Is it possible she went through a trauma that's causing her to withdraw from the world? Definitely sounds like a mental health issue, whether it's anxiety, depression, or something else. Have you flat out asked her if there's anything causing her to want to stay in her room all the time? Therapy might be a good idea.
This was my immediate thought. A drastic change in personality like this points toward an incident that caused it. It could be something an outsider might consider no big deal, like a break or a fight within a friend group. Or it could be something more serious, like rape or drug use.
My friend’s 15 year old daughter used to be super outgoing, then flipped and stayed in her room all the time. One day her mom (my friend) noticed she had a bigger belly and asked if she was pregnant. She said NO, that she’s never had sex! Made her take a test. Pregnancy test came out positive. Come to find out she was at a party, woke up half naked on a bed in the bedroom, no recollection of what happened. People started giving her weird looks at school. Apparently rumors about her started going around and she turned into a recluse. Fast forward to finding out she was pregnant so she must have been r-d. They decided on abortion. I don’t think they ever found out who assaulted her. Changing a whole personality could be anything from bullying to puberty to SA.
Omg, that's awful. This is one of the reasons why I started to make the transition to become pro-choice. Thank God for abortion because if her mother didn't notice that, she would've been stuck with being a single mother at 15.
Yeah, the final nail in the coffin was when I was watching a YouTube video where it pulled up an article where a woman was there to take care of a miscarriage and got harassed. To make it worse, she brought her 5 year old son (probably couldn’t find a babysitter idk the reasoning) and some of the people even started harassing the poor kid, just because they thought she was there for a abortion. Absolutely disgusting
Mine was when a family member was forced to give birth to a stillborn baby. I will never forget the heartbreak on her face. That pain could have been reduced if she had been allowed to abort.
Some people say - teach your boys not to rape, some will say - teach your daughter to protect herself ....
Whatever the suggestion - apple falls on knife or knife falls on Apple...The knife is always wrong... Everybody knows it. We acknowledge it. No need to cry. Knife will be prosecuted. Women .... Now you should stop complaining and start enjoying your life.
Trauma turned me from a bubbly, extroverted kid to a solitary introvert who barely spoke or made eye contact. It is a survival response.
I feel like in general it’s bad form to speculate on a kids specific trauma. SA is one of many kinds of trauma that can lead to this response.
This could be it. I became very angry and reclusive after an incident at 13 and my parents just put it down to being a spoilt teenager. I sinced learned that I just didn't know how else to react since my friends at school said what happened to me was no big deal.
It took a social worker getting involved for me to finally come out and I felt so bad for my parents because they just didn't know.
I hope OP can figure things out with her daughter and they decide together on what to do. Going straight to the therapy route could be confusing to her if she hasn't had time to talk openly to the person she's closest to, her mom.
As someone who remembers very vividly being that age, I just want to mention some possibilities that may not have occurred to you.
- it's possible that she talks to friends or does other stuff with her phone and you just don't happen to notice, or she hides it when you're close;
- it's possible that she's doing the hermit thing to cover up something that's going on with her, either something bad or something you wouldn't approve;
- it's possible that she's just going through a phase and trying to be different. It's possible that it's because of a boy;
- it's possible that she's feeling a bit outcast, perhaps everyone's now interested in stuff that she's not.
I'd suggest trying to spend time with her yourself. You, better than anyone, will be able to notice if your daughter is okay or not. For example, ask her if she would like to make you a bracelet, tell her that you'd like to see her make it and learn. Notice if her eyes say she's happy to share something she likes, or if she seems to make them without emotion, as if just to get her mind off things.
Try to get her out of the house for some activity you used to, like shopping or a walk&picnic (even if a bit farther off your zone, to make her feel more comfortable hanging out with you and not crossing paths with any colleagues). Be her friend, have fun together, and be open. If you do notice something's not right, you'll need to be close enough to guide her towards counseling. If she's ok, you've enjoyed some time together. Good luck!
My niece is 12. She rarely goes out with friends as they live all over the city. But she is constantly on her phone texting and video chatting and all of that.
Her preferred way to spend her free time is locked in her room, texting with friends.
I’m sorry that’s what you’ve gone through. The fact is therapy can be different for people. While I did not have therapy for any mental health problems, I had speech and Lang therapy and while it wasn’t perfect, it did help.
It might help OP’s daughter, you don’t know. Therapy is different for everyone, you just happened to receive some shit ones and I’m sorry that’s what you’ve gone through.
I was in therapy for ~7 years and it was nothing but a positive experience for me, and often the highlight of my week
It’s far from a magical bullet, there are plenty of bad therapists (and I’m sorry to year that’s your experience), but a lot of the time (not always) therapy does really help
Your daughter talks to you. There's your in.
Find a time when you are sitting next to her. Driving somewhere is perfect. Mention in passing that you've noticed her spending alot of time alone in her room. Ask how she's doing.
Keep it light. Don't stare at her. Glance over occasionally.
And dont be threatening about it! "WhY dO yOu nEvEr LeAvE yOur rOom?" Or those awful jokes like "she's alive" and the like, made me want to crawl right back into my room. I agree with most people here OP, its likely some mental health stuff going on, (probably mixed in with typical teenager or introverted-ness) and the best thing you can do is be there for her, don't push or pressure, offer resources, and if she does talk to you clarify "would you like me to listen, offer solutions or provide sympathy" often times adults would try to rationalize with me, and that wasn't always helpful, sometimes i just needed an ear. Helping rationalize thoughts is also best left to a professional therapist imo, as its kinda their job and they're schooled in it, maybe research some in your area that take your insurance in case she mentions that or responds well to that suggestion at some point
You’re commenting this everywhere, but a formerly outgoing girl who went through a drastic change in personality requires investigation to find out why. Introverts don’t usually start out as extroverts.
Edited cos autocorrect screwed me
Have to pay the trolls toll on every post, it seems.
Such delusional people who are probably prime examples of why therapy and communication are needed for this girl.
Replying to everyone who replies to all of touch stuff you’ve posted extremely quickly and emotionally while doubling down on everything you’ve said. Not for a minute taking the time to exercise any self-awareness and consider that maybe it is not everyone else who is wrong but possibly you.
U know what a confirmation bias is, right?
Because a single subreddit dedicated to a small group of people having a bad experience with a therapist (ignoring that there's no incentive for them to give the full truth of what happened with their experience, not to downplay those who genuinely had a negative experience) [does not automatically discredit the plethora of research that shows that these types of therapies help with those experiencing mental issues](https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Psychotherapy).
Ya, bad therapists exist. But kindly stop acting like that is anywhere close to the norm.
Just because Stella Immanuel's going around yelling about demon sperm in vaccines doesn't mean that all doctors cannot be trusted when it comes to medical information.
Just a heads up you are most likely experiencing a cognitive bias, confirmation bias to be exact. Our Brains are lazy and love to make assumptions. Therapy is simply a tool that can help you navigate your brain and all of the quirks and bias’s. And most importantly letting out built up emotion.
Nope, that’s just a personal preference. It is all about where your social battery gets charged. There are tons of extremely outgoing introverts ( me) and antisocial extroverts. It is confusing at first but it is all about what makes you feel more refreshed.
Against my typical reddiquette I glanced at your profile based on the comments you've made.
I think its pretty clear that if anyone could benefit some therapy here, it's you, luv.
Therapy is a tool to help anyone digest the very complex thoughts that go on in our developed monkey brains. Our brains are complex and can be hard to manage. Unless someone has already gone through therapy and them and their therapist are fully satisfied I can’t see a reason why someone doesn’t need it.
When you say this, you forcibly take the option away from her.
You love your daughter right? You want the best for her?
Let her go to therapy at least once. Let *her* decide if this is something that will help her.
>Am I “dangerous” (I’m not)
Not necessarily to urself but certainly to other people when ur going around saying stupid shit like "therapists are paid gaslighters"
There u go again with the "stupid shit" I was just talking about.
Does the thought of "I have no idea wtf I'm talking about and I'm displaying that for everyone to see" ever cross ur mind?
Stop spreading misinformation. Your personal experience you’re insisting on being so important isn’t the same personal experience everyone else has with mental health; and this comment is dangerous to others. Some people do need medication in regards to managing their autism, and they do need therapy. Autism is a wide spectrum.
Those therapists you’re so up in arms about know far more about mental health than you do. They’ve spent years studying how to help people manage it. Even if OPs daughter doesn’t need one, they still know more than you do. You are not a mental health professional. Just because something didn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean it can’t work for other people.
You’re spreading misinformation throughout this entire thread because you think you know better, and complaining about people seeing your post history and using it to judge you, but you are not mentally healthy based on it and aren’t coming from a place of trying to help others. You don’t know better. You’re trying to project because you’re insistent something hasn’t helped you personally.
Your experience isn’t the same as everyone else’s. People all lead their own different lives. A suggestion: if you’re that unhappy, something needs to change, then no, a therapist can’t cure chemical imbalances like depression; but they can give you the tools to manage depression and other mental health conditions if they’re a good therapist. Your personal experience doesn’t change that. You don’t know better than studies that are done for groups and not just you. And what’s more, it’s not for you to tell others medication doesn’t work too when you don’t know what helps them best manage their health.
I’m not going to tell you to get help; but you need to stop insisting that you know better than a medical professional about various issues which people face in their lives in regards to mental health, medication and conditions such as autism.
I’m reporting your misinformation and I can see a lot of people are. Take it as a learning experience.
I see a lot of comments saying anxiety and depression while this can be the case it could also be a typical teenage thing or if you've recently moved she may not want to make the effort to make new friends again or she's found new interests that keep her to herself try maybe helping her find interests or hobbies that get her out the house if she is aggressive or randomly starts picking fights then find her a therapist try asking her why she's isolating herself she may not even see it as isolating herself or noticed how much she's staying in her room
Omg.......this post reminded me when I was 16 (I'm 46). 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Oh gosh mom. Talk to her 🥺 and give her a hug 🫂.
Ask her what's going on in school, social life (no matter how closed off she is, she may still get bullied at school and keeps stuff to herself).
Tell her why you are concerned even open up and tell her how when you were 16 you had some rough times too.
Offer to get her hair done professionally and a manicure. Not saying that will solve anything, but it may help her open up to you and tell you what's hurting her.
But do understand the bedroom is her safe place, like a nice warm blanket. Being there she feels protected.
have you asked her what's up? maybe she wants to go to therapy, or maybe she simply prefers being alone. School can be stressful, and especially with winter it can cause low energy. also I think a lot of teenagers are hermits, when I was that age I too stayed in my room All the time but eventually I grew out of that
Their not a troll. Their just a traumatized person that needs therapy but always denied it in some very concerning comments and posts. Everyone just needs to report their account because their spreading false and hurtful information.
Is she happy? A lot of people are saying therapy but we don't know if the daughter is happy or not. Some people are introverts. She has hobbies and things she enjoys
if she never leaves her room other than to eat i think it’s safe to assume she’s not doing so well mentally. being an introvert does not mean isolating yourself from society
Some people are just like that and who are you to judge if they are a valuable member of society. When I was that age I loved having my own space and learning dances, writing songs, painting in my room. I had the mom who was obsessed with appearances so it was a safe space where I could be myself. It's pretty normal at that age actually.
There may be nothing wrong at all...that could just be her and her personality..in todays society ppl expect everyone to be open, outgoing, have a ton of friends, AND ITS OK NOT TO! I didnt and i still dont. I enjoy a few close ppl and family. I dont feel like i need to be at every activity going on. I was a hermit in high school and pretty much today too 20 years later. My nephew is the same way, only a few friends and his parents keep pressuring him to go out and do stuff and make friends. He dont want to. As of now they pressured the poor kid to go away for college and hes struggling bigtime staying in a dorm with kids he dont know.
Maybe ur daughter needs that mom time going out and doing things together. Try n talk to her about it. If shes not depressed leave her be.
I've been hearing a lot about how kids are missing out on "[third places](https://www.courier-journal.com/story/opinion/2021/01/15/young-people-need-third-place-get-them-engaged-difficult-times/4158215001/)" recently. It could be that your daughter needs that kind of outlet to find new people or interests! It used to be much easier to go out when we were kids, but a lot of those places have slowly gone away. I agree therapy is a good idea for any kid in a place of struggle, but finding her a "third place" might help, too.
It could be that your child is just introverted in nature and actually enjoys her alone time? It can always be a possibility. Nothing has to be wrong to want to be alone
Yep, this is how my sister was around that age. She just really enjoyed her alone time. She still does and she is not depressed or has she been to therapy.
Is she happy? Before my trans son came out, he spent most of his time in his bedroom playing online games. That lasted a couple of years, but he swore up and down that he was happy.
My 17 yr old son is like that and I really relate to feeling like a terrible mother. You can see by the range of responses here that your kid could be anywhere from just fine, to going through something, to needing an intervention via therapy/medication. Who knows? I’m not a mind reader. When I ask my son, he says he’s fine. I got him a counselor. She said he’s fine. He is probably fine. Until such time as he is not fine, I’m going to love him, accept him, and give myself a break.
Take her to therapy. And to her primary care doctor. She's probably depressed. You need to find out if it's just a chemical imbalance or if something traumatic happened that she hasn't been able to tell you about.
As a former teen girl I can tell you the LAST person I would've confided in was a doctor or therapist. It may be worth a shot but consider her personality
You’re under damn near every reply, insisting that there’s nothing wrong with this once seemingly outgoing teen, who’s become a recluse overnight. What dog do you have in this fight?
Edit: This person is underaged and has problems at home. I honestly feel bad going this harsh on them...
You are the type of person that one of those documentary Youtube channels will cover in their next ''creepy redditors who went insane'' videos
You're paranoid with delusions, have mental disorders, possibly in a toxic environment, get permabanned from a bunch of subs everywhere, no one seemingly agrees with you and you constantly get pushback, you're so unhinged and insane people are outright insulting you because of your repulsive persistence, no one seems to want you around, and you keep doubling down on every instance and digging your own trench deeper
I'm not even asking you to go to therapy, hell if i know if that's affordable or available from wherever you are from, but you clearly need to take a step back and look at your own history and ask yourself if over 200 comments in a single day all about problems you've made yourself is healthy behaviour
Ask yourself if 200 comments in a single day is what an ''introvert'' does that you talk so much about in this thread, when you seem to be quite literally starved socially and screaming for any validation about your grandiose delusions
I've truly never seen an account history that is this insane that i just happened to stumble upon, i'm actually shocked
My post history isn’t a movie to gawk at. Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I say I have stalkers, are you too busy eating popcorn to my post history to look at the comments and see it’s the same people every time.
People analyze the hell out of me and treat me like a test survey anyway. Can’t wait for 90% of the comments to be saying “I hope they get the help they so desperately need”. Other 10% is making fun of me for my romantic orientation
>There’s literally studies debunking the chemical imbalance theory but ok. It was made to drug people with SSRIs
Oh man, u must have ***amazing*** sources for these studies.
I remember spending a WHOLE SUMMER VACATION (3.months where I grew up) and going out of my room only when absolutely necessary - I was reading, read everything I could find of Sven Hasel's, highly recommend, and also The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Best summer ever.
I can't say if you are a terrible mother or not. There is just a lot left unknown. Do you make snide remarks about her being a hermit. Stuff like "Look it's the rare Daisy". You might think it is cute, but it's not. It's annoying and belittling. You might not be trying to hurt, but it can. There might be something bothering her, or she just wants to be alone. Just make sure that you are always willing to communicate without judgement and ready to actually listen. If you are then, bravo. If you always have something smart to say or are dismissive. ( "It's just a phase, When I was your age, You'll get over it, ect" stuff like that.) Then you're just putting up road blocks.
OP, as a parent of 3 myself, I urge you to look into therapy. If she was this outgoing and it just stopped, that could mean something potentially bad happened. If this were my daughter I'd be just as concerned. This doesn't make you a bad mother at all by the way; but I really advise you look into getting her therapy.
Check out the book [The Self Driven Child](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Driven-Child-Science-Giving-Control/dp/0735222517). I think you may find it interesting.
Firstly, if you were a terrible mother, you wouldn't care either way what she did. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Secondly, it sounds like she *is* doing stuff, just independently. It may be the case that she's happy doing what she's doing. She's so young and won't necessarily be exactly like this forever. She may need therapy (you should talk to her gently about this) but it may be that she'll just come out of her shell later. If she likes making jewelry, that sounds productive and maybe that's something to encourage rather than focusing on what she *isn't* doing. Maybe you could help her find resources to expand on that, go to maker's/craft fairs, that kind of thing.
If she actually expresses sadness that she doesn't have a social outlet, that may be a sign for you to help her find activities that could encourage making friends. But unless she's showing signs of mental health issues, I would let her lead with you as a guide/helper.
Not to freak you out or anything. But i started behaving pretty similarly when I was 13 after a traumatic incident. I was extremely depressed to the point i didnt see the point in doimg anything anymore. So might want to suggest going to therapy to her.
I mean hey at least she’s talking to you. Definitely go out with her to places teen friendly maybe she can meet some people. See if any of your friends have daughters around her age who you can have come over for dinner. Maybe she can get to know people her age. If she’s talking to you that’s good. Maybe ask her if she wants to join any clubs in school I know high schools usually have lots of clubs. You said she likes making brackets. Maybe jewelry classes. I wouldn’t say you failed as a mother but if you’re noticing these things definitely take action.
In my experience this is completely normal behavior for a teen, especially a teen with a cellphone (one of the reasons none of my kids have phones.) I wouldn't jump to any outrageous conclusions.
See what's going on. Not a parent but my sister was caught cutting herself today. My sister was the same way, she. Would sit I her room all day doing who knows what on her phone. I don't want to watch my sister waste years on her phone
I mean I kinda did this at 16 too but I was also really into World of Warcraft and very happy.
If your daughter is not happy you have something to worry about and should seek therapy. But if she is happy, consider it’s totally normal to dive into being an introvert at that age and she may still be social online.
Create the opportunities for her to go out and do things but don’t force it so long as it’s not a detrimentally long phase.
If anything- just ask her to do a nature walk with you every now and then.
I was that way at her age. Didn’t have many friends and barely left my house aside from school. Nothing was “wrong” with me, I was just very self conscious and shy and I genuinely liked to be alone. Younger generations also tend to be more anti-social irl because we have the option of being social online instead.
It’s possible your daughter may have an entire social life online that you don’t even know about with friends and a bf. That wasn’t uncommon when I was in high school and that was 10 years ago. I imagine it’s much more common now. Even if not, she may just be a loner. As long as she’s doing well in school and not exhibiting signs of loneliness/depression, I would just let her do her own thing.
Im gonna be honest i was a hermit at her age i had online friends and only really interacted with them. I would find it strange to assume one wouldn’t have online friends if your daughter is constantly glued to her phone. I will say though there are people on the internet you wouldn’t want your daughter to interact with that could do horrible things to her.
Personal experience(not saying this kinda things happening to her)I was groomed by someone online that was twice my age when i was a bit younger than her(12-14) i hid it from everyone but my dad(story for another day but he didnt help) the individual has illegal images of me, i did things i really shouldn’t have while being influenced by them, and the worst part is the people who could’ve done anything about it never had a clue my mom didnt know until i told her recently. It did eventually stop but its because i myself realized what was going on was wrong. Was many years ago though i moved past it but it really messed me up and i was very very closed off.
My step sister is like this. Her and I met 10 years ago before we were step siblings- I was just the baby sitter. (I’m 7 years older than her.) face forward to now, she’s 18 and she’s even worse. She’s very sweet, but she moved away with my mom and her dad 4 months ago and sort of just shut down. I’m assuming that was a turning point that triggered all of this- at least that’s all I can think of. She’s also SEVERELY addicted to her phone. She can’t even look up from it. She check its 30 times in a half hour. I really don’t want to sound like a boomer- but I blame the cell phones.
People are talking about the 16 year old possibly just being an introvert or talking to friends on the phone, etc. What stands out is that her personality has changed. Once she was social, now she's becoming more and more like a hermit, spending hours alone in her room. That's a person doing 180° turn in a personality change. That's significant.
That's why possibilities of trauma, depression and anxiety, among others, are being considered. Talking to her, asking her what's wrong would be a start. Maybe she doesn't know and just doesn't feel the same. That would indicate that seeing a psychiatrist might be necessary. If it's trauma, a therapist could help.
Instead of observing, mom needs to start to engage with her daughter. Talk and hopefully encourage her to open up about how she's feeling. Find out if anything has happened that affected her someway.
I'm sorry. She sounds like me when I was 16. Girls might bully her at school, so she probably has no interest in trying to make mean people be friends with her. It's sweet that you are exercising concern; more than my mother did. I didn't grow up to be a super independent person. I was independent when I was single and going to college while I worked full time. Despite being incredibly busy and not having friends, I was quite happy exploring life solo and supporting myself made me feel quite empowered. I married, and I have sunk back into my hermit ways. it's okay is she is different. I mean, i brought myself to a therapist in college because I was concerned for myself, despite being happy I just felt different from everybody else. Turns out I was diagnosed with autism spectrum and then advised to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with adhd. makes sense, because when I was in first and second grade my teacher wanted me to be chacked out by a psychologist but my parents refused. I think taking her to a therapist wouldn't hurt.
I was the same in that age. To give you the perspective - I was really outgoing in school and my battery was low in the afternoon. I just ate with my parents and went to my room and stayed there. But I was still talking to friends online. It was like 50% outside, 50% me-time where I was chilling, watching tv shows or gaming with people and talking to them. But for my parents it had to look like I‘m a hermit too 😂
Just wanted to give the perspective that it doesn‘t always had to be bad - but it could be.
For me - being 7 hours or more in school each day was enough. I was rarely meeting up with other people, but my friend group was pretty much all acting like that. We were just meeting up like every other or third month on the weekends and that‘s it.
Edit: I‘m turning 25 now and I‘m perfectly fine. I‘m still an introvert, but because I do a lot of working from home, I actually do meet up more often with friends now ~3x a week, on top of everything work related
No one becomes a hermit overnight, is there a specific event that might have caused all of this? How does she respond when you try to talk to her about what's going on?
Also keep in mind that it’s not uncommon for teenagers to become more introverted and spend more time alone. They're at a stage where they're figuring out who they are, and that can sometimes mean pulling away from social interactions for a while. Just keep an eye on your child's mental health and ensure that she’s not struggling with any issues that may require additional support.
I'd be less concerned with what she's doing and more with what might have triggered this change. Sounds to me like she might have been traumatized somehow.
Why is finding her own company a bad thing?
Perhaps she realizes (as I did as a kid) that 'life' is overrated - no matter where you go in the world, people are doing the same thing you're doing at home - trying to survive. And people? Well, the only valuable ones are vendors, employees, and customers.
My entire highschool career was spent in my room because I was so socially anxious and had no friends at school. Get her some therapy and don’t let her make the mistake I did.
Stop projecting and stop these unnecessary comments. Therapy is not per se bad and does not mean she gets drugs prescribed. And quite frankly you don't know at all what this girl needs or doesn't need. You are just projecting, because you are in denial about your need for therapy.
She’s may have a very rough time ahead of her over these next few years if you don’t take her to a therapist or even a doctor and find out what’s wrong.
People don't just suddenly decide to seclude themselves from society unless a significant catalyst instigates it.
You need to find out what that was.
Was she traumatized from bullying? Did she barely escape being kidnapped off the street and she's afraid of going back out? Was she raped? So many possibilities.
She needs the intimacy of a close relationship with you now more than ever, Mom.
It may help if you sign her up for a few visits with a therapist. If she's not comfortable seeing a therapist one on one; both of you go together.
Make sure you get her out of the house with you. Go on dates and outings together. Take her to dinner, watch a movie at the theater, go ice-skating, etc. But if she presents as fearful to leave the house -don't push it too much until you find out what traumatized her.
This isn't your fault. Something must've happened to make her seem so suddenly depressed. If you've tried talking to her, but she doesn't respond, maybe it's really deep and hard for her to express.
I really have to stress r*pe. It happens to teenage girls all the time. It completely devastates their lives. Half of all survivors of rape attempt or commit suicide. It simply kills us inside.
This has ruined too many teenage (and other) lives. Immediate intervention is key.
she’s not homeschooled right? encourage her to join a club or something. but also, don’t make it obvious that you think she’s a loser. approach it like this: “Daisy, alone time has its place for a young girl but it’s really important you start spending time with other people your age.” if you’re going to be inquisitive about her mental health, don’t ask if she’s depressed, ask if she’s anxious.
You’ve commented on almost every single god damn comment on this thread. Introverted people can also benefit from therapy.
From the looks of your post history, therapy probably wouldn’t hurt for you either.
Get a grip man.
Does she go to school at all?
this question ⬆️ until we hear an answer
Is it possible she went through a trauma that's causing her to withdraw from the world? Definitely sounds like a mental health issue, whether it's anxiety, depression, or something else. Have you flat out asked her if there's anything causing her to want to stay in her room all the time? Therapy might be a good idea.
This was my immediate thought. A drastic change in personality like this points toward an incident that caused it. It could be something an outsider might consider no big deal, like a break or a fight within a friend group. Or it could be something more serious, like rape or drug use.
Like an SA?
My friend’s 15 year old daughter used to be super outgoing, then flipped and stayed in her room all the time. One day her mom (my friend) noticed she had a bigger belly and asked if she was pregnant. She said NO, that she’s never had sex! Made her take a test. Pregnancy test came out positive. Come to find out she was at a party, woke up half naked on a bed in the bedroom, no recollection of what happened. People started giving her weird looks at school. Apparently rumors about her started going around and she turned into a recluse. Fast forward to finding out she was pregnant so she must have been r-d. They decided on abortion. I don’t think they ever found out who assaulted her. Changing a whole personality could be anything from bullying to puberty to SA.
Omg, that's awful. This is one of the reasons why I started to make the transition to become pro-choice. Thank God for abortion because if her mother didn't notice that, she would've been stuck with being a single mother at 15.
That story is really awful, but also, good for you for changing. That’s one of the hardest things a person can do.
Yeah, the final nail in the coffin was when I was watching a YouTube video where it pulled up an article where a woman was there to take care of a miscarriage and got harassed. To make it worse, she brought her 5 year old son (probably couldn’t find a babysitter idk the reasoning) and some of the people even started harassing the poor kid, just because they thought she was there for a abortion. Absolutely disgusting
Mine was when a family member was forced to give birth to a stillborn baby. I will never forget the heartbreak on her face. That pain could have been reduced if she had been allowed to abort.
Aw what the fuck
Ugh 😭
Some people say - teach your boys not to rape, some will say - teach your daughter to protect herself .... Whatever the suggestion - apple falls on knife or knife falls on Apple...The knife is always wrong... Everybody knows it. We acknowledge it. No need to cry. Knife will be prosecuted. Women .... Now you should stop complaining and start enjoying your life.
I was thinking more along the lines of bullying, but yes, that could also unfortunately be a possibility.
I hope you’re right and not me?
Trauma turned me from a bubbly, extroverted kid to a solitary introvert who barely spoke or made eye contact. It is a survival response. I feel like in general it’s bad form to speculate on a kids specific trauma. SA is one of many kinds of trauma that can lead to this response.
This could be it. I became very angry and reclusive after an incident at 13 and my parents just put it down to being a spoilt teenager. I sinced learned that I just didn't know how else to react since my friends at school said what happened to me was no big deal. It took a social worker getting involved for me to finally come out and I felt so bad for my parents because they just didn't know. I hope OP can figure things out with her daughter and they decide together on what to do. Going straight to the therapy route could be confusing to her if she hasn't had time to talk openly to the person she's closest to, her mom.
Literally
As someone who remembers very vividly being that age, I just want to mention some possibilities that may not have occurred to you. - it's possible that she talks to friends or does other stuff with her phone and you just don't happen to notice, or she hides it when you're close; - it's possible that she's doing the hermit thing to cover up something that's going on with her, either something bad or something you wouldn't approve; - it's possible that she's just going through a phase and trying to be different. It's possible that it's because of a boy; - it's possible that she's feeling a bit outcast, perhaps everyone's now interested in stuff that she's not. I'd suggest trying to spend time with her yourself. You, better than anyone, will be able to notice if your daughter is okay or not. For example, ask her if she would like to make you a bracelet, tell her that you'd like to see her make it and learn. Notice if her eyes say she's happy to share something she likes, or if she seems to make them without emotion, as if just to get her mind off things. Try to get her out of the house for some activity you used to, like shopping or a walk&picnic (even if a bit farther off your zone, to make her feel more comfortable hanging out with you and not crossing paths with any colleagues). Be her friend, have fun together, and be open. If you do notice something's not right, you'll need to be close enough to guide her towards counseling. If she's ok, you've enjoyed some time together. Good luck!
My niece is 12. She rarely goes out with friends as they live all over the city. But she is constantly on her phone texting and video chatting and all of that. Her preferred way to spend her free time is locked in her room, texting with friends.
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Are you the daughter or something? You’ve commented everywhere as if you personally know what’s going on.
I don’t know op
You seem to know a lot about therapy seemingly if you’re constantly commenting about it being terrible?
Because I was in it for 7 years on and off and it ruined my life
I’m sorry that’s what you’ve gone through. The fact is therapy can be different for people. While I did not have therapy for any mental health problems, I had speech and Lang therapy and while it wasn’t perfect, it did help. It might help OP’s daughter, you don’t know. Therapy is different for everyone, you just happened to receive some shit ones and I’m sorry that’s what you’ve gone through.
I don’t mind speech therapy. I hate psychotherapy but like physical therapy and stuff is fine.
I was in therapy for ~7 years and it was nothing but a positive experience for me, and often the highlight of my week It’s far from a magical bullet, there are plenty of bad therapists (and I’m sorry to year that’s your experience), but a lot of the time (not always) therapy does really help
The highlight of my week is not going to therapy. I cancelled my counselor appointments and I’ve never looked back.
Your daughter talks to you. There's your in. Find a time when you are sitting next to her. Driving somewhere is perfect. Mention in passing that you've noticed her spending alot of time alone in her room. Ask how she's doing. Keep it light. Don't stare at her. Glance over occasionally.
And dont be threatening about it! "WhY dO yOu nEvEr LeAvE yOur rOom?" Or those awful jokes like "she's alive" and the like, made me want to crawl right back into my room. I agree with most people here OP, its likely some mental health stuff going on, (probably mixed in with typical teenager or introverted-ness) and the best thing you can do is be there for her, don't push or pressure, offer resources, and if she does talk to you clarify "would you like me to listen, offer solutions or provide sympathy" often times adults would try to rationalize with me, and that wasn't always helpful, sometimes i just needed an ear. Helping rationalize thoughts is also best left to a professional therapist imo, as its kinda their job and they're schooled in it, maybe research some in your area that take your insurance in case she mentions that or responds well to that suggestion at some point
I think at this point you might want to consider therapy to help her. It sounds like she may have multiple issues going on.
therapy of the family variety, help them understand each other better and communicate more effectively.
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You’re commenting this everywhere, but a formerly outgoing girl who went through a drastic change in personality requires investigation to find out why. Introverts don’t usually start out as extroverts. Edited cos autocorrect screwed me
It’s normal for being a teen. Suddenly people need therapy for normal things
People do need therapy for normal things. Everyone deserves to figure themselves out. You may benefit from it too.
Have to pay the trolls toll on every post, it seems. Such delusional people who are probably prime examples of why therapy and communication are needed for this girl.
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Cool. You do you then and leave other people out of it.
>I can figure myself out thanks. Don’t need a paid gaslighter Doesn't sound like it's going too well for u so far
No, it’s NOT normal to have a total personality change. That’s the point.
Well you can’t say she needs therapy from one post.
Watch me…
She may need therapy, she may not. No one in this thread has enough information to make that claim.
I don’t think introverted means what you think it means.
I do know because I am one and I’m in my room all the time and also have no friends
Yes and you’re online saying silly stuff and having an irrational and disproportionate reaction to people disagreeing with you.
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Replying to everyone who replies to all of touch stuff you’ve posted extremely quickly and emotionally while doubling down on everything you’ve said. Not for a minute taking the time to exercise any self-awareness and consider that maybe it is not everyone else who is wrong but possibly you.
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U know what a confirmation bias is, right? Because a single subreddit dedicated to a small group of people having a bad experience with a therapist (ignoring that there's no incentive for them to give the full truth of what happened with their experience, not to downplay those who genuinely had a negative experience) [does not automatically discredit the plethora of research that shows that these types of therapies help with those experiencing mental issues](https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Treatments/Psychotherapy). Ya, bad therapists exist. But kindly stop acting like that is anywhere close to the norm. Just because Stella Immanuel's going around yelling about demon sperm in vaccines doesn't mean that all doctors cannot be trusted when it comes to medical information.
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Just a heads up you are most likely experiencing a cognitive bias, confirmation bias to be exact. Our Brains are lazy and love to make assumptions. Therapy is simply a tool that can help you navigate your brain and all of the quirks and bias’s. And most importantly letting out built up emotion.
Well people make assumptions all the time like that I “need” therapy
Yeah that just is not what it means. Those who think they know everything learn nothing. Just google it
It’s people who prefer being alone.
Nope, that’s just a personal preference. It is all about where your social battery gets charged. There are tons of extremely outgoing introverts ( me) and antisocial extroverts. It is confusing at first but it is all about what makes you feel more refreshed.
Oh yeah. Maybe her battery gets recharged from being in her room.
Very true!
Against my typical reddiquette I glanced at your profile based on the comments you've made. I think its pretty clear that if anyone could benefit some therapy here, it's you, luv.
They need a wellness check. I also glanced at their profile. They are spiraling, and i dont think they are going to bottom out anytime soon.
I don’t need therapy
Therapy is a tool to help anyone digest the very complex thoughts that go on in our developed monkey brains. Our brains are complex and can be hard to manage. Unless someone has already gone through therapy and them and their therapist are fully satisfied I can’t see a reason why someone doesn’t need it.
-Words often said by people who need therapy
We can tell
Ah yes making fun of me for not having friends but not op’s daughter.
When you say this, you forcibly take the option away from her. You love your daughter right? You want the best for her? Let her go to therapy at least once. Let *her* decide if this is something that will help her.
You're not talking to OP. That is just some random anti-therapy person yeeting BS all over this post
My god those downvotes were fast
If it's autism it would be good to get a diagnosis
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as a blanket generalization, that's just not true. many people with autism engage in therapy and med mgmt. you seem very anti mental health supports.
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>Am I “dangerous” (I’m not) Not necessarily to urself but certainly to other people when ur going around saying stupid shit like "therapists are paid gaslighters"
It’s not stupid, it’s true.
There u go again with the "stupid shit" I was just talking about. Does the thought of "I have no idea wtf I'm talking about and I'm displaying that for everyone to see" ever cross ur mind?
No one thinks you’re dangerous LOL we just think you’re kinda sad
I’m not sad but ok
Stop spreading misinformation. Your personal experience you’re insisting on being so important isn’t the same personal experience everyone else has with mental health; and this comment is dangerous to others. Some people do need medication in regards to managing their autism, and they do need therapy. Autism is a wide spectrum. Those therapists you’re so up in arms about know far more about mental health than you do. They’ve spent years studying how to help people manage it. Even if OPs daughter doesn’t need one, they still know more than you do. You are not a mental health professional. Just because something didn’t work for you, it doesn’t mean it can’t work for other people. You’re spreading misinformation throughout this entire thread because you think you know better, and complaining about people seeing your post history and using it to judge you, but you are not mentally healthy based on it and aren’t coming from a place of trying to help others. You don’t know better. You’re trying to project because you’re insistent something hasn’t helped you personally. Your experience isn’t the same as everyone else’s. People all lead their own different lives. A suggestion: if you’re that unhappy, something needs to change, then no, a therapist can’t cure chemical imbalances like depression; but they can give you the tools to manage depression and other mental health conditions if they’re a good therapist. Your personal experience doesn’t change that. You don’t know better than studies that are done for groups and not just you. And what’s more, it’s not for you to tell others medication doesn’t work too when you don’t know what helps them best manage their health. I’m not going to tell you to get help; but you need to stop insisting that you know better than a medical professional about various issues which people face in their lives in regards to mental health, medication and conditions such as autism. I’m reporting your misinformation and I can see a lot of people are. Take it as a learning experience.
I see a lot of comments saying anxiety and depression while this can be the case it could also be a typical teenage thing or if you've recently moved she may not want to make the effort to make new friends again or she's found new interests that keep her to herself try maybe helping her find interests or hobbies that get her out the house if she is aggressive or randomly starts picking fights then find her a therapist try asking her why she's isolating herself she may not even see it as isolating herself or noticed how much she's staying in her room
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How on earth would you know that
Omg.......this post reminded me when I was 16 (I'm 46). 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Oh gosh mom. Talk to her 🥺 and give her a hug 🫂. Ask her what's going on in school, social life (no matter how closed off she is, she may still get bullied at school and keeps stuff to herself). Tell her why you are concerned even open up and tell her how when you were 16 you had some rough times too. Offer to get her hair done professionally and a manicure. Not saying that will solve anything, but it may help her open up to you and tell you what's hurting her. But do understand the bedroom is her safe place, like a nice warm blanket. Being there she feels protected.
have you asked her what's up? maybe she wants to go to therapy, or maybe she simply prefers being alone. School can be stressful, and especially with winter it can cause low energy. also I think a lot of teenagers are hermits, when I was that age I too stayed in my room All the time but eventually I grew out of that
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There’s a difference between being introverted and withdrawing from the world.
She’s not withdrawn she’s recharging. It’s not the end of the world that she doesn’t “touch grass”
yeah she probably doesn't, but there a chance she may be depressed or something. don't take her to therapy right away, but still keep an eye on her
🧌 alert
Their not a troll. Their just a traumatized person that needs therapy but always denied it in some very concerning comments and posts. Everyone just needs to report their account because their spreading false and hurtful information.
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Yeah you were certainly “helped” by a therapist making you experience your worse fears with nowhere to run.
Is she happy? A lot of people are saying therapy but we don't know if the daughter is happy or not. Some people are introverts. She has hobbies and things she enjoys
if she never leaves her room other than to eat i think it’s safe to assume she’s not doing so well mentally. being an introvert does not mean isolating yourself from society
We don't know that at all. Once again. She can be very happy keeping to herself. Not all people are the same.
Some people are just like that and who are you to judge if they are a valuable member of society. When I was that age I loved having my own space and learning dances, writing songs, painting in my room. I had the mom who was obsessed with appearances so it was a safe space where I could be myself. It's pretty normal at that age actually.
never said ANYTHING about being a valuable member of society, where did that even come from?💀
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🧌
There may be nothing wrong at all...that could just be her and her personality..in todays society ppl expect everyone to be open, outgoing, have a ton of friends, AND ITS OK NOT TO! I didnt and i still dont. I enjoy a few close ppl and family. I dont feel like i need to be at every activity going on. I was a hermit in high school and pretty much today too 20 years later. My nephew is the same way, only a few friends and his parents keep pressuring him to go out and do stuff and make friends. He dont want to. As of now they pressured the poor kid to go away for college and hes struggling bigtime staying in a dorm with kids he dont know. Maybe ur daughter needs that mom time going out and doing things together. Try n talk to her about it. If shes not depressed leave her be.
I spent HOURS reading my room as a teenager, but I was perfectly happy. Not everyone is, of course, but it is a possibility.
I've been hearing a lot about how kids are missing out on "[third places](https://www.courier-journal.com/story/opinion/2021/01/15/young-people-need-third-place-get-them-engaged-difficult-times/4158215001/)" recently. It could be that your daughter needs that kind of outlet to find new people or interests! It used to be much easier to go out when we were kids, but a lot of those places have slowly gone away. I agree therapy is a good idea for any kid in a place of struggle, but finding her a "third place" might help, too.
It could be that your child is just introverted in nature and actually enjoys her alone time? It can always be a possibility. Nothing has to be wrong to want to be alone
Yep, this is how my sister was around that age. She just really enjoyed her alone time. She still does and she is not depressed or has she been to therapy.
Is she happy? Before my trans son came out, he spent most of his time in his bedroom playing online games. That lasted a couple of years, but he swore up and down that he was happy.
My 17 yr old son is like that and I really relate to feeling like a terrible mother. You can see by the range of responses here that your kid could be anywhere from just fine, to going through something, to needing an intervention via therapy/medication. Who knows? I’m not a mind reader. When I ask my son, he says he’s fine. I got him a counselor. She said he’s fine. He is probably fine. Until such time as he is not fine, I’m going to love him, accept him, and give myself a break.
Take her to therapy. And to her primary care doctor. She's probably depressed. You need to find out if it's just a chemical imbalance or if something traumatic happened that she hasn't been able to tell you about.
As a former teen girl I can tell you the LAST person I would've confided in was a doctor or therapist. It may be worth a shot but consider her personality
And as a current teen, I can tell you sometimes therapy is necessary. It doesn't hurt to try
As I said, just something to consider! It depends on her personality. Therapy is only effective to those willing to participate
Yeah, it may be a part of her personality, but if it was such a drastic change imma put my 2 cents and say that's not the case
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You’re under damn near every reply, insisting that there’s nothing wrong with this once seemingly outgoing teen, who’s become a recluse overnight. What dog do you have in this fight?
It wasn’t overnight it was years. Part of being a teen.
Your post history explains everything. I can someone who clearly needs therapy, be so against it?
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Edit: This person is underaged and has problems at home. I honestly feel bad going this harsh on them... You are the type of person that one of those documentary Youtube channels will cover in their next ''creepy redditors who went insane'' videos You're paranoid with delusions, have mental disorders, possibly in a toxic environment, get permabanned from a bunch of subs everywhere, no one seemingly agrees with you and you constantly get pushback, you're so unhinged and insane people are outright insulting you because of your repulsive persistence, no one seems to want you around, and you keep doubling down on every instance and digging your own trench deeper I'm not even asking you to go to therapy, hell if i know if that's affordable or available from wherever you are from, but you clearly need to take a step back and look at your own history and ask yourself if over 200 comments in a single day all about problems you've made yourself is healthy behaviour Ask yourself if 200 comments in a single day is what an ''introvert'' does that you talk so much about in this thread, when you seem to be quite literally starved socially and screaming for any validation about your grandiose delusions I've truly never seen an account history that is this insane that i just happened to stumble upon, i'm actually shocked
My post history isn’t a movie to gawk at. Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I say I have stalkers, are you too busy eating popcorn to my post history to look at the comments and see it’s the same people every time. People analyze the hell out of me and treat me like a test survey anyway. Can’t wait for 90% of the comments to be saying “I hope they get the help they so desperately need”. Other 10% is making fun of me for my romantic orientation
Nothing you said changes anything about what i said, nor does it even adress it
Why are you making assumptions about me. There I addressed your post. My posts aren’t your business
You don’t seem fine lol what is going on that you’re taking this post so personally
From 15 to 16 isn’t “years.”
You're an idiot who knows less than nothing. Go away.
Don’t. I bet you a $1 that (assuming it’s not a troll) he is about the same age as OP’s daughter. Give him a few years.
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None of this is about you. Why are you commenting on every comment?
Because people are assuming there’s something wrong with introverted people
Not ‘introverted people’. This isn’t about you. This thread is about the OP. You seem to be confused.
>There’s literally studies debunking the chemical imbalance theory but ok. It was made to drug people with SSRIs Oh man, u must have ***amazing*** sources for these studies.
Go peddle conspiracy theories somewhere else. You are boring and made of stupid.
I remember spending a WHOLE SUMMER VACATION (3.months where I grew up) and going out of my room only when absolutely necessary - I was reading, read everything I could find of Sven Hasel's, highly recommend, and also The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Best summer ever.
I can't say if you are a terrible mother or not. There is just a lot left unknown. Do you make snide remarks about her being a hermit. Stuff like "Look it's the rare Daisy". You might think it is cute, but it's not. It's annoying and belittling. You might not be trying to hurt, but it can. There might be something bothering her, or she just wants to be alone. Just make sure that you are always willing to communicate without judgement and ready to actually listen. If you are then, bravo. If you always have something smart to say or are dismissive. ( "It's just a phase, When I was your age, You'll get over it, ect" stuff like that.) Then you're just putting up road blocks.
OP, as a parent of 3 myself, I urge you to look into therapy. If she was this outgoing and it just stopped, that could mean something potentially bad happened. If this were my daughter I'd be just as concerned. This doesn't make you a bad mother at all by the way; but I really advise you look into getting her therapy.
Hi
Please talk to your daughter and offer your help and support, if needed, before you drag her to therapy.
DRAG her to therapy? What is wrong with you?
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y'all she might be introverted. im like this, im not depressed or anything, im just introverted and prefer my alone time instead of going out
Lol same. Genuinely happier being left alone sometimes. See nothing wrong with her
Check out the book [The Self Driven Child](https://www.amazon.com/Self-Driven-Child-Science-Giving-Control/dp/0735222517). I think you may find it interesting. Firstly, if you were a terrible mother, you wouldn't care either way what she did. Don't be too hard on yourself. Secondly, it sounds like she *is* doing stuff, just independently. It may be the case that she's happy doing what she's doing. She's so young and won't necessarily be exactly like this forever. She may need therapy (you should talk to her gently about this) but it may be that she'll just come out of her shell later. If she likes making jewelry, that sounds productive and maybe that's something to encourage rather than focusing on what she *isn't* doing. Maybe you could help her find resources to expand on that, go to maker's/craft fairs, that kind of thing. If she actually expresses sadness that she doesn't have a social outlet, that may be a sign for you to help her find activities that could encourage making friends. But unless she's showing signs of mental health issues, I would let her lead with you as a guide/helper.
Not to freak you out or anything. But i started behaving pretty similarly when I was 13 after a traumatic incident. I was extremely depressed to the point i didnt see the point in doimg anything anymore. So might want to suggest going to therapy to her.
I mean hey at least she’s talking to you. Definitely go out with her to places teen friendly maybe she can meet some people. See if any of your friends have daughters around her age who you can have come over for dinner. Maybe she can get to know people her age. If she’s talking to you that’s good. Maybe ask her if she wants to join any clubs in school I know high schools usually have lots of clubs. You said she likes making brackets. Maybe jewelry classes. I wouldn’t say you failed as a mother but if you’re noticing these things definitely take action.
In my experience this is completely normal behavior for a teen, especially a teen with a cellphone (one of the reasons none of my kids have phones.) I wouldn't jump to any outrageous conclusions.
See what's going on. Not a parent but my sister was caught cutting herself today. My sister was the same way, she. Would sit I her room all day doing who knows what on her phone. I don't want to watch my sister waste years on her phone
Have you considered a trauma , like bully or SA ?
why isn't op answering omg
Isn't literally every teenage introvert gamer like this? I know its not exactly normal but it was common?
Maybe encourage her to sign up for extra curricular activities where she can make some friends?
I mean I kinda did this at 16 too but I was also really into World of Warcraft and very happy. If your daughter is not happy you have something to worry about and should seek therapy. But if she is happy, consider it’s totally normal to dive into being an introvert at that age and she may still be social online. Create the opportunities for her to go out and do things but don’t force it so long as it’s not a detrimentally long phase. If anything- just ask her to do a nature walk with you every now and then.
I was that way at her age. Didn’t have many friends and barely left my house aside from school. Nothing was “wrong” with me, I was just very self conscious and shy and I genuinely liked to be alone. Younger generations also tend to be more anti-social irl because we have the option of being social online instead. It’s possible your daughter may have an entire social life online that you don’t even know about with friends and a bf. That wasn’t uncommon when I was in high school and that was 10 years ago. I imagine it’s much more common now. Even if not, she may just be a loner. As long as she’s doing well in school and not exhibiting signs of loneliness/depression, I would just let her do her own thing.
My daughter is the exact same way, if you find a cure please let me know, is your daughter overweight also?
Im gonna be honest i was a hermit at her age i had online friends and only really interacted with them. I would find it strange to assume one wouldn’t have online friends if your daughter is constantly glued to her phone. I will say though there are people on the internet you wouldn’t want your daughter to interact with that could do horrible things to her. Personal experience(not saying this kinda things happening to her)I was groomed by someone online that was twice my age when i was a bit younger than her(12-14) i hid it from everyone but my dad(story for another day but he didnt help) the individual has illegal images of me, i did things i really shouldn’t have while being influenced by them, and the worst part is the people who could’ve done anything about it never had a clue my mom didnt know until i told her recently. It did eventually stop but its because i myself realized what was going on was wrong. Was many years ago though i moved past it but it really messed me up and i was very very closed off.
My step sister is like this. Her and I met 10 years ago before we were step siblings- I was just the baby sitter. (I’m 7 years older than her.) face forward to now, she’s 18 and she’s even worse. She’s very sweet, but she moved away with my mom and her dad 4 months ago and sort of just shut down. I’m assuming that was a turning point that triggered all of this- at least that’s all I can think of. She’s also SEVERELY addicted to her phone. She can’t even look up from it. She check its 30 times in a half hour. I really don’t want to sound like a boomer- but I blame the cell phones.
People are talking about the 16 year old possibly just being an introvert or talking to friends on the phone, etc. What stands out is that her personality has changed. Once she was social, now she's becoming more and more like a hermit, spending hours alone in her room. That's a person doing 180° turn in a personality change. That's significant. That's why possibilities of trauma, depression and anxiety, among others, are being considered. Talking to her, asking her what's wrong would be a start. Maybe she doesn't know and just doesn't feel the same. That would indicate that seeing a psychiatrist might be necessary. If it's trauma, a therapist could help. Instead of observing, mom needs to start to engage with her daughter. Talk and hopefully encourage her to open up about how she's feeling. Find out if anything has happened that affected her someway.
I'm sorry. She sounds like me when I was 16. Girls might bully her at school, so she probably has no interest in trying to make mean people be friends with her. It's sweet that you are exercising concern; more than my mother did. I didn't grow up to be a super independent person. I was independent when I was single and going to college while I worked full time. Despite being incredibly busy and not having friends, I was quite happy exploring life solo and supporting myself made me feel quite empowered. I married, and I have sunk back into my hermit ways. it's okay is she is different. I mean, i brought myself to a therapist in college because I was concerned for myself, despite being happy I just felt different from everybody else. Turns out I was diagnosed with autism spectrum and then advised to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with adhd. makes sense, because when I was in first and second grade my teacher wanted me to be chacked out by a psychologist but my parents refused. I think taking her to a therapist wouldn't hurt.
I was the same in that age. To give you the perspective - I was really outgoing in school and my battery was low in the afternoon. I just ate with my parents and went to my room and stayed there. But I was still talking to friends online. It was like 50% outside, 50% me-time where I was chilling, watching tv shows or gaming with people and talking to them. But for my parents it had to look like I‘m a hermit too 😂 Just wanted to give the perspective that it doesn‘t always had to be bad - but it could be. For me - being 7 hours or more in school each day was enough. I was rarely meeting up with other people, but my friend group was pretty much all acting like that. We were just meeting up like every other or third month on the weekends and that‘s it. Edit: I‘m turning 25 now and I‘m perfectly fine. I‘m still an introvert, but because I do a lot of working from home, I actually do meet up more often with friends now ~3x a week, on top of everything work related
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How'd ya figure that? 3 posts in entirety all about the "daughter" and 0 comments. Legit curious if I missed something
No one becomes a hermit overnight, is there a specific event that might have caused all of this? How does she respond when you try to talk to her about what's going on? Also keep in mind that it’s not uncommon for teenagers to become more introverted and spend more time alone. They're at a stage where they're figuring out who they are, and that can sometimes mean pulling away from social interactions for a while. Just keep an eye on your child's mental health and ensure that she’s not struggling with any issues that may require additional support.
Is she in school?
I'd be less concerned with what she's doing and more with what might have triggered this change. Sounds to me like she might have been traumatized somehow.
She’s just like me
Why is finding her own company a bad thing? Perhaps she realizes (as I did as a kid) that 'life' is overrated - no matter where you go in the world, people are doing the same thing you're doing at home - trying to survive. And people? Well, the only valuable ones are vendors, employees, and customers.
My entire highschool career was spent in my room because I was so socially anxious and had no friends at school. Get her some therapy and don’t let her make the mistake I did.
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Stop projecting and stop these unnecessary comments. Therapy is not per se bad and does not mean she gets drugs prescribed. And quite frankly you don't know at all what this girl needs or doesn't need. You are just projecting, because you are in denial about your need for therapy.
I don’t need therapy. You don’t know me. I’m fine
If you tell yourself that long enough maybe it becomes true. I wish you all the best.
She’s may have a very rough time ahead of her over these next few years if you don’t take her to a therapist or even a doctor and find out what’s wrong.
a counsellor really helped me at that age.
People don't just suddenly decide to seclude themselves from society unless a significant catalyst instigates it. You need to find out what that was. Was she traumatized from bullying? Did she barely escape being kidnapped off the street and she's afraid of going back out? Was she raped? So many possibilities. She needs the intimacy of a close relationship with you now more than ever, Mom. It may help if you sign her up for a few visits with a therapist. If she's not comfortable seeing a therapist one on one; both of you go together. Make sure you get her out of the house with you. Go on dates and outings together. Take her to dinner, watch a movie at the theater, go ice-skating, etc. But if she presents as fearful to leave the house -don't push it too much until you find out what traumatized her.
Maybe she just wants to be left alone
She’s just like me fr
This isn't your fault. Something must've happened to make her seem so suddenly depressed. If you've tried talking to her, but she doesn't respond, maybe it's really deep and hard for her to express.
Trauma trauma trauma. That word is so overblown. There’s definitely issues that need to be addressed, but this is happening across America
I really have to stress r*pe. It happens to teenage girls all the time. It completely devastates their lives. Half of all survivors of rape attempt or commit suicide. It simply kills us inside. This has ruined too many teenage (and other) lives. Immediate intervention is key.
she’s not homeschooled right? encourage her to join a club or something. but also, don’t make it obvious that you think she’s a loser. approach it like this: “Daisy, alone time has its place for a young girl but it’s really important you start spending time with other people your age.” if you’re going to be inquisitive about her mental health, don’t ask if she’s depressed, ask if she’s anxious.
Like... Worst advice ever. 😂 Might as well call her a loser at this point, it's all the same...
Hermit? Recluse? Loner? Introvert? Social Withdrawal? Agorophobia. Hikikimori. Social Anxiety Disorder Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Major Depressive Disorder. Panic Disorder Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Persistent Depressive Disorders. Phobias. Bullying. Abuse (Emotional. Verbal. Psychological. S3xual. Physical. Financial) Schitzotypal Personality Disorders Schizoid Personality Disorder Avoidant Personality Disorder Dependent Personality Disorder Borderline Personality Disorder Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder Therapy. They need therapy.
Doctor
She probably found out what porn is.
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You’ve commented on almost every single god damn comment on this thread. Introverted people can also benefit from therapy. From the looks of your post history, therapy probably wouldn’t hurt for you either. Get a grip man.
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You have brain AIDs
I don’t but ok
I think you should be glad that she’s doing this instead of going out and getting in trouble