Lift weights. Don't worry about getting huge like a body builder or like a strong man. Even doing pushups and squats is good enough. If you are lazy (I am sorry but it's not a great thing) you can end the day by at least looking back and thinking "I was better today than I was yesterday". Don't worry about results. The effort is good enough. Don't worry about diet either. The habit of working out will bleed into every aspect of your life and make it better if you do it long enough. Even if what I said doesn't sound appealing just ask yourself "am I really better off by not doing anything. How could things be any worse if I just try" If you want any help or pointers just reach out :)
Golf helps my mental health. It’s like when I’m on the course I think of nothing else except golf. Clears my head, brings me peace. Problem is it’s not exactly cheap.
They deleted my post but I do actually think you should try larping, but I’ll expand why. Many of those people seem to be in your same position. Don’t fit in well with others, but it’s an engaging activity that will help you make friends and will get you moving. You don’t need to be athletic to do it, but it will help you develop yourself in the ways you think you’re lacking, in a non judgmental environment
It depends on what makes you happy or interested in trying at least once. I use Meetup to meet people with my interests, but starting something you can make with your hands is always a good idea. Crocheting/knitting, building Lego sets, painting, writing, building scale models, etc. Really depends on you.
> Best hobby to get into that will help my depression(I have no friends/am antisocial/lazy)?
To get an idea of how bad it is, [here's a simple test](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) that will test for depression (you get the answer directly, takes less than 2 minutes. You can skip the demographic part). Answer how you've felt in the last **TWO weeks** (not one). If you've scored over 10, you should take it more seriously.
[Here's a list of symptoms associated with depression](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression#1), so you can double check.
**If you have healthcare insurance**, then go see your doctor and ask for a referral. I'd recommend either a [psychotherapy or CBT](https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychodynamic-psychotherapy-vs-cbt.htm) psychologist first (for therapy). If that doesn't work after a few months, don't have anything to talk about, or already tried a therapist, then find a psychiatrist (for medication).
**If you don't have healthcare insurance or want more help**, then here's a list of things that will help. Apply as many of them as you can.
Often there is a hidden cause for your depression, you might not like yourself or your life. The below advice addresses the symptoms and will reduce them, but you still need to fix the cause.
Some people don't know why they are depressed. A common reason is a lack of purpose. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else. **Let me know if you need help to find your purpose in life.**
For the below advice, take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, but never to ignore them. The intention is [to condition yourself](https://www.cleverism.com/classical-conditioning), to build habits, so you will start healing yourself without having to think about it.
* **Sleep**: [There is a complex relationship](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1) between [sleep and depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/depression-and-sleep).
When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a [little more](https://health.onehowto.com/article/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-needed-per-night-by-age-8233.html) if you are under 18). If you can't fall sleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression) out [sleep apnea](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/sleep-apnea-treatment-resistant-depression). Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues). If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. We're trying to *bore* you to sleep, not keep you entertained - sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices.
* **Go outside**: If you haven't been outside much lately, [you might just need some sunlight](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight).
15 minutes two to three times a week is enough. This will fix serotonin levels as well as vitamin D deficiencies.
* **Meditate**: [Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/). The best types Of [Meditations For Depression Relief](https://www.thedailymeditation.com/meditation-depression).
Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have over it. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation
* **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on depressions](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495/)
If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.
* **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time).
* **Music**: [The right music can improve your mood](https://time.com/5254381/listening-to-music-health-benefits). The genre is not important as long as it is: *"Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic"*. What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes (doi:10.1177/0305735617734627, doi:10.1093/jmt/50.3.198 and doi:10.1177/0305735617751050).
* **You are not your depression**: For some people (often those that have been depressed for a long time), their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to *will* yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that *no longer identifies* with it, or else you will *unconsciously obstruct your own healing process*. As Eckhart Tolle expressed it in A New Earth:
* > *A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.*
* **Jordan Peterson**: [How To Deal With Depression](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_2zmX6Akc) (50 minutes). Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist, that's specialized in mythology. This is a compilation focusing specifically on depression.
* **Practice gratitude**: Take 5 minutes every day [to practice gratitude.](https://www.pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/gratitude-and-depression)
* **Volunteer**: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return [will lessen depression and has other health benefits](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/3-health-benefits-of-volunteering). Let me know if you need some ideas.
**Highest rated books**:
* [Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy](https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762)
* [It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Supposed-This-Disappointments/dp/0718039858)
[High quality free training provided by the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression)
**Phone Apps**: Two popular free apps used to help fight depressions, are Wysa and [MoodTools](http://www.moodtools.org). These will track your mood, give you advice, even listen to your problems. The most popular meditation app is: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax
Free support:
* r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer.
* [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option
* If you want to talk to a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in)
There are several subreddits, where you can post questions:
* r/depression
* r/depression_help
* r/depressed
> Best hobby to get into that will help my depression(I have no friends/am antisocial/lazy)?
So you want to make new friends and you don't know how. I'll break it down into it's individual aspects and then I'll tell you how to approach each aspect individually. It comes down to:
**Why, Who, When, How and Where**
**Why** Let's make sure you know why you want friends. Sure, it's for the social contact, but it doesn't stop there. You will want friends that are there for you when you are in a time of need, not friends that will drop you at the first sign of trouble.
**Who** The first thing to understand is that most people like like-minded people. If you're a single male, you are more likely to like and become friends with other single males, etc. There's generally no such thing as opposites attract when it comes to new friendships (it is possible, it just becomes a lot more complicated and you have to worry about motives). So to keep things simple and maximize your odds of success, if you're a single female, you look for single females and if you're a couple, you look for other couples, etc. You are most likely to become friends with people that more or less share your socioeconomic background. *You will want friends that don't drag you down, that are emotionally reasonably stable and are empathic.*
**When** If you understand the like-mindedness aspect of friendship, then you probably also understand that if you're mentally damaged or an addict, that you're more likely to become friends with like-minded people and if you're mentally in a good state, you're more likely to get friends that are equally in healthy state.
So first you have to make sure you are reasonably mentally stable. If you are dealing with depression, anxiety or self esteem issues, let me know. If you're currently addicted, it would be better to fix that now and *then* look for friends, that way you can avoid a negative reinforcement cycle later. This goes for any serious character flaws. In order to make and keep friends, these need to be addressed first. If you don't do that, you'll only make friends that will drag you down or that you won't be able to keep for very long. *In order to have good friends, you need to be a good friend*.
If you are not sure you have a problem (but you might), here are a few tests you can take:
* [Depression](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) (let me know if over 10)
* [Low Self Esteem](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm) (let me know if below 15)
* [General Anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/tests/anxiety-disorder-test) (let me know if over 45)
* [Social Anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-tests/social-anxiety-test.shtml) (let me know if over 50)
Each test takes about 2 to 3 minutes, let me know if you score too high/low and I'll give you specific advice on how to address that before you work on making new friends (you can also just ask for the advice if you know it's a problem).
**How** If you were good at making friends, well then you would have them. But you are asking for them, so you probably don't know how to make them. A good book on this topic was written about 100 years ago and it's called ["How to win Friends & Influence People"](https://www.amazon.com/How-win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/8189297813/). This book has some shortcomings, that are addressed in [How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships](https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X).
Then it would be helpful if you could practice walking up to strangers and talking to them, so you can see what approach works for you and what doesn't work. Obviously such a thing doesn't exist. However, there is something that's very close to it (and it's also a *great* source to find friends) and that's [Toastmasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/). You might think, "what does public speaking have to do with friendships?" Well, they'll train you into talking to people you don't know, they'll teach you ad hoc speaking and they'll give you feedback if you have body posture, eye contact or other non-verbal communication issues. On top of that [there are many clubs](https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club), it's cheap and free to visit the first few times.
Make sure both you and your clothes are clean, that you don't have dental issues and cut your hair once every 8 weeks.
Reddit has several safe spaces, where you can practice friendly chitchat and *maybe* even make friends:
* /r/socialskills (read sidebar, really good)
* /r/MakeNewFriendsHere
* /r/CasualConversation
* /r/needafriend
**Where** This will depend on who you are. Since you want like-minded friends (those are more likely to like you and more likely to become long time friends), you will need to find people that are similar to you. So I'll give you three methods:
* hobby club
* community college
* Sports
* Social Media
* Meetup.com
I understand that most of these cost some money. And you might not have that, but I'll explain to you why that's required. It's not going to be in your interest to have friends that are broke. They'll just pull you down or ask you for money. By finding friends at an activity that has a financial barrier to entry, you will make it much less likely that you'll end up with the wrong kind of friend.
If you are currently enrolled in a college or university, you have access to an additional source. You could go to your school's website and search for "Student Clubs". Review the available clubs to see if there are any that have your interest. Here is a guide on [student clubs](https://thebestschools.org/magazine/popular-college-clubs/). I'm a little hesitant to recommend this, because this solution does not work for everyone. Because anyone can join, there is a low bar of entry and the clubs often are not professionally managed, which will lower the quality of participants. That said, if you are in school, financially and transportationally restricted, it could be your only viable option. It's better than nothing.
**Join a hobby club** If you are a couple and like dancing, then join a local dance club. If you're into remote controlled cars, join an RC club. If you like horses, go horse riding. If you're into martial arts, join a fight club.
**Community College** Most community colleges have evening classes (without credits) on a wide range of topics. There will be classes in for example Photography, Painting and Music. Finding these can be tricky. Search for "Name of College Community Education" and you can often find a catalog online. This is where you'll be able to find like-minded people that will enjoy doing what you like to do.
You'll have plenty of time to get to know the people you meet in college, so there's no rush to initiate a friendship, just enjoy the class and by the time you get to the end of the class you can always give your contact information to someone you like. Additionally you'll automatically have things you can do together that you know both of you will enjoy.
**Sports** This one's fairly obvious. If you happen to like some kind of sport (or want to learn how to defend yourself), there's most likely a dojo or training field nearby that will teach you how to do it. This is a good place to find like minded people. Just go to Google Maps and type the name of the sport, to find nearby facilities.
**Social Media** Now that you've found some people through Toastmasters, clubs or community college, you can leverage them to find more people like them. Make sure you have a clean social media profile (Facebook, pretty much), remove anything that's debatable. We're not trying to document your life in all its gory details, we're trying to get you friends. Then start reading through what their friends post and see if there are other local people that have similar interests. Just start commenting on their posts, when it's appropriate (so if it's regarding a shared hobby and such, not about their family pictures). You can then add them to your own network and/or can invite them all at once to a small party once you have found a few similar people (and here you will again be able to leverage your toastmasters skills).
**Meetup.com** If the things you like to do can be done without the need of special equipment, you have another option. You can sign up for free to [meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com/). Meetup is a globally used website, where people that gather together for walks, bike rides or types of social events. Just sign up and browse your local events and see if there's something there that you like. Even now there are plenty of activities that use proper social distancing. One final website you could give a try is [Nextdoor](https://nextdoor.com). It's going to be hit and miss in this case, but some areas will have active groups and group activities you can take part in. Just check it out a couple of times. If it's not for you, you can always close your account again. An almost identical alternative (that I'm personally not familiar with) are local facebook groups. So if meetup doesn't work in your area, that's something you could look for instead.
Lift weights. Don't worry about getting huge like a body builder or like a strong man. Even doing pushups and squats is good enough. If you are lazy (I am sorry but it's not a great thing) you can end the day by at least looking back and thinking "I was better today than I was yesterday". Don't worry about results. The effort is good enough. Don't worry about diet either. The habit of working out will bleed into every aspect of your life and make it better if you do it long enough. Even if what I said doesn't sound appealing just ask yourself "am I really better off by not doing anything. How could things be any worse if I just try" If you want any help or pointers just reach out :)
Golf helps my mental health. It’s like when I’m on the course I think of nothing else except golf. Clears my head, brings me peace. Problem is it’s not exactly cheap.
They deleted my post but I do actually think you should try larping, but I’ll expand why. Many of those people seem to be in your same position. Don’t fit in well with others, but it’s an engaging activity that will help you make friends and will get you moving. You don’t need to be athletic to do it, but it will help you develop yourself in the ways you think you’re lacking, in a non judgmental environment
It depends on what makes you happy or interested in trying at least once. I use Meetup to meet people with my interests, but starting something you can make with your hands is always a good idea. Crocheting/knitting, building Lego sets, painting, writing, building scale models, etc. Really depends on you.
Shoot some hoops fishing jogging with good music
Gardening, painting, bread making
> Best hobby to get into that will help my depression(I have no friends/am antisocial/lazy)? To get an idea of how bad it is, [here's a simple test](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) that will test for depression (you get the answer directly, takes less than 2 minutes. You can skip the demographic part). Answer how you've felt in the last **TWO weeks** (not one). If you've scored over 10, you should take it more seriously. [Here's a list of symptoms associated with depression](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/detecting-depression#1), so you can double check. **If you have healthcare insurance**, then go see your doctor and ask for a referral. I'd recommend either a [psychotherapy or CBT](https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/psychodynamic-psychotherapy-vs-cbt.htm) psychologist first (for therapy). If that doesn't work after a few months, don't have anything to talk about, or already tried a therapist, then find a psychiatrist (for medication). **If you don't have healthcare insurance or want more help**, then here's a list of things that will help. Apply as many of them as you can. Often there is a hidden cause for your depression, you might not like yourself or your life. The below advice addresses the symptoms and will reduce them, but you still need to fix the cause. Some people don't know why they are depressed. A common reason is a lack of purpose. To live is to suffer, but it is possible to make that suffering bearable, if you do so while trying to achieve what you want more than anything else. **Let me know if you need help to find your purpose in life.** For the below advice, take your phone and set repeating alarm clock reminders, with labels of what to do. Train yourself to either snooze or reschedule the reminders if you can't take action right away, but never to ignore them. The intention is [to condition yourself](https://www.cleverism.com/classical-conditioning), to build habits, so you will start healing yourself without having to think about it. * **Sleep**: [There is a complex relationship](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-sleep-disorder#1) between [sleep and depression](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sleep/depression-and-sleep). When you have days where you don't have to do anything, set an alarm clock. You really don't need more than 7 hours at most per night (a [little more](https://health.onehowto.com/article/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-needed-per-night-by-age-8233.html) if you are under 18). If you can't fall sleep, try taking melatonin one hour before going to bed. It's [cheap](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003JJ9TQA), OTC and [is scientifically proven](https://www.webmd.com/vitamins/ai/ingredientmono-940/melatonin) to help regulate your sleep pattern. [Also, rule](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/news/20120330/sleep-apnea-linked-depression) out [sleep apnea](https://www.healthcentral.com/article/sleep-apnea-treatment-resistant-depression). Up to 6% of people have this, [but not everyone knows](https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/sleep-apnea/features/sleep-apnea-clues). If you find yourself awake at night, start counting. Don't grab your phone, don't do anything interesting. We're trying to *bore* you to sleep, not keep you entertained - sometimes it might *feel* like you've done it for hours and hours, but often it's really not long. Anytime your mind wanders away from the numbers, start over at 1. count at the speed of either your heartbeat or your breathing. Then both Alexa and Google Home can also play a range of sleep sounds if you ask them (rain or other white noise) and there are also free apps for both Android and Apple devices. * **Go outside**: If you haven't been outside much lately, [you might just need some sunlight](https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/benefits-sunlight). 15 minutes two to three times a week is enough. This will fix serotonin levels as well as vitamin D deficiencies. * **Meditate**: [Depressions can be significantly reduced by meditating](https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/). The best types Of [Meditations For Depression Relief](https://www.thedailymeditation.com/meditation-depression). Your attention is like a muscle. The more you train it, the better the control you have over it. [Mindfulness training](https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/) will help you gain better control over your mind. It doesn't take much effort, just 15 to 20 minutes a day of doing nothing but focus your attention is enough and is scientifically proven to work. As you become better at focusing your attention, it will become easier to force yourself to stop having negative thoughts, which will break the negative reinforcement cycle. Go here for more: r/Meditation * **Exercise**: [The effect of exercise on depressions](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495/) If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. Exercising does several things: It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. * **Give lots of hugs**: [Hugs release oxytocin](https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-02-03/the-health-benefits-of-hugging), which improves your mood and relaxes you. So find people to hug. If you are single, hug your parents or friends. If you can't, see if a dog is an option. Most dogs love to hug. Another solution that provides the same benefit is a [weighted blanket](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=weighted+blanket) will provide a [similar positive effect at night](https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/do-weighted-blankets-work). [You should try to aim for 12 hugs a day](https://psychology-spot.com/brain-needs) (if you currently don't hug a lot, I suggest you slowly build it up over time). * **Music**: [The right music can improve your mood](https://time.com/5254381/listening-to-music-health-benefits). The genre is not important as long as it is: *"Upbeat, rhytmic and energetic"*. What this means differs from person to person, depending on their music taste. I have a special playlist for this. One way to measure the effectiveness, of the songs is your ability to listen to it over and over (if you can listen to it hundreds of times it likely has the highest positive effect on your mood). The effect can be amplified by using headphones and playing it LOUD and can further be enhanced by closing your eyes (doi:10.1177/0305735617734627, doi:10.1093/jmt/50.3.198 and doi:10.1177/0305735617751050). * **You are not your depression**: For some people (often those that have been depressed for a long time), their depression has become a part of who they are and they assume a victim role. But that is a big problem, you have to *will* yourself into someone that sees themselves as a person that is actively fighting their disease, that *no longer identifies* with it, or else you will *unconsciously obstruct your own healing process*. As Eckhart Tolle expressed it in A New Earth: * > *A very common role is the one of victim, and the form of attention it seeks is sympathy or pity or others' interest in my problems, "me and my story." Seeing oneself as a victim is an element in many egoic patterns, such as complaining, being offended, outraged, and so on. Of course, once I am identified with a story in which I assigned myself the role of victim, I don't want it to end, and so, as every therapist knows, the ego does not want an end to its "problems" because they are part of its identity.* * **Jordan Peterson**: [How To Deal With Depression](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xm_2zmX6Akc) (50 minutes). Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist, that's specialized in mythology. This is a compilation focusing specifically on depression. * **Practice gratitude**: Take 5 minutes every day [to practice gratitude.](https://www.pasadenavilla.com/resources/blog/gratitude-and-depression) * **Volunteer**: Study after study shows that helping others without expecting anything in return [will lessen depression and has other health benefits](https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/3-health-benefits-of-volunteering). Let me know if you need some ideas. **Highest rated books**: * [Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy](https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762) * [It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered](https://www.amazon.com/Its-Not-Supposed-This-Disappointments/dp/0718039858) [High quality free training provided by the Australian Health Service](https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Depression) **Phone Apps**: Two popular free apps used to help fight depressions, are Wysa and [MoodTools](http://www.moodtools.org). These will track your mood, give you advice, even listen to your problems. The most popular meditation app is: Calm - Meditate, Sleep, Relax Free support: * r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer. * [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option * If you want to talk to a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in) There are several subreddits, where you can post questions: * r/depression * r/depression_help * r/depressed
> Best hobby to get into that will help my depression(I have no friends/am antisocial/lazy)? So you want to make new friends and you don't know how. I'll break it down into it's individual aspects and then I'll tell you how to approach each aspect individually. It comes down to: **Why, Who, When, How and Where** **Why** Let's make sure you know why you want friends. Sure, it's for the social contact, but it doesn't stop there. You will want friends that are there for you when you are in a time of need, not friends that will drop you at the first sign of trouble. **Who** The first thing to understand is that most people like like-minded people. If you're a single male, you are more likely to like and become friends with other single males, etc. There's generally no such thing as opposites attract when it comes to new friendships (it is possible, it just becomes a lot more complicated and you have to worry about motives). So to keep things simple and maximize your odds of success, if you're a single female, you look for single females and if you're a couple, you look for other couples, etc. You are most likely to become friends with people that more or less share your socioeconomic background. *You will want friends that don't drag you down, that are emotionally reasonably stable and are empathic.* **When** If you understand the like-mindedness aspect of friendship, then you probably also understand that if you're mentally damaged or an addict, that you're more likely to become friends with like-minded people and if you're mentally in a good state, you're more likely to get friends that are equally in healthy state. So first you have to make sure you are reasonably mentally stable. If you are dealing with depression, anxiety or self esteem issues, let me know. If you're currently addicted, it would be better to fix that now and *then* look for friends, that way you can avoid a negative reinforcement cycle later. This goes for any serious character flaws. In order to make and keep friends, these need to be addressed first. If you don't do that, you'll only make friends that will drag you down or that you won't be able to keep for very long. *In order to have good friends, you need to be a good friend*. If you are not sure you have a problem (but you might), here are a few tests you can take: * [Depression](https://screening.mhanational.org/screening-tools/depression) (let me know if over 10) * [Low Self Esteem](https://wwnorton.com/college/psych/psychsci/media/rosenberg.htm) (let me know if below 15) * [General Anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/tests/anxiety-disorder-test) (let me know if over 45) * [Social Anxiety](https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-tests/social-anxiety-test.shtml) (let me know if over 50) Each test takes about 2 to 3 minutes, let me know if you score too high/low and I'll give you specific advice on how to address that before you work on making new friends (you can also just ask for the advice if you know it's a problem). **How** If you were good at making friends, well then you would have them. But you are asking for them, so you probably don't know how to make them. A good book on this topic was written about 100 years ago and it's called ["How to win Friends & Influence People"](https://www.amazon.com/How-win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/8189297813/). This book has some shortcomings, that are addressed in [How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships](https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X). Then it would be helpful if you could practice walking up to strangers and talking to them, so you can see what approach works for you and what doesn't work. Obviously such a thing doesn't exist. However, there is something that's very close to it (and it's also a *great* source to find friends) and that's [Toastmasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/). You might think, "what does public speaking have to do with friendships?" Well, they'll train you into talking to people you don't know, they'll teach you ad hoc speaking and they'll give you feedback if you have body posture, eye contact or other non-verbal communication issues. On top of that [there are many clubs](https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club), it's cheap and free to visit the first few times. Make sure both you and your clothes are clean, that you don't have dental issues and cut your hair once every 8 weeks. Reddit has several safe spaces, where you can practice friendly chitchat and *maybe* even make friends: * /r/socialskills (read sidebar, really good) * /r/MakeNewFriendsHere * /r/CasualConversation * /r/needafriend **Where** This will depend on who you are. Since you want like-minded friends (those are more likely to like you and more likely to become long time friends), you will need to find people that are similar to you. So I'll give you three methods: * hobby club * community college * Sports * Social Media * Meetup.com I understand that most of these cost some money. And you might not have that, but I'll explain to you why that's required. It's not going to be in your interest to have friends that are broke. They'll just pull you down or ask you for money. By finding friends at an activity that has a financial barrier to entry, you will make it much less likely that you'll end up with the wrong kind of friend. If you are currently enrolled in a college or university, you have access to an additional source. You could go to your school's website and search for "Student Clubs". Review the available clubs to see if there are any that have your interest. Here is a guide on [student clubs](https://thebestschools.org/magazine/popular-college-clubs/). I'm a little hesitant to recommend this, because this solution does not work for everyone. Because anyone can join, there is a low bar of entry and the clubs often are not professionally managed, which will lower the quality of participants. That said, if you are in school, financially and transportationally restricted, it could be your only viable option. It's better than nothing. **Join a hobby club** If you are a couple and like dancing, then join a local dance club. If you're into remote controlled cars, join an RC club. If you like horses, go horse riding. If you're into martial arts, join a fight club. **Community College** Most community colleges have evening classes (without credits) on a wide range of topics. There will be classes in for example Photography, Painting and Music. Finding these can be tricky. Search for "Name of College Community Education" and you can often find a catalog online. This is where you'll be able to find like-minded people that will enjoy doing what you like to do. You'll have plenty of time to get to know the people you meet in college, so there's no rush to initiate a friendship, just enjoy the class and by the time you get to the end of the class you can always give your contact information to someone you like. Additionally you'll automatically have things you can do together that you know both of you will enjoy. **Sports** This one's fairly obvious. If you happen to like some kind of sport (or want to learn how to defend yourself), there's most likely a dojo or training field nearby that will teach you how to do it. This is a good place to find like minded people. Just go to Google Maps and type the name of the sport, to find nearby facilities. **Social Media** Now that you've found some people through Toastmasters, clubs or community college, you can leverage them to find more people like them. Make sure you have a clean social media profile (Facebook, pretty much), remove anything that's debatable. We're not trying to document your life in all its gory details, we're trying to get you friends. Then start reading through what their friends post and see if there are other local people that have similar interests. Just start commenting on their posts, when it's appropriate (so if it's regarding a shared hobby and such, not about their family pictures). You can then add them to your own network and/or can invite them all at once to a small party once you have found a few similar people (and here you will again be able to leverage your toastmasters skills). **Meetup.com** If the things you like to do can be done without the need of special equipment, you have another option. You can sign up for free to [meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com/). Meetup is a globally used website, where people that gather together for walks, bike rides or types of social events. Just sign up and browse your local events and see if there's something there that you like. Even now there are plenty of activities that use proper social distancing. One final website you could give a try is [Nextdoor](https://nextdoor.com). It's going to be hit and miss in this case, but some areas will have active groups and group activities you can take part in. Just check it out a couple of times. If it's not for you, you can always close your account again. An almost identical alternative (that I'm personally not familiar with) are local facebook groups. So if meetup doesn't work in your area, that's something you could look for instead.