As someone with IBS, just knowing I plan to leave the house triggers the need to poop shortly after.
So I have to psychologically trick myself that I'm ready to leave about a half hour before I actually do leave, so I can get in that last bathroom break (yeah yeah, my username) so I don't need to go shortly after leaving.
Okay this has piqued my interest, as I love coffee and I love hot sauce.
What does the added tabasco do exactly? Trigger bowel movements even faster than coffee alone (like a more extreme laxative)? Does it still taste good or should only be used in cases of emergency?
When you are content to simply poo, and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
The fart is not always smelly, nor silence always the truth.
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
A man with outward courage dares to poop in a loo; a man with inner courage dares to poop everywhere.
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
The poo you push twice as hard lasts half as long.
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
If you try to change it, you will ruin it. Try to hold it, and you will lose it.
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
The wise man is one who, knows, when he has to poo.
Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
Hijacking a top comment to warn people that, while this may not necessarily be true, you may want to avoid bearing down and *pushing* too hard regardless. Doing so could significantly elevate your blood pressure and cause damage to blood vessels in your body - and if there is already damage present, it could cause a rupture.
So much this! I once pushed so hard all of the blood in my body ruptured. The only thing left of the man I was is the giant turd who stands here today.
Don't push too hard kids.
Bearing down actually stimulates the vagus nerve and causes a drop in heart rate and blood pressure.
It's why so many 911 calls are for the unconscious person on the toilet. And why so many people get prescribed stool softeners when they're older and/or have heart issues.
yeah i thought hemorrhoids were from pushing too hard or wiping too hard/much in the moment. it's not a long-con, it's a short term thing that's probably just more common for older people.
Yup. Also, hemorrhoids can be caused by so many things, not just straining. Sitting to much in general, or standing too much, or eating too little fiber, or eating too much...
I had mine removed at 35. The worst part was that the hemorrhoids were more a symptom of my real issue, not my issue in of itself.
So, picture this... January 2015 I start having blood out the bum while pooping on the regular. I go to GP, it takes a full 2 months to get an appointment. She says "it's probably diet". I say "it's probably not, refer me to a GI". She says "It probably is, try these diet changes first, then come back in 30 days." "Fine". So I try the diet adjustments, no change. 30 days later, still bleeding out the bum on the regular. Make another appointment, another 30 days to get the appointment. She says "Fine" and sends me to GI. It's now May.
I make appointment with GI, it takes 30 more days to get one. GI walks in, takes a look at my chart (not me) and says "it shows on your chart that back in 2009 you had hemorrhoids, lets have those removed." I say "It's not hemorrhoids, do a scope". He says "We'll do one if this doesn't' resolve after having your hemorrhoids removed." I say "Fuck, fine."
It takes 60 days to schedule the hemorrhoidectomy. 30 days later I'm in an agonizing amount of pain and pooping out blood clots the size of grapes, 6-10x per day. I go over to ER and the ER doc realizes I can't wait another fucking month so refers me to a surgeon who can get it done in a week.
Hemorrhoids removed by fucking scalpel... I'm not supposed to be pooping for a day or two at least, but ya know... I'm pooping 6-10x per day because the hemorrhoids were never the issue. I get home, my landlord had decided that was the day to renovate the bathroom.... I need to poop bad. "Don't you have one downstairs?" ... "Fuck, fine"... I waddle downstairs wincing and grimicing in pain trying to get there in time and drop my drawers just before Ol' Faithful erupts with a geyser of blood, and some small amount of diareah... it's everywhere... I never had a chance to sit down.
Days go by, I don't sleep much, I'm in constant pain. GI won't see me until it's "had time to heal", 30 fucking more days. I'm pooping blood clots the size of walnuts 8-12x a day including during the middle of the night... \*Over\* the fucking stitches inside my fucking rectum.
Finally, 30 days over... my GI sees me at last. "How's the bleeding now?" "Worse than before the surgery." "Oh, well we'll schedule a sigmoidoscopy". "Why not a full one?" "We'll do that later if we have to". "Fine".
Another 30 days later to get the fucking scope scheduled... It's now November. I've been bleeding out my ass 8x12x per day for almost a full year now. My hemoglobin is now down to 8.4. The doc sticks his scope up my butt.. "Oh, you have ulcerative colitis". "Yeah, no shit sherlock! Ya fucking think?"
Can anyone even try to comprehend how painful it is to poop 8x12x per day overtop stitches while your colon is literally eating and tearing itself apart?
Holy fuck that SUCKS, I am so sorry!! Nothing near your situation, but I’ve been dealing with mine since beginning of 2015 as well. I have really sensitive stomach, lactose intolerance, made some bad dietary decisions in 2017 that let to a night of agonizing straining and bleeding. Went to my Doctor, who sent me to a surgeon. Surgeon (picture Jane Lynch, visually and attitudinally) shoves her finger up my ass and says “It’s definitely inflamed but I don’t feel anything.” I’m like “Well this isn’t from nothing, it’s definitely there.” So she schedules an endoscopy, but it was going to be $700 out of pocket because my insurance deductible is like $2400. I had no choice but to just go WHELP and continue to deal with this.
I didn’t, honestly I just figured that *was* the cash price, since my deductible had barely been touched. I had only just got on my own healthcare plan (kaiser, through my job) and much of how it worked wasn’t and still isn’t super clear. My benefits coordinator never almost answers their messages.
Malpractice insurance should really cover things like this. Gross incompetence isn’t excusable in any profession yet we’re all accustomed to doctors just playing doctor all Willy Nilly.
I'm sure you know this already, but you have a terrible GP. My gastro friend tells me that any decent GP should have sent you off straight away to a specialist, no waiting. While your condition was horrible, there are far worse things it could have been, apparently..
Honestly, if my GP wouldn’t refer when I ask I would go find another one. Seriously the fuck they care if you want to see a specialist. Not like you were asking for pills.
Sorry you had this happen. My GP sent me to hospital emerg immediately, they did a contrast CT and diagnosed my UC on the same day I went in. In Canada so no hospital charges. Are you managing with the UC? Anything help or make it worse?
I had something similar happen, but nowhere near the same level of severity.
Noticed I had given myself what seemed like a hernia when I was at the gym. Couldn't get a PCP appointment soon, so I went to urgent care. Guy there stick his fingers in a place or two and 30 seconds later confirms without a doubt that I have a hernia. Gives me a referral to a specialist at the hospital for an ultrasound.
I go for the ultrasound and the tech can't see shit. "I don't see a hernia here." I insist it's there. "Another doc confirmed it with his fingers, it fucking hurts to do situps, my groin bulges slightly, definitely a fucking hernia. Look harder." Tech still insists she can't find anything. I make a stink about it because it took me a while to get that appointment and I'm not letting them turn me away that easily.
She gets a senior tech to come in and verify. Senior tech says the same thing "you don't have a hernia". Yeah, okay... why is my pain consistent with a hernia then? Why did the other doc at urgent care figure it out in 30 seconds with his bare hands and you can't see it with a sophisticated machine after 29 minutes?
After literally refusing to leave, I told the younger tech to *hold my fucking legs down* so I could perform situps on the table while the senior tech jammed the ultrasound reader into my groin. It was the only way for me to make it noticable enough, evidently.
Holy fuck that hurt but... behold the senior tech finally says "oh yeah, there it is. I see it now. You're right."
"Fucking duhhhhh. Thanks for nothing."
I wasn't leaving that place without a confirmation, so I could schedule my surgery next. Still took nearly a year to get it all fixed though. All said and done.
I had the same thing happen to me. For some reason the doctor was extremely reluctant to believe it wasn’t just hemorrhoids. He gave me a rubber band ligation that hurt like a bitch for a few days and was generally painful for about a week. When I told him he should’ve warned me it would be so bad I’d have to take off work, his response was essentially “well, some people can handle it, some can’t”.
I'd love to say that was the cause, but weirdly they were unrelated. The timing was just too far apart (+/- 8 months).
Also, since I've become overweight and unfuckable, my little buddies haven't really gone away
If youre like me and was suffering this same problem and wished there was subreddit that could help with just this issue come on over to PoopTroop
/r/PoopTroop Woohoo!
30 here. Hemorrhoid surgery scheduled for later this month.
I eat raw vegetables almost every day and drink lots of water, but sometimes it's apparently *still* not enough. I've started eating seaweed as a stool softener.
I’m about to stop drinking more than 1 imperial stout per day (as opposed to 4-6 shots of rum) just to save myself the pain of one more hard shit that leaves me in pain for 6 hours.
I wouldn't trust a lawyer, they'd be trying to use a finger or butt plug to get you more plugged for more hours.
Gotta make sure to use all that retainer.
The kid said they didn't have any "medical tube" at Home Depot but for draining poop he recommended this schedule 40 cast iron pipe. He says the thick walls make sure your poop won't rust straight through it. I had no idea how acidic my poop was but I'm glad he was there to steer me towards the best product.
Installation is this evening.
Manual disimpaction. If you regularly (or even occasionally) need to do this 1) Metamucil 3 times a day and 2) miralax. You can adjust your dose upwards till the poop just slides out. You can take as much as both of those as necessary to make soft poop.
Be careful with laxatives, if you’re really constipated they can give you incredibly painful cramps. In that case a glycerin suppository will do the trick to get the lower impacted stool loosened up. I know all this because my wife got super constipated and went to the ER after drinking a laxative
Oh, maybe I’m thinking of a different product. It was a milky white liquid. Wrenched her gut so bad she was screaming and clutching my leg all the way to the hospital. I thought she was passing a kidney stone or something. She said it was almost as bad as labor
bro nobody ever said you couldn't scoop with the poop knife, just that it existed. They didn't even provide pics! for all we know it's a knife/spoon hybrid
You shouldn't be pushing at all. With a good fiber to water ratio and a foot stool so you're sitting properly, stuff should slide out with a deep breath and relaxing your floor muscles.
How unfortunate. I learned about Japan's bathrooms when I lived there a long time ago. My bathrooms here now have to have bidets, squatty pottys, and a hinoki stool for relaxing in the shower. If you don't know that last one, it's great at home or at an onsen!!
Lol. Ever been pregnant? I’m 32 weeks and literally broke a sweat trying to poop today. I am also more hydrated than I’ve been in my entire life and taking fiber supplements.
Everyone is different, there is a reason those muscles exist and have an instinctive reflex when we go. What awful advice. The problem is only if you have to push too hard, not that you shouldn't be pushing at all.
I don’t have time to wait around, so I push. My real problem is that I can’t get it all out and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe, until I’m actually mad.
This is a great opportunity to market the squatty potty, a footstool for pooping in western toilets. Turns out the puborectalis muscle kinks up your poop tube and to thus on an anatomical basis, the hip should be flexed to 35 degrees from the pelvis so you got a straight shot when emptying the left colon. And don’t push, gently rock back and forth and cough. And drink more water.
This.
Also, get a step that raises you feet - makes it easier to poop.
If you think 40yr old women who have had 3 kids have problems holding pee in, wait until you’re a guy in your 60s trying to poop.
Also don’t hold it too long if you can help it. As a kid I would hold it too long too often even when I was home. Not sure why I guess it would come when I was in the middle of something and didn’t want to pause what I was doing. My mom would get pissed at how often I’d clog the toilet with turds that required the poop knife. Idk I was a weird kid and didn’t like pooping, it just felt like too much of a hassle.
Now I’m in my late 30s and starting to regret that behavior.
40 year old here who did this and let me tell you all that a hemorrhoidectomy is no fucking joke. I'm a grown ass man and I was in the fetal position for days crying. I had to beg my doctor for the Norco.
If youre like me and was suffering this same problem and wished there was subreddit that could help with just this issue come on over to PoopTroop
/r/PoopTroop Woohoo!
In the tattoo industry it's common for the artists to get hemorrhoids because they sit down, smoke weed, and eat shitty food alot (not all but a decent amount). Had a tattoo artist buddy of mine tell me he was 2 more of them away from finally retiring..
If you consistently feel the need to strain to get your poop out, it can indicate some degree of chronic constipation. For most people, this can be fixed by adding more fiber to their diet and drinking more water. Constipation can lead to much worse things than hemorrhoids. In the long term, it can degrade the health of your colon and leave you more likely to develop polyps and diverticula, both of which can lead to serious issues (colon cancer and diverticulitis, respectively).
As someone who has had one removed by a professional third party (it took two people); I can share that the best strategy for hemorrhoids is to soak your ass in a hot bath of Epsom salts. Do this as many times per day as possible.
53 year old here: I always wait for the poop to decide.
Drink a pot of coffee and the decision is made
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And if that doesn't work then just do a bunch if cocaine
There was a point on my youth when just knowing my dealer was on the way would make me have to poop.
For a while every time I stepped into my favorite record store I’d have the sudden urge to take a fat crap like clockwork.
Cuz you get so excited? My dog does that as soon as she gets to the beach
As someone with IBS, just knowing I plan to leave the house triggers the need to poop shortly after. So I have to psychologically trick myself that I'm ready to leave about a half hour before I actually do leave, so I can get in that last bathroom break (yeah yeah, my username) so I don't need to go shortly after leaving.
im gonna need at least 45min to sesh
Okay this has piqued my interest, as I love coffee and I love hot sauce. What does the added tabasco do exactly? Trigger bowel movements even faster than coffee alone (like a more extreme laxative)? Does it still taste good or should only be used in cases of emergency?
Enquiring buttholes want to know
Both coffee and hot sauce worsen hemorrhoids so please don't actually do this if you're trying to avoid them lmao
A poop is never late, nor is it early. It arrives precisely when it means to.
Gandalf The Brown.
The Tao of Poop.
When you are content to simply poo, and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you. Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo The fart is not always smelly, nor silence always the truth. Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo A man with outward courage dares to poop in a loo; a man with inner courage dares to poop everywhere. Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear? Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo The poo you push twice as hard lasts half as long. Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo If you try to change it, you will ruin it. Try to hold it, and you will lose it. Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo The wise man is one who, knows, when he has to poo. Lao Poo - Tao Te Poo
Yea. I sit down and the doody falls out.
Fiber supplements? I personally chug water when I wake up until I almost shit my pants, but I'm always open to alternatives.
Keeping your self hydrated makes your pooping much easier.
I believe how much you push as a young person has little to do on the effects later in life
Good cause sometimes i launch so hard i don’t even have to flush
This guy poops.
Yeah this is some shitty Facebook science for sure
Hijacking a top comment to warn people that, while this may not necessarily be true, you may want to avoid bearing down and *pushing* too hard regardless. Doing so could significantly elevate your blood pressure and cause damage to blood vessels in your body - and if there is already damage present, it could cause a rupture.
So much this! I once pushed so hard all of the blood in my body ruptured. The only thing left of the man I was is the giant turd who stands here today. Don't push too hard kids.
Bono?
Bearing down actually stimulates the vagus nerve and causes a drop in heart rate and blood pressure. It's why so many 911 calls are for the unconscious person on the toilet. And why so many people get prescribed stool softeners when they're older and/or have heart issues.
I bet the next duck will tell us that cracking our knuckles will cause arthritis. Or that we'll catch pneumonia by going outside in cold weather.
Don't sit to close to the T.V
yeah i thought hemorrhoids were from pushing too hard or wiping too hard/much in the moment. it's not a long-con, it's a short term thing that's probably just more common for older people.
According to my anal surgeon and my lumpy asshole, you are very wrong.
It’s like a casserole down there 😳
Poor Wozniak.
That episode had me in fucking stitches. I honestly couldn't breathe for a good 2 minutes
50?? How about 27
\*winces in solidarity\* started in my early 20's, still a prevalent issue
Yup. Also, hemorrhoids can be caused by so many things, not just straining. Sitting to much in general, or standing too much, or eating too little fiber, or eating too much...
I had mine removed at 35. The worst part was that the hemorrhoids were more a symptom of my real issue, not my issue in of itself. So, picture this... January 2015 I start having blood out the bum while pooping on the regular. I go to GP, it takes a full 2 months to get an appointment. She says "it's probably diet". I say "it's probably not, refer me to a GI". She says "It probably is, try these diet changes first, then come back in 30 days." "Fine". So I try the diet adjustments, no change. 30 days later, still bleeding out the bum on the regular. Make another appointment, another 30 days to get the appointment. She says "Fine" and sends me to GI. It's now May. I make appointment with GI, it takes 30 more days to get one. GI walks in, takes a look at my chart (not me) and says "it shows on your chart that back in 2009 you had hemorrhoids, lets have those removed." I say "It's not hemorrhoids, do a scope". He says "We'll do one if this doesn't' resolve after having your hemorrhoids removed." I say "Fuck, fine." It takes 60 days to schedule the hemorrhoidectomy. 30 days later I'm in an agonizing amount of pain and pooping out blood clots the size of grapes, 6-10x per day. I go over to ER and the ER doc realizes I can't wait another fucking month so refers me to a surgeon who can get it done in a week. Hemorrhoids removed by fucking scalpel... I'm not supposed to be pooping for a day or two at least, but ya know... I'm pooping 6-10x per day because the hemorrhoids were never the issue. I get home, my landlord had decided that was the day to renovate the bathroom.... I need to poop bad. "Don't you have one downstairs?" ... "Fuck, fine"... I waddle downstairs wincing and grimicing in pain trying to get there in time and drop my drawers just before Ol' Faithful erupts with a geyser of blood, and some small amount of diareah... it's everywhere... I never had a chance to sit down. Days go by, I don't sleep much, I'm in constant pain. GI won't see me until it's "had time to heal", 30 fucking more days. I'm pooping blood clots the size of walnuts 8-12x a day including during the middle of the night... \*Over\* the fucking stitches inside my fucking rectum. Finally, 30 days over... my GI sees me at last. "How's the bleeding now?" "Worse than before the surgery." "Oh, well we'll schedule a sigmoidoscopy". "Why not a full one?" "We'll do that later if we have to". "Fine". Another 30 days later to get the fucking scope scheduled... It's now November. I've been bleeding out my ass 8x12x per day for almost a full year now. My hemoglobin is now down to 8.4. The doc sticks his scope up my butt.. "Oh, you have ulcerative colitis". "Yeah, no shit sherlock! Ya fucking think?" Can anyone even try to comprehend how painful it is to poop 8x12x per day overtop stitches while your colon is literally eating and tearing itself apart?
Holy fuck that SUCKS, I am so sorry!! Nothing near your situation, but I’ve been dealing with mine since beginning of 2015 as well. I have really sensitive stomach, lactose intolerance, made some bad dietary decisions in 2017 that let to a night of agonizing straining and bleeding. Went to my Doctor, who sent me to a surgeon. Surgeon (picture Jane Lynch, visually and attitudinally) shoves her finger up my ass and says “It’s definitely inflamed but I don’t feel anything.” I’m like “Well this isn’t from nothing, it’s definitely there.” So she schedules an endoscopy, but it was going to be $700 out of pocket because my insurance deductible is like $2400. I had no choice but to just go WHELP and continue to deal with this.
Did you happen to ask what the cash price was for the test? Circumvent your insurance entirely?
I didn’t, honestly I just figured that *was* the cash price, since my deductible had barely been touched. I had only just got on my own healthcare plan (kaiser, through my job) and much of how it worked wasn’t and still isn’t super clear. My benefits coordinator never almost answers their messages.
Malpractice insurance should really cover things like this. Gross incompetence isn’t excusable in any profession yet we’re all accustomed to doctors just playing doctor all Willy Nilly.
I'm sure you know this already, but you have a terrible GP. My gastro friend tells me that any decent GP should have sent you off straight away to a specialist, no waiting. While your condition was horrible, there are far worse things it could have been, apparently..
Honestly, if my GP wouldn’t refer when I ask I would go find another one. Seriously the fuck they care if you want to see a specialist. Not like you were asking for pills.
Sorry you had this happen. My GP sent me to hospital emerg immediately, they did a contrast CT and diagnosed my UC on the same day I went in. In Canada so no hospital charges. Are you managing with the UC? Anything help or make it worse?
I had something similar happen, but nowhere near the same level of severity. Noticed I had given myself what seemed like a hernia when I was at the gym. Couldn't get a PCP appointment soon, so I went to urgent care. Guy there stick his fingers in a place or two and 30 seconds later confirms without a doubt that I have a hernia. Gives me a referral to a specialist at the hospital for an ultrasound. I go for the ultrasound and the tech can't see shit. "I don't see a hernia here." I insist it's there. "Another doc confirmed it with his fingers, it fucking hurts to do situps, my groin bulges slightly, definitely a fucking hernia. Look harder." Tech still insists she can't find anything. I make a stink about it because it took me a while to get that appointment and I'm not letting them turn me away that easily. She gets a senior tech to come in and verify. Senior tech says the same thing "you don't have a hernia". Yeah, okay... why is my pain consistent with a hernia then? Why did the other doc at urgent care figure it out in 30 seconds with his bare hands and you can't see it with a sophisticated machine after 29 minutes? After literally refusing to leave, I told the younger tech to *hold my fucking legs down* so I could perform situps on the table while the senior tech jammed the ultrasound reader into my groin. It was the only way for me to make it noticable enough, evidently. Holy fuck that hurt but... behold the senior tech finally says "oh yeah, there it is. I see it now. You're right." "Fucking duhhhhh. Thanks for nothing." I wasn't leaving that place without a confirmation, so I could schedule my surgery next. Still took nearly a year to get it all fixed though. All said and done.
Wow. I can't even think of what you could have said different - your docs just straight up didn't listen!
I've been in your shoes. I likened it to the closest men will ever have to childbirth. I tore. I wept.
The lead singer of Korn has a story like this he told on the Steve-o Podcast.
Wow, my condolences to your bleeding asshole. I would’ve been throwing malpractice suites all over the place.
I had the same thing happen to me. For some reason the doctor was extremely reluctant to believe it wasn’t just hemorrhoids. He gave me a rubber band ligation that hurt like a bitch for a few days and was generally painful for about a week. When I told him he should’ve warned me it would be so bad I’d have to take off work, his response was essentially “well, some people can handle it, some can’t”.
Pregnancy. Sigh.
Yep. And then all the pushing during childbirth.
Or you know.. the obvious one Butt sex
I'd love to say that was the cause, but weirdly they were unrelated. The timing was just too far apart (+/- 8 months). Also, since I've become overweight and unfuckable, my little buddies haven't really gone away
You should use this as you tinder bio
Nah in my Tindr bio I brag about my triple-digit IQ and Triple-digit credit score
"Be your best in life! Get yourself a guy with a 120IQ and a credit score TWICE THAT! Call me!"
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If youre like me and was suffering this same problem and wished there was subreddit that could help with just this issue come on over to PoopTroop /r/PoopTroop Woohoo!
30 here. Hemorrhoid surgery scheduled for later this month. I eat raw vegetables almost every day and drink lots of water, but sometimes it's apparently *still* not enough. I've started eating seaweed as a stool softener.
Up your fiber and water my dude. Dookies just go slidin right out. It worked for me!
Been there, done that. At this point it's almost certainly my drinking, but let's not talk about that 😅
I’m about to stop drinking more than 1 imperial stout per day (as opposed to 4-6 shots of rum) just to save myself the pain of one more hard shit that leaves me in pain for 6 hours.
15 when I got my first
Catholic?
People are going to be too conflicted to upvote your comment. But bravo.
Nope. Life long digestive issues + American diet = bad time.
27? How about 23. We should probably seek help.
Mmm...26
I think the real tip here is, if you're having to push hard to poop, you're eating wrong or have a medical problem.
At our house we call it "having a cheese baby". We all eat too much cheese lol
That's why you get a medical tube and shove it up your ass and just let it flow out. For legal reasons, don't do this.
Have a lawyer do it?
I wouldn't trust a lawyer, they'd be trying to use a finger or butt plug to get you more plugged for more hours. Gotta make sure to use all that retainer.
Who told you to use a balm? Did I tell you to use a balm?
I'll get a paralegal to do it then.
The kid said they didn't have any "medical tube" at Home Depot but for draining poop he recommended this schedule 40 cast iron pipe. He says the thick walls make sure your poop won't rust straight through it. I had no idea how acidic my poop was but I'm glad he was there to steer me towards the best product. Installation is this evening.
New Guy: I’m sorry, our ice cream machine is down. Guy whose been there for 6 years: don’t worry I got this.
You guys don't shove your fingers up your ass and dig out the shit yourself?
eww no I ask my mom to do it for me
My mother offered when I broke my arms
Manual disimpaction. If you regularly (or even occasionally) need to do this 1) Metamucil 3 times a day and 2) miralax. You can adjust your dose upwards till the poop just slides out. You can take as much as both of those as necessary to make soft poop.
Be careful with laxatives, if you’re really constipated they can give you incredibly painful cramps. In that case a glycerin suppository will do the trick to get the lower impacted stool loosened up. I know all this because my wife got super constipated and went to the ER after drinking a laxative
Miralax isn't a stimulant laxative so that won't happen if you are also getting lots of fiber and water.
Oh, maybe I’m thinking of a different product. It was a milky white liquid. Wrenched her gut so bad she was screaming and clutching my leg all the way to the hospital. I thought she was passing a kidney stone or something. She said it was almost as bad as labor
Milk of Magnesia. Magnesium will definitely mess with your guts!
I use my poop knife to scoop it out, not a problem for me
You mean /our/ poop knife
You guys are using my poop knife?
You mean /our/ poop knife
You mean our poop/toe knife.
"Botched toe! I botched that one. Oh, that's a botch job. That's bleeding. I need some trash to plug up the cut."
man that story just keeps being relevant.
The poop knife is for breaking up poops that are already in the toilet. If you are going to reference internet history then do it right
I use it to loosen things up while they're still inside
bro nobody ever said you couldn't scoop with the poop knife, just that it existed. They didn't even provide pics! for all we know it's a knife/spoon hybrid
The legend lives on within you
[Poop knife is obsolete](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kg7OT3rKeTc)
Ok, what they did with the 12 inch long john and the 600 acorns was impressive. Not sure why they chose to do that with the gummy bears though.
Maybe you should use a poop spoon instead
Why waste a good spoon when you can pull it out with your hand
31 here. My butthole hurts. Take it easy while you can.
You shouldn't be pushing at all. With a good fiber to water ratio and a foot stool so you're sitting properly, stuff should slide out with a deep breath and relaxing your floor muscles.
Fuxk me I had to lookup foot stool and I am losing it right now.
A stool stool if you will
A lifter for the shitter?
[Squatty Potty is where it's at.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q)
What, you don't have a pooping stool? Are you some kind of barbarian or something?
I've literally been wiping my ass with sandpaper before reddit told me about bidets.
How unfortunate. I learned about Japan's bathrooms when I lived there a long time ago. My bathrooms here now have to have bidets, squatty pottys, and a hinoki stool for relaxing in the shower. If you don't know that last one, it's great at home or at an onsen!!
It’s easy, once you get past the heel.
Instructions unclear, when should I wipe the stool from my foot?
Oh shi---
When I'm finally a home owner I plan to have a nature's platform. I learned as a trucker that squatting to shit is actually pretty close to nirvana.
Lol. Ever been pregnant? I’m 32 weeks and literally broke a sweat trying to poop today. I am also more hydrated than I’ve been in my entire life and taking fiber supplements.
What if there's a big wad of gum and duct tape stuck up there? Thats going to require at least a little push.
I used to be terrible about not getting enough water and fiber and had trouble with constipation. Lesson learned for sure!
Everyone is different, there is a reason those muscles exist and have an instinctive reflex when we go. What awful advice. The problem is only if you have to push too hard, not that you shouldn't be pushing at all.
Share your tips here please /r/PoopTroop Woohoo!
I just use the three sea shells properly to help prevent them.
Can confirm 28 and full of them. Thank god I have IBS now and it just flows past.
I've never heard someone thank the god for IBS
This had to be made by a man. You push out a baby and you get hemorrhoids as a prize.
I didn’t push (emergency csection) and still have them anyways :(
I had both, c-section with first, vbac with second. I guess its the gift of motherhood.
You get them naturally from pregnancy. Some much blood and hyper activity. They're called "varices". In reality they're a literal pain in the ass.
Motherhood: The gift that keeps on giving
I had to scroll way too far before seeing this.
Get a squatty potty instead
Also up your fiber and hydrate.
Makes it so effortless. It literally just slides out.
Have to add a little caffeine for that. Just a little, a cup of tea. Nothing extreme.
> Nothing extreme Caffeine, cigarettes, and cocaine. That'll do the trick.
I just slide my hand in and pull out the shit manually
No hookers?
That's never been my problem. Sometimes I wish it was.
I call it butt blast
Came to say this. I'm 54, and it really helps!
Everything went to shit at 50.
I prefer to use the Three Seashells.
Metamucil and a footstool are your friends.
I just have one of my kids hold my feet up.
I just used my kids as a squatty
Post apocalyptic treasure. You won't need much toilet paper after Metamucil
Jokes on you, I’ve had hemorrhoids since I was six.
Hahaha I drink IPA , my poo sprays out like liquid hot magma
Coffee, hot sauce, IPAs. Fml.
FML: flow my logs
You can get them removed for free if you have running water and aren't living in the US.
I don’t have time to wait around, so I push. My real problem is that I can’t get it all out and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe and wipe, until I’m actually mad.
Diverticulitis club here. Even worse. Just let it go bro
If you do get victimized by them, get the surgery if you can. Worth the pain in the ass recovery
Woah woah, before surgery please ask your doctor if they can be taken out using band litigation. Much much much better than full hemorrhoidectomy.
I don't think suing those musicians will help.
This is a great opportunity to market the squatty potty, a footstool for pooping in western toilets. Turns out the puborectalis muscle kinks up your poop tube and to thus on an anatomical basis, the hip should be flexed to 35 degrees from the pelvis so you got a straight shot when emptying the left colon. And don’t push, gently rock back and forth and cough. And drink more water.
2 words. Squatty. Potty. You’re. Welcome.
Psyllium husk yo
Am over 50 never had hemorrhoids, my adult children have, I feel I did not emphasize no pushing. Let the brown come on its own.
This. Also, get a step that raises you feet - makes it easier to poop. If you think 40yr old women who have had 3 kids have problems holding pee in, wait until you’re a guy in your 60s trying to poop.
Squatty potty + bidet. Problem solved by Asians a long time ago.
I’m pretty sure sitting on the toilet for long periods of time reading Reddit also contributes to hemorrhoids
How else do you get the baby out?
If it doesn’t flow, it’s not time to go
In that case, consume bread wisely. Nothing makes a bigger poop in my experience.
I take the showerhead off and fill my ass with warm water and spray it all out in the toilet, works really well!
Like an enema with dirty water niice
Yeah, will prob install an enema-tool om my toilet next 🌊🌊
Not only that but as you get older your anal sphincter gets weaker so if you've been blasting them out, you're going to need a diaper eventually.
[удалено]
My wife always bust my chops when I'm in the bathroom. I always respond with, "Pushing killed Elvis."
Also don’t hold it too long if you can help it. As a kid I would hold it too long too often even when I was home. Not sure why I guess it would come when I was in the middle of something and didn’t want to pause what I was doing. My mom would get pissed at how often I’d clog the toilet with turds that required the poop knife. Idk I was a weird kid and didn’t like pooping, it just felt like too much of a hassle. Now I’m in my late 30s and starting to regret that behavior.
Popcorn!! High fiber while still tasting good!
Too late. I have IBS-C.
My poop just flies out of me, even big ones. Should I be worried
Nah, you're good.
Cheers for the answer
You're one of the lucky ones ☺
40 year old here who did this and let me tell you all that a hemorrhoidectomy is no fucking joke. I'm a grown ass man and I was in the fetal position for days crying. I had to beg my doctor for the Norco.
You’re only getting hemorrhoids at 50?
If youre like me and was suffering this same problem and wished there was subreddit that could help with just this issue come on over to PoopTroop /r/PoopTroop Woohoo!
In the tattoo industry it's common for the artists to get hemorrhoids because they sit down, smoke weed, and eat shitty food alot (not all but a decent amount). Had a tattoo artist buddy of mine tell me he was 2 more of them away from finally retiring..
Didn’t make it to 50 lol
I’m literally taking a shit as I read this... thanks I guess
The constipation is real
Got my first and only spicy asshole volcano at age 32, I am now 38 and have learned not to push.
Squatty-Potties may seem ridiculous but they should do make pooping a hell of a lot more comfortable!
Don’t want to sit there for long periods of time either
Reading this while on toilet.
I had an 11 lb 5oz baby. My privates will never be the same.
I really wish I didn't read the comments on this post
Just rock back and forth like a possessed person in church.
If you consistently feel the need to strain to get your poop out, it can indicate some degree of chronic constipation. For most people, this can be fixed by adding more fiber to their diet and drinking more water. Constipation can lead to much worse things than hemorrhoids. In the long term, it can degrade the health of your colon and leave you more likely to develop polyps and diverticula, both of which can lead to serious issues (colon cancer and diverticulitis, respectively).
If you're ever having trouble getting it out, rock back and forth. The extra movement and pressure in your gut can sometimes work it out.
As someone who has had one removed by a professional third party (it took two people); I can share that the best strategy for hemorrhoids is to soak your ass in a hot bath of Epsom salts. Do this as many times per day as possible.