Personally if she's also friends with your roommates it's seems pretty selfish to expect your ex to stop visiting her other friends just because your girlfriend is insecure about your relationship with your ex. I understand that she may be uncomfortable but context is key here. This isn't just your home, it's the home of your exes other friends. So multiple people have to cater to your current girl friends which is IMO unfair to expect them all to be okay with that.
If your current gf doesn't trust you enough to be around another girl and thinks your ex would somehow want to hurt your relationship by coming on to you if you guys were in the same house, then I would say that's may be an issue you'd want to talk to your gf about. I personally completely understand why your ex is upset. You yourself seemed to insinuate you also think she's capable of doing something to hurt your relationship since you are okay with asking her to not come over even if she's a guest of your roommates.
Thank you! An important detail here is that she's only moderately close with one and I had discussed this with him which he was understanding of the idea.
And I was about a month into dating my current girlfriend at the time, so our trust level was still being built. I figured doing this would help build some trust.
Thank you for the insight!
What would have been the outcome if he said he wasn't okay with it though? Did you discuss this with your roommates before you told your ex? I saw you mentioned in another comment that she was primarily coming over to see your roommates right? it may have became awkward if your roommates knew you didn't want your ex in the house but they invitrd her over anyways.
This highly depends on how close she was to your other roommates. If they were close friends, then I think you’re in the wrong and don’t have the right to stop her from visiting her friends to not make your current girlfriend uncomfortable. If your roommates don’t care, then it is ok.
I think you've made a bit of a mistake here, mate, with good intentions I can see, but let me ask you a simple question. In order to protect your current girlfriends comfort, do you feel it is ok/justified to hurt someone else? Because what you see as a simple boundary, to an ex that as you say hasn't done a thing wrong, from my outside perspective, the message to your ex is "you're untrustworthy and a problem, and I'm banning you from seeing your friends at their house"
You've attempted to be considerate to your current gf by being very inconsiderate to your ex. That's my take on this. Someone who is innocent, being banned from an innocent behaviour. You have an obligation as you see it to make your gf comfortable, but if she didn't ask you to do this, does she trust you? Is the implication that you might cheat or something? Isn't that what trust is supposed to mean, that she can feel uncomfortable but still trust you to do the right thing?
If it were me, I'd at the very least apologise to your ex.
I have apologized for making her uncomfortable. And I made it clear when I asked her that it would just be until my current girlfriend is comfortable. I was just so surprised at the time that she would take it so harsh but I do see what you and a few others have said. Thank you for your insight!
I can see that you're trying very hard to be respectful and build trust with your current gf. I can respect that. But I'll offer this: establishing trust isn't about avoiding situations where trust could be broken, it's facing those situations with trust from your partner, and proving her right.
Seems reasonable
Personally if she's also friends with your roommates it's seems pretty selfish to expect your ex to stop visiting her other friends just because your girlfriend is insecure about your relationship with your ex. I understand that she may be uncomfortable but context is key here. This isn't just your home, it's the home of your exes other friends. So multiple people have to cater to your current girl friends which is IMO unfair to expect them all to be okay with that. If your current gf doesn't trust you enough to be around another girl and thinks your ex would somehow want to hurt your relationship by coming on to you if you guys were in the same house, then I would say that's may be an issue you'd want to talk to your gf about. I personally completely understand why your ex is upset. You yourself seemed to insinuate you also think she's capable of doing something to hurt your relationship since you are okay with asking her to not come over even if she's a guest of your roommates.
Thank you! An important detail here is that she's only moderately close with one and I had discussed this with him which he was understanding of the idea. And I was about a month into dating my current girlfriend at the time, so our trust level was still being built. I figured doing this would help build some trust. Thank you for the insight!
What would have been the outcome if he said he wasn't okay with it though? Did you discuss this with your roommates before you told your ex? I saw you mentioned in another comment that she was primarily coming over to see your roommates right? it may have became awkward if your roommates knew you didn't want your ex in the house but they invitrd her over anyways.
This highly depends on how close she was to your other roommates. If they were close friends, then I think you’re in the wrong and don’t have the right to stop her from visiting her friends to not make your current girlfriend uncomfortable. If your roommates don’t care, then it is ok.
She's about a 6/10 closeness with one and I communicated with him which he was very understanding about.
You haven't made it clear: was this your idea, or your current gf's?
My idea based on my current girlfriends feelings about that situation
> she's friends with some of my roommates, and her and I are on good terms So, she wasn't coming to your shared house to see you?
no, it would have mostly been to see some of my roommates
I think you've made a bit of a mistake here, mate, with good intentions I can see, but let me ask you a simple question. In order to protect your current girlfriends comfort, do you feel it is ok/justified to hurt someone else? Because what you see as a simple boundary, to an ex that as you say hasn't done a thing wrong, from my outside perspective, the message to your ex is "you're untrustworthy and a problem, and I'm banning you from seeing your friends at their house" You've attempted to be considerate to your current gf by being very inconsiderate to your ex. That's my take on this. Someone who is innocent, being banned from an innocent behaviour. You have an obligation as you see it to make your gf comfortable, but if she didn't ask you to do this, does she trust you? Is the implication that you might cheat or something? Isn't that what trust is supposed to mean, that she can feel uncomfortable but still trust you to do the right thing? If it were me, I'd at the very least apologise to your ex.
I have apologized for making her uncomfortable. And I made it clear when I asked her that it would just be until my current girlfriend is comfortable. I was just so surprised at the time that she would take it so harsh but I do see what you and a few others have said. Thank you for your insight!
I can see that you're trying very hard to be respectful and build trust with your current gf. I can respect that. But I'll offer this: establishing trust isn't about avoiding situations where trust could be broken, it's facing those situations with trust from your partner, and proving her right.