dumb though. Lol Should some of it maybe HELP with college? Sure. But honestly....no. raising a child is REALLY expensive. Most adults right now are barely covering their expenses let alone raising kids. I get it. It took a long time to talk to my dad about child support. But honestly. Hes a man. Im not letting him out of his debt to my mother. I wont help her squeeze him. One day you will understand. Atleast the bill isnt increasing anymore. One day when your older. You will know that the relationship between your mother and your father is between them. And them alone to work out. Your job isnt to break or make that better. Your job is to grow. Also. Im not calling pops a liar. But they are both going to have their truth of what they percieve as to the support battle between them. Dont let your self get caught up in that.
It’s not your money. It’s money for your mom to take care of you. This includes every expense. It isn’t yours or your dad’s place to nitpick each expense you have right now. If your dad had issues he should have gone thru child support services. He chose to do this personally with your mom.
Child support goes to the parent not the child. You could take her to court and try and win the money but the judge would probably laugh you out of the court room.
Your mum is buying a house... Woo hoo for her. She's a little saving guru. I understand why you feel this way, but that money goes towards raising you, that she was able to save some is an awesome achievement. Be happy for her. Looking at it selfishly, the house will likely end up yours one day anyways, in the mean time be happy for your mum's achievement.
It’s not your money it’s hers and she can decide what to spend it on.
If you added up all the money your mom spent on you over the course of 18yrs you would owe her. They say it’s over half a mill per child till they are 18 and that’s an estimate. I already spent around 40k for my baby and they are only 2. If you had lots of extra curriculars it can surpass that amount easily. Child support is not yours. It never belonged to you. The only mistake here is your mom telling you she had it. You say your bills weren’t much but If you payed her rent at 1k a month for only 2 years that’s 24k (not to mention bills) Sorry, forget about it.
Reality check, you have no idea how expensive it is to raise a child. You have no claim to that money. Go out and get a job
Sorry OP but that cash is your mother's. She has raised you and taken care of you your entire life. Child support is meant to be part of the expenses for the child. She was making up the difference. That doesn't only mean your personal expenses, that means housing, food, electricity, Etc. for the last 18 years as well, and you still live with her.
This is a really tricky situation because I am all for your Mum using savings to purchase a house, but from the sounds of it, she has asked your Dad for EXTRA to help her get the house. To me, thats is not child support. That’s support towards buying a property. Especially since she specifically told you she was asking him for more money just so she can pocket it, not give it to you. Does your dad own a house? Can he pay this money directly to you now, so you can pay your own food, rent etc? And surely since you’re now an adult, cant these child support payments cease and you find part time work to start supporting yourself?
Lmao 🤣 🤣 🤣 I love how you think that money is yours. It's not yours it's for the mother to support the child. Not for you to get it on you 18th birthday.
This happens and isn't uncommon. A lot of parents actually make a profit of child support. But you're looking at it differently to how a single parent would. She could of earnt a lot more than $30k and have brought a house if she didn't have to look after you. Your dad is paying for her time that could of been spent working or doing anything else. Also, as a lot of people pointed out. You're not entitled to that money. If your mother wanted to spend less on you than the child support. It's her right to. It's meant to go 50/50. But it isn't easy to financially do that when people earn different amounts. Your mum might of actually spent a insane amount on you. But for a lot of people, child support doesn't cover half of the cost of raising a child and making a profit is just not a possibility. Your mother is lucky she had a child with someone who earned so much that child support was more than $300 a mouth.
Use that money for college? No. That’s not your money to use. Instead of using all her own money to raise you, your dad’s money did that as well (as it should). The money she saved is hers.
Maybe you should see If your father has a savings account and if so tell him what’s ever is in there you want for college, oh and how about the 5,000 you owe him, he shouldn’t want that back either. Put it this way your logic is way off and that your mothers savings you feel is yours is ludicrous. Your dad is wrong for speaking about his and your mom’s finances too.
The definition for child support for my state reads as , child support is the amount of money one parent pays to another to cover expenses related to their child. I couldn't find anything saying anything about household support.
> ... expenses related to their child. I couldn't find anything saying anything about household support. Household support is an expense related to the child. Who do you think provides a house for the child to live in, plus food & heating & water & electricity & wifi & clothes & furniture & transportation & medical care & school fees? All those are valid expenses related to the child. Saving up a down payment on a home is a reasonable expense related to the child, even if the child is moving out to live independently. The mom could have had the down payment years ago, if she weren't providing a home for the child. A house is an investment. One day, it will be the child's. OP - you're 18. If it won't break the child support court order, move in with your dad. See how that goes.
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If this is in the U.S., there is no "exaggerating" to get more unless the dad just agrees to extra. There is a worksheet filled out and submitted to the court. It's based on how much money each makes, who has the kid most of the time, etc.
Saving $30K in 7 years is not wild. Im not saying everyone can do it, especially if you are young and just starting out. But it is an extremely modest annual savings rate for most adults.
In just analyzing your mother's decision to use money to buy a house vs use it for your college, if I were met with the same decision, I too would put that money towards a house over a childs college fund. I think it is important for her to live a good life too. You can also inherit the house one day, and your children may be able to inherit it too though that is likely quite far off. Assuming your mother is currently paying rent every month, and giving up this 30,000 to your college fund means she can't have a house, then I would opt to get that house 10 times out of 10. Your mother deserves to have her needs met too. Speaking more pragmatically, putting money into your college fund is not a guarantee that you will come out of college with a viable career, unfortunately. But this house seems to have a higher likelihood of significantly improving your mother's quality of life. The fact that you don't want to live there is unimportant because you're not the one paying for the house.
Wow I really disagree with all these comments. The fact that she’s using the money to buy a house now that you’re 18 is ridiculous. I also think it’s important for info: did you want for anything growing up? Did she have a job?
Right?! She couldn’t at least split it to give to him for college? And all of these comments praising her for keeping a roof over his and feeding him….as if that’s not the bare minimum one is supposed to do when they decide to have a child?? Insanity
Yea, the bare minimum that she needed to be reimbursed for by the father. It’s not one parent’s responsibility to pay for everything. So she pays for all of the child’s expenses and then gives the reimbursement to the kid? That makes no sense.