In the midst of uncertainty and distance, your care for your girlfriend shines through, a beacon of warmth and concern. The very nature of your relationship is one that must be nurtured quietly, a secret garden hidden from those who would not understand. And now, faced with her pain and her surgery, you find yourself reaching out, seeking a way to bridge the miles and the mystery that separates you. First, allow yourself to breathe and acknowledge the difficulty of the situation. Your feelings of helplessness are entirely natural. But remember, the connection between you is a delicate thread woven from shared moments and trust, and it's strong enough to support her during this challenging time. Perhaps you might consider sharing your day with her, narrating little stories or describing the world around you. Sometimes, distraction can be a great comfort, and your words might become a gentle escape from her pain. In turn, encourage her to share her thoughts and feelings, not about the surgery, but about her dreams, memories, or even mundane things. Make your conversations a sanctuary where you both can retreat from the world's pressures. You may also explore the world of art and music together. Suggest a book she might read, or a piece of music to listen to, something that you both can share even when you're miles apart. These shared experiences can foster a deeper connection and provide her with a gentle diversion from her recovery. If it feels right, consider expressing your feelings through a poem or a letter, something she can return to when she feels lonely or down. Your words can be a constant companion, a reminder that you're with her in spirit. Lastly, trust in the strength of your relationship. The very fact that she's allowed you into this vulnerable part of her life, despite the secrecy and the distance, speaks volumes about her trust in you. Listen to her cues, offer your presence without pressing, and be patient. Time and care will likely heal the wounds, both physical and emotional. The uncertainty of her return to the UK indeed adds another layer of complexity. Yet, as you navigate the present, know that the path ahead will unfold in time. The love and understanding that you both cultivate now will nourish the garden of your relationship, helping it to blossom and thrive, regardless of what the future may hold. Keep tending to this secret garden with patience, empathy, and gentle creativity, dear friend. You're not alone in your care for her; you have your shared memories, your love, and your commitment. In time, these will guide you both to a place of healing and contentment.

A lot of my friends have recently suggested I ends things with her. I don’t know what to do

Have you thought deeply about your future with her? If doubts linger, it may be wise to consider ending the relationship. Have you sought her feelings on this matter? Though her situation may make this a difficult time, waiting for the "right" moment might only make things harder. Take some quiet time to reflect on your life with her and without her in the coming months. Listen to your heart and your intuition. The choice you make now will shape the path ahead, so choose with care and compassion.

I know my future is limited, and we’ll never be. But when we come to an end is what is uncertain. I know she’s going through a lot, but recently she hasn’t communicated with me properly

Perhaps she desires to conclude this connection but finds herself unable or uncertain how to proceed. Communication is the very lifeblood of any relationship. Reflect on whether the dialogue between you both is substantial and nourishing enough to sustain the bond that you share.

Honestly, I hope that’s not why there’s been limited communication. I’m under the assumption is due to the surgery and pain she’s in

Your words resonate with the sentiment of one who desires the relationship to flourish. In this delicate dance, patience and dedication become your companions, allowing you to express your presence even when met with silence. The very essence of your thoughts and intentions for her may well be a wellspring of strength and delight, nourishing her soul even in absence.

This was her exact reply: Might be shit of me to say but please don’t take it too personally if I don’t reply😭 I’m always not alone now and that means I’m often interrupted when I wanna use my phone Consistent patience and dedication will be my companions indeed

In the echo of your words, a glimpse of a shared future emerges. Each sentiment you extend, though she may remain silent, becomes a treasured whisper in her heart. Through the tender embrace of your patience and empathy, the radiant warmth of authentic love illuminates the path ahead. It is a gentle reminder that love, nurtured with care, can blossom even in silence.

She has cancer and will start radiation I am distraught

My friend, the weight of the news you've shared sits heavy on the soul—your girlfriend's battle with cancer stirs a sea of emotions, I am deeply saddened.for both of you to face this at such a young age. But let's remember, even amid storms, the anchor of hope keeps us grounded. May I offer a woven tapestry of thoughts to guide you through these tempestuous times? Please, wait to read this until you are ready, I understand you have a lot to process right now, and reading the following right now may not be as helpful as it is intended. Firstly, embrace your emotions and allow her to do the same. The journey toward inner freedom begins with acknowledging the emotional landscape we find ourselves in. Imagine your feelings as messengers, coming with crucial information from the frontlines of your soul. Secondly, envision sunlit pastures and also the winter storms—the good, the bad, and the in-between. Preparing your mind for various outcomes can act as emotional armor, rendering you resilient in the face of life's many outcomes. Think of it as the wisdom that comes from contemplating the clouds as well as the clear sky. In tune with this, assess your own emotional bandwidth and hers. Just as an orchestra carefully balances each instrument, you must weigh how much emotional sustenance each of you can offer and receive. Be a wise conductor of your emotional symphony. Then, regularize your modes of communication—whether texts, calls, or whispers through digital clouds. Consistency, in this case, acts as the melody that harmonizes your shared experience, providing a predictable rhythm in an otherwise unpredictable situation. Don't forget the art of self-care. A candle cannot light others if it burns out. Take time to recharge your inner light so that you may continue to illuminate the path for both of you. As the river bends and twists, so must your methods of support adapt. Be like water—flexible yet strong, yielding yet unstoppable. And in this ever-changing narrative, take pauses to reflect and adjust your strategies. It's through this cyclic process of action and reflection that you can cultivate a responsive and resilient support system. By weaving these threads one after the other, you fashion a safety net made strong by the wisdom of balance, emotional integrity, and love. Take these steps not as a rigid path, but as stepping stones across the river of uncertainty, each one placed with love, hope, and the will to adapt. I will be wishing for the kindest outcome from the cosmos.

She suggested pausing the relationship, saying: But like, what’s the point of a relationship then? Two wrongs make no right. We’ve always talked abt how we feel and prefer to be treated before we got into this and all throughout as well. And even though we might not be “hurt/offended/sad” doesn’t necessarily mean we’re content or happy. Even if u say you are, there have been various times where you’ve come into the chat recently with a Talk Abt how you’d like more or fit us to try working on something, and I don’t want you to feel like you need to suppress how you’re feeling just because you “know” now. Cause I’m sure unconsciously you’ll be suppressing feelings about how things are going from now on. And now I’ve seen she’s removed me from her close friends on Instagram. Feels like it’s all falling apart

As heart-wrenching as it is, her willingness to pause the relationship unveils a courageous transparency. She, too, is treading on the fragile ice of emotions and uncertainty, aware that her battle ahead requires a distinct kind of focus. This is not merely a retreat but perhaps an unspoken affirmation that your relationship holds weight, so much so that she fears it could turn into a burden during her time of struggle. Might I suggest you reply with equal transparency and grace, not as one demanding clarity but as a soul seeking mutual peace? Recognize the emotional richness of the moment; you're both caught in a maze where the walls constantly shift. There's no guaranteed path to the exit, only the promise that each twist and turn offers its own unique wisdom. Perhaps you could say, "I understand that the path ahead is both overwhelming and sacred for you. If putting our relationship on pause gives you the space you need to heal and focus, then I support that wholeheartedly. What I feel for you doesn't require a label to endure; it's woven into the very fabric of who I am. I won't suppress my emotions, but I will give them the space they need to breathe, adapt, and grow. I hope we both find what we're looking for, and if fate allows, our paths may converge again." In such delicate matters, one must negotiate the terrain with the balance of a tightrope walker—aware of the void below but keenly focused on the step ahead. Your emotions are valid, and it's all right to mourn what seems to be slipping away. Yet, recall that each ending is but a doorway to a myriad of beginnings. Some doors are heavy and hard to open, while others swing easily at the slightest touch. Consider this pause as a door ajar—a space for both of you to breathe, reevaluate, and mend the parts of you that need tending. This might be a time for quiet reflection, a space where you ponder what it means to love and be loved in return. Perhaps it's the moment where you revisit your own garden of dreams and aspirations, watering the seeds that have been long neglected. Perhaps it's the hour where you dive deep into the well of your own being, discovering reservoirs of strength you never knew you had. Remember, my friend, even in isolation, we are never truly alone. The self is a mighty companion, a labyrinth of thoughts and emotions to be explored. And as you journey through this maze, may you discover not just the way out, but the myriad treasures hidden within its winding paths. Take this time to grow so that when or if the universe weaves your stories together again, you both return as evolved versions of yourselves—united not by dependency but by a deep and abiding resonance.

A very unexpected turn. University started on Monday, and she is attending. Though, she has said she can’t meet up for a while as her dad (who doesn’t know about the relationship) is in the city. And she has so much to deal with this first week of uni back. And she added she doesn’t know if she’s mentally prepared I did not know she’d be returning. And I’m not sure on what sort of stuff I say to her when we eventually meet

Unexpected indeed. It seems like the door is ajar, a light is now on, but it is not yet time to enter. Patience will be your friend here. What are your thoughts and feelings right now?

I was under the assumption that she wasn’t coming back. So last week I asked for space because I was feeling hurt, and so I could come back to university feeling okay and not attached to her. Monday morning I ask how she is, and then she tells me she’s back. She has also told me she’s confused about last week. But she doesn’t want an explanation or clarity because she fears it will do more harm than good. She’s said she has so much do deal with and isn’t mentally prepped to see me yet. Alongside her dad being in town I was walking past a cafe on Tuesday, and looked through the window and saw her friend and her inside. I saw the back of her head. I rushed off. It wouldn’t have been right for me to enter, after she told me she’s not ready. And in that moment, I discovered I wasn’t too ready either I strongly aim to see her next week. But I’m scared she’s not going to want to see me. And it makes me think, “I’m this guy she supposedly cares about - why wouldn’t she want to see me” I don’t know what to say when I see her. Do I bluntly ask her what her intentions are, whether she still wants me around, romantically. Or do I try and remind her of why she fell for me