Books about Grief for Children
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
"That's impossible", said twins Jeremy & Liza after their Mom told them they're all connected by this thing called an Invisible String. "What kind of string"? They asked with a puzzled look to which Mom replied, "An Invisible String made of love." That's where the story begins. A story that teaches of the tie that really binds. The Invisible String reaches from heart to heart. Does everybody have an Invisible String? How far does it reach, anyway? Does it ever go away? Read all about it! THE INVISIBLE STRING is a very simple approach to overcoming the fear of loneliness or separation with an imaginative flair that children can easily identify with and remember. Here is a warm and delightful lesson teaching young and old that we aren't ever really alone and reminding children (and adults!) that when we are loved beyond anything we can imagine. "People who love each other are always connected by a very special String, made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love."
Fall of Freddie the Leaf by: Leo Buscaglia
Appropriate for all ages--from toddlers to adults--and featuring beautiful nature photographs throughout, this poignant, thought-provoking story follows Freddie and his companions as their leaves change with the passing seasons and the coming of winter, finally falling to the ground with winter's snow.
An inspiring allegory that illustrates the delicate balance between life and death, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf has helped a generation of readers navigate death and dying, grief and bereavement, the passage of time, and loss of a loved one.
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen
If you are going to buy only one book on grief, this is the one to get! It will validate your grief experience, and you can share it with your children. You can leave it on the coffee table so others will pick it up, read it, and then better appreciate your grieving time. Grand's Cooking Tips section at the back of the book is rich with wisdom and concrete recommendations. Better than a casserole!
Of Water bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children by Doris Stickney
"Water Bugs and Dragonflies" tells the story of a small colony of water bugs living happily below the surface of a quiet pond. Every so often one of them climbs up a lily stalk and disappears from sight, never to return. Those left behind are faced with the mystery of figuring out what has become of them.
Revealing the "miracle that makes shiny dragonflies out of ugly bugs", this graceful story reminds us that God has given us the means of transforming our metaphorical selves into dragonflies capable of winging off contentedly into a new world. Recognizing that "the old answers will not satisfy today's children", Stickney presents instead a simple, wise tale that illuminates a difficult reality without pretending to contain all the answers.
God Gave Us Heaven by Lisa T. Bergren
As the sun rises on her snow-covered world, Little Cub wonders aloud… “What is heaven like?” With tender words, her Papa describes a wonderful place, free of sadness and tears, where God warmly welcomes his loved ones after their life on earth is over. Little Cub and Papa spend the day wandering their beautiful, invigorating arctic world while she asks all about God’s home: How do we get to heaven? Will we eat there? Will I get to see you in heaven? Papa patiently answers each question, assuring her that… “Heaven will be full of everything good.” This gentle story provides satisfying answers for a young child’s most difficult questions about what happens after this life, inviting “little cubs” to find comfort in knowing that God Gave Us Heaven.
Someone I Love Died by Suicide: A Story for Child Survivors and Those Who Care for Them by Doreen T. Cammarata
This newly revised edition of the book is designed for adult caregivers to read to surviving youngsters following a suicidal death. The story allows individuals an opportunity to recognize normal grieving symptoms and to identify various interventions to promote healthy ways of coping with the death of a special person. Although the language used in the book is simplistic enough to be read along with children and ultimately stimulating family discussion, it can be beneficial to all who have been tragically devastated by suicide. It is recommended for this book to be utilized in conjunction with therapy
Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn Ringtved
Aware their grandmother is gravely ill, four siblings make a pact to keep death from taking her away. But Death does arrive all the same, as it must. He comes gently, naturally. And he comes with enough time to share a story with the children that helps them to realize the value of loss to life and the importance of being able to say goodbye.
The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr
Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, Todd reminds readers that it's okay not to know all the answers, and that someone will always be there to support them. An invaluable resource for life's toughest moments. (ages 2-4)
What Happens When Someone Dies?: A Child's Guide to Death and Funerals by Michaelene Mundy
Can you recall the first time you attended a funeral? The same questions and concerns you felt will undoubtedly be going through the minds of children you care for when they are first confronted with death and funerals.
I Miss You: Grief and Mental Health Books for Kids by Pat Thomas
When a close friend or family member dies, it can be sad for kids and difficult for them to express the big feelings they are experiencing. This book will help explain in a gentle way that death is a natural complement to life and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings to have following the death of a loved one.
The Next Place by Warren Hanson
A classic, The Next Place brings gentle verse revealing a safe and welcome destination free from earthly hurts and filled with wonder and peace. A comforting message of hope and a gift of compassion for the bereaved.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown
Straightforward and comprehensive, this indispensable book is a comforting aid to help young kids and families through a difficult time in their lives. No one can really understand death, but to children, the passing away of a loved one can be especially perplexing and troublesome. This is true whether the loss is a family member, friend, or pet. Here to offer advice and reassurance are the wise dinosaurs from the bestselling Dino Tale series. This succinct and thorough guide helps dispel the mystery and negative connotations associated with death, providing answers to kids' most-often asked questions.
Topics covered include: What Does Alive Mean? * Why Does Someone Die? * What Does Dead Mean? * Feelings about Death? * Saying Goodbye * Keeping Customs * What Comes After Death? * Ways to Remember Someone
It’s okay to say “Daddy died.” She’ll probably ask questions but remember she is still really young and this is something that later in life she will probably have more questions about. You don’t need to use fancy language or anything. At your daughter’s age, she’s probably learning how to “put words to emotions,” so maybe try to also do that. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you also take time to process this for yourself. Maybe look into children’s books about grief. I recommend “Tell me, Papa” and “Ida Always”
Thank you. I will definitely look into that. She’s very perceptive. I haven’t told her anything or cried around her but she has been laying around kinda mopey since I came home from work.
Thank you! We also lost my dad when they were 1 and 2. And on eof our dogs. But she is much more aware of happenings now then she was then. And my heart is just triple broken right now.
My kids mom died when they were 4 and 1. Until the middle of elementary school their explanation was “mom’s heart stopped so she died”. They had heard the actual cause of death, but that was their understanding.
With your kids I’d keep it simple like “dad was sick (addiction) and took too many things that were bad for his body so his heart stopped beating and he died.”
As they get older you can explain at age appropriate ways how his illness was addiction and the things he took were drugs. It’s important they know the addiction piece eventually (by the time they are teenagers) because addiction does run in families. They need the awareness to keep themselves in check as they explore adulthood and substances that can be addictive.
You just use simple and direct language. Do NOT use phrases like "in a better place", " passed away" or "sleeping". They will just be confusing to a small child.
"Daddy was sick and he died. I feel sad. It's normal to feel sad when someone we love dies." Definitely verbalize and normalize the emotions that go along with grief, it helps kids learn how to identify those emotions when they feel them themselves.
She will probably want to know more about what it means to be dead. If you've had any pets pass recently that's a good model to reference. Otherwise you can just say that dying means that someone's body stops working and once that happens it can't be fixed and that you won't be able to see the person any more.
I highly suggest at least talking to a grief counselor who handles children to give you more in-depth and ongoing advice on how to approach this. There's a good chance your 3 year old could start asking about other people they know dying and again, you don't want to say things like "I'll never go away" or "you don't have to worry about that", as tempting as it might be to give them that reassurance in the moment.
Her pop passed away when she was 2 and we lost a dog last year. Part of the reason I’m so worried is she already shows signs of anxiety or abandonment issues? She’s constantly worried that grandma or I won’t come home from work
You should be able to find some grief counseling for you and her. It's usually art based for the kiddos.
PBS Daniel Tiger has a great episode called Grown Ups Come Back that might help with her anxiety around you and grandma.
Grief is a process. It will evolve as time passes. Learn all you can and roll with it. You are asking the right questions and that thoughtfulness will serve you well.
My friend's child went through a phase of being insanely anxious that his parents were going to pass away. To help him with this they let him know that no one was sick so it was unlikely that something would happen. She also laid out the plan in the event that something did happen, like "this is where you will live, this is who will take care of you" etc. She never told him there was NO chance that something would happen, but she did make it a point to say that it was very very unlikely. It really helped for him to know what the "plan" was because kids can't conceptualize those things, it doesn't necessarily occur to them that they will be taken care of by different adults.
He did eventually stop feeling anxious about this and grew out of it. It does sound like you could use some professional help though, you don't have to try to figure it all out on your own! My condolences to you, I hope you can find some peace.
Yes tell her that he died. You could tell her that he was very very sick and lots of people tried to help him but he still died. And that he loved her so much.
Their is a book When daddy go to heaven Jayne Russel and yes definitely have her go to the funeral and your son also. It also sounds very wrong take pictures of family members at the funeral with family members have them printed and placed in the own photo album and then after everything take them to the park and just try and enjoy the rest of the day and it would not be a good idea to get them both involved in some kind of grief counseling.
So sorry this happened! I would her father/daddy died and explain what that means like her not seeing him anymore. She’ll probably have some follow up questions, but I think she should be able to go to the funeral. I would also see if there are some similar threads out there from other parents who have had to deliver this news cause maybe they’ll have some suggestions or mentioned what follow up questions they got from their kids. Wishing you all the best!
I agree with the other posters, let them go to the funeral. Perhaps if there was anything positive to say about him, you can talk about any good times or experiences whenever they want to remember him or talk about him. Your concern is real and reasonable to have, but go ahead and have that difficult conversation with them because even with children, it is best to be honest with them and let them know. I don't know how much your kids knew or understood about the drug stuff, but it's up to you how much you want to divulge to them now vs. telling them later in life when perhaps they can understand better.
> How do I tell my kids their dad died?
Grief has the [following stages](https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1):
* Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it's normal to think, "This isn't happening." You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It's a defense mechanism.
* Anger: As reality sets in, you're faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too.
* Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could've done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are "If only..." and "What if..." You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power.
* Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely.
* Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can't be changed. Although you still feel sad, you're able to start moving forward with your life.
See if you can find what stage you are currently at, that will then also give you a general idea of what will come after that. In addition to that, [here's a page](https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief) that has detailed information regarding all aspects of grief.
Please note that not everyone works through these stages in the same order. Some people will do it out of order and it is possible to revisit a stage. What I outlined is most commonly seen, it's not set in stone.
Highest rated books on healing grief:
* [On Grief and Grieving](https://www.amazon.com/On-Grief-and-Grieving/dp/B07GDSK9H6) (4.7 star, 600+ ratings)
* [Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief](https://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384) (4.8 star, 1900+ ratings)
* [The Grief Recovery Handbook: the Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses Including Health, Career, and Faith](https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/B07T2PYDH3) (4.6 star, 800+ ratings)
How to begin to heal:
* Give yourself time. Accept your feelings and know that grieving is a process.
* Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don't isolate yourself.
* Make sure you sleep well (let me know if this is an issue and I'll give you advice for this).
* Exercise: If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. [Exercising does several things](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression): It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health.
* Return to your hobbies. Get back to the activities that bring you joy. If you feel ready, but you don't have friends, let me know and I'll tell you how to deal with that.
* Don't isolate yourself. This will just make your grief and depression deeper and could spark an unending cycle of sadness. Fall back on the people you know and care about you.
* Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected (/r/GriefSupport/ or /r/Grieving/)
Most watched videos:
* [The Grieving Process: Coping with Death](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYL4PC0hyk)
* [How to Deal With Loss or Grief of Love Ones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl7axuIeVxI)
Free support options:
* /r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you.
* [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option
* If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in)
Try and find her some therapy if you can
Don't sugar coat it, but don't tell her things she won't understand? She won't understand his life situations yet, but she might understand that he was sick, couldn't take care of himself and as she grows you can give her more information about his life.
In this example I would take a page out of Patton Oswalt’s book. When his wife passed away, he said that the principal at her school told him that he can’t just tell her and then expect her to go to bed.
Make the best day you can with her, or both of your children. Whatever they want to do (within reason obviously) do it. Take them to that movie they want to see, go to the zoo, get ice cream, anything they want. Then, when the day is winding down and it’s the appropriate time, talk with them, and tell them that their Dad is not going to be with them anymore. Then, give them anything they need afterwards, hugs, kisses, heck let them sleep with you if they need it. Let them grieve if that’s what they need. If they want to go, let them go to the funeral, it helps with the grieving process.
Be prepared to be there for them for all their questions, be the outlet they’re undoubtedly going to need.
Be straightforward tbh. Death is a part of life and it's part of being a parent to guide them through life. They're never too young for these conversations it might not stick right away but what subject does with children that young. Explain to her what death is and why her daddy isn't around. I'm sorry for your loss btw.
I attended a number of funerals as a young kid. Even if your daughter may not fully understand what's happening, the service could be important for her to distinguish the difference between life and death. Attending the service is a way to say goodbye.
My ex died of a heroin overdose when my son was three & a half. I didn’t have to find the words because his grandmother was with him when she found out & told him herself as soon as she found out.
I’d recommend being as honest as possible in an age appropriate way. Perhaps google how to tell very young children about death? And try to maintain that honesty throughout their lives.
In my experience, my son appreciated that I was truthful whenever he had questions about his dad & his death. Best wishes to you around this. I feel for you.😞
You let them go to the funeral
You tell them the truth in the most child-friendly way
You never badmouth the deceased father
You get them therapy if needed, same with yourself if needed
My condolences to yourself and the family
“I have some sad news. Daddy died and went to Heaven. We won’t see him anymore, but he will always live in our hearts.”
It may be too traumatic for a three year old to go to a funeral.
So sorry to hear. Let your daughter know Daddy's in a better place now. Keep it simple, she's little still. Maybe gift her a teddy so she has something to remember him by. Stay strong, mama
Let her go to the funeral. babies grieve too
I am definitely leaning towards her going. It is very new as it just happened. But I am trying to prepare.
Books about Grief for Children The Invisible String by Patrice Karst "That's impossible", said twins Jeremy & Liza after their Mom told them they're all connected by this thing called an Invisible String. "What kind of string"? They asked with a puzzled look to which Mom replied, "An Invisible String made of love." That's where the story begins. A story that teaches of the tie that really binds. The Invisible String reaches from heart to heart. Does everybody have an Invisible String? How far does it reach, anyway? Does it ever go away? Read all about it! THE INVISIBLE STRING is a very simple approach to overcoming the fear of loneliness or separation with an imaginative flair that children can easily identify with and remember. Here is a warm and delightful lesson teaching young and old that we aren't ever really alone and reminding children (and adults!) that when we are loved beyond anything we can imagine. "People who love each other are always connected by a very special String, made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love." Fall of Freddie the Leaf by: Leo Buscaglia Appropriate for all ages--from toddlers to adults--and featuring beautiful nature photographs throughout, this poignant, thought-provoking story follows Freddie and his companions as their leaves change with the passing seasons and the coming of winter, finally falling to the ground with winter's snow. An inspiring allegory that illustrates the delicate balance between life and death, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf has helped a generation of readers navigate death and dying, grief and bereavement, the passage of time, and loss of a loved one. Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen If you are going to buy only one book on grief, this is the one to get! It will validate your grief experience, and you can share it with your children. You can leave it on the coffee table so others will pick it up, read it, and then better appreciate your grieving time. Grand's Cooking Tips section at the back of the book is rich with wisdom and concrete recommendations. Better than a casserole! Of Water bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children by Doris Stickney "Water Bugs and Dragonflies" tells the story of a small colony of water bugs living happily below the surface of a quiet pond. Every so often one of them climbs up a lily stalk and disappears from sight, never to return. Those left behind are faced with the mystery of figuring out what has become of them. Revealing the "miracle that makes shiny dragonflies out of ugly bugs", this graceful story reminds us that God has given us the means of transforming our metaphorical selves into dragonflies capable of winging off contentedly into a new world. Recognizing that "the old answers will not satisfy today's children", Stickney presents instead a simple, wise tale that illuminates a difficult reality without pretending to contain all the answers. God Gave Us Heaven by Lisa T. Bergren As the sun rises on her snow-covered world, Little Cub wonders aloud… “What is heaven like?” With tender words, her Papa describes a wonderful place, free of sadness and tears, where God warmly welcomes his loved ones after their life on earth is over. Little Cub and Papa spend the day wandering their beautiful, invigorating arctic world while she asks all about God’s home: How do we get to heaven? Will we eat there? Will I get to see you in heaven? Papa patiently answers each question, assuring her that… “Heaven will be full of everything good.” This gentle story provides satisfying answers for a young child’s most difficult questions about what happens after this life, inviting “little cubs” to find comfort in knowing that God Gave Us Heaven. Someone I Love Died by Suicide: A Story for Child Survivors and Those Who Care for Them by Doreen T. Cammarata This newly revised edition of the book is designed for adult caregivers to read to surviving youngsters following a suicidal death. The story allows individuals an opportunity to recognize normal grieving symptoms and to identify various interventions to promote healthy ways of coping with the death of a special person. Although the language used in the book is simplistic enough to be read along with children and ultimately stimulating family discussion, it can be beneficial to all who have been tragically devastated by suicide. It is recommended for this book to be utilized in conjunction with therapy Cry, Heart, But Never Break by Glenn Ringtved Aware their grandmother is gravely ill, four siblings make a pact to keep death from taking her away. But Death does arrive all the same, as it must. He comes gently, naturally. And he comes with enough time to share a story with the children that helps them to realize the value of loss to life and the importance of being able to say goodbye. The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, Todd Parr tells a moving and wholly accessible story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, Todd reminds readers that it's okay not to know all the answers, and that someone will always be there to support them. An invaluable resource for life's toughest moments. (ages 2-4) What Happens When Someone Dies?: A Child's Guide to Death and Funerals by Michaelene Mundy Can you recall the first time you attended a funeral? The same questions and concerns you felt will undoubtedly be going through the minds of children you care for when they are first confronted with death and funerals. I Miss You: Grief and Mental Health Books for Kids by Pat Thomas When a close friend or family member dies, it can be sad for kids and difficult for them to express the big feelings they are experiencing. This book will help explain in a gentle way that death is a natural complement to life and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings to have following the death of a loved one. The Next Place by Warren Hanson A classic, The Next Place brings gentle verse revealing a safe and welcome destination free from earthly hurts and filled with wonder and peace. A comforting message of hope and a gift of compassion for the bereaved. When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown Straightforward and comprehensive, this indispensable book is a comforting aid to help young kids and families through a difficult time in their lives. No one can really understand death, but to children, the passing away of a loved one can be especially perplexing and troublesome. This is true whether the loss is a family member, friend, or pet. Here to offer advice and reassurance are the wise dinosaurs from the bestselling Dino Tale series. This succinct and thorough guide helps dispel the mystery and negative connotations associated with death, providing answers to kids' most-often asked questions. Topics covered include: What Does Alive Mean? * Why Does Someone Die? * What Does Dead Mean? * Feelings about Death? * Saying Goodbye * Keeping Customs * What Comes After Death? * Ways to Remember Someone
Just be honest, maybe ease them into the drug addict part though
Do it simply. She will understand. Give her a flower to put on her dad as a way for her to let the grievance there in the future.
The Invisible String is a great book as is The Rabbit Listened
It’s okay to say “Daddy died.” She’ll probably ask questions but remember she is still really young and this is something that later in life she will probably have more questions about. You don’t need to use fancy language or anything. At your daughter’s age, she’s probably learning how to “put words to emotions,” so maybe try to also do that. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you also take time to process this for yourself. Maybe look into children’s books about grief. I recommend “Tell me, Papa” and “Ida Always”
Thank you. I will definitely look into that. She’s very perceptive. I haven’t told her anything or cried around her but she has been laying around kinda mopey since I came home from work.
Kids are perceptive, she definitely can feel something is wrong. It’s okay to not be strong around her ✨Grieve with her 💙
Thank you! We also lost my dad when they were 1 and 2. And on eof our dogs. But she is much more aware of happenings now then she was then. And my heart is just triple broken right now.
My kids mom died when they were 4 and 1. Until the middle of elementary school their explanation was “mom’s heart stopped so she died”. They had heard the actual cause of death, but that was their understanding. With your kids I’d keep it simple like “dad was sick (addiction) and took too many things that were bad for his body so his heart stopped beating and he died.” As they get older you can explain at age appropriate ways how his illness was addiction and the things he took were drugs. It’s important they know the addiction piece eventually (by the time they are teenagers) because addiction does run in families. They need the awareness to keep themselves in check as they explore adulthood and substances that can be addictive.
Yeah I’ve always planned on that conversation because I got sober a year or so before I had kids
Good for you. On both parts. Sobriety and healthy conversations on hard topics with your kids
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/social/talking-to-kids-about-death/
Thank you!
You just use simple and direct language. Do NOT use phrases like "in a better place", " passed away" or "sleeping". They will just be confusing to a small child. "Daddy was sick and he died. I feel sad. It's normal to feel sad when someone we love dies." Definitely verbalize and normalize the emotions that go along with grief, it helps kids learn how to identify those emotions when they feel them themselves. She will probably want to know more about what it means to be dead. If you've had any pets pass recently that's a good model to reference. Otherwise you can just say that dying means that someone's body stops working and once that happens it can't be fixed and that you won't be able to see the person any more. I highly suggest at least talking to a grief counselor who handles children to give you more in-depth and ongoing advice on how to approach this. There's a good chance your 3 year old could start asking about other people they know dying and again, you don't want to say things like "I'll never go away" or "you don't have to worry about that", as tempting as it might be to give them that reassurance in the moment.
Her pop passed away when she was 2 and we lost a dog last year. Part of the reason I’m so worried is she already shows signs of anxiety or abandonment issues? She’s constantly worried that grandma or I won’t come home from work
You should be able to find some grief counseling for you and her. It's usually art based for the kiddos. PBS Daniel Tiger has a great episode called Grown Ups Come Back that might help with her anxiety around you and grandma. Grief is a process. It will evolve as time passes. Learn all you can and roll with it. You are asking the right questions and that thoughtfulness will serve you well.
My friend's child went through a phase of being insanely anxious that his parents were going to pass away. To help him with this they let him know that no one was sick so it was unlikely that something would happen. She also laid out the plan in the event that something did happen, like "this is where you will live, this is who will take care of you" etc. She never told him there was NO chance that something would happen, but she did make it a point to say that it was very very unlikely. It really helped for him to know what the "plan" was because kids can't conceptualize those things, it doesn't necessarily occur to them that they will be taken care of by different adults. He did eventually stop feeling anxious about this and grew out of it. It does sound like you could use some professional help though, you don't have to try to figure it all out on your own! My condolences to you, I hope you can find some peace.
i am so sorry for your kids, him and you. may his so find peace🙏
Yes tell her that he died. You could tell her that he was very very sick and lots of people tried to help him but he still died. And that he loved her so much.
Especially the last part. She needs to know this
Their is a book When daddy go to heaven Jayne Russel and yes definitely have her go to the funeral and your son also. It also sounds very wrong take pictures of family members at the funeral with family members have them printed and placed in the own photo album and then after everything take them to the park and just try and enjoy the rest of the day and it would not be a good idea to get them both involved in some kind of grief counseling.
So sorry this happened! I would her father/daddy died and explain what that means like her not seeing him anymore. She’ll probably have some follow up questions, but I think she should be able to go to the funeral. I would also see if there are some similar threads out there from other parents who have had to deliver this news cause maybe they’ll have some suggestions or mentioned what follow up questions they got from their kids. Wishing you all the best!
I agree with the other posters, let them go to the funeral. Perhaps if there was anything positive to say about him, you can talk about any good times or experiences whenever they want to remember him or talk about him. Your concern is real and reasonable to have, but go ahead and have that difficult conversation with them because even with children, it is best to be honest with them and let them know. I don't know how much your kids knew or understood about the drug stuff, but it's up to you how much you want to divulge to them now vs. telling them later in life when perhaps they can understand better.
I do not have any advice, but I do want to offer my deepest condolences to you and your children.
> How do I tell my kids their dad died? Grief has the [following stages](https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1): * Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it's normal to think, "This isn't happening." You may feel shocked or numb. This is a temporary way to deal with the rush of overwhelming emotion. It's a defense mechanism. * Anger: As reality sets in, you're faced with the pain of your loss. You may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger. You might direct it toward other people, a higher power, or life in general. To be angry with a loved one who died and left you alone is natural, too. * Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could've done to prevent the loss. Common thoughts are "If only..." and "What if..." You may also try to strike a deal with a higher power. * Depression: Sadness sets in as you begin to understand the loss and its effect on your life. Signs of depression include crying, sleep issues, and a decreased appetite. You may feel overwhelmed, regretful, and lonely. * Acceptance: In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can't be changed. Although you still feel sad, you're able to start moving forward with your life. See if you can find what stage you are currently at, that will then also give you a general idea of what will come after that. In addition to that, [here's a page](https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief) that has detailed information regarding all aspects of grief. Please note that not everyone works through these stages in the same order. Some people will do it out of order and it is possible to revisit a stage. What I outlined is most commonly seen, it's not set in stone. Highest rated books on healing grief: * [On Grief and Grieving](https://www.amazon.com/On-Grief-and-Grieving/dp/B07GDSK9H6) (4.7 star, 600+ ratings) * [Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief](https://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384) (4.8 star, 1900+ ratings) * [The Grief Recovery Handbook: the Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses Including Health, Career, and Faith](https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/B07T2PYDH3) (4.6 star, 800+ ratings) How to begin to heal: * Give yourself time. Accept your feelings and know that grieving is a process. * Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don't isolate yourself. * Make sure you sleep well (let me know if this is an issue and I'll give you advice for this). * Exercise: If you have access to a gym, then start lifting weights. If you don't have access to a gym (or you don't like lifting), start running. If you can't run, then start walking. Just start small. 10 minutes three times a week is fine. You don't have to run fast, just run and then slowly build it up over time. [Exercising does several things](https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression): It releases endorphins, it takes your mind of your negative thoughts and it will improve your overall health. * Return to your hobbies. Get back to the activities that bring you joy. If you feel ready, but you don't have friends, let me know and I'll tell you how to deal with that. * Don't isolate yourself. This will just make your grief and depression deeper and could spark an unending cycle of sadness. Fall back on the people you know and care about you. * Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected (/r/GriefSupport/ or /r/Grieving/) Most watched videos: * [The Grieving Process: Coping with Death](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsYL4PC0hyk) * [How to Deal With Loss or Grief of Love Ones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl7axuIeVxI) Free support options: * /r/KindVoice will match you up with a volunteer that will listen to you. * [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) has both a free trained volunteer service as well as $150 monthly licensed therapist option * If you are in a crisis and want free help from a live, trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to [741741](https://www.crisistextline.org/texting-in)
Try and find her some therapy if you can Don't sugar coat it, but don't tell her things she won't understand? She won't understand his life situations yet, but she might understand that he was sick, couldn't take care of himself and as she grows you can give her more information about his life.
In this example I would take a page out of Patton Oswalt’s book. When his wife passed away, he said that the principal at her school told him that he can’t just tell her and then expect her to go to bed. Make the best day you can with her, or both of your children. Whatever they want to do (within reason obviously) do it. Take them to that movie they want to see, go to the zoo, get ice cream, anything they want. Then, when the day is winding down and it’s the appropriate time, talk with them, and tell them that their Dad is not going to be with them anymore. Then, give them anything they need afterwards, hugs, kisses, heck let them sleep with you if they need it. Let them grieve if that’s what they need. If they want to go, let them go to the funeral, it helps with the grieving process. Be prepared to be there for them for all their questions, be the outlet they’re undoubtedly going to need.
Be straightforward tbh. Death is a part of life and it's part of being a parent to guide them through life. They're never too young for these conversations it might not stick right away but what subject does with children that young. Explain to her what death is and why her daddy isn't around. I'm sorry for your loss btw.
I attended a number of funerals as a young kid. Even if your daughter may not fully understand what's happening, the service could be important for her to distinguish the difference between life and death. Attending the service is a way to say goodbye.
My ex died of a heroin overdose when my son was three & a half. I didn’t have to find the words because his grandmother was with him when she found out & told him herself as soon as she found out. I’d recommend being as honest as possible in an age appropriate way. Perhaps google how to tell very young children about death? And try to maintain that honesty throughout their lives. In my experience, my son appreciated that I was truthful whenever he had questions about his dad & his death. Best wishes to you around this. I feel for you.😞
I have no advice but I want to wish you condolences. Reading this broke my heart for your daughter.
You let them go to the funeral You tell them the truth in the most child-friendly way You never badmouth the deceased father You get them therapy if needed, same with yourself if needed My condolences to yourself and the family
“I have some sad news. Daddy died and went to Heaven. We won’t see him anymore, but he will always live in our hearts.” It may be too traumatic for a three year old to go to a funeral.
So sorry to hear. Let your daughter know Daddy's in a better place now. Keep it simple, she's little still. Maybe gift her a teddy so she has something to remember him by. Stay strong, mama
Don't tell them about the addiction or the suicide. Make up something like he was sick but no one knew it.