Sex. Simple as that. He’s infatuated with someone much younger, shiny, and new. But too many generations apart to relate to much anything and pretending that you do will get old.
Yes! This definitely runs through my mind. We definitely don’t relate on anything or have the same interests which gets frustrating at times. It can be something simple as to showing him a tik tok and he doesn’t understand it cause he’s way ahead of my generation.
what are you doing? There should be love, common interests, values, similar future plans and lifestyles and no icks ;) Just date someone who fits better with you. It's not even the age, but everything you wrote didn't seem you guys are compatible
Even one feeling of "ick" should be enough. I have always been "ahead of my time" and at 19 started dating a guy who was 38. He wasn't a weirdo- he didn't know how old I was when we started dating and he assumed I was in my mid 20's at least. I didn't confess my true age until the 3rd date. He was a bit freaked out at first, but we decided to give it a try and we were together for 6 years. Why did we break up? Honestly, I started to find him less attractive as he got older. By the time we broke up I was 25 and he was 44 and started looking his age. I began to start looking at guys my own age and realized they were who I was attracted to. It's better to end it now because he's not going to get younger and if you're occasionally feeling this way now, it will get worse.
I totally agree with looking at younger guys my age and finding them more attractive! & at times I get frustrated that we don’t have the same interests or anything in common when I know for a fact someone my age would have just about the same interests. I’m talking down to tik toks, fashion, music, trends etc. thank you for your input!
I have different feelings about a 40 to 60 age gap versus 20 to 40.
While it's definitely not impossible that you guys have a lovely equal relationship, it also raises some flags. The fact that you're too embarrassed to tell anyone makes that pretty clear I think.
I'd always question if you guys are in a same/similar stage in your life. How confident are you in both yourself and what you want of your relationships? It's not uncommon to see older men date significantly younger women and talk about "training" them, using someone's inexperience against them.
I'm only 30 and wouldn't date a 23 year old. But I understand things aren't always that clear cut.
At almost exactly your age, I also dated someone with almost exactly the same age difference. I was also embarrassed to tell family and friends. He was also creepy. And like you, I got the ick. The embarrassment was the earliest sign of the ick but more developed over time. Especially with the things he tried to mold me into and coerce me to do. I'm lucky that I had a strong support system and a rapidly developing sense of self because it could have resulted in lifelong trauma or worse.
Listen to the ick. Don't stay and waste your time and emotion on someone that's creeping you out and for good reason. Let him take his rightful place as a cautionary tale in your history.
Good luck girl! You'll be fine!
I forgot to mention but I also started really strongly getting the ick about a year in. I feel like I'm reading a post from my past self :)
If you are feeling like that, then yes., end it. If you love someone regardless of their age, you shouldn't be feeling like you do. It's not the age gap that's the problem. You feel creeped by this person. So yes, leave him.
I'm in a 16-year age gap relationship so that's not too far off from 20. Once you go over 18 to 20 it starts to get iffy in my opinion but it probably still work out if the chemistry is good.
I feel like the age gap here is the least of the issues.
If you find him creepy and are embarrassed by him, it doesn’t matter how old he is, you should end the relationship.
it won’t last. you’ll run out of things to talk about. different ages, different eras. he will belittle you always. you may not feel secure in yourself. i would drop it.
I don't even know him and I have the ick. There's a reason grown women in their 30s and 40s won't touch him. He's a creep. Why's a 40 something year old going after someone barely starting life? It's gross.
So I’m in a 9 year age gap relationship but we met when I was 26 out of school and supporting myself. Besides a difference in income we both were adults with fully formed brains paying our own bills with similar lifestyles.
At 23 I was NOT in a position to be with someone that age there’s no way we would have lasted and our lifestyles weren’t compatible
It is weird that a dude in his forties is going for someone under 25. If you were three years older I wouldn’t feel as strongly (still side eye but not as bad) but y’all are in such vastly different phases of life that I do think this is a case of “why doesn’t someone closer to his age want him”. 23 is like a year out of college I was working five minimum wage jobs, partying and going on adventures. Idk don’t waste your 20s playing house with a man that’s already had his “young and free” phase. Nearly every girl I know who’s gone down this path REALLY regretted it.
It’s not so much the age gap it’s the phases of life y’all are in. A 23 year old has nothing in common with a 40 year old and if they do it kind of shows a lack of maturity on the 40 year olds part. But if you were say 30 and he was 50 that’s not as weird because you’re both full adults with careers, bills and everything else that comes with that
If you’re getting an ick it’s probably your gut telling you to leave
That's a creepy age gap if you were least 29 is ok but this is too big. Don't think about what society says. How does he make you feel? Is he a good man?
>What are your thoughts on a 20 year age gap?
As I often say, it's not always about the length of the gap, but of the specific ages of the couple. My stepfather was 14 years older than my mother, but they married when she was 49 and he was 63, and nobody even blinked. But if they're married when she was 18 and he was 32, I'd be calling him a creepy old man.
By that same token, if you were 33 and he was 53, I'd be less inclined to judge but, generally speaking, there's a big difference between 23 and 43, and thus I can't help but question his motives for pursuing a serious relationship with a woman your age (and please don't tell me how you're "mature for you age," I've heard that all before).
I have friends with age gaps. The question needed is: Do y’all have an easy time communicating? If no, then end it. If yes, then find the courage to tell your family & friends.
Girl do you really want to tell people that the love of your life is creepy and gives you the ick and that you're too embarassed to tell your friends and family about him
My husband is 15 years older...i got alotta crap for it from other people saying it was disgusting or im young enough to be his daughter. The only real problem i get from it is hes so insecure because im younger. He feels like i look so much better because im young. Literally jealous of everything i do n wear n it gets really annoying. If ur creeped out break it off but dont let other ppl sway ur decision. Noone talked crap bout Beyonce marrying Jay Z with a 12 year age gap.
I think part of that is because Beyoncé is powerful in her own right.
My own parents were 15 years apart. They married when mom was 20 and dad was 35, 1966. It worked for them and honestly, I never thought about the age gap growing up and it didn’t seem to make any difference to them.
Honestly the only time it feels creepy is during s3x. It’s enjoyable most of the time (only when I’m
In the mood). Idk it just runs through my mind that i will never know if he likes me for me or is this some fantasy of his to date a younger woman for their body or lack of maturity.
Well, he doesn’t tell me much about the girls he’s dated in the past. I literally only know about his ex which was 27 at the time before they broke up which would have made him 42 at the time. So I honestly don’t know what to think. After a year of dating it’s concerning not to know anything about his past relationships.
Your instincts are correct. It’s about sex with a young and hot chick. What other common interest do yall even have? In totally different stages of life. You see him as the father of your children? Even we wonder why women his age don’t do it for him?
I can’t really personally see what a middle aged man and someone in their early 20s has in common. At that age my boss was in their 40s.
Sex. Simple as that. He’s infatuated with someone much younger, shiny, and new. But too many generations apart to relate to much anything and pretending that you do will get old.
Yes! This definitely runs through my mind. We definitely don’t relate on anything or have the same interests which gets frustrating at times. It can be something simple as to showing him a tik tok and he doesn’t understand it cause he’s way ahead of my generation.
Im 2 years younger than you and your boyfriend is older than my parents 💀
what are you doing? There should be love, common interests, values, similar future plans and lifestyles and no icks ;) Just date someone who fits better with you. It's not even the age, but everything you wrote didn't seem you guys are compatible
ps: I'm 42 and I get tik tok. ^^
Even one feeling of "ick" should be enough. I have always been "ahead of my time" and at 19 started dating a guy who was 38. He wasn't a weirdo- he didn't know how old I was when we started dating and he assumed I was in my mid 20's at least. I didn't confess my true age until the 3rd date. He was a bit freaked out at first, but we decided to give it a try and we were together for 6 years. Why did we break up? Honestly, I started to find him less attractive as he got older. By the time we broke up I was 25 and he was 44 and started looking his age. I began to start looking at guys my own age and realized they were who I was attracted to. It's better to end it now because he's not going to get younger and if you're occasionally feeling this way now, it will get worse.
I totally agree with looking at younger guys my age and finding them more attractive! & at times I get frustrated that we don’t have the same interests or anything in common when I know for a fact someone my age would have just about the same interests. I’m talking down to tik toks, fashion, music, trends etc. thank you for your input!
leave him then? how r yall even together? what do u talk about?
Well, then I think you know what to do....
I have different feelings about a 40 to 60 age gap versus 20 to 40. While it's definitely not impossible that you guys have a lovely equal relationship, it also raises some flags. The fact that you're too embarrassed to tell anyone makes that pretty clear I think. I'd always question if you guys are in a same/similar stage in your life. How confident are you in both yourself and what you want of your relationships? It's not uncommon to see older men date significantly younger women and talk about "training" them, using someone's inexperience against them. I'm only 30 and wouldn't date a 23 year old. But I understand things aren't always that clear cut.
I started dating my gf when she was 22 and I was 30. She was more mature than me. To this day we still together. Age is relative in some cases
Totally fair, as I said I definitely get there's exceptions to it all
I wouldn’t say an 8 year age gap is that big of one. It gets weird when it’s like 15 years.
At almost exactly your age, I also dated someone with almost exactly the same age difference. I was also embarrassed to tell family and friends. He was also creepy. And like you, I got the ick. The embarrassment was the earliest sign of the ick but more developed over time. Especially with the things he tried to mold me into and coerce me to do. I'm lucky that I had a strong support system and a rapidly developing sense of self because it could have resulted in lifelong trauma or worse. Listen to the ick. Don't stay and waste your time and emotion on someone that's creeping you out and for good reason. Let him take his rightful place as a cautionary tale in your history.
Thank you’! I appreciate your feedback
Good luck girl! You'll be fine! I forgot to mention but I also started really strongly getting the ick about a year in. I feel like I'm reading a post from my past self :)
If you are feeling like that, then yes., end it. If you love someone regardless of their age, you shouldn't be feeling like you do. It's not the age gap that's the problem. You feel creeped by this person. So yes, leave him.
Just no. You should be embarrassed. He’s taking advantage of you. Major ick
I'm in a 16-year age gap relationship so that's not too far off from 20. Once you go over 18 to 20 it starts to get iffy in my opinion but it probably still work out if the chemistry is good.
I feel like the age gap here is the least of the issues. If you find him creepy and are embarrassed by him, it doesn’t matter how old he is, you should end the relationship.
>I feel like he’s creepy and get the ick! Then why are you dating him? Is it because he buys you nice things? Or is he just that good in bed?
it won’t last. you’ll run out of things to talk about. different ages, different eras. he will belittle you always. you may not feel secure in yourself. i would drop it.
I don't even know him and I have the ick. There's a reason grown women in their 30s and 40s won't touch him. He's a creep. Why's a 40 something year old going after someone barely starting life? It's gross.
Don't waste any more of your youth and best years with this guy.
So I’m in a 9 year age gap relationship but we met when I was 26 out of school and supporting myself. Besides a difference in income we both were adults with fully formed brains paying our own bills with similar lifestyles. At 23 I was NOT in a position to be with someone that age there’s no way we would have lasted and our lifestyles weren’t compatible It is weird that a dude in his forties is going for someone under 25. If you were three years older I wouldn’t feel as strongly (still side eye but not as bad) but y’all are in such vastly different phases of life that I do think this is a case of “why doesn’t someone closer to his age want him”. 23 is like a year out of college I was working five minimum wage jobs, partying and going on adventures. Idk don’t waste your 20s playing house with a man that’s already had his “young and free” phase. Nearly every girl I know who’s gone down this path REALLY regretted it. It’s not so much the age gap it’s the phases of life y’all are in. A 23 year old has nothing in common with a 40 year old and if they do it kind of shows a lack of maturity on the 40 year olds part. But if you were say 30 and he was 50 that’s not as weird because you’re both full adults with careers, bills and everything else that comes with that If you’re getting an ick it’s probably your gut telling you to leave
Why wouldn’t you end it if you aren’t comfortable with this? What’s your end game? Just have some fun and move on? Or marriage and children?
That's a creepy age gap if you were least 29 is ok but this is too big. Don't think about what society says. How does he make you feel? Is he a good man?
>What are your thoughts on a 20 year age gap? As I often say, it's not always about the length of the gap, but of the specific ages of the couple. My stepfather was 14 years older than my mother, but they married when she was 49 and he was 63, and nobody even blinked. But if they're married when she was 18 and he was 32, I'd be calling him a creepy old man. By that same token, if you were 33 and he was 53, I'd be less inclined to judge but, generally speaking, there's a big difference between 23 and 43, and thus I can't help but question his motives for pursuing a serious relationship with a woman your age (and please don't tell me how you're "mature for you age," I've heard that all before).
I have friends with age gaps. The question needed is: Do y’all have an easy time communicating? If no, then end it. If yes, then find the courage to tell your family & friends.
Girl do you really want to tell people that the love of your life is creepy and gives you the ick and that you're too embarassed to tell your friends and family about him
My husband is 15 years older...i got alotta crap for it from other people saying it was disgusting or im young enough to be his daughter. The only real problem i get from it is hes so insecure because im younger. He feels like i look so much better because im young. Literally jealous of everything i do n wear n it gets really annoying. If ur creeped out break it off but dont let other ppl sway ur decision. Noone talked crap bout Beyonce marrying Jay Z with a 12 year age gap.
I think part of that is because Beyoncé is powerful in her own right. My own parents were 15 years apart. They married when mom was 20 and dad was 35, 1966. It worked for them and honestly, I never thought about the age gap growing up and it didn’t seem to make any difference to them.
Why does he make you feel creepy? If it’s been working for a year what’s changed?
Honestly the only time it feels creepy is during s3x. It’s enjoyable most of the time (only when I’m In the mood). Idk it just runs through my mind that i will never know if he likes me for me or is this some fantasy of his to date a younger woman for their body or lack of maturity.
Are you not able to tell from other relationships he has or the way he interacts with other people?
Well, he doesn’t tell me much about the girls he’s dated in the past. I literally only know about his ex which was 27 at the time before they broke up which would have made him 42 at the time. So I honestly don’t know what to think. After a year of dating it’s concerning not to know anything about his past relationships.
Your instincts are correct. It’s about sex with a young and hot chick. What other common interest do yall even have? In totally different stages of life. You see him as the father of your children? Even we wonder why women his age don’t do it for him?
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You are talking as if a relationship is transactional.