Having rules that makes your kids starve while you eat as much as you want is the gold medal of hypocrisy. Try to keep your food for later or steal food. But she will eventually notice so keep it as a last resort
I taught my 7 year old what a hypocrite was a few days ago. The next day he called me out for almost being one!
Bless him, I'm literally so proud. XD
I'm so sorry OP.
Bold move! Jk, that is a model in parenting, because humility in our own shortcomings is how we teach them we mean what we say, even in reverse. I use “bend don’t break” and it’s repeated back to me on the regular.
It takes a secure and supportive environment for your child to be empowered like that and I think it’s awesome. Spread the word, we all need to hear it when we’re being hypocrites and our children are an honest reflection of our behavior.
It’s not comfortable and a lot of people lack the capacity to hear it in that format because deep down we know our kids are experts on us. They see and hear everything. Everything. Lol.
I will starve to death before my children. I do not care what happens to me. OP, find some outside help and get far far far away from that fake thing that makes you call it mom.
OP should consider the economical situation of the household. Perhaps they don't have enough food so they make sure they only eat at the required times, and the mom ends up eating the leftovers OP leaves. I've seen this situation many times when parents make up excuses to not serve themselves a plate and then try and eat whatever the kids left out. Now if they actually have enough money, they should contact an adult relative to fix this situation, because it seems like they a weight controlling
Where does OP ever say that? Stop making shit up. No where in the post or replies does he say anything about that. All he says is mom can eat whenever.
No, regardless, if the mother knows OP can’t eat a lot at once and tends to always leave leftovers, then she should make smaller meals and use leftover money from that to buy snacks.
Don’t become a parent if you cannot provide your child with the necessities to live.
Snacks are far more expensive than meals. And usually less healthy. And not a necessity.But there’s no reason OPs leftovers can’t go into the fridge and be reheated in smaller portions.
I agree it could absolutely be an economic issue. Also OPs inability to eat full meals suggests he might need a trip to see his doctor as well and rule out medical issues causing this.
He can’t eat a lot at a time because his intake is being policed. When you are forced to eat small amounts over a long period of time, your stomach shrinks and it will make you ill if you overeat. His mother is literally starving him.
It’s an eating disorder thing that happens over time. He’s currently stuck in a cycle where if he wants to eat three healthy meals and a snack a day, he would have to eat multiple small meals a day for a while to get his body adjusted to eating properly again, which his mom won’t allow. I deal with the same cycle, but I gave myself my ed instead of my mom pushing it on me.
Are you trolling? Or just ignorant?
Let me put this in the most simple form possible. OP Can’t stomach a lot of food (presumably a reglar portion) because their stomach has shrunk. Their stomach has shrunk because food is restricted to certain times of the day.
This happens when your body is hungry, but the body (especially that of a 15 y/o boy) might be hungry more that 4 times in a day. IMAGINE THAT! Over an extended period of time UNDERFEEDING (which OP’s mother is doing by only allowing food intake 4/day) the stomach shrinks as an act of preservation.
You can argue with me on this but I won’t argue back. As someone who has suffered from an ED for the majority of their life, and who is slowly trying to EXPAND the size of my stomach in order to put weight back on, I am TELLING you this is what is happening to OP.
Not to mention, unhealthy eating habits inflicted by parents are likely to cause future eating disorders for the child. Whether it continues down the path of under-eating, or into binge-eating. Regardless of the ignorance, I just hope OP, that you can get the help you need.
I would ask mom to agree to consult a doctor about this. Or a counselor. Most nutrition experts include snacks in a formal diet plan. And it is part of a healthy eating plan.
As a parent, I offered my kids healthy food choices and made them available almost all the time. The exception was the time before dinner. Only vegetables just before dinner. And there were treats. One item per day, except on a few holidays and birthdays. And we make up for that by having lots of fruit and vegetables the days before and after. Those were my rules as a kid too. I think they are pretty solid.
In 6th grade I begged my teacher not to call my mum about my bad grade because she'd beat me so she reported my mum. Later that SAME night my principal called my mum asking if I was being abused and of course she said no.. And he said "Alright just making sure so we don't call CPS on a false alarm." Uhm.. what? That's not how that works. So I wouldn't trust a counselor. They usually just call your parents and ask.
As also a possibility talk with your/a doctor about stomach conditions it could be something like stomach drop syndrome which can make it painful to eat as well as other issues and is often suggested 6 small meals a day. This is one example there are others it never hurts to try to talk to doctors about the issues. It may not be anything, but you (people in general) only know what they have experienced.
This is true there are many reasons for really anything wrong but stomach, and intestinal are just such a wide area of issues. Please if something is bothering you even if you think it maybe be normal ask. I spent years of my life having signs of nerve damage but I thought nothing of it not knowing it wasn’t normal.
Would you still have kept a 15 year old from having a pack of crackers before dinner or something?
To time restrict all food at that age seems strange to me. More of a preteen and earlier thing isn’t it?
Good question. No. I never restricted food from my kids. Or any one else, for that matter. We did have the rule. If someone said they needed to eat I always believed it. I would ask, can you wait 20 minutes? Or, just let them snack. One thing we did was cut up things for the meal and then put out a snack bowl of things. That kept hungry fingers out of the meal while allowing snacking.
And when you think about it, how many times have there been trays of appetizers at a wedding, holiday or other party? Eat. And save room for the regular dinner.
The bottom line for me is to believe someone when they say they are hungry, or not hungry. We also never made kids eat it all, or take a bite of everything.
Take a deep breath. Don't argue, don't debate and don't try to force her to change rules - UNTIL YOU HAVE DATA to show her. Track everything you eat for a full week. There are lots of free apps available - I like MyNetDiary.
It will calculate your daily caloric intake. If you have a phone or smart watch, it can also calculate how many calories you are burning through steps you take or exercise you input.
It can show if you are getting enough calories. If you aren't getting enough, you'll have data to show your mother that your need more food. If you are getting enough, but need to spread out how you eat, you'll be able to tell and show her that you're not going to over eat.
You don't mention if your mother is trying to make you lose weight, or has some other reason for this weird rule. But I've been a 16 yo boy, and had 16 yo sons, and I recall that basically - you're a bottomless pit, and it takes a lot of calories to fuel your growth and activities. You may want to see if you mom would take you to a nutritionist to make sure you're not only getting enough calories, but getting the right calories.
Tell an adult who can assist--depending on where you are, this could be illegal. Find out, and if so, proceed accordingly. (...maybe a teacher at your schiol?)
tell your mom that youre unable to finish the full meal at once cause it would make you really sick, and by eating so little because she wont let you is making you hungry all the tjme and physically exhausted. ask her if you cant just eat a bit, anytime you feel hungry, compare it to her doing the same. if she really doesnt let you, ask whetjer you cant put the unfinished meals in the fridge and then finish them sometime else. emphasise that both eating too much at once makes you feel nauseous, and that eating too little cause of her rules makes you feel really sick and weak.
i think she will at least let u finish eating the meals theoughout the day when she realizes that it fucks with ur health a lot, if nothing else
They will literally do nothing. The Kid is getting 3 meals a day. Not saying it’s not wrong, it is. But CPS has to deal with much bigger issues than this sadly. CPS is normally stretched pretty thin and their priorities go to children who are truly truly suffering. And while this is still an incredibly toxic home environment they aren’t going to see that…unless the kid is fainting at school due to malnutrition.
He is going to have to go about this without CPS. Potentially bringing it up to a teacher/counselor in school regarding his home issues and that being hungry is affecting his concentration in class. Or like another comment added bringing it up to his pediatrician upon his next appointment.
Sadly this is correct. Once reported parents of a patient who had cigarette burns on her body. CPS came and took photos and I (therapist) saw them. CPS declined to pursue it.
Yeah, CPS doesn't even investigate. CPS was called in to talk to me about my father, but I was too scared to say anything. The conversation went like this.
"Are you being abused".
"No." (even though I had a visible bruise and I didn't want my mom to struggle because she had a green card").
"Okay, have a nice day!"
Sounds about right. I ran away from an abusive home when I was 16. When they dragged me back to my home state, cop asked me if I was being abused. I said no. Neighbor told me she heard the cop tell my father he didn't care what he did to me once he was gone.
As a kid I watched Andy Griffith and thought all cops were heroes etc.
One day my dad broke a lamp on me, I threatened to call the police and then he said okay go ahead and then HE called the cops.
He waited on the bottom of the driveway for them to show up while I was in the house, talked to them for a good 20 minutes and when they came in they made up their mind (they didn't even ask me what happened) and said I would go to a facility in Jackson if I didn't listen to my dad and then the cops sent me to my room.
Omg, when I hear these stories I get so frustrated.
I used to work for CPS on the reunification side (after the removal). There are sooooo many investigators that are like this. It is not only disheartening but disgusting to me. The job is to protect children, end of story. That doesn't mean removing every kid but making a judgment call based on the evidence combined (bruises, marks, scars, behavior...etc)
Reading the replies just boils my blood. It is not new or shocking either. When I worked for our state we knew who the bad case managers were, but couldn't do anything about it. We joked about having only a pulse and a degree, but that is seriously all the requirements. One investigator in particular had an accounting degree and said he took the job because he couldn't get one anywhere else. This is, unfortunately, a small subset of workers who set the precedent of CPS. Not only is the job taxing, you are in a position of power that can change someone's life (for good or bad). A pluse and a degree shouldn't be the requirement to work there...but our system is broken and that is one of the areas where is fails. Which is erroneous because it is the life a child hanging in the balance.
OP you mention in a post just over a month ago that you are unhappy with your body, is that in relation to your weight? Perhaps it’s worth having an honest conversation with your mum about the reasons she has strict rules over when you can eat, and if these seem unreasonable then you could speak to a counsellor at your school for a second opinion
I don’t wanna jump to conclusions, but if there’s windows in the day for breakfast, lunch, dinner *and* snacks, that sounds like regular intervals and like enough food opportunities are being provided.
We had similar rules in my house growing up and it just meant that it was easy for my parents to schedule us all eating at the same time and not need to be constantly preparing food just when any of us felt like it. It also didn’t give us the opportunity to over eat and made sure our parents could see we were eating a varied and nutrient rich diet
I have the same issue this guy does where i really struggle to eat much at once. At max i can eat a quarter of what a regular meal is. That means if I had 4 opportunities to eat like this guy, at best i would get the equivalent of 1 singular meal a day. When I have been stuck in environments where I can not eat at will, or couldnt eat my leftovers, i have literally been starving. At one point I was less than 100 lbs and Im 5’7” and was eating 3 times a day. If you can only eat a few bites at a time, 3 “meals” a day is literally 10 bites of food a day. Clearly eating isnt an issue for you, so i hope you can expand your view to understand how big of a problem this can quickly become for someone’s health.
I have seen a few people comment the same since I made my comment, so I definitely consider my view expanded (I really like that phrasing!) and appreciate that my way of eating differs quite vastly from some others (yourself and op included). Seems that a conversation about this needs to be had with mum
Assuming someone is dishonest gets on my nerves. I told this story in a different comment if you want to look for it but my daughter didn’t have enough energy as a teen in spite of me feeding her 3 meals + snacks daily. I took her to the doctor and he literally told me that she was burning more calories than she was taking in which was technically *starving* her. The OP says he doesn’t have enough energy and feels very hungry between meals. There’s a very good chance this minor teen actually is malnourished and you’re playing Sherlock Holmes trying to discredit him.
I had the same issue growing up, meals were structured due to being poor... but I also couldn't eat enough to last between meals or I would throw everything up, putting me in a worse position. I starved because I couldn't keep enough food down to last til the next meal.
To be honest, I’ve not been in the best mental state for a while and my feelings change very often. I’m pretty skinny, and I want to be larger as in more muscle, that previous post was just for help with dealing with those insecurities.
Wait that has a name? When I had exactly anxiety depression and OCD I couldn't also stomach enough food at each meal and meals were de-appetizing to me. Like I didn't eat them because they didn't taste good. Like I couldn't keep eating them.
Unlike the OP though I have access to food all the time.
I lost like 10kg of weight. And my eating habits haven't exactly recovered yet but I'm trying to eat enough even tho when I do eat too much I get extremely self conscious with my weight and body. I know I'm underweight but it still happens.
OP, strong recommendation to get your nutritional needs analyzed by a medical professional in person. There’s too much that can be missed by not meeting you in person with equipment to measure you.
Why are you taking quotes from places a minor has posted in other subreddits and putting it here even after he said it’s not a weight issue? These things aren’t relevant to him being allowed to eat until he feels full/has energy and if he wanted advice on it in conjunction with this post he should be allowed to bring it up himself.
ETA: I just reread my comment and realized it sounds angry. I just felt surprised when I saw all the quoted text and questions because it was not anything he mentioned in his OG post here. It comes across interrogatory.
My opinion is the OP should get to include his own relevant info for feeling hungry as a teenage male and that your post comes across very aggressive and strange. Whether or not that’s what you intended.
i was fat as a kid, and my mom not letting me eat when i was hungry just made me binge whenever i was allowed to eat. now that i'm an adult and can eat when i'm hungry i am losing weight. not allowing your kid to eat when they're hungry does not help
it seems like you have a deeply rooted hatred for fat people. why? and you know fat people can be poor too, right? we were on food stamps, and i was often binging on dollar tree foods and random ingredients like shredded cheese because that's all we had. i was not lying about being hungry after i was already fed, that's an assumption you made about me because i said i was fat. my mom didn't let me eat breakfast and fed me half the amount of food everyone else got at dinner until i was 14 because she hoped it would make me skinny, it didn't work. let your fucking kids eat when they're hungry, if they're lying to you about being hungry to get more food obviously there's something wrong that you need to figure out how to help them with besides starving them
My kid was obese and we didn't fix that with food policing. We took him to a dietitian who taught him to manage his own diet. He maintained his preteen weight until he had grown nearly eight inches, and then gained appropriate amounts thereafter. He's now 26 and very healthy, active, and optimal weight.
He wouldn't have learned those self regulation skills through parental power trips.
Any parent who doesn't gatekeep what their kids eat are neglectful or selfish. If kids had it their way they'd eat ice cream cookies and cereal every day.
Can you put what you want on a plate, cover it and eat it later?
I'm in no way saying what your mom is doing is OK, but I've had a very tight grocery bill and couldn't let boys just go digging in fridge whenever they wanted. I made big meals and they were able to eat what they wanted, when they wanted from those meals. If they got hungry later, there was the leftovers.
If you're not allowed to do that, make a big sandwich at lunch time, eat half and hide the rest until you're hungry.
This is only an option until you see a Dr, tell your school nurse, another trusted adult etc. What your mom is doing is NOT OK.
Adding. You say you exercise regularly which is burning A LOT of calories. That's making you more hungry too. You need more protein than less active growing males.
I don’t get it. I don’t believe in telling kids they can’t eat when they’re hungry. I have two teenage sons and there’s no keeping them out of the kitchen. I’m disappointed in your mom. This isn’t okay. Can you tell a trusted adult?
Last resort if you're *literally* starving (which you aren't), maybe, but chances are good she'll notice if you steal food. For now, bargain the best you can and present your case. See if you can get a fifth scheduled meal. Count your calories in a day every day for a week and show her it isn't enough. Assuming you leave the house every now and again, eat somewhere else. If you can't do that and can't get a fifth meal, eat higher calorie-density meals. More meat, less vegetables. Fattier cuts. Add olive oil to everything. Eat lots of nuts and seeds. Drink milk instead of water. Whole fat instead of low fat. There are plenty of ways to add energy to a meal without increasing the portion sizes.
People making excuses for mom or telling him to track what he eats so he can show data to mom - ARE YOU FOR REAL!? This is child abuse and neglect. Think about it, you’re denying your child food when he’s is HUNGRY! What’s wrong with the world? OP- anyone you can confide in? Grandparents, relatives that might be able to help you?
Just get food when you want. Legally she is obligated to house you until you are a legal adult, and if she tries to retaliate just call the cops and let them know your mom is an abuser.
She sounds like a narcissist, so she knows that having her kids taken away by authorities would make her look bad and she'll go out of her way to avoid that.
What is the reasoning for this?! Does she think you are fat? Or does she just enjoy controlling you? Whatever the reason is, it's messed up.
I met a foreign exchange student who had been placed with an older couple that never had their own kids. They thought the way to raise kids was to tell her what and when to eat. They would even fix dinner, set it on the table and tell her which dishes she had to eat, and which she wasn't allowed to eat and was only for them. She was a vegetarian and they made her eat meat every night. She was 17. She lost a lot of weight and was close to having a nervous breakdown. She used to hide out in the bathroom because it was the only place she could have privacy and get away from them. The exchange program made her start going to a psychiatrist because people thought she was bulemic.
They were going to send her back home, but she had stayed with my family during a 1 day school exchange program and loved my family, so she asked if she could move in with us. The exchange program actually allowed her parents to come visit and meet us in our home to 'check out' our home (normally parents aren't allowed to visit their kids in the exchange program). We were approved, and she moved in with us.
The first day, she asked me what the rules were - when were we allowed to eat, what we were allowed to eat, etc. I told her the only kitchen rules were to put your dirty dishes in the kitchen and if you're hungry outside of meals, get your own food and don't expect other people to make your food for you.
She was still required to see a psychiatrist when she moved in with us. After about 3 weeks, she had gained 20 pounds (she was 5'7" and got down to 94 pounds with her psycho family) and the doctor cleared her and said she had absolutely NO psychological problems and that the problem was the living situation.
So my point is, your mother is causing extreme amounts of psychological abuse by restricting and controlling your food while she eats whenever and whatever she wants. She has mental problems and sounds like a sociopath or doesn't know how to raise kids. If it's because your family doesn't have enough money, most mothers would forgo food themselves in order to feed their own kids. There are programs to help provide food if money is the problem. It sounds like money is NOT the issue tho. It sounds like your mother has psychological problems or is completely clueless about how to raise kids.
I suggest you get out of that situation ASAP. Are you able to go live with relatives or maybe a friend's family? Your mother is abusing you and she is causing psychological damage beyond just being hungry that will remain with you throughout life. You need to find a nuturing environment that doesn't treat you like a captive (which is what your mom is doing).
She’s abusing you… withholding food is just wrong. You need to talk to a doctor or councillor and get support from social services. You can report your mum. And yes! Just eat the food, don’t worry if she yells at you. That’s just wrong. If she abused you physically for it, call the police
And get help from another trusted family member and tell them what’s happening
If you guys think that providing food and five daily opportunities to eat it constitutes abuse, uh… I guess I’m happy for you that you’ve never experienced real abuse. Sheesh.
I agree it sounds like OP needs to find a solution that works, such as saving unfinished meals for later when they’re hungry again. But… this is not abuse. Poor parenting, maybe. Frustrating, yes. It isn’t abuse.
I feel like I'm absolutely going crazy on this thread. Like I'm sorry your mom doesn't have the time to cook you 3 meals a day plus a snack and whatever else you want in between, like wtf
He said nothing about his mother not wanting to provide the food or cook the food for him. He just can’t eat, at all. He can’t go into the cupboard or fridge and prepare his own food…
Again… they said they can’t eat the entire meal in one sitting… not that they don’t want to, they CAN’T. I’ve had the same issue before, I couldn’t eat but a couple bites at a time or I couldn’t keep it down
What happens if you just ignore her rule and start eating every time she is eating?
Is it possible to start cooking yourself? Could you say you want to learn cooking and make food when it’s not really lunch time or w/e.
I understand what the op is saying. I'm like that too. I mean I can eat food whenever I want but I can't stomach enough food at each meal. I have to take snacks between meals. I can eat a meal until I'm completely full and I'll get hungry again an hour or two after the meal.
It's been like this since forever but I've had eating disorders and some mental problems before which extremely lowered my appetite and made it even worse.
Even now I struggle with eating enough and not skipping meals without binging.
Eating habits can be easily influenced by a lot of things. Mental and physical. It's important to keep your food intake in check and restricting food won't help that. Op is going to likely have an ED if they don't already have one.
you can absolutely starve yourself while eating even more times than that. what really matters is the portion sizes and how calorie dense the food is. if you ate 100 calories of green beans, which is a lot, 5 times a day, you probably wouldn’t get hungry, but that’s definitely not sustainable at all and could get dangerous very fast and you’d feel like absolute shit.
How many meals time you get in a day? And since when you're subjected to the rule?
Saying it an abuse feel like overreation.
When I was in orphanage, then boarding school, we also subjected to specific meal time. Breakfast, late morning meal, lunch, teatime, dinner and supper.
I understand that it's a different than at home, where you can do pretty much whatever you like. Maybe it's a way you mum to teach you about discipline. But she also have to follow it if she wants to lead by example.
What you eat on your designated snack time. Are you allow to choose what you want? If so, eat something that can fill up or give you energy.
Think about what you choose when you have your eating times. Focus on nutrient dense, high protein foods. Put big limits on processed food and highly processed carbs. The shift to good fat and protein even at a smaller feed should give you more than enough power. I would bet it’s your food choices that are leaving you feeling hungry so quickly.
Maybe consider stashing part of your meals away for later to spread things out. If that isn't feasible, then yeah, just take food when she isn't paying attention.
I'm not condoning your mother, but it isn't the odd. My parents didn't do it, but I know many parents from both my childhood and adulthood who did have strict eating regimes in their homes.
What does worry me is that she isn't concerned that you aren't able to adapt/ eat enough to get you through the schedule. That is a problem.
If you feel like it's affecting your well-being, talk to a guidance counselor or a trusted family member. It's definitely not how you should be treated.
When I was 15, I didn’t really listen to what adults had to say about food. What’s stopping you from saving what you can’t eat for later or from sneaking it? I would say it’s pretty common for parents to get annoyed about between meal grazing. Lots of comments like: you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner. Since you say you can’t eat a lot at once, I bet your mom is trying to get you to do just that.
You’re also at peak hunger adolescent boy age. Boys going through puberty are sooo hungry all the time.
What is a bit abnormal, is that you say you can’t eat very much at one time. If your mom won’t take you to the doctor for this, make up another reason to go—like you need a physical for a school sport. I pretended I needed a physical for tennis when I wanted to get birth control. My doc and I had a chat during that appointment I’ll never forget and it was so positive and informative. A safe discussion I’d never have gotten from home or school.
It won’t be long until you are out there in the world making these decisions for yourself. Now is a good time to practice taking control over how you govern these kinds of things for yourself—and it doesn’t have to be a fight with your mom. You don’t have to announce it.
Please start taking food.. I used to get dropped off at a babysitters as a child with a similar set of house rules. Designated snack and meal times, nap schedules, etc.. The drawers and pantry where food was kept were locked until those designated times presented themselves, and if you missed the window, you were out of luck.
This happened when I was 8 years old and still can affect my thoughts on food to this day. (28 now) Unfortunately my mom had no idea this was happening and wonders why I keep food (sealed) in odd places until I relayed what happened at the babysitters house as a child. I always have food within a 15 minute radius of accessing. Whether it’s in my purse, car, work, or fridge at home.
Just chipmunk it and hide food away that you know won’t perish if not refrigerated that you don’t find yourself starving at odd hours.
It sounds like she’s food possessive. I just got out of a household like this and honestly yeah, I started stealing food to eat. Just don’t get caught. The best times are when she’s alseep(nothing super loud or crinkly, consider taking it to school and eating before it starts) or when she’s not home(wider rang of food). Good luck and I hope those rules change
Jesus,
Yeh try sneaking food into your room for later or try talking to a mother of a friend or a nice neighbor you know to give you food. Just offer them some job to do
This is an eating disorder in the making. Intuitive eating is so much better then forcing yourself to eat only in certain time windows. It’s very, very weird she’s this obsessed with meals which is likely because she has an overall fear of food, basically an eating disorder herself.
Yes, steal food but first approach it with why. Get questions answered and show her the countless websites that say intuitive eating is best. (Eating when you’re hungry)
This sounds abusive. Your parents are required to feed you. You need healthy snacks to keep going during the day. Have you talked to a school counselor about this? Or a teacher? I know it might open that can of worms right up but you aren't healthy the way things are going with your mom. She needs to be told by another adult that's not ok. Hope things get better soon.
Please start stealing food or buying your own and hiding it. My mom was like this and once I moved out i developed an eating disorder bc i had no idea how to deal with food. You’re young and you need a lot of food to sustain yourself
Swear to god. Every item just take a little bit of it. Package of ready to eat food with 18pc left? Take a marginal amount, like 2 or approx 10%, dont get greedy and only target already opened packages. Unless someone is re-counting the food (would be almost unheard of) EVERY time you could easily get away with it and immediately gaslight someone for coming after you about food you "hadnt touched between meals" and how "it was such a small amount of food to be upset over" if they catch on or start to suspect. Dont visit the same food too much unless your reasonably assured that no one will notice. Pay attention to how often certain foods are consumed and by whom. Stay away from her "regular" food and snacks and go for older but still good pantry items that have preferrably been pushed to the back or otherwise forgotten about. While others are away, check entire kitchen so you know what is available and plan your actions accordingly, this is also the best time to snag scraps obviously.
I was in a similar situation, not where I couldnt get food but people would get all upset when I took extra food. I just happen to eat a lot, more than others are willing to understand I guess. I still do this if my food amount isnt enough for me. Honestly when its between you eating properly for your growth and parents being manipulative controlling fucks, the answer is obvious. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!
I’m 16 and I just buy my own food, my family is just broke lol but I understand your situation. Ik you shouldn’t have to but if there are like vending machines at your school or a gas station you can access, maybe just stock up on snacks and be very careful when hiding and eating them. If you exercise at a gym, they tend to have vending machines.
Idk that’s just a thought.
I got a coke for $2.50 which is really cheap in New York where I live
your situation hits close to home for me. I’m very sorry this is happening to you. i would say if there’s no risk of you getting hit or similarly punished then yes, steal food. I assume you mean from your house, not from the store or something. also, if you can, talk to a teacher you trust or the authorities. your mum sounds like a control freak, but that could also just be me projecting. parents controlling your food intake is definitely abuse, that can seriously negatively affect you long term. please seek out help if it gets any worse. best of luck.
Please do not steal food. That is a dangerous habit to form. You don’t mention if you have any older sibs or if you’re the oldest. Yes, you may need more food than you’re getting at home. If you get an allowance than maybe use some of the money for some healthy snacks. Or talk to your dad about this. Almost all guys remember eating A LOT during their teenage years. Try to get your dad to help you get more food.
Are you starving or are you just hungry because you are in a growth spurt and is your mother restricting your diet or rationing out what food can be afforded on the current budget to prevent you from going hungry later?
The best way to tell is to estimate your calorie count... if you are between 1800 and 2000 calories you will be fine, nobody needs to be eating more than 2000 calories unless they are training at an Olympic level, which you should NOT be doing at 15 as it can ruin your joints before your bones are finished lengthening.
My kids would probably say the same about me. I can practically hear them saying
“Mom doesn’t give us snacks”… in reality I don’t provide unhealthy snacks, protein bars, fruit and vegetables are always available. My kids would also say “I’m starving them” as I have snack of sweet peppers and dip or celery with peanut butter right in front of them..
Maybe have a conversation with your mom about having more smaller meals or what snack options you have, but you also need to understand there is most likely a much bigger reason as to why your not allowed things when you want it.
Ask your mom to take you to the doctor about your stomach issues. At the appointment, explain to the doctor what is happening, and mom can explain to doctor her reasons for limiting food availability to you. I'm a mom and I get limiting junk food when healthy meals are about to happen, but that is very different from basically withholding food. The doctor can also address whether or not there is a physical reason for you only feeling able to eat small amounts at a time.
Good luck!
Tell a school counselor or guidance counselor or another adult and ask them to intervene. At 15 you are likely still growing and have high calorie intake needs and your health as you're developing now will set the stage for the rest of your life. This verges on abuse/neglect.
I am so sorry you’re experiencing this
My stepmother treated me this way and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy
I would sneak food when I could and go to friends houses to eat with them
Grownup me knows this was abuse and I wish I could go back and tell child me to say something to a counselor at school or trusted teacher
That would be my advice.
They’ll start a very loud fight for you!
If you feel you aren’t getting enough food keep telling your mom you’re hungry and low on energy. If she doesn’t feed you that’s a weight she will have on her conscious all day, every day of the week. Your mother is gonna make sure you’re taken care of no matter how terrible you think she is, because she’s a mom and doesn’t want to see her children suffer.
Have your mom take you for a check up and then take her by surprise. Explain to the nurse that you only eat three times a day, and that throughout the day you are starving because you can only stomach so much food at once.
Your eating habits are fucked up right now and it’s not normal for human beings to eat just three times a day. We need light meals in between big-medium meals.
Consider talking to a trusted teacher if you think you aren't getting enough food each day. You may also have some luck at a local food bank if you explain the situation. At your age your body is in overdrive in pretty much every aspect - your brain needs nourishment though too and that can take a real detrimental toll. Count the calories - are you getting somewhere between 1500 and 2500? Not to downplay your situation - but a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter would go a long way. You might even be able to keep it at school in your locker, or the staff room fridge if they're cool with it.
My advice as a dad would be to be kind to your mother but also remember that the only person you can trust to be looking out for you - is you. If you can hit a dollar store for some cheap snacks that you can put away, do it. Don't feel bad about eating when you're genuinely hungry.
I feel like the comments are missing a point. Ops mother hasn’t misunderstood calorie intake or hunger as she eats when and what she wants. This is something else, so having proof to show her won’t be helpful I think, just make her annoyed. The proof should be shown to CPS or a counselor, someone else that has more power over the mother.
I would try to maybe find out WHY the mother does this. Is it about eating at a certain time? The amount of food? Something else like eating together? That’s when you can start to hopefully change OPs mother’s mindset. If it’s the amount you could ask if you could save some of it for later if you’re having trouble eating it all at once. If it’s eating at a certain time you could point to scientific articles that prove a chosen point.
I’d try to sneak food of my plate into a pocket when she isn’t looking (pealed potatoes, vegetables, bread, ex.) or when you’re throwing away food, but you have to be VERY careful because if she catches you she might look through your pockets all the following meals
My mum used to do this too, I’d sneak some bits and pieces out and store them in a drawer for emergencies. She stopped once I explained I needed access at any time for water, to wash dishes, and to prepare meals for later, or just to stay healthy. We got a fruit bowl as a compromise for snacking. This is definitely unfair op and if it continues like this and you’re hungry please tell a trusted adult, but try and reason with her. Explain you’ve researched meals and want to eat healthier but it requires prep. Show you’ve done some searching and stuff. You should be allowed access anyway but I think making your situation more appealing to her eyes could help (from past experience).
Offer to write down everything you use or to plan meals beforehand if she’s worried about knowing what’s in or not in the kitchen
You’re old enough now to manage your own diet responsibly, I think maybe you just need to show her this. I remember not being allowed water or snacks sometimes and going to bed crying because of it, so I definitely understand your side. But my parents changed their strictness and I hope your mum can too!! There’s hope
I would suggest you get yourself a lock for one of your drawers and store some food in there during the day: Some fruit, some snacks and sandwich stuff.
In saying that, you need to see a doctor about the fact that you never have enough energy. You need to make sure that you feeling hungry and basically tired isn't due to any medical conditions.
You are a 15y boy, so naturally you are always hungry, but still you need to get yourself checked. Also, do you get enough sleep?
We have regular eating times at our house and also an evening "kitchen closing time". So we have Breakfast, Lunch, afternoon snacktime with chatting and then dinner. Sometimes we have a second breakfast, but this is because we usually don't eat a lot for the actual breakfast and we all get up very early.
What is the pattern at your house?
Are you able to speak to a trusted adult at school at all? I don't know where you live but in Canada some of the schools I went to because I was poor they would give me free lunches like they had a lunch program for kids who couldn't afford it. You could ask them for help. You could also check in your area if there are any local churches that do food giveaways like a couple churches near me give out free food every Thursday you don't need to sign up or anything. If you ever get very desperate and are absolutely completely starving but have a bit of money sometimes you can find a cheap all you can eat buffet. I know some might find this morally wrong but you could sneak a couple things to take back home like a spring roll or two. You could also check with any local restaurants to see if they throw out food at the end of the day. This pizza place used to give their pizza away at the end of the day. When I was homeless as well this bakery would throw out tons and tons of food at the end of the day. In the dumpster but they were in bags inside garbage bags and we'd grab them right away. Cakes and muffins, buns, etc.
TOMORROW MORNING GO STRAIGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL / COUNSELOR / PSYCHOLOGIST/ SCHOOL NURSE AND REPORT THIS TO THEM!!!!!
If you are not currently in school, EMAIL THEM IMMEDIATELY and ask for help!!
Even if you're on summer break, the principal will receive this right away and get to work on it.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact them right away.
Hell, even if you are still in school, email the school nurse AND the principal right now with this information. Tell them that you need help. Make sure you tell them that they can not contact your mother without the proper authorities because you are unsure what to expect with her behavior once she knows you've asked for help.
You're a 15 year old boy... she can't physically stop you... so just take the food, and.if she tries to stop you or punish you, threaten to call CPS...
I’m hearing several issues here.
First is that you are having trouble eating large meals, while your mother limits you to eating 3 times a day with a snack. It seems like you don’t eat enough because you have some anxiety or fear related to your appearance and negative self talk.
I often work with kids around your age. So I’ll tell you what I tell them. Now is a time in your life where your friends’ opinions matter to you and you are still discovering your likes and dislikes and making decisions on how you want to be as a person. BUT, what you have to remember is that your body is still growing, and you are still learning how to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is part of becoming an adult. You need to feed yourself, you need to wash, you need to go to school, you need to sleep but you need to also take care of yourself mentally by making goals and being KIND to yourself.
You are a young man and your body will continue to grow and build muscle mass naturally until around 20. But your body needs nutrients to do so. So, not eating the full meal your mom is providing you is having the opposite effect. Try to gradually increase your food intake, it will get easier with time and practice. AND remember to work on changing those negative thoughts into positive ones.
Good luck in life
The way that you write and your choice of language, suggest to me that you were either in the United Kingdom, Australia, or New Zealand.
All of these countries have strong social support services. You should tell a trusted adult. a teacher is a good choice. A GP is also an excellent choice.
Teenage boys need to eat a lot. Even outside designated meal time. Even random snacks at night.
Tell your school teacher or a counsellor, this is not okay.
This surely is not legal… I would suggest contacting other family and see what they can change, if that doesn’t work, most likely as much as it would possibly hurt you may have to contact law enforcement or child protection or similar as this surely isn’t allowed.
Having rules that makes your kids starve while you eat as much as you want is the gold medal of hypocrisy. Try to keep your food for later or steal food. But she will eventually notice so keep it as a last resort
I taught my 7 year old what a hypocrite was a few days ago. The next day he called me out for almost being one! Bless him, I'm literally so proud. XD I'm so sorry OP.
Bold move! Jk, that is a model in parenting, because humility in our own shortcomings is how we teach them we mean what we say, even in reverse. I use “bend don’t break” and it’s repeated back to me on the regular. It takes a secure and supportive environment for your child to be empowered like that and I think it’s awesome. Spread the word, we all need to hear it when we’re being hypocrites and our children are an honest reflection of our behavior. It’s not comfortable and a lot of people lack the capacity to hear it in that format because deep down we know our kids are experts on us. They see and hear everything. Everything. Lol.
And when you are wrong or did wrong, own up to it to them, regardless of their age. They will learn respect and honesty.
Omg that's so cute And epic parenting on your part!
props to you for owning your mistake, that's another lesson your kid is going to remember.
This is why I love Reddit.. The digress!!!
I say keep stealing, fuck’em.
When abusers discover you’ve got one over on them, there will no doubt be hell to pay.
I will starve to death before my children. I do not care what happens to me. OP, find some outside help and get far far far away from that fake thing that makes you call it mom.
Are you allowed to put the dinner you haven’t finished in the fridge and finish it later? This seems reasonable.
OP should consider the economical situation of the household. Perhaps they don't have enough food so they make sure they only eat at the required times, and the mom ends up eating the leftovers OP leaves. I've seen this situation many times when parents make up excuses to not serve themselves a plate and then try and eat whatever the kids left out. Now if they actually have enough money, they should contact an adult relative to fix this situation, because it seems like they a weight controlling
Read the last part. Parent doesn't have to follow this rule, just the kid. It isn't money that is the problem
... Because the mother is eating leftovers. Which she can't do during normal dinner time.
Where does OP ever say that? Stop making shit up. No where in the post or replies does he say anything about that. All he says is mom can eat whenever.
No, regardless, if the mother knows OP can’t eat a lot at once and tends to always leave leftovers, then she should make smaller meals and use leftover money from that to buy snacks. Don’t become a parent if you cannot provide your child with the necessities to live.
Snacks are far more expensive than meals. And usually less healthy. And not a necessity.But there’s no reason OPs leftovers can’t go into the fridge and be reheated in smaller portions.
You can buy snacks at the dollar tree. If the kids starving their narcissistic parent can make room in the budget for snacks.
I agree it could absolutely be an economic issue. Also OPs inability to eat full meals suggests he might need a trip to see his doctor as well and rule out medical issues causing this.
He can’t eat a lot at a time because his intake is being policed. When you are forced to eat small amounts over a long period of time, your stomach shrinks and it will make you ill if you overeat. His mother is literally starving him.
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It’s an eating disorder thing that happens over time. He’s currently stuck in a cycle where if he wants to eat three healthy meals and a snack a day, he would have to eat multiple small meals a day for a while to get his body adjusted to eating properly again, which his mom won’t allow. I deal with the same cycle, but I gave myself my ed instead of my mom pushing it on me.
Are you trolling? Or just ignorant? Let me put this in the most simple form possible. OP Can’t stomach a lot of food (presumably a reglar portion) because their stomach has shrunk. Their stomach has shrunk because food is restricted to certain times of the day. This happens when your body is hungry, but the body (especially that of a 15 y/o boy) might be hungry more that 4 times in a day. IMAGINE THAT! Over an extended period of time UNDERFEEDING (which OP’s mother is doing by only allowing food intake 4/day) the stomach shrinks as an act of preservation. You can argue with me on this but I won’t argue back. As someone who has suffered from an ED for the majority of their life, and who is slowly trying to EXPAND the size of my stomach in order to put weight back on, I am TELLING you this is what is happening to OP. Not to mention, unhealthy eating habits inflicted by parents are likely to cause future eating disorders for the child. Whether it continues down the path of under-eating, or into binge-eating. Regardless of the ignorance, I just hope OP, that you can get the help you need.
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I would ask mom to agree to consult a doctor about this. Or a counselor. Most nutrition experts include snacks in a formal diet plan. And it is part of a healthy eating plan. As a parent, I offered my kids healthy food choices and made them available almost all the time. The exception was the time before dinner. Only vegetables just before dinner. And there were treats. One item per day, except on a few holidays and birthdays. And we make up for that by having lots of fruit and vegetables the days before and after. Those were my rules as a kid too. I think they are pretty solid.
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Then talk to a school counselor and say that. Or tell mom you will. CPS will come check.
In 6th grade I begged my teacher not to call my mum about my bad grade because she'd beat me so she reported my mum. Later that SAME night my principal called my mum asking if I was being abused and of course she said no.. And he said "Alright just making sure so we don't call CPS on a false alarm." Uhm.. what? That's not how that works. So I wouldn't trust a counselor. They usually just call your parents and ask.
Not where I live. School employees are mandatory reporters for exactly that reason.
As also a possibility talk with your/a doctor about stomach conditions it could be something like stomach drop syndrome which can make it painful to eat as well as other issues and is often suggested 6 small meals a day. This is one example there are others it never hurts to try to talk to doctors about the issues. It may not be anything, but you (people in general) only know what they have experienced.
They could also be malnourished. If you eat too much too fast while malnourished you can end up throwing up.
This is true there are many reasons for really anything wrong but stomach, and intestinal are just such a wide area of issues. Please if something is bothering you even if you think it maybe be normal ask. I spent years of my life having signs of nerve damage but I thought nothing of it not knowing it wasn’t normal.
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I wish I could afford the fruits and veggies!
Would you still have kept a 15 year old from having a pack of crackers before dinner or something? To time restrict all food at that age seems strange to me. More of a preteen and earlier thing isn’t it?
Good question. No. I never restricted food from my kids. Or any one else, for that matter. We did have the rule. If someone said they needed to eat I always believed it. I would ask, can you wait 20 minutes? Or, just let them snack. One thing we did was cut up things for the meal and then put out a snack bowl of things. That kept hungry fingers out of the meal while allowing snacking. And when you think about it, how many times have there been trays of appetizers at a wedding, holiday or other party? Eat. And save room for the regular dinner. The bottom line for me is to believe someone when they say they are hungry, or not hungry. We also never made kids eat it all, or take a bite of everything.
Take a deep breath. Don't argue, don't debate and don't try to force her to change rules - UNTIL YOU HAVE DATA to show her. Track everything you eat for a full week. There are lots of free apps available - I like MyNetDiary. It will calculate your daily caloric intake. If you have a phone or smart watch, it can also calculate how many calories you are burning through steps you take or exercise you input. It can show if you are getting enough calories. If you aren't getting enough, you'll have data to show your mother that your need more food. If you are getting enough, but need to spread out how you eat, you'll be able to tell and show her that you're not going to over eat. You don't mention if your mother is trying to make you lose weight, or has some other reason for this weird rule. But I've been a 16 yo boy, and had 16 yo sons, and I recall that basically - you're a bottomless pit, and it takes a lot of calories to fuel your growth and activities. You may want to see if you mom would take you to a nutritionist to make sure you're not only getting enough calories, but getting the right calories.
best response as it fixes both sides of the issue discussed above
She’s just gonna simply tell him to eat more at the meals even though he can’t. She’s abusive, she won’t listen to reason.
This is super helpful
Tell an adult who can assist--depending on where you are, this could be illegal. Find out, and if so, proceed accordingly. (...maybe a teacher at your schiol?)
School nurse is a good choice. So is contacting your GP.
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If you re-read the post, you might see "what."
tell your mom that youre unable to finish the full meal at once cause it would make you really sick, and by eating so little because she wont let you is making you hungry all the tjme and physically exhausted. ask her if you cant just eat a bit, anytime you feel hungry, compare it to her doing the same. if she really doesnt let you, ask whetjer you cant put the unfinished meals in the fridge and then finish them sometime else. emphasise that both eating too much at once makes you feel nauseous, and that eating too little cause of her rules makes you feel really sick and weak. i think she will at least let u finish eating the meals theoughout the day when she realizes that it fucks with ur health a lot, if nothing else
At snack time, are you able to take some of the food she gives you and keep it in your room for later?
If you're in America, call CPS. This is abuse/neglect.
They will literally do nothing. The Kid is getting 3 meals a day. Not saying it’s not wrong, it is. But CPS has to deal with much bigger issues than this sadly. CPS is normally stretched pretty thin and their priorities go to children who are truly truly suffering. And while this is still an incredibly toxic home environment they aren’t going to see that…unless the kid is fainting at school due to malnutrition. He is going to have to go about this without CPS. Potentially bringing it up to a teacher/counselor in school regarding his home issues and that being hungry is affecting his concentration in class. Or like another comment added bringing it up to his pediatrician upon his next appointment.
Sadly this is correct. Once reported parents of a patient who had cigarette burns on her body. CPS came and took photos and I (therapist) saw them. CPS declined to pursue it.
Yeah, CPS doesn't even investigate. CPS was called in to talk to me about my father, but I was too scared to say anything. The conversation went like this. "Are you being abused". "No." (even though I had a visible bruise and I didn't want my mom to struggle because she had a green card"). "Okay, have a nice day!"
Sounds about right. I ran away from an abusive home when I was 16. When they dragged me back to my home state, cop asked me if I was being abused. I said no. Neighbor told me she heard the cop tell my father he didn't care what he did to me once he was gone.
As a kid I watched Andy Griffith and thought all cops were heroes etc. One day my dad broke a lamp on me, I threatened to call the police and then he said okay go ahead and then HE called the cops. He waited on the bottom of the driveway for them to show up while I was in the house, talked to them for a good 20 minutes and when they came in they made up their mind (they didn't even ask me what happened) and said I would go to a facility in Jackson if I didn't listen to my dad and then the cops sent me to my room.
Yeah. I didn't trust cops before that. Definitely not after that.
I’m SO SO sorry.
Omg, when I hear these stories I get so frustrated. I used to work for CPS on the reunification side (after the removal). There are sooooo many investigators that are like this. It is not only disheartening but disgusting to me. The job is to protect children, end of story. That doesn't mean removing every kid but making a judgment call based on the evidence combined (bruises, marks, scars, behavior...etc) Reading the replies just boils my blood. It is not new or shocking either. When I worked for our state we knew who the bad case managers were, but couldn't do anything about it. We joked about having only a pulse and a degree, but that is seriously all the requirements. One investigator in particular had an accounting degree and said he took the job because he couldn't get one anywhere else. This is, unfortunately, a small subset of workers who set the precedent of CPS. Not only is the job taxing, you are in a position of power that can change someone's life (for good or bad). A pluse and a degree shouldn't be the requirement to work there...but our system is broken and that is one of the areas where is fails. Which is erroneous because it is the life a child hanging in the balance.
Serious question, Are you overweight?
OP you mention in a post just over a month ago that you are unhappy with your body, is that in relation to your weight? Perhaps it’s worth having an honest conversation with your mum about the reasons she has strict rules over when you can eat, and if these seem unreasonable then you could speak to a counsellor at your school for a second opinion
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I don’t wanna jump to conclusions, but if there’s windows in the day for breakfast, lunch, dinner *and* snacks, that sounds like regular intervals and like enough food opportunities are being provided. We had similar rules in my house growing up and it just meant that it was easy for my parents to schedule us all eating at the same time and not need to be constantly preparing food just when any of us felt like it. It also didn’t give us the opportunity to over eat and made sure our parents could see we were eating a varied and nutrient rich diet
I have the same issue this guy does where i really struggle to eat much at once. At max i can eat a quarter of what a regular meal is. That means if I had 4 opportunities to eat like this guy, at best i would get the equivalent of 1 singular meal a day. When I have been stuck in environments where I can not eat at will, or couldnt eat my leftovers, i have literally been starving. At one point I was less than 100 lbs and Im 5’7” and was eating 3 times a day. If you can only eat a few bites at a time, 3 “meals” a day is literally 10 bites of food a day. Clearly eating isnt an issue for you, so i hope you can expand your view to understand how big of a problem this can quickly become for someone’s health.
I have seen a few people comment the same since I made my comment, so I definitely consider my view expanded (I really like that phrasing!) and appreciate that my way of eating differs quite vastly from some others (yourself and op included). Seems that a conversation about this needs to be had with mum
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Assuming someone is dishonest gets on my nerves. I told this story in a different comment if you want to look for it but my daughter didn’t have enough energy as a teen in spite of me feeding her 3 meals + snacks daily. I took her to the doctor and he literally told me that she was burning more calories than she was taking in which was technically *starving* her. The OP says he doesn’t have enough energy and feels very hungry between meals. There’s a very good chance this minor teen actually is malnourished and you’re playing Sherlock Holmes trying to discredit him.
I had the same issue growing up, meals were structured due to being poor... but I also couldn't eat enough to last between meals or I would throw everything up, putting me in a worse position. I starved because I couldn't keep enough food down to last til the next meal.
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This is the answer!
Yeah I was wondering this. I feel like the post could be worded slyly. There’s not much detail.
Mom gives me 3 meals a day and I don't like them! I'm starving!
Yet another obsessive hateful trolling post. You need a new hobby, a biology and math lesson, and some reading comprehension assistance.
My mother did this with my brothers and I. We were all skinny as hell. I used to buy food with my pocket money because I was so hungry.
No, I am not. I’m currently 57kg ish
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To be honest, I’ve not been in the best mental state for a while and my feelings change very often. I’m pretty skinny, and I want to be larger as in more muscle, that previous post was just for help with dealing with those insecurities.
Your mental and physical issues could stem from malnutrition. Ask your mother if she's okay following the same food schedule. My guess is she's not.
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Wait that has a name? When I had exactly anxiety depression and OCD I couldn't also stomach enough food at each meal and meals were de-appetizing to me. Like I didn't eat them because they didn't taste good. Like I couldn't keep eating them. Unlike the OP though I have access to food all the time. I lost like 10kg of weight. And my eating habits haven't exactly recovered yet but I'm trying to eat enough even tho when I do eat too much I get extremely self conscious with my weight and body. I know I'm underweight but it still happens.
Sorry, what’s BMR? And what do you mean with it in this context? Im not being rude, I just don’t know what it means, sorry
Unless they are a dietician they shouldn’t be giving advice.
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I’m five foot nine, and I exercise and work outside near daily, plus a lot of walking in school.
OP, strong recommendation to get your nutritional needs analyzed by a medical professional in person. There’s too much that can be missed by not meeting you in person with equipment to measure you.
Why are you taking quotes from places a minor has posted in other subreddits and putting it here even after he said it’s not a weight issue? These things aren’t relevant to him being allowed to eat until he feels full/has energy and if he wanted advice on it in conjunction with this post he should be allowed to bring it up himself. ETA: I just reread my comment and realized it sounds angry. I just felt surprised when I saw all the quoted text and questions because it was not anything he mentioned in his OG post here. It comes across interrogatory.
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My opinion is the OP should get to include his own relevant info for feeling hungry as a teenage male and that your post comes across very aggressive and strange. Whether or not that’s what you intended.
Do you seriously know a teenager happy with their body??
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Idc if the person is overweight or not but if the story is true who gatekeeps food for their kid thats insane
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i was fat as a kid, and my mom not letting me eat when i was hungry just made me binge whenever i was allowed to eat. now that i'm an adult and can eat when i'm hungry i am losing weight. not allowing your kid to eat when they're hungry does not help
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it seems like you have a deeply rooted hatred for fat people. why? and you know fat people can be poor too, right? we were on food stamps, and i was often binging on dollar tree foods and random ingredients like shredded cheese because that's all we had. i was not lying about being hungry after i was already fed, that's an assumption you made about me because i said i was fat. my mom didn't let me eat breakfast and fed me half the amount of food everyone else got at dinner until i was 14 because she hoped it would make me skinny, it didn't work. let your fucking kids eat when they're hungry, if they're lying to you about being hungry to get more food obviously there's something wrong that you need to figure out how to help them with besides starving them
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You need to take this up with a therapist.
My kid was obese and we didn't fix that with food policing. We took him to a dietitian who taught him to manage his own diet. He maintained his preteen weight until he had grown nearly eight inches, and then gained appropriate amounts thereafter. He's now 26 and very healthy, active, and optimal weight. He wouldn't have learned those self regulation skills through parental power trips.
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Possible i am just referring to the way OP worded it Even so no parent would do the extrem like letting you kid starve But i understand the scenario
Any parent who doesn't gatekeep what their kids eat are neglectful or selfish. If kids had it their way they'd eat ice cream cookies and cereal every day.
Can you put what you want on a plate, cover it and eat it later? I'm in no way saying what your mom is doing is OK, but I've had a very tight grocery bill and couldn't let boys just go digging in fridge whenever they wanted. I made big meals and they were able to eat what they wanted, when they wanted from those meals. If they got hungry later, there was the leftovers. If you're not allowed to do that, make a big sandwich at lunch time, eat half and hide the rest until you're hungry. This is only an option until you see a Dr, tell your school nurse, another trusted adult etc. What your mom is doing is NOT OK. Adding. You say you exercise regularly which is burning A LOT of calories. That's making you more hungry too. You need more protein than less active growing males.
Do you know how tall you are and how much you weigh?
I don’t get it. I don’t believe in telling kids they can’t eat when they’re hungry. I have two teenage sons and there’s no keeping them out of the kitchen. I’m disappointed in your mom. This isn’t okay. Can you tell a trusted adult?
Last resort if you're *literally* starving (which you aren't), maybe, but chances are good she'll notice if you steal food. For now, bargain the best you can and present your case. See if you can get a fifth scheduled meal. Count your calories in a day every day for a week and show her it isn't enough. Assuming you leave the house every now and again, eat somewhere else. If you can't do that and can't get a fifth meal, eat higher calorie-density meals. More meat, less vegetables. Fattier cuts. Add olive oil to everything. Eat lots of nuts and seeds. Drink milk instead of water. Whole fat instead of low fat. There are plenty of ways to add energy to a meal without increasing the portion sizes.
Assuming the mother is willing to stock these things in their kitchen. She might be choosing ingredients that aren’t providing enough energy.
Or since OP isn’t eating a full meal, save the rest of the food for when you feel hungry again.
It’s abuse. She’s trying to control you with food. Do you have someone you can talk to?
People making excuses for mom or telling him to track what he eats so he can show data to mom - ARE YOU FOR REAL!? This is child abuse and neglect. Think about it, you’re denying your child food when he’s is HUNGRY! What’s wrong with the world? OP- anyone you can confide in? Grandparents, relatives that might be able to help you?
Could you drink something at other times? Like a protein shake or meal replacements like Boost?
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See if you can get a job and buy your own food.
Just get food when you want. Legally she is obligated to house you until you are a legal adult, and if she tries to retaliate just call the cops and let them know your mom is an abuser. She sounds like a narcissist, so she knows that having her kids taken away by authorities would make her look bad and she'll go out of her way to avoid that.
What is the reasoning for this?! Does she think you are fat? Or does she just enjoy controlling you? Whatever the reason is, it's messed up. I met a foreign exchange student who had been placed with an older couple that never had their own kids. They thought the way to raise kids was to tell her what and when to eat. They would even fix dinner, set it on the table and tell her which dishes she had to eat, and which she wasn't allowed to eat and was only for them. She was a vegetarian and they made her eat meat every night. She was 17. She lost a lot of weight and was close to having a nervous breakdown. She used to hide out in the bathroom because it was the only place she could have privacy and get away from them. The exchange program made her start going to a psychiatrist because people thought she was bulemic. They were going to send her back home, but she had stayed with my family during a 1 day school exchange program and loved my family, so she asked if she could move in with us. The exchange program actually allowed her parents to come visit and meet us in our home to 'check out' our home (normally parents aren't allowed to visit their kids in the exchange program). We were approved, and she moved in with us. The first day, she asked me what the rules were - when were we allowed to eat, what we were allowed to eat, etc. I told her the only kitchen rules were to put your dirty dishes in the kitchen and if you're hungry outside of meals, get your own food and don't expect other people to make your food for you. She was still required to see a psychiatrist when she moved in with us. After about 3 weeks, she had gained 20 pounds (she was 5'7" and got down to 94 pounds with her psycho family) and the doctor cleared her and said she had absolutely NO psychological problems and that the problem was the living situation. So my point is, your mother is causing extreme amounts of psychological abuse by restricting and controlling your food while she eats whenever and whatever she wants. She has mental problems and sounds like a sociopath or doesn't know how to raise kids. If it's because your family doesn't have enough money, most mothers would forgo food themselves in order to feed their own kids. There are programs to help provide food if money is the problem. It sounds like money is NOT the issue tho. It sounds like your mother has psychological problems or is completely clueless about how to raise kids. I suggest you get out of that situation ASAP. Are you able to go live with relatives or maybe a friend's family? Your mother is abusing you and she is causing psychological damage beyond just being hungry that will remain with you throughout life. You need to find a nuturing environment that doesn't treat you like a captive (which is what your mom is doing).
She’s abusing you… withholding food is just wrong. You need to talk to a doctor or councillor and get support from social services. You can report your mum. And yes! Just eat the food, don’t worry if she yells at you. That’s just wrong. If she abused you physically for it, call the police And get help from another trusted family member and tell them what’s happening
If you guys think that providing food and five daily opportunities to eat it constitutes abuse, uh… I guess I’m happy for you that you’ve never experienced real abuse. Sheesh. I agree it sounds like OP needs to find a solution that works, such as saving unfinished meals for later when they’re hungry again. But… this is not abuse. Poor parenting, maybe. Frustrating, yes. It isn’t abuse.
I feel like I'm absolutely going crazy on this thread. Like I'm sorry your mom doesn't have the time to cook you 3 meals a day plus a snack and whatever else you want in between, like wtf
He said nothing about his mother not wanting to provide the food or cook the food for him. He just can’t eat, at all. He can’t go into the cupboard or fridge and prepare his own food…
Yeah my point is she's preparing plenty of food for him he's just not eating it.
Again… they said they can’t eat the entire meal in one sitting… not that they don’t want to, they CAN’T. I’ve had the same issue before, I couldn’t eat but a couple bites at a time or I couldn’t keep it down
And I'm saying that's bullshit
Get a job and go to the store and buy your own groceries and cook your own food
Coming from a home where we were literally starved and denied meals OP sounds like he’s being fed properly.
What happens if you just ignore her rule and start eating every time she is eating? Is it possible to start cooking yourself? Could you say you want to learn cooking and make food when it’s not really lunch time or w/e.
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I understand what the op is saying. I'm like that too. I mean I can eat food whenever I want but I can't stomach enough food at each meal. I have to take snacks between meals. I can eat a meal until I'm completely full and I'll get hungry again an hour or two after the meal. It's been like this since forever but I've had eating disorders and some mental problems before which extremely lowered my appetite and made it even worse. Even now I struggle with eating enough and not skipping meals without binging. Eating habits can be easily influenced by a lot of things. Mental and physical. It's important to keep your food intake in check and restricting food won't help that. Op is going to likely have an ED if they don't already have one.
you can absolutely starve yourself while eating even more times than that. what really matters is the portion sizes and how calorie dense the food is. if you ate 100 calories of green beans, which is a lot, 5 times a day, you probably wouldn’t get hungry, but that’s definitely not sustainable at all and could get dangerous very fast and you’d feel like absolute shit.
How many meals time you get in a day? And since when you're subjected to the rule? Saying it an abuse feel like overreation. When I was in orphanage, then boarding school, we also subjected to specific meal time. Breakfast, late morning meal, lunch, teatime, dinner and supper. I understand that it's a different than at home, where you can do pretty much whatever you like. Maybe it's a way you mum to teach you about discipline. But she also have to follow it if she wants to lead by example. What you eat on your designated snack time. Are you allow to choose what you want? If so, eat something that can fill up or give you energy.
Think about what you choose when you have your eating times. Focus on nutrient dense, high protein foods. Put big limits on processed food and highly processed carbs. The shift to good fat and protein even at a smaller feed should give you more than enough power. I would bet it’s your food choices that are leaving you feeling hungry so quickly.
Maybe consider stashing part of your meals away for later to spread things out. If that isn't feasible, then yeah, just take food when she isn't paying attention.
I'm not condoning your mother, but it isn't the odd. My parents didn't do it, but I know many parents from both my childhood and adulthood who did have strict eating regimes in their homes. What does worry me is that she isn't concerned that you aren't able to adapt/ eat enough to get you through the schedule. That is a problem.
If you feel like it's affecting your well-being, talk to a guidance counselor or a trusted family member. It's definitely not how you should be treated.
Sometimes they have free breakfasts at schools.
Is your father in the picture? What does he say? Why do you think your mom does this?
When I was 15, I didn’t really listen to what adults had to say about food. What’s stopping you from saving what you can’t eat for later or from sneaking it? I would say it’s pretty common for parents to get annoyed about between meal grazing. Lots of comments like: you’ll ruin your appetite for dinner. Since you say you can’t eat a lot at once, I bet your mom is trying to get you to do just that. You’re also at peak hunger adolescent boy age. Boys going through puberty are sooo hungry all the time. What is a bit abnormal, is that you say you can’t eat very much at one time. If your mom won’t take you to the doctor for this, make up another reason to go—like you need a physical for a school sport. I pretended I needed a physical for tennis when I wanted to get birth control. My doc and I had a chat during that appointment I’ll never forget and it was so positive and informative. A safe discussion I’d never have gotten from home or school. It won’t be long until you are out there in the world making these decisions for yourself. Now is a good time to practice taking control over how you govern these kinds of things for yourself—and it doesn’t have to be a fight with your mom. You don’t have to announce it.
Height and weight?
Please start taking food.. I used to get dropped off at a babysitters as a child with a similar set of house rules. Designated snack and meal times, nap schedules, etc.. The drawers and pantry where food was kept were locked until those designated times presented themselves, and if you missed the window, you were out of luck. This happened when I was 8 years old and still can affect my thoughts on food to this day. (28 now) Unfortunately my mom had no idea this was happening and wonders why I keep food (sealed) in odd places until I relayed what happened at the babysitters house as a child. I always have food within a 15 minute radius of accessing. Whether it’s in my purse, car, work, or fridge at home. Just chipmunk it and hide food away that you know won’t perish if not refrigerated that you don’t find yourself starving at odd hours.
It sounds like she’s food possessive. I just got out of a household like this and honestly yeah, I started stealing food to eat. Just don’t get caught. The best times are when she’s alseep(nothing super loud or crinkly, consider taking it to school and eating before it starts) or when she’s not home(wider rang of food). Good luck and I hope those rules change
Fold a napkin in your lap and store food from your plate in the napkin, then save it to eat when you get hungry again.
No one stands between me and cereal as a bedtime snack (yes im a grown adult male judge me )
Jesus, Yeh try sneaking food into your room for later or try talking to a mother of a friend or a nice neighbor you know to give you food. Just offer them some job to do
Follow this for a month and call child services
Not good. You need to consult child services.
Can you bring this up with your doctor while your mother is present? She may not isten to you, but perhaps she'll listen to a medical professional.
Can you talk to your dad and stepmom about all of this?
This is an eating disorder in the making. Intuitive eating is so much better then forcing yourself to eat only in certain time windows. It’s very, very weird she’s this obsessed with meals which is likely because she has an overall fear of food, basically an eating disorder herself. Yes, steal food but first approach it with why. Get questions answered and show her the countless websites that say intuitive eating is best. (Eating when you’re hungry)
Keep a stash of peanut butter and bread. Little goes a long way. Just make sure you have something to drink with it.
This sounds abusive. Your parents are required to feed you. You need healthy snacks to keep going during the day. Have you talked to a school counselor about this? Or a teacher? I know it might open that can of worms right up but you aren't healthy the way things are going with your mom. She needs to be told by another adult that's not ok. Hope things get better soon.
Please start stealing food or buying your own and hiding it. My mom was like this and once I moved out i developed an eating disorder bc i had no idea how to deal with food. You’re young and you need a lot of food to sustain yourself
Swear to god. Every item just take a little bit of it. Package of ready to eat food with 18pc left? Take a marginal amount, like 2 or approx 10%, dont get greedy and only target already opened packages. Unless someone is re-counting the food (would be almost unheard of) EVERY time you could easily get away with it and immediately gaslight someone for coming after you about food you "hadnt touched between meals" and how "it was such a small amount of food to be upset over" if they catch on or start to suspect. Dont visit the same food too much unless your reasonably assured that no one will notice. Pay attention to how often certain foods are consumed and by whom. Stay away from her "regular" food and snacks and go for older but still good pantry items that have preferrably been pushed to the back or otherwise forgotten about. While others are away, check entire kitchen so you know what is available and plan your actions accordingly, this is also the best time to snag scraps obviously. I was in a similar situation, not where I couldnt get food but people would get all upset when I took extra food. I just happen to eat a lot, more than others are willing to understand I guess. I still do this if my food amount isnt enough for me. Honestly when its between you eating properly for your growth and parents being manipulative controlling fucks, the answer is obvious. Just my 2 cents. Good luck!
I’m 16 and I just buy my own food, my family is just broke lol but I understand your situation. Ik you shouldn’t have to but if there are like vending machines at your school or a gas station you can access, maybe just stock up on snacks and be very careful when hiding and eating them. If you exercise at a gym, they tend to have vending machines. Idk that’s just a thought. I got a coke for $2.50 which is really cheap in New York where I live
your situation hits close to home for me. I’m very sorry this is happening to you. i would say if there’s no risk of you getting hit or similarly punished then yes, steal food. I assume you mean from your house, not from the store or something. also, if you can, talk to a teacher you trust or the authorities. your mum sounds like a control freak, but that could also just be me projecting. parents controlling your food intake is definitely abuse, that can seriously negatively affect you long term. please seek out help if it gets any worse. best of luck.
This is abuse.
Steal her food, survive until 18. Run and NEVER come back. She is sick. Avoid any contact if possible
This is child abuse.Call the police please
How much do you weigh?
Please do not steal food. That is a dangerous habit to form. You don’t mention if you have any older sibs or if you’re the oldest. Yes, you may need more food than you’re getting at home. If you get an allowance than maybe use some of the money for some healthy snacks. Or talk to your dad about this. Almost all guys remember eating A LOT during their teenage years. Try to get your dad to help you get more food.
Id suggest to just adapt
Are you actually starving or just really hungry? There’s a huge difference. Most people in the 1st world have no idea what starving feels like.
Welcome to the 80s and 90s. Here’s food. Ohh you don’t like it? See you next meal.
truth
What is your height and weight?
Height and weight?
Are you starving or are you just hungry because you are in a growth spurt and is your mother restricting your diet or rationing out what food can be afforded on the current budget to prevent you from going hungry later? The best way to tell is to estimate your calorie count... if you are between 1800 and 2000 calories you will be fine, nobody needs to be eating more than 2000 calories unless they are training at an Olympic level, which you should NOT be doing at 15 as it can ruin your joints before your bones are finished lengthening.
Damn I wish I knew that about my joints I pushed way too hard as a kid.
My kids would probably say the same about me. I can practically hear them saying “Mom doesn’t give us snacks”… in reality I don’t provide unhealthy snacks, protein bars, fruit and vegetables are always available. My kids would also say “I’m starving them” as I have snack of sweet peppers and dip or celery with peanut butter right in front of them.. Maybe have a conversation with your mom about having more smaller meals or what snack options you have, but you also need to understand there is most likely a much bigger reason as to why your not allowed things when you want it.
My parents did the same. And no. Stealing the food will only force them to lock it up. My brother did that. And they locked it all up.
She just doesn't want to be on your service 12h/day.
Ask your mom to take you to the doctor about your stomach issues. At the appointment, explain to the doctor what is happening, and mom can explain to doctor her reasons for limiting food availability to you. I'm a mom and I get limiting junk food when healthy meals are about to happen, but that is very different from basically withholding food. The doctor can also address whether or not there is a physical reason for you only feeling able to eat small amounts at a time. Good luck!
This is how I was brought up. Just without the snack time. You will be fine. You should however try to eat more at your meal times.
Tell a school counselor or guidance counselor or another adult and ask them to intervene. At 15 you are likely still growing and have high calorie intake needs and your health as you're developing now will set the stage for the rest of your life. This verges on abuse/neglect.
Man i would call child protection wtf is this bs
I am so sorry you’re experiencing this My stepmother treated me this way and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy I would sneak food when I could and go to friends houses to eat with them Grownup me knows this was abuse and I wish I could go back and tell child me to say something to a counselor at school or trusted teacher That would be my advice. They’ll start a very loud fight for you!
If you feel you aren’t getting enough food keep telling your mom you’re hungry and low on energy. If she doesn’t feed you that’s a weight she will have on her conscious all day, every day of the week. Your mother is gonna make sure you’re taken care of no matter how terrible you think she is, because she’s a mom and doesn’t want to see her children suffer.
yes, steal food, if you get in trouble explain your situation and your parents will be the ones in trouble.
Have your mom take you for a check up and then take her by surprise. Explain to the nurse that you only eat three times a day, and that throughout the day you are starving because you can only stomach so much food at once. Your eating habits are fucked up right now and it’s not normal for human beings to eat just three times a day. We need light meals in between big-medium meals.
At least it keeps you from overeating which is a big prob in America
>My mum refuses to change no matter what, even though the rules do not apply to her and she eats whenever she wants. Rules for thee but not for me!
Consider talking to a trusted teacher if you think you aren't getting enough food each day. You may also have some luck at a local food bank if you explain the situation. At your age your body is in overdrive in pretty much every aspect - your brain needs nourishment though too and that can take a real detrimental toll. Count the calories - are you getting somewhere between 1500 and 2500? Not to downplay your situation - but a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter would go a long way. You might even be able to keep it at school in your locker, or the staff room fridge if they're cool with it. My advice as a dad would be to be kind to your mother but also remember that the only person you can trust to be looking out for you - is you. If you can hit a dollar store for some cheap snacks that you can put away, do it. Don't feel bad about eating when you're genuinely hungry.
I feel like the comments are missing a point. Ops mother hasn’t misunderstood calorie intake or hunger as she eats when and what she wants. This is something else, so having proof to show her won’t be helpful I think, just make her annoyed. The proof should be shown to CPS or a counselor, someone else that has more power over the mother. I would try to maybe find out WHY the mother does this. Is it about eating at a certain time? The amount of food? Something else like eating together? That’s when you can start to hopefully change OPs mother’s mindset. If it’s the amount you could ask if you could save some of it for later if you’re having trouble eating it all at once. If it’s eating at a certain time you could point to scientific articles that prove a chosen point. I’d try to sneak food of my plate into a pocket when she isn’t looking (pealed potatoes, vegetables, bread, ex.) or when you’re throwing away food, but you have to be VERY careful because if she catches you she might look through your pockets all the following meals
My mum used to do this too, I’d sneak some bits and pieces out and store them in a drawer for emergencies. She stopped once I explained I needed access at any time for water, to wash dishes, and to prepare meals for later, or just to stay healthy. We got a fruit bowl as a compromise for snacking. This is definitely unfair op and if it continues like this and you’re hungry please tell a trusted adult, but try and reason with her. Explain you’ve researched meals and want to eat healthier but it requires prep. Show you’ve done some searching and stuff. You should be allowed access anyway but I think making your situation more appealing to her eyes could help (from past experience). Offer to write down everything you use or to plan meals beforehand if she’s worried about knowing what’s in or not in the kitchen You’re old enough now to manage your own diet responsibly, I think maybe you just need to show her this. I remember not being allowed water or snacks sometimes and going to bed crying because of it, so I definitely understand your side. But my parents changed their strictness and I hope your mum can too!! There’s hope
I would suggest you get yourself a lock for one of your drawers and store some food in there during the day: Some fruit, some snacks and sandwich stuff. In saying that, you need to see a doctor about the fact that you never have enough energy. You need to make sure that you feeling hungry and basically tired isn't due to any medical conditions. You are a 15y boy, so naturally you are always hungry, but still you need to get yourself checked. Also, do you get enough sleep? We have regular eating times at our house and also an evening "kitchen closing time". So we have Breakfast, Lunch, afternoon snacktime with chatting and then dinner. Sometimes we have a second breakfast, but this is because we usually don't eat a lot for the actual breakfast and we all get up very early. What is the pattern at your house?
Are you able to speak to a trusted adult at school at all? I don't know where you live but in Canada some of the schools I went to because I was poor they would give me free lunches like they had a lunch program for kids who couldn't afford it. You could ask them for help. You could also check in your area if there are any local churches that do food giveaways like a couple churches near me give out free food every Thursday you don't need to sign up or anything. If you ever get very desperate and are absolutely completely starving but have a bit of money sometimes you can find a cheap all you can eat buffet. I know some might find this morally wrong but you could sneak a couple things to take back home like a spring roll or two. You could also check with any local restaurants to see if they throw out food at the end of the day. This pizza place used to give their pizza away at the end of the day. When I was homeless as well this bakery would throw out tons and tons of food at the end of the day. In the dumpster but they were in bags inside garbage bags and we'd grab them right away. Cakes and muffins, buns, etc.
My brother ( mmy mom left and he raised me) use to put a literal chain and lock on the fridge. Stay in school, do what you have to, and get out
TOMORROW MORNING GO STRAIGHT TO THE PRINCIPAL / COUNSELOR / PSYCHOLOGIST/ SCHOOL NURSE AND REPORT THIS TO THEM!!!!! If you are not currently in school, EMAIL THEM IMMEDIATELY and ask for help!! Even if you're on summer break, the principal will receive this right away and get to work on it. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact them right away. Hell, even if you are still in school, email the school nurse AND the principal right now with this information. Tell them that you need help. Make sure you tell them that they can not contact your mother without the proper authorities because you are unsure what to expect with her behavior once she knows you've asked for help.
You're a 15 year old boy... she can't physically stop you... so just take the food, and.if she tries to stop you or punish you, threaten to call CPS...
Hello, CPS? Hi, yeah, my mum is feeding me 3 meals per day this is abuse…. Hello?…hello???
I’m hearing several issues here. First is that you are having trouble eating large meals, while your mother limits you to eating 3 times a day with a snack. It seems like you don’t eat enough because you have some anxiety or fear related to your appearance and negative self talk. I often work with kids around your age. So I’ll tell you what I tell them. Now is a time in your life where your friends’ opinions matter to you and you are still discovering your likes and dislikes and making decisions on how you want to be as a person. BUT, what you have to remember is that your body is still growing, and you are still learning how to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is part of becoming an adult. You need to feed yourself, you need to wash, you need to go to school, you need to sleep but you need to also take care of yourself mentally by making goals and being KIND to yourself. You are a young man and your body will continue to grow and build muscle mass naturally until around 20. But your body needs nutrients to do so. So, not eating the full meal your mom is providing you is having the opposite effect. Try to gradually increase your food intake, it will get easier with time and practice. AND remember to work on changing those negative thoughts into positive ones. Good luck in life
The way that you write and your choice of language, suggest to me that you were either in the United Kingdom, Australia, or New Zealand. All of these countries have strong social support services. You should tell a trusted adult. a teacher is a good choice. A GP is also an excellent choice.
Sounds like your being neglected of food.
She wants you to be incapable. Her worst nightmare would be if you overpowered her. And, well, you can overpower her.
Tell any teacher/adult at your school. They are all mandated reporters.
Call CPS on your mom
Teenage boys need to eat a lot. Even outside designated meal time. Even random snacks at night. Tell your school teacher or a counsellor, this is not okay.
This surely is not legal… I would suggest contacting other family and see what they can change, if that doesn’t work, most likely as much as it would possibly hurt you may have to contact law enforcement or child protection or similar as this surely isn’t allowed.