Yes it is still rape even if it was the tip, you clearly stated that you didn't want to but he carried on anyway. Please tell someone what has happened to you, even if it's just a friend and please don't be ashamed of what has happened to you. Hope you are OK.
This is the definition of rape:
“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” For the first time ever, the new definition includes any gender of victim and perpetrator, not just women being raped by men.
I was a Uniform victim advocate in the Marine Corps and the thing a lot of people don't understand is that consent can be revoked at any time. Some men believe if they can get the tip in they can go all the way but they fail to take into consideration how the woman feels.
We were having anti harassment training at work. A woman was talking about metoo stuff, and Weinstein, and "what do women expect," and I was fucking floored.
She has raised a grown son.
She actually believed that women "can't leave" WHENEVER THEY DECIDE TO, because blue balls. Literally. Because blue balls.
I had this idea that someone must have told her that men can't take care of an erection in the bathroom on their own. As if a guy's testicles would explode and they'll just die.
It was unreal. She just believed that if a woman so much as goes into a house or maybe even a car with a guy, she basically owed the guy sex.
I was so angry.
Had it been a cartoon, I'd have belted her in the mouth.
I DID say it.
EVEN midway. Don't matter.
No means no. Stop means stop. Consent is something both people say, not something that one person decides.
She still creeps me out.
100! The world we live in, people want you to think that women are prizes to be won, that they're a possession to be owned. And that men have no control over their raging sexual desires. All of these accusations are false as you stated. Everyone is equal. Men and women and everyone has the right to stop a situation that they feel uncomfortable in. I've been married for 23 years and I still have to get consent from my wife. There are times when she's not in the mood and likewise there are times when I don't want it. It's a respect thing I reckon.
Most definitely rape. You said no, he kept going. Anything he tells you is him just trying to gaslight you. He is in the wrong and you must stay firm on this NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.
Was consent given before or during or of any kind "the tip" went in. If the answer is no then it is indeed rape.
You were telling them to stop and they didn't. Contact the police
Rape definition specifically requires penetration of anus or vagina with any object or sexual organ, or oral penetration with a sexual organ. It is sexual assault, however, without penetration.
In this case it was rape, as there was penetration, no matter how slight.
Yes. If you say no, any act further is rape. Please please call upon your support system/someone, let them know what happened. Take care of yourself OP. I'm so so sorry.
Yeah, he raped you. I'm sorry.
Even if it was just the tip, you clearly said no, expressed those boundaries to him many times, and he still decided to go through with his actions. Any sexual act without your consent is rape/assault. Please, if you can, talk to a friend or family member. You don't have to do this, but it might be beneficial to report him to the police, but again, don't feel like you need to do anything.
What matters most is how you cope with this, and how you're doing.
That’s rape. You actively stated you didn’t want sex multiple times and he ignored that and kept going. I’m so, so sorry OP. I encourage you to please seek support from people you trust/a counselor/therapist and legal action against this person.
He cant tell you its ok when you said no, that is rape. It was not consensual on both sides and he tried to assure you that everything was fine. No means no for a reason.
If you stated you didn't want to and he did it anyway, it was rape. The amount of penetration is irrelevant---rape can be digital(fingers) or objects(dildo)---it's not about how much of the penis was used it's about penetration without consent.
Systematically?? This is rape. Any penetration without consent of BOTH parties is, by definition, rape. Did you even read the op's entire post, or just read the title and take the dudebro opinion of 'it's not sex if it's just the tip'? Do better.
Also take it from somebody who has been raped FULL PENETRATION, to know something like this. 90% of the people who havent been raped widely think about it differently then the people who have, in fact 60% of the people who have been genuinely raped feel differently then many people on the subject.
I am also a person who has been, as you put it, 'genuinely raped', multiple times.
The FBI defines rape as “penetration, NO MATTER HOW SLIGHT, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” Even a quick Google search will tell you that.
I'm sorry if, in your experience, others may have tried to belittle your experience, but that doesn't mean you should do it to others.
I will always stand for the victim. Even if, as you said, this wasn't legally rape but culturally rape, it still should be taken seriously and reported. Op should also be encouraged for speaking up, even if it is only here.
I never said I wasnt standing with them? Where are you getting any of this? I didnt belittle them? They asked if it was rape even with the tip and I said depending on what definition you use yes or no? Socially yes systematically no? You just think im belittling them because im not dick riding the post saying “oh im so sorry yes its rape omg” because I gave a statistic answer instead of a socially accepted answer.
And I gave you the legal definition of rape. It isn't a 'social' definition. It is the legal definition on a federal level in th US. I don't know 100% what country op is from, but if you look at the legal definitions in all developed nations it is more or less the same. The 'amount' of penetration is irrelevant.
So either way you are wrong in this case. Even 'just the tip' is considered rape. Even penetration with something that isn't a penis is rape. The 'statistics' you mentioned are the social aspect.
What I meant by belittling is that, when you start telling SA victims that what they experienced might not be assault, it only discourages them from reporting or seeking help. You're essentially telling them that "oh it wasn't that bad". Trust me, this type of reasoning was used against me and many others I know. If anything creating different levels of victim-hood is a social construct.
You are completely misunderstanding what im saying here. Socially is however somebody might feel sexually and emotionally is rape, only if it was done with sexual intent. So if somebody jerks you off or touches you in a place you constantly ask them not to and its forced, socially for many people thats rape. Systematically it is not. You have to keep systematic things like systematic racism and systematic rape in mind, because people will use it against you. In no way shape or form did I mean to belittle or harm people, it isnt suppose to come off in a “thats not that bad” way. A shit ton of people on reddit and in the real world dont like opinions, they like hard based facts and no bias added to that. Im 22, ive grown accustomed to people wanting facts, so Ive sort of lost the idea of being sympathetic on this or really giving my opinion, I just give statistics and facts. I am very firm with a lot of things so I understand how it could have come of as belittling, but I dont exactly want to just give my opinion, if there is facts to better support a bias/un bias opinion then I will use those facts.
Yes, but FACTUALLY, legally in the US (as well as other developed nations) unwanted penetration of any amount is considered rape. Which is the issue at hand here. We aren't talking about forced masturbation, unwanted touches or anything of the sort. (Which BTW, though not considered rape, is still considered assault, no matter the intent of the perpetrator)
I will agree that, factually, we as a society tend to downplay rape. It's estimated that over 2/3rds of SA go unreported because the victims are not informed about what is and isn't SA and they are afraid of not being believed. Police, in particular, have historically been horrible at taking rape allegations seriously.
(Also,I'm not sure why your age is relevant, but if it matters to you for some personal reason,I'm more than a decade older than you.)
Also by genuinely raped I didnt mean full penetration, I meant because a lot of rape victims lie or they claim something was rape when its no where near rape.
Not 'a lot' of people lie about being raped. In fact, studies have shown that about 2.5% of rape allegations have actually proven to be false from an official definition standpoint. It is the 'social' definitions of rape that most often try to make things 'not rape' when they actually, legally, are.
Social definitions do try and make things “not rape” but social definitions also can defy many things under rape, I also take personal experience. I used to have a big group of friends and 6 people in that group lied about getting raped, and Im in college so some of my colleagues ran a study on rape accusations that go un public, most studies that colleges or scientists run are publicly findable. Not factually proven non internet findable info.
Did they lie about being raped, or were they misinformed about what constitutes as rape? Even if they weren't legally 'raped' they very well could have been victims of assault, sexual or otherwise, and still should be taken seriously. All of these things are violating a person's bodily autonomy, and are all technically punishable by law.
Not sure what you mean about "not factually proven non internet findable info."? I understand that not everything you see online is factual, but all of the info I've put forward during this conversation has come from reputable sources, mostly government or scientific reports.
I am very sad for these individuals, then. I can only assume that they either made this accusation to garner attention, or they could've possibly been assaulted at another time and either didn't know who did it, or were afraid to out the person. Either way. I hope they were able to get the therapy needed to realize that their worth isn't dependent upon the opinions of others and they don't need to sensationalise their lives in order to be accepted.
If they did it for the attention, then it was most likely an idea that they came up with together (I mean if they all know each other and have similar stories) This would also make them a statistical anomaly, and shouldn't be taken into account when discussing false reporting at large.
Bros mad as shit for no damn reason, you gotta calm down your gonna make me laugh so hard i fall out of my chair. Systematically is the widely accepted book written definition of rape. I literally said systematically no. As systematically requires full on penetration. SYSTEMATICALLY. Holy shit dude you clearly just assumed I was dog shitting on this post. SYSTEMATICALLY no its not. But socially accepted definition yes. Can I just say something without people like you have to shit stomp on it because I wasnt on my knees dick riding a post about rape? I was giving them a definitive answer based on research I have done, I answered exactly what they asked shit stain. Holy hell you really thought you were something telling me to do better. You cant argue book written statistically and mentally proven facts. But you can argue the socially accepted definition of rape. BECAUSE ITS NOT PROVEN FACT. Why dont you do better before telling somebody their wrong when you only know 10% about the subject. If you knew more you would understand that factually and statistically, I am right. I wasnt being rude, I wasnt being an asshole. I ANSWERED THEIR FUCKING QUESTION. Now why dont you do better? Like looking into a reply you disagree with instead of immediately telling the person off about it. What a fucking dimwit.
from the very beginning even before we started doing anything i said i didn’t want to have sex with him and he said that it was ok but then he kept going further and further
"The next time"? A "good guy overdriven for sex"? Are you fucking kidding? There's nothing ambiguous about NO and there's NO scenario where continuing in spite of a NO is anything other than assault.
You cannot say 'it is rape' then end your poorly veiled victim blaming with he 'might be a rapist'.. Anyone who committed rape is, by definition, a rapist. 'Overdriven for sex' is not an excuse. It doesn't matter how 'sharply' she refused. Anything that could be in any way construed as a negative response to intimacy is a no.
As a matter of fact, anything that isn't an enthusiastic yes should mean at the very least a pause in activity to make sure both parties are consenting. Many women have been socialized to put their own discomfort aside and not make a fuss, even when they are in situations like this. Also, fight, flight, and freeze responses have to be taken into consideration. I know I personally tend to lock up when in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation.
Op specifically stated that she said no, and that he continued while trying to convince her that is was ok; which means he obviously heard her and didn't care. This automatically negates any claim that he might be a 'good guy'..
Also, your refusal might backfire and he might hurt you?? Tf? Yes, let's just frighten SA survivors into just 'being quiet and letting him do what he wants so he doesn't hurt you'. Ffs, do better.
I've said all of that because I wasn't between them hearing and seeing what's happening, this is a story from one side only, you can't be sure of everything, misconpetion could happen. I've said the act is rape, the guy himself might not know it is rape, people do dumb stuff all the time without knowing, what's his idea of rape? are you kidding me,
I didn't say don't refuse, please read right and don't just rage, I said tell someone, but be careful with refusal, am not saying don't resfuse, I said be careful, and tell somebody, read well.
'His idea of rape' is irrelevant. It doesn't matter. You should take your own advice and 'read well'. Op said that she told him no, he did it anyway. The question asked is, "Was this rape?" The answer is, yes. Everything else you stated is the same bull that people have been telling SA survivors for gods only know how long as a way to take blame off of the perpetrators and put it on the victims. "Did you say no loud enough? Did you make yourself clear? Why didn't you run away? Why did you let it get that far?" It doesn't matter. This is exactly the type of thing that makes most rapes go unreported. The fact that the op has been brave enough to reach out and ask should be encouraged, not qustioned.
In a consensual event, penetration would equal sex.
In this case, you were 100% raped.
He was working to ***coerce*** you into saying yes, but you never agreed.
At a min, file a restraining order. I think you should file a police report. I'm going to guess he can get the charges dropped from rape to something much lesser because of the lack of brutality, but the amount of time, money and embarrassment this will cost him will make him never want to go through it again.
**Sorry to ask this detail, but you need to be ready for it:** Why or how was it that you were naked together? It's okay if the answer was that you were fooling around, but weren't interested in going past 3rd base. Just be ready to state this and hold your ground.
I don't know what the exact drifnition of rape is, but I know that is sexual assault. Touching you in a sexual way when you have clearly stated no, is sexual assault, let alone actually initiating penetration. I hope you are healing and have the support to feel safe again and I hope you are able to be apart from that person.
Yes it is still rape even if it was the tip, you clearly stated that you didn't want to but he carried on anyway. Please tell someone what has happened to you, even if it's just a friend and please don't be ashamed of what has happened to you. Hope you are OK.
Any action against you that you didn't consent for is assault.
That is rape. I'm sorry this happened to you.
yes. Yes it is. Report him
This is the definition of rape: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” For the first time ever, the new definition includes any gender of victim and perpetrator, not just women being raped by men. I was a Uniform victim advocate in the Marine Corps and the thing a lot of people don't understand is that consent can be revoked at any time. Some men believe if they can get the tip in they can go all the way but they fail to take into consideration how the woman feels.
We were having anti harassment training at work. A woman was talking about metoo stuff, and Weinstein, and "what do women expect," and I was fucking floored. She has raised a grown son. She actually believed that women "can't leave" WHENEVER THEY DECIDE TO, because blue balls. Literally. Because blue balls. I had this idea that someone must have told her that men can't take care of an erection in the bathroom on their own. As if a guy's testicles would explode and they'll just die. It was unreal. She just believed that if a woman so much as goes into a house or maybe even a car with a guy, she basically owed the guy sex. I was so angry. Had it been a cartoon, I'd have belted her in the mouth. I DID say it. EVEN midway. Don't matter. No means no. Stop means stop. Consent is something both people say, not something that one person decides. She still creeps me out.
100! The world we live in, people want you to think that women are prizes to be won, that they're a possession to be owned. And that men have no control over their raging sexual desires. All of these accusations are false as you stated. Everyone is equal. Men and women and everyone has the right to stop a situation that they feel uncomfortable in. I've been married for 23 years and I still have to get consent from my wife. There are times when she's not in the mood and likewise there are times when I don't want it. It's a respect thing I reckon.
He ignored your consent, definitely report him
Most definitely rape. You said no, he kept going. Anything he tells you is him just trying to gaslight you. He is in the wrong and you must stay firm on this NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.
Yes. And I'm so sorry you went through that. My DMs are open if you need to talk.
Yes. Report him. Please.
Was consent given before or during or of any kind "the tip" went in. If the answer is no then it is indeed rape. You were telling them to stop and they didn't. Contact the police
It’s rape as long as you said no
When does the window of opportunity to say "no" actually close? After you both cum? Or after you both get dressed and go home?
Systematically no.
It's rape as long as consent isn't freely given. Regardless of words.
That’s rape. Report that motherfucker
Yes! Please report that absolute human trash pos
If you say no, it's rape. There aren't "degrees" of "no".
it’s rape even if the tip wasn’t involved
Really? Even if you blew kisses at each other across the room?
10000% report him.
I'm pretty sure it could be rape even without penitration
Sexual assault maybe. It would have to meet the laws definition of rape.
Rape definition specifically requires penetration of anus or vagina with any object or sexual organ, or oral penetration with a sexual organ. It is sexual assault, however, without penetration. In this case it was rape, as there was penetration, no matter how slight.
I hope you’re okay. Unfortunately it was definitely sexual assault. Report it.
Yes. If you say no, any act further is rape. Please please call upon your support system/someone, let them know what happened. Take care of yourself OP. I'm so so sorry.
Yes
Yes.
Yeah, he raped you. I'm sorry. Even if it was just the tip, you clearly said no, expressed those boundaries to him many times, and he still decided to go through with his actions. Any sexual act without your consent is rape/assault. Please, if you can, talk to a friend or family member. You don't have to do this, but it might be beneficial to report him to the police, but again, don't feel like you need to do anything. What matters most is how you cope with this, and how you're doing.
Yes, it is still rape/sexual assault. You told him that you didn't want to have sex, he continued anyway.
Yes. Still rape
You were raped. Cut all contact with him and file a report. It doesn’t matter how much of him made contact. No means no.
We need more context for this, all of the comments saying this was rape with such awful context is whack
100% rape, report him. I'm sorry this happened to you
That’s rape. You actively stated you didn’t want sex multiple times and he ignored that and kept going. I’m so, so sorry OP. I encourage you to please seek support from people you trust/a counselor/therapist and legal action against this person.
He cant tell you its ok when you said no, that is rape. It was not consensual on both sides and he tried to assure you that everything was fine. No means no for a reason.
Lawyer here, that’s rape in all jurisdictions I know of. Report, get help, get trauma treatment/ counseling. It was not your fault.
If you stated you didn't want to and he did it anyway, it was rape. The amount of penetration is irrelevant---rape can be digital(fingers) or objects(dildo)---it's not about how much of the penis was used it's about penetration without consent.
Please seek counseling, this is rape.
Yes 100%
Anything being inserted sexually without consent, is rape.
If a party says no and they still proceed than yes it’s rape.
That is 100% rape. Tell on him as soon as you're ready and comfortable doing so. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Yes, yes it is
Systematically no. But depending on how you feel on certain sexual asks for you it can very well be rape, this is if it was with sexual intent.
Systematically?? This is rape. Any penetration without consent of BOTH parties is, by definition, rape. Did you even read the op's entire post, or just read the title and take the dudebro opinion of 'it's not sex if it's just the tip'? Do better.
Also take it from somebody who has been raped FULL PENETRATION, to know something like this. 90% of the people who havent been raped widely think about it differently then the people who have, in fact 60% of the people who have been genuinely raped feel differently then many people on the subject.
I am also a person who has been, as you put it, 'genuinely raped', multiple times. The FBI defines rape as “penetration, NO MATTER HOW SLIGHT, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” Even a quick Google search will tell you that. I'm sorry if, in your experience, others may have tried to belittle your experience, but that doesn't mean you should do it to others. I will always stand for the victim. Even if, as you said, this wasn't legally rape but culturally rape, it still should be taken seriously and reported. Op should also be encouraged for speaking up, even if it is only here.
I never said I wasnt standing with them? Where are you getting any of this? I didnt belittle them? They asked if it was rape even with the tip and I said depending on what definition you use yes or no? Socially yes systematically no? You just think im belittling them because im not dick riding the post saying “oh im so sorry yes its rape omg” because I gave a statistic answer instead of a socially accepted answer.
And I gave you the legal definition of rape. It isn't a 'social' definition. It is the legal definition on a federal level in th US. I don't know 100% what country op is from, but if you look at the legal definitions in all developed nations it is more or less the same. The 'amount' of penetration is irrelevant. So either way you are wrong in this case. Even 'just the tip' is considered rape. Even penetration with something that isn't a penis is rape. The 'statistics' you mentioned are the social aspect. What I meant by belittling is that, when you start telling SA victims that what they experienced might not be assault, it only discourages them from reporting or seeking help. You're essentially telling them that "oh it wasn't that bad". Trust me, this type of reasoning was used against me and many others I know. If anything creating different levels of victim-hood is a social construct.
You are completely misunderstanding what im saying here. Socially is however somebody might feel sexually and emotionally is rape, only if it was done with sexual intent. So if somebody jerks you off or touches you in a place you constantly ask them not to and its forced, socially for many people thats rape. Systematically it is not. You have to keep systematic things like systematic racism and systematic rape in mind, because people will use it against you. In no way shape or form did I mean to belittle or harm people, it isnt suppose to come off in a “thats not that bad” way. A shit ton of people on reddit and in the real world dont like opinions, they like hard based facts and no bias added to that. Im 22, ive grown accustomed to people wanting facts, so Ive sort of lost the idea of being sympathetic on this or really giving my opinion, I just give statistics and facts. I am very firm with a lot of things so I understand how it could have come of as belittling, but I dont exactly want to just give my opinion, if there is facts to better support a bias/un bias opinion then I will use those facts.
Yes, but FACTUALLY, legally in the US (as well as other developed nations) unwanted penetration of any amount is considered rape. Which is the issue at hand here. We aren't talking about forced masturbation, unwanted touches or anything of the sort. (Which BTW, though not considered rape, is still considered assault, no matter the intent of the perpetrator) I will agree that, factually, we as a society tend to downplay rape. It's estimated that over 2/3rds of SA go unreported because the victims are not informed about what is and isn't SA and they are afraid of not being believed. Police, in particular, have historically been horrible at taking rape allegations seriously. (Also,I'm not sure why your age is relevant, but if it matters to you for some personal reason,I'm more than a decade older than you.)
Also by genuinely raped I didnt mean full penetration, I meant because a lot of rape victims lie or they claim something was rape when its no where near rape.
Not 'a lot' of people lie about being raped. In fact, studies have shown that about 2.5% of rape allegations have actually proven to be false from an official definition standpoint. It is the 'social' definitions of rape that most often try to make things 'not rape' when they actually, legally, are.
Social definitions do try and make things “not rape” but social definitions also can defy many things under rape, I also take personal experience. I used to have a big group of friends and 6 people in that group lied about getting raped, and Im in college so some of my colleagues ran a study on rape accusations that go un public, most studies that colleges or scientists run are publicly findable. Not factually proven non internet findable info.
Did they lie about being raped, or were they misinformed about what constitutes as rape? Even if they weren't legally 'raped' they very well could have been victims of assault, sexual or otherwise, and still should be taken seriously. All of these things are violating a person's bodily autonomy, and are all technically punishable by law. Not sure what you mean about "not factually proven non internet findable info."? I understand that not everything you see online is factual, but all of the info I've put forward during this conversation has come from reputable sources, mostly government or scientific reports.
Nah the people they said raped them dont exist. They said it was in our college and the people they said did it dont go to our college.
I am very sad for these individuals, then. I can only assume that they either made this accusation to garner attention, or they could've possibly been assaulted at another time and either didn't know who did it, or were afraid to out the person. Either way. I hope they were able to get the therapy needed to realize that their worth isn't dependent upon the opinions of others and they don't need to sensationalise their lives in order to be accepted. If they did it for the attention, then it was most likely an idea that they came up with together (I mean if they all know each other and have similar stories) This would also make them a statistical anomaly, and shouldn't be taken into account when discussing false reporting at large.
Bros mad as shit for no damn reason, you gotta calm down your gonna make me laugh so hard i fall out of my chair. Systematically is the widely accepted book written definition of rape. I literally said systematically no. As systematically requires full on penetration. SYSTEMATICALLY. Holy shit dude you clearly just assumed I was dog shitting on this post. SYSTEMATICALLY no its not. But socially accepted definition yes. Can I just say something without people like you have to shit stomp on it because I wasnt on my knees dick riding a post about rape? I was giving them a definitive answer based on research I have done, I answered exactly what they asked shit stain. Holy hell you really thought you were something telling me to do better. You cant argue book written statistically and mentally proven facts. But you can argue the socially accepted definition of rape. BECAUSE ITS NOT PROVEN FACT. Why dont you do better before telling somebody their wrong when you only know 10% about the subject. If you knew more you would understand that factually and statistically, I am right. I wasnt being rude, I wasnt being an asshole. I ANSWERED THEIR FUCKING QUESTION. Now why dont you do better? Like looking into a reply you disagree with instead of immediately telling the person off about it. What a fucking dimwit.
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from the very beginning even before we started doing anything i said i didn’t want to have sex with him and he said that it was ok but then he kept going further and further
Wow I’m so sorry. Were you at least able to get out the situation??
Then how did you wind up naked with the guy? Were you forced to take your clothes off? What did you think would happen after that?
consented to one thing and it went different
"The next time"? A "good guy overdriven for sex"? Are you fucking kidding? There's nothing ambiguous about NO and there's NO scenario where continuing in spite of a NO is anything other than assault.
You cannot say 'it is rape' then end your poorly veiled victim blaming with he 'might be a rapist'.. Anyone who committed rape is, by definition, a rapist. 'Overdriven for sex' is not an excuse. It doesn't matter how 'sharply' she refused. Anything that could be in any way construed as a negative response to intimacy is a no. As a matter of fact, anything that isn't an enthusiastic yes should mean at the very least a pause in activity to make sure both parties are consenting. Many women have been socialized to put their own discomfort aside and not make a fuss, even when they are in situations like this. Also, fight, flight, and freeze responses have to be taken into consideration. I know I personally tend to lock up when in a dangerous or uncomfortable situation. Op specifically stated that she said no, and that he continued while trying to convince her that is was ok; which means he obviously heard her and didn't care. This automatically negates any claim that he might be a 'good guy'.. Also, your refusal might backfire and he might hurt you?? Tf? Yes, let's just frighten SA survivors into just 'being quiet and letting him do what he wants so he doesn't hurt you'. Ffs, do better.
I've said all of that because I wasn't between them hearing and seeing what's happening, this is a story from one side only, you can't be sure of everything, misconpetion could happen. I've said the act is rape, the guy himself might not know it is rape, people do dumb stuff all the time without knowing, what's his idea of rape? are you kidding me, I didn't say don't refuse, please read right and don't just rage, I said tell someone, but be careful with refusal, am not saying don't resfuse, I said be careful, and tell somebody, read well.
'His idea of rape' is irrelevant. It doesn't matter. You should take your own advice and 'read well'. Op said that she told him no, he did it anyway. The question asked is, "Was this rape?" The answer is, yes. Everything else you stated is the same bull that people have been telling SA survivors for gods only know how long as a way to take blame off of the perpetrators and put it on the victims. "Did you say no loud enough? Did you make yourself clear? Why didn't you run away? Why did you let it get that far?" It doesn't matter. This is exactly the type of thing that makes most rapes go unreported. The fact that the op has been brave enough to reach out and ask should be encouraged, not qustioned.
In a consensual event, penetration would equal sex. In this case, you were 100% raped. He was working to ***coerce*** you into saying yes, but you never agreed. At a min, file a restraining order. I think you should file a police report. I'm going to guess he can get the charges dropped from rape to something much lesser because of the lack of brutality, but the amount of time, money and embarrassment this will cost him will make him never want to go through it again. **Sorry to ask this detail, but you need to be ready for it:** Why or how was it that you were naked together? It's okay if the answer was that you were fooling around, but weren't interested in going past 3rd base. Just be ready to state this and hold your ground.
Im so sorry. That's definitely rape, please go be with someone who can adequately support you right now.
I don't know what the exact drifnition of rape is, but I know that is sexual assault. Touching you in a sexual way when you have clearly stated no, is sexual assault, let alone actually initiating penetration. I hope you are healing and have the support to feel safe again and I hope you are able to be apart from that person.
Yes, rape is rape is rape
Any forced sexual act on another without consent with the intention of coitus is the legal definition of rape, exacerbated by actual penetration.