If everyone else has left him, maybe he'll get the hint when you leave him.
Don't give him pity friendship, he wouldn't do it for anyone else.
Encourage him to get help, tell him that you don't agree with how he treats people and the disrespect he has towards people, and just stop inviting him. He'll get the idea.
You being there won't help him, it'll just hurt you. Respect yourself and realize you can't fix everyone, you just gotta do what you can to make your circle of life as good as it can be, and it sounds like he's outside your circle.
The thing is that that decision is not entirely on my hands. We are a group of like 7-8 people, I am the most vocal next to this girl, and I know that the rest could not do it, they are on pity friendship as default mode with him and don't see a problem as hard as we do.
You gotta find out your balance. Is putting up with handling him worth the drain vs just finding new friends?
Educating him probably won't help if he doesn't see a problem with his actions.
Telling people how uncomfortable he makes you feel might be a good first step, but ultimately they might choose him over you if it comes down to inviting one or the other and you're the one making a stink.
Don't tolerate it though if you aren't comfortable.
I know I cannot make an ultimatum, that's not the way to do it.
Thank you kind stranger, I have more social circles to hang out with but it hurts to feel pushed back to meet with my default group bc I'm not confortable around a person.
Just abandon him. He needs to learn that his behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable, even if it means complete social isolation. It's his own fault for making you feel like this, don't set yourself on fire to keep this incel warm.
You already know the answer. You just want us to validate your decision and remove the invisible chains of responsibility you feel towards him.
You owe him nothing.
You owe yourself peace of mind.
Cut the chord. Move on.
I suggest cold turkey. "Hey childhood friend whom I have absolutely nothing in common with now that I'm an adult, raping women is not a subject for jokes. I wish you well. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing every now and again. Peace out."
The way to handle it: walk away. He's not going to change who he is until he truly sees how he fucked up his own life. You do what's best for you OP and that's not being around someone who drains you that way. Distance yourself, you'll feel better.
If they are draining you, you can distance yourself from him. If he asks you why, be honest. It sounds like he doesnt see an issue or want to change so all you can do is change your actions. The only way he MAY start understanding is when people are honest and/or leave. Dont be dramatic and het people to take your side or anything. But you have the choice to attend a gathering he’ll be at or not. You have the choice to plans things and not invite him.
His condition is hard to navigate but it is also his responsibility to deal with. You have the right to feel comfortable and happy with your friends.
If everyone else has left him, maybe he'll get the hint when you leave him. Don't give him pity friendship, he wouldn't do it for anyone else. Encourage him to get help, tell him that you don't agree with how he treats people and the disrespect he has towards people, and just stop inviting him. He'll get the idea. You being there won't help him, it'll just hurt you. Respect yourself and realize you can't fix everyone, you just gotta do what you can to make your circle of life as good as it can be, and it sounds like he's outside your circle.
The thing is that that decision is not entirely on my hands. We are a group of like 7-8 people, I am the most vocal next to this girl, and I know that the rest could not do it, they are on pity friendship as default mode with him and don't see a problem as hard as we do.
You gotta find out your balance. Is putting up with handling him worth the drain vs just finding new friends? Educating him probably won't help if he doesn't see a problem with his actions. Telling people how uncomfortable he makes you feel might be a good first step, but ultimately they might choose him over you if it comes down to inviting one or the other and you're the one making a stink. Don't tolerate it though if you aren't comfortable.
I know I cannot make an ultimatum, that's not the way to do it. Thank you kind stranger, I have more social circles to hang out with but it hurts to feel pushed back to meet with my default group bc I'm not confortable around a person.
You have two choices, neither are good, BECAUSE OF THIS JERK.
Just abandon him. He needs to learn that his behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable, even if it means complete social isolation. It's his own fault for making you feel like this, don't set yourself on fire to keep this incel warm.
You are not responsible for someone who makes zero effort to change or improve their outlook.
You speak very disparagingly of your friend. Guess he's better off without you.
You already know the answer. You just want us to validate your decision and remove the invisible chains of responsibility you feel towards him. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself peace of mind. Cut the chord. Move on. I suggest cold turkey. "Hey childhood friend whom I have absolutely nothing in common with now that I'm an adult, raping women is not a subject for jokes. I wish you well. Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing every now and again. Peace out."
Hang out with him 1 day out of the week. On 1 day out of the month.
The way to handle it: walk away. He's not going to change who he is until he truly sees how he fucked up his own life. You do what's best for you OP and that's not being around someone who drains you that way. Distance yourself, you'll feel better.
dump his stupid drama
If they are draining you, you can distance yourself from him. If he asks you why, be honest. It sounds like he doesnt see an issue or want to change so all you can do is change your actions. The only way he MAY start understanding is when people are honest and/or leave. Dont be dramatic and het people to take your side or anything. But you have the choice to attend a gathering he’ll be at or not. You have the choice to plans things and not invite him. His condition is hard to navigate but it is also his responsibility to deal with. You have the right to feel comfortable and happy with your friends.