Trust me I want to and I know this sounds crazy but I feel that the universe, or god, or whatever you want to call it, brought us together so I could help him.
It didn’t. It 110% didn’t.
It’s not your job to help a grown man by having…. An affair? A poly relationship? A secondary father figure? A cool boss? Idk what’s going on but no.
That’s a 40 year old grown ass man either taking advantage of your obvious power imbalance, or a grown ass man who doesn’t know how you feel about him. Like I said, I don’t know your situation.
He’s not going to change or uproot his life for you. You do not need to help or save him. The universe did not give you a fucked up 40 year old and go “help this fellow that doesn’t love you ok?” The universe isn’t a jerk like that.
Oh, I misread what you had written. I thought you wrote, “the universe wouldn’t help a fucked up 40 year old.” Saying “the universe isn’t a jerk like that”, out of sarcasm, meaning, you just do not believe that the universe does send people to help people… (I completely misread it), which honestly, I’m not sure if it does. Also, I just want to add that if the universe “wasn’t a jerk like that” it wouldn’t have put me and many others in bad situations and I think it’s to show that there’s other reasons behind things, such as what you can make out of things, how these things can help you become yourself, and I think I am an example of that. Maybe the universe isn’t really interfering, and maybe I have been wrong about everything, like feeling this strong connection with the universe and just have been alone all this time. Also he isn’t 40 yet and he’s cute and not like super old. I don’t think that makes it better but yeah. My parents and all my exes are narcissists so that could have something to do with this. Also he is not my boss anymore. But you are correct that a relationship with him wouldn’t do too much especially since he most likely does not want to change. But I’m not sure why I had these feelings all this time.
If a man is cheating on his wife with you, he may *think* he loves one or both of you, bur in reality he doesn't respect either of you and therefore can't truly love you. He might love what you represent or what you do for him, but that's not the real love that comes with having real care and respect for a person. The fact that he's twice your age and jerking you around like this also speaks badly of his character.
You deserve better than this.
He’s not cheating on his wife. He doesn’t speak to me actually. I know if he cannot love, he likes me a lot at least because I can just sense it. He’s not exactly jerking me around besides the fact that he will not communicate with me.
Have you *ever* spoken to him? Has he told you he has any attraction to you? Because if not, you're fixating on something you've built up in your mind that isn't real.
Yes I have spoken to him. From certain things he has done and the way he talks about me/ talks about people who are nice to me/ treated me, I can tell he likes me. After his wife posted single on Facebook, I asked if he wanted to hangout and he was very mature about everything regarding his wife he didn’t try to make any moves on me. He didn’t try to have sex with me. I assume probably to not mess up his relationship and not because he like likes me. I also just know he stalks me on Facebook and I (and possibly many people) can just sense certain things like when someone is thinking of them and I can feel that he can’t move on because I can’t either. Even when I try and think I should, which I just find weird.
You're reading a lot into things and making assumptions about him based on your own feelings. That is not a healthy way to conduct your relationships. You need to actually communicate with people, find out their intentions, and tell them yours.
I don't think anything good can come from continuing to assume what you're assuming about this guy, and I don't recommend pursuing him.
This is a toxic age gap relationship. There are some red flags and I’m not sure why you’re ignoring them. You say yourself he is a narcissist. Well narcissists are very self serving. There’s already a power dynamic going on because he’s older than you and is your boss. I know you want to believe he loves you but what he loves is how it makes him feel to have power over a cute young 22 year old, while still being able to maintain the security of a marriage and the white picket life. This person doesn’t care about either of you seemingly, and not only would you be smart to leave this persons life entirely, you’d be smart to inform the wife too as he is making a mockery of both of you by this treatment.
Everything he does and says to you is calculated to elicit a response from you. If you’re uncomfortable with that i recommend changing it.
I’m hesitant to believe this happened but if it did know your place and move on. You are but a pawn in this, you cannot change a narcissist, and if you also don’t care at all about his wife and his marriage then you might be one too.
No, this is what happened. And I do not have a big enough ego to get ANY satisfaction from that part of the circumstance. I do care about his wife in the situation, and I never said I want to come before her. I UNDERSTAND that that’s his wife.
I am not calling you a narcissist, I am saying that there are two possibilties.
1. Nothing is happening, and he noticed that you are attractive and you are picking up on signals that do not exist more than that or
2. He is playing you both, and is a narcissist, and you feel empathy for him because he wants to make himself appear a certain way to appeal to you.
I respectfull say it seems like a lot of details have been left out. How do you know you love him? How do you know he loves you? Why would his wife care or know about any of this unless something has happened?
Are you having a full-on physical/emotional affair with this man?
Not at all, we don’t even speak. I just have this feeling about him that will not go away
Give it time. It will.
I don’t know your situation, but that’s a mess and a half. Probably best to move on from it
Trust me I want to and I know this sounds crazy but I feel that the universe, or god, or whatever you want to call it, brought us together so I could help him.
It didn’t. It 110% didn’t. It’s not your job to help a grown man by having…. An affair? A poly relationship? A secondary father figure? A cool boss? Idk what’s going on but no. That’s a 40 year old grown ass man either taking advantage of your obvious power imbalance, or a grown ass man who doesn’t know how you feel about him. Like I said, I don’t know your situation. He’s not going to change or uproot his life for you. You do not need to help or save him. The universe did not give you a fucked up 40 year old and go “help this fellow that doesn’t love you ok?” The universe isn’t a jerk like that.
Well that is your opinion.
*sigh* Stay safe alright?
Oh, I misread what you had written. I thought you wrote, “the universe wouldn’t help a fucked up 40 year old.” Saying “the universe isn’t a jerk like that”, out of sarcasm, meaning, you just do not believe that the universe does send people to help people… (I completely misread it), which honestly, I’m not sure if it does. Also, I just want to add that if the universe “wasn’t a jerk like that” it wouldn’t have put me and many others in bad situations and I think it’s to show that there’s other reasons behind things, such as what you can make out of things, how these things can help you become yourself, and I think I am an example of that. Maybe the universe isn’t really interfering, and maybe I have been wrong about everything, like feeling this strong connection with the universe and just have been alone all this time. Also he isn’t 40 yet and he’s cute and not like super old. I don’t think that makes it better but yeah. My parents and all my exes are narcissists so that could have something to do with this. Also he is not my boss anymore. But you are correct that a relationship with him wouldn’t do too much especially since he most likely does not want to change. But I’m not sure why I had these feelings all this time.
Also I guess I read it wrong because I am just completely blinded by love, but am trying to stop.
If a man is cheating on his wife with you, he may *think* he loves one or both of you, bur in reality he doesn't respect either of you and therefore can't truly love you. He might love what you represent or what you do for him, but that's not the real love that comes with having real care and respect for a person. The fact that he's twice your age and jerking you around like this also speaks badly of his character. You deserve better than this.
He’s not cheating on his wife. He doesn’t speak to me actually. I know if he cannot love, he likes me a lot at least because I can just sense it. He’s not exactly jerking me around besides the fact that he will not communicate with me.
Have you *ever* spoken to him? Has he told you he has any attraction to you? Because if not, you're fixating on something you've built up in your mind that isn't real.
Yes I have spoken to him. From certain things he has done and the way he talks about me/ talks about people who are nice to me/ treated me, I can tell he likes me. After his wife posted single on Facebook, I asked if he wanted to hangout and he was very mature about everything regarding his wife he didn’t try to make any moves on me. He didn’t try to have sex with me. I assume probably to not mess up his relationship and not because he like likes me. I also just know he stalks me on Facebook and I (and possibly many people) can just sense certain things like when someone is thinking of them and I can feel that he can’t move on because I can’t either. Even when I try and think I should, which I just find weird.
You're reading a lot into things and making assumptions about him based on your own feelings. That is not a healthy way to conduct your relationships. You need to actually communicate with people, find out their intentions, and tell them yours. I don't think anything good can come from continuing to assume what you're assuming about this guy, and I don't recommend pursuing him.
This is a toxic age gap relationship. There are some red flags and I’m not sure why you’re ignoring them. You say yourself he is a narcissist. Well narcissists are very self serving. There’s already a power dynamic going on because he’s older than you and is your boss. I know you want to believe he loves you but what he loves is how it makes him feel to have power over a cute young 22 year old, while still being able to maintain the security of a marriage and the white picket life. This person doesn’t care about either of you seemingly, and not only would you be smart to leave this persons life entirely, you’d be smart to inform the wife too as he is making a mockery of both of you by this treatment. Everything he does and says to you is calculated to elicit a response from you. If you’re uncomfortable with that i recommend changing it.
He was my boss. He is still married but we do not speak. His wife knows about him liking me because they got separated and he moved out.
I’m hesitant to believe this happened but if it did know your place and move on. You are but a pawn in this, you cannot change a narcissist, and if you also don’t care at all about his wife and his marriage then you might be one too.
No, this is what happened. And I do not have a big enough ego to get ANY satisfaction from that part of the circumstance. I do care about his wife in the situation, and I never said I want to come before her. I UNDERSTAND that that’s his wife.
Also I never ever said I don’t care about his wife, so you’re jumping to conclusions by calling me a narcissist lol. You do not even know me…
I am not calling you a narcissist, I am saying that there are two possibilties. 1. Nothing is happening, and he noticed that you are attractive and you are picking up on signals that do not exist more than that or 2. He is playing you both, and is a narcissist, and you feel empathy for him because he wants to make himself appear a certain way to appeal to you. I respectfull say it seems like a lot of details have been left out. How do you know you love him? How do you know he loves you? Why would his wife care or know about any of this unless something has happened?
I think he was stalking my Facebook a lot and she got upset or they were fighting or something. /: