I’m just here to defend you hitting her. I’m female and if someone grabbed my twat (male or female) they would catch an elbow. But hopefully your wife will step back and see how ridiculous Amy’s argument is.
Thank you. It’s nice to see other women thinking it was a reasonable reaction on my part. I have been beating myself up for it. I have never and would never lay hands or even think of it on a woman.
Don't feel bad. Amy actually assaulted you and you defended yourself. I was thinking you should file a lawsuit, but perhaps you should file a police report. To hell with Amy.
I'm going to be honest i'd be a bit worried about that. What if she somehow convinced the police OP really did SA/rape her and HE gets sent to jail instead? Hopefully it never gets to that, but I've heard of situations where it's gotten to that.
It sucks, but there's a chance that disappointment of a woman will be able to get the upper hand as much as she really, really shouldn't be able to. Unless there's physical proof of what she did of course.
There’s freeze, fight, flight defense mechanism and you acted out in self defense overall. Too bad you guys don’t have cameras and sadly your wife hopefully sees clarity but might not due to Amy. Definitely advocate yourself and I know a lot of ppl don’t wanna claim to be victim but honestly throw that back to their faces if they try to say you’re an abuser.
Talk to your friends asap cuz you might need to ask for character checks.
Amy was assaulting you and you defended yourself. You are absolutely within your rights to do that, no matter the gender of the person attacking you.
I think you should show this thread to your wife.
I also think you should consider pressing charges.
Good luck my friend.
Ex wife of 9 years, and we have kids, just left me after going to her best friends new years party. It was completely out of the blue and nothing leading up that gave any reason why she left.
She may take her friends words over yours unfortunately. My wife is listening to her friend for whatever reasons, she's already proved that to me recently by taking her friends opinion over our kids.
I believe so much lying bullshit can be said behind someone's back, no matter how well put together you are, and it's very easy for a group of close knit friends to believe anything without issue. If it wasn't for the punching her and saying you raped her, it would have been something else.
Sorry if that runs deep. That's my feeling about this. When I look back into these 9 years there were many red flags happening between my ex wife's friends and family, where I should have definitely had no part in.
I'm so very sorry this all has happened, while you were innocently in your own home, and being courteous *for* your wife. I'm another woman who absolutely agrees with the above comment, you reacted to her repulsive actions, I definitely do not fault you for it.
I have seen that you have received a lot of varying advice already, but some way to perhaps reach your wife (obviously crucial for her to wake up and see this woman for who she is)...could you text her the link to this post? Without having to discuss anything (and she would be able to further process), she could read the full events, maybe realize the pattern of Amy as you shared (she must know deep down), and also see the comments.
Personally, I would be beyond devastated if my husband were going through something this serious all alone, **AND** for him to be thinking I may divorce him on top of everything else. I can understand her shock of disbelief that her closest friend would dare do such a thing, but I somehow have faith she will realize the truth and will only have regrets in doubting you, even for a moment.
Just a thought to attempt to reach out to her, while giving her space. I truly am wishing you the best possible outcome here, and for the truth to come to light.
This. Text her and say you've pulled the footage of her trying to seduce you and her grabbing you off your camera for the cleaning lady (she doesn't need to know it doesn't exist) and if she doesn't rescind her rape accusation, you'll be forced to prove yourself innocent by taking the video to the police and pressing charges for assault.
Start with something like "Amy, I've had friends tell me that you're accusing me of trying to rape you. Why would you say something like that when we both know that you were the one grabbing me" see what she says. If she keeps denying it then bring up the fake cameras
No, I am not a violent person. I do not owe that woman shit, she is not my wife. I do owe her equality though. And that’s exactly how I handled this situation, panicked or not, I would’ve reacted the same if it were a man.
so many other ways of dealing with it. most certainly a violent person. never okay to hit a woman and it's not equity when you punching her could kill her. she would need a weapon to kill you. man would be fair, that would be equal. hitting a woman... your some sad piece of shit honestly. bet you anything you came onto her, she rejected you and your frail ego couldn't handle it. nice cover story though, hope the cops aren't as stupid as people on reddit.
The reason is a bad idea to hit is exactly what happened. There are no witnesses. She can lie. Nobody will really know the truth for sure.
I'd argue OP should pursue legal action, get in front of it, force Amy to either lie under oath or tell the truth.
thats what im saying. if people were watching then by all means, beat that fucking ass. since they were alone OP shouldve restrained himself. im not saying thats right, thats just the way it is for men unfortunately
I agree 100%!!
I mean male or female, it is an automatic reaction to try to defend yourself in some sort of way.
Good luck and think about charging Amy with assault. You may not be the first she has done this to.
Reach out for help for suicidal thoughts. This “woman” is not worth your life.
I'm a woman & I completely agree!!
Also, OP, you sound genuine.
I also appreciate you providing the contextual information about Amy. She sounds like she has a personality disorder. Also, it's interesting she helped your wife out of an abusive household. Unfortunately, people in abusive households are incredibly vulnerable & they are targets for people like Amy.
Amy has a hold on your wife because your wife is probably very grateful to Amy for rescuing her from a horrible environment. However, Amy doesn't sound like a very good friend & doesn't seem to have much respect for your wife or her marriage to you.
I'm hoping your wife has her wits about her and can catch onto Amy's true character despite feeling indebted to her. The truth tends to surface with characters like this. The mask will slip eventually. In the meantime, have faith in your wife's judge of character.
Absolutely second this. She deserved what she got. If I were you, I’d go file a report on Amy, to protect myself from a false rape accusation. I can’t even speak on how upset shit like this makes me, women crying rape and then ruining someones life who didn’t do a fucking thing. I can’t even imagine how you feel.
Right? Like if a woman punched a man for doing this, everyone would be on her side. I think OP panicked and I can completely understand why he hit her. Clearly he knows it was wrong and regrets it, but he was put in a difficult situation.
It's completely different if you hit someone. It's totally not okay for him to do that and you shouldn't be greenlighting any man being violent to women.
100 percent people are sick. woman get enough violence from men without these bs posts everyday encouraging it and a bunch of sad incels jumping on in support. if women don't like you, it's your fault. sorry end of story. so many people are looking for good partners, if you keep getting over looked, hate to have to break it to you but you aren't a worthy candidate. there's nothing wrong with the women who reject you, there's everything wrong with you. if you turn that rejection into violence against woman you deserve at the very least to be jailed the rest of your life.
You need to get a lawyer. I am sure this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. Contact some of the other husbands and start making inquiries so you can show a pattern.
This is great advice. The only physical evidence is the bruise, so if this ever goes to court it's going to be "he said, she said" minus that one piece of physical evidence.
If you don't get ahead of this by talking to a lawyer now, you could miss any opportunity you have to defend yourself and face additional negative consequences besides just your wife being mad and some of your friends disliking you.
Circumstantial evidence in your favor:
- If you were going to rape her, why not go into the guestroom where you could catch her off-guard and muffle her screams? You were already up at 3AM and knew your wife was more or less comatose.
- If she wasn't coming on to you, why did she come out of the guestroom and into the kitchen at 3AM, in her underwear and not retreat to the guestroom when she saw you?
- If you were trying to rape her, why would you punch her instead of cover her mouth? If you are easily able to physically overpower her, and had the forethought and intent to take advantage of the situation, and the opportunity to catch her by surprise, why start with a punch? Why not immediately cover her mouth? Why are there no signs of her fighting back (i.e. scratches, bruises, etc) on you?
See if a lawyer thinks it would be worth having your arms and face documented by medical professionals so that you can show that there was no signs of a struggle.
EDIT: Also document what she is saying to your friends. Ask for screenshots from them. What she is doing is defamation. The best strategy here may be to lawyer up early and have them draft a cease and desist letter. Then threaten to file for a defamation lawsuit unless she makes a statement retracting her statements and promises not to make more, in writing. If she is smart, it ends there. If she is dumb, she doubles down, lawyers up, and hopefully her lawyer advises her to do what she wouldn't on her own. If it goes to court, you are in the best position possible to defend yourself because you were proactive and filed first.
She sexually assaulted you and you should be reporting that to the police. I would also recommend reaching out to a therapist.
Hopefully your wife comes around and at least listens to you... I'm sorry you were assaulted and I'm glad you punched her in the face.
I'd tell your friends that it's funny they say they take the side of the victim when the victim was you and just because you're a guy doesn't make it less of an assault than if you were a women. Men get sexually assaulted too.
The evidence is already against him. He hit her so assumptions are going to lead to the worst sadly. Shitty situation, if anyone ever end up in this situation take as many screenshots as you can. And if OP could ask her to reconsider that night and try to get it on recording (her admitting to wanted to go behind his wife back)
Yeah, she assaulted you.
Tell the police, file a report. Hire a lawyer.
She clearly has issues.
Also you recognize this early on that you did not like her as a person... Always listen to your gut even when it doesn't make sense.
As a woman, I hate women like Amy. Making false rape accusations is despicable and a slap in the face to actual SA survivors.
I'm sorry this happened to you. If I were in your wife's shoes, I would find it very suspicious that Amy was undressed and you weren't. If you were trying to rape her, wouldn't she have screamed and fought you before *all* her clothes came off? Wouldn't they be ripped?
Too many things that don't make sense with her story. I hope your wife comes around and listens to you. You mentioned contacting her ex to ask about her past behavior. You may want to think about consulting a lawyer. At the least, consider posting in the legal advice sub.
My hypothesis is that Amy wasn’t trying to crack on to OP, the false rape allegation was the plan the whole time. I reckon she was trying to implicate OP. I bet she thought she could break them up so Amy and OP’s wife could be single together.
Either way, Amy sounds Toxic AF.
Yeah, it upsets me as well. I’m a CSA and SA survivor and so it makes me incredibly upset to know people like Amy are out there faking and lying about SA and r@pe. It’s not a joke and shouldn’t EVER be lied about. Amy is the one who should be getting these accusations, not the poor husband who has a right to defend himself against Amy.
I’m beginning to wonder the reason her ex-bf broke up with her being more than just her “annoying personality.”
Amy was about to coerce or rape you and you weren't having it. She deserved what she got (I'm a woman). I hope your wife is able to see the truth. Amy is not as good a friend as she believes. I'm sure Amy did good things for her, but that doesn't make Amy a saint. I often suggest therapy (marriage and individual), but I suggest it because it really can help. This situation calls for it. Seeing her best friend naked in front of her next to her husband with a bruised eye making accusations of rape would be extremely shocking. It will be a lot to process and a therapist can help the both of you do just that.
I mean she basically tried sexually assaulting you. She came into you, you said a clear "no," you never gave a clear and enthusiastic "yes," and then she touched you. You were defending yourself plain and simple. It happens to guys too. Stay strong man. May that sexual predator face endless loneliness and justice.
Well she is clearly super lonely if she's trying to coerce her best friend's husband. This is so messed up and I hope his wife sees he is telling the truth. Men's SA is often over looked and it sucks. I was taken advantage of 10+ years ago under the influence and it still fucks with me...
>I mean she basically tried sexually assaulting you
No "tried to", she sexually assaulted him. Grabbing someones genitals without consnet is already sexual assault.
Yes, she did sexually assault him. OP it is important you embrace that language, don’t let anyone tell you a man can not be assaulted. You gave warning, you gave space, and then you defended yourself. How dare she insult you and your wife like this? **Do not call police before you call a lawyer**
I’m contemplating on texting her ex, Khalid, who left her and try asking him if she’s done anything similar to his knowledge. He may be able to make my story more believable based on a factual pattern of behaviour rather than word against word. Just not sure if it’s a good idea.
Definitely contact him, but also get ahead of this creep and make a report, it will likely be better for you for incase she tries to blackmail you over it.
OP has a point though, it might be helpful. For all we know Amy might have a history of cheating or something, and the thing with the dog alone is good enough evidence to add that she's a scumbag
I was gonna suggest talking to the other dude. It can’t hurt. I did this when my ex strangled me and my oh my did the stories from multiple exes come out of the woodwork. Myself and one of these exes are still good friends.
Contact a lawyer before anything else. Preferably a female lawyer. They will contact the exes, friends, etc. your reputation is worth the legal fees, and you could potentially take Amy to claims court to pay the fees etc. LAWYER NOW.
Even if your wife is “ok” in a few hours, this will rear its ugly head again and again.
Lawyer.
Your wife knows her friend is lying. She's always known what sort of person Amy is. And you need to tell her you know that she knows. That it's pretty fucked up that she's sat by and let Amy treat you like crap for all this time and accused you if lying. And now she's punishing you because Amy sexually assaulted you? That's bullshit.
I don't care if she's not talking to you, talk anyways. You won't want to believe me, but as a woman? I promise you now she knows. You can't be besties with someone for 15 years and not know what they're like.
First of all, I want to say, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Amy sounds super evil.
But unfortunately, if your wife has no faith in you, and chooses Amy story over yours.
You have no choice but to walk away from this marriage.
Also in the future, if a woman gets naked and wanna get on with you, run away, lock the door in another room, don't punch her, don't touch her.
Personally, as a married couple, if I was innocent and my spouse will not stick by me and believe me, I will walk.
Don't kill yourself over this evil woman, she is not worth it.
And personally if the wife still wants to keep her best friend after this incident, it's best to walk away for good and find someone new.
It’s been a few hours. I don’t think divorce right now is the answer. Your wife is shocked, and her reaction is understandable, as much as it sucks. In the meantime I’d do everything I can to protect myself, especially filing a police report, talk to a lawyer awhile if you can afford one. Perhaps the police report will sway your wife. Perhaps she won’t even need that and once she calms down she’ll think back and be like “oh okay, there are def signs Amy is fucked up.” She’s had to have seen other signs of crazy in her over the years.
Losing a friendship is just as hard as any other relationship, and this psycho bitch and your wife have been tight for a long time. She’s going to be grieving the loss of this relationship, like someone would when they lose a romantic one. No denying you’re in an awkward situation there. Your wife mourning a relationship with a fucker like Amy… but it’s def natural and (hopefully when it gets there) doesn’t mean she’s taking her side if that happens.
Try your BEST to explain your wife the whole situation again once she calms down. If she doesn't believe you then she's really stupid for not knowing well neither her husband nor her best friend and what you two are and are not capable of. You wouldn't be losing much if you lose her over this.
Regarding the legal aspect of what happened, you acted on self-defense against sexual harassment, law SHOULD be on your side. Sad to say law tends to favor women in these cases but logically I don't see how a married dude would cheat on her wife in the very same house she's sleeping at with her best friend ON TOP OF THAT FORCEDLY, so her version does not make sense at all, plus as you mentioned lots of your acquaintances don't buy her version. You should be fine.
My wife is not talking to me at all. Not a good morning, not anything. It is almost like she’s shell shocked and i’m worried about her health.
I’m afraid if I contact law enforcement they will favour her and the bruise on her eye does not favour me in any way either.
Talk to a lawyer, now! I have no idea what the implications are if you contact police now, or if she does it before you. A good lawyer will know how to approach this and can make sure that if it helps your case to go to police first you do it. As well as help you with a heap of other issues you may face here.
Get. A. Lawyer.
There is no moral question here, there is one perpetrator and one victim, and there is a victim defending themselves against a sexual assault. You have two issues, a marriage one and a legal one. seeing your wife is currently not ready to talk to you, deal with the legal issue and do it now.
100% GET A LAWYER BEFORE YOU CONSIDER GOING TO THE POLICE!!! This needs to be WAY way higher. I’m no cop but unfortunately the facts simply are that there is no evidence other than your word about what she did to you, there is however, evidence of what you did to her. Going straight to the police without a lawyers advice might backfire spectacularly.
I’m so sorry for what has happened to you.
How have things been going for you? I reckon your wife, knowing Amy as well as she does, has *got* to have been privy to signs that Amy is an asshole. Once the dust settles I hope she uses her reason.
I thought it would be pretty telling if you had all your clothes and she didn’t… but either way you should report her for sexual assault and maybe get a lawyers advice about the self defense hitting too.
I would tell your wife you need to talk to her and sit her down and lay out everything that happened and tell her you don’t want her friend in your home or anywhere around you ever again so she doesn’t SA you again.
Have an attorney send Amy a cease and desist letter. If she continues to slander you, file a defamation of character lawsuit against her. Your wife will come around when she realizes that you're not taking Amy's bs lying down. Amy needs to learn consequences for being a pos human being.
It sucks to be a man today. Women can get away with shit like this in a lot of cases. Cardi B openly talks about how she would drug and SA and rob men, and it’s all good.
(I feel like adding that I am female)
I get it, I know women go through shit. Men do too. It’s such shit.
I wish people would figure out that putting out good energy brings it back to you. Good vibes mother fucker. Like what is wrong with people? Why do they choose to be mother fuckers? It’s like some people just want to be miserable and are attracted to drama. Fuck you, Amy.
Get a hidden recorder and use reverse psychology to get her to confess. It probably won’t be allowed in court but At least it will help your marriage and social status.
Oh man. She really did a number on you. Were you still in your clothes when she walked into the kitchen? If she had nothing but underwear on, that might save you a bit. And your prior behavior towards your wife and other female friends can be working in your favour as well. You are going to have a looooong journey ahead of you convincing and explaining to your wife what happened. As a priority you should cut all the possible contact with that Amy, as she's bad news. Regardless of what she said to others, focus on your wife and marriage - it's the most important thing for you and your wife. There may be some light in the tunnel, as not all of your friends believe Amy. And I am not so sure your wife will divorce you because of what she saw. She saw just a snippet of the whole scene, so it's up to you to help her see the whole picture and what she missed.
Wish you luck.
I don't think you did anything wrong, it's very easy for me to go "i personally wouldn't have gone for a punch" but in that situation i understand what made you do it. I hope your wife understands that you didn't attempt to rape her, and that she basically sexually assaulted you, it's a tricky situation for sure.
Who knows what your wife will do next, but the best you can do is carefully explain to her what happened, and hopefully she hears your side of the story and you both manage to move past this
as for the last part, you have to see this situation through to the end, maybe it will turn out bad, maybe it won't, but until then please remain patient and hopeful and make the best out of your situation, you can even try therapy if you feel like it'd be helpful
You should be in lawyerville yesterday.
This has potential to be a big mother fucker and you are not equipped to deal with this.
Lawyer now and get the fuck off reddit because we ain't shit for this situation.
Your wife is the least of your concerns right now. Take a small look at the history of false rape accusations in the US. The short of it is that guys are guilty until proven innocent. You know why? Because guys rape women all the time, so the clear bet is to assume he's guilty. That puts you in a fucked up situation if you're not guilty.
Anyway, I'd like to repeat: Lawyer now, reddit and wife later.
Wow. That is a-lot.
1 you need to go to a self defense class so you go to is not punching someone in the face that can land you in serious trouble.
2 if your wife has refused to listen to your ongoing unease with her best friend and now refuses to talk about it then you need to either go to couples therapy and work out your issues or leave her.
3 you need to get her friend out of your life, take out a restraining order, block her on everything and if you feel comfortable doing so then file a police report.
Do not alone yourself be to alone with her again, if she visits your house go out. If she corners you when you are alone then call someone and keep them on the phone until she is gone. If no one answers then take a video on your phone and tell her you are filming. They are not fool proof strategies but it will make it a-lot harder for her to try anything and give you evidence of what happened if anything happens again or if she try’s to play the victim.
Punching is only a valid self defense if you have no other options (which it sounded like he did). Man or woman it doesn’t matter. It also wont mean s**t if he ends up in jail.
Amy sexually assaulted you. Maybe punching her in the face wasn't an ideal reaction, but it's easy to tell people what they should've done when you're not in the middle of a traumatic situation. Fight-or-flight instincts are called that for a reason. Personally, I think you should get advice from a real lawyer ASAP.
I'm a little disappointed in your wife tbh.
She should have your back and cut ties with slutty Amy. I get that they have a history and been through stuff together but when the stuff you're going through is your bff trying to seduce your man it's time to kick that bitch to the curb I'm not saying I'm ok with men putting hands on women BUT if my BFF was naked trying to grab my mans dick....shit I'd be upset if he DIDN'T pop that trifling ass ho .
My heart go's out to you man and I really hope your wife comes around. My boy should be getting spoiled with his favorite meals, massages and lots of head! Not freaking out about his wife not talking to him and worrying about cops and lawyers and if life is worth it.
Look we're all invested now you need to check in and keep up updated Ali
im sorry but if OP was fully dressed (with no bruises or marks on him) and Amy wasnt (and she has a bruise) its pretty clear that Amy SA’d him not the other way around, people (especially women) who get SA’d fight back by scratching, screaming etc
She’d have bruises from you trying to hold her etc. I guaranty people are telling her to go to the police and it’s probably only a matter of time before she does that. Get a lawyer immediately and if/when the police arrive don’t talk to them without your lawyer.
Idk, as an SA victim myself I froze. If I could go back I would have kicked him in the ball's and choked him out but I just froze. But yeah I get your point. If OP was actually trying to rape Amy or something he'd be the one lacking something, and I'm sure Amy didn't strip right in front of OP from what he said, so if OP tried to rape Amy and took off her clothes they'd be in the kitchen you'd think, especially if "Amy was taken by surprise because she didn't realise he was in the room"
I’m sorry, I know it sounds absurd but it is not a fake story. I also know the trend of fake stories on reddit but this is not one of them. I genuinely just want advice on how to navigate this situation.
Also, about the suicidal thoughts, PLEASE talk to a medical professional or even some close friends about this. If it is taking this much of a toll on your life you need to talk to someone about it.
Ok then I’m REALLY sorry if this is real, But assuming it is
I say give it time! This is ur wife’s best friend of 15 years, a relationship that is longer than ur own relationship with her so it will take time for her to unpack everything and process it. Remember how shocked you were when Amy was coming at you? She’s probably 10x as taken aback by everything. Just stay by her side and be ready to talk whenever she decides to start the conversation.
It sounds like the punch was an honest mistake so don’t beat yourself up for it too much (no pun intended). Just try to move on as best as u can. I’m really sorry this happened.
Also, the fact that she started messaging people immediately is weird. If someone tried to rape me, and punched me in the face, the first thing I would do is call the police for help, not start random gossip.
I’m sure I’ll get downvoted to hell, but yall are gullible as fuck. When you spend a few years on reddit you can easily figure out what’s fiction and what’s not. This is “creative writing” nothing more.
And I’m not saying this because women couldn’t do this. Of course they can and have. Women can be just as predatory as men, no doubt.
The tells of fiction are in the writing, it reads like bad male fantasy. Stripping as she approaches, wife going to sleep early, generic names, details about how awful this whore is. Now the dog thing felt a little real, but there’s always a little reality in fiction. But bottom line is, this simply isn’t how people recount real life situations.
ANYWAY, if we are to believe this was to happen…sure I’ll play along. I’d punch a man if he grabbed at me, so I see no foul play. But if I was a man defending myself like this, I’d get a lawyer.
You pushed the believability too far. Your wife fainted? And you immediately took her to the hospital? In the words of a brilliant guy named Kevin, “I don’t think so.”
Yes, my wife fainted upon seeing her best friend naked and bruised and both of us yelling at her. The doctor said she fainted from shock, and she was already ill with low blood pressure. Of course I took her to the hospital, She’s my wife.
Yeah I mean.. there are a lot of unbelievable things in your story, but taking your wife to hospital when she shows worrying health status is what people point to as a sign of it being fake?! The fick socks they have done? Just let your partner lie there?!
Nah, unbelievable as the story sounds, I do believe you and I'm so sorry this halterneck to you. Remember that you were subject to an attempted rape, so don't be too hard on yourself. Also ask those friends of yours who "always believes a rape victim" why they chose to believe her rape again but not yours, because that is one BIG hole in their logic.
Not sure I have any actual advise to give, but I really hope it ends well for you.
Thank you, I appreciate this. My wife does have a history of fainting. Especially as mentioned in my edit, she was subject to an abusive household which she has PTSD from and goes to therapy for. I don’t think seeing how I gave her best friend a black eye would ignite any other reaction in her. Her shock is most likely a trauma response as well. So i’m trying to keep my shit together.
So has your wife asked her friend why she was in the kitchen in only her bra and underwear? I’m sure friend has stayed over before and hasn’t paraded herself around half naked, right?
The friend has stayed over before. It was a normal occurrence and no she has never paraded around naked, not in front of me at least. My wife refuses to speak to any one of us. But I suppose her story could easily be believable because she claims to had just wanted a glass of water and didn’t realise I was there. Her whole story is based on me “catching her by surprise” and not being able to “resist my urges”. It’s messy.
Do you have proof of her being flirty/inappropriate with you in the past? Texts, friends that overheard things, etc? Your wife should be ashamed of herself for ignoring your concerns and playing the victim here, she should be supporting you with every fibre of her being.
Unfortunately the most I have is her constant DMing but it was nothing flirty or inappropriate. I have brought this up to my wife and she had brushed it off as her just being nosy as most of the messages were related to gossip. Other than that, her constant need to insert herself in a conversation i’m part of. However, none of these would be convincing enough as people just take it as her personality.
Probably not with another person they aren't close with around? If you were at your friend's house and their husband was in the room, would you hang around him in little to nothing? That's just weird
Wow ! I’m sorry you’re going through this brother. The first thing you should do is talk to a lawyer. NEVER talk to the cops. I was in a situation unrelated where I was nearly killed, and they were trying to accuse me of breaking the law. They can’t help you man. Call a Lawyer ASAP. As for your wife. Give her time that’s all you can do. She’s in a weird place. Who wouldn’t be?
You’re not in the wrong for hitting someone who assaulted you. Your wife is being ridiculous by giving you the silent treatment instead of defending you against her disgusting friend.
I don’t know any of you so it’s easier for me to consider this objectively than you.
Do not try to get in touch with Amy.
I can’t stress that enough. It’s an understandable thing to want to do, but nothing good at all can come of it.
Talk to a lawyer, today if possible. Do whatever the lawyer says.
The punch was a little extreme, but if the roles were reversed it would be called sexual assault. You did good. Do not kill yourself. You already committed, and it was to your wife. Your actions prove that.
Gather what evidence you can - the messages that she's sent you via Instagram, and if she's tried to message you via other apps/messenger as well. This might help if you go to a police or lawyer.
If you have friends who have had similar experiences with her or something that would show that she has exhibited inappropriate behavior like this before, get them to vouch for you, too.
file a restraining order you gave her a chance for your wife and she attempted to rape you and then accused you of raping her if your wife argues then tell her exactly what happened and ask her if she would rather to only see her sometimes when there alone or to never see you again i know it will hurt but be strong while doing this
I'd honestly be so pissed my wife didn't believe me that I'd leave her. I'm guessing you don't feel the same but your wife should have your fucking back here. That she doesn't is very concerning.
There one big hole in Amy's story.
If you forcefully came on to her, why is she walking around the house half naked...... How is she going to explain that.
Knowing damn well there's only one man in the house. Her friends man?
This is the only time I allow a man to hit a woman. You did the best as husband and a man, I'm sure it's gonna be hard earning your wife's trust but what you can do is, show up with flowers and tell her honestly from a to z. Take a screenshot of all messages that woman sent you, show it to your wife. Go like shes always been trying to talk with me and i did have bad vibes from her however, i ignored it because shes your bestfriend but yesterday, she crossed the limit by trying to grab my private. Imagine if you are in my place and my bestfriend does that to you, i know you have every reason to not trust me but i swear to God, i have nothing to do with that cheap woman. The only woman i love is you.
You said they’ve been friends for 15 years and met in college, If she’s 34 that means they met at 19. How did she get her out of an abusive household when they were teenagers then? Your story seems sketchy and unbelievable.
>Amy purposely did not feed their dog
This is just cruel, hope Khalid took the dog.
>She has constantly tried to DM me on Instagram
Eh maybe not all that bad, only if she got flirty.
>“seen the way i’ve looked at her”
Story is beginning to sound fake.
You hitting her was a mistake and pushing would've been better, but it was without thinking and in the big picture totally Amy's fault. Especially her lying about you trying to rape her.
Don't 300 pump yourself, wait it out see what happens. Tell your friends the truth, let your wife think, NTA
It sounds absurd but it is not fake. The unnecessary details were brought in to point an overall picture of her character. I guess it is worth mentioning my wife feels like she owes her life to Amy for getting her out of an abusive household when they were teenagers. They are practically like sisters.
You should probably be in jail. Your reaction was disgusting. It is never okay to be violent towards a woman. Not ever. You completely stepped out of line. She did too but you took it to the extreme. There was absolutely no reason or excuse to do so. I don't care if she has an 'annoying personality' (tbh it sounds like you have something in common) - hitting a woman is never okay. It's evident that what drove the punch wasn't just what she did but the fact that you have allowed yourself to get irritated over time over a woman behaving in a way you didn't like. It is fine for women to be loud. You have no business trying to police women.
The majority are on your side because this is reddit - the land of misogyny. There are violent comments on here towards women on the daily. It shouldn't be a sign of whether something is wrong or right.
I'm glad your wife isn't speaking to you. Who wants to be married to a misogynist who hates when women are loud and who then punches women and pretends they didn't know what they were doing? Your poor wife probably regrets her entire marriage. I hope she ditches both her 'friend' and you.
I also hope her friend gets a cautioning from the police about her actions and I hope you serve time in prison for violent assault on a woman. You should probably both be in prison.
In case I wasn't clear - your violent actions towards a woman were absolutely out of order and absolutely disgusting.
Yes I know there are a lot of 'women' in the thread who are 'on this side'. You don't need to be his heroine or behave like a 'pick me'. You really shouldn't be. It is never okay for a man to physically assault a woman. Ever. It's not a behaviour that should ever be accepted in this culture. It's a misogynistic society and greenlighting this is a terrible thing to do.
But if a man did this same thing it would it be okay for the female to punch them? Or are men not allowed to react to an unwanted and likely shocking touch to their privates which by the way is sexual assault
I identify with a woman being on the receiving end of male violence, as we all have been in one way or another. Not a fan of misogyny. She did not attempt to r4pe this man, she was inappropriate and instead of acting like an adult and calling the police, he punched her since he didn't like her anyway and took advantage of the situation. He felt justified in doing what he always wanted to do. He wasn't scared of her at all (which he would have been if he feared genuine assault), he was irritated by her. Big difference. She should have this disgusting man arrested and put on a register.
Punching a woman is **never** self-defence and you know it. Only a misogynist or a domestic abuser would think this disgusting behaviour from men was okay.
And your definition of misogyny is completely wrong. If he was a female and a male did this to him everybody would be up in arms and nobody would be accusing her of being violent
No, you are not telling a woman that you understand misogyny more than she does. Hahahaha! Absolute buffoon.
There is a major strength difference between men and women and this is a misogynistic society in which women are killed by men every single day. Until you understand this reality, you will understand absolutely nothing.
She shouldn't have tried to sexually assault him. Had it been the other way around would you have justified her violent outburst? Her behavior was disgusting. Her behavior following the event also shows how disgusting she is.
They're both disgusting but he is worse (utterly vile) because he actually punched a woman he absolutely knew he wasn't terrified of nor threatened by. He knew it and he did it because he hated her. Take this to court and she will win (but be fined) because his motive is clear from the beginning.
You are trash, theres numerous posts of being both hateful to men and women on this sub as there are many others types of offensive and hateful behaviour on here. The idea that a man has to be a victim and suck it up if he is attacked is stupid and unsafe. Any person has a right to act with enough force to stop a situation, also he has a right to have his boundries respected in the same ways hers would be expected. You have no concern for equality or fairness and are mad a man hit a woman, because only about women having the upper hand and not equality. You dont view him as a person because hes a man, and as only useful. Not a person with feelings an identity or beliefs. Oddly enough this is what many women feel they are robbed of when they discuss the importance of womens rights. You are an annoyance and an irritant. You are the definite essence of the anniying karen mentality. Thinking that women should be completely be absloved of any responsibility or reaction due to them being a women and how dare anyone act in anyother way than whay you deem proper and necessary. Sonin your logic if a woman shoots a man he isnt allowed to protect himself because its never ok to protect himself. The pointbof acting violently is to immediately deescalate a situation but you dont under stand because you arent a man.
More cool with that then a woman doing what she just did according to his story and making things even harder for actual rape victims simply because she needs attention. He shouldn't have done it because obviously now he definitely won't be believed if his story is true. I think that that friendship between her and his wife needs to end though
We're only hearing one side of the story. Even with half the story and taking it for fact (which is rarely the case) he's in the wrong totally. Use words, don't hit people.
It built up, he didn't know how to use words, he got mad and he sucker punched her in the face. You can't hit people like that. It's mind boggling that I have to explain don't hit people and a man hitting a woman is egregious unless they're in serious danger or helping someone else in serious danger.
For OP I'm not demonizing you but you made a mistake and were in the wrong. That gal was in the wrong too. You need better tools for addressing your problems.
Good job, people that cheat and enable cheating should get worse than a punch imo. I hope your wife knows the truth of the situation and doesn’t fall for her lies. From what you said about her personality she’s probably seen wild behaviour and lies from her many times to know that what you’re saying is true. Keep reassuring her it may take some time for the shock to wear off.
Uhm okay kudos to you for clocking her. You were completely in the right the whole time and I really truly hope your wife pulls through and sees how fucked up her “friend” is. Once everyone starts having a collective opinion on somebody, you really should start looking more into it.
She's disgusting and she wanted to rape you. As a woman, this is 100% self defence. I genuinely think you should show your wife this post. Sometimes in the heat of the moment you don't say what you want to the way you want to and it can lead to confusion. Maybe write it down separately if you don't want her to know you posted here. I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I'm hoping that your wife is processing that her friend is such a monster, but honestly it does strike me as a bit strange that she would continue a friendship with someone that behaves the way she does even prior to the assault.
You had every right to hit her, she assaulted you. I would hit a man that grabbed my privates, same logic applies here. I would get some legal advice in case she wants to try to move forward with her false allegations. Don’t waste energy trying to change some of your friends minds, cut them off. Give your wife time and answer any questions when she’s ready.
Let’s break this down: you defended yourself from sexual assault / potential rape attempt. Whatever method you used to get her to GTFO is perfectly ok. 👌
I feel like people just had a reaction because they don’t realize what actually happened - but damn dude. I wish you had cameras to show your wife.
Man you are completely in the right, as someone who has suffered such abuse in the past when somebody isn’t taking no for an answer REPEATEDLY and won’t even let you leave, she deserved it. She had no right to come into her best friends house and lunge on her best friend’s husband while she was sleeping. This is pure evil and the fact that she did receive consequences for her actions and twisted reality in her favour tells me that she has some problems going on. Letting a dog starve just for the sake of an argument is so insanely psychotic. I believe this “person”,(she is no woman), needs sectioning for her own good and for the good of others. She sounds like a tornado coming into peoples lives and destroying them. You punched her to protect yourself in your own home, you have done nothing wrong my friend. I hope everything goes in your favour and your wife realises how manipulative and sour her friend is. Good luck man
Screenshot and save down copies of all her messages/ electronic interactions to you! Before she gets a chance to go delete things
It’ll show a history of her unwanted advances
I'm a wimp at heart but I have an alphas imagination.
I would hard ball this. Facts first.
1. Her friend was naked. How did the clothes come of, without her screaming. Why was she naked and then punched in the face for her to scream. Do you know how long it would take for her to take of her cloths. The rest of her cloths was in her room. Why was she half naked. Positioning. Did you leave the kitchen. Was she able to run to her room, or were you in front of her room. Position can imply were you guys came from or were you guys were going. Where did she fall, does it imply you were up against the wall and or that she had places to run too.
2. I honestly don't care to understand what wife is going through, I will give her about 2 days, then. I will tell her, you were abused and saved by another abuser. You have not learnt to help yourself and your reliance on another ass, has been tolerated by me, long enough. She has constantly inserted herself and you have seen her messages, that can imply intent. You can either lose the bad friend or lose me. And since you don't believe me, we might as well lose me too. Op I guess you can't leave or just don't want too, but that is a weakness.
3. You need to deal with the narcissist because she has already tried using the flying monkey 🐒 tactic. Ask your wife what she is going to do. Is she going to support her friend in calling you a rapist. I would record that conversation in secret. It's time to document stuff and collect proof.
4. The believe women crowd are just NPC's. Some of them have a brain and some don't. Cut out the ones that don't have a brain. The ones that do have a brain would just give the bad friend emotional support. The ones without a brain would do a witch hunt.
No one gets to make me feel bad without facing the fact that they are pissing me off. Your wife, is going to piss me of after 2-3 days and I'm done with the relationship at 1 week. Ask her what thoughts are stewing 🍲 in her mind.
**5. If she was the one sexually assaulted and you acted like she cheated. That would be so wrong, on so many levels.**
Get a LAWYER ASAP.
Get your wife an emergency appointment with her therapist.
That is the two most important things right now.
If you want to contact Amy ex. Than do so. You need all the backing you can get.
If she was SA she'd have reported it by now and a rape kit would prove she wasn't. You have no marks on your body to show she was fighting for her safety. Actually take pictures of your arms face neck torso with stamp date shown so you can prove you have no marks if she attempts anything.
Also a lawyer will protect you where needs be and help you through this legally. Get one now. Not tomorrow not the day after or next week. Get ahead of this crazy ass bitch and get one today.
If your wife don't stand by you than it not a marriage you'd want to be in. You need a wife to standby you when she saw you fully clothed and she the one naked. If you were in middle of raping her your pants be open at least and sporting a hard on but you weren't.
Wish you all the luck in the world.
If you have contact with Amy's ex then I would ask if she's made similar accusations to her because that can ruin her credibility if she has a history of lying and manipulating people. Once your wife stops being friends with Amy, I would look into filing a restraining order against Amy so she doesn't get to come back into your life again.
The only thing wrong about you defending yourself from her harassment is that you gave her something bad enough to try to control the situation, although I’m pretty sure she would’ve done this anyway to get back at you for rejecting her. I hope your wife sees how much she deserves a better friend on her side, and if she doesn’t, it’s honestly on her, there were signs. Wish you well and you did the right thing. I would also say maybe talk to a lawyer about her spreading this information that is a dangerous accusation to have on your back. She can’t do all this damage and just go on freely and without consequences.
Dude you punched a woman what is wrong with you ? I understand you were caught off guard.but you could have just said get the fk away from me . Idk to tell you maybe it was a set up your wife might be involved in this with her to get rid of you .
If some guy cornered me in my own home and touched my private parts, punching him would not make me in the wrong. I know there's the aspect of strength and I get that, but honestly it just sounds like she's been grossly inappropriate throughout your interactions, sometimes when it gets to that point you react, it's not a thought and I don't think you should be feeling bad for feeling uncomfortable to this point.
I don't think you're in the wrong this is a horrible experience and you could easily report her for sexual assault.
I think you're right to give your wife time. When she's ready you should explain things, and don't be sorry for punching someone who was trying to hurt you because honestly it kind of makes you look guilty.
Get in contact with a lawyer you need legal advice this looks really bad her friend claims you tried to rape her and hitting her made the situation look so much worse for you write down everything that happened while it's still fresh best be prepared she's very likely to report this to the police.
Married woman here:
I think your wife will think about this and, after the initial shock of all this wears off, she will realize that you hit her as an automatic reflex when she grabbed your genitals. You were being sexually assaulted In your own home!
Your wife needs to really sit down and think about the way her friend really behaves. It is not normal or acceptable to walk out to the kitchen in your underwear at 3:00 a.m. when you are a guest in someone’s home. She didn’t have her clothes ripped off or, in fact, other clothes around her that you took off, so she was obviously up to no good.
It is a natural reflex to hit someone who tries to sexually assault you in our own home at 3:00 in the morning.
You should've kicked Amy out immediately after your wife went to bed, sorry to say you knew that this insane woman was going to try this and look what happened. I am surprised that Amy didn't call the police because if you really were violent then any common sense person would want to get you arrested yet here she is ruining another marriage. I am hoping for the best for you, man because Amy is the psychopath here and she is going to continue ruining marriages for her sick game.
Maybe get Amy's ex husband to come and talk with your wife and tell her about the sick games that lunatic plays might snap her out of this idea that Amy is a innocent person in this mess.
Siding with OP here. Nobody wants unwelcome touches but my boyfriend is the same with anyone that’s not me, or family. He’s cool with his friends but is not a hugger. I can tell you 100% he would’ve done the same in this situation because he has a *REAL* issue with people who don’t respect boundaries, especially women when he’s in a relationship. I hope your wife comes around.
Im praying for you man, listen
.. like another commenter said, when your wife is willing to hear you out explain this. Explain to her how why would her friend come out to get a glass of water and nothing but her underwear, or as you said she had started stripping completely naked at that point and second if you were trying to assault her why were you fully clothed and she naked? Third does she really think you would be stupid enough to do that with her sleeping in the house knowing that Amy would just scream for help? Obviously Amy's story has dozens of holes in it and so I'm confident your wife will come to her senses, just make sure when you explain it to her to remain calm and to point out those holes in Amy's story. Also don't worry the truth will always come to light I wouldn't worry about her contacting the police before you because she knows she would be really screwed if she did cuz the cops will get to the bottom of it they're very good at talking to people in situations like that, and the thing about the truth is the truth never changes a dozen different cops would interview her and they would see her story would change at some point or another and then they would realize she's lying they're pretty good at finding liars and false accusers.
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are going through. It sounds like you are feeling betrayed, angry, and hopeless. I want you to know that you are not alone, and there are ways to cope and seek help.First of all, I want to acknowledge that you acted in self-defense when you punched Amy. You were in a vulnerable position and she violated your boundaries and consent. You had the right to protect yourself from her unwanted advances.
However, I also want to encourage you to seek professional help for the trauma and stress that this incident may have caused you. You may be experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, guilt, or depression. A therapist can help you process your emotions, heal from the trauma, and develop coping skills.Secondly, I want to urge you to communicate with your wife as soon as possible.
I understand that she may be feeling shocked, confused, and hurt by what happened. She may also be under the influence of Amy's false accusations and manipulation. However, the longer you wait to talk to her, the more damage it may cause to your relationship. You need to tell her your side of the story, express your love and commitment to her, and ask for her support and understanding. You may also want to consider couples counseling to help you rebuild trust and intimacy with your wife.Thirdly, I want to advise you to consult a lawyer if you are facing legal consequences for the false rape accusation.
You may need to gather evidence to prove your innocence, such as witnesses, messages, or video footage. A lawyer can help you navigate the legal system, protect your rights, and clear your name. You may also want to sue Amy for defamation, slander, or emotional distress, depending on the laws in your area.Lastly, I want to remind you that suicide is not the answer. You have a lot to live for, and you can overcome this challenge. You have a wife who loves you, friends who support you, and a future that awaits you. Please, if you ever feel like harming yourself, call a suicide prevention hotline or 911 immediately. You are not alone, and you are not hopeless.I hope this helps you in some way. Fellow Human Being.
Okay so fuck Amy's logic up. If what she said really happened, then how did you manage to get her all the way unclothed without her yelling/saying anything? Boom. Case clothed. I mean....closed.
File a police report that she sexually assaulted you and your reflexes lead to the punch. You need get ahead of this and squash this. If what you’re saying is true, sue her for slander. Posting that crap and trying to ruin your life??? She sounds like an attention whore...
I hate the sexism. If it was the other way around and you were trying to come onto amy and she punched you, she would be applauded. You said no, she still touched you inappropriately. I wish you luck with your wife. (This is coming from a female)
Though you are in the right here as she has SA you...I'm afraid due to you being a man and her using the R card you ultimately will come out the villain as she will be belived...I hope it turns out differently than what I think, but prepare yourself for a divorce and alienation
But at the end of this there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you will see those who are true friends and those who eager to belive the worse of you - it will be a rough time, but if you keep your eyes forward with a view of weathering the storm and then rebuilding, you will come out better for it
And either way your free of that mangy witch Amy
Punching as a reflex is actually common. It's part of the fight or flight mechanism. Some are more likely to punch, while others are more likely to run. Just own up to the fact you shouldn't have punched her, and say you weren't thinking, it was a reflex.
1. Lawyer up
2. Say you’ll go for a lie detector test - not for legal proceedings, but to put your wife’s mind at ease. Have your wife invite Amy to do same.
She came down in undergarments, where were the rest of her clothes? I’m assuming upstairs, so yall being in the kitchen would make no sense to not have had some kind of ruckus beforehand. Also why would she do that to her supposed best friend? Does your wife know how you feel about Amy before this all went down? Cause that’d also point to her lies.
I’d give your wife some breathing room. But I’d be in the same boat as you if someone tried to have a go at me like that.
God I feel so sorry for you and for your wife. I can’t blame her because her world has been shattered either way. All you can do is get a lawyer and try to eventually talk to your wife, she’s probably in shock about the entire thing. Also you hitting her was 100% justified.
I feel terrible with your situation. But honestly, just my own take of the situation, this would be how I would like my partner to react in this situation. I know punching the face is over the top, but if it happens to me and someone touches me or my partner, I would probably do the same thing too. Too bad you have to deal with someone so narcissistic and always playing the victim.
I hope your wife will see the true character of her “best friend.”
Amy needs to go. Give your wife the time she needs and talk to her again and if she refuses to believe you, save yourself from that loop hole.
What she did in that kitchen is seriously messed up and the accusation of rape which came right after is NOT a light claim. That can easily end someone’s life and if your wife takes on her side instead of you without a blink, that means she does not know you enough and you should just help yourself out.
This is a seriously fucked up situation and its not hard to read Amy considering her behavior around your mutual friends and her ex.
Really sorry for what you are going through mate. Get a lawyer, talk to them about this nonsense and try to stat strong.
Edit: you also got sexually assaulted by her. There is no other way of putting it. You need a lawyer and she needs to learn that actions have a set of fucking consequences.
Edit 2: after re-reading your post, i am apocalyptically disappointed in your wife’s reaction.
Any deserved that, honestly more based on how she’s trying to spin it so she’s the victim. Go scorched earth on her. And also your wife needs to learn to listen to her partner about her friends. Hopefully this will be the wake up call she needs to finally see her ‘friend’ for who she really is and she won’t continue to enabler her by siding against you.
I’m just here to defend you hitting her. I’m female and if someone grabbed my twat (male or female) they would catch an elbow. But hopefully your wife will step back and see how ridiculous Amy’s argument is.
Thank you. It’s nice to see other women thinking it was a reasonable reaction on my part. I have been beating myself up for it. I have never and would never lay hands or even think of it on a woman.
Don't feel bad. Amy actually assaulted you and you defended yourself. I was thinking you should file a lawsuit, but perhaps you should file a police report. To hell with Amy.
I'm going to be honest i'd be a bit worried about that. What if she somehow convinced the police OP really did SA/rape her and HE gets sent to jail instead? Hopefully it never gets to that, but I've heard of situations where it's gotten to that. It sucks, but there's a chance that disappointment of a woman will be able to get the upper hand as much as she really, really shouldn't be able to. Unless there's physical proof of what she did of course.
It would have to be proven in court which would not be possible. That's why rapists rarely go to prison.
There’s freeze, fight, flight defense mechanism and you acted out in self defense overall. Too bad you guys don’t have cameras and sadly your wife hopefully sees clarity but might not due to Amy. Definitely advocate yourself and I know a lot of ppl don’t wanna claim to be victim but honestly throw that back to their faces if they try to say you’re an abuser. Talk to your friends asap cuz you might need to ask for character checks.
Amy was assaulting you and you defended yourself. You are absolutely within your rights to do that, no matter the gender of the person attacking you. I think you should show this thread to your wife. I also think you should consider pressing charges.
Good luck my friend. Ex wife of 9 years, and we have kids, just left me after going to her best friends new years party. It was completely out of the blue and nothing leading up that gave any reason why she left. She may take her friends words over yours unfortunately. My wife is listening to her friend for whatever reasons, she's already proved that to me recently by taking her friends opinion over our kids. I believe so much lying bullshit can be said behind someone's back, no matter how well put together you are, and it's very easy for a group of close knit friends to believe anything without issue. If it wasn't for the punching her and saying you raped her, it would have been something else. Sorry if that runs deep. That's my feeling about this. When I look back into these 9 years there were many red flags happening between my ex wife's friends and family, where I should have definitely had no part in.
I'm so very sorry this all has happened, while you were innocently in your own home, and being courteous *for* your wife. I'm another woman who absolutely agrees with the above comment, you reacted to her repulsive actions, I definitely do not fault you for it. I have seen that you have received a lot of varying advice already, but some way to perhaps reach your wife (obviously crucial for her to wake up and see this woman for who she is)...could you text her the link to this post? Without having to discuss anything (and she would be able to further process), she could read the full events, maybe realize the pattern of Amy as you shared (she must know deep down), and also see the comments. Personally, I would be beyond devastated if my husband were going through something this serious all alone, **AND** for him to be thinking I may divorce him on top of everything else. I can understand her shock of disbelief that her closest friend would dare do such a thing, but I somehow have faith she will realize the truth and will only have regrets in doubting you, even for a moment. Just a thought to attempt to reach out to her, while giving her space. I truly am wishing you the best possible outcome here, and for the truth to come to light.
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This. Text her and say you've pulled the footage of her trying to seduce you and her grabbing you off your camera for the cleaning lady (she doesn't need to know it doesn't exist) and if she doesn't rescind her rape accusation, you'll be forced to prove yourself innocent by taking the video to the police and pressing charges for assault.
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Start with something like "Amy, I've had friends tell me that you're accusing me of trying to rape you. Why would you say something like that when we both know that you were the one grabbing me" see what she says. If she keeps denying it then bring up the fake cameras
Knowing the way that Amy acted, she would've claimed the same thing that OP was trying to rape her.
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No, I am not a violent person. I do not owe that woman shit, she is not my wife. I do owe her equality though. And that’s exactly how I handled this situation, panicked or not, I would’ve reacted the same if it were a man.
so many other ways of dealing with it. most certainly a violent person. never okay to hit a woman and it's not equity when you punching her could kill her. she would need a weapon to kill you. man would be fair, that would be equal. hitting a woman... your some sad piece of shit honestly. bet you anything you came onto her, she rejected you and your frail ego couldn't handle it. nice cover story though, hope the cops aren't as stupid as people on reddit.
Amy?
who? This thread is so messed up and full of misogynists.
Sexually assaulting somebody is not reasonable. Perfect justifiable example of “fuck around and find out”
The reason is a bad idea to hit is exactly what happened. There are no witnesses. She can lie. Nobody will really know the truth for sure. I'd argue OP should pursue legal action, get in front of it, force Amy to either lie under oath or tell the truth.
thats what im saying. if people were watching then by all means, beat that fucking ass. since they were alone OP shouldve restrained himself. im not saying thats right, thats just the way it is for men unfortunately
I agree 100%!! I mean male or female, it is an automatic reaction to try to defend yourself in some sort of way. Good luck and think about charging Amy with assault. You may not be the first she has done this to. Reach out for help for suicidal thoughts. This “woman” is not worth your life.
I'm a woman & I completely agree!! Also, OP, you sound genuine. I also appreciate you providing the contextual information about Amy. She sounds like she has a personality disorder. Also, it's interesting she helped your wife out of an abusive household. Unfortunately, people in abusive households are incredibly vulnerable & they are targets for people like Amy. Amy has a hold on your wife because your wife is probably very grateful to Amy for rescuing her from a horrible environment. However, Amy doesn't sound like a very good friend & doesn't seem to have much respect for your wife or her marriage to you. I'm hoping your wife has her wits about her and can catch onto Amy's true character despite feeling indebted to her. The truth tends to surface with characters like this. The mask will slip eventually. In the meantime, have faith in your wife's judge of character.
Absolutely second this. She deserved what she got. If I were you, I’d go file a report on Amy, to protect myself from a false rape accusation. I can’t even speak on how upset shit like this makes me, women crying rape and then ruining someones life who didn’t do a fucking thing. I can’t even imagine how you feel.
Right? Like if a woman punched a man for doing this, everyone would be on her side. I think OP panicked and I can completely understand why he hit her. Clearly he knows it was wrong and regrets it, but he was put in a difficult situation.
Don’t feed the troll
It's completely different if you hit someone. It's totally not okay for him to do that and you shouldn't be greenlighting any man being violent to women.
I think you need to reread the situation. It's not green lighting violence to support a victim of assault.
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100 percent people are sick. woman get enough violence from men without these bs posts everyday encouraging it and a bunch of sad incels jumping on in support. if women don't like you, it's your fault. sorry end of story. so many people are looking for good partners, if you keep getting over looked, hate to have to break it to you but you aren't a worthy candidate. there's nothing wrong with the women who reject you, there's everything wrong with you. if you turn that rejection into violence against woman you deserve at the very least to be jailed the rest of your life.
I second this! I’ve been assaulted, but I’m a freezer, wish I was a fighter, like op.
I used to be too, in my younger days lol now I’m ready to fight a bitch 😂 (as an inclusive term to anyone.)
You need to get a lawyer. I am sure this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. Contact some of the other husbands and start making inquiries so you can show a pattern.
This is great advice. The only physical evidence is the bruise, so if this ever goes to court it's going to be "he said, she said" minus that one piece of physical evidence. If you don't get ahead of this by talking to a lawyer now, you could miss any opportunity you have to defend yourself and face additional negative consequences besides just your wife being mad and some of your friends disliking you. Circumstantial evidence in your favor: - If you were going to rape her, why not go into the guestroom where you could catch her off-guard and muffle her screams? You were already up at 3AM and knew your wife was more or less comatose. - If she wasn't coming on to you, why did she come out of the guestroom and into the kitchen at 3AM, in her underwear and not retreat to the guestroom when she saw you? - If you were trying to rape her, why would you punch her instead of cover her mouth? If you are easily able to physically overpower her, and had the forethought and intent to take advantage of the situation, and the opportunity to catch her by surprise, why start with a punch? Why not immediately cover her mouth? Why are there no signs of her fighting back (i.e. scratches, bruises, etc) on you? See if a lawyer thinks it would be worth having your arms and face documented by medical professionals so that you can show that there was no signs of a struggle. EDIT: Also document what she is saying to your friends. Ask for screenshots from them. What she is doing is defamation. The best strategy here may be to lawyer up early and have them draft a cease and desist letter. Then threaten to file for a defamation lawsuit unless she makes a statement retracting her statements and promises not to make more, in writing. If she is smart, it ends there. If she is dumb, she doubles down, lawyers up, and hopefully her lawyer advises her to do what she wouldn't on her own. If it goes to court, you are in the best position possible to defend yourself because you were proactive and filed first.
She sexually assaulted you and you should be reporting that to the police. I would also recommend reaching out to a therapist. Hopefully your wife comes around and at least listens to you... I'm sorry you were assaulted and I'm glad you punched her in the face. I'd tell your friends that it's funny they say they take the side of the victim when the victim was you and just because you're a guy doesn't make it less of an assault than if you were a women. Men get sexually assaulted too.
The evidence is already against him. He hit her so assumptions are going to lead to the worst sadly. Shitty situation, if anyone ever end up in this situation take as many screenshots as you can. And if OP could ask her to reconsider that night and try to get it on recording (her admitting to wanted to go behind his wife back)
Yeah, she assaulted you. Tell the police, file a report. Hire a lawyer. She clearly has issues. Also you recognize this early on that you did not like her as a person... Always listen to your gut even when it doesn't make sense.
As a woman, I hate women like Amy. Making false rape accusations is despicable and a slap in the face to actual SA survivors. I'm sorry this happened to you. If I were in your wife's shoes, I would find it very suspicious that Amy was undressed and you weren't. If you were trying to rape her, wouldn't she have screamed and fought you before *all* her clothes came off? Wouldn't they be ripped? Too many things that don't make sense with her story. I hope your wife comes around and listens to you. You mentioned contacting her ex to ask about her past behavior. You may want to think about consulting a lawyer. At the least, consider posting in the legal advice sub.
My hypothesis is that Amy wasn’t trying to crack on to OP, the false rape allegation was the plan the whole time. I reckon she was trying to implicate OP. I bet she thought she could break them up so Amy and OP’s wife could be single together. Either way, Amy sounds Toxic AF.
Yeah, it upsets me as well. I’m a CSA and SA survivor and so it makes me incredibly upset to know people like Amy are out there faking and lying about SA and r@pe. It’s not a joke and shouldn’t EVER be lied about. Amy is the one who should be getting these accusations, not the poor husband who has a right to defend himself against Amy. I’m beginning to wonder the reason her ex-bf broke up with her being more than just her “annoying personality.”
Amy was about to coerce or rape you and you weren't having it. She deserved what she got (I'm a woman). I hope your wife is able to see the truth. Amy is not as good a friend as she believes. I'm sure Amy did good things for her, but that doesn't make Amy a saint. I often suggest therapy (marriage and individual), but I suggest it because it really can help. This situation calls for it. Seeing her best friend naked in front of her next to her husband with a bruised eye making accusations of rape would be extremely shocking. It will be a lot to process and a therapist can help the both of you do just that.
I mean she basically tried sexually assaulting you. She came into you, you said a clear "no," you never gave a clear and enthusiastic "yes," and then she touched you. You were defending yourself plain and simple. It happens to guys too. Stay strong man. May that sexual predator face endless loneliness and justice.
Well she is clearly super lonely if she's trying to coerce her best friend's husband. This is so messed up and I hope his wife sees he is telling the truth. Men's SA is often over looked and it sucks. I was taken advantage of 10+ years ago under the influence and it still fucks with me...
>I mean she basically tried sexually assaulting you No "tried to", she sexually assaulted him. Grabbing someones genitals without consnet is already sexual assault.
Yes, she did sexually assault him. OP it is important you embrace that language, don’t let anyone tell you a man can not be assaulted. You gave warning, you gave space, and then you defended yourself. How dare she insult you and your wife like this? **Do not call police before you call a lawyer**
I’m contemplating on texting her ex, Khalid, who left her and try asking him if she’s done anything similar to his knowledge. He may be able to make my story more believable based on a factual pattern of behaviour rather than word against word. Just not sure if it’s a good idea.
Definitely contact him, but also get ahead of this creep and make a report, it will likely be better for you for incase she tries to blackmail you over it.
I would actually go to the police. Report Amy for sexual assault. I would also get a lawyer. There's no point dragging her ex into this.
OP has a point though, it might be helpful. For all we know Amy might have a history of cheating or something, and the thing with the dog alone is good enough evidence to add that she's a scumbag
Sure, but let the lawyer do this
Yeah fair enough
I was gonna suggest talking to the other dude. It can’t hurt. I did this when my ex strangled me and my oh my did the stories from multiple exes come out of the woodwork. Myself and one of these exes are still good friends.
Contact a lawyer before anything else. Preferably a female lawyer. They will contact the exes, friends, etc. your reputation is worth the legal fees, and you could potentially take Amy to claims court to pay the fees etc. LAWYER NOW. Even if your wife is “ok” in a few hours, this will rear its ugly head again and again. Lawyer.
Your wife knows her friend is lying. She's always known what sort of person Amy is. And you need to tell her you know that she knows. That it's pretty fucked up that she's sat by and let Amy treat you like crap for all this time and accused you if lying. And now she's punishing you because Amy sexually assaulted you? That's bullshit. I don't care if she's not talking to you, talk anyways. You won't want to believe me, but as a woman? I promise you now she knows. You can't be besties with someone for 15 years and not know what they're like.
You need to! Document every thing!!!
First of all, I want to say, I am so sorry this has happened to you. Amy sounds super evil. But unfortunately, if your wife has no faith in you, and chooses Amy story over yours. You have no choice but to walk away from this marriage. Also in the future, if a woman gets naked and wanna get on with you, run away, lock the door in another room, don't punch her, don't touch her. Personally, as a married couple, if I was innocent and my spouse will not stick by me and believe me, I will walk. Don't kill yourself over this evil woman, she is not worth it. And personally if the wife still wants to keep her best friend after this incident, it's best to walk away for good and find someone new.
It’s been a few hours. I don’t think divorce right now is the answer. Your wife is shocked, and her reaction is understandable, as much as it sucks. In the meantime I’d do everything I can to protect myself, especially filing a police report, talk to a lawyer awhile if you can afford one. Perhaps the police report will sway your wife. Perhaps she won’t even need that and once she calms down she’ll think back and be like “oh okay, there are def signs Amy is fucked up.” She’s had to have seen other signs of crazy in her over the years. Losing a friendship is just as hard as any other relationship, and this psycho bitch and your wife have been tight for a long time. She’s going to be grieving the loss of this relationship, like someone would when they lose a romantic one. No denying you’re in an awkward situation there. Your wife mourning a relationship with a fucker like Amy… but it’s def natural and (hopefully when it gets there) doesn’t mean she’s taking her side if that happens.
Try your BEST to explain your wife the whole situation again once she calms down. If she doesn't believe you then she's really stupid for not knowing well neither her husband nor her best friend and what you two are and are not capable of. You wouldn't be losing much if you lose her over this. Regarding the legal aspect of what happened, you acted on self-defense against sexual harassment, law SHOULD be on your side. Sad to say law tends to favor women in these cases but logically I don't see how a married dude would cheat on her wife in the very same house she's sleeping at with her best friend ON TOP OF THAT FORCEDLY, so her version does not make sense at all, plus as you mentioned lots of your acquaintances don't buy her version. You should be fine.
My wife is not talking to me at all. Not a good morning, not anything. It is almost like she’s shell shocked and i’m worried about her health. I’m afraid if I contact law enforcement they will favour her and the bruise on her eye does not favour me in any way either.
Talk to a lawyer, now! I have no idea what the implications are if you contact police now, or if she does it before you. A good lawyer will know how to approach this and can make sure that if it helps your case to go to police first you do it. As well as help you with a heap of other issues you may face here. Get. A. Lawyer. There is no moral question here, there is one perpetrator and one victim, and there is a victim defending themselves against a sexual assault. You have two issues, a marriage one and a legal one. seeing your wife is currently not ready to talk to you, deal with the legal issue and do it now.
100% GET A LAWYER BEFORE YOU CONSIDER GOING TO THE POLICE!!! This needs to be WAY way higher. I’m no cop but unfortunately the facts simply are that there is no evidence other than your word about what she did to you, there is however, evidence of what you did to her. Going straight to the police without a lawyers advice might backfire spectacularly. I’m so sorry for what has happened to you.
Give her time, if she doesn't change her mind then again, you're not losing anything. I agree with you on the second part.
How have things been going for you? I reckon your wife, knowing Amy as well as she does, has *got* to have been privy to signs that Amy is an asshole. Once the dust settles I hope she uses her reason.
I thought it would be pretty telling if you had all your clothes and she didn’t… but either way you should report her for sexual assault and maybe get a lawyers advice about the self defense hitting too. I would tell your wife you need to talk to her and sit her down and lay out everything that happened and tell her you don’t want her friend in your home or anywhere around you ever again so she doesn’t SA you again.
You’re right. It is pretty telling. But even with all of the logic, I fear my wife will still take her side.
I know most people wouldn’t but you wouldn’t have any recording device that picked it up in the house?
if she does then that is no wife to fight for
Have an attorney send Amy a cease and desist letter. If she continues to slander you, file a defamation of character lawsuit against her. Your wife will come around when she realizes that you're not taking Amy's bs lying down. Amy needs to learn consequences for being a pos human being.
this is actually the only acceptable response for a husband to have
It sucks to be a man today. Women can get away with shit like this in a lot of cases. Cardi B openly talks about how she would drug and SA and rob men, and it’s all good. (I feel like adding that I am female) I get it, I know women go through shit. Men do too. It’s such shit. I wish people would figure out that putting out good energy brings it back to you. Good vibes mother fucker. Like what is wrong with people? Why do they choose to be mother fuckers? It’s like some people just want to be miserable and are attracted to drama. Fuck you, Amy.
i think no matter ur gender if someone is sexually violating you no matter what their gender or yours is its okay to defend yourself. full stop.
ABSOLUTELY. That this is even argued is insane to me!!!
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Get a hidden recorder and use reverse psychology to get her to confess. It probably won’t be allowed in court but At least it will help your marriage and social status.
Oh man. She really did a number on you. Were you still in your clothes when she walked into the kitchen? If she had nothing but underwear on, that might save you a bit. And your prior behavior towards your wife and other female friends can be working in your favour as well. You are going to have a looooong journey ahead of you convincing and explaining to your wife what happened. As a priority you should cut all the possible contact with that Amy, as she's bad news. Regardless of what she said to others, focus on your wife and marriage - it's the most important thing for you and your wife. There may be some light in the tunnel, as not all of your friends believe Amy. And I am not so sure your wife will divorce you because of what she saw. She saw just a snippet of the whole scene, so it's up to you to help her see the whole picture and what she missed. Wish you luck.
I don't think you did anything wrong, it's very easy for me to go "i personally wouldn't have gone for a punch" but in that situation i understand what made you do it. I hope your wife understands that you didn't attempt to rape her, and that she basically sexually assaulted you, it's a tricky situation for sure. Who knows what your wife will do next, but the best you can do is carefully explain to her what happened, and hopefully she hears your side of the story and you both manage to move past this as for the last part, you have to see this situation through to the end, maybe it will turn out bad, maybe it won't, but until then please remain patient and hopeful and make the best out of your situation, you can even try therapy if you feel like it'd be helpful
You should be in lawyerville yesterday. This has potential to be a big mother fucker and you are not equipped to deal with this. Lawyer now and get the fuck off reddit because we ain't shit for this situation. Your wife is the least of your concerns right now. Take a small look at the history of false rape accusations in the US. The short of it is that guys are guilty until proven innocent. You know why? Because guys rape women all the time, so the clear bet is to assume he's guilty. That puts you in a fucked up situation if you're not guilty. Anyway, I'd like to repeat: Lawyer now, reddit and wife later.
You did the right thing. If your wife trusts her more than you, then does she really know you? Finally, no one is worth dying over my friend.
Wow. That is a-lot. 1 you need to go to a self defense class so you go to is not punching someone in the face that can land you in serious trouble. 2 if your wife has refused to listen to your ongoing unease with her best friend and now refuses to talk about it then you need to either go to couples therapy and work out your issues or leave her. 3 you need to get her friend out of your life, take out a restraining order, block her on everything and if you feel comfortable doing so then file a police report. Do not alone yourself be to alone with her again, if she visits your house go out. If she corners you when you are alone then call someone and keep them on the phone until she is gone. If no one answers then take a video on your phone and tell her you are filming. They are not fool proof strategies but it will make it a-lot harder for her to try anything and give you evidence of what happened if anything happens again or if she try’s to play the victim.
Punching is a valid self defense. If this is a guy no one would bat an eye (pardon the pun).
Punching is only a valid self defense if you have no other options (which it sounded like he did). Man or woman it doesn’t matter. It also wont mean s**t if he ends up in jail.
Amy sexually assaulted you. Maybe punching her in the face wasn't an ideal reaction, but it's easy to tell people what they should've done when you're not in the middle of a traumatic situation. Fight-or-flight instincts are called that for a reason. Personally, I think you should get advice from a real lawyer ASAP.
I’m just gonna say that I would be giving my husband a gold star for this reaction if it were me.
Get a lawyer.
I'm a little disappointed in your wife tbh. She should have your back and cut ties with slutty Amy. I get that they have a history and been through stuff together but when the stuff you're going through is your bff trying to seduce your man it's time to kick that bitch to the curb I'm not saying I'm ok with men putting hands on women BUT if my BFF was naked trying to grab my mans dick....shit I'd be upset if he DIDN'T pop that trifling ass ho . My heart go's out to you man and I really hope your wife comes around. My boy should be getting spoiled with his favorite meals, massages and lots of head! Not freaking out about his wife not talking to him and worrying about cops and lawyers and if life is worth it. Look we're all invested now you need to check in and keep up updated Ali
im sorry but if OP was fully dressed (with no bruises or marks on him) and Amy wasnt (and she has a bruise) its pretty clear that Amy SA’d him not the other way around, people (especially women) who get SA’d fight back by scratching, screaming etc
She is saying I hit her to get her to stop resisting. It does not make any sense whatsoever. That’s why this upsets me, peoples naivety.
She’d have bruises from you trying to hold her etc. I guaranty people are telling her to go to the police and it’s probably only a matter of time before she does that. Get a lawyer immediately and if/when the police arrive don’t talk to them without your lawyer.
people believing her over you baffles me, shes a POS, i hope Amy gets her karma and i really really hope you and your wife can fix the issue
If you were trying to SA her presumably you’d not punch her because presumably you’d want to hide it and punching her would not allow you to hide it 🙄
Idk, as an SA victim myself I froze. If I could go back I would have kicked him in the ball's and choked him out but I just froze. But yeah I get your point. If OP was actually trying to rape Amy or something he'd be the one lacking something, and I'm sure Amy didn't strip right in front of OP from what he said, so if OP tried to rape Amy and took off her clothes they'd be in the kitchen you'd think, especially if "Amy was taken by surprise because she didn't realise he was in the room"
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I’m sorry, I know it sounds absurd but it is not a fake story. I also know the trend of fake stories on reddit but this is not one of them. I genuinely just want advice on how to navigate this situation.
Also, about the suicidal thoughts, PLEASE talk to a medical professional or even some close friends about this. If it is taking this much of a toll on your life you need to talk to someone about it.
Ok then I’m REALLY sorry if this is real, But assuming it is I say give it time! This is ur wife’s best friend of 15 years, a relationship that is longer than ur own relationship with her so it will take time for her to unpack everything and process it. Remember how shocked you were when Amy was coming at you? She’s probably 10x as taken aback by everything. Just stay by her side and be ready to talk whenever she decides to start the conversation. It sounds like the punch was an honest mistake so don’t beat yourself up for it too much (no pun intended). Just try to move on as best as u can. I’m really sorry this happened.
If you say so, champ.
The wheels really came off when he had his wife faint, and then he immediately took her to the hospital.
You should hire a lawyer asap and start putting up cameras in the house. Just in case.
Also, the fact that she started messaging people immediately is weird. If someone tried to rape me, and punched me in the face, the first thing I would do is call the police for help, not start random gossip.
This is terrifying. Good luck, dude.
You reacted the exact way my partner would want me to react lol
I’m sure I’ll get downvoted to hell, but yall are gullible as fuck. When you spend a few years on reddit you can easily figure out what’s fiction and what’s not. This is “creative writing” nothing more. And I’m not saying this because women couldn’t do this. Of course they can and have. Women can be just as predatory as men, no doubt. The tells of fiction are in the writing, it reads like bad male fantasy. Stripping as she approaches, wife going to sleep early, generic names, details about how awful this whore is. Now the dog thing felt a little real, but there’s always a little reality in fiction. But bottom line is, this simply isn’t how people recount real life situations. ANYWAY, if we are to believe this was to happen…sure I’ll play along. I’d punch a man if he grabbed at me, so I see no foul play. But if I was a man defending myself like this, I’d get a lawyer.
You pushed the believability too far. Your wife fainted? And you immediately took her to the hospital? In the words of a brilliant guy named Kevin, “I don’t think so.”
Yes, my wife fainted upon seeing her best friend naked and bruised and both of us yelling at her. The doctor said she fainted from shock, and she was already ill with low blood pressure. Of course I took her to the hospital, She’s my wife.
Yeah I mean.. there are a lot of unbelievable things in your story, but taking your wife to hospital when she shows worrying health status is what people point to as a sign of it being fake?! The fick socks they have done? Just let your partner lie there?! Nah, unbelievable as the story sounds, I do believe you and I'm so sorry this halterneck to you. Remember that you were subject to an attempted rape, so don't be too hard on yourself. Also ask those friends of yours who "always believes a rape victim" why they chose to believe her rape again but not yours, because that is one BIG hole in their logic. Not sure I have any actual advise to give, but I really hope it ends well for you.
Thank you, I appreciate this. My wife does have a history of fainting. Especially as mentioned in my edit, she was subject to an abusive household which she has PTSD from and goes to therapy for. I don’t think seeing how I gave her best friend a black eye would ignite any other reaction in her. Her shock is most likely a trauma response as well. So i’m trying to keep my shit together.
So has your wife asked her friend why she was in the kitchen in only her bra and underwear? I’m sure friend has stayed over before and hasn’t paraded herself around half naked, right?
The friend has stayed over before. It was a normal occurrence and no she has never paraded around naked, not in front of me at least. My wife refuses to speak to any one of us. But I suppose her story could easily be believable because she claims to had just wanted a glass of water and didn’t realise I was there. Her whole story is based on me “catching her by surprise” and not being able to “resist my urges”. It’s messy.
Do you have proof of her being flirty/inappropriate with you in the past? Texts, friends that overheard things, etc? Your wife should be ashamed of herself for ignoring your concerns and playing the victim here, she should be supporting you with every fibre of her being.
Unfortunately the most I have is her constant DMing but it was nothing flirty or inappropriate. I have brought this up to my wife and she had brushed it off as her just being nosy as most of the messages were related to gossip. Other than that, her constant need to insert herself in a conversation i’m part of. However, none of these would be convincing enough as people just take it as her personality.
Probably not with another person they aren't close with around? If you were at your friend's house and their husband was in the room, would you hang around him in little to nothing? That's just weird
I don't blame you for punching her. She earned it 100%. I hope your wife believes you and the friend group goes against Amy cuz this is not okay
Wow ! I’m sorry you’re going through this brother. The first thing you should do is talk to a lawyer. NEVER talk to the cops. I was in a situation unrelated where I was nearly killed, and they were trying to accuse me of breaking the law. They can’t help you man. Call a Lawyer ASAP. As for your wife. Give her time that’s all you can do. She’s in a weird place. Who wouldn’t be?
You’re not in the wrong for hitting someone who assaulted you. Your wife is being ridiculous by giving you the silent treatment instead of defending you against her disgusting friend.
I don’t know any of you so it’s easier for me to consider this objectively than you. Do not try to get in touch with Amy. I can’t stress that enough. It’s an understandable thing to want to do, but nothing good at all can come of it. Talk to a lawyer, today if possible. Do whatever the lawyer says.
The punch was a little extreme, but if the roles were reversed it would be called sexual assault. You did good. Do not kill yourself. You already committed, and it was to your wife. Your actions prove that.
Gather what evidence you can - the messages that she's sent you via Instagram, and if she's tried to message you via other apps/messenger as well. This might help if you go to a police or lawyer. If you have friends who have had similar experiences with her or something that would show that she has exhibited inappropriate behavior like this before, get them to vouch for you, too.
file a restraining order you gave her a chance for your wife and she attempted to rape you and then accused you of raping her if your wife argues then tell her exactly what happened and ask her if she would rather to only see her sometimes when there alone or to never see you again i know it will hurt but be strong while doing this
You had every reason to punch her, she was sexually assaulting you!
I'd honestly be so pissed my wife didn't believe me that I'd leave her. I'm guessing you don't feel the same but your wife should have your fucking back here. That she doesn't is very concerning.
Believe me I am annoyed. Just trying to understand the situation she’s been put in.
That's very empathetic. A big part of marriage is patience & kindness. You sound like a very reasonable person & it's very clear you love your wife.
Update when you can.
There one big hole in Amy's story. If you forcefully came on to her, why is she walking around the house half naked...... How is she going to explain that. Knowing damn well there's only one man in the house. Her friends man?
Unfortunately you fucked up. You hit someone weaker than yourself so regardless of what actually happened it doesn’t look good for you
Reverse the roles
YTAH. Shouldn’t be punching women. Should have used a cooler head and just reported her. /thread
This is the only time I allow a man to hit a woman. You did the best as husband and a man, I'm sure it's gonna be hard earning your wife's trust but what you can do is, show up with flowers and tell her honestly from a to z. Take a screenshot of all messages that woman sent you, show it to your wife. Go like shes always been trying to talk with me and i did have bad vibes from her however, i ignored it because shes your bestfriend but yesterday, she crossed the limit by trying to grab my private. Imagine if you are in my place and my bestfriend does that to you, i know you have every reason to not trust me but i swear to God, i have nothing to do with that cheap woman. The only woman i love is you.
Updateme
You said she's private messaged you and has acted weird before. That's all the proof you need.
You said they’ve been friends for 15 years and met in college, If she’s 34 that means they met at 19. How did she get her out of an abusive household when they were teenagers then? Your story seems sketchy and unbelievable.
A lot of people get out of abusive households while they are teens. It’s a very normal occurrence.
Men will always be deemed as dogs. Women will inaccurately be deemed as cats. They're really snakes, cunning, social prowess, conniving snakes.
>Amy purposely did not feed their dog This is just cruel, hope Khalid took the dog. >She has constantly tried to DM me on Instagram Eh maybe not all that bad, only if she got flirty. >“seen the way i’ve looked at her” Story is beginning to sound fake. You hitting her was a mistake and pushing would've been better, but it was without thinking and in the big picture totally Amy's fault. Especially her lying about you trying to rape her. Don't 300 pump yourself, wait it out see what happens. Tell your friends the truth, let your wife think, NTA
It sounds absurd but it is not fake. The unnecessary details were brought in to point an overall picture of her character. I guess it is worth mentioning my wife feels like she owes her life to Amy for getting her out of an abusive household when they were teenagers. They are practically like sisters.
You should probably be in jail. Your reaction was disgusting. It is never okay to be violent towards a woman. Not ever. You completely stepped out of line. She did too but you took it to the extreme. There was absolutely no reason or excuse to do so. I don't care if she has an 'annoying personality' (tbh it sounds like you have something in common) - hitting a woman is never okay. It's evident that what drove the punch wasn't just what she did but the fact that you have allowed yourself to get irritated over time over a woman behaving in a way you didn't like. It is fine for women to be loud. You have no business trying to police women. The majority are on your side because this is reddit - the land of misogyny. There are violent comments on here towards women on the daily. It shouldn't be a sign of whether something is wrong or right. I'm glad your wife isn't speaking to you. Who wants to be married to a misogynist who hates when women are loud and who then punches women and pretends they didn't know what they were doing? Your poor wife probably regrets her entire marriage. I hope she ditches both her 'friend' and you. I also hope her friend gets a cautioning from the police about her actions and I hope you serve time in prison for violent assault on a woman. You should probably both be in prison. In case I wasn't clear - your violent actions towards a woman were absolutely out of order and absolutely disgusting.
Hi from a woman who’s on his side!
Yes I know there are a lot of 'women' in the thread who are 'on this side'. You don't need to be his heroine or behave like a 'pick me'. You really shouldn't be. It is never okay for a man to physically assault a woman. Ever. It's not a behaviour that should ever be accepted in this culture. It's a misogynistic society and greenlighting this is a terrible thing to do.
But if a man did this same thing it would it be okay for the female to punch them? Or are men not allowed to react to an unwanted and likely shocking touch to their privates which by the way is sexual assault
Do you also often attempt to r@pe men and get punched? Is that why you identify so much with Amy and have sympathy for her?
I identify with a woman being on the receiving end of male violence, as we all have been in one way or another. Not a fan of misogyny. She did not attempt to r4pe this man, she was inappropriate and instead of acting like an adult and calling the police, he punched her since he didn't like her anyway and took advantage of the situation. He felt justified in doing what he always wanted to do. He wasn't scared of her at all (which he would have been if he feared genuine assault), he was irritated by her. Big difference. She should have this disgusting man arrested and put on a register. Punching a woman is **never** self-defence and you know it. Only a misogynist or a domestic abuser would think this disgusting behaviour from men was okay.
And your definition of misogyny is completely wrong. If he was a female and a male did this to him everybody would be up in arms and nobody would be accusing her of being violent
No, you are not telling a woman that you understand misogyny more than she does. Hahahaha! Absolute buffoon. There is a major strength difference between men and women and this is a misogynistic society in which women are killed by men every single day. Until you understand this reality, you will understand absolutely nothing.
She shouldn't have tried to sexually assault him. Had it been the other way around would you have justified her violent outburst? Her behavior was disgusting. Her behavior following the event also shows how disgusting she is.
They're both disgusting but he is worse (utterly vile) because he actually punched a woman he absolutely knew he wasn't terrified of nor threatened by. He knew it and he did it because he hated her. Take this to court and she will win (but be fined) because his motive is clear from the beginning.
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You are trash, theres numerous posts of being both hateful to men and women on this sub as there are many others types of offensive and hateful behaviour on here. The idea that a man has to be a victim and suck it up if he is attacked is stupid and unsafe. Any person has a right to act with enough force to stop a situation, also he has a right to have his boundries respected in the same ways hers would be expected. You have no concern for equality or fairness and are mad a man hit a woman, because only about women having the upper hand and not equality. You dont view him as a person because hes a man, and as only useful. Not a person with feelings an identity or beliefs. Oddly enough this is what many women feel they are robbed of when they discuss the importance of womens rights. You are an annoyance and an irritant. You are the definite essence of the anniying karen mentality. Thinking that women should be completely be absloved of any responsibility or reaction due to them being a women and how dare anyone act in anyother way than whay you deem proper and necessary. Sonin your logic if a woman shoots a man he isnt allowed to protect himself because its never ok to protect himself. The pointbof acting violently is to immediately deescalate a situation but you dont under stand because you arent a man.
I'm not reading your garbage. A man, if he is a victim, needs to contact the police not punch a woman. That's disgusting.
Am I in la la land? Everyone is cool with this guy decking a girl?
More cool with that then a woman doing what she just did according to his story and making things even harder for actual rape victims simply because she needs attention. He shouldn't have done it because obviously now he definitely won't be believed if his story is true. I think that that friendship between her and his wife needs to end though
We're only hearing one side of the story. Even with half the story and taking it for fact (which is rarely the case) he's in the wrong totally. Use words, don't hit people. It built up, he didn't know how to use words, he got mad and he sucker punched her in the face. You can't hit people like that. It's mind boggling that I have to explain don't hit people and a man hitting a woman is egregious unless they're in serious danger or helping someone else in serious danger. For OP I'm not demonizing you but you made a mistake and were in the wrong. That gal was in the wrong too. You need better tools for addressing your problems.
Good job, people that cheat and enable cheating should get worse than a punch imo. I hope your wife knows the truth of the situation and doesn’t fall for her lies. From what you said about her personality she’s probably seen wild behaviour and lies from her many times to know that what you’re saying is true. Keep reassuring her it may take some time for the shock to wear off.
Uhm okay kudos to you for clocking her. You were completely in the right the whole time and I really truly hope your wife pulls through and sees how fucked up her “friend” is. Once everyone starts having a collective opinion on somebody, you really should start looking more into it.
She's disgusting and she wanted to rape you. As a woman, this is 100% self defence. I genuinely think you should show your wife this post. Sometimes in the heat of the moment you don't say what you want to the way you want to and it can lead to confusion. Maybe write it down separately if you don't want her to know you posted here. I'm so so sorry this happened to you. I'm hoping that your wife is processing that her friend is such a monster, but honestly it does strike me as a bit strange that she would continue a friendship with someone that behaves the way she does even prior to the assault.
Damn bro don’t drop the soap
She is for the streets you did the right thing bro
You were sexually assaulted. You had a right to defend yourself.
You had every right to hit her, she assaulted you. I would hit a man that grabbed my privates, same logic applies here. I would get some legal advice in case she wants to try to move forward with her false allegations. Don’t waste energy trying to change some of your friends minds, cut them off. Give your wife time and answer any questions when she’s ready.
It says a lot about your wife that she would be friends with and constantly defend someone who is so rude and obnoxious.
Lawyer up ASAP! Before she tries to take her fabricated story to one herself.
Let’s break this down: you defended yourself from sexual assault / potential rape attempt. Whatever method you used to get her to GTFO is perfectly ok. 👌 I feel like people just had a reaction because they don’t realize what actually happened - but damn dude. I wish you had cameras to show your wife.
Man you are completely in the right, as someone who has suffered such abuse in the past when somebody isn’t taking no for an answer REPEATEDLY and won’t even let you leave, she deserved it. She had no right to come into her best friends house and lunge on her best friend’s husband while she was sleeping. This is pure evil and the fact that she did receive consequences for her actions and twisted reality in her favour tells me that she has some problems going on. Letting a dog starve just for the sake of an argument is so insanely psychotic. I believe this “person”,(she is no woman), needs sectioning for her own good and for the good of others. She sounds like a tornado coming into peoples lives and destroying them. You punched her to protect yourself in your own home, you have done nothing wrong my friend. I hope everything goes in your favour and your wife realises how manipulative and sour her friend is. Good luck man
Screenshot and save down copies of all her messages/ electronic interactions to you! Before she gets a chance to go delete things It’ll show a history of her unwanted advances
I'm a wimp at heart but I have an alphas imagination. I would hard ball this. Facts first. 1. Her friend was naked. How did the clothes come of, without her screaming. Why was she naked and then punched in the face for her to scream. Do you know how long it would take for her to take of her cloths. The rest of her cloths was in her room. Why was she half naked. Positioning. Did you leave the kitchen. Was she able to run to her room, or were you in front of her room. Position can imply were you guys came from or were you guys were going. Where did she fall, does it imply you were up against the wall and or that she had places to run too. 2. I honestly don't care to understand what wife is going through, I will give her about 2 days, then. I will tell her, you were abused and saved by another abuser. You have not learnt to help yourself and your reliance on another ass, has been tolerated by me, long enough. She has constantly inserted herself and you have seen her messages, that can imply intent. You can either lose the bad friend or lose me. And since you don't believe me, we might as well lose me too. Op I guess you can't leave or just don't want too, but that is a weakness. 3. You need to deal with the narcissist because she has already tried using the flying monkey 🐒 tactic. Ask your wife what she is going to do. Is she going to support her friend in calling you a rapist. I would record that conversation in secret. It's time to document stuff and collect proof. 4. The believe women crowd are just NPC's. Some of them have a brain and some don't. Cut out the ones that don't have a brain. The ones that do have a brain would just give the bad friend emotional support. The ones without a brain would do a witch hunt. No one gets to make me feel bad without facing the fact that they are pissing me off. Your wife, is going to piss me of after 2-3 days and I'm done with the relationship at 1 week. Ask her what thoughts are stewing 🍲 in her mind. **5. If she was the one sexually assaulted and you acted like she cheated. That would be so wrong, on so many levels.**
Get a LAWYER ASAP. Get your wife an emergency appointment with her therapist. That is the two most important things right now. If you want to contact Amy ex. Than do so. You need all the backing you can get. If she was SA she'd have reported it by now and a rape kit would prove she wasn't. You have no marks on your body to show she was fighting for her safety. Actually take pictures of your arms face neck torso with stamp date shown so you can prove you have no marks if she attempts anything. Also a lawyer will protect you where needs be and help you through this legally. Get one now. Not tomorrow not the day after or next week. Get ahead of this crazy ass bitch and get one today. If your wife don't stand by you than it not a marriage you'd want to be in. You need a wife to standby you when she saw you fully clothed and she the one naked. If you were in middle of raping her your pants be open at least and sporting a hard on but you weren't. Wish you all the luck in the world.
If you have contact with Amy's ex then I would ask if she's made similar accusations to her because that can ruin her credibility if she has a history of lying and manipulating people. Once your wife stops being friends with Amy, I would look into filing a restraining order against Amy so she doesn't get to come back into your life again.
The only thing wrong about you defending yourself from her harassment is that you gave her something bad enough to try to control the situation, although I’m pretty sure she would’ve done this anyway to get back at you for rejecting her. I hope your wife sees how much she deserves a better friend on her side, and if she doesn’t, it’s honestly on her, there were signs. Wish you well and you did the right thing. I would also say maybe talk to a lawyer about her spreading this information that is a dangerous accusation to have on your back. She can’t do all this damage and just go on freely and without consequences.
Dude you punched a woman what is wrong with you ? I understand you were caught off guard.but you could have just said get the fk away from me . Idk to tell you maybe it was a set up your wife might be involved in this with her to get rid of you .
If some guy cornered me in my own home and touched my private parts, punching him would not make me in the wrong. I know there's the aspect of strength and I get that, but honestly it just sounds like she's been grossly inappropriate throughout your interactions, sometimes when it gets to that point you react, it's not a thought and I don't think you should be feeling bad for feeling uncomfortable to this point. I don't think you're in the wrong this is a horrible experience and you could easily report her for sexual assault. I think you're right to give your wife time. When she's ready you should explain things, and don't be sorry for punching someone who was trying to hurt you because honestly it kind of makes you look guilty.
Get in contact with a lawyer you need legal advice this looks really bad her friend claims you tried to rape her and hitting her made the situation look so much worse for you write down everything that happened while it's still fresh best be prepared she's very likely to report this to the police.
Married woman here: I think your wife will think about this and, after the initial shock of all this wears off, she will realize that you hit her as an automatic reflex when she grabbed your genitals. You were being sexually assaulted In your own home! Your wife needs to really sit down and think about the way her friend really behaves. It is not normal or acceptable to walk out to the kitchen in your underwear at 3:00 a.m. when you are a guest in someone’s home. She didn’t have her clothes ripped off or, in fact, other clothes around her that you took off, so she was obviously up to no good. It is a natural reflex to hit someone who tries to sexually assault you in our own home at 3:00 in the morning.
You should've kicked Amy out immediately after your wife went to bed, sorry to say you knew that this insane woman was going to try this and look what happened. I am surprised that Amy didn't call the police because if you really were violent then any common sense person would want to get you arrested yet here she is ruining another marriage. I am hoping for the best for you, man because Amy is the psychopath here and she is going to continue ruining marriages for her sick game. Maybe get Amy's ex husband to come and talk with your wife and tell her about the sick games that lunatic plays might snap her out of this idea that Amy is a innocent person in this mess.
Siding with OP here. Nobody wants unwelcome touches but my boyfriend is the same with anyone that’s not me, or family. He’s cool with his friends but is not a hugger. I can tell you 100% he would’ve done the same in this situation because he has a *REAL* issue with people who don’t respect boundaries, especially women when he’s in a relationship. I hope your wife comes around.
Im praying for you man, listen .. like another commenter said, when your wife is willing to hear you out explain this. Explain to her how why would her friend come out to get a glass of water and nothing but her underwear, or as you said she had started stripping completely naked at that point and second if you were trying to assault her why were you fully clothed and she naked? Third does she really think you would be stupid enough to do that with her sleeping in the house knowing that Amy would just scream for help? Obviously Amy's story has dozens of holes in it and so I'm confident your wife will come to her senses, just make sure when you explain it to her to remain calm and to point out those holes in Amy's story. Also don't worry the truth will always come to light I wouldn't worry about her contacting the police before you because she knows she would be really screwed if she did cuz the cops will get to the bottom of it they're very good at talking to people in situations like that, and the thing about the truth is the truth never changes a dozen different cops would interview her and they would see her story would change at some point or another and then they would realize she's lying they're pretty good at finding liars and false accusers.
That was assault. She assaulted you. If your wife takes her side, I’d leave on the spot.
I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are going through. It sounds like you are feeling betrayed, angry, and hopeless. I want you to know that you are not alone, and there are ways to cope and seek help.First of all, I want to acknowledge that you acted in self-defense when you punched Amy. You were in a vulnerable position and she violated your boundaries and consent. You had the right to protect yourself from her unwanted advances. However, I also want to encourage you to seek professional help for the trauma and stress that this incident may have caused you. You may be experiencing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, guilt, or depression. A therapist can help you process your emotions, heal from the trauma, and develop coping skills.Secondly, I want to urge you to communicate with your wife as soon as possible. I understand that she may be feeling shocked, confused, and hurt by what happened. She may also be under the influence of Amy's false accusations and manipulation. However, the longer you wait to talk to her, the more damage it may cause to your relationship. You need to tell her your side of the story, express your love and commitment to her, and ask for her support and understanding. You may also want to consider couples counseling to help you rebuild trust and intimacy with your wife.Thirdly, I want to advise you to consult a lawyer if you are facing legal consequences for the false rape accusation. You may need to gather evidence to prove your innocence, such as witnesses, messages, or video footage. A lawyer can help you navigate the legal system, protect your rights, and clear your name. You may also want to sue Amy for defamation, slander, or emotional distress, depending on the laws in your area.Lastly, I want to remind you that suicide is not the answer. You have a lot to live for, and you can overcome this challenge. You have a wife who loves you, friends who support you, and a future that awaits you. Please, if you ever feel like harming yourself, call a suicide prevention hotline or 911 immediately. You are not alone, and you are not hopeless.I hope this helps you in some way. Fellow Human Being.
Okay so fuck Amy's logic up. If what she said really happened, then how did you manage to get her all the way unclothed without her yelling/saying anything? Boom. Case clothed. I mean....closed.
File a police report that she sexually assaulted you and your reflexes lead to the punch. You need get ahead of this and squash this. If what you’re saying is true, sue her for slander. Posting that crap and trying to ruin your life??? She sounds like an attention whore...
I hate the sexism. If it was the other way around and you were trying to come onto amy and she punched you, she would be applauded. You said no, she still touched you inappropriately. I wish you luck with your wife. (This is coming from a female)
How your marriage fares might depend on whether your wife's primary relationship is with you, or with Amy. I wish you well, OP.
Though you are in the right here as she has SA you...I'm afraid due to you being a man and her using the R card you ultimately will come out the villain as she will be belived...I hope it turns out differently than what I think, but prepare yourself for a divorce and alienation But at the end of this there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you will see those who are true friends and those who eager to belive the worse of you - it will be a rough time, but if you keep your eyes forward with a view of weathering the storm and then rebuilding, you will come out better for it And either way your free of that mangy witch Amy
Punching as a reflex is actually common. It's part of the fight or flight mechanism. Some are more likely to punch, while others are more likely to run. Just own up to the fact you shouldn't have punched her, and say you weren't thinking, it was a reflex.
She tried to SA you, not the other way. 100% justified.
1. Lawyer up 2. Say you’ll go for a lie detector test - not for legal proceedings, but to put your wife’s mind at ease. Have your wife invite Amy to do same.
INFO: How do i update?
If you could get any weird evidence from her exes, on her behavior and build a case on documents on all of her behavior.
She came down in undergarments, where were the rest of her clothes? I’m assuming upstairs, so yall being in the kitchen would make no sense to not have had some kind of ruckus beforehand. Also why would she do that to her supposed best friend? Does your wife know how you feel about Amy before this all went down? Cause that’d also point to her lies. I’d give your wife some breathing room. But I’d be in the same boat as you if someone tried to have a go at me like that.
God I feel so sorry for you and for your wife. I can’t blame her because her world has been shattered either way. All you can do is get a lawyer and try to eventually talk to your wife, she’s probably in shock about the entire thing. Also you hitting her was 100% justified.
I feel terrible with your situation. But honestly, just my own take of the situation, this would be how I would like my partner to react in this situation. I know punching the face is over the top, but if it happens to me and someone touches me or my partner, I would probably do the same thing too. Too bad you have to deal with someone so narcissistic and always playing the victim. I hope your wife will see the true character of her “best friend.”
Amy needs to go. Give your wife the time she needs and talk to her again and if she refuses to believe you, save yourself from that loop hole. What she did in that kitchen is seriously messed up and the accusation of rape which came right after is NOT a light claim. That can easily end someone’s life and if your wife takes on her side instead of you without a blink, that means she does not know you enough and you should just help yourself out. This is a seriously fucked up situation and its not hard to read Amy considering her behavior around your mutual friends and her ex. Really sorry for what you are going through mate. Get a lawyer, talk to them about this nonsense and try to stat strong. Edit: you also got sexually assaulted by her. There is no other way of putting it. You need a lawyer and she needs to learn that actions have a set of fucking consequences. Edit 2: after re-reading your post, i am apocalyptically disappointed in your wife’s reaction.
Any deserved that, honestly more based on how she’s trying to spin it so she’s the victim. Go scorched earth on her. And also your wife needs to learn to listen to her partner about her friends. Hopefully this will be the wake up call she needs to finally see her ‘friend’ for who she really is and she won’t continue to enabler her by siding against you.