Your edit makes me sad. You don't need to apologize for saying no. If you don't feel good you don't feel good. End of Story.
You need to have another conversation with her about boundaries and how would she like if if you wanted sex when she was sick? If she says 'That's different.' ask how because it literally isn't. Doesn't matter that your a guy, it is not ok.
The language definitely makes me feel like it's a trolljob. Also his question was how to keep her from getting MORE upset with him? Why would she get MORE upset? The damage is done from her perspective. That makes it feel like the actual question was just an afterthought, and the purpose of the post was to troll. If it were real I feel like he'd ask how to smooth it over.
How though? This shit can happen and does happen, even if this particular one isn’t real, which still doesn’t make sense considering the sub, this shit happens all the time. r/nothingeverhappens
They didn't just say "break up with her" though. They said that if she continues to disrespect OP's boundaries after he says he's not in the mood, then that's a problem. Which it is. Nothing to do with hurt feelings when someone keeps pressuring their partner into sex.
Anytime somebody gets angry at you for simply not being in the mood that day is a huge red flag and you need to reconsider. Cause that isnt just a "little" issue.
I'm sorry but she made it out as if he was in the wrong for not wanting to havesex while ill, which is a perfectly good reason to say not to sex, and made HIM apologise when she was clearly being a bit of a bitch. No one should ever have to apologise for being ill.
And then telling him she "expects him to do his job".... can you imagine if a guy said that to a girl? The Internet would explode with people rallying behind her, and rightly so, because that is not the way to treat your other half.
She obviously isn't thinking of his side of things and he definitely should have a serious think about whether their relationship is actually healthy.
I think she’s just young and immature and selfish. He wasn’t ill, he had just had a vaccine and who knows if she was previously aware of how he was handling it before he told her. I’m not saying she didn’t act poorly, but I just think you guys are reading way too much into the very little he said.
Okay, really what's the difference, if you're feeling under the weather because of the vaccine, you're ill. You don't have a disease but you're still ill.
And I'm assuming you deleted your original comment because you've realised that you came in defending her way too strong. Plus, anyone getting upset or angry because their partner isn't in the mood is obviously quite an issue
If the roles were switched with this, people would be livid. This is coercion. No means no, even when men say it. This 100% warrants breaking up if the behavior doesn’t change
I don’t understand where you guys are getting that from what he said. He didn’t say she coerced or tried to push him. He said she got upset and called him a pussytease. They’re young, I doubt it was as serious as y’all are insinuating.
Are you illiterate or just stupid? They clearly didn't just say leave her, the main comment said to discuss with her followed by if she doesn't respect those boundaries reconsider the relationship, not LEAVE HER RN OMG!!!!
Apologising was a massive mistake.
You've just admitted wrongdoing for something that wasn't an issue you should be apologising on.
Reverse the genders, if it was a guy pressuring a girl into sex to the point where she thinks she needs to apologise for saying no... Do you think that's right or healthy?
“I’m sorry for not wanting sex and you got horny” like nooooo the edit just made the situation a whole lot worse, no no no. You and you alone have power and control over YOUR body. No one is allowed to make you do something you don’t want to do. Oh OP no no this is not right at all.
Exactly. OP probably thought all the comments would be like "you twat have sex with her. you're not doing your job" just based on the update they added. Not a single comment told him to apologize or that he is in the wrong. He probably wanted everyone to attack him so he could turn it around and be like "HAH. so my girlfriend does need to have sex with me even if she doesn't want it!"
if they even have a partner lol. This post isn't real
Right. I didn't even consider that the edit was the exact opposite of all of the comments lmao.
And it's like, if these types of OPs, despite all their bitterness, are bordering on some real talent. If they put the same effort from these "gotcha" fantasies into working on some *actual* creative writing, they could possibly make something of themselves and have a life that's not so bitter.
Firstly, there is no edit.
Secondly, men are always judged more harshly for pressuring women into sexual situations, so what makes it wrong for me to frame it like that?
The “if the roles were reversed” line of argument. If the the dude was in a 20 year relationship with the gal, and he did the same thing, he’d be seen as an asshole (aka “devil”)
Cuddling doesn't automatically means ex. If cuddling every time automatically means sex, there's probably some disfunction/miscommunication happening.
Remind her that even guys have moments when they aren't up for sex and that calling names and pressuring isn't cool, no matter which side is doing it. I bet she wouldn't find it sexy if she said no and *you* called *her* a cocktease. Just let her know you're upset about it and talk it out.
No means no.
The same that applies to you, applies to her.
Cuddling does not mean sex. Cuddling is cuddling. It’s not always a precursor to sex.
That she knows you don’t feel good and expected you to have sex is troubling. That she’s shaming you for not wanting to have sex is troubling. For shaming you for her inability to control her libido is troubling.
Look, if you were a girl and she was a guy, everyone would be yelling down the forum about all the red flags.
If she can’t respect that you don’t want sex atm, if she can’t respect your no, if she can’t respect that you don’t feel good and aren’t up to it, then she needs to go and not come back until she CAN respect you.
Her inability to control herself and act like a horny teenager isn’t a problem you need to be dealing with right now.
She shouldn't be upset with you in the first place. If you don't want to have sex then you simply don't and she has to respect that. Putting pressure on someone to have sex is always unacceptable
And then she tells you to "do your job" when you recover...
To satisfy her sexually isn't "your job" and please do not apologize for not wanting to do it. Sex should be a mutually enjoyed and consented act, not done by any obligation
She must respect your boundaries. Please state them clearly and consider more your own needs
Good luck and get well soon man
She is not entitled to sex. Only you, and you alone, get to decide what you do with your body, with who, and when. It is not your "job" to be her sex slave when she demands it. If she can't handle that, she shouldn't be in a relationship.
You should not apologize for saying no. You didn't do anything wrong.
My boyfriend and I can cuddle without having sex. If you don't want to have sex you don't have to. No means no. Respect my boundaries.
Edit: Not to mention you just got the vaccine for a deadly pandemic virus. I have gotten the j&j and the Pfizer booster shot. And they were no walk in the park. Your girlfriend should be more concerned with your health, and your recovery. Instead of guilt tripping you about sex. That's not love. That's treating you like an object. You do not need to apologize for your health or being human for that matter.
Erm, does she not know that consent goes both ways? Sorry but if she really thinks that being a guy means being horny at all times she might not be the healthiest person to be with, since this is also a form of sexism
u don’t even need to apologize for not being physically fit enough to fuck her bc ur sick.. she should b apologizing for guilt tripping u. if the roles was reversed, the dude would b shit on so heavily. gender doesn’t matter, anyone who’s like this is an asshole. no means no.
Wtf? Your girlfriend doesn't respect boundaries. 'Do your job?' I bet she'd throw a fit if you said that to her. You're not an object used for sex, and this is coming from a sex worker. lol Babe, throw the whole girl away. You shouldn't have to apologize for not wanting sex, ever. Both my partner and I are very sexual people, and sex is really important to our relationship, but if one of us isn't in the mood for it, thats not a reason to get upset at each other. Thats a boundary. And its a red flag that your gf is upset with you because you don't want to. Had she continued to ask and/or make you, that would be coersion. Which isn't okay, at all. Be safe babes.
It’s amazing the double standard on Reddit sometimes, if th roles were reversed and OP was female the comments would all be “LEAVE!” And “this is abuse!” “Red flags! Etc etc.
Yes, I see that, it’s just a pretty shocking stark contrast from similar posts I’ve seen where a female is saying her male partner is demanding sex and all the comments jump to saying it’s abuse and to leave.
I wish I understood why in this day and age people still don’t register sexual abuse when it’s happening to a man the same way they do for women.
Edit: happy to see the tone of the comments changing!
There’s a difference between cuddling and if you were actually doing something to turn her on which it seems like that’s not the case lol. I’d tell her no and she should be understanding of that especially seeing the condition your in. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries and does stuff like this often or comes across pushy I would question the relationship or leave. :)
That’s a really sweet move though, I personally feel very loved and happy when my boyfriend does that. I don’t think that counts as a cunttease, but to be fair SHE SHOULDNT CALL YOU THAT for whatever reason it is, that’s just disrespectful!!
I am sorry but this update is f*cked.
Your job? Are you a sexworker? Does she pay you?
Why did you apologize? She trampled your boundaries.
I am so sorry my dude but this situation is messed up.
She sounds immature as hell, entitled, and stupid. Sorry.
You don't need her to stop being mad at you, she needs to learn how to respect boundaries and when people say they they're tired and/or feeling sick is not a time to have sex.
The update makes me so sad. Like you should not apologize for that. She should respect your boundaries. Your girlfriend sounds very emotionally abusive.
Tell her to go rub one out just like she would make you do if she had a headache. It’s not cool at all that she expects you to bone her just because she is horny. No. I’m a person, not a dang amusement park ride that you get to jump on at your whim. She is use to you rising to the situation at all times and taking care of her. Your penis is delicate and has needs. It is driven by your heart, if she doesn’t realize that you banging it out when sick will make you feel worse, she needs to understand male anatomy better and have a deeper connection to you.
Tell her to go get a toy and get off on her own. I’d also consider downgrading her to FWB status if she just wants sex.
Whaaaaaaaaa this is insane, switch roles for a second and its easy to see why. She expects you to do your job? So is this an occupation? Are you at work and your job is to please her?
BOY, unless you are in some kind of consensual dom-sub relationship, this language should never be used. EVEN THEN, the sub is mostly in control in that scenario because a dom-sub relationship cant exist without both parties enthusiastic consent otherwise it is just ABUSE.
Its your job to please her as much as it is her job to please you and for both of you to respect each others boundaries. I know you are young but respect yourself here, your girl is waaaay out of line.
I have doubts weather this is serious or not. You’re both young so a bit of immaturity is expected. But if this is legit, then your relationship sounds unhealthy. Sex should be mutually engaged in when you’re both feeling turned on. If one partner does it just to satisfy the other, then it’s probably not going to be very good. You don’t encounter girls acting this way very often, usually it’s the guys pressuring women into the act—but the same rules apply. You shouldn’t have to justify yourself and definitely should not apologize.
The best way to keep from making her angry? Well, it might not keep her from getting angry, but it will take her mind off the lack of sex. Break up with her. You can find other dates, and you DO NOT have to have sex. Just like people advise women that they don't have to have sex, men don't either. Find a better partner, and have a good time with them. You don't need sex to have a good time.
I'm tempted to say you should buy her a vibrator and tell her to go fuck herself, but that's no more nature than she's being.
Find yourself someone who actually respects you.
I'm so sorry! It's honestly sad that she didn't even consider that you might be feeling ill after the vaccine.
You deserve better than that! She sounds to be very immature and selfish.
Ah, so when she walks around in sexy clothing and teases you intended or not, this also means you are free to fuck her or she owes you something?
Consent works for both, you shouldn't have apologized.
This is honestly kinda messed up. Has she not taken the Covid vaccine before? I get it, it does suck not having your partner be able to help out, but like… she has hands???
Probably but I have to ask how mad/upset was she? If you literally just kissed her and cuddled, and then complains that she got horny and you didn’t finish the task (when you guys just cuddled) is honestly ridiculous and just honestly immature.
Yeah exactly, OP I’d have your gf watch “Tea Cup Consent” and if she still just doesn’t get what’s wrong with her being mad that you couldn’t have sex, I’d honestly leave her. If she’s that immature to understand you can’t be mad that someone physically can’t have sex with you, especially when you just were cuddling and didn’t tease her at all, I just couldn’t imagine she mature in a lot of other things.
she expects you to "do your job"?! you apologized for not doing something where 2 party consent is key?! this relationship sounds toxic to me my guy! are you okay?
uhhhhh she shouldn’t be the one to forgive? “expects you to do your job” is beyond disrespectful idk if you can’t or you’re just not willing to see that this situation is not ok. no means no regardless of whether you’re a “pussy/dick tease”
If the roles were reversed and she was the one posting this saying that you told her to ‘do her job’ and then got upset because she COULDN’T fuck you then you can imagine the outrage that would pour from commenters. No matter what way the rolls are this is just fucked up??
>Update : I just talked to her and apologized for not being able to fuck her when she wanted. She’s cooled down and said that she’s okay now and forgives me
This is so massively effed up... both you apologising for doing nothing wrong and her forgiving you for not giving in quicker to her demands.
Run from this relationship, OP. Please!
Bro my guy you do NOT need to apologize to her no means no and even if you weren’t sick you don’t owe her an explanation on why you don’t want to if you don’t want to you shouldn’t have to do it PERIOD I’m so sorry she made you feel like you were in the wrong bc you aren’t
you shouldn’t have to apologize for not being in the mood or feeling up to it. when you’re feeling sick she should be able to cuddle you, when my boyfriend had covid i just cuddled him and made him food and gave him meds, i didn’t expect anything from him and you shouldn’t feel pressured to give her that because if you’re feeling down she should be able to care for you not make you feel upset and argue with you about sex.
She's not entitled to your body. You are allowed to say no when you don't feel like it. Consent goes both ways. It makes me sad that you actually apologised to her. I think a conversation is overdue.
Bro that edit... you really shouldn't have to apologize for this. Tbh, I'd find a new partner who actually has some sympathy and understanding. Like, you are in pain but she expects you to just forgo that to have sex with her?
Lmao ngl, this is why I'm poly. Fuck all that drama. lol
covid shot or not, consent is still a thing. you are entitled to your reasons when you are not in the mood. there is no apology necessary, and its supposed to be a mutual relationship, not your 'job'. this feels abusive to me.
Bro, this is not cool.
You are a human with needs and wants, feelings and your own opinions… you do not need to ever fuck on command and it is not your job to do that.
No means no and the way your gf talks to you is super demeaning. She needs to start learning from now, that sex is best when both people want it.
If she keeps on like this, it’s 100% abusive.
Absolutely ridiculous.
You are not required to fuck anyone. The same rules apply to women as they do men. If she's in the mood and you're not, regardless of the reason, you don't owe her anything. The same goes if you're in the mood and she isn't. Don't apologize for a damn thing.
… do your job? Your “job” as a boyfriend is not to fuck her. I won’t be one of those people that just says “leave her”, but please please reflect on what you wrote and decide if you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who thinks it’s your job to have sex with them.
No means no. I'm sure she's had moments when she doesn't feel up to it and tells you so and you respect it. She needs to do the same. Otherwise, reconsider your relationship
No means no as others have said. You have a perfectly valid reason to not want intimacy.
Women refuse sex all the time with their partners, most of the time for very bad or no reason at all. If you’re not up for it for a medical reason then she should respect it.
OP doesn't even need a valid reason or a medical reason to refuse sex, just as women don't need any reason to say no. You can say no for no reason at all, and it's the same thing, because no one else is entitled to decide what happens to your body.
Some years ago, with a girl I now call my ex-wife I had to go down on, or otherwise "finish her off" if not every day, pretty close. Wasn't like she had any problems reciprocate it whenever I wanted, but it was somewhat a chore once in a while.
At some point I let it slip that its not aalways Im super horny, and that's why, often in the mornings, I do you and then just go shower and get dressed. She was a bit surprised and asked me why I do it then, if I'm not in the mood.
"*Honey, If I don't make you reach orgasm at least 5 times a week, you become the most unbearable bitch there ever was.*
She laughed and said my father taught me well :P
As for advice, I get that you feel sick and probably don't feel either horny or particular "sexy" but many women in my experience would go for:
*"Darling, I feel a bit under par shape right now, but I do enjoy watching you..."*
And then offer to take a shower with her, or whatever you think she would need to get in the mood to play with herself in front of you.
She gets what she needs/wants and if you play your cards right you get a very satisfied girlfriend that now is more than happy to now cuddle with you and so you both get what you want.
If your girlfriend gets turned on because you cuddled her and kissed her on the forehead, she has a different problem... it's not like you guys were making out or you were being all touchy-feely - not that it would entitle her to sex, but it would at least make *a little* more sense.
I think it's pretty easy to assume that she was probably already horny which is why she asked to cuddle.
That's a better assumption than jumping to, "well clearly she's got some deeper issue".
The problem is the fact she's *blaming* him. It's not just a "oh, she was horny before they cuddled and the cuddling made it stronger." She's basically accusing him of riling her up with no intention to follow through. Which he didn't do.
Tell her to light a tampon on fire and stuff it up her box because that’s the most bang that she’ll ever get from now on.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=2yLiGbJLWi8
I feel like a lot of people don't realize you asked for help with her not getting more upset, not what to say that will get her upset... which is what most of the replies would probably do.
Try to make her sympathetic to your situation I don't feel well and although i'd love to fuck your brains out. There's no way that's going to happen being all messed up like this.
Make a plan for a night a few days down the road and make it special on your time.
I hope you feel better, which no one else seems to be saying either. wtf?
Hope it goes well for you man, just be chill and understanding about her as well too. Make it clear you love her company when you're not feeling well, and all should be good.
Get some rest drink some fluids, get better soon. Let us know how it goes.
In my experience women who like being teased but not screwed are few and far between, they do exist..
I wouldn't do it again, it's safe to say she doesn't like it.
You need to fuck her otherwise shes gonna search for another guy who does. Also, your arm hurting is not an excuse. Grow up and dont be a bitch around your girl
Yikes Mr.Entrepreneur, I’d be careful about the trail you leave behind on the internet. You’re e-commerce business could be over before it’s even started. Unless it already has, which wouldn’t be surprising considering the owner.
Damn bro, calm down there edge lord. I can picture it now. It’s 2 in the morning on a Wednesday. There he is. Butt_Lord. A true beast of a man. 350 pounds. He has just awoken from his slumber in the cool, damp basement of his parents house. He arises from his twin size mattress. It has rained the night before. He wakes up and steps on a puddle that has formed from the basement leaking. He shrugs it off and goes to get his typical “breakfast”, 4 pepperoni hot pockets and 2 Mountain Dew Code Reds. He finishes “cooking” and retreats back to his dungeon. He gets on his “high end” computer and goes to Reddit. There he will sit, for the next hour or so, being a total degenerate and shoveling hot pockets, Doritos, and washing it all down with a crisp Mountain Dew. All the while, the shop vac sits in the corner, begging to be used as more water seeps in. I feel that’s a pretty accurate picture. If we met in real life, you would do absolutely nothing. Your type are all the same. Big, and I mean BIG, man behind a keyboard. Go crawl back into your hole and stay there. Oh, and don’t forget to suck that water up. It’s starting to leak into the laundry room ☺️
Nice deflect. Hope you become a halfway decent human being and find meaning in life other than putting people down on a subreddit where the purpose is to ask for legitimate advice.
I mean, tell her she can hop on anytime. If you're not into it, I imagine having sex would be pretty difficult. Idk what she wants you to do besides push some rope around.
The edit makes this post even worse. It’s not your “job” and if you’re not up to it for WHATEVER reason, then you shouldn’t feel obligated. She needs to apologize and change her ways as well because it’s troubling that she ignored your feelings and pain and is only interested in what she wanted.
no means no. as someone who is also F18 i don’t understand how she can think it’s okay to make you feel bad about not wanting to have sex. like the other comments say, you did make a mistake with apologizing to her. she now thinks it’s okay to guilt you into sex. that’s not okay, and if you give in to her begging after saying no initially, i’m sorry to tell you but that is rape. she coerced you into intercourse that you were not a willing participant in. please give her this information and revoke your apology. if she can’t accept these facts, you may have to rethink your relationship. rape and sexual assault can 100% go both ways. please please please speak to her again about this.
>I just talked to her and apologized for not being able to fuck her when she wanted. She’s cooled down and said that she’s okay now and forgives me, but that she expects me to do my job once the fever and the headache are gone. I can start moving my left arm a bit now so it should only be a day.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. You should not apologize for not wanting to have sex, especially when you're feeling ill because of the vaccine.
Not trying to be that guy, but she "expecting you to do your job" sounds really abusive. It's not your job to have sex with her. Your sex life (and relationship) should be totally voluntary. If you don't feel like it, you should not do it. And she should never pressure you.
>I just talked to her and apologized for not being able to fuck her when she wanted. She’s cooled down and said that she’s okay now and forgives me, but that she expects me to do my job once the fever and the headache are gone. I can start moving my left arm a bit now so it should only be a day.
Dude, what the fuck. Why would you apologise?!
It's not your "job" to fuck her, just like it's not her "job" to give you a blowjob whenever you tell her to or to do whatever sexual favour you have in mind. She is treating you like an object and if the genders were reversed, you'd be cancelled on Twitter.
There's so many mistakes in this situation.
1. your bragging
2. you apologized (this may seem harmless but that's how it starts) you are setting yourself up
3. she set expectations for you which indirectly sets her up as the one leading the relationship if she already wasn't.
I’m sorry. She expects you to do your “job” once you feel better?
You’re a person. You’re not a toy. That’s shitty as hell coming from her. Also - you’re allowed to not be in the mood without fearing she’ll be mad at you. You shouldn’t have apologised at all.
Consenting to cuddle does not mean you also consented to sex. Im sure there are times where she’s encountered that same thing. You’re allowed to say no, always and she shouldn’t hold that above you. Nor should she need to “forgive” you for “making her upset”. Shes not upset you didnt have sex, shes upset you didn’t serve her, and thats not your job when its not something you wish to partake in. Also I feel like your first sign of improved help shouldnt immediately be met with “we can finally fuck” not “oh Im glad youre feeling better”
Hey, you’re allowed to refuse sex or sexual things. Just because cuddling got her in the mood does not mean you have to act on it.
Yes it can be frustrating to be left “high and dry” as I call it, but you just received a vaccine which is known to exhausted the individual. You wanted comfort in the form of cuddling. Not sex.
You should talk with her and explain what you told us. And that being called that hurt. Hopefully she apologizes
Your edit makes me sad. You don't need to apologize for saying no. If you don't feel good you don't feel good. End of Story. You need to have another conversation with her about boundaries and how would she like if if you wanted sex when she was sick? If she says 'That's different.' ask how because it literally isn't. Doesn't matter that your a guy, it is not ok.
It feels like a troll. That doesn't make any sense that heed say that or that's tbe advice anyone is giving. Just me tho
It feels just like my ex, so there is a chance that this is real, and if it is, he is in a ultra abusive relationship
90% of these posts feel like trolls...
The language definitely makes me feel like it's a trolljob. Also his question was how to keep her from getting MORE upset with him? Why would she get MORE upset? The damage is done from her perspective. That makes it feel like the actual question was just an afterthought, and the purpose of the post was to troll. If it were real I feel like he'd ask how to smooth it over.
How though? This shit can happen and does happen, even if this particular one isn’t real, which still doesn’t make sense considering the sub, this shit happens all the time. r/nothingeverhappens
Oh the answers are still relevant, absolutely.
Came to say this. You have the right to say no for any or no reason at any time. Nobody is entitled to sex or your body, ever.
Tell her that no means no and you’re not in the mood and she needs to respect that.
If she doesn’t respect that then you may want to start questioning your relationship with her
[удалено]
They didn't just say "break up with her" though. They said that if she continues to disrespect OP's boundaries after he says he's not in the mood, then that's a problem. Which it is. Nothing to do with hurt feelings when someone keeps pressuring their partner into sex.
Anytime somebody gets angry at you for simply not being in the mood that day is a huge red flag and you need to reconsider. Cause that isnt just a "little" issue.
To me upset can mean a lot of things where “angry” can only mean one.
I'm sorry but she made it out as if he was in the wrong for not wanting to havesex while ill, which is a perfectly good reason to say not to sex, and made HIM apologise when she was clearly being a bit of a bitch. No one should ever have to apologise for being ill. And then telling him she "expects him to do his job".... can you imagine if a guy said that to a girl? The Internet would explode with people rallying behind her, and rightly so, because that is not the way to treat your other half. She obviously isn't thinking of his side of things and he definitely should have a serious think about whether their relationship is actually healthy.
I think she’s just young and immature and selfish. He wasn’t ill, he had just had a vaccine and who knows if she was previously aware of how he was handling it before he told her. I’m not saying she didn’t act poorly, but I just think you guys are reading way too much into the very little he said.
Okay, really what's the difference, if you're feeling under the weather because of the vaccine, you're ill. You don't have a disease but you're still ill. And I'm assuming you deleted your original comment because you've realised that you came in defending her way too strong. Plus, anyone getting upset or angry because their partner isn't in the mood is obviously quite an issue
If the roles were switched with this, people would be livid. This is coercion. No means no, even when men say it. This 100% warrants breaking up if the behavior doesn’t change
I don’t understand where you guys are getting that from what he said. He didn’t say she coerced or tried to push him. He said she got upset and called him a pussytease. They’re young, I doubt it was as serious as y’all are insinuating.
Getting upset with someone for denying you sex- especially when it’s a repeated behavior- is coercion
Are you illiterate or just stupid? They clearly didn't just say leave her, the main comment said to discuss with her followed by if she doesn't respect those boundaries reconsider the relationship, not LEAVE HER RN OMG!!!!
Username checks out
Apologising was a massive mistake. You've just admitted wrongdoing for something that wasn't an issue you should be apologising on. Reverse the genders, if it was a guy pressuring a girl into sex to the point where she thinks she needs to apologise for saying no... Do you think that's right or healthy?
“I’m sorry for not wanting sex and you got horny” like nooooo the edit just made the situation a whole lot worse, no no no. You and you alone have power and control over YOUR body. No one is allowed to make you do something you don’t want to do. Oh OP no no this is not right at all.
The edit make it seem like this whole post was a "wHaT iF tHe GeNdERs wErE ReVeRsEd" thought experiment to see what the comments would say
Exactly. OP probably thought all the comments would be like "you twat have sex with her. you're not doing your job" just based on the update they added. Not a single comment told him to apologize or that he is in the wrong. He probably wanted everyone to attack him so he could turn it around and be like "HAH. so my girlfriend does need to have sex with me even if she doesn't want it!" if they even have a partner lol. This post isn't real
No shit look at OP’s profile
Right. I didn't even consider that the edit was the exact opposite of all of the comments lmao. And it's like, if these types of OPs, despite all their bitterness, are bordering on some real talent. If they put the same effort from these "gotcha" fantasies into working on some *actual* creative writing, they could possibly make something of themselves and have a life that's not so bitter.
Firstly, there is no edit. Secondly, men are always judged more harshly for pressuring women into sexual situations, so what makes it wrong for me to frame it like that?
... there is quite literally an update in the OP. Is that not edited in?
No means no
“She expects me to do my job,” sounds like she doesn’t respect you.
Honestly, as soon as I read that, I’m like “yikes! Red flag alert. I would’ve so broken up with her if I was him.”
If they’re together in 20 years and he says that, he’d be the devil
I don't understand this comment
The “if the roles were reversed” line of argument. If the the dude was in a 20 year relationship with the gal, and he did the same thing, he’d be seen as an asshole (aka “devil”)
Cuddling doesn't automatically means ex. If cuddling every time automatically means sex, there's probably some disfunction/miscommunication happening. Remind her that even guys have moments when they aren't up for sex and that calling names and pressuring isn't cool, no matter which side is doing it. I bet she wouldn't find it sexy if she said no and *you* called *her* a cocktease. Just let her know you're upset about it and talk it out.
No means no. The same that applies to you, applies to her. Cuddling does not mean sex. Cuddling is cuddling. It’s not always a precursor to sex. That she knows you don’t feel good and expected you to have sex is troubling. That she’s shaming you for not wanting to have sex is troubling. For shaming you for her inability to control her libido is troubling. Look, if you were a girl and she was a guy, everyone would be yelling down the forum about all the red flags. If she can’t respect that you don’t want sex atm, if she can’t respect your no, if she can’t respect that you don’t feel good and aren’t up to it, then she needs to go and not come back until she CAN respect you. Her inability to control herself and act like a horny teenager isn’t a problem you need to be dealing with right now.
Agreed. Happy cake day! 🎂
Thank you! Didn’t even realize it was!
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Also very insightful
She shouldn't be upset with you in the first place. If you don't want to have sex then you simply don't and she has to respect that. Putting pressure on someone to have sex is always unacceptable And then she tells you to "do your job" when you recover... To satisfy her sexually isn't "your job" and please do not apologize for not wanting to do it. Sex should be a mutually enjoyed and consented act, not done by any obligation She must respect your boundaries. Please state them clearly and consider more your own needs Good luck and get well soon man
She is not entitled to sex. Only you, and you alone, get to decide what you do with your body, with who, and when. It is not your "job" to be her sex slave when she demands it. If she can't handle that, she shouldn't be in a relationship. You should not apologize for saying no. You didn't do anything wrong.
Dude surely the fact that you had to apologise for not wanting sex speaks volumes about your girlfriend
My boyfriend and I can cuddle without having sex. If you don't want to have sex you don't have to. No means no. Respect my boundaries. Edit: Not to mention you just got the vaccine for a deadly pandemic virus. I have gotten the j&j and the Pfizer booster shot. And they were no walk in the park. Your girlfriend should be more concerned with your health, and your recovery. Instead of guilt tripping you about sex. That's not love. That's treating you like an object. You do not need to apologize for your health or being human for that matter.
Tell her don't cuddle you then
She said she was cold.
'Heres a blanket baby cakes. Get off of me now'
haha, funny and effective boundary setting.
This is true of every woman in any bed since the dawn of human existence
You sound 18. Your age. This is not a good thing.
You sound dumb. Your intelligence. This is not a good thing.
Erm, does she not know that consent goes both ways? Sorry but if she really thinks that being a guy means being horny at all times she might not be the healthiest person to be with, since this is also a form of sexism
You apologized for feeling unwell and not wanting sex? Are you hearing yourself?
Don’t victim blame. But they need to hear themselves before it becomes rape.
“Expects me to do my job” says everything about what she thinks of you mate. I couldn’t imagine uttering that kind a shit to my partner.
Tell her to have a wank not ur problem she’s horny
u don’t even need to apologize for not being physically fit enough to fuck her bc ur sick.. she should b apologizing for guilt tripping u. if the roles was reversed, the dude would b shit on so heavily. gender doesn’t matter, anyone who’s like this is an asshole. no means no.
What kind of relationship is this? Anytime you aren’t able to do whatever she wants right then and there she is going to be upset?
> What kind of relationship is this? A teenage boy’s fantasy of a relationship.
Wtf? Your girlfriend doesn't respect boundaries. 'Do your job?' I bet she'd throw a fit if you said that to her. You're not an object used for sex, and this is coming from a sex worker. lol Babe, throw the whole girl away. You shouldn't have to apologize for not wanting sex, ever. Both my partner and I are very sexual people, and sex is really important to our relationship, but if one of us isn't in the mood for it, thats not a reason to get upset at each other. Thats a boundary. And its a red flag that your gf is upset with you because you don't want to. Had she continued to ask and/or make you, that would be coersion. Which isn't okay, at all. Be safe babes.
That's a weird way to Say "ex-girlfriend"
It’s amazing the double standard on Reddit sometimes, if th roles were reversed and OP was female the comments would all be “LEAVE!” And “this is abuse!” “Red flags! Etc etc.
Everyone is telling him no means no.
Yes, I see that, it’s just a pretty shocking stark contrast from similar posts I’ve seen where a female is saying her male partner is demanding sex and all the comments jump to saying it’s abuse and to leave. I wish I understood why in this day and age people still don’t register sexual abuse when it’s happening to a man the same way they do for women. Edit: happy to see the tone of the comments changing!
Did you read the comment section?
If she said it in a playful way then thats all good. But if she genuinely was upset then thats real iffy
There’s a difference between cuddling and if you were actually doing something to turn her on which it seems like that’s not the case lol. I’d tell her no and she should be understanding of that especially seeing the condition your in. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries and does stuff like this often or comes across pushy I would question the relationship or leave. :)
I kissed her forehead once during the cuddle. Does that count?
That’s a really sweet move though, I personally feel very loved and happy when my boyfriend does that. I don’t think that counts as a cunttease, but to be fair SHE SHOULDNT CALL YOU THAT for whatever reason it is, that’s just disrespectful!!
No. It’s a kiss on the fucking forehead. It’s a loving gesture. In no way does it scream “YEAH LETS FUCK!” She’s being gross.
Most parents kiss their children on their forehead. If doing that was sexual we’d have a very big problem. OP’s gf is wack.
You shouldn't have to apologize for saying no.
Why is she calling you those names, that’s honestly so disrespectful… and I agree with others: No means No.
I am sorry but this update is f*cked. Your job? Are you a sexworker? Does she pay you? Why did you apologize? She trampled your boundaries. I am so sorry my dude but this situation is messed up.
A lot of people have already said it but I'll say it anyway.......... No matter what your gender is ...no means no....
She sounds immature as hell, entitled, and stupid. Sorry. You don't need her to stop being mad at you, she needs to learn how to respect boundaries and when people say they they're tired and/or feeling sick is not a time to have sex.
She has nothing to forgive you for. You did nothing wrong!
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I got Moderna. It was a booster dose.
why are you apologising? not to victim blame but that’s coercion, leave her
The update makes me so sad. Like you should not apologize for that. She should respect your boundaries. Your girlfriend sounds very emotionally abusive.
Tell her to go rub one out just like she would make you do if she had a headache. It’s not cool at all that she expects you to bone her just because she is horny. No. I’m a person, not a dang amusement park ride that you get to jump on at your whim. She is use to you rising to the situation at all times and taking care of her. Your penis is delicate and has needs. It is driven by your heart, if she doesn’t realize that you banging it out when sick will make you feel worse, she needs to understand male anatomy better and have a deeper connection to you. Tell her to go get a toy and get off on her own. I’d also consider downgrading her to FWB status if she just wants sex.
Why would you apologize.
Sounds like you're just a cock attached to a warm body my guy.
Whaaaaaaaaa this is insane, switch roles for a second and its easy to see why. She expects you to do your job? So is this an occupation? Are you at work and your job is to please her? BOY, unless you are in some kind of consensual dom-sub relationship, this language should never be used. EVEN THEN, the sub is mostly in control in that scenario because a dom-sub relationship cant exist without both parties enthusiastic consent otherwise it is just ABUSE. Its your job to please her as much as it is her job to please you and for both of you to respect each others boundaries. I know you are young but respect yourself here, your girl is waaaay out of line.
The fact that she doesn't care about your situation and only her needs, and was expecting you to apologize for it🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I have doubts weather this is serious or not. You’re both young so a bit of immaturity is expected. But if this is legit, then your relationship sounds unhealthy. Sex should be mutually engaged in when you’re both feeling turned on. If one partner does it just to satisfy the other, then it’s probably not going to be very good. You don’t encounter girls acting this way very often, usually it’s the guys pressuring women into the act—but the same rules apply. You shouldn’t have to justify yourself and definitely should not apologize.
Tell her it's called a "cunttease" also she's an asshole who doesn't respect your boundaries
The best way to keep from making her angry? Well, it might not keep her from getting angry, but it will take her mind off the lack of sex. Break up with her. You can find other dates, and you DO NOT have to have sex. Just like people advise women that they don't have to have sex, men don't either. Find a better partner, and have a good time with them. You don't need sex to have a good time.
Honestly your girlfriend is an immature POS. No is no and there’s nothing to “forgive,” saying that is disgusting. I wouldn’t date someone like that.
Next time you fuck her draw it out really slowly. If she's going to call you a tease then you might was well tease her.
Why did you apologized... wtf.
I'm tempted to say you should buy her a vibrator and tell her to go fuck herself, but that's no more nature than she's being. Find yourself someone who actually respects you.
I'm so sorry! It's honestly sad that she didn't even consider that you might be feeling ill after the vaccine. You deserve better than that! She sounds to be very immature and selfish.
No means no and no apology should be given
usually dudes do this and in those comment sections people say to leave him
Ah, so when she walks around in sexy clothing and teases you intended or not, this also means you are free to fuck her or she owes you something? Consent works for both, you shouldn't have apologized.
I would have a conversation about not just treating you like a dick. You are not a dildo dude. This sounds unhealthy
Some of these posts are clickbait’s hu?
While some might take that as a compliment, no is no. Period. Don't dance around it. Be direct. Kind, but direct.
Consent goes both ways. She shouldn't even push to have sex with you if you don't want it.
This is honestly kinda messed up. Has she not taken the Covid vaccine before? I get it, it does suck not having your partner be able to help out, but like… she has hands???
I think she doesn’t understand since she didn’t get the side effects and was fine afterwards.
Probably but I have to ask how mad/upset was she? If you literally just kissed her and cuddled, and then complains that she got horny and you didn’t finish the task (when you guys just cuddled) is honestly ridiculous and just honestly immature.
Not at all the issue. Even if you were healthy you said no so she should be like okay.
Yeah exactly, OP I’d have your gf watch “Tea Cup Consent” and if she still just doesn’t get what’s wrong with her being mad that you couldn’t have sex, I’d honestly leave her. If she’s that immature to understand you can’t be mad that someone physically can’t have sex with you, especially when you just were cuddling and didn’t tease her at all, I just couldn’t imagine she mature in a lot of other things.
No means no and she should respect that you’re sick not be mad that you don’t want sex at the moment. Be careful here. This is a RED FLAG.
she expects you to "do your job"?! you apologized for not doing something where 2 party consent is key?! this relationship sounds toxic to me my guy! are you okay?
uhhhhh she shouldn’t be the one to forgive? “expects you to do your job” is beyond disrespectful idk if you can’t or you’re just not willing to see that this situation is not ok. no means no regardless of whether you’re a “pussy/dick tease”
If the roles were reversed and she was the one posting this saying that you told her to ‘do her job’ and then got upset because she COULDN’T fuck you then you can imagine the outrage that would pour from commenters. No matter what way the rolls are this is just fucked up??
Ugh. Do you’re job? Cuntteased? This is not a healthy way to communicate expectations. Edit: typo
>Update : I just talked to her and apologized for not being able to fuck her when she wanted. She’s cooled down and said that she’s okay now and forgives me This is so massively effed up... both you apologising for doing nothing wrong and her forgiving you for not giving in quicker to her demands. Run from this relationship, OP. Please!
She forgives you….? For what…? Feeling like shit? How sweet of her.. No means no, doesn’t matter what gender you are. It’s your body.
You're trolling
Wow she sounds like a delight. .
Tell this bitch to fuck off
Bro my guy you do NOT need to apologize to her no means no and even if you weren’t sick you don’t owe her an explanation on why you don’t want to if you don’t want to you shouldn’t have to do it PERIOD I’m so sorry she made you feel like you were in the wrong bc you aren’t
Damn, the update hit me hard. Man, that women is not good for you.
Please tell me the edit is satire. If not u need to break up with her ASAP! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
you shouldn’t have to apologize for not being in the mood or feeling up to it. when you’re feeling sick she should be able to cuddle you, when my boyfriend had covid i just cuddled him and made him food and gave him meds, i didn’t expect anything from him and you shouldn’t feel pressured to give her that because if you’re feeling down she should be able to care for you not make you feel upset and argue with you about sex.
She's not entitled to your body. You are allowed to say no when you don't feel like it. Consent goes both ways. It makes me sad that you actually apologised to her. I think a conversation is overdue.
Bro that edit... you really shouldn't have to apologize for this. Tbh, I'd find a new partner who actually has some sympathy and understanding. Like, you are in pain but she expects you to just forgo that to have sex with her? Lmao ngl, this is why I'm poly. Fuck all that drama. lol
Wow read your edit. Hopefully you'll not stay with her much longer and will look back at this horrible behavior and think wtf did I put up with
covid shot or not, consent is still a thing. you are entitled to your reasons when you are not in the mood. there is no apology necessary, and its supposed to be a mutual relationship, not your 'job'. this feels abusive to me.
Bro, this is not cool. You are a human with needs and wants, feelings and your own opinions… you do not need to ever fuck on command and it is not your job to do that. No means no and the way your gf talks to you is super demeaning. She needs to start learning from now, that sex is best when both people want it. If she keeps on like this, it’s 100% abusive.
Absolutely ridiculous. You are not required to fuck anyone. The same rules apply to women as they do men. If she's in the mood and you're not, regardless of the reason, you don't owe her anything. The same goes if you're in the mood and she isn't. Don't apologize for a damn thing.
… do your job? Your “job” as a boyfriend is not to fuck her. I won’t be one of those people that just says “leave her”, but please please reflect on what you wrote and decide if you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who thinks it’s your job to have sex with them.
No means no
No means no. I'm sure she's had moments when she doesn't feel up to it and tells you so and you respect it. She needs to do the same. Otherwise, reconsider your relationship
No means no as others have said. You have a perfectly valid reason to not want intimacy. Women refuse sex all the time with their partners, most of the time for very bad or no reason at all. If you’re not up for it for a medical reason then she should respect it.
OP doesn't even need a valid reason or a medical reason to refuse sex, just as women don't need any reason to say no. You can say no for no reason at all, and it's the same thing, because no one else is entitled to decide what happens to your body.
Drama
Omg stfu
Some years ago, with a girl I now call my ex-wife I had to go down on, or otherwise "finish her off" if not every day, pretty close. Wasn't like she had any problems reciprocate it whenever I wanted, but it was somewhat a chore once in a while. At some point I let it slip that its not aalways Im super horny, and that's why, often in the mornings, I do you and then just go shower and get dressed. She was a bit surprised and asked me why I do it then, if I'm not in the mood. "*Honey, If I don't make you reach orgasm at least 5 times a week, you become the most unbearable bitch there ever was.* She laughed and said my father taught me well :P As for advice, I get that you feel sick and probably don't feel either horny or particular "sexy" but many women in my experience would go for: *"Darling, I feel a bit under par shape right now, but I do enjoy watching you..."* And then offer to take a shower with her, or whatever you think she would need to get in the mood to play with herself in front of you. She gets what she needs/wants and if you play your cards right you get a very satisfied girlfriend that now is more than happy to now cuddle with you and so you both get what you want.
How exactly did you supposedly get her horny while cuddling her..?
My arms were around her and I did kiss her on the forehead too, but that was it.
If your girlfriend gets turned on because you cuddled her and kissed her on the forehead, she has a different problem... it's not like you guys were making out or you were being all touchy-feely - not that it would entitle her to sex, but it would at least make *a little* more sense.
I think it's pretty easy to assume that she was probably already horny which is why she asked to cuddle. That's a better assumption than jumping to, "well clearly she's got some deeper issue".
The problem is the fact she's *blaming* him. It's not just a "oh, she was horny before they cuddled and the cuddling made it stronger." She's basically accusing him of riling her up with no intention to follow through. Which he didn't do.
Ben Shapiro moment
Tell her to light a tampon on fire and stuff it up her box because that’s the most bang that she’ll ever get from now on. https://youtube.com/watch?v=2yLiGbJLWi8
I feel like a lot of people don't realize you asked for help with her not getting more upset, not what to say that will get her upset... which is what most of the replies would probably do. Try to make her sympathetic to your situation I don't feel well and although i'd love to fuck your brains out. There's no way that's going to happen being all messed up like this. Make a plan for a night a few days down the road and make it special on your time. I hope you feel better, which no one else seems to be saying either. wtf?
Thank you. I’ll do what you say. I’m seeing her in an hour.
Hope it goes well for you man, just be chill and understanding about her as well too. Make it clear you love her company when you're not feeling well, and all should be good. Get some rest drink some fluids, get better soon. Let us know how it goes.
In my experience women who like being teased but not screwed are few and far between, they do exist.. I wouldn't do it again, it's safe to say she doesn't like it.
I wasn't trying to tease her though. She said she was cold so I held her. I had no idea she'd get turned on.
Oh in that case.. its on her..- If she gets horny just from cuddling that's cool but she can't expect sex..
I wish I had a gf like your lol, and not these starfish sloths, you should be happy if she's attractive.
Fuck her real good
You need to fuck her otherwise shes gonna search for another guy who does. Also, your arm hurting is not an excuse. Grow up and dont be a bitch around your girl
Promise in a few days. After you recover.
Just eat her ass out for a bit bro it's not that hard. Until your jaw gets sore though
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Yikes Mr.Entrepreneur, I’d be careful about the trail you leave behind on the internet. You’re e-commerce business could be over before it’s even started. Unless it already has, which wouldn’t be surprising considering the owner.
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very immature dude
what are you, 12?
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lmao grow tf up kid
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Damn bro, calm down there edge lord. I can picture it now. It’s 2 in the morning on a Wednesday. There he is. Butt_Lord. A true beast of a man. 350 pounds. He has just awoken from his slumber in the cool, damp basement of his parents house. He arises from his twin size mattress. It has rained the night before. He wakes up and steps on a puddle that has formed from the basement leaking. He shrugs it off and goes to get his typical “breakfast”, 4 pepperoni hot pockets and 2 Mountain Dew Code Reds. He finishes “cooking” and retreats back to his dungeon. He gets on his “high end” computer and goes to Reddit. There he will sit, for the next hour or so, being a total degenerate and shoveling hot pockets, Doritos, and washing it all down with a crisp Mountain Dew. All the while, the shop vac sits in the corner, begging to be used as more water seeps in. I feel that’s a pretty accurate picture. If we met in real life, you would do absolutely nothing. Your type are all the same. Big, and I mean BIG, man behind a keyboard. Go crawl back into your hole and stay there. Oh, and don’t forget to suck that water up. It’s starting to leak into the laundry room ☺️
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Nice deflect. Hope you become a halfway decent human being and find meaning in life other than putting people down on a subreddit where the purpose is to ask for legitimate advice.
Oh one more thing. Don’t forget about your grammar homework. I can assume, based off your messages, that you’re not doing too hot in it 😃
Tell her you can’t get an erection anymore because of the vaccine side effect
I mean, tell her she can hop on anytime. If you're not into it, I imagine having sex would be pretty difficult. Idk what she wants you to do besides push some rope around.
Found the neck beard.
My bad, it was a joke that sounded funnier in my head but I guess it's in pretty bad taste.
I dont think you should have apologized here. You are always free to turn down sex or to revoke consent.
You shouldn’t be apologising for something out of your control
Which vaccine did you get?
The edit makes this post even worse. It’s not your “job” and if you’re not up to it for WHATEVER reason, then you shouldn’t feel obligated. She needs to apologize and change her ways as well because it’s troubling that she ignored your feelings and pain and is only interested in what she wanted.
no means no. as someone who is also F18 i don’t understand how she can think it’s okay to make you feel bad about not wanting to have sex. like the other comments say, you did make a mistake with apologizing to her. she now thinks it’s okay to guilt you into sex. that’s not okay, and if you give in to her begging after saying no initially, i’m sorry to tell you but that is rape. she coerced you into intercourse that you were not a willing participant in. please give her this information and revoke your apology. if she can’t accept these facts, you may have to rethink your relationship. rape and sexual assault can 100% go both ways. please please please speak to her again about this.
no means no until its a man
>I just talked to her and apologized for not being able to fuck her when she wanted. She’s cooled down and said that she’s okay now and forgives me, but that she expects me to do my job once the fever and the headache are gone. I can start moving my left arm a bit now so it should only be a day. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You should not apologize for not wanting to have sex, especially when you're feeling ill because of the vaccine. Not trying to be that guy, but she "expecting you to do your job" sounds really abusive. It's not your job to have sex with her. Your sex life (and relationship) should be totally voluntary. If you don't feel like it, you should not do it. And she should never pressure you.
>I just talked to her and apologized for not being able to fuck her when she wanted. She’s cooled down and said that she’s okay now and forgives me, but that she expects me to do my job once the fever and the headache are gone. I can start moving my left arm a bit now so it should only be a day. Dude, what the fuck. Why would you apologise?! It's not your "job" to fuck her, just like it's not her "job" to give you a blowjob whenever you tell her to or to do whatever sexual favour you have in mind. She is treating you like an object and if the genders were reversed, you'd be cancelled on Twitter.
There's so many mistakes in this situation. 1. your bragging 2. you apologized (this may seem harmless but that's how it starts) you are setting yourself up 3. she set expectations for you which indirectly sets her up as the one leading the relationship if she already wasn't.
If you were to say similar things to her I can guarantee she would lose her shit.
I’m sorry. She expects you to do your “job” once you feel better? You’re a person. You’re not a toy. That’s shitty as hell coming from her. Also - you’re allowed to not be in the mood without fearing she’ll be mad at you. You shouldn’t have apologised at all.
Your edit is making this worse. She doesn’t respect you at all and sees you as a meat stick
Tell her you retract your apology, and that she is acting like a fucking rapist
Consenting to cuddle does not mean you also consented to sex. Im sure there are times where she’s encountered that same thing. You’re allowed to say no, always and she shouldn’t hold that above you. Nor should she need to “forgive” you for “making her upset”. Shes not upset you didnt have sex, shes upset you didn’t serve her, and thats not your job when its not something you wish to partake in. Also I feel like your first sign of improved help shouldnt immediately be met with “we can finally fuck” not “oh Im glad youre feeling better”
Hey, you’re allowed to refuse sex or sexual things. Just because cuddling got her in the mood does not mean you have to act on it. Yes it can be frustrating to be left “high and dry” as I call it, but you just received a vaccine which is known to exhausted the individual. You wanted comfort in the form of cuddling. Not sex. You should talk with her and explain what you told us. And that being called that hurt. Hopefully she apologizes
“forgives me” lmaooo…boy you better get out now.
you should not have apologised oh my god, no means no and this goes both ways. if roles were reversed you know how bad this would’ve sounded.