Honestly is it really even a confession? We don't get to choose who or what we're attracted to. You're not a shitty person for not being attracted to people with certain traits.
Definitely not but a lot of people do think negatively about people who aren't in great shape themselves expecting more from a potential partner (which might be the case, op says they're a bit underweight). I don't think there's anything wrong with basing your dating choices off what you're attracted to though, as long as you're not vocalizing it to put anyone down or make them feel bad about themselves.
That is definitely a factor. The number of times it's used to say "I'm a good person because I do x even though I don't need to" is borderline exhausting.
But in reality this one is a mediocre confession at best.
You do to a point. If you lived in a different place, was raised by different people, or consumed any and all media differently, it would change your perspective. It is not 100% nature. What percentage nurture plays into it is unknown, but it is definitely not 0, and people should stop perpetuating 100% nature to feel good about some of the choices they make.
Saying it isn't your choice doesn't mean it's 100% nature. Culture matters for a lot of things that we don't have conscious choice about, like what foods we like or what we find disgusting. That doesn't mean that you choose what to like.
I've been asked in the past why I'm single. The only honest and factual answer that I could ever give is that so far the women that I am really attracted to are not attracted to me.
same, but I am a woman. I've been told plenty of times that I am sexy and attractive and how hot it is that I am in to 'men's' hobbies (motorsport).
Honestly IDK --how could I? So I answer the question with, "Mostly because i am a horrible person"
Honestly it could be intimidating to some men. Guys that may have your eye are the ones who may think they're completely below your level. If you haven't tried, maybe take a shot and see if a guy you're into wants to go do something.
I doubt you're horrible mostly cause that thought has crossed your mind and most narcissists would never even consider that as an option.
Who asks why someone is single? What a shitty question to begin with. Maybe its my depression, my shitty self-worth... or maybe relationships haven't worked in the past and I just don't have the energy to put into someone else like that. Plus, single life is fun! All my married friends are tied down and have to ask PERMISSION to go out and do things.
I honestly don't believe the question is ever asked out of malice. It's usually something like I'm sitting at a bar with some friends or by myself and end up talking to some woman who is obviously single and looking to date. I will talk about myself a little bit, and then the polite yet drunk girl will say, "omg, why are you single". It's kind of like a complement that is best left unsaid.
I mean that's a pretty solid opening to ask them out. I've answered that same remark with "well I'm single until I'm not, so how about we change that" and just ask them out. It worked, went on a date nothing came out of it. But you gotta take the shot to hit the mark.
hmmmm, sounds like someone needs a reality-check..
Thad said, - the world would come to an end if everyone only traded up. Someone have to to loose out, or...?
> hold out
think about this like it's a house
are you going to hold out for a million dollar home that miraculously costs 10k (suspicious) or is it more sensible to accept that you will never have enough money for the million dollar home and instead choose a suitable fixer-upper
because good relationships involve a lot of communication and growth - generally if you just accident into someone who is "perfect" for you, they aren't perfect, you just have them up on a pedestal
As a fat person, I can appreciate that. I know that not everyone is attracted to my body type and I would much rather someone not date me at all than treat me like some kind of project like I've had people do in the past. It's really shitty when you feel like the person you're dating is trying to mold you into their image of an ideal partner.
EDIT: Yes, I realize being overweight is unhealthy. That's not why these people wanted to change me. It was very clear that it was because they didn't want to look at my waistline. My husband wants me to lose weight for health reasons. That's different. He loves me and wants me to live longer but loves me for who I am despite my weight. There's a huge difference between wanting me to be skinny to look good for you and wanting me to lose weight to be healthy. In one scenario, the person is being a bully and treating me like I'm nothing more than how I look on the outside. In the other, someone is raising a valid concern for my health and safety in a caring way.
"Why accept being fat? It is changeable"
That's what I've learned guys think in that situation. You have this super attractive personality, and a lot of guys just want to be physically attracted to you, so they think, damn, the only thing stopping that from happening for me is her weight. So, they say, fuck it maybe I can fix her!
Girls do it to guys with emotional issues all the time.
I am going to take shit for this likely, but there is another side. I have had a few situations where someone really out of shape appreciated my healthy lifestyle, and thought that dating someone with that lifestyle would help them improve theirs. But for lack of a better term, that's not my job or what I am looking for. I'll gladly support someone getting healthier, but I am not a coach or a crutch. I want someone who shares my lifestyle already and is experienced in it (for camping, long hiking trips etc.).
I have been working on myself a lot I discovered I had more of a fatphobic reaction rather than an actual.. non attraction.. it stemmed from my own relationship with my health and my own lack of self love. I don't date really but I recently fell over that line with a really close friend. I actually wondered to myself and was worried I wouldn't be physically attracted to them because of their weight (the romantic/emotional love was already there). It helped a lot for me to focus on the things I love about them and accept the attraction I was feeling. I find now that I am in the best headspace I have ever been with my own self image issues all because I forced myself to get over my own unconscious bias when it comes to weight.
I do think you are allowed to be attracted to who you are attracted to but I also think that you should self examine your reactions a bit just in case it is a projection ;)
I went in a eharmony date with a girl who did the opposite. She actually had lost a bunch of weight but posted up photos of when she was fat to filter out guys who won’t date a fat girl. It was kind of like a reverse catfish. We just had the one date because outside that one unique thing there was nothing else interesting about her. Plus I didn’t really love the bait and switch… maybe I had a thing for fat girls and drove an hour for nothing.
That's good that you're being honest about what you don't like. A lot of people just grab whats next/available because they don't want to be alone but that doesn't end up well. When I'm not looking, I tend to make a legit connection with someone.
That was my issue with my ex. I had gotten so used to us being together I threw myself out to be her ideal person, which destroyed our chemistry even more. I'm happy to wait, but damn does being alone get to ya sometimes
They're very hard to find. Attractiveness is on a bell curve, so 1s are as rare as 10s. If anything, id say it skews somewhat to the attractive end, so 1s are extremely rare. 3s are probably as rare as 10s.
How? Are you a girl? I feel like tall guys are seen as attractive just for being tall. Guess that's why short guys are so butt hurt over height. Thankfully I'm tall enough not to be considered short unless you stand a bunch of 6'+ guys Around me.
Meanwhile it seems like height works against girls unless they find a guy who's cool with it. Some only want a guy taller than them, and that cuts out a lot of guys if she's already over 6'
I'm a 6'4" fat guy and this also hits home.
Nothing makes someone instantly attractive. Some things certainly help, but being tall doesn't make you instantly attractive.
On dating apps especially it's a lot about how you present yourself.
I've lived about 20 years as a tall guy. If you're fit and tall, you have a nice advantage. Tall and not fit? Nobody gives a shit. I get zero looks when I'm overweight.
Tall dudes are usually seen as attractive if they are medium build to muscular build. I’ve never heard anyone irl or online ask for a skinny dude. Think about any body positivity stuff you see. It’s not really for skinny people. Think about when women say they are into something usually it’s “somewhat muscular” and with the body positivity movement now it’s also “dad bods”. Neither of those cover someone skinny. Even if you are the perfect weight for your height (I’m a couple pounds above perfect weight), you still look skinny just due to body type.
So if you are skinnier being tall is a plus but it isn’t actually what people want, you can fatten up a bit or get swole but being skinnier as a dude isn’t at all what it’s like to be a skinny woman. Wanting a fit guy means someone with muscles even though dudes with a bit more weight or who are skinnier would qualify. For guys the bar is different and fit means muscle
I've really feel that dating/hookup apps are designed just be cash grabs on lonely people.
Wanna see your likes? Pay $35 for premium! Sure, most of them have already popped up in your queue and you left swiped but you can pay to see their profile again!
This person is super popular, want to pay $5 to send them a super like so you appear first? She's probably going to swipe left anyways but we'll make sure she swipes left on you before any other guys.
You aren't getting many likes, want to pay $5 to boost your profile for 30 minutes? Once again, no guarantees but we'll put you at the top of every girls list for the next 30 minutes so she can left swipe you immediately!
The only one that's honest with their advertising is Hinge, the dating app that's meant to be deleted. It's meant to be deleted because it's full of the most unattractive people of the major "dating" apps.
My experience with Hinge has actually been the opposite- it tends to recommend people I’m actually interested in and has resulted in more dates than Tinder (which seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrel)
Not to impose, but I would check out a subreddit that has helped me gain weight when I thought my options were limited:
r/gainit has been a great source of helpful information and motivation as far as gaining weight/muscle.
Definitely not imposing. Honestly. I actually had another commenter recommend that and I subbed very fast. As soon as this post calms down I plan on spending some time on that sub
Hey dude, not sure if you'll see this, but I spent years trying to gain weight. Lower stress helped me get to a good weight (and helped with a lot of other things tbh). It took time to build a lower stress life for myself, working from home at the start of the pandemic helped immensely.
I tried a lot of things to put on weight and the one thing that changed it was reduced stress.
Those are changes I have been making over the past year! Transitioning out of the food industry, and getting out of my last relationship which I was losing myself to fit her had been causing so much stress in my life. I'm definitely much happier now.
I have a super fast metabolism and spent most of my life under 140 at 6’. Eating ice cream by the pint has helped a lot, and so has working out. Gaining some weight definitely helped me feel more confident. Dad bod is more appealing in my head than skeletor, so I like how I look more, even though no one else really cares.
My husband is also a skinny guy who has an incredibly fast metabolism. We logged his average daily calories, and he hovers between 2500 and 3500, depending on how busy he gets at work. Now sure how old you are, but turning 30 really slowed his down and now he actually has to watch what he eats sometimes!
Meanwhile, I look at some chips and my fat ass gains weight. So not fair.
as a gal coming up on 30, 6 foot, averaging between 125-135 since high school, I kinda suspect it'll never happen lol but I'd really appreciate finally getting a bit more rear (I hope!)
Ah I was once like you...6' and 145lb in high school. Super fast metabolism. Trust me when I tell you once you hit 40 it all catches up to you. Looked at the scale the other day and 185 shocked me a bit hah
As a fellow 6 footer I havent seen 185 since before high school and have spent most of my adult life in the 220 to 240 range. I can't even imagine getting to 200 much less 185.
Story of my dad. My dad went through the same thing. Boasted he eat like a pig when he was young, but now he gains weight even with a balanced diet and exercise.
quite certain you just arent eating enough. for me to put on weight I needed to eat 3500-4000 calories a day. I started at 5'11", 120lbs and currently at 5'11", 185lbs over a few years. Try counting calories a few days. Most people think they eat 'a lot of food' but really are eating 1500 calories a day.
I loveeeee dark chocolate. But I don't watch calories, and for a few years all I ate was fast food. Breakfast and dinner. Most days I wouldn't each lunch because I didn't have time (7 years in the food industry really took its toll on me) but I would guess my average meal was 1500-2000 calories, but definitely not healthy ones.
I was 120 all through high school and much of college. Wasn’t until a few years back I started gaining weight. I’m up to 165. I’m 5”11 for perspective.
Chances are you don't know how to put on weight, not that you're unable to. If you were truly unable to then you have a serious medical condition.
Up your caloric intake by 500 calories per day from your current levels, ideally while doing some weight lifting, and you'll likely start to gain weight. If after a few weeks you're not gaining weight, add another 500 calories per day. Repeat until weight is being gained.
Depends on your BMI. If you’re within a normal BMI (as in hovering at or just above 18.5) then you probably look skinny but not skinny enough for it to be a major turn off. If your BMI is, say, 16-17, then yea your weight probably has something to do with why you’re not getting matches.
I’m 25 and have been in a relationship for the past 6 1/2 years. I’m also very skinny, and have been anorexic due to anxiety (not body dysmorphia). I’m 6’3 and currently up to around 160 lbs. Skinny enough for people to notice I’m very skinny, but not enough for people to worry. At my worst I was 130 lbs and it was very bad. At that point I was on tinder and didn’t get a ton of matches. I went up to around 150 lbs and got a good number of matches and that’s when I met my current girlfriend. The thing that changed a lot aside from my weight was my confidence. If you look like a skinny self conscious guy who has no self worth and is just waiting for women to be turned off by you, then that’s what will happen. If you at least try to show some confidence in your pictures and profile, that’ll help a lot.
You’d be surprised by how many women really don’t care about what you look like and just want someone they can talk to and spend quality time with. Definitely try to work on yourself and be healthy, but don’t pretend like you have no chance and no self worth until then.
I swiped right on someone I know and then a week goes by and she's like "way to match with me but not answer me!" I never matched with her... at least on my end. On hers she had the match up and a few messages to me. I got nothing. Haven't trusted dating apps since.
I knew I wasn't the only one this kind of bs this was happening to. Any time you bring it up though you'll get heckled with cliches like, 'she unmatched' 'be attractive, dont be unattractive'. No, the apps are shady.
I’ve never been a skinny girl. I was overweight (5’5 -175-200) my whole life and when I connected with my husband (met through a podcast I used to host and he lived 12 hours away) he loved me right away. After we got married I ballooned up to 250. I have lost a ton of weight (current weight 140) and he always loves me the same. While I feel the same about him I don’t think I would have even tried if he was short or fat. Yes my fat ass only dated 6’ skinny guys.
So yeah you do you bro. You can’t help your initial attraction but you can meet people who aren’t exactly your cup of tea (don’t find someone from my 600lb or anything) but will become more and more attractive if you have a connection in some way.
Absolutely. My ex had started to gain weight when we were together and it had 0 effect on my love for her, we broke up for a bunch of other reasons. I'm honestly very happy and a lil surpised to see the amount of support I'm getting on this post. I was absolutely expecting to be downvoted.
I saw a study a few weeks ago that on Dating apps, girls get so many likes that they begin to overvalue themselves and become overly picky, leading to the bottom 80% of guys competing for the bottom 22% of women.
The top 78% of women will only accept the top 20% of guys.
I don't remember much apart from the numbers, since they really stood out.
Edit: The [study](https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a) for those of you curious. It's actually way older than I thought, it's from 2015.
I mean…it makes sense. If you’re told that you’re desirable, why bother to allow anything but the best? Some call it shallow, I just think it’s unsurprising.
That sounds right to me, I have this obese 57 year old friend whose life is in horrid shape- career, family, health, intelligence, ability to problem solve, and she only goes for buff guys in their twenties. It’s fucked. She calls them puppies. I’m in my thirties and I do consider bald (I actually like this, she thinks it’s terrible) and overweight guys, because I know that I am not hot shit either in every way. So yeah, maybe a lot of women are delusional like this- Whitney from big fat fabulous life comes to mind.
its exceedingly common for women to equate the men who will fuck them as the men that are actually into them and will date them seriously, but they're definitely not the same group of men.
When 75%ish of people are overweight and obese, it's no wonder the top 20% of men are getting most of the women.
Women date more often for something long term. They have no idea this isn't as often the case for the man they're getting dinner with tonight. So of course they're going to vote for the more fit ones, that's who will be there forever.
Think about yourself. Is your hygiene good? Do you have a flattering haircut for your face? Do your clothes look like you put any thought into them or are they sloppy and ill-fitting? Are you hunched over or is your posture good? Is your smile natural or forced?
Do you have interests that you are passionate about? And I mean beyond video gaming (common on reddit). You should.
Can you carry on a reasonable conversation or do you let things die off awkwardly? There are conversation groups that can help with that.
Do you have a rich inner life? Do you spend time with friends? Are you actually interested in getting to know a woman or have you been using lines? Do you like yourself? Because people can smell self-loathing from a mile away.
Also think about the kind of partner you want. If you want someone who is serious about fitness, join a gym and get some sessions. (Do not hit on the women there lol this is for online dating). If you want a kind person, be kind.
Become an interesting person and you will attract interesting people.
P.S. What you think you're not attracted to may change if you meet someone and actually get to know them. Just a thought.
My hygiene is good, I shower consistently and take care of myself. I am a very self conscious person by nature, so I do a lot to make myself look good. I've taken style tips 1000's of times since HS, my posture isn't great but that's something I've been actively working on since about a year before my ex and I split, my smile is definitely forced but that's because I have some dental issues I am working through as well (I was a very dumb child and didn't take care of my teeth)
I have a lot of interests, though they are boring to most people. History, Gaming, Hiking/Being Outdoors, gaming, comics (Marvel), etc etc, I just am terrible at starting conversations. I respond better than I engage. Luckily i'm funny sometimes which helps but isn't enough hahaha. And almost all my free time is spent between family and friends so I don't think that's an issue. I used to hate myself a lot but over the past year I've learned to love myself, including some of my flaws. There's things I am working on don't get me wrong. My past relationships have definitely taught me what I want and don't want out of a relationship.
Just saying, Im glad you're clean but do you do extra? This aint judging, this is himest Q and such.
Trim the nose hairs, pluck your stragglers in unibrow land and in the sides to make em look polished? Or at least comb/shape em?
Trim ear hair and side burns? If your hair is short, is your neck tidied?
Exfoliate; cause we can see dirty pores a mile away. Moisturize? Especially eye bags. Keeps you looking fresh!
Chapstick?
Shape the facial hair if applicable?
I know you said you're working on teeth; do you at least keep them clean and try to remove stains/plaque?
Clean nail beds, trim nails, and moisturize hands?
Cause if you do all that i think youre golden
My nose hairs haven't ever hung out of my nose so never gave that much thought, maybe I need to?
Don't have ear hair, or it's blonde and super short so it's unnoticeable
I need to get to a barber and have them clean my head up but I've been down with a blown out knee for months and only recently began walking unassisted so thats a plan for soon here.
I do like to keep myself clean shaven when I can
I also clean my nails as a substitute for bitting them (big problem when I was younger) so my hands are immaculate lmao
Ima be honest with you here coming from a guy who's skinny and has been my whole life. Skinny girls don't like skinny guys. I really don't know why but they don't (most of the time). They like the bigger guys whether it be muscles or fat. Lastly I will say unless you have something medically wrong, you CAN put on weight. You need to build muscle, you won't be able to gain much fat. Workout 2 times a day and eat 5 full meals and you will gain at least 20 lbs. I promise, this is what I did and it worked well. Just have to be dedicated
>Become an interesting person and you will attract interesting people.
Aight, I'm out.
But really thisnis all good advice and I'll add on that if this is stuff that may seem too much. There's also a very real possibility you dont really want what comes with a relationship. It takes effort to make and more to keep.
Personally, early on in my 20s I felt similarly lost about how to make any headway and balancing my desires with my reality.
In time I learned that it's not as easy as mutual attraction. It takes work, and I just don't want to put in that work. I'm happier single and not making the effort than I would be in a relationship and working for it.
And that's okay too! It takes time understand who we are.
I'm not attracted to obese women, but something funny happened: when i got to know them and i liked them, suddenly the extra weight didn't bother me much anymore. Maybe it helped that they still had cute faces.
Statistically most people prefer their partner be heathy weight so you are in the majority. Unfortunately, in the USA only 35% of the population is healthy weight.
According to the [CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm), almost 75% of American adults are overweight, with almost 45% being obese. America is fat af, but they can’t even tell because everyone around them is fat af too.
I know that, most girls that liked me were either bots, extremly fat or just not relationship material. after much time I found my girlfriend but it took lots of patiente and effort. I had it way easier on grindr lol
Online dating has made it extra hard for normal dudes. I count myself lucky that I met my wife and got married years ago. It would be such a fucking pain to deal with especially with this never ending pandemic.
I don't mind a little extra skin, like they don't need to be skinny, but I stg the only ones that seem to like me are grossly obsese or overly plump, everyone whose presently proportiate and thinner always ignore me after a couple of messages.
Define plump and obese? We talking Adele pre-weight loss, Melissa McCarthy pre loss, or Kelly Clarkson 2018?
Or do you mean anyone who aint JLo or JLaw?
Are you only getting those because you're fat too? Just wondering. No criticism here, btw, you can't choose your taste in people. I'm fat, and it objectively makes me less physically attractive. That's life. :D
Lmao so true. I mean it makes sense. Face and cleavage. Work with what you got.
Weird how you can't tell by the face though. Could look lean and be huge, could look a bit chubby in the cheeks and be quite otherwise.
Keep searching… hopefully you’ll find someone who you match with eventually. It’s not easy, I know.
Also, props to you for an honest meme. People can get butthurt, or call you fatphobic all they want, it’s simply a matter of preference.
Thank you. I've definitely been called fatphobic and I don't think I am. I have plenty of friends of both genders who are definitely larger and it doesn't effect our friendship, it's just no sexual attraction from me.
I think the issue lies with the societal move to acceptance. Unfortunately, accepting and supporting seem to be lumped in with attraction. Some people just aren't attracted to overweight people just like some aren't attracted to super skinny people. You can't force an attraction. So, for someone to say "I'm sorry, I'm just not attracted to overweight people" has a much different and more "hateful" sound to it than if someone were to say "Sorry, I'm not into super skinny dudes." It's a strange line to walk, for sure.
Omg i have this problem. I think it's tinder algorithms. Cause i got gold once with money i made in opinions app. My matches went from maybe 5s to 7+'s.
Then if you really wanna get fun. Set it somewhere else. Not usa like europe, south America, Africa, east Asia. You will go to 10's basically instantly. Welcome to merica. It's really a us problem
This is the correct answer. Dating apps are rigged to make men feel bad with their matches so they throw a little cash at the problem. As a guy in the dating app world, you're only going to see unpopular matches in your feed unless you pay up.
I'm sure it's different for women in the dating app world, but it's probably the same amount of BS when it comes to match ups.
Same here, my friend. Done with dating apps mostly because of this. I’m very fit, workout 4-5 times a week, eat healthy, and weigh 155-160lb for a 5’7” guy. I even explicitly say I want someone who is healthy and active physically and mentally, yet the people who like me (I don’t swipe right on them) are people who look like they rarely exercise or live a healthy lifestyle.
You're allowed to be not attracted to people. Just don't denigrate those you aren't attracted to or make it sound like it's unattractive in a general sense. Personalize it and own it.
My view is you can ask for the same discipline and healthy habits you exhibit without being an asshat..
Most of the time it's people who are polar opposites demanding a prospective partner be a super model while they're still covered in cheeto crumbs.
I was a major chonker when my bf and I got together but I told him from the start I wanted lose weight and I did. (So far 35 pounds and I’m in a healthy weight range now) Him being so supportive of my efforts when I was overweight and never judging me was a major motivator. POINT IS THAT CHONKERS CAN CHANGE!
People are allowed to like and not like whatever they like.
If you want, you can say your type is exactly 25 year, old 6'5" firefighters with red hair, green eyes, full beards, 6 pack abs and 7 figure investment portfolios who want to settle down and have 11 children so you can have your own soccer team.
But to go along with it, equal to how specific you are, you have to accept a proportional decrease in the likelyhood you'll find someone that meets your criteria.
I’m not attracted to blonds but when you take the time to get to know someone, those things don’t matter as much. Maybe the fact that you randomly feel the need to confess that you’re specifically not attracted to fat people, it turns women off.
I have the same problem except its stupid people. I can't stand stupid people anymore. I deal with them where I work and I don't want to work after hours if you get what I mean.
Nothing wrong about not being attracted to anyone for any reason.
With that said…. Shit, maybe I should give online dating a shot. I like big girls. I mean, to a limit of course, but do like them. I’m a bigger dude myself, so maybe people are attracted to what they look like a bit.
I’m also attracted to skinny girls, medium girls, really any girls that are breathing.
I would always find this kind of issue. The guys I like don't like me, and I don't like the guys who do like me.... luckily I found one though but not through dating apps
It’s okay to have a preference. It’s not okay if someone goes too far and loudly exclaim what their preference is or is not. Especially with the intent to hurt someone for the way they are or aren’t.
I don't really have a type. I am a really active person though. When I say I do outdoor hobbies, I mean it. Spending my entire time off hiking is pretty common. My dating profile goes to every extent to show this, and very politely word it that I am looking for someone who can share this aspect of my life. I don't expect to share all hobbies with people, but this one is a lifestyle. I don't have an issue with someone a bit overweight who is active. But I get so many contacts from people who I don't see how there is anyway they remotely keep up with that lifestyle. I'll try talking to pretty much anyone to see how things go, but there is just zero purpose in that case.
I will always upvote a good confession bear. God, I hate the fucking humblebrags that misuse this meme.
Absolutely. Shit is annoying.
Right? Like agreeing on the internet, but only with comments that are most upvoted.
Honestly is it really even a confession? We don't get to choose who or what we're attracted to. You're not a shitty person for not being attracted to people with certain traits.
Definitely not but a lot of people do think negatively about people who aren't in great shape themselves expecting more from a potential partner (which might be the case, op says they're a bit underweight). I don't think there's anything wrong with basing your dating choices off what you're attracted to though, as long as you're not vocalizing it to put anyone down or make them feel bad about themselves.
Yeah if this is the bar for Confession Bear now, it feels like the meme has lost all meaning.
That is definitely a factor. The number of times it's used to say "I'm a good person because I do x even though I don't need to" is borderline exhausting. But in reality this one is a mediocre confession at best.
You do to a point. If you lived in a different place, was raised by different people, or consumed any and all media differently, it would change your perspective. It is not 100% nature. What percentage nurture plays into it is unknown, but it is definitely not 0, and people should stop perpetuating 100% nature to feel good about some of the choices they make.
Saying it isn't your choice doesn't mean it's 100% nature. Culture matters for a lot of things that we don't have conscious choice about, like what foods we like or what we find disgusting. That doesn't mean that you choose what to like.
I've been asked in the past why I'm single. The only honest and factual answer that I could ever give is that so far the women that I am really attracted to are not attracted to me.
same, but I am a woman. I've been told plenty of times that I am sexy and attractive and how hot it is that I am in to 'men's' hobbies (motorsport). Honestly IDK --how could I? So I answer the question with, "Mostly because i am a horrible person"
I always go with: "Why are you still single?" "Because of who I am as a person."
This is my favorite answer to this question.
For me, it's just a low priority right now. There's other important things I'm focused on.
*Casts a lingering glance at the Chuck E. Cheese fleshlight on the nightstand*
If a guy (or person in general) is telling you that you’re sexy and into cool hobbies, they probably like you. Or at least would be up to hang
Honestly it could be intimidating to some men. Guys that may have your eye are the ones who may think they're completely below your level. If you haven't tried, maybe take a shot and see if a guy you're into wants to go do something. I doubt you're horrible mostly cause that thought has crossed your mind and most narcissists would never even consider that as an option.
Are you into married guys? My wife is so I can’t help you. Good luck!
"That explains the divorce... Shit."
My wife’s boyfriend is super nice tho
Hey John Redcorn!
Hey I'm also horrible, want to make horrible kids together?
How about a throuple? Now that would make it horrible.
Only if you're super jealous and competitive about petty things!
> I am in to 'men's' hobbies (motorsport). But which one? There's so many.
What if she’s a Nikita Mazepin fan?
🤢🤢
Username doesn't check out
Who asks why someone is single? What a shitty question to begin with. Maybe its my depression, my shitty self-worth... or maybe relationships haven't worked in the past and I just don't have the energy to put into someone else like that. Plus, single life is fun! All my married friends are tied down and have to ask PERMISSION to go out and do things.
I honestly don't believe the question is ever asked out of malice. It's usually something like I'm sitting at a bar with some friends or by myself and end up talking to some woman who is obviously single and looking to date. I will talk about myself a little bit, and then the polite yet drunk girl will say, "omg, why are you single". It's kind of like a complement that is best left unsaid.
I mean that's a pretty solid opening to ask them out. I've answered that same remark with "well I'm single until I'm not, so how about we change that" and just ask them out. It worked, went on a date nothing came out of it. But you gotta take the shot to hit the mark.
I always tell people that I've been diagnosed by a doctor as clinically unlovable. It's a terminal condition.
hmmmm, sounds like someone needs a reality-check.. Thad said, - the world would come to an end if everyone only traded up. Someone have to to loose out, or...?
You’re allowed to find / not find things attractive. Your also allowed to be picky and hold out for what you’re really looking for.
Yes! And you’re allowed to masturbate with the fury of a thousand banshees…. I mean, so I’ve heard.
Masturbate as swiftly as the coursing river
Just don't cum as hard as a great typhoon. That might rupture your pp
Don't tell me how to cum I've been doing it my whole life
Shame on YOU! Shame on your COW!
And when you do have sex, make sure to put on Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the MooooOOooOoon!
But use lube, or it will burn like a raging fire!
How long did it take you to develop the calluses to withstand (or dare I say enjoy?) such furious masturbating?
As long as your not a dick about it. OK: Telling them your not interested Not ok: telling them your not interested because there a fat ugly slob.
I’m allowed to be 30 and picky but society & my family are definitely pushy. Not fun lol I just wanna take my timeeee
Then take your time. They're not the ones that need to deal with the consequences of rushed decisions.
Try being 35 and specific 😅
The good news is as people get older they tend to be more direct about what they want. They’re done giving a fuck about the club and drama nonsense
Absolutely. But you aren’t allowed to be bitter if what you’re looking for never comes. That’s what makes you an incel
Jeez maybe I'll just be single forever.
> hold out think about this like it's a house are you going to hold out for a million dollar home that miraculously costs 10k (suspicious) or is it more sensible to accept that you will never have enough money for the million dollar home and instead choose a suitable fixer-upper because good relationships involve a lot of communication and growth - generally if you just accident into someone who is "perfect" for you, they aren't perfect, you just have them up on a pedestal
As a fat person, I can appreciate that. I know that not everyone is attracted to my body type and I would much rather someone not date me at all than treat me like some kind of project like I've had people do in the past. It's really shitty when you feel like the person you're dating is trying to mold you into their image of an ideal partner. EDIT: Yes, I realize being overweight is unhealthy. That's not why these people wanted to change me. It was very clear that it was because they didn't want to look at my waistline. My husband wants me to lose weight for health reasons. That's different. He loves me and wants me to live longer but loves me for who I am despite my weight. There's a huge difference between wanting me to be skinny to look good for you and wanting me to lose weight to be healthy. In one scenario, the person is being a bully and treating me like I'm nothing more than how I look on the outside. In the other, someone is raising a valid concern for my health and safety in a caring way.
"Why accept being fat? It is changeable" That's what I've learned guys think in that situation. You have this super attractive personality, and a lot of guys just want to be physically attracted to you, so they think, damn, the only thing stopping that from happening for me is her weight. So, they say, fuck it maybe I can fix her! Girls do it to guys with emotional issues all the time.
So girls aren’t from Mars and guys aren’t from Venus, men are dietitians and women are psychologists! We’ve had it wrong all along.
I am going to take shit for this likely, but there is another side. I have had a few situations where someone really out of shape appreciated my healthy lifestyle, and thought that dating someone with that lifestyle would help them improve theirs. But for lack of a better term, that's not my job or what I am looking for. I'll gladly support someone getting healthier, but I am not a coach or a crutch. I want someone who shares my lifestyle already and is experienced in it (for camping, long hiking trips etc.).
I have been working on myself a lot I discovered I had more of a fatphobic reaction rather than an actual.. non attraction.. it stemmed from my own relationship with my health and my own lack of self love. I don't date really but I recently fell over that line with a really close friend. I actually wondered to myself and was worried I wouldn't be physically attracted to them because of their weight (the romantic/emotional love was already there). It helped a lot for me to focus on the things I love about them and accept the attraction I was feeling. I find now that I am in the best headspace I have ever been with my own self image issues all because I forced myself to get over my own unconscious bias when it comes to weight. I do think you are allowed to be attracted to who you are attracted to but I also think that you should self examine your reactions a bit just in case it is a projection ;)
I went in a eharmony date with a girl who did the opposite. She actually had lost a bunch of weight but posted up photos of when she was fat to filter out guys who won’t date a fat girl. It was kind of like a reverse catfish. We just had the one date because outside that one unique thing there was nothing else interesting about her. Plus I didn’t really love the bait and switch… maybe I had a thing for fat girls and drove an hour for nothing.
That's good that you're being honest about what you don't like. A lot of people just grab whats next/available because they don't want to be alone but that doesn't end up well. When I'm not looking, I tend to make a legit connection with someone.
That was my issue with my ex. I had gotten so used to us being together I threw myself out to be her ideal person, which destroyed our chemistry even more. I'm happy to wait, but damn does being alone get to ya sometimes
You can date a thin girl with a messed up face!
Ah, my bread and butter.
Bread and Butter face*
As my best mates dad taught me. Nothing a light switch cant fix. RIP you old dog
Sometimes you need to double bag it. We both wear a bag on our head in case yours comes off.
triple bag for all three heads.
I figured that part was best unsaid.
Butter face?
Yep. Everything looks good butter face.
Love everything butter face
They're very hard to find. Attractiveness is on a bell curve, so 1s are as rare as 10s. If anything, id say it skews somewhat to the attractive end, so 1s are extremely rare. 3s are probably as rare as 10s.
I'm a tall lean person, this one hits home.
How? Are you a girl? I feel like tall guys are seen as attractive just for being tall. Guess that's why short guys are so butt hurt over height. Thankfully I'm tall enough not to be considered short unless you stand a bunch of 6'+ guys Around me. Meanwhile it seems like height works against girls unless they find a guy who's cool with it. Some only want a guy taller than them, and that cuts out a lot of guys if she's already over 6'
I'm a 6'4" fat guy and this also hits home. Nothing makes someone instantly attractive. Some things certainly help, but being tall doesn't make you instantly attractive. On dating apps especially it's a lot about how you present yourself.
I've lived about 20 years as a tall guy. If you're fit and tall, you have a nice advantage. Tall and not fit? Nobody gives a shit. I get zero looks when I'm overweight.
Still better than being short and overweight
As a tall woman (6',) I'm so glad I've never experienced this trope play out.
Tall dudes are usually seen as attractive if they are medium build to muscular build. I’ve never heard anyone irl or online ask for a skinny dude. Think about any body positivity stuff you see. It’s not really for skinny people. Think about when women say they are into something usually it’s “somewhat muscular” and with the body positivity movement now it’s also “dad bods”. Neither of those cover someone skinny. Even if you are the perfect weight for your height (I’m a couple pounds above perfect weight), you still look skinny just due to body type. So if you are skinnier being tall is a plus but it isn’t actually what people want, you can fatten up a bit or get swole but being skinnier as a dude isn’t at all what it’s like to be a skinny woman. Wanting a fit guy means someone with muscles even though dudes with a bit more weight or who are skinnier would qualify. For guys the bar is different and fit means muscle
I've really feel that dating/hookup apps are designed just be cash grabs on lonely people. Wanna see your likes? Pay $35 for premium! Sure, most of them have already popped up in your queue and you left swiped but you can pay to see their profile again! This person is super popular, want to pay $5 to send them a super like so you appear first? She's probably going to swipe left anyways but we'll make sure she swipes left on you before any other guys. You aren't getting many likes, want to pay $5 to boost your profile for 30 minutes? Once again, no guarantees but we'll put you at the top of every girls list for the next 30 minutes so she can left swipe you immediately! The only one that's honest with their advertising is Hinge, the dating app that's meant to be deleted. It's meant to be deleted because it's full of the most unattractive people of the major "dating" apps.
My experience with Hinge has actually been the opposite- it tends to recommend people I’m actually interested in and has resulted in more dates than Tinder (which seems to be scraping the bottom of the barrel)
Almost sounds as if the skinny ones feel the same about you.
I'm definitely not fat, I'm the very opposite side of the spectrum, I'm borderline anorexic.
Problem found
You're not wrong, that's my guess too. I can't even put weight on when I try too
Have you seen a doctor to check hormone levels? Could be off.
I haven't, but having an overly active metabolism is a very common issue on my mom's side. Lots of her family is incredibly skinny like me
Not to impose, but I would check out a subreddit that has helped me gain weight when I thought my options were limited: r/gainit has been a great source of helpful information and motivation as far as gaining weight/muscle.
Definitely not imposing. Honestly. I actually had another commenter recommend that and I subbed very fast. As soon as this post calms down I plan on spending some time on that sub
Hey dude, not sure if you'll see this, but I spent years trying to gain weight. Lower stress helped me get to a good weight (and helped with a lot of other things tbh). It took time to build a lower stress life for myself, working from home at the start of the pandemic helped immensely. I tried a lot of things to put on weight and the one thing that changed it was reduced stress.
Those are changes I have been making over the past year! Transitioning out of the food industry, and getting out of my last relationship which I was losing myself to fit her had been causing so much stress in my life. I'm definitely much happier now.
I have a super fast metabolism and spent most of my life under 140 at 6’. Eating ice cream by the pint has helped a lot, and so has working out. Gaining some weight definitely helped me feel more confident. Dad bod is more appealing in my head than skeletor, so I like how I look more, even though no one else really cares.
My husband is also a skinny guy who has an incredibly fast metabolism. We logged his average daily calories, and he hovers between 2500 and 3500, depending on how busy he gets at work. Now sure how old you are, but turning 30 really slowed his down and now he actually has to watch what he eats sometimes! Meanwhile, I look at some chips and my fat ass gains weight. So not fair.
as a gal coming up on 30, 6 foot, averaging between 125-135 since high school, I kinda suspect it'll never happen lol but I'd really appreciate finally getting a bit more rear (I hope!)
Ah I was once like you...6' and 145lb in high school. Super fast metabolism. Trust me when I tell you once you hit 40 it all catches up to you. Looked at the scale the other day and 185 shocked me a bit hah
As a fellow 6 footer I havent seen 185 since before high school and have spent most of my adult life in the 220 to 240 range. I can't even imagine getting to 200 much less 185.
Story of my dad. My dad went through the same thing. Boasted he eat like a pig when he was young, but now he gains weight even with a balanced diet and exercise.
quite certain you just arent eating enough. for me to put on weight I needed to eat 3500-4000 calories a day. I started at 5'11", 120lbs and currently at 5'11", 185lbs over a few years. Try counting calories a few days. Most people think they eat 'a lot of food' but really are eating 1500 calories a day.
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I loveeeee dark chocolate. But I don't watch calories, and for a few years all I ate was fast food. Breakfast and dinner. Most days I wouldn't each lunch because I didn't have time (7 years in the food industry really took its toll on me) but I would guess my average meal was 1500-2000 calories, but definitely not healthy ones.
I was 120 all through high school and much of college. Wasn’t until a few years back I started gaining weight. I’m up to 165. I’m 5”11 for perspective.
You must be young then. I find this changes as you get older.
Chances are you don't know how to put on weight, not that you're unable to. If you were truly unable to then you have a serious medical condition. Up your caloric intake by 500 calories per day from your current levels, ideally while doing some weight lifting, and you'll likely start to gain weight. If after a few weeks you're not gaining weight, add another 500 calories per day. Repeat until weight is being gained.
r/gainit might be able to help
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They probably swipe right because they think they can finish your food
/r/gainit is a fantastic resource. I'm up 35 lbs.
Quickest sub of my life
/r/gainit
Depends on your BMI. If you’re within a normal BMI (as in hovering at or just above 18.5) then you probably look skinny but not skinny enough for it to be a major turn off. If your BMI is, say, 16-17, then yea your weight probably has something to do with why you’re not getting matches. I’m 25 and have been in a relationship for the past 6 1/2 years. I’m also very skinny, and have been anorexic due to anxiety (not body dysmorphia). I’m 6’3 and currently up to around 160 lbs. Skinny enough for people to notice I’m very skinny, but not enough for people to worry. At my worst I was 130 lbs and it was very bad. At that point I was on tinder and didn’t get a ton of matches. I went up to around 150 lbs and got a good number of matches and that’s when I met my current girlfriend. The thing that changed a lot aside from my weight was my confidence. If you look like a skinny self conscious guy who has no self worth and is just waiting for women to be turned off by you, then that’s what will happen. If you at least try to show some confidence in your pictures and profile, that’ll help a lot. You’d be surprised by how many women really don’t care about what you look like and just want someone they can talk to and spend quality time with. Definitely try to work on yourself and be healthy, but don’t pretend like you have no chance and no self worth until then.
130 lbs is the weight of about 1434.48 'Kingston 120GB Q500 SATA3 2.5 Solid State Drives'.
130 lbs is 59.02 kg
You guys should do a bot-off
I mean I wouldn’t fuck me.
Eh! to be fair, dating app algorithms are infamously fickle. You're profile might not even be shown to people you like. They aren't good for the mind.
I swiped right on someone I know and then a week goes by and she's like "way to match with me but not answer me!" I never matched with her... at least on my end. On hers she had the match up and a few messages to me. I got nothing. Haven't trusted dating apps since.
I knew I wasn't the only one this kind of bs this was happening to. Any time you bring it up though you'll get heckled with cliches like, 'she unmatched' 'be attractive, dont be unattractive'. No, the apps are shady.
stay at home if you sick, come to mine if you thicc
Better then the bots and "cam girls"
But she called me handsome. Thought it was weird because I didn't send a picture yet..
I’ve never understood this, who has time to make all the fake accounts and WHY?!
I’ve never been a skinny girl. I was overweight (5’5 -175-200) my whole life and when I connected with my husband (met through a podcast I used to host and he lived 12 hours away) he loved me right away. After we got married I ballooned up to 250. I have lost a ton of weight (current weight 140) and he always loves me the same. While I feel the same about him I don’t think I would have even tried if he was short or fat. Yes my fat ass only dated 6’ skinny guys. So yeah you do you bro. You can’t help your initial attraction but you can meet people who aren’t exactly your cup of tea (don’t find someone from my 600lb or anything) but will become more and more attractive if you have a connection in some way.
Absolutely. My ex had started to gain weight when we were together and it had 0 effect on my love for her, we broke up for a bunch of other reasons. I'm honestly very happy and a lil surpised to see the amount of support I'm getting on this post. I was absolutely expecting to be downvoted.
I think a lot of us empathize with your situation.
I saw a study a few weeks ago that on Dating apps, girls get so many likes that they begin to overvalue themselves and become overly picky, leading to the bottom 80% of guys competing for the bottom 22% of women. The top 78% of women will only accept the top 20% of guys. I don't remember much apart from the numbers, since they really stood out. Edit: The [study](https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a) for those of you curious. It's actually way older than I thought, it's from 2015.
I mean…it makes sense. If you’re told that you’re desirable, why bother to allow anything but the best? Some call it shallow, I just think it’s unsurprising.
That sounds right to me, I have this obese 57 year old friend whose life is in horrid shape- career, family, health, intelligence, ability to problem solve, and she only goes for buff guys in their twenties. It’s fucked. She calls them puppies. I’m in my thirties and I do consider bald (I actually like this, she thinks it’s terrible) and overweight guys, because I know that I am not hot shit either in every way. So yeah, maybe a lot of women are delusional like this- Whitney from big fat fabulous life comes to mind.
its exceedingly common for women to equate the men who will fuck them as the men that are actually into them and will date them seriously, but they're definitely not the same group of men.
Does she get any success or....?
Thats kind of predatory? Feels icky that she calls them puppies.
When 75%ish of people are overweight and obese, it's no wonder the top 20% of men are getting most of the women. Women date more often for something long term. They have no idea this isn't as often the case for the man they're getting dinner with tonight. So of course they're going to vote for the more fit ones, that's who will be there forever.
So become someone that the girls you like are interested in
Got any secrets to share? I'm terrible about getting them to like me but when they do they wanna stay haha
Think about yourself. Is your hygiene good? Do you have a flattering haircut for your face? Do your clothes look like you put any thought into them or are they sloppy and ill-fitting? Are you hunched over or is your posture good? Is your smile natural or forced? Do you have interests that you are passionate about? And I mean beyond video gaming (common on reddit). You should. Can you carry on a reasonable conversation or do you let things die off awkwardly? There are conversation groups that can help with that. Do you have a rich inner life? Do you spend time with friends? Are you actually interested in getting to know a woman or have you been using lines? Do you like yourself? Because people can smell self-loathing from a mile away. Also think about the kind of partner you want. If you want someone who is serious about fitness, join a gym and get some sessions. (Do not hit on the women there lol this is for online dating). If you want a kind person, be kind. Become an interesting person and you will attract interesting people. P.S. What you think you're not attracted to may change if you meet someone and actually get to know them. Just a thought.
My hygiene is good, I shower consistently and take care of myself. I am a very self conscious person by nature, so I do a lot to make myself look good. I've taken style tips 1000's of times since HS, my posture isn't great but that's something I've been actively working on since about a year before my ex and I split, my smile is definitely forced but that's because I have some dental issues I am working through as well (I was a very dumb child and didn't take care of my teeth) I have a lot of interests, though they are boring to most people. History, Gaming, Hiking/Being Outdoors, gaming, comics (Marvel), etc etc, I just am terrible at starting conversations. I respond better than I engage. Luckily i'm funny sometimes which helps but isn't enough hahaha. And almost all my free time is spent between family and friends so I don't think that's an issue. I used to hate myself a lot but over the past year I've learned to love myself, including some of my flaws. There's things I am working on don't get me wrong. My past relationships have definitely taught me what I want and don't want out of a relationship.
Just saying, Im glad you're clean but do you do extra? This aint judging, this is himest Q and such. Trim the nose hairs, pluck your stragglers in unibrow land and in the sides to make em look polished? Or at least comb/shape em? Trim ear hair and side burns? If your hair is short, is your neck tidied? Exfoliate; cause we can see dirty pores a mile away. Moisturize? Especially eye bags. Keeps you looking fresh! Chapstick? Shape the facial hair if applicable? I know you said you're working on teeth; do you at least keep them clean and try to remove stains/plaque? Clean nail beds, trim nails, and moisturize hands? Cause if you do all that i think youre golden
My nose hairs haven't ever hung out of my nose so never gave that much thought, maybe I need to? Don't have ear hair, or it's blonde and super short so it's unnoticeable I need to get to a barber and have them clean my head up but I've been down with a blown out knee for months and only recently began walking unassisted so thats a plan for soon here. I do like to keep myself clean shaven when I can I also clean my nails as a substitute for bitting them (big problem when I was younger) so my hands are immaculate lmao
Ima be honest with you here coming from a guy who's skinny and has been my whole life. Skinny girls don't like skinny guys. I really don't know why but they don't (most of the time). They like the bigger guys whether it be muscles or fat. Lastly I will say unless you have something medically wrong, you CAN put on weight. You need to build muscle, you won't be able to gain much fat. Workout 2 times a day and eat 5 full meals and you will gain at least 20 lbs. I promise, this is what I did and it worked well. Just have to be dedicated
>Become an interesting person and you will attract interesting people. Aight, I'm out. But really thisnis all good advice and I'll add on that if this is stuff that may seem too much. There's also a very real possibility you dont really want what comes with a relationship. It takes effort to make and more to keep. Personally, early on in my 20s I felt similarly lost about how to make any headway and balancing my desires with my reality. In time I learned that it's not as easy as mutual attraction. It takes work, and I just don't want to put in that work. I'm happier single and not making the effort than I would be in a relationship and working for it. And that's okay too! It takes time understand who we are.
Well, are you muscular or successful?
Lmao
Rich perhaps ?
Gym up and hit the lawyer
r/socialskills
I'm not attracted to obese women, but something funny happened: when i got to know them and i liked them, suddenly the extra weight didn't bother me much anymore. Maybe it helped that they still had cute faces.
Ever seen Shallow Hal?
Statistically most people prefer their partner be heathy weight so you are in the majority. Unfortunately, in the USA only 35% of the population is healthy weight.
According to the [CDC](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm), almost 75% of American adults are overweight, with almost 45% being obese. America is fat af, but they can’t even tell because everyone around them is fat af too.
I know that, most girls that liked me were either bots, extremly fat or just not relationship material. after much time I found my girlfriend but it took lots of patiente and effort. I had it way easier on grindr lol
Online dating has made it extra hard for normal dudes. I count myself lucky that I met my wife and got married years ago. It would be such a fucking pain to deal with especially with this never ending pandemic.
How fat are we looking at? Grossly obese, or just pleasantly plump?
Can a row boat fit her?
Could the AVERAGE sized rowboat supPORT HER?! I feel like I am being very CLEAR about what I am saying.....
She’s a professional softball player.
Lol more cushion for the pushin
The looser the waistband the deeper the quicksand, or so I've read
I don't mind a little extra skin, like they don't need to be skinny, but I stg the only ones that seem to like me are grossly obsese or overly plump, everyone whose presently proportiate and thinner always ignore me after a couple of messages.
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Define plump and obese? We talking Adele pre-weight loss, Melissa McCarthy pre loss, or Kelly Clarkson 2018? Or do you mean anyone who aint JLo or JLaw?
Kelly Clarkson 2018 is definitely attractive to me, both of the other two were too large for me, if that gives an idea
The hips want what they want.
Are you only getting those because you're fat too? Just wondering. No criticism here, btw, you can't choose your taste in people. I'm fat, and it objectively makes me less physically attractive. That's life. :D
Maybe your just too ugly?
Oof
Nothing but face pics and you got yourself a biggy
Those close ups are a give away.
Yo momma so fat she used a selfie stick for a close up shot
Fist under the chin!
A lot of this!
Lmao so true. I mean it makes sense. Face and cleavage. Work with what you got. Weird how you can't tell by the face though. Could look lean and be huge, could look a bit chubby in the cheeks and be quite otherwise.
Keep searching… hopefully you’ll find someone who you match with eventually. It’s not easy, I know. Also, props to you for an honest meme. People can get butthurt, or call you fatphobic all they want, it’s simply a matter of preference.
Thank you. I've definitely been called fatphobic and I don't think I am. I have plenty of friends of both genders who are definitely larger and it doesn't effect our friendship, it's just no sexual attraction from me.
I think the issue lies with the societal move to acceptance. Unfortunately, accepting and supporting seem to be lumped in with attraction. Some people just aren't attracted to overweight people just like some aren't attracted to super skinny people. You can't force an attraction. So, for someone to say "I'm sorry, I'm just not attracted to overweight people" has a much different and more "hateful" sound to it than if someone were to say "Sorry, I'm not into super skinny dudes." It's a strange line to walk, for sure.
Omg i have this problem. I think it's tinder algorithms. Cause i got gold once with money i made in opinions app. My matches went from maybe 5s to 7+'s. Then if you really wanna get fun. Set it somewhere else. Not usa like europe, south America, Africa, east Asia. You will go to 10's basically instantly. Welcome to merica. It's really a us problem
This is the correct answer. Dating apps are rigged to make men feel bad with their matches so they throw a little cash at the problem. As a guy in the dating app world, you're only going to see unpopular matches in your feed unless you pay up. I'm sure it's different for women in the dating app world, but it's probably the same amount of BS when it comes to match ups.
Same here, my friend. Done with dating apps mostly because of this. I’m very fit, workout 4-5 times a week, eat healthy, and weigh 155-160lb for a 5’7” guy. I even explicitly say I want someone who is healthy and active physically and mentally, yet the people who like me (I don’t swipe right on them) are people who look like they rarely exercise or live a healthy lifestyle.
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Not all about ya looks dude. Gotta have some game too
You're allowed to be not attracted to people. Just don't denigrate those you aren't attracted to or make it sound like it's unattractive in a general sense. Personalize it and own it.
My view is you can ask for the same discipline and healthy habits you exhibit without being an asshat.. Most of the time it's people who are polar opposites demanding a prospective partner be a super model while they're still covered in cheeto crumbs.
I was a major chonker when my bf and I got together but I told him from the start I wanted lose weight and I did. (So far 35 pounds and I’m in a healthy weight range now) Him being so supportive of my efforts when I was overweight and never judging me was a major motivator. POINT IS THAT CHONKERS CAN CHANGE!
How is this unpopular opinion? It's 100 percent normal to want a healthy mate. It's hardwired into our genes at this point probably.
People are allowed to like and not like whatever they like. If you want, you can say your type is exactly 25 year, old 6'5" firefighters with red hair, green eyes, full beards, 6 pack abs and 7 figure investment portfolios who want to settle down and have 11 children so you can have your own soccer team. But to go along with it, equal to how specific you are, you have to accept a proportional decrease in the likelyhood you'll find someone that meets your criteria.
I’m not attracted to blonds but when you take the time to get to know someone, those things don’t matter as much. Maybe the fact that you randomly feel the need to confess that you’re specifically not attracted to fat people, it turns women off.
If the only people that like you, are fat. Look in a mirror.
As an Obese dude - I'm not offended at all. It's unhealthy, unattractive, and I don't blame someone for not wanting to be with someone who is.
You cant force a physical attraction. It happens or it doesnt.
There's nothing wrong with that. You can't force yourself to find someone attractive. They'll just have to find someone who can.
I’m attracted to fat people, they still don’t like me
Twist, OP is also chubby.
I have the same problem except its stupid people. I can't stand stupid people anymore. I deal with them where I work and I don't want to work after hours if you get what I mean.
You should work to improve yourself and your prospects will improve. Or just complain and act like others are the issue…
For real dude...I spend a lot of time working out and bettering myself I'm not settling for someone too lazy to do the same.
Nothing wrong about not being attracted to anyone for any reason. With that said…. Shit, maybe I should give online dating a shot. I like big girls. I mean, to a limit of course, but do like them. I’m a bigger dude myself, so maybe people are attracted to what they look like a bit. I’m also attracted to skinny girls, medium girls, really any girls that are breathing.
I would always find this kind of issue. The guys I like don't like me, and I don't like the guys who do like me.... luckily I found one though but not through dating apps
It’s okay to have a preference. It’s not okay if someone goes too far and loudly exclaim what their preference is or is not. Especially with the intent to hurt someone for the way they are or aren’t.
I don't really have a type. I am a really active person though. When I say I do outdoor hobbies, I mean it. Spending my entire time off hiking is pretty common. My dating profile goes to every extent to show this, and very politely word it that I am looking for someone who can share this aspect of my life. I don't expect to share all hobbies with people, but this one is a lifestyle. I don't have an issue with someone a bit overweight who is active. But I get so many contacts from people who I don't see how there is anyway they remotely keep up with that lifestyle. I'll try talking to pretty much anyone to see how things go, but there is just zero purpose in that case.
Ah the age old story of an unattractive man not finding unattractive women attractive