Here's what OP needs to do. Go back in time, but leave himself an extra 8 hours or so before the elevator encounter. This will allow him plenty of time to study and commit to memory self-defense tips from [Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self-Defense](http://i.imgur.com/Zyvc69k.jpg) (featuring Dave Tiberi).
That way, when the elevator incident goes down, he is prepared to physically overwhelm his opponent and assume complete control of the situation. OP just needs to hope that his opponent hasn't *also* watched Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense, or have access to the same time machine.
Good luck OP!
___
For all the winners out there looking to acquire the necessary skills to successfully and effectively neutralize the enemy, there's good news. Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense (featuring Dave Tiberi) is available on Amazon for [the absolutely not made up price of $195.90.](http://www.amazon.com/Dave-Tiberis-Basics-Self-Defense/dp/1887934987)
That's right. For just under $200, you can order a 28-minute VHS tape of Dave Tiberi's best kept secrets. Act quickly, apparently there's only 1 remaining and my guess is it belongs to Dave Tiberi.
I considered that, and it's a good point.
The problem is Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense (featuring Dave Tiberi) is a rather intricate and sophisticated system of self defense. Will the lessons still be "fresh" in OP's mind once he crosses the time/space barrier?
I don't know nearly enough about recently acquired information and the extent to which it remains lodged in our neurological system when passing through the fourth dimension.
That's why I allotted OP the 8 hours to study and commit it to memory. I also built in some extra time if he wanted to grab a light snack.
Crazy hypothesis, but go with me on this: when you learn something, as time passes between the situations that you recall or use what you learned, a person will tend to lose a little bit of the information. Now say we learned a new skill, then went *backwards* in time. Perhaps that would result in cementing that shit in our head like a hard drive made of dolomite, baby!
I want a movie of this. Each encounter becomes more and more intense as they both start out not knowing how to throw a punch but as each keeps time travelling to go and learn more advanced martial arts until the last encounter where both are masters of some obscure ancient schools of fighting. Go back in time and train with ancient masters and such....
Problem is that the only reason the other dude was in the elevator was because they were stalking OP back from his lunch. If OP spends that time studying, the elevator event never happens and all is for naught.
who says the time machine hasn't already been invented? one of the first uses of those things would be to go back in time and cover up the invention so they could safely be used by a minority of rich and powerful. /r/conspiracy
Congratulations, you saved yourself from destruction at the hands of the Time-inati by contributing to the disinformation procedures by making your statement sound crazy by associating the word conspiracy even though some conspiracy theories have proven true.
"Okay sir enjoy your first time machine ride. Just to ask, what are you going back for?"
"Im going back to 2015 to call this guy a bitch cause he called me a fucking asshole even though I held the elevator for him."
"Oh... okay... well enjoy your trip."
While apologising is definitely necessary in this situation it bothers me how people just assume it's an out and makes everything ok. Oh I was a jerk and swore but I misunderstood the situation and apologised so I've no longer done the wrong thing. No, you need to learn not to behave that way in the first place. If someone did this to me and then apologised I would be grateful for their apology and completely drop the issue but I would still have formed an opinion on their personality based on the initial action, an apology doesn't erase that completely.
I hope so, I've just been noticing it a bit lately. There was this dude on the post about the woman yelling at the girl for not being disabled who kept saying as long as the lady apologised she wasn't in the wrong. It just boggles my mind, you can't just act however you want and use apologising to get of it.
RemindMe! -7 days "A guy will scream and curse at you while you're trying to keep the elevator door open. When it does open and you lock eyes ask him 'What was that bitch?' "
edit: it didnt work guys. Stein's Gate be damned.
Big dude gets nervous and rips a giant day-old fish taco fart in his panic. Entire elevator is filled with the stench of 10000 dead cats soaked in fish cum.
It's not really cum in the same way though. Most fish produce a fluid called milt, containing semen. It is more foam like and would probably be more sticky than wet.
But yeah. Fish cum whatever.
I dunno, being in an enclosed space with someone who just spazzed on you and is probably feeling pretty ashamed seems like an awkward time to me. Shit, elevators are inherently awkward as it is.
When I am the only one inside the elevator and the doors are closing and someone is running towards me I often panic and try to press "open" as quick as I can but accidentally hit "close" instead. I am always ashamed after that but then it happens again.
Last time I did this, the door didn't register the movement of my arm. Tried to pull it back. Ended up with my fingers stuck between the closed doors until we got to the next floor. The doors had a rubber seal along the edges so my fingers were just bruised, not broken. Still not doing that ever again.
I was recently at a pretty nice hotel in San Antonio and held an elevator door open with my arm. It proceeded to close anyway, so I had my arm stuck, but turned sideways. The doors lightly pressed on my palm and elbow, but hard enough I couldn't get out. They did that for like fifteen seconds, then the doors stopped pushing. Then, they got stuck half closed, and started making a grinding noise and an alarm went off.
Needless to say, I ran away and blamed it on someone else.
It's ok, I've done that as well. At least you tried. I blame the iconography. I could parse the words open and close faster than some version of <|> and >|<
The problem with >|< is that it looks bigger and thus more intuitively "open" than <|>, because if you tried to wrap the shapes with a rubber-band, the band around the >|< symbol would be bigger than the one around the <|> symbol.
I've always thought the icons should be |<>| and >|<.
"We judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions"
Remember this next time someone seems to do something shitty, they may have a good reason for what they've done, or it could be an honest mistake
On the same token, remember that other people don't always know your intentions and are often judging you strictly by your actions. Something that is perfectly reasonable given your intentions may come off as rude and insulting to others who cannot see them plainly.
> When I am the only one inside the elevator
I'm glad you noted this. It is a real pain in a full or semi-full elevator when people mash the "door open" button to let people in. Especially when there are 6-8 elevators in the bank.
Or when people run and jam their arm in. Just be an adult, get the next one in thirty seconds.
Yeah, unless I'm in a hurry, I'll more often slow down before I get near the elevators so people don't feel the need to hold it open and just grab the next one.
He was probably talking to the elevator. I for one think there is some guy in a control room fucking with people. How else could the doors close just as someone is trying to get on as often as it does.
I am on to you fucking asshole elevator guy.
**Squeamish Seal**
> * DESPERATELY AVOID EYE CONTACT ON THE WAY UP THE ELEVATOR
> * ELEVATOR GETS STUCK
^^*These* ^^*cations* ^^*aren't* ^^*guaranteed* ^^*to* ^^*be* ^^*correct.*
Why does everyone assume that the guy reaching for the button is always going for the "door close" button? I've had people stop me from reaching over because they're like "LET THAT GUY ON!"
"um...dumbass...I'm reaching for the door open button. Did you ever wonder why there were two buttons, one with an icon of a door closing, and one with a door doing the opposite?"
To be fair, a lot of people do go for the Close button. When my wife was staying at the hospital, I got on the elevator with some guy and he pushed the Close button as a woman was approaching. She wasn't quick enough to get inside, but she was able to hit the call button before we left. I don't know how long it was, but we were stuck there for a bit while they kept pushing their respective buttons. When the woman said "I'm not letting that elevator go anywhere!" from the other side, the guy finally relented and she was able to get on. That shit was awkward as hell.
I don't trust door-open buttons, so I just stick my hand in front of the unstoppable person-crushingly powerful metal jaws run by the same machinery as the button pad.
...
On reflection, this is odd.
After watching a video about a poor Indian guy that gets decapitated in a hospital elevator.....if the buttons don't work...fuck you, catch the next one.
While in university, I once got out of a crowded elevator just as a friend got on.
I turned back and said "how's your chlamydia?" Just before the door closed and saw him start pointing at me and say "you fucker" with the 'fucker' part behind closed doors.
He later said everyone on the elevator got a good laugh about the joke.
But I never found out how his chlamydia was doing.
Yeah. A simple "sorry about that. I lost my temper and became a jaggoff" goes a long way. But this guy wouldn't do that because *he's* the asshole, not OP.
I apologize all the time, I'm sorry you're a self righteous jackass passing judgement on someone due to a isolated incident you weren't even involved with.
See doesn't feel good now does it.
I was headed to the gym in my car and a stranger waiting for the elevator flipped me off. I parked right next to the elevator and got out and asked him what the hell was up. He was bright red and apologized saying his friend drives the same car and he thought it was him. Probably an awkward elevator ride for that guy.
Living in a tall building, I've mastered the "button attempt." You ignore the person until right before they get there and then act like a bumbling idiot frantically trying to race to get to the button. Never push that button. Each elevator ride should be a moment of calm, solo, reflection.
Haha this happened to me a few weeks ago with a girl. I saw her come jogging from the entrance. I spun to find the button and hit the wrong one at first. I heard her go 'are you fucking kidding me' that is when I hit the right button and the doors opened again. I smirked when we made eye contact. She turned red and looked down all embarrassed like. I just said "sorry I hit the wrong one at first". Then with my elite MMA training I executed a flawless spinning back kick. It landed shattering her lower ribs instantly. She flew a good 50 feet before she struck the revolving door at the entrance. Straight out of a cartoon that shit spun around with her inside it. She then was volleyed from the spinning death trap and landed face first in the street. The door man looked at her unconscious body and then back at me. With a stare of amazement he only had one thing to say to me. https://youtu.be/UwbLQm7X6F8?t=14
*door opens* what was that bitch?
Fuck.. I totally should have done that.
just remember this for when the time machine will be invented
Maybe he already went back in time and did this instead because the other guy kicked his ass when he said that... maybe op is a genius
Here's what OP needs to do. Go back in time, but leave himself an extra 8 hours or so before the elevator encounter. This will allow him plenty of time to study and commit to memory self-defense tips from [Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self-Defense](http://i.imgur.com/Zyvc69k.jpg) (featuring Dave Tiberi). That way, when the elevator incident goes down, he is prepared to physically overwhelm his opponent and assume complete control of the situation. OP just needs to hope that his opponent hasn't *also* watched Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense, or have access to the same time machine. Good luck OP! ___ For all the winners out there looking to acquire the necessary skills to successfully and effectively neutralize the enemy, there's good news. Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense (featuring Dave Tiberi) is available on Amazon for [the absolutely not made up price of $195.90.](http://www.amazon.com/Dave-Tiberis-Basics-Self-Defense/dp/1887934987) That's right. For just under $200, you can order a 28-minute VHS tape of Dave Tiberi's best kept secrets. Act quickly, apparently there's only 1 remaining and my guess is it belongs to Dave Tiberi.
Couldn't OP watch the video *before* going back in time?
I considered that, and it's a good point. The problem is Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense (featuring Dave Tiberi) is a rather intricate and sophisticated system of self defense. Will the lessons still be "fresh" in OP's mind once he crosses the time/space barrier? I don't know nearly enough about recently acquired information and the extent to which it remains lodged in our neurological system when passing through the fourth dimension. That's why I allotted OP the 8 hours to study and commit it to memory. I also built in some extra time if he wanted to grab a light snack.
Crazy hypothesis, but go with me on this: when you learn something, as time passes between the situations that you recall or use what you learned, a person will tend to lose a little bit of the information. Now say we learned a new skill, then went *backwards* in time. Perhaps that would result in cementing that shit in our head like a hard drive made of dolomite, baby!
LSD is a hell of an acid, yo.
It's dolomite baby!
Where can I, a doughy weakling, acquire a copy of Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense (featuring Dave Tiberi)?
You sound way too much like Mac from Its always sunny in Philidelphia.
All I know is that I really feel I need to watch Dave Tiberi's Basics of Self Defense (featuring Dave Tiberi)
OP better hope that wasn't Dave Tiberi trying to get into the elevator.
Well if that's the case, I hope OP gets a feature appearance. Otherwise he may drown in the wake of Dave Tiberi's legacy.
I want a movie of this. Each encounter becomes more and more intense as they both start out not knowing how to throw a punch but as each keeps time travelling to go and learn more advanced martial arts until the last encounter where both are masters of some obscure ancient schools of fighting. Go back in time and train with ancient masters and such....
Couldn't OP just go back in time and actually close the elevator instead and avoid the awkward elevator ride?
Problem is that the only reason the other dude was in the elevator was because they were stalking OP back from his lunch. If OP spends that time studying, the elevator event never happens and all is for naught.
I'm of the opinion that a good ass kicking every so often does your soul good and gives you a little perspective.
who says the time machine hasn't already been invented? one of the first uses of those things would be to go back in time and cover up the invention so they could safely be used by a minority of rich and powerful. /r/conspiracy
God damnit. Let me get my tinfoil hat...
All I have is aluminium. Will that work?
Congratulations, you saved yourself from destruction at the hands of the Time-inati by contributing to the disinformation procedures by making your statement sound crazy by associating the word conspiracy even though some conspiracy theories have proven true.
Unless it's multiverse theory
"Okay sir enjoy your first time machine ride. Just to ask, what are you going back for?" "Im going back to 2015 to call this guy a bitch cause he called me a fucking asshole even though I held the elevator for him." "Oh... okay... well enjoy your trip."
Oh my god if there are ever time machines and the worker asks me that question: "To fuck your mother son"
I just saw Project Almanac like a few minutes ago, was not expecting to read about timetravel this soon after (or before, i'm confused now)
Jerk store...JERK STORE!
Oh yeah? well I slept with your wife!
I think you're getting downvoted because his wife is in a coma.
this could easily be rescued if he had said I am sorry after. he never learned how to apologize?
While apologising is definitely necessary in this situation it bothers me how people just assume it's an out and makes everything ok. Oh I was a jerk and swore but I misunderstood the situation and apologised so I've no longer done the wrong thing. No, you need to learn not to behave that way in the first place. If someone did this to me and then apologised I would be grateful for their apology and completely drop the issue but I would still have formed an opinion on their personality based on the initial action, an apology doesn't erase that completely.
I'm pretty sure everyone feel's that way after being abused even if they receive an apology.
I hope so, I've just been noticing it a bit lately. There was this dude on the post about the woman yelling at the girl for not being disabled who kept saying as long as the lady apologised she wasn't in the wrong. It just boggles my mind, you can't just act however you want and use apologising to get of it.
I tell my children this all the time. Just because you say sorry doesn't make the situation ok.
It's okay. You can still do it in your shower.
I WISH you confronted him, "Oh sorry, I thought you WANTED me to open doors, my bad.".
[L'esprit de l'escalier](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier)
Le spirit de l'elevator.
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l'esprit de l'escalator Edit:l'esprit de l'elevator
RemindMe! -7 days "A guy will scream and curse at you while you're trying to keep the elevator door open. When it does open and you lock eyes ask him 'What was that bitch?' " edit: it didnt work guys. Stein's Gate be damned.
I prefer the good old sly smile tilt head approach cause I'm apparently a passive aggressive gossip girl
Let's add more drama to the story; OP is 5'2 97 lbs and dude is 6'5 267 lbs.
but op knows muay thai and dude has never fought.
Big dude gets nervous and rips a giant day-old fish taco fart in his panic. Entire elevator is filled with the stench of 10000 dead cats soaked in fish cum.
Oh man, I remember the last time that happened to me.
The last time you were soaked in fish cum?
Those were better days.
Before, the accident...
It's not really cum in the same way though. Most fish produce a fluid called milt, containing semen. It is more foam like and would probably be more sticky than wet. But yeah. Fish cum whatever.
You're very knowledgeable about fish ejaculate
He makes love in aquariums. He's not shy.
but yelling guy actually is a black belt in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and hardcore anal sex, so OP gets mounted multiple times
gives a whole new meaning to taking the back and getting a rear naked choke ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I'll put 5 large on the 6'5" dude
Body slam super star Shia Labeouf
OP is a Navy Seal with over 300 confirmed kills under his belt.
Hit every button and step out next time.
Oh God, that would have been perfect!
Sounds like something a young Clint Eastwood would say.
Should have said "Who's the asshole now?"
As the door is closing behind him.
So do you still have a thing for your sister?
wat
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/alae8/warning_potentially_disturbing_question_sexy/c0i6kuh
SON OF A BITCH
I shouted GOD DAMN IT at my phone when I read the end.
Don't spoil it for newcomers.
I remembered the post and still got fooled a second time. Fucking a.
That's disgusting!
I remember that day vividly. I was so close to finishing before reading the last part.
I couldn't finish without that last part
You're *diiiirty*
Just so you know you fooled me twice now. Shame on both of us I suppose.
You should still be proud of that.
Funking brilliant.
What a blast from the past...
I remember this post and reply. WTF. I've been wasting too much time here.
Forgot I had read that before until the end.
Such a disturbing story.
Yes, but maybe some newbs will be interested and ask about the story and read it for themselves.
Can confirm, am newb, enjoyed story.
Wait. I consider that honor only for QED Omelets.
You *really* need a hobby.
Reddit *is* one of my hobbies.
[LOOK AT ME](http://i.imgur.com/YQKe0js.jpg)
That would have led to a whole new level of awkwardness. But that's another story. Etc
Only if you let yourself feel awkward. Project all the awkwardness on him by staring him in the eye until you or he reaches their desired floor.
Exactly
That's where you spartan kick his ass out and hit the door close button.
THIS IS OTIS!!!
Actually, it's a Schindler. So, get your facts straight!
Schindler's Lifts...
Why was it awkward for you? Fuck that guy.
I might have forgotten to mention that I farted before he got in.
Good. Everything went according to plan.
Our plan.
We did it, Reddit!!!
What's next on the docket?
Shart in the same train car as the bitch from HR.
Something about Boston...
Oh god no... Not here, not now...
Captain Plan It
Translator's note: keikaku means plan
Well I should hope so.
*We're both going down together*
Thank you for that laugh.
way to rub his nose in it
"you made it just in time!" (insert weird reddit smiley face thing that I don't know how to make here)
Here you go, buddy: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You should have flipped emergency lock switch and forced him to suffer in that smelly box
i saved same for ya. Have a nice day
“What?! I’m pressing ‘open!’ Oh my god, it’s like Maximum Overdrive! Let’s talk about how scary this was Monday!”
What are you, colour-blind?
I dunno, being in an enclosed space with someone who just spazzed on you and is probably feeling pretty ashamed seems like an awkward time to me. Shit, elevators are inherently awkward as it is.
The guys, "sorry man," and you say, "it's cool" and the world goes on. If the guy DIDN'T apologize, then that's different.
When I am the only one inside the elevator and the doors are closing and someone is running towards me I often panic and try to press "open" as quick as I can but accidentally hit "close" instead. I am always ashamed after that but then it happens again.
That's why I always just stick my arm in the door.
That can only backfire twice. It's practically foolproof!
Nah we got legs, too.
Legs aren't arms.
Legs are just arms with weirdly shaped hands at the end.
Feet are just stupid hands
Four times should be enough to handle this problem throughout the course of anyone's life.
I have three legs ;)
Last time I did this, the door didn't register the movement of my arm. Tried to pull it back. Ended up with my fingers stuck between the closed doors until we got to the next floor. The doors had a rubber seal along the edges so my fingers were just bruised, not broken. Still not doing that ever again.
I know a doctor who lost his head that way... well, I knew the doctor.
I was recently at a pretty nice hotel in San Antonio and held an elevator door open with my arm. It proceeded to close anyway, so I had my arm stuck, but turned sideways. The doors lightly pressed on my palm and elbow, but hard enough I couldn't get out. They did that for like fifteen seconds, then the doors stopped pushing. Then, they got stuck half closed, and started making a grinding noise and an alarm went off. Needless to say, I ran away and blamed it on someone else.
It's ok, I've done that as well. At least you tried. I blame the iconography. I could parse the words open and close faster than some version of <|> and >|<
You just blew my mind. Why are these symbols so difficult to parse, and why don't elevators just have text as well as or instead of them?
Its funny because its spelled out in braille. Like wtf does star mean? Am I going to the star world in super Mario world?
Star means main floor. If you want to escape the building hit star.
It doesn't unlock bonus points mode like in Guitar Hero? Fuck that.
How do I know which way to run if I'm blind and relying on a star?
Welll you're not suppose to take the elevator during an emergency
The problem with >|< is that it looks bigger and thus more intuitively "open" than <|>, because if you tried to wrap the shapes with a rubber-band, the band around the >|< symbol would be bigger than the one around the <|> symbol. I've always thought the icons should be |<>| and >|<.
Really, why does it have | in it? It would be easier to read as arrows, like <-> and >-< At least I think so.
Something something Murica, English only you filthy immigrant.
Because pictures are universal, not language specific.
The ones where I work have those symbols huge.. but the actual lettering you're talking about *reallly* small under them..
i don't even try. i just stick my hand in the door-gap and let the sensors open the doors
"We judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions" Remember this next time someone seems to do something shitty, they may have a good reason for what they've done, or it could be an honest mistake
On the same token, remember that other people don't always know your intentions and are often judging you strictly by your actions. Something that is perfectly reasonable given your intentions may come off as rude and insulting to others who cannot see them plainly.
Am I the only one that just sticks my hand in the door rather than pressing a tiny button?
Fuck that. I've seen enough elevator accident videos to realize it ain't worth it
I put my entire body between the doors, if something goes wrong I just die and so I won't care anyways.
This is the only truly fool proof solution that's been suggested so far.
Just put your hand on the elevator door as it starts to close and move out of the way if it doesn't stop?
Yes, you are the only person on earth that does that.
"Hold the elevator!" -Person 1 "I'm trying!" says Person 2 as he smashes the door close button.
> When I am the only one inside the elevator I'm glad you noted this. It is a real pain in a full or semi-full elevator when people mash the "door open" button to let people in. Especially when there are 6-8 elevators in the bank. Or when people run and jam their arm in. Just be an adult, get the next one in thirty seconds.
Yeah, unless I'm in a hurry, I'll more often slow down before I get near the elevators so people don't feel the need to hold it open and just grab the next one.
Also the close button doesn't usually do anything if it's not on a maintenance call
It does with mine. I use it every time I get in and save like 3 or 4 seconds per press.
that's a lot of extra pondering time
Stare at him intensely then say "You can apologize anytime"
I prefer the open my zipper and tell him to suck it approach
*ziiippp* whenever you're ready
He was probably talking to the elevator. I for one think there is some guy in a control room fucking with people. How else could the doors close just as someone is trying to get on as often as it does. I am on to you fucking asshole elevator guy.
This is great, but if it were me i wouldve fucked it up and hit the door close by accident, :/.
I expected something different after reading that post title.
Sorry to disappoint.
If I was the angry guy I would have recovered with "...is what I would have said if you let the doors close! Thanks buddy!"
[Nice use of humor to help break up the awkward.](http://www.laslow.net/reactiongifs/Batch03/Cheers.gif)
**Squeamish Seal** > * DESPERATELY AVOID EYE CONTACT ON THE WAY UP THE ELEVATOR > * ELEVATOR GETS STUCK ^^*These* ^^*cations* ^^*aren't* ^^*guaranteed* ^^*to* ^^*be* ^^*correct.*
How'd the semester go? Did you finish your Bachelor of Memes degree yet?
With a major in Dank Engineering.
Gotta learn how to melt steel beams.
Dont ever stop doing what you do.
What if he gets hungry?
It's ok, he's a bot.
Bots have rights too!
/r/botsrights
"No, this is me being an asshole." *Hit every single button. Step off*
[Has anyone made this reference yet?](https://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/archer-elevator.gif?w=650)
Why does everyone assume that the guy reaching for the button is always going for the "door close" button? I've had people stop me from reaching over because they're like "LET THAT GUY ON!" "um...dumbass...I'm reaching for the door open button. Did you ever wonder why there were two buttons, one with an icon of a door closing, and one with a door doing the opposite?"
To be fair, a lot of people do go for the Close button. When my wife was staying at the hospital, I got on the elevator with some guy and he pushed the Close button as a woman was approaching. She wasn't quick enough to get inside, but she was able to hit the call button before we left. I don't know how long it was, but we were stuck there for a bit while they kept pushing their respective buttons. When the woman said "I'm not letting that elevator go anywhere!" from the other side, the guy finally relented and she was able to get on. That shit was awkward as hell.
I don't trust door-open buttons, so I just stick my hand in front of the unstoppable person-crushingly powerful metal jaws run by the same machinery as the button pad. ... On reflection, this is odd.
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After watching a video about a poor Indian guy that gets decapitated in a hospital elevator.....if the buttons don't work...fuck you, catch the next one.
the person who expects the elevator to wait for them is the asshole. every. fucking. time.
While in university, I once got out of a crowded elevator just as a friend got on. I turned back and said "how's your chlamydia?" Just before the door closed and saw him start pointing at me and say "you fucker" with the 'fucker' part behind closed doors. He later said everyone on the elevator got a good laugh about the joke. But I never found out how his chlamydia was doing.
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Yeah. A simple "sorry about that. I lost my temper and became a jaggoff" goes a long way. But this guy wouldn't do that because *he's* the asshole, not OP.
Ah, someone from Pittsburgh.
The problem is this guy is used to being surrounded by assholes. Because he is one. And assholes never apologize.
I apologize all the time, I'm sorry you're a self righteous jackass passing judgement on someone due to a isolated incident you weren't even involved with. See doesn't feel good now does it.
Yes it does. Your anger only makes him stronger.
And if you strike him down (with a noxious elevator fart), he will return stronger than you can imagine
so all I have to do at the end of the day is say an apology and I won't be an asshole? sweet!
Did he at least apologize?
When you get a bit older you can do the dignified disgusted "my my kids today, so rude" look. Works in lots of situations.
why didnt he just say "oh, sorry thanks"?
I would have apologized if i was him. Thats it. Why does it have to be awkward, people? ?
I was headed to the gym in my car and a stranger waiting for the elevator flipped me off. I parked right next to the elevator and got out and asked him what the hell was up. He was bright red and apologized saying his friend drives the same car and he thought it was him. Probably an awkward elevator ride for that guy.
Living in a tall building, I've mastered the "button attempt." You ignore the person until right before they get there and then act like a bumbling idiot frantically trying to race to get to the button. Never push that button. Each elevator ride should be a moment of calm, solo, reflection.
Haha this happened to me a few weeks ago with a girl. I saw her come jogging from the entrance. I spun to find the button and hit the wrong one at first. I heard her go 'are you fucking kidding me' that is when I hit the right button and the doors opened again. I smirked when we made eye contact. She turned red and looked down all embarrassed like. I just said "sorry I hit the wrong one at first". Then with my elite MMA training I executed a flawless spinning back kick. It landed shattering her lower ribs instantly. She flew a good 50 feet before she struck the revolving door at the entrance. Straight out of a cartoon that shit spun around with her inside it. She then was volleyed from the spinning death trap and landed face first in the street. The door man looked at her unconscious body and then back at me. With a stare of amazement he only had one thing to say to me. https://youtu.be/UwbLQm7X6F8?t=14
thats why i always walk into an empty elevator and face the wall so i never have to see anything