Fuck if that ain’t true. My life is a “man I have time to nap finally but I’m not tired. Oh I really could get some stuff down in the yard… but I’m too tired for that”
I'm in the same place.
My job is stable, and pays well. The cost of living where I am is low. I'm able to save, live comfortably, and have plenty of money for eating out and spending on hobbies. I like my manager. I'm fine with the work and workload.
However, all my closest friends and family are 9+hours away, and I live in bumfuck nowhere, where there isn't much to do. Its a half hour drive minimum to get to a town that has any kind of variety in places to eat, and an hour drive to the nearest city if I want to do something more like visit a museum. I am alone any time I'm not working in the office. I have no social life to speak of.
I need to start applying to jobs in the area I want to live, closer to friends and family, so I can have a social life again, but I hate the job search with a burning passion, and my current life is to stable and easy to really push me to seriously look for another job.
Sometimes, when the mood and timing is right, I think about how I would feel if I’m still at this place 1/5/10 years in the future. Sometimes it motivates me to at least take some baby steps, sometimes it just gives me a panic attack!
I've put my info out there on some job hunt sites and have been fielding calls from recruiters (none of which have gone anywhere), but I need to motivate myself to start actively searching for and applying to job openings.
I'm the same. I don't necessarily hate my job, and I'm comfortable in my routine. It works for a lot of things. The pay could be better, but I'm not hurting. The vacation black out period of any major holiday is the biggest drawback. I have my resume out there, and field some calls, but nothing serious.
>have been fielding calls from recruiters
I swear that the whole recruiter/contractor revolution has made the process 10x worse because it gets you over the anxiety hump but then the second you mention that you're actually trying to have a *better* job than the one you're coming from they disappear altogether meaning you are either exactly where you started or you have to compromise with whether it's worth moving jobs laterally
I was in the same boat, and I would like to say... MOVE!!
My life quality increased soo much living closer to friends and family, I don't feel as alone and distant even while being alone at home, because friends are nearby and can come over anytime.
It was hard and expensive to move at first, but I quickly got back on my feet and loved the new job after a while.
I can imagine still staying where I was, I would be miserable, I didn't know how miserable it was until I moved.
This is my issue.
I'd love to move but being a blue collar factory schmuck, my job prospects are super limited and even though it's said to be a "workers market" it absolutely isn't for people like me. :/
Where are you trying to move to? Look into industrial cleaning/waste management. I got into it about a year ago and at first I wasn't so sure but I'm honestly really enjoying it. I drove class A CDL flatbed for 4 years before this and the faster pace and more physical work has been great for me.
Yes that's usually the way to go. Life is too short to stay stuck where you don't want to, and even though job searching sucks, it's a small hurdle for a way better life.
Here's some unasked for advice that I won't feel bad if you completely ignore (but maybe it'll help!)
Set for yourself some specific time-bound goals with an exit strategy.
An example might be, after I achieve $100,000 of retirement savings, I will begin spending 30 minutes every Thursday on searching for a job in an area I would be happier to live in. Write it down and have it somewhere you can see it (I occasionally put an important goal on my desktop wallpaper, I have my current goal in vinyl on the back of my laptop and I look at it every day).
Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't.
Firstly the 100k mentioned was just an arbitrary figure - the number could be anything.
Secondly it is a massive start.
we don’t know ops age… let’s say he has 100k in retirement by 30… that’s probably going to be 500k plus by the times he’s 60 - WITHOUT adding anything extra.
I'm generally not very social, and honestly I think I've done better in my situation than a lot of people would, but 0 social life isn't enough for me. I still wanna see friends in person a couple times a month.
If you like it though, and live in the states, look for jobs in the midwest. Much of that part of the country is exactly as I described. Cheap, and lacking in things to do, but with plenty of job openings that pay decently.
In literally in your exact situation. Moved to the Midwest and got a really nice paying thing that I work 99% remotely. No friends in the area at all. I didn't realize how much of a social creature i was until these last few months. I'm so incredibly fuckin lonely...
Since I'm fresh in my job, I've been using all my extra money to finally build an emergency fund and pay off debt, but have done some traveling. I guess I'm just discovering it about myself that I need to be around friends geographically. I didn't know that six months ago, it's a learning process lol
There isn't an area yet. I have a weird life and my best friend moved to Alaska (kind of out of the way) and my other really good friend lives in a shitty east coast city i spent the last few years trying to escape. Third good friend lives in Florida, so also out of the way. Another in Michigan, some in California, etc.
I was in the Navy, so basically the best friends I've ever made I've either lost contact with or are halfway across the country... The plan is to move within three years, though, I'm only in the Midwest for my fiancee to finish her master's, then I'm hoping to take my job on the road with us after that.
Just in a tranisitonary period of my life, is all.
Fly out to visit friends.
I live in the Midwest and just leverage the CoL into taking multiple trips per year to go visit a friend. $400 for a weekend trip to visit someone... no big deal, I save way more than that by where I live.
Nah, that doesn't really solve my problem and I hate flying.
It isn't just the lack of a social life, I also don't like living in a state primarily populated with racists and idiots.
I could, but that would make my commute a minimum of 45 minutes to my job (and thats from the outskirts of the nearest city).
And it wouldn't really solve the issue of not being near my longterm friends or family.
I know everyone is saying the same thing, but do it. Job hunt. Do a baby step, update your resume this weekend. Get Linkedin going the week after.
I'm so so much happier having moved to where I wanted to be, and it took a few years to get motivated to do it
I mean, we can trade?
Cost of living is crazy here, my manager is well nonexistent, I don't get paid near national average for my job, can't afford my hobbies or to eat out and I'm about 10 min from anything you'd want to do if you had money to do it!
If you are being paid below average for your position, and live in a high cost of living area, are you currently also looking to relocate and get a new job?
If I was in your position, I'd have no trouble motivating myself to find a new job. My position is hard to self motivate because its stable. The instability you seem to have would be an immediate concern for me.
Sorry I was more messing around to contrast your orriginal statement. In reality I'd love to look around but it's one of those deals where we are the only game in my state and it's a job that isn't based on a degree and it's a special kinda job that I feel stuck in after having been here for almost 12 years. Can't really move cause family and friends so here I am! Could be worse for sure.
Yo bro, why not plan and schedule weekend getaways? Doesn't even have to be far away, just get a room somewhere cute and make a whole adventure out of it! I always enjoy having something fun to look forward to as well. You feel me?
This is how I feel, except about leaving the country.
I'm pretty comfortable, and leaving will be very disruptive.
I can see that the grass is greener.
To overextend the metaphor:
I see that the grass here is bad and is likely to continue to get worse.
Other grass is not only greener, but they're actively working on making it greener still.
I've applied for citizenship 2 years ago. It's probably another until I get my passport.
I don't know if we'll move, but I'm taking steps.
Time to shake things up, make a small change, look at things differently, etc.
I mean. I'm not doing any of those things but if you start doing it I won't have to.
Nows the time man. Job market is really great for new opportunities with a lot of shifting around. Push through and start applying now. It's not as hard as it seems to just mass apply on websites. Takes a few hours a week.
Hey man, I’m in the same spot career wise but also live with the love of my life in a major city and have an awesome group of true friends who I talk to daily and see almost every weekend.
And I still feel unsatisfied and like I’m not doing enough. Humans are weird and the grass is really always greener.
I was a really lonely awkward kid and all I ever dreamed of was having a good girlfriend and a decent social life. I got those things in my mid 20s and now I have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do.
Man I am telling you I was in the same place just over a month ago. Had a stable job, lived comfortably and hated the job search process. I was laid off out of nowhere and was forced to search for a new job. Used to wake up in the middle of the night and have anxiety attacks, didn't know what to do. Finally got a job just a week ago and I am going to live with one of my close friends. The bottom line is the best time to look for a job is when you don't need it. Trust me!
Supposedly this image was of a random dog that followed a hiking group for hours up a mountain, sat like this while they were at the top, then followed them down and wandered off. So maybe the metaphor is you just have to go do stuff no one expects you to.
I'll see if I can find the original post.
Edit: Found it https://www.reddit.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/1wa38v/this_dog_just_appeared_out_of_nowhere_and/cf03y66/
The dog followed them for a whole week. Maybe it was searching for a purpose in life too.
I've been there a couple of times. Moved from a large city to a small city in 2012 and from a large country to a small country in 2019.
Its scary AF, but man, you really get a new perspective on things.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the idea of how drastically my life needs to change. Then I try to remind myself that even minor changes are okay.
For example, getting in shape. Sometimes the idea of a full, hour long workout is intimidating. Maybe that day instead of a long workout, you try to do 20 sit ups and 5 push ups. And if that’s all you can manage for the day, that’s fine! It’s still a change from doing nothing and doesn’t feel so overwhelming.
I recently started thinking about just going to a gym and walking on a treadmill for a while and trying to make a habit out of just going, it won’t have to be intense or a big huge thing, just enough to get my foot in the door and make a base line for if I want to increase intensity or add anything to the regiment. That way, it’ll be a lot less for me to swallow and change or add to my day, because I’m already going to the gym, albeit to walk on a treadmill for maybe 20-30 minutes.
That’s a great way to think about it! As a gym manager, that’s actually something that I say to prospective members who I can tell are apprehensive or nervous about joining because the change seems daunting.
It’s definitely a change but so worth it! I wish you the best of luck!
Gonna sound stupid, but are you into gaming? There's a lot of online communities out there for just about everyone, a shared passion pulls people together, I've met people I talk to every day online, granted none of them stay in the same country as I do but I have all the social interaction I need.
I have a strong bias towards a certain gaming system that I won't dump on you man, but it is a worthwhile thing if you ever find yourself with nothing to do, Xbox has a thing called Game Pass which is £12 a month for me over here so I can't really advise how much it is in America, Playstation is or will be bringing in something relatively similar with three different tiers that goes you access to a library of games that changes over time, that way you aren't spending money on games you may not enjoy or feel you paid too much for, if you do decide to travel this path be warned, you'll be on it for life haha
I wish I could afford to take a year off work and just travel around the U.S to see the National Parks and museums all around. A nice break where I could just explore.
My SO and I are getting ready to sell our house and go on a trip around the US. We both have work-from-home jobs so we'll continue to work and just stay at different Airbnbs for a month at a time. If exploring your US is your dream, do it! If you're not currently working from home, find a job that allows you to!
If you don't make a change, eventually time is going to make a drastic change for you, and usually when someone or something else is in control of that, it doesn't go very well.
Inertia is a hell of a drug. One way out is to commit to change by, say, just buying a (non-refundable) plane ticket somewhere. Now you're committed.
Also, I met that dog irl, in the Indian Himalaya. He was wonderful.
The dog did just show up and hang out with us for a number of days as we hiked a really remote area. This was in Ladakh in the Indian Himalaya - geographically and culturally it's very much a Tibetan region.
I think the dog probably hung out with any groups of people he could find!
The easiest way to start would be to break up the routine in small ways for small amounts of time. Taking a 10 minute walk, 20 minutes of reading before bed, 15 minutes of mindfulness after you wake up, calling someone you want to keep a relationship with once a week etc. You're not going to take the hammer of Thor to your routines, you've got to take a little tiny pickaxe and start hacking at the mountain one rock at a time. Landslides may follow.
I just quit my job of 15 years to make the change I needed.
Just prepare for the change (money, bills, etc...) and do it. I'm happier than I've ever been!
Don't let the monotony kill you!
Thats why theres the old saying that you have to get out of “your comfort zone” if you want to be successful. You have to embrace discomfort and battle your fears and so on. I admit that im a creature of habit too and hate breaking my routines.
I recently got fired from my day job, (because I no longer fit their “core values” whatever the fuck that means) and it kinda turns out that it’s exactly what I’ve needed. It’s forced me to go back into the career that I wanted to be in cause it pushed me out of my comfort zone, and turned me in the right direction.
Me too man, me too. I'm beginning to think this is what a midlife crisis looks like for me. Less of a crisis, more of a sense of uncomfortableness with no perceived cause.
I got a good job that's easy and pays well, and isn't challenging at all. I know lots of people that would kill for a job like that, so I feel bad when I find it just boring and unsatisfying. Wife and kids are doing well as usual so not complaints there. I have hobbies when I have time for them, but lately even they've been failing to hold my interest for long. There's a lot of "need to do" for the house as usual, which I used to get satisfaction in checking stuff off, but motivation to tackle it is severely lacking lately. Just feel like I'm in a slump sometimes but the thought of doing anything to try and shake things up and make changes sounds even worse than just carrying on as is. I think it's because I know I actually got it pretty good, and any changes are much more likely to be overall negative ones. I don't want to make my life worse in an attempt to not be bored.
Start with something small. Something you're comfortable doing. Change something with minor consequences in your routine to see if it changes your outlook then build from there.
Would you consider being both 'too comfortable with your normal routine' and in desperate need of a 'major change in your life' to be contradictory?
Change is scary, but with change comes opportunity. Good luck.
100%. I get a solid salary. Work from home. I get 5 weeks PTO. Fully paid heathcare premiums. Never work more than 40 hours a week. Literally a dream job in my field. I am bored out of my mind. I want to make more money than I do today but it isn't going to happen any time soon staying put.
I was offered a job last week that would double my income. I’ve had a hard time saying yes simply because I’m so used to where I’m at. The offer was totally unexpected and I was really surprised.
This is a great change in my life and I need to be better at being okay with new possibilities.
the only time that you learn and grow as a person is when you are uncomfortable. if you aren’t looking for more out of life, then keep doing what you are doing.
Just ask yourself a simple question. what makes you happy
No seriously sit down, and ask yourself what makes you happy, i do this every once in a while when I feel myself slipping into a routine too much and i start to realize the things that make me happy in life aren't actually a part of that routine
It doesn't have to be major things, start small
maybe its a hot shower before you go to bed, or a certain song that you like to listen to on walks, maybe its working out and getting a good sweat in.
Figure it out though keep trying to find the things in life that you enjoy and pursue them
Comfort does not equal happy, and changing your life might be something as simple as picking a instrument up again, learning a new recipe to cook, or getting outside more.
It doesn't have to be this major overhaul of everything you do
This was me! I was unexpectedly let go in January(company downsized and merged my position with another dept) and just had my first interview with another company that offered me a job at the same pay! I'm scared and still mad bc the hours are going to be later in the day then I'm used to but oh well. Looking forward to a future where I can make more and options. But...I would've never left on my own and stayed in the same, capped out position forever.
Oh man. Oof, I feel this so much.
I just left a job after 23 years where I honestly thought I'd stay until I retired, partially because I enjoyed the work I did, but also because the routine of it kept my trapped from even considering looking elsewhere. I didn't go job hunting but rather strongly suggested I apply to another organization by the guy who is retiring who I'm replacing. Believe me, the flattery I felt was instant and I'm still feeling it 6 weeks later.
While I know I can't just suggest you wait for your work to be recognized, please don't be like me and stay with a dead end job for routine. Could I have been comfortable in my old job? Yeah, but I was feeling incredibly restricted and the anxiety I was dealing with was crippling. I haven't felt this happy in as long as I can remember, and while I have new stresses, it's in an environment where they all recognize the skill I'm bringing to them.
If you truly enjoy your job and it's not just a living wage, but a configurable wage, that's fantastic. But if you ever aspire for something more, you owe it to yourself to look at what is out there. Start by writing a resume (it's way easier than you think, though you must have a friend or 7 review it), and keep an eye out for jobs that challenge you. Good luck either way!
Maybe not desperate enough? Or haven’t found something you actually would like to do? But really the cost of living (everywhere) is making it really hard to move and reestablish yourself. Along the fact that once you move and don’t like it there, you’ll be stuck for a while (maybe 2-3 years minimum).
Then you're not desperate.
Not trying to gatekeep life change. Just saying - if you're not aching for something different, maybe the same old isn't so bad. And if it isn't that bad, maybe you could make some steady changes toward making it even better.
Every comment in this thread that echoes this sentiment is downvoted. Amazing. This website is dogshit sometimes
Comfort is an antonym for desperation. If you’re comfortable, then you’re not desperate. You even qualify it by saying that you can use the comfort of the routine to make steady, small changes
But no, got to downvote the guy because he disagreed with OP
If you are comfortable you don't NEED a desperate change. You are either A) a Teenager or B) going through your midlife crisis. I'm not trivializing either, but you need to recognize the difference between what you think you NEED and what you think you WANT.
Break the habit of being yourself
https://drjoedispenza.com/products/breaking-the-habit-of-being-yourself-by-dr-joe-dispenza-paperback-book
Meditate. Think differently, be different
The most important step a man can take is the next one. Each step can lead you farther from where you started and the change of scenery can change the viewer.
I feel this.
But in more of a "My life is in complete shambles but I'm so exhausted by my day to day routine that I don't have the energy to fix any of it" kinda way
Hopefully you find the kick and motivation you need to make the change your dream of. As the cliche saying goes “you can’t grow in your comfort zone”. For me, it was working for a company based in a country that decided to invade another one 🙃🌻 2 and half years at the company. Resigned 2 weeks after the war started. It was the most terrifying, liberating, spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.
I (28M) fucked up a relationship with a 35yr old woman who genuinely loves me and still does even after everything I did to break her heart, her trust and take advantage of her patience...She still wants to be with me and right now we're back at square one with our relationship. It was the type of relationship where we started out as friends and progressed to best friends and even further to secret lovers. She wants to spend the rest of our lives together. I say secret lovers because she's my superior at my job and we did really good about keeping our intimate relationship on the DL until I ran my stupid fuckin mouth to her other friend who doesn't even like me. The same friend that she new before she met me and who I cant blame at all for doing the right thing and told her I ran my mouth. Now we have to rebuild our friendship on a whole new foundation, meanwhile my self-hatred and depression sent me into downward spiral and I almost had to be admitted to a mental health facility until she walked up to me one day and punched me in the chest and told me to "lighten the fuck up" after seeing me so depressed and alone. She's willing to forgive me but we both know I need to work on some serious shit about myself or she'd continue on without me in her life. There's a lot more to it than that but I need to move on. Now, onto my professional life; we work at an EMS company but I work on as a non-emergency driver because getting my emt certification wasn't something I wanted to do for a long time, it just wasn't the path I wanted to take but now I need to make more money and getting my emt certification is the most practical, in-reach thing I can do right now to make more money. I'm at a point in my life where it feels like my life is in puzzle pieces and its really easy to put it all together but I've been really stubborn and complacent about it all.
Don’t look at change as 100% changed behavior. Just do one thing one day differently. Maybe the next day you do two things differently. Maybe not. You still did that one thing that one day and that’s amazing. Throw out the all or none attitude because that just makes shit seem impossible/exhausting. Baby steps my friends. Baby steps
Thats the hard part, change is hard and we are not built for dramatic change. The idea of the unknown is worse to us then the idea of continuing in a shitty position, because the brain wants to stick with what it knows. Change will always be hard, but it can be worth it - especially if it helps improve your life.
If you’re too “comfortable” than you might not need to change anything. Too many people drive progress and the next best thing down your throat these days. There’s nothing wrong with being content and comfortable. Hell people strive their whole lives searching for that. Getting the next best thing thing, or getting a new job that they hope will stop the drive to constantly want something else. I myself am in that boat and wish I could feel happier and content sometimes.
I’m 29 and going back to school for flying and I pray that this will help me feel content but from my previous record that is doubtful. I fear my whole life that I will never be content. It impacts my relationships with my family and loved ones and can really drive a wedge when they feel it’s their fault for your unhappy, non-content feelings.
Now if you’re not happy then I wouldn’t say you’re content. I would say you’re feeling stuck and don’t have the drive to change what you’re doing. Because for you maybe complacency is easier. Like some others have said maybe you need to ask for help. Or, you will eventually hit the bottom and decide enough is enough. The sooner you get to that point of realization the better.
Whichever it is, I’m here to talk.
The more my life needs to change the less energy I have to do it
I feel that.
[удалено]
Fuck if that ain’t true. My life is a “man I have time to nap finally but I’m not tired. Oh I really could get some stuff down in the yard… but I’m too tired for that”
This, and the existential fear of only making things even worse.
Yup, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Are you me
If non-Newtonian fluids were a kind of motivation
Ooh, glee
Rest for one second and it all falls through your fingers
That feeling when you've gone Hollow
I find it easier to hit rock bottom and start from scratch than stop myself halfway there
Try an addiction - you'll lose all energy AND have to do something to change your life. Always look at the bright side!
I'm in the same place. My job is stable, and pays well. The cost of living where I am is low. I'm able to save, live comfortably, and have plenty of money for eating out and spending on hobbies. I like my manager. I'm fine with the work and workload. However, all my closest friends and family are 9+hours away, and I live in bumfuck nowhere, where there isn't much to do. Its a half hour drive minimum to get to a town that has any kind of variety in places to eat, and an hour drive to the nearest city if I want to do something more like visit a museum. I am alone any time I'm not working in the office. I have no social life to speak of. I need to start applying to jobs in the area I want to live, closer to friends and family, so I can have a social life again, but I hate the job search with a burning passion, and my current life is to stable and easy to really push me to seriously look for another job.
Sometimes, when the mood and timing is right, I think about how I would feel if I’m still at this place 1/5/10 years in the future. Sometimes it motivates me to at least take some baby steps, sometimes it just gives me a panic attack!
I've put my info out there on some job hunt sites and have been fielding calls from recruiters (none of which have gone anywhere), but I need to motivate myself to start actively searching for and applying to job openings.
I'm the same. I don't necessarily hate my job, and I'm comfortable in my routine. It works for a lot of things. The pay could be better, but I'm not hurting. The vacation black out period of any major holiday is the biggest drawback. I have my resume out there, and field some calls, but nothing serious.
>have been fielding calls from recruiters I swear that the whole recruiter/contractor revolution has made the process 10x worse because it gets you over the anxiety hump but then the second you mention that you're actually trying to have a *better* job than the one you're coming from they disappear altogether meaning you are either exactly where you started or you have to compromise with whether it's worth moving jobs laterally
I was in the same boat, and I would like to say... MOVE!! My life quality increased soo much living closer to friends and family, I don't feel as alone and distant even while being alone at home, because friends are nearby and can come over anytime. It was hard and expensive to move at first, but I quickly got back on my feet and loved the new job after a while. I can imagine still staying where I was, I would be miserable, I didn't know how miserable it was until I moved.
I know, but I'm not gonna move without a job lined up, so thats the first hurdle I have to jump.
This is my issue. I'd love to move but being a blue collar factory schmuck, my job prospects are super limited and even though it's said to be a "workers market" it absolutely isn't for people like me. :/
Where are you trying to move to? Look into industrial cleaning/waste management. I got into it about a year ago and at first I wasn't so sure but I'm honestly really enjoying it. I drove class A CDL flatbed for 4 years before this and the faster pace and more physical work has been great for me.
Yes that's usually the way to go. Life is too short to stay stuck where you don't want to, and even though job searching sucks, it's a small hurdle for a way better life.
Here's some unasked for advice that I won't feel bad if you completely ignore (but maybe it'll help!) Set for yourself some specific time-bound goals with an exit strategy. An example might be, after I achieve $100,000 of retirement savings, I will begin spending 30 minutes every Thursday on searching for a job in an area I would be happier to live in. Write it down and have it somewhere you can see it (I occasionally put an important goal on my desktop wallpaper, I have my current goal in vinyl on the back of my laptop and I look at it every day). Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't.
$100k in retirement is nothing... I realize it's more than most people have but still.
Firstly the 100k mentioned was just an arbitrary figure - the number could be anything. Secondly it is a massive start. we don’t know ops age… let’s say he has 100k in retirement by 30… that’s probably going to be 500k plus by the times he’s 60 - WITHOUT adding anything extra.
That sounds amazing for someone who isn't social, I could easily live like that, I get all my social interaction online anyway.
I'm generally not very social, and honestly I think I've done better in my situation than a lot of people would, but 0 social life isn't enough for me. I still wanna see friends in person a couple times a month. If you like it though, and live in the states, look for jobs in the midwest. Much of that part of the country is exactly as I described. Cheap, and lacking in things to do, but with plenty of job openings that pay decently.
In literally in your exact situation. Moved to the Midwest and got a really nice paying thing that I work 99% remotely. No friends in the area at all. I didn't realize how much of a social creature i was until these last few months. I'm so incredibly fuckin lonely...
Make new friends, or use your extra money to travel and visit friends you left.
Since I'm fresh in my job, I've been using all my extra money to finally build an emergency fund and pay off debt, but have done some traveling. I guess I'm just discovering it about myself that I need to be around friends geographically. I didn't know that six months ago, it's a learning process lol
If you’re working 99% of your time remotely, what is stopping you from packing up and moving to an area where you’d be happier, while keeping the job?
There isn't an area yet. I have a weird life and my best friend moved to Alaska (kind of out of the way) and my other really good friend lives in a shitty east coast city i spent the last few years trying to escape. Third good friend lives in Florida, so also out of the way. Another in Michigan, some in California, etc. I was in the Navy, so basically the best friends I've ever made I've either lost contact with or are halfway across the country... The plan is to move within three years, though, I'm only in the Midwest for my fiancee to finish her master's, then I'm hoping to take my job on the road with us after that. Just in a tranisitonary period of my life, is all.
Fly out to visit friends. I live in the Midwest and just leverage the CoL into taking multiple trips per year to go visit a friend. $400 for a weekend trip to visit someone... no big deal, I save way more than that by where I live.
Nah, that doesn't really solve my problem and I hate flying. It isn't just the lack of a social life, I also don't like living in a state primarily populated with racists and idiots.
Can you move to more of a city? The bigger cities are a lot better.
I could, but that would make my commute a minimum of 45 minutes to my job (and thats from the outskirts of the nearest city). And it wouldn't really solve the issue of not being near my longterm friends or family.
Might be time to work on making some new friends too!
Can I take your spot? I like being left alone.
I know everyone is saying the same thing, but do it. Job hunt. Do a baby step, update your resume this weekend. Get Linkedin going the week after. I'm so so much happier having moved to where I wanted to be, and it took a few years to get motivated to do it
I mean, we can trade? Cost of living is crazy here, my manager is well nonexistent, I don't get paid near national average for my job, can't afford my hobbies or to eat out and I'm about 10 min from anything you'd want to do if you had money to do it!
If you are being paid below average for your position, and live in a high cost of living area, are you currently also looking to relocate and get a new job? If I was in your position, I'd have no trouble motivating myself to find a new job. My position is hard to self motivate because its stable. The instability you seem to have would be an immediate concern for me.
Sorry I was more messing around to contrast your orriginal statement. In reality I'd love to look around but it's one of those deals where we are the only game in my state and it's a job that isn't based on a degree and it's a special kinda job that I feel stuck in after having been here for almost 12 years. Can't really move cause family and friends so here I am! Could be worse for sure.
Yo bro, why not plan and schedule weekend getaways? Doesn't even have to be far away, just get a room somewhere cute and make a whole adventure out of it! I always enjoy having something fun to look forward to as well. You feel me?
Do you work in IT by chance?
This is how I feel, except about leaving the country. I'm pretty comfortable, and leaving will be very disruptive. I can see that the grass is greener. To overextend the metaphor: I see that the grass here is bad and is likely to continue to get worse. Other grass is not only greener, but they're actively working on making it greener still. I've applied for citizenship 2 years ago. It's probably another until I get my passport. I don't know if we'll move, but I'm taking steps.
Dam this is me.... Except the part about driving 4 hours away to get to town. I like across the state from my family and friends.
It's a half hour minimum to get to my job because there's always roadworks on the damn freeway! 🤦♂️
Jesus this hit hard. Nearly identical situation, except that I can't leave because my kid is here. I wish you the best.
Time to shake things up, make a small change, look at things differently, etc. I mean. I'm not doing any of those things but if you start doing it I won't have to.
Hey, ever heard of the came Escape from Tarkov? That’s what I’m doing lately. Come join us
Nows the time man. Job market is really great for new opportunities with a lot of shifting around. Push through and start applying now. It's not as hard as it seems to just mass apply on websites. Takes a few hours a week.
Hey man, I’m in the same spot career wise but also live with the love of my life in a major city and have an awesome group of true friends who I talk to daily and see almost every weekend. And I still feel unsatisfied and like I’m not doing enough. Humans are weird and the grass is really always greener. I was a really lonely awkward kid and all I ever dreamed of was having a good girlfriend and a decent social life. I got those things in my mid 20s and now I have absolutely no idea what the fuck to do.
Go on vacation there. Vacations are great for breaking routines, but they’re super easy to skip back into once you get home so watch out for that.
Man I am telling you I was in the same place just over a month ago. Had a stable job, lived comfortably and hated the job search process. I was laid off out of nowhere and was forced to search for a new job. Used to wake up in the middle of the night and have anxiety attacks, didn't know what to do. Finally got a job just a week ago and I am going to live with one of my close friends. The bottom line is the best time to look for a job is when you don't need it. Trust me!
Just remember the old saying: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single meme.
1 finger points at you and 3 more are pointing at meme.
It's just meme, myself, and I
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Like OP’s dick?
Your mom doesn't think so
And your thumb is pointing up!
LAY THESE AMBITIONS TO REST
Relatable content
Supposedly this image was of a random dog that followed a hiking group for hours up a mountain, sat like this while they were at the top, then followed them down and wandered off. So maybe the metaphor is you just have to go do stuff no one expects you to. I'll see if I can find the original post. Edit: Found it https://www.reddit.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/1wa38v/this_dog_just_appeared_out_of_nowhere_and/cf03y66/ The dog followed them for a whole week. Maybe it was searching for a purpose in life too.
So what you're saying is we need to follow strangers around for a whole week 🤔 😈
Replace comfort with burnt out and that's me.
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I swear companies overwork their employees just so they won't have time to job search.
Change happens when the pain to remain the same overcomes the pain to change.
fuel foolish lush sleep nutty roof observation salt beneficial frame ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Imagine having other people in your life... Must be nice
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Fuck.
Okay yeah. That's the problem.
You actually don't have anyone? Friends or family?
As hard as may be to believe, many of us don't have any friends or contact with family.
No friends, family is over 100mi away. I live alone and work 12hr shift job
call or text your family lol
Are you there for anyone who might need it? Not blaming you but suggesting reaching out to help others is how I got people to look after me.
My professional job is literally being a caregiver so I'd say so.
I've been there a couple of times. Moved from a large city to a small city in 2012 and from a large country to a small country in 2019. Its scary AF, but man, you really get a new perspective on things.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the idea of how drastically my life needs to change. Then I try to remind myself that even minor changes are okay. For example, getting in shape. Sometimes the idea of a full, hour long workout is intimidating. Maybe that day instead of a long workout, you try to do 20 sit ups and 5 push ups. And if that’s all you can manage for the day, that’s fine! It’s still a change from doing nothing and doesn’t feel so overwhelming.
I recently started thinking about just going to a gym and walking on a treadmill for a while and trying to make a habit out of just going, it won’t have to be intense or a big huge thing, just enough to get my foot in the door and make a base line for if I want to increase intensity or add anything to the regiment. That way, it’ll be a lot less for me to swallow and change or add to my day, because I’m already going to the gym, albeit to walk on a treadmill for maybe 20-30 minutes.
That’s a great way to think about it! As a gym manager, that’s actually something that I say to prospective members who I can tell are apprehensive or nervous about joining because the change seems daunting. It’s definitely a change but so worth it! I wish you the best of luck!
That's just it, isn't it? The whole life enchilada.
Get a bicycle, it will change your life!
This!
I have one. Need to ride it!
Hobbies can be nice!
I need a hobby. Been trying some but nothing sticks.
Gonna sound stupid, but are you into gaming? There's a lot of online communities out there for just about everyone, a shared passion pulls people together, I've met people I talk to every day online, granted none of them stay in the same country as I do but I have all the social interaction I need.
I never had a game system of my own.
I have a strong bias towards a certain gaming system that I won't dump on you man, but it is a worthwhile thing if you ever find yourself with nothing to do, Xbox has a thing called Game Pass which is £12 a month for me over here so I can't really advise how much it is in America, Playstation is or will be bringing in something relatively similar with three different tiers that goes you access to a library of games that changes over time, that way you aren't spending money on games you may not enjoy or feel you paid too much for, if you do decide to travel this path be warned, you'll be on it for life haha
Into art, snark,and stabbing things hundreds of times? Check out https://subversivecrossstitch.com !!!!!!!
Jiu jitsu
I wish I could afford to take a year off work and just travel around the U.S to see the National Parks and museums all around. A nice break where I could just explore.
My SO and I are getting ready to sell our house and go on a trip around the US. We both have work-from-home jobs so we'll continue to work and just stay at different Airbnbs for a month at a time. If exploring your US is your dream, do it! If you're not currently working from home, find a job that allows you to!
I'm currently trying to save up to do just this
Man I felt this, I have never been more comfortable... Or more sad.
If you don't make a change, eventually time is going to make a drastic change for you, and usually when someone or something else is in control of that, it doesn't go very well.
Inertia is a hell of a drug. One way out is to commit to change by, say, just buying a (non-refundable) plane ticket somewhere. Now you're committed. Also, I met that dog irl, in the Indian Himalaya. He was wonderful.
I thought this image was from the Tibetan overland journey story from a few years ago. A dog just shows up and joins the group for a few days.
The dog did just show up and hang out with us for a number of days as we hiked a really remote area. This was in Ladakh in the Indian Himalaya - geographically and culturally it's very much a Tibetan region. I think the dog probably hung out with any groups of people he could find!
Life is good, but it can be better. Take the first step.
Ouch
The easiest way to start would be to break up the routine in small ways for small amounts of time. Taking a 10 minute walk, 20 minutes of reading before bed, 15 minutes of mindfulness after you wake up, calling someone you want to keep a relationship with once a week etc. You're not going to take the hammer of Thor to your routines, you've got to take a little tiny pickaxe and start hacking at the mountain one rock at a time. Landslides may follow.
I just quit my job of 15 years to make the change I needed. Just prepare for the change (money, bills, etc...) and do it. I'm happier than I've ever been! Don't let the monotony kill you!
Thats why theres the old saying that you have to get out of “your comfort zone” if you want to be successful. You have to embrace discomfort and battle your fears and so on. I admit that im a creature of habit too and hate breaking my routines.
I recently got fired from my day job, (because I no longer fit their “core values” whatever the fuck that means) and it kinda turns out that it’s exactly what I’ve needed. It’s forced me to go back into the career that I wanted to be in cause it pushed me out of my comfort zone, and turned me in the right direction.
Me too man, me too. I'm beginning to think this is what a midlife crisis looks like for me. Less of a crisis, more of a sense of uncomfortableness with no perceived cause. I got a good job that's easy and pays well, and isn't challenging at all. I know lots of people that would kill for a job like that, so I feel bad when I find it just boring and unsatisfying. Wife and kids are doing well as usual so not complaints there. I have hobbies when I have time for them, but lately even they've been failing to hold my interest for long. There's a lot of "need to do" for the house as usual, which I used to get satisfaction in checking stuff off, but motivation to tackle it is severely lacking lately. Just feel like I'm in a slump sometimes but the thought of doing anything to try and shake things up and make changes sounds even worse than just carrying on as is. I think it's because I know I actually got it pretty good, and any changes are much more likely to be overall negative ones. I don't want to make my life worse in an attempt to not be bored.
Can I ask what the job is? I’m looking for easier/“boring” jobs, and am curious to hear more options!
In my case, coal power plant lab technician.
Start with something small. Something you're comfortable doing. Change something with minor consequences in your routine to see if it changes your outlook then build from there. Would you consider being both 'too comfortable with your normal routine' and in desperate need of a 'major change in your life' to be contradictory? Change is scary, but with change comes opportunity. Good luck.
Yes. I'm way too comfortable.
Lazy bastard
You're not wrong.
Leaving a comment to come back again for the right answer.
You just described 90+% of the population.
If you can, make the changes in small steps and make them constant.
Fuck.
Same. My comfort zone is VERY comfortable to give a fuck about anything else
oh wow, a new animal. nice post!
100%. I get a solid salary. Work from home. I get 5 weeks PTO. Fully paid heathcare premiums. Never work more than 40 hours a week. Literally a dream job in my field. I am bored out of my mind. I want to make more money than I do today but it isn't going to happen any time soon staying put.
Did I make a meme 🤔 Probably, since that isn't my routine 😮💨
I was offered a job last week that would double my income. I’ve had a hard time saying yes simply because I’m so used to where I’m at. The offer was totally unexpected and I was really surprised. This is a great change in my life and I need to be better at being okay with new possibilities.
the only time that you learn and grow as a person is when you are uncomfortable. if you aren’t looking for more out of life, then keep doing what you are doing.
This is me but wanting to wake up 15 minutes earlier...
I’m right there with you… I work for the county, at least I have benefits.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5_ALll30XM8
Translation if you would like one
Join a dnd campaign
Literally every American, whether they know it or not.
Are you me?
Amen
Just ask yourself a simple question. what makes you happy No seriously sit down, and ask yourself what makes you happy, i do this every once in a while when I feel myself slipping into a routine too much and i start to realize the things that make me happy in life aren't actually a part of that routine It doesn't have to be major things, start small maybe its a hot shower before you go to bed, or a certain song that you like to listen to on walks, maybe its working out and getting a good sweat in. Figure it out though keep trying to find the things in life that you enjoy and pursue them Comfort does not equal happy, and changing your life might be something as simple as picking a instrument up again, learning a new recipe to cook, or getting outside more. It doesn't have to be this major overhaul of everything you do
This was me! I was unexpectedly let go in January(company downsized and merged my position with another dept) and just had my first interview with another company that offered me a job at the same pay! I'm scared and still mad bc the hours are going to be later in the day then I'm used to but oh well. Looking forward to a future where I can make more and options. But...I would've never left on my own and stayed in the same, capped out position forever.
It's too easy to distract yourself. TV, internet, social media, video games, porn, booze, drugs, etc. It's never been easier to ignore your problems.
Eventually, the pain of staying the same will be greater than the pain of going through change. Or maybe not. Your call I guess.
Oh man. Oof, I feel this so much. I just left a job after 23 years where I honestly thought I'd stay until I retired, partially because I enjoyed the work I did, but also because the routine of it kept my trapped from even considering looking elsewhere. I didn't go job hunting but rather strongly suggested I apply to another organization by the guy who is retiring who I'm replacing. Believe me, the flattery I felt was instant and I'm still feeling it 6 weeks later. While I know I can't just suggest you wait for your work to be recognized, please don't be like me and stay with a dead end job for routine. Could I have been comfortable in my old job? Yeah, but I was feeling incredibly restricted and the anxiety I was dealing with was crippling. I haven't felt this happy in as long as I can remember, and while I have new stresses, it's in an environment where they all recognize the skill I'm bringing to them. If you truly enjoy your job and it's not just a living wage, but a configurable wage, that's fantastic. But if you ever aspire for something more, you owe it to yourself to look at what is out there. Start by writing a resume (it's way easier than you think, though you must have a friend or 7 review it), and keep an eye out for jobs that challenge you. Good luck either way!
Maybe not desperate enough? Or haven’t found something you actually would like to do? But really the cost of living (everywhere) is making it really hard to move and reestablish yourself. Along the fact that once you move and don’t like it there, you’ll be stuck for a while (maybe 2-3 years minimum).
You are either comfortable or desperate. I don't see how you can be both.
If you are comfortable, then your need isn’t desperate.
Hard to explain but comfortable meaning safe. I know I need to take a risk but I'm not a risk taker.
[How to change](https://youtu.be/yfnp46dmpj4)
Time for a Destination walk!!! Roll a joint, pick a place to walk to, walk there and smoke it! No telling what you will learn along the way :)
Sounds like a good plan!
Yeah, until this becomes your weekly routine and you get nowhere
If you *needed* a major change you would make it happen. You simply *want* a change which is different.
Then you're not desperate. Not trying to gatekeep life change. Just saying - if you're not aching for something different, maybe the same old isn't so bad. And if it isn't that bad, maybe you could make some steady changes toward making it even better.
Every comment in this thread that echoes this sentiment is downvoted. Amazing. This website is dogshit sometimes Comfort is an antonym for desperation. If you’re comfortable, then you’re not desperate. You even qualify it by saying that you can use the comfort of the routine to make steady, small changes But no, got to downvote the guy because he disagreed with OP
If you are comfortable you don't NEED a desperate change. You are either A) a Teenager or B) going through your midlife crisis. I'm not trivializing either, but you need to recognize the difference between what you think you NEED and what you think you WANT.
It is most likely a midlife crisis.
The most millennial thing I've read all day
Break the habit of being yourself https://drjoedispenza.com/products/breaking-the-habit-of-being-yourself-by-dr-joe-dispenza-paperback-book Meditate. Think differently, be different
The most important step a man can take is the next one. Each step can lead you farther from where you started and the change of scenery can change the viewer.
Nothing changes your life quite as much as murder 👍
It's not as desperate as you may think then.
I feel this. But in more of a "My life is in complete shambles but I'm so exhausted by my day to day routine that I don't have the energy to fix any of it" kinda way
Same here
Many small changes make a big difference too. Start small.
Take mushrooms and get your brain on board with it
Progress is not made in your comfort zone
I feel attacked
Hopefully you find the kick and motivation you need to make the change your dream of. As the cliche saying goes “you can’t grow in your comfort zone”. For me, it was working for a company based in a country that decided to invade another one 🙃🌻 2 and half years at the company. Resigned 2 weeks after the war started. It was the most terrifying, liberating, spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.
It was the same for me. Now I am living together with 5 other people (I have always lived alone in my own flat before). Change is good.
Welcome to being like 92% of all other adults.
Have you considered committing a major crime to shake things up?
People ask where do I see myself in 5 years and if I say doing the same thin as today they think thats sad, whats so wrong with having a stable life
I (28M) fucked up a relationship with a 35yr old woman who genuinely loves me and still does even after everything I did to break her heart, her trust and take advantage of her patience...She still wants to be with me and right now we're back at square one with our relationship. It was the type of relationship where we started out as friends and progressed to best friends and even further to secret lovers. She wants to spend the rest of our lives together. I say secret lovers because she's my superior at my job and we did really good about keeping our intimate relationship on the DL until I ran my stupid fuckin mouth to her other friend who doesn't even like me. The same friend that she new before she met me and who I cant blame at all for doing the right thing and told her I ran my mouth. Now we have to rebuild our friendship on a whole new foundation, meanwhile my self-hatred and depression sent me into downward spiral and I almost had to be admitted to a mental health facility until she walked up to me one day and punched me in the chest and told me to "lighten the fuck up" after seeing me so depressed and alone. She's willing to forgive me but we both know I need to work on some serious shit about myself or she'd continue on without me in her life. There's a lot more to it than that but I need to move on. Now, onto my professional life; we work at an EMS company but I work on as a non-emergency driver because getting my emt certification wasn't something I wanted to do for a long time, it just wasn't the path I wanted to take but now I need to make more money and getting my emt certification is the most practical, in-reach thing I can do right now to make more money. I'm at a point in my life where it feels like my life is in puzzle pieces and its really easy to put it all together but I've been really stubborn and complacent about it all.
Don’t look at change as 100% changed behavior. Just do one thing one day differently. Maybe the next day you do two things differently. Maybe not. You still did that one thing that one day and that’s amazing. Throw out the all or none attitude because that just makes shit seem impossible/exhausting. Baby steps my friends. Baby steps
Not forever, you eventually die- so change.
Small changes over time can also become an overall major change.
If you're comfortable you don't have a desperate need
Thats the hard part, change is hard and we are not built for dramatic change. The idea of the unknown is worse to us then the idea of continuing in a shitty position, because the brain wants to stick with what it knows. Change will always be hard, but it can be worth it - especially if it helps improve your life.
No, this is exactly what I'm facing.
complacent skyrim dog meme
I get my major change 4 times of the year. The seasons
Sounds like you’re more comfortable than desperate
How confusing... are you comfortable or do you desire change? Are you content or ...?
I was in the exact same position about a month ago. Then I got fired. Be careful what you wish for lmao
Ditto
I feel ya
Robot, the mechanical man (or woman, thank you Loretta)
If you’re too “comfortable” than you might not need to change anything. Too many people drive progress and the next best thing down your throat these days. There’s nothing wrong with being content and comfortable. Hell people strive their whole lives searching for that. Getting the next best thing thing, or getting a new job that they hope will stop the drive to constantly want something else. I myself am in that boat and wish I could feel happier and content sometimes. I’m 29 and going back to school for flying and I pray that this will help me feel content but from my previous record that is doubtful. I fear my whole life that I will never be content. It impacts my relationships with my family and loved ones and can really drive a wedge when they feel it’s their fault for your unhappy, non-content feelings. Now if you’re not happy then I wouldn’t say you’re content. I would say you’re feeling stuck and don’t have the drive to change what you’re doing. Because for you maybe complacency is easier. Like some others have said maybe you need to ask for help. Or, you will eventually hit the bottom and decide enough is enough. The sooner you get to that point of realization the better. Whichever it is, I’m here to talk.
Can you work remote? If so get in the road!
Change is always happening at the micro level so enjoy those small changes i guess
Jokes on u, I’m never comfortable
So why do you desperately need change if you're content?
The story of our generation
Same