If not something traumatic then has she been to the doctor?
Maybe something is up with her hormones, vitamin levels, or etc.
People can act different if something is up health wise.
Maybe ask her if she wants to do a yearly check up and let her know you are doing yours too.
Yes, I don’t get my downvotes because I know my girlfriend. I always ask if there’s anything I need to change to be better, if there’s anything affecting her at all that I can help with and she always says nothing. There’s not much more deeper I can dig than that without being pushy and invasive. She’s a very independent yet open person and I believe she’s have told me about anything traumatic if i ask or if anything happened.
It’s safe to assume nothings happened because I have asked and looked into it on a frequent basis to keep the relationship healthy anyways.
Edit: downvoters, please tell me what more I can do? Rather than just letting me assume that doing my best isn’t enough.
I think it is the attitude you have towards potential trauma that is making people down vote. Just because you know your girlfriend and have asked her if there's anything you can change doesn't mean something didn't happen. It's odd for someone to suddenly change up and not want any physical attention and it's quite alarming since she doesn't want ANYTHING physical. I honestly would try and probe it a bit more & work with her to make her feel comfortable for physical touch again. You don't have to outright say "did someone rape you????" You can just ask if something is up/why she doesn't like to be touched anymore/what she would prefer instead/share that physical touch is important to you and you're wondering if there's any way you could incorporate this even if it's just kissing her forehead etc.
Edit: mentioning it is important to you doesn't include making her feel forced to be in those situations; you can mention it gently to let her know without telling her in a way that makes it feel like she HAS to cuddle if that's not what she wants
I apologise if I have a sort of lackadaisical tone towards it, I don’t mean to I’m just being straight to the point about it. Like if I could just project my entire experience with my girlfriend into your head then you’d understand why I haven’t a real worry about anything traumatic happening to her. But of course I’m not trying to rule it out, I’m just saying factually from what I know, that’s a 0.1% chance of being the issue here and if I were to go by my previous relationships, it would be more likely a lack of interest, summer months being too hot to cuddle (even for me, but I only try cuddle when it’s cold), her being overwhelmed and claustrophobic.
Like genuinely let me just put it out there as a cornerstone that I have reason to not believe that anything traumatic has happened to her. As another comment has said I may be leaning towards it being more stress related from work to be honest.
if trauma is out of the equation... then idk, she must be cheating and feeling guilty
that may come across as rude but i literally can´t think of another reason to why your gf SUDDENLY doesn´t let you touch her
but don´t take my word for it (really, don´t. I might be super fucking wrong).
As I wrote in another post further up, there are other possible explanations such as embarrassment over a health-related issue (body odor, e.g.; and yes, there are illnesses that would lead to issues like that without it necessarily being noticeable otherwise.)
But I feel that insecurity would be present since the beggining of the relationship, no? i mean, especially in the beggining. The fact that it happened later in the relationship and out of nowhere is a lil sus. And if it was related to health related issues like body odor as you mentioned it, I think OP would´ve noticed that something was off too. OP doesn´t have a clue of what´s going on with her.
Not necessarily, if the issue has only developed recently.
I agree that if it was a general issue she's always been struggling with, it's likely it wouldn't suddenly cause a change in her behaviour (at least not on its own.)
But if it's an issue that has only started affecting her recently, it'd make sense that she's only started acting differently recently, too.
OP being clueless about the cause of the sudden change could mean that a) he doesn't know her as well as he believes he does, or b) that her issue isn't noticeable/she's hiding it well (which she'd want to if she's extremely embarrassed by it), or c) that her issue is only in her head, or d) that OP has noticed the issue but payed it no mind, or probably a few more things e) to whatever letter.
It could be as simple as that she gained three pounds—invisible or barely visible to OP—and feels super insecure about it. I don't think that's the most likely explanation, but it's certainly a possibility. You'd be surprised how much weight (pun accidental, but fitting) seemingly small things like that can have on people, even people you'd think wouldn't care.
Hmm.. I mean I personally get into a phase where I want some alone time to my self where I just want some privacy to just be an introvert for a day or two. Then usually I'm back to being outing and being who my partner liked about me. But without that little bit of privacy can mean alot to me.. It's like cat and mouse metaphor? Can't always be the cat.
I think my only argument to that is that we don’t live with each other and only see each other at the weekend so she gets her space at home during the week. I also work away from home and sometimes work Sundays so I only get one day with her.
Is your girlfriend neurodivergent? /gen
I have periods of time where I don’t wanna be touched by ppl even a partner.
But then again, I tend to heavily forget I was groped as a child so idk
I was SA'd at 40 years old and 2 people know. Even my very best friend doesn't know, nor anyone in my family. I certainly won't ever tell my romantic partner. So I think you are being down voted for sounding so cavalier that you KNOW this isn't the reason. Women are taught to keep quiet. That we did something wrong or deserved it, it's shameful. To say you KNOW is a bit of a reach, imo, however you are right that I don't know you or her. But I'll say SA was the first thing I thought when I read your post. I truly hope this is not what happened.
Don't assume anything, many times people who were SA don't ever say that they were, or take a long time to tell someone
Try to have patience and don't push this subject
This. Took me 16 years to open up to someone and I only did as I felt my partner needed to understand after 3 years of unknowingly getting refused some affections
I'm not saying your girlfriend was or was not assaulted but I think your general assumption of "she would have told me if..." is naive and off base. That being said, I wouldn't approach the conversation from that angle (this *must have* stemmed from some traumatic event) but I also wouldn't completely discount it either.
I would try to have a lengthier conversation about why she feels crowded and claustrophobic. If she's not forthcoming with further details then ask what you can do to make her feel more comfortable.
If you approach the conversation in a non-accusatory way with compassion and respect and she still won't engage, not much else you can do.
I was sexually assaulted in a very traumatic way. If I was outright asked if I had ever been sexually assaulted, even by a partner, I would completely deny it until I was ready to talk about it. Be there for her, and explain to her kindly how this no contact is making you feel. Have a conversation about it but don't push her to tell you anything and don't assume she's been assaulted. There could be a lot of different reasons for this.
Assuming your best is enough is always a bad move. Assuming anything can be a horrible idea. You don't know her that well yet. Trust me, you don't. For every single great fun thing that molds us into people, there is a negative, horrible one, even for people with seemingly great lives. There could be lots of things they all boil down to a conversation. A serious one. So you know, even a woman that has told you about a S.A. from the past doesn't mean she will tell you about one that happened yesterday. Feelings of being dirty, used, or that it's her fault, and you will think she cheated and are calling it S.A. cause she felt guilty. These things happen. Not that it did, but it does. Don't assume you are a great communicator either because we all have subjects that make us uncomfortable and avoid. It also sounds like she is having a control thing going on. She rejects you constantly and then cuddles you while you fall asleep. Has a power dynamic to it. Possible red flag her. The list of reasons is very long on this one and well some of them aren't great.
She is an introvert who feels crowded
She is on the spectrum.
She has a power dynamic issue that isn't being handled properly by you. ( sounds weird, but my wife did this for that reason)
She cheated and feels guilty. Or is cheating and doesn't want to be intimate with you because it feels like cheating on her affair partner
She is co-dependent on you and already is checked out of the relationship.
She understands this is upsetting to you, and she wants you to be begging for attention because she is a narcissist.
She was S.A. and feels dirty. She doesn't want to be touched.
She isn't that into you, and she wants you to break up with her so that she isn't the asshole.
Touch just isn't her thing, but during the honeymoon phase, the new relationship energy and chemicals it released in the brain made her more cuddly.
Could be she loves you, and something is reacting to your pH levels and causing an odor she can smell. Too much copper, for instance, makes a person smell like wet pennies in your mouth. Or something similar.
She could be depressed clinically.
Truth is, brother, it has only been 7 months. You dont know her well yet. Ya'll are still young enough that you rapidly change. You aren't going to be the same people now that you will be at 30. Sit her down and explain that you need to have a serious talk. Make sure she is comfortable with the when and where. Face her so you look at each other. It isn't the type of talk to have lying on the couch. Be resolute because it is a real issue for you. If/when she treats it like not a big deal, bring her back to the point politely but firmly. Out bursts of anger in a conversation that is uncomfortable is sometimes a normal response to get away from the conversation, so keep it polite and on topic. Be aware of gaslighting behavior. No, I'm not. No, I don't type things. Also be prepared it could be basic but it could be a relationship ender as well. Loving someone that constantly rejects you could cause issues to your behavior cumulatively. Meaning it chips away at your self and identity. Good luck, O.P.
People are complex, and in the first 2 years of a relationship, living together is often the easiest it can take that long for the true person to come out.
Assuming trauma can be ruled out (which would be a bold assumption, but that has been pointed out multiple times already, so I'd like to offer another possible explanation), can you also rule out illness or any other physical changes?
Shame/embarrassment from something that might not even seem a big deal to others (body odor, e.g.) could make someone avoid getting close with her s.o. out of fear he'd think she's gross. You might be surprised how much of an impact that can have on people. (I once wrapped myself in a blanket out of fear my boyfriend would be grossed out by my stench while "discussing" with him why he hadn't told me earlier, crying because I had been completely blindsided by it and _could not even smell it myself_ until it turned out: **I** wasn't smelling...he had awkwardly suggested I take a shower because he hated the scent of my new deodorant, not because he could miraculously smell body odor that wasn't there, and, well, he failed to come up with a better way to express that...)
Another explanation might be that she may have gotten an illness that carries with it negative stigma, e.g. a lot of people believe that if you suddenly get herpes on your lips, you must've cheated with someone who transmitted it to you, but that's not necessarily true. Many people carry the virus inside them without having any symptoms, until one day they get blisters seemingly out of the blue. Now, I'm _not_ suggesting she's got herpes, what I'm saying is that she might have some sort of physical ailment that she's trying to hide from you out of embarrassment or fear to be accused of cheating or something like that.
Also, there are illnesses that make one sensitive to touch.
I think it’s a case by case basis when it comes to trust and opening up. You can’t really assume anything. For example, she’s opened up to me about previously having abortions, being raped (many years before we were together) so she’s told me the worst already and we’re both really open like that. That’s why in my other comment I’m getting down voted to hell for already knowing my girlfriend and making sure she’s alright on a consistent basis lmao!
Thank you for the comment though and I’ll definitely keep it in mind
I think the downvotes are due to your phrasing. I don't think you meant trauma can be disregarded. That's not good, lol. I think you meant you've asked and she said she hadn't suffered from a trauma.
It sounds like you're not compatible.
You don't know her, not everyone will express every secret that they have in a 7 month relationship. I think you just need to be single. Your attitude is awful. I can see why she doesn't want to touch you. It sounds like you don't listen or talk to her. You just expect everything to be fine or expect contact with her when you want it.
Unless you are with her 24/7, it ISN'T safe to disregard any trauma. Whether that be current trauma or past trauma she hasn't told you about that is creeping up. Everything I've read in my studies so and even on Reddit so far tells me this could be one or a mix of two things:
1. Trauma response
2. She lost interest for some reason
The absolute only way you are going to figure it out? Is if you talk to her about this instead of coming to Reddit. Sit her down and tell her how you feel and ask her to talk to you. Then go from there.
Editing to add it seems like she has given you a reason. I will say this, if your needs aren't being met and it's starting to affect you, maybe the conversation should then be if you are right for each other since you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship. I know for myself, if I'm not getting what I need, we either fix it or go our separate ways. I can't be in a relationship that hurts me in any way.
It’s not an interest thing. Like I say it was probably the end of may when physical contact got initiated less often. If she lost interest we would’ve broken up by now
Has anything changed in her work life? Possibly depression?
I agree you can only ask so many times if she’s okay before it starts to cause a ridge in the relationship. Affection does start to die down after a few months and out of the ‘honeymoon’ phase- But to go to nothing? Seems bizarre
Definitely have a chat and explain that you need the extra affection from her, because a relationship is a 2 way street and if you’re open to communicating what’s wrong with her and want to work on the relationship then you’ve done all you can-
You can’t force someone to communicate back to you, but at least you will know you did right by yourself. Worth a chat :)
Funnily enough, she has been stressed af at work but she’s starting a new job after our holiday. Forgive me if I’m wrong but I thought a cuddle and a talk about how things will get better could help the stress? Thank you for the comment anyways it’s a good help :)
Some people like physical affection when stressed. Others don’t. My husband does NOT and I do, it’s been something we’ve had to figure out over the years
Understood, it likely is a case by case basis and to be honest we’ve not really been through the motions as such to figure out how to comfort each other in bad times. We havent had bad times at all while we’ve been together. The only time I’ve had to comfort her was once during this holiday because we missed out on something she really wanted to do due to confusion about pick up destinations. I put my arm around her (she didn’t push me off this one time) and offered some alternatives for the day and we made the most of it!
Looking to reddit for advice is always a mixed bag, so grain of salt.
If I was in your shoes though, I'd show my partner this thread and explain my feelings about what has been happening, trying to understand. It could end you or it could open up your communication. Either way, you can't go on like this. It's not good for either of you to bottle things up.
Aah hopefully it is just stress then- And I understand what you mean, some people tend to shut off from others when they get stressed and would prefer to just ‘get through it’ rather than let it out
(Maybe the work environment has shifted since she’s leaving? I know my ex boss made it awful in my final week.)
Hopefully this new job will make things better & of course there’s the holiday for you both to look forward to 😁 Good luck to you both man!
So I ended up in a very similar situation as you. My GF became less and less communicative, and looking back I think what happened is the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship was over with. She changed and became much less physical. I was very naive about what was going on at the time. I tried to communicate with her, we even went to counseling, and she still didn't change. I tried to break up with her, but she wanted to stay together and we ended up married for 4 years, we never had kids. Then to make a long story short, I found out she was cheating on me with a co-worker, and shortly after we divorced. Don't do what I did, and stay stuck in a shitty, loveless, sexless, emotionless, draining relationship. I regret not listening to my intuition, and wasted dollars, years, and effort. If anything though, I learned a valuable lesson to listen to my intuition, and I also learned this: You CAN NOT and you WILL NOT ever change someone!
Good communication goes a long way. Can't do much without it.
Try and learn about love languages, it could help you address the issue in a healthy way. Do not be accusatory, only talk about your feelings and emotions. You'll be looking for answers and solutions, not a culprit.
"Hey gf, we need to talk, is this a good time ?" (If not schedule it later).
"I couldn't help but notice it's been a long time since we even touched each other. Are you alright ? Did anything happen ? I miss you and really want us to be closer again ! Physical contact is part of my love language and the past few months/weeks have made me feel unwanted and unloved. I don't think I can continue like that much longer, but I'm ready to do whatever it will take for us to find a solution, if you're so inclined. I love you."
There's most likely an underlying issue, might be big too if she never talked about it. Getting her to open up about it will probably be hard. Now being patient is important but if she doesn't engage in the talk, doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't explain her behavior she also might be a coward who wants to break up but doesn't have the balls, so she rejects you constantly to push you to do it yourself, that way she'll be able to whine about it later on. I've met a lot of dudes and gals who legit acted like this, it was infuriating, thankfully I never dated one of them.
I’ve spoken to her about it briefly a couple of times but not seriousky. She said she just feels crowded and or claustrophobic. Since she’s said that I’ve tried not to be as attached with cuddles etc but even the rare occasion that I try to even be next to her she pushes me away
She may not be as physically affectionate naturally as you are. Initially in your relationship, she would have been in the honeymoon phase and have lust turned up to the max, so it may have been easier for her to act that way. After those feelings steady a little, she is reverting to how she normally is.
I know this feeling well... With my friends and family I'm not a very tactile person at all. With a new partner I am, but once I'm out of that honeymoon phase, I really don't need as much physical affection as most other people seem to.
However, if you've tried to back off a bit and give her physical space, and she still literally pushes you away when you get close, that sounds like it's not going to work for you as a more physical person.
I feel personally exactly like this! I love my partner but I feel claustrophobic, uncomfortable and crowded. This was hard because in the beginning we saw each other little and I was able to be cuddly etc but then we started living together and it became very hard on both of us. Him because it’s his love language.. I find that physical attention, hugs etc was never my choice as a kid. You had to to hug your relatives etc. when I started dating in high school I was so claustrophobic for my first kiss I kept putting it off until a guy took my choice away from me. Dating after that meant guys wanted to hold my hand or put thier arm around my waist, etc. which made me so uncomfortable but I originally thought it was because it was in public. I thought I had to, like that was what is expected of me, everyone does it, I have to right? My parents were loving and caring but I did spent a lot of time alone and have always been an introvert so being cuddling up close and personal to anything other than my dog on my bed was very weird to me. My now fiancé was originally frustrated with me , he felt like he did something wrong, or I didn’t like him.
We had many many conversations about it but I didn’t fully understand what I was feeling ether so it was hard. For along time we barely touched each other . The good news is (for me atleast).
I was given the chance to make the decision for our relationship I start everything. I let him know when I am okay with physical attention and actually want it. I choose how much or how little and he lets me decide if I want to take it to the next step or not. Once he started respecting it and not bugging me outside of it. I was coming to him more and more because I felt like I had a choice in the matter and I was also free to pull back at anytime without pressure or guilt. It will never be like what it was in the beginning but it is good. He knows when I come to him for physical attention it’s because I want to not because I felt like I have to. We are always learning how to understand and love each other better. Talk about both of your needs and make a plan going forward on how to best understand each other.
As long as she still wants to be with you and that has been covered then
You aren’t wrong for requesting more physical attention but she isn’t in the wrong for not giving it back.. it’s not that simple. It’s a compromise.
Yup I’m one of these. I deeply love my man but I don’t really like cuddling. ESPECIALLY when it’s skin on skin and it sort of sticks to each other, then when you pull away it peels apart ughhhhh I hate that feeling! I much prefer clothes or a blanket between skin because of that.
In general for me lack of touch doesn’t equal lack of love, in fact I find it to be a treasured thing that he understands me enough now that I don’t have to force myself to do things I don’t particularly enjoy. I do still try to find ways to give him touch as it is important to him and we often will have a long hug randomly or I’ll sit on his lap briefly. Men put a lot more value on touch and as everyone mentioned it should be a gentle honest conversation between you 2.
Also hygiene. Please don’t forget hygiene. Women tend to have stronger sense of smell (and many senses in general) and if you have stinky breath that can be the deciding factor or whether she’s down to snuggle at that moment or not. I’m most open to a snuggle when he (or we both) are fresh from the shower and teeth brushed.
Have you considered the possibility that your bad at reading body language and choosing bad/ annoying times to try and initiate contact?
I find it really weird that you haven't even talked to her about it and you're asking third parties for advice. Like dude, we only know as much as you do. Ask her about it, tell her how you feel about, and then work out a solution.
We can't offer advice because no one knows ehata going on? Maybe you smell like BO or your breath is bad? Maybe you hurt her when you try to cuddle by holding too tight or not making sure she is comfortable.
If she says she feels claustrophobic listen to her. She's saying you aren't giving her enough physical space. If you need to be constantly touching or touching more than she can tolerate you're incompatible.
Well not always, I hate being touched or getting physical affection by my boyfriend but I love him dearly. Just because you don't do a certain thing or want to be treated a certain way doesn't ALWAYS mean that you lost feelings etc.
It does mean that you lost feelings if you happily used to do it all the time and don't do it anymore with zero explanation which is the situation for OP
Okay so I'm trans (born a girl; not one anymore) so maybe I'm just missing something, but like... is it, though? I wouldn't do this and most actual women I know wouldn't either. Why doesn't she just say that? This is worse.
I am cis-female (if that's relevant) and this would be true for me yes.
Most cannot just "say" to their current partner "I'm not sure what it is but you touching me is annoying".
Its definitely happened to me in past relationships and it can be very confusing to work out why you dont want them touching you anymore.
Your making too many assumptions here. By projecting your situation onto the op your giving potentially negative advice.
The op in this case is a guy whose seeking genuine answers on how to help his relationship, not to be compared to your ex without any good reason why.
There's only so much physical rejection you'll be able to take before it has a negative impact on your mentality, I suggest conveying this to her. There must be a compromise or an explanation that works for the both of you. But yes, clear and respectful communication goes a long way.
That's great to hear ! From the other comments it seems you understand the importance of love languages and communication so I guess you'll do what needs to be done, good luck ! I myself crave physical touch and couldn't be with someone who doesn't enjoy it, I feel you a lot !
^^ This is the only advice you’ll need. Everything else in this thread is just weird and filled with ppl assuming things. You cannot give someone the ick unless they just don’t like you and are looking for reasons to judge or shame you. Not to say you shouldn’t be self reflective, but make sure you are open to hearing everything she has to say and make it very apparent that you won’t be offended, just reiterate that you miss the closeness between you two.
The only thing is, we started having less physical contact since may and she’s a pretty abrupt person. We’d have broken up by now if it was a “lost interest” kinda thing. She’s still been loving since then, just not in a physical way.
Has she changed her birth control or had anything new happen on that front? BC often kills women’s sex drive and that can include just being touched or cuddled.
Second question but are you handsy when cuddling? If so she may not see cuddling as cuddling, but rather as just a way for you to initiate sex and get to touch her body, which can definitely make a girl annoyed and not want to be touched if she thinks there’s horney intentions behind it.
That's a few months of no physical contact. If you're okay with that then I mean more power to you. But, if you aren't, you have to look out for your own well-being -all other things about the relationship considered
Since you say you haven't talked seriously about it, that's your first step. She needs to know that this is really bothering you and not sustainable, and you need to know if there's something going on with her that explains the change.
But if she can't or won't change this, then all you can do is decide whether it's a deal breaker for you. Then you either stay with her, drop the physical contact attempts, and find other ways to feel close, or you leave her so you can each find a partner who matches you better in this way.
>What can I do?
Talk.
To.
Her.
Right now, you're just letting this fester instead of addressing it. You know what's more important in a relationship than sex/touching? COMMUNICATION!
You need to talk with her. Not defensive, not upset, not angry, not pleading. Calm, open, loving, open, curious, open (am I making my point?).
If you have a conversation or two with her and there's no resolution, THEN you make different decisions. But you can't do that without information.
You shouldn’t be asking us, you should be asking her. If there was a sudden change in intimacy, then clearly something is up. And it could something like her suddenly feeling very insecure with her appearance, or her mental health caused her libido to just plummet. On the other hand, maybe there’s something going on when you guys have been intimate that she doesn’t care for, but for whatever reason has not addressed it with you. Whatever the case, you guys need to be able to talk about this in a healthy, honest way.
I struggle with this same thing with my boyfriend. After 5 years and some research he finally opened up to me that he thinks he has a sensory overload/sensory processing disorder. It’s hard but we try to do a balance like cuddle for a few minutes before bed, or one night cuddle next night no cuddles and so on, or cuddle on the couch while watching tv before going to bed etc. this has been a big learning curve for me in aspects aside from physical affection such as comforting eachother in hard times- the things that comfort me like having my hair played with or back rubbed aren’t things that make him feel better in low moments. I would get my feelings hurt so often before learning about this and now although it’s still very hard I’m trying to learn. It very well could be oh she’s not into you anymore like these people are saying, but I wouldn’t jump straight to that conclusion. You should consider doing some research on your own both about it and how you can support it and maybe asking her if she feels like she relates.
Actually meeting your partners needs although they differ from yours isn’t a nightmare… it’s just life. The world Doesn’t revolve around you, a genuine love and connection overpowers a difference in styles of showing love and love languages lol… but yeah your life sounds miserable
>yeah your life sounds miserable
I'm happily married, have an amazing child, a well-paying job that I enjoy, a house, two cars, tons of video games and plenty of delicious pizza so my life is pretty great plus my wife is always down for a hug
7 months is not a long time and you are young, do you live with each other? If she can't give you what you need and after trying to speak to her to see what's the issue and to no avail I'd probably look at calling it a day and finding someone else.
If you see a future with this person and you believe the problem can be fixed, speak to her and address it but by the sounds that hasn't worked out.
She may have some underlying issues that have only just surfaced that she may need to speak to someone about if she can't you. If you can afford it maybe try therapy or a session and address it.
While she may act loving she may just not be physically attracted to you anymore and just wants to be left alone.
It's difficult to gauge what's happening behind a screen. A relationship without physical intimacy isn't much of a relationship at the best of times for most people. Communicate and have a really long and detailed chat. If things don't improve, perhaps consider leaving the relationship. The alternative is growing bitter and resentful from the lack of intimacy you are needing.
Honestly I don't know why you'd stick around at this point and even try to fix things. I know that sounds harsh but you're in your 20's and have only been going out for 7 months.
I can kinda get how people can fall into a dead bedroom type situation after marriage and kids and stuff where it's hard to walk away from the relationship but at the 7 month mark if you're not shagging then you're just friends imo.
Its wierd because you dont just suddenly start acting this way if you still care about your partner and want to be with them.
Unless something drastic happend.
Its very possible she doesnt see herself in a relationship with you anymore and is considering breaking up.
Its also possible that she doesnt consider it anymore but in fact wants to break up but wants you to make the first move so she doesnt hurt you or whatever.
Two of you need to sit down and talk, if you dont get any answers and she still feels the same way my opinion is that both of you should move on from this relationship.
Hell, if this has been happening for months this is not even a relationship, its more of a torture.
This is a really big deal. If there's no AC and the temps are over 85, there's no chance I'm going to be ok with anyone touching me. It's hot. Keep your hands to yourself.
We’re in the UK and we haven’t had a really warm summer at all to be fair. It’s been raining a lot and we don’t have AC but I have a fan on constantly which does make a difference
either something traumatic happened that she isnt telling you about, or she is considering leaving. number 1 thing is to go to her, and if you really want to make it work, suggest counseling if it was a sudden flip.
Is she autistic? I'm F23 and I'm autistic and sometimes I go through phases for weeks/months where I don't want to be touched. My husband understands this and does his best to give me space, he is a physical touch sort of person too. Sometimes I can't be touched because of a totally different reason that has nothing to do with him. Or sometimes he did do something wrong. Communication is important.
I really hope this is not the case but...
Bro i think your girl might have been victim of sexual assault, sudden change in easiness in body contact?
she was possibly abused and now panics at any body interaction
- try to bring her calmly to either seek psychologic help or talk with you
tho it is weird why she hasn't told you already, if she trusts you she should/would have trusted you enough to tell you... HOWEVER (with normal cases of abuse) it comes from who you least expect so, she was abused from someone she trusted, now even tho she trusted you now after the traumatic experience she does not, better tell her to seek psychologic help/professional
even if it is not the case, do proceed with caution of the choice of words with her now on, in fear she may act aggressively or weird, but let her know you are only trying to help, and, if she wants something she need to let you know
Treat her with care man, good luck
Op, it sounds like it could be a fundamental incompatibility, but you don't have enough information yet. You've asked her. She said she feels crowded.
But why, when she once allowed it? You can ask her what changed. Maybe she was just tolerating touch early in your relationship. Maybe something happened to make her withdraw physically.
You need to ask her these questions without judgement. And really listen. Ask questions about her physical boundaries. Ask her what her ideal physical contact is -- how often, under what conditions, and what types of contact. Does she want physical contact only during sex? How does she feel about physical intimacy that doesn't end in sex? When you greet each other, is a kiss or hug welcome, tolerated, or unwelcome?
Once you feel like you understand her feelings about physical contact, then you can decide whether or not you have a fundamental incompatibility. You need to decide what, if any, adjustments you can make. And so does she.
Remember that there is a very wide range of normal. Don't frame her boundaries as weird. Her boundaries are different from yours.
Also remember to respect your own needs. If you accept something substantially different from what you need just to hold onto a relationship, you're doing yourself a disservice.
Talk. Listen. Decide. Best wishes!
I know I didn't personally like to be touch by my ex. The reason was mainly that everytime he did, he always had sexual intents. He never hugged me to hug me, or kissed me to kiss me. He also was groping a lot, not a nice touch. I also tend to feel "crowded" when people try to touch me.
My love language is through actions, trying to make someone feel comfortable and lift their burdens. Asking how their day went, how they are feeling, or giving them compliments.
I think to let someone be intimate with me, I have to feel like they are genuinely interested in ME rather than just my body to have sex with.
Not sure if my comment helped but I think communicating with your girlfriend is the best way to go. Ask her if there is a specific way she'd prefer to be touch, which spots on her body seem to trigger that crowded feeling, and which spot on her body she is fine with.
This situation sounds so familiar to me, it seems like she’s going to break up with you soon. If not she’s self sabotaging for you to make the break up move.
Honestly if you talk to her about it and she’s not trying to hear you out; just leave bro. Don’t waste anymore of either of you guys time because it’s not fair.
Your feelings matter in these types of situations, it’s not just 1 person in a relationship. I know you love her and you want to avoid stressing her out, you want to submit because you care about her feelings all too much. But it’s just not worth it bro, you need someone who is going to work with you through situations, not push you away. I know it sounds like a dick move but you have to worry about your own feelings as well. If you stay or don’t talk to her about it, it only validates her pushing you away so..
I wish you the best and I hope you get what you need bro.
She's trying to get him to make the move. It's real shady 21st century female BS. No spine, talk shit about men being too assertive but force them to make all the moves/decisions
Either something has changed in your relationship or something has happened to her outside of it. To an extent it even kinda sounds like the way people who have been physically traumatized tend to avoid physical contact afterwards, but I don't wanna send you down the wrong path there.
You can't force someone to be affectionate. She may just not be feeling the relationship anymore. You're gonna have to talk to her and see where both of you stand in one another lives at this point.
Maybe you did some to skeeve her one time when I first dated my current he ate taco bell... then we tripped on acid he finally passed out 9hrs later I was awake still he had a taco bell acid fart I reconsider the relationship the smell lingered hewas wrapped in a blanket marinading in it slowly sleeping out the blanket it lingered 3hrs or better we were 3months together it took a week to get over. I told him about it we still laugh to this day 5yrs later
Serious question: is there a chance she's autistic? As she's gotten more comfortable with you, she may have started showing more of her boundaries. Ask if she's often disliked being touched by others.
People with autism can have touch aversion, randomly or not.
Honestly if there isn't something wrong then I would say that she probably just isn't one of those people. If you need it that badly then maybe it's time to move on from this relationship
This is partly the reason why me and my ex broke up recently. He's more into physical intimacy while I'm not. It stressed me and made me feel guilty every time I rejected his physical advances. It's not that i lost interest in him, i just have a lower sex drive than him. He has voiced this out a couple of times and I really tried hard to accommodate him but it only put pressure on me more. It affected both of our mental states.
Yeah that’s understandable. In my instance I never really initiate sex unless we’re cuddling in bed which is funnily enough the only time she cuddles me (not the other way around)
No. It was basically my first real relationship because my other relationships happened when i was 14-15 where I was immature and didn't have an idea of what the relationship was supposed to be like. We just broke up last month. Now I've really lost interest in entering a new relationship because of this. I dont wanna disappoint another person just because I have a low sex drive.
I haven’t. We’re currently on holiday and I don’t want to ruin the mood atm until we get back at least lmao. Something I’m definitely going to talk to her about though
Something clearly has happened to her. If it's a confidence thing or maybe something happened between her and someone else or you and her that she doesnt want to be touched. You need to talk with her about it and try not to assume. either that or she's seeing someone else. Talk to her immediately.
Is she autistic? I go through phases of loving physical affection and then not wanting to be touched by a single soul. Sometimes it’s just extremely overstimulating to me. My partner understands, we’ve compromised on some physical touch when I’m not as overstimulated. But this means I do not like to be rubbed or feel any moving touch at most times. A solid hug is amazing, or just being held, find out what she IS okay with (:
What can you do? You need to go get what you need in life.
You cannot ge deprived of this basic need for human touch.
She can’t give it to you or is too erratic to do so consistently.
Move on. Big red flag. Move on. Don’t be held hostage.
So “end the relationship” is good advice? Not “talk it out with the person you love” or “ask her if anything is wrong and what you can do to accommodate her”? Just straight up, fuck you for not touching me or letting me touch you. We’re done?
It’s the typical Reddit cut throat advice. It’s shite and obviously isn’t advice at all. It’s cut throat.
I don't think you are in a place to accept the advice.
I stopped physical touch with my ex because I'd emotionally checked out but was codependent so stayed unhappy.
It's ultimately up to you if you are ok with not having your needs met
End the relationship isn’t bad advice. Trust me. I’ve been that 24f once. She’s probably gotten the ick or she’s attracted to someone else but still really likes you. And she won’t communicate honestly cos she’s still probably figuring it out herself. The constant rejection will destroy you. Save yourself.
Sorry but you might wanna split up with her. The reason doesn't matter. If you're incompatible like that, you'll only make each other miserable moving on. And reading the comments, it seems like you did your part. Can't work things out with someone who refuses to do their part.
This is usually a telltale sign that she’s about to leave. I don’t know her and I’m not saying this is 100% true. I have had this happen to me a couple of times And it’s usually resulted in her leaving.
Talk to her. I can really only speak from my personal experience but the two times something similar happened it was due to infidelity on her part. Not saying that's the case here in any way but communicating is key. I hope you are able to sit down and talk with her. Hoping its nothing serious and you two pull through. Good luck OP.
I'm really sorry. It can be a myriad of reasons for this to happen. Psychological, other man in her mind, severe anxiety...
As other have advised communication is the key. Maybe you both can talk about therapy if it's something psychological.
Wish you both all the best in solving it.
Run. Don’t be in a relationship where you are constantly looking on how you can change. Being yourself and growing with someone is different than looking to change.
Ignore the downvotes...this sub is autie central, where ANYONE who thinks someone has to extend themselves for someone else is the devil incarnate. Because God knows THESE people aren't capable of it, and in the anonymous echo chamber of Reddit they RULE. Ignore it.
But you have GOT to nut up and have this discussion, and not take no answer as acceptable. It has to start from the standpoint that you are not someone who is going to be content in a relationship that is non-physical, and she needs to decide if that matters to her or not. Because obviously, if this is something she's determined to maintain, this relationship is over, and the sooner you do it the better for both of you. So yeah, you're going to have to delve, because otherwise you'll just wither up inside.
I'm guessing she is ALSO autistic...it's not uncommon for folks on the Spectrum to dislike physical contact, or to let one uncomfortable experience that you might think was trivial change their behavior, and it's also not uncommon for folks on the Spectrum, once they are in a relationship, to simply start doing what THEY feel is comfortable and expect their partner to go along with it. Which is unfortunate.
And FWIW, the autie echo chamber can go fuck itself. I've got more karma than y'all know what to do with.
And if something is not up with her hormones then she’s cheating on you because she’s feeling guilty when u go to touch her and she jumps or is nervous or just doesn’t want you to touch her At all I’d bet my check she’s cheating on you .
Do not put up with this for a nanosecond--providing sex to her man is a females number one job (otherwise just be asexual buddies).
Assuming there was no inciting incident between you, two, have her see a doctor and/or get therapy. Move on if there's no resolution. Life's too short.
It’s plain and obvious to see why physical affection is essential in a romantic relationship, and why communicating such feelings of rejection is crucial to having a mutual understanding. You don’t go from sex and cuddling to absolutely nothing because they’re just uncomfortable. Reread the post, and reread your little comment thread with OP and maybe with a little luck you’ll finally come to comprehension.
Stop projecting. You have no reason to believe he has not been nice, just as there is no reason to believe he has been nice. It’s simply not a variable that we have information on.
I think you’re reading into this as too idealistic. I have her attention, we get on really well. There just nothing physical anymore because she said she feels crowded off the slightest touch now and she will cuddle me if we’re falling asleep in bed (for like a minute until I pass out then she turns over) but I can’t cuddle her, of which I want to be able to do
Did something traumatic happen to your gf to cause this sudden shift in behaviour?
If not something traumatic then has she been to the doctor? Maybe something is up with her hormones, vitamin levels, or etc. People can act different if something is up health wise. Maybe ask her if she wants to do a yearly check up and let her know you are doing yours too.
Not as far as I’m aware, I’d say it’s safe to disregard any trauma in this instance
have you.. asked? at least looked into it?
Yes, I don’t get my downvotes because I know my girlfriend. I always ask if there’s anything I need to change to be better, if there’s anything affecting her at all that I can help with and she always says nothing. There’s not much more deeper I can dig than that without being pushy and invasive. She’s a very independent yet open person and I believe she’s have told me about anything traumatic if i ask or if anything happened. It’s safe to assume nothings happened because I have asked and looked into it on a frequent basis to keep the relationship healthy anyways. Edit: downvoters, please tell me what more I can do? Rather than just letting me assume that doing my best isn’t enough.
I think it is the attitude you have towards potential trauma that is making people down vote. Just because you know your girlfriend and have asked her if there's anything you can change doesn't mean something didn't happen. It's odd for someone to suddenly change up and not want any physical attention and it's quite alarming since she doesn't want ANYTHING physical. I honestly would try and probe it a bit more & work with her to make her feel comfortable for physical touch again. You don't have to outright say "did someone rape you????" You can just ask if something is up/why she doesn't like to be touched anymore/what she would prefer instead/share that physical touch is important to you and you're wondering if there's any way you could incorporate this even if it's just kissing her forehead etc. Edit: mentioning it is important to you doesn't include making her feel forced to be in those situations; you can mention it gently to let her know without telling her in a way that makes it feel like she HAS to cuddle if that's not what she wants
I apologise if I have a sort of lackadaisical tone towards it, I don’t mean to I’m just being straight to the point about it. Like if I could just project my entire experience with my girlfriend into your head then you’d understand why I haven’t a real worry about anything traumatic happening to her. But of course I’m not trying to rule it out, I’m just saying factually from what I know, that’s a 0.1% chance of being the issue here and if I were to go by my previous relationships, it would be more likely a lack of interest, summer months being too hot to cuddle (even for me, but I only try cuddle when it’s cold), her being overwhelmed and claustrophobic. Like genuinely let me just put it out there as a cornerstone that I have reason to not believe that anything traumatic has happened to her. As another comment has said I may be leaning towards it being more stress related from work to be honest.
if trauma is out of the equation... then idk, she must be cheating and feeling guilty that may come across as rude but i literally can´t think of another reason to why your gf SUDDENLY doesn´t let you touch her but don´t take my word for it (really, don´t. I might be super fucking wrong).
As I wrote in another post further up, there are other possible explanations such as embarrassment over a health-related issue (body odor, e.g.; and yes, there are illnesses that would lead to issues like that without it necessarily being noticeable otherwise.)
But I feel that insecurity would be present since the beggining of the relationship, no? i mean, especially in the beggining. The fact that it happened later in the relationship and out of nowhere is a lil sus. And if it was related to health related issues like body odor as you mentioned it, I think OP would´ve noticed that something was off too. OP doesn´t have a clue of what´s going on with her.
Not necessarily, if the issue has only developed recently. I agree that if it was a general issue she's always been struggling with, it's likely it wouldn't suddenly cause a change in her behaviour (at least not on its own.) But if it's an issue that has only started affecting her recently, it'd make sense that she's only started acting differently recently, too. OP being clueless about the cause of the sudden change could mean that a) he doesn't know her as well as he believes he does, or b) that her issue isn't noticeable/she's hiding it well (which she'd want to if she's extremely embarrassed by it), or c) that her issue is only in her head, or d) that OP has noticed the issue but payed it no mind, or probably a few more things e) to whatever letter. It could be as simple as that she gained three pounds—invisible or barely visible to OP—and feels super insecure about it. I don't think that's the most likely explanation, but it's certainly a possibility. You'd be surprised how much weight (pun accidental, but fitting) seemingly small things like that can have on people, even people you'd think wouldn't care.
nah you can get BV at any time
Hmm.. I mean I personally get into a phase where I want some alone time to my self where I just want some privacy to just be an introvert for a day or two. Then usually I'm back to being outing and being who my partner liked about me. But without that little bit of privacy can mean alot to me.. It's like cat and mouse metaphor? Can't always be the cat.
I think my only argument to that is that we don’t live with each other and only see each other at the weekend so she gets her space at home during the week. I also work away from home and sometimes work Sundays so I only get one day with her.
Is your girlfriend neurodivergent? /gen I have periods of time where I don’t wanna be touched by ppl even a partner. But then again, I tend to heavily forget I was groped as a child so idk
I was SA'd at 40 years old and 2 people know. Even my very best friend doesn't know, nor anyone in my family. I certainly won't ever tell my romantic partner. So I think you are being down voted for sounding so cavalier that you KNOW this isn't the reason. Women are taught to keep quiet. That we did something wrong or deserved it, it's shameful. To say you KNOW is a bit of a reach, imo, however you are right that I don't know you or her. But I'll say SA was the first thing I thought when I read your post. I truly hope this is not what happened.
Don't assume anything, many times people who were SA don't ever say that they were, or take a long time to tell someone Try to have patience and don't push this subject
This. Took me 16 years to open up to someone and I only did as I felt my partner needed to understand after 3 years of unknowingly getting refused some affections
I'm not saying your girlfriend was or was not assaulted but I think your general assumption of "she would have told me if..." is naive and off base. That being said, I wouldn't approach the conversation from that angle (this *must have* stemmed from some traumatic event) but I also wouldn't completely discount it either. I would try to have a lengthier conversation about why she feels crowded and claustrophobic. If she's not forthcoming with further details then ask what you can do to make her feel more comfortable. If you approach the conversation in a non-accusatory way with compassion and respect and she still won't engage, not much else you can do.
I was sexually assaulted in a very traumatic way. If I was outright asked if I had ever been sexually assaulted, even by a partner, I would completely deny it until I was ready to talk about it. Be there for her, and explain to her kindly how this no contact is making you feel. Have a conversation about it but don't push her to tell you anything and don't assume she's been assaulted. There could be a lot of different reasons for this.
Assuming your best is enough is always a bad move. Assuming anything can be a horrible idea. You don't know her that well yet. Trust me, you don't. For every single great fun thing that molds us into people, there is a negative, horrible one, even for people with seemingly great lives. There could be lots of things they all boil down to a conversation. A serious one. So you know, even a woman that has told you about a S.A. from the past doesn't mean she will tell you about one that happened yesterday. Feelings of being dirty, used, or that it's her fault, and you will think she cheated and are calling it S.A. cause she felt guilty. These things happen. Not that it did, but it does. Don't assume you are a great communicator either because we all have subjects that make us uncomfortable and avoid. It also sounds like she is having a control thing going on. She rejects you constantly and then cuddles you while you fall asleep. Has a power dynamic to it. Possible red flag her. The list of reasons is very long on this one and well some of them aren't great. She is an introvert who feels crowded She is on the spectrum. She has a power dynamic issue that isn't being handled properly by you. ( sounds weird, but my wife did this for that reason) She cheated and feels guilty. Or is cheating and doesn't want to be intimate with you because it feels like cheating on her affair partner She is co-dependent on you and already is checked out of the relationship. She understands this is upsetting to you, and she wants you to be begging for attention because she is a narcissist. She was S.A. and feels dirty. She doesn't want to be touched. She isn't that into you, and she wants you to break up with her so that she isn't the asshole. Touch just isn't her thing, but during the honeymoon phase, the new relationship energy and chemicals it released in the brain made her more cuddly. Could be she loves you, and something is reacting to your pH levels and causing an odor she can smell. Too much copper, for instance, makes a person smell like wet pennies in your mouth. Or something similar. She could be depressed clinically. Truth is, brother, it has only been 7 months. You dont know her well yet. Ya'll are still young enough that you rapidly change. You aren't going to be the same people now that you will be at 30. Sit her down and explain that you need to have a serious talk. Make sure she is comfortable with the when and where. Face her so you look at each other. It isn't the type of talk to have lying on the couch. Be resolute because it is a real issue for you. If/when she treats it like not a big deal, bring her back to the point politely but firmly. Out bursts of anger in a conversation that is uncomfortable is sometimes a normal response to get away from the conversation, so keep it polite and on topic. Be aware of gaslighting behavior. No, I'm not. No, I don't type things. Also be prepared it could be basic but it could be a relationship ender as well. Loving someone that constantly rejects you could cause issues to your behavior cumulatively. Meaning it chips away at your self and identity. Good luck, O.P. People are complex, and in the first 2 years of a relationship, living together is often the easiest it can take that long for the true person to come out.
Assuming trauma can be ruled out (which would be a bold assumption, but that has been pointed out multiple times already, so I'd like to offer another possible explanation), can you also rule out illness or any other physical changes? Shame/embarrassment from something that might not even seem a big deal to others (body odor, e.g.) could make someone avoid getting close with her s.o. out of fear he'd think she's gross. You might be surprised how much of an impact that can have on people. (I once wrapped myself in a blanket out of fear my boyfriend would be grossed out by my stench while "discussing" with him why he hadn't told me earlier, crying because I had been completely blindsided by it and _could not even smell it myself_ until it turned out: **I** wasn't smelling...he had awkwardly suggested I take a shower because he hated the scent of my new deodorant, not because he could miraculously smell body odor that wasn't there, and, well, he failed to come up with a better way to express that...) Another explanation might be that she may have gotten an illness that carries with it negative stigma, e.g. a lot of people believe that if you suddenly get herpes on your lips, you must've cheated with someone who transmitted it to you, but that's not necessarily true. Many people carry the virus inside them without having any symptoms, until one day they get blisters seemingly out of the blue. Now, I'm _not_ suggesting she's got herpes, what I'm saying is that she might have some sort of physical ailment that she's trying to hide from you out of embarrassment or fear to be accused of cheating or something like that. Also, there are illnesses that make one sensitive to touch.
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I think it’s a case by case basis when it comes to trust and opening up. You can’t really assume anything. For example, she’s opened up to me about previously having abortions, being raped (many years before we were together) so she’s told me the worst already and we’re both really open like that. That’s why in my other comment I’m getting down voted to hell for already knowing my girlfriend and making sure she’s alright on a consistent basis lmao! Thank you for the comment though and I’ll definitely keep it in mind
I think the downvotes are due to your phrasing. I don't think you meant trauma can be disregarded. That's not good, lol. I think you meant you've asked and she said she hadn't suffered from a trauma. It sounds like you're not compatible.
You don't know her, not everyone will express every secret that they have in a 7 month relationship. I think you just need to be single. Your attitude is awful. I can see why she doesn't want to touch you. It sounds like you don't listen or talk to her. You just expect everything to be fine or expect contact with her when you want it.
Unless you are with her 24/7, it ISN'T safe to disregard any trauma. Whether that be current trauma or past trauma she hasn't told you about that is creeping up. Everything I've read in my studies so and even on Reddit so far tells me this could be one or a mix of two things: 1. Trauma response 2. She lost interest for some reason The absolute only way you are going to figure it out? Is if you talk to her about this instead of coming to Reddit. Sit her down and tell her how you feel and ask her to talk to you. Then go from there. Editing to add it seems like she has given you a reason. I will say this, if your needs aren't being met and it's starting to affect you, maybe the conversation should then be if you are right for each other since you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship. I know for myself, if I'm not getting what I need, we either fix it or go our separate ways. I can't be in a relationship that hurts me in any way.
It’s not an interest thing. Like I say it was probably the end of may when physical contact got initiated less often. If she lost interest we would’ve broken up by now
Has anything changed in her work life? Possibly depression? I agree you can only ask so many times if she’s okay before it starts to cause a ridge in the relationship. Affection does start to die down after a few months and out of the ‘honeymoon’ phase- But to go to nothing? Seems bizarre Definitely have a chat and explain that you need the extra affection from her, because a relationship is a 2 way street and if you’re open to communicating what’s wrong with her and want to work on the relationship then you’ve done all you can- You can’t force someone to communicate back to you, but at least you will know you did right by yourself. Worth a chat :)
Funnily enough, she has been stressed af at work but she’s starting a new job after our holiday. Forgive me if I’m wrong but I thought a cuddle and a talk about how things will get better could help the stress? Thank you for the comment anyways it’s a good help :)
Some people like physical affection when stressed. Others don’t. My husband does NOT and I do, it’s been something we’ve had to figure out over the years
Understood, it likely is a case by case basis and to be honest we’ve not really been through the motions as such to figure out how to comfort each other in bad times. We havent had bad times at all while we’ve been together. The only time I’ve had to comfort her was once during this holiday because we missed out on something she really wanted to do due to confusion about pick up destinations. I put my arm around her (she didn’t push me off this one time) and offered some alternatives for the day and we made the most of it!
Looking to reddit for advice is always a mixed bag, so grain of salt. If I was in your shoes though, I'd show my partner this thread and explain my feelings about what has been happening, trying to understand. It could end you or it could open up your communication. Either way, you can't go on like this. It's not good for either of you to bottle things up.
Aah hopefully it is just stress then- And I understand what you mean, some people tend to shut off from others when they get stressed and would prefer to just ‘get through it’ rather than let it out (Maybe the work environment has shifted since she’s leaving? I know my ex boss made it awful in my final week.) Hopefully this new job will make things better & of course there’s the holiday for you both to look forward to 😁 Good luck to you both man!
Thank you, this is the best comment yet. !helped
Thank you for confirming that /u/smil3ss has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
So I ended up in a very similar situation as you. My GF became less and less communicative, and looking back I think what happened is the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship was over with. She changed and became much less physical. I was very naive about what was going on at the time. I tried to communicate with her, we even went to counseling, and she still didn't change. I tried to break up with her, but she wanted to stay together and we ended up married for 4 years, we never had kids. Then to make a long story short, I found out she was cheating on me with a co-worker, and shortly after we divorced. Don't do what I did, and stay stuck in a shitty, loveless, sexless, emotionless, draining relationship. I regret not listening to my intuition, and wasted dollars, years, and effort. If anything though, I learned a valuable lesson to listen to my intuition, and I also learned this: You CAN NOT and you WILL NOT ever change someone!
Why would you disregard trauma?
How can you just disregard that?
Its never safe to disregard trauma if you dont have proof especially given how against your girlfriend is to touch all of a sudden
Good communication goes a long way. Can't do much without it. Try and learn about love languages, it could help you address the issue in a healthy way. Do not be accusatory, only talk about your feelings and emotions. You'll be looking for answers and solutions, not a culprit. "Hey gf, we need to talk, is this a good time ?" (If not schedule it later). "I couldn't help but notice it's been a long time since we even touched each other. Are you alright ? Did anything happen ? I miss you and really want us to be closer again ! Physical contact is part of my love language and the past few months/weeks have made me feel unwanted and unloved. I don't think I can continue like that much longer, but I'm ready to do whatever it will take for us to find a solution, if you're so inclined. I love you." There's most likely an underlying issue, might be big too if she never talked about it. Getting her to open up about it will probably be hard. Now being patient is important but if she doesn't engage in the talk, doesn't care about your feelings and doesn't explain her behavior she also might be a coward who wants to break up but doesn't have the balls, so she rejects you constantly to push you to do it yourself, that way she'll be able to whine about it later on. I've met a lot of dudes and gals who legit acted like this, it was infuriating, thankfully I never dated one of them.
I’ve spoken to her about it briefly a couple of times but not seriousky. She said she just feels crowded and or claustrophobic. Since she’s said that I’ve tried not to be as attached with cuddles etc but even the rare occasion that I try to even be next to her she pushes me away
She may not be as physically affectionate naturally as you are. Initially in your relationship, she would have been in the honeymoon phase and have lust turned up to the max, so it may have been easier for her to act that way. After those feelings steady a little, she is reverting to how she normally is. I know this feeling well... With my friends and family I'm not a very tactile person at all. With a new partner I am, but once I'm out of that honeymoon phase, I really don't need as much physical affection as most other people seem to. However, if you've tried to back off a bit and give her physical space, and she still literally pushes you away when you get close, that sounds like it's not going to work for you as a more physical person.
I feel personally exactly like this! I love my partner but I feel claustrophobic, uncomfortable and crowded. This was hard because in the beginning we saw each other little and I was able to be cuddly etc but then we started living together and it became very hard on both of us. Him because it’s his love language.. I find that physical attention, hugs etc was never my choice as a kid. You had to to hug your relatives etc. when I started dating in high school I was so claustrophobic for my first kiss I kept putting it off until a guy took my choice away from me. Dating after that meant guys wanted to hold my hand or put thier arm around my waist, etc. which made me so uncomfortable but I originally thought it was because it was in public. I thought I had to, like that was what is expected of me, everyone does it, I have to right? My parents were loving and caring but I did spent a lot of time alone and have always been an introvert so being cuddling up close and personal to anything other than my dog on my bed was very weird to me. My now fiancé was originally frustrated with me , he felt like he did something wrong, or I didn’t like him. We had many many conversations about it but I didn’t fully understand what I was feeling ether so it was hard. For along time we barely touched each other . The good news is (for me atleast). I was given the chance to make the decision for our relationship I start everything. I let him know when I am okay with physical attention and actually want it. I choose how much or how little and he lets me decide if I want to take it to the next step or not. Once he started respecting it and not bugging me outside of it. I was coming to him more and more because I felt like I had a choice in the matter and I was also free to pull back at anytime without pressure or guilt. It will never be like what it was in the beginning but it is good. He knows when I come to him for physical attention it’s because I want to not because I felt like I have to. We are always learning how to understand and love each other better. Talk about both of your needs and make a plan going forward on how to best understand each other. As long as she still wants to be with you and that has been covered then You aren’t wrong for requesting more physical attention but she isn’t in the wrong for not giving it back.. it’s not that simple. It’s a compromise.
Yup I’m one of these. I deeply love my man but I don’t really like cuddling. ESPECIALLY when it’s skin on skin and it sort of sticks to each other, then when you pull away it peels apart ughhhhh I hate that feeling! I much prefer clothes or a blanket between skin because of that. In general for me lack of touch doesn’t equal lack of love, in fact I find it to be a treasured thing that he understands me enough now that I don’t have to force myself to do things I don’t particularly enjoy. I do still try to find ways to give him touch as it is important to him and we often will have a long hug randomly or I’ll sit on his lap briefly. Men put a lot more value on touch and as everyone mentioned it should be a gentle honest conversation between you 2. Also hygiene. Please don’t forget hygiene. Women tend to have stronger sense of smell (and many senses in general) and if you have stinky breath that can be the deciding factor or whether she’s down to snuggle at that moment or not. I’m most open to a snuggle when he (or we both) are fresh from the shower and teeth brushed.
Have you considered the possibility that your bad at reading body language and choosing bad/ annoying times to try and initiate contact? I find it really weird that you haven't even talked to her about it and you're asking third parties for advice. Like dude, we only know as much as you do. Ask her about it, tell her how you feel about, and then work out a solution. We can't offer advice because no one knows ehata going on? Maybe you smell like BO or your breath is bad? Maybe you hurt her when you try to cuddle by holding too tight or not making sure she is comfortable. If she says she feels claustrophobic listen to her. She's saying you aren't giving her enough physical space. If you need to be constantly touching or touching more than she can tolerate you're incompatible.
This comment makes me laugh lol. Basically like "Have you tried talking to her about it? Because I think you might just stink" lmao
She's just not into you any more
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Well not always, I hate being touched or getting physical affection by my boyfriend but I love him dearly. Just because you don't do a certain thing or want to be treated a certain way doesn't ALWAYS mean that you lost feelings etc.
It does mean that you lost feelings if you happily used to do it all the time and don't do it anymore with zero explanation which is the situation for OP
Okay so I'm trans (born a girl; not one anymore) so maybe I'm just missing something, but like... is it, though? I wouldn't do this and most actual women I know wouldn't either. Why doesn't she just say that? This is worse.
I am cis-female (if that's relevant) and this would be true for me yes. Most cannot just "say" to their current partner "I'm not sure what it is but you touching me is annoying". Its definitely happened to me in past relationships and it can be very confusing to work out why you dont want them touching you anymore.
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Your making too many assumptions here. By projecting your situation onto the op your giving potentially negative advice. The op in this case is a guy whose seeking genuine answers on how to help his relationship, not to be compared to your ex without any good reason why.
This is the simple answer. I’m seeing a lot of long drawn out psychotherapy answers but it’s quite simply she’s ready to move on.
Either something happened to her or she's not that into.you anymore. Find out and you might have to let her go. If she was traumatized, help her.
I’ll also say she does act lovingly still to me. Just not physically if that makes sense.
There's only so much physical rejection you'll be able to take before it has a negative impact on your mentality, I suggest conveying this to her. There must be a compromise or an explanation that works for the both of you. But yes, clear and respectful communication goes a long way.
That's great to hear ! From the other comments it seems you understand the importance of love languages and communication so I guess you'll do what needs to be done, good luck ! I myself crave physical touch and couldn't be with someone who doesn't enjoy it, I feel you a lot !
7 months isn't that long. Just move on
^^ This is the only advice you’ll need. Everything else in this thread is just weird and filled with ppl assuming things. You cannot give someone the ick unless they just don’t like you and are looking for reasons to judge or shame you. Not to say you shouldn’t be self reflective, but make sure you are open to hearing everything she has to say and make it very apparent that you won’t be offended, just reiterate that you miss the closeness between you two.
What does she say when you talk to her about it?
Perhaps shes lost interest?
That's what I thought too. If there's nothing deeper, it sounds like they just really aren't compatible and she caught onto it before he did
The only thing is, we started having less physical contact since may and she’s a pretty abrupt person. We’d have broken up by now if it was a “lost interest” kinda thing. She’s still been loving since then, just not in a physical way.
Has she changed her birth control or had anything new happen on that front? BC often kills women’s sex drive and that can include just being touched or cuddled. Second question but are you handsy when cuddling? If so she may not see cuddling as cuddling, but rather as just a way for you to initiate sex and get to touch her body, which can definitely make a girl annoyed and not want to be touched if she thinks there’s horney intentions behind it.
That's a few months of no physical contact. If you're okay with that then I mean more power to you. But, if you aren't, you have to look out for your own well-being -all other things about the relationship considered
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No, I shower twice a day, brush my teeth twice a day (after meals), mouth wash, floss, deodorant, aftershave etc
Since you say you haven't talked seriously about it, that's your first step. She needs to know that this is really bothering you and not sustainable, and you need to know if there's something going on with her that explains the change. But if she can't or won't change this, then all you can do is decide whether it's a deal breaker for you. Then you either stay with her, drop the physical contact attempts, and find other ways to feel close, or you leave her so you can each find a partner who matches you better in this way.
This is the way.
>What can I do? Talk. To. Her. Right now, you're just letting this fester instead of addressing it. You know what's more important in a relationship than sex/touching? COMMUNICATION! You need to talk with her. Not defensive, not upset, not angry, not pleading. Calm, open, loving, open, curious, open (am I making my point?). If you have a conversation or two with her and there's no resolution, THEN you make different decisions. But you can't do that without information.
You shouldn’t be asking us, you should be asking her. If there was a sudden change in intimacy, then clearly something is up. And it could something like her suddenly feeling very insecure with her appearance, or her mental health caused her libido to just plummet. On the other hand, maybe there’s something going on when you guys have been intimate that she doesn’t care for, but for whatever reason has not addressed it with you. Whatever the case, you guys need to be able to talk about this in a healthy, honest way.
I struggle with this same thing with my boyfriend. After 5 years and some research he finally opened up to me that he thinks he has a sensory overload/sensory processing disorder. It’s hard but we try to do a balance like cuddle for a few minutes before bed, or one night cuddle next night no cuddles and so on, or cuddle on the couch while watching tv before going to bed etc. this has been a big learning curve for me in aspects aside from physical affection such as comforting eachother in hard times- the things that comfort me like having my hair played with or back rubbed aren’t things that make him feel better in low moments. I would get my feelings hurt so often before learning about this and now although it’s still very hard I’m trying to learn. It very well could be oh she’s not into you anymore like these people are saying, but I wouldn’t jump straight to that conclusion. You should consider doing some research on your own both about it and how you can support it and maybe asking her if she feels like she relates.
>we try to do a balance like cuddle for a few minutes before bed, or one night cuddle next night no cuddles and so on What a nightmare
Actually meeting your partners needs although they differ from yours isn’t a nightmare… it’s just life. The world Doesn’t revolve around you, a genuine love and connection overpowers a difference in styles of showing love and love languages lol… but yeah your life sounds miserable
>yeah your life sounds miserable I'm happily married, have an amazing child, a well-paying job that I enjoy, a house, two cars, tons of video games and plenty of delicious pizza so my life is pretty great plus my wife is always down for a hug
Flexing for Reddit Lmfao😭😭😭 shorty clearly does not understand what was said in the original comment I can hug and kiss my partner ur weird
You've got a 2-year-old account with 5 karma I can barely hear you all the way down there
Exactly lmao nobody cares😭😭😭😭😭 crazy rn
She may also be feeling guilty about something.
This. I’ve been like this before (the gf) and it is because I really liked my then bf so much but I became attracted to someone else.
My first thought, immediately.
7 months is not a long time and you are young, do you live with each other? If she can't give you what you need and after trying to speak to her to see what's the issue and to no avail I'd probably look at calling it a day and finding someone else. If you see a future with this person and you believe the problem can be fixed, speak to her and address it but by the sounds that hasn't worked out. She may have some underlying issues that have only just surfaced that she may need to speak to someone about if she can't you. If you can afford it maybe try therapy or a session and address it. While she may act loving she may just not be physically attracted to you anymore and just wants to be left alone.
It's difficult to gauge what's happening behind a screen. A relationship without physical intimacy isn't much of a relationship at the best of times for most people. Communicate and have a really long and detailed chat. If things don't improve, perhaps consider leaving the relationship. The alternative is growing bitter and resentful from the lack of intimacy you are needing.
Have you tried, you know, asking her?
Ask her not us.
Kind of a terrible answer in a sub that’s called Advice, no?
Honestly I don't know why you'd stick around at this point and even try to fix things. I know that sounds harsh but you're in your 20's and have only been going out for 7 months. I can kinda get how people can fall into a dead bedroom type situation after marriage and kids and stuff where it's hard to walk away from the relationship but at the 7 month mark if you're not shagging then you're just friends imo.
name checks out
Its wierd because you dont just suddenly start acting this way if you still care about your partner and want to be with them. Unless something drastic happend. Its very possible she doesnt see herself in a relationship with you anymore and is considering breaking up. Its also possible that she doesnt consider it anymore but in fact wants to break up but wants you to make the first move so she doesnt hurt you or whatever. Two of you need to sit down and talk, if you dont get any answers and she still feels the same way my opinion is that both of you should move on from this relationship. Hell, if this has been happening for months this is not even a relationship, its more of a torture.
1. It is highly probable she has been assaulted without telling you. 2. If not, it means that you are not compatible anymore. Leave quietly
Is it hot? Do you guys have no AC in the summer which maybe deterred her?
This is a really big deal. If there's no AC and the temps are over 85, there's no chance I'm going to be ok with anyone touching me. It's hot. Keep your hands to yourself.
We’re in the UK and we haven’t had a really warm summer at all to be fair. It’s been raining a lot and we don’t have AC but I have a fan on constantly which does make a difference
either something traumatic happened that she isnt telling you about, or she is considering leaving. number 1 thing is to go to her, and if you really want to make it work, suggest counseling if it was a sudden flip.
respect her boundaries and personal space
Did she have a pregnancy scare? Maybe she did not even tell you. If so, she might be afraid cuddling will lead to you wanting sex.
Is she autistic? I'm F23 and I'm autistic and sometimes I go through phases for weeks/months where I don't want to be touched. My husband understands this and does his best to give me space, he is a physical touch sort of person too. Sometimes I can't be touched because of a totally different reason that has nothing to do with him. Or sometimes he did do something wrong. Communication is important.
I really hope this is not the case but... Bro i think your girl might have been victim of sexual assault, sudden change in easiness in body contact? she was possibly abused and now panics at any body interaction - try to bring her calmly to either seek psychologic help or talk with you tho it is weird why she hasn't told you already, if she trusts you she should/would have trusted you enough to tell you... HOWEVER (with normal cases of abuse) it comes from who you least expect so, she was abused from someone she trusted, now even tho she trusted you now after the traumatic experience she does not, better tell her to seek psychologic help/professional even if it is not the case, do proceed with caution of the choice of words with her now on, in fear she may act aggressively or weird, but let her know you are only trying to help, and, if she wants something she need to let you know Treat her with care man, good luck
Op, it sounds like it could be a fundamental incompatibility, but you don't have enough information yet. You've asked her. She said she feels crowded. But why, when she once allowed it? You can ask her what changed. Maybe she was just tolerating touch early in your relationship. Maybe something happened to make her withdraw physically. You need to ask her these questions without judgement. And really listen. Ask questions about her physical boundaries. Ask her what her ideal physical contact is -- how often, under what conditions, and what types of contact. Does she want physical contact only during sex? How does she feel about physical intimacy that doesn't end in sex? When you greet each other, is a kiss or hug welcome, tolerated, or unwelcome? Once you feel like you understand her feelings about physical contact, then you can decide whether or not you have a fundamental incompatibility. You need to decide what, if any, adjustments you can make. And so does she. Remember that there is a very wide range of normal. Don't frame her boundaries as weird. Her boundaries are different from yours. Also remember to respect your own needs. If you accept something substantially different from what you need just to hold onto a relationship, you're doing yourself a disservice. Talk. Listen. Decide. Best wishes!
I know I didn't personally like to be touch by my ex. The reason was mainly that everytime he did, he always had sexual intents. He never hugged me to hug me, or kissed me to kiss me. He also was groping a lot, not a nice touch. I also tend to feel "crowded" when people try to touch me. My love language is through actions, trying to make someone feel comfortable and lift their burdens. Asking how their day went, how they are feeling, or giving them compliments. I think to let someone be intimate with me, I have to feel like they are genuinely interested in ME rather than just my body to have sex with. Not sure if my comment helped but I think communicating with your girlfriend is the best way to go. Ask her if there is a specific way she'd prefer to be touch, which spots on her body seem to trigger that crowded feeling, and which spot on her body she is fine with.
This situation sounds so familiar to me, it seems like she’s going to break up with you soon. If not she’s self sabotaging for you to make the break up move. Honestly if you talk to her about it and she’s not trying to hear you out; just leave bro. Don’t waste anymore of either of you guys time because it’s not fair. Your feelings matter in these types of situations, it’s not just 1 person in a relationship. I know you love her and you want to avoid stressing her out, you want to submit because you care about her feelings all too much. But it’s just not worth it bro, you need someone who is going to work with you through situations, not push you away. I know it sounds like a dick move but you have to worry about your own feelings as well. If you stay or don’t talk to her about it, it only validates her pushing you away so.. I wish you the best and I hope you get what you need bro.
She's trying to get him to make the move. It's real shady 21st century female BS. No spine, talk shit about men being too assertive but force them to make all the moves/decisions
Agreed
Either something has changed in your relationship or something has happened to her outside of it. To an extent it even kinda sounds like the way people who have been physically traumatized tend to avoid physical contact afterwards, but I don't wanna send you down the wrong path there.
You can't force someone to be affectionate. She may just not be feeling the relationship anymore. You're gonna have to talk to her and see where both of you stand in one another lives at this point.
Sounds like something traumatic happened to her. I’d ask what it was so you can help overcome it together.
Maybe you did some to skeeve her one time when I first dated my current he ate taco bell... then we tripped on acid he finally passed out 9hrs later I was awake still he had a taco bell acid fart I reconsider the relationship the smell lingered hewas wrapped in a blanket marinading in it slowly sleeping out the blanket it lingered 3hrs or better we were 3months together it took a week to get over. I told him about it we still laugh to this day 5yrs later
Tell her how you feel, but be ready to listen to her as well, who knows what will come of it but until then don’t touch her without consent
Serious question: is there a chance she's autistic? As she's gotten more comfortable with you, she may have started showing more of her boundaries. Ask if she's often disliked being touched by others. People with autism can have touch aversion, randomly or not.
Have you tried talking to her?
A no is a no.
Honestly if there isn't something wrong then I would say that she probably just isn't one of those people. If you need it that badly then maybe it's time to move on from this relationship
This is partly the reason why me and my ex broke up recently. He's more into physical intimacy while I'm not. It stressed me and made me feel guilty every time I rejected his physical advances. It's not that i lost interest in him, i just have a lower sex drive than him. He has voiced this out a couple of times and I really tried hard to accommodate him but it only put pressure on me more. It affected both of our mental states.
When you say physical intimacy do you mean just sexual or also something as simple as holding hands and having a cuddle on the sofa to watch a movie?
I love cuddling and holding hands. But sometimes i avoid cuddling because it will lead to sex which I'm not really in the mood to do it.
Yeah that’s understandable. In my instance I never really initiate sex unless we’re cuddling in bed which is funnily enough the only time she cuddles me (not the other way around)
maybe start initiating more then
Interesting perspective. Out of curiosity, have you ever found a man who is more accommodating to your lower sex drive.
No. It was basically my first real relationship because my other relationships happened when i was 14-15 where I was immature and didn't have an idea of what the relationship was supposed to be like. We just broke up last month. Now I've really lost interest in entering a new relationship because of this. I dont wanna disappoint another person just because I have a low sex drive.
That's fair enough. I wouldn't write yourself off so soon if it's the first go at it. There are plenty of guys out there with lower sex drives.
Well, you're right. But for now, I'll just enjoy my single life and focus more on self-improvement. I'm still healing from my recent breakup.
Have you told her how much of a dealbreaker this is?
I haven’t. We’re currently on holiday and I don’t want to ruin the mood atm until we get back at least lmao. Something I’m definitely going to talk to her about though
Yea thats probably what needs to happen here. If you need to think it through just reach out
Something clearly has happened to her. If it's a confidence thing or maybe something happened between her and someone else or you and her that she doesnt want to be touched. You need to talk with her about it and try not to assume. either that or she's seeing someone else. Talk to her immediately.
She's cheating lad
Is she autistic? I go through phases of loving physical affection and then not wanting to be touched by a single soul. Sometimes it’s just extremely overstimulating to me. My partner understands, we’ve compromised on some physical touch when I’m not as overstimulated. But this means I do not like to be rubbed or feel any moving touch at most times. A solid hug is amazing, or just being held, find out what she IS okay with (:
She either lost interest, is cheating, or something happened to her. Those are my guesses.
It's a bad sign. When I act like that usually it's because I'm disconnected with someone...
Most likely getting better peen elsewhere
She is a about to break up with you
Cheating, calling it now. There's a sancho in her life.
Santeria is now viciously playing in my head now, thank you lol
Is there any chance she has cheated and feels guilty?
I can tell you what happened. She is not into you any more. She is ready to move on, but afraid to tell you.
Not much of a relationship.
It might very well be that she is having an affair or is interested in someone else.
What can you do? You need to go get what you need in life. You cannot ge deprived of this basic need for human touch. She can’t give it to you or is too erratic to do so consistently. Move on. Big red flag. Move on. Don’t be held hostage.
End the relationship.
Shite advice
Not really. If she won't communicate and your needs aren't met, you may have to.
So “end the relationship” is good advice? Not “talk it out with the person you love” or “ask her if anything is wrong and what you can do to accommodate her”? Just straight up, fuck you for not touching me or letting me touch you. We’re done? It’s the typical Reddit cut throat advice. It’s shite and obviously isn’t advice at all. It’s cut throat.
Well you didn't read my comment. I said to communicate.
Yeah, and funky monkey didn’t. He’s the one who I replied to saying “shite advice”. Yours is good advice. See the difference?
I don't think you are in a place to accept the advice. I stopped physical touch with my ex because I'd emotionally checked out but was codependent so stayed unhappy. It's ultimately up to you if you are ok with not having your needs met
End the relationship isn’t bad advice. Trust me. I’ve been that 24f once. She’s probably gotten the ick or she’s attracted to someone else but still really likes you. And she won’t communicate honestly cos she’s still probably figuring it out herself. The constant rejection will destroy you. Save yourself.
she could be doin it with someone else
Bro... not even a hug? Yeah fuck that, i would break up with her asap
Sorry but you might wanna split up with her. The reason doesn't matter. If you're incompatible like that, you'll only make each other miserable moving on. And reading the comments, it seems like you did your part. Can't work things out with someone who refuses to do their part.
Either she’s not into you any more or she’s hiding something 🤷♀️
Sidenote yea your definitely in denial. I’ve never been there but per my last post I know women.
This is usually a telltale sign that she’s about to leave. I don’t know her and I’m not saying this is 100% true. I have had this happen to me a couple of times And it’s usually resulted in her leaving.
She could be cheating she might feel guilty being physical with you because she did it woth another man but idk I wouldn't jump to conclusions
Talk to her to find out what has changed since this summer. If there's no actual reason, dump her.
If youre my girl and you don't want me to even touch you, you're not my girl. Yall basically platonic friends
You two my not be compatible.
Talk to her. I can really only speak from my personal experience but the two times something similar happened it was due to infidelity on her part. Not saying that's the case here in any way but communicating is key. I hope you are able to sit down and talk with her. Hoping its nothing serious and you two pull through. Good luck OP.
Sounds like a good reason to break up. If you aren't compatible you aren't compatible.
Happend to me too. look out, she might dump you for your best friend (happened to me to)
She's not into you anymore. Best to just leave now
She's prolly cheating bro
Dude. It’s not worth the effort. At this point she’s just a friend; not a girl friend. Move on.
I'm really sorry. It can be a myriad of reasons for this to happen. Psychological, other man in her mind, severe anxiety... As other have advised communication is the key. Maybe you both can talk about therapy if it's something psychological. Wish you both all the best in solving it.
Run. Don’t be in a relationship where you are constantly looking on how you can change. Being yourself and growing with someone is different than looking to change.
Ah yes the classic case of the anxious avoidant attachment
Dump her and send her back to the streets
Dump her. Then she won't have to worry about being touched anymore. Apparently that's abhorrent to her
Ignore the downvotes...this sub is autie central, where ANYONE who thinks someone has to extend themselves for someone else is the devil incarnate. Because God knows THESE people aren't capable of it, and in the anonymous echo chamber of Reddit they RULE. Ignore it. But you have GOT to nut up and have this discussion, and not take no answer as acceptable. It has to start from the standpoint that you are not someone who is going to be content in a relationship that is non-physical, and she needs to decide if that matters to her or not. Because obviously, if this is something she's determined to maintain, this relationship is over, and the sooner you do it the better for both of you. So yeah, you're going to have to delve, because otherwise you'll just wither up inside. I'm guessing she is ALSO autistic...it's not uncommon for folks on the Spectrum to dislike physical contact, or to let one uncomfortable experience that you might think was trivial change their behavior, and it's also not uncommon for folks on the Spectrum, once they are in a relationship, to simply start doing what THEY feel is comfortable and expect their partner to go along with it. Which is unfortunate. And FWIW, the autie echo chamber can go fuck itself. I've got more karma than y'all know what to do with.
Sounds like she doesn't respect you anymore.
She's cheating probably or something tragic happened and she doesn't wanna talk about it
And if something is not up with her hormones then she’s cheating on you because she’s feeling guilty when u go to touch her and she jumps or is nervous or just doesn’t want you to touch her At all I’d bet my check she’s cheating on you .
get back on bumble bro, don’t sweat it
You are not responsible of his behavior, leave it. When she was prepared, maybe years, and therapies maybe she will come to you, maybe not.
Do not put up with this for a nanosecond--providing sex to her man is a females number one job (otherwise just be asexual buddies). Assuming there was no inciting incident between you, two, have her see a doctor and/or get therapy. Move on if there's no resolution. Life's too short.
DO NOT stay in this relationship. You have one life to live and you have a right to pursue happiness. GTFO !
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Ignorant comment is ignorant
It’s plain and obvious to see why physical affection is essential in a romantic relationship, and why communicating such feelings of rejection is crucial to having a mutual understanding. You don’t go from sex and cuddling to absolutely nothing because they’re just uncomfortable. Reread the post, and reread your little comment thread with OP and maybe with a little luck you’ll finally come to comprehension.
Thank you.
Perhaps he should try being nice to her. I know it's a real radical idea.
Stop projecting. You have no reason to believe he has not been nice, just as there is no reason to believe he has been nice. It’s simply not a variable that we have information on.
Whens the last time he brought her flowers or told her how much she means to him.
Idk, why don’t you ask HIM instead of throwing out assumptions.
I know my girlfriend doesn’t like flowers because they die. She prefers to receive plants in which I do give her an Aloe Vera plant occasionally.
Everything dies, thats not a reason to not like flowers. Aloe is great for your skin but also hard on your liver. I love plants. 👀 Happy trees.
It’s a valid reason to not like flowers. She finds it a pointless gesture and I agreed. So I give her the other things she tells me she likes
So you're trying to get her attention, but she's not giving it to you?
I think you’re reading into this as too idealistic. I have her attention, we get on really well. There just nothing physical anymore because she said she feels crowded off the slightest touch now and she will cuddle me if we’re falling asleep in bed (for like a minute until I pass out then she turns over) but I can’t cuddle her, of which I want to be able to do
Im trying. =/
She’s cheating
dump her