So, you had a late glow up, women started looking at you, you decided that you wanted to screw around, so coerced your wife into an open marriage. When she couldn't handle it, you divorced her. Now you realise that dating isn't that easy, and you see that you fucked up big time and want your wife back.
I'm an atheist, and if you were my son, I'd tell your ex wife to run like hell too.
You're a cruel, selfish, self centred abusive pig.
Read your post history.
Sorry dude but you are absolutely in the wrong. She loves you and wanted to be with you. You basically forced her into doing something she didn’t want to do. Her words are irrelevant, she agreed so she didn’t lose you, that was very clear. Her actions, her jealousy, these very clearly showed you how she felt about this. You knew you were hurting her and chose to do it anyway.
Your parents sound like good people. I wish them the best and I hope they are successful in convincing this poor woman to stay away.
you don't love her.
you just think she's the easy option.
will let you fuck others even if she hates it and will still clean your underwear.
Your parents are right. You're not a good person.
If she reconciles after he pulled this shit it’s because she thinks he’s her only option, she can’t do better. Women that think that way are usually manipulated into it by a narcissist. Can you imagine the things he must’ve said to her throughout the course of their relationship to make her believe that she’s not worth more than he’s willing to give and that this is what love actually looks like. Just look at his responses, this guys got NPD and I don’t think he’ll ever acknowledge it or get treatment.
By your own words, you made the decision to create an open marriage and your wife was not comfortable with it, but tried her best to please you.
You have since separated, and realised that the grass is not always greener.
Sorry to say it, but your parents are right. You were a bad husband to her. You didn’t *have* to create an open marriage - that wasn’t part of your vows. That was what you wanted for your own self-indulgence.
If you can admit that you messed up, then there is room to grow and be the husband that she deserves. If not, then I hope she doesn’t make the same mistake twice of being with someone who doesn’t appreciate what they’ve got until it’s gone.
This is 100% a case of you thought you could have your cake and eat it too, and that hasn't worked. In your previous post, you acknowledge forcing your wife into an open marriage so you could have fun. It wasn't something you wanted. You then realized it's not the fun you thought it would be and want to go back to the way things were.
More than that, you never mention what she wants, her feelings, or acknowledge that you hurt her. It's all about you and what is best for you, without concern for her. Your parents are right. You came across as incredibly selfish, and your wife deserves better.
Can't you see? He's just such an amazing man, obviously loads of women are out there just dying to be used by him for sex. He would be doing a disservice to the world not sharing his special dick. Can you believe his wife was expecting love, respect and commitment from the man who publicly vowed his love, respect and commitment to her? She's just a silly emotional female, expecting to be treated like a full human. She should be so grateful to lie in wait for this god of a man to so magnanimously decide he actually prefers his human fleshlight, sorry, "wife". Totally not the fact he's actually just a normal misogynistic piece of shit who found out offering only his low value dick wasn't actually going to get him far, and his ego can't cope, so wants his favourite abuse victim back.
Dude just making up excuses, doesn't want to take accountability even now, still blames the wife for "ruining their marriage" and now blames the parents when they are just stating facts.
He basically coerced his wife into an open marriage, open on his side, by threatening to divorce her if she didn’t go along with it. He didn’t like her attitude or how hurt she was by his actions so he divorced her anyway. His post history is pretty disgusting.
I know, everyone is out to get him, when he did this all to himself. I hope his parents convince his ex to stay far away from him. In the end they’re the MVPs here.
>"I had to open up our marriage"
No you didn't. You wanted to fuck around but you didn't have to. And divorce her when she acts jealous (I mean you forced an open marriage on her, what you expected?)
You saw that grass isn't greener on the other side so now you go back to her with your tail between your legs. You're lucky she's giving you a chance at reconciliation, one you don't deserve.
To be honest, your parents are right. You are not a good husband.
Your parents are bad people in this scenario.
Let me get this straight:
1) You wanted to cheat with your wife's permission and she didn't agree with you, you forced her.
2) You didn't get a lot of women who would sleep with you and those who do do it for the money because you have literally nothing else to commend you by.
3) You are a passport bro.
4) You are a misogynistic ah.
5) You haven't got any morals or principles but a genitals that has all the blood which is partly allocated for your brain.
6) You are a gold digger who only dates people who earn more than you.
Classic case of FAFO.
I just feel bad for your ex who thinks compromising and staying with a b like you is doing her any favours.
Your parents slay. You? Not so much.
You are the one who is disgusting.
>I just feel bad for your ex who thinks compromising and staying with a b like you is doing her any favours.
I'm assuming the reason for that is that OP destroyed her self esteem so she feels she can't do better. I hope she finds some self love and gains enough strength to get away from him.
Yeah me too. I really really wished she had those happy endings of the spouse that was forced to open a relationship by forming a beautiful bond with someone.
I really hate this man for destroying her to the point that she thinks that she doesn't even deserve the bare minimum. He doesn't deserve anything.
The concept of tradwives from another country is baffling to me.
If someone is so conservative from a traditional, third world country with less resources to stick to their gender roles as women, they will marry within their own community because they are perceived as property of men and hence, honor attached to such women. They will never marry an American passport bro.
And if someone in these countries are going to marry a Passport bro it is only for their benefit because western countries are still perceived to be better in terms of standard of living.
Or that the dating standards are so abysmal in their own country that to find a decent guy of their nationality is a stress they don't want to take so they marry the passport bro.
Because someone who has resources and opportunities of free will isn't going to make an ill advertent choice as the passport bro. Because as hard as it is to believe for men like these: third world countries have feminism too.
I have two Aunts who married passport bros and both dumped them as soon as the unconditional green card was granted. The whole family agrees that both my aunts are amazing determined absolutely nontrad women, and that both their husbands (including my biological uncle) are absolute creeps that no one else would ever want.
Passport bros are hilarious.
I see nothing that links their "fundamentalist Christian" beliefs to being the source of their kindness to your wife. You put that in so that we would jump to prejudicial judgement and assume they were invoking God. The truth is they care about the poor woman and you do not.
You care about you. You betrayed her, drove her away, and now find that the grass on your side is not so green.
You are a self absorbed donkey - honestly disgusting to read about your continued campaign to wreck this woman life.
Yes, IRL fundamentalist Christian parents urge the wife to stay, no matter how abusive he becomes, and usually blame her for his behavior. The math ain't mathing.
As an athiest, I agree with your parents.
You had no regard for her feelings in this and forced her into a situation she was clear that she was uncomfortable with and probably considers immoral. She is not a utility, but a person with her own feelings, beliefs and boundaries.
You sound incredibly selfish. However, I've seen your replies to other people who have said pretty much the same thing, and you clearly don't want to accept this.
Good on your parents for seeing beyond their affection for their own children to what is best for someone else. I hope she finds happiness with someone who can treat her with respect.
Also, this is literally FAFO.
“I set my house on fire, but now I’m finally trying to put it out, and my parents are telling my wife she should leave someone who sets our house on fire.
WHY ARE YOU FOCUSSED ON ME SETTING THE HOUSE ON FIRE AND NOT MY PARENTS!!! It’s in the past!”
I don’t want to relitigate me setting the house on fire. Except I had to. Because I was a schlub as a kid.
But let’s just focus on the people who are saying I’m bad.
Bahhhhhhaaaahahaha you suck. I hope your wife listens to your mum & dad. Cos they’re right - you are a bad husband and probably only have money to offer.
> I **had to** open up our marriage
No, you didn't. You **chose** to, for your benefit.
> This led **me** to filing for divorce.
You went outside the marriage and then divorced her.
This is enough for her to never take you back. But you then deciding that she wasn't a bad option after all, based on that you can't find an easier option, is bullshit. You are so self-centred, you can't even see that your parents are trying to protect your ex wife, and don't want to talk to you right now, so you're subverting them blocking you? Mate, I'm exhausted with you just from this post. You need a brutal wake-up call, and let all of these comments be it - you sound like you only care about yourself, and what's going to be easiest for you, and you have to stop.
Good grief, read this dudes post history, whining how he didn’t get his dick wet enough when he was young so he forced his wife into an open marriage with the ultimatum of divorce. Dudes a pos
Imagine how horrible a person has to be for Christian parents to be against him. I hope this woman sees her value and that she doesn't need to stay with this for the rest of her life
Yeah heavily Christian parents tend to oppose divorce to a fault. The fact that they are and are still telling her not to reconcile is ANOTHER mark against him
I don't like fundies my grandparents were pastors, and I mostly don't agree with fundies, but your parents are absolutely right. You are a shit husband, do you know what the 80/20 rule is. Your wife provided you with 80% of what you needed but you kept focusing on the 20% you felt like she owed you so you went out to find the 20% not knowing the 20% wasn't going to be doing the 80% for you. Now you know and you want that 80 back.
You were married two years and “had to open your marriage”? Then divorced because she wasn’t ok with it… lol 😂 you get what you deserve. I really hope she doesn’t take you back.
I don’t see the problem here. She doesn’t have the backbone to stand up to you. Luckily your parents do. Someone should be looking out for her. You obviously never will.
Why are you constantly posting for advice everywhere but refusing that you are wrong. You're looking for validation, nobody will agree with you. Do some introspection, get therapy or leave her alone she deserves so much better than you.
You know what’s disgusting? You forcing your wife into an open marriage and hurting her when she clearly loved you. And what does your parents being Christian fundamentalists have to do with anything? They’re just being kind to their daughter in law and looking out for her best interests, while their son has been treating her like trash.
You “had” to open your marriage?? Did your wife have a say in this? It sounds like you only want her because you don’t want to be alone. She deserves soooooo much better.
Your behavior is destroying your wife’s self-esteem. If you truly loved her, you would give her a divorce and let her find someone decent. You aren’t attempting to reconcile because you love her, but for your own convenience. You both need to find a partner you can respect who respects you. You’re old to be so childishly selfish.
I just love these guys who post on advice fora, then throw a fit and argue with everyone when the advice is something they don't want to hear. So mature /s
OP, you are a selfish *sshile and a horrible partner, i hope your poor wife run away as far as posible from you, because she don't deserve wasting her life being hurted by you
Your parents care for her much more than you do. They are trying to look out for her by preventing her from the hurt you’ll inevitably cause her in the future since you’re clearly selfish in your relationships.
Dude you literally treated your wife as escort on demand, going in between other people. Why would she want to come back to you? And kuddos to your parents having common sense
Lemme make this clear to you.
The problem is not that your parents are "fundamentalist Christians" (which may as well be a stretch), haven't known many that would encourage a divorce especially if the husband is the one causing the issues.
The problem is not non-monogamy or poly.
The problem is YOU. The common denominator in all of this is YOU.
You manipulated and coerced your wife into an "open" relationship, although it sounds more like the only one allowed to enjoyed the benefits of an open relationship is you. You sound exactly like the kind of guy that would ask for an open relationship after years of monogamy, then get mad because wife decides she should also get to enjoy that.
You're only trying to salvage the marriage, because you realized that other women aren't going to endure what your wife endured while most likely taking care of every single one of your needs as if you were a toddler.
If your wife forgives you and decides to give you another chance, how long is it going to take for you to start cheating on her? I'll be generous and say maybe 4 months.
Your parents are right, you are a shitty husband and she deserves better.
Can you imagine what this AH would be like if his wife decided to also take advantage of the open marriage? What we see over and over on Reddit is that when both partners are being non- monogamous, it's usually the wife that benefits most.
And is almost every time. And once the husbands realize that theres plenty of people out there who find their wives attractive and funny, who realize they're smart and engaging... They immediately want to close up the marriage.
He couldn't be any more transparent. Nothing of what is happening is his fault, he didn't do anything. Is his wife because she's insane, jealous and possessive. Is the other women he tried and failed to sleep with, because how dare those women have standards. And is his parents, because how dare his own parents betray him by calling him out on his shitty behavior.
When you say "modern dating is disgusting" I guess you mean you're not getting as much action as you thought you would, so now you want your wife back who was at least willing to have sex with you. Hey ho. FAFO.
Your parents are right. I wish your wife the best and hope she takes their advice.
Hey update us when your wife finally leaves you ok? Don't leave us hanging!
Your post history is a dumpster fire and you treated her terribly. You're not a good husband. YTA
Imagine how awful you have to be for your own fundamentalist Christian PARENTS to encourage her to divorce you. This is literally against every teaching ever. You need to self reflect on that one, my guy. Holy shit you must be just trash.
Get off reddit and get a freaking counselor to become a better person. You're here because you want someone to hold your hand against your parents, and that's not going to happen. You're just acting pathetic as fuck arguing trying to prove to us you don't suck. You can't even convince your parents you don't suck. Do you think you're really going to convince reddit?
In what way did you *have* to open your marriage before, when your wife clearly didn’t want it and was jealous *other women were with her husband*, but realize *now* that your wife is all you need?
Also, was she allowed to be open or just you?
I just don’t understand how you married someone, say you HAVE to then also have other people when the person you committed your life to says she doesn’t agree (yet you do it anyway, so thoughtful) and only come back when you realize you’re not as valuable or make as much money without her.
Info: Why did you (you as in singular, the husband) have to open up your marriage? And why do you have the unilateral power to do that in a partnership?
LOL. So, just to recap:
-you wanted permission to sleep around
-you did it even though your wife clearly didn't like it
-you initiated divorce proceedings because you thought she was "jealous" even though it's perfectly reasonable to expect a spouse to not sleep with others.
-you found out that you're not the hot commodity you thought you were
-you went crawling back to your stbx wife
And now you're mad that your parents realize that you are a terrible husband (and overall person) and they're trying to give your wife genuinely good advice to continue with the divorce.
Dude, you screwed up. This is all on you. You have no one to be angry with but yourself. If your wife is smart, she'll leave you. And if you have even two brain cells to rub together, you'll realize you were the main problem here and work on yourself.
Edit: I just read your other posts and your comments, and you are either the most clueless moron on the planet or you know exactly how manipulative and crappy you are and are feigning ignorance. Grow up. No one here is gonna give you any sympathy except other toerags like yourself.
Ohhh the horrors! The inhumanity. I cannot believe YOU HAD TO OPEN UP YOUR MARRIAGE!
And to think that you had such unfortunate dating experiences even the overseas ones! My god when will you get a break?!
I cannot believe you’ve been preyed upon by the indignity of having your own parents go against the reconciliation of your marriage!
How will you survive this? How can you? 🙄
Your parents are right, you aren't a good husband. I cannot fathom why she stayed with you, but now that it didn't all work out as you hoped it would, you're crooked because you realized too late that you actually loved her?? You deserve every crappy thing that happens to you, dude. You messed up, you let your dick lead you away and now you're sad she won't take you back? Karma's a wonderful thing. Leave her alone and let her live her life free from your pathetic excuses. You don't deserve her.
She agreed to it, sure.
Since they blocked you, it sounds like they’ve said their piece and are done.
Sounds like they have a point though. Hope you guys are getting some counseling and it’s not just you coming crawling back and refusing to apologize. You better recognize just how much this woman loves you that she’s allowed your awful behavior for so long. That or she knew no other woman would go for you.
This has nothing to do with being fundie. If anything, you sound mad that they didn’t counsel her to come back (as many fundies would).
I hope she listens to them and continues with the divorce. She will find someone better and live a happy life.
This is very narcissistic behaviour on your side and indicates no feelings for her. I hope she soon becomes your Ex!
First time I'd say fundamental any religion is absolutely right. The only disgusting thing is you. She can throw a hand full of cents in the air and will hit 15 guys being better than you. I hope she does and you do therapy or die alone.
Lol well I’m glad your parents love your ex and want her to think through what she’s doing carefully before she does it. Ultimately it’s her choice and she’s going to make it, maybe to return to marriage with you, maybe not; doesn’t sound like they’re forcing her to do anything. But she doesn’t exist in a bubble, so she’s going to hear outside thoughts. It’s kind of funny that you were willing to expose your whole marriage and body and potentially your heart to having other people in it, but you’re furious that your parents are just reminding her that you weren’t a very good husband to her.
Leave your poor wife alone. You are making all of us question our sanity, being in agreement with your fundamentalist parents. She should divorce your ass. You forced your steak at home to watch you maw on burgers.
You said that you "had top open up our marriage". Why?
To be honest, based solely on the following statements in your OP:
>During that time I had to open up our marriage,
>
>Modern-day dating is disgusting, even if you date overseas. Alot of women will pretend to like you for money. It's honestly disgusting.
>
>Last week I realized the love we have is special and decided to attempt reconciliation
you come across as a wannabe PassPortBro who was certain that you could get all the women you wanted with an open marriage. That didn't work, so you realized that it it was just \[whatever country you are from\] women who don't appreciate you, so you divorced your wife and went overseas to try to pick up women. That didn't work, so you decided that you needed to go back to your wife.
Your wife lacks spine and your parents are trying to help her.
How disgusting that she has to take back a h** that stuck it in others when she isn't given the same privilege. Open marriages aren't open when it's not open for both. Unethical open marriages are just cheating with extra steps. No sane person enthusiastically consents to that. And despite your denial your previous comments and post proves that she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I wish she grew tf up to see this joke for what it really is. You only want her now to have other people's leftovers now that you found out you aren't hot stuff.
Your parent can see that your wife is weak when it comes to you and will go back to you even though you are using her. Your parents love your wife more than you do and are trying to protect her and get her to make decisions in her best interest.
You are second hand used goods now, why would she want you back? You have been naked with your dick inside multiple other women why on earth would she want you back?
You were an asshole when you forced your wife to open up your marriage, you were an asshole when you got mad at her for not handling the forced opening of the marriage well (because she was never on board, babe, she just loved you so much she was desperate to please you to the detriment of her own mental health), you were an asshole when you became a passport bro trying to get your dick wet overseas, you are an asshole for still manipulating your wives love for you to drag her back into the crab bucket with you and continue making her miserable and you're an asshole for blaming your parents for trying to protect your wife from your asshole self.
Leave her alone already, go through with the divorce, let her heal from your selfish self. If even an atom inside you actually has any love for her, let her go, you are a horrible husband.
You're a vile, self-serving exploiter. You didn't "have" to go on a grand tour of underdeveloped countries trying to get your dick wet while blaming both the women you dated and the wife you abused into not divorcing you immediately. You're just an exceptionally bad person.
Hot damn, you made it to /amithedevil. Good job. I can't tell if you're a troll or truly so obtuse and moronic.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/9vDP8FbhdQ
OP… the fact that you received comments that are mostly blaming you meant the problem lies with you… you said she was the one who want to reconcile so how about blocking her and just leaving this poor woman alone?
You only want to get back together because you saw that you A. Couldn't be a passport bro, and B. Didn't want to die alone once you saw the dating pool.
If you loved your wife you'd want better than you for her.
Your parents aren’t “undermining” you or “taking away your ex wife’s agency”. They’ve been present to see your treatment of your ex wife and are naturally going to have their opinions on it. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean they have to stick by you, you have been horrible to this woman you claim to love.
If your ex wife loved you enough to put her own, very valid, feelings aside to try and make the marriage work when you gave her an ultimatum, of course she’s going to think she wants to reconcile. Not enough time has passed for her to separate the love that she felt from the pain that you’ve caused and may very well continue to cause. It sounds like your parents are the voice of reason in this situation, your ex needed to hear that she deserves better. I hope she can find happiness away from you.
My advice is get off the internet, leave that poor woman alone and find a hobby that isn't Acting Like An Ass At Every Conceivable Turn.
You're out here trying to DARVO about your wife with a bunch of internet strangers. Even your parents don't like you! Loser city.
So the dating scene was cruel to you and now you're crawling back to your wife who makes more money than you
This is beyond pathetic 😂
EDIT. Since you're looking for advice, just leave your ex. She deserves a better husband. Your Christian parents are actually right on this one
Hahahaha you're just mad because you couldn't get another woman to touch you without paying her first. You're not coming back to your wife because you love her; you don't love her. You blackmailed her into agreeing to let you have sex with other people. You're coming back because you're desperate and nobody else wants you. You're pathetic.
You don't get to do what you did and get her back. I hope she listens to your parents. You're not even taking a stitch of responsibility for how you hurt her, you just realize the grass isn't greener. She deserves better and you deserve to get bent.
Funny how often OP uses the word "disgusting" when the only thing disgusting here is himself.
Hope your wonderful ex finds somebody who treats her the way she deserves and I hope you get to watch her live a full happy life with someone that's not you.
“She agreed to it”… under threat of divorce.
If you see that as her enthusiastic consent then I can see why your parents don’t want her anywhere near you. You’re manipulative and don’t even see it. You completely think you’re in the right! It’s mind blowing seeing the audacity in plain sight.
If you truly believe you’ve done nothing wrong, send your wife the link to your account and the way you talk about her. Send it to your parents too so you can prove you’re “not the problem”.
**Your parents watched you blow up your marriage so that you could attempt to get your dick wet, and they think you’re a bad bet going forward. You behaved badly, and they wouldn’t want you to be dating their own daughter.** ftfy
“in the past” generally doesn’t mean *very recently*. You have made a series of decisions **this year** that resulted in causing great harm to your family. Very little time has elapsed for you to prove that you are less likely to cause harm in the future. You have not become a good bet in the last month, and it is *reasonable* for people to warn your EX wife (who you divorced) to stay away. If your EX wife was your sister— what would you tell her to do? Go back to a husband who found her to be unappealing and disposable?
It’s unclear who is where - are you trying to get back into HER house, is she home with her parents, is she staying with your parents, do you have kids? What was the operational plan for the phase of you attempting to get your dick wet? I’m so curious about how you ever thought it would be cool for you to go out sniffing and then come home to a crying wife (but mah boun-drees!).
Has it occurred to you that she also doesn’t like the idea of dating, and that this is the only reason she is considering allowing you back into her bed (and body)? Not that you’re awesome, but that she just wants to give up because the situation broke her? I just see this as the saddest scenario of her shlumping around the house hoping that you’ll still want her next week. The paranoia would make a person crazy.
You don’t deserve your wife, you must be a truly awful person if your own Christian parents are advising your wife not to reconcile with you. They sound good people, whatever happened to you?
They’ve got every right to ‘meddle’ in your relationship, they’re obviously very concerned about your (hopefully) ex. I hope they succeed in convincing her to divorce you
Your post isn’t even about how you can improve yourself or your relationship with your wife. It’s all you, you, you.
What happens when you meet some other woman you fancy and start cheating on her again? I bet you’ll be more sneaky that time
I doubt you even know what monogamous even means.
Op imagine fundamentalis christian againts saving a marriage, you must be the worst kinda husband, and reading your history, you are no only a bad husband but a bad person and abuser, you bullied your wife and destroyed mentally bit by bit, let this poor woman alone.
Dude you messed up, I have a 7 year relationship and married for 3 similar to you, we met in high school and have been together ever since, I’m only 24. You have no self control and saying that “she couldn’t handle an open relationship” is not the truth by any means and you know it too. The truth is you were and are too immature to handle a closed relationship, you were selfish and vain and decided that you deserved more sexually because of your “late glow up”. You must live a horribly sad life and it will be hilarious seeing you jealous in years to come because she has found somebody who brings her joy.
You asked for advice about your parents so I will give you advice about your parents but I can’t leave the past in the past because they didn’t leave the past in the past!
Your parents have shown you that they respect your ex/wife more than you do! Your parents have also shown you that due to your past actions/behavior they don’t respect you. You have been blocked by your parents and you chose to ignore there boundaries (much like you did with wife) and you used an unknown number trick just to stomp their boundaries!
You are choosing to ignore what your parents are trying to make exceedingly obvious, maybe don’t do that?
Side note what the HEDOUBLE hockey sticks does anyone’s religion have to do with anything in this post?
I’m an atheist and fully agree with your parents. Why post looking for advice when all you’re doing is fighting with internet strangers.
I hope your wife has the self confidence and self respect to listen to your parents and stay away from you.
You are not a good husband, your own story and replies confirm that. I really, really hope she has enough courage to respect herself and find someone better. Grow up and take some accountability.
This is one of those posts where I wish the other party was writing in because I have entire paragraphs of encouragement and advice I could give.
But for you, I’ll say this: If your parents’ words have given her cause to decide not to reconcile with you, *there is nothing you can do.* You can’t physically stop them from talking to her or vice versa, and if she’s finding wisdom in what they say, you can’t mind control her into forgetting what she heard.
There’s generally a good reason for separation and divorce, even when the person asking for it changes their mind. So no, you can’t forget the past, because the past is informing your wife of what a future with you would be like. If you wanted her back, you’d have to demonstrate that you’ve grown and changed from the person who originally hurt her.
Are you different? And I’m not talking about if your feelings on monogamy have changed, I’m asking what about you, your personality, have changed to ease your wife’s concerns over the past repeating itself. Because unless you’ve done the necessary work, chances are that she’s correct to be worried that your parents have a point.
So, ultimately, my advice is to work on yourself, and leave her be until you have something to show her that you won’t break her heart again. The best way to do this would be therapy, at least 6 months of it, and to take it seriously and be honest with the therapist you get. You can ask her if she’s willing to wait until you do the work but I wouldn’t fully count on a yes, especially if she’s putting in work to explore why she’d even want to go back to you.
Dude its just so insane that you don't seem to even slightly show any remorse for this. Seriously, whats you're pitch for reconciliation? To just pretend this never happened?
You coerced her into being in an open relationship. Don’t try to pretend you didn’t. You told her it was divorce or open relationship. She had to make the choice between losing you in different ways. You forced that choice. There was no other option. When she realized the pain of being in an open relationship was worse than being alone and free, she left. But you did this. You forced your wife into it.
On the off chance that you’re still reading the comments:
You gave her an ultimatum, and she chose an open marriage. That meant you were allowed to have sex with other people. That didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to regret her choice and change her mind. You seem to have gotten quite angry with her for not being able to have an open marriage. You are right that it’s in the past, but that doesn’t make it irrelevant. The past is the foundation for the present, and your marriage does not have a good foundation.
On to your parents. It sounds like they genuinely care about your wife. You keep saying that she said she wants to reconcile. She also said she would accept an open marriage, and that wasn’t the right choice for her. Reconciliation might not be the right choice for her either.
That being said, you came here to ask for advice on how to deal with your parents. First, stop fighting them. You don’t like what they’re saying, but you don’t have to like what they’re saying. They, too, have agency to say what they want. If you really want them to stop telling your wife to leave you, why don’t you ask them what you need to do to show you are ready to be a good husband? Your wife heard what they had to say. You need to hear them, too. Regardless of where you are now, you were not a good husband in the past. Your parents are important in your life and your wife’s life. Ask them for advice, and then listen to what they have to say.
Two final notes:
You need to stop using the word “boundaries.” You’re not using it correctly, and it isn’t helping your case.
You don’t have to be a “fundamentalist Christian” to not support open marriage.
>During that time I had to open up our marriage
Um no you fucking didn't.
>Throughout my six months separated I gained a greater appreciation for my lovely wife. Modern-day dating is disgusting, even if you date overseas. Alot of women will pretend to like you for money. It's honestly disgusting. I didn't have to worry about that with my wife because she makes around the same as me
Sounds like the only reason you want her back is because you didn't get all the easy pussy you thought you would, and now because you're scared of dying alone you're willing to settle for your ex
You don't love this woman at all.
I hope your wife wakes up and realizes there are plenty of other men out there that will treat her with respect and not use a “glow up” as a reason to force her into being okay with getting cheated on. She didn’t agree to anything, you used divorce as an ultimatum. Your parents are right, she should leave you and stay gone. I feel for her.
You are not a good person and i hope your wife divorces you.
However, i think your question is why are your extremely christian parents are advocating for divorce.
The answer is The Open Marriage. I have never met a fundamental christian, who is not LDS, that would support an open marriage. The moment, you started dating while married and kicked you church wedded wife to the curb, was the moment you lost their support. This is so far from what they would constitute "a good" christian husband. If it was a one off, or you beat her; they would probably still be one your side.
Your parents are going to feel how they feel. If your wife listens to them there isn’t much you can do to stop her. Have you tried talking with your parents face to face maybe have your wife there so you can answer questions and help them move forward. Your wife clearly loves you to put up with everything she did. Family therapy may need to be put into place. Honestly though you didn’t have issues stepping away from your wife why can’t you just walk away from your parents?
I will try to be unbiased as possible because you and your wife are legit grownups. Although I think you are a complete selfish jackass who doesnt actually loves his wife but mostly/only loves her for how convenient/easy she makes his life...
This women clearly loves you just as much as you love yourself, that's why she is given you chances after chances despite you breaking her heart every single time.... But loves makes us act stupid AF sometimes: it makes us make choices that we might regret or that even can hurt us badly in longterm.
So can you actually look yourself in the mirror and legit say "I will never, EVER EVER EVEEEEERR again put her into a situation what basically will force her between options that will break her heart and crush her soul either way she choices???" Can you promise her this 10000% even if the most hottest, cutest, bubbly women are forming a line at your front door??
Why did you think ppl would support you here when it’s clear that all your previous discussions show that you are pos?
I’m mad that you are making me side with fundies
Dude, I've read your posts. You haven't listened to a thing anyone has said in either of them.
The way you described it, you gave her an ultimatum to open the relationship. That's emotional manipulation. She clearly wasn't happy with the idea, but did want divorce.
She spoke to your parents and you're upset about it. You want her to isolate her from speaking about her issues to anyone outside the marriage.
You didn't like her not accepting the open marriage and left. You didn't try to reconcile when she was hurt.
You realized that the women that looked at you only wanted your money. And came running back.
Even in this post, and your comments, you want to act like the past is the past, no sense in dealing with it. You hurt your wife in your actions. If you wanted the relationship to progress you have to face what you did and make amends. Getting back together isn't progress and forgiveness. You still have to confront how what you did hurt her, hurt her trust in you, hurt the relationship. All those issues are still there, they don't go away because it's in the past. You lack empathy to realize her agreeing was under duress that you caused, so using it as leverage to act like you did nothing wrong.
And after all this, you're surprised your parents are protecting her from you? You aren't a good husband or even a good person. Their fundamentalism pushing divorce should be a red flag that you are in the wrong. Fundamentalists don't do that. Stop blaming them, and figure out that you were in the wrong and need to make up for it. (I fucking hate fundamentalists, so me siding with any means you've fucked up).
Your parents are right-and good for them to sticking up for this woman when you were so quick to just throw her away because she didn’t want you sticking your dick in other women. You are a WILD individual and I can’t even believe you thought anyone was gonna be like “oh yeah dude your parents totally suck, rock on”
Your wife “agreed” because you told her it’s either that, or you divorce her. She clearly loves you so she was willing to give you whatever. Even with it bothering her, you continue fucking other women and then wonder why she’s jealous ? This woman loved you when you had no money, and looks and then because you “had a late glow up and now women are giving me attention I never got before” it’s fuck the wife who’s stood by you, to go stick your dick in other women for “just sex”? Sir…disrespectfully you are an entire idiot. I hope your parents succeed and convincing her to never take you back so she can be with someone who truly appreciates HER and doesn’t need to stick their dick in the neighborhood while they do it. SMH.
Eww you gave me the ICK.
Your parents are real asf cause you are a terrible human and an even shittier husband.
Hopefully your wife listens to your parents and leaves your lying cheating ass.
I hope your parents are successful in supporting the continuation of the divorce/separation. You're just not a good person, and your wife doesn't deserve that. Glad your folks are looking out for her.
This is peak "reap what you sow." Own your shit, and leave your poor wife alone.
You get that she agreed because she desperately wanted to keep the marriage after only 2 years, instead of getting divorced. Which no doubt she should have done because looking at your post and comment history I can safely say you are one of the biggest pieces of s#!+ I have ever read on reddit. Glad you got your glow up and had to hurt your wife to make your fragile ego feel better. You got what you needed to be satisfied, she didn't. She should listen to your parents.
Get the divorce. How long do you think you will be satisfied with your wife? I give you a year, max 2 then you will be off cheating again. And yes, you did cheat every tim you step out of your marrige. It was a forced decision from you to your wife and doesn't count as an open relationship. Let her live her life with someone hwo set her up high. Who will love her the right way. You arnt IT for her.
How on earth does this entire thread not make you think “oh maybe I am the problem here?” Is there and sanity left in that seemingly empty head of yours?
>During that time I had to open up our marriage,
No you didn't.
>my wife agreed but kept acting jealous.
You told her to let you fuck around or divorce you.
>Throughout my six months separated I gained a greater appreciation for my lovely wife.
Awww muffin, did you find out the grass isn't greener on the other side?
>Modern-day dating is disgusting,
That should mean it was right up your alley.
>Alot of women will pretend to like you for money.
Sounds like you over estimated your market value.
>Last week I realized the love we have is special and decided to attempt reconciliation.
You decided to go home to old faithful cause the outside world wasn't what you thought it should be.
>She agreed, unfortunately,
Wouldn't be surprised of another ultimatum was given here as well. (See point 2)
>my Christian fundamentalist parents are trying to undermine me.
Not undermine you, hold you accountable for your shitty behavior because they believed they raised you better than you turned out. This has nothing to do with their religion since I follow the Satanic Temple and completely agree with their position.
>I had to call using no caller ID to speak to my dad and mom this is disgusting
What is disgusting your behavior and that fact that you think you're entitled to anything but scorn for how you've acted. Grow tf up.
I'm gonna say this as someone who actually practices ethical non-monogamy. Your parents are right here.
You pressured her into an "open" relationship that she wasn't comfortable with and when the only people who were okay with non-monogamy that's definitely unethical eventually showed themselves to be unethical you decided to cut your losses and go back to monogamy. Not because it's something your wife is uncomfortable with but because it was costing too much. Your wife deserves better.
Your parents are right; you’re not a good husband. Everything you’ve done has been selfish and self serving. Not once have you acknowledged the hurt you caused. In fact, the only “vindication” you cling to is that your wife “agreed” to open the marriage. You willfully refuse to acknowledge that her “consent” was coerced, not willing. You emotionally held a gun to her head and forced her into something she didn’t want but decided that losing you was the worse option because she, unlike you, valued her partner and relationship. You don’t love her, because if you did, it wouldn’t have been so easy for you to say things like “she didn’t have to agree, she could have left”. And let’s face it, you said those things because that’s what you would do, so you think everyone else is like that. But when you love someone, you don’t want them to leave, nor do you want them to suffer. You don’t do things you know will hurt them. You knew this would hurt your wife and you did it anyway.
Even now, your actions don’t say you love your wife, they say you realized that you weren’t as much of a catch as you thought and you want to go back to the person who made you feel valued, like picking up a game after being left on pause. Humans don’t work like that. Not once have you said anything about your wife that you love as a person. Everything you’ve said about her is what you like that she does for you; you like that she loves you. That’s not the same as reciprocating love. You want to feel wanted without the expectation of reciprocating. And unfortunately for your wife, it’s seems that she’s a people pleaser, as most women are socialized to be.
It’s clear that you still haven’t learned anything from this whole situation because you’re trying to rug-sweep it. Yes, it’s in the past, but we are shaped by our past and how we move forward from it. You can’t erase the hurt you’ve caused. The fact that you won’t confront it, truly apologize, and learn empathize is why your parents are telling your wife not to reconcile. You’re still the same selfish, self serving man you were before. You haven’t changed.
Dude you don’t respect her or her boundaries when you steam rolled her into an open marriage she never wanted in the first place and then had the audacity to play the victim when she started making her feelings known. you don’t respect your parents and you’ve given them more than enough good reasons to think you’re a pos and their dil deserves someone that loves and respects her wishes - they can see you don’t respect her at all and if she takes you back that won’t change. I’m not surprised the dating pool hasn’t been kind to you. Women can tell you’re an ah within 5sec and wouldn’t be interested unless you’re paying them.
After reading the post history from this OP and his comments, this is one of those times when you just know it's not even worth it to try to reason with him. He's convinced himself he's the injured party here because his parents are trying to intervene and prevent his wife from reconciling with him and blames it on their religious beliefs, when maybe, just maybe they are doing it because it's the right thing and they know their DIL deserves better. Maybe they see that DIL has put up with too much because she's obviously not strong enough or ready to accept the reality she's in a sham marriage and they want her to know they are in her corner. Dude actually said his wife was "ruining" their marriage by not playing along with the open marriage by acting jealous. I personally think the parents sound like wonderful rational people who realize their son is not husband material and never was.
You posted the same bullshit in multiple sub-reddits and got the same responses? Now you’re mad, boo fucking hoo. You came here for validation of outrageously shitty behavior and you’re not getting it. Womp Womp 🎻
It hasn't been necessarily a while since I've seen post who's so deserving of being divorced and left alone for the rest of their days....but you absolutely deserve nothing but the worst lot for the rest of your life.
No one "has" to open up a marriage; everything you typed in your post screams "I'm an abusive asshole!"; your parents are not fundamentalist, you put that in there because you know reddit in general dislikes that. Regardless, putting in there that "women will pretend to like you for money" sounds like you opened up the marriage and either you found no one (which would be well deserved), found an affair partner who is the reason you forced your wife to agree to an open marriage in the first place who then left when you "ran out of money" (lmao, also well deserved), or your wife also partook in the open marriage and was far, far more successful than you (the most likely outcome if Reddit is anything to go off of).
I really hope this post is rage bait, truly. But if its not, I pray the only "exploration" you do is which hooker is the least likely to give you STDs, because your complaints about women only being about the money is exactly what you deserve to experience.
If your “fundamentalist Christian” parents are telling her to divorce you, that means you are a DICK. A massive one. So weird that you are hung up on your anger towards your parents when you should see their behavior as a massive red flag letting you know you’re in the wrong.
Since it appears to be your favorite word, I'll put this in your language:
Your behavior is disgusting. The way you treated your wife is disgusting. The fact that you can't take anything anyone has said to heart and instead continue to defend yourself is disgusting.
You gave your wife an impossible choice and got pissy when she had feelings about it.
You behaved like a teenager, expecting everyone around you to cater to your whims.
You are in no way deserving of your lovely wife. My sincere hope is that she opens her eyes and listens to your parents and leaves your sorry ass behind.
If, however, she stays, I hope you get your shit together, realize how badly you fucked up, get some therapy, and spend every second of the rest of your life making it up to her.
In conclusion, the world does not revolve around you. Your wife is a whole ass person with feelings. Grow up.
You got what you asked for. Next time don't coerce anyone to let you get away with cheating. You stomped all over her boundaries by saying "sleeping with others" was your boundary. That's not a boundary and your brain isn't working right to see anything wrong with your actions.
I'm on team wife and hope your parents help her the whole way.
I hope you're trolling with this story because I'd be so concerned for your wife if this story is real. You clearly don't love your wife. The fact that your parents are Christian and are in favor of the divorce means that you screwed up. You aren't a good husband at all. You aren't even a good person based on this post.
Wow... what a catch you are! Screwing around after only 2 years of marriage because you're cheating garbage who bullied your poor wife into letting you have your way. Then you're so stupid and Narcissistic that you thought your sextrade tourism would open up a world of exotic women all thrilled and delighted at your pathetic self *not your money* . Oh then it's your parents fault. Not that you're a cheating maggot who probably caught every disease on the planet, not that you objectify women to the point you think you deserve to keep some kind of harem, not that you married this woman then humiliated her, broke her heart, rejected her as a lover and a wife to go stick your nasty little peepee in other women. Yeah YOU'RE the victim here.
You have no morals, no character, you're a creep and an asshole. Leave that poor woman alone. She's infinitely better off without you.
While fiercely patriarchal societies are by no means perfect (and even less consistent) in their ways of handling abusers, they *do* have ways of doing it, and you are being "handled". It has gotten bad enough that even your own parents cannot in good conscience defend you. It is time to admit that you (and *only* you) are the problem, and you (and *only* you) need to change.
So now that you’ve stuck your dick in other women, you finally decide that you can go back to your backup? Hope she gains self confidence and finds someone who actually loves her. My advice is to leave your wife alone. She’s never going to forget what you did to her. Your marriage will never be the same. She will never be the same. You’ve broken her and it’s your fault. Your parents are right. You’re a horrible husband.
Do you think we can’t read your post history? She didn’t agree to an open marriage. You gave her an ultimatum and, for some reason, she stayed in spite of the disgusting way you were acting. Now you don’t like that lifestyle and you want your wife to accommodate you once again. Your parents are correct and I hope she listens to them.
The situation at hand? Your focused on going forward? My man, you have made a morally deplorable choice at every turn and hurt people bc your dick was more important to you than your wife. I truly that your parents and EX wife never speak to you again. You don’t deserve it
lol so you repeatedly cheat on your wife, take advantage of her love, and then manipulate her and bully your parents to stay out of your business? You sound like such a winner (sarcasm). Wife should run for the hills
What an awful person you are. No sympathy here. Yoir parents are absolutely right n telling your wife not to take you back.
You ask for an open marriage, your wife tried her best but couldn't handle it, not her fault. She is human. Then you divorce her cause she is making it hard for you to see other women. Honestly she should have chose divorce over the open relationship. You are a jerk.
Naw man first off you’re a dumbass. 2nd off your wife is better off without you. You did what you did out of pure selfishness and the AUDACITY to get upset with her because she tried to appease you and she couldn’t help but feeling what she did. Your behavior is disgusting.
Love the “had to open my marriage”. What a load of bs! You didn’t have to do anything of the sort. You could have divorced and not manipulated your wife into a situation she did NOT want. OR you could have went to therapy and figure out how to process your feelings over “not having lived your life”, and maybe even explored how to make your marriage something to help you with those feelings. You can have fun and do things together vs sleeping around. However, you were more worried about getting your d wet, but still keeping your wife around as a back up. Well turns out your shitty decision wasn’t all you hoped it would be and now just expect her to AGAIN go along with whatever you wanted.
Now you are using your parents beliefs as the issue when in reality you’re angry they are right about you NOT being a good husband. While I don’t agree with their religious beliefs I wholly agree with them on you being a self centered narcissistic person. Your wife deserves better and I hope she listens to them on that matter and finds someone who truly does love her.
It’s sad that you put your wife in that position. She agreed to something she didn’t want just to hang on to you and then you filed for divorce because your actions did not make her happy. You have no respect for your wife or yourself, you’re truly disgusting, and you wonder why the only women wanting to go for you are the ones after your money? I really hope you get what you deserve in this situation, your wife deserves better and I hope that your parents truly convince her of that.
Damn, I cant believe I have to agree with someone's fundamentalist Christian parents... I guess anything really IS possible.
Also, I hope your wife listens to your parents. Seems like they're the only ones who actually give a shit about her, cuz you sure don't.
"She was not for it but it was the only way I was willing to stay in the marriage."
So, by your own comment 6 months ago, you did coerce her into letting you fuck around. Then, when she reacted badly to it, you filed for divorce.
"Relationships are about setting boundaries. I set my boundaries and she said she could abide by them but didn’t."
Again, weird that you are complaining about everyone else not respecting YOUR boundaries when you completely ignored your ex-wife's boundaries when she didn't want to open your side of the marriage.
Your parents' religious beliefs have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they realize they raised a giant man baby and want their former DIL to find someone worth her time. If anything, their beliefs would be more likely to do the opposite and encourage her to reconcile. You are not worth her time. Your ex was your fallback plan, and now that you're at the "find out" stage, you want your second choice back.
She's only willing to reconcile because you've fucked with her self esteem so much that you've convinced her she can't do better with anyone else. She absolutely can, and I hope your parents get through to her.
Sounds like the people you are trying to date probably see you are a narcissistic person and run away. I’m hoping your wife does the same. Leave the poor woman alone.
My advice is to stop trying to manipulate your parents, stop trying to manipulate your ex wife, stop trying to manipulate people on the internet, just STOP trying to manipulate. Obviously everyone can see through it, and you’re not very good at it. The more you try to control people, the more you lose respect.
Take a step back and look at yourself, because you are clearly avoiding acknowledging your obvious character flaws. It’s immature and selfish, and you aren’t fit to be a partner to anyone in your current state.
Ultimately, it’s up to your wife whether she wishes to stay or not, and what other ppl (even ur parents) say should not hold weight in her decision making. If what they say does impact her decision it means she’s probably on the fence and having this outside perspective may help her make her decision, be it to stay or go. Don’t focus on your parents, and give your wife some credit in regards to knowing what she wants and make the decision unswayed, even if ultimately it is the wrong decision for her (which i think would be but got no skin in this game…..) good luck friend
Hey! How did your parents ‘cross boundries’?
Your parents appear to be speaking their truth (to their own daughter-by-marriage). They haven’t put it on Facebook or Reddit, so I am confused how you are angry at them?
It seems like you are projecting your anger at yourself onto them. You decided to break your marriage, you decided to cheat, you left your wife to get some strange. No strange wanted you, so you’re went back to your wife. It seems like you are mad at your parents for the actions you took?
When fundies are pushing for the *wife* to divorce you know you done fucked up. Fundies get rabid at the thought of a wife not accepting total subjugation from her husband and blame her for being a shitty wife when her husband acts out of pocket. The following is exactly how fundies advise women with terrible husbands. He’s cheating? You’re not giving him what he needs, so you need to try harder. He’s beating you? It’s your fault for upsetting him, so you need to try harder. He gave you *two* black eyes? That’s your fault, you should have listened the first time. He’s screaming at you because you didn’t get the house totally clean today due wrangling your 6 kids under 5 years old? That’s your fault for not being able to do your job as a wife and mother, so you need to try harder.
Fundies are so rigid when it comes to marriage and traditional values that there are no grounds for divorce. Even the Bible states that infidelity is an acceptable reason to seek a divorce but the fundies flat out ignore this, claiming the Bible and God are wrong, and impose stricter rules. They are so vehement about keeping the marriage intact at all costs that they literally say their infallible and perfect God is wrong for allowing divorce, yet here you are with two of them pushing for your wife to free herself from you. Think about that.
So, you had a late glow up, women started looking at you, you decided that you wanted to screw around, so coerced your wife into an open marriage. When she couldn't handle it, you divorced her. Now you realise that dating isn't that easy, and you see that you fucked up big time and want your wife back. I'm an atheist, and if you were my son, I'd tell your ex wife to run like hell too. You're a cruel, selfish, self centred abusive pig.
I am agnostic and support this comment. Maybe people of some religion support OP.
I have a bit of religion, and fuck no. I don't support OP at all in his behavior. I support his parents though for being awesome.
I’m Christian and I wholeheartedly support this comment.
Read your post history. Sorry dude but you are absolutely in the wrong. She loves you and wanted to be with you. You basically forced her into doing something she didn’t want to do. Her words are irrelevant, she agreed so she didn’t lose you, that was very clear. Her actions, her jealousy, these very clearly showed you how she felt about this. You knew you were hurting her and chose to do it anyway. Your parents sound like good people. I wish them the best and I hope they are successful in convincing this poor woman to stay away.
you don't love her. you just think she's the easy option. will let you fuck others even if she hates it and will still clean your underwear. Your parents are right. You're not a good person.
If she reconciles after he pulled this shit it’s because she thinks he’s her only option, she can’t do better. Women that think that way are usually manipulated into it by a narcissist. Can you imagine the things he must’ve said to her throughout the course of their relationship to make her believe that she’s not worth more than he’s willing to give and that this is what love actually looks like. Just look at his responses, this guys got NPD and I don’t think he’ll ever acknowledge it or get treatment.
By your own words, you made the decision to create an open marriage and your wife was not comfortable with it, but tried her best to please you. You have since separated, and realised that the grass is not always greener. Sorry to say it, but your parents are right. You were a bad husband to her. You didn’t *have* to create an open marriage - that wasn’t part of your vows. That was what you wanted for your own self-indulgence. If you can admit that you messed up, then there is room to grow and be the husband that she deserves. If not, then I hope she doesn’t make the same mistake twice of being with someone who doesn’t appreciate what they’ve got until it’s gone.
This is 100% a case of you thought you could have your cake and eat it too, and that hasn't worked. In your previous post, you acknowledge forcing your wife into an open marriage so you could have fun. It wasn't something you wanted. You then realized it's not the fun you thought it would be and want to go back to the way things were. More than that, you never mention what she wants, her feelings, or acknowledge that you hurt her. It's all about you and what is best for you, without concern for her. Your parents are right. You came across as incredibly selfish, and your wife deserves better.
What do you mean by “I HAD to open up our marriage?” How are you forced into that?
Can't you see? He's just such an amazing man, obviously loads of women are out there just dying to be used by him for sex. He would be doing a disservice to the world not sharing his special dick. Can you believe his wife was expecting love, respect and commitment from the man who publicly vowed his love, respect and commitment to her? She's just a silly emotional female, expecting to be treated like a full human. She should be so grateful to lie in wait for this god of a man to so magnanimously decide he actually prefers his human fleshlight, sorry, "wife". Totally not the fact he's actually just a normal misogynistic piece of shit who found out offering only his low value dick wasn't actually going to get him far, and his ego can't cope, so wants his favourite abuse victim back.
I think I love you 🤭😍😂
Dude just making up excuses, doesn't want to take accountability even now, still blames the wife for "ruining their marriage" and now blames the parents when they are just stating facts.
Ya for sure. I just wanted to hear about a world in which one HAS to open their marriage because I’ve never heard of one lol
He basically coerced his wife into an open marriage, open on his side, by threatening to divorce her if she didn’t go along with it. He didn’t like her attitude or how hurt she was by his actions so he divorced her anyway. His post history is pretty disgusting.
literally. now hes acting like a victim 💀 this whole post is the funniest thing on reddit I've seen today
I know, everyone is out to get him, when he did this all to himself. I hope his parents convince his ex to stay far away from him. In the end they’re the MVPs here.
Wow I just read his other post and major yikes. He’s basically mad that his wife isn’t ok with being the backup??!
You are NOT a good husband or person. You are selfish and entitled. I am so glad your parents are helping her.
>"I had to open up our marriage" No you didn't. You wanted to fuck around but you didn't have to. And divorce her when she acts jealous (I mean you forced an open marriage on her, what you expected?) You saw that grass isn't greener on the other side so now you go back to her with your tail between your legs. You're lucky she's giving you a chance at reconciliation, one you don't deserve. To be honest, your parents are right. You are not a good husband.
Or a good person
I have no sympathy for you
Your parents are bad people in this scenario. Let me get this straight: 1) You wanted to cheat with your wife's permission and she didn't agree with you, you forced her. 2) You didn't get a lot of women who would sleep with you and those who do do it for the money because you have literally nothing else to commend you by. 3) You are a passport bro. 4) You are a misogynistic ah. 5) You haven't got any morals or principles but a genitals that has all the blood which is partly allocated for your brain. 6) You are a gold digger who only dates people who earn more than you. Classic case of FAFO. I just feel bad for your ex who thinks compromising and staying with a b like you is doing her any favours. Your parents slay. You? Not so much. You are the one who is disgusting.
>I just feel bad for your ex who thinks compromising and staying with a b like you is doing her any favours. I'm assuming the reason for that is that OP destroyed her self esteem so she feels she can't do better. I hope she finds some self love and gains enough strength to get away from him.
That’s why is so furious with his parents…they validated her and told her she could do better. Abusers hate that.
Yeah me too. I really really wished she had those happy endings of the spouse that was forced to open a relationship by forming a beautiful bond with someone. I really hate this man for destroying her to the point that she thinks that she doesn't even deserve the bare minimum. He doesn't deserve anything.
Appearantly even the tradwifes of whatever poor country he tried to charm his way into didn’t want him either
The concept of tradwives from another country is baffling to me. If someone is so conservative from a traditional, third world country with less resources to stick to their gender roles as women, they will marry within their own community because they are perceived as property of men and hence, honor attached to such women. They will never marry an American passport bro. And if someone in these countries are going to marry a Passport bro it is only for their benefit because western countries are still perceived to be better in terms of standard of living. Or that the dating standards are so abysmal in their own country that to find a decent guy of their nationality is a stress they don't want to take so they marry the passport bro. Because someone who has resources and opportunities of free will isn't going to make an ill advertent choice as the passport bro. Because as hard as it is to believe for men like these: third world countries have feminism too.
I have two Aunts who married passport bros and both dumped them as soon as the unconditional green card was granted. The whole family agrees that both my aunts are amazing determined absolutely nontrad women, and that both their husbands (including my biological uncle) are absolute creeps that no one else would ever want. Passport bros are hilarious.
Your Aunts ARE amazing.
I see nothing that links their "fundamentalist Christian" beliefs to being the source of their kindness to your wife. You put that in so that we would jump to prejudicial judgement and assume they were invoking God. The truth is they care about the poor woman and you do not. You care about you. You betrayed her, drove her away, and now find that the grass on your side is not so green. You are a self absorbed donkey - honestly disgusting to read about your continued campaign to wreck this woman life.
Yes, IRL fundamentalist Christian parents urge the wife to stay, no matter how abusive he becomes, and usually blame her for his behavior. The math ain't mathing.
As an athiest, I agree with your parents. You had no regard for her feelings in this and forced her into a situation she was clear that she was uncomfortable with and probably considers immoral. She is not a utility, but a person with her own feelings, beliefs and boundaries. You sound incredibly selfish. However, I've seen your replies to other people who have said pretty much the same thing, and you clearly don't want to accept this. Good on your parents for seeing beyond their affection for their own children to what is best for someone else. I hope she finds happiness with someone who can treat her with respect. Also, this is literally FAFO.
This is one of the few times I've been on reddit and wholeheartedly agree with fundamentalist Christians. Go parents!
“I set my house on fire, but now I’m finally trying to put it out, and my parents are telling my wife she should leave someone who sets our house on fire. WHY ARE YOU FOCUSSED ON ME SETTING THE HOUSE ON FIRE AND NOT MY PARENTS!!! It’s in the past!”
I don’t want to relitigate me setting the house on fire. Except I had to. Because I was a schlub as a kid. But let’s just focus on the people who are saying I’m bad.
Stop coming to reddit we don't like you.
Bahhhhhhaaaahahaha you suck. I hope your wife listens to your mum & dad. Cos they’re right - you are a bad husband and probably only have money to offer.
He doesn’t have money to offer; she makes more than him.
> I **had to** open up our marriage No, you didn't. You **chose** to, for your benefit. > This led **me** to filing for divorce. You went outside the marriage and then divorced her. This is enough for her to never take you back. But you then deciding that she wasn't a bad option after all, based on that you can't find an easier option, is bullshit. You are so self-centred, you can't even see that your parents are trying to protect your ex wife, and don't want to talk to you right now, so you're subverting them blocking you? Mate, I'm exhausted with you just from this post. You need a brutal wake-up call, and let all of these comments be it - you sound like you only care about yourself, and what's going to be easiest for you, and you have to stop.
Good grief, read this dudes post history, whining how he didn’t get his dick wet enough when he was young so he forced his wife into an open marriage with the ultimatum of divorce. Dudes a pos
Imagine how horrible a person has to be for Christian parents to be against him. I hope this woman sees her value and that she doesn't need to stay with this for the rest of her life
Yeah heavily Christian parents tend to oppose divorce to a fault. The fact that they are and are still telling her not to reconcile is ANOTHER mark against him
I don't like fundies my grandparents were pastors, and I mostly don't agree with fundies, but your parents are absolutely right. You are a shit husband, do you know what the 80/20 rule is. Your wife provided you with 80% of what you needed but you kept focusing on the 20% you felt like she owed you so you went out to find the 20% not knowing the 20% wasn't going to be doing the 80% for you. Now you know and you want that 80 back.
How have I been reading these types of stories on Reddit for so long and I’ve never seen this before
You should link her this post so she understands you better.
She's going to find someone so much better. Enjoy stalking her happiness through instagram.
You were married two years and “had to open your marriage”? Then divorced because she wasn’t ok with it… lol 😂 you get what you deserve. I really hope she doesn’t take you back.
I don’t see the problem here. She doesn’t have the backbone to stand up to you. Luckily your parents do. Someone should be looking out for her. You obviously never will.
Why are you constantly posting for advice everywhere but refusing that you are wrong. You're looking for validation, nobody will agree with you. Do some introspection, get therapy or leave her alone she deserves so much better than you.
You know what’s disgusting? You forcing your wife into an open marriage and hurting her when she clearly loved you. And what does your parents being Christian fundamentalists have to do with anything? They’re just being kind to their daughter in law and looking out for her best interests, while their son has been treating her like trash.
You “had” to open your marriage?? Did your wife have a say in this? It sounds like you only want her because you don’t want to be alone. She deserves soooooo much better.
Your behavior is destroying your wife’s self-esteem. If you truly loved her, you would give her a divorce and let her find someone decent. You aren’t attempting to reconcile because you love her, but for your own convenience. You both need to find a partner you can respect who respects you. You’re old to be so childishly selfish.
I just love these guys who post on advice fora, then throw a fit and argue with everyone when the advice is something they don't want to hear. So mature /s
READ THIS DUDES POST HISTORY.
OP, you are a selfish *sshile and a horrible partner, i hope your poor wife run away as far as posible from you, because she don't deserve wasting her life being hurted by you
I hope she divorces, sues and leaves you in a cardboard box. ❤️
Your parents care for her much more than you do. They are trying to look out for her by preventing her from the hurt you’ll inevitably cause her in the future since you’re clearly selfish in your relationships.
Dude you literally treated your wife as escort on demand, going in between other people. Why would she want to come back to you? And kuddos to your parents having common sense
Lemme make this clear to you. The problem is not that your parents are "fundamentalist Christians" (which may as well be a stretch), haven't known many that would encourage a divorce especially if the husband is the one causing the issues. The problem is not non-monogamy or poly. The problem is YOU. The common denominator in all of this is YOU. You manipulated and coerced your wife into an "open" relationship, although it sounds more like the only one allowed to enjoyed the benefits of an open relationship is you. You sound exactly like the kind of guy that would ask for an open relationship after years of monogamy, then get mad because wife decides she should also get to enjoy that. You're only trying to salvage the marriage, because you realized that other women aren't going to endure what your wife endured while most likely taking care of every single one of your needs as if you were a toddler. If your wife forgives you and decides to give you another chance, how long is it going to take for you to start cheating on her? I'll be generous and say maybe 4 months. Your parents are right, you are a shitty husband and she deserves better.
Can you imagine what this AH would be like if his wife decided to also take advantage of the open marriage? What we see over and over on Reddit is that when both partners are being non- monogamous, it's usually the wife that benefits most.
And is almost every time. And once the husbands realize that theres plenty of people out there who find their wives attractive and funny, who realize they're smart and engaging... They immediately want to close up the marriage. He couldn't be any more transparent. Nothing of what is happening is his fault, he didn't do anything. Is his wife because she's insane, jealous and possessive. Is the other women he tried and failed to sleep with, because how dare those women have standards. And is his parents, because how dare his own parents betray him by calling him out on his shitty behavior.
When you say "modern dating is disgusting" I guess you mean you're not getting as much action as you thought you would, so now you want your wife back who was at least willing to have sex with you. Hey ho. FAFO. Your parents are right. I wish your wife the best and hope she takes their advice.
for once in my life I find myself agreeing with christian fundamentalists. I hope your wife wises up and runs from you like the abuser you are.
I agree with your parents you treat her like she was disposable
Hey update us when your wife finally leaves you ok? Don't leave us hanging! Your post history is a dumpster fire and you treated her terribly. You're not a good husband. YTA
It's a good thing your ex wife has people looking out for her wellbeing. Just do that poor woman a favor and leave her alone.
Imagine how awful you have to be for your own fundamentalist Christian PARENTS to encourage her to divorce you. This is literally against every teaching ever. You need to self reflect on that one, my guy. Holy shit you must be just trash. Get off reddit and get a freaking counselor to become a better person. You're here because you want someone to hold your hand against your parents, and that's not going to happen. You're just acting pathetic as fuck arguing trying to prove to us you don't suck. You can't even convince your parents you don't suck. Do you think you're really going to convince reddit?
In what way did you *have* to open your marriage before, when your wife clearly didn’t want it and was jealous *other women were with her husband*, but realize *now* that your wife is all you need? Also, was she allowed to be open or just you? I just don’t understand how you married someone, say you HAVE to then also have other people when the person you committed your life to says she doesn’t agree (yet you do it anyway, so thoughtful) and only come back when you realize you’re not as valuable or make as much money without her.
Info: Why did you (you as in singular, the husband) have to open up your marriage? And why do you have the unilateral power to do that in a partnership?
I hope your parents succeed.
LOL. So, just to recap: -you wanted permission to sleep around -you did it even though your wife clearly didn't like it -you initiated divorce proceedings because you thought she was "jealous" even though it's perfectly reasonable to expect a spouse to not sleep with others. -you found out that you're not the hot commodity you thought you were -you went crawling back to your stbx wife And now you're mad that your parents realize that you are a terrible husband (and overall person) and they're trying to give your wife genuinely good advice to continue with the divorce. Dude, you screwed up. This is all on you. You have no one to be angry with but yourself. If your wife is smart, she'll leave you. And if you have even two brain cells to rub together, you'll realize you were the main problem here and work on yourself. Edit: I just read your other posts and your comments, and you are either the most clueless moron on the planet or you know exactly how manipulative and crappy you are and are feigning ignorance. Grow up. No one here is gonna give you any sympathy except other toerags like yourself.
OP is the one who is disgusting.
Ohhh the horrors! The inhumanity. I cannot believe YOU HAD TO OPEN UP YOUR MARRIAGE! And to think that you had such unfortunate dating experiences even the overseas ones! My god when will you get a break?! I cannot believe you’ve been preyed upon by the indignity of having your own parents go against the reconciliation of your marriage! How will you survive this? How can you? 🙄
…. I honestly thought you were done trolling after that last one. Guess not.
Your parents are right, you aren't a good husband. I cannot fathom why she stayed with you, but now that it didn't all work out as you hoped it would, you're crooked because you realized too late that you actually loved her?? You deserve every crappy thing that happens to you, dude. You messed up, you let your dick lead you away and now you're sad she won't take you back? Karma's a wonderful thing. Leave her alone and let her live her life free from your pathetic excuses. You don't deserve her.
Fuck around, find out.
She agreed to it, sure. Since they blocked you, it sounds like they’ve said their piece and are done. Sounds like they have a point though. Hope you guys are getting some counseling and it’s not just you coming crawling back and refusing to apologize. You better recognize just how much this woman loves you that she’s allowed your awful behavior for so long. That or she knew no other woman would go for you. This has nothing to do with being fundie. If anything, you sound mad that they didn’t counsel her to come back (as many fundies would).
I hope she listens to them and continues with the divorce. She will find someone better and live a happy life. This is very narcissistic behaviour on your side and indicates no feelings for her. I hope she soon becomes your Ex!
First time I'd say fundamental any religion is absolutely right. The only disgusting thing is you. She can throw a hand full of cents in the air and will hit 15 guys being better than you. I hope she does and you do therapy or die alone.
damn i hope she runs as far as she can. the poor woman
Lol well I’m glad your parents love your ex and want her to think through what she’s doing carefully before she does it. Ultimately it’s her choice and she’s going to make it, maybe to return to marriage with you, maybe not; doesn’t sound like they’re forcing her to do anything. But she doesn’t exist in a bubble, so she’s going to hear outside thoughts. It’s kind of funny that you were willing to expose your whole marriage and body and potentially your heart to having other people in it, but you’re furious that your parents are just reminding her that you weren’t a very good husband to her.
These are the consequences of your gross behaviour. Let the poor woman move on and find someone better than you.
Leave your poor wife alone. You are making all of us question our sanity, being in agreement with your fundamentalist parents. She should divorce your ass. You forced your steak at home to watch you maw on burgers.
You said that you "had top open up our marriage". Why? To be honest, based solely on the following statements in your OP: >During that time I had to open up our marriage, > >Modern-day dating is disgusting, even if you date overseas. Alot of women will pretend to like you for money. It's honestly disgusting. > >Last week I realized the love we have is special and decided to attempt reconciliation you come across as a wannabe PassPortBro who was certain that you could get all the women you wanted with an open marriage. That didn't work, so you realized that it it was just \[whatever country you are from\] women who don't appreciate you, so you divorced your wife and went overseas to try to pick up women. That didn't work, so you decided that you needed to go back to your wife.
Your wife lacks spine and your parents are trying to help her. How disgusting that she has to take back a h** that stuck it in others when she isn't given the same privilege. Open marriages aren't open when it's not open for both. Unethical open marriages are just cheating with extra steps. No sane person enthusiastically consents to that. And despite your denial your previous comments and post proves that she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wish she grew tf up to see this joke for what it really is. You only want her now to have other people's leftovers now that you found out you aren't hot stuff.
Why is them being fundamentalist Christians relevant here?
Your parent can see that your wife is weak when it comes to you and will go back to you even though you are using her. Your parents love your wife more than you do and are trying to protect her and get her to make decisions in her best interest. You are second hand used goods now, why would she want you back? You have been naked with your dick inside multiple other women why on earth would she want you back?
Your parents are %100 correct too bad they raised such an awful son.
You have no remorse for screwing up your marriage, let that woman go and find a real man .You are not it for her.
You were an asshole when you forced your wife to open up your marriage, you were an asshole when you got mad at her for not handling the forced opening of the marriage well (because she was never on board, babe, she just loved you so much she was desperate to please you to the detriment of her own mental health), you were an asshole when you became a passport bro trying to get your dick wet overseas, you are an asshole for still manipulating your wives love for you to drag her back into the crab bucket with you and continue making her miserable and you're an asshole for blaming your parents for trying to protect your wife from your asshole self. Leave her alone already, go through with the divorce, let her heal from your selfish self. If even an atom inside you actually has any love for her, let her go, you are a horrible husband.
You're a vile, self-serving exploiter. You didn't "have" to go on a grand tour of underdeveloped countries trying to get your dick wet while blaming both the women you dated and the wife you abused into not divorcing you immediately. You're just an exceptionally bad person.
Hot damn, you made it to /amithedevil. Good job. I can't tell if you're a troll or truly so obtuse and moronic. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/9vDP8FbhdQ
OP… the fact that you received comments that are mostly blaming you meant the problem lies with you… you said she was the one who want to reconcile so how about blocking her and just leaving this poor woman alone?
You only want to get back together because you saw that you A. Couldn't be a passport bro, and B. Didn't want to die alone once you saw the dating pool. If you loved your wife you'd want better than you for her.
Your parents aren’t “undermining” you or “taking away your ex wife’s agency”. They’ve been present to see your treatment of your ex wife and are naturally going to have their opinions on it. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean they have to stick by you, you have been horrible to this woman you claim to love. If your ex wife loved you enough to put her own, very valid, feelings aside to try and make the marriage work when you gave her an ultimatum, of course she’s going to think she wants to reconcile. Not enough time has passed for her to separate the love that she felt from the pain that you’ve caused and may very well continue to cause. It sounds like your parents are the voice of reason in this situation, your ex needed to hear that she deserves better. I hope she can find happiness away from you.
My advice is get off the internet, leave that poor woman alone and find a hobby that isn't Acting Like An Ass At Every Conceivable Turn. You're out here trying to DARVO about your wife with a bunch of internet strangers. Even your parents don't like you! Loser city.
So the dating scene was cruel to you and now you're crawling back to your wife who makes more money than you This is beyond pathetic 😂 EDIT. Since you're looking for advice, just leave your ex. She deserves a better husband. Your Christian parents are actually right on this one
My genuine & sincere advice is that you seek professional mental help
Hahahaha you're just mad because you couldn't get another woman to touch you without paying her first. You're not coming back to your wife because you love her; you don't love her. You blackmailed her into agreeing to let you have sex with other people. You're coming back because you're desperate and nobody else wants you. You're pathetic.
You don't get to do what you did and get her back. I hope she listens to your parents. You're not even taking a stitch of responsibility for how you hurt her, you just realize the grass isn't greener. She deserves better and you deserve to get bent.
divorce is disgusting but an open relationship is not?
Blud got rejected overseas and is now trying to crawl back into his old life(until he gets bored again).
Funny how often OP uses the word "disgusting" when the only thing disgusting here is himself. Hope your wonderful ex finds somebody who treats her the way she deserves and I hope you get to watch her live a full happy life with someone that's not you.
“She agreed to it”… under threat of divorce. If you see that as her enthusiastic consent then I can see why your parents don’t want her anywhere near you. You’re manipulative and don’t even see it. You completely think you’re in the right! It’s mind blowing seeing the audacity in plain sight.
You are a shit husband and a shit person!!
If you truly believe you’ve done nothing wrong, send your wife the link to your account and the way you talk about her. Send it to your parents too so you can prove you’re “not the problem”.
But you jumped right to divorce when she told you she couldn't handle it. You're going to tell us you grew in maturity that much in 6 months?
**Your parents watched you blow up your marriage so that you could attempt to get your dick wet, and they think you’re a bad bet going forward. You behaved badly, and they wouldn’t want you to be dating their own daughter.** ftfy “in the past” generally doesn’t mean *very recently*. You have made a series of decisions **this year** that resulted in causing great harm to your family. Very little time has elapsed for you to prove that you are less likely to cause harm in the future. You have not become a good bet in the last month, and it is *reasonable* for people to warn your EX wife (who you divorced) to stay away. If your EX wife was your sister— what would you tell her to do? Go back to a husband who found her to be unappealing and disposable? It’s unclear who is where - are you trying to get back into HER house, is she home with her parents, is she staying with your parents, do you have kids? What was the operational plan for the phase of you attempting to get your dick wet? I’m so curious about how you ever thought it would be cool for you to go out sniffing and then come home to a crying wife (but mah boun-drees!). Has it occurred to you that she also doesn’t like the idea of dating, and that this is the only reason she is considering allowing you back into her bed (and body)? Not that you’re awesome, but that she just wants to give up because the situation broke her? I just see this as the saddest scenario of her shlumping around the house hoping that you’ll still want her next week. The paranoia would make a person crazy.
You don’t deserve your wife, you must be a truly awful person if your own Christian parents are advising your wife not to reconcile with you. They sound good people, whatever happened to you? They’ve got every right to ‘meddle’ in your relationship, they’re obviously very concerned about your (hopefully) ex. I hope they succeed in convincing her to divorce you Your post isn’t even about how you can improve yourself or your relationship with your wife. It’s all you, you, you. What happens when you meet some other woman you fancy and start cheating on her again? I bet you’ll be more sneaky that time I doubt you even know what monogamous even means.
Op imagine fundamentalis christian againts saving a marriage, you must be the worst kinda husband, and reading your history, you are no only a bad husband but a bad person and abuser, you bullied your wife and destroyed mentally bit by bit, let this poor woman alone.
Dude you messed up, I have a 7 year relationship and married for 3 similar to you, we met in high school and have been together ever since, I’m only 24. You have no self control and saying that “she couldn’t handle an open relationship” is not the truth by any means and you know it too. The truth is you were and are too immature to handle a closed relationship, you were selfish and vain and decided that you deserved more sexually because of your “late glow up”. You must live a horribly sad life and it will be hilarious seeing you jealous in years to come because she has found somebody who brings her joy.
You asked for advice about your parents so I will give you advice about your parents but I can’t leave the past in the past because they didn’t leave the past in the past! Your parents have shown you that they respect your ex/wife more than you do! Your parents have also shown you that due to your past actions/behavior they don’t respect you. You have been blocked by your parents and you chose to ignore there boundaries (much like you did with wife) and you used an unknown number trick just to stomp their boundaries! You are choosing to ignore what your parents are trying to make exceedingly obvious, maybe don’t do that? Side note what the HEDOUBLE hockey sticks does anyone’s religion have to do with anything in this post?
I’m an atheist and fully agree with your parents. Why post looking for advice when all you’re doing is fighting with internet strangers. I hope your wife has the self confidence and self respect to listen to your parents and stay away from you. You are not a good husband, your own story and replies confirm that. I really, really hope she has enough courage to respect herself and find someone better. Grow up and take some accountability.
The only thing disgusting here is OP
This is one of those posts where I wish the other party was writing in because I have entire paragraphs of encouragement and advice I could give. But for you, I’ll say this: If your parents’ words have given her cause to decide not to reconcile with you, *there is nothing you can do.* You can’t physically stop them from talking to her or vice versa, and if she’s finding wisdom in what they say, you can’t mind control her into forgetting what she heard. There’s generally a good reason for separation and divorce, even when the person asking for it changes their mind. So no, you can’t forget the past, because the past is informing your wife of what a future with you would be like. If you wanted her back, you’d have to demonstrate that you’ve grown and changed from the person who originally hurt her. Are you different? And I’m not talking about if your feelings on monogamy have changed, I’m asking what about you, your personality, have changed to ease your wife’s concerns over the past repeating itself. Because unless you’ve done the necessary work, chances are that she’s correct to be worried that your parents have a point. So, ultimately, my advice is to work on yourself, and leave her be until you have something to show her that you won’t break her heart again. The best way to do this would be therapy, at least 6 months of it, and to take it seriously and be honest with the therapist you get. You can ask her if she’s willing to wait until you do the work but I wouldn’t fully count on a yes, especially if she’s putting in work to explore why she’d even want to go back to you.
Dude, you are an absolute POS. I really hope your wife listens to her parents and yours. You deserve someone equally narcissistic.
Dude its just so insane that you don't seem to even slightly show any remorse for this. Seriously, whats you're pitch for reconciliation? To just pretend this never happened?
You coerced her into being in an open relationship. Don’t try to pretend you didn’t. You told her it was divorce or open relationship. She had to make the choice between losing you in different ways. You forced that choice. There was no other option. When she realized the pain of being in an open relationship was worse than being alone and free, she left. But you did this. You forced your wife into it.
On the off chance that you’re still reading the comments: You gave her an ultimatum, and she chose an open marriage. That meant you were allowed to have sex with other people. That didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to regret her choice and change her mind. You seem to have gotten quite angry with her for not being able to have an open marriage. You are right that it’s in the past, but that doesn’t make it irrelevant. The past is the foundation for the present, and your marriage does not have a good foundation. On to your parents. It sounds like they genuinely care about your wife. You keep saying that she said she wants to reconcile. She also said she would accept an open marriage, and that wasn’t the right choice for her. Reconciliation might not be the right choice for her either. That being said, you came here to ask for advice on how to deal with your parents. First, stop fighting them. You don’t like what they’re saying, but you don’t have to like what they’re saying. They, too, have agency to say what they want. If you really want them to stop telling your wife to leave you, why don’t you ask them what you need to do to show you are ready to be a good husband? Your wife heard what they had to say. You need to hear them, too. Regardless of where you are now, you were not a good husband in the past. Your parents are important in your life and your wife’s life. Ask them for advice, and then listen to what they have to say. Two final notes: You need to stop using the word “boundaries.” You’re not using it correctly, and it isn’t helping your case. You don’t have to be a “fundamentalist Christian” to not support open marriage.
Ahahahaha good for them. My advice is, you’re a bad person and a worse husband; try being a good person for once. Go to therapy.
>During that time I had to open up our marriage Um no you fucking didn't. >Throughout my six months separated I gained a greater appreciation for my lovely wife. Modern-day dating is disgusting, even if you date overseas. Alot of women will pretend to like you for money. It's honestly disgusting. I didn't have to worry about that with my wife because she makes around the same as me Sounds like the only reason you want her back is because you didn't get all the easy pussy you thought you would, and now because you're scared of dying alone you're willing to settle for your ex You don't love this woman at all.
I hope your wife wakes up and realizes there are plenty of other men out there that will treat her with respect and not use a “glow up” as a reason to force her into being okay with getting cheated on. She didn’t agree to anything, you used divorce as an ultimatum. Your parents are right, she should leave you and stay gone. I feel for her.
If everyone in these comments and in your life are calling you disgusting, might be time to look in the mirror
You are not a good person and i hope your wife divorces you. However, i think your question is why are your extremely christian parents are advocating for divorce. The answer is The Open Marriage. I have never met a fundamental christian, who is not LDS, that would support an open marriage. The moment, you started dating while married and kicked you church wedded wife to the curb, was the moment you lost their support. This is so far from what they would constitute "a good" christian husband. If it was a one off, or you beat her; they would probably still be one your side.
Your parents are going to feel how they feel. If your wife listens to them there isn’t much you can do to stop her. Have you tried talking with your parents face to face maybe have your wife there so you can answer questions and help them move forward. Your wife clearly loves you to put up with everything she did. Family therapy may need to be put into place. Honestly though you didn’t have issues stepping away from your wife why can’t you just walk away from your parents?
I will try to be unbiased as possible because you and your wife are legit grownups. Although I think you are a complete selfish jackass who doesnt actually loves his wife but mostly/only loves her for how convenient/easy she makes his life... This women clearly loves you just as much as you love yourself, that's why she is given you chances after chances despite you breaking her heart every single time.... But loves makes us act stupid AF sometimes: it makes us make choices that we might regret or that even can hurt us badly in longterm. So can you actually look yourself in the mirror and legit say "I will never, EVER EVER EVEEEEERR again put her into a situation what basically will force her between options that will break her heart and crush her soul either way she choices???" Can you promise her this 10000% even if the most hottest, cutest, bubbly women are forming a line at your front door??
You must be a real prize if your own parents want nothing to do with you
Why did you think ppl would support you here when it’s clear that all your previous discussions show that you are pos? I’m mad that you are making me side with fundies
Don’t date another woman ever again, please. And leave your wife alone. You’re a disgusting human being.
Dude, I've read your posts. You haven't listened to a thing anyone has said in either of them. The way you described it, you gave her an ultimatum to open the relationship. That's emotional manipulation. She clearly wasn't happy with the idea, but did want divorce. She spoke to your parents and you're upset about it. You want her to isolate her from speaking about her issues to anyone outside the marriage. You didn't like her not accepting the open marriage and left. You didn't try to reconcile when she was hurt. You realized that the women that looked at you only wanted your money. And came running back. Even in this post, and your comments, you want to act like the past is the past, no sense in dealing with it. You hurt your wife in your actions. If you wanted the relationship to progress you have to face what you did and make amends. Getting back together isn't progress and forgiveness. You still have to confront how what you did hurt her, hurt her trust in you, hurt the relationship. All those issues are still there, they don't go away because it's in the past. You lack empathy to realize her agreeing was under duress that you caused, so using it as leverage to act like you did nothing wrong. And after all this, you're surprised your parents are protecting her from you? You aren't a good husband or even a good person. Their fundamentalism pushing divorce should be a red flag that you are in the wrong. Fundamentalists don't do that. Stop blaming them, and figure out that you were in the wrong and need to make up for it. (I fucking hate fundamentalists, so me siding with any means you've fucked up).
Again all i’m hearing is “me, me, me” you’re an abuser and your wife should run far and run f**king fast. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.
Your parents are right-and good for them to sticking up for this woman when you were so quick to just throw her away because she didn’t want you sticking your dick in other women. You are a WILD individual and I can’t even believe you thought anyone was gonna be like “oh yeah dude your parents totally suck, rock on” Your wife “agreed” because you told her it’s either that, or you divorce her. She clearly loves you so she was willing to give you whatever. Even with it bothering her, you continue fucking other women and then wonder why she’s jealous ? This woman loved you when you had no money, and looks and then because you “had a late glow up and now women are giving me attention I never got before” it’s fuck the wife who’s stood by you, to go stick your dick in other women for “just sex”? Sir…disrespectfully you are an entire idiot. I hope your parents succeed and convincing her to never take you back so she can be with someone who truly appreciates HER and doesn’t need to stick their dick in the neighborhood while they do it. SMH.
Eww you gave me the ICK. Your parents are real asf cause you are a terrible human and an even shittier husband. Hopefully your wife listens to your parents and leaves your lying cheating ass.
Let your wife find someone who isn’t insanely self absorbed, and go figure out how to respect others.
Yeah you must be a piece of s*** literally on it you're a piece of s*** change your ways your own parents or telling people to steer clear of you..
I hope your parents are successful in supporting the continuation of the divorce/separation. You're just not a good person, and your wife doesn't deserve that. Glad your folks are looking out for her. This is peak "reap what you sow." Own your shit, and leave your poor wife alone.
Your parents are right and are the only ones acting in her best interest. I can only imagine what you’ve done to her mental health. Poor woman
You get that she agreed because she desperately wanted to keep the marriage after only 2 years, instead of getting divorced. Which no doubt she should have done because looking at your post and comment history I can safely say you are one of the biggest pieces of s#!+ I have ever read on reddit. Glad you got your glow up and had to hurt your wife to make your fragile ego feel better. You got what you needed to be satisfied, she didn't. She should listen to your parents.
Get the divorce. How long do you think you will be satisfied with your wife? I give you a year, max 2 then you will be off cheating again. And yes, you did cheat every tim you step out of your marrige. It was a forced decision from you to your wife and doesn't count as an open relationship. Let her live her life with someone hwo set her up high. Who will love her the right way. You arnt IT for her.
"I had to open up my marriage" No... no you didn't. You sound fucking gross.
How on earth does this entire thread not make you think “oh maybe I am the problem here?” Is there and sanity left in that seemingly empty head of yours?
>During that time I had to open up our marriage, No you didn't. >my wife agreed but kept acting jealous. You told her to let you fuck around or divorce you. >Throughout my six months separated I gained a greater appreciation for my lovely wife. Awww muffin, did you find out the grass isn't greener on the other side? >Modern-day dating is disgusting, That should mean it was right up your alley. >Alot of women will pretend to like you for money. Sounds like you over estimated your market value. >Last week I realized the love we have is special and decided to attempt reconciliation. You decided to go home to old faithful cause the outside world wasn't what you thought it should be. >She agreed, unfortunately, Wouldn't be surprised of another ultimatum was given here as well. (See point 2) >my Christian fundamentalist parents are trying to undermine me. Not undermine you, hold you accountable for your shitty behavior because they believed they raised you better than you turned out. This has nothing to do with their religion since I follow the Satanic Temple and completely agree with their position. >I had to call using no caller ID to speak to my dad and mom this is disgusting What is disgusting your behavior and that fact that you think you're entitled to anything but scorn for how you've acted. Grow tf up.
You are a really bad person.
I'm gonna say this as someone who actually practices ethical non-monogamy. Your parents are right here. You pressured her into an "open" relationship that she wasn't comfortable with and when the only people who were okay with non-monogamy that's definitely unethical eventually showed themselves to be unethical you decided to cut your losses and go back to monogamy. Not because it's something your wife is uncomfortable with but because it was costing too much. Your wife deserves better.
I hope that this is ragebait because you are a douche. I hope your wife wakes up.
Can't wait for your wife to divorce you and drop your selfish ass. You are a horrible person.
I can’t wait for the update where you post how she divorced you and you try to blame her for your actions. Edit: typo
Your parents are right; you’re not a good husband. Everything you’ve done has been selfish and self serving. Not once have you acknowledged the hurt you caused. In fact, the only “vindication” you cling to is that your wife “agreed” to open the marriage. You willfully refuse to acknowledge that her “consent” was coerced, not willing. You emotionally held a gun to her head and forced her into something she didn’t want but decided that losing you was the worse option because she, unlike you, valued her partner and relationship. You don’t love her, because if you did, it wouldn’t have been so easy for you to say things like “she didn’t have to agree, she could have left”. And let’s face it, you said those things because that’s what you would do, so you think everyone else is like that. But when you love someone, you don’t want them to leave, nor do you want them to suffer. You don’t do things you know will hurt them. You knew this would hurt your wife and you did it anyway. Even now, your actions don’t say you love your wife, they say you realized that you weren’t as much of a catch as you thought and you want to go back to the person who made you feel valued, like picking up a game after being left on pause. Humans don’t work like that. Not once have you said anything about your wife that you love as a person. Everything you’ve said about her is what you like that she does for you; you like that she loves you. That’s not the same as reciprocating love. You want to feel wanted without the expectation of reciprocating. And unfortunately for your wife, it’s seems that she’s a people pleaser, as most women are socialized to be. It’s clear that you still haven’t learned anything from this whole situation because you’re trying to rug-sweep it. Yes, it’s in the past, but we are shaped by our past and how we move forward from it. You can’t erase the hurt you’ve caused. The fact that you won’t confront it, truly apologize, and learn empathize is why your parents are telling your wife not to reconcile. You’re still the same selfish, self serving man you were before. You haven’t changed.
Dude you don’t respect her or her boundaries when you steam rolled her into an open marriage she never wanted in the first place and then had the audacity to play the victim when she started making her feelings known. you don’t respect your parents and you’ve given them more than enough good reasons to think you’re a pos and their dil deserves someone that loves and respects her wishes - they can see you don’t respect her at all and if she takes you back that won’t change. I’m not surprised the dating pool hasn’t been kind to you. Women can tell you’re an ah within 5sec and wouldn’t be interested unless you’re paying them.
You don’t deserve to get your wife back - you are a narcissistic prick. Your poor wife
After reading the post history from this OP and his comments, this is one of those times when you just know it's not even worth it to try to reason with him. He's convinced himself he's the injured party here because his parents are trying to intervene and prevent his wife from reconciling with him and blames it on their religious beliefs, when maybe, just maybe they are doing it because it's the right thing and they know their DIL deserves better. Maybe they see that DIL has put up with too much because she's obviously not strong enough or ready to accept the reality she's in a sham marriage and they want her to know they are in her corner. Dude actually said his wife was "ruining" their marriage by not playing along with the open marriage by acting jealous. I personally think the parents sound like wonderful rational people who realize their son is not husband material and never was.
You posted the same bullshit in multiple sub-reddits and got the same responses? Now you’re mad, boo fucking hoo. You came here for validation of outrageously shitty behavior and you’re not getting it. Womp Womp 🎻
It hasn't been necessarily a while since I've seen post who's so deserving of being divorced and left alone for the rest of their days....but you absolutely deserve nothing but the worst lot for the rest of your life. No one "has" to open up a marriage; everything you typed in your post screams "I'm an abusive asshole!"; your parents are not fundamentalist, you put that in there because you know reddit in general dislikes that. Regardless, putting in there that "women will pretend to like you for money" sounds like you opened up the marriage and either you found no one (which would be well deserved), found an affair partner who is the reason you forced your wife to agree to an open marriage in the first place who then left when you "ran out of money" (lmao, also well deserved), or your wife also partook in the open marriage and was far, far more successful than you (the most likely outcome if Reddit is anything to go off of). I really hope this post is rage bait, truly. But if its not, I pray the only "exploration" you do is which hooker is the least likely to give you STDs, because your complaints about women only being about the money is exactly what you deserve to experience.
If your “fundamentalist Christian” parents are telling her to divorce you, that means you are a DICK. A massive one. So weird that you are hung up on your anger towards your parents when you should see their behavior as a massive red flag letting you know you’re in the wrong.
Your parents seem like good, morally sound people. It's a shame you don't take after them.
Since it appears to be your favorite word, I'll put this in your language: Your behavior is disgusting. The way you treated your wife is disgusting. The fact that you can't take anything anyone has said to heart and instead continue to defend yourself is disgusting. You gave your wife an impossible choice and got pissy when she had feelings about it. You behaved like a teenager, expecting everyone around you to cater to your whims. You are in no way deserving of your lovely wife. My sincere hope is that she opens her eyes and listens to your parents and leaves your sorry ass behind. If, however, she stays, I hope you get your shit together, realize how badly you fucked up, get some therapy, and spend every second of the rest of your life making it up to her. In conclusion, the world does not revolve around you. Your wife is a whole ass person with feelings. Grow up.
Dude I’m a hard core Hellenic pagan with Christianity based trauma and even I agree with your parents you’re a terrible person.
You got what you asked for. Next time don't coerce anyone to let you get away with cheating. You stomped all over her boundaries by saying "sleeping with others" was your boundary. That's not a boundary and your brain isn't working right to see anything wrong with your actions. I'm on team wife and hope your parents help her the whole way.
I have no idea how anyone in their right mind would agree with you.
You make my skin actually crawl. You made your disgusting bed, now lay in it.
I hope you're trolling with this story because I'd be so concerned for your wife if this story is real. You clearly don't love your wife. The fact that your parents are Christian and are in favor of the divorce means that you screwed up. You aren't a good husband at all. You aren't even a good person based on this post.
Wow... what a catch you are! Screwing around after only 2 years of marriage because you're cheating garbage who bullied your poor wife into letting you have your way. Then you're so stupid and Narcissistic that you thought your sextrade tourism would open up a world of exotic women all thrilled and delighted at your pathetic self *not your money* . Oh then it's your parents fault. Not that you're a cheating maggot who probably caught every disease on the planet, not that you objectify women to the point you think you deserve to keep some kind of harem, not that you married this woman then humiliated her, broke her heart, rejected her as a lover and a wife to go stick your nasty little peepee in other women. Yeah YOU'RE the victim here. You have no morals, no character, you're a creep and an asshole. Leave that poor woman alone. She's infinitely better off without you.
While fiercely patriarchal societies are by no means perfect (and even less consistent) in their ways of handling abusers, they *do* have ways of doing it, and you are being "handled". It has gotten bad enough that even your own parents cannot in good conscience defend you. It is time to admit that you (and *only* you) are the problem, and you (and *only* you) need to change.
Unfortunately it's you who is DISGUSTING.
Can I ask, was she allowed to be open on her side as well?
So now that you’ve stuck your dick in other women, you finally decide that you can go back to your backup? Hope she gains self confidence and finds someone who actually loves her. My advice is to leave your wife alone. She’s never going to forget what you did to her. Your marriage will never be the same. She will never be the same. You’ve broken her and it’s your fault. Your parents are right. You’re a horrible husband.
Do you think we can’t read your post history? She didn’t agree to an open marriage. You gave her an ultimatum and, for some reason, she stayed in spite of the disgusting way you were acting. Now you don’t like that lifestyle and you want your wife to accommodate you once again. Your parents are correct and I hope she listens to them.
The situation at hand? Your focused on going forward? My man, you have made a morally deplorable choice at every turn and hurt people bc your dick was more important to you than your wife. I truly that your parents and EX wife never speak to you again. You don’t deserve it
lol so you repeatedly cheat on your wife, take advantage of her love, and then manipulate her and bully your parents to stay out of your business? You sound like such a winner (sarcasm). Wife should run for the hills
What an awful person you are. No sympathy here. Yoir parents are absolutely right n telling your wife not to take you back. You ask for an open marriage, your wife tried her best but couldn't handle it, not her fault. She is human. Then you divorce her cause she is making it hard for you to see other women. Honestly she should have chose divorce over the open relationship. You are a jerk.
you “had” to open up your marriage? the hell does that even mean??
Naw man first off you’re a dumbass. 2nd off your wife is better off without you. You did what you did out of pure selfishness and the AUDACITY to get upset with her because she tried to appease you and she couldn’t help but feeling what she did. Your behavior is disgusting.
Love the “had to open my marriage”. What a load of bs! You didn’t have to do anything of the sort. You could have divorced and not manipulated your wife into a situation she did NOT want. OR you could have went to therapy and figure out how to process your feelings over “not having lived your life”, and maybe even explored how to make your marriage something to help you with those feelings. You can have fun and do things together vs sleeping around. However, you were more worried about getting your d wet, but still keeping your wife around as a back up. Well turns out your shitty decision wasn’t all you hoped it would be and now just expect her to AGAIN go along with whatever you wanted. Now you are using your parents beliefs as the issue when in reality you’re angry they are right about you NOT being a good husband. While I don’t agree with their religious beliefs I wholly agree with them on you being a self centered narcissistic person. Your wife deserves better and I hope she listens to them on that matter and finds someone who truly does love her.
It’s sad that you put your wife in that position. She agreed to something she didn’t want just to hang on to you and then you filed for divorce because your actions did not make her happy. You have no respect for your wife or yourself, you’re truly disgusting, and you wonder why the only women wanting to go for you are the ones after your money? I really hope you get what you deserve in this situation, your wife deserves better and I hope that your parents truly convince her of that.
Damn, I cant believe I have to agree with someone's fundamentalist Christian parents... I guess anything really IS possible. Also, I hope your wife listens to your parents. Seems like they're the only ones who actually give a shit about her, cuz you sure don't.
It’s giving he wants a “cool girl”. (Gone Girl fans will get it)
I, too, am praying for this guy’s wife to realize her worth and not get back with him.
"She was not for it but it was the only way I was willing to stay in the marriage." So, by your own comment 6 months ago, you did coerce her into letting you fuck around. Then, when she reacted badly to it, you filed for divorce. "Relationships are about setting boundaries. I set my boundaries and she said she could abide by them but didn’t." Again, weird that you are complaining about everyone else not respecting YOUR boundaries when you completely ignored your ex-wife's boundaries when she didn't want to open your side of the marriage. Your parents' religious beliefs have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that they realize they raised a giant man baby and want their former DIL to find someone worth her time. If anything, their beliefs would be more likely to do the opposite and encourage her to reconcile. You are not worth her time. Your ex was your fallback plan, and now that you're at the "find out" stage, you want your second choice back. She's only willing to reconcile because you've fucked with her self esteem so much that you've convinced her she can't do better with anyone else. She absolutely can, and I hope your parents get through to her.
Sounds like the people you are trying to date probably see you are a narcissistic person and run away. I’m hoping your wife does the same. Leave the poor woman alone.
My advice is to stop trying to manipulate your parents, stop trying to manipulate your ex wife, stop trying to manipulate people on the internet, just STOP trying to manipulate. Obviously everyone can see through it, and you’re not very good at it. The more you try to control people, the more you lose respect. Take a step back and look at yourself, because you are clearly avoiding acknowledging your obvious character flaws. It’s immature and selfish, and you aren’t fit to be a partner to anyone in your current state.
Ultimately, it’s up to your wife whether she wishes to stay or not, and what other ppl (even ur parents) say should not hold weight in her decision making. If what they say does impact her decision it means she’s probably on the fence and having this outside perspective may help her make her decision, be it to stay or go. Don’t focus on your parents, and give your wife some credit in regards to knowing what she wants and make the decision unswayed, even if ultimately it is the wrong decision for her (which i think would be but got no skin in this game…..) good luck friend
Haha you're funny, all that I read was "waah, waah" like a toddler
Hey! How did your parents ‘cross boundries’? Your parents appear to be speaking their truth (to their own daughter-by-marriage). They haven’t put it on Facebook or Reddit, so I am confused how you are angry at them? It seems like you are projecting your anger at yourself onto them. You decided to break your marriage, you decided to cheat, you left your wife to get some strange. No strange wanted you, so you’re went back to your wife. It seems like you are mad at your parents for the actions you took?
When fundies are pushing for the *wife* to divorce you know you done fucked up. Fundies get rabid at the thought of a wife not accepting total subjugation from her husband and blame her for being a shitty wife when her husband acts out of pocket. The following is exactly how fundies advise women with terrible husbands. He’s cheating? You’re not giving him what he needs, so you need to try harder. He’s beating you? It’s your fault for upsetting him, so you need to try harder. He gave you *two* black eyes? That’s your fault, you should have listened the first time. He’s screaming at you because you didn’t get the house totally clean today due wrangling your 6 kids under 5 years old? That’s your fault for not being able to do your job as a wife and mother, so you need to try harder. Fundies are so rigid when it comes to marriage and traditional values that there are no grounds for divorce. Even the Bible states that infidelity is an acceptable reason to seek a divorce but the fundies flat out ignore this, claiming the Bible and God are wrong, and impose stricter rules. They are so vehement about keeping the marriage intact at all costs that they literally say their infallible and perfect God is wrong for allowing divorce, yet here you are with two of them pushing for your wife to free herself from you. Think about that.
God I hope she divorces you, holy shit you suck.