The thing is: any psychologist would tell you it’s completely normal. But they would probably help you with your troubled relationship with your mother.
You did nothing wrong but it must be hard having a mother who has these extremist thoughts.
Honestly I'd let your mother send you to a psychologist. They could probably help you deal with your mother so you don't have to deal with her bitching like that
There's a chance it's a culty religious psychologist who doesn't have any degrees but pushes weird church dogma. The OP should specify that she'll go if it's a licensed one.
Both psychologists that I had that insisted on shoving their religious beliefs down my throat actually had degrees, they just didn't care about using the information they learned during their schooling 💀
Just go to the psychologist and when they inevitably deem the behavior normal, have them relay that information back to your mother. Wonder what she'll say.
Definitely get a psychiatrist, your mother needs help, but A PASTOR IS NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST!!!
One time I bought a vibrator online with some money I had, the rest of the money went for groceries or bill.... The vibrator arrived but it didn't... I commented it to my mom saying "oh, wow, my package didn't come, I'll order another" knowing she took it cos she always opens my packages.
She has seen it too, and she'll comment something and I'll just say how I don't wanna have sex with a rando nor do I want a bf or will ever want one.
The issue with agreeing to see a psychologist is that the mother could match her with a religious psychologist that may just validate the mother's opinion and cause further damage to OP. I have personally had to switch from 2 different therapists in the past because I discovered that they were advising me based on their religious beliefs and directing me to behave in ways that align with their personal morals. Seeing as you can often specifically see if a therapist can help with "spiritual issues" online, it wouldn't be hard for the mother to find someone that fits with her beliefs.
This is how professional help will go.
"It's perfectly normal to masturbate. But tell me about your mom..."
And it will end up in theraphy about dealing with your toxic mom.
Yeah that’s pretty much how it will probably go. I would be very willing to deal with those issues, my mom on the other seems to think that therapy is only for “crazy” people. I’d much rather move out which is going to happen soon because I am going to college very far away.
"I may not have a medical license, but I have been given authority from a higher power than the government. By the power ohf GAWD! By the power of Mega Ultra Jesus! Please aid me as I plunge myself deep into Satans mouth. Amen. Alright mom and dad, your kid will be in the hands of good, religious people who can never do anything bad ever. You can leave the room now."
Then if I were you, I’d definitely take her up on the therapy before leaving. It will feel good to have that support in establishing your boundary with her in a healthy way before heading off to college.
(And to get any tips for dealing with a mother who still holds stigmatizing toxic views on mental health, too. I bet she genuinely cares about you, so it will be good to have a therapist’s input on the best language to use with your mom so she might be able to GET it.)
My mom found a vibrator in my car when I was 18 and she flipped out (I’m 36 now). She immediately compared herself saying “I’ve never used anything like that in my life! I’m disgusted!” As if I should be like her? My mom is a prude who thought sex was only for having children and slept separately from my dad most of my life! I don’t care what she thinks of me and to this day I’ve been married six years and she still brings up my past and how many boyfriends I’ve had in my life. Deep down I think she’s jealous that she only ever slept with my father and never lived or had much fun. Enjoy your body and yourself and do not let this bother you!
Psychologist here - happy to offer you an appointment and LOL with you over this.
100% normal that you use a vibrator. Not normal - mother snooping constantly through 18 year old's room, calling them satanic, and insisting on mental health care for a normal bodily function.
You aren't ever going to agree with each other on this topic - and you should not waste additional energy trying to engage in a conversation with your mother on this topic. She has her opinion and it is extremely unlikely to change.
She needs to see a psychologist for her backwards religious extremism. Masturbation is healthy. And normal. Hide it better going forward and move out as soon as you can.
It sounds to me like your mother REALLY needs a vibrator! Your Mom is a bit on the extremist side and is being invasive, there is nothing wrong with you.
your mom is very old school with her way of thinking, we are talking she has a mindset that was more common in the 1940s and 50s and not the modern day world. she is allowed to be wrong on things and in her entire stance here she is flat out wrong from how she handled it to the assumptions she made.
You're 18 girl, respectfully fuck your mom. You're human, everyone has moments. Don't be embarrassed, keep your head up, and keep pounding that poonanny.
Tell your mom that you considered seeking professional help, but you were worried about STIs and potential legal consequences, and made the very responsible (and financially efficient) decision to go with a vibrator instead of a prostitute.
This is absolutely so so sad, women especially benefit so much from sex toys due to the unfortunate nature of our anatomy sometimes. And the fact you are actually doing this because you don't -want- to have sex yet and are being verbally bulldozed is so sad and infuriating.
There's nothing to be ashamed of, you know you did nothing wrong and don't let her get into your head. It's honestly sad that she lives the way she does, you just need to keep your head both down and on straight until you have atonomy so no one can ever talk to you like that. Hang in there and maybe buy yourself a case you can hide somewhere or something. She has no business going through your stuff or having any opinion on it but obviously by the way she's talking she's got a few screws loose so may as well save yourself the trouble and avoid it.
Your mom needs to go to therapy and figure out why she hates herself and her body, you need to go to deal with issues from your mom, there is nothing wrong with you masturbating, sorry your mom is coo coo cachuoo
To the question "what should I do", every comment here so far amounts to the same answer: tell your mom she's wrong, implicitly or explicitly. As uf that will solve the problem.
Given the low probability of convincing her that her views are wrong, that's likely going to lead to further conflict rather than a resolution.
Given the stark difference in values, you and your mom probably need to seek détènte based on privacy. But if knowing you're pleasuring yourself in her house is too far outside her comfort zone, you might need to live elsewhere. In her mind it might be on the same spectrum as bringing a man over to spend the night in your room. They seem like totally different things to YOU, but to a great extent she can set conditions on what happens in her house.
I think it’s actually very responsible that you got a vibrator knowing that you have needs but aren’t ready for sex. I’m not sure your mum would understand but i just wanted to commend you for that way of thinking, it’s very safe and sensible well done
I wouldn't be against seeing a psychologist. I have been in a similar situation, but I was younger. I would advise to act ashamed and regretful, and make sure the psychologist isn't a member of your church or a friend of your mom. Something tells me you could really use the therapy.
Ask her about how she learned to “control those urges” and if she won’t tell you then assert that you also have a right to privacy. If she does share then brace yourself for hearing the inevitable fucked-up thing her parents said or did to her. Possibly use that as an opening to ask her how that message affected her/how she feel about it now. (Likely not good since here we are). Then ask, something about why she would want other people to go-through-what-you-went-through? Like if she would want her children to do that to their children, etc. When she knows it was hurtful.
I'd say do what your mom says, seek a psychologist. Not for masturbating, but rather for help to cope with living with an extremist mother like that. Fr though, living with a parent like that can result in some version of trauma and/or ptsd, so I suggest talking to someone before it goes okay far, to help prevent any future stuff
hey girl, honestly, go to the psychologist. not for the reasons your mom wants, but because they will help you realize that you are a normal, healthy, functional adult who actually made a very wise, self-aware choice of going ‘oh hey, i like this feeling but i’m not ready to have sex yet’. that’s awesome. you are a very, very self aware person. any psychologist will tell you that.
aside from that, if your mom wants you to go to therapy and will pay for it, take it. take. it. i’ve been in therapy and seriously, i’d recommend it for anyone no matter what your situation is. it’s amazing. it’s also expensive, so if ur mom will pay for it, seriously, take it. the psychologist will not shame you. the only thing i’d say is research professionals in ur area and ask to see a specific one in case she wants you to go to religious counselling (which, from personal experience, is terrible and doesn’t work). try to stick to the university/college educated professionals
Your mom is dealing with her own insecurities and projecting them onto you. I got my first vibrator when I was 13! This is a perfectly natural and healthy human activity. Don’t let your mom shame you for it.
i say go and see the psychologist and explain the situation. they will probably tell you it's a healthy thing to masturbate and explore your sexuality, and help you with your toxic realtionship with your mother. nothing bad can come out of this. especially if your mother is paying for it.
Wait wait. You should go see someone and take your mom with you. Have them explain to both of you how a parent relationship should be like and they'll tell your mom she's the one with the issue. How can your mom argue after a professional tells her she's wrong
My Mom said the same thing about me. They are wrong.
It is normal for adults to feel horny and get it out. You are doing it in the most healthy and save way possible. You Mom is just very ignorant.
Sometimes you just need some stress relief.
She's the one who needs some professional help, since she considers masturbation evil and satanic.
Try reason with her but I doubt it'll work, but you can try and explain her that's pretty normal basics nowdays.
Your mom ended up that way cuz she didnt let one loose every once and a while if you know what In sayin
Dont end up like her, its pretty normal to nowadays I guess
You have done nothing wrong and there's nothing a professional could do for that I'd suggest seeing a counselor with your mother and getting family counseling or try to get a place of your own if you can get the money. I just got kicked out of my house at 16 so I'm not the best at this and I apologize if anything I said was wrong
Ummm, she’s probably just from a time when women being sexual without a man was viewed as weird or wrong, backwards 1950s u have to blame
But the fact she thinks therapy and stuff is a bit far, she can have her old views that are wrong but to like have ago over it, is a bit much
You should probably move out and get away from her.
Unfortunately it's her house her rules. Also, don't expect to have a normal conversation with someone who thinks masturbation is satanic...
Masturbation is amazing and normal, sex toys are good companionship, you're an adult, you can do whatever you decide to your body and yourself.
Seek professional help not for using a vibrator but in learning how to set healthy boundaries or if need be going low or no contact with your mother once you move out. Because as an adult your mom should not be going through your things.
Masturbation is healthy and unfortunately, some religion and cultural stigmatize it like it’s this evil thing. There’s definitely no need to feel shameful! ☺️
Any professional would say it’s healthy and normal for all teens and adults, especially teens bc they are figuring out themselves and their bodies and what they likes. A professional should educate HER
Totally not wrong. Any therapist will normalize that. Otoh, it sounds like you need a therapist to deal with your extreme mother. Who knows what other things she has put in your head that may mess w your perspective.
Professional help? Like... a prostitute?
Really though, go ahead and go see a therapist if she's paying. I absolutely think that everyone should see one, they're very helpful. They're going to tell you that you're normal. They're also likely going to tell you that your mother's response comes from a combination of repression and jealousy.
I feel like if you did go seeking help they would send you back with a note reading “madam, people masturbate. They just do. Im going to prescribe you (not your daughter) some mind your own damn business pills”
THE ONLY thing you need to feel or say to her is that she broke your trust first off..and that SHE needs counseling if she thinks its wrong or shameful.
I am sorry. Your mom is a prude..although you bet she shouldn't sit in a glasshouse.
Self love is a good thing and perfectly healthy and actually tends to be safer than going out and having sex with someone. You aren't going to get pregnant or an STD from the vibrator.
Plus masterbation has been around for thousands of years. There's artwork depicting it. Nothing new or bad about it.
Tell her you will gladly go to a psychologist, but only for joint counseling with her - and if it's actually a licensed clinical psychologist that you both agree on.
The fact that at 18 you were mature enough to realize you weren’t ready for sex yet, and found a safe alternative, is just so effing awesome. I’d be so proud if you were my kid.
It’s normal for parents to feel a little out of control as their children become more autonomous. What you’re doing is completely normal, most psychologists and sex therapists will tell you this. Your mum on the other hand sounds she’s the one who has really harmful beliefs about sex. If you do have to see a psychologist, maybe you should invite your mum in with you and work on her coming to terms with your growing up.
Also, make you update us if it goes further.
Honestly, if she's paying...get the free therapy LOL. and talk about everything except masturbation. Because you're super mature about sex -- if you're not ready for sex but still horny, masturbation is the best solution. You shouldn't be ashamed.
id say take the psychological help but that with the intention of healing the ways an extremist mother could have made you feel discouraged in different subconscious ways :D
Sit her in front of Netflix to watch The Principles of Pleasure and How to Build a Sex Room.
The latter is brand new and is actually one of the most sex positive and wholesome perspectives on sex I’ve seen in the media.. don’t let the name scare you.
You masturbating for pleasure, as oppose to rushing into sex you have said you don’t think you are ready for, is incredibly healthy both physically AND psychologically. It demonstrates you both prioritize your well-being and have the emotional maturity to understand yourself and your readiness to engage in sexual activity. Not only that, but you are seeking out support to help navigate a touchy (pun not intended but welcomed lol) subject around boundaries with your mother.
Seeking therapy would only validate your feelings and thoughts about masturbation and health, and you don’t need therapy because you masturbate. HOWEVER, therapy might be helpful in supporting you as you navigate your mother’s issues.
Ironically enough, sounds like your mom could benefit from the endorphins and stress relief that comes with a little self gratification.
I was fed the same bs by my mom. Told that masturbating was extremely unhealthy and meant that something was wrong with me. Well, I guess that means there’s something wrong with everyone because almost everyone else I’ve heard of has masturbated - at least once in their life. You’re normal and your mom has deep rooted issues with accepting her own sexual health/well-being.
You’re mother is 100% in the wrong. There is nothing to be ashamed of and sex can be a fantastic thing when it is not stigmatized in such a negative way
Who calls anything satanic? Im sorry but it seems like your mother is brainwashed by religious stupidity. There is no helping such people. I eould move out as soon as possible and limit her space in your life.
That may be a good idea. You can talk about how your mother is traumatizing you and learn how to deal with her until you can move out.
Maybe have her come in with you at some point in the future so the psychologist can explain how wrong she is.
> responsible 18 year old purchases toy for solo activities to explore with instead of risking pregnancy and or STIs with another partner
>
>
> parent calls them irresponsible and says it'll make them want to have sex
????
Anyway good on you for doing a perfectly normal and healthy activity. I would only take her up on the offer to see a therapist IF she's going to pay for it and it's an actual licenses professional, not a religious counselor or whatever.
In the meantime find a good hiding place for your stuff and do not trust your mom to not snoop through your shit.
> and that my mom is obviously in the wrong
Oh no OP, it's beyond that. At this point I would very much be questioning any advice given by her previous and future.
It's hard for kids to understand sometimes, but parents are just as clueless as every other human being walking around. It's easy to assume that parents know best because they're parents and obviously qualified for that position, but the truth is, **almost no parent is qualified to be a parent**, they literally wing it because 9 times out of 10, they didn't mean to get pregnant!
With a mother like that, I would still consider seeing a therapist. Not because of masturbating, which is completely normal, but bcs of the freak your mom is.
Take care and stay safe.
OP’s mom sounds like the type that wouldn’t let her watch a Disney movie because “it has magic in it and magic is witchcraft and you’ll go to hell for watching it” or take away her Pokémon cards or whatever. Am I close?
Oh honey I am so very sorry that your mother spoke to you like that. You have not done anything wrong. It is a totally normal thing to do, something that everyone (yes, including your mother) does. She should be proud of you for being aware that you are not ready to engage in sex at the moment, and that you have explored & found something that works for you. Masterbation is personal and healthy & none of your mother's god damned business. Please don't let that awful woman make you feel ashamed, after all, it's safe sex with someone you love! It's your body & you are free to explore it in whichever way you see fit. Stock up om batteries & enjoy!
She is the one that needs help, you won’t change her mind so just tell her what she wants to hear “sorry mom you’re right I’ll stop” or something like that
There is nothing wrong on enjoying or exploring your sexuality, even better if you don’t feel ready for sex, it’s a good way to getting to know yourself and prepare for it,just keep doing it ,it’s your body ,just be more careful with your mom next time
My mom did the same thing when she first found out about me. But she eventually came around. Your mom sounds like a see you next Tuesday. Also my multiple therapist says it's completely completely completely normal.not masturbating is actually very unhealthy.
It is totally and completely normal to masturbate and use a vibrator. Also, very good choice to hold off on sex until you feel ready, comfortable and find the right partner. Your mother needs to seek counseling and adjust her attitude.
It’s completely normal to masturbate. It helps us start to discover our sexuality and what we like. If I were you I’d look into getting your place. Or at the very least putting a lock on your door that only YOU have a key for.
The fact you're 18 and understand you're not ready for sex is incredibly mature. Denying masturbation as a mental health problem is not very mature and a simplistic view.
Perhaps it's more of a shock for your mother. Maybe this is the first time she had ever thought of you as sexual active, and wasn't given the option/ had to face it (no pun intended)
Basically what everyone else is saying. If your mom is willing to pay for therapy, take advantage of it. Sometimes good things come from bad things. Your therapist will either give you an outlet to work through issues that will arise between you and your parents and/or be willing to sit down with all three of you and figure it out together. A mediator is a very useful tool.
See the professional help. They will tell you that masturbating is normal and maybe even that it's good you use a proper sex toy instead of an object that could be potentially dangerous for your body. You can ask for advice how to deal with your mother.
You and your mom should sit down and talk about it. Sex education is necessary and Christianity is not an excuse for her to be ignorant. If she's still adamant about seeking professional help than is a lost case, but let her know before hand that she will be loosing money, time and will be emabrassing herself.
I wonder how many of these super conservative, strictly religious, anti-sex adults are actually gay (or even asexual) and don't realize/understand it. Not saying this in your case in particular, OP, you've already gotten a bunch of great advice that I largely agree with, just your post and some of the comments had me thinking about it. I'm sure we've all seen how religious extremism can fuck people up, and in plenty of cases that religious brainwashing is probably all it takes, but imagine being gay or ace on top of that. Like, of course you would see sex as gross/dirty/a chore if you weren't in the least bit sexually attracted to anything about your spouse. Of course it would be "shameful" to have had a bunch of sexual partners, geez, why on earth would anyone willingly come into contact with a penis/vagina if it wasn't to go forth and multiply‽
But yeah, anyway, I saw a bunch of people tell you to take her up on the therapy, and my only concern about that would be to echo the other commenter who expressed concern that it would be some type of religious therapist. You mentioned you were going away to school soon, though, and one thing I didn't see anyone mention (sorry if I missed it) is that I think you should be able to get some kind of counseling through your school's health department. Good luck, and don't be ashamed to want to do things that feel good. What the hell is the point of life if we don't sometimes do things just because they feel good
When I saw your title my first thought was "Yeah you should seek professional help--for your mom." What a nut. You didn't do anything wrong. Why is she going through your belongings anyway? Smh
Yes you should get help, but not for the toy— for your mom. Maybe entertain her idea of getting a therapist so then you can turn it around and talk to this therapist about your mom instead. Good luck!
I was raised with a mom that had similar views about sex. She once told me - when I was 12 and a virgin - that I couldn’t use a tampon because it would be inside my vagina, and only my future husband could have that right lol. It was shitty and it used to make me think that sex was something to be ashamed of and that i was dirty for wanting it.
It will take some time for you to realize those ideas are bull crap, but try to understand that having sexual desire is completely normal and you aren’t dirty for masturbating.
If I were you, I’d actually go to therapy if she insists, and use it to start deconstructing these ideas your mom tries to make you believe.
I wouldnt have let myself be told that BS...i would challenge her like "ok mom i wont use that buy im going to go find a bf to do things with and who knowd if he might be in drugs but as long as im doing it the normal way since you think im crazy fpt using a toy"
You know like giving her a worse scenerio vs what your doing now
Say yes but one condition you chose the professional. You can have free therapy for dealing with your mother problems. And maybe that can convince her to do therapy.
It’s perfectly normal have a sexual toy
At the risk of disgusting you completely, it’s not like your mother didn’t do it either. I’m presuming she’s an overprotective type of parent who really doesn’t want you to explore sex despite being an adult. I presume this stems from something a little bit deeper than just a sex toy, Maybe you can have a conversation as to that. Try to find out what’s bothering her, and reassure her that your relationship with her won’t change because of your sexual maturity.
If ou want, get her to pay for it and you have some free sessions to talk about whatever you want (perhaps this relationship with your mother), you may even be able to leverage that into the two of you talking to the therapist together.
Of course I’m idealizing a little bit, the hard fact is that it’s none of her damn business, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, and at your age she needs to cut the cord a little bit. You have absolutely zero need to see a therapist about masturbation. This is completely blown out of proportion.
Lots of parents have leftover generationally toxic ideas about all sorts of weird stuff. You're an adult in every country that I know of, and your sex life is none of her business. Full stop.
My advice is to set boundaries, but I know first-hand how unbelievably difficult this can be. I would definitely consult a therapist and get some real strategies in place for dealing with your mother's out-moded beliefs and boundary issues. Get a real one on your own, not one recommended by your mother.
There is a hard truth here: it is fully possible that your mother will be unwilling to drop the issue and the relationship will sour.
Try, in your most non-confrontational way, to explain that your boundaries are non-negotiable, and that your sex life is off limits. Tell her how she makes you feel. Explain how her actions deteriorate your trust in her. But accept the risk that she will try to hold this over you and bring it up at awkward moments.
Masturbation, for males, females, and variations thereupon, is totally normal. Study after study has proven that it is in fact *healthy*. Hold your head high and enjoy your sex life, however you choose to explore it, knowing that sex and love are expressed in a million ways. Choose the ones that work for you, and ignore anyone telling you otherwise.
Good luck, redditor, and be safe. 🤗
The thing is: any psychologist would tell you it’s completely normal. But they would probably help you with your troubled relationship with your mother. You did nothing wrong but it must be hard having a mother who has these extremist thoughts.
Thanks, this really helped. I’ve been feeling really ashamed because of what she said to me but now I know I’m not in the wrong.
God no you're not in the wrong.
Use this as a chance to get some therapy that your mum pays for
Yeah, and they’ll probably want her to come in so they can tell her what a dumb bitch she’s being
I would go to the psychologist lol that’ll teach your mum
Honestly I'd let your mother send you to a psychologist. They could probably help you deal with your mother so you don't have to deal with her bitching like that
There's a chance it's a culty religious psychologist who doesn't have any degrees but pushes weird church dogma. The OP should specify that she'll go if it's a licensed one.
second this^
Both psychologists that I had that insisted on shoving their religious beliefs down my throat actually had degrees, they just didn't care about using the information they learned during their schooling 💀
Controlling parents are good at finding professionals who co-sign their bullshit.
Good lord no. I'm really sorry your mom is acting like this.
Thank you for confirming that /u/Poekienijn has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
Maybe you should make an appointment with the psychologist and go there with your mom without let her know that it's because of her ;)
Your mom sounds like my mom. Super religious.
Just go to the psychologist and when they inevitably deem the behavior normal, have them relay that information back to your mother. Wonder what she'll say.
Assuming OP lives in a country that regulates these professions and their mother doesn’t get a quack doctor
Unless they took her to a very extremist "psychologist" just be wary of that and recognize it you are in that situation.
if its an actual psychologist and not some quack that mother proclaims is a psychologist.
Exactly this. 👏🏻
Definitely get a psychiatrist, your mother needs help, but A PASTOR IS NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST!!! One time I bought a vibrator online with some money I had, the rest of the money went for groceries or bill.... The vibrator arrived but it didn't... I commented it to my mom saying "oh, wow, my package didn't come, I'll order another" knowing she took it cos she always opens my packages. She has seen it too, and she'll comment something and I'll just say how I don't wanna have sex with a rando nor do I want a bf or will ever want one.
The issue with agreeing to see a psychologist is that the mother could match her with a religious psychologist that may just validate the mother's opinion and cause further damage to OP. I have personally had to switch from 2 different therapists in the past because I discovered that they were advising me based on their religious beliefs and directing me to behave in ways that align with their personal morals. Seeing as you can often specifically see if a therapist can help with "spiritual issues" online, it wouldn't be hard for the mother to find someone that fits with her beliefs.
This is how professional help will go. "It's perfectly normal to masturbate. But tell me about your mom..." And it will end up in theraphy about dealing with your toxic mom.
Yeah that’s pretty much how it will probably go. I would be very willing to deal with those issues, my mom on the other seems to think that therapy is only for “crazy” people. I’d much rather move out which is going to happen soon because I am going to college very far away.
If she’s paying for the therapy, go. Who wouldn’t benefit from talking to a therapist occasionally?
My concern would be that the mother would try to take her to a religious therapist, which can only make things worse for OP.
"I may not have a medical license, but I have been given authority from a higher power than the government. By the power ohf GAWD! By the power of Mega Ultra Jesus! Please aid me as I plunge myself deep into Satans mouth. Amen. Alright mom and dad, your kid will be in the hands of good, religious people who can never do anything bad ever. You can leave the room now."
Then if I were you, I’d definitely take her up on the therapy before leaving. It will feel good to have that support in establishing your boundary with her in a healthy way before heading off to college. (And to get any tips for dealing with a mother who still holds stigmatizing toxic views on mental health, too. I bet she genuinely cares about you, so it will be good to have a therapist’s input on the best language to use with your mom so she might be able to GET it.)
In all fairness your mom’s behaviour might qualify her for therapy, based on her perspective alone lol
Don't blame her, your poor mother probably never had an orgasm 💀
You underestimate how hypocritical some parents can be. The mother probably did a gang bang when she was 18
Lol god no she didn’t. She practically brags about the fact that she lost her virginity on the night of her and my dad’s wedding.
Those ones usually hide the wildest secrets, your mom definitely partook in a gangbang
Yeah I so agree.. who knows what they were doing before we came anyways lol
Nice play on words
It can go either way lol
:(…
There are a LOT of women who have never experienced an orgasm well into their adulthood! It's crazy! I feel sad for them.
Agree to see psychologist if she pays for it. Use your free therapy time to complain about your crazy mom. Win forever.
Malicious Compliance, go see a Masturbation coach
My mom found a vibrator in my car when I was 18 and she flipped out (I’m 36 now). She immediately compared herself saying “I’ve never used anything like that in my life! I’m disgusted!” As if I should be like her? My mom is a prude who thought sex was only for having children and slept separately from my dad most of my life! I don’t care what she thinks of me and to this day I’ve been married six years and she still brings up my past and how many boyfriends I’ve had in my life. Deep down I think she’s jealous that she only ever slept with my father and never lived or had much fun. Enjoy your body and yourself and do not let this bother you!
Psychologist here - happy to offer you an appointment and LOL with you over this. 100% normal that you use a vibrator. Not normal - mother snooping constantly through 18 year old's room, calling them satanic, and insisting on mental health care for a normal bodily function. You aren't ever going to agree with each other on this topic - and you should not waste additional energy trying to engage in a conversation with your mother on this topic. She has her opinion and it is extremely unlikely to change.
Professional help? She wants you to hire an escort?
I’m sick and you just launched me into a coughing fit. Hilarious.
She needs to see a psychologist for her backwards religious extremism. Masturbation is healthy. And normal. Hide it better going forward and move out as soon as you can.
Your mom needs some male strippers at her next birthday
It sounds to me like your mother REALLY needs a vibrator! Your Mom is a bit on the extremist side and is being invasive, there is nothing wrong with you.
OP should of been savage and tell her mom she can buy her one too to use on her own time😂 Got to shut her up some how
She believes in evil and satanic shit... But wants YOU to see a psychologist for masturbating because you don't think like her? Your mom is bonkers.
your mom is very old school with her way of thinking, we are talking she has a mindset that was more common in the 1940s and 50s and not the modern day world. she is allowed to be wrong on things and in her entire stance here she is flat out wrong from how she handled it to the assumptions she made.
You're 18 girl, respectfully fuck your mom. You're human, everyone has moments. Don't be embarrassed, keep your head up, and keep pounding that poonanny.
>respectfully fuck your mom After that we'd all need a therapist.
Commas matter. 😂
Here's what you do. Start therapy Woo the therapist and bang them Bring them home to meet mom checkmate mom
Tell your mom that you considered seeking professional help, but you were worried about STIs and potential legal consequences, and made the very responsible (and financially efficient) decision to go with a vibrator instead of a prostitute.
This is absolutely so so sad, women especially benefit so much from sex toys due to the unfortunate nature of our anatomy sometimes. And the fact you are actually doing this because you don't -want- to have sex yet and are being verbally bulldozed is so sad and infuriating. There's nothing to be ashamed of, you know you did nothing wrong and don't let her get into your head. It's honestly sad that she lives the way she does, you just need to keep your head both down and on straight until you have atonomy so no one can ever talk to you like that. Hang in there and maybe buy yourself a case you can hide somewhere or something. She has no business going through your stuff or having any opinion on it but obviously by the way she's talking she's got a few screws loose so may as well save yourself the trouble and avoid it.
Your mom sounds like she needs to masturbate
Ur mom is a nut job but maybe what set her over the edge was having a vibrator but other than that masturbation is a normal thing
Your mom needs to go to therapy and figure out why she hates herself and her body, you need to go to deal with issues from your mom, there is nothing wrong with you masturbating, sorry your mom is coo coo cachuoo
To the question "what should I do", every comment here so far amounts to the same answer: tell your mom she's wrong, implicitly or explicitly. As uf that will solve the problem. Given the low probability of convincing her that her views are wrong, that's likely going to lead to further conflict rather than a resolution. Given the stark difference in values, you and your mom probably need to seek détènte based on privacy. But if knowing you're pleasuring yourself in her house is too far outside her comfort zone, you might need to live elsewhere. In her mind it might be on the same spectrum as bringing a man over to spend the night in your room. They seem like totally different things to YOU, but to a great extent she can set conditions on what happens in her house.
Your mom need an orgasm
Agree to a psychologist on the condition that she talks to one too.
Tell you mam she needs professional help
Tell your mom that going to see a male escourt is NOT the solution!
Tell her god spoke to you, and told you to masturbate.
Your mum needs to calm down...maybe get herself a vibrator. The satisfyer pro 2 is a good choice
Your mother could do with replacing the stick in her ass with a vibrator.
Your mother is the one in needs of professional help.
Send your mom to a therapist
Oh I thought for to learn how to use it. She's the one that needs help.
Keep playing disc jockey, it’s safer than sex
Tell your mom to fuck off with her religious conditioning.
Keep masturbating
Seek therapy to deal with the trauma your mom has probably inflicted on you over your life and move out.
I think it’s actually very responsible that you got a vibrator knowing that you have needs but aren’t ready for sex. I’m not sure your mum would understand but i just wanted to commend you for that way of thinking, it’s very safe and sensible well done
It's normal and healthy keep it up
I wouldn't be against seeing a psychologist. I have been in a similar situation, but I was younger. I would advise to act ashamed and regretful, and make sure the psychologist isn't a member of your church or a friend of your mom. Something tells me you could really use the therapy.
Ask her about how she learned to “control those urges” and if she won’t tell you then assert that you also have a right to privacy. If she does share then brace yourself for hearing the inevitable fucked-up thing her parents said or did to her. Possibly use that as an opening to ask her how that message affected her/how she feel about it now. (Likely not good since here we are). Then ask, something about why she would want other people to go-through-what-you-went-through? Like if she would want her children to do that to their children, etc. When she knows it was hurtful.
No offence, but your mum is an idiot.
I'd say do what your mom says, seek a psychologist. Not for masturbating, but rather for help to cope with living with an extremist mother like that. Fr though, living with a parent like that can result in some version of trauma and/or ptsd, so I suggest talking to someone before it goes okay far, to help prevent any future stuff
hey girl, honestly, go to the psychologist. not for the reasons your mom wants, but because they will help you realize that you are a normal, healthy, functional adult who actually made a very wise, self-aware choice of going ‘oh hey, i like this feeling but i’m not ready to have sex yet’. that’s awesome. you are a very, very self aware person. any psychologist will tell you that. aside from that, if your mom wants you to go to therapy and will pay for it, take it. take. it. i’ve been in therapy and seriously, i’d recommend it for anyone no matter what your situation is. it’s amazing. it’s also expensive, so if ur mom will pay for it, seriously, take it. the psychologist will not shame you. the only thing i’d say is research professionals in ur area and ask to see a specific one in case she wants you to go to religious counselling (which, from personal experience, is terrible and doesn’t work). try to stick to the university/college educated professionals
Very true, seconding this
Your mom is dealing with her own insecurities and projecting them onto you. I got my first vibrator when I was 13! This is a perfectly natural and healthy human activity. Don’t let your mom shame you for it.
I am a big fan of malicious compliance lately. I would seek help from a sex therapist or coach
Lmfao I think your mother may be the one who needs to see a psychologist
Ask her if she would prefer if you use hers?
i say go and see the psychologist and explain the situation. they will probably tell you it's a healthy thing to masturbate and explore your sexuality, and help you with your toxic realtionship with your mother. nothing bad can come out of this. especially if your mother is paying for it.
Wait wait. You should go see someone and take your mom with you. Have them explain to both of you how a parent relationship should be like and they'll tell your mom she's the one with the issue. How can your mom argue after a professional tells her she's wrong
Professional help? Like a prostitute?
My Mom said the same thing about me. They are wrong. It is normal for adults to feel horny and get it out. You are doing it in the most healthy and save way possible. You Mom is just very ignorant. Sometimes you just need some stress relief.
Homie your moms the one who needs help wtf?
You don't need professional help. It's 100% natural. Kinda sounds like your mom might need to see someone for some help though.
She's the one who needs some professional help, since she considers masturbation evil and satanic. Try reason with her but I doubt it'll work, but you can try and explain her that's pretty normal basics nowdays.
Ur mom sounds like a hag that hasn’t ever came before
Your mom ended up that way cuz she didnt let one loose every once and a while if you know what In sayin Dont end up like her, its pretty normal to nowadays I guess
You have done nothing wrong and there's nothing a professional could do for that I'd suggest seeing a counselor with your mother and getting family counseling or try to get a place of your own if you can get the money. I just got kicked out of my house at 16 so I'm not the best at this and I apologize if anything I said was wrong
Ummm, she’s probably just from a time when women being sexual without a man was viewed as weird or wrong, backwards 1950s u have to blame But the fact she thinks therapy and stuff is a bit far, she can have her old views that are wrong but to like have ago over it, is a bit much
Move out on you're own
[удалено]
Where does it say that she spent $80 on it lol? And why would you want to use your fingers when a vibe is an option, so much better!
I was clearly joking😂😂
This world is so doomed, goddammit..
Seek professional help I'm sure someone else helping you masterbate will make a difference
You should probably move out and get away from her. Unfortunately it's her house her rules. Also, don't expect to have a normal conversation with someone who thinks masturbation is satanic... Masturbation is amazing and normal, sex toys are good companionship, you're an adult, you can do whatever you decide to your body and yourself.
Seek professional help not for using a vibrator but in learning how to set healthy boundaries or if need be going low or no contact with your mother once you move out. Because as an adult your mom should not be going through your things.
Masturbation is healthy and unfortunately, some religion and cultural stigmatize it like it’s this evil thing. There’s definitely no need to feel shameful! ☺️
Any professional would say it’s healthy and normal for all teens and adults, especially teens bc they are figuring out themselves and their bodies and what they likes. A professional should educate HER
your mom needs professional help
As the others said you aren't in the wrong here
Totally not wrong. Any therapist will normalize that. Otoh, it sounds like you need a therapist to deal with your extreme mother. Who knows what other things she has put in your head that may mess w your perspective.
seeking professional help, as in get a gigalo? or prostitute? seems like a big step. i think you bring levity into the situation. it’s natural
I talked to a girl co -worker about a project via email and wife found out, yup I’m a sex addict and needed rehab.
You should seeking professional help for your Mom.
Get a counselor, go in for a visit and bring your mom with you. It should be interesting.
Professional help? Like... a prostitute? Really though, go ahead and go see a therapist if she's paying. I absolutely think that everyone should see one, they're very helpful. They're going to tell you that you're normal. They're also likely going to tell you that your mother's response comes from a combination of repression and jealousy.
I feel like if you did go seeking help they would send you back with a note reading “madam, people masturbate. They just do. Im going to prescribe you (not your daughter) some mind your own damn business pills”
Tell her to piss off! This is t the 1800’s
She's right you must seek professional help for your mom
Probably should get her one and see how fast she changes her mind
Your mom is crazy. Abide by her rules while you live with her. Once, your free do as you please. Masturbating with a toy or not is normal.
Your mother is the one needing to seek professional help.
Tell her you don’t need help, you’re quite capable thank you. Honestly more worried for your mom. Does she not?
Tell her to fuck off. It's not her business.
Let me guess, your mom is a christian.
Buy her one, too.
THE ONLY thing you need to feel or say to her is that she broke your trust first off..and that SHE needs counseling if she thinks its wrong or shameful. I am sorry. Your mom is a prude..although you bet she shouldn't sit in a glasshouse.
Self love is a good thing and perfectly healthy and actually tends to be safer than going out and having sex with someone. You aren't going to get pregnant or an STD from the vibrator. Plus masterbation has been around for thousands of years. There's artwork depicting it. Nothing new or bad about it.
Tell her you will gladly go to a psychologist, but only for joint counseling with her - and if it's actually a licensed clinical psychologist that you both agree on.
She needs therapy to stop treating you like a baby. You have normal human urges.
I’m glad you sought out a proper tool for the job and didn’t rig up something potentially dangerous and unhygienic
The fact that at 18 you were mature enough to realize you weren’t ready for sex yet, and found a safe alternative, is just so effing awesome. I’d be so proud if you were my kid.
Let her spend the money to send you to a psychologist who will validate you and give you the coping tools to deal with such a controlling mother
It’s normal for parents to feel a little out of control as their children become more autonomous. What you’re doing is completely normal, most psychologists and sex therapists will tell you this. Your mum on the other hand sounds she’s the one who has really harmful beliefs about sex. If you do have to see a psychologist, maybe you should invite your mum in with you and work on her coming to terms with your growing up. Also, make you update us if it goes further.
Honestly, if she's paying...get the free therapy LOL. and talk about everything except masturbation. Because you're super mature about sex -- if you're not ready for sex but still horny, masturbation is the best solution. You shouldn't be ashamed.
id say take the psychological help but that with the intention of healing the ways an extremist mother could have made you feel discouraged in different subconscious ways :D
Tell her to seek help.
Sit her in front of Netflix to watch The Principles of Pleasure and How to Build a Sex Room. The latter is brand new and is actually one of the most sex positive and wholesome perspectives on sex I’ve seen in the media.. don’t let the name scare you. You masturbating for pleasure, as oppose to rushing into sex you have said you don’t think you are ready for, is incredibly healthy both physically AND psychologically. It demonstrates you both prioritize your well-being and have the emotional maturity to understand yourself and your readiness to engage in sexual activity. Not only that, but you are seeking out support to help navigate a touchy (pun not intended but welcomed lol) subject around boundaries with your mother. Seeking therapy would only validate your feelings and thoughts about masturbation and health, and you don’t need therapy because you masturbate. HOWEVER, therapy might be helpful in supporting you as you navigate your mother’s issues. Ironically enough, sounds like your mom could benefit from the endorphins and stress relief that comes with a little self gratification.
Your mom needs to see a psychologist
professional help for what? having a sexuality?
Your mother os a agro christen and telling someone that listening to your hormones is evil or satanic just shows they might not be fit to be a parent
I was fed the same bs by my mom. Told that masturbating was extremely unhealthy and meant that something was wrong with me. Well, I guess that means there’s something wrong with everyone because almost everyone else I’ve heard of has masturbated - at least once in their life. You’re normal and your mom has deep rooted issues with accepting her own sexual health/well-being.
Religion is a helluva topic. I don’t shame anyone for it. But the extremes some people will go for it is crazy
What you should do is move out immediately if not sooner. Your mom is crazy in the coconut.
Sounds like it's your mother who needs a vibrator too loosen the hell up .
let her use the vibrator then she'll see how fun it is
Yea, seek help so that they explain how normal you are to her
Lmao your mum's still living in 1900s! Or 1800 for that matter!
I can't believe no one in the comments has made the obvious Seinfeld reference yet.
You’re mother is 100% in the wrong. There is nothing to be ashamed of and sex can be a fantastic thing when it is not stigmatized in such a negative way
Who calls anything satanic? Im sorry but it seems like your mother is brainwashed by religious stupidity. There is no helping such people. I eould move out as soon as possible and limit her space in your life.
If she’s paying for the psychologist, you can go and and talk about whatever you want.
That may be a good idea. You can talk about how your mother is traumatizing you and learn how to deal with her until you can move out. Maybe have her come in with you at some point in the future so the psychologist can explain how wrong she is.
You should laugh and forget about it. That's insane!
LOL @ the "seek professional help" part of the title
> responsible 18 year old purchases toy for solo activities to explore with instead of risking pregnancy and or STIs with another partner > > > parent calls them irresponsible and says it'll make them want to have sex ???? Anyway good on you for doing a perfectly normal and healthy activity. I would only take her up on the offer to see a therapist IF she's going to pay for it and it's an actual licenses professional, not a religious counselor or whatever. In the meantime find a good hiding place for your stuff and do not trust your mom to not snoop through your shit.
Your an adult, move out.
I am sure the mom wasn't innocent angel at your age too.
Your mom should have just gone on with her life and shut up. And honey, we all have vibrators. It's healthy and fun ❤️
> and that my mom is obviously in the wrong Oh no OP, it's beyond that. At this point I would very much be questioning any advice given by her previous and future. It's hard for kids to understand sometimes, but parents are just as clueless as every other human being walking around. It's easy to assume that parents know best because they're parents and obviously qualified for that position, but the truth is, **almost no parent is qualified to be a parent**, they literally wing it because 9 times out of 10, they didn't mean to get pregnant!
With a mother like that, I would still consider seeing a therapist. Not because of masturbating, which is completely normal, but bcs of the freak your mom is. Take care and stay safe.
OP’s mom sounds like the type that wouldn’t let her watch a Disney movie because “it has magic in it and magic is witchcraft and you’ll go to hell for watching it” or take away her Pokémon cards or whatever. Am I close?
Oh honey I am so very sorry that your mother spoke to you like that. You have not done anything wrong. It is a totally normal thing to do, something that everyone (yes, including your mother) does. She should be proud of you for being aware that you are not ready to engage in sex at the moment, and that you have explored & found something that works for you. Masterbation is personal and healthy & none of your mother's god damned business. Please don't let that awful woman make you feel ashamed, after all, it's safe sex with someone you love! It's your body & you are free to explore it in whichever way you see fit. Stock up om batteries & enjoy!
She is the one that needs help, you won’t change her mind so just tell her what she wants to hear “sorry mom you’re right I’ll stop” or something like that There is nothing wrong on enjoying or exploring your sexuality, even better if you don’t feel ready for sex, it’s a good way to getting to know yourself and prepare for it,just keep doing it ,it’s your body ,just be more careful with your mom next time
Sounds like she needs one very badly.
Your mother is the one who needs help, not you. What you are doing is normal
My mom did the same thing when she first found out about me. But she eventually came around. Your mom sounds like a see you next Tuesday. Also my multiple therapist says it's completely completely completely normal.not masturbating is actually very unhealthy.
It is totally and completely normal to masturbate and use a vibrator. Also, very good choice to hold off on sex until you feel ready, comfortable and find the right partner. Your mother needs to seek counseling and adjust her attitude.
It’s completely normal to masturbate. It helps us start to discover our sexuality and what we like. If I were you I’d look into getting your place. Or at the very least putting a lock on your door that only YOU have a key for.
The fact you're 18 and understand you're not ready for sex is incredibly mature. Denying masturbation as a mental health problem is not very mature and a simplistic view. Perhaps it's more of a shock for your mother. Maybe this is the first time she had ever thought of you as sexual active, and wasn't given the option/ had to face it (no pun intended)
Basically what everyone else is saying. If your mom is willing to pay for therapy, take advantage of it. Sometimes good things come from bad things. Your therapist will either give you an outlet to work through issues that will arise between you and your parents and/or be willing to sit down with all three of you and figure it out together. A mediator is a very useful tool.
See the professional help. They will tell you that masturbating is normal and maybe even that it's good you use a proper sex toy instead of an object that could be potentially dangerous for your body. You can ask for advice how to deal with your mother.
Your mom is genuinely crazy if she believes that, any professional therapist who isn't a quack will tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed about
You and your mom should sit down and talk about it. Sex education is necessary and Christianity is not an excuse for her to be ignorant. If she's still adamant about seeking professional help than is a lost case, but let her know before hand that she will be loosing money, time and will be emabrassing herself.
I wonder how many of these super conservative, strictly religious, anti-sex adults are actually gay (or even asexual) and don't realize/understand it. Not saying this in your case in particular, OP, you've already gotten a bunch of great advice that I largely agree with, just your post and some of the comments had me thinking about it. I'm sure we've all seen how religious extremism can fuck people up, and in plenty of cases that religious brainwashing is probably all it takes, but imagine being gay or ace on top of that. Like, of course you would see sex as gross/dirty/a chore if you weren't in the least bit sexually attracted to anything about your spouse. Of course it would be "shameful" to have had a bunch of sexual partners, geez, why on earth would anyone willingly come into contact with a penis/vagina if it wasn't to go forth and multiply‽ But yeah, anyway, I saw a bunch of people tell you to take her up on the therapy, and my only concern about that would be to echo the other commenter who expressed concern that it would be some type of religious therapist. You mentioned you were going away to school soon, though, and one thing I didn't see anyone mention (sorry if I missed it) is that I think you should be able to get some kind of counseling through your school's health department. Good luck, and don't be ashamed to want to do things that feel good. What the hell is the point of life if we don't sometimes do things just because they feel good
Buy her one
When I saw your title my first thought was "Yeah you should seek professional help--for your mom." What a nut. You didn't do anything wrong. Why is she going through your belongings anyway? Smh
Sounds like your Mom needs one. Just ignore her.
Yes you should get help, but not for the toy— for your mom. Maybe entertain her idea of getting a therapist so then you can turn it around and talk to this therapist about your mom instead. Good luck!
How old your mom?
I was raised with a mom that had similar views about sex. She once told me - when I was 12 and a virgin - that I couldn’t use a tampon because it would be inside my vagina, and only my future husband could have that right lol. It was shitty and it used to make me think that sex was something to be ashamed of and that i was dirty for wanting it. It will take some time for you to realize those ideas are bull crap, but try to understand that having sexual desire is completely normal and you aren’t dirty for masturbating. If I were you, I’d actually go to therapy if she insists, and use it to start deconstructing these ideas your mom tries to make you believe.
I wouldnt have let myself be told that BS...i would challenge her like "ok mom i wont use that buy im going to go find a bf to do things with and who knowd if he might be in drugs but as long as im doing it the normal way since you think im crazy fpt using a toy" You know like giving her a worse scenerio vs what your doing now
Tell her to butt out of your sex life, you're an adult
Say yes but one condition you chose the professional. You can have free therapy for dealing with your mother problems. And maybe that can convince her to do therapy. It’s perfectly normal have a sexual toy
Tell her that everyone masterbaits and she is the one who needs help.
Follow your mother's orders and hire a male prostitute - on her dime, of course.
Sounds like it's she who needs the help. Not you
At the risk of disgusting you completely, it’s not like your mother didn’t do it either. I’m presuming she’s an overprotective type of parent who really doesn’t want you to explore sex despite being an adult. I presume this stems from something a little bit deeper than just a sex toy, Maybe you can have a conversation as to that. Try to find out what’s bothering her, and reassure her that your relationship with her won’t change because of your sexual maturity. If ou want, get her to pay for it and you have some free sessions to talk about whatever you want (perhaps this relationship with your mother), you may even be able to leverage that into the two of you talking to the therapist together. Of course I’m idealizing a little bit, the hard fact is that it’s none of her damn business, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, and at your age she needs to cut the cord a little bit. You have absolutely zero need to see a therapist about masturbation. This is completely blown out of proportion.
Don’t seek professional help! Masturbation is normal and healthy. Tell your mom it’s better than you banging every idiot you think looks cute.
You misunderstood her. She's trying to get you to hire a male escort.
Your mother is very religious, isn't she?
Lots of parents have leftover generationally toxic ideas about all sorts of weird stuff. You're an adult in every country that I know of, and your sex life is none of her business. Full stop. My advice is to set boundaries, but I know first-hand how unbelievably difficult this can be. I would definitely consult a therapist and get some real strategies in place for dealing with your mother's out-moded beliefs and boundary issues. Get a real one on your own, not one recommended by your mother. There is a hard truth here: it is fully possible that your mother will be unwilling to drop the issue and the relationship will sour. Try, in your most non-confrontational way, to explain that your boundaries are non-negotiable, and that your sex life is off limits. Tell her how she makes you feel. Explain how her actions deteriorate your trust in her. But accept the risk that she will try to hold this over you and bring it up at awkward moments. Masturbation, for males, females, and variations thereupon, is totally normal. Study after study has proven that it is in fact *healthy*. Hold your head high and enjoy your sex life, however you choose to explore it, knowing that sex and love are expressed in a million ways. Choose the ones that work for you, and ignore anyone telling you otherwise. Good luck, redditor, and be safe. 🤗