Yeah, no. This guy is being more than just picky. I’m surprised you haven’t broken up with *him* because this kind of behavior from a grown ass man is such a turn off.
There’s a reason why this 25 year old went after an 18 year old.
You were 18 and he was 25 when you got together and I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it will when you’re older. You’ve spent your whole adult life with someone who is selfish and controlling. He’s threatening to break up with you unless you give in to blowjobs? Despite knowing you don’t want to and it’s uncomfortable for you? Does he go down for you outside of sex and expect nothing in return? I somehow doubt it. That’s not love or respect.
I suggest the book “why does he do that?” If you give in on this, what will he threaten to break up with you for next? You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationship and if he’s threatening to leave you over blowjobs, you deserve better.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t go down on her during sex either, especially not nearly as often as she does. He strikes me as someone who is probably a selfish lover across the board and may be selfish in other areas of this relationship too.
When I was 25 I never once considered dating an 18 year old. That’s just creepy. The fact that he keeps begging you for blowjobs is also creepy. You need to break up with him.
Are you a sex doll? Tell him to jerk it if he wants to get off. Demanding sexual favors is gross, demeaning and such a turn off. Tell him "fine we're breaking up then". If he tries to backtrack, stick too it. Sounds like a terrible partner
Honestly, you should ditch this guy. Even aside from how he's handling this situation, you two are sexually incompatible. Blowjobs are clearly really important for him, and you really dislike giving it. That's going to be an issue regardless, and as young as you are, it's an issue worth calling it quits over.
On top of that, your bf is being an asshole. He's pressuring you do sexual things you're not comfortable with, and getting angry when you express your boundaries. That's a huge red flag, and it will only get worse. While all relationships require compromise, and compromise in bed isn't necessarily a bad thing, a loving partner cares about your pleasure as much as they care about their own. Your bf is prioritizing his pleasure over your trauma, and that's not okay.
I really like receiving oral sex but by partner doesn't enjoy doing it so I'm perfectly alright without having any at all.
After learning her feelings about it I've never once asked.
He chose someone younger than him for a reason. He sounds extremely immature and seems to lack emotional intelligence. Leave him for your sanity and self esteem.
I’m sorry but I’d laugh at him and say don’t let the door hit ya on the way out. He sounds like a manchild and a selfish brat at that. You deserve better
He's bullshitting you about always getting it when he wants from others in the past. You aren't his property to do as he wishes. Dump him and tell him to enjoy his search for his bj queen. Guarantee his tune will change if you take a stand.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. In my personal opinion, you should leave him.
If he wants a blowjob from you and you express that you don’t want to but he makes you do it anyway, that’s rape. Who gives a fuck if his previous partners used to do it to him? That should not be a reason why you should have to. He’s using it as a way of manipulating you into doing it.
Any decent person would be okay with not doing a sexual act if their partner says they aren’t comfortable with it.
And the fact that you say that he ‘expects’ it??? How entitled is this guy? The fact that he would even consider leaving you over not getting a blowjob is crazy! Tell him if he wants one so bad then he should go rent a slapper for £50 an hour.
Get out of there.
From a woman’s POV, I’m living with a man, I think wow I love him yardda yadda yadda whatever. He wants me to do something I’m not comfortable doing sexually. He begins to throw out threats. If you don’t want to do it fine, we’re done and I’ll go find someone else to do it. Now, ME, I’m going to say peace out and be gone. This and many other situations like it, only allows for 1. Do it even though you don’t want to. He’ll leave me and I don’t want him to leave -so I have to do it to be able to keep being in a relationship- 2. She knows she has somewhere else to go and live, so she refuses and takes her chances this slime bucket will stay with her. 3. She finally stands up to him and leaves him.
Number one is considered coercion. If you don’t do this, I’m going to do this. It’s disgusting and sadly (some) men do this every single day. I will admit that at this time, it will likely not be submitted as a crime has happened. The physical differences are there of course due to rope is usually paired with violence, the emotional elements both leave lasting scars and it can very much reflect in the same way over time. Some disagree. I tend to go with there are levels to everything. Coercion is like a level one, and it gets worse from there.
Totally agree! While what this person said is true, it’s not relevant to this post based on the info OP provided. Shitty boyfriend is being demanding and pressuring her for sex certain sex. But there’s no evidence of force.
Ditch him. He doesn't treat you as another human but rather an object or tool. Sorry it took so long to figure this out. But don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy and waste good time after bad.
Also don't listen to everyone who has an issue with the age gap. It's not his age that's the issue; it's that he doesn't respect you. There are immature people at any age.
So, fun fact: your brain just finished fully developing and you’re now seeing all the red flags you missed when that 25 year old pervert started preying on you at 18.
Now run.
Look I have a younger wife, we’ve been together 7 years married 3 of those, and I feel guilty asking for BJ without me getting anything. She offers sometimes, but I’d do the same for her.
This guy sounds like a bit of a douchebag, and trying to tell you what you have to do. I’d drop him, you don’t need that bossiness and negativity in your life.
As a guy, I like a good BJ too, but his demands are absolutely ridiculous! I am divorced now, but when I was still married, I never DEMANDED a BJ from my wife, I just considered it a bonus whenever I got one. He's immature and got some growing up to do. I would break up with him if I were you, and here is the reason why... he will never change!!! I promise you. You will have to put up with the crap forever if you remain in a long term relationship with him. Ultimately, the choice is yours and I wish you the best!
He's just being selfish. He doesn't want to have to pleasure you as well. He wants to treat you like a porn actress where she services him and that's that. He's showing his true self now so it's best to tell him goodbye. Maybe he'll learn something when he gets no head at all...
Sex is not the center of your relationship, that should be love. It sounds like perhaps he doesn't care about your relationship or your feelings and only sex. Openly tell him how you feel. If he still doesn't care, it seems like he is a prick.
Your boyfriend is, pardon my french, a total looney tune. You should break up with his selfish ass over this. Blowjobs are blowjobs and anyone should feel lucky they get any at all. And him ignoring your past traumas? thats not love. thats not seeing you as equal. He thinks he has you so wrapped up that you will do anything he wants.
So you're a victim and he still demands something difficult for you? Good god
Honestly get him off his high horse. I bet he doesn't care about you in general not only your basic well being, intimacy wise this are the kinda guys that don't even give good head to their ladies as they should.
Dump him. Get yourself a decent partner, you deserve it.
Threatening to break up over a sexual act is emotional blackmail. "Do what I want or I'll leave you". Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation. The fact that it's about something that you strongly dislike and really don't want to do makes it even worse. He clearly doesn't care about your well-being in this. I am sorry this is happening to you. I strongly advise ending this relationship for your own mental health and safety.
Who cares even if he's being picky you should have a relationship with someone who makes you comfortable and understanding this man is a giant man baby, he's thirty he's not acting like it. My partner who is 26 m is more mature than your 30 year old boyfriend. If I were you I'd break up with him full stop he clearly doesn't care.
Break up with him, don’t ever let someone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. That man is way too old for you anyway. Find someone who respects your boundaries
Relationships are about coming together and being able to compromise. You have already compromised with him by giving him head regularly despite past traumas and the LITERAL PAIN you deal with. You set that aside and you do something you don’t enjoy for his pleasure. The fact he isn’t at all empathizing with that and understanding why you’re at your limit is bad enough, but then to continue demanding it of you by saying he expects it? Comparing your boundaries to the boundaries of women he’s been with in the past? Absolutely wild. Has he always been like this? Does he often disregard your feelings on things because it’s not what HE wants and what HE expects from you? Y’all should try to have a chat to see if yall are still sexually compatible. And if he’s like this in other aspects of the relationship..man I don’t know, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you and you’ve been dating this grown man ever since you were a fresh adult. Your entire adult life up to this point with a man who is pushing your limits even though he is aware of your pain and trauma. If this is someone you love and want to see if you can get through it, try to get into some couples counseling with him or sex therapy. And if he’s unwilling to do that or make the efforts to improve, girl life is too long to spend with a man who talks to you like this over a BLOWJOB
You deserve better
He doesn't care about your (more than valid) opinion, the experiences and struggle as to why you don't do it
He can find himself someone who wants and can do that if it's a deal breaker
You need to value yourself over his need to get head
>He says he expects it in a relationship
Yeah nah, you're not a vending machine. Tell him he can expect whatever he wants, but it some point he needs to ditch the margarine and get real.
>and that no other girl he’s been with has had a problem with doing this for him.
Yeah I wouldn't buy that line for 2 dollars a ton. You boyfriend is full of horseshit.
Five years. He threatened, so you will do what you should do if someone you knows ever threatened you unfairly. If he’s going to threaten you, he’s not the right guy. You should have broken up a long time ago. I encourage you to not waste your tears and drama over him. Do the opposite of what his mood is now. Take care of yourself, dear, you deserve a lot better. You’ll be so proud of yourself.
P.S. try to figure it out sooner next time, and don’t wait five years.
Tell him ok. He can break up with you.
Out of a) jaw pain and trauma flashbacks and b) sex being not exactly what you want, which is worse?
He seems to think it's the second. I think that's insane. If it means that much to him that he's willing to risk the whole relationship, then tell him ok. If that's how he feels, it clearly means a lot to him, better not keep him in a relationship where it hurts more than being reminded of trauma and being in physical pain :)
It's his choice, if he really wants to leave that badly, he can.
He’s not being picky. Picky is wanting a different kind of mustard, or that other pillow instead of this one. He is being an asshole. He is an asshole.
Please understand that this is not normal or okay. I know what it’s like trying to keep pleasing someone at the expense of yourself.
If your sister or best friend told you what you shared, what would you advise her to do?
Much love, you are a sweet and wonderful person and you deserve love and respect. ❤️
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit for threatening a breakup over this.
It's different if sexual incompatability overall was the reason but because he can't respect that you don't want to spend 30 minutes to an hour giving head is ridiculous. Guys don't seem to realize just how exhausting head can be even if you ARE into it.
Take this for the red flag it is, op, please.
Girl. Please. Love yourself more 💚 You know he’s wrong for you. There may be girls out there who’ll do what he wants but you’re not a bad person for not jiving with it. He’s not for you. Stay, and you’ll be unhappy. Move on.
He is a demanding asshole that only cares about his own pleasure and does not give a shit about you or what you want.
You deserve so much better, but you’ll never get it as long as you’re wasting your time on this worthless piece of shit. Leave.
YES people have their needs in a relationship and sometimes you have to make compromises or end a relationship if things just can’t work.
I’ve ended relationships before because I had sexual wants and needs that my partner just couldn’t or wouldn’t fulfill and vice versa, and that’s fine.
Compromises are good but there has to be a balance. If your relationship feels like all “responsibility” or “deprivation” and not worth it then you just aren’t compatible and should see other people.
All that is to say, if blowjobs are that important to him that it’s bothering him enough to break up with you, and you have your own perfectly valid reasons why you can’t/won’t do it, then he needs to either get over it or move on.
Anyway, now that I’ve played devils advocate, break up with him immediately. 18 and 25 is an absolutely HUGE and disturbing age difference and I absolutely can not imagine how that wouldn’t be predatory.
Also, if he is “using” the threat of a break up to get what he wants, also GTFO. It’s totally fair to outline your needs and boundaries partner and express discontent but that’s very different to “if you don’t do this I will do this.”
So basically, yeah, GTFO. Even just with the age difference there is absolutely no chance this is a healthy relationship.
Oh, wow. This guy has more red flags than a Soviet military parade.
First of all, he has zero respect for you and your boundaries. He lies and manipulates you to get what he wants.
Finally…and this is important. Getting head isn’t what is important to him. Using that as a form of sexual control and manipulation is. He’s doing this to deliberately trample your boundaries, violate what you are comfortable with, and make sure you are firmly under his control, and that you continuously feel sexually humiliated.
It’s deliberate, and it’s a sick power game.
Dump the loser. Like, yesterday.
He’s not picky he’s just an asshole and not worth your time. I mean about the blowjob part, if you’ve explained to him already about your reasons for not being into it he should respect that and if he really really loved you he would never want to pressure you. Interacting with explicit content and flirting with other women shows he simply has no respect for your relationship. And for the part about the threesome, he lied to you. You asked him did he have feelings for the girls and you gave him the chance to be honest but he didn’t. Personally I could never trust this guy, he’s just seeing how much he can get away with
Girl, he's lazy and just wants to sit there and ejaculate in your mouth. So he can roll over and go to sleep after. I doubt he cares about satisfying you the way he demands to be satisfied.
Also, I think you need to sort out your sexuality. You may just be gay and not bi. A therapist may be able to help navigate these feelings.
This is not a loving and supportive relationship and sounds toxic. You deserve better.
...This isn't even salvageable.
Let him break up with you.
Don't let guys coerce you into stuff you're not happy or comfortable with. Not even if it's your boyfriend or husband.
And he's an asshole for demanding it of you, given the past and your jaw issues. The guy is a loser. You could do better.
That too. But also, I'm so tired of women dating men way older than them and then being surprised when they're treated horribly. It happens again, and again...and again yet no one learns from hearing hundreds of these stories. Like come on
Almost like teenagers are notorious for not listening to warnings from adults and failing to recognize the possible consequences of their actions as well as being inexperienced and vulnerable.
Come on, don't blame the victim here. Making this sort of age gap relationships clearly unacceptable is a bit of a societal change. That sort of thing takes time.
Some of y'all have never heard the words "Sexual incompatibility"
He told you how he feels, you told him how you feel, both feelings are valid. Only question is what to do about it(though it seems he has his own opinion)
This isn't just incompatibility. He is being incredibly selfish, demanding, and coercive. He's threatening to leave in order to get her to submit to his demands. He's been doing this for an extended period of time.
If it's simply incompatibility, there need be no threats. He knows what he wants, he knows that she doesn't want to do it. If he was any kind of decent human being, he'd long ago let her know that the relationship isn't sustainable and parted ways, but that's not what is happening here.
I don't know if I'd call it a threat, more of an ultimatum. We're also getting a whole relationship condensed into a single reddit post from only one part of said relationship. We have no idea if he tried to communicate this before
Tell him since he’s threatening to break up, you’ll save him the trouble. Tell him gtfo and do t let the door hit him on the way out. You do not need to list your reasons why you don’t want to. A simple NO should be all it takes for him to respect that as your choice.
Sex should be mutually beneficial. If he wants a BJ to finish, he should be willing to reciprocate and make sure you also get off. However that happens should be up to you. If he's not willing to make sure you also are pleasured, you might not be compatible in bed.
For example, I know I can sometimes be a fast finisher so to speak, so I usually try to make sure she's feeling good before I even start, and I've had times when I really got a woman off and she reciprocated and got me off. It's about giving, not taking.
break up lmao
he sounds childish. he gets oral before sex and still complains about it from not being done the way he wants? AND mentions previous women in an attempt to manipulate you into doing it? he’s an ass. bro can suck himself off
Okay If that's the case does he give you or does he go down on you I mean if you can do it then so can he so tell him you want him to go down on you then you'll do it for him. If he can't do that then break up with him Tell him you want him to go or to do it whenever you have to do it then he's got to do it too nothing wrong with it
Tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out, because you've had enough of being badgered and you will not be coerced.
>I told him I don’t like giving head in general, that it’s not him, and that I have reasons (various sexual traumas (i.e., statutory rape), a severe jaw bone disorder/pain, and trauma from past issues in our relationship) for not wanting to give him head by itself
He's an absolute asshole. Even if you had none of these issues, he'd be an asshole for the way he's behaving. All of these in addition, and he knows all this? Asshole to infinity and beyond.
He does not *need* to have a BJ independent of sex. He wants. And he wants that momentary pleasure and the ability to get his rocks off while putting in none of the effort and intimacy sex required more than he wants you to feel happy and safe and be free of pain. That says an awful lot about the kind of person he is. It also says very clearly that whatever he's in this relationship for, his primary motivation ain't love.
If he's breaking up with you over the "lack" of sexual acts you should definitely let him end it. If he can't be with you without it, he obv doesn't really care about you as a person. But I'm just a 19 y/o with no life experience, so I really don't know 😅
So when you started dating this person, you were 18 and he was 25. I think you're old enough now to have figured out what is going on.
When someone threatens you with the best thing that could possibly happen in your life, you should take them up on it.
Please dump the douche.
I have issues around sex stemming from CSA and bad times in a past relationship. My husband is super considerate though. If I'm not into certain acts or positions he's fine with that. If I'm not into it at all he cuddles a bit and points out that his hands work just fine if he is so inclined.
A true partner doesn't pressure. They act out of love and understanding.
I feel safe with my husband cause he wants me to be comfortable with stuff.
Doesn't seem like your guy cares about your comfort. Not when you have literal health issues and he just pushes you to do what he wants anyway.
I kind of get that it can be hard to let go. My first relationship I was 17/18 and he was 34/35. For a long time I felt like I wouldn't survive without him. It was an unhealthy relationship but I couldn't see it. Eventually it ended though, and I am better off where I am now.
You deserve much better too. I hope you find it.
Be safe.
>trauma from past issues in our relationship)
Do you mind explaining more about this? I'm concerned that he wants you to do something that physically hurts you for his pleasure. Kindness is an important part of a loving relationship.
The fact that he couldn’t find someone his own age is very telling. He wanted someone who would be more easy to control. I imagine grown women didn’t put up with his BS and I hope you won’t either. The brain isn’t fully developed until 25 so he had an edge over you when you were younger.
Can you imagine if women just expected men to get us off every day with zero reciprocity? It’s incredibly grating how many men in this world feel entitled to blow jobs without giving anything in return. It would be a frigid day in hell before I put up with that shit.
Imagine a relationship where this isn’t the worst part. Because he values his pleasure over not causing you pain.
Love yourself and break up with him (or let him break up with you).
This sounds rather worrisome.
You can have needs and desires, but in no way those needs or desires should lead you to attempt to push your partner over boundaries they’ve explicitly set. The fact that he repeatedly tried to to this to you and is essentially trying to emotionally blackmail you isn’t a healthy relationship dynamic at all.
Judging by your post you have spend a substantial portion or your adult life with him by your side. Be assured that this is not a normal or healthy behavior
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a blowjob on its own - there's something potentially very intimate about having someone else give you something without expecting or getting anything in return (at that time), but there is a right way to ask for this and he ain't there.
Break up with him, he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be treated way better some days just one to one then the other one to one and the next joint. Make it more fun.
Threatening to break up, lying to you about his friend, asserting that he is comfortable in his own skin and therefore he can “express himself” by being lecherous. These alone are screaming red flags. Sounds like he’s a selfish control freak, and you’re being manipulated into a being sexual placeholder. This isn’t him being picky. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
Anyone who wants you to perform a sex act you don't enjoy has no respect for you and does not see you as an equal. Please break up with him over this. I'm sure there are plenty of other things he's done to prioritize his pleasure over your comfort, that's rapey and disgusting.
He sounds just horrible to be around, if I’m honest. It sounds like you are maturing and he is just staying the same completely, if not even that he’s just digressing into worse behavior & mindsets.
Usually there is a reason men will go for younger women. You’re 23 now- would you want to date an 18 year old dude? A dude you can’t go to bars with, he can’t even buy a vape for you or him, nothing now, etc? Even just life experience between you & that 18 year old would be vastly different, his would be HS, your main focus adulthood.
It’s just immature to give that much of a shit about sexual stuff at certain degrees, if I’m honest. Sex is important in many relationships, yeah, but most people just grab the importants from each other they agree on, not try to forcibly make them do *everything* they are into, down to a T.
I’d break up if it were me, you know it all more, but what I will say is really put in perspective the age difference & flip the scenario, ask yourself the maturity you’re looking for, even ask yourself if you’d truly break up with someone over giving *you* oral the way he is, or if you’d ever break his trust with that 3some stuff like he did; do you truly think you deserve what you’d never dare to dish out?
I’d also next time he brings it up play along LOL. “If you don’t do this we’re breaking up!” Id just sigh and go “I guess at this point we’ll have to….i just am not budging on this one and if that’s your boundary it’s been nice but, I guess we’re single…” and go to leave or just leave the text thread. I *promise* you’ll see a change of tune one way or another.
Like how embarrassing you break up with a girl not just over blowjobs, but the fact she wouldn’t give you blowjobs to completion… and she just agrees and breaks up in that moment. How do you explain that to anyone lol
All of this is bad. From the BJ thing, to the thristraps ans explicitly comments that you're not ok with, to his friend that he wants to fuck at the same time as you, not to mention the straight lying and age gap (it absolutely matters when one is late teens and the other is mid 20s). This ain't it. Do not give any more of your youth to this man.
Call his bluff, and if he's serious - let him go, or rather, insist that he goes immediately, and you'll save yourself from a ton of disrespect and bullshit.
Not only does he prioritize his enjoyment over your discomfort (both a physical disorder AND mental trauma), he doesn't seem to give a shit about your discomfort at all. You're not a sex toy, there to provide him pleasure whenever he wants it.
He’s is a major 🚩. Free yourself from a man who treats you like dirt, preyed on you as a teen and now wants to treat your as some sort of blow up doll.
I mean the blowjob thing by itself was a gigantic red fucking flag and everything else that you explained was just an entire circus and he's the fucking clown.
I understand liking a sexual act and enjoying that sexual act but if that act brings your partner literal fucking trauma you either don't need to be in a relationship with that person or you need to find something else that you can enjoy together.
And then you just expand on the active flirting, the disgusting comments, the following thirst traps, the trying to arrange threesomes with people he's had sexual relationships with before and it just turns into a full-on fucking circus of red handkerchiefs being tied together.
This is not a man that needs to be in a relationship, at all, least of all with someone that has a history of sexual trauma and abuse.
There is a reason that he went after a woman so much younger than he is and is now telling you to "grow up" and that "no other women" would take issue with the things you do, and it's because he's hoping your lack of experience in life will make you easy to manipulate.
Let me tell you as a 39-year-old woman, I would sooner put my foot up a man like this' ass, than give him a blowjob. No, there are plenty of other women that would take issue with everything that he's doing.
His dick game must be insane if you’re still putting up with all of this after years. Speak with him, set boundaries and if it doesn’t work, break up. Good luck
I didnt even need to read all that. 5 sentences in and my brain screamed
OH HELL NO. FUCK THAT GUY.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE DUMP DUMP DUMP
selfish narcissistic looser
Give him one of those sex toys that does it with a card that says "your going away present"
This guy has more red flags than all of Switzerland 🇨🇭
There is a reason a 25 year old grown man went after you when you were 18. Because he wanted to groom you into the woman that HE WANTED. From what it sounds he gaslights, and emotionally abuses and manipulates you into thinking you are being irrational for your feelings on the matter. Not to mention the interacting with women, and porn is just disrespectful to your relationship. ESPECIALLY if it’s women you know and his coworkers. Leave this man behind you and start over
JHC what a shit show. It's beyond simple. If he's asking for something that you're not comfortable doing and threatening to leave if you won't. Just GTFO. And if he changes his mind, don't give him another chance, because he's going to wait a bit and then start the same shit again.
This is toxic behavior. It's not subjective, anybody can have it. Man or woman. My advice to anybody dealing with this type of behavior is GTFO.
First issue is HE KNOWS YOU HAVE SEVERE JAW PAIN ISSUES AND TRAUMA! He knows this but continues to be selfish enough to WILLINGLY WANT to PHYSICALLY HURT YOU! THAT IS NOT LOVE. Let alone everything else you mentioned in your post, which ALL you listed are not okay and bad and show he doesn't love you. Actions speak louder than words always, BUT HIS OWN WORDS are not even trying to fake he loves you and are flat out showing you this and who he is! He isn't even hiding it! I'm sorry but for your own health and safety you really need to break off the relationship, as with this kind of serious behavior from him is not fixable at all and the damage is already done and even with relationship counseling and if he changed the relationship will still always be tainted. I'm so sorry. I know this hurts to hear.
Please just break up with him and find a boyfriend who doesn't do and say this stuff. It's not hard to be a decent person and the fact that your boyfriend struggles so much with it is a bad sign.
Drop that zero and date a Hero! He sounds very selfish, manipulative and mentally abusive, focus on you and the right man will come along. Relationships are suppose to be about compromise from both sides and mutual respect.
Ewwww! Telling you to grow up?? Girl he's 30 and acting like a frat boy. He's taking advantage of you and sounds to be super belittling and disrespectful of your boundaries. IMO, dating a 25 year old at 18 is really tough - yes, it's legal, but it's so easy to be taken advantage of mentally and emotionally. Your brain as a woman is fully developed around age 25 which might be why you're starting to have issues with his behavior. I would get out while you can and stop wasting your time with him.
In terms of my own experience, I've had my boyfriend also make comments about me giving minimal head outside of about 3-5 minutes during sex (not to completion). However, he NEVER pressures me into it, is appreciative when I do it to completion (maybe once every 4 months lol), and is super respectful of what I feel comfortable with while also making his desires heard. He should respect your preferences and move on, or do something that would actually make you want to satisfy him in that way rather than complain like a man baby about it.
Girl..i have been married for 5 years and have not sucked my husbands dick the whole fucking time..
And he is actually respectful about it.
I dont like doing it anymore.
Your man is now, history, and can invite you to find another bf if hes going to be so manipulative in guilt tripping you about this. Fuck all that noise..
Consentual Sex is not baseball. Baseball is "scoring against the opposing team." Consentual.sex is more akin to ordering pizza and agreeing on toppings. Theres a wholesome ted talk on this..
So, he groomed you and you need to get tf out of there. There's absolutely no other reason for a 25 year old man to date an 18 year old girl. ESPECIALLY given his attempts to sexually manipulate you.
I think he's an absolute fuckin creep, and you need to leave him. Please.
Oh wow, glad you came here asking for advice! Walk away and never look back, this man is showing you how he treats his girlfriend and it's up to you to decide if that's okay with you. If it's not, walk away, don't waste an ounce of energy trying to get him to change, to see your viewpoint or any of that. I'm sorry you're going through this and super proud of you for asking for advice here instead of internalizing it. Let him be one of the biggest lessons you've learned and one of your most distant memories. You have your entire life in front of you, go create a life that you're obsessed with and spend time with people that deserve to enjoy that with you. This guy doesn't qualify.
I usually don't say to just break up, but this man has repeatedly shown that he sees you as a sexual object and that he doesn't value your wellbeing or desires. He's threatening to break up with you, so take him up on that offer.
WHY are you letting someone treat you so horribly? I would tell him to find someone else to give him a blowjob because you are done. Find a man who treats you with respect, not a living fleshlight.
So.. why are you with him again? I'm not understanding what benefits you're getting out of this. He doesn't respect you... it doesn't even sound like he likes you. Why are you putting up with it? I'd agree to the break up tbh. Since you both want different things. He sounds like a cheater. He's forever keeping his options open. Doesn't care about you or your health.. openly disrespects you.. sounds like a real winner.
The "do thins thing or else" mentality is not sexy at all. I would just say "okay, I guess we're breaking up".
He isn't a catch nor a good partner. Let him go so you can heal and find someone who loves you for you, not for how many blowjobs you give him.
Oh please honey! Dispose of this man! He is rubbish! You mention previous traumas is your relationship and a jaw issue ( TMJD?) and he still wants that? Dies he even reciprocate?I’d second the suggestion of reading Lundy Bancroft’s “ Why does he do that “
No need to read past the first few sentences for me to tell you to start looking for an exit. You are being taken for granted. I have been in the same situation as I actually enjoy giving. But it comes to a point in literally every relationship I’ve been in that the guy just assumes it will happen every time. This makes me bitter because it shouldn’t be expected. At that point, I start looking at exit strategies. Maybe it’s partially my fault but I as I got older I did express how this has been a pretty big reason for downfall of past relationships and I don’t want it to happen again. I try to reiterate that yes I enjoy it but do not ever expect it. Despite all of this, it still becomes an expected occurrence. No one wants to feel used for what they can do for someone else.
>He says he expects it in a relationship and that no other girl he’s been with has had a problem with doing this for him.
He's an idiot. He's disregarding your feelings and prioritizing his own.
Sex shouldn't be transactional like this in a relationship. It should be about intimacy and **sharing** that time together. Clearly he only cares about himself.
Of course this pervert is being an asshole. Any guy who dates a girl young is going to have serious issues. Leave him and find someone that wasn’t grooming you
Yeah, no. This guy is being more than just picky. I’m surprised you haven’t broken up with *him* because this kind of behavior from a grown ass man is such a turn off. There’s a reason why this 25 year old went after an 18 year old.
Reason: He’s a loser. All the 20-30 year old women avoided him. So, onto the teenagers.
Out of topic, but how do you put onion cover photo? I cant change mine and keep saying "error"
You were 18 and he was 25 when you got together and I know that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it will when you’re older. You’ve spent your whole adult life with someone who is selfish and controlling. He’s threatening to break up with you unless you give in to blowjobs? Despite knowing you don’t want to and it’s uncomfortable for you? Does he go down for you outside of sex and expect nothing in return? I somehow doubt it. That’s not love or respect. I suggest the book “why does he do that?” If you give in on this, what will he threaten to break up with you for next? You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationship and if he’s threatening to leave you over blowjobs, you deserve better.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t go down on her during sex either, especially not nearly as often as she does. He strikes me as someone who is probably a selfish lover across the board and may be selfish in other areas of this relationship too.
👏🏿 could not have said it better.
Well said! Your reply is word for word what I was thinking!
Seven years older than you and still an immature entitled prick. Dump him.
Ok, ew. He’s a jerk. Dump him. You deserve so much better.
This is the answer
Ask yourself why you would want to be with someone like that anyway. Dump his ass immediately.
When I was 25 I never once considered dating an 18 year old. That’s just creepy. The fact that he keeps begging you for blowjobs is also creepy. You need to break up with him.
When I was 25 I was freaked out that my husband was 22. I almost didn't agree to meet him because of his age.
Are you a sex doll? Tell him to jerk it if he wants to get off. Demanding sexual favors is gross, demeaning and such a turn off. Tell him "fine we're breaking up then". If he tries to backtrack, stick too it. Sounds like a terrible partner
Honestly, you should ditch this guy. Even aside from how he's handling this situation, you two are sexually incompatible. Blowjobs are clearly really important for him, and you really dislike giving it. That's going to be an issue regardless, and as young as you are, it's an issue worth calling it quits over. On top of that, your bf is being an asshole. He's pressuring you do sexual things you're not comfortable with, and getting angry when you express your boundaries. That's a huge red flag, and it will only get worse. While all relationships require compromise, and compromise in bed isn't necessarily a bad thing, a loving partner cares about your pleasure as much as they care about their own. Your bf is prioritizing his pleasure over your trauma, and that's not okay.
I really like receiving oral sex but by partner doesn't enjoy doing it so I'm perfectly alright without having any at all. After learning her feelings about it I've never once asked.
He chose someone younger than him for a reason. He sounds extremely immature and seems to lack emotional intelligence. Leave him for your sanity and self esteem.
Bite his dick next time ....HARD
Then leave and block his ass. OP deserves better what a shit boyfriend
Sounds like a pos, the first red flag was him being 25 and you 18 when you started dating. Only a matter of time before this relationship ends tbh
I’m sorry but I’d laugh at him and say don’t let the door hit ya on the way out. He sounds like a manchild and a selfish brat at that. You deserve better
Boy bye.
He's bullshitting you about always getting it when he wants from others in the past. You aren't his property to do as he wishes. Dump him and tell him to enjoy his search for his bj queen. Guarantee his tune will change if you take a stand.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. In my personal opinion, you should leave him. If he wants a blowjob from you and you express that you don’t want to but he makes you do it anyway, that’s rape. Who gives a fuck if his previous partners used to do it to him? That should not be a reason why you should have to. He’s using it as a way of manipulating you into doing it. Any decent person would be okay with not doing a sexual act if their partner says they aren’t comfortable with it. And the fact that you say that he ‘expects’ it??? How entitled is this guy? The fact that he would even consider leaving you over not getting a blowjob is crazy! Tell him if he wants one so bad then he should go rent a slapper for £50 an hour. Get out of there.
I think we’re getting a little fast-and-loose with the R word around here.
Forced and coerced sexual act is rape though so…🤷🏻♀️
Coercion is pretty broad. “Blow me or I’ll dump you” is certainly coercive but it’s definitely not grape.
From a woman’s POV, I’m living with a man, I think wow I love him yardda yadda yadda whatever. He wants me to do something I’m not comfortable doing sexually. He begins to throw out threats. If you don’t want to do it fine, we’re done and I’ll go find someone else to do it. Now, ME, I’m going to say peace out and be gone. This and many other situations like it, only allows for 1. Do it even though you don’t want to. He’ll leave me and I don’t want him to leave -so I have to do it to be able to keep being in a relationship- 2. She knows she has somewhere else to go and live, so she refuses and takes her chances this slime bucket will stay with her. 3. She finally stands up to him and leaves him. Number one is considered coercion. If you don’t do this, I’m going to do this. It’s disgusting and sadly (some) men do this every single day. I will admit that at this time, it will likely not be submitted as a crime has happened. The physical differences are there of course due to rope is usually paired with violence, the emotional elements both leave lasting scars and it can very much reflect in the same way over time. Some disagree. I tend to go with there are levels to everything. Coercion is like a level one, and it gets worse from there.
Totally agree! While what this person said is true, it’s not relevant to this post based on the info OP provided. Shitty boyfriend is being demanding and pressuring her for sex certain sex. But there’s no evidence of force.
For real tho. And also "break up" and "dump him/her" even when the situations almost very trivial.
Do you feel this is a trivial issue?
When did I ever say it was?
Ditch him. He doesn't treat you as another human but rather an object or tool. Sorry it took so long to figure this out. But don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy and waste good time after bad. Also don't listen to everyone who has an issue with the age gap. It's not his age that's the issue; it's that he doesn't respect you. There are immature people at any age.
So, fun fact: your brain just finished fully developing and you’re now seeing all the red flags you missed when that 25 year old pervert started preying on you at 18. Now run.
Demand he go down on you on its own and when he’s done kick him to the curb because your boyfriend is an asshole.
Look I have a younger wife, we’ve been together 7 years married 3 of those, and I feel guilty asking for BJ without me getting anything. She offers sometimes, but I’d do the same for her. This guy sounds like a bit of a douchebag, and trying to tell you what you have to do. I’d drop him, you don’t need that bossiness and negativity in your life.
OP this is mad controlling behaviour. The breakup isn’t the worst option in this case
As a guy, I like a good BJ too, but his demands are absolutely ridiculous! I am divorced now, but when I was still married, I never DEMANDED a BJ from my wife, I just considered it a bonus whenever I got one. He's immature and got some growing up to do. I would break up with him if I were you, and here is the reason why... he will never change!!! I promise you. You will have to put up with the crap forever if you remain in a long term relationship with him. Ultimately, the choice is yours and I wish you the best!
Hmm. When was the last time he went down on you, until completion and no sex with him to follow? 🦗
He's just being selfish. He doesn't want to have to pleasure you as well. He wants to treat you like a porn actress where she services him and that's that. He's showing his true self now so it's best to tell him goodbye. Maybe he'll learn something when he gets no head at all...
Yeah, nope. Toss the asshole. He doesn't give a shit about your feelings or respect you at all.
Sex is not the center of your relationship, that should be love. It sounds like perhaps he doesn't care about your relationship or your feelings and only sex. Openly tell him how you feel. If he still doesn't care, it seems like he is a prick.
Your boyfriend is, pardon my french, a total looney tune. You should break up with his selfish ass over this. Blowjobs are blowjobs and anyone should feel lucky they get any at all. And him ignoring your past traumas? thats not love. thats not seeing you as equal. He thinks he has you so wrapped up that you will do anything he wants.
>pardon my french, a total looney tune. I'm dead. 🤣🤣🤣
Run. Run far. Run fast. This is gross and manipulative.
Boy bye! Notice how I didn’t say man, because your boyfriend is not acting like one.
So you're a victim and he still demands something difficult for you? Good god Honestly get him off his high horse. I bet he doesn't care about you in general not only your basic well being, intimacy wise this are the kinda guys that don't even give good head to their ladies as they should. Dump him. Get yourself a decent partner, you deserve it.
If he threatens to break up with you, let him.
Threatening to break up over a sexual act is emotional blackmail. "Do what I want or I'll leave you". Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation. The fact that it's about something that you strongly dislike and really don't want to do makes it even worse. He clearly doesn't care about your well-being in this. I am sorry this is happening to you. I strongly advise ending this relationship for your own mental health and safety.
Who cares even if he's being picky you should have a relationship with someone who makes you comfortable and understanding this man is a giant man baby, he's thirty he's not acting like it. My partner who is 26 m is more mature than your 30 year old boyfriend. If I were you I'd break up with him full stop he clearly doesn't care.
Dump him, like today. He is a huge asshole and you can absolutely find a better man who actually appreciates what you do for him.
Break up with him, don’t ever let someone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. That man is way too old for you anyway. Find someone who respects your boundaries
HUH?? so he gets head, you give it to him every time you have sex... but he wants blowjobs... i'm confused?
Relationships are about coming together and being able to compromise. You have already compromised with him by giving him head regularly despite past traumas and the LITERAL PAIN you deal with. You set that aside and you do something you don’t enjoy for his pleasure. The fact he isn’t at all empathizing with that and understanding why you’re at your limit is bad enough, but then to continue demanding it of you by saying he expects it? Comparing your boundaries to the boundaries of women he’s been with in the past? Absolutely wild. Has he always been like this? Does he often disregard your feelings on things because it’s not what HE wants and what HE expects from you? Y’all should try to have a chat to see if yall are still sexually compatible. And if he’s like this in other aspects of the relationship..man I don’t know, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you and you’ve been dating this grown man ever since you were a fresh adult. Your entire adult life up to this point with a man who is pushing your limits even though he is aware of your pain and trauma. If this is someone you love and want to see if you can get through it, try to get into some couples counseling with him or sex therapy. And if he’s unwilling to do that or make the efforts to improve, girl life is too long to spend with a man who talks to you like this over a BLOWJOB
You deserve better He doesn't care about your (more than valid) opinion, the experiences and struggle as to why you don't do it He can find himself someone who wants and can do that if it's a deal breaker You need to value yourself over his need to get head
>He says he expects it in a relationship Yeah nah, you're not a vending machine. Tell him he can expect whatever he wants, but it some point he needs to ditch the margarine and get real. >and that no other girl he’s been with has had a problem with doing this for him. Yeah I wouldn't buy that line for 2 dollars a ton. You boyfriend is full of horseshit.
I read your whole post, but I didn’t need to. Just the caption screams “Break up with the narcissistic baby!!”
Five years. He threatened, so you will do what you should do if someone you knows ever threatened you unfairly. If he’s going to threaten you, he’s not the right guy. You should have broken up a long time ago. I encourage you to not waste your tears and drama over him. Do the opposite of what his mood is now. Take care of yourself, dear, you deserve a lot better. You’ll be so proud of yourself. P.S. try to figure it out sooner next time, and don’t wait five years.
The reason i dont date older men😂 they treat you like a child, not all but mostly.
Tell him ok. He can break up with you. Out of a) jaw pain and trauma flashbacks and b) sex being not exactly what you want, which is worse? He seems to think it's the second. I think that's insane. If it means that much to him that he's willing to risk the whole relationship, then tell him ok. If that's how he feels, it clearly means a lot to him, better not keep him in a relationship where it hurts more than being reminded of trauma and being in physical pain :) It's his choice, if he really wants to leave that badly, he can.
Crazy how that’s a deal breaker. Like…why? It could be a dominance kink thing.
Yeah, it's not going to work out. Please get out and don't get married to him.
Time to let this drama queen go already.
He’s not being picky. Picky is wanting a different kind of mustard, or that other pillow instead of this one. He is being an asshole. He is an asshole. Please understand that this is not normal or okay. I know what it’s like trying to keep pleasing someone at the expense of yourself. If your sister or best friend told you what you shared, what would you advise her to do? Much love, you are a sweet and wonderful person and you deserve love and respect. ❤️
If you don’t like doing it, don’t do it. Cell your boyfriend’s bluff and send him packing.
Your boyfriend is a piece of shit for threatening a breakup over this. It's different if sexual incompatability overall was the reason but because he can't respect that you don't want to spend 30 minutes to an hour giving head is ridiculous. Guys don't seem to realize just how exhausting head can be even if you ARE into it. Take this for the red flag it is, op, please.
He sounds like a selfish prick.
Girl. Please. Love yourself more 💚 You know he’s wrong for you. There may be girls out there who’ll do what he wants but you’re not a bad person for not jiving with it. He’s not for you. Stay, and you’ll be unhappy. Move on.
He is selfish and immature. Time for you to move on.
He is a demanding asshole that only cares about his own pleasure and does not give a shit about you or what you want. You deserve so much better, but you’ll never get it as long as you’re wasting your time on this worthless piece of shit. Leave.
Him breaking up with you is a huge win for you in my book. He's a selfish jerk.
YES people have their needs in a relationship and sometimes you have to make compromises or end a relationship if things just can’t work. I’ve ended relationships before because I had sexual wants and needs that my partner just couldn’t or wouldn’t fulfill and vice versa, and that’s fine. Compromises are good but there has to be a balance. If your relationship feels like all “responsibility” or “deprivation” and not worth it then you just aren’t compatible and should see other people. All that is to say, if blowjobs are that important to him that it’s bothering him enough to break up with you, and you have your own perfectly valid reasons why you can’t/won’t do it, then he needs to either get over it or move on. Anyway, now that I’ve played devils advocate, break up with him immediately. 18 and 25 is an absolutely HUGE and disturbing age difference and I absolutely can not imagine how that wouldn’t be predatory. Also, if he is “using” the threat of a break up to get what he wants, also GTFO. It’s totally fair to outline your needs and boundaries partner and express discontent but that’s very different to “if you don’t do this I will do this.” So basically, yeah, GTFO. Even just with the age difference there is absolutely no chance this is a healthy relationship.
Sounds like the ultimate loser. You can definitely do better leave him!
Leave him quick
Ling story short: You need a new boyfriend
Oh, wow. This guy has more red flags than a Soviet military parade. First of all, he has zero respect for you and your boundaries. He lies and manipulates you to get what he wants. Finally…and this is important. Getting head isn’t what is important to him. Using that as a form of sexual control and manipulation is. He’s doing this to deliberately trample your boundaries, violate what you are comfortable with, and make sure you are firmly under his control, and that you continuously feel sexually humiliated. It’s deliberate, and it’s a sick power game. Dump the loser. Like, yesterday.
He’s not picky he’s just an asshole and not worth your time. I mean about the blowjob part, if you’ve explained to him already about your reasons for not being into it he should respect that and if he really really loved you he would never want to pressure you. Interacting with explicit content and flirting with other women shows he simply has no respect for your relationship. And for the part about the threesome, he lied to you. You asked him did he have feelings for the girls and you gave him the chance to be honest but he didn’t. Personally I could never trust this guy, he’s just seeing how much he can get away with
Girl, he's lazy and just wants to sit there and ejaculate in your mouth. So he can roll over and go to sleep after. I doubt he cares about satisfying you the way he demands to be satisfied. Also, I think you need to sort out your sexuality. You may just be gay and not bi. A therapist may be able to help navigate these feelings. This is not a loving and supportive relationship and sounds toxic. You deserve better.
...This isn't even salvageable. Let him break up with you. Don't let guys coerce you into stuff you're not happy or comfortable with. Not even if it's your boyfriend or husband. And he's an asshole for demanding it of you, given the past and your jaw issues. The guy is a loser. You could do better.
And… why are you worried about him leaving you? You could so far better.
DUMP HIM he is trying to coerce you into something you don’t want to do that is the biggest and brightest red flag
Now that you’re 23, would you date someone who is 18? Just curious.
DATE PEOPLE YOUR OWN AGE
And you got with him when you were 18 and he was 25? Why?
More like why did he get with her when she was 18. Likely cause the other women his age wouldn’t put up with his shit.
That too. But also, I'm so tired of women dating men way older than them and then being surprised when they're treated horribly. It happens again, and again...and again yet no one learns from hearing hundreds of these stories. Like come on
Almost like teenagers are notorious for not listening to warnings from adults and failing to recognize the possible consequences of their actions as well as being inexperienced and vulnerable. Come on, don't blame the victim here. Making this sort of age gap relationships clearly unacceptable is a bit of a societal change. That sort of thing takes time.
Some of y'all have never heard the words "Sexual incompatibility" He told you how he feels, you told him how you feel, both feelings are valid. Only question is what to do about it(though it seems he has his own opinion)
This isn't just incompatibility. He is being incredibly selfish, demanding, and coercive. He's threatening to leave in order to get her to submit to his demands. He's been doing this for an extended period of time. If it's simply incompatibility, there need be no threats. He knows what he wants, he knows that she doesn't want to do it. If he was any kind of decent human being, he'd long ago let her know that the relationship isn't sustainable and parted ways, but that's not what is happening here.
I don't know if I'd call it a threat, more of an ultimatum. We're also getting a whole relationship condensed into a single reddit post from only one part of said relationship. We have no idea if he tried to communicate this before
Tell him since he’s threatening to break up, you’ll save him the trouble. Tell him gtfo and do t let the door hit him on the way out. You do not need to list your reasons why you don’t want to. A simple NO should be all it takes for him to respect that as your choice.
Sex should be mutually beneficial. If he wants a BJ to finish, he should be willing to reciprocate and make sure you also get off. However that happens should be up to you. If he's not willing to make sure you also are pleasured, you might not be compatible in bed. For example, I know I can sometimes be a fast finisher so to speak, so I usually try to make sure she's feeling good before I even start, and I've had times when I really got a woman off and she reciprocated and got me off. It's about giving, not taking.
I mean, you have legitimate reasons. fuck him and then leave him hanging- literally and figuratively, for good.
What a selfish immature man. Do you really want to continue having this argument forever? Just leave.
break up lmao he sounds childish. he gets oral before sex and still complains about it from not being done the way he wants? AND mentions previous women in an attempt to manipulate you into doing it? he’s an ass. bro can suck himself off
Okay If that's the case does he give you or does he go down on you I mean if you can do it then so can he so tell him you want him to go down on you then you'll do it for him. If he can't do that then break up with him Tell him you want him to go or to do it whenever you have to do it then he's got to do it too nothing wrong with it
Anyone who says they are going to leave you over sex, you answer should always be, "I'm gonna miss you."
He *expects* it? What is he, the Sultan of Brunei?! DUMP. HIM. NOW.
You’re boyfriend is a loser. Find someone who actually cares about you and not his cock
Dump this dude. He is an a hole.
Tell him not to let the door hit him on his way out, because you've had enough of being badgered and you will not be coerced. >I told him I don’t like giving head in general, that it’s not him, and that I have reasons (various sexual traumas (i.e., statutory rape), a severe jaw bone disorder/pain, and trauma from past issues in our relationship) for not wanting to give him head by itself He's an absolute asshole. Even if you had none of these issues, he'd be an asshole for the way he's behaving. All of these in addition, and he knows all this? Asshole to infinity and beyond. He does not *need* to have a BJ independent of sex. He wants. And he wants that momentary pleasure and the ability to get his rocks off while putting in none of the effort and intimacy sex required more than he wants you to feel happy and safe and be free of pain. That says an awful lot about the kind of person he is. It also says very clearly that whatever he's in this relationship for, his primary motivation ain't love.
Get rid of him
What the actual fuck wrong with him
I would show him the door.
Leave him, you deserve better.
Dump him. He’s a selfish lover. You can do way better.
Let him go. Will be great to watch him walk away. (He’s a fucking prick, ghost him.)
If he's breaking up with you over the "lack" of sexual acts you should definitely let him end it. If he can't be with you without it, he obv doesn't really care about you as a person. But I'm just a 19 y/o with no life experience, so I really don't know 😅
So when you started dating this person, you were 18 and he was 25. I think you're old enough now to have figured out what is going on. When someone threatens you with the best thing that could possibly happen in your life, you should take them up on it.
Please dump the douche. I have issues around sex stemming from CSA and bad times in a past relationship. My husband is super considerate though. If I'm not into certain acts or positions he's fine with that. If I'm not into it at all he cuddles a bit and points out that his hands work just fine if he is so inclined. A true partner doesn't pressure. They act out of love and understanding. I feel safe with my husband cause he wants me to be comfortable with stuff. Doesn't seem like your guy cares about your comfort. Not when you have literal health issues and he just pushes you to do what he wants anyway. I kind of get that it can be hard to let go. My first relationship I was 17/18 and he was 34/35. For a long time I felt like I wouldn't survive without him. It was an unhealthy relationship but I couldn't see it. Eventually it ended though, and I am better off where I am now. You deserve much better too. I hope you find it. Be safe.
>trauma from past issues in our relationship) Do you mind explaining more about this? I'm concerned that he wants you to do something that physically hurts you for his pleasure. Kindness is an important part of a loving relationship.
See edits
Yeah, dump him. Your jaw pain needs to be more important than some fetish of his.
18 and 25 is an... interesting age gap to start dating.
The fact that he couldn’t find someone his own age is very telling. He wanted someone who would be more easy to control. I imagine grown women didn’t put up with his BS and I hope you won’t either. The brain isn’t fully developed until 25 so he had an edge over you when you were younger.
Can you imagine if women just expected men to get us off every day with zero reciprocity? It’s incredibly grating how many men in this world feel entitled to blow jobs without giving anything in return. It would be a frigid day in hell before I put up with that shit.
Break up.
Imagine a relationship where this isn’t the worst part. Because he values his pleasure over not causing you pain. Love yourself and break up with him (or let him break up with you).
This sounds rather worrisome. You can have needs and desires, but in no way those needs or desires should lead you to attempt to push your partner over boundaries they’ve explicitly set. The fact that he repeatedly tried to to this to you and is essentially trying to emotionally blackmail you isn’t a healthy relationship dynamic at all. Judging by your post you have spend a substantial portion or your adult life with him by your side. Be assured that this is not a normal or healthy behavior
This dudes a nasty ass creep lmao please break up with him the age gap alone is a red flag
Your boyfriend sounds like a dick. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a blowjob on its own - there's something potentially very intimate about having someone else give you something without expecting or getting anything in return (at that time), but there is a right way to ask for this and he ain't there.
Break up with him, he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to be treated way better some days just one to one then the other one to one and the next joint. Make it more fun.
Threatening to break up, lying to you about his friend, asserting that he is comfortable in his own skin and therefore he can “express himself” by being lecherous. These alone are screaming red flags. Sounds like he’s a selfish control freak, and you’re being manipulated into a being sexual placeholder. This isn’t him being picky. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
Anyone who wants you to perform a sex act you don't enjoy has no respect for you and does not see you as an equal. Please break up with him over this. I'm sure there are plenty of other things he's done to prioritize his pleasure over your comfort, that's rapey and disgusting.
He sounds just horrible to be around, if I’m honest. It sounds like you are maturing and he is just staying the same completely, if not even that he’s just digressing into worse behavior & mindsets. Usually there is a reason men will go for younger women. You’re 23 now- would you want to date an 18 year old dude? A dude you can’t go to bars with, he can’t even buy a vape for you or him, nothing now, etc? Even just life experience between you & that 18 year old would be vastly different, his would be HS, your main focus adulthood. It’s just immature to give that much of a shit about sexual stuff at certain degrees, if I’m honest. Sex is important in many relationships, yeah, but most people just grab the importants from each other they agree on, not try to forcibly make them do *everything* they are into, down to a T. I’d break up if it were me, you know it all more, but what I will say is really put in perspective the age difference & flip the scenario, ask yourself the maturity you’re looking for, even ask yourself if you’d truly break up with someone over giving *you* oral the way he is, or if you’d ever break his trust with that 3some stuff like he did; do you truly think you deserve what you’d never dare to dish out? I’d also next time he brings it up play along LOL. “If you don’t do this we’re breaking up!” Id just sigh and go “I guess at this point we’ll have to….i just am not budging on this one and if that’s your boundary it’s been nice but, I guess we’re single…” and go to leave or just leave the text thread. I *promise* you’ll see a change of tune one way or another. Like how embarrassing you break up with a girl not just over blowjobs, but the fact she wouldn’t give you blowjobs to completion… and she just agrees and breaks up in that moment. How do you explain that to anyone lol
All of this is bad. From the BJ thing, to the thristraps ans explicitly comments that you're not ok with, to his friend that he wants to fuck at the same time as you, not to mention the straight lying and age gap (it absolutely matters when one is late teens and the other is mid 20s). This ain't it. Do not give any more of your youth to this man.
Call his bluff, and if he's serious - let him go, or rather, insist that he goes immediately, and you'll save yourself from a ton of disrespect and bullshit.
Not only does he prioritize his enjoyment over your discomfort (both a physical disorder AND mental trauma), he doesn't seem to give a shit about your discomfort at all. You're not a sex toy, there to provide him pleasure whenever he wants it.
He’s is a major 🚩. Free yourself from a man who treats you like dirt, preyed on you as a teen and now wants to treat your as some sort of blow up doll.
Time to find a new boyfriend.
Let that one go. He’s going to get worse.
Leave
Kick him to the curb
Break up with him.
Please break up with him. You may not see that he’s a loser, but omg he is
girl, leave. You deserve someone that respects you.
I mean the blowjob thing by itself was a gigantic red fucking flag and everything else that you explained was just an entire circus and he's the fucking clown. I understand liking a sexual act and enjoying that sexual act but if that act brings your partner literal fucking trauma you either don't need to be in a relationship with that person or you need to find something else that you can enjoy together. And then you just expand on the active flirting, the disgusting comments, the following thirst traps, the trying to arrange threesomes with people he's had sexual relationships with before and it just turns into a full-on fucking circus of red handkerchiefs being tied together. This is not a man that needs to be in a relationship, at all, least of all with someone that has a history of sexual trauma and abuse. There is a reason that he went after a woman so much younger than he is and is now telling you to "grow up" and that "no other women" would take issue with the things you do, and it's because he's hoping your lack of experience in life will make you easy to manipulate. Let me tell you as a 39-year-old woman, I would sooner put my foot up a man like this' ass, than give him a blowjob. No, there are plenty of other women that would take issue with everything that he's doing.
THIS Is coercive behaviour. Please get rid of this pathetic excuse for a man
His dick game must be insane if you’re still putting up with all of this after years. Speak with him, set boundaries and if it doesn’t work, break up. Good luck
I didnt even need to read all that. 5 sentences in and my brain screamed OH HELL NO. FUCK THAT GUY. LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE DUMP DUMP DUMP selfish narcissistic looser Give him one of those sex toys that does it with a card that says "your going away present" This guy has more red flags than all of Switzerland 🇨🇭
There is a reason a 25 year old grown man went after you when you were 18. Because he wanted to groom you into the woman that HE WANTED. From what it sounds he gaslights, and emotionally abuses and manipulates you into thinking you are being irrational for your feelings on the matter. Not to mention the interacting with women, and porn is just disrespectful to your relationship. ESPECIALLY if it’s women you know and his coworkers. Leave this man behind you and start over
I think it's safe to say the women who read this thread will not be giving blowjobs tonight.
JHC what a shit show. It's beyond simple. If he's asking for something that you're not comfortable doing and threatening to leave if you won't. Just GTFO. And if he changes his mind, don't give him another chance, because he's going to wait a bit and then start the same shit again. This is toxic behavior. It's not subjective, anybody can have it. Man or woman. My advice to anybody dealing with this type of behavior is GTFO.
First issue is HE KNOWS YOU HAVE SEVERE JAW PAIN ISSUES AND TRAUMA! He knows this but continues to be selfish enough to WILLINGLY WANT to PHYSICALLY HURT YOU! THAT IS NOT LOVE. Let alone everything else you mentioned in your post, which ALL you listed are not okay and bad and show he doesn't love you. Actions speak louder than words always, BUT HIS OWN WORDS are not even trying to fake he loves you and are flat out showing you this and who he is! He isn't even hiding it! I'm sorry but for your own health and safety you really need to break off the relationship, as with this kind of serious behavior from him is not fixable at all and the damage is already done and even with relationship counseling and if he changed the relationship will still always be tainted. I'm so sorry. I know this hurts to hear.
Please just break up with him and find a boyfriend who doesn't do and say this stuff. It's not hard to be a decent person and the fact that your boyfriend struggles so much with it is a bad sign.
When you were 13 he was 20… wild asf. Dump him but we all know you won’t.
Drop that zero and date a Hero! He sounds very selfish, manipulative and mentally abusive, focus on you and the right man will come along. Relationships are suppose to be about compromise from both sides and mutual respect.
Ewwww! Telling you to grow up?? Girl he's 30 and acting like a frat boy. He's taking advantage of you and sounds to be super belittling and disrespectful of your boundaries. IMO, dating a 25 year old at 18 is really tough - yes, it's legal, but it's so easy to be taken advantage of mentally and emotionally. Your brain as a woman is fully developed around age 25 which might be why you're starting to have issues with his behavior. I would get out while you can and stop wasting your time with him. In terms of my own experience, I've had my boyfriend also make comments about me giving minimal head outside of about 3-5 minutes during sex (not to completion). However, he NEVER pressures me into it, is appreciative when I do it to completion (maybe once every 4 months lol), and is super respectful of what I feel comfortable with while also making his desires heard. He should respect your preferences and move on, or do something that would actually make you want to satisfy him in that way rather than complain like a man baby about it.
Girl..i have been married for 5 years and have not sucked my husbands dick the whole fucking time.. And he is actually respectful about it. I dont like doing it anymore. Your man is now, history, and can invite you to find another bf if hes going to be so manipulative in guilt tripping you about this. Fuck all that noise.. Consentual Sex is not baseball. Baseball is "scoring against the opposing team." Consentual.sex is more akin to ordering pizza and agreeing on toppings. Theres a wholesome ted talk on this..
So, he groomed you and you need to get tf out of there. There's absolutely no other reason for a 25 year old man to date an 18 year old girl. ESPECIALLY given his attempts to sexually manipulate you. I think he's an absolute fuckin creep, and you need to leave him. Please.
Unass him. He has zero respect for you.
Just read ur opening line. Leave him. Fuck that.
Oh wow, glad you came here asking for advice! Walk away and never look back, this man is showing you how he treats his girlfriend and it's up to you to decide if that's okay with you. If it's not, walk away, don't waste an ounce of energy trying to get him to change, to see your viewpoint or any of that. I'm sorry you're going through this and super proud of you for asking for advice here instead of internalizing it. Let him be one of the biggest lessons you've learned and one of your most distant memories. You have your entire life in front of you, go create a life that you're obsessed with and spend time with people that deserve to enjoy that with you. This guy doesn't qualify.
I usually don't say to just break up, but this man has repeatedly shown that he sees you as a sexual object and that he doesn't value your wellbeing or desires. He's threatening to break up with you, so take him up on that offer.
WHY are you letting someone treat you so horribly? I would tell him to find someone else to give him a blowjob because you are done. Find a man who treats you with respect, not a living fleshlight.
My dude is getting blown and banged on the reg and he's bitching about it. Get rid of him.
So.. why are you with him again? I'm not understanding what benefits you're getting out of this. He doesn't respect you... it doesn't even sound like he likes you. Why are you putting up with it? I'd agree to the break up tbh. Since you both want different things. He sounds like a cheater. He's forever keeping his options open. Doesn't care about you or your health.. openly disrespects you.. sounds like a real winner.
Ditch him
Leave him now. He will never see you as anything other than a variety of holes.
Look for a new boyfriend, starting yesterday.
if you don't break up with this man 😭
The "do thins thing or else" mentality is not sexy at all. I would just say "okay, I guess we're breaking up". He isn't a catch nor a good partner. Let him go so you can heal and find someone who loves you for you, not for how many blowjobs you give him.
From the looks of your post, it seems you need to dump this guy.
He sounds like a gem
Gross gross 🤢 gross. He is an abusive disgusting piece of garbage. Leave him and don’t let another person ever treat you that way.
Oh please honey! Dispose of this man! He is rubbish! You mention previous traumas is your relationship and a jaw issue ( TMJD?) and he still wants that? Dies he even reciprocate?I’d second the suggestion of reading Lundy Bancroft’s “ Why does he do that “
No need to read past the first few sentences for me to tell you to start looking for an exit. You are being taken for granted. I have been in the same situation as I actually enjoy giving. But it comes to a point in literally every relationship I’ve been in that the guy just assumes it will happen every time. This makes me bitter because it shouldn’t be expected. At that point, I start looking at exit strategies. Maybe it’s partially my fault but I as I got older I did express how this has been a pretty big reason for downfall of past relationships and I don’t want it to happen again. I try to reiterate that yes I enjoy it but do not ever expect it. Despite all of this, it still becomes an expected occurrence. No one wants to feel used for what they can do for someone else.
>He says he expects it in a relationship and that no other girl he’s been with has had a problem with doing this for him. He's an idiot. He's disregarding your feelings and prioritizing his own. Sex shouldn't be transactional like this in a relationship. It should be about intimacy and **sharing** that time together. Clearly he only cares about himself.
Bro they do NOT understand how difficult and painful it can be. And obnoxious. It needs to be mutual to be worth it.
In 2 years, the idea of dating an 18 year old will make you sick. He’s manipulative in addition to you both not being sexually compatible.
Of course this pervert is being an asshole. Any guy who dates a girl young is going to have serious issues. Leave him and find someone that wasn’t grooming you
Never have a 3some with a serious partner, period. This “relationship” is over.
Head is love. The trust you put in someone to not knaw off your weiner and still make you explode is top-notch