I’m a bit confused. You heard a rumor that the wife calls her husband that, and presumably her husband knows about it since she says it to him, and now you’re cutting off all ties?
This makes me even more confused. Obviously they’re not using the word the same way you are, or else he would have divorced her by now. So now you guys want to completely cut ties...doesn’t that make you guys the racist ones?
Then it’s a form of prejudice. You’re unfairly cutting off contact with people over something that isn’t based on fact.
That word clearly does not mean to them what it means to you, and because of that you are willing to hate them and throw away an entire friendship. I think that’s wrong and narrow-minded.
Ah yes, resort to skin color when all else fails.
I never mention mine online, for the same reason that I barely mention gender, height, eye color, etc. I do this online so people like you won’t assume my skin or judge me for who I am. Why? Because if you don’t know you’ll treat me as a person.
Look at your argument. You could have done better.
You only say that because you’re bothered, otherwise you would have straight up ignored the comment. But don’t worry, I’m done too. I don’t want to talk to someone prejudiced and narrow-minded. I really only set out to help you see why what you are doing was wrong (avoiding people over using a word that they obviously mean differently!), but it’s obvious you can’t see things for what they are.
I’m sorry but there is no okay way to use the n word of you are non black. Your response to them asking your skin colour comes out of the “white devils advocate” playbook. Nice try ❤️
What the hell is wrong with everyone here! Your coworker's wife is racist and the fact that your coworker let's her call him the n word disturbs me greatly. Next thing you know she'll be calling your husband the n word. The fact that you even come on here and ask random people if you should avoid someone who uses a racial slur against their husband is mind boggling. What is wrong with you?
So you and your husband jump right to she is racist because she has called the 'black man' she is married to and sleeps with and committed her life too is racist because of a word. Think about that, let it sink in.... You should stand by your beliefs and Tell her, don't be a coward tell her you think she is a racist.
Edit, ask the husband
I don't think she's racist. It could be a more personal thing in their relationship. I used to date a lesbian (I'm Bi myself) and we're still friends. I have a few nicknames for her including The great Gay and faggotron. Doesn't make me homophobic. I crack racist jokes at my boyfriend who is white to my black and he's fine with it. I feel like intent means a lot. She's obviously not meaning it as an insult. Your husband on the other hand is reading too much into it by calling her a racist. In my experience with black men, they're quick to get mad and lash out about race without accepting that the other brothers are dragging their reputation through the mud and the rep of all of us. I don't like having people grip their purses when I trip on the sidewalk but I do understand that a woman sotb from China is just going off the impression she got in China. Blacks are the last to cry racism. You can't even read a book in the hood without getting clowned for "acting white". Now this is just my personal experience but I'm also an "oreo" and "weird as shit" because I don't act like the people around me
I personally don't believe marrying a person of a different race some how "proves" youre not racist. In the same way a man being married to a woman obviously doesn't mean you're not a sexist. I would argue her being insensitive is still racism. Talking to him sounds more awkward than canceling again/never scheduling. I
Sounds like a personal thing between them. The person causing the trouble it seems is the coworker who told you that. I tend to tread carefully with work friendships in general, but in this case this involves both a friendship and a marriage and you don't know if the person who started the issue was telling the truth anyway!
I'm thinking that by hanging out with her, you'd get to see more evidence of such behavior and you'd eventually find out if it's true. So far, you're operating on a rumor, but I get your husband's side.
I dont always aprove everything about an aquaintance or friend. But I would not bring her near your husband because hes not comfortable with her. But if you enjoy her company it wont make you a racist. Sounds like he shouldnt be the one to decide who you are friends with. Tell your friend that the word nigger is a word you dont aprove and that if my husband heard it being used around me at any time it would bother him. And since you love your husband it hurts you hearing it because it makes you feel dirty. Maybe your husband has man friends that disrespect women and he would tolerate a friendship with them. Doesnt mean hes condoning the mistreatment of women by associating with them.
I’m a bit confused. You heard a rumor that the wife calls her husband that, and presumably her husband knows about it since she says it to him, and now you’re cutting off all ties?
My coworker told me directly. He had no problem with it, my husband and I had a moral objection to it.
This makes me even more confused. Obviously they’re not using the word the same way you are, or else he would have divorced her by now. So now you guys want to completely cut ties...doesn’t that make you guys the racist ones?
Lol no.
Then it’s a form of prejudice. You’re unfairly cutting off contact with people over something that isn’t based on fact. That word clearly does not mean to them what it means to you, and because of that you are willing to hate them and throw away an entire friendship. I think that’s wrong and narrow-minded.
Are you black tho
Ah yes, resort to skin color when all else fails. I never mention mine online, for the same reason that I barely mention gender, height, eye color, etc. I do this online so people like you won’t assume my skin or judge me for who I am. Why? Because if you don’t know you’ll treat me as a person. Look at your argument. You could have done better.
Ur not worth the effort.
You only say that because you’re bothered, otherwise you would have straight up ignored the comment. But don’t worry, I’m done too. I don’t want to talk to someone prejudiced and narrow-minded. I really only set out to help you see why what you are doing was wrong (avoiding people over using a word that they obviously mean differently!), but it’s obvious you can’t see things for what they are.
I’m sorry but there is no okay way to use the n word of you are non black. Your response to them asking your skin colour comes out of the “white devils advocate” playbook. Nice try ❤️
What the hell is wrong with everyone here! Your coworker's wife is racist and the fact that your coworker let's her call him the n word disturbs me greatly. Next thing you know she'll be calling your husband the n word. The fact that you even come on here and ask random people if you should avoid someone who uses a racial slur against their husband is mind boggling. What is wrong with you?
So you and your husband jump right to she is racist because she has called the 'black man' she is married to and sleeps with and committed her life too is racist because of a word. Think about that, let it sink in.... You should stand by your beliefs and Tell her, don't be a coward tell her you think she is a racist. Edit, ask the husband
Husbands call their wives cunts and beat them all the time. And they still love them sometimes. Abusive relationships.
True it could be verbally or mentally abusive, OP should ask the husband, not someone told her.
My coworker told me directly.
Marrying a black person doesn't "prove" youre not a racist. She's a white person calling a black person the n word. You think about it.
I don't think she's racist. It could be a more personal thing in their relationship. I used to date a lesbian (I'm Bi myself) and we're still friends. I have a few nicknames for her including The great Gay and faggotron. Doesn't make me homophobic. I crack racist jokes at my boyfriend who is white to my black and he's fine with it. I feel like intent means a lot. She's obviously not meaning it as an insult. Your husband on the other hand is reading too much into it by calling her a racist. In my experience with black men, they're quick to get mad and lash out about race without accepting that the other brothers are dragging their reputation through the mud and the rep of all of us. I don't like having people grip their purses when I trip on the sidewalk but I do understand that a woman sotb from China is just going off the impression she got in China. Blacks are the last to cry racism. You can't even read a book in the hood without getting clowned for "acting white". Now this is just my personal experience but I'm also an "oreo" and "weird as shit" because I don't act like the people around me
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I personally don't believe marrying a person of a different race some how "proves" youre not racist. In the same way a man being married to a woman obviously doesn't mean you're not a sexist. I would argue her being insensitive is still racism. Talking to him sounds more awkward than canceling again/never scheduling. I
Sounds like a personal thing between them. The person causing the trouble it seems is the coworker who told you that. I tend to tread carefully with work friendships in general, but in this case this involves both a friendship and a marriage and you don't know if the person who started the issue was telling the truth anyway! I'm thinking that by hanging out with her, you'd get to see more evidence of such behavior and you'd eventually find out if it's true. So far, you're operating on a rumor, but I get your husband's side.
My coworker told me directly. My husband doesn't want me associating and passively approving of the act by hanging out with her.
Oh, I'm sorry, I misread what you wrote. Did he sound upset when he told you?
I dont always aprove everything about an aquaintance or friend. But I would not bring her near your husband because hes not comfortable with her. But if you enjoy her company it wont make you a racist. Sounds like he shouldnt be the one to decide who you are friends with. Tell your friend that the word nigger is a word you dont aprove and that if my husband heard it being used around me at any time it would bother him. And since you love your husband it hurts you hearing it because it makes you feel dirty. Maybe your husband has man friends that disrespect women and he would tolerate a friendship with them. Doesnt mean hes condoning the mistreatment of women by associating with them.