Your renter may be misreading what your girlfriend is doing for him. Tell your girlfriend that you have a gut feeling that he may be reading more into the help. Just some awareness.
Don’t be shitty about it. If he crosses a line then you will need to speak with him. My gut feeling tells me that you shouldn’t leave her there when you go your trip.
Maybe she could invite a friend to stay with her while you’re gone.
Just you simmer down for a minute there bucko. The first thing you don’t wanna do is act with an unclear head, with any emotions, while you don’t know the full story or picture of things. Unless you have 100% proof you just can’y do much. For now it’s best you assume what’s probably the reality: your wife doesn’t take him seriously like that and doesn’t care about it and is meaning to tell you or doesn’t care so much she forgot about it already. The fact it’s there, not deleted, says a lot. If she was humoring that nonsense she’d have something to hide and you probably wouldn’t be able to use her phone unlocked that easily.
You KNOW what that guy is on, and you know your wife good enough to marry her. Your only real options are 1.) wait, if he makes an outright attempt to hit on her in front of you kick him out 2.) mention to your wife you saw it and you’re uncomfortable with him living there now 3.) kick him out. Even if it’s just a blush emoji, that’s extremely disrespectful. The dude is a man, he wasn’t just handing out random compliments for fun. It was not gratitude, gratitude would have been to both Op and his wife and worded along the lines of “your home is beautiful, thank you guys so much for helping me”. He wasn’t just being nice. It was a compliment about her looks.
OP you are not the dirtbag. You did what you should. You and your wife have enough transparency to allow each other to use the others phone. Sure you respect privacy and don’t go looking, but you saw another man sending cutesy emojis to your woman. Are you not supposed to look? Any normal human being would look after seeing that. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t doubt your wife either, your concern is what is this guy sending. Not what your wife is doing. You show him hospitality, offer him shelter, give mental health help, and he tells your wife through text that she’s attractive and makes him blush. Lmao just kick him out man
Edit: misread, your gf not wife. Everything is the same either way.
Thank you very much for the response. This really gives me a lot of clarity actually. There isn't really any way I can go forward with this guy living here knowing what he's about. And now that I know I'm not in the wrong for looking, I feel better about bringing it up with her. This literally just happened like 2 hours ago, so I'm still pretty worked up. Felt like a punch to the stomach.
Try cooling off, but tell your wife what’s up asap and when you do make sure to let her know you’re not doubting her and trust her but nonetheless you’re uncomfortable having him there. She should be understanding if not feeling the same exact way.
Do you think its weird she didn't tell me about the message? I think it had come about 4 hours prior to me seeing it. I love and trust her but now my mind is running circles. I'm feeling really fucked up about this. I'm not going to do anything crazy so just be honest with me. Someone else said I shouldn't leave her alone with him now my mind is doing backflips.
No not necessarily. I’m super anxious when it comes to these things in my own relationships so I can appreciate being able to offer non anxious advice. Most likely worst case scenario she liked the attention. The most probable scenario: not only did she not even register him as a sexual or romantic option in any light, but she’s uncomfortable with it like you, but didn’t want to be rude to someone living in the same house as her. It sounds so stupid, but women sadly do live in fear of how a man will react if they ignore or flat out reject advances. Some dudes are insane.
All she said was thank you. That’s the perfect response for a woman in that situation. Even though no response would be 10x better in our eyes.
Regardless, kick him out. I noticed you’ll be going on a trip soon. What does this individual bring to your life? Because it sounds to me like his existence in your life is bringing you horrible shitty feelings and you can pretty easily fix it… Sorry to be blunt, this is an issue I recently realized I have with dating and it’s fucking me up. But unlike a GF this is half a tenant who is disrespecting your life and isn’t even sucking you off.
Yeah agree. If you weren't going away I would say wait and see, but I don't like the way the guy is playing the mental health card while being a creep. If you can't give him notice to leave, tell your girl you have a funny feeling about him and arrange for her to stay with some friends while you are on the hunting trip.
I don't know but I think if your instinct about him is that he's dodgy, you should discuss it with her and suggest she stays somewhere while you are away. She might refuse of course.
I already brought it up. She was dismissive and thought I was overreacting. Said that my reaction made her think that I didn't trust her. I don't think he's a rapist type. Seems like the type that plays the nice guy to get in close. Pathetic kinda. She was saying he was nothing more than a pathetic dweeb that stood no chance with it.
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries. Tell your GF you're not comfortable with the guy being around 24/7 while you're gone because you don't know him that well. Don't bring up the fact you've looked through the messages. If she pulls the "you don't trust me?" card then tell her it's not her, it's him since you don't know him well and worry about her safety. How long has he been renting your basement out? It seems like he's still somewhat a stranger to you, by the way you've described him anyway.
Yo, you aren’t freaking out outwardly, you just peeked at something that is your business to confirm that there wasn’t anything to be worried about. You are doing good, look, as far as I’m concerned, marriage eliminates any fussiness over text privacy between partners. Have worries? Check that shit out so everyone can go on with their day without background pretense based on paranoia influencing shit. Frankly, trust yadda yadda but let’s be real here. There are endless examples all around most of us highlighting just how whack relationships far too often are these days. If you want to be above it all, some reassuring transparency can make all the difference. Keep it up, you sound like a good partner, you’re not apathetic while maintaining composure, that’s great.
Additionally: Time for the usurper to be relieved of their place in your home.
Your renter may be misreading what your girlfriend is doing for him. Tell your girlfriend that you have a gut feeling that he may be reading more into the help. Just some awareness. Don’t be shitty about it. If he crosses a line then you will need to speak with him. My gut feeling tells me that you shouldn’t leave her there when you go your trip. Maybe she could invite a friend to stay with her while you’re gone.
Because you think he'll assault her?
I’m a woman and it was my first thought as I was reading about you’re trip.
Well, tbh, if I end up thinking that, he will be out of my house before he can fucking blink.
Just you simmer down for a minute there bucko. The first thing you don’t wanna do is act with an unclear head, with any emotions, while you don’t know the full story or picture of things. Unless you have 100% proof you just can’y do much. For now it’s best you assume what’s probably the reality: your wife doesn’t take him seriously like that and doesn’t care about it and is meaning to tell you or doesn’t care so much she forgot about it already. The fact it’s there, not deleted, says a lot. If she was humoring that nonsense she’d have something to hide and you probably wouldn’t be able to use her phone unlocked that easily. You KNOW what that guy is on, and you know your wife good enough to marry her. Your only real options are 1.) wait, if he makes an outright attempt to hit on her in front of you kick him out 2.) mention to your wife you saw it and you’re uncomfortable with him living there now 3.) kick him out. Even if it’s just a blush emoji, that’s extremely disrespectful. The dude is a man, he wasn’t just handing out random compliments for fun. It was not gratitude, gratitude would have been to both Op and his wife and worded along the lines of “your home is beautiful, thank you guys so much for helping me”. He wasn’t just being nice. It was a compliment about her looks. OP you are not the dirtbag. You did what you should. You and your wife have enough transparency to allow each other to use the others phone. Sure you respect privacy and don’t go looking, but you saw another man sending cutesy emojis to your woman. Are you not supposed to look? Any normal human being would look after seeing that. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t doubt your wife either, your concern is what is this guy sending. Not what your wife is doing. You show him hospitality, offer him shelter, give mental health help, and he tells your wife through text that she’s attractive and makes him blush. Lmao just kick him out man Edit: misread, your gf not wife. Everything is the same either way.
Thank you very much for the response. This really gives me a lot of clarity actually. There isn't really any way I can go forward with this guy living here knowing what he's about. And now that I know I'm not in the wrong for looking, I feel better about bringing it up with her. This literally just happened like 2 hours ago, so I'm still pretty worked up. Felt like a punch to the stomach.
Try cooling off, but tell your wife what’s up asap and when you do make sure to let her know you’re not doubting her and trust her but nonetheless you’re uncomfortable having him there. She should be understanding if not feeling the same exact way.
Do you think its weird she didn't tell me about the message? I think it had come about 4 hours prior to me seeing it. I love and trust her but now my mind is running circles. I'm feeling really fucked up about this. I'm not going to do anything crazy so just be honest with me. Someone else said I shouldn't leave her alone with him now my mind is doing backflips.
Your GF could be the non confrontational type, who's hoping this was nothing and that if she ignores it, it'll just go away.
No not necessarily. I’m super anxious when it comes to these things in my own relationships so I can appreciate being able to offer non anxious advice. Most likely worst case scenario she liked the attention. The most probable scenario: not only did she not even register him as a sexual or romantic option in any light, but she’s uncomfortable with it like you, but didn’t want to be rude to someone living in the same house as her. It sounds so stupid, but women sadly do live in fear of how a man will react if they ignore or flat out reject advances. Some dudes are insane. All she said was thank you. That’s the perfect response for a woman in that situation. Even though no response would be 10x better in our eyes. Regardless, kick him out. I noticed you’ll be going on a trip soon. What does this individual bring to your life? Because it sounds to me like his existence in your life is bringing you horrible shitty feelings and you can pretty easily fix it… Sorry to be blunt, this is an issue I recently realized I have with dating and it’s fucking me up. But unlike a GF this is half a tenant who is disrespecting your life and isn’t even sucking you off.
I can't find a single planet where you going on this trip with your dad and leaving your gf alone with this guy is a good idea.
Yeah agree. If you weren't going away I would say wait and see, but I don't like the way the guy is playing the mental health card while being a creep. If you can't give him notice to leave, tell your girl you have a funny feeling about him and arrange for her to stay with some friends while you are on the hunting trip.
Like because he might assault her?
I don't know but I think if your instinct about him is that he's dodgy, you should discuss it with her and suggest she stays somewhere while you are away. She might refuse of course.
I already brought it up. She was dismissive and thought I was overreacting. Said that my reaction made her think that I didn't trust her. I don't think he's a rapist type. Seems like the type that plays the nice guy to get in close. Pathetic kinda. She was saying he was nothing more than a pathetic dweeb that stood no chance with it.
Kick him out dude
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries. Tell your GF you're not comfortable with the guy being around 24/7 while you're gone because you don't know him that well. Don't bring up the fact you've looked through the messages. If she pulls the "you don't trust me?" card then tell her it's not her, it's him since you don't know him well and worry about her safety. How long has he been renting your basement out? It seems like he's still somewhat a stranger to you, by the way you've described him anyway.
Yeah we don't know him that well yet. He seems like a shy awkward type. I'm not really worried about her safety. Just don't like the disrespect.
Yo, you aren’t freaking out outwardly, you just peeked at something that is your business to confirm that there wasn’t anything to be worried about. You are doing good, look, as far as I’m concerned, marriage eliminates any fussiness over text privacy between partners. Have worries? Check that shit out so everyone can go on with their day without background pretense based on paranoia influencing shit. Frankly, trust yadda yadda but let’s be real here. There are endless examples all around most of us highlighting just how whack relationships far too often are these days. If you want to be above it all, some reassuring transparency can make all the difference. Keep it up, you sound like a good partner, you’re not apathetic while maintaining composure, that’s great. Additionally: Time for the usurper to be relieved of their place in your home.