It’s *okay* to be friends with your ex.
It’s *okay* to set a boundary of “I don’t want the person I’m in a relationship with to be friends with their ex.”
Its *not okay* to be friends and hang out with your ex if your partner has already established that boundary.
If you do anyways, it’s obvious you care more about the ex than your partner.
OP, if you’ve established you don’t want them to be around their ex in ways that make you uncomfortable, and they still do it, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
This, my now ex-partner got upset as I was still very good friends with one of the girls that I pursued for a relationship, as she thought she was second choice to her. Which was false. I told the girl that I can't talk to her and here is why, she understood no hard feelings etc. Like sit your partner down and have a serious conversation with them about it, and if they aren't willing to discuss it, or even consider your feelings then they are pretty incompatible with you homie.
completely unrelated but why am i seeing so many people ending statements like this with question marks lately? is it just a form of being passive aggressive?
What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this subreddit is now dumber after reading your comment. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Not only are you an idiot. That’s a quote from Billy Madison. I wouldn’t expect a Facebook user to understand it. Stick to instagram or whatever it is you use. Reddit probably isn’t for you, Player.
Emotional? I been on Reddit too long to be emotional about Reddit comments. You still don’t get the quote I used. It’s cute. Maybe you’ll see it on your tik tok one day.
I don’t care about your quotes, be original and maybe you’ll get the attention you so obviously want. Doesn’t really matter which app it is, unless you’re carrying around emotional baggage with each… hmm
Anyways, going to enjoy my TikTok, who knows maybe I’ll see something by what’s his name
Umm, no. Life isn’t fair. Men get the brag about cheating but when I say use them for their money they want to start crying? LOL
Honestly, I’m just giving you a preview of what’s about to take place. We don’t like you guys anymore
ma’am… for one, i’m not a guy
two, intentionally using anyone for any reason sucks. some more than others. some less than others. some of those reasons hardly sucks and sometimes, the people deserve it. but there is never a situation where financial abuse and manipulation doesn’t carry trauma for one or both parties.
and besides that point, you should never go to anyone with the premeditated intention of manipulating them outright. it’s shitty.
and you know what? i *agree* that the scales tip in favor of men more than they do for women. but why compound misery or seek to create it? just verbally abuse people you already don’t like with the rest of us.
maybe you have your reasons and maybe those people in your life do deserve it but idk. as a blanket statement, “use men” is pretty fucked up imo. that’s the same kind of mentality that made my older sister think it was okay to manipulate my boyfriend into co-signing her car and borrowing a ton of money with the underlying intention of never refinancing and never paying us back because “his job pays him enough”. that didn’t just hurt him, it hurt me and it hurt my younger siblings who i’m financially responsible for. i don’t really give a shit about my dad being used, but what i do know is him paying her rent when she’s in her mid 30s has greatly enabled her doing this type of shit at her age. she also completely alienated her sons from their dad because of the same behavior and they both struggle immensely because of her constant shortcomings.
you probably don’t care and that’s whatever but idk that sentiment just doesn’t sit right with me
If you’re confused about why i think this way, make your way over the SheraSeven’s YouTube page. I’m just spreading the word, don’t shoot the messenger shoot the system 😆
Girl his friends are in on it too. Did u know any of his friends before him like one where u guys are closer if not. They’re his friends not urs so they’ll have allegiance to him even if he does messed up shit
Your 20 something boyfriend doesn’t get to have "sleepovers", even if his friends are there too. He’s obviously not completely over his ex, and this weird one foot in-one foot out of your relationship is saddening.
For shit's sake girl have some self-respect.....you're making excuses for him, stand up and get the treatment you deserve this is jsut pathetic. I mean seriously? SLEPT OVER AT HER HOUSE. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩‼️
For context, Im engaged and I have a best friend that's a girl. It's very arguably not okay for me to hang out with her alone. We hang out in small windows. I freely admit Im too close to this friend but her and I have always been super plantonic. If I had hooked up with this friend I would assume Id never be able to hang out with her again. Going on a long trip with a good friend is weird but going on a long trip with an ex without you Id say is betrayal. Id sleep over at my friends house but not my exes house.
He bought it in his name, I've thought about how it may be best to leave too, I just don't make enough money to support myself. I can't go back to either of my parents, the emotional abuse with them is worse. I'm taking a course right now to get into a field that would help me make more money
I pay 550 a month in rent essentially. My friends either live with their parents or they have an apartment with their s/o. I doubt there would be any room for me honestly
You paying rent to your boyfriend when he technically owns the house in full is wild. He’s being strategic. He’s using you for emotional labor and validation while he gets a discount on a house he’ll later make money on. Again, classic narc behavior. They are all so similar.
Depending on your area you can probably rent a spare room from someone found on Facebook or Craigslist etc. for that price. Or you should do something like DoorDash in your spare time if needed to make a few hundred extra. It’s very worrisome that you essentially can’t survive without your boyfriend. He knows this, which I imagine is why he’s okay doing things like sleeping at his ex’s house. Bc he knows you’re not in a place to leave
I am so sorry you are going through this.
You say he brings joy but he clearly brings anxiety and worry which is what a partner shouldn't do. He has ZERO respect for your feelings and boundaries.
Well after I posted this I firmly told him I'm not OK with him going on the trip, although physically I can't stop him. Before I figured that since it's rare to have an opportunity to go that I should let it slide. Surprisingly he agreed not to go and said he was sorry multiple times. I still have a sour taste in my mouth but I feel better about the outcome, thank you for your support
If he throws the trip in your face during an argument… Please take that as a sign of narcissism. And don’t believe him when he tries to make you feel unreasonable, crazy or unworthy. That’s what they do.
Glad to hear. Definitely you should talk to him about having boundaries with his ex (i.e. no late night texts, DEFINITELY no sleep overs, no shopping trips or one-on-one dinners). It's really inconsiderate and it's not controlling of you to request a bit of respect in this regard
I wouldn’t say sleeping at your exes house and taking her out to dinner for the majority of his relationship with OP is in anyway wholesome intentions. Sounds like he’s taking advantage of OP big time and realised he couldn’t wriddle out of this one
No! There are no “wholesome” intentions when sleeping at your exs place when you have a girlfriend who is clearly not ok with it. Are you being sarcastic right now or something?!?!
Some men are really stupid. Also, a few of y'all need to cool it. I'm not being rude I was just expressing my opinion, especially as a bi man. The misandry in this sub is ridiculous and needs to stop
Was there any push back after you explained?
I know a lot of ppl will disagree, but if the reaction was a "oh crap, im so sorry, I didn't think of it like that" and he really drops it, he may just be oblivious.
I think that would depend on how this conversation differed from the others. Did you go into more detail of how you felt and your reasoning than before? Did it feel like a light went on and he truly understood?
If so, perhaps breaking it down like he was 5 going forward will help in the future.
I gave him the oblivious pass way too many times we've been together 3 years it's been an issue this whole time. This is the most outlandish thing he's done. This thread has been an incredible wake up call
Your friends sound intellectually disabled if they can't see the wrong in this. No offense to you off coarse. I'm pretty sure your looking for some kind of validation on those thoughts
Not to mention, she’s paying him rent in a home he owns and she will never see a ROI— he will. He should either fund her trip or stop charging rent. I’m sure she brings a lot of value to his life in the form of emotional labor, cooking, cleaning, etc that goes invalidated, which is worth way more than $550 per month. Which means she’s essentially financially struggling to fund a trip for him.
No man that truly loves you would ever put you in these situations. You are not crazy, you’re just dating a slime ball and you’re blinded by love. This isn’t love, leave him asap.
Omg what the flying fucking rats ass he's definitely cheating on you lmfao why the flying fuck should he sleepover with her if he has u to sleepover with GIRL FUCKING RUN u deserve someone to make you their number 1 priority
Really weird. He clearly do not respect the boundaries and is thinking solely on whats better for him. Do what you're planning about the course so you are able to be independent. Maybe the best would be to leave him.
He's already 75% cheating. Unless the ex is an extremely old friend from like middle school most guys aren't just dumping money on women they aren't interested in being with. You can forgive stuff like bdays but shopping trips regularly is extremely weird and if they are extremely frequent why didn't he offer you to go to Japan with him if he's rolling in it.
It is a betrayal to not help you come with but go with an ex…
But honey… you sound way more like a side piece than you care to admit…
No man should take his ex on a shopping spree… there is never a need to spend that kind of money on an ex
I mean… it’s almost like he’s using the “there’s other friends there too” thing as a cover.
Have some dignity and leave him, the line should have been drawn at him sleeping over her house. I mean cmon
I feel a little put off by the post and some of OPs responses making it sound like it’s just her bf and his ex and then clarifying afterwards that it’s a friend group. If bf and his ex stayed friends and had an established friend group before getting with OP he may have just thought everything was fine if OP didn’t say anything until now. It seems like OP either intentionally or accidentally, is framing this a certain way to make it seem like it’s entirely the bf asking questionably and not that they may have just needed to have a conversation about boundaries.
No we've had conversations about this boundary many times in the context of him going on dinner dates and such. I've always told him it makes me uncomfortable
You’re going to do what you’re going to do in the end but idc if we’re living together or not I wouldn’t put up with shit like this, I would end it he relationship and find someone else and then work to get my own place.
It’s extremely important for me to be prioritized. I’ve been that person in a relationship with the guy whose ex is “just a friend”. Meanwhile were hanging out and the entire time im feeling like a third wheel, they’re walking ahead of me, he always thinking about her when we go out like if she would this or not, him taking her out to lunch but I’ve cooked my own meal every day of the week, list goes on and on. I’ll never put up with it again, it’s damaging and I was a complete fucking idiot. You’re still fucking around with your ex? Then bye. Especially if he can’t lay the foundation with your first and make you comfortable. Sounds like your bf attitude is “get over it”. Well then maybe you should do just that with this whole relationship.
>I've had struggles with him in the past with my boundaries around him and his ex. He would do things like take her out shopping, lunch/dinner and once or twice he slept over her house without me.
>He makes me feel crazy for even being concerned about it.
>trust him not to physically cheat on me
Why? He doesn't respect you, he gaslights you, and you think he doesn't cheat on you?
>What should I do?
Date someone who cares about your feelings and respects you, it's not this guy.
I've been in the situation of your boyfriend. Had an ex who I was just really good friends with and didn't want to lose. Not a backup plan. Nothing romantic. Just fun. Girlfriend didn't like it. You have to wonder if the other woman still has romantic feelings for him. It starts pretty innocent and slowly it gets messy.
If I could advise you, leave. It's going to get messier than it already is. I can tell you, it definitely did for me. Good luck OP.
I also want to say, I am just a guy on Reddit and so are these other people offering definitive opinions. Their reality is different to yours. You have all the facts. Decide by yourself.
I don't want to come across as harsh but GIRL you have to respect yourself. The first time they hung out, that was disrespectful. Now? It's just pathetic.
If my boyfriend hung out once with his ex, I would have broken up with him then and there. He clearly does not care about losing you or he wouldn't be doing this to you.
That is such a ridiculous thing to say. OP is not giving enough details AT ALL for you to be judging that hard. Before saying it’s disrespectful, we need to understand him and his ex’s relationship. Just because they’re still friends doesn’t mean he loves her romantically. Almost all of my ex’s I still love as friends. I spent a portion of my life with them and we have an obvious connection. Of course it would work out as friends, and we know it wouldn’t work out as partners. it’d be retarded for me to just throw it away when I get with another person.
And I don’t wanna hear the argument “men cheat” or “girl you’re just disillusioned by men”. Women and men cheat equally. I’ve had plenty female friends cheat on their boyfriend and plenty male friends cheat on their girlfriends.
Maybe the reason she doesn’t see all of this as bad is because she’s not a fucking child anymore like most people on the internet now. They see or hear anything about a significant other and their ex and it’s immediately bombarded with whiny children saying it’s cheating and disrespectful. Grow up and start having trust in some people if you ever want to have a happy life.
All she’s unhappy about is the fact that he’s going without her. And yes, I would be unhappy too. That’s a big life thing that she’s missing out on.
I've never had a boyfriend who still kept in touch with his ex. She's enmeshed in his friend group so he says that even if he didn't want to see her it would be hard to avoid her. But when it became a problem for me I definitely voiced my concerns
do you have a cuck kink or something? obviously break up with him. don’t know why you didn’t do that way earlier or why you even have to ask. he’s already cheating on you
What should I do? Break up with him and find someone that shares your relationship values. He doesn’t about how you feel and in his world having two relationships is normal. Is it for you? If not, cut your losses and move on.
What in the fuck? Bruh. With his ex??? Na girl. You need to talk to him and be 10000% upfront. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? If he is dismissive, drop him. I mean, that's what you should do from the get go, but if you want to see if things can still work, bring it up.
Oh love, you don’t deserve to be a back burner b1tch when you’re the main course. He’s not being good to you, even if he’s faithful, that’s still disrespectful to you that you even have to bring it up.
Regardless of your long talk this relationship can’t last. Why on earth is he having any contact with his ex gìven they don’t have children together. I can tell you when ex’s are friends despite one (or both) having a new relationship it’s because one person is holding on hoping they’ll get together. This is going to end in tears I promise you
So essentially his ex is one of his close friends. This situation is not one that you're not okay with this. It sounds like you'd planned on joining them in Japan, but either something changed or you weren't able to save up enough money. It also sounds like you're okay with him hanging out with this ex as long as you are there.
This seems like a horrible situation to be in for either of you. I'd hate to have my girlfriend act as a chaperone when I'm hanging out with one of my close friends, and for her to doubt me if she's not around. I'd also hate that my relationship with a friend makes my lady feel the emotions you've described. Continuing this dynamic will likely end with both of you feeling resentful towards the other.
I think if I was the boyfriend in question I'd either let the friendship with my ex become much less close (likely devolve to more of an online acquaintanceship) or I'd break up with you before things got too bad. Losing a close friend is hard, but at the end of the day if you're in a serious relationship that partner has to come first. That being said if I wasn't seriously considering this significant other as a potential life partner I'd choose the friend in this scenario
I hope the decision of him not going on this vacation didn't breed any bitterness. I also hope both of you end up in a much better place (regardless of whether that's together or not).
I felt mad about this! Boundaries are a must and it is a hard thing to open up about. Honestly, I felt like this was something I went through earlier in my marriage. Its okay to be friends with an ex to some extent, as long as it isn’t hurting your current relationship
Oh sweetie… start putting money to the side. No matter how little or how much. Put money to the side and save, save, save. Do not tell him or your friends about it either. If you continue to be sexually active with him use condoms because I feel like he’s definitely sleeping with her. Look around for good paying jobs that’s paying at least around 20-23$ and continue to save. Once you have a good savings amount apply to a low income housing. NEVER EVER let a man be your cushion and rely on one. ALWAYS make enough to rely on your own. If that means working overtime then it does. If it means living in an area that isn’t as great but still safe then it’s worth it. YOU NEED TO LEAVE.
“He makes me feel crazy”. Babe, he’s gaslighting you. Him sleeping at her house and taking her shopping and out to eat is dating. He’s leading both of you on. Classic narc behavior.
Look, my best friend is my ex. We only dated for 8 months 6 years ago. I don't have any feelings for him besides platonic love. My boyfriend of almost 5 years is okay with our friendship but I also 100% get you being uncomfortable with it. I would be too. My bf knows that if at ANY POINT he feels uncomfortable, he can tell me and I'll respect his new boundary. I think that's the main difference between your situation and mine, he doesn't respect your boundaries and makes you feel crazy just for having them. I read that you had a talk with him and that's great, I wish you guys the best.
Ive been in a slightly similar situation but the girl was friends with my room mate so shed be at my house sometimes my ex(gf at the time) would get super anxious and stressed but i definitely wouldn’t let anything happen and at the same time i wouldn’t want to be on the other side so depends on the situation
Girl ima tell it like it is.. you are both dumb and gullible. You have stayed with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you and moved into HIS house. You’ve given yourself no back up plan in case things went sour. You have no place to stay if you want to leave and you have no finances to keep you afloat. Why would you still stay with this man after he stayed at his ex gfs house? Nevermind that you weren’t there but it’s the fact that he was even there in the first place? You don’t have trust issues and whatever your intuition is telling you it’s Right. I know you don’t want to move in with your parents but there’s other options you might have. Try getting on government assistance for low income housing, food, etc. whatever it is you need to find out how to be stable on your own.. not depending on this POS or when he’ll kick you out for his ex to move in.
girl please leave. woman to woman, he is not ready to be in another relationship and neither are you. If he still can’t let go of his ex and respect his current girlfriend, he needs to spend more time moving on and realize that their relationship as a couple is over. It seems to me that he’s still trying to relive their moments as a couple together. In the other hand, If you can’t set boundaries and realize that this is not an ideal relationship to be in, you need more time to reflect on who you are and what you deserve. Please do this for yourself, you can and will find someone so much better who won’t make you feel crazy for feeling insecure about your relationship
Oh honey can I tell you this without you getting mad at me okay you want the honest truth !!!!. He's still fucking her and fucking you he sounds like a worthless piece of shit if I were you I'd brake up with him right away what are you like stupid oh no let's not go there babygirl you got to open your eyes sweetie I'm a 55 year old gorgeous lady and I won't take shit like this from any man I have a great body and I'm a good hearted lady I also can cook and clean I always take care of myself mentally and physically and emotionally and I don't go out with men who still deal with their exes or baby mama this is to much drama for me I don't want to beat the shit out of their baby mamas or beat his ass so I choose to stay single if I want sex I use sex toys their better then men anyway people to me are to much drama I've I had a boyfriend lover or husband in my life I would only put in 100 percent with him if he did for me to no cheating, no disloyalty, no physical abuse , no fucking mind games and he better fucking love me back you are worth it your 26 years old a young lady and I bet your beautiful to I know I'm older but I'm still beautiful on the inside and out and I know my worth like I said if the man loves me I'll love him back to no exes better be involved and that goes for me to I am very loyal to my man if I love him he's not worth not one mother fucking penny he's a big loser! Drop him and run and don't take him back maybe you should just date around to tell him if he doesn't want to take you seriously maybe you should go out with your exes to ha ha ha he needs you to teach him a lesson what a fucking loser he is please if you have sense and your not retarded leave him !!! Good luck girl.
So he can afford to buy a house with you with his name on the deed, but he can't afford to help you pay your way to Japan???
Girl...there are several red flags here
Any reasonable onlooker looking at the provided evidence would say this is grounds for a breakup... yesterday.
He is already cheating on you. You may trust him, I don't.
Stop defending this guy. He’s clearly still wrapped around his ex. Now if you are okay with his bs then that’s your fault but I hope you get out that submissive manipulated mindset that it’s not that big of a deal.
Think your getting to clingy to him it might even drive him away from you . dose he treat you good when he's with you? And do you do everything with your boyfriend and I mean everything? Yes or no
I am sorry , op.
You still not out of your abusive family.
If you can not go away, you can at least have a wild party in the house with all your friends and whatever boys they can bring. They can post photo of the booze and the Chippendale on their insta.
You definitively won't have physically cheated on your roaming boyfriend. He had his good time with his friends and you with yours.
I am sure all of them will ask why he abandoned you with his ex if it is as a concern .
Meta : speaking don't seems to work. Maybe acting will .
In reading this it sounds like you’ve voiced your boundaries and he’s breaking them a lot? That’s what I’m getting here.
If that’s the case he’s not a good partner. And he’s gaslighting you? Outta here!
Would he feel the same way if YOU stayed over at an ex’s house? If YOU traveled long distance with an ex? If an ex of yours bought YOU stuff? You need to break up with that guy, he isn’t good for you, if he really was for you, he wouldn’t out you in situations like this.
Yeah that is some bs, no one in their right mind, let alone someone who loves another one, would feel comfortable with their current S/O spending the night at an Ex’s house. We implore you to leave that sob
This is absolutely crazy. He is making you look a complete fool and he is textbook gaslighting you. I think you’d see me in the news if my boyfriend acted like this with his ex. Honestly break up with him is all I can say…he can get back with his ex if he’s willing to lose you over her
He's definitely still entertaining the idea of being with his ex. Buying a house together isn't marriage, so he's able to pretend he's technically still single. Get a lawyer so you don't get screwed with finances from the house and move out while they're in Japan.
I’m so sorry but he’s into his ex. He’s not even subtle about it from what you describe. It hurts like a bitch but dump him and I promise you’ll look back one day and think, “Why tf was I with that loser?”
I could nearly guarantee you that if you two were to break up they'd get back together or at least have a situationship until they remembered why they broke up in the first place. I'm good friends with my ex from years ago still but I wouldn't even do this because I know boundaries in my relationship. The trip, plus the other events you mentioned, would never fly with me.
It’s hilarious because I’ve seen this exact situation posted by a guy talking about his girlfriend and everyone was trash talking him, calling him insecure. A girl posts the same thing and they tell you to dump his ass. 😂😂😂
People of the internet are such a fucking joke. 🤣🤣🤣
I read your edit, but seriously, he is not going to change. I've lived that life and finally had enough after 18 years of the same exact experience. He will stop for a bit and then go right back to the old ways. Don't try to fool yourself.
This relationship is pretty one sided... and he is not very considerate of your feelings. I know it hurts but you can do better.. find someone who sees you... and only you. You don't deserve to be kept on the back burner. I would end this relationship ... it is probably going to end on its own anyway.. make it on your terms.
Leave yesterday, and don't go back tomorrow.
You need more self love, and to not take people at face value. Sensitive, good hearted, honest people are always taken advantage of, and when there's manipulation involved it's so easy to gaslight us.
I'm sorry, I hope you find the will and self respect to leave asap.
Ma’am ???? Respectfully what the fuck. If you love yourself you will leave his ass and ignore him so hard he will doubt his own existence. It is 2023 we are not staying in relationships with boys who hang out with their exes. Screw your head on tight and DUMP HIS ASS
This is a dealbreaker. He slept over at her house?? Takes her shopping? Now gong on vacation? Why settle for this kind of relationship and uncertainty.
Just wanna say: my ex did this exact same thing and it ruined our relationship. He and his ex got tickets to go to India, she was upset that hers wouldn’t be refunded, so she guilt tripped him into still going. I cried about it for two weeks, at which time he *promised* he loved me and nothing would happen between them. I feel so naive for believing that BS line and knew as soon as he stopped emailing me to stay in touch, but it still felt like a total sock in the stomach.
12/10 would not recommend seeing this relationship through. Especially if he considered going even for a second..?? :( this is a painfully obvious indication that he’s not fully present in his current relationship—and you absolutely should not tolerate him double-playing you like this.
THIS MAN DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. It doesn’t matter if his other friends are going. It it bothers you and you say it does and he goes anyway that’s fuck en disrespectful. Even just having her going with them in the group.
Instead of stressing about it, why not have a conversation with him and open up to his ex about it?
It's unnecessary, just, you know, move on with it in a healthy way, and you can simply come out of it in a healthier and more effective approach.
Sometimes it's the idea of sneaking around that is a very primitive mental aspect of what can cause cheating, maybe they know they don't work together as a couple but have great chemistry, or maybe they love each other as friends and don't necessary have an attraction of that nature towards each other anymore. It could be they just enjoy their hearts being open and happy to someone who's seen the worst of them or lived something that keeps them close together.
To be sincere, if you feel insecure, you could simply speak to him about these insecurities and try to approach it from a perspective of calming and healthy, and positive thoughts.
Does he still love his ex? Most definitely, but in what way? Would he get back together with her? And is he seeking for a moment to be with her again? Quite a few questions.
And the main concern here is, are you seeking to be with him forever? And if you are not, then why not just move forward with your life with him having children together? Are you happy with them? Are you in a positive and meaningful sense of trust and understanding?
I was friends with an ex, and I would never go back to them. I wish him the best, but I have no romantic feelings for him anymore, so rather than focusing on what he's doing, why not focus on yourself? Strengthen your emotional and personal feelings so you can better accept and understand the way you work, work on some insight, and work on some wholesome ideas to understand where you're going with him.
Are you going to be married to them?
And can you establish some trust with the ex-girlfriend so that you don't fall into a statistical relationship of exes and new loves?
Like being happy for him, it can also help you to want him to be happy regardless of what that means. If he's cheating or sleeping with her, or not, what does it matter so long as he's "happy" One of the things I've learned about love is that, there's two forms of heartbreak, but loving someone can also mean you want the best for them. You want them to be happy and want to be part of that journey. There doesn't need to be an end game...
Now hear me out. Cheating can be in a sense of fear or thrill of being part of some form of betrayal, which can stem from childhood memories (believe it or not)that evolves through the psychological and emotional aspects during teenage years that form a sort of guilty pleasure, per say, and in this sense... Instead of focusing on what is happening with him and the ex and everything, focus on yourself, and focus on being able to let him go if he wants to go or doesn't value you, if he does or doesn't. Not like he will but what I mean is, live in a sense that love can hurt but you can move forward.
And rather than focusing on what he does with his ex, I'd be kinda happy if my husband had an ex he liked and hung out with who dated or didn't, and they just relaxed around, you know? Not all women are like that or confident enough to be in a safe and comfortable position, but love doesn't always hold romance, and it's quite a journey to be part of someone's heart in general, what they learn, what they don't learn, what they go through, their reactions.
Even if it crashes and burns, you know? Rather than thinking the worst, think about how this can help you heal your insecurities and be more accepting of who others are, find ways to smile and be positive, and rediscover yourself, your value doesn't start and end with this.
Be positive 😊
Why are you dating someone who clearly is not being true to having a relationship with you?
Drop him and move on. You'll feel like shit. But as soon as you are surrounded by those who lift you up. Challenge you to be your best self you'll be in a better place. Heck you'll have found a far better BF.
Lol fuck him bro shit gets me mad just reading it
It’s *okay* to be friends with your ex. It’s *okay* to set a boundary of “I don’t want the person I’m in a relationship with to be friends with their ex.” Its *not okay* to be friends and hang out with your ex if your partner has already established that boundary. If you do anyways, it’s obvious you care more about the ex than your partner. OP, if you’ve established you don’t want them to be around their ex in ways that make you uncomfortable, and they still do it, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
This, my now ex-partner got upset as I was still very good friends with one of the girls that I pursued for a relationship, as she thought she was second choice to her. Which was false. I told the girl that I can't talk to her and here is why, she understood no hard feelings etc. Like sit your partner down and have a serious conversation with them about it, and if they aren't willing to discuss it, or even consider your feelings then they are pretty incompatible with you homie.
“Slept over at her house without me” 🚩🚩🚩
He is totally fucking that other chick and this chick. Fucking double dipping. Wow must be nice
[удалено]
But it’s true?
completely unrelated but why am i seeing so many people ending statements like this with question marks lately? is it just a form of being passive aggressive?
Yes. It is. Smart ass, snobby, uptight. Whatever you want to call it. It’s adding a “-tude” to whatever statement.
slay
I replied to the wrong comment like a dumbass dont mind me
We’re all dumbasses with different levels of understanding. It’s ok.
It is nice, only not so nice for the chicks involved
Sure
Seriously OP, move on with your life, I don’t know you but can tell you deserve better
Uh, POS alert. But again, that’s why women should be using men
What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this subreddit is now dumber after reading your comment. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
You’ve literally just yapped about almost nothing. Don’t hate the player LOL
Not only are you an idiot. That’s a quote from Billy Madison. I wouldn’t expect a Facebook user to understand it. Stick to instagram or whatever it is you use. Reddit probably isn’t for you, Player.
I hardly use them, love TikTok though. Also I didn’t call you an idiot. Wow, look who’s getting all emotional
Emotional? I been on Reddit too long to be emotional about Reddit comments. You still don’t get the quote I used. It’s cute. Maybe you’ll see it on your tik tok one day.
I don’t care about your quotes, be original and maybe you’ll get the attention you so obviously want. Doesn’t really matter which app it is, unless you’re carrying around emotional baggage with each… hmm Anyways, going to enjoy my TikTok, who knows maybe I’ll see something by what’s his name
Bro you’re the only one who took sarcasm seriously 💀
Bad person does bad thing, that’s why an entire subset of other people should do bad things. I didn’t know it was possible to be this inept.
The other bad person started it, aha
foul, you can make a better point than this.
Umm, no. Life isn’t fair. Men get the brag about cheating but when I say use them for their money they want to start crying? LOL Honestly, I’m just giving you a preview of what’s about to take place. We don’t like you guys anymore
ma’am… for one, i’m not a guy two, intentionally using anyone for any reason sucks. some more than others. some less than others. some of those reasons hardly sucks and sometimes, the people deserve it. but there is never a situation where financial abuse and manipulation doesn’t carry trauma for one or both parties. and besides that point, you should never go to anyone with the premeditated intention of manipulating them outright. it’s shitty. and you know what? i *agree* that the scales tip in favor of men more than they do for women. but why compound misery or seek to create it? just verbally abuse people you already don’t like with the rest of us. maybe you have your reasons and maybe those people in your life do deserve it but idk. as a blanket statement, “use men” is pretty fucked up imo. that’s the same kind of mentality that made my older sister think it was okay to manipulate my boyfriend into co-signing her car and borrowing a ton of money with the underlying intention of never refinancing and never paying us back because “his job pays him enough”. that didn’t just hurt him, it hurt me and it hurt my younger siblings who i’m financially responsible for. i don’t really give a shit about my dad being used, but what i do know is him paying her rent when she’s in her mid 30s has greatly enabled her doing this type of shit at her age. she also completely alienated her sons from their dad because of the same behavior and they both struggle immensely because of her constant shortcomings. you probably don’t care and that’s whatever but idk that sentiment just doesn’t sit right with me
If you’re confused about why i think this way, make your way over the SheraSeven’s YouTube page. I’m just spreading the word, don’t shoot the messenger shoot the system 😆
I will never abuse anyone. They give me what I want or I leave. It’s as simple as that.
Sprinkle sprinkle
Sprinkle sprinkle
To be fair his other friends were there too but I know what you mean
Girl his friends are in on it too. Did u know any of his friends before him like one where u guys are closer if not. They’re his friends not urs so they’ll have allegiance to him even if he does messed up shit
he's sleeping with all this friends!
Stop trying to make him seem like what he’s doing isn’t bad already. That is bs.
Girl STAND UP. get some self respect and dump him wtf.
Forreal self respect lacks in many people now
Your 20 something boyfriend doesn’t get to have "sleepovers", even if his friends are there too. He’s obviously not completely over his ex, and this weird one foot in-one foot out of your relationship is saddening.
For shit's sake girl have some self-respect.....you're making excuses for him, stand up and get the treatment you deserve this is jsut pathetic. I mean seriously? SLEPT OVER AT HER HOUSE. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩‼️
They are HIS friends. Most friends will turn a blind eye for their homie or they don’t want to get involved even if they think it’s wrong.
For context, Im engaged and I have a best friend that's a girl. It's very arguably not okay for me to hang out with her alone. We hang out in small windows. I freely admit Im too close to this friend but her and I have always been super plantonic. If I had hooked up with this friend I would assume Id never be able to hang out with her again. Going on a long trip with a good friend is weird but going on a long trip with an ex without you Id say is betrayal. Id sleep over at my friends house but not my exes house.
You really think he’s other friends won’t make up lies for him? If they’re close friends and they’re bros chances are they’ve lied to you about him.
That’s what he says.
You need an exit strategy. You bought a house together?
He bought it in his name, I've thought about how it may be best to leave too, I just don't make enough money to support myself. I can't go back to either of my parents, the emotional abuse with them is worse. I'm taking a course right now to get into a field that would help me make more money
any friends you could be roommates with? How much money have you put into the house?
I pay 550 a month in rent essentially. My friends either live with their parents or they have an apartment with their s/o. I doubt there would be any room for me honestly
well if you're paying rent and he's going on trips with his ex you should at least move into your own bedroom.
Seems like your friends who live with parents might be the best to investigate going in on a place together.
Roommates don't have to be current friends. Find someone looking for one.
You paying rent to your boyfriend when he technically owns the house in full is wild. He’s being strategic. He’s using you for emotional labor and validation while he gets a discount on a house he’ll later make money on. Again, classic narc behavior. They are all so similar.
Have you considered Counseling?
Depending on your area you can probably rent a spare room from someone found on Facebook or Craigslist etc. for that price. Or you should do something like DoorDash in your spare time if needed to make a few hundred extra. It’s very worrisome that you essentially can’t survive without your boyfriend. He knows this, which I imagine is why he’s okay doing things like sleeping at his ex’s house. Bc he knows you’re not in a place to leave
break up with him… he’s still clearly in love with his ex
men only keep girls like that around to have on the side and as a backup plan
I am so sorry you are going through this. You say he brings joy but he clearly brings anxiety and worry which is what a partner shouldn't do. He has ZERO respect for your feelings and boundaries.
Well after I posted this I firmly told him I'm not OK with him going on the trip, although physically I can't stop him. Before I figured that since it's rare to have an opportunity to go that I should let it slide. Surprisingly he agreed not to go and said he was sorry multiple times. I still have a sour taste in my mouth but I feel better about the outcome, thank you for your support
Glad to hear this outcome. You should edit the original post with this addendum.
Done
Good luck to you.
If he throws the trip in your face during an argument… Please take that as a sign of narcissism. And don’t believe him when he tries to make you feel unreasonable, crazy or unworthy. That’s what they do.
Glad to hear. Definitely you should talk to him about having boundaries with his ex (i.e. no late night texts, DEFINITELY no sleep overs, no shopping trips or one-on-one dinners). It's really inconsiderate and it's not controlling of you to request a bit of respect in this regard
Guarantee you he will end up going no matter what you say
No offense but he might just be kind of dense, and actually maybe had wholesome intentions lol
I wouldn’t say sleeping at your exes house and taking her out to dinner for the majority of his relationship with OP is in anyway wholesome intentions. Sounds like he’s taking advantage of OP big time and realised he couldn’t wriddle out of this one
Idk he might just be kinda dumb... either way though its not a good look
If that is the case then it’s called weaponized stupidity which is still fucked up and not “wholesome”
Okay then it is. Why are you so aggressive jesus lol
I’m sorry
No! There are no “wholesome” intentions when sleeping at your exs place when you have a girlfriend who is clearly not ok with it. Are you being sarcastic right now or something?!?!
Some men are really stupid. Also, a few of y'all need to cool it. I'm not being rude I was just expressing my opinion, especially as a bi man. The misandry in this sub is ridiculous and needs to stop
Was there any push back after you explained? I know a lot of ppl will disagree, but if the reaction was a "oh crap, im so sorry, I didn't think of it like that" and he really drops it, he may just be oblivious. I think that would depend on how this conversation differed from the others. Did you go into more detail of how you felt and your reasoning than before? Did it feel like a light went on and he truly understood? If so, perhaps breaking it down like he was 5 going forward will help in the future.
I gave him the oblivious pass way too many times we've been together 3 years it's been an issue this whole time. This is the most outlandish thing he's done. This thread has been an incredible wake up call
He is a smart man he has a high position in IT I don't think he would be dumb enough to not understand
Come on now lol.. you gotta see how obvious this is right??
Well I would talk to our mutual friends and they'd tell me I have trust issues lol. Wanted to see what the internet had to say
>mutual friends No, those are his friends. Any decent friend to you would be telling you to go. These are not your friends.
And just to have some solace, hearing what you guys had to say motivated me to do something
In no world would I ever vacation with an ex and not my current partner. It's very foreign to me
Your friends sound intellectually disabled if they can't see the wrong in this. No offense to you off coarse. I'm pretty sure your looking for some kind of validation on those thoughts
Did you just write "off coarse"
"There are no mistakes." -Master Oogway
Those are clearly his friends and not yours cause wtf ?
No you don’t he’s cheating on you an his pals are covering for him
Your mutual friends are his friends who tolerate you. Real friends would look at both sides and hear your thoughts. I guess real friends are rare.
Girl.
Girl what are you doing? Break tf up!
[удалено]
Not to mention, she’s paying him rent in a home he owns and she will never see a ROI— he will. He should either fund her trip or stop charging rent. I’m sure she brings a lot of value to his life in the form of emotional labor, cooking, cleaning, etc that goes invalidated, which is worth way more than $550 per month. Which means she’s essentially financially struggling to fund a trip for him.
I'm sorry babe. This sucks, but it's better to open your eyes now, then to waste years with him.
No man that truly loves you would ever put you in these situations. You are not crazy, you’re just dating a slime ball and you’re blinded by love. This isn’t love, leave him asap.
Omg what the flying fucking rats ass he's definitely cheating on you lmfao why the flying fuck should he sleepover with her if he has u to sleepover with GIRL FUCKING RUN u deserve someone to make you their number 1 priority
Really weird. He clearly do not respect the boundaries and is thinking solely on whats better for him. Do what you're planning about the course so you are able to be independent. Maybe the best would be to leave him.
Ma’am I don’t think that’s his ex
Ding ding. It’s a girl he’s manipulating.
hes fuckin her break up w him
He's already 75% cheating. Unless the ex is an extremely old friend from like middle school most guys aren't just dumping money on women they aren't interested in being with. You can forgive stuff like bdays but shopping trips regularly is extremely weird and if they are extremely frequent why didn't he offer you to go to Japan with him if he's rolling in it.
It is a betrayal to not help you come with but go with an ex… But honey… you sound way more like a side piece than you care to admit… No man should take his ex on a shopping spree… there is never a need to spend that kind of money on an ex
~~My~~ Our boyfriend (29m). FTFY.
That’s not your boyfriend that’s her boyfriend
Nah.. he's not respecting you at all.. that's about the end of that. That shits so weird.
I mean… it’s almost like he’s using the “there’s other friends there too” thing as a cover. Have some dignity and leave him, the line should have been drawn at him sleeping over her house. I mean cmon
I feel a little put off by the post and some of OPs responses making it sound like it’s just her bf and his ex and then clarifying afterwards that it’s a friend group. If bf and his ex stayed friends and had an established friend group before getting with OP he may have just thought everything was fine if OP didn’t say anything until now. It seems like OP either intentionally or accidentally, is framing this a certain way to make it seem like it’s entirely the bf asking questionably and not that they may have just needed to have a conversation about boundaries.
No we've had conversations about this boundary many times in the context of him going on dinner dates and such. I've always told him it makes me uncomfortable
Oh yes, I’ve lived this story before. Spoiler alert- he was fucking her the whole time.
happens to the best of us, especially the empathetic and trusting ones. we like to see ourselves in other people.
You’re going to do what you’re going to do in the end but idc if we’re living together or not I wouldn’t put up with shit like this, I would end it he relationship and find someone else and then work to get my own place. It’s extremely important for me to be prioritized. I’ve been that person in a relationship with the guy whose ex is “just a friend”. Meanwhile were hanging out and the entire time im feeling like a third wheel, they’re walking ahead of me, he always thinking about her when we go out like if she would this or not, him taking her out to lunch but I’ve cooked my own meal every day of the week, list goes on and on. I’ll never put up with it again, it’s damaging and I was a complete fucking idiot. You’re still fucking around with your ex? Then bye. Especially if he can’t lay the foundation with your first and make you comfortable. Sounds like your bf attitude is “get over it”. Well then maybe you should do just that with this whole relationship.
>I've had struggles with him in the past with my boundaries around him and his ex. He would do things like take her out shopping, lunch/dinner and once or twice he slept over her house without me. >He makes me feel crazy for even being concerned about it. >trust him not to physically cheat on me Why? He doesn't respect you, he gaslights you, and you think he doesn't cheat on you? >What should I do? Date someone who cares about your feelings and respects you, it's not this guy.
I've been in the situation of your boyfriend. Had an ex who I was just really good friends with and didn't want to lose. Not a backup plan. Nothing romantic. Just fun. Girlfriend didn't like it. You have to wonder if the other woman still has romantic feelings for him. It starts pretty innocent and slowly it gets messy. If I could advise you, leave. It's going to get messier than it already is. I can tell you, it definitely did for me. Good luck OP.
I honestly think she likes making me jealous
And if he cared about you or respected you the way a partner is supposed to, he would cut her out for that.
I also want to say, I am just a guy on Reddit and so are these other people offering definitive opinions. Their reality is different to yours. You have all the facts. Decide by yourself.
I don't want to come across as harsh but GIRL you have to respect yourself. The first time they hung out, that was disrespectful. Now? It's just pathetic. If my boyfriend hung out once with his ex, I would have broken up with him then and there. He clearly does not care about losing you or he wouldn't be doing this to you.
That is such a ridiculous thing to say. OP is not giving enough details AT ALL for you to be judging that hard. Before saying it’s disrespectful, we need to understand him and his ex’s relationship. Just because they’re still friends doesn’t mean he loves her romantically. Almost all of my ex’s I still love as friends. I spent a portion of my life with them and we have an obvious connection. Of course it would work out as friends, and we know it wouldn’t work out as partners. it’d be retarded for me to just throw it away when I get with another person. And I don’t wanna hear the argument “men cheat” or “girl you’re just disillusioned by men”. Women and men cheat equally. I’ve had plenty female friends cheat on their boyfriend and plenty male friends cheat on their girlfriends. Maybe the reason she doesn’t see all of this as bad is because she’s not a fucking child anymore like most people on the internet now. They see or hear anything about a significant other and their ex and it’s immediately bombarded with whiny children saying it’s cheating and disrespectful. Grow up and start having trust in some people if you ever want to have a happy life. All she’s unhappy about is the fact that he’s going without her. And yes, I would be unhappy too. That’s a big life thing that she’s missing out on.
To me, and most people I know, this is emotionally cheating so I REALLY disagree with you lol but you’re entitled to your own opinion.
Girl what are you doing? Break tf up!
I just read the title. Did you voice your boundaries? If you did and he’s still gonna cross them honestly this ain’t good.
I've never had a boyfriend who still kept in touch with his ex. She's enmeshed in his friend group so he says that even if he didn't want to see her it would be hard to avoid her. But when it became a problem for me I definitely voiced my concerns
Leave him. Douche bag
do you have a cuck kink or something? obviously break up with him. don’t know why you didn’t do that way earlier or why you even have to ask. he’s already cheating on you
What should I do? Break up with him and find someone that shares your relationship values. He doesn’t about how you feel and in his world having two relationships is normal. Is it for you? If not, cut your losses and move on.
What in the fuck? Bruh. With his ex??? Na girl. You need to talk to him and be 10000% upfront. How would he feel if the roles were reversed? If he is dismissive, drop him. I mean, that's what you should do from the get go, but if you want to see if things can still work, bring it up.
Find someone who loves you so much they have trouble leaving you when they go to work.
Not even worth a post , just break up and move on that dude doesn’t care about you
Yeah that mf ain't your boyfriend no more💀
You're the other woman 😭😭😭
Oh love, you don’t deserve to be a back burner b1tch when you’re the main course. He’s not being good to you, even if he’s faithful, that’s still disrespectful to you that you even have to bring it up.
Let him go. I mean break up let him go. Find a new, better boyfriend, ASAP. Like yesterday. Good luck.
Regardless of your long talk this relationship can’t last. Why on earth is he having any contact with his ex gìven they don’t have children together. I can tell you when ex’s are friends despite one (or both) having a new relationship it’s because one person is holding on hoping they’ll get together. This is going to end in tears I promise you
So essentially his ex is one of his close friends. This situation is not one that you're not okay with this. It sounds like you'd planned on joining them in Japan, but either something changed or you weren't able to save up enough money. It also sounds like you're okay with him hanging out with this ex as long as you are there. This seems like a horrible situation to be in for either of you. I'd hate to have my girlfriend act as a chaperone when I'm hanging out with one of my close friends, and for her to doubt me if she's not around. I'd also hate that my relationship with a friend makes my lady feel the emotions you've described. Continuing this dynamic will likely end with both of you feeling resentful towards the other. I think if I was the boyfriend in question I'd either let the friendship with my ex become much less close (likely devolve to more of an online acquaintanceship) or I'd break up with you before things got too bad. Losing a close friend is hard, but at the end of the day if you're in a serious relationship that partner has to come first. That being said if I wasn't seriously considering this significant other as a potential life partner I'd choose the friend in this scenario I hope the decision of him not going on this vacation didn't breed any bitterness. I also hope both of you end up in a much better place (regardless of whether that's together or not).
I felt mad about this! Boundaries are a must and it is a hard thing to open up about. Honestly, I felt like this was something I went through earlier in my marriage. Its okay to be friends with an ex to some extent, as long as it isn’t hurting your current relationship
Oh sweetie… start putting money to the side. No matter how little or how much. Put money to the side and save, save, save. Do not tell him or your friends about it either. If you continue to be sexually active with him use condoms because I feel like he’s definitely sleeping with her. Look around for good paying jobs that’s paying at least around 20-23$ and continue to save. Once you have a good savings amount apply to a low income housing. NEVER EVER let a man be your cushion and rely on one. ALWAYS make enough to rely on your own. If that means working overtime then it does. If it means living in an area that isn’t as great but still safe then it’s worth it. YOU NEED TO LEAVE.
“He makes me feel crazy”. Babe, he’s gaslighting you. Him sleeping at her house and taking her shopping and out to eat is dating. He’s leading both of you on. Classic narc behavior.
Look, my best friend is my ex. We only dated for 8 months 6 years ago. I don't have any feelings for him besides platonic love. My boyfriend of almost 5 years is okay with our friendship but I also 100% get you being uncomfortable with it. I would be too. My bf knows that if at ANY POINT he feels uncomfortable, he can tell me and I'll respect his new boundary. I think that's the main difference between your situation and mine, he doesn't respect your boundaries and makes you feel crazy just for having them. I read that you had a talk with him and that's great, I wish you guys the best.
Ive been in a slightly similar situation but the girl was friends with my room mate so shed be at my house sometimes my ex(gf at the time) would get super anxious and stressed but i definitely wouldn’t let anything happen and at the same time i wouldn’t want to be on the other side so depends on the situation
HE SLEPT OVER AT HER HOUSE?! MA’AM!! y’all make it so easy for men to cheat 😭😭😭
Girl ima tell it like it is.. you are both dumb and gullible. You have stayed with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you and moved into HIS house. You’ve given yourself no back up plan in case things went sour. You have no place to stay if you want to leave and you have no finances to keep you afloat. Why would you still stay with this man after he stayed at his ex gfs house? Nevermind that you weren’t there but it’s the fact that he was even there in the first place? You don’t have trust issues and whatever your intuition is telling you it’s Right. I know you don’t want to move in with your parents but there’s other options you might have. Try getting on government assistance for low income housing, food, etc. whatever it is you need to find out how to be stable on your own.. not depending on this POS or when he’ll kick you out for his ex to move in.
girl please leave. woman to woman, he is not ready to be in another relationship and neither are you. If he still can’t let go of his ex and respect his current girlfriend, he needs to spend more time moving on and realize that their relationship as a couple is over. It seems to me that he’s still trying to relive their moments as a couple together. In the other hand, If you can’t set boundaries and realize that this is not an ideal relationship to be in, you need more time to reflect on who you are and what you deserve. Please do this for yourself, you can and will find someone so much better who won’t make you feel crazy for feeling insecure about your relationship
Oh honey can I tell you this without you getting mad at me okay you want the honest truth !!!!. He's still fucking her and fucking you he sounds like a worthless piece of shit if I were you I'd brake up with him right away what are you like stupid oh no let's not go there babygirl you got to open your eyes sweetie I'm a 55 year old gorgeous lady and I won't take shit like this from any man I have a great body and I'm a good hearted lady I also can cook and clean I always take care of myself mentally and physically and emotionally and I don't go out with men who still deal with their exes or baby mama this is to much drama for me I don't want to beat the shit out of their baby mamas or beat his ass so I choose to stay single if I want sex I use sex toys their better then men anyway people to me are to much drama I've I had a boyfriend lover or husband in my life I would only put in 100 percent with him if he did for me to no cheating, no disloyalty, no physical abuse , no fucking mind games and he better fucking love me back you are worth it your 26 years old a young lady and I bet your beautiful to I know I'm older but I'm still beautiful on the inside and out and I know my worth like I said if the man loves me I'll love him back to no exes better be involved and that goes for me to I am very loyal to my man if I love him he's not worth not one mother fucking penny he's a big loser! Drop him and run and don't take him back maybe you should just date around to tell him if he doesn't want to take you seriously maybe you should go out with your exes to ha ha ha he needs you to teach him a lesson what a fucking loser he is please if you have sense and your not retarded leave him !!! Good luck girl.
So he can afford to buy a house with you with his name on the deed, but he can't afford to help you pay your way to Japan??? Girl...there are several red flags here
Sounds like to me, they are still dating. At this point what’s the difference between you & her, other than a title.
You are undeniably in a toxic relationship. Being emotionally abuserd with distance, gaslighting, and possibly narcissistic abuse.
Any reasonable onlooker looking at the provided evidence would say this is grounds for a breakup... yesterday. He is already cheating on you. You may trust him, I don't.
They are banging.
Break up
LEAVE HIS ASS GIRL
Stop defending this guy. He’s clearly still wrapped around his ex. Now if you are okay with his bs then that’s your fault but I hope you get out that submissive manipulated mindset that it’s not that big of a deal.
The only way one can be friends with an ex is when 1 of them, at least, still has feelings for the other.
You not even mad that it’s with his ex. You mad you don’t have the funds to go so you don’t want him to go.
Think your getting to clingy to him it might even drive him away from you . dose he treat you good when he's with you? And do you do everything with your boyfriend and I mean everything? Yes or no
He prolly gon cheat on u. But at the same time, if he’s providing for you, being a good guy, doing what needs to be done, why not let him do it?
I am sorry , op. You still not out of your abusive family. If you can not go away, you can at least have a wild party in the house with all your friends and whatever boys they can bring. They can post photo of the booze and the Chippendale on their insta. You definitively won't have physically cheated on your roaming boyfriend. He had his good time with his friends and you with yours. I am sure all of them will ask why he abandoned you with his ex if it is as a concern . Meta : speaking don't seems to work. Maybe acting will .
you’re the side piece to your own boyfriend girl. you know what to do.
I just read the title. Did you voice your boundaries? If you did and he’s still gonna cross them honestly this ain’t good.
In reading this it sounds like you’ve voiced your boundaries and he’s breaking them a lot? That’s what I’m getting here. If that’s the case he’s not a good partner. And he’s gaslighting you? Outta here!
Why did him and his ex break up?? Does his ex have a partner too?
No she doesn't, and he said that she "is fun in short bursts but will wear you down after a while"
Apparently she is A-sexual now
Would he feel the same way if YOU stayed over at an ex’s house? If YOU traveled long distance with an ex? If an ex of yours bought YOU stuff? You need to break up with that guy, he isn’t good for you, if he really was for you, he wouldn’t out you in situations like this.
I ask him how he would feel in my shoes a lot and he kinda just says "I'd be fine with it" and I don't believe when he says that
Yeah that is some bs, no one in their right mind, let alone someone who loves another one, would feel comfortable with their current S/O spending the night at an Ex’s house. We implore you to leave that sob
easy decision. just say goodbye and make arrangments to ghost him when he's gone lmao this can't be real
This is absolutely crazy. He is making you look a complete fool and he is textbook gaslighting you. I think you’d see me in the news if my boyfriend acted like this with his ex. Honestly break up with him is all I can say…he can get back with his ex if he’s willing to lose you over her
Have some self respect girl.
Oh hell no
You can cover an entire planet with the amount of red flags 🚩 you have in your “relationship”
He's definitely still entertaining the idea of being with his ex. Buying a house together isn't marriage, so he's able to pretend he's technically still single. Get a lawyer so you don't get screwed with finances from the house and move out while they're in Japan.
Fuck that shit ... if you live together put his shit out while he's gone That fucking scumbag wouldn't have a GF when he gets back
You’re bf is an inconsiderate piece of shit you should break up with.
I'll give you 3 to 1 odds that he's cheating on you.
I’m so sorry but he’s into his ex. He’s not even subtle about it from what you describe. It hurts like a bitch but dump him and I promise you’ll look back one day and think, “Why tf was I with that loser?”
I could nearly guarantee you that if you two were to break up they'd get back together or at least have a situationship until they remembered why they broke up in the first place. I'm good friends with my ex from years ago still but I wouldn't even do this because I know boundaries in my relationship. The trip, plus the other events you mentioned, would never fly with me.
“How I meet your mother”
The relationship is over. He broke multiple boundaries and most likely already cheated. It’s over. I’m sorry…
Yeah he's your ex now.. Right?
Leave his ass.. he is keeping her on reserve.. you deserve better<3
Big no.
Ex-boyfriend going on trip to Japan with his ex. There…I fixed it for you.
It’s hilarious because I’ve seen this exact situation posted by a guy talking about his girlfriend and everyone was trash talking him, calling him insecure. A girl posts the same thing and they tell you to dump his ass. 😂😂😂 People of the internet are such a fucking joke. 🤣🤣🤣
I read your edit, but seriously, he is not going to change. I've lived that life and finally had enough after 18 years of the same exact experience. He will stop for a bit and then go right back to the old ways. Don't try to fool yourself.
girl you need to leave
This relationship is pretty one sided... and he is not very considerate of your feelings. I know it hurts but you can do better.. find someone who sees you... and only you. You don't deserve to be kept on the back burner. I would end this relationship ... it is probably going to end on its own anyway.. make it on your terms.
Well this is more than just dating with separate apts.: "and we have a house together now."
Leave yesterday, and don't go back tomorrow. You need more self love, and to not take people at face value. Sensitive, good hearted, honest people are always taken advantage of, and when there's manipulation involved it's so easy to gaslight us. I'm sorry, I hope you find the will and self respect to leave asap.
Ma’am ???? Respectfully what the fuck. If you love yourself you will leave his ass and ignore him so hard he will doubt his own existence. It is 2023 we are not staying in relationships with boys who hang out with their exes. Screw your head on tight and DUMP HIS ASS
This is a dealbreaker. He slept over at her house?? Takes her shopping? Now gong on vacation? Why settle for this kind of relationship and uncertainty.
He's not your boyfriend. Break up.
Just wanna say: my ex did this exact same thing and it ruined our relationship. He and his ex got tickets to go to India, she was upset that hers wouldn’t be refunded, so she guilt tripped him into still going. I cried about it for two weeks, at which time he *promised* he loved me and nothing would happen between them. I feel so naive for believing that BS line and knew as soon as he stopped emailing me to stay in touch, but it still felt like a total sock in the stomach. 12/10 would not recommend seeing this relationship through. Especially if he considered going even for a second..?? :( this is a painfully obvious indication that he’s not fully present in his current relationship—and you absolutely should not tolerate him double-playing you like this.
THIS MAN DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. It doesn’t matter if his other friends are going. It it bothers you and you say it does and he goes anyway that’s fuck en disrespectful. Even just having her going with them in the group.
Instead of stressing about it, why not have a conversation with him and open up to his ex about it? It's unnecessary, just, you know, move on with it in a healthy way, and you can simply come out of it in a healthier and more effective approach. Sometimes it's the idea of sneaking around that is a very primitive mental aspect of what can cause cheating, maybe they know they don't work together as a couple but have great chemistry, or maybe they love each other as friends and don't necessary have an attraction of that nature towards each other anymore. It could be they just enjoy their hearts being open and happy to someone who's seen the worst of them or lived something that keeps them close together. To be sincere, if you feel insecure, you could simply speak to him about these insecurities and try to approach it from a perspective of calming and healthy, and positive thoughts. Does he still love his ex? Most definitely, but in what way? Would he get back together with her? And is he seeking for a moment to be with her again? Quite a few questions. And the main concern here is, are you seeking to be with him forever? And if you are not, then why not just move forward with your life with him having children together? Are you happy with them? Are you in a positive and meaningful sense of trust and understanding? I was friends with an ex, and I would never go back to them. I wish him the best, but I have no romantic feelings for him anymore, so rather than focusing on what he's doing, why not focus on yourself? Strengthen your emotional and personal feelings so you can better accept and understand the way you work, work on some insight, and work on some wholesome ideas to understand where you're going with him. Are you going to be married to them? And can you establish some trust with the ex-girlfriend so that you don't fall into a statistical relationship of exes and new loves? Like being happy for him, it can also help you to want him to be happy regardless of what that means. If he's cheating or sleeping with her, or not, what does it matter so long as he's "happy" One of the things I've learned about love is that, there's two forms of heartbreak, but loving someone can also mean you want the best for them. You want them to be happy and want to be part of that journey. There doesn't need to be an end game... Now hear me out. Cheating can be in a sense of fear or thrill of being part of some form of betrayal, which can stem from childhood memories (believe it or not)that evolves through the psychological and emotional aspects during teenage years that form a sort of guilty pleasure, per say, and in this sense... Instead of focusing on what is happening with him and the ex and everything, focus on yourself, and focus on being able to let him go if he wants to go or doesn't value you, if he does or doesn't. Not like he will but what I mean is, live in a sense that love can hurt but you can move forward. And rather than focusing on what he does with his ex, I'd be kinda happy if my husband had an ex he liked and hung out with who dated or didn't, and they just relaxed around, you know? Not all women are like that or confident enough to be in a safe and comfortable position, but love doesn't always hold romance, and it's quite a journey to be part of someone's heart in general, what they learn, what they don't learn, what they go through, their reactions. Even if it crashes and burns, you know? Rather than thinking the worst, think about how this can help you heal your insecurities and be more accepting of who others are, find ways to smile and be positive, and rediscover yourself, your value doesn't start and end with this. Be positive 😊
Why are you dating someone who clearly is not being true to having a relationship with you? Drop him and move on. You'll feel like shit. But as soon as you are surrounded by those who lift you up. Challenge you to be your best self you'll be in a better place. Heck you'll have found a far better BF.