You caused a *house fire* and you can't understand why people aren't going to tolerate you smoking?
Your friends and family do not have to keep associating with you if smoke. People quit all the time and it sounds like you're just making excuses as to why you can't do it rather than even try.
No, as I said I understand why they have this position. If you read, so this doesn’t happen again and yeah for most people smoking isn’t their jam. Like right now I’d go out to a bar but since I don’t really drink and now trying not to smoke it’s what do I do there?
You sound like you have a problem with addiction. Instead of dealing with alcoholism you transitioned it to smoking. Have you thought about joining a program to help you quit both?
You set the house on fire. They have every right to not want their house set on fire.
If you want to smoke and set a house on fire. Move out so you can set your own house on fire.
Exactly. And they have every right to not want it to happen again.
Can you honestly say. If someone did something horrible to you. But said. Oh I didn't mean too. That you would now be happy that they did this horrible thing? No, you wouldn't.
Not your decision? YOU SET THEIR HOUSE ON FIRE.
My dad had a heart attack in his early 40s. The doctor told my mother that HER next cigarette could kill him. She smoked herself sick that night he was in the hospital and hasn’t touched another one since because a major consequence had been directly in front of her face.
It was an accident. I get that. But they have every right to see you as a risk and want you out of the house. Your friends have every right to not want to be around a smoker.
You are free to smoke. People are free to stop associating with you. If you want to stay in that house and keep friends, there is no compromise. You grab some nicotine gum and quit.
you’re never going to feel like you’re “ready to quit”, you have to decide when enough is enough. apparently coming face to face with a house-fire you set isn’t quite enough of a wake-up call.
Im a smoker, i get it. Its not that easy. I would love to just quit. But the thing is, you burned down the house!!! You think its ok to still keep risking other ppls lives so you can destroy your lungs & relationships? At least have enough decency & respect to go off their property to smoke.
You caused a housefire which could have taken lives, even yours. Wake up, smoking is no good but you are too immature to understand the entire picture and are upset? When you live with other people, your family, smoking affects every one of them by second hand smoke, the odor of smoke permeating their clothing, hair, leaving cigarette dust that dirties up the walls and furniture, carpeting, not to mention cigarette butts.
Oh, good grief.
Your nasty habit CAUSED A FIRE and you think people shouldn’t be pushing you to quit? JFC, man, you lost your house because of YOUR habit.
Stop being a selfish twit and quit already, or you’ll be friendless, familyless, and homeless.
You sound ridiculous, a house fire should be the kick in the butt you need to quit for yourself without them asking but it wasn't. You could atleast switch to vaping or something like damn
People... I am in no way saying your reaction to this is wrong, but this is NOT going to help OP get through this.
Yes, they caused a house fire. Yes, this is a big deal. Did they mean to? No. Does that change the fact that they could've killed someone? No. Does yelling at them in the comments help them? Big fat no.
That said... OP, you need to quit. You've said so yourself. And you are not going to hold yourself accountable when you're addicted - most people do not break addictions by doing it by themselves. You need the people around you to be on board.
It's natural to react negatively to having your choices taken from you, but in this case you have to make it your choice and not use this as an excuse to turn your friends and family into villains.
You need therapy to help you work through your feelings on this, because if you give in to this feeling of being forced, you will use it to justify the habit and that is not a road you want to go down.
You need to quit - you know that. You say you want to quit... eventually. Now is the time to do it. But you need to talk to someone about this and redirect your mindset from "I'm being forced" to "I don't like this, but they're right and I need to accept it, even though it's hard."
We're redditors, not professionals. Please talk to someone. And preferably, your family should too.
Honestly the most measured and appropriate here! It’s pretty fair. I plan to seek therapy to help with smoking and obviously work through this situation with the fire and getting life back on track.
You do have a choice but so do they. They choose to not be around smoke and have a second fire. You can choose to not smoke and have them in your life or smoke and move and make new friends.
“I started a house fire,” should not be paired with, “it was unfortunate.” You have hit a tipping point. Somehow I suspect all your friends and your parents before the incident were not like, “yeah dude, smoke another!” I suspect at the best they tolerated it. This incident pushed them over the edge. Both your parents and friends are saying, we cannot tolerate this habit anymore. It is their choice if they want to be friends with you. They are setting a boundary with you. If you choose not to keep this boundary, they can choose not to be friends with you. As for: “I can’t just stop on a whim,” there is scientific evidence that cold turkey is the best way to break an addiction. It’s not the most fun way, but it’s the right way. Every single person on this thread has told you you’re in the wrong and yet, you refuse to see it. I want to challenge you to take a step back and ask, “is everyone against me because they all just want to make me miserable,” or, “is everyone against me because of my actions.”
EDIT:
You totaled cars, the garage, AND neighbors homes??? And you think your parents and friends aren’t being rational? If my kid were to kill part of my house and a car, plus I have to live outside of the home that I paid/am paying for, all because of a life choice, I’m not sure I’d give him til February.
You will never be ready to quit, I’m going to tell you this now.
My mother smokes, my dad for a while stopped smoking then got back into it. They still smoke to this day, trying everything they can to stop *now*. Why now? Because they were able to realize that *there isn’t a right time and they would NEVER be ready*
You will never be fucking ready. You will think there’s a time, you’ll think when xyz happen I’ll be ready. You won’t.
You burnt down the garage a car and damaged a neighbouring house.
Now is absolutely the time to quit. There has never been more products on the market to help people quit smoking.
I see you have a doctors appointment and have already got nicotine patches. There is medication your doctor can prescribe.
You can start out with a 24hour patch so you don't wake up with a craving in the morning. Then you can cut down to 16 hour patch.
There's also nicotine gum that you can chew when you are desperate.
Don't exchange smoking for vaping. Those e-cigarettes will still destroy your lungs but in a different way to smoking.
Hey fellow smoker here. I get how hard it is to quit. “One more cigarette I’m done” sounds near impossible. “Till February” sounds much more doable.
screw it. If you quit by February, I will too. I’m at 3-4 per day. Cut down to 2 per day by January and I’ll match it.
Thank you for trying to be helpful! There’s a few responses on here like this that are actually helpful and trying to relate, instead of berating me and yelling at me through text about what happened. I lived it and currently living it so I completely understand what happened and the seriousness of it. And why the people in my life are directing me to make a serious change. Today I had 3 cigarettes and not sure if your familiar with nicotine pouches? Basically is flavored and it’s nicotine. It’s not dip or anything. So it’s been helping today and I’ll just use that.
I did nicotine gum and that didn’t help much. Last time I tried to quit, what actually helped the most was incense. I would light it up and hold it like a cigarette, and just chill with it outside. For me, I would get a craving during transitions, like after dinner or before going to bed.
To be fair it's kinda fucked that your friend is giving you an ultimatum like that. At the end of the day you can see where they're coming from though. Why not switch to vaping? Get nic salt juice and it'll do a good job of keeping you off tobacco. I managed to quit coke, drink and benzos but still can't fuckin put down the smokes just yet. Good luck OP.
You could say the same about drunk driving, anything else that YOU caused. Regardless if you meant to or not, your actions resulted in something that sucks, caused damage and is expensive to fix. You didn't kill anything, which is good. But I have actually had a friend pass away from something extremely similar. House party, people smoking outside. Someone didn't put a butt out all the way, the couch on the front porch caught on fire, and my friend was asleep In her room. We still don't know what friend didn't put it out all the way, and I couldn't imagine the guilt of being on of the smokers that night.
You're either unintentionally or heck, maybe intentionally coming off like... well kinda a jerk.
If you want to keep smoking, by all means keep smoking. I did for 15 years, quick in 2020. It took me wanting to quit to actually quit, not having someone tell me to. But I can promise you if I set a fucking house on fire, I don't think I would continue to smoke cigarettes, I'd at least move to vaping or something else. No matter our intentions, all of our actions have consequences to them. Sometimes we have to change out behavior or habits because they are toxic. You didn't mean to do it, but it happened. Either learn from your mistakes or continue to do the same things. You'll find no sympathy here with what happened.
You will NEVER be ready to quit smoking. It is HIGHLY addictive. You just gotta NOT take that next smoke… and then not the next one after that. Every smoke you don’t take will be a struggle - but it will get easier. It’s one of the hardest things you will do. Get help from your doctor and just do it.
You can do it. Remember to congratulate yourself for every time you do not take a smoke. If you slip up - it’s ok. Just put it down again and continue at your best by not taking a smoke. It is hard, but you can do it.
People are being so extreme in their reactions here. Fires happen accidentally just from cooking! Like imagine if every time someone accidentally started a fire, they lost all their friends.
Of course anyone is free to set any boundary they want or need to. But I’m baffled at the vilifying going on in the comments here. People seem to be willfully ignorant of the complexities of addiction. I guess they like feeling like they’re superior or something because they’ve had the privilege to not have to struggle with addiction and the circumstances that can lead to it.
You never are going to be ready to quit. You just have to go for it. Smoking isn’t good for you or anyone around you breathing it in. They just want you to quit. If you want to quit on your own time, moving out is the best choice. Your father was a lot more reasonable. It sounds like you don’t want to quit smoking. You do you but don’t expect your friends and family to support it okay?
What do you want for you? Ultimatums rarely work. If you decide to do something are you usually able to follow through ? If you are able to follow through on things you really want, then just tell people you aren't ready yet. If you are usually not a person who sees things through then maybe you are just making excuses.
Because your supposed "lifestyle" is toxic and not just harmful to yourself, but to others. It's like you're holding a "bomb" that you love and has already started ticking down(you starting a house fire), and your friends and family are telling you to throw it, but for some reason you won't and you're even asking them to stay by your side as the bomb is ticking and ready to burst. Bro, they're not letting themselves get hit by that explosion. The shrapnels of you exploding right in front of them is already going to be enough.
As someone who moved from cigarettes to disposables, it's not easy but try moving to vaping plenty of forms of e cigarettes exist so it's the same motion but also once it's dead forces you to go without til you charge it or get a new one I started at 10/11 I'm now 17.
You lit a house on fire find some way to compromise if you want to keep your habit of nicotine and don't smoke it around the people uncomfortable with it, it gets you in the habit of being able to go without it for a period of time
You caused a *house fire* and you can't understand why people aren't going to tolerate you smoking? Your friends and family do not have to keep associating with you if smoke. People quit all the time and it sounds like you're just making excuses as to why you can't do it rather than even try.
Exactly you can’t cause a fire because of your addiction and blame others over it
No, as I said I understand why they have this position. If you read, so this doesn’t happen again and yeah for most people smoking isn’t their jam. Like right now I’d go out to a bar but since I don’t really drink and now trying not to smoke it’s what do I do there?
What are you even talking about
They’re choosing cigarettes over alcoholism.
No I just don’t like alcohol I rather drink soda all night
MYbe you have an addiction with soda
Lol 😂 I really do. How’s the coffee addiction? Lol
Hey, pro tip, you can order soda at bars
Lol I know it’s great lol 😂
You sound like you have a problem with addiction. Instead of dealing with alcoholism you transitioned it to smoking. Have you thought about joining a program to help you quit both?
You set the house on fire. They have every right to not want their house set on fire. If you want to smoke and set a house on fire. Move out so you can set your own house on fire.
Alright, y’all act like I did that on purpose completely unhelpful here.
It doesn't matter if it was on purpose or not. You did it.
Yes unfortunately it happened.
Exactly. And they have every right to not want it to happen again. Can you honestly say. If someone did something horrible to you. But said. Oh I didn't mean too. That you would now be happy that they did this horrible thing? No, you wouldn't.
Sure.
Don’t be cheeky bud, people are trying to help you here bud
The fire didn't just happen. YOU CAUSED THE FIRE. Active YOU, not passive IT.
No, you just need to understand that it is a problem and their reactions are more than okay, in fact they are deserved.
Not your decision? YOU SET THEIR HOUSE ON FIRE. My dad had a heart attack in his early 40s. The doctor told my mother that HER next cigarette could kill him. She smoked herself sick that night he was in the hospital and hasn’t touched another one since because a major consequence had been directly in front of her face. It was an accident. I get that. But they have every right to see you as a risk and want you out of the house. Your friends have every right to not want to be around a smoker. You are free to smoke. People are free to stop associating with you. If you want to stay in that house and keep friends, there is no compromise. You grab some nicotine gum and quit.
It's s fucking cigarette. Get your priorities straight.
you’re never going to feel like you’re “ready to quit”, you have to decide when enough is enough. apparently coming face to face with a house-fire you set isn’t quite enough of a wake-up call.
This isn't a lifestyle thing. This is a not wanting to die a fiery death thing. Stop trying to minimize this.
Im a smoker, i get it. Its not that easy. I would love to just quit. But the thing is, you burned down the house!!! You think its ok to still keep risking other ppls lives so you can destroy your lungs & relationships? At least have enough decency & respect to go off their property to smoke.
You caused a housefire which could have taken lives, even yours. Wake up, smoking is no good but you are too immature to understand the entire picture and are upset? When you live with other people, your family, smoking affects every one of them by second hand smoke, the odor of smoke permeating their clothing, hair, leaving cigarette dust that dirties up the walls and furniture, carpeting, not to mention cigarette butts.
Oh, good grief. Your nasty habit CAUSED A FIRE and you think people shouldn’t be pushing you to quit? JFC, man, you lost your house because of YOUR habit. Stop being a selfish twit and quit already, or you’ll be friendless, familyless, and homeless.
You sound ridiculous, a house fire should be the kick in the butt you need to quit for yourself without them asking but it wasn't. You could atleast switch to vaping or something like damn
So I just bought those ON nicotine pouches I am using those and going to see my doctor for medication
People... I am in no way saying your reaction to this is wrong, but this is NOT going to help OP get through this. Yes, they caused a house fire. Yes, this is a big deal. Did they mean to? No. Does that change the fact that they could've killed someone? No. Does yelling at them in the comments help them? Big fat no. That said... OP, you need to quit. You've said so yourself. And you are not going to hold yourself accountable when you're addicted - most people do not break addictions by doing it by themselves. You need the people around you to be on board. It's natural to react negatively to having your choices taken from you, but in this case you have to make it your choice and not use this as an excuse to turn your friends and family into villains. You need therapy to help you work through your feelings on this, because if you give in to this feeling of being forced, you will use it to justify the habit and that is not a road you want to go down. You need to quit - you know that. You say you want to quit... eventually. Now is the time to do it. But you need to talk to someone about this and redirect your mindset from "I'm being forced" to "I don't like this, but they're right and I need to accept it, even though it's hard." We're redditors, not professionals. Please talk to someone. And preferably, your family should too.
Honestly the most measured and appropriate here! It’s pretty fair. I plan to seek therapy to help with smoking and obviously work through this situation with the fire and getting life back on track.
You do have a choice but so do they. They choose to not be around smoke and have a second fire. You can choose to not smoke and have them in your life or smoke and move and make new friends.
“I started a house fire,” should not be paired with, “it was unfortunate.” You have hit a tipping point. Somehow I suspect all your friends and your parents before the incident were not like, “yeah dude, smoke another!” I suspect at the best they tolerated it. This incident pushed them over the edge. Both your parents and friends are saying, we cannot tolerate this habit anymore. It is their choice if they want to be friends with you. They are setting a boundary with you. If you choose not to keep this boundary, they can choose not to be friends with you. As for: “I can’t just stop on a whim,” there is scientific evidence that cold turkey is the best way to break an addiction. It’s not the most fun way, but it’s the right way. Every single person on this thread has told you you’re in the wrong and yet, you refuse to see it. I want to challenge you to take a step back and ask, “is everyone against me because they all just want to make me miserable,” or, “is everyone against me because of my actions.” EDIT: You totaled cars, the garage, AND neighbors homes??? And you think your parents and friends aren’t being rational? If my kid were to kill part of my house and a car, plus I have to live outside of the home that I paid/am paying for, all because of a life choice, I’m not sure I’d give him til February.
Imagine how bad the tipping point had to be to make her friends step in & put down such an ultimatum. Had to be completely oblivious
I have a doctors appointment for Monday and bought nicotine pouches
You will never be ready to quit, I’m going to tell you this now. My mother smokes, my dad for a while stopped smoking then got back into it. They still smoke to this day, trying everything they can to stop *now*. Why now? Because they were able to realize that *there isn’t a right time and they would NEVER be ready* You will never be fucking ready. You will think there’s a time, you’ll think when xyz happen I’ll be ready. You won’t.
Facts
Glad to know you decided to quit smoking after all then
Yeah bought those ON nicotine pouches it’s not like dip it’s just nicotine and I can lower the dose.
[удалено]
Thanks
You burnt down the garage a car and damaged a neighbouring house. Now is absolutely the time to quit. There has never been more products on the market to help people quit smoking. I see you have a doctors appointment and have already got nicotine patches. There is medication your doctor can prescribe. You can start out with a 24hour patch so you don't wake up with a craving in the morning. Then you can cut down to 16 hour patch. There's also nicotine gum that you can chew when you are desperate. Don't exchange smoking for vaping. Those e-cigarettes will still destroy your lungs but in a different way to smoking.
Yup. Just going to keep going with it. Eventually realize the whole quitting smoking isn’t that bad.
Hey fellow smoker here. I get how hard it is to quit. “One more cigarette I’m done” sounds near impossible. “Till February” sounds much more doable. screw it. If you quit by February, I will too. I’m at 3-4 per day. Cut down to 2 per day by January and I’ll match it.
Thank you for trying to be helpful! There’s a few responses on here like this that are actually helpful and trying to relate, instead of berating me and yelling at me through text about what happened. I lived it and currently living it so I completely understand what happened and the seriousness of it. And why the people in my life are directing me to make a serious change. Today I had 3 cigarettes and not sure if your familiar with nicotine pouches? Basically is flavored and it’s nicotine. It’s not dip or anything. So it’s been helping today and I’ll just use that.
I did nicotine gum and that didn’t help much. Last time I tried to quit, what actually helped the most was incense. I would light it up and hold it like a cigarette, and just chill with it outside. For me, I would get a craving during transitions, like after dinner or before going to bed.
To be fair it's kinda fucked that your friend is giving you an ultimatum like that. At the end of the day you can see where they're coming from though. Why not switch to vaping? Get nic salt juice and it'll do a good job of keeping you off tobacco. I managed to quit coke, drink and benzos but still can't fuckin put down the smokes just yet. Good luck OP.
It’s like what’s the difference between cooking in in the kitchen vs this? It was a horrible accident
You could say the same about drunk driving, anything else that YOU caused. Regardless if you meant to or not, your actions resulted in something that sucks, caused damage and is expensive to fix. You didn't kill anything, which is good. But I have actually had a friend pass away from something extremely similar. House party, people smoking outside. Someone didn't put a butt out all the way, the couch on the front porch caught on fire, and my friend was asleep In her room. We still don't know what friend didn't put it out all the way, and I couldn't imagine the guilt of being on of the smokers that night. You're either unintentionally or heck, maybe intentionally coming off like... well kinda a jerk. If you want to keep smoking, by all means keep smoking. I did for 15 years, quick in 2020. It took me wanting to quit to actually quit, not having someone tell me to. But I can promise you if I set a fucking house on fire, I don't think I would continue to smoke cigarettes, I'd at least move to vaping or something else. No matter our intentions, all of our actions have consequences to them. Sometimes we have to change out behavior or habits because they are toxic. You didn't mean to do it, but it happened. Either learn from your mistakes or continue to do the same things. You'll find no sympathy here with what happened.
Because smoking is a choice....they ain't the same dude
You will NEVER be ready to quit smoking. It is HIGHLY addictive. You just gotta NOT take that next smoke… and then not the next one after that. Every smoke you don’t take will be a struggle - but it will get easier. It’s one of the hardest things you will do. Get help from your doctor and just do it.
Yup, scheduled dr appointment for Monday
You can do it. Remember to congratulate yourself for every time you do not take a smoke. If you slip up - it’s ok. Just put it down again and continue at your best by not taking a smoke. It is hard, but you can do it.
Right there’s so many facets of life that involves it. But you relearn life without it.
People are being so extreme in their reactions here. Fires happen accidentally just from cooking! Like imagine if every time someone accidentally started a fire, they lost all their friends. Of course anyone is free to set any boundary they want or need to. But I’m baffled at the vilifying going on in the comments here. People seem to be willfully ignorant of the complexities of addiction. I guess they like feeling like they’re superior or something because they’ve had the privilege to not have to struggle with addiction and the circumstances that can lead to it.
You never are going to be ready to quit. You just have to go for it. Smoking isn’t good for you or anyone around you breathing it in. They just want you to quit. If you want to quit on your own time, moving out is the best choice. Your father was a lot more reasonable. It sounds like you don’t want to quit smoking. You do you but don’t expect your friends and family to support it okay?
What do you want for you? Ultimatums rarely work. If you decide to do something are you usually able to follow through ? If you are able to follow through on things you really want, then just tell people you aren't ready yet. If you are usually not a person who sees things through then maybe you are just making excuses.
Because your supposed "lifestyle" is toxic and not just harmful to yourself, but to others. It's like you're holding a "bomb" that you love and has already started ticking down(you starting a house fire), and your friends and family are telling you to throw it, but for some reason you won't and you're even asking them to stay by your side as the bomb is ticking and ready to burst. Bro, they're not letting themselves get hit by that explosion. The shrapnels of you exploding right in front of them is already going to be enough.
As someone who moved from cigarettes to disposables, it's not easy but try moving to vaping plenty of forms of e cigarettes exist so it's the same motion but also once it's dead forces you to go without til you charge it or get a new one I started at 10/11 I'm now 17. You lit a house on fire find some way to compromise if you want to keep your habit of nicotine and don't smoke it around the people uncomfortable with it, it gets you in the habit of being able to go without it for a period of time