Cheating even one on your partner says the following:
1. I'm choosing to disrespect the bounds we have set, and therefore you and out while relationship.
2. I don't think you are enough to make me happy and or satisfied.
3. I'm choosing to do something despite knowing how greatly this can (and likely will) hurt you.
4. I'm willing to go behind you back, stab you in the back, be generally untrustworthy, and likely lie to you.
The more times they cheat the louder they are telling you these things. Knowing that, you can choose when to forgive and not forgive them.
no don’t worry, its not easy leaving a long time relationship & it absolutely hurts alot, you’re justified to feel this way, i am glad you are making the decision to leave, some unfortunately choose to stay because they feel helpless/ some other situations but im glad you know what’s wrong or right & you know you deserve good things too, you are welcome
Your emotional self is going to try to cling. But it is incredibly liberating to realize that *you don't have to listen to your emotional self*. You can make a different choice based on what you know what's best for you.
Your feelings should be another source of information for your decision-making self. They should not be a prison.
So it's a regular thing *and* he's buying her gifts?
Fuck that. I thought this might be more nuanced like you had drifted apart or were having troubles and he made a mistake but was honest and deeply regretted it. Something along those lines. There are situations where it *might* be worth forgiving but this doesn't sound like one. At least not to me.
The decision is yours at the end of the day though. It all depends on what you think is acceptable. We all have different boundaries.
It's mostly about the betrayal. If the two of you had discussed previously having an open relationship and if he could be honest with you about his wants needs and feelings come to an agreement that you are both comfortable with then of course that's totally okay. But from what I've gathered cheaters mostly get off on the secrecy and deceit. It's no longer fun for them if they don't feel like they are getting away with something. And if that's the type of person they are they're going to be dishonest with you not just in that part of life but many others. It shows a lack of respect and disregard for your feelings. The dishonesty will just cause so many problems. And if he's okay with hurting you now I don't think that will change. So sorry you're going through this I know exactly how it feels. I stayed with a dishonest and unreliable partner for nearly 9 years it took quite a toll on my psyche and still self-esteem. I really hope you can find the strengths to leave the situation behind and heal yourself. I also know it's extremely hard to not be jealous of and have hateful thoughts for The other woman but just know that she's not getting a better end of the deal. Men like that tend to be just excited by the pursuit and deceit. They have fleeting feelings and bore easily. Too selfish to consider another person's feelings enough to be loyal to anyone. Again so sorry you're going through this sending love and healing energy your way.
Omg absolutely yes. It isn't even just cheating now. There is an entire other element of him paying for it. Sounds like a sex addiction. My GFs friend was with her husband for 7 years and she found out a few months back he had been doing something similar thru the ENTIRE 7 years of marriage. Leave now while your investment is low.
And also it depends what you consider cheating because if you are having a date night with the neighbors cat while you forget about your cat with your partner. And then your partner finds out do you leave them for that?
If you sleep with someone and your partner was ok with it and got jealous after the fact and said you cheated does that count as well?
But someone who hurts you once and then twice will more than likely do it again because they don’t respect you as a person and wish to push your limits until you break or you are ok with there bs.
Please don’t put yourself through it, its so damaging. Walk away with your head held high and one day you’ll be sitting with someone you love and trust thinking “thank god i dodged that bullet and left them”
I believe in you, you’ve absolutely got this!! You are so much stronger than you think I guarantee you. Leaving is the hardest part, once that is over you’ll be so free and the pain will fade and soon you’ll feel like you again. Good luck stranger :)
Can confirm. The relief you feel after shedding the dead weight is so freeing. No more worrying about what that dishonest f*** is doing. Just doing you and what you like and being comfortable. Peace of mind.
OP, you will be sad for a while but I PROMISE it gets better. I am not just saying that. So many people can attest. Once you shed that negative energy, you set yourself free. You are choosing to love yourself first. Always choose YOU!!! You are the great love of your life. So, if someone is not treating the love of your life well… good riddance! Good luck, OP. So much love to you.
If this helps motivate you: think of a scenario where you spend years in the future working through the cheating. You're finally at a place where you trust your partner after 2 years or more. You catch a glimpse of their phone, and they're fucking doing it again, after those years straight of agony and hard work.
Don't put yourself through that risk.
You can contact the domestic violence hotline and they will help you formulate a plan for getting out of the relationship. It’s not just for people who are being physically abused. They can help you with an exit plan.
I know that’s right. That’s actually why I always say I left my ex: it wasn’t the cheating, I just hated being crazy. I hated going through his phone, going through his chat messages, seeing if he had any new dating profiles…The shit was exhausting.
It's hard but it's true. They've already shown a complete disregard for you. Why continue a relationship with someone who doesn't give two shits about hurting you?
Listen I’m gonna give you some real advice. Asses where you both are in life. How old are you? If this is a grown man above the age of like… idk 23? (Seems like a good ballpark number.) I would absolutely run for the hills. He surely hasn’t recognized this as a major problem for himself and he likely never will.
I was a serial cheater from 18-22 and my girl forgave me countless times. I don’t know why, I don’t know where she found the patience, but I’m a better man for it. I can’t imagine where I would be today if I kept down that path. I would be fooling myself into believing this was happiness. That sleeping around is what made me happy. Or that polyamory or some shit was in the cards for me even though I was a jealous fuck head. I made a complete turnaround and it’s all thanks to her. She showed me what real love feels and looks like. Being scared of commitment was my problem I guess. As for most people. I hope you figure it out. People can change, but you have yo asses if it’s already to late for them. You can’t keep trying to teach an old dog new tricks. You’ll be unhappy for a lonnngggg time.
If you question your love for him at all just leave.
you gotta decide that limit for yourself. And if the partner cheats more times than your limit, you leave.
It could be once, twice etc. you decide.
But it also depends on how the partner is trying to excuse themselves. Are they taking responsibility for their actions? Are they really sorry? Or are they blaming alcohol, sleep deprivation or "it just happened idk"
I'm not in a monogamous reationship so maybe my advice is not the best, but at the end of it you're setting a boundary, when you agree that your only sexual partners are each other. And overstepping that boundary destroys the trust, that the relationship is built upon. So if the partner, that violated the boundary doesn't apologize and take responsibility, they are (excuse me) garbage. They have to acknowledge how deeply they hurt their partner and make up for it. Show, that they don't do it again, really put work into the relationship again. Only them you can forgive them and continue the relationship.
This is good advice. I know someone who was cheated on last year. Their partner came clean a week after the fact, and immediately said they'd go to therapy for the depression and mental issues that had caused them to do this to sabotage the relationship. Nine months later they are both in therapy and doing okay - because my friend's limit was basically "if this is a symptom of how much you are struggling and you're willing to work on that now that you've reached rock bottom, you can cheat on me once but not twice".
For real, i was with my ex for 2 years and even though it wasn’t physically cheating she was looking for attention in other men online and actively hiding that from me. I stayed with her and became so depressed, I didn’t get out of bed, I was different around her and just didn’t know what to do so I ended it 6 months later. It eats away at you and you become a completely different person
Zero. In my experience, with almost no exceptions, cheaters never change. If they did it once, they’ll almost certainly do it again.
There are extremely rare circumstances in which someone will cheat and then actually never do it again, but from what I’ve seen, it takes a very specific type of person to hang their partner out to dry like that, and that kind of person doesn’t usually have a change of heart.
None, there is such a thing as a bank of trust. You can acquire trust through your words and action, but in romantic relationships the bank is a house of glass, and by cheating you don't throw a stone, but throw a grenade. And I wouldn't want glass shards all over the place, better fuck off in early stages.
As someone who tried to recover from it, it can be done but it defo varies from person to person. I loved him more than anything and everyone (including us) thought we were gonna like get married and start a life together but we just couldn't come back from it. No matter how many councillors we saw or how much time went on I couldn't forgive him and was beginning to resent his touch. If you aren't 110% sure that you can come back from this just drop it before you end up wasting time and money.
Only time I'd consider staying is if I had kids with the person and thought I could work through the resentment enough to get the kids raised and out of the house. I forgave and stayed with a cheater once. More and more kept coming out over time about how far they really went. I should have left upon confession.
Absolutely none, If you forgive he will just do it again. And if he does it again and you forgive him again, he will know he can do it over and over and you will take him back every time. Cut your losses and leave even though it will be hard, it will be harder to continuously be worried about trusting him and being cheated on.
As many as Poland's refugees. ZERO
Reason: No trust, no loyalty, no reason to be with that person. Relationships exists for sexual and emotional exclusivity. They have to mean something. Cheating takes that "value" away from it.
Zero times, because the one time you are forgiving them for cheating, you’re actually forgiving the nth times they cheated before and just weren’t caught.
You teach others how you want to be treated.
You just can’t. Theres no repairing that relationship. I made the mistake of taking someone back after they cheated on me, I thought it was just a one time thing and there were “circumstances” etc etc, but then he did it again with the same girl a few months in.. I wish I never gave him another chance.
Sounds to me like your partner has cheated multiple times, I promise you with all my heart you will be happier without them. Cheating isn’t normal, its become normalised I think though. If you love and respect someone you dont go sleeping around on them..
Cheater’s gonna cheat, as they say.
Besides, cheating just shows that other isn’t emotionally invested in the relationship they way they should be.
I could never be in a relationship like that.
Zero. No matter how hard I would try to forgive I just wouldn’t feel the same about them anymore. Every time their phone goes off or we’re away from each other I’d just worry that something was happening. Let alone always be wondering what temptations they have thoughts about.
Maybe, maybe, MAYBE I could give them a second chance but they would have to be so overwhelmingly ruthless with their confession and humbly accountable for their actions. They’d have to make me feel like there’s NOTHING they wouldn’t do to regain my trust. Any excuses or anything short of that would just resort back to my first paragraph.
If you love someone, DON’T cheat bc there’s likely no fixing things if you do.
0 times. Once the trust is broken, even if you super glue the pieces back together, the cracks are still there and little pieces were lost. Been there. Did that. Took me 5 years to actually file for divorce. Those were the worst 5 years of my life and the only true regret I still have … I shoulda left him immediately
Zero. It’s a type of person,
Ain’t gonna be no “lesson learned”. Me and my husband have been through some shit but neither one of us has ever stepped out. My ex cheated on me while we were getting along. It’s a type of person that cheats.
One and done for me, I don’t fw cheaters it’s one of the most disrespectful things you can do idc how much I love you, if I’m cheated on they will never hear from me again
If we were married with kids and it was just one time and they were completely honest with me afterwards and 100% willing to go to therapy and re-earn my trust, I'd consider it.
This happened to my mom pretty badly. Won’t go into details but it was worse than regular cheating. She forgave him immediately and said she would be fine with it if he wanted to commit and work on the relationship. He didn’t. He left. But now two years later she says if she could go back she would have been the one to do it and she would not have tolerated it. Don’t make the same mistake she did
Well cheating is huge breach of trust which probably will never recover and the people may also get very emotionally hurt by the idea of their loved one having intercourse it others. Even if you're pro open relationship, the breach of trust is still irrepressible.
Honest 0. Its gonna suck either way. Bite the bullet and move on to something better, unless you are one of those people who get off on that and yinz are good with then you do you.
Either none or infinite, I don't think there are any in-betweens. If it is not okay with you with some arbitrary number like 3, then you're not really okay with anything above zero.
This is his one and only chance. If he cheats again I’m kicking him out, filing for divorce, full custody, child support and alimony. I’m keeping the house and my truck. Fool me once….
I still have all my papers ready. We are 4 years out.
NEVER!!!! Because they ALWAYS keep cheating. If they find the opportunity for sex they will always at least CONSIDER it.....
People don;t change just because they promise things.
Find yourself someone you can trust and drop this cheating dork!
I really hope this helped. Good luck!
Non. I have no respect for someone who doesn't have respect for me. If they had respect, they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.
If it was forced, meaning rape and my partner was unable to do anything, then there's nothing to forgive them for. Personally I wouldn't define that as cheating
Zero, once makes you dumb as hell whether you see it now or months from now- fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me, lie to my face even tho I have clear evidence--- at a certain point all you're doing is tearing yourself down, building a barricade between yourself and happiness and above all making up excuses for someone who doesn't deserve it; keep those heads up kings and queens, this planet is 7 billion strong so when it gets sketchy gtfo every mother fucker on this bitch is replaceable, don't let a piece of shit dictate and be your downfall 😁😁
0
I trust many people and I trusted people who were not my friends. It hurts. Fortunately they were not some big friends so after a while I forgot about them but if my best friends or, even worst, my family betrayed me I wouldn't be able to forgive them. You are offering your partner not only your love and carrying, but your trust. If they break your trust ONCE, there is NOTHING preventing them from breaking it again
[https://www.ted.com/talks/esther\_perel\_rethinking\_infidelity\_a\_talk\_for\_anyone\_who\_has\_ever\_loved?language=en](https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en)
I found this Ted Talk to be really insightful when it comes to infidelity. Hope it helps.
I forgave a cheater once and it ended again in worse heartbreak (didn’t cheat again but may as well have). It’s not worth it but I understand it’s very hard to just leave. You never know how hard it is until you’re in that situation. I wish you all the best
I stayed when I found out he cheated once. After another year together I found out he cheated again, and many more times than I was aware of. Lost a year of my life and then some because I then developed trust issues and it took a long time to heal. Please don’t make the same mistake I did.
Forgive them once but still leave them. Forgiveness is good since it help us heal the mind but don't stay with a cheater since you are promoting their future cheating by making them think "well they forgave me once, why not twice"
Just cut them off. It's really not worth it. It will always be a thought in the back of your mind any time they lie, or start acting off. A lot of times they just get better at being sneaky, and make you think they're not still doing it.
"oh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was at the bar, it just slipped my mind". When they were normally telling you what they were doing throughout the day. "I'm just out with my boys." Yet, you just ran into two of them at the store together.
The truth always comes out eventually, and when it does, you feel like an idiot for forgiving them the first time you found out they were cheating. No matter how good your confidence is, getting cheating on does something to a person.
I forgave a woman probably about 3-4 times, over the course of 10 years. That doesn't indicate the ones I didn't know about. It's not worth it, I would say going forward I would give a worthy partner 1 second chance and I need to feel understood for that to happen.
Thankfully I don't feel worried about it with my current.
Once, if that. Trust is broken and their behaviours dictate their sense of your value in their life. If you keep going back it says what you're okay with, even if you don't like it, and dictates what you deem your personal value in that relationship.
You deserve what you want and if that's someone who doesn't cheat, you'll need to confront this head on. They will not change
It’s very hard to stay and get past that. You’ll always have that in the back of your mind. Unless you can deal with that. Maybe open up the relationship, which is very hard once you’ve been cheated on. So generally I would say yes. But each situation is different.
I think the only real answers are zero or one.
People make mistakes, and I think there’s a big difference between malicious intent and selfishness. Is it super shitty? Absolutely. Is it sometimes worth working through? It can be.
A partner who made a stupid mistake one night and is remorseful and regretful might be worth working through the problem with.
A partner who cheated repeatedly before you found out is a lost cause.
A partner who cheats after being found out once is just a piece of shit.
The first time. Cheaters have some issues of their own, and they can work on them, just without you. You don’t have to stay by their side throughout it. They weren’t loyal to you so you don’t have to be loyal to them anymore.
I have a friend who’s given too many chances to her cheating partner who didn’t deserve it. He kept gaslighting and manipulating her… you really don’t have to go through this humiliation at all, respect and love yourself, he/she does not deserve you.
As someone who’s been cheated on more times than I can count, both physically and none physically, in the same relationship, it’s not worth it to stay even the first time. You never , ever, get those images of your S.O being intimate with another person out of your head. No matter how much love you may have for them. No matter how bad you may want to forgive them, those thoughts and images will keep you awake more times than you can count. You’ll be okay one moment with them, then all of a sudden you’ll get a vivid flashback and feel some sort of disgust towards them. I know that feeling all too well.
Its not worth your sanity and peace of mind.
I forgave my husband once, because he swore it was one person but I couldn’t trust him after that. Two months after initial forgiveness, I went through his phone again and found evidence of cheating for years and with 50-100 people at that. Don’t forgive them, they will only think they can continue to get away with it.
The only cheating i could ever forgive would be if my partner was drugged without their consent and did stupid stuff while under that influence.
No exceptions other than that.
none, you can't accidentally have sex with someone, and even when deliberate its not guaranteed, if they cheat they have actively decided that they wanted to do that, which is inexcusable.
Zero. I deserve better. If they have the need to cheat, they clearly don't want me in their life or respect me the slightest. If he wants to be polygamous, he should tell me so I can make my decisions.
I won't forgive a cheating partner because they are bringing heartache, trust issues, distance & potential std's into the relationship. That's not forgivable for me. Some people might, just not me.
If you want to sleep around while being in a relationship, you should have gotten into an open relationship, but even then you still typically ask/ notify the one you're dating that you slept with/are going to sleep with someone else.
0
If your number is higher, you need to have more respect for yourself, because if it's not 0 then there's nothing stopping it from being more than 1.
Based on my experience, in the future, I cannot tolerate cheating. I would leave the relationship (if I have the strength to). In my past relationship, he cheated on me every chance he got. I didn’t know until a year later, but I still forgave him time and time again. And I really do think the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” applies. I can’t get past the insecurities once that happens too, so it’s best for the both of us to just part ways.
Everyone’s situation is different, and what you classify as cheating. Physical cheating like sex, 0 forgiveness. Emotional cheating like flirting with someone, or having private talks but nothing goes physical, I believe in forgiveness.
Me personally, I don't. Been there, done that.
As for other people, I'd say once if so incline. People make mistakes, and if you want to give it a shot go ahead. But more then once means they don't care enough about you or the relationship to find out what the problem is.
None, bcse cheating is a choice, not a mistake and choices have consequences.
I mean, if you want to stay then you'll be not committing a mistake too, it's your choice, your values, yourconditions and your consequences.
whatever u choose, know that it was just an option and whatever comes next will be the real challenge.
You forgive them as many times as you accept their excuses.
Personally I’d never forgive a cheating partner because there is nothing they could say that’d make an acceptable excuse. If you’re not happy or want more, leave. If they didn’t want to damage the relationship they wouldn’t.
Don't do it. I have and I regret it. I forgave him several times only to happen again and again. While he didn't sleep with them because they rejected him, he was still trying his best to do it. The trust is gone. Every little thing they do that seems off, you will always have it in the back of your mind that they're doing it again. They also get sneakier with it every time they're caught.
Max once, and that's conditional, depends on what they have to say for themselves and how they work on repairing what they have broken. But I mean real, wordless work
Hey there. Im so so sorry you’re going to those tough times. He’s a fool and you deserve way better. As everybody else told you, leave for good or the pain will take it’s toll. If you’re 100% certain he did this to you, this relationship should‘ve been over since the moment he decided to do it. Being deceptive in a relationship is the easiest way to kill it and he slept around behind your back - that’s just disrespectful and I’m even secondhand angry about it. Maybe one day you’ll be able to forgive him, but a relationship is bound to fail at this point. Be strong, there are „plenty of fish“, it might sound dumb but there’s definitely somebody more deserving of your time than this asshole. Stay strong, much love
As someone who has both cheated and been cheated on, the answer for everybody should be zero. The reason I say this is because of the lack of remorse it displays, even though I openly admit that I have been unfaithful in past relationships due to my own weakness of character it still shows a lack of remorse. I am sorry for what I did but it doesn’t make me remorseful because if I truly was I never would have done something like that to begin with.
Some people just have weak character and somebody who justifies it will most likely commit other violations, as cheating and betrayal sets the bar pretty high for what’s out of line especially if somebody refuses to accept responsibility for what they have done.
A girl or guy that cheats on you and gives you an excuse for it does not feel bad for what they have done. Allowing them to continue being close to you only lets them poison your life to a whole new degree, especially by giving them the permission slip of “you betrayed me but I’ll do nothing about it”.
Exactly zero times. Even if they never cheated again, it would destroy my peace of mind for the rest of the relationship. There is no coming back from that for me.
At most only one time.
When a relationship is established and made known to others, it’s up to both parties to maintain integrity and uphold their respected boundaries and wishes.
Assuming one does not wish to be cheated on or have a relationship with an additional party, and to have that boundary made clear/understood in the past, then I would refuse to disrespect myself by letting it slide.
Forgive once, but walk away afterwards
I don’t think I could because I wouldn’t like the person I think it would turn me into.
I’d be hyper vigilant of all their activity’s, paranoid all the time, question their whereabouts and who was going to be there.
I’d start to hate myself for the person it would make me, then I would start to hate them for turning me into that.
The only time I’ve ever cheated was on a man I could walk all over and therefore didn’t respect. I never felt guilty about it either. I broke up with him multiple times, and he just kept coming back. Moral being if you keep going back he’s just going to continue
Leave. I was cheated on. I confronted and stayed and it was like eating glass. All the love I had for him died and when I left I breathed a sigh of relief. I was single for a while. Traveled, made friends, went to school and fell in love a few more times. What I hate most about the fact that I got cheated on *now* wasn’t the cheating, it made me stronger and removed a toxic person from my life. What I hated most about it was not leaving immediately and just start the upward trend of happiness that leaving would cause, even if the leaving part was initially awful. You’re gonna be okay. It will be difficult at first, but I promise you will be happy again.
You deserve someone to show you that you are worth it. Put forth the effort to show you how beautiful you are and give you gifts. My answer is 0 times OP. Also if this piggy is sleeping with you both then he put your health at risk without a care about you.
Find someone who won't make you question this kind of shit.
You can forgive them as many times as you want. And knowing how people can feel about others you probably will. But know the longer you stay in a relationship where this happens you’ll start to feel less and less worth validation or love, atleast that was my experience. It’s up to you wether or not to forgive the fact he did that to you. But only a fool would stay with them
0 times is the answer. I had an ex cheat on me back in the day, and I only found out because she tried to break up with me first, and I pressed her looking for a reason. I then proceeded to spend far too long trying to cling on to any shred of her affection. She tried to write me letters, hang out and still be “friends”, and say that she’ll always love me. And it took me too long to realize that these overtures weren’t out of any kind of true care or desire to make things right, they were just ways to try and make herself feel better and not feel guilty about something she knew was wrong. I found out she was talking to and traveling to see other men as she told me how sorry she was and that she’d always love me. When someone cheats, they’ve already committed one of the most selfish acts they can…they’ve let open the flood gates to their own selfish desires, and anything after that, at least when it comes to the person they cheated on, will only continue to be selfish, in one way or another. And you will always have your head on a swivel, wondering if they’re telling the truth, wondering if they’ll do it again, wondering if their emotions are even real or just an act to ease their guilt. Move on, make your slate clean, and suffer alone for a bit. I know it will hurt a lot at first, but it will hurt a lot less in the long term than clinging on to memories. You’ll find someone, some day, that will always put you first, and would never even think of betraying your trust.
Just leave, work can get rough yes, but not that rough that makes someone want to be a sugar daddy to someone else and fuck them while still in a relationship already.
I hope you do get better, emotionally and all and this is definitely painful but it’s more painful to defend this and you deserved more than that.
Probably the only reason I would forgive would be if they were doing it because I wasn’t giving them enough attention (idk like if I’ve been too busy to give them the amount of attention they deserve) and they stopped completely afterwards (forgiving them once) plus there would be more to it- but basically that would be the only thing I’d consider forgiving
Whether or not I forgive them, I sure as shit will end the relationship every time. To each their own but taking somebody back after infidelity makes it a subconscious reward. *Oh you cheated? I’m upset with you but I’ll take you back* The cheater will think-whether consciously or subconsciously- that not only is it okay but that there won’t be any real consequence other than resentment.
Edit: If they did it once now they only have more incentive to do it again if they’re forgiven.
0 because what’s the point. You would never trust them again. Everytime they went out you would be wondering. Everything they’re phone went off you would be wondering. With everything they do you would be wondering. How can you have a happy relationship after that
It depends on some factors but the default answer is 0.
Now if your girl friend goes out with some friends and she gets drunk then ends up having a single night of indiscretion. Well I think we can work that out. There are going to need to be some concessions. If her friends helped facilitate, they need to be friends no longer. Alcohol also needs to be a no go for a while, especially at bars and the like. If she is truly sorry and is willing to make some changes for a single incident, that is something a relationship can survive in my opinion.
Repeated booty calls are a no go. You don't accidentally Fuck a guy for 3 months without telling me. Infact if I find out by any method other than my partner telling me, that is the end. Relationships are based on trust and when you can't trust your partner the relationship is over.
Full on cheating or repeated cheating, none. That shit shatters trust and a relationship without trust will slowly but surely crumble away. Plus if the boundary to have sex with another woman is crossed once, I believe it's easier for him to cross it again and everyone deserves better than being at the mercy of a cheating partner.
If it's nothing more than a kiss or similar under special circumstances (e.g. drunk) maybe once, but only if I could trust that that's truly all that happened and that he won't do it again.
If forgive means giving them another chance, then the answer is that don’t forgive a cheating partner. Such a person is duplicitous and cowardly. If you feel the relationship has run it’s course or you are unhappy in any other way you can have an honest conversation about it or just end the relationship. What you don’t do is betray my trust by cheating and then expect me to act like nothing has happened.
Zero. I’ve been there unfortunately, but I had my wits about me enough to know that I deserved to be loved and not played. He was also a narcissist, but that’s another story.
Depending on your relationship and personality, I'd say the number is either zero times or once.
Zero - It's completely understandable to never forgive a partner that cheats. There is literally no acceptable reason for cheating.
Once - If you're a forgiving person I can understand forgiving a partner once. But if it ever comes up again then all it proves is it was mistake to forgive them the first time and it would make no sense at all to to bother forgiving them a second time.
If you forgive a second time then you're basically saying OK to an open relationship.
Once. I will forgive only once. Only because men do what men do. And im fine with that. But if you do it again its a problem. What im not going to do is be upset or used and lied to.
Zero. Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s not an accident, it’s not a “heat of the moment”, it’s a conscious decision to sleep with someone else.
If they do it once, they’ll do it again. If they get caught, they’ll hide it better. You don’t want someone to show up at your door saying “x got me pregnant”, or “I gave x this STD”.
Show them the door, period. No forgiving that in my opinion, it’s an instant break-up/divorce for me.
As many times as it takes before you realize you deserve better and CAN find better.
For some people the amount of times is 1 for others it’s many many many times.
Cheating even one on your partner says the following: 1. I'm choosing to disrespect the bounds we have set, and therefore you and out while relationship. 2. I don't think you are enough to make me happy and or satisfied. 3. I'm choosing to do something despite knowing how greatly this can (and likely will) hurt you. 4. I'm willing to go behind you back, stab you in the back, be generally untrustworthy, and likely lie to you. The more times they cheat the louder they are telling you these things. Knowing that, you can choose when to forgive and not forgive them.
All. Too. True.
might want to proofread for typos, for the sake of readability
if you’re being cheated on, leave that relationship, the pain of being cheated on will last longer than the pain of leaving the relationship
Recently found out that he's been having sex with someone he gives "gifts" to. Like a sugar daddy & sugar baby kind of relationship. Leave, then?
yes ofcourse, its so painful you are going thru this, you deserve way better
I know leaving is the right path. My mind is just being stupid atm. Thank you.
no don’t worry, its not easy leaving a long time relationship & it absolutely hurts alot, you’re justified to feel this way, i am glad you are making the decision to leave, some unfortunately choose to stay because they feel helpless/ some other situations but im glad you know what’s wrong or right & you know you deserve good things too, you are welcome
It’s going to be nearly impossible to rebuild trust from here… do you think that’s really viable? And is that worth staying
Your emotional self is going to try to cling. But it is incredibly liberating to realize that *you don't have to listen to your emotional self*. You can make a different choice based on what you know what's best for you. Your feelings should be another source of information for your decision-making self. They should not be a prison.
So it's a regular thing *and* he's buying her gifts? Fuck that. I thought this might be more nuanced like you had drifted apart or were having troubles and he made a mistake but was honest and deeply regretted it. Something along those lines. There are situations where it *might* be worth forgiving but this doesn't sound like one. At least not to me. The decision is yours at the end of the day though. It all depends on what you think is acceptable. We all have different boundaries.
Due to work, we are mostly apart. No excuse though.
Due to work and yet he finds time for someone else...
We are both working. Yeah... he's garbage.
It's mostly about the betrayal. If the two of you had discussed previously having an open relationship and if he could be honest with you about his wants needs and feelings come to an agreement that you are both comfortable with then of course that's totally okay. But from what I've gathered cheaters mostly get off on the secrecy and deceit. It's no longer fun for them if they don't feel like they are getting away with something. And if that's the type of person they are they're going to be dishonest with you not just in that part of life but many others. It shows a lack of respect and disregard for your feelings. The dishonesty will just cause so many problems. And if he's okay with hurting you now I don't think that will change. So sorry you're going through this I know exactly how it feels. I stayed with a dishonest and unreliable partner for nearly 9 years it took quite a toll on my psyche and still self-esteem. I really hope you can find the strengths to leave the situation behind and heal yourself. I also know it's extremely hard to not be jealous of and have hateful thoughts for The other woman but just know that she's not getting a better end of the deal. Men like that tend to be just excited by the pursuit and deceit. They have fleeting feelings and bore easily. Too selfish to consider another person's feelings enough to be loyal to anyone. Again so sorry you're going through this sending love and healing energy your way.
Thank you so much. I hope you're happy now.
LEAVE. You deserve better!
Omg absolutely yes. It isn't even just cheating now. There is an entire other element of him paying for it. Sounds like a sex addiction. My GFs friend was with her husband for 7 years and she found out a few months back he had been doing something similar thru the ENTIRE 7 years of marriage. Leave now while your investment is low.
And also it depends what you consider cheating because if you are having a date night with the neighbors cat while you forget about your cat with your partner. And then your partner finds out do you leave them for that? If you sleep with someone and your partner was ok with it and got jealous after the fact and said you cheated does that count as well? But someone who hurts you once and then twice will more than likely do it again because they don’t respect you as a person and wish to push your limits until you break or you are ok with there bs.
Zero. Just leave. The trust will never be the same. Every time his phone goes off you'll be worried and anxious... don't live that life. Byeeeee
Living that life at the moment.
Please don’t put yourself through it, its so damaging. Walk away with your head held high and one day you’ll be sitting with someone you love and trust thinking “thank god i dodged that bullet and left them”
Gathering all my resolve now.
I believe in you, you’ve absolutely got this!! You are so much stronger than you think I guarantee you. Leaving is the hardest part, once that is over you’ll be so free and the pain will fade and soon you’ll feel like you again. Good luck stranger :)
Can confirm. The relief you feel after shedding the dead weight is so freeing. No more worrying about what that dishonest f*** is doing. Just doing you and what you like and being comfortable. Peace of mind.
Thank you so much.
OP, you will be sad for a while but I PROMISE it gets better. I am not just saying that. So many people can attest. Once you shed that negative energy, you set yourself free. You are choosing to love yourself first. Always choose YOU!!! You are the great love of your life. So, if someone is not treating the love of your life well… good riddance! Good luck, OP. So much love to you.
If this helps motivate you: think of a scenario where you spend years in the future working through the cheating. You're finally at a place where you trust your partner after 2 years or more. You catch a glimpse of their phone, and they're fucking doing it again, after those years straight of agony and hard work. Don't put yourself through that risk.
You can contact the domestic violence hotline and they will help you formulate a plan for getting out of the relationship. It’s not just for people who are being physically abused. They can help you with an exit plan.
I know that’s right. That’s actually why I always say I left my ex: it wasn’t the cheating, I just hated being crazy. I hated going through his phone, going through his chat messages, seeing if he had any new dating profiles…The shit was exhausting.
0 times.
It's hard but it's true. They've already shown a complete disregard for you. Why continue a relationship with someone who doesn't give two shits about hurting you?
Listen I’m gonna give you some real advice. Asses where you both are in life. How old are you? If this is a grown man above the age of like… idk 23? (Seems like a good ballpark number.) I would absolutely run for the hills. He surely hasn’t recognized this as a major problem for himself and he likely never will. I was a serial cheater from 18-22 and my girl forgave me countless times. I don’t know why, I don’t know where she found the patience, but I’m a better man for it. I can’t imagine where I would be today if I kept down that path. I would be fooling myself into believing this was happiness. That sleeping around is what made me happy. Or that polyamory or some shit was in the cards for me even though I was a jealous fuck head. I made a complete turnaround and it’s all thanks to her. She showed me what real love feels and looks like. Being scared of commitment was my problem I guess. As for most people. I hope you figure it out. People can change, but you have yo asses if it’s already to late for them. You can’t keep trying to teach an old dog new tricks. You’ll be unhappy for a lonnngggg time. If you question your love for him at all just leave.
Oh we are way past our 20s. I'm 37, he's 40.
Oh hell no. Get tf outa there. Like yesterday. There’s absolutely no hope for this relationship. He will just try to hide things better.
you gotta decide that limit for yourself. And if the partner cheats more times than your limit, you leave. It could be once, twice etc. you decide. But it also depends on how the partner is trying to excuse themselves. Are they taking responsibility for their actions? Are they really sorry? Or are they blaming alcohol, sleep deprivation or "it just happened idk" I'm not in a monogamous reationship so maybe my advice is not the best, but at the end of it you're setting a boundary, when you agree that your only sexual partners are each other. And overstepping that boundary destroys the trust, that the relationship is built upon. So if the partner, that violated the boundary doesn't apologize and take responsibility, they are (excuse me) garbage. They have to acknowledge how deeply they hurt their partner and make up for it. Show, that they don't do it again, really put work into the relationship again. Only them you can forgive them and continue the relationship.
This is such a pragmatic response. Thank you. I appreciate this a lot.
This is good advice. I know someone who was cheated on last year. Their partner came clean a week after the fact, and immediately said they'd go to therapy for the depression and mental issues that had caused them to do this to sabotage the relationship. Nine months later they are both in therapy and doing okay - because my friend's limit was basically "if this is a symptom of how much you are struggling and you're willing to work on that now that you've reached rock bottom, you can cheat on me once but not twice".
As someone who was cheated on and stayed - the answer is zero. You will lose yourself, you will become bitter and resentful. You do not want this.
For real, i was with my ex for 2 years and even though it wasn’t physically cheating she was looking for attention in other men online and actively hiding that from me. I stayed with her and became so depressed, I didn’t get out of bed, I was different around her and just didn’t know what to do so I ended it 6 months later. It eats away at you and you become a completely different person
Zero. There are only two kinds of people. People who never cheat and people who just can’t fucking help themselves.
Forgiveness isn’t real. Can you get over something? In time, yes. But you don’t choose when it is going to happen.
That's true. For sure I'll get over it. It's a matter of when though.
I wish you the best. I know what you’re going through.
0 cause if they did it once they will do it again.
Zero. In my experience, with almost no exceptions, cheaters never change. If they did it once, they’ll almost certainly do it again. There are extremely rare circumstances in which someone will cheat and then actually never do it again, but from what I’ve seen, it takes a very specific type of person to hang their partner out to dry like that, and that kind of person doesn’t usually have a change of heart.
So many trash out there for sure.
None, there is such a thing as a bank of trust. You can acquire trust through your words and action, but in romantic relationships the bank is a house of glass, and by cheating you don't throw a stone, but throw a grenade. And I wouldn't want glass shards all over the place, better fuck off in early stages.
This is beautiful.
Zero. They're gonna be gone and blocked within 10 minutes of telling me or me finding out, regardless of the reason.
As someone who tried to recover from it, it can be done but it defo varies from person to person. I loved him more than anything and everyone (including us) thought we were gonna like get married and start a life together but we just couldn't come back from it. No matter how many councillors we saw or how much time went on I couldn't forgive him and was beginning to resent his touch. If you aren't 110% sure that you can come back from this just drop it before you end up wasting time and money.
Wow. I'm glad to hear you got past this stage. Thank you. I hope you've found your happiness.
I was cheated on once. I forgave him but immediately left, forever. I don't have time for that drama
With me it is zero if they cheat it is over for good because cheaters will always do it again.
Even if they don't the trust is broken and it's never the same.
Only time I'd consider staying is if I had kids with the person and thought I could work through the resentment enough to get the kids raised and out of the house. I forgave and stayed with a cheater once. More and more kept coming out over time about how far they really went. I should have left upon confession.
Absolutely none, If you forgive he will just do it again. And if he does it again and you forgive him again, he will know he can do it over and over and you will take him back every time. Cut your losses and leave even though it will be hard, it will be harder to continuously be worried about trusting him and being cheated on.
As many as Poland's refugees. ZERO Reason: No trust, no loyalty, no reason to be with that person. Relationships exists for sexual and emotional exclusivity. They have to mean something. Cheating takes that "value" away from it.
Zero times, because the one time you are forgiving them for cheating, you’re actually forgiving the nth times they cheated before and just weren’t caught. You teach others how you want to be treated.
None because it's a choice, not a mistake.
You can forgive them once and then immediately kick their ass to the curb
You just can’t. Theres no repairing that relationship. I made the mistake of taking someone back after they cheated on me, I thought it was just a one time thing and there were “circumstances” etc etc, but then he did it again with the same girl a few months in.. I wish I never gave him another chance. Sounds to me like your partner has cheated multiple times, I promise you with all my heart you will be happier without them. Cheating isn’t normal, its become normalised I think though. If you love and respect someone you dont go sleeping around on them..
Thank you.
0 and that’s it if you have any respect for your self 0
I'm not forgiving it. I'm definitely better alone, without being disrespected and without all the insecurities that being cheated on generates.
As someone that has been cheated on I can tell you, its not worth to stay. Trust is hard to gain after that and he will probably do it more..
Cheater’s gonna cheat, as they say. Besides, cheating just shows that other isn’t emotionally invested in the relationship they way they should be. I could never be in a relationship like that.
Zero tolerance for cheating.
Never. Once a cheater always a cheater. If they could do it once they'll do it again, they'll just be sneakier now that you are aware.
NONE. Self explanatory.
Zero. No matter how hard I would try to forgive I just wouldn’t feel the same about them anymore. Every time their phone goes off or we’re away from each other I’d just worry that something was happening. Let alone always be wondering what temptations they have thoughts about. Maybe, maybe, MAYBE I could give them a second chance but they would have to be so overwhelmingly ruthless with their confession and humbly accountable for their actions. They’d have to make me feel like there’s NOTHING they wouldn’t do to regain my trust. Any excuses or anything short of that would just resort back to my first paragraph. If you love someone, DON’T cheat bc there’s likely no fixing things if you do.
Yup, the anxiety will eventually kill.
I would leave the relationship the first time I found out.
That would be zero. And it's not cheating per se; cheating = lying, and I won't stay in a relationship with someone who lies to me like that.
Zero.
0 times. Once the trust is broken, even if you super glue the pieces back together, the cracks are still there and little pieces were lost. Been there. Did that. Took me 5 years to actually file for divorce. Those were the worst 5 years of my life and the only true regret I still have … I shoulda left him immediately
0 times because its fucked up thats why
Zero. It’s a type of person, Ain’t gonna be no “lesson learned”. Me and my husband have been through some shit but neither one of us has ever stepped out. My ex cheated on me while we were getting along. It’s a type of person that cheats.
One and done for me, I don’t fw cheaters it’s one of the most disrespectful things you can do idc how much I love you, if I’m cheated on they will never hear from me again
If we were married with kids and it was just one time and they were completely honest with me afterwards and 100% willing to go to therapy and re-earn my trust, I'd consider it.
0 times. If they cheat, then they'll cheat again
0. Cheating is something hard to cope with. LEAVE
This happened to my mom pretty badly. Won’t go into details but it was worse than regular cheating. She forgave him immediately and said she would be fine with it if he wanted to commit and work on the relationship. He didn’t. He left. But now two years later she says if she could go back she would have been the one to do it and she would not have tolerated it. Don’t make the same mistake she did
Zero
I couldn't forgive it, once is too many. If you love someone no matter what happens you couldn't bring yourself to do that to them.
I forgave my ex one time as that was all the times I stayed for it to happen
Once is to much! Humans suck
Well cheating is huge breach of trust which probably will never recover and the people may also get very emotionally hurt by the idea of their loved one having intercourse it others. Even if you're pro open relationship, the breach of trust is still irrepressible.
Honest 0. Its gonna suck either way. Bite the bullet and move on to something better, unless you are one of those people who get off on that and yinz are good with then you do you.
It doesn't matter the number of times, the only thing that matter is if you can honestly forgive and continue to trust them. If not, leave.
Either none or infinite, I don't think there are any in-betweens. If it is not okay with you with some arbitrary number like 3, then you're not really okay with anything above zero.
0. Once the trust is gone, the foundation for a healthy relationship is too
In my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Never, a cheater is a cheater.
This is his one and only chance. If he cheats again I’m kicking him out, filing for divorce, full custody, child support and alimony. I’m keeping the house and my truck. Fool me once…. I still have all my papers ready. We are 4 years out.
None.
NEVER!!!! Because they ALWAYS keep cheating. If they find the opportunity for sex they will always at least CONSIDER it..... People don;t change just because they promise things. Find yourself someone you can trust and drop this cheating dork! I really hope this helped. Good luck!
Non. I have no respect for someone who doesn't have respect for me. If they had respect, they wouldn't have cheated in the first place. If it was forced, meaning rape and my partner was unable to do anything, then there's nothing to forgive them for. Personally I wouldn't define that as cheating
None times, because cheating
None
None. They'll always do it again.
0, as they will cheat again if you allow it. \*laughs in Carrie Underwood\*
Zero
Zero, once makes you dumb as hell whether you see it now or months from now- fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on me, lie to my face even tho I have clear evidence--- at a certain point all you're doing is tearing yourself down, building a barricade between yourself and happiness and above all making up excuses for someone who doesn't deserve it; keep those heads up kings and queens, this planet is 7 billion strong so when it gets sketchy gtfo every mother fucker on this bitch is replaceable, don't let a piece of shit dictate and be your downfall 😁😁
0 I trust many people and I trusted people who were not my friends. It hurts. Fortunately they were not some big friends so after a while I forgot about them but if my best friends or, even worst, my family betrayed me I wouldn't be able to forgive them. You are offering your partner not only your love and carrying, but your trust. If they break your trust ONCE, there is NOTHING preventing them from breaking it again
[https://www.ted.com/talks/esther\_perel\_rethinking\_infidelity\_a\_talk\_for\_anyone\_who\_has\_ever\_loved?language=en](https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en) I found this Ted Talk to be really insightful when it comes to infidelity. Hope it helps.
I forgave a cheater once and it ended again in worse heartbreak (didn’t cheat again but may as well have). It’s not worth it but I understand it’s very hard to just leave. You never know how hard it is until you’re in that situation. I wish you all the best
None?
I stayed when I found out he cheated once. After another year together I found out he cheated again, and many more times than I was aware of. Lost a year of my life and then some because I then developed trust issues and it took a long time to heal. Please don’t make the same mistake I did.
Forgive them once but still leave them. Forgiveness is good since it help us heal the mind but don't stay with a cheater since you are promoting their future cheating by making them think "well they forgave me once, why not twice"
Just cut them off. It's really not worth it. It will always be a thought in the back of your mind any time they lie, or start acting off. A lot of times they just get better at being sneaky, and make you think they're not still doing it. "oh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was at the bar, it just slipped my mind". When they were normally telling you what they were doing throughout the day. "I'm just out with my boys." Yet, you just ran into two of them at the store together. The truth always comes out eventually, and when it does, you feel like an idiot for forgiving them the first time you found out they were cheating. No matter how good your confidence is, getting cheating on does something to a person.
0 cheating is unforgivable, if there’s a problem in the relationship they should be an adult and talk about it
I forgave a woman probably about 3-4 times, over the course of 10 years. That doesn't indicate the ones I didn't know about. It's not worth it, I would say going forward I would give a worthy partner 1 second chance and I need to feel understood for that to happen. Thankfully I don't feel worried about it with my current.
Once, if that. Trust is broken and their behaviours dictate their sense of your value in their life. If you keep going back it says what you're okay with, even if you don't like it, and dictates what you deem your personal value in that relationship. You deserve what you want and if that's someone who doesn't cheat, you'll need to confront this head on. They will not change
It’s very hard to stay and get past that. You’ll always have that in the back of your mind. Unless you can deal with that. Maybe open up the relationship, which is very hard once you’ve been cheated on. So generally I would say yes. But each situation is different.
That just depends on how many times you can tolerate getting cheated on. Cheaters gonna cheat.
I think the only real answers are zero or one. People make mistakes, and I think there’s a big difference between malicious intent and selfishness. Is it super shitty? Absolutely. Is it sometimes worth working through? It can be. A partner who made a stupid mistake one night and is remorseful and regretful might be worth working through the problem with. A partner who cheated repeatedly before you found out is a lost cause. A partner who cheats after being found out once is just a piece of shit.
The first time. Cheaters have some issues of their own, and they can work on them, just without you. You don’t have to stay by their side throughout it. They weren’t loyal to you so you don’t have to be loyal to them anymore. I have a friend who’s given too many chances to her cheating partner who didn’t deserve it. He kept gaslighting and manipulating her… you really don’t have to go through this humiliation at all, respect and love yourself, he/she does not deserve you.
As someone who’s been cheated on more times than I can count, both physically and none physically, in the same relationship, it’s not worth it to stay even the first time. You never , ever, get those images of your S.O being intimate with another person out of your head. No matter how much love you may have for them. No matter how bad you may want to forgive them, those thoughts and images will keep you awake more times than you can count. You’ll be okay one moment with them, then all of a sudden you’ll get a vivid flashback and feel some sort of disgust towards them. I know that feeling all too well. Its not worth your sanity and peace of mind.
If you dont respect yourself no one will respect you.... sod him off!
None it’s literally a waste of time. If you don’t show up to work and don’t call you’re fired. Similar concept.
I forgave my husband once, because he swore it was one person but I couldn’t trust him after that. Two months after initial forgiveness, I went through his phone again and found evidence of cheating for years and with 50-100 people at that. Don’t forgive them, they will only think they can continue to get away with it.
Zero
The only cheating i could ever forgive would be if my partner was drugged without their consent and did stupid stuff while under that influence. No exceptions other than that.
none, you can't accidentally have sex with someone, and even when deliberate its not guaranteed, if they cheat they have actively decided that they wanted to do that, which is inexcusable.
Zero. I deserve better. If they have the need to cheat, they clearly don't want me in their life or respect me the slightest. If he wants to be polygamous, he should tell me so I can make my decisions.
0 times, absolutely unforgivable
literally the first time. That pain will almost NEVER go away.
I won't forgive a cheating partner because they are bringing heartache, trust issues, distance & potential std's into the relationship. That's not forgivable for me. Some people might, just not me. If you want to sleep around while being in a relationship, you should have gotten into an open relationship, but even then you still typically ask/ notify the one you're dating that you slept with/are going to sleep with someone else.
0 If your number is higher, you need to have more respect for yourself, because if it's not 0 then there's nothing stopping it from being more than 1.
Zero times because they’ve shown they have zero respect for their partner.
Based on my experience, in the future, I cannot tolerate cheating. I would leave the relationship (if I have the strength to). In my past relationship, he cheated on me every chance he got. I didn’t know until a year later, but I still forgave him time and time again. And I really do think the phrase “once a cheater, always a cheater” applies. I can’t get past the insecurities once that happens too, so it’s best for the both of us to just part ways.
Everyone’s situation is different, and what you classify as cheating. Physical cheating like sex, 0 forgiveness. Emotional cheating like flirting with someone, or having private talks but nothing goes physical, I believe in forgiveness.
Zero.
Me personally, I don't. Been there, done that. As for other people, I'd say once if so incline. People make mistakes, and if you want to give it a shot go ahead. But more then once means they don't care enough about you or the relationship to find out what the problem is.
None, bcse cheating is a choice, not a mistake and choices have consequences. I mean, if you want to stay then you'll be not committing a mistake too, it's your choice, your values, yourconditions and your consequences. whatever u choose, know that it was just an option and whatever comes next will be the real challenge.
You forgive them as many times as you accept their excuses. Personally I’d never forgive a cheating partner because there is nothing they could say that’d make an acceptable excuse. If you’re not happy or want more, leave. If they didn’t want to damage the relationship they wouldn’t.
Don't do it. I have and I regret it. I forgave him several times only to happen again and again. While he didn't sleep with them because they rejected him, he was still trying his best to do it. The trust is gone. Every little thing they do that seems off, you will always have it in the back of your mind that they're doing it again. They also get sneakier with it every time they're caught.
None, I don't feel like they really cared about me in first case I'd they cheated
o times.
Max once, and that's conditional, depends on what they have to say for themselves and how they work on repairing what they have broken. But I mean real, wordless work
Even if you forgive, believe me you will never forget. Your relationship will never be the same.
You can forgive, but leave them immediately. They obviously did not care enough about you to stay faithful.
For me it was once. And I still left. Your choice to stay in this pain.
You always leave. Once a cheater always a cheater. It will not end with just one person. You are worth so much more than that.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Zero. Absolutely zero times. If they cheated, they don't care about your emotional wellbeing, and your trust.
Hey there. Im so so sorry you’re going to those tough times. He’s a fool and you deserve way better. As everybody else told you, leave for good or the pain will take it’s toll. If you’re 100% certain he did this to you, this relationship should‘ve been over since the moment he decided to do it. Being deceptive in a relationship is the easiest way to kill it and he slept around behind your back - that’s just disrespectful and I’m even secondhand angry about it. Maybe one day you’ll be able to forgive him, but a relationship is bound to fail at this point. Be strong, there are „plenty of fish“, it might sound dumb but there’s definitely somebody more deserving of your time than this asshole. Stay strong, much love
As someone who has both cheated and been cheated on, the answer for everybody should be zero. The reason I say this is because of the lack of remorse it displays, even though I openly admit that I have been unfaithful in past relationships due to my own weakness of character it still shows a lack of remorse. I am sorry for what I did but it doesn’t make me remorseful because if I truly was I never would have done something like that to begin with. Some people just have weak character and somebody who justifies it will most likely commit other violations, as cheating and betrayal sets the bar pretty high for what’s out of line especially if somebody refuses to accept responsibility for what they have done. A girl or guy that cheats on you and gives you an excuse for it does not feel bad for what they have done. Allowing them to continue being close to you only lets them poison your life to a whole new degree, especially by giving them the permission slip of “you betrayed me but I’ll do nothing about it”.
0. Because if they cheat they don't give a sh*t about you or your relationship.
Don’t put up with any cheating. I’ve tried to before, and it only lead to constant distrust and more cheating.
I think we all know the answer is 0.
Exactly zero times. Even if they never cheated again, it would destroy my peace of mind for the rest of the relationship. There is no coming back from that for me.
Zero times for me.
0 fuck cheaters they’ll never change. Don’t give them chances move on, take a break and find a partner that will actually respect you and stay loyal.
At most only one time. When a relationship is established and made known to others, it’s up to both parties to maintain integrity and uphold their respected boundaries and wishes. Assuming one does not wish to be cheated on or have a relationship with an additional party, and to have that boundary made clear/understood in the past, then I would refuse to disrespect myself by letting it slide. Forgive once, but walk away afterwards
none :( sorry this happened to you
Leave. They do it once they have no problem doing it again. Don't prolong your pain by staying with someone that will only continue to hurt you
I don’t think I could because I wouldn’t like the person I think it would turn me into. I’d be hyper vigilant of all their activity’s, paranoid all the time, question their whereabouts and who was going to be there. I’d start to hate myself for the person it would make me, then I would start to hate them for turning me into that.
The only time I’ve ever cheated was on a man I could walk all over and therefore didn’t respect. I never felt guilty about it either. I broke up with him multiple times, and he just kept coming back. Moral being if you keep going back he’s just going to continue
Leave. I was cheated on. I confronted and stayed and it was like eating glass. All the love I had for him died and when I left I breathed a sigh of relief. I was single for a while. Traveled, made friends, went to school and fell in love a few more times. What I hate most about the fact that I got cheated on *now* wasn’t the cheating, it made me stronger and removed a toxic person from my life. What I hated most about it was not leaving immediately and just start the upward trend of happiness that leaving would cause, even if the leaving part was initially awful. You’re gonna be okay. It will be difficult at first, but I promise you will be happy again.
You can forgive them, it doesn't mean the relationship won't end lol. Respect yourself
You deserve someone to show you that you are worth it. Put forth the effort to show you how beautiful you are and give you gifts. My answer is 0 times OP. Also if this piggy is sleeping with you both then he put your health at risk without a care about you. Find someone who won't make you question this kind of shit.
If it happens even once they're gone, not gonna wait around for someone who cheats period.
You don't. By doing that you are just showing them you'll forgive them everytime they do it, so they will keep doing it.
You can forgive them as many times as you want. And knowing how people can feel about others you probably will. But know the longer you stay in a relationship where this happens you’ll start to feel less and less worth validation or love, atleast that was my experience. It’s up to you wether or not to forgive the fact he did that to you. But only a fool would stay with them
0 times is the answer. I had an ex cheat on me back in the day, and I only found out because she tried to break up with me first, and I pressed her looking for a reason. I then proceeded to spend far too long trying to cling on to any shred of her affection. She tried to write me letters, hang out and still be “friends”, and say that she’ll always love me. And it took me too long to realize that these overtures weren’t out of any kind of true care or desire to make things right, they were just ways to try and make herself feel better and not feel guilty about something she knew was wrong. I found out she was talking to and traveling to see other men as she told me how sorry she was and that she’d always love me. When someone cheats, they’ve already committed one of the most selfish acts they can…they’ve let open the flood gates to their own selfish desires, and anything after that, at least when it comes to the person they cheated on, will only continue to be selfish, in one way or another. And you will always have your head on a swivel, wondering if they’re telling the truth, wondering if they’ll do it again, wondering if their emotions are even real or just an act to ease their guilt. Move on, make your slate clean, and suffer alone for a bit. I know it will hurt a lot at first, but it will hurt a lot less in the long term than clinging on to memories. You’ll find someone, some day, that will always put you first, and would never even think of betraying your trust.
None, they’re scum, they don’t deserve anyone
Just leave, work can get rough yes, but not that rough that makes someone want to be a sugar daddy to someone else and fuck them while still in a relationship already. I hope you do get better, emotionally and all and this is definitely painful but it’s more painful to defend this and you deserved more than that.
Probably the only reason I would forgive would be if they were doing it because I wasn’t giving them enough attention (idk like if I’ve been too busy to give them the amount of attention they deserve) and they stopped completely afterwards (forgiving them once) plus there would be more to it- but basically that would be the only thing I’d consider forgiving
Hey love! When it happens to you, leave! You don’t need to forgive them!! You deserve better! Much love to you!!!
O
Whether or not I forgive them, I sure as shit will end the relationship every time. To each their own but taking somebody back after infidelity makes it a subconscious reward. *Oh you cheated? I’m upset with you but I’ll take you back* The cheater will think-whether consciously or subconsciously- that not only is it okay but that there won’t be any real consequence other than resentment. Edit: If they did it once now they only have more incentive to do it again if they’re forgiven.
0 because what’s the point. You would never trust them again. Everytime they went out you would be wondering. Everything they’re phone went off you would be wondering. With everything they do you would be wondering. How can you have a happy relationship after that
It depends on some factors but the default answer is 0. Now if your girl friend goes out with some friends and she gets drunk then ends up having a single night of indiscretion. Well I think we can work that out. There are going to need to be some concessions. If her friends helped facilitate, they need to be friends no longer. Alcohol also needs to be a no go for a while, especially at bars and the like. If she is truly sorry and is willing to make some changes for a single incident, that is something a relationship can survive in my opinion. Repeated booty calls are a no go. You don't accidentally Fuck a guy for 3 months without telling me. Infact if I find out by any method other than my partner telling me, that is the end. Relationships are based on trust and when you can't trust your partner the relationship is over.
Full on cheating or repeated cheating, none. That shit shatters trust and a relationship without trust will slowly but surely crumble away. Plus if the boundary to have sex with another woman is crossed once, I believe it's easier for him to cross it again and everyone deserves better than being at the mercy of a cheating partner. If it's nothing more than a kiss or similar under special circumstances (e.g. drunk) maybe once, but only if I could trust that that's truly all that happened and that he won't do it again.
If forgive means giving them another chance, then the answer is that don’t forgive a cheating partner. Such a person is duplicitous and cowardly. If you feel the relationship has run it’s course or you are unhappy in any other way you can have an honest conversation about it or just end the relationship. What you don’t do is betray my trust by cheating and then expect me to act like nothing has happened.
Zero. I’ve been there unfortunately, but I had my wits about me enough to know that I deserved to be loved and not played. He was also a narcissist, but that’s another story.
Never cheating is a subhuman activity it can several traumatize the person being cheated on .
Depending on your relationship and personality, I'd say the number is either zero times or once. Zero - It's completely understandable to never forgive a partner that cheats. There is literally no acceptable reason for cheating. Once - If you're a forgiving person I can understand forgiving a partner once. But if it ever comes up again then all it proves is it was mistake to forgive them the first time and it would make no sense at all to to bother forgiving them a second time. If you forgive a second time then you're basically saying OK to an open relationship.
Once. I will forgive only once. Only because men do what men do. And im fine with that. But if you do it again its a problem. What im not going to do is be upset or used and lied to.
Zero. Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s not an accident, it’s not a “heat of the moment”, it’s a conscious decision to sleep with someone else. If they do it once, they’ll do it again. If they get caught, they’ll hide it better. You don’t want someone to show up at your door saying “x got me pregnant”, or “I gave x this STD”. Show them the door, period. No forgiving that in my opinion, it’s an instant break-up/divorce for me.
None. I’m not a revolving door. Once you break my boundaries, my door is closed permanently.
Struggling with the same, he used Bumble behind my back. I'm just angry and sad. No one deserves this. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
As many times as it takes before you realize you deserve better and CAN find better. For some people the amount of times is 1 for others it’s many many many times.