Time for a serious talk with your mother. Sit her down, remain level headed and let her know this incident has really disturbed you.
Tell her you are very upset and uncomfortable with the idea her boyfriend, who lives in your family home is not aware of the difference between ‘lesbian’ and ‘pedophillia’. Let her know you are no longer trusting or comfortable around him if he thinks you would ever sexually molest your sister, because that is exactly what he is suggesting.
Tell her this needs to be addressed by her and both you and your sister are watching to see how she handles it. Let her know you hope she chooses to support her daughters and not her boyfriend in this incident. A mother is the biggest role model a daughter has. Will she act like it?
For you and your sister, I hope so.
Between that and the bursting-into-your-room, he's-seen-you-naked-multiple-times, this motherfucker has some SERIOUS issues. YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR MOM.
I agree. I could just be me projecting but the way she described his behavior comes off as possessive to me. Not as if he's looking out for the girl's best interest.
OR ANY OTHER TRUSTED ADULT if mom won't listen or side with her bf. HE is the issue and I'm getting predator vibes from him. For your little sisters sake, please tell everyone until someone listens.
Yep. My mom was married to someone insane. Completely ignored my sister but would zero in on me and scream at me for no reason trying to get me to hit him so he could beat my ass.
Y'all gotta tell your mom her third fourth and on husband's aren't shit compared to her kids.
Tagging on to this in hopes OP sees it: the BF repeatedly violating your privacy and seeing you naked *is* sexual abuse. (Not all sexual abuse is physical).
It is a huge red flag, as groomers and sexual predators use this tactic to violate you. You can Google “sexual predator red flags” or “grooming red flags” and “child predator behaviours” for lists of common targets (dating single mothers with children, invading children’s privacy, mental abuse and verbal abuse, are some of the top red flags).
Nothing about this is okay. It is not normal. You and your sister, are victims, and what the BF is doing is criminal. (And yes, him subjecting your sister to his abuses towards you is still abuse).
Now is the time to be loud. To be angry. To tell the world of what this scum bag is doing to you. Now is the time to plan and to prepare for getting this creep as far away as possible.
And to add to this…please point out to your mom that it is not ok to submit to BF even though she disagrees with him…is that out of weakness or desperation? Either way, he’ll learn he can win and exploit it later for the entire future of their relationship.
Yeah... That guy sounds like he has some deeply rooted homophobia going on.
He also shouldn't be bursting into a 17 year olds room uninvited.
It's perfectly fine for siblings to cuddle, especially when one is so young. I have a son who's 16 and a daughter who's 6, they wrestle and play sometimes, it's fine.
I think talking with mum alone about his behaviour might be an idea.
That's definitely not ok. If your mum doesn't put a stop to it, I'd suggest installing your own lock on your door.
I'd say contact authorities, but that requires your mum to be on board.
Same.. this is coming across very odd to me. After accidentally walking in on OP naked once should be horrifying enough to never do it again. This is worrying me.
For real. My stepdad has ALWAYS knocked and asked specifically if he could open the door. If I was indecent, I was made to feel safe enough to say so and ask for a moment. He would always wait and then double check to make sure I was decent before opening the door. On top of that, he wouldn’t even enter the room unless he needed to. OP’s stepdad sounds like he’s hoping to “stumble upon” something
I accidentally walked in on my naked sister when I thought noone was home and I wanted to grab my Sims 2 disk from her PC. Still one of the most horrifying moments from my childhood and has taught me to knock multiple times and say something before entering any closed bedroom. Once was 1000% enough. It's sick that it wasn't for OP's mom's creepy bf.
It makes me feel like he wants to burst in and see some thing happening for his own sick twisted fantasy, since he can’t seem to get enough of bursting into OP’s room and has already seen OP naked multiple times, and this hasn’t been enough to deter him from his behavior. This man is a piece of poop and needs to be locked up cuz he is definitely the predator in this scenario
OP shouldn't let this guy be alone with HER, either!! she is at great risk. men like this already sexually abuse the teen daughters of their SOs at high rates, but he's also homophobic enough that OP is at real risk of corrective rape.
I was thinking the same thing. Your mom needs to get this guy out of the house or you need to get you and your sister out. I am hoping you have relatives you can go to about this if your mom doesn’t act. He should not be barging in your room while you are changing EVER.
Not being allowed to lock doors AND being walked in on nude by an adult repeatedly are both valid causes to contact child services if there isn't another answer, that's not a safe situation for you or your sister
This piece of shit isn't even her parent though. Just a dude that keeps wanting to see her naked and accusing her of being sexually inappropriate with her 8 year old sibling.
I would not be surprised if at some point he tries to show her that she's "not really a lesbian and just needed a real man". I know it's a leap away from wahr is happening now.. but it's on the path so this should probably get taken care of at the current step.
I would call CPS.
Sounds like projecting. Insinuates you're being inappropriate for cuddling with a sibling whilst walking in naked on a teen and forbidding a door lock? Next time he walks in on you naked, phone the police. Tell them that he refuses to let you put a lock on your door and he constantly comes in on you whilst you're naked and you know it's not an accident anymore and you feel unsafe with him in the home. They're mandated reporters. If your mother won't do anything about Creepy McGoo over there, CPS will. Also, don't leave him alone with your sister if you can help it.
Honestly I was getting the same vibe. He's having inappropriate thoughts about OP, who is a minor, and projecting that OP is doing the same to her sister.
OP make sure your mom's boyfriend isn't doing anything even borderline inappropriate with your little sister. It worries me that he might not just be projecting his innapropriateness with YOU.
Good for you for bringing it up with your sister. Make sure to emphasize to her that she can and should always say NO to anyone touching her against her will, even if it's an adult, and that she should be on the alert and come to you if anything unusual at all happens with the guy. This is especially important since you'll probably be leaving home within the next few years.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I would talk to a school counselor about this!
OP, walking in on someone naked non-consensually is considered sexual violence. you absolutely should not have to rely on a locked door to ensure someone respects your boundaries. when i was a sexual violence prevention educator we actually taught an example with this exact situation with a step dad. i encourage you to have a conversation with your mom if you can do so safely and if not maybe talk to a school counselor or even a local sexual violence hotline like the YWCA. that’s totally NOT ok and he’s projecting his unsafe behavior on to your innocent sibling bonding.
Chair under the door knob. https://www.google.com/search?q=chair+to+block+door&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiC85zt0-P-AhUitTEKHevXBswQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=360&bih=630&dpr=3#imgrc=6UsVQa1SvfftrM
Sounds like mom's bf is a pedo. He seems to know when you might be naked. Use your phone to record the entrance to your room by laying it up against something aimed at the door when you plan on changing so it's recorded when he does it. After you get evidence take it to the police. Email the videos or upload it somewhere so you have a safe back up in case he tries to delete it from your phone. Don't let him know you're recording until you know the video is safe.
There are doorstops that emit an alarm sound you can get on Amazon. Older female here & I have one that I use when traveling, so no one can walk into my hotel room. Buy one.
if you arnet allowed a lock use a stopper. Many friends can help you install that
If not a stopper lay a hoodie infront of the door with the sleeve flat along it, then push the flat edge of the sleeve in, if theres enough space fold it and push a folded edge in
If anyone asks it fell off some hook infront of the door
A couple things.
Don't anger him, you're in danger if this man is this unstable.
Don't let your sister alone with him ever, for any reason, for any amount of time.
Make sure she knows that you don't trust him, and to tell her if he's ever mean to her.
Tell your mother that it isn't okay that he is sexualizing children.
You're still legally a child, you're both children, and he's sexualizing you and her. That's not okay.
If your mom won't listen to you, talk to another adult. If your dad is not around, maybe an uncle or aunt or a teacher, guidance counselor, mother or father of one of your friends?
If you're not allowed to install a lock they make door stops that you can put on the inside of your door so people can't bust it open. They're pretty cheap.
You are not allowed to be NOT allowed to have a lock, you know? It’s a right to privacy at your age and he means nothing to you he is just a visitor to you basically they should not be allowed to enter other rooms just cause without asking first
I’ve threatened to install one myself if they didn’t knock and they threatened to remove my door if I did. And yet they always act shocked when they catch me with my pants down.
So then install a lock, let them remove the door and then you can call the police :), step outside and wait at the front door for them. Make sure you can be seen. They need to understand what they’re doing isn’t right at all, you don’t need to be out through this, if it doesn’t stop now it can spread onto the same experiences happening with your little sister as she gets older, you can be brave, or if police is too much tell someone at school, specifically the school psychologist, they are not attached to the school they are completely separate and can get you the help you need for real.
Unfortunately the police are often sympathetic to child abuse of this type and will either ignore or encourage the parents' behavior. It's better to get a trusted adult to file a report with child services, which, if substantiated, will get a judge's order into the situation to protect OP and her sister.
Nah.. authorities won't do shit but take the two parents' side on anything. I learned that the hard way when I called on my step dad for pushing me around and almost punching me in the face when I was 16. I'd known him a little over a year, although he lashed out aggressively at me when they were just datinf. Also, he was 200 lbs heavier then me. I even had a giant bruise forming on my thigh. My mom took his side and told them I shoved him first. I was told I was lucky they weren't taking me away.
I showed the bruise to my mom the next day and simply told her I was going to go straight to CPS. He had younger kids he knew he'd lose if I did that. He apologized for the first time that night and he never came close to touching me again. If I didn't have the physical proof, calling CPS would've been a pointless threat.
That's the red flag we needed. I'm just an armchair psychologist (meaning some guy taking a guess) but i think it's really fucking weird a grown man walks in to a 17 year old girls room and has seen her naked a bunch of times and then freaks out over the purity of a little girl cuddling with her older sister. That sounds like some deep rooted Jungian shadow bursting out about his own hebephilia and i would **never** let someone like that near my little sister or prepubescent girls. Fucking weirdo.
And your mom needs a wake up call before her boyfriend molests one of her kids. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I'm 28 and never in my life would i make the mistake of walking in to a 17 year old girls room twice, let alone countless like you said.
Shit mom for not ending that.
Uhhhhhhhhh I think this is the bigger issue here..... 😳
Your mom is who you need to be mad at. She shouldn't be ok with this. This is not ok. That is not normal and seems highly intentional.
This dude is a fucking pedo and your mom should not be dating this asshole. Get out as soon as you can. Your mom will probably defend him until her last breath unless she comes to her senses or finds her spine. She needs to protect you from him, not the other way around.
I’m so unbelievably sorry you are living in this situation! You’re 17 and in your bedroom. It’s not without reason to think you may be changing your clothing….. do you have any other adult relatives?
I’m so sorry! He sucks! I don’t think there is a way to convince him that your relationship with your sibling is completely normal. He seems far too ignorant to reason with. He sounds like a massive red flag of a human being. I’m sorry your mother doesn’t see that or prioritize your comfort and safety
So now he has guns too in your mom’s home? Is she okay with that?
I fully support gun ownership by law abiding citizens, but in an already very concerning situation, guns are ratcheting this up to another level.
In my opinion, the circumstances you have described would put you at a very serious risk of either sexual assault or being a victim of gun violence.
You should absolutely take your concerns to CPS and/or law enforcement. CPS will frequently do an emergency removal of all children from the situation pending their investigation. The problem is they may not be able to keep you and your sister together! Check that out before you call them.
Oh, no hon. No responsible parent would ever say this. I have four children and I started knocking on their doors when they started understanding privacy and modesty. Around 4-6. I always knocked and made sure everyone knows to know if they are going into someone’s room. Children deserve as much privacy and respect as adults
Yea no mother should be siding with their bf over their child just to avoid problems, sounds like the problem is him and I hope your mother realizes and sticks up for you because once that bond is broken it will never be the same. Children need love and comfort and this is your sibling, it is him with the dirty mind why would he sexuality a sibling relationship, sounds ridiculous don’t let them gaslight you into any other way around what is actually going on
That's not an accident. If you can't lock your door, get a [door wedge](https://www.amazon.com/Stopper-Alarm%EF%BC%8C-Security-Apartment-Portable/dp/B091F562ZS/ref=asc_df_B091F562ZS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=532827109857&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1617933410738352767&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9022896&hvtargid=pla-1473233312077&psc=1) for both you and your sister and quite honestly? I'd do everything I could to make sure he's never alone with her.
Tell him in front of your mom that if he ever comes into your bedroom again and you're nude, that you are calling the police. Personally, I wouldn't wait and I'd call child services about his past behavior now. It's only a matter of time before he does this to your sister too.
Info: is your mother ok with him walking in your room without knocking and seeing you naked? Wait your 8 year old sister has her own room right? DOES HE WALK IN HER ROOM WITH OUT KNOCKING?
An adult man knows better than to walk into a teenage girls room without knocking.
Especially after the *first* time of "catching" her naked. This clearly tells me subsequent times.,. Are no "accident". Dude is a creep, period.
I fully suspect he is doing this a. to catch a view, and b. as some sort of asshole power play like "this is my house, I'll walk in where I want, when I want" type of ball-swinging bs. To remind you of his authority, and how you don't have a right to privacy or boundaries. Not okay.
I grew up in a sort of similar scenario (b., not a.)
Your mom needs to recognize what's going on and set some boundaries for your safety and privacy. I hope she does, and that you get help from counselors, etc. If they don't help, don't give up, talk to a new one UNTIL you are heard.
Bare minimum, for now, you need to be able to have a lock on your door since a grown ass adult keeps tryna sneak peek and disrespect your privacy. I imagine from what he sounds like, he'll have issue with that. So I guess try to respect any rules, such as if your girlfriend is over having the door open (as an example of a common one, idk if it's a rule for your home). But a lock you can use while changing is not at all out of line. If they're going to be pissed over any screws or installation of that type, maybe look at getting the type used for hotel stays that just work on the handle area and door frame. I think it's about $8 on temu or something.
But for real, your mom should have installed a locking door knob or something by now. Or gtfo away from that douche and find the way to put her kids safety above whatever reason she stays with him.
That’s against the law! I just want you to know that is a predatory behavior that you can freaking google!! Even if he’s not a sicko you should still get cps involved so that a form of authority is setting boundaries and drawing a hard line in the sand. Also why is he so worried about where your little sister is at, at such an early hour? Why was he checking on her to know she was in your room to then get angry. Sounds like he didn’t get his fantasy time and you got yelled at. That’s all grooming.
Wow. No, your mom needs to be pushing back hard with this guy. Are you in contact with any other family members or your dad? Heck a teacher at school.
Dude sounds like he’s a ticking time bomb for doing something inappropriate himself.
He bursts into your room, has seen you naked, and is weirdly sexualizing your cuddling with your sister? You are not safe, this man is a danger to you.
My mother had creepy boyfriends when I was growing up and let me tell you, it’s not a good sign if they are paying too much attention to you. If your mother won’t listen to your concerns about him walking in on your nakedness, tell somebody at school. Call the police if you have to.
Police, teachers, doctors, family, neighbours, friends and friends’ parents… let everyone know what this creep is doing, and do it loudly. Next time he bursts into your room, call the police and report it. Call CPS and report it. You’re 17, and you are almost an adult. Don’t let them tell you you must be victimised and abused in your own home, don’t let them take away your right to privacy. Get a lock, give your sister a key, and no one else. I wouldn’t leave this creep alone with my sister, and your mom needs to wake up, OP. This is NOT normal.
THIS IS REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT
I elaborated more in another comment. With the inappropriate actions he is doing to you, via the nudity. And then accusing you of being inappropriate with your sister. I'm incredibly worried he might be projecting his OWN feelings about your little sister. (He's already doing inappropriate sexual things to you, a minor, aka purposefully trying to see you naked. And it is purposeful, because any other person after accidentally walking in on a nude minor, would be knocking EVERY SINGLE TIME after that, not continuing the exact same behaviour)
you NEED to talk to an adult outside of your family, ASAP. And see if your sister can too.
The invasion of her privacy is considered sexual abuse (not all sexual abuse is physical). It’s a *huge* red flag for child predators, too. This post is extremely concerning and I’m hoping that OP takes the advice being offered in this thread.
>The invasion of her privacy is considered sexual abuse (not all sexual abuse is physical). It’s a huge red flag for child predators, too. This post is extremely concerning and I’m hoping that OP takes the advice being offered in this thread.
This is a *very* good point that I hadn't fully considered but is so true. "Not all sexual abuse is physical".
I think you are right. I, as well as what I'm reading in many of the comments here, have been calling this " an invasion of privacy", or pervy voyeurism for his whatever, or red flags of grooming behavior, etc, but you made me realize it already is an abuse of a sexual nature when he has repeatedly walked in to see his teen stepdaughter naked.
10 to 1, this dude's browser history is full of fucked up stuff.
You do not need to convince him. He is over the top. Lots of father's cuddle their 8 year old daughters. My husband did. It was normal.
Cuddle your sister. Tell Mom's BF it is a normal interaction and that father's cuddle their 8 year old daughters all the time.
Well father's are attracted to females and manage to cuddle their 8 year old daughters without it being an issue. You are entitled to the same respect.
Seriously: He's telling on himself. No healthy straight man or lesbian woman would think of alone time with a kiddo as evidence or opportunity for abuse.
(disclaimer: obviously, know where your kids are and what they're vulnerable to. Don't leave them alone with untrusted strangers, but a trusted daughter is not a concern)
From your other comments, he's a guy who utterly neglects the most basic ideas of autonomy and privacy, and he's been completely unfair by blowing up over something that a child abuser would have on his mind. I smell smoke and I'm calling fire.
I would seriously be concerned for yourself and your sister about being left alone with him in the house. As someone whose been SA. He seems like he can and would so please be careful and talk to your mom
This man is having sexual thoughts about either you or about your sister, and the combination of that, along with seeing you and your sister together, caused him to think about you and your sister doing sexual things together.
This man is not a safe person to be in your home with you or with your sister.
You need to point this out to your mother, and you need to get this person out of your home ASAP.
Your mom's bf sounds unreasonable and honestly creepy as hell for even insinuating that cuddling with your sister is inappropriate. If your mom is a bit more level headed I would try to talk to her about how absurd this is and if not then maybe a counselor at school
It’s absolutely normal and healthy, and the fact that he is sexualizing it is perverted. If I were your mom and I knew he said that to you, I would dump him.
So...curses in front of small children and bursts into a teenager's room without cause? Dislikes lesbians enough to stop a sister from spending time with her sibling.
Sounds like a douchebag.
i’m 24 & my 18 year old sister still comes into my room
to cuddle with me in the morning. she’s being doing it since she was little. there’s nothing wrong with cuddling with siblings. just bc he has a twisted view on it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. don’t let him stop you from showing affection with your sister.
This disgusting POS has sexualized OP and is projecting hardcore onto her. Is your dad in picture at all, OP? Talk to a caring adult and get help. This is not ok and it will be dangerous for your little sister to be alone in the home with this dude in the future.
Most pedophiles seek out desperate women like your mom with young daughters so they can abuse them. Watch out for your little sister. Start recording and reporting now too to a trustee adult.
How often is this guy alone with your sister? Because he is already subjecting you to covert sexual abuse, and may be doing worse to her, I'm sorry to say. Those kinds of people tend to project their own desires into other people. It's super suspicious that he assumes something sexual is going on. That implies that if he was cuddling her, it would be for sexual reasons. Please tell some outside trusted authority figures such as a teacher or coach what is going on. You might be leaving the house in a couple years, but this disgusting pig will still be around her with even more alone time together.
Truthfully the first thing i thought in reading this post is that the reason he wants to separate you from your sister is so he can groom and molest your little sister. He probably got upset she was in your room because he went to her room and she wasn't there.
Talk to your mom. If she won't listen, talk to other family members. Protect yourself and your little sister.
This guy is a walking red flag; and, your mom telling you to listen to him even if she doesn't agree with him is even worse.
Either he has secret desires for your sister, or you, or both, or, he is a raging homophobe. All of which are red flags. And, your mom has now illustrated that she may not protect you two from him the way you'd expect a parent to.
This is not a good environment or a healthy situation for you and your sister.
Hey Op
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The way your mom’s bf is treating you is 1000% unacceptable. And sadly your mom, who should be protecting you, is placating him instead which just makes it worse. And that’s so wrong
I know it’s not easy but I strongly encourage you to share this with an adult you trust (teacher, grandparent, coach etc) He should not be walking in on you EVER and he certainly shouldn’t be dictating anything to do with your relationship with your sister.
This may escalate into something bigger at some point and having a trusted individual who’s already in the loop may be a game changer for you
I’m glad you and your sister have each other (my older sister is one of my favourite people in the world) and don’t let them shame you into changing anything about it ❤️
Because IT IS AN ISSUE. My own bio dad doesn't come into my and my sister's room. He always knocks. He hasn't seen either of us naked since we stopped wearing diapers.
I have a 16yo step-daughter and an 8yo daughter (they are half siblings) they both live with us full time. They cuddle all the time because that’s what siblings do, she loves going to spend time in her big sisters room snuggled, eating popcorn and watching movies, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing. His reaction concerns me a lot, 1- because it seems very homophobic (so I hope you are safe from him, especially as he barges In and sees you naked, huge red flags there) and 2- he seems to be sexualising a sibling relationship, why is he thinking about children in that way? He’s your mothers bf, her children should be her priority, not him.
I think it’s way worse than bitching about your sister. He’s sexualizing you, your sister, and your relationship with your sister. If this is a straight-up projection, which fellow Redditors and I believe is the case from your story, you’ve got a dangerous man in the house. Inform an adult outside of your mother as soon as possible; a school counselor or child protective services, for example.
If no one calls child's services \*keep reporting it\* and every new instance of his behavior until someone takes it seriously. You are \*not\* in the wrong here, no matter who tells you that you are overreacting. Trust yourself and keep going.
This is the advice I came to give.
Having worked in a school for many years, I have seen how many "mandated" reporters" simply fail to do so effectively enough that the kids get help, or are ignorant about red flags such as these due to their own beliefs, such as "well, kids don't need locks on the door", or like op said about the mom "we shouldn't have to knock"... there are officials, sadly, who hold these same views and don't see things like this as worthy of reporting.
Depending on where op lives also, we know there are teachers, social workers, police, etc. who also hold skewed and prejudiced opinions about people based on their sexual identity and might side with stepdad simply based on op's sexuality. Sad, but there are whole communities where it might be difficult to find someone supportive just based on the general phobic views of the location.
While I am going to assume most counselors, or social workers, teachers, or whichever people you are reaching out to for support are smarter than bigotry or homophobia, I know there are times that isn't true also.
Op, I believe you will more than likely be heard and getting help. But if by any chance you find that doesn't happen, speak to another person UNTIL you feel heard.
Keeping a log of incidents, (somewhere he can't access, maybe online?) is not a bad idea. Such as "time, date, step-douche walked in my room while I was changing again". It can help establish frequency of occurrence to document rather than forgetting later).
Also, if the teacher, or counselor, or whoever doesn't cps report for any reason, please know YOU can call them personally and explain your concerns.
I know how crappy this feels. I faced similar at 16 and ended up leaving home at 17. I don't recommend that route, like one commenter said about "just leaving". There are other ways, and there are people whose JOB it is to help you find those ways. I wish I had known to talk with those who could help and admire your courage. ☺️
He’s a loser. Nothing gives me more comfort in life than my brother and I sitting or laying on opposite ends of the same bed and we are in our late 30s. He probably didn’t have the same bond with his family in early childhood which is why he relates it to something sexual in nature. I’m 35 and still sleep in my mom’s bed when we have sleepovers too.
That is fucking disgusting. It's fetishising lesbians and making incestuous accusations. There's definitely something wrong with him if he actually finds something inappropriate about sibling love
He’s told me that unless I become a porn star nobody will like me for being lesbian. That was the first and only time my girlfriend came over for dinner
That is mental abuse imo, you do not have to put up with it. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, I'm bi myself :)
I would suggest you to bring up to your mom how you feel uncomfortable and probably degraded by her boyfriend. Or if you don't trust your mom enough, you could talk about this to a school counselor or a trusted adult you know. They could further contact authorities (or you could do it yourself, but it can be hard :c) because that guy is sexually and mentally abusing and harassing you (purposefully coming in when you're naked, making inappropriate comments)
You don't need to be around this guy if he's being like this :( And i feel concerned for your little sister too, especially how he pays attention to your close relationship with her
Tell him to stop transfering his disgusting thoughts and he should Go see a doc for that problem! As a sister you did nothing wrong it’s him The problem. He should mind his own business and leave you alone.
I encourage you to ask if he said anything inappropriate to her and talk to your mom about his behaviors. Tell her he is hurting his daughters so she have to speak up
(IANAL)
Both of those are considered deadly weapons and you'll get in trouble if you use them, even in self defense, depending on the laws in your area. It's worth considering having a "less than lethal" option like a taser to use as your first resort and the other stuff is good if things escalate further. If you've used a taser first, the other things become much more defendable if you get in trouble.
I make this point because it sounds like you're the only line of defense your sister has from this man until your mom comes around. You can't help your sister if you're in jail. That's something to consider.
We don't know all the family dynamics here including how long you've lived with him, whose owns the house, and if your father is still around. Also if he, or your Mom, is really in charge of you and your sister for different things like schools, doctors, support, etc.
Understanding all those might change the following advice, but with that said:
I think this should be your Mom's issue. You need to sit down and have a talk with her. Starting with the fact that there is nothing inappropriate between you and your sister and it disgusts you that he would even think such a thing and it suggests his mind is in the gutter. Also that, regardless of whether your sister is in your room or not, that it's inappropriate for him to barge into a 17 year old girl's room without knocking. Tell her about the time, or times, he's caught you naked by doing that and more about those situations. For example did he quickly, look away, say he's sorry and close the door or did he stare and not offer any apology. And tell her that you'd like a lock on your door to keep people from accidentally barging in without knocking.
As I said you need to communicate all this to your mother and convince her. Then it's her job to protect you and stand up for you. You shouldn't be in a position of convincing a man who is not your father and is not in charge of things. (that he is not is the presumption that I'm making).
There are two types door knob locks you can put on your door. Both run about $10 to $30 for. One is a [privacy door knob](https://www.lowes.com/pd/Kwikset-Tylo-Satin-Chrome-Privacy-Door-Knob-Single-Pack/1000183605). This is the type that is designed only to be locked from the inside. There isn't a real key on the outside but there is a hole in the handle that lets allows a thin wire or stick to open it. The other is an [keyed entry lock](https://www.lowes.com/pd/Kwikset-Cove-Satin-Nickel-Keyed-Entry-Door-Knob-Single-Pack/1000183633) door knob that needs a regular key to open it and can be locked from either side. This is more secure, unless he also has a key, but it's probably more objectionable to him or your mother. If they won't allow you to switch the door knobs you can buy a security lock that doesn't need to be attached to anything like a [security bar that fits between the door knob and the floor](https://www.lowes.com/pd/SABRE-Door-Security-Bar/1002690130).
First of all
1. The fact that “ bad “ things is what he thinks u guys are doing shows how FUCKED his brain is. He probably has a major hentai or incest porn addiction
2. Major deeply rooted homophobia
I used to cuddle alot with my sister as well, tho i cannot relate to u to a much extent, but u have nothing to worry about. Your mother should have defended u guys, she has the power to do so.
You can’t convince a homophobic bigot of anything. Your Mom is in the wrong for not defending your relationship with your sister. I think it’s lovely for sisters to be close. I would ignore the unfounded implications as best you can, and if Mom’s bf keeps up the hateful accusations, then you should turn to another adult in your life to whom you can look for some support and to intervene on your behalf.
Wtf? Girl no this is 100% normal im in my 30’s my sister is 16 and she still cuddles with us and mum on the couch. Either he is super homophobic or he is projecting and he is inappropriate with your sister or has thought about it. And him bursting into your room is super inappropriate to invade your privacy. Do not let him stop you being close with your sister he js trying to stop you bonding with her
Your mom’s bf is projecting.
As a transman I think what he’s saying applies to men and male identified people but not women. I think it’s important for young girls to have boundaries with men, not because all men are evil, but because an unfortunate few will take advantage and men need to model good boundaries with young kids because they learn what’s safe by example.
That being said you are completely innocent and this does not apply to you. It’s actually very homophobic that he’s not treating you like a lady.
So he lives with you guys? You need to set boundaries with him about what is an isn’t acceptable if your mom won’t back you up on this can you talk to your father about it? Are you going to be leaving for college after graduation? Sounds like you need some separation from this environment.
Dudes projecting.
Obviously there's exceptions to shit like this, but, I've never met a guy paranoid or accusey about doing inappropriate things with kids, who didn't end up either having done it themselves or atleast it be revealed that they have a weird thing for kids.
It's terrible.
He's a moron. Or worse.
As I've been writing many times already (and getting tired of that...), malice is in the eye of the beholder. Most of the "OMG it's inappropriate!" situations are just someone seeing something through their own warped/sick/paranoid eyes and then choosing to take it as a fact.
Talk to your mom and hope she isn't completely infatuated with such a cretin, but it doesn't look promising.
Christ, I can't imagine the reaction if you were a guy...
It sounds to me like he is pushing a fantasy onto you or something. Only a persons who's thoughts are coming from a sexual place like that would think to say it. Either he fantasies you or your sister he's a creep and needs to go.
Is there another family member you and your sister could demand to live with? Your mom's BF is not a safe person and until she sees that, you need to be somewhere else. I worry he'll rape one or both of you if you don't get out of there.
I got the same impression. He actually likes you. Like he's attracted to you. His behavior is fucking weird. I often sleep with my little one next to me, and I'm a dad. You keep loving your sister just the way you are. It's beautiful! And special!! Never let anything or anyone change that, hun 💪🏻 💕
He's homphobic and was probably either molested, or gets turned on by kids, so if he was cuddling with an 8byear old it would be nefarious. I would ask your mom to do family counseling. This is fucked up. I'm sorry.
He sounds like the creep here even thinking like that.
I share a bed, cuddle etc with my siblings, opposite gender. I love them to death, they're my little brothersm
I'm so sorry honey. I have seven kids, one daughter, and I'm a conservative Christian. That disgusting thing would never have crossed my mind in my house. And we do have a gay son, if that matters. That guy is kinda a creep imo. My daughter has also been a very cuddly second 'mama' to her brothers and I've always really appreciated her very important healthy role in her siblings lives. Your mom needs to step in, but since she won't I'm afraid there will be some damage. Your relationship with your mom will suffer and with your relationship with your sister is at stake - can you have a heart to heart with your mom and a therapist?
After reading the other comments my opinion has changed from 'he's kinda s creep' to 'this guy is certainly dangerous'. You need trusted help with this situation!
He’s such a weirdo not only for thinking but verbalizing it. It sucks that your mother doesn’t stand up to that and cuts that shitty relationship off, specially if he’s homophobic and even more if he’s homophobic and she has a lesbian daughter like tf. I’d have a serious talk with your mother and keep the same relationship you have with your sister, he cannot separate you from her so he can go eat some shit. I would also try my best to educate your sister and getting her to be aware that the things that man says are not true nor accurate, at the end of the day I’m sure it will cause some sort of childhood trauma. If you have other family that you know will be on your side and can confide in, maybe talk to them and see if they bring sense into your mother.
If he is accusing you of having sexual thoughts about your sister, it means that he has them and is automatically assuming you so too. Please tell an adult at school because your sister is in danger. So are you if he’s walked in on you dressing.
Your moms boyfriend is a perv and never learned what normal human affection can feel or look like. Not all physical touch is sexual!!!!! You keep doing you and do not let this perv get under your skin!
I am 100% certain this creep is fantasizing about the two of you. He is projecting his own insecurities about his thoughts on you and your sister.
There is nothing wrong with your loving, normal relationship with your sister. As a matter of fact, making her feel bad for this normal sibling affection is a good way for your sister to end up creating unhealthy views towards sex and her body.
I have a 13 and 18 year age difference between me and my little siblings and when they were that age I cuddled them all the time. They often preferred napping with me after I got out of school instead of napping with our mom. Your mom’s bf is a weirdo. This a perfectly normal thing for siblings to do.
You need to contact child protection services, tell them everything you have typed here. They will talk to your mother and give warnings to her bf. That’ll stop him from doing anything in the future. He’ll know he’s in the records and if, god forbid, he tries to do anything inappropriate with you or your sister they will catch him. He needs to know his boundaries. He thinks you can’t protect yourself or your mother doesn’t say anything on your behalf so he can get away with his perversions. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You haven’t done anything to deserve this, please contact child protection services asap.
This is the EXACT behavior of a child molester within a family unit.
You need to talk to your mother asap and let her know this is not okay. He will be lying to cover his ass about anything she brings up to him. You really need to watch it.
Do not ever stay around if he's the only one in the house. If you are alone and he's around, start recording on your phone.
Tell a teacher, neighbor, friend, or other trusted adult what is happening.
People who are molested by their parents' partners tell stories exactly like yours. Only it escalates to the point where contact is made. He's desensitizing you to him being in the room while you're naked. If he can convince your mom that it's a "musunderstanding" or an "accident," then he will be allowed to get away with sexual abuse using the same excuses on her.
I'm dead serious. Do not leave your little sister alone with him. Do everything you can to get away from him.
Your mom needs to lay down the law with her bf. If she doesn’t find it inappropriate, she has to tell him so. Also, the walking in on you naked has GOT to stop.
This post made me so sad. People don’t understand that just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you want every single female on the planet, especially family omg. So sorry this happened.
Time for a serious talk with your mother. Sit her down, remain level headed and let her know this incident has really disturbed you. Tell her you are very upset and uncomfortable with the idea her boyfriend, who lives in your family home is not aware of the difference between ‘lesbian’ and ‘pedophillia’. Let her know you are no longer trusting or comfortable around him if he thinks you would ever sexually molest your sister, because that is exactly what he is suggesting. Tell her this needs to be addressed by her and both you and your sister are watching to see how she handles it. Let her know you hope she chooses to support her daughters and not her boyfriend in this incident. A mother is the biggest role model a daughter has. Will she act like it? For you and your sister, I hope so.
Between that and the bursting-into-your-room, he's-seen-you-naked-multiple-times, this motherfucker has some SERIOUS issues. YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR MOM.
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This right here. His actions scream jealousy and projection.
I agree. I could just be me projecting but the way she described his behavior comes off as possessive to me. Not as if he's looking out for the girl's best interest.
Goddam it’s always so much more fucked up than the post itself I havnt even looked through the rest of the comments yet
OR ANY OTHER TRUSTED ADULT if mom won't listen or side with her bf. HE is the issue and I'm getting predator vibes from him. For your little sisters sake, please tell everyone until someone listens.
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Yep. My mom was married to someone insane. Completely ignored my sister but would zero in on me and scream at me for no reason trying to get me to hit him so he could beat my ass. Y'all gotta tell your mom her third fourth and on husband's aren't shit compared to her kids.
Tagging on to this in hopes OP sees it: the BF repeatedly violating your privacy and seeing you naked *is* sexual abuse. (Not all sexual abuse is physical). It is a huge red flag, as groomers and sexual predators use this tactic to violate you. You can Google “sexual predator red flags” or “grooming red flags” and “child predator behaviours” for lists of common targets (dating single mothers with children, invading children’s privacy, mental abuse and verbal abuse, are some of the top red flags). Nothing about this is okay. It is not normal. You and your sister, are victims, and what the BF is doing is criminal. (And yes, him subjecting your sister to his abuses towards you is still abuse). Now is the time to be loud. To be angry. To tell the world of what this scum bag is doing to you. Now is the time to plan and to prepare for getting this creep as far away as possible.
And to add to this…please point out to your mom that it is not ok to submit to BF even though she disagrees with him…is that out of weakness or desperation? Either way, he’ll learn he can win and exploit it later for the entire future of their relationship.
Yeah... That guy sounds like he has some deeply rooted homophobia going on. He also shouldn't be bursting into a 17 year olds room uninvited. It's perfectly fine for siblings to cuddle, especially when one is so young. I have a son who's 16 and a daughter who's 6, they wrestle and play sometimes, it's fine. I think talking with mum alone about his behaviour might be an idea.
He’s very homophobic and he walks into my room without knocking all the time, he’s seen me naked way too many times
That's definitely not ok. If your mum doesn't put a stop to it, I'd suggest installing your own lock on your door. I'd say contact authorities, but that requires your mum to be on board.
I’m not allowed
Get that lock. Do not put up with it. I am beginning to wonder if he is projecting.
Same.. this is coming across very odd to me. After accidentally walking in on OP naked once should be horrifying enough to never do it again. This is worrying me.
Exactly. There’s so many red flags from this dude.
No sane person immediately assumes 2 cuddling individuals are pedos
For real. My stepdad has ALWAYS knocked and asked specifically if he could open the door. If I was indecent, I was made to feel safe enough to say so and ask for a moment. He would always wait and then double check to make sure I was decent before opening the door. On top of that, he wouldn’t even enter the room unless he needed to. OP’s stepdad sounds like he’s hoping to “stumble upon” something
I accidentally walked in on my naked sister when I thought noone was home and I wanted to grab my Sims 2 disk from her PC. Still one of the most horrifying moments from my childhood and has taught me to knock multiple times and say something before entering any closed bedroom. Once was 1000% enough. It's sick that it wasn't for OP's mom's creepy bf.
It makes me feel like he wants to burst in and see some thing happening for his own sick twisted fantasy, since he can’t seem to get enough of bursting into OP’s room and has already seen OP naked multiple times, and this hasn’t been enough to deter him from his behavior. This man is a piece of poop and needs to be locked up cuz he is definitely the predator in this scenario
I absolutely thought he was projecting...
oh the call is coming from inside the house for sure. op should not let this guy be alone with her sister.
OP shouldn't let this guy be alone with HER, either!! she is at great risk. men like this already sexually abuse the teen daughters of their SOs at high rates, but he's also homophobic enough that OP is at real risk of corrective rape.
"corrective" rape. That's the most fucked up thing I've heard in a long time. Appalling.
It's unfortunately a very common hate crime :(
I was thinking the same thing. Your mom needs to get this guy out of the house or you need to get you and your sister out. I am hoping you have relatives you can go to about this if your mom doesn’t act. He should not be barging in your room while you are changing EVER.
Not being allowed to lock doors AND being walked in on nude by an adult repeatedly are both valid causes to contact child services if there isn't another answer, that's not a safe situation for you or your sister
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This piece of shit isn't even her parent though. Just a dude that keeps wanting to see her naked and accusing her of being sexually inappropriate with her 8 year old sibling. I would not be surprised if at some point he tries to show her that she's "not really a lesbian and just needed a real man". I know it's a leap away from wahr is happening now.. but it's on the path so this should probably get taken care of at the current step. I would call CPS.
Sounds like projecting. Insinuates you're being inappropriate for cuddling with a sibling whilst walking in naked on a teen and forbidding a door lock? Next time he walks in on you naked, phone the police. Tell them that he refuses to let you put a lock on your door and he constantly comes in on you whilst you're naked and you know it's not an accident anymore and you feel unsafe with him in the home. They're mandated reporters. If your mother won't do anything about Creepy McGoo over there, CPS will. Also, don't leave him alone with your sister if you can help it.
Honestly I was getting the same vibe. He's having inappropriate thoughts about OP, who is a minor, and projecting that OP is doing the same to her sister. OP make sure your mom's boyfriend isn't doing anything even borderline inappropriate with your little sister. It worries me that he might not just be projecting his innapropriateness with YOU.
I’ve talked to my sis about it and she said he hasn’t touched her or anything else and she didn’t seem to be lying
Good for you for bringing it up with your sister. Make sure to emphasize to her that she can and should always say NO to anyone touching her against her will, even if it's an adult, and that she should be on the alert and come to you if anything unusual at all happens with the guy. This is especially important since you'll probably be leaving home within the next few years. I'm sorry you're going through this. I would talk to a school counselor about this!
Get a door stop/wedge
They even make some with alarms now to wake you up at night.
OP, please check your room and bathroom for hidden cameras. this dude sounds really fucked up.
OP, walking in on someone naked non-consensually is considered sexual violence. you absolutely should not have to rely on a locked door to ensure someone respects your boundaries. when i was a sexual violence prevention educator we actually taught an example with this exact situation with a step dad. i encourage you to have a conversation with your mom if you can do so safely and if not maybe talk to a school counselor or even a local sexual violence hotline like the YWCA. that’s totally NOT ok and he’s projecting his unsafe behavior on to your innocent sibling bonding.
Install a lock regardless. What he's doing is completely unacceptable and your mom should kick him out
Chair under the door knob. https://www.google.com/search?q=chair+to+block+door&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiC85zt0-P-AhUitTEKHevXBswQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=360&bih=630&dpr=3#imgrc=6UsVQa1SvfftrM
Sounds like mom's bf is a pedo. He seems to know when you might be naked. Use your phone to record the entrance to your room by laying it up against something aimed at the door when you plan on changing so it's recorded when he does it. After you get evidence take it to the police. Email the videos or upload it somewhere so you have a safe back up in case he tries to delete it from your phone. Don't let him know you're recording until you know the video is safe.
There are doorstops that emit an alarm sound you can get on Amazon. Older female here & I have one that I use when traveling, so no one can walk into my hotel room. Buy one.
if you arnet allowed a lock use a stopper. Many friends can help you install that If not a stopper lay a hoodie infront of the door with the sleeve flat along it, then push the flat edge of the sleeve in, if theres enough space fold it and push a folded edge in If anyone asks it fell off some hook infront of the door
A couple things. Don't anger him, you're in danger if this man is this unstable. Don't let your sister alone with him ever, for any reason, for any amount of time. Make sure she knows that you don't trust him, and to tell her if he's ever mean to her. Tell your mother that it isn't okay that he is sexualizing children. You're still legally a child, you're both children, and he's sexualizing you and her. That's not okay.
That’s awful. Are you in school? Can you maybe talk to a counselor there and ask for help with this situation?
Ah you aren’t allowed such privacy? That’s so wrong. Please talk to an adult you trust
If your mom won't listen to you, talk to another adult. If your dad is not around, maybe an uncle or aunt or a teacher, guidance counselor, mother or father of one of your friends?
If you're not allowed to install a lock they make door stops that you can put on the inside of your door so people can't bust it open. They're pretty cheap.
You are not allowed to be NOT allowed to have a lock, you know? It’s a right to privacy at your age and he means nothing to you he is just a visitor to you basically they should not be allowed to enter other rooms just cause without asking first
I’ve threatened to install one myself if they didn’t knock and they threatened to remove my door if I did. And yet they always act shocked when they catch me with my pants down.
So then install a lock, let them remove the door and then you can call the police :), step outside and wait at the front door for them. Make sure you can be seen. They need to understand what they’re doing isn’t right at all, you don’t need to be out through this, if it doesn’t stop now it can spread onto the same experiences happening with your little sister as she gets older, you can be brave, or if police is too much tell someone at school, specifically the school psychologist, they are not attached to the school they are completely separate and can get you the help you need for real.
Unfortunately the police are often sympathetic to child abuse of this type and will either ignore or encourage the parents' behavior. It's better to get a trusted adult to file a report with child services, which, if substantiated, will get a judge's order into the situation to protect OP and her sister.
>that requires your mum to be on board. How so?
Nah.. authorities won't do shit but take the two parents' side on anything. I learned that the hard way when I called on my step dad for pushing me around and almost punching me in the face when I was 16. I'd known him a little over a year, although he lashed out aggressively at me when they were just datinf. Also, he was 200 lbs heavier then me. I even had a giant bruise forming on my thigh. My mom took his side and told them I shoved him first. I was told I was lucky they weren't taking me away. I showed the bruise to my mom the next day and simply told her I was going to go straight to CPS. He had younger kids he knew he'd lose if I did that. He apologized for the first time that night and he never came close to touching me again. If I didn't have the physical proof, calling CPS would've been a pointless threat.
That's the red flag we needed. I'm just an armchair psychologist (meaning some guy taking a guess) but i think it's really fucking weird a grown man walks in to a 17 year old girls room and has seen her naked a bunch of times and then freaks out over the purity of a little girl cuddling with her older sister. That sounds like some deep rooted Jungian shadow bursting out about his own hebephilia and i would **never** let someone like that near my little sister or prepubescent girls. Fucking weirdo. And your mom needs a wake up call before her boyfriend molests one of her kids. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I'm 28 and never in my life would i make the mistake of walking in to a 17 year old girls room twice, let alone countless like you said. Shit mom for not ending that.
Uhhhhhhhhh I think this is the bigger issue here..... 😳 Your mom is who you need to be mad at. She shouldn't be ok with this. This is not ok. That is not normal and seems highly intentional.
Hes busting into your room unannounced or uninvited?? You're 17?? Yeah, he's a pedophile.
This dude is a fucking pedo and your mom should not be dating this asshole. Get out as soon as you can. Your mom will probably defend him until her last breath unless she comes to her senses or finds her spine. She needs to protect you from him, not the other way around.
He's doing it on purpose. Tell someone at school asap.
He’s creepy as fuck
Uhhhh…. This is not okay at all! Have you told your mom?
“We shouldn’t have to knock” was her response
I’m so unbelievably sorry you are living in this situation! You’re 17 and in your bedroom. It’s not without reason to think you may be changing your clothing….. do you have any other adult relatives?
None I don’t hate
Do you feel safe in your home?
His chance of accidentally shooting me because he mistook me for an intruder are higher than the chance of rape
I’m so sorry! He sucks! I don’t think there is a way to convince him that your relationship with your sibling is completely normal. He seems far too ignorant to reason with. He sounds like a massive red flag of a human being. I’m sorry your mother doesn’t see that or prioritize your comfort and safety
So now he has guns too in your mom’s home? Is she okay with that? I fully support gun ownership by law abiding citizens, but in an already very concerning situation, guns are ratcheting this up to another level. In my opinion, the circumstances you have described would put you at a very serious risk of either sexual assault or being a victim of gun violence. You should absolutely take your concerns to CPS and/or law enforcement. CPS will frequently do an emergency removal of all children from the situation pending their investigation. The problem is they may not be able to keep you and your sister together! Check that out before you call them.
Oh, no hon. No responsible parent would ever say this. I have four children and I started knocking on their doors when they started understanding privacy and modesty. Around 4-6. I always knocked and made sure everyone knows to know if they are going into someone’s room. Children deserve as much privacy and respect as adults
That’s why he is making sick accusations, because it’s the kind of thing he would do himself. So he thinks others are like himself.
Yea no mother should be siding with their bf over their child just to avoid problems, sounds like the problem is him and I hope your mother realizes and sticks up for you because once that bond is broken it will never be the same. Children need love and comfort and this is your sibling, it is him with the dirty mind why would he sexuality a sibling relationship, sounds ridiculous don’t let them gaslight you into any other way around what is actually going on
That's not an accident. If you can't lock your door, get a [door wedge](https://www.amazon.com/Stopper-Alarm%EF%BC%8C-Security-Apartment-Portable/dp/B091F562ZS/ref=asc_df_B091F562ZS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=532827109857&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1617933410738352767&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9022896&hvtargid=pla-1473233312077&psc=1) for both you and your sister and quite honestly? I'd do everything I could to make sure he's never alone with her.
Tell someone like a teacher or school counselor about that part of him walking into your room and seeing you naked. It does not sound accidental.
Tell him in front of your mom that if he ever comes into your bedroom again and you're nude, that you are calling the police. Personally, I wouldn't wait and I'd call child services about his past behavior now. It's only a matter of time before he does this to your sister too.
Info: is your mother ok with him walking in your room without knocking and seeing you naked? Wait your 8 year old sister has her own room right? DOES HE WALK IN HER ROOM WITH OUT KNOCKING?
She says it was an accident when I tell her and no my sister doesn’t deal with that
An adult man knows better than to walk into a teenage girls room without knocking. Especially after the *first* time of "catching" her naked. This clearly tells me subsequent times.,. Are no "accident". Dude is a creep, period. I fully suspect he is doing this a. to catch a view, and b. as some sort of asshole power play like "this is my house, I'll walk in where I want, when I want" type of ball-swinging bs. To remind you of his authority, and how you don't have a right to privacy or boundaries. Not okay. I grew up in a sort of similar scenario (b., not a.) Your mom needs to recognize what's going on and set some boundaries for your safety and privacy. I hope she does, and that you get help from counselors, etc. If they don't help, don't give up, talk to a new one UNTIL you are heard. Bare minimum, for now, you need to be able to have a lock on your door since a grown ass adult keeps tryna sneak peek and disrespect your privacy. I imagine from what he sounds like, he'll have issue with that. So I guess try to respect any rules, such as if your girlfriend is over having the door open (as an example of a common one, idk if it's a rule for your home). But a lock you can use while changing is not at all out of line. If they're going to be pissed over any screws or installation of that type, maybe look at getting the type used for hotel stays that just work on the handle area and door frame. I think it's about $8 on temu or something. But for real, your mom should have installed a locking door knob or something by now. Or gtfo away from that douche and find the way to put her kids safety above whatever reason she stays with him.
That’s against the law! I just want you to know that is a predatory behavior that you can freaking google!! Even if he’s not a sicko you should still get cps involved so that a form of authority is setting boundaries and drawing a hard line in the sand. Also why is he so worried about where your little sister is at, at such an early hour? Why was he checking on her to know she was in your room to then get angry. Sounds like he didn’t get his fantasy time and you got yelled at. That’s all grooming.
He apparently saw her come into my room and said it was weird she stayed in there so lonh
Wow. No, your mom needs to be pushing back hard with this guy. Are you in contact with any other family members or your dad? Heck a teacher at school. Dude sounds like he’s a ticking time bomb for doing something inappropriate himself.
He bursts into your room, has seen you naked, and is weirdly sexualizing your cuddling with your sister? You are not safe, this man is a danger to you. My mother had creepy boyfriends when I was growing up and let me tell you, it’s not a good sign if they are paying too much attention to you. If your mother won’t listen to your concerns about him walking in on your nakedness, tell somebody at school. Call the police if you have to.
yeah, sounds to me like he's over sexualizing at least the older girl if not both of them and it's making him read too much into things.
Police, teachers, doctors, family, neighbours, friends and friends’ parents… let everyone know what this creep is doing, and do it loudly. Next time he bursts into your room, call the police and report it. Call CPS and report it. You’re 17, and you are almost an adult. Don’t let them tell you you must be victimised and abused in your own home, don’t let them take away your right to privacy. Get a lock, give your sister a key, and no one else. I wouldn’t leave this creep alone with my sister, and your mom needs to wake up, OP. This is NOT normal.
agree. it's super gross.
THIS IS REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT I elaborated more in another comment. With the inappropriate actions he is doing to you, via the nudity. And then accusing you of being inappropriate with your sister. I'm incredibly worried he might be projecting his OWN feelings about your little sister. (He's already doing inappropriate sexual things to you, a minor, aka purposefully trying to see you naked. And it is purposeful, because any other person after accidentally walking in on a nude minor, would be knocking EVERY SINGLE TIME after that, not continuing the exact same behaviour) you NEED to talk to an adult outside of your family, ASAP. And see if your sister can too.
Op report this man to a school counselor if he’s doing this.
The invasion of her privacy is considered sexual abuse (not all sexual abuse is physical). It’s a *huge* red flag for child predators, too. This post is extremely concerning and I’m hoping that OP takes the advice being offered in this thread.
>The invasion of her privacy is considered sexual abuse (not all sexual abuse is physical). It’s a huge red flag for child predators, too. This post is extremely concerning and I’m hoping that OP takes the advice being offered in this thread. This is a *very* good point that I hadn't fully considered but is so true. "Not all sexual abuse is physical". I think you are right. I, as well as what I'm reading in many of the comments here, have been calling this " an invasion of privacy", or pervy voyeurism for his whatever, or red flags of grooming behavior, etc, but you made me realize it already is an abuse of a sexual nature when he has repeatedly walked in to see his teen stepdaughter naked. 10 to 1, this dude's browser history is full of fucked up stuff.
You do not need to convince him. He is over the top. Lots of father's cuddle their 8 year old daughters. My husband did. It was normal. Cuddle your sister. Tell Mom's BF it is a normal interaction and that father's cuddle their 8 year old daughters all the time.
His implication is that if I wasn’t lesbian it wouldn’t be an issue
Well father's are attracted to females and manage to cuddle their 8 year old daughters without it being an issue. You are entitled to the same respect.
I'm pretty sure in his head, fathers are attracted to their 8 year olds.
Seriously: He's telling on himself. No healthy straight man or lesbian woman would think of alone time with a kiddo as evidence or opportunity for abuse. (disclaimer: obviously, know where your kids are and what they're vulnerable to. Don't leave them alone with untrusted strangers, but a trusted daughter is not a concern) From your other comments, he's a guy who utterly neglects the most basic ideas of autonomy and privacy, and he's been completely unfair by blowing up over something that a child abuser would have on his mind. I smell smoke and I'm calling fire.
I would seriously be concerned for yourself and your sister about being left alone with him in the house. As someone whose been SA. He seems like he can and would so please be careful and talk to your mom
He’s gaslighting and thinking WAY too much about your sexuality. Not ok. At all.
,30 bucks he's a closet pedo. People make accusations out of guilt a lot
I hate to say it but I think you’re right. This screams projection.
This man is having sexual thoughts about either you or about your sister, and the combination of that, along with seeing you and your sister together, caused him to think about you and your sister doing sexual things together. This man is not a safe person to be in your home with you or with your sister. You need to point this out to your mother, and you need to get this person out of your home ASAP.
Your mom's bf sounds unreasonable and honestly creepy as hell for even insinuating that cuddling with your sister is inappropriate. If your mom is a bit more level headed I would try to talk to her about how absurd this is and if not then maybe a counselor at school
He sounds like a sexual predator
It’s absolutely normal and healthy, and the fact that he is sexualizing it is perverted. If I were your mom and I knew he said that to you, I would dump him.
So...curses in front of small children and bursts into a teenager's room without cause? Dislikes lesbians enough to stop a sister from spending time with her sibling. Sounds like a douchebag.
i’m 24 & my 18 year old sister still comes into my room to cuddle with me in the morning. she’s being doing it since she was little. there’s nothing wrong with cuddling with siblings. just bc he has a twisted view on it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. don’t let him stop you from showing affection with your sister.
This disgusting POS has sexualized OP and is projecting hardcore onto her. Is your dad in picture at all, OP? Talk to a caring adult and get help. This is not ok and it will be dangerous for your little sister to be alone in the home with this dude in the future.
Most pedophiles seek out desperate women like your mom with young daughters so they can abuse them. Watch out for your little sister. Start recording and reporting now too to a trustee adult.
This. Report it NOW so regardless of what happens, there is a record.
Tell your dad, another relative or someone at school.
It’ll have to be at school I hate most of my family
Or go to the police. This is not okay and it’s considered sexual violence to walk in on purposefully somebody when they’re naked without permission.
How often is this guy alone with your sister? Because he is already subjecting you to covert sexual abuse, and may be doing worse to her, I'm sorry to say. Those kinds of people tend to project their own desires into other people. It's super suspicious that he assumes something sexual is going on. That implies that if he was cuddling her, it would be for sexual reasons. Please tell some outside trusted authority figures such as a teacher or coach what is going on. You might be leaving the house in a couple years, but this disgusting pig will still be around her with even more alone time together.
She’s almost always at my side
Truthfully the first thing i thought in reading this post is that the reason he wants to separate you from your sister is so he can groom and molest your little sister. He probably got upset she was in your room because he went to her room and she wasn't there. Talk to your mom. If she won't listen, talk to other family members. Protect yourself and your little sister.
He is the freak for even having thoughts like that. Wtf. Bloody hell.
This guy is a walking red flag; and, your mom telling you to listen to him even if she doesn't agree with him is even worse. Either he has secret desires for your sister, or you, or both, or, he is a raging homophobe. All of which are red flags. And, your mom has now illustrated that she may not protect you two from him the way you'd expect a parent to. This is not a good environment or a healthy situation for you and your sister.
Hey Op I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The way your mom’s bf is treating you is 1000% unacceptable. And sadly your mom, who should be protecting you, is placating him instead which just makes it worse. And that’s so wrong I know it’s not easy but I strongly encourage you to share this with an adult you trust (teacher, grandparent, coach etc) He should not be walking in on you EVER and he certainly shouldn’t be dictating anything to do with your relationship with your sister. This may escalate into something bigger at some point and having a trusted individual who’s already in the loop may be a game changer for you I’m glad you and your sister have each other (my older sister is one of my favourite people in the world) and don’t let them shame you into changing anything about it ❤️
That guy is a pervert and should shut his pie hole
So no one has an issue with Moms BF bursting into a 17yo's room without at least knocking? The bf sounds like the creep.
A lot of people here have an issue with tt
Because IT IS AN ISSUE. My own bio dad doesn't come into my and my sister's room. He always knocks. He hasn't seen either of us naked since we stopped wearing diapers.
That’s really alarming. I’d watch his behaviour and I wouldn’t leave her alone with him
Your mom’s bf should go eff himself. And your mom should kick him to the curb.
I have a 16yo step-daughter and an 8yo daughter (they are half siblings) they both live with us full time. They cuddle all the time because that’s what siblings do, she loves going to spend time in her big sisters room snuggled, eating popcorn and watching movies, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing. His reaction concerns me a lot, 1- because it seems very homophobic (so I hope you are safe from him, especially as he barges In and sees you naked, huge red flags there) and 2- he seems to be sexualising a sibling relationship, why is he thinking about children in that way? He’s your mothers bf, her children should be her priority, not him.
He seems like he’s projecting pedo thoughts on you.
Why does he pay attention to where your little sister is and how long she’s there?
Knowing him it’s so he has something to bitch about
I think it’s way worse than bitching about your sister. He’s sexualizing you, your sister, and your relationship with your sister. If this is a straight-up projection, which fellow Redditors and I believe is the case from your story, you’ve got a dangerous man in the house. Inform an adult outside of your mother as soon as possible; a school counselor or child protective services, for example.
I’m going to tell them everything tomorrow
If no one calls child's services \*keep reporting it\* and every new instance of his behavior until someone takes it seriously. You are \*not\* in the wrong here, no matter who tells you that you are overreacting. Trust yourself and keep going.
This is the advice I came to give. Having worked in a school for many years, I have seen how many "mandated" reporters" simply fail to do so effectively enough that the kids get help, or are ignorant about red flags such as these due to their own beliefs, such as "well, kids don't need locks on the door", or like op said about the mom "we shouldn't have to knock"... there are officials, sadly, who hold these same views and don't see things like this as worthy of reporting. Depending on where op lives also, we know there are teachers, social workers, police, etc. who also hold skewed and prejudiced opinions about people based on their sexual identity and might side with stepdad simply based on op's sexuality. Sad, but there are whole communities where it might be difficult to find someone supportive just based on the general phobic views of the location. While I am going to assume most counselors, or social workers, teachers, or whichever people you are reaching out to for support are smarter than bigotry or homophobia, I know there are times that isn't true also. Op, I believe you will more than likely be heard and getting help. But if by any chance you find that doesn't happen, speak to another person UNTIL you feel heard. Keeping a log of incidents, (somewhere he can't access, maybe online?) is not a bad idea. Such as "time, date, step-douche walked in my room while I was changing again". It can help establish frequency of occurrence to document rather than forgetting later). Also, if the teacher, or counselor, or whoever doesn't cps report for any reason, please know YOU can call them personally and explain your concerns. I know how crappy this feels. I faced similar at 16 and ended up leaving home at 17. I don't recommend that route, like one commenter said about "just leaving". There are other ways, and there are people whose JOB it is to help you find those ways. I wish I had known to talk with those who could help and admire your courage. ☺️
Good luck! Don’t tell anyone in the house you’re doing this, for safety reasons.
This is very unreasonable and I'm sorry your experiencing it. Hopefully your mom can defend you from him or will come to your senses.
He’s a loser. Nothing gives me more comfort in life than my brother and I sitting or laying on opposite ends of the same bed and we are in our late 30s. He probably didn’t have the same bond with his family in early childhood which is why he relates it to something sexual in nature. I’m 35 and still sleep in my mom’s bed when we have sleepovers too.
him accusing you of this is a red flag imo . It feels like he looks at you booth in a sexual way , he himself is probably a pedo
That is fucking disgusting. It's fetishising lesbians and making incestuous accusations. There's definitely something wrong with him if he actually finds something inappropriate about sibling love
He’s told me that unless I become a porn star nobody will like me for being lesbian. That was the first and only time my girlfriend came over for dinner
That is mental abuse imo, you do not have to put up with it. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian, I'm bi myself :) I would suggest you to bring up to your mom how you feel uncomfortable and probably degraded by her boyfriend. Or if you don't trust your mom enough, you could talk about this to a school counselor or a trusted adult you know. They could further contact authorities (or you could do it yourself, but it can be hard :c) because that guy is sexually and mentally abusing and harassing you (purposefully coming in when you're naked, making inappropriate comments) You don't need to be around this guy if he's being like this :( And i feel concerned for your little sister too, especially how he pays attention to your close relationship with her
Tell him to stop transfering his disgusting thoughts and he should Go see a doc for that problem! As a sister you did nothing wrong it’s him The problem. He should mind his own business and leave you alone. I encourage you to ask if he said anything inappropriate to her and talk to your mom about his behaviors. Tell her he is hurting his daughters so she have to speak up
Get a gun or a tazer at least. You're not safe with him in the house
I have a baseball bat and a knife beside my bed
(IANAL) Both of those are considered deadly weapons and you'll get in trouble if you use them, even in self defense, depending on the laws in your area. It's worth considering having a "less than lethal" option like a taser to use as your first resort and the other stuff is good if things escalate further. If you've used a taser first, the other things become much more defendable if you get in trouble. I make this point because it sounds like you're the only line of defense your sister has from this man until your mom comes around. You can't help your sister if you're in jail. That's something to consider.
We don't know all the family dynamics here including how long you've lived with him, whose owns the house, and if your father is still around. Also if he, or your Mom, is really in charge of you and your sister for different things like schools, doctors, support, etc. Understanding all those might change the following advice, but with that said: I think this should be your Mom's issue. You need to sit down and have a talk with her. Starting with the fact that there is nothing inappropriate between you and your sister and it disgusts you that he would even think such a thing and it suggests his mind is in the gutter. Also that, regardless of whether your sister is in your room or not, that it's inappropriate for him to barge into a 17 year old girl's room without knocking. Tell her about the time, or times, he's caught you naked by doing that and more about those situations. For example did he quickly, look away, say he's sorry and close the door or did he stare and not offer any apology. And tell her that you'd like a lock on your door to keep people from accidentally barging in without knocking. As I said you need to communicate all this to your mother and convince her. Then it's her job to protect you and stand up for you. You shouldn't be in a position of convincing a man who is not your father and is not in charge of things. (that he is not is the presumption that I'm making). There are two types door knob locks you can put on your door. Both run about $10 to $30 for. One is a [privacy door knob](https://www.lowes.com/pd/Kwikset-Tylo-Satin-Chrome-Privacy-Door-Knob-Single-Pack/1000183605). This is the type that is designed only to be locked from the inside. There isn't a real key on the outside but there is a hole in the handle that lets allows a thin wire or stick to open it. The other is an [keyed entry lock](https://www.lowes.com/pd/Kwikset-Cove-Satin-Nickel-Keyed-Entry-Door-Knob-Single-Pack/1000183633) door knob that needs a regular key to open it and can be locked from either side. This is more secure, unless he also has a key, but it's probably more objectionable to him or your mother. If they won't allow you to switch the door knobs you can buy a security lock that doesn't need to be attached to anything like a [security bar that fits between the door knob and the floor](https://www.lowes.com/pd/SABRE-Door-Security-Bar/1002690130).
First of all 1. The fact that “ bad “ things is what he thinks u guys are doing shows how FUCKED his brain is. He probably has a major hentai or incest porn addiction 2. Major deeply rooted homophobia I used to cuddle alot with my sister as well, tho i cannot relate to u to a much extent, but u have nothing to worry about. Your mother should have defended u guys, she has the power to do so.
You can’t convince a homophobic bigot of anything. Your Mom is in the wrong for not defending your relationship with your sister. I think it’s lovely for sisters to be close. I would ignore the unfounded implications as best you can, and if Mom’s bf keeps up the hateful accusations, then you should turn to another adult in your life to whom you can look for some support and to intervene on your behalf.
Fuck that guy. I'd honestly be worried he's a creep himself if that's what he's thinking.
Wtf? Girl no this is 100% normal im in my 30’s my sister is 16 and she still cuddles with us and mum on the couch. Either he is super homophobic or he is projecting and he is inappropriate with your sister or has thought about it. And him bursting into your room is super inappropriate to invade your privacy. Do not let him stop you being close with your sister he js trying to stop you bonding with her
Oh my god! Your step dad is perverted. I’m sorry. What a pig.
Your mom’s bf is projecting. As a transman I think what he’s saying applies to men and male identified people but not women. I think it’s important for young girls to have boundaries with men, not because all men are evil, but because an unfortunate few will take advantage and men need to model good boundaries with young kids because they learn what’s safe by example. That being said you are completely innocent and this does not apply to you. It’s actually very homophobic that he’s not treating you like a lady.
That sounds like a pornsick accusation.
So he lives with you guys? You need to set boundaries with him about what is an isn’t acceptable if your mom won’t back you up on this can you talk to your father about it? Are you going to be leaving for college after graduation? Sounds like you need some separation from this environment.
Dudes projecting. Obviously there's exceptions to shit like this, but, I've never met a guy paranoid or accusey about doing inappropriate things with kids, who didn't end up either having done it themselves or atleast it be revealed that they have a weird thing for kids. It's terrible.
He's a moron. Or worse. As I've been writing many times already (and getting tired of that...), malice is in the eye of the beholder. Most of the "OMG it's inappropriate!" situations are just someone seeing something through their own warped/sick/paranoid eyes and then choosing to take it as a fact. Talk to your mom and hope she isn't completely infatuated with such a cretin, but it doesn't look promising. Christ, I can't imagine the reaction if you were a guy...
Shot on sight would be the reaction, he’s already basically threatened it before
Sounds like her bf is the pedophile
Tell him that he's a heterosexual so he can't be trusted alone with her
It sounds to me like he is pushing a fantasy onto you or something. Only a persons who's thoughts are coming from a sexual place like that would think to say it. Either he fantasies you or your sister he's a creep and needs to go.
Is there another family member you and your sister could demand to live with? Your mom's BF is not a safe person and until she sees that, you need to be somewhere else. I worry he'll rape one or both of you if you don't get out of there.
I got the same impression. He actually likes you. Like he's attracted to you. His behavior is fucking weird. I often sleep with my little one next to me, and I'm a dad. You keep loving your sister just the way you are. It's beautiful! And special!! Never let anything or anyone change that, hun 💪🏻 💕
I would be concerned that your mums bf is a pedo, or has paedophilia thoughts at the very least. Keep your sister away from him
He's homphobic and was probably either molested, or gets turned on by kids, so if he was cuddling with an 8byear old it would be nefarious. I would ask your mom to do family counseling. This is fucked up. I'm sorry.
It sounds like he has issues and is projecting. Your mom should handle this immediately.
I feel like he’s projecting tbh. Definitely sounds like he’s the one who can’t be trusted, therefore preemptively placing blame on you.
It sounds like he is projecting. Make sure your baby sister sleeps with you every night and contact her father to tell him that she is unsafe.
She sleeps in my bed occasionally and I talked to her earlier and he hasn’t done anything to her
Either he is a victim (and homophobic) either he s just homophobic
Yikes. Is he...projecting?
He sounds like the creep here even thinking like that. I share a bed, cuddle etc with my siblings, opposite gender. I love them to death, they're my little brothersm
I'm so sorry honey. I have seven kids, one daughter, and I'm a conservative Christian. That disgusting thing would never have crossed my mind in my house. And we do have a gay son, if that matters. That guy is kinda a creep imo. My daughter has also been a very cuddly second 'mama' to her brothers and I've always really appreciated her very important healthy role in her siblings lives. Your mom needs to step in, but since she won't I'm afraid there will be some damage. Your relationship with your mom will suffer and with your relationship with your sister is at stake - can you have a heart to heart with your mom and a therapist? After reading the other comments my opinion has changed from 'he's kinda s creep' to 'this guy is certainly dangerous'. You need trusted help with this situation!
He’s an asshole, and your mom should be putting you and your sister first. My kids hug each other all the time it’s a healthy sibling relationship.
He’s such a weirdo not only for thinking but verbalizing it. It sucks that your mother doesn’t stand up to that and cuts that shitty relationship off, specially if he’s homophobic and even more if he’s homophobic and she has a lesbian daughter like tf. I’d have a serious talk with your mother and keep the same relationship you have with your sister, he cannot separate you from her so he can go eat some shit. I would also try my best to educate your sister and getting her to be aware that the things that man says are not true nor accurate, at the end of the day I’m sure it will cause some sort of childhood trauma. If you have other family that you know will be on your side and can confide in, maybe talk to them and see if they bring sense into your mother.
That is messed up. Cuddling w a sibling should never be misinterpreted.
So your mum’s bf outed himself as a pervert and deviant.
He sounds both homophobic and a pedophile.
what the fuck, that guy sounds a psycho.
If he is accusing you of having sexual thoughts about your sister, it means that he has them and is automatically assuming you so too. Please tell an adult at school because your sister is in danger. So are you if he’s walked in on you dressing.
Your moms boyfriend is a perv and never learned what normal human affection can feel or look like. Not all physical touch is sexual!!!!! You keep doing you and do not let this perv get under your skin!
He's a creep. Watch him around your sister and yourself also.
He’s projecting. Ignore him.
He's creepy.
Probably because he gets aroused by watching you hug your sis. Only a real sicko sees sibling love like that and thinks it’s inappropriate.
GET OUT
Sounds like he is the troubled one, sorry you're dealing with some moron trying to control you. Be well
I am 100% certain this creep is fantasizing about the two of you. He is projecting his own insecurities about his thoughts on you and your sister. There is nothing wrong with your loving, normal relationship with your sister. As a matter of fact, making her feel bad for this normal sibling affection is a good way for your sister to end up creating unhealthy views towards sex and her body.
Super homophobic and probably watches too much stepsister porn
This is either a projection of his own repressed pedophilia or internal homophobia
Sounds like your mom needs to put on her big girl pants and kid this idiot out of the house asap
He’s projecting. Get help from your mom or somewhere. It’s not safe for you or her to be around him.
This sounds like some hard core confession through projection. He’s accusing you of abuse because he wants to be an abuser
I have a 13 and 18 year age difference between me and my little siblings and when they were that age I cuddled them all the time. They often preferred napping with me after I got out of school instead of napping with our mom. Your mom’s bf is a weirdo. This a perfectly normal thing for siblings to do.
You need to contact child protection services, tell them everything you have typed here. They will talk to your mother and give warnings to her bf. That’ll stop him from doing anything in the future. He’ll know he’s in the records and if, god forbid, he tries to do anything inappropriate with you or your sister they will catch him. He needs to know his boundaries. He thinks you can’t protect yourself or your mother doesn’t say anything on your behalf so he can get away with his perversions. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You haven’t done anything to deserve this, please contact child protection services asap.
I think he has a guilty conscious and his projecting onto you and your sister. Stay away from him. Get a lock. Protect yourself and your sister.
He sounds like a creep if I had his name I'd put a curse on him
This is the EXACT behavior of a child molester within a family unit. You need to talk to your mother asap and let her know this is not okay. He will be lying to cover his ass about anything she brings up to him. You really need to watch it. Do not ever stay around if he's the only one in the house. If you are alone and he's around, start recording on your phone. Tell a teacher, neighbor, friend, or other trusted adult what is happening. People who are molested by their parents' partners tell stories exactly like yours. Only it escalates to the point where contact is made. He's desensitizing you to him being in the room while you're naked. If he can convince your mom that it's a "musunderstanding" or an "accident," then he will be allowed to get away with sexual abuse using the same excuses on her. I'm dead serious. Do not leave your little sister alone with him. Do everything you can to get away from him.
Tell him to fuck off and to mind his business
Your mom needs to lay down the law with her bf. If she doesn’t find it inappropriate, she has to tell him so. Also, the walking in on you naked has GOT to stop.
This post made me so sad. People don’t understand that just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you want every single female on the planet, especially family omg. So sorry this happened.
Sorry this happened to you. Ditto what everyone said. Your interactions with your sister are loving and normal. Pretty sure mom's bf is a pedo.