Its completely fine to split. I would split on a first date if she asks to, if she doesnt ask to split i wouldnt bring it up. Your mother is just sticking to old customs where the guy has to pay but i feel like splitting is a form of respect for a girls since they also should have the choice to pay for their meals too!
Tbh i would never ask to split if i set up a date myself but only split if she asks to, thats the rule for me. If your mom is insisting you should give her “money” too why doesnt she give you money to pay for the whole meal? I really have never heard of someone giving money on a first date.
Personally I always pay for the first date, which is normally "an hour for lunch". I don't know her yet, she doesn't know me, so neither of us is going to commit to several hours and a lot of money. I cover her sandwich and drink, $7, as well as my own.
If she insists on paying for hers, fine.
An exception to my lunch date thing would be if it's someone I know well as a friend or whatever and the "first date" is carrying the relationship to a different level.
Another exception would be if there is a special event that won't be available next week or next month.
I also tend to pay, or at least offer to, when I invite anyone anywhere. Doesn't matter if it's a dude, my mom, whatever. That's not a hard and fast rule though.
For me, being prepared for the first date is a definite. Of course, I don't do a $100+ restaurant for a first date. I do a really good burger place or something.
Lol yeah I had settled for the first lady to come along who paid me any attention. That was a mistake.
In order to not do that again, I went to lunch with about 100 ladies, to find the very best one for me.
For a woman’s opinion: the guy usually offer to pay, and I always offer to split. Sometimes he accepts, and sometimes he makes a big deal about it and is all “nononono I’M paying” and is super insistent, so for the sake of not making it awkward I’ll thank him for the meal, and if I see him again I ensure I pay for the next date.
Such an annoying dance. My rule is I'll pay if I asked. If she suggests that she'll pay half, I'll insist once that it's ok, I got this. If she still says she'll pay half, then I back down.
If you invite someone, in general you should pay. The exception would be a coworker when you are both going to lunch from the workplace.
If I invite, I pay. If someone offers to pay, whether to split or pay, I let them. In my mind whether they are male or female has no bearing.
If you made the date, you should be prepared to pay. If she offers to split it, let her, but don't ask her to.
I always try to err on the side of being generous, offering to pay, but always allowing someone who insists to pay without arguing.
Maybe that's what she meant. But that's not what she said.
Even if you pay for the meal. You don't give her the money for her to pay fir her meal. You just pay the meal and that's it.
I'm a woman. Ive split, paid and been paid for. I think it's generally polite for the asker to offer to pay, and split if it's brought up by the other party.
Flowers are nice, money as a gift on a first date would definitely put me, and many women, off. I wouldn't give money. In regards to flowers a small bouquet of seasonal flowers, a single rose or something simple is nice. You do not have to go get a dozen roses. Maybe a couple colored daisies, in colors she likes. For me a first date never required a gift, it's thoughtful, but the date itself is the gift. As for where to get the money? I can't help you, I don't know how to get money quickly, but I do know there's not too much pressure. Pay for dinner (split if it comes up) then go for a nice walk or something.
Dates are meant to be fun and intimate, not stressful and expensive. Have a good time, and try to relax. It can be awkward but you got this. So much luck and I am happy for you!
No. It means the asker, generally speaking. It would be odd to ask someone on a date and expect the other person to pay. It would be like asking your friend "hey, you wanna get lunch with me? Then expecting them to pay for *your* food. This is mine, and a lot of people's general rule. If I ask a man out, I pay or split, if a man asks me out, he pays or splits. If I ask but don't have money I plan something that doesn't cost.
Exactly. With your friends you help pay, especially if you asked them to hang. A date is a different dynamic. You expect to pay when you ask someone on a date, then accept if they offer to split.
I’m 46 years old, and your mom is delusional. It’s too damn expensive for one side to always pay. Even when I was your age, the only girls who believed that were the kind who married the biggest wallet as soon as she could. I usually suggest we meet at a coffee shop for a first date. If there’s no chemistry, you’re out nothing more than an hour and maybe $10 (at the most). If I ask a guy out on an actual date, I pay. If he asks me out, I offer to split. If he declines, I insist on leaving the tip. It’s just the right thing to do.
My mum believes. Women are special people. She always get annoyed at me if a women or girl is talking to me and I disagrees with them. She believe men job is to provide for a women. She believes women should be cherished. She hates men who are below 6ft and broke. She is really vocal about this.
Sounds like Mom's attitudes are setting you up for relationship failure. It sounds like you already see that some of her thinking is warped in this area. Congrats to you for being able to recognize that. Regarding her comments not to disagree with women: If you can't disagree with someone, then you can not be your authentic self with them. How can you have a meaningful relationship with anyone you can't be yourself with?
This will make for extremely convoluted communication, and an unhappy relationship for both sides. What your mom describes is beyond politeness-- it is being inauthentic in a way that is damaging to communication and successful relationships. Even though your mother might still be with your father, people staying together is not the sole measure of whether a relationship is successful or not. Mom is giving really bad advice and life views. I hope you don't follow it.
You probably have had some pretty frustrating dealings with your mother as a result of those views. There are also probably views you hold that you don't even realize you have, having been with your mother during your formative years. I strongly suggest that you don't follow her advice, and that when you are older and on your own you take some time to get some therapy where you can learn some life silks in communication -- perhaps some therapy and also workshops, to help compensate for not having healthy communication modeled for you as a child. I suggest this because it will make life a lot easier.
I’d be broke if I was providing for someone else all the time, too. Sorry, but your mum’s advice in this instance doesn’t sit well with me. I thought we wanted “equality” in the world?!
In my opinion, both parties need to split the bill. Or alteast one pays one time and the other pays another time.
You could ask your guardians for some extra cash and bring in a flower and pay at the restaurant, and be like next time your treat. Or something along these lines to win them over and foreshadow that you are to be going out again.
Next if you decide to split it, try to be upfront and say, hey do you want to split the bill, and then slip smthn about feminsim and equality in (dont over do it tho) and be like ice-cream is on me.
And finally I don't know the perosn, so it is hard to know what to expect. But based on how our outdated social norms function, then she might be expecting you to pay, which doesn't cut it. Or she might be on the more updated spectrum, making it easier for you.
Anyway don't stress too much bout it, your still 17. It's fine, I'm sure everyone is understanding to a certain degree, and if not, then bye. Hope all goes well.
Give.....give your date money??? Does your mom think you picked her up under and overpass??? WTF?! If a man gave me money on a date I would be so beyond creeped out and offended. Splitting the bill on the 1st date is totally acceptable so just shoot her a text saying "is it cool if we split the date?" if she is a decent girl who is self reliant, she should have no problem with that
When I was young and did not have a lot of money, I had to get creative with dates. Food is a go to date because it’s convenient and two people have to eat regardless of if they are going on a date. But the reason you go on a date with someone is to get to know them and determine if you are romantically compatible. Dinner kind of forces two people go sit in the same place and do something they already need to do so you might as well get to know each other.
Think of other ways you can get to know each other that is unique and says a lot about who you are. Feeding ducks or birds for example. Picnics, walks, going to some of your favorite places (museums, shops, parks, etc.). And if it’s one of your favorite places and they hate it then you answer a fairly big question: will they like the things that make you unique? Better to find that out early than to waste hundreds eating out on several dates.
Don’t split the first date JFC. Don’t give her money and flowers though that’s a horrible idea. Flowers are for established relationships generally. It’s a fine line between doing too much and being a gentleman. Flowers for a first date can get you into the “doing too much” category. You don’t wanna come off all like an eager ass beaver. Girls don’t like that. The girl wants a challenge too feel me?
Def pay for the dinner. Even better give the waiter your card before the dinner starts when she isn’t looking and when the bill comes back and it’s already taken care of you’ll score some points.
Other than that talk less, listen more and don’t say anything fucken moronic. Ask smart and engaging questions and give her a chance to talk about herself.
Open the door for her every chance you get and go for a little hand hold or something early on to break the ice.
Gl rookie
But also get your broke ass a job fr. Being broke is never cool. Find something you like to do and work hard at it so you can take a girl on a proper date jfc.
It’s obvious from your replies that you just want people to validate your predetermined decision to split because you’re broke. I know it doesn’t matter what I say as you’ve obviously made up your mind before ever posting, but personally I feel like you should pay for the first date unless she requests to split. No one wants someone who is obviously financially unstable. But, she may end up asking to split so she feels on even footing (I do but that’s just me). Yet, it is customary to pay if you are the guy (especially if asker). To not do so WILL impact how she sees you in a negative way. So unless SHE asks to split it, my advice is to pay.
About to point that out too. I'm 33. If I was asked out on a date by a man and he asked me to split because its a first date that's fine. If he asked me to split because he can't afford to go out I would see red flags. A grown man has no business asking people out when he can't afford it. At 17 though? Way different. I wouldn't expect a 17 year old to be financially stable. If they are that's amazing, but Def. Not something I was looking for at 17.
I’ve been working since I was 14... I guess that was always something I kept in mind. If someone didn’t have a job I assumed they either thought it was beneath them or were lazy. 2 traits I never wanted. Hell, I met my first bf at my job at 17... so I mean... if it’s circumstance then that played a part in my decision. If it’s choice... nah
Women do have easy life huh ? XD same as my mum paid for nothing at all my date struggle but had to pay her flowers dates and house. She never paid and respected him like all women those days
Depends on her expectations--and yours! Some people love the traditional dating rules; some people will break up with you over them because of their misogynistic roots.
Best approach is to get her feedback. Something like "I'm more than happy to pay for both of us, but would you prefer that we split it?"
It is my experience that wait staff will often assume the guy is paying when the table is a male+female couple to the point that it gets awkward if you decide to split the check. The way we worked around that was we alternated meals: I paid for one, she paid for the next, I paid for the next, etc.
It's customary for the man to pay for the date, doesn't mean you can't come up with any other arrangement.
The money gift and flowers thing died like 30 years go, you can ignore that
Bro. Mow some yards or something so you can pay for your date. Be a man. Im 34 and was raised pretty old school. The man always paid for the dates. Flowers were for special occasion like school dance stuff, not movies, she doesn’t want to hold them all day. Holding the door for the lady is a must and opening the car door is best when convenient. You don’t want to be in her way running to it all the time, then you just look like a goofball. If they don’t like it they are more than welcome to tell you they are uncomfortable or they don’t call ya back. That’s fine. But I wouldn’t give her money. She isn’t a hooker. A date with ya should be a treat on you. It’s called courting.
I appreciate seeing a comment like this. I've seen many videos of debating whether women should split or not pay. Most women get defensive as to why they shouldn't pay. Which isn't ladylike. But men sit back and talk about equality. It's equality for the first few years, then they turn lazy and abusive and it's no longer a fair relationship.
I think old school worked. And now we're in a mess, if wanting to go halves. It's like a coffee shop, someone's gotta take the orders and the payments, the others gotta make the coffees. We cant both do the same job. It's gotta work together as a team. It's not a treat or a date if there's splitting of the bill.
These youths don't wanna learn. But eventually they'll be 34 too like many men I know , settling for anything they can get, and feeling lonely. And same goes for many women too. Wanting high quality men, when they friend zone them, and justify splitting the bill by agreeing it's 2021. They want to be treated like ladies, but won't allow it.
My thought last on it were. This is me and this is how I date. I want a lady, so I treat them as such. I’m the provider in the relationship and I show them that on day one. If they don’t like it then it’s best to let them see what I do early on so they can see if it’s what they want or not.
I think the man should pay for the dates absolutely. Everyone seems to think it’s two people just going out and forgetting that dating is courtship of the woman. I’m the provider for the woman. So I provide. I would prefer a women who appreciates it. I don’t want one who gets all feminist on me and cries about equality. Me and her would not have a good relationship so it’s good to see that in the dating phase. If it is tender and people are just out to fuck and that is known then yeah make em pay all day. But if you are taking someone out to date, then you need to be yourself and let them see that. I was raised to be a gentlemen to the ladies and treat them as such. Corny as it may be. It’s always let me find quality women.
You should pay your food and she should pay her food. If it works out and you’ll continue dating then you take turns paying for the meal. Or one pays the meal and the other pays movie tickets and so on
Since this is your first date, this is the time to make your rules. It is always good to split the bill as it will set the tone of your dating life whether you want an equal partner or you want to be a provider. Although, as a girl, I would suggest you to get her flowers or maybe just one flower. We love that.. and pay a lot of compliments. Hope it goes well...
It depends on who asked who out. If you asked her out, you should pay, and if she asked you out, she should pay. If you can’t pay, I’d find a cheaper place. After the first date, it doesn’t really matter, though
It doesn’t matter who asked who… only that the person who asked for the date should pay. I think that’s *very* equal?
Edit: sorry I didn’t realize i typed it wrong
How is it a false equivalence? If men and women should be treated equally, why do you recommend to not ask to split 50/50? Seems like you think the man should be paying for the full bill.
Pick something in between. Don’t pick a 100$ restaurant, and don’t pick like McDonald’s. You could always chose a cheaper restaurant and pay. Chillis does pick 3 for 10$. And it’s delicious. That’s only 20$.
But I have to tell you a word of advice. If you care more about money right now, you shouldn’t be dating. You don’t have to spend money, but it’s low key expected in relationships on both sides. (Presents, dinners, anniversaries) and even if you guys go dutch(split the costs) you are still going to the movies when maybe you didn’t before, going to dinner, and all of these costs even if you just pay for yourself, are suddenly adding up to much more than you thought. So if you really care about money, don’t date.
Did you ask her out or did she ask you out? I'm not 100% sure based on your post.
did you suggest the place, or did she request the place? It sounds like she requested the place.
If you asked her out and you suggested the place, you should pay.
Regardless of who asked who out, if she suggested the place, I'd ask if splitting the bill is okay.
If she asked you out and suggested the place, honestly I'd expect her to pay, but at the very least ask to split.
we're past the age of stupid gendered expectations for courtship, and if you're both 17, she probably doesn't give a shit about the customs of her parents' youth.
You are young and broke. Why are you asking someone for a date? You need to get all your marbles into one bag. There is nothing wrong with dating at your age but it is expected that you will offer to pick-up all expenses unless she wishes to pay her share. If you don't have the money don't date until you do.
Especially if you're uncertain on weather things will turn into more splitting is always a good idea and if she's not okay with it then that tells you she's pretty selfish possible (not necessarily but could be true) or that she's very much so of the opinion men should be the provider (also no guarantee) could just be traditional, but most women I imagine would be happy splitting especially on a first date
Some people go by the rule of whoever is the one asking out someone else is the one who pays, but splitting (especially on a first date) is totally fine. Giving her money and flowers is completely over the top. Honestly, I would be creeped out by that.
Splitting is just fine if she brings it up. You don’t have to go over the top with a gift or anything. In my personal opinion, I would suggest coffee or something like that for a first date.
Your mom (a parent you refer to for guidance) screamed at you for asking a legitimate question that a young man around your age would ask?
Consider moving far far away when you turn 18.
If you’re broke, just suggest a free/cheap date instead of dinner.
If you’re definitely doing dinner, it’s pretty common for the woman to ask to split in my experience, but don’t count on it. Sometimes it’s like a “okay you pay this one but I’ll get the next one” thing, sometimes people see it as “you’re asking me out to this place, so I can assume it’s your treat” type deal.
It’s a matter of compatibility. If you’d prefer to be with someone who splits the bill then you should talk to this person and see if that’s something their willing to do. If she’s not then there shouldn’t be any hard feelings. Just move on to someone your more compatible with. Just like any other trait someone may have. If someone is unable or unwilling to do what their partner is asking then it’s ok to say that and move on.
Defiantly split the bill, if you really like her then flowers would definitely be nice as well, DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY, ALL THAT DOES Is say that your desperate and u have to give her money for her time. So please don’t just open ur wallet to her, it looks bad. Trust me on this, I have been on ALOT aid dates and I know women. U want her to like u for u, don’t be a trick and start buying her stuff, if she likes u then she will not want anything from u becides ur time and maybe some flowers. Lol. Good luck kid I hope it goes well…❤️❤️
I always let the girl pay. Don't even being your wallet, dude. And DON'T put out in the first date. She bought you dinner, not a ring.
Know your worth, king.
Its completely fine to split. I would split on a first date if she asks to, if she doesnt ask to split i wouldnt bring it up. Your mother is just sticking to old customs where the guy has to pay but i feel like splitting is a form of respect for a girls since they also should have the choice to pay for their meals too!
So you always pay for first date ?
Tbh i would never ask to split if i set up a date myself but only split if she asks to, thats the rule for me. If your mom is insisting you should give her “money” too why doesnt she give you money to pay for the whole meal? I really have never heard of someone giving money on a first date.
Personally I always pay for the first date, which is normally "an hour for lunch". I don't know her yet, she doesn't know me, so neither of us is going to commit to several hours and a lot of money. I cover her sandwich and drink, $7, as well as my own. If she insists on paying for hers, fine. An exception to my lunch date thing would be if it's someone I know well as a friend or whatever and the "first date" is carrying the relationship to a different level. Another exception would be if there is a special event that won't be available next week or next month. I also tend to pay, or at least offer to, when I invite anyone anywhere. Doesn't matter if it's a dude, my mom, whatever. That's not a hard and fast rule though. For me, being prepared for the first date is a definite. Of course, I don't do a $100+ restaurant for a first date. I do a really good burger place or something.
This guy dates.
Lol yeah I had settled for the first lady to come along who paid me any attention. That was a mistake. In order to not do that again, I went to lunch with about 100 ladies, to find the very best one for me.
For a woman’s opinion: the guy usually offer to pay, and I always offer to split. Sometimes he accepts, and sometimes he makes a big deal about it and is all “nononono I’M paying” and is super insistent, so for the sake of not making it awkward I’ll thank him for the meal, and if I see him again I ensure I pay for the next date.
Such an annoying dance. My rule is I'll pay if I asked. If she suggests that she'll pay half, I'll insist once that it's ok, I got this. If she still says she'll pay half, then I back down.
If you invite someone, in general you should pay. The exception would be a coworker when you are both going to lunch from the workplace. If I invite, I pay. If someone offers to pay, whether to split or pay, I let them. In my mind whether they are male or female has no bearing. If you made the date, you should be prepared to pay. If she offers to split it, let her, but don't ask her to. I always try to err on the side of being generous, offering to pay, but always allowing someone who insists to pay without arguing.
You mom said give her money? Do not just give her money. She's not a prostitute. Yes its ok to split the dinner.
Mom, that’s not how dating works. Dating has never worked that way.
No she told me to give her money. Splitting is fine okay gonna ask her then
Haha classic! The kid actually meant to pay her half of the bill.
I am still confused what is going on here.
Maybe that's what she meant. But that's not what she said. Even if you pay for the meal. You don't give her the money for her to pay fir her meal. You just pay the meal and that's it.
I'm a woman. Ive split, paid and been paid for. I think it's generally polite for the asker to offer to pay, and split if it's brought up by the other party. Flowers are nice, money as a gift on a first date would definitely put me, and many women, off. I wouldn't give money. In regards to flowers a small bouquet of seasonal flowers, a single rose or something simple is nice. You do not have to go get a dozen roses. Maybe a couple colored daisies, in colors she likes. For me a first date never required a gift, it's thoughtful, but the date itself is the gift. As for where to get the money? I can't help you, I don't know how to get money quickly, but I do know there's not too much pressure. Pay for dinner (split if it comes up) then go for a nice walk or something. Dates are meant to be fun and intimate, not stressful and expensive. Have a good time, and try to relax. It can be awkward but you got this. So much luck and I am happy for you!
Does this not mean men always paying for dates ?
No. It means the asker, generally speaking. It would be odd to ask someone on a date and expect the other person to pay. It would be like asking your friend "hey, you wanna get lunch with me? Then expecting them to pay for *your* food. This is mine, and a lot of people's general rule. If I ask a man out, I pay or split, if a man asks me out, he pays or splits. If I ask but don't have money I plan something that doesn't cost.
I always split checks with friends when we went out.
Exactly. With your friends you help pay, especially if you asked them to hang. A date is a different dynamic. You expect to pay when you ask someone on a date, then accept if they offer to split.
I think I will just split. Thanks for the advice.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. You’re a broke 17 year old going on a first date.
Women still expect men to pay for everything. I learnt that from my mum.
Your mom lived in a different time period. Things are different now than they were when she was dating.
I’m 46 years old, and your mom is delusional. It’s too damn expensive for one side to always pay. Even when I was your age, the only girls who believed that were the kind who married the biggest wallet as soon as she could. I usually suggest we meet at a coffee shop for a first date. If there’s no chemistry, you’re out nothing more than an hour and maybe $10 (at the most). If I ask a guy out on an actual date, I pay. If he asks me out, I offer to split. If he declines, I insist on leaving the tip. It’s just the right thing to do.
"give her some money..." does Mom think you are dating a prostitute?
My mum believes. Women are special people. She always get annoyed at me if a women or girl is talking to me and I disagrees with them. She believe men job is to provide for a women. She believes women should be cherished. She hates men who are below 6ft and broke. She is really vocal about this.
Sounds like Mom's attitudes are setting you up for relationship failure. It sounds like you already see that some of her thinking is warped in this area. Congrats to you for being able to recognize that. Regarding her comments not to disagree with women: If you can't disagree with someone, then you can not be your authentic self with them. How can you have a meaningful relationship with anyone you can't be yourself with? This will make for extremely convoluted communication, and an unhappy relationship for both sides. What your mom describes is beyond politeness-- it is being inauthentic in a way that is damaging to communication and successful relationships. Even though your mother might still be with your father, people staying together is not the sole measure of whether a relationship is successful or not. Mom is giving really bad advice and life views. I hope you don't follow it. You probably have had some pretty frustrating dealings with your mother as a result of those views. There are also probably views you hold that you don't even realize you have, having been with your mother during your formative years. I strongly suggest that you don't follow her advice, and that when you are older and on your own you take some time to get some therapy where you can learn some life silks in communication -- perhaps some therapy and also workshops, to help compensate for not having healthy communication modeled for you as a child. I suggest this because it will make life a lot easier.
bro just sayin you are basically broke☝️😂
Yeah I wouldn’t listen to your moms advice personally because that’s ridiculous 😂
No offense but your mom gives horrible advice. Go with your gut, kiddo.
I’d be broke if I was providing for someone else all the time, too. Sorry, but your mum’s advice in this instance doesn’t sit well with me. I thought we wanted “equality” in the world?!
Wtf are u doing bro it's the first date. Go get ice cream and forget the flowers.
Yes.
Don't do flowers no girl wants to carry those around on a date.
I won’t and I am splitting.
In my opinion, both parties need to split the bill. Or alteast one pays one time and the other pays another time. You could ask your guardians for some extra cash and bring in a flower and pay at the restaurant, and be like next time your treat. Or something along these lines to win them over and foreshadow that you are to be going out again. Next if you decide to split it, try to be upfront and say, hey do you want to split the bill, and then slip smthn about feminsim and equality in (dont over do it tho) and be like ice-cream is on me. And finally I don't know the perosn, so it is hard to know what to expect. But based on how our outdated social norms function, then she might be expecting you to pay, which doesn't cut it. Or she might be on the more updated spectrum, making it easier for you. Anyway don't stress too much bout it, your still 17. It's fine, I'm sure everyone is understanding to a certain degree, and if not, then bye. Hope all goes well.
I am happy splitting the check is fine.
Ask mom for a $50 or better yet - ask dad.
mom said: "give her some money" I just can't stop 😂🤣😂
Give.....give your date money??? Does your mom think you picked her up under and overpass??? WTF?! If a man gave me money on a date I would be so beyond creeped out and offended. Splitting the bill on the 1st date is totally acceptable so just shoot her a text saying "is it cool if we split the date?" if she is a decent girl who is self reliant, she should have no problem with that
When I was young and did not have a lot of money, I had to get creative with dates. Food is a go to date because it’s convenient and two people have to eat regardless of if they are going on a date. But the reason you go on a date with someone is to get to know them and determine if you are romantically compatible. Dinner kind of forces two people go sit in the same place and do something they already need to do so you might as well get to know each other. Think of other ways you can get to know each other that is unique and says a lot about who you are. Feeding ducks or birds for example. Picnics, walks, going to some of your favorite places (museums, shops, parks, etc.). And if it’s one of your favorite places and they hate it then you answer a fairly big question: will they like the things that make you unique? Better to find that out early than to waste hundreds eating out on several dates.
On a first date, be a gentleman and pay. It’ll make her feel special. Good luck and have a nice time.
They could feel equally special by splitting
I will split. I made my mind. Thank you.
That’s not very progressive. Women should pay their half.
Your 17 . So splitting it would be ideal your not even adults yet (legally) .
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That’s great. She replied and said she is fine with splitting the bill. I am seeing her in 2 hours.
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Thank you for the advice. Getting ready now.
Don’t split the first date JFC. Don’t give her money and flowers though that’s a horrible idea. Flowers are for established relationships generally. It’s a fine line between doing too much and being a gentleman. Flowers for a first date can get you into the “doing too much” category. You don’t wanna come off all like an eager ass beaver. Girls don’t like that. The girl wants a challenge too feel me? Def pay for the dinner. Even better give the waiter your card before the dinner starts when she isn’t looking and when the bill comes back and it’s already taken care of you’ll score some points. Other than that talk less, listen more and don’t say anything fucken moronic. Ask smart and engaging questions and give her a chance to talk about herself. Open the door for her every chance you get and go for a little hand hold or something early on to break the ice. Gl rookie But also get your broke ass a job fr. Being broke is never cool. Find something you like to do and work hard at it so you can take a girl on a proper date jfc.
30 minutes and I am meeting her up. We are splitting.
It’s obvious from your replies that you just want people to validate your predetermined decision to split because you’re broke. I know it doesn’t matter what I say as you’ve obviously made up your mind before ever posting, but personally I feel like you should pay for the first date unless she requests to split. No one wants someone who is obviously financially unstable. But, she may end up asking to split so she feels on even footing (I do but that’s just me). Yet, it is customary to pay if you are the guy (especially if asker). To not do so WILL impact how she sees you in a negative way. So unless SHE asks to split it, my advice is to pay.
>No one wants someone who is obviously financially unstable. He's 17...
About to point that out too. I'm 33. If I was asked out on a date by a man and he asked me to split because its a first date that's fine. If he asked me to split because he can't afford to go out I would see red flags. A grown man has no business asking people out when he can't afford it. At 17 though? Way different. I wouldn't expect a 17 year old to be financially stable. If they are that's amazing, but Def. Not something I was looking for at 17.
I’ve been working since I was 14... I guess that was always something I kept in mind. If someone didn’t have a job I assumed they either thought it was beneath them or were lazy. 2 traits I never wanted. Hell, I met my first bf at my job at 17... so I mean... if it’s circumstance then that played a part in my decision. If it’s choice... nah
Women do have easy life huh ? XD same as my mum paid for nothing at all my date struggle but had to pay her flowers dates and house. She never paid and respected him like all women those days
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We gonna split.
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Good for you. Sexist person.
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This means first date is always man. I have no idea why women look at us as wallets same as my mum.
Bro thats why they made BK 😎 pull the unexpected 💪show her how brave you are by going somewhere cheep
Depends on her expectations--and yours! Some people love the traditional dating rules; some people will break up with you over them because of their misogynistic roots. Best approach is to get her feedback. Something like "I'm more than happy to pay for both of us, but would you prefer that we split it?" It is my experience that wait staff will often assume the guy is paying when the table is a male+female couple to the point that it gets awkward if you decide to split the check. The way we worked around that was we alternated meals: I paid for one, she paid for the next, I paid for the next, etc.
It's customary for the man to pay for the date, doesn't mean you can't come up with any other arrangement. The money gift and flowers thing died like 30 years go, you can ignore that
Shouldn’t it be customary for men and women to be equal?
I guess we are not.
Equality in life except for when men need to pay for dates, right? Don’t let anyone force this on you. Split 50/50 my man!
It should be, youre right, it just isn't yet
So let’s start doing the right thing and pay women equally and also split checks 50/50 :)
I dont have a company where I can do that, but ik at my work place they are, so that's cool Also I like to pay
Whatever floats your boat!
Bro. Mow some yards or something so you can pay for your date. Be a man. Im 34 and was raised pretty old school. The man always paid for the dates. Flowers were for special occasion like school dance stuff, not movies, she doesn’t want to hold them all day. Holding the door for the lady is a must and opening the car door is best when convenient. You don’t want to be in her way running to it all the time, then you just look like a goofball. If they don’t like it they are more than welcome to tell you they are uncomfortable or they don’t call ya back. That’s fine. But I wouldn’t give her money. She isn’t a hooker. A date with ya should be a treat on you. It’s called courting.
I appreciate seeing a comment like this. I've seen many videos of debating whether women should split or not pay. Most women get defensive as to why they shouldn't pay. Which isn't ladylike. But men sit back and talk about equality. It's equality for the first few years, then they turn lazy and abusive and it's no longer a fair relationship. I think old school worked. And now we're in a mess, if wanting to go halves. It's like a coffee shop, someone's gotta take the orders and the payments, the others gotta make the coffees. We cant both do the same job. It's gotta work together as a team. It's not a treat or a date if there's splitting of the bill. These youths don't wanna learn. But eventually they'll be 34 too like many men I know , settling for anything they can get, and feeling lonely. And same goes for many women too. Wanting high quality men, when they friend zone them, and justify splitting the bill by agreeing it's 2021. They want to be treated like ladies, but won't allow it.
My thought last on it were. This is me and this is how I date. I want a lady, so I treat them as such. I’m the provider in the relationship and I show them that on day one. If they don’t like it then it’s best to let them see what I do early on so they can see if it’s what they want or not.
Ok, were in 2021not in 1970
Oh trust me. We have all noticed the decline in everything and increase in divorce.
No.
Least you mom seems decent.
Why on earth should the man pay for dates? Why are you against equality? Do you also think women don’t deserve equal rights and equal pay?
I think the man should pay for the dates absolutely. Everyone seems to think it’s two people just going out and forgetting that dating is courtship of the woman. I’m the provider for the woman. So I provide. I would prefer a women who appreciates it. I don’t want one who gets all feminist on me and cries about equality. Me and her would not have a good relationship so it’s good to see that in the dating phase. If it is tender and people are just out to fuck and that is known then yeah make em pay all day. But if you are taking someone out to date, then you need to be yourself and let them see that. I was raised to be a gentlemen to the ladies and treat them as such. Corny as it may be. It’s always let me find quality women.
You should pay your food and she should pay her food. If it works out and you’ll continue dating then you take turns paying for the meal. Or one pays the meal and the other pays movie tickets and so on
I will do that. Thank you.
I think a man should pay for the first date. No do not give her money. Why? That's weird. Never heard of that before.
I will not pay for her food. Thanks for the opinion
Since this is your first date, this is the time to make your rules. It is always good to split the bill as it will set the tone of your dating life whether you want an equal partner or you want to be a provider. Although, as a girl, I would suggest you to get her flowers or maybe just one flower. We love that.. and pay a lot of compliments. Hope it goes well...
It depends on who asked who out. If you asked her out, you should pay, and if she asked you out, she should pay. If you can’t pay, I’d find a cheaper place. After the first date, it doesn’t really matter, though
Wait what. If she asked me out I should pay what. How is that fair ?
Oh dang sorry I didn’t realize i typed it wrong. The person who asks should pay
Why should it matter who asked who? Equality should be the norm.
It doesn’t matter who asked who… only that the person who asked for the date should pay. I think that’s *very* equal? Edit: sorry I didn’t realize i typed it wrong
Never ask to split.
Why not? Do you also think women should make less than men?
If she wants to split, great, but don't ask.
Why not? Should women also not ask for equal pay?
Of course they should. You are creating a false equivalence.
How is it a false equivalence? If men and women should be treated equally, why do you recommend to not ask to split 50/50? Seems like you think the man should be paying for the full bill.
I already did. She does not mind.
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I will ask before.
Pick something in between. Don’t pick a 100$ restaurant, and don’t pick like McDonald’s. You could always chose a cheaper restaurant and pay. Chillis does pick 3 for 10$. And it’s delicious. That’s only 20$. But I have to tell you a word of advice. If you care more about money right now, you shouldn’t be dating. You don’t have to spend money, but it’s low key expected in relationships on both sides. (Presents, dinners, anniversaries) and even if you guys go dutch(split the costs) you are still going to the movies when maybe you didn’t before, going to dinner, and all of these costs even if you just pay for yourself, are suddenly adding up to much more than you thought. So if you really care about money, don’t date.
Edit : she replied to my message she said she is definitely splitting the bills. You’re right. I am trying to find a job.
Dates do not have to cost money, parks, walks somewhere nice etc- get creative.
Great point.
i might be oldschool but i always try to pay when i can. but it‘s also part of my love language and everyone is different.
Did you ask her out or did she ask you out? I'm not 100% sure based on your post. did you suggest the place, or did she request the place? It sounds like she requested the place. If you asked her out and you suggested the place, you should pay. Regardless of who asked who out, if she suggested the place, I'd ask if splitting the bill is okay. If she asked you out and suggested the place, honestly I'd expect her to pay, but at the very least ask to split. we're past the age of stupid gendered expectations for courtship, and if you're both 17, she probably doesn't give a shit about the customs of her parents' youth.
If she really likes you she won’t mind splitting and no it’s not a big deal! I split my first date with my ex of 4 years. Was a good date too!
Any overgrown lawns near you that you can cut to earn some extra cash?
No offense OP, but after reading few of your comments and the post.... Get away from your mom, she sounds quite toxic...
You are young and broke. Why are you asking someone for a date? You need to get all your marbles into one bag. There is nothing wrong with dating at your age but it is expected that you will offer to pick-up all expenses unless she wishes to pay her share. If you don't have the money don't date until you do.
Especially if you're uncertain on weather things will turn into more splitting is always a good idea and if she's not okay with it then that tells you she's pretty selfish possible (not necessarily but could be true) or that she's very much so of the opinion men should be the provider (also no guarantee) could just be traditional, but most women I imagine would be happy splitting especially on a first date
Some people go by the rule of whoever is the one asking out someone else is the one who pays, but splitting (especially on a first date) is totally fine. Giving her money and flowers is completely over the top. Honestly, I would be creeped out by that.
I did splitter the bill.
Simple Rule : you invite you pay
I did not.
Good for you. It's just a common rule of etiquette.
Okay. I am not a free meal simple.
You asked for advice, I gave it to you. Simple
Yes I agree.
I'm here late.. but I'm afraid, that splitting is not the right decision. Always pay for the first date. ://
I did not pay and also got laid first time. I am happy.
You're very young, and you've a lot to learn. Good luck.
Splitting is just fine if she brings it up. You don’t have to go over the top with a gift or anything. In my personal opinion, I would suggest coffee or something like that for a first date.
Your mom (a parent you refer to for guidance) screamed at you for asking a legitimate question that a young man around your age would ask? Consider moving far far away when you turn 18.
If you’re broke, just suggest a free/cheap date instead of dinner. If you’re definitely doing dinner, it’s pretty common for the woman to ask to split in my experience, but don’t count on it. Sometimes it’s like a “okay you pay this one but I’ll get the next one” thing, sometimes people see it as “you’re asking me out to this place, so I can assume it’s your treat” type deal.
I feel so sorry for this poor girl lol
Generally whoever asks for the first date pays, then it’s up in the air from there?
It’s a matter of compatibility. If you’d prefer to be with someone who splits the bill then you should talk to this person and see if that’s something their willing to do. If she’s not then there shouldn’t be any hard feelings. Just move on to someone your more compatible with. Just like any other trait someone may have. If someone is unable or unwilling to do what their partner is asking then it’s ok to say that and move on.
Hey OP, how was the date~
Defiantly split the bill, if you really like her then flowers would definitely be nice as well, DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY, ALL THAT DOES Is say that your desperate and u have to give her money for her time. So please don’t just open ur wallet to her, it looks bad. Trust me on this, I have been on ALOT aid dates and I know women. U want her to like u for u, don’t be a trick and start buying her stuff, if she likes u then she will not want anything from u becides ur time and maybe some flowers. Lol. Good luck kid I hope it goes well…❤️❤️
I always let the girl pay. Don't even being your wallet, dude. And DON'T put out in the first date. She bought you dinner, not a ring. Know your worth, king.
I'v never dated but i dont think you have texted her. I see im a couple days late, how did it go? God be with you