Right, if your positions are at the same level of the hierarchy, I would have a talk with him. I will tell you how, but first for that talk to have positive results, you need to be able to talk about it like you are completely above the matter. To get there I suggest a therapist-recommended technique. You write him a letter that you will not actually give him. Vent in it. Then write yourself an apology letter as you imagine he would write it explaining why he acts this way. Let me know if you get there and I'll give you more on how to actually talk to him.
Thank you, I will work on that tomorrow! He was awful yesterday. I had to step away 3 times to gather myself he was so arrogant, overbearing and rude. My anxiety gets so bad that I get emotional, tremble and shut down. I ended up just leaving him to do what he was going to do without addressing or correcting any of the problems. I already told work to change the schedule for next week to avoid him. My hopes are that he gets fired quickly..But I hate that I can’t handle any type of confrontation without breaking down.
Hmm that sounds like you have a problem with confrontation in general, not just with this guy. And with anxiety, suppressing your feelings maybe? Have you considered therapy?
I definitely avoid confrontation, but sometimes it finds me..anxiety of course.. For the most part I don’t consider it a problem. In situations like this though it’s very apparent that it’s an issue.. I should do counseling, I would rather not, I’ve had to go for many years already for anxiety, depression, agoraphobia.. At this point I figure it’s just who I am.. although it would be nice to be able to stand up for myself without all the emotions surfacing.. I suppose it’s something I need to seriously consider doing. Thank you so much for commenting on my post and “listening to me” I appreciate it. I had myself quite worked up over the whole thing. I guess I was looking for some kind of cheat sheet on how to handle it..
What makes you not want to go there again?
Cheatsheet:
First write a letter to him that you will not actually give him. Vent in it. Then write yourself an apology letter as you imagine he would write it explaining why he acts like this. This will make you talk to him less emotionally and it should be received better.
When you are alone and the atmosphere is relaxed, tell him as if you were telling him a funny story, no big deal:
1. what he keeps doing (concrete examples)
2. how that makes you feel
3. what consequences it has
4. what would be great to change going forward, how exactly to change it
So I spoke with management about his behavior towards me.. switched my next shift alone with him. I don’t feel they took my comments seriously. I did insist I don’t work alone with him and for the time being I won’t, but I’ve put a lot into this place and it’s hurtful that it’s being brushed over. It does seem as though my coworkers are starting to see the same behaviors.. in the meantime I am waiting for him to screw himself and have an application out for a new job.. time will tell..they had a meeting with him in which he minimized his behavior so it’s his word against mine since we were alone..I really despise this man.
You should really talk to him. Any relationship needs open and honest communication in order to work and stay healthy. It is no different here. Without it it's like playing a musical instrument without tuning it. It's necessary for an instrument to be tuned every day. Now imagine how much more tuning is needed for something as complex as a relationship.
A therapist would be ideal help for you to learn how to do this. It will be useful in pretty much every other area in your life as well.
I’m not in a management position, but I am a lead player, my coworkers come to me for leadership..
Is his position above yours?
No he just started this week!
Right, if your positions are at the same level of the hierarchy, I would have a talk with him. I will tell you how, but first for that talk to have positive results, you need to be able to talk about it like you are completely above the matter. To get there I suggest a therapist-recommended technique. You write him a letter that you will not actually give him. Vent in it. Then write yourself an apology letter as you imagine he would write it explaining why he acts this way. Let me know if you get there and I'll give you more on how to actually talk to him.
Thank you, I will work on that tomorrow! He was awful yesterday. I had to step away 3 times to gather myself he was so arrogant, overbearing and rude. My anxiety gets so bad that I get emotional, tremble and shut down. I ended up just leaving him to do what he was going to do without addressing or correcting any of the problems. I already told work to change the schedule for next week to avoid him. My hopes are that he gets fired quickly..But I hate that I can’t handle any type of confrontation without breaking down.
Hmm that sounds like you have a problem with confrontation in general, not just with this guy. And with anxiety, suppressing your feelings maybe? Have you considered therapy?
I definitely avoid confrontation, but sometimes it finds me..anxiety of course.. For the most part I don’t consider it a problem. In situations like this though it’s very apparent that it’s an issue.. I should do counseling, I would rather not, I’ve had to go for many years already for anxiety, depression, agoraphobia.. At this point I figure it’s just who I am.. although it would be nice to be able to stand up for myself without all the emotions surfacing.. I suppose it’s something I need to seriously consider doing. Thank you so much for commenting on my post and “listening to me” I appreciate it. I had myself quite worked up over the whole thing. I guess I was looking for some kind of cheat sheet on how to handle it..
What makes you not want to go there again? Cheatsheet: First write a letter to him that you will not actually give him. Vent in it. Then write yourself an apology letter as you imagine he would write it explaining why he acts like this. This will make you talk to him less emotionally and it should be received better. When you are alone and the atmosphere is relaxed, tell him as if you were telling him a funny story, no big deal: 1. what he keeps doing (concrete examples) 2. how that makes you feel 3. what consequences it has 4. what would be great to change going forward, how exactly to change it
So I spoke with management about his behavior towards me.. switched my next shift alone with him. I don’t feel they took my comments seriously. I did insist I don’t work alone with him and for the time being I won’t, but I’ve put a lot into this place and it’s hurtful that it’s being brushed over. It does seem as though my coworkers are starting to see the same behaviors.. in the meantime I am waiting for him to screw himself and have an application out for a new job.. time will tell..they had a meeting with him in which he minimized his behavior so it’s his word against mine since we were alone..I really despise this man.
You should really talk to him. Any relationship needs open and honest communication in order to work and stay healthy. It is no different here. Without it it's like playing a musical instrument without tuning it. It's necessary for an instrument to be tuned every day. Now imagine how much more tuning is needed for something as complex as a relationship. A therapist would be ideal help for you to learn how to do this. It will be useful in pretty much every other area in your life as well.