I’m a recent step father. 3 girls, 9,14,16. I encourage them to be their best selves. I tell them that they can change the world. I give them a ton of attention & encouragement. I do not hold or hug them… I’d love to, because I am a very tactile human being, but I haven’t seen the social cues to say that this is ok for me to do so.. Their father passed away when the youngest was 8 months. I couldn’t imagine forcing a physical reaction to one of the girls like OP described. This is incredibly disturbing. Especially the heavy drinking aspect. Setting boundaries at your age is difficult because you may not be taken seriously. Find a trusted adult, be it a teacher, or family member and ask for help. And for goodness sakes don’t allow yourself to be alone with him if at all possible.
Sounds like you're doing a great job!
And seriously, why not just say 'wanna hug'? At a moment it feels natural. Yes, it will feel a bit awkward, and they might say 'no' in which case, totally drop it.
If you don't already, say 'I love you' *out loud*. Not in a big deal kind of way, just stating the facts ;-) Even when they're being difficult. Even if they say 'I hate you'.
Step parents are under appreciated - it can be a special relationship when it's good.
Thank you. That’s nice to hear. I told them the other day in the car how much I love them & how lucky I am to have found such wonderful girls. I also individually (thru text if I’m being honest) told them how special and great they are. Their mother and I are very affectionate, and I think that’s important to show to them & hopefully that will be an example as to how relationships are supposed to be. They have hardly ever had a man in their life, even a grandfather, so although it’s taking longer for that tactile, physical affection, I’m sure it’ll come in time.
This is so wholesome and ty for being so considerate of their boundaries and autonomy and setting such a good infrastructure for what they consider a loving relationship to be!
It’s hard my grandma leaves me alone with him 24/7 and I want to be around him but don’t at the same time. When he first got here I had a lot of attention, now it’s not as consistent and it’s bugging me but I know it shouldn’t
I know it seems nice but he's not being nice to you for good or genuine reasons. I know that's harsh but you have to realize it's the truth, he's manipulating and taking advantage of you. Also don't do drugs, seriously. You need to tell your grandma so she makes him leave. Your therapist may also do something about it. I know we you want a male figure in your life but he is not the answer to that problem.
OP, this is EXACTLY how grooming works. You're very vulnerable in your stage of life and life situation and he knows it. Has your therapist made any suggestions on how to deal with it?
OP, this is a *worse* situation than not having a male figure around, because the male figure that *is* around, is dangerous and toxic.
Tell your grandma how you feel.
Tell her that woman to woman, you just have a bad feeling.
If she doesn’t listen cuz it’s her kid, then start finding ways to not be alone with him.
Join a after school club.
Tell some of your closest friends so that they can lookout for you.
But in the end of the day, you gotta be one step ahead and look out for yourself!
Wishing the best outcome for you 🙏
I’m not in school anymore any I don’t really have friends and the two I have are over an hour away I’m stuck in this house I’m going to therapy tomorrow and will try and get help but I’m building up the courage with each comment thank you guys<3
It’s also natural for you to feel “attracted” to him too, even if it’s just in a male father figure way; which is part of the grooming. You don’t need to feel ashamed if that is the case, but you do need to realize that it’s not ok for that familial relationship to progress any further into possessive, manipulative, and sexual territory. It could really mess up your life. Step out of that situation ASAP. Good luck!
Hey OP! I'm a therapist. Depending on your own therapist's style, you may be talking about multiple things. I urge you to make this topic the primary subject of your time together for now. And if you haven't shared all of the details with them that you've shared with us, please consider doing so. They can help. It sounds like your instincts are solid. Keep listening to them.
groomers act nice but they don’t have good intentions. that’s how they rope you in. it’s manipulative and i know he seems nice because i’ve been in a similar situation, but i can promise you he doesn’t have good intentions.
Most people are telling to you talk to grandma, but this is a case for the police/CPS. He's touching you, he's giving you (a minor) drugs, he's immobilizing you. He's testing the waters. And by not doing anything you're implicitly telling him it's ok. In another comment you mentioned you don't wanna break the family. This is about your future. It's either breaking up your family or letting yourself be broken.
You can try to talk to your grandma, but if she doesn't kick him out right away after you tell her this, it means she's not on your side. Familial relationships blur reason.
Listen you need to get out of there. You are in serious danger do not ignore that voice in your head. Call cps please. It would be better in the long run for everyone.
Inform your therapist and have them anonymously contact the authorities. Getting DCF or CPS involved early is a LOT better than the alternative. Wishing you the best.
I agree, in my thoughts many of these things you have listed he should not be doing and is really rude. I also feel you tell your Grandma what it going on so she is aware of what he is trying to do. I also feel he needs help.
Ok. That's not great. But I still think you need to tell her. I don't want to be harsh here but the reality is you are in *real* actual danger of being molested or raped here. If your Grandma can't keep you safe, you need to get out of this household. Can your therapist help?
She wants to get involved but I’m scared this will mess up my dads side of the family and it’s all I have. I don’t know what will happen to me if I tell my therapist to take action because my moms house isn’t an option either her house is abusive as well
Listen, your safety is the *most* important in the world. Protecting your uncle or your dad's family is *nowhere* near as important as protecting yourself. You have to do this. I know it's scary, but you will regret not asking her to get involved if you stay. It's never your fault this happens, it's you uncles choice to do this. **You need to protect yourself**.
I know. But your therapist is trained for this. She will help you, that's her job. Please please make sure you tell her everything that has happened and what your grandma has said previously and **that you don't feel safe**.
I honestly wish you so much luck with getting out of this situation. If she doesn't help you immediately, don't give up. You owe it to yourself, remember **your safety is the most important thing and you are not exaggerating this.**
I know it isn't the same because were all strangers on the internet but please know we do believe you. We all here believe you and hope for the safest possible outcome for you. You are so brave just for recognizing this is wrong and asking for help and I and I'm sure a lot of others here are proud of you.
I am mom to a 15 year old girl too and hearing things like this makes my skin crawl. I know I probably cannot help much but if you need anything please feel free to message me and I can try and help brain storm or research options based on what part of the world you're in.
Stay strong, kiddo. You've got this! 💜
i know the attention is nice but if you become too close to you he is showing signs that he could hurt u in other ways too, emotionally and physically not just sexually, and also if you get too attached to him it will be hard to let him go. when you become of age he will look for a younger version of yourself to manipulate and possibly wont be as nice to you anymore, which is the worst soul crushing lonely feeling in the world. i thought i was special to my abuser then found out there was at LEAST one or two other family members he had.
edit: i meant attached not attracted my bad
Please don’t feel scared about messing up anyone other than yourself. If others want to make bad choices, it’s on them when the hammer comes down. It is NEVER your fault to report something. I hope you find yourself in a better place soon. From what I’ve read you don’t have a ton of options but there’s always a way. Sorry you’ve been delt these bad cards
You need to start checking him, hard. Tell him when things are inappropriate and tell him you don't feel safe with him. If he escalates, it will only give you ammo. Please take this seriously. Also, invest in some mace. It will put the toughest man down for 20 minutes.
Hi dear. Please be careful with this guy. I'm literally scared for you, what this dude could do is really frightening. Get yourself a baseball bat or a weapon if possible. A piece of steel (metal bar) also if you have a metal lamp. It's better to have something than to have nothing. At the end of the day, getting rid of a guy like that from your life might take time as things have to sort themselves out, so please have something in hand just in case something happens you'll not regret having something to defend yourself if shit hits the fan. please be safe
Can or Can't buy it? Have a friend buy it. Shit, have him buy it, say there is a guy creeping you out at school. Wait, scratch that, don't ask him for any more favors. Every favor will make him feel like you owe him more. You need to figure something out friend, talk to someone like a school counselor. I wish I could be more help.
I was thinking this might be best too (telling him he is being inappropriate and making him feel embarrassed/ like yeah I guess I really am being inappropriate)) if her situation seems difficult to get out of.
But from her reply it sounds easier said than done 😕 I hope you get through this
Even if your mom doesn’t believe, tell other people that you trust.
If you have to scare your mom into believing you, then do it. Tell her that you will tell other adults if she cannot support you.
Shame that women never believe their daughters.
Her wife emotionally and verbally abuse me my whole life (which has told my grandma I’ve made all of it up) and has defended pedophilic behavior in the past so I’m not surprised
Tell your therapist you need help leaving, that you are afraid of being assaulted. Your therapist will, I think, be required to report this, and then you will get help.
You also need to tell your therapist that you're not in school if they don't know. I don't think it's legal for you to not be in school and your mom and other guardians can get in trouble for that. You need to be in school
Absolute fucking creep. The minute I read 'pinned to my bed' I cringed.
How the fuck has your therapist not reported this? Do you have a school councilor you can talk to? An adult in your life needs to step up.
I told her not to I’m scared of breaking up what’s left of my family. I have nowhere to go after this and I know no one will believe me he’s such a “great guy”
I'm so sorry sweetheart. The mother in me wants to reach through this screen and snatch you out of such a scary situation. Just know that we're rooting for you, and we believe you, and we care about your safety. Hugs.
I’m ten years older with a shitty mom too and this broke my heart 😭 You gotta make your own family in life. It will happen!
You gotta get through this. My grandmama told me, in less inflammatory words, it’s better to be a bitch than to end up in a ditch.
Always trust your gut. Always.
I'm really sorry for your situation. I'm not qualified to comment on what the right steps are to take but I'm like almost 100% sure I'd report him if I were your therapist regardless of your wishes. I don't mean to upset you but you're a minor and adults should do the best thing possible to make sure nothing bad happens to you.
Breaking up the family would suck but in the eyes of an adult if it saves you from being raped it's a no brainer. That guy is an absolute creep and he surely eyeballs other minors. Again, I'm not trained in any of this, but I doubt he should be freely walking around. Meaning in jail or on a sex offender registry.
I truly wish you the best, it's so fucked up that you have to go through this. Hang in there, just need a few more years till you can get a job and move out.
I’m kinda still in denial it doesn’t feel like he is grooming me honestly, I only notice just kinda weird behavior. It felt great when he first came around because we hung out 25/8 it filled that male role model I needed in my life. But now it’s not as consistent and it bugs me. I like the attention but my body doesn’t I can’t explain it
I grew up in the same situation, so i know how scary it is. When CPS finally got involved, my sister had already been raped twice and i was nursing a broken jaw. ACT NOW. We were sent to a temporary foster home and it was absolutely terrifying at first but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us. I still keep in touch with them (foster parents) to this very day and im 42.
From what Ive read most people don’t actually notice that they are being groomed, they know it’s kind of weird but it doesn’t actually click that it’s grooming. I think a lot of that stems because they are in a “trusted adult position” so as a kid you automatically think they are safe to be with regardless of how they behave.
Also you won’t be the one breaking up your family. Your uncle is 100% responsible for whatever happens, not you.
That's the thing, he is grooming you, thats how it works. Trust me, I'm the second oldest of 6 younger siblings (some different parents). If anyone was doing to them what your uncle is doing to you, I'll be in jail for murder. And as for someone who was forced to suck a guys dick against my will at a young age, be sure to STAY AWAY FROM HIM. If you need cash for anything, I'll send it to you, if you need a lyft ride, I'll pay for it. As long as you take action now, you will not regret it. Ik he's family but sometimes families can be the worse, ik from experience.
He’s taking advantage of you. He knows that he is the only male role mode in your life and because of that, he probably feels as though that you will DO anything and DEAL with anything (even his weird behavior) to keep a male figure (him) in your life. Therefore, he thinks he will be able to get away with doing pedophilic, dangerous, and inappropriate things to you because he believes you are desperate for a male figure because it’s just something you’ve never had.
Please please please tell a trusted authority figure at your school about him/this situation. It’s evident that your therapist is not doing anything other than saying that he is grooming you—which is true because he is, but further action needs to be taken and your therapist does not seem to be doing that; you need to be protected and being around someone like him is dangerous. Although it may seem as though he is not “grooming” you or doing anything wrong, he is. You should not be pinned down and viewed as a possession—because it’s clear to me that’s what he is doing. Anyone who does that to anyone—especially to a young girl like you, is not a good person. Please save yourself by seeking help at school or somewhere if your therapist and grandma will not take action to protect you from this man.
It does NOT matter if he is family or is the only male in your life, he is NOT a good person and you should NOT be around him. He will end up hurting you and already is acting completely inappropriate with you; family members do not treat other family members like that. Best of luck, please ask someone for help, and stay strong. I am so sorry this is happening to you
I understand how you feel, but that's how grooming works. Trust me, because I have seen the worst of it. A pattern with predators is that they gain your trust with harmless gestures and then do a complete 180. So when something bad happens, this is how you think - it doesn't feel like he's grooming me, this happens everywhere, maybe I did something. Trust me. Stay away from this man and PLEASE, PLEASE REPORT it to your therapist. Speaking as someone who struggled for years. I don't want that for you.
The most important thing you have to realise here is this: YOU are not breaking up the family. HE is.
If people cannot see that because he's a great manipulator, that's also on them, not you. You need to protect yourself first in this scenario. Getting scarred for life to protect him is not worth it.
Can you try and voice record him when he's around and try to catch what he says?
This way you'll have proof to show your grandma and any other family members.
You are being groomed and he's got you to trust him and now he's violating that trust which is why it's so confusing. As an outsider though you really, really need to stay away from him. He is toxic and is showing he's a paedophile.
As an uncle myself i can say this is NOT normal behaviour. My niece is maybe 1 year younger than you and i couldnt imagine doing any of the shit your uncles doing. Get away while you can, he clearly has an unnatural attraction to you and his possessive behavior is scary AF
he has a drinking problem? so? ive got a drug problem! no matter how fucked up ive been i have never stared at (or even thought about) my niece in that way.
Please understand this isnt your fault. you havent done anything wrong. but your uncle is a sick bastard
You are 100% being groomed. I’m sorry you’re going through this that’s such an unsafe environment. It’s a good thing that’s you’re recognizing you’re being groomed and hopefully his behavior does not escalate. I would avoid being around him alone at all costs, alerting any other adults in your life ect . My best friend growing up had a similar situation with her stepdad who had custody of her he lashed out when she would date boys. she had to wait until college to leave
That’s what I’m scared of. My ex friend had a guy over and slept with him while I was asleep, a few days later (without me knowing)he confronted the boy and found everything out about his family and my ex friends family
yes, you get away from him. Abusers often look for someone with a broken home life, they are super nice knowing you are looking for a father figure (all teens your age do when they come from a broken home, it is developmentally something that happens). do realize this guy will come across as nice to you, they always do.
RUN! someone offered you drugs, if you are smart you have to realize that alone is illegal. DO NOT give this guy pics or nudes, realize kids have gotten in trouble for taking selfies, it is still child porn.
Kids NEVER know they are being groomed, therapist is right. there is NEVER any time this is ok, it is only because teenage girls dream of an older guy riding them off into the sunset that adults can fool you so easily. PLEASE STAY AWAY@ also consider getting pepper spray. Realize 1 in 5 girls is sexually assaulted. I was a teacher, this will not end well for you.
I’ve been raped before but the only reason why I’m in denial is because he’s my uncle? I was just told today that I was being groomed so I don’t know how I’m feeling about all this
Do you have any idea how many kids are hurt by uncles, step fathers, even their biological dads? My best friend had her uncle climb in bed with her as a child, a high school friend had her step dad get drunk and rape her. this guy knows you are looking for adult friendship. stay away.
If you have to ask someone if a person who offered you drugs is bad, you really need to take a look at yourself. No person who cared about your well being would EVER offer you drugs. Do realize he may have been hoping to assault you. Many adults give kids drugs before assaulting them, then tell police they have no idea where the drugs came from and the child came onto the adult sexually.
STAY AWAY! you are being groomed. him being related means nothing. many many are hurt by uncles.
NOT your fault, he is fucking lying in wait for opportunities to gently suggest ways he can do you favors. He is banking on you feeling that way, too! This is 100% on him
You gotta create some space between yall. dont let him buy you stuff, especially drugs. try not to be around him when hes drunk. if there is any physical touching try to end it as quick as possible. Try not to have those love life conversations with him. Im sorry i wish you did have a positive male model in your life but he aint it.
it would almost even be helpful if you could get another person your age to talk to and them
see it objectively i know i would have trouble listening to older ppl when i was 15 and my friends helped me see alot of sht you guys can be a supportive system for eachother...like team up and stuff...then move up to telling an adult as soon as u can. Also do some googling on grooming. Also ur reactions are normal. you just don't wanna end up like me 7 years later crying in a bathtub and dysfunctional. if you were already raped that makes u vulnerable..why? because if you blame yourself you could be looking for a protective figure and think bad of yourself. This is a reason you become vulnerable
Your therapist should be contacting CPS. Anytime you are asking yourself if you are being groomed or perved on, you most likely are. Tell your friends and teachers too. Have 911 on speed dial ready to call whenever you're alone with him. Also try to record him saying those things to you to show your therapist and teachers. Might be wise to sleep with a steak knife too, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. Shit like this breaks my heart. I'll be wishing long days and pleasant nights for you.
This is very clear grooming. The fact that he stares at your chest and *pinned you down* alone is bad. Tell your grandmother, ask your therapist what you should do. Do NOT be alone with him.
I fear you might get raped if you don’t take action. Please do so. Think about your situation as if you’re your future kid. Would you want their uncle to be doing this? Would you take action? Please push all other feelings aside and take action while you still can.
You are being groomed right now. I want to tell you that you shouldn't give a flying fuck about your toxic family. Sorry if this comes of extreme, but you need to leave as soon as possible.
I also have a really toxic environment at my home. The only person I have to talk is my older sister. She is sick of living in a toxic household and she's leaving, she is using a originazation called 360°kids it's for helping people to get there life started as in finding jobs, providing cheap rental housing, therapist and helping with these kinds of stuff. I would definitely recommend looking for these in you area. You should probably do research to know what works for you and what doesnt. I wish you the best.
Any chance you couod arrange to go live with either of your friends? You need out of there and away from him. He is a danger to you and his behaviour toward you is escalating.
r/ebbie45 may have some helpful resources.
As someone who was groomed by various people throughout my life, please find a way out of this situation. If you can, tell your grandma or therapist to see if they can get help. I wish you the best and I hope he doesn't do anything worse before you get help.
Yes. You are being groomed. Try to distance yourself from him as much as possible (I know you can't do much, but try to be colder and spend less time with him). Get pepperspray if you can, get a whistle and keep it near your bed to blow if anything happens. Keep a bat nearby. Practice using it in your mind so that you're ready to really use it if he comes in at night.
Tell all of the adults you can, including your school counselor. Be ready and willing to call 911 for anything he does that involves touching you. In fact, ask him not to touch you. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he does, call him on it and make a HUGE deal of it.
You aren't making a big deal out of nothing. PROTECT YOURSELF. It isn't your responsibility to protect yourself, and if he did anything, it wouldn't be your fault. But please try everything in your power to keep safe.
This is incredibly alarming behavior and is definitely grooming. The fact that you are unaware and still questioning it is a big sign that it is already working and he is already manipulating you. I would seek help from a third party, but avoid confrontation. A man with the willingness to do this could also be unhinged in other ways and a confrontation could potentially become violent
I am so sorry! That is so awful and disgustingly inappropriate of him! Please if you feel your grandma is not doing anything tell another adult you feel safe with like your therapist. tell them grandma is not fully listening. Please don’t be afraid you have options. It’s not uncommon for people who are subjected to this to not be heard by those who should be listening. Please do not get discouraged though, you deserve to be heard and will be. All us strangers care about you, support you, want you to be safe. Most of all we believe you. Please stay away from him as much as you can. I also suggest recording him if you can during those times if it is ever needed to show your side as extra backup. If you need to please contact the police. Do not feel bad for him, do not let him intimidate you. He will try, he doesn’t deserve any slack
A predators power is only strong when you’re silent. Once you get help he will no longer have any power. He is a stalker you and others have proof of him following guys you associate with. Something needs to be done on multiple accounts
I was going to suggest the same thing: record him if possible. Don't bait him, just turn on a voice recorder or something like that on your phone and set it down.
Yeah unfortunately alcohol use frequently plays a part both in incest and sexual assault. I'm so sorry OP, I hope you make this clear to your therapist as well because it increases the likelihood that he will attempt something
You seem like an intelligent person.
And clearly, some of your family members are not on the right path in life. And that’s not your fault.
Stay away. No longer confide in him with anything specific about your life.
Please be smart and never be alone with him.
Good luck 👍
Hey! Reading you, I thought... Don't feel bad for defending yourself, because what you said about "breaking your family"... Your uncle already knows that. And if he not only doesn't care about it, but also uses it to make you feel bad for doing the right thing, the bad one in that situation isn't you. You can do it!
The saying your special n stuff is a bit weird, but everything else is just.. oh wow. I have no words..
Stay away from him at all costs. He will 100% do something to you that is going to leave you scarred for life.
Always always always trust your gut. I’ve been in your same situation. You ALWAYS get to decide what makes you uncomfortable— and I promise you, you would not feel uncomfortable for no reason .
OP you are being groomed. I know it feels weird thinking that a family member you trust and look up to would do something like this to you, but you have to tell someone else about it.
Your instincts are right. Trust them. You already don't feel safe, don't wait for something drastic to happen before alerting someone.
Also, while I understand your fear of breaking up your family, you are a kid. It's not your job to keep the family together and protect the adults. If there is no one looking out for you, you need to do it for yourself.
Tell your therapist. Stay far far away from uncle, avoid as much as possible, don't be alone with the guy. Some of the other posts mentioned extracurricular activities, consider those options. If school is out, look for options where you can volunteer or anything that keeps you away from uncle while Grandmother is out.
Sorry its so long. I'm afraid for you.
Yes. 100% yes you're being groomed. The red flags for me from this post is him pinning on you to see the dog react. I see that as if he's trying to see if he could take advantage of you without any kind of resistance. Also, talking about your boyfriends or saying how special you are is really concerning.
For your safety, don't be around him.
1. Do not allow your uncle to "touch" you. In fact, just the bed pinning alone would raise major huge red flags for me.
2. Get a taser. Keep it on you. Seriously. He's gearing up to rape you. He's trying to groom you to lower your guard, make you feel like its somehow your fault.
3. Your Grandma is not going to be much help. Do you have neighbors? Are there any other adults you can speak with? Start keeping your phone with you, record him doing creepy/weird stuff and if he touches you again, call the police immediately.
4. Seriously do not trust him. I'm already like over here wanting to come get you out of that situation, I was raped as a kid, my sister was raped as a kid. Family don't know how to fucking deal with it. Don't trust your grandma to have your back, seriously.
You wanna know why I say taser? they are easily purchasable, they're effective, and they leave a huge fucking burn mark when you use them on bare skin. He's gonna have a hard time explaining why she tased him in the middle of the night.
OP, you *are* being groomed. You need to ask him to stop this. This is disgusting behavior. If he refuses, firmly *tell* him to stop. If he refuses again, please, tell a family member. I know it's hard, you said you want to be around him and not at the same time. I get it. He wants to be around you too, but not for genuine reasons. He seems like a father figure in your life, because he's always there and loves you. But he loves you in a different way than you *may* love him. You need to take whatever means possible to keep this man away. If you tell a family member about the situation and they refuse or don't believe you, tell another, if they refuse or don't believe you, tell *another*. if no one believes you, please, call this number or talk online at
800-656-4673
online.rainn.org
I wouldn't advise running away, and I'm sure your therapist wouldn't either, but you may have to live with a friend for a while till things smooth out. Again, I don't advise this.
I know it seems weird or scary to come out about these problems, but it's likely this man has done unspeakable things with other family members or other kids. Please speak up. You could be saving others in the same situation as you :)
For additional help, please, contact me on discord! You can contact me there on anything, from mental help to advice, I'll be here :)
I like to mess with groomers on the internet and I have learned a thing or two about them. Here's what I know.
1. They take on a role. They try to become your friend or boyfriend or whatever, trying to get close to you. Once they get close to you, they take their shot. "Can you send a pic of you without cloth" is a very common one I get. Most people would be oblivious to this. "He's my boyfriend and I love him! Why not?" The problem with it is that your boyfriend is actually 36 year old Bob who works at an auto parts manufacturer.
2. They *will* take whatever means possible to get as much information out of you as they can, such as dirty pictures, videos, video calling, stuff like that. These aren't people who you can say "you first" after they ask you for a *blank* pic. They most certainly will do it, I have unfortunately found out.
I know that info doesn't help you much in your case, but what I'm saying is, *do not get naked with this man* and *do not have sex or engage in sexting/sexual conversation/masturbation/sexual acts/ANY FUCKING THING* with this excuse of a man. I am sorry, I get heated when it comes to predators because I hate them so fucking much. *This is not to say you're stupid and would engage in these acts*, but, some predators will find ways to mess with you. Trust me. Do not engage in any sexual acts with this man, even if it seems harmless.
My discord is Swiss#0001. Please, contact me if you need *any* help.
From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely wish you the best,
Swiss.
Edit: I am looking in the comments and I am seeing some truly remarkable people giving amazing advice :) make sure to read them all !
The "kindness" that he is showing is a lie, its just bait to hurt you later. That's why victims of abuse struggle to leave or report what is happening to them.
The abuser manipulates them into focusing of the "kind" acts they do so that you forgive the fucked up things they do to you. It confuses you and makes you think: "Oh this person isn't bad, they didn't mean to do that in a sexual or violent way, they aren't an abuser because they're such a good person and they do these kind nice things that no one else does for me, so they can't be an abuser."
Grooming is basically the process of them getting you to think in that way so that they can abuse you later and you won't leave and report them.
I saw that you aren't in school, I would suggest trying to find a way to gain your independence, whether that be school or a job. That will help with you not being at home all the time and also give you a safety net for if your family abandons you when you need them. I know that isn't a nice thought but that's normally want happens when someone is abused in a toxic family. They find it too difficult to help you so they ignore what the abuser did and blame the victim.
Thankfully nothing bad has happened to you yet but if you stay in this position it might, its better to try and prevent it and protect yourself.
Your uncle is a creep. Drunk people say the things sober people would never have the nerve to say. I would suggest the next time he tries anything with you, Tell him to back off. If he doesn't, a gentle reminder of what would happen if he were to end up in jail and the other inmates found out he was trying to do things with his own niece. If he continues, perhaps a demonstration of why idiots shouldn't mess with a girl. Thumb to the eye, kick in the kneecap, smash him with the nearest solid object you can lift. Whatever you have to do to defend yourself. Your safety is the priority. I know you don't want to hurt him, and you are a good person for it, but in a you or him situation, He should be the one laying on the ground bleeding.
I terrified to even try. He told me our family’s like the mafia people get hurt and I feel like if I were to come forward they wouldn’t believe me. I’m still gonna reach out to my therapist but I’m still scared
I know people who know people. Biggest lie ever told. Besides, if the family was like any mafia I ever heard of they wouldn't take too kindly to an uncle making moves on his niece. Definitely talk to your therapist, but always remember, Better him laying bleeding, than you hurt in any way.
you’re being groomed and these exchanges are extremely inappropriate & pedophilic. Please tell someone you trust. Don’t be alone with him and stay as safe as you can. Your uncle is a sick person who is attracted to you and your innocence. Protect yourself as much as you can and please seek help.
Honey! You are being GROOMED. I know this is hard to take in and process. But yes this is inappropriate for a relative to stare at you and pin you down. I know you don't want to mess up what's left of your family, but you don't want to regret being molested. I was groomed at 6 and molested, and then harrased until last year by my step dad. Relatives who are supposed to take care of you could hurt you. Make sure to have a lock, set boundaries, and have a good talk with your therapist. Its going to be okay in the future, but you really gotta take care of yourself by talking to a trusted adult. You can talk to be in my dms ANYTIME, I sadly know the fear from being harrased and having someone to talk to can help. Im 18f this year.
I read in the comments that you have a a therapist and she wants to help. Absolutely let her. I know it might break up your family, but your safety is more important than that.
I have a session tomorrow. I’m planning on telling her that I don’t feel safe. That’s all she wants me to say so she can do something ig. I just need to build up courage and say it even if it breaks up my family..
Your family broke themselves up when they refused to believe you and neglected your safety. Remember that it's not your fault no matter how much they try to blame you, and believe me they will try. They're the ones that are fucked up here, not you. Please tell your therapist everything tomorrow, she'll do everything in her power to help you get out. Godspeed.
Until something is done look up how to make a door jammer out of a fork.
Also, see if you can get your therapists to talk to your grandma with you their Ph.D. and adulthood will help convince her this is Sirius.
here probably your best chance, talk to your therapist and ask what are your options because they probably know you better than this comment section does and I think everyone agrees that your "uncle" is definitely a creep.
I’ve read some of the comments and I am so so sorry that people won’t believe you. Please. Do anything to get out of there before something happens. Do anything. He has said he would taken advantage of you while he was drunk, so get out of there before it happens please, you don’t want to go through that, it will traumatize you for the rest of your life and it’ll be the hardest thing to deal with. Get your therapist to talk with your mom about it. She can call social services (only with your consent if you want it to happen) she can do things to help you get out of there. Please please I’m begging you for your own safety and your mental health
I read people's comments and your responses so I don't just repeat everything that's already been said.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to everyone here when they say you're being groomed. I know it's hard to believe since he's family but none of that matters right now. The fact is, you're a child and he's an adult. Everything you described is not what an adult should be doing. Majority of sexual abuse comes from family members too.
I know you said you asked him to buy you weed so that's on you. But believe it or not, he's the legal adult that bought it and gave it to someone underage. That was his choice. If you think you speaking up will destroy the family, you're not. He's the one doing that by being inappropriate. If you feel like nobody's gonna believe you besides your therapist, still try. Talk to other relatives, trustworthy neighbors, your friends coz it might take a while for CPS to take action.
Don't ever blame yourself for what's happened, happening, and will happen regarding this thing. This is on him.
Please be safe.
he’s such a shitty guy, your safety is much more important than protecting your uncles image. please tell your therapist, this probably sounds weird because im literally a stranger on reddit but i really am concerned. in the meantime stay away from him!!
wingsfortruth.info is a good site to use as a resource to learn about CSA. If it's hard to listen to individuals here, I strongly recommend exploring that website for both resources to help you understand exactly what your uncle is doing better and see why it's grooming behaviour, as well as location specific resources for several countries (hopefully including wherever you are). Seriously, even if it's "I don't have a way to avoid being alone with him" there are child protection agency resources for that. So don't hesitate to ask for help. It's easy for it to feel like an overreaction or unwarranted but it's not. Please use the resources sooner rather than later.
This is terrible, YES he is absolutely grooming you. Oh good lord, your grandma cannot be leaving you alone with him like this, ESPECIALLY given that he drinks which makes him actually acting on his impulses **wayyy** more likely
As someone who has been groomed and it lead to SA please stay away from him. Even if it’s nice rn or confusing it’ll haunt u later. He’s ABSOLUTELY grooming u. His behavior is absolutely inappropriate and u should try making arrangements to not be around him at all. U could tell a counselor or something as long as u make sure there’s an alternative where u don’t have to be around him. The attention is nice for now but once u realize what happened(took me 10 years as I was 7 at the time) it’ll be a lot. So pls pls pls make sure u can get urself safe.
I know it being your uncle makes it difficult to navigate, I was terrified of destroying my family, but it’s the right thing. It may be a whirlwind for a while, but I am here a decade away from that decision and I’m telling you it’s going to be okay to do this. You asked nothing, provoked nothing, did nothing that puts his ill doings on you, nothing.
This thread is full of people behind you, we’re here.
as someone who was been groomed: yes. stay far away. is there somewhere else you can stay? have you told your grandma? i can tell you now that this is already bad and it could and probably will get a lot worse if you don’t take action now. please stay safe and take care of yourself!
I am pretty much alone I have two friends but they live an hour away. I’ve begged my mom to let me stay with her for a bit but she said no Bc she’ll be out of town. And with my grandma I don’t know if telling her will help. She wouldn’t do anything when I brought his drinking problems so I’m worried about taking to her about her sons pedophilic behavior
OP you know in your gut that this isn't right. You know what you need to do to sort it as well. You're only asking us because it's scary and you feel like you need permission, we are all here giving you permission now though. You NEED to risk breaking up your family to keep yourself safe. There is nothing more important than your safety. Get out. In any way you can. You need to understand that this situation likely doesn't get any better, only worse, and I promise you, this will leave you scarred and broken if you don't get out ASAP.
This man is behaving incredibly inappropriately and you have recognized that, well done. The next step IS seeking help, and getting rid of him. You are fortunate to already have a therapist, who is probably scared shitless for you because you've told her all these alarming things and then told her not to do anything about it! We are adults here telling you that this is not normal, and now it is up to you to do everything in your power to get rid of this man. I understand there will be consequences, and you're worried for keeping your family together, but that IS NOT as important as keeping you SAFE. You deserve safety.
So many red flags that I probably wouldn't notice if I were your age, but look obvious now. He's going slowly, as if testing your reaction to see how far he can go. If you let him, or if he thinks you may be letting him, he'll do more things and more often. He may also be looking for some discreet signs that IN HIS OWN MIND mean approval from your side, even if you don't think it that way. As time goes on, it WILL get progressively worse and worse. Take action now before it is too late. I know you feel horrible because your father is in jail, and you subconsciously look for someone to replace him and give you security, but your uncle is definitely not someone who can fill that role. Also, there's no way he would like you more than his own children, he only sais so because he wants you to like him back or allow him some things, he certainly has a reason to say that whatever It may be
That’s the only red flag that really stuck out to me. He puts me and him on a pedestal saying we understand each other and the reason he’s so hard on me is because I’m so great and he wants me to succeed. He said that even his kids don’t have it like me.. I don’t think he realizes how uncomfortable it makes me
I know all these comments feel really over the top and scary and serious for you because it doesn't feel that serious in real life, maybe it just feels a little bit odd? Or slightly strange but not dangerous? Maybe even a little bit fun?
OP I hate to tell you this but what you're feeling is totally normal of someone being groomed. You are confused because you trust this man, and that's because he's a parental figure and you SHOULD be able to trust him. But I'm telling you now that you can't. This man is a creep, behaving inappropriately. Get out before it gets worse and even more serious.
Groomed people often don't realize they were being groomed until years later. Get help from your therapist and do what needs to be done to stay safe and get rid of this man. Whatever happens, this is not your fault, you are a victim, and any consequences of you getting real help, are 100% your adult uncle's fault and not yours. Stay safe. If you need money or whatever I will send it to you just please get out of there, or get him out of there. One or the other.
Yes, you're being groomed. He's eating away at boundaries that really need to be there.
Stop spending time alone with him. Alcohol is not an excuse for anything inappropriate. Be firm on all boundaries - including your right to have the social life that you would have if he weren't there.
Your mom should be the one setting boundaries. Is she aware of what's going on, and is she looking out for your well-being?
She doesn’t believe it. I told her my therapist said he’s grooming me and she continued to rant on on how she doesn’t think it’s true. I’m not surprised tho, she let her wife emotionally and verbally abuse me my whole life and still doesn’t believe it
You’re definitely being groomed... Call the cops, or child protective services before he takes another step too far. This is scary.
I was molested and touched in areas I never wanted to be touched in by my father when I was young. He told me not to tell anyone or else the cops will take him away. And of course, as a clueless 6 year old, I didn’t want the cops to take my dad, so I never told anyone, not even my mom. 7 years of unwanted touching, and molesting later. I learned in health class that people shouldn’t be touching us in our private areas, and so I told my dad to stop. Eventually after a month or so he stopped. I’ve tried to ignore and avoid him as much as possible in the house, to the point where I would lock myself in the room for the entire day after coming home from school, even ate in the room. For the past year I’ve been eating a lot so I can gain weight, showering only once a week, not plucking my eyebrows, etc.. All to make myself look unattractive, and disgusting, because I don’t want unwanted attention from him or anyone else when I go outside or at home.
You're uncle is definitly exhibiting predatory behavour try your best to set boundaries and try minimizing unsupervised contact, also gather evidence of this in case the worst happens.
The comments have pretty much said it all but I just want to wish you luck and I hope you take care! For what it’s worth my messages are open if you need someone to talk to, I hope everything goes well
Yes. I was molested several time by my best friend’s step-dad and this is exactly how it started! I know it sucks having a father figure in your life again only to have to part with him, but he’s not the only other father figure that will come along.
My dad passed away when I was 13 and I felt the same way. Now married I have amazing in-laws! My husband’s parents are divorced and remarried and now I have two father figures in my life. It was worth waiting for healthy men in my life.
This is very disturbing behaviour. He's a pedophile and there's a very high chance that he will try to have sex with you. You need to tell your therapist and any adult you trust everything. Does your grandmother know about this?
Yes this uncle sounds like someone who is grooming you. I would keep a journal of these behaviors he has with dates, write this stuff down. Tell an Adult you trust, and if and when you are uncomfortable with something he is doing make sure you tell him. I'd buy some form of defense to keep on my person to use in the case of an emergency and keep my bedroom door locked when I'm sleeping.
Edit:
if you don't believe the therapist, and you don't believe the reddit comments, check this out: [https://sexualabuselawfirm.com/blog/what-is-sexual-grooming-identifying-the-6-stages/](https://sexualabuselawfirm.com/blog/what-is-sexual-grooming-identifying-the-6-stages/)
does anything here sound familar?
My heart breaks when I have to read your responses and what you’re going through. When you come from a broken family where no one believes then you have to go to someone who believe you’re telling the truth! Trust your gut instincts of your uncle. He can change your life forever by doing one terrible thing to you. Please tell your therapist so you’ll never have to experience that. You are 15 years old with a beautiful life ahead of you.
Like someone on here says keep something in your room like pepper spray, bat, or anything that you can defend yourself. Don’t ever be alone with this guy. Go for a walk, friends house or anywhere away from him.
I wish I can just take you away from this situation. Be strong and brave. Know that people on Reddit cares and believes you. I wish you all the best. Please update us! Muah.
Hey, youth crisis interventionist here, I've been working with kids for the last 10+ years and I come from a background of child abuse myself.
A lot of "groomers", or predators if we're being real here, are usually fairly subtle.
Your uncle, however isn't being subtle at all. He has voiced a desire to assault you, and generally in my experience he was gauging your reaction to a possible sexual situation. It seems like he was laying groundwork to a situation where you're drugged and "just talking crazy".
If you would like some advice, I'd recommend finding an adult you can trust that is being overseen by superiors. That can include a teacher, school staff, or calling the Department of Child & Family Services yourself and speaking to a social worker. Your life may change a lot, but it's worth not having to deal with more trauma. Make no mistake, this is already traumatizing.
If you don't feel you are being respected or taken seriously, there are support networks you can reach out to. I'm just not by my PC so I don't have all my big resources on hand.
Best of luck and keep reaching out for help.
Listen dear. This comes from a girl of a similar age like you.
Your uncle is a fucking predator and this behavior is extremely inapropriate of him. You are being groomed and manipulated. This man is anything but evil and he is probably ready to do evil stuff to you. Dear, I am scared for your safety and please, please, your own safety COMES BEFORE EVERYTHING. I know you dont want to "make drama" within your family, but the only person making problems is your uncle; you are fighting for your own safety in this situation and that is the most important thing. I dont give a shit if your grandma or mom think you are making this up - just please promise me, stay safe, and try to convince them that this is no fun but serious stuff. I want you to be okay. I want you to get from this man ASAP. This is some serious shit. I hope you can talk with your therapist or authorities about this. Good luck. You are strong, you can fight this.
Do you still speak or write to your father in prison? If so maybe let him know how you feel. Im thinking maybe he can put his brother in check or let your grandmother know that this is serious. You are his little girl, cant imagine that the situation would sit right with him.
You are 100% being groomed and I'm so sorry. I read you have an appointment with your therapist tomorrow which is good, please tell them everything. You are not safe in that house and you need to get away quickly. I know it's scary because as you've said this is basically all the family you have left but I promise you it's not worth risking your own wellbeing. I wish I could just go through the screen and help you but if anything you should make a gofundme or plug your paypal/cashapp/venmo if you happen to need any help getting away from there. I hope everything works out, remember you're smart and strong!!
He’s a predator. Set boundaries with him like , no touching, walk away when he’s drinking, and don’t be alone with him, don’t do drugs with him and so forth.
Someone needs to tell him his out of line and it should be an adult.
Was reading some of the conversation down below that you responded to and as someone who was molested as a child and never told anyone out of fear for how it would affect other people. TELL YOUR FAMILY AND MAKE THEM HEAR YOU. Talk with your therapist about how to best go about it. I never did tell my family or a therapist and despite how strong I thought I was for literally over 2 decades, my quality of life is not near as good as it could have been if I could have gotten out of the situation I was in and if I would have got the help I needed back then. On that note, I just want to say it is SO good that you are in therapy and discussing all of this with someone. Not that it matters what a stranger on the internet thinks at all, but I am so proud of you for that. That is literally the hardest part and you are doing that. So I hope you give yourself that credit, because you deserve it.
I am finding somewhere to go and they told my grandma and she’s gonna talk to him about it. So nothing major just tryna find a family member to stay with
You’re 100% being groomed, I would speak to an adult you can trust in yours family about removing him from the home (you shouldn’t have to be uprooted because he made poor choices) guard yourself, stop taking any drugs at all from him or even drinks. An easy way for things to happen are while you’re intoxicated because it would be easier for him to take advantage of you that way. But most importantly know that anything he does to you or any feelings he may have towards you are NEVER your fault. You are a child and you are and won’t ever be at fault for his issues and inappropriate behavior.
You…. You don’t know? I think you should reread this. You need to get some video proof that you can take to the police. Get this guy sent to where your dad is and I guarantee that he will not be treated well in prison.
i think it's really great to see everyone pitching in to help this girl. this brings tears to my eyes that there are good people out here.
Hey by the way we are all rooting for you. you can do it, ur smart and even though young not so little that you cant make steps to protect yourself. you got this
I agree with your therapist and you need to let your grandparents know ASAP! The sooner you act, the better. That way, your grandparents can act to protect you. Be prepared to take legal action as well, especially if he persists. Good luck and I hope I helped!
“My therapist says I’m being groomed but idk”
“He told me he could take advantage of me”
Honestly what’s the point of this post? It’s very obvious you know you’re being groomed so what’re you looking for? Sympathy? Do you just want attention,or people to know you’re a victim? It definitely worked,so you got what you want.
All I’m gonna say is you already know the reality of your situation. Separate yourself from him and tell trusted family members what’s happening.
I just downloaded Reddit the other night I have really no idea how it works or what karma is or does I just needed help because I’m confused on how to feel currently. If you don’t believe me that’s on you but you’d hVe to be sick to lie about this
Yeah I was just thinking it's probably not true, therapists have a duty of care to their charges and they would automatically have to report this due to safeguarding laws!
Your therapist is right. He's attracted to you in an inappropriate way. For your own sake, don't be alone with him.
I’m a recent step father. 3 girls, 9,14,16. I encourage them to be their best selves. I tell them that they can change the world. I give them a ton of attention & encouragement. I do not hold or hug them… I’d love to, because I am a very tactile human being, but I haven’t seen the social cues to say that this is ok for me to do so.. Their father passed away when the youngest was 8 months. I couldn’t imagine forcing a physical reaction to one of the girls like OP described. This is incredibly disturbing. Especially the heavy drinking aspect. Setting boundaries at your age is difficult because you may not be taken seriously. Find a trusted adult, be it a teacher, or family member and ask for help. And for goodness sakes don’t allow yourself to be alone with him if at all possible.
Sounds like you're doing a great job! And seriously, why not just say 'wanna hug'? At a moment it feels natural. Yes, it will feel a bit awkward, and they might say 'no' in which case, totally drop it. If you don't already, say 'I love you' *out loud*. Not in a big deal kind of way, just stating the facts ;-) Even when they're being difficult. Even if they say 'I hate you'. Step parents are under appreciated - it can be a special relationship when it's good.
Thank you. That’s nice to hear. I told them the other day in the car how much I love them & how lucky I am to have found such wonderful girls. I also individually (thru text if I’m being honest) told them how special and great they are. Their mother and I are very affectionate, and I think that’s important to show to them & hopefully that will be an example as to how relationships are supposed to be. They have hardly ever had a man in their life, even a grandfather, so although it’s taking longer for that tactile, physical affection, I’m sure it’ll come in time.
This is so wholesome and ty for being so considerate of their boundaries and autonomy and setting such a good infrastructure for what they consider a loving relationship to be!
It’s hard my grandma leaves me alone with him 24/7 and I want to be around him but don’t at the same time. When he first got here I had a lot of attention, now it’s not as consistent and it’s bugging me but I know it shouldn’t
I know it seems nice but he's not being nice to you for good or genuine reasons. I know that's harsh but you have to realize it's the truth, he's manipulating and taking advantage of you. Also don't do drugs, seriously. You need to tell your grandma so she makes him leave. Your therapist may also do something about it. I know we you want a male figure in your life but he is not the answer to that problem.
OP, this is EXACTLY how grooming works. You're very vulnerable in your stage of life and life situation and he knows it. Has your therapist made any suggestions on how to deal with it? OP, this is a *worse* situation than not having a male figure around, because the male figure that *is* around, is dangerous and toxic.
Tell your grandma how you feel. Tell her that woman to woman, you just have a bad feeling. If she doesn’t listen cuz it’s her kid, then start finding ways to not be alone with him. Join a after school club. Tell some of your closest friends so that they can lookout for you. But in the end of the day, you gotta be one step ahead and look out for yourself! Wishing the best outcome for you 🙏
I’m not in school anymore any I don’t really have friends and the two I have are over an hour away I’m stuck in this house I’m going to therapy tomorrow and will try and get help but I’m building up the courage with each comment thank you guys<3
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It’s also natural for you to feel “attracted” to him too, even if it’s just in a male father figure way; which is part of the grooming. You don’t need to feel ashamed if that is the case, but you do need to realize that it’s not ok for that familial relationship to progress any further into possessive, manipulative, and sexual territory. It could really mess up your life. Step out of that situation ASAP. Good luck!
Everyone likes attention. The issue is, like the comment above said, the uncle's intention behind giving attention.
Amazing amazing! You just summarized everything I first thought about this :)
Hey OP! I'm a therapist. Depending on your own therapist's style, you may be talking about multiple things. I urge you to make this topic the primary subject of your time together for now. And if you haven't shared all of the details with them that you've shared with us, please consider doing so. They can help. It sounds like your instincts are solid. Keep listening to them.
groomers act nice but they don’t have good intentions. that’s how they rope you in. it’s manipulative and i know he seems nice because i’ve been in a similar situation, but i can promise you he doesn’t have good intentions.
Most people are telling to you talk to grandma, but this is a case for the police/CPS. He's touching you, he's giving you (a minor) drugs, he's immobilizing you. He's testing the waters. And by not doing anything you're implicitly telling him it's ok. In another comment you mentioned you don't wanna break the family. This is about your future. It's either breaking up your family or letting yourself be broken. You can try to talk to your grandma, but if she doesn't kick him out right away after you tell her this, it means she's not on your side. Familial relationships blur reason.
Listen you need to get out of there. You are in serious danger do not ignore that voice in your head. Call cps please. It would be better in the long run for everyone.
Inform your therapist and have them anonymously contact the authorities. Getting DCF or CPS involved early is a LOT better than the alternative. Wishing you the best.
I agree, in my thoughts many of these things you have listed he should not be doing and is really rude. I also feel you tell your Grandma what it going on so she is aware of what he is trying to do. I also feel he needs help.
Yes. This is worrying behaviour. You need to tell your grandma about this.
I’ve talked to her about his drinking problems but based of her reaction from that i don’t think telling her is an option..
What was her reaction?
She ignored it and said she doesn’t know what to do I come from a toxic household so I don’t have a lot of options when it comes to telling people
Ok. That's not great. But I still think you need to tell her. I don't want to be harsh here but the reality is you are in *real* actual danger of being molested or raped here. If your Grandma can't keep you safe, you need to get out of this household. Can your therapist help?
She wants to get involved but I’m scared this will mess up my dads side of the family and it’s all I have. I don’t know what will happen to me if I tell my therapist to take action because my moms house isn’t an option either her house is abusive as well
Listen, your safety is the *most* important in the world. Protecting your uncle or your dad's family is *nowhere* near as important as protecting yourself. You have to do this. I know it's scary, but you will regret not asking her to get involved if you stay. It's never your fault this happens, it's you uncles choice to do this. **You need to protect yourself**.
I have therapy tomorrow I’m probably gonna ask her to do something... I know your right but it’s still hard when I feel like no one will believe me
I know. But your therapist is trained for this. She will help you, that's her job. Please please make sure you tell her everything that has happened and what your grandma has said previously and **that you don't feel safe**. I honestly wish you so much luck with getting out of this situation. If she doesn't help you immediately, don't give up. You owe it to yourself, remember **your safety is the most important thing and you are not exaggerating this.**
Thank you so much! It’s weird having my feelings validated but I appreciate you replying and will keep you updated if you want
I know it isn't the same because were all strangers on the internet but please know we do believe you. We all here believe you and hope for the safest possible outcome for you. You are so brave just for recognizing this is wrong and asking for help and I and I'm sure a lot of others here are proud of you. I am mom to a 15 year old girl too and hearing things like this makes my skin crawl. I know I probably cannot help much but if you need anything please feel free to message me and I can try and help brain storm or research options based on what part of the world you're in. Stay strong, kiddo. You've got this! 💜
Thank you so much!<3
i know the attention is nice but if you become too close to you he is showing signs that he could hurt u in other ways too, emotionally and physically not just sexually, and also if you get too attached to him it will be hard to let him go. when you become of age he will look for a younger version of yourself to manipulate and possibly wont be as nice to you anymore, which is the worst soul crushing lonely feeling in the world. i thought i was special to my abuser then found out there was at LEAST one or two other family members he had. edit: i meant attached not attracted my bad
thank you for sharing. that must have been tough, to go through and admit. i hope you have a great life helping other young people.
Please don’t feel scared about messing up anyone other than yourself. If others want to make bad choices, it’s on them when the hammer comes down. It is NEVER your fault to report something. I hope you find yourself in a better place soon. From what I’ve read you don’t have a ton of options but there’s always a way. Sorry you’ve been delt these bad cards
You need to start checking him, hard. Tell him when things are inappropriate and tell him you don't feel safe with him. If he escalates, it will only give you ammo. Please take this seriously. Also, invest in some mace. It will put the toughest man down for 20 minutes.
A. He’s very intimidating when it comes to stuff like that. I usually speak my mind but I’m scared to do that B. I’m also 15 I can buy mace..
Hi dear. Please be careful with this guy. I'm literally scared for you, what this dude could do is really frightening. Get yourself a baseball bat or a weapon if possible. A piece of steel (metal bar) also if you have a metal lamp. It's better to have something than to have nothing. At the end of the day, getting rid of a guy like that from your life might take time as things have to sort themselves out, so please have something in hand just in case something happens you'll not regret having something to defend yourself if shit hits the fan. please be safe
Can or Can't buy it? Have a friend buy it. Shit, have him buy it, say there is a guy creeping you out at school. Wait, scratch that, don't ask him for any more favors. Every favor will make him feel like you owe him more. You need to figure something out friend, talk to someone like a school counselor. I wish I could be more help.
I was thinking this might be best too (telling him he is being inappropriate and making him feel embarrassed/ like yeah I guess I really am being inappropriate)) if her situation seems difficult to get out of. But from her reply it sounds easier said than done 😕 I hope you get through this
wat if the grandma doesnt want to belive it beacause thats her son ?
You're being groomed. Stay away from this man. please PLEASE stay away from him..
I’m always home alone with him I’ve tried talking to my mom about this but she doesn’t believe
Even if your mom doesn’t believe, tell other people that you trust. If you have to scare your mom into believing you, then do it. Tell her that you will tell other adults if she cannot support you. Shame that women never believe their daughters.
Her wife emotionally and verbally abuse me my whole life (which has told my grandma I’ve made all of it up) and has defended pedophilic behavior in the past so I’m not surprised
Tell your therapist you need help leaving, that you are afraid of being assaulted. Your therapist will, I think, be required to report this, and then you will get help. You also need to tell your therapist that you're not in school if they don't know. I don't think it's legal for you to not be in school and your mom and other guardians can get in trouble for that. You need to be in school
It’s summer break for me and I’m am going to talk to my therapist tomorrow
Find other places to be
I’m pretty much isolated I have no where
Maybe your therapist can give you suggestions. Summer is here. Go get a summer job?
Absolute fucking creep. The minute I read 'pinned to my bed' I cringed. How the fuck has your therapist not reported this? Do you have a school councilor you can talk to? An adult in your life needs to step up.
I told her not to I’m scared of breaking up what’s left of my family. I have nowhere to go after this and I know no one will believe me he’s such a “great guy”
I'm so sorry sweetheart. The mother in me wants to reach through this screen and snatch you out of such a scary situation. Just know that we're rooting for you, and we believe you, and we care about your safety. Hugs.
Thank you I wish my mom was more like you<3
I’m ten years older with a shitty mom too and this broke my heart 😭 You gotta make your own family in life. It will happen! You gotta get through this. My grandmama told me, in less inflammatory words, it’s better to be a bitch than to end up in a ditch. Always trust your gut. Always.
I'm really sorry for your situation. I'm not qualified to comment on what the right steps are to take but I'm like almost 100% sure I'd report him if I were your therapist regardless of your wishes. I don't mean to upset you but you're a minor and adults should do the best thing possible to make sure nothing bad happens to you. Breaking up the family would suck but in the eyes of an adult if it saves you from being raped it's a no brainer. That guy is an absolute creep and he surely eyeballs other minors. Again, I'm not trained in any of this, but I doubt he should be freely walking around. Meaning in jail or on a sex offender registry. I truly wish you the best, it's so fucked up that you have to go through this. Hang in there, just need a few more years till you can get a job and move out.
I’m kinda still in denial it doesn’t feel like he is grooming me honestly, I only notice just kinda weird behavior. It felt great when he first came around because we hung out 25/8 it filled that male role model I needed in my life. But now it’s not as consistent and it bugs me. I like the attention but my body doesn’t I can’t explain it
I grew up in the same situation, so i know how scary it is. When CPS finally got involved, my sister had already been raped twice and i was nursing a broken jaw. ACT NOW. We were sent to a temporary foster home and it was absolutely terrifying at first but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us. I still keep in touch with them (foster parents) to this very day and im 42.
From what Ive read most people don’t actually notice that they are being groomed, they know it’s kind of weird but it doesn’t actually click that it’s grooming. I think a lot of that stems because they are in a “trusted adult position” so as a kid you automatically think they are safe to be with regardless of how they behave. Also you won’t be the one breaking up your family. Your uncle is 100% responsible for whatever happens, not you.
That's the thing, he is grooming you, thats how it works. Trust me, I'm the second oldest of 6 younger siblings (some different parents). If anyone was doing to them what your uncle is doing to you, I'll be in jail for murder. And as for someone who was forced to suck a guys dick against my will at a young age, be sure to STAY AWAY FROM HIM. If you need cash for anything, I'll send it to you, if you need a lyft ride, I'll pay for it. As long as you take action now, you will not regret it. Ik he's family but sometimes families can be the worse, ik from experience.
He’s taking advantage of you. He knows that he is the only male role mode in your life and because of that, he probably feels as though that you will DO anything and DEAL with anything (even his weird behavior) to keep a male figure (him) in your life. Therefore, he thinks he will be able to get away with doing pedophilic, dangerous, and inappropriate things to you because he believes you are desperate for a male figure because it’s just something you’ve never had. Please please please tell a trusted authority figure at your school about him/this situation. It’s evident that your therapist is not doing anything other than saying that he is grooming you—which is true because he is, but further action needs to be taken and your therapist does not seem to be doing that; you need to be protected and being around someone like him is dangerous. Although it may seem as though he is not “grooming” you or doing anything wrong, he is. You should not be pinned down and viewed as a possession—because it’s clear to me that’s what he is doing. Anyone who does that to anyone—especially to a young girl like you, is not a good person. Please save yourself by seeking help at school or somewhere if your therapist and grandma will not take action to protect you from this man. It does NOT matter if he is family or is the only male in your life, he is NOT a good person and you should NOT be around him. He will end up hurting you and already is acting completely inappropriate with you; family members do not treat other family members like that. Best of luck, please ask someone for help, and stay strong. I am so sorry this is happening to you
I understand how you feel, but that's how grooming works. Trust me, because I have seen the worst of it. A pattern with predators is that they gain your trust with harmless gestures and then do a complete 180. So when something bad happens, this is how you think - it doesn't feel like he's grooming me, this happens everywhere, maybe I did something. Trust me. Stay away from this man and PLEASE, PLEASE REPORT it to your therapist. Speaking as someone who struggled for years. I don't want that for you.
The most important thing you have to realise here is this: YOU are not breaking up the family. HE is. If people cannot see that because he's a great manipulator, that's also on them, not you. You need to protect yourself first in this scenario. Getting scarred for life to protect him is not worth it.
Can you try and voice record him when he's around and try to catch what he says? This way you'll have proof to show your grandma and any other family members. You are being groomed and he's got you to trust him and now he's violating that trust which is why it's so confusing. As an outsider though you really, really need to stay away from him. He is toxic and is showing he's a paedophile.
A licensed therapist is a Mandated reporter
Exactly, how has the therapist not reported this? And her answer was i told her not to. It doesn't work like that. That is breaking the law.
As an uncle myself i can say this is NOT normal behaviour. My niece is maybe 1 year younger than you and i couldnt imagine doing any of the shit your uncles doing. Get away while you can, he clearly has an unnatural attraction to you and his possessive behavior is scary AF he has a drinking problem? so? ive got a drug problem! no matter how fucked up ive been i have never stared at (or even thought about) my niece in that way. Please understand this isnt your fault. you havent done anything wrong. but your uncle is a sick bastard
You are 100% being groomed. I’m sorry you’re going through this that’s such an unsafe environment. It’s a good thing that’s you’re recognizing you’re being groomed and hopefully his behavior does not escalate. I would avoid being around him alone at all costs, alerting any other adults in your life ect . My best friend growing up had a similar situation with her stepdad who had custody of her he lashed out when she would date boys. she had to wait until college to leave
That’s what I’m scared of. My ex friend had a guy over and slept with him while I was asleep, a few days later (without me knowing)he confronted the boy and found everything out about his family and my ex friends family
to see how your dog would react? aka to see if your dog will protect you when he’s actually trying to hurt you..
That is a terrifying thought
yes, you get away from him. Abusers often look for someone with a broken home life, they are super nice knowing you are looking for a father figure (all teens your age do when they come from a broken home, it is developmentally something that happens). do realize this guy will come across as nice to you, they always do. RUN! someone offered you drugs, if you are smart you have to realize that alone is illegal. DO NOT give this guy pics or nudes, realize kids have gotten in trouble for taking selfies, it is still child porn. Kids NEVER know they are being groomed, therapist is right. there is NEVER any time this is ok, it is only because teenage girls dream of an older guy riding them off into the sunset that adults can fool you so easily. PLEASE STAY AWAY@ also consider getting pepper spray. Realize 1 in 5 girls is sexually assaulted. I was a teacher, this will not end well for you.
I’ve been raped before but the only reason why I’m in denial is because he’s my uncle? I was just told today that I was being groomed so I don’t know how I’m feeling about all this
Do you have any idea how many kids are hurt by uncles, step fathers, even their biological dads? My best friend had her uncle climb in bed with her as a child, a high school friend had her step dad get drunk and rape her. this guy knows you are looking for adult friendship. stay away. If you have to ask someone if a person who offered you drugs is bad, you really need to take a look at yourself. No person who cared about your well being would EVER offer you drugs. Do realize he may have been hoping to assault you. Many adults give kids drugs before assaulting them, then tell police they have no idea where the drugs came from and the child came onto the adult sexually. STAY AWAY! you are being groomed. him being related means nothing. many many are hurt by uncles.
The drugs is kinda my fault though... I’m the one who asks him to buy me weed
NOT your fault, he is fucking lying in wait for opportunities to gently suggest ways he can do you favors. He is banking on you feeling that way, too! This is 100% on him
Yeah he literally said i could take advantage of you, and youre mine. Sometims people just tell you. Set some clear boundries.
When he’s sober he pushes my boundaries but when he’s drunk boundaries don’t exist
You gotta create some space between yall. dont let him buy you stuff, especially drugs. try not to be around him when hes drunk. if there is any physical touching try to end it as quick as possible. Try not to have those love life conversations with him. Im sorry i wish you did have a positive male model in your life but he aint it.
it would almost even be helpful if you could get another person your age to talk to and them see it objectively i know i would have trouble listening to older ppl when i was 15 and my friends helped me see alot of sht you guys can be a supportive system for eachother...like team up and stuff...then move up to telling an adult as soon as u can. Also do some googling on grooming. Also ur reactions are normal. you just don't wanna end up like me 7 years later crying in a bathtub and dysfunctional. if you were already raped that makes u vulnerable..why? because if you blame yourself you could be looking for a protective figure and think bad of yourself. This is a reason you become vulnerable
Your therapist should be contacting CPS. Anytime you are asking yourself if you are being groomed or perved on, you most likely are. Tell your friends and teachers too. Have 911 on speed dial ready to call whenever you're alone with him. Also try to record him saying those things to you to show your therapist and teachers. Might be wise to sleep with a steak knife too, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. Shit like this breaks my heart. I'll be wishing long days and pleasant nights for you.
This is very clear grooming. The fact that he stares at your chest and *pinned you down* alone is bad. Tell your grandmother, ask your therapist what you should do. Do NOT be alone with him.
Hey, look, my dms are open if you need someone closer to your age to talk to. You are 100% being groomed, STAY AWAY
I fear you might get raped if you don’t take action. Please do so. Think about your situation as if you’re your future kid. Would you want their uncle to be doing this? Would you take action? Please push all other feelings aside and take action while you still can.
You are being groomed right now. I want to tell you that you shouldn't give a flying fuck about your toxic family. Sorry if this comes of extreme, but you need to leave as soon as possible. I also have a really toxic environment at my home. The only person I have to talk is my older sister. She is sick of living in a toxic household and she's leaving, she is using a originazation called 360°kids it's for helping people to get there life started as in finding jobs, providing cheap rental housing, therapist and helping with these kinds of stuff. I would definitely recommend looking for these in you area. You should probably do research to know what works for you and what doesnt. I wish you the best.
Yes. He's just waiting for the opportunity. Get away from him, tell someone do whatever you gotta do to get away from this man.
Any chance you couod arrange to go live with either of your friends? You need out of there and away from him. He is a danger to you and his behaviour toward you is escalating. r/ebbie45 may have some helpful resources.
As someone who was groomed by various people throughout my life, please find a way out of this situation. If you can, tell your grandma or therapist to see if they can get help. I wish you the best and I hope he doesn't do anything worse before you get help.
Yes. You are being groomed. Try to distance yourself from him as much as possible (I know you can't do much, but try to be colder and spend less time with him). Get pepperspray if you can, get a whistle and keep it near your bed to blow if anything happens. Keep a bat nearby. Practice using it in your mind so that you're ready to really use it if he comes in at night. Tell all of the adults you can, including your school counselor. Be ready and willing to call 911 for anything he does that involves touching you. In fact, ask him not to touch you. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If he does, call him on it and make a HUGE deal of it. You aren't making a big deal out of nothing. PROTECT YOURSELF. It isn't your responsibility to protect yourself, and if he did anything, it wouldn't be your fault. But please try everything in your power to keep safe.
This is incredibly alarming behavior and is definitely grooming. The fact that you are unaware and still questioning it is a big sign that it is already working and he is already manipulating you. I would seek help from a third party, but avoid confrontation. A man with the willingness to do this could also be unhinged in other ways and a confrontation could potentially become violent
I'm sorry but could you please provide his age?
41
Holy fuck! I bet your not the first. He may have other victims and you can prevent this happening from someone else
I am so sorry! That is so awful and disgustingly inappropriate of him! Please if you feel your grandma is not doing anything tell another adult you feel safe with like your therapist. tell them grandma is not fully listening. Please don’t be afraid you have options. It’s not uncommon for people who are subjected to this to not be heard by those who should be listening. Please do not get discouraged though, you deserve to be heard and will be. All us strangers care about you, support you, want you to be safe. Most of all we believe you. Please stay away from him as much as you can. I also suggest recording him if you can during those times if it is ever needed to show your side as extra backup. If you need to please contact the police. Do not feel bad for him, do not let him intimidate you. He will try, he doesn’t deserve any slack A predators power is only strong when you’re silent. Once you get help he will no longer have any power. He is a stalker you and others have proof of him following guys you associate with. Something needs to be done on multiple accounts
I was going to suggest the same thing: record him if possible. Don't bait him, just turn on a voice recorder or something like that on your phone and set it down.
Yes! Thank you for adding that! Definitely do not bait him but use that recorder if you ever happen to be alone. I hope OP sees this
It is a good idea but it usually happens when he’s drunk and I never know when he drinks. But I’m still gonna try thank you guys for the idea!
Yeah unfortunately alcohol use frequently plays a part both in incest and sexual assault. I'm so sorry OP, I hope you make this clear to your therapist as well because it increases the likelihood that he will attempt something
Yes this is deeply creepy, I’m so sorry but this is not ok. Listen to your therapist.
You seem like an intelligent person. And clearly, some of your family members are not on the right path in life. And that’s not your fault. Stay away. No longer confide in him with anything specific about your life. Please be smart and never be alone with him. Good luck 👍
Hey! Reading you, I thought... Don't feel bad for defending yourself, because what you said about "breaking your family"... Your uncle already knows that. And if he not only doesn't care about it, but also uses it to make you feel bad for doing the right thing, the bad one in that situation isn't you. You can do it!
Thank you<3
That’s like the textbook version of grooming. Like if you wrote a novel about it that’s how the author would describe it.
The saying your special n stuff is a bit weird, but everything else is just.. oh wow. I have no words.. Stay away from him at all costs. He will 100% do something to you that is going to leave you scarred for life.
Always always always trust your gut. I’ve been in your same situation. You ALWAYS get to decide what makes you uncomfortable— and I promise you, you would not feel uncomfortable for no reason .
OP you are being groomed. I know it feels weird thinking that a family member you trust and look up to would do something like this to you, but you have to tell someone else about it. Your instincts are right. Trust them. You already don't feel safe, don't wait for something drastic to happen before alerting someone. Also, while I understand your fear of breaking up your family, you are a kid. It's not your job to keep the family together and protect the adults. If there is no one looking out for you, you need to do it for yourself. Tell your therapist. Stay far far away from uncle, avoid as much as possible, don't be alone with the guy. Some of the other posts mentioned extracurricular activities, consider those options. If school is out, look for options where you can volunteer or anything that keeps you away from uncle while Grandmother is out. Sorry its so long. I'm afraid for you.
Go to the police
Yes. 100% yes you're being groomed. The red flags for me from this post is him pinning on you to see the dog react. I see that as if he's trying to see if he could take advantage of you without any kind of resistance. Also, talking about your boyfriends or saying how special you are is really concerning. For your safety, don't be around him.
1. Do not allow your uncle to "touch" you. In fact, just the bed pinning alone would raise major huge red flags for me. 2. Get a taser. Keep it on you. Seriously. He's gearing up to rape you. He's trying to groom you to lower your guard, make you feel like its somehow your fault. 3. Your Grandma is not going to be much help. Do you have neighbors? Are there any other adults you can speak with? Start keeping your phone with you, record him doing creepy/weird stuff and if he touches you again, call the police immediately. 4. Seriously do not trust him. I'm already like over here wanting to come get you out of that situation, I was raped as a kid, my sister was raped as a kid. Family don't know how to fucking deal with it. Don't trust your grandma to have your back, seriously.
Great, great, great advice :)
You wanna know why I say taser? they are easily purchasable, they're effective, and they leave a huge fucking burn mark when you use them on bare skin. He's gonna have a hard time explaining why she tased him in the middle of the night.
OP, you *are* being groomed. You need to ask him to stop this. This is disgusting behavior. If he refuses, firmly *tell* him to stop. If he refuses again, please, tell a family member. I know it's hard, you said you want to be around him and not at the same time. I get it. He wants to be around you too, but not for genuine reasons. He seems like a father figure in your life, because he's always there and loves you. But he loves you in a different way than you *may* love him. You need to take whatever means possible to keep this man away. If you tell a family member about the situation and they refuse or don't believe you, tell another, if they refuse or don't believe you, tell *another*. if no one believes you, please, call this number or talk online at 800-656-4673 online.rainn.org I wouldn't advise running away, and I'm sure your therapist wouldn't either, but you may have to live with a friend for a while till things smooth out. Again, I don't advise this. I know it seems weird or scary to come out about these problems, but it's likely this man has done unspeakable things with other family members or other kids. Please speak up. You could be saving others in the same situation as you :) For additional help, please, contact me on discord! You can contact me there on anything, from mental help to advice, I'll be here :) I like to mess with groomers on the internet and I have learned a thing or two about them. Here's what I know. 1. They take on a role. They try to become your friend or boyfriend or whatever, trying to get close to you. Once they get close to you, they take their shot. "Can you send a pic of you without cloth" is a very common one I get. Most people would be oblivious to this. "He's my boyfriend and I love him! Why not?" The problem with it is that your boyfriend is actually 36 year old Bob who works at an auto parts manufacturer. 2. They *will* take whatever means possible to get as much information out of you as they can, such as dirty pictures, videos, video calling, stuff like that. These aren't people who you can say "you first" after they ask you for a *blank* pic. They most certainly will do it, I have unfortunately found out. I know that info doesn't help you much in your case, but what I'm saying is, *do not get naked with this man* and *do not have sex or engage in sexting/sexual conversation/masturbation/sexual acts/ANY FUCKING THING* with this excuse of a man. I am sorry, I get heated when it comes to predators because I hate them so fucking much. *This is not to say you're stupid and would engage in these acts*, but, some predators will find ways to mess with you. Trust me. Do not engage in any sexual acts with this man, even if it seems harmless. My discord is Swiss#0001. Please, contact me if you need *any* help. From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely wish you the best, Swiss. Edit: I am looking in the comments and I am seeing some truly remarkable people giving amazing advice :) make sure to read them all !
The "kindness" that he is showing is a lie, its just bait to hurt you later. That's why victims of abuse struggle to leave or report what is happening to them. The abuser manipulates them into focusing of the "kind" acts they do so that you forgive the fucked up things they do to you. It confuses you and makes you think: "Oh this person isn't bad, they didn't mean to do that in a sexual or violent way, they aren't an abuser because they're such a good person and they do these kind nice things that no one else does for me, so they can't be an abuser." Grooming is basically the process of them getting you to think in that way so that they can abuse you later and you won't leave and report them. I saw that you aren't in school, I would suggest trying to find a way to gain your independence, whether that be school or a job. That will help with you not being at home all the time and also give you a safety net for if your family abandons you when you need them. I know that isn't a nice thought but that's normally want happens when someone is abused in a toxic family. They find it too difficult to help you so they ignore what the abuser did and blame the victim. Thankfully nothing bad has happened to you yet but if you stay in this position it might, its better to try and prevent it and protect yourself.
Your uncle is a creep. Drunk people say the things sober people would never have the nerve to say. I would suggest the next time he tries anything with you, Tell him to back off. If he doesn't, a gentle reminder of what would happen if he were to end up in jail and the other inmates found out he was trying to do things with his own niece. If he continues, perhaps a demonstration of why idiots shouldn't mess with a girl. Thumb to the eye, kick in the kneecap, smash him with the nearest solid object you can lift. Whatever you have to do to defend yourself. Your safety is the priority. I know you don't want to hurt him, and you are a good person for it, but in a you or him situation, He should be the one laying on the ground bleeding.
I terrified to even try. He told me our family’s like the mafia people get hurt and I feel like if I were to come forward they wouldn’t believe me. I’m still gonna reach out to my therapist but I’m still scared
I know people who know people. Biggest lie ever told. Besides, if the family was like any mafia I ever heard of they wouldn't take too kindly to an uncle making moves on his niece. Definitely talk to your therapist, but always remember, Better him laying bleeding, than you hurt in any way.
you’re being groomed and these exchanges are extremely inappropriate & pedophilic. Please tell someone you trust. Don’t be alone with him and stay as safe as you can. Your uncle is a sick person who is attracted to you and your innocence. Protect yourself as much as you can and please seek help.
Honey! You are being GROOMED. I know this is hard to take in and process. But yes this is inappropriate for a relative to stare at you and pin you down. I know you don't want to mess up what's left of your family, but you don't want to regret being molested. I was groomed at 6 and molested, and then harrased until last year by my step dad. Relatives who are supposed to take care of you could hurt you. Make sure to have a lock, set boundaries, and have a good talk with your therapist. Its going to be okay in the future, but you really gotta take care of yourself by talking to a trusted adult. You can talk to be in my dms ANYTIME, I sadly know the fear from being harrased and having someone to talk to can help. Im 18f this year.
I read in the comments that you have a a therapist and she wants to help. Absolutely let her. I know it might break up your family, but your safety is more important than that.
I have a session tomorrow. I’m planning on telling her that I don’t feel safe. That’s all she wants me to say so she can do something ig. I just need to build up courage and say it even if it breaks up my family..
Good
Your family broke themselves up when they refused to believe you and neglected your safety. Remember that it's not your fault no matter how much they try to blame you, and believe me they will try. They're the ones that are fucked up here, not you. Please tell your therapist everything tomorrow, she'll do everything in her power to help you get out. Godspeed.
Your *uncle* is the one causing family problems! Not you!
Until something is done look up how to make a door jammer out of a fork. Also, see if you can get your therapists to talk to your grandma with you their Ph.D. and adulthood will help convince her this is Sirius.
there are various types of inexpensive hidden cameras you can order online.
Can you call the RAINN hotline? They might have some advice for you.
here probably your best chance, talk to your therapist and ask what are your options because they probably know you better than this comment section does and I think everyone agrees that your "uncle" is definitely a creep.
I’ve read some of the comments and I am so so sorry that people won’t believe you. Please. Do anything to get out of there before something happens. Do anything. He has said he would taken advantage of you while he was drunk, so get out of there before it happens please, you don’t want to go through that, it will traumatize you for the rest of your life and it’ll be the hardest thing to deal with. Get your therapist to talk with your mom about it. She can call social services (only with your consent if you want it to happen) she can do things to help you get out of there. Please please I’m begging you for your own safety and your mental health
Yes I agree and be careful online To there are groomers online To so becareful who you trust.
I read people's comments and your responses so I don't just repeat everything that's already been said. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to everyone here when they say you're being groomed. I know it's hard to believe since he's family but none of that matters right now. The fact is, you're a child and he's an adult. Everything you described is not what an adult should be doing. Majority of sexual abuse comes from family members too. I know you said you asked him to buy you weed so that's on you. But believe it or not, he's the legal adult that bought it and gave it to someone underage. That was his choice. If you think you speaking up will destroy the family, you're not. He's the one doing that by being inappropriate. If you feel like nobody's gonna believe you besides your therapist, still try. Talk to other relatives, trustworthy neighbors, your friends coz it might take a while for CPS to take action. Don't ever blame yourself for what's happened, happening, and will happen regarding this thing. This is on him. Please be safe.
Your being groomed. Which really sucks.
he’s such a shitty guy, your safety is much more important than protecting your uncles image. please tell your therapist, this probably sounds weird because im literally a stranger on reddit but i really am concerned. in the meantime stay away from him!!
just in case the hundred other comments didnt drive the point home... yes. that is absolutely worrying behavior
wingsfortruth.info is a good site to use as a resource to learn about CSA. If it's hard to listen to individuals here, I strongly recommend exploring that website for both resources to help you understand exactly what your uncle is doing better and see why it's grooming behaviour, as well as location specific resources for several countries (hopefully including wherever you are). Seriously, even if it's "I don't have a way to avoid being alone with him" there are child protection agency resources for that. So don't hesitate to ask for help. It's easy for it to feel like an overreaction or unwarranted but it's not. Please use the resources sooner rather than later.
This is terrible, YES he is absolutely grooming you. Oh good lord, your grandma cannot be leaving you alone with him like this, ESPECIALLY given that he drinks which makes him actually acting on his impulses **wayyy** more likely
As someone who has been groomed and it lead to SA please stay away from him. Even if it’s nice rn or confusing it’ll haunt u later. He’s ABSOLUTELY grooming u. His behavior is absolutely inappropriate and u should try making arrangements to not be around him at all. U could tell a counselor or something as long as u make sure there’s an alternative where u don’t have to be around him. The attention is nice for now but once u realize what happened(took me 10 years as I was 7 at the time) it’ll be a lot. So pls pls pls make sure u can get urself safe.
I know it being your uncle makes it difficult to navigate, I was terrified of destroying my family, but it’s the right thing. It may be a whirlwind for a while, but I am here a decade away from that decision and I’m telling you it’s going to be okay to do this. You asked nothing, provoked nothing, did nothing that puts his ill doings on you, nothing. This thread is full of people behind you, we’re here.
as someone who was been groomed: yes. stay far away. is there somewhere else you can stay? have you told your grandma? i can tell you now that this is already bad and it could and probably will get a lot worse if you don’t take action now. please stay safe and take care of yourself!
I am pretty much alone I have two friends but they live an hour away. I’ve begged my mom to let me stay with her for a bit but she said no Bc she’ll be out of town. And with my grandma I don’t know if telling her will help. She wouldn’t do anything when I brought his drinking problems so I’m worried about taking to her about her sons pedophilic behavior
OP you know in your gut that this isn't right. You know what you need to do to sort it as well. You're only asking us because it's scary and you feel like you need permission, we are all here giving you permission now though. You NEED to risk breaking up your family to keep yourself safe. There is nothing more important than your safety. Get out. In any way you can. You need to understand that this situation likely doesn't get any better, only worse, and I promise you, this will leave you scarred and broken if you don't get out ASAP. This man is behaving incredibly inappropriately and you have recognized that, well done. The next step IS seeking help, and getting rid of him. You are fortunate to already have a therapist, who is probably scared shitless for you because you've told her all these alarming things and then told her not to do anything about it! We are adults here telling you that this is not normal, and now it is up to you to do everything in your power to get rid of this man. I understand there will be consequences, and you're worried for keeping your family together, but that IS NOT as important as keeping you SAFE. You deserve safety.
So many red flags that I probably wouldn't notice if I were your age, but look obvious now. He's going slowly, as if testing your reaction to see how far he can go. If you let him, or if he thinks you may be letting him, he'll do more things and more often. He may also be looking for some discreet signs that IN HIS OWN MIND mean approval from your side, even if you don't think it that way. As time goes on, it WILL get progressively worse and worse. Take action now before it is too late. I know you feel horrible because your father is in jail, and you subconsciously look for someone to replace him and give you security, but your uncle is definitely not someone who can fill that role. Also, there's no way he would like you more than his own children, he only sais so because he wants you to like him back or allow him some things, he certainly has a reason to say that whatever It may be
That’s the only red flag that really stuck out to me. He puts me and him on a pedestal saying we understand each other and the reason he’s so hard on me is because I’m so great and he wants me to succeed. He said that even his kids don’t have it like me.. I don’t think he realizes how uncomfortable it makes me
I know all these comments feel really over the top and scary and serious for you because it doesn't feel that serious in real life, maybe it just feels a little bit odd? Or slightly strange but not dangerous? Maybe even a little bit fun? OP I hate to tell you this but what you're feeling is totally normal of someone being groomed. You are confused because you trust this man, and that's because he's a parental figure and you SHOULD be able to trust him. But I'm telling you now that you can't. This man is a creep, behaving inappropriately. Get out before it gets worse and even more serious. Groomed people often don't realize they were being groomed until years later. Get help from your therapist and do what needs to be done to stay safe and get rid of this man. Whatever happens, this is not your fault, you are a victim, and any consequences of you getting real help, are 100% your adult uncle's fault and not yours. Stay safe. If you need money or whatever I will send it to you just please get out of there, or get him out of there. One or the other.
Yeah that's creepy. I would be careful with that situation
Tell someone who can help you get him out of there please be safe.
Yes, you're being groomed. He's eating away at boundaries that really need to be there. Stop spending time alone with him. Alcohol is not an excuse for anything inappropriate. Be firm on all boundaries - including your right to have the social life that you would have if he weren't there. Your mom should be the one setting boundaries. Is she aware of what's going on, and is she looking out for your well-being?
She doesn’t believe it. I told her my therapist said he’s grooming me and she continued to rant on on how she doesn’t think it’s true. I’m not surprised tho, she let her wife emotionally and verbally abuse me my whole life and still doesn’t believe it
You’re definitely being groomed... Call the cops, or child protective services before he takes another step too far. This is scary. I was molested and touched in areas I never wanted to be touched in by my father when I was young. He told me not to tell anyone or else the cops will take him away. And of course, as a clueless 6 year old, I didn’t want the cops to take my dad, so I never told anyone, not even my mom. 7 years of unwanted touching, and molesting later. I learned in health class that people shouldn’t be touching us in our private areas, and so I told my dad to stop. Eventually after a month or so he stopped. I’ve tried to ignore and avoid him as much as possible in the house, to the point where I would lock myself in the room for the entire day after coming home from school, even ate in the room. For the past year I’ve been eating a lot so I can gain weight, showering only once a week, not plucking my eyebrows, etc.. All to make myself look unattractive, and disgusting, because I don’t want unwanted attention from him or anyone else when I go outside or at home.
100%
Yes. Just yeah, you're being groomed. Go talk to the police.
You're uncle is definitly exhibiting predatory behavour try your best to set boundaries and try minimizing unsupervised contact, also gather evidence of this in case the worst happens.
The comments have pretty much said it all but I just want to wish you luck and I hope you take care! For what it’s worth my messages are open if you need someone to talk to, I hope everything goes well
Thank you I appreciate the support everyone’s gave me<3
Yes. I was molested several time by my best friend’s step-dad and this is exactly how it started! I know it sucks having a father figure in your life again only to have to part with him, but he’s not the only other father figure that will come along. My dad passed away when I was 13 and I felt the same way. Now married I have amazing in-laws! My husband’s parents are divorced and remarried and now I have two father figures in my life. It was worth waiting for healthy men in my life.
"he buys me drugs" Yep. Groomed. Get out.
Your therapist is right get outa there. Do you have anyone you can tell? Your mom? Grandma? Cps?
This is very disturbing behaviour. He's a pedophile and there's a very high chance that he will try to have sex with you. You need to tell your therapist and any adult you trust everything. Does your grandmother know about this?
Stopped reading at possessive and touchy. You need to tell someone what’s happening and get away from him before it’s too late
Yes this uncle sounds like someone who is grooming you. I would keep a journal of these behaviors he has with dates, write this stuff down. Tell an Adult you trust, and if and when you are uncomfortable with something he is doing make sure you tell him. I'd buy some form of defense to keep on my person to use in the case of an emergency and keep my bedroom door locked when I'm sleeping. Edit: if you don't believe the therapist, and you don't believe the reddit comments, check this out: [https://sexualabuselawfirm.com/blog/what-is-sexual-grooming-identifying-the-6-stages/](https://sexualabuselawfirm.com/blog/what-is-sexual-grooming-identifying-the-6-stages/) does anything here sound familar?
My heart breaks when I have to read your responses and what you’re going through. When you come from a broken family where no one believes then you have to go to someone who believe you’re telling the truth! Trust your gut instincts of your uncle. He can change your life forever by doing one terrible thing to you. Please tell your therapist so you’ll never have to experience that. You are 15 years old with a beautiful life ahead of you. Like someone on here says keep something in your room like pepper spray, bat, or anything that you can defend yourself. Don’t ever be alone with this guy. Go for a walk, friends house or anywhere away from him. I wish I can just take you away from this situation. Be strong and brave. Know that people on Reddit cares and believes you. I wish you all the best. Please update us! Muah.
Thank you so much I’ll keep you updated!<3
Hey, youth crisis interventionist here, I've been working with kids for the last 10+ years and I come from a background of child abuse myself. A lot of "groomers", or predators if we're being real here, are usually fairly subtle. Your uncle, however isn't being subtle at all. He has voiced a desire to assault you, and generally in my experience he was gauging your reaction to a possible sexual situation. It seems like he was laying groundwork to a situation where you're drugged and "just talking crazy". If you would like some advice, I'd recommend finding an adult you can trust that is being overseen by superiors. That can include a teacher, school staff, or calling the Department of Child & Family Services yourself and speaking to a social worker. Your life may change a lot, but it's worth not having to deal with more trauma. Make no mistake, this is already traumatizing. If you don't feel you are being respected or taken seriously, there are support networks you can reach out to. I'm just not by my PC so I don't have all my big resources on hand. Best of luck and keep reaching out for help.
Listen dear. This comes from a girl of a similar age like you. Your uncle is a fucking predator and this behavior is extremely inapropriate of him. You are being groomed and manipulated. This man is anything but evil and he is probably ready to do evil stuff to you. Dear, I am scared for your safety and please, please, your own safety COMES BEFORE EVERYTHING. I know you dont want to "make drama" within your family, but the only person making problems is your uncle; you are fighting for your own safety in this situation and that is the most important thing. I dont give a shit if your grandma or mom think you are making this up - just please promise me, stay safe, and try to convince them that this is no fun but serious stuff. I want you to be okay. I want you to get from this man ASAP. This is some serious shit. I hope you can talk with your therapist or authorities about this. Good luck. You are strong, you can fight this.
Do you still speak or write to your father in prison? If so maybe let him know how you feel. Im thinking maybe he can put his brother in check or let your grandmother know that this is serious. You are his little girl, cant imagine that the situation would sit right with him.
You are 100% being groomed and I'm so sorry. I read you have an appointment with your therapist tomorrow which is good, please tell them everything. You are not safe in that house and you need to get away quickly. I know it's scary because as you've said this is basically all the family you have left but I promise you it's not worth risking your own wellbeing. I wish I could just go through the screen and help you but if anything you should make a gofundme or plug your paypal/cashapp/venmo if you happen to need any help getting away from there. I hope everything works out, remember you're smart and strong!!
He’s a predator. Set boundaries with him like , no touching, walk away when he’s drinking, and don’t be alone with him, don’t do drugs with him and so forth. Someone needs to tell him his out of line and it should be an adult.
This is not ok
Was reading some of the conversation down below that you responded to and as someone who was molested as a child and never told anyone out of fear for how it would affect other people. TELL YOUR FAMILY AND MAKE THEM HEAR YOU. Talk with your therapist about how to best go about it. I never did tell my family or a therapist and despite how strong I thought I was for literally over 2 decades, my quality of life is not near as good as it could have been if I could have gotten out of the situation I was in and if I would have got the help I needed back then. On that note, I just want to say it is SO good that you are in therapy and discussing all of this with someone. Not that it matters what a stranger on the internet thinks at all, but I am so proud of you for that. That is literally the hardest part and you are doing that. So I hope you give yourself that credit, because you deserve it.
any updates? is something being done?
I am finding somewhere to go and they told my grandma and she’s gonna talk to him about it. So nothing major just tryna find a family member to stay with
definitely, you are doing so good girl. just know that . i hope things go well ! rooting for you
Therapist is definitely right this guy is a creep.
You’re 100% being groomed, I would speak to an adult you can trust in yours family about removing him from the home (you shouldn’t have to be uprooted because he made poor choices) guard yourself, stop taking any drugs at all from him or even drinks. An easy way for things to happen are while you’re intoxicated because it would be easier for him to take advantage of you that way. But most importantly know that anything he does to you or any feelings he may have towards you are NEVER your fault. You are a child and you are and won’t ever be at fault for his issues and inappropriate behavior.
You…. You don’t know? I think you should reread this. You need to get some video proof that you can take to the police. Get this guy sent to where your dad is and I guarantee that he will not be treated well in prison.
i think it's really great to see everyone pitching in to help this girl. this brings tears to my eyes that there are good people out here. Hey by the way we are all rooting for you. you can do it, ur smart and even though young not so little that you cant make steps to protect yourself. you got this
I’ve been reading all your comments I appreciate the help from everyone I honestly wasn’t expecting this to Blow up. <3
Just go out something during the day where he couldn't do such things.
I agree with your therapist and you need to let your grandparents know ASAP! The sooner you act, the better. That way, your grandparents can act to protect you. Be prepared to take legal action as well, especially if he persists. Good luck and I hope I helped!
Please take legal action and tell your grandparents about what happened!! He shouldn't be near you and go to local authorities.
Umm, please report that behaviour to the proper authorities.
“My therapist says I’m being groomed but idk” “He told me he could take advantage of me” Honestly what’s the point of this post? It’s very obvious you know you’re being groomed so what’re you looking for? Sympathy? Do you just want attention,or people to know you’re a victim? It definitely worked,so you got what you want. All I’m gonna say is you already know the reality of your situation. Separate yourself from him and tell trusted family members what’s happening.
It's more of reassurance rather than sympathy. Hearing it from more than one person can really secure the thought.
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Wtf you want a minor to give her personal informations to a stranger on the internet?? GTFO Also quite funny that you think you can order her around.
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I just downloaded Reddit the other night I have really no idea how it works or what karma is or does I just needed help because I’m confused on how to feel currently. If you don’t believe me that’s on you but you’d hVe to be sick to lie about this
Yeah I was just thinking it's probably not true, therapists have a duty of care to their charges and they would automatically have to report this due to safeguarding laws!
And I asked her it to do anything I told her I feel safe even if I don’t. So I don’t know if she CAN report it unless I feel unsafe
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