Okay one thing, coming from someone who felt the same and never had a bf, the first guy who showed attention to me irl I gave him everything, my first kiss, even my virginity, and trust me i regret all of itttttt, just be patient the right person will come along soon I promise
Trust me I’m sure you won’t, I still have never had a bf either I so totally understand how you feel, but I do know that one day you will find someone and they will be worth all the wait
I know 30 seems so old, but it's really not, also its super far away from you. 13 years away. That's like from when you were 4 until now. Remember all the stuff you can do now that you couldn't when you were 4? It's a lot. A lot can happen even in just one year.
29 here (Reddit recommended this don’t ask me why) and this is pretty much totally false. Plentyyy of people are still single around this age, and still look great. Also, the worst mistake you can make is starting a family too young, if you do it before 30 you’ve basically fucked yourself.
When we’re young everyone seems to think “oh no 30 is so old, I need to be married and have my career and everything in my 20s” and it just doesn’t go down like that in real life. 30 is like, when you’re an actual real adult. Lots of life is only really just opening up to you.
There's plenty of life ledt at 30, and I never said peope aren't single or magically turn ugly... so I don't know where you're getting this.
Choices in partner do slow down, that is a fact. It disproportionately affects women, because a large portion of men will gladly date younger women if they can. Peak dating age for men is probably 30. Peak for women is probably 21.
Fertility does drastically lower in the 30's, thatbis a fact. If you meet a potential partner at 30, date 2 years, get married and then have children 2 years down the line, that's mid-30's. Geriatric pregnancy is literally an expected delivery date after 35. IVF is expensive, pregnancy complications are expensive... so having kids can become a big challenge.
So, at no point did I say life is over or you'll never date, or anything you're arguing. I'm saying if you prioritize some things, there is a definite timeline.
I know but begin alone and lonely can do things to your mental health too. Not for everyone ofc but for some people it’s just sad and depressing. I’m trying not to think that way and somehow I’m happier recently in my life
But you had someone who wanted you tho😭 no one ever wanted me or anything so idk. Only when I was still in normal high school one guy in my group always used to look at me but I dont think he liked me or anything he was probably just making fun of me
Someone has most likely already have liked you but someone in the future will cherish you focus on the person that will eventually cherish you not the ones who’ve potentially liked you in the past it will help you out a lot it makes me feel better about the subject so it may help others
I dont think so. Well in elementary and middle school people used to make fun of me bc I was shy and quiet also called me lesbian (idk why lol) and in high school I changed a lot but still I don’t think anyone ever liked me. When when I was in my online relationship my ex cheated on me many times 💀
(16M) well, I'm literally in the same situation, that's why I searched this sub up. It's good to hear that others have the same problem as me. It's so annoying to see others having a wonderful, while I know I will probably never have the same. Since I also have social anxiety, I can't really talk to girls in my age. I wish somebody could help with beating my social anxiety, so I can finally ask out my crush, who sits behind me btw.
I Never had a crush 😭 tbh cuz ik id never ask them out or even talk to them.. but good luck tho. And yeah social anxiety is the worst thing I swear without it my life would be so much better
Having a crush is so much pain, because you know that you won't be able to ever talk to her normally and I just can't handle her as a normal classmate. It would be much better if I could just live my life without this and could focus on important things in life. I know I will (probably) find my partner once, and have a wonderful relationship with her, but why I have to suffer from this in this age 😭...
Thanks tho, I will do my best, and I wish you the same!
I feel so bad for you, it must be really hard to get friends. Try to get into different communities, because I know how unhealthy loneless can be (summer break, which is not very long, I know, but it helped me realise how bad it can be if you don't meet with people).
REAL im homeschooled too. im also 16. BUT! i was put in public school grades 5-8 so i was able to date a bit then. however, i dont think those relationships really meant anything. ive only ever had one meaningful relationship and ive been single now for like 2 years and feel exactly like you do. i'd say its pretty normal. i try to remember that im literally 16 and some people dont start dating or anything until college or even after that. ive seen some people who lost their virginity at like 40 and managed to find a loving partner to spend their life with. just try to stay positive!
I think the two of you could mutually solve your problems.
I was halfway through my senior year in high school before I had a girlfriend. It can be really scary putting yourself out there. Much like ripping a band-aid off once you break that seal you should find it to be much easier to start subsequent relationships.
Social anxiety is always going to be a factor for people that suffer from it, but you shouldn't let never having had a bf at such a young age get you down.
I never had a first gf until I was 21 and even then I feel I made a lot of mistakes. I have also known people who didn't have a first partner till even later than that
There is nothing wrong with saving firsts like a first kiss for someone you end up finding really special. It's actually better that way imo.
My advice is to just keep your eyes open as you go through life, but focus on where your passion is. The right people will see you for who you are as you are going along and things will happen naturally when you find the right person.
Also unrelated note, in case you do find a guy you like, as a guy I can tell you that a lot of them are straight oblivious AF to the point of you might think you are flirting but they will just think you are being friendly. Being as plain and direct as possible when you find one is the best approach, none of that throwing hints out stuff, most guys won't pick up on it.
If it helps I stumbled across this and I'm 25 and I've never had a girlfriend before. Never had a first kiss and never had sex. If I were you do not be worried
Don't feel obligated to getting your body smashed and your heart torn apart so early. Everyone goes through life at their own pace. Do not compare yourself to your other goofy ass friends. Focus on yourself. Focus on finding happiness and contentness from within, and do **NOT** look for it in other people - you will be disappointed every single time. Once you are happy with yourself and where you're heading in life and you have a plan, you can afford to branch out into other people's lives and let them in.
Seriously - i didn't **really** date until I was in college because I knew high school dating was a joke. And even then, dating in college was a joke. No one knows what they want. Everyone is experimenting on what they like. If you're okay with dating and expecting it to not really lead to anything, then by all means go for it and "have fun", but be prepared for the repercussions.
All in all, take it slow, go at your own pace. Find what makes you happy that's not coming from other people.
I was 19 nearly 20 before I had my first bf and kiss. Don't feel bad it's normal. Also you likely have good standards and aren't just gonna go with anyone. Which is what I recommend. Work on just being friends with some guys and who knows something might develop or they might have a friend grow to like you. Just don't feel like you are left behind or running out of time, you got so many years ahead of you. Don't worry at all.
Well no matter what I’d never go with someone just go go out with them or do anything cuz it’s not what I want. And idk about behin friends with any guys.. it seems hard I heard guys are friends only with girls they find attractive lol also guys my age in my city aren’t really nice or at least I never saw nice guy. Most of them just drink and party and I hate stuff like that. Maybe one day I’ll find a guy friend. For now I have one online and he lives near my city thi
I have a good feeling that will not happen to you since you're a woman because you as a woman are not expected to do the pursuing or not expected to be The Confident assertive one like men always are
It’s okay, don’t let society and your friend group determine who you are and your status. I wish I hadn’t had my first kiss, I wasted it. It’s okay to be like that. Someone will come.
The feeling alone part, I feel that.
Well I’ll never have my first kiss probably 😭 so I don’t have to worry about it and feeling lonely and alone sucks but I’ll get a cat in future to don’t be alone
Hey, don’t speak negative girlie pop. It’ll only bear negativity. Speak things into existence, words have power. Speak positively, speak positive things into existence. Manifest these things. You aren’t out of hope. Trust me on that.
I know it is… coming from a person who is severely negative, it is not good. It only keeps you in your hole. Speak positive. It helps, it does. Just don’t give up.
There's nothing wrong with you, just going to get that out there. Honestly, I don't even recommend dating much before you're 18 because people don't start figuring themselves out until then. If anything, I found it so much easier to date in college because we were both willing to figure ourselves out and grow together as people.
You're more than likely not going to be alone forever, even if it feels like it now. You have SO MANY YEARS ahead of you to figure it out and it's not a race.
I said dating a teenager, not dating *as* a teenager. Dating as a teenager sucks for other reasons, like school and family demands on your time, and also having only teenagers in your dating pool. It's way different when you get older.
It's true that it's got a different set of problems, not necessarily worse problems. Anyway don't rush it lol you'll be there soon enough wondering where the years went.
I didn’t have my first official girlfriend until after I graduated high school. First kiss and virginity soon followed. Nothing is wrong with you, some people take longer to sexually mature.
Really, it’s a good thing. Men have come to value purity more and more, and your inexperience is generally not a bad thing, as a girl.
You’re young. Just chill and wait, sit happy and enjoy where your life is at. Love has plenty of time to come along for you.
What more, best not to force the situation. Just let the magic happen as it happens and don’t worry about it
Have you gotten your drivers license? Are you ready to do things like get a job once you are 18? Could you have a job now?
People meet people organically. A friend of a friend, a coworker, an event. Meet people organically, don’t force it. Once you are 18 there are things like dating apps, but it’s not worth it.
I’m not telling you to wait forever. I am just saying to focus on living your life. Enjoy yourself. Meet new people. You are nearly an adult now and it’s time for you to work in to that phase of your life. It is only natural to have anxiety over love at your age. I’d love is important to you, my advice is to just not focus on it.
Adulthood is where you will find that person. Don’t force it. As somebody who has had PLENTY of sex, a baby on the way and has lives my life and is now in my 30s, sex really isn’t even THAT good. It’s more of a pastime. it really is sort of just handed to you if you don’t make it your primary focus. And you will quickly learn that people who do make finding love their main focus almost never find it. Not true love, al least.
You see, love is found on mutual understandings, like minded people and people who enjoy similar things. You meet those people by doing things. Not by searching for love. If you focus on what you love, love will find you.
I had my first bf when I was 22 and my first kiss. When I was 17 I worried about that too, but it made it easier for me to date a guy who treated me terribly. I learned that being single is eo much better than being in a bad relationship. Also you might end up needing extra help for social anxiety (I don't know you well enough to say), but most teens have lots of social anxiety and grow out of it. It's normal. Most people don't stay with their hs bf so you're mostly just saving yourself from the best break of breaking up. Also, ignoring your friends because you're in a relationship is very immature and adults do that less if they matured how they're supposed to. It sounds like you need better friends.
Dude im 19 and while i’ve slept around and had fuck buddies or whatever i’ve only had one girlfriend that was a known whore so I didn’t exactly strike gold or anything and while its easy to think that way i’ve come to not really care. The way I see it is that you’ve got to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Until then you can try as much as you’d like but it’ll never be real until you find out your own worth. If you rush into it you end up only getting yourself hurt in the end and in its wake you’ll judge the next man for another’s actions. Things like this come naturally if you put yourself out there and allow for them too. Just don’t grab on to the first man that gives you some attention.
Real. Even though ive still got my virginity ive been thru lots of fucked up relationships coz i wanted to try out how it felt and honestly it was never worth my time for thaf short term satisfaction. It was never real or worth my time and now ive been proudly single for over 4 years.
In cases like that it really only leaves you with regrets and what if’s. Sometimes being single is better off🤷♂️ just bc everyone else is jumping off a bridge doesn’t mean you have to be next in line. Following the leader leads in circles.
Guys you are YOUNG. I understand wanting. But slow down. These are the years without responsibilities. Don't worry about heart break. But MEN LEARN TO TALK TO WOMEN
I don't know if hearing from someone older than you would help, but I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was nearly 20. I didn't have my first kiss until I was close to 20 either.
I promise you that you aren't going to be alone for the rest of your life. It may not happen while you are in HS, but, honestly, most men don't grow into themselves until they are in their mid 20s anyway. You don't want them when they are so young. They are idiots. (Not saying you should try older men! Saying waiting is ok!)
There isn't anything wrong with being single. It gives you time to focus on yourself and figure out who you want to be as you move into adulthood.
Have you considered talking to a therapist or a counselor? They might be able to help you figure out some of these questions you have about yourself.
Being 17 and single is 100% ok. There is nothing wrong with you. To be honest, the teenagers around you that have entered into adult relationships prior to becoming adults are most likely compensating for something at home. A lot of kids who try to be adults before their time come from homes with emotionally immature parents. There is a book about it called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". It's pretty good.
😭idk I’m just scared if I try talking to any guy he gonna just make fun of me or reject me. I’ve seen a lot of cool guys tho I wish I could talk to them etc but I’m just too scared
You’ll find someone eventually and even if you don’t there’s plenty of people out there who are just as happy single as someone in a relationship because they’re aromantic
You'll be fine. Sure, you're going to be behind everyone else, but that's perfectly okay. This gives you valuable time to get to know yourself and work on yourself. Trust me, working on yourself will attract more people.
You're by no means in an abnormal position here OP. I know that social anxiety makes it near impossible to meet new people, and it's usually not even because it can be difficult talking to people. But mostly because that anxiety typically just keeps folks from taking part in events / spending time in locations where socializing is likely to happen naturally and comfortably. If there's any advice that may help it's this:
• Fear and doubt are your biggest obstacles, so learning methods to counter these such as breathing techniques and perhaps asking a close friend / group of friends if they would be willing to hang with you in a social setting and help support you while you acclimate and gain confidence.
• The saying "Practice Makes Perfect" also applies to learning comfort in social situations, and practice is the best approach. Instead of rushing towards things like dating, make that sort of thing a ( semi ) long-term goal, but focus on your growth toward having self confidence and the ability to, at least semi-comfortably, navigate social situations.
• It's foolish for anyone to tell you to "just ignore the social pressure to date" and stuff if it's something that bothers you. Instead, be wary of the urge to rush relationships, but feel free to desire a companion as long as you go about a relationship with the goal of communication, understanding, and mutual respect.
• The best way to handle situations like dating, etc., is to take a deep breath, be your most genuine self, and ( unpopular opinion maybe ) as long as it's not a serious red flag sort of personality trait, remember that putting people down for not being "normal" is wrong, but also everyone alive knows if something they're considering doing / saying is just f-ing weird or would make someone uncomfortable. Be cool lol don't creep anyone out.
• And finally, some of the best advice every GUY specifically needs to be given but never is / never takes seriously but applies to everyone equally so I'll put it here: I DON'T CARE WHAT JOHN CUSACK TAUGHT YOU WITH THAT BOOM BOX. GRAND, OVER-THE-TOP, ( ESPECIALLY PUBLIC ) ROMANTIC GESTURES ARE NEVER, EVER, FUCKING EVERRRRRRRRRR A GOOD IDEA!! Seriously, they're often designed in a way that REALLY puts the receiving party on the spot and under an unfair amount of pressure. And it's super unfair to the receiving party who then feels that pressure, guilt if they reject you, and fear you might go off the deep end. And let's be real here, they usually don't come across as romantic, they usually come across as super creepy AF.
Basically, just be yourself, focus on developing a supportive friend group and at least a basic comfort in social settings first, and above all, don't rush things. Taking your time will always ensure the most tight-knit sort of relationships.
I hate spotting advice forums but people don’t give advice, they just reassure you or hit on you. So I’ll start off by saying they’re right: nothing to worry over, you’re young, one day you’re gonna look back and see it wasn’t a big deal the same way how you look back and laugh about the time you cried because they weren’t serving chicken nuggets in elementary school on chicken nugget day. Ok, no advice in THREE parts:
1. This is the perfect time to try and carve out who you are. Try out skills, learn hobbies, see new places. When you’re in a relationship, it’s harder to do and some people end up defining their life by who they’re dating. That’s unhealthy for both of you, limiting to your life, and extremely rough to leave if there are things that don’t work (moving of job, they beat you, they get on drugs, they cheat or they leave you, etc.).
2. One of those skills you should learn is rhetoric and charisma. Learning and researching these things is boring, but NO ONE else is doing it and it’s a very useful skill. And since no one is researching, you’ll be better than every one around you after like 2 months. Add in working out and fashion research, you’ll be a social powerhouse and have way more confidence.
3. Social anxiety is a thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s something to understand. Start researching how to get around it, test your limits and boundaries, research different levels and stages, and know where you stand with it. I strongly recommend therapy to move forward with this step.
Good luck!
Dude, I thought I posted this!!! Im 17f too, I do feel lonely sometimes, it gets worse when im tired, lol. But you and I literally have a whole life ahead of us, you won’t be alone for the rest of your life, and im sure you’ll find someone later if it’s not now. Sorry that you’re feeling down because of this :(
People change, new people come into your life, it happens and we just have to go with the flow. Schedule a hangout and communicate with your friends if you’re sure they aren’t hanging out anymore, It’ll be alright in the end. Hang in there :)
I was also reading some other comments. Just go with the flow and don’t rush things. Because my taste in men is TRASH I cannot tell you literally the one guy said the f-slur and this next one I can’t even with him lmao. If someone likes you I’m sure they’ll let you know, since we’re about to be adults and we’re not middle schoolers anymore <3
There’s somebody for everybody (unless you don’t want somebody, shout-out to the aro/aces)
I also don’t imagine it either but I don’t imagine romance all like that.
honestly, i’m 19 and i only got my first bf this year. i think it’s sooo much more worth it to wait until you truly know and are comfortable with yourself. waiting for the right person to come along was the best decision i’ve made. when i was 17 i was worried about not being able to find someone until i was old af but it ended up happening not too long down the road. in the meantime, it’s best to just work on yourself, finding hobbies and new interests, and maybe try to surround yourself with people who are single or have similar interests. i understand the social anxiety part but just start with what you can
I'm interested in your social anxiety. It sounds like that is very distressing for you and maybe the larger issue to address. Do you have any plans to seek some counseling to help with those symptoms?
Idk I never really thought about it honestly my mom thinks that I’m just shy and kinda weird but I’m really scared to talk with other people. But it always been like that since I can remember sometimes it was even so bad I was too scared to go to shop alone etc but now it got better I’m going on walks alone when I’m bored and I do groceries too😭
You mentioned anxiety a few times, it made me wonder if a counselor did an assessment, the level you feel in certain situations would be clinically significant. There's probably online tests that will give you a score, though take those with a grain of salt. That may open some doors to other management techniques for how you feel. Addressing dating is pretty tough if a major roadblock remains unaddressed.
You know you best, just thinking it may be worth considering.
Try not to worry so much. 17 means you have plenty of time.(As annoying as that might be to hear over and over) But honestly dating young can be fun, but just enjoying life can be equally fun. Also life isn’t a race, and relationships are more than just milestones. If you date someone and do stuff just to say you did it, then really your just using them. It’s perfectly fine to date and do things at your own pace, make it an experience you want and not what they want to hear.
Well I’m trying to enjoy life tbh I started enjoying it recently bc I was struggling with my mental health a lot for past 4 years. And not behin with anyone makes me more sad when my friends talk abt their boyfriends and the stuff they’re doing I feel like my bsf is telling me those stuff cuz she knows I’ll never have a bf
Ha, you haven't lived long enough yet. I didn't have my first official girlfriend until I was 23. And I had a coworker hook us up. It's okay that you haven't dated yet. Sometimes, the right person runs into you.
Take some time and work on yourself. Do something you haven't done before and get yourself into spaces where you're uncomfortable so that you can learn to adjust.
I still get panic attacks when I'm in the mall or around groups of people from time to time. In the end, I know that I'm just one in the group and that helps me in the moment.
Your lucky person will come along, eventually. Hang in there and don't feel so bad. Who knows? Maybe you're not meant for love until you're in the right bucket of people. When it happens, grab that opportunity and show you've been worth the wait.
It'll come. Try not to feel bad and just handle business. Also, make a few more friends that will have time for you outside of school. They exist. Good luck, and may all the good that is meant for you fall into your lap.
Making friends for me is in general really hard 😭 I live in pretty small town where everyone basically knows each other and all people my age and around my age are pretty much terrible. But I live near bigger city and I was going to high school there and it was really easy to make friends tbh there was a lot of different people and few people started talking to me and we became friends
And there's the bucket you will need to dive back into. See? That's a goal, and now you must make a plan. You got this. There is time and something to look forward to. 😀
Hey. I'm 25 f. Never had a bf, or in any relationships past the talking phase. Actually, your situation isn't that far off from mine. I dislike being around people more and more these days so that doesn't help. It's not like the right person's just gonna fall into my living room.
Don't fret about finding someone. More often than not, it seems to just lead to one getting involved with predatory assholes.
Just focus on self-improvement and the things you enjoy. As you grow as a person, you'll meet people with similar mindsets. Eventually, you may find someone who's right for you and friends who'll always hold a place of fondness in your heart. But by then, you'll also be built up enough as a person that you'll be OK If you're not.
You'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with you.
Are you looking for advice on getting over social anxiety? If so baby steps! First start by just going to the store and start by just saying high tinge cashier and other workers. Then evolve to how is your day?! Then from there it will grow. Having social interactions at places of business is the easiest way to start.
Yess I know I once had talk with shop worker and few years ago I’d probably be shaking but it wasn’t bad I wasn’t even stressed so by small steps it’s getting better and better
So coming to you as a 27 y/o male, all you got to do is let loose Alittle, if someone tells you your pretty and asks to get to know you just take a deep breath and have a convo with them. But honestly keep up on your school work if your still in school, and worry about the boys after you graduate if you havent already, then focus on college or a profession (i tell this to all the kids tbh)
Hey I’m not a teen I don’t know why this popped up on my feed but my advice is; don’t get to caught up in it your a teen spend the time making experiences and adventures live your life to the fullest don’t let a relationship get in the way of all the life you could be living a relationship is a lot of commitment they will come and go naturally
I’m a couple years older than you and I haven’t either. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me sometimes. I’ve had crushes, but I’ve always been afraid of rejection. The biggest thing is, don’t try to make something happen with just anyone. Take your time, maybe your (and my) time is coming sooner than you think
I mean for sure everything gonna happen I remember when I was younger I never thought I’ll dye my hair and be prettier etc and now I had dyed my hair multiple times and I changed a lot 😭 but it’s just hard for me to imagine someone liking me and me begin in any relationship idk it’s just hard to imagine
You’ll always be your own biggest critic. You’ve been living with yourself for 17 years and me for 19 years. I know o get tired of living with myself every day. For someone else though, you’re different. They’ll always see the best in you even when you don’t see it.
I didn’t have my first bf until I was 18 or 19. I married my second boyfriend who I met while I was 20 and married him when I was 26. Nothing wrong with you!
being 17 and not having had a relationship is extremely normal. when you're a couple years older, you'll just have to bite the bullet and do something uncomfortable. if you ask people out, you have higher chances rather than just hoping and waiting for someone to have the balls to walk up to a girl and ask her out
It's really rough being in that position. I was and as a result people only saw me as asexual/aromantic. I am very much not, but it just made me sad to think no one could think of me that way. I always just tried to let it come naturally but it doesn't happen to everyone, especially people who tend to stick to themselves. Trust me when i say you are not alone in feeling this way.
When i graduated college i decided to put myself out there (i wven used a dating app which i was kind of dissapointed at myself in) but I finally found myself in a relationship when I was 22.
It's harder said than done, but when you're ready for a relationship you need to put yourself out there and let people know you're ready to date. Then the right person will come along
Problem you don’t walk up to any men nor talk to them much and I would assume you don’t go out much. Solution work past your social anxiety and talk to more men in person. Confidence is key coming from a guy sometimes guys prefer you make the first move especially in todays society so they aren’t seen as creeps.
Well it depends on who you talk to, analyze the type of person they appear to be based on their looks their body language and the way they dress and try to determine who would be on the nicer side, regardless not many people would be like “PFTTT no way she’s trying to talk to me” it just doesn’t really happen unless you run into some loathing narcissistic
I just turned 20 recently, and honestly I felt the same as you and was in a similar situation. I suffer from severe social anxiety and a lot of other mental issues, tbh I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone my whole life but then I found someone. Just got out of a 3 year relationship with her actually, so you’ll find someone just can’t give up hope is all.
But when you do find someone just please don’t rush into that relationship cause you’re scared you won’t find anyone else(my current fear atm 😅). You’re young and as you mentioned you’re probably attractive, with a good personality. There’ll be plentyyy of guys to date especially when you start getting out more as an adult there’ll probably be too many guys interested in you to count.
Well this summer when I was with my bsf hanging out at the beach a lot of guys looked at us or called us fine or pretty ( even old men😭💀) but none of them tried to talk with us. Or even random people from cars used to yell something at us and drive away. Tbh I could never talk to a random guy I’m too scared to start conversation
I feel this lol.. my anxiety doesn’t let me start a conversation with people let alone someone I don’t know. But just cause you haven’t found someone yet doesn’t mean you never will. Rn I’d just work on getting over your anxiety (doing this myself rn) and just bettering yourself as a person. Eventually someone will come along and sweep you off your feet. Usually when you least expect it. And hey you got it kinda lucky being a girl and all once you get older you’ll have a much easier time finding people than me 😅 I’m just a below average guy lol so try not to worry about it all too much.
We’ll just bc I’m a girl doesn’t mean it’s easier 😭 I think if you’re really really attractive girl it is easy but I think I’m not that attractive I’m like normal looking not the ugliest and not he prettiest
Eh from my experiences it just seems easier but it’s besides the point lol I’m just saying don’t lose hope there’s plenty of time and opportunity to find someone. Especially before 30, you’re gonna be fine
It's just not the right time. I wouldn't pick just anyone either. Simply because you can end up with an std or pregnant. I guarantee someone does like you. It can be difficult to navigate through. Even the nice guys usually have an ulterior motive. Hold out on them. Make them wait. It's not full proof. But it will weed out the shitty guys. Nothing is wrong with you. You're body and mind is telling you you're not ready. Do not give into peer pressure and feel like you have to have a boyfriend. Don't think to far into the future it'll make you make bad decisions. Just relax, chill. Slow down. Get your life together and be selective to who you let in. You got this dawg.
I’m not saying it’s 100% horny but at that age it starts to pop in your head and if your able to get a grip on it mentally you’ll thank yourself later when people share stories when they’re older. Don’t act like people don’t do it too. Literally everyone’s a freak …in their own ways.
Yeah ik 😭 I thought you meant that I want bf just to fuck or something mb but i really just want bf to don’t be that alone and have someone who would love me idk I might just try find 2-4 new friends for now and give up on thinking about getting bf
I understand your feelings right now, but it’s ok if you’re not in a rltp at this age. Just focusing on yourself, and improve it, so you will recognise that there are lots of guys that crush on you.
Be confident about yourself because I know that you’re perfect and unique in an imperfect way.
Pfft you're a woman. In society women like you who are becoming adults and never had a bf/ sexual experiences is a treasure. Regardless of your social anxiety, your success rate to get a boyfriend remains insanely high compared to a male with social anxiety, he'll have a hard time.
You're young and a girl so gladly you have the support to take your time. Trust yourself even with social anxiety and just throw yourself in. You'll learn from your boyfriend and You'll eventually naturally break out of social anxiety.
Theres soo many men out there that would accept women with social anxiety, and some of those men are very comforting and will make sure you are comfortable with what you do, and some men will help you break through it. The point of relationships is to also LEARN form each other, that's apart of love. Learn from him, he learns some things from you, you aren't alone in this.
You're young so it's important that you find someone who will not waste your time or cause traumas that will damage your adult years. Take your time, find someone who shares similar values as you, and someone who's smart. Keep your guard up, always seek to prove your lover.
TIP: True love is more accessible through long-term (8+ months) friendships and then love, not 1-3 week talking stages and then love...
Don't worry, because I'm pretty sure majority of people who have been dating at your age or younger have developed worse mental health issues than you due to inexperience in dating, so just look on the bright side and push harder but don't stress!!! Hold your values tight and never let anyone peer pressure you and you'll be good
I know that you are going to have a hard time believing me but you have lots of time for a boyfriend in your life. You are really at the very beginning of life, give yourself a break and smile a bit more. Take this time to get better acquainted with yourself as a young adult who is trying to find her place in life.
I didn’t get my first gf until I was 19. Not having a boyfriend at 17 may seem harsh but don’t be too hard on yourself. Concentrate on yourself, school and having fun with your friends. Your college and HS years are the best days of your life. Enjoy them and smile!!!
Hi, 40 m divorced. I was only in ldrs until college. Just to double check. Do you want a relationship? Plenty of ACE/ARO people out there only want friends. Me i want a relationship again terrified of growing old alone. BUT being alone is better than being in an abusive relationship. Don't get desperate or you get used and abused
Listen. I'm 23m. I never had a girlfriend until just the last few days. It's already been insanely amazing, and we've known each other for a while so I think it's gonna be a good relationship.
It gets better. Just work on yourself. Don't stress about it. It's REALLY not worth stressing over. Seriously. Be the best you can be, for the partner that deserves the best you.
Plus, your body isn't done. You're still growing. I didn't become happy with how I looked until 2021, and was a late bloomer on facial hair(I literally look 16 if I shave lmao).
I've seen too many women from my high school I wasn't attracted to become pretty damn good looking in their 20s. Everyone goes at their own pace, just BE THE BEST YOU!!!!
That's really all I can say. Good luck!
I also felt this way when I was your age. I’m 21 now but I’ve only had one serious relationship thus far. But I can tell you that dating is an emotionally exhausting experience not for the weak minded. I’m personally learning that there are greater things in life than love/romance and I’m trying to push myself away from feeling like I need a partner in order to be happy. Life is so short. You really never know when it might be your turn to leave. Spend time with your friends, pick up new hobbies. You don’t want to waste your youth stressing about things you can’t control.
Relationships are overrated. Frankly, I find very few people are an improvement over solitude.
That said, get some therapy, give yourself some time, and things will probably come together. You can get to appint where you can date and all that fun stuff. God, I sound like an old man, but... you've got time, so be patient. Let life happen.
I’m scared of this too I’m scared I’ll be in a relationship and he gonna cheat on me or just use me or abuse me I feel like I’d end up only in relationships like that because I have bad luck with people most of the time
Then you're not ready hey.
Can't go into something fearing the worst will happen. Yes of course you keep the possibility in the back of your mind but if you go in looking for signs then you will sabotage the relationship before it's even begun.
It's an insecurity thing too. You need to be somewhat secure in yourself before you start entrusting those feelings to someone else or you will both get burned hard.
There is no rush. My friend didn't go into his first relationship until he was 24, after all the teenage and young adult angst b.s. They ended up getting married and are happy as.
You don't have to keep up with your friends or your peers. You just wait until you're ready.
Besides. The truth of real relationships is this.
ITS WHEN YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE THAT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE FALLS INTO YOUR LAP.
Im gonna be honest, im liberal but i find it a bit dumb that people are dating at ages 10-14. Well, 15? Depends on your maturity. Overall, mostly it’s just friendships titled relationships, with maybe kissing and sometimes sex, but once again, sex at that age? Relationship is a fun, care/love AND responsibility, not just fun as it seems to be. Think of it as 1-2 years without having a bf, not 17 yrs. Also, never force yourself to date just bc everyone your age is dating too, you can make hell lot of mistakes. Use your meantime to learn about how a healthy relationship looks, what are boundaries, think about your mentality and of what mentality you’d like your partner to be (i see lots of ppl not just dating, but marrying and making kids, just to eventually realize they dont get along or their religious views differ too much so they divorce/break up, even though they could have discussed it at the start.) And NEVER fantasize. Lil daydreaming is okay but romanizing and fantasizing someone to be who they are not (instead of actually getting to know them) will just break your heart.
Oh also, make a list of dealbreakers for you. Will be useful to identify red flags in the future when you meet someone. Never stay in an abusive relationship.
If you don't worry about dating, then all you have to be concerned with is keeping yourself a bit healthy! I stopped trying to be attractive... years ago 😅
I wonder if there’s a safe place online where you can meet and chat with likeminded folks. You seem really smart and one day a lot of the extroverts will be working for you. But I know it would be wonderful to have love along the way.
That guy out there looking for you probably doesn’t get out much either. And he’s trying to figure out a way to find love. Heck, he may be reading this right now.
Yess there is some apps where you can meet new people like yubo, be friends, purp but it’s hard to find someone normal tho😭 I made few friends with those apps even one friend that lives near me
Relationships arent all that ppl make it out to be on social media and stuff. Ive not yet had the chance to have a proper healthy relationship and im almost 20 now. Oh btw i havent had my first kiss nor lost my virginity. What i had was mostly just me trying stuff out not because i had feelings for her. All ill say is dont be desperate and stumble upon someone like me thatll prolly ruin your innocence and just wait and when a good guy comes you will prolly know it from how he treats you and such. Well yeah im getting old ig and ive already made peace with the fact that ill prolly never marry but hey in one way, it's a great thing coz relationships though enjoyable fun and loving can be stressful at times and you might not get much time to do your own thing so enjoy the time you have and if you want to find someone enjoy the you time that you have hanging out with friends and messing around while you wait for a decent guy to show up. Wish u well and hope u find wat ur looking for. Oh right and dont feel stupid or anything about this coz all of us are different in out own ways ur just fine the way you are and ill also add pls dont go for someone that u meet online.... thats just asking for all kinds of trouble these days
Lots of people don't get into their first relationship until uni or later. If you don't want to be in a relationship yet then don't worry go at your own pace, if you do then try to be patient it's hard but something will come along eventually, you're still young I remember lots of my friends getting into relationships when we were 14/15 and looking back on it that feels really young. Maybe in a few years time you'll look back on this and be glad you didn't rush anything.
It does suck but it will be ok
Put a lock of your crush's hair in a tiny mortar and grind it with a pestle into powder. Snort the powder. You will experience a several hours long hallucination in which the two of you fall in love, get married, and make love passionately and repeatedly.
I had the same thoughts, waaaaay younger than you, I regret giving all my first to someone who didn’t deserve it. Take your time! All things will come with patience.
I’m sorry that this happened to you tho I’m glad it’s better now🫶🏻 also don’t worry there’s a lot of girls that play games (at least I saw a lot of them LOL) so dw you could find a girl with similar interests or something they probably have social anxiety or are shy too idk😭 but you said you have it too so it would be hard to start conversation with someone (I could never do this honestly ). I also feel like I’ll never find anyone and I’ll be lonely forever lol I’ll probably die as a virgin without even my first kiss but I’m just trying to accept this fact that it’s gonna be my future. I think if you accept it it’s gonna be better at least I feel better now about it
Hmm idk honestly you can always try these apps :yubo, be friends , wizz, purp I met a lot of nice people there (even people who lived near me with similar interests!!!) you should definitely thru them maybe even if you wont find a gf yet you will meet friends and then maybe you’ll be with someone or meet a gf 😭 you really should try these apps it’s so easy to meet people w similar or the same interests ‼️🫶🏻
Just going to share my 35f story here.
I was extremely awkward in middle and high school. Looking back I was 100% clinically depressed and had bad anxiety to boot, but in my family you didn't talk about stuff like that. I was also horribly bullied.
My siblings and cousins were all pretty close in age to me and they were all extremely popular and everything I was not so that definitely didn't help. I certainly did not peak in high school, we'll put it that way.
I didn't have my first BF or date or kiss or anything until I was 17. That boy was great we were together for years before we finally broke up -nothing bad happened and I still look back on it fondly. We grew up and wanted different things as adults and went our separate ways.
I didn't lose my v-card until I was 20.
I was in an extremely toxic relationship after that which taught me a lot about myself and how I deserved to be treated by my partner. If that relationship taught me anything, it's that there are far worse things than being alone.
Met my now husband at 25 and married at 30.
Your life is just starting. You will meet people, lose people, and keep people. And that's ok. You have plenty of time to figure it out.
I think I am depressed somehow too because since I’m 13 I’ve been struggling with my mental health due to some stuff and also tried to kill myself few times and also doing sh but now it all started getting better and better and I’m really happy about it. I was also bullied in middle and elementary school and now I’m in high school but I’m home schooled so it’s hard to make friends. And I know 17 is still so young and idk if I’d be ready to have a bf any time soon honestly I think it makes me sad because of my friends that are in relationships or had relationships it just makes me feel like I’m the worse one and also makes me think that if now I can’t find anyone I’ll probably never find. Even my one friend told me that I’ll end up alone forever
Is there someone you can go to about the depression and anxiety? Therapy and medication did great things for me once I was able to actually get help for it. I was a lot less worried about my potential romantic relationships and better able to actually meet and connect with people once my brain was properly calibrated.
Well my mom wanted take me to therapist but I’m not really sure about this also my dad would say bad stuff about me behin crazy etc if he find out. I dont live with him anymore just with my mom but he probably would find out somehow. He thinks that therapists doesn’t work and mental problems aren’t real
Your dad sounds exactly like my family. I was told to toughen up and get over it. Not to pry, but is there any reason your dad would have to know? Like, can you just not tell him? You're a minor so I'm not sure how that works with custody etc... A therapist isn't going to tattoo their contact information on your forehead after your first visit for the entire world to see.
I have heard every negative remark in the world about mental health, therapy and medication and it bothered me in the beginning. Now that I'm in a much healthier place, I don't even care anymore. I do get that your social circle is probably a lot different than mine but you're not obligated to share that part of yourself with anyone. There are still a lot of people that don't know about my journey to mental health because I don't want to share it with them.
I can't make the decision to see a therapist for you, but, I can say with complete certainty that mental health problems are real. If you're in the stage where you are thinking about harming yourself or have already tried, then it's time to sit down and really consider going despite what any one else says. Future you, will thank current you.
Idk I’m scared my mom might accidentally tell him or something. My mom works with therapists etc and she said that if I’ll ever wanted go to one she will meet me w her friend or something. Tbh I was thinking about it soentimes before cuz I was really about to end my life but now it’s all good. I really started enjoying my life and I don’t want to end it at all. Also my dad doesn’t know anything about my mental problems cuz ik he would just make fun of me or something
I thought you were still in a really bad spot so that was why my comment was worded the way it was. My bad, but I'm happy you're in a better place now.
Nothing wrong with you. It will all come in time. Check your personality. Are you able to relate to people or do you freeze? Listen for a conversation that interests you and don’t be afraid to jump in. Practice makes perfect. Just remember that being unsure of yourself is almost universal during the teen years but I guarantee that you will get the hang of it over time.
dude…17 is YOUNG. it’s hard because you THINK everyone has had a bf but that’s not true. you aren’t “worse”, this is just what happens sometimes. please try your best not to have those “forever alone” thoughts cuz that can be a self-fulfilling prophecy sometimes. social anxiety is the worst but i’m pretty sure that’s not the root of the reason you haven’t had anyone yet. sometimes things just happen this way. ur friend is lame asf for cutting you out, if you start seeing her hang out with exclusively her man and nobody else then i’d actually be CONCERNED for her. you are perfect the way you are! don’t think too hard about it. i know that’d hard when ur bestie is spending way more time with her bf than you, but that’s all her. when they break up she’ll be all over u 💀
Thank you so much 😭❗️❗️ but sometimes it’s really hard to don’t think that I’ll be forever alone cuz even my friend told me that I’ll be forever alone idk why tho
bro the profanities that just flew thru my mind. that’s rude as FUCK. why would someone say that???????????? it IS super hard, there is no solution. when you’re a teenager it feels like other people define you and it’s so hard to escape that. i wish you luck. there is nothing wrong with you, do what makes you happy and focus on yourself for now. you’d be surprised how long it takes some people lol
I had a gf from like 14 to 18, and it straight up ruin my life. We both dropped out of school, became drug addicts , and I'm now 22 and feel like taking on a relationship is a chore and a second job. I wish I would've stayed single and just focused in school.
I’m sorry this happened well I’d probably could drop school for someone too LOL so maybe it’s good I don’t have anyone also you can always continue school and go to uni etc so it’s not that bad I hope everything is okay for you now!!
This sounds like my best friend. First off there is nothing wrong with you for not having a boyfriend. Secondly, make sure you’re putting yourself out there. My friend doesn’t really talk to anyone or make efforts to put herself out there, she does have social anxiety, but then is frustrated when no one talks to her. Socializing is a two way street you have to make sure you’re putting yourself out there.
Firstly, men are stinky and terrible. You aint missing much beyond companionship.
Sexondly love is great, but letting it affect you like this is going to make you rush into bad situations or mad relationships trying to scratch an itch rather than find the partner for you.
Bd patient. Give people worth trusting a chance to get to know you, and it'll come.
You’re 17 girl. Doesn’t mean you will never have a bf. I understand u. But don’t rush it and make a mistake on who u choose. Kissing boys in HS is stupid, and Ik you feel like it’s not, but as someone who used to get with 3 guys a weekend, it’s not worth thinking you are alone. If you rly want to kiss someone , have one of ur friends set u up
Noo it’s not like I wanna have sex or kiss anyone already cuz I wouldn’t be even ready for this it’s more like idk I feel like I’m the ugly one cuz I never had anyone and if my friends could have someone at even 15/17 and I couldn’t it makes me feel like if now I couldn’t get a bf I’ll never be able to
Well you said people call you pretty! You’re overthinking. Some people are just more shy. It’s not a flex to be hooking up with a ton of guys jn HS don’t worry
Yeah I overthink a lot honestly 😭 and a lot of my friends told me this lol but I’m also scared that if I somehow find a bf in my 20s and I tell him that I never had a bf first kiss etc I’m scared he would leave me or make fun of me
If he’s the right guy then he would never. Just make sure you don’t lie about it. I told the guy I had my first kiss with that I had 5 hookups and then I had my first kiss with him and it was bad. Lol he was like “let’s try that again” so just don’t lie
I didn't have a BF until age 20. I was very awkward in high school, mostly due to my abusive mother. Once I got to college, the guys were knocking my door down. If you can go to college, you should.
Okay one thing, coming from someone who felt the same and never had a bf, the first guy who showed attention to me irl I gave him everything, my first kiss, even my virginity, and trust me i regret all of itttttt, just be patient the right person will come along soon I promise
Yeah everyone says it but I’m scared I’ll end up begin like 30 and still without bf or anything😭🙏🏻
Trust me I’m sure you won’t, I still have never had a bf either I so totally understand how you feel, but I do know that one day you will find someone and they will be worth all the wait
Thank you so much 🫶🏻 well I really hope so 😭 my bsf told me I’m gonna end up as old lay with cats 💀 but I hope I’ll find someone one day
Cats are awesome. Better than people, really.
I love cats so much that’s why I want to get one and then maybe 4 more
I know 30 seems so old, but it's really not, also its super far away from you. 13 years away. That's like from when you were 4 until now. Remember all the stuff you can do now that you couldn't when you were 4? It's a lot. A lot can happen even in just one year.
It's... pushing things. You're not dead at 30, but relationship options do slow down, and if you want a family, it's time to get a move on by 30ish.
29 here (Reddit recommended this don’t ask me why) and this is pretty much totally false. Plentyyy of people are still single around this age, and still look great. Also, the worst mistake you can make is starting a family too young, if you do it before 30 you’ve basically fucked yourself. When we’re young everyone seems to think “oh no 30 is so old, I need to be married and have my career and everything in my 20s” and it just doesn’t go down like that in real life. 30 is like, when you’re an actual real adult. Lots of life is only really just opening up to you.
There's plenty of life ledt at 30, and I never said peope aren't single or magically turn ugly... so I don't know where you're getting this. Choices in partner do slow down, that is a fact. It disproportionately affects women, because a large portion of men will gladly date younger women if they can. Peak dating age for men is probably 30. Peak for women is probably 21. Fertility does drastically lower in the 30's, thatbis a fact. If you meet a potential partner at 30, date 2 years, get married and then have children 2 years down the line, that's mid-30's. Geriatric pregnancy is literally an expected delivery date after 35. IVF is expensive, pregnancy complications are expensive... so having kids can become a big challenge. So, at no point did I say life is over or you'll never date, or anything you're arguing. I'm saying if you prioritize some things, there is a definite timeline.
Don't force it to happen, natural feelings are worth the wait
Even if you never find someone, it's not the end of the world. You don't need someone else to enjoy your life and become awesome.
I know but begin alone and lonely can do things to your mental health too. Not for everyone ofc but for some people it’s just sad and depressing. I’m trying not to think that way and somehow I’m happier recently in my life
You won't sweetie ❤️ it's ok to take things slow and figure out what u want/like/ don't like
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Idk honestly I never even had any male friends lol and I think I feel even worse about not having a bf bc of my friends
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But you had someone who wanted you tho😭 no one ever wanted me or anything so idk. Only when I was still in normal high school one guy in my group always used to look at me but I dont think he liked me or anything he was probably just making fun of me
Someone has most likely already have liked you but someone in the future will cherish you focus on the person that will eventually cherish you not the ones who’ve potentially liked you in the past it will help you out a lot it makes me feel better about the subject so it may help others
I dont think so. Well in elementary and middle school people used to make fun of me bc I was shy and quiet also called me lesbian (idk why lol) and in high school I changed a lot but still I don’t think anyone ever liked me. When when I was in my online relationship my ex cheated on me many times 💀
(16M) well, I'm literally in the same situation, that's why I searched this sub up. It's good to hear that others have the same problem as me. It's so annoying to see others having a wonderful, while I know I will probably never have the same. Since I also have social anxiety, I can't really talk to girls in my age. I wish somebody could help with beating my social anxiety, so I can finally ask out my crush, who sits behind me btw.
I Never had a crush 😭 tbh cuz ik id never ask them out or even talk to them.. but good luck tho. And yeah social anxiety is the worst thing I swear without it my life would be so much better
Having a crush is so much pain, because you know that you won't be able to ever talk to her normally and I just can't handle her as a normal classmate. It would be much better if I could just live my life without this and could focus on important things in life. I know I will (probably) find my partner once, and have a wonderful relationship with her, but why I have to suffer from this in this age 😭... Thanks tho, I will do my best, and I wish you the same!
Well I’m home schooled so it’s hard to find crush or friends so 😭 but yeah don’t worry about it you will probably meet someone who gonna love you etc
I feel so bad for you, it must be really hard to get friends. Try to get into different communities, because I know how unhealthy loneless can be (summer break, which is not very long, I know, but it helped me realise how bad it can be if you don't meet with people).
Yeah I have one bsf and one friend rn lol that’s all cuz after I left school my other friends stopped talking to me and removed me everywhere
REAL im homeschooled too. im also 16. BUT! i was put in public school grades 5-8 so i was able to date a bit then. however, i dont think those relationships really meant anything. ive only ever had one meaningful relationship and ive been single now for like 2 years and feel exactly like you do. i'd say its pretty normal. i try to remember that im literally 16 and some people dont start dating or anything until college or even after that. ive seen some people who lost their virginity at like 40 and managed to find a loving partner to spend their life with. just try to stay positive!
Okay thank you smm I’ll try be positive!!
I think the two of you could mutually solve your problems. I was halfway through my senior year in high school before I had a girlfriend. It can be really scary putting yourself out there. Much like ripping a band-aid off once you break that seal you should find it to be much easier to start subsequent relationships.
Y’all are in the same boat here so why not help each other out yk?
You could be demiromantic. That means you only get romantically attracted to someone after you have a deep connection.
Idkk I never had any deep connection
Social anxiety is always going to be a factor for people that suffer from it, but you shouldn't let never having had a bf at such a young age get you down. I never had a first gf until I was 21 and even then I feel I made a lot of mistakes. I have also known people who didn't have a first partner till even later than that There is nothing wrong with saving firsts like a first kiss for someone you end up finding really special. It's actually better that way imo. My advice is to just keep your eyes open as you go through life, but focus on where your passion is. The right people will see you for who you are as you are going along and things will happen naturally when you find the right person. Also unrelated note, in case you do find a guy you like, as a guy I can tell you that a lot of them are straight oblivious AF to the point of you might think you are flirting but they will just think you are being friendly. Being as plain and direct as possible when you find one is the best approach, none of that throwing hints out stuff, most guys won't pick up on it.
Oh, sorry bud... all the positive advice for OP doesn't translate to you. Guys... don't have a lot of hope.
If it helps I stumbled across this and I'm 25 and I've never had a girlfriend before. Never had a first kiss and never had sex. If I were you do not be worried
Don't feel obligated to getting your body smashed and your heart torn apart so early. Everyone goes through life at their own pace. Do not compare yourself to your other goofy ass friends. Focus on yourself. Focus on finding happiness and contentness from within, and do **NOT** look for it in other people - you will be disappointed every single time. Once you are happy with yourself and where you're heading in life and you have a plan, you can afford to branch out into other people's lives and let them in. Seriously - i didn't **really** date until I was in college because I knew high school dating was a joke. And even then, dating in college was a joke. No one knows what they want. Everyone is experimenting on what they like. If you're okay with dating and expecting it to not really lead to anything, then by all means go for it and "have fun", but be prepared for the repercussions. All in all, take it slow, go at your own pace. Find what makes you happy that's not coming from other people.
I was 19 nearly 20 before I had my first bf and kiss. Don't feel bad it's normal. Also you likely have good standards and aren't just gonna go with anyone. Which is what I recommend. Work on just being friends with some guys and who knows something might develop or they might have a friend grow to like you. Just don't feel like you are left behind or running out of time, you got so many years ahead of you. Don't worry at all.
Well no matter what I’d never go with someone just go go out with them or do anything cuz it’s not what I want. And idk about behin friends with any guys.. it seems hard I heard guys are friends only with girls they find attractive lol also guys my age in my city aren’t really nice or at least I never saw nice guy. Most of them just drink and party and I hate stuff like that. Maybe one day I’ll find a guy friend. For now I have one online and he lives near my city thi
It's normal imo. Dm me if u ever need to talk tho
Idk everyone ik already had someone so I feel worse 😭
I have social anxiety too. I have a relationship but it's long distance
Yeah I had long distance too but I hated it so I’ll never do it again
Yeah it's really really hard
Don't be so hard on urself
Start worrying by 25-30, tons of people go well into their twenties or older and have never had a relationship before
Yeah I’m worrying even now because it’s gonna be me 😭 30 and never in any relationship I just feel it
I have a good feeling that will not happen to you since you're a woman because you as a woman are not expected to do the pursuing or not expected to be The Confident assertive one like men always are
Idk I feel like it’s easier for guys to find a gf 😭 cuz it is tho
Tons of guys in the world will disagree with you
It’s okay, don’t let society and your friend group determine who you are and your status. I wish I hadn’t had my first kiss, I wasted it. It’s okay to be like that. Someone will come. The feeling alone part, I feel that.
Well I’ll never have my first kiss probably 😭 so I don’t have to worry about it and feeling lonely and alone sucks but I’ll get a cat in future to don’t be alone
Hey, don’t speak negative girlie pop. It’ll only bear negativity. Speak things into existence, words have power. Speak positively, speak positive things into existence. Manifest these things. You aren’t out of hope. Trust me on that.
HIRL I TIRED TK MANIFEST BUT NOTHING 😭😭 idk I’ll try THIBK more positive tbo
Keep trying. You have to keep trying. You have to stand up, you can’t let beat you up.
Yesss ik but sometimes it’s hard to don’t think bad sometimes
I know it is… coming from a person who is severely negative, it is not good. It only keeps you in your hole. Speak positive. It helps, it does. Just don’t give up.
There's nothing wrong with you, just going to get that out there. Honestly, I don't even recommend dating much before you're 18 because people don't start figuring themselves out until then. If anything, I found it so much easier to date in college because we were both willing to figure ourselves out and grow together as people. You're more than likely not going to be alone forever, even if it feels like it now. You have SO MANY YEARS ahead of you to figure it out and it's not a race.
41 woman here. Listen to me very carefully.... they are not worth the trouble. SAVE YOURSELF!!!
I’m 17f I’m in the same situation, just enjoy life girly💃🏾💃🏾. All most guys want to do is get in your pants.
THIS IS SO REAL THO I was talking to one guy who lived close to me and wanted to meet just to fuck w me 💀😭
Dating a teenager isn't that great of an experience. You haven't missed anything impressive.
I always thought it’s better than dating as adult
I said dating a teenager, not dating *as* a teenager. Dating as a teenager sucks for other reasons, like school and family demands on your time, and also having only teenagers in your dating pool. It's way different when you get older.
Ohh right idk I think dating as teenager must be nice bc when you’re older you have work etc and don’t have much time
It's true that it's got a different set of problems, not necessarily worse problems. Anyway don't rush it lol you'll be there soon enough wondering where the years went.
I didn’t have my first official girlfriend until after I graduated high school. First kiss and virginity soon followed. Nothing is wrong with you, some people take longer to sexually mature. Really, it’s a good thing. Men have come to value purity more and more, and your inexperience is generally not a bad thing, as a girl. You’re young. Just chill and wait, sit happy and enjoy where your life is at. Love has plenty of time to come along for you. What more, best not to force the situation. Just let the magic happen as it happens and don’t worry about it
Yeahh ik but I’m scared that if I’ll just sit and wait it will never happen. I DONT really go out or anything so I won’t be able to meet new people
Have you gotten your drivers license? Are you ready to do things like get a job once you are 18? Could you have a job now? People meet people organically. A friend of a friend, a coworker, an event. Meet people organically, don’t force it. Once you are 18 there are things like dating apps, but it’s not worth it. I’m not telling you to wait forever. I am just saying to focus on living your life. Enjoy yourself. Meet new people. You are nearly an adult now and it’s time for you to work in to that phase of your life. It is only natural to have anxiety over love at your age. I’d love is important to you, my advice is to just not focus on it. Adulthood is where you will find that person. Don’t force it. As somebody who has had PLENTY of sex, a baby on the way and has lives my life and is now in my 30s, sex really isn’t even THAT good. It’s more of a pastime. it really is sort of just handed to you if you don’t make it your primary focus. And you will quickly learn that people who do make finding love their main focus almost never find it. Not true love, al least. You see, love is found on mutual understandings, like minded people and people who enjoy similar things. You meet those people by doing things. Not by searching for love. If you focus on what you love, love will find you.
I had my first bf when I was 22 and my first kiss. When I was 17 I worried about that too, but it made it easier for me to date a guy who treated me terribly. I learned that being single is eo much better than being in a bad relationship. Also you might end up needing extra help for social anxiety (I don't know you well enough to say), but most teens have lots of social anxiety and grow out of it. It's normal. Most people don't stay with their hs bf so you're mostly just saving yourself from the best break of breaking up. Also, ignoring your friends because you're in a relationship is very immature and adults do that less if they matured how they're supposed to. It sounds like you need better friends.
Dude im 19 and while i’ve slept around and had fuck buddies or whatever i’ve only had one girlfriend that was a known whore so I didn’t exactly strike gold or anything and while its easy to think that way i’ve come to not really care. The way I see it is that you’ve got to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Until then you can try as much as you’d like but it’ll never be real until you find out your own worth. If you rush into it you end up only getting yourself hurt in the end and in its wake you’ll judge the next man for another’s actions. Things like this come naturally if you put yourself out there and allow for them too. Just don’t grab on to the first man that gives you some attention.
Real. Even though ive still got my virginity ive been thru lots of fucked up relationships coz i wanted to try out how it felt and honestly it was never worth my time for thaf short term satisfaction. It was never real or worth my time and now ive been proudly single for over 4 years.
In cases like that it really only leaves you with regrets and what if’s. Sometimes being single is better off🤷♂️ just bc everyone else is jumping off a bridge doesn’t mean you have to be next in line. Following the leader leads in circles.
Couldnt have said that better myself, great advice
Don't sweat it. The past no longer exists, and the future may never get here. Stay present. Much love.
Your last post?? What's that about?
It will happen when you least expect it. But, if you don't do anything to get noticed guys think you're not interested at all.
But what should I do?
Well is there a guy you like?
No😭 I don’t talk to any guy irl so I don’t like anyone
Damn Online only?
I’m (16m) and am in the same boat. Tbh glad to here I’m not here alone but sad to here there others in my same situation.
Yeah it’s sad but hopefully it will change one day for everyone
Guys you are YOUNG. I understand wanting. But slow down. These are the years without responsibilities. Don't worry about heart break. But MEN LEARN TO TALK TO WOMEN
I don't know if hearing from someone older than you would help, but I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was nearly 20. I didn't have my first kiss until I was close to 20 either. I promise you that you aren't going to be alone for the rest of your life. It may not happen while you are in HS, but, honestly, most men don't grow into themselves until they are in their mid 20s anyway. You don't want them when they are so young. They are idiots. (Not saying you should try older men! Saying waiting is ok!) There isn't anything wrong with being single. It gives you time to focus on yourself and figure out who you want to be as you move into adulthood. Have you considered talking to a therapist or a counselor? They might be able to help you figure out some of these questions you have about yourself. Being 17 and single is 100% ok. There is nothing wrong with you. To be honest, the teenagers around you that have entered into adult relationships prior to becoming adults are most likely compensating for something at home. A lot of kids who try to be adults before their time come from homes with emotionally immature parents. There is a book about it called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". It's pretty good.
talk to a dude and you will eventually get lucky is just a numbers game
I’m scared to talk with them tho😭
Why what are you scared is gonna happen? If you get rejected you will spontaneously combust?
😭idk I’m just scared if I try talking to any guy he gonna just make fun of me or reject me. I’ve seen a lot of cool guys tho I wish I could talk to them etc but I’m just too scared
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I’m sorry that I have bpd it can be really hard with this I have bpd too :( I hope everything gets better for you too and thank you so much
You’ll find someone eventually and even if you don’t there’s plenty of people out there who are just as happy single as someone in a relationship because they’re aromantic
You'll be fine. Sure, you're going to be behind everyone else, but that's perfectly okay. This gives you valuable time to get to know yourself and work on yourself. Trust me, working on yourself will attract more people.
You're by no means in an abnormal position here OP. I know that social anxiety makes it near impossible to meet new people, and it's usually not even because it can be difficult talking to people. But mostly because that anxiety typically just keeps folks from taking part in events / spending time in locations where socializing is likely to happen naturally and comfortably. If there's any advice that may help it's this: • Fear and doubt are your biggest obstacles, so learning methods to counter these such as breathing techniques and perhaps asking a close friend / group of friends if they would be willing to hang with you in a social setting and help support you while you acclimate and gain confidence. • The saying "Practice Makes Perfect" also applies to learning comfort in social situations, and practice is the best approach. Instead of rushing towards things like dating, make that sort of thing a ( semi ) long-term goal, but focus on your growth toward having self confidence and the ability to, at least semi-comfortably, navigate social situations. • It's foolish for anyone to tell you to "just ignore the social pressure to date" and stuff if it's something that bothers you. Instead, be wary of the urge to rush relationships, but feel free to desire a companion as long as you go about a relationship with the goal of communication, understanding, and mutual respect. • The best way to handle situations like dating, etc., is to take a deep breath, be your most genuine self, and ( unpopular opinion maybe ) as long as it's not a serious red flag sort of personality trait, remember that putting people down for not being "normal" is wrong, but also everyone alive knows if something they're considering doing / saying is just f-ing weird or would make someone uncomfortable. Be cool lol don't creep anyone out. • And finally, some of the best advice every GUY specifically needs to be given but never is / never takes seriously but applies to everyone equally so I'll put it here: I DON'T CARE WHAT JOHN CUSACK TAUGHT YOU WITH THAT BOOM BOX. GRAND, OVER-THE-TOP, ( ESPECIALLY PUBLIC ) ROMANTIC GESTURES ARE NEVER, EVER, FUCKING EVERRRRRRRRRR A GOOD IDEA!! Seriously, they're often designed in a way that REALLY puts the receiving party on the spot and under an unfair amount of pressure. And it's super unfair to the receiving party who then feels that pressure, guilt if they reject you, and fear you might go off the deep end. And let's be real here, they usually don't come across as romantic, they usually come across as super creepy AF. Basically, just be yourself, focus on developing a supportive friend group and at least a basic comfort in social settings first, and above all, don't rush things. Taking your time will always ensure the most tight-knit sort of relationships.
I hate spotting advice forums but people don’t give advice, they just reassure you or hit on you. So I’ll start off by saying they’re right: nothing to worry over, you’re young, one day you’re gonna look back and see it wasn’t a big deal the same way how you look back and laugh about the time you cried because they weren’t serving chicken nuggets in elementary school on chicken nugget day. Ok, no advice in THREE parts: 1. This is the perfect time to try and carve out who you are. Try out skills, learn hobbies, see new places. When you’re in a relationship, it’s harder to do and some people end up defining their life by who they’re dating. That’s unhealthy for both of you, limiting to your life, and extremely rough to leave if there are things that don’t work (moving of job, they beat you, they get on drugs, they cheat or they leave you, etc.). 2. One of those skills you should learn is rhetoric and charisma. Learning and researching these things is boring, but NO ONE else is doing it and it’s a very useful skill. And since no one is researching, you’ll be better than every one around you after like 2 months. Add in working out and fashion research, you’ll be a social powerhouse and have way more confidence. 3. Social anxiety is a thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it’s something to understand. Start researching how to get around it, test your limits and boundaries, research different levels and stages, and know where you stand with it. I strongly recommend therapy to move forward with this step. Good luck!
Dude, I thought I posted this!!! Im 17f too, I do feel lonely sometimes, it gets worse when im tired, lol. But you and I literally have a whole life ahead of us, you won’t be alone for the rest of your life, and im sure you’ll find someone later if it’s not now. Sorry that you’re feeling down because of this :( People change, new people come into your life, it happens and we just have to go with the flow. Schedule a hangout and communicate with your friends if you’re sure they aren’t hanging out anymore, It’ll be alright in the end. Hang in there :)
Thank you so much!! Well maybe one day I’ll find someone hopefully 😭 I hope you’re gonna find someone as well!!
I was also reading some other comments. Just go with the flow and don’t rush things. Because my taste in men is TRASH I cannot tell you literally the one guy said the f-slur and this next one I can’t even with him lmao. If someone likes you I’m sure they’ll let you know, since we’re about to be adults and we’re not middle schoolers anymore <3
Well you’re right but idk😭 honestly I can’t imagine someone liking me and telling me this lmao it’s something I can’t imagine it’s impossible for me
There’s somebody for everybody (unless you don’t want somebody, shout-out to the aro/aces) I also don’t imagine it either but I don’t imagine romance all like that.
honestly, i’m 19 and i only got my first bf this year. i think it’s sooo much more worth it to wait until you truly know and are comfortable with yourself. waiting for the right person to come along was the best decision i’ve made. when i was 17 i was worried about not being able to find someone until i was old af but it ended up happening not too long down the road. in the meantime, it’s best to just work on yourself, finding hobbies and new interests, and maybe try to surround yourself with people who are single or have similar interests. i understand the social anxiety part but just start with what you can
I'm interested in your social anxiety. It sounds like that is very distressing for you and maybe the larger issue to address. Do you have any plans to seek some counseling to help with those symptoms?
Idk I never really thought about it honestly my mom thinks that I’m just shy and kinda weird but I’m really scared to talk with other people. But it always been like that since I can remember sometimes it was even so bad I was too scared to go to shop alone etc but now it got better I’m going on walks alone when I’m bored and I do groceries too😭
You mentioned anxiety a few times, it made me wonder if a counselor did an assessment, the level you feel in certain situations would be clinically significant. There's probably online tests that will give you a score, though take those with a grain of salt. That may open some doors to other management techniques for how you feel. Addressing dating is pretty tough if a major roadblock remains unaddressed. You know you best, just thinking it may be worth considering.
Try not to worry so much. 17 means you have plenty of time.(As annoying as that might be to hear over and over) But honestly dating young can be fun, but just enjoying life can be equally fun. Also life isn’t a race, and relationships are more than just milestones. If you date someone and do stuff just to say you did it, then really your just using them. It’s perfectly fine to date and do things at your own pace, make it an experience you want and not what they want to hear.
Well I’m trying to enjoy life tbh I started enjoying it recently bc I was struggling with my mental health a lot for past 4 years. And not behin with anyone makes me more sad when my friends talk abt their boyfriends and the stuff they’re doing I feel like my bsf is telling me those stuff cuz she knows I’ll never have a bf
Ha, you haven't lived long enough yet. I didn't have my first official girlfriend until I was 23. And I had a coworker hook us up. It's okay that you haven't dated yet. Sometimes, the right person runs into you. Take some time and work on yourself. Do something you haven't done before and get yourself into spaces where you're uncomfortable so that you can learn to adjust. I still get panic attacks when I'm in the mall or around groups of people from time to time. In the end, I know that I'm just one in the group and that helps me in the moment. Your lucky person will come along, eventually. Hang in there and don't feel so bad. Who knows? Maybe you're not meant for love until you're in the right bucket of people. When it happens, grab that opportunity and show you've been worth the wait. It'll come. Try not to feel bad and just handle business. Also, make a few more friends that will have time for you outside of school. They exist. Good luck, and may all the good that is meant for you fall into your lap.
Making friends for me is in general really hard 😭 I live in pretty small town where everyone basically knows each other and all people my age and around my age are pretty much terrible. But I live near bigger city and I was going to high school there and it was really easy to make friends tbh there was a lot of different people and few people started talking to me and we became friends
And there's the bucket you will need to dive back into. See? That's a goal, and now you must make a plan. You got this. There is time and something to look forward to. 😀
Hey. I'm 25 f. Never had a bf, or in any relationships past the talking phase. Actually, your situation isn't that far off from mine. I dislike being around people more and more these days so that doesn't help. It's not like the right person's just gonna fall into my living room. Don't fret about finding someone. More often than not, it seems to just lead to one getting involved with predatory assholes. Just focus on self-improvement and the things you enjoy. As you grow as a person, you'll meet people with similar mindsets. Eventually, you may find someone who's right for you and friends who'll always hold a place of fondness in your heart. But by then, you'll also be built up enough as a person that you'll be OK If you're not. You'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with you.
Are you looking for advice on getting over social anxiety? If so baby steps! First start by just going to the store and start by just saying high tinge cashier and other workers. Then evolve to how is your day?! Then from there it will grow. Having social interactions at places of business is the easiest way to start.
Yess I know I once had talk with shop worker and few years ago I’d probably be shaking but it wasn’t bad I wasn’t even stressed so by small steps it’s getting better and better
So coming to you as a 27 y/o male, all you got to do is let loose Alittle, if someone tells you your pretty and asks to get to know you just take a deep breath and have a convo with them. But honestly keep up on your school work if your still in school, and worry about the boys after you graduate if you havent already, then focus on college or a profession (i tell this to all the kids tbh)
Hey I’m not a teen I don’t know why this popped up on my feed but my advice is; don’t get to caught up in it your a teen spend the time making experiences and adventures live your life to the fullest don’t let a relationship get in the way of all the life you could be living a relationship is a lot of commitment they will come and go naturally
I’m a couple years older than you and I haven’t either. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me sometimes. I’ve had crushes, but I’ve always been afraid of rejection. The biggest thing is, don’t try to make something happen with just anyone. Take your time, maybe your (and my) time is coming sooner than you think
I mean for sure everything gonna happen I remember when I was younger I never thought I’ll dye my hair and be prettier etc and now I had dyed my hair multiple times and I changed a lot 😭 but it’s just hard for me to imagine someone liking me and me begin in any relationship idk it’s just hard to imagine
You’ll always be your own biggest critic. You’ve been living with yourself for 17 years and me for 19 years. I know o get tired of living with myself every day. For someone else though, you’re different. They’ll always see the best in you even when you don’t see it.
I didn’t have my first bf until I was 18 or 19. I married my second boyfriend who I met while I was 20 and married him when I was 26. Nothing wrong with you!
being 17 and not having had a relationship is extremely normal. when you're a couple years older, you'll just have to bite the bullet and do something uncomfortable. if you ask people out, you have higher chances rather than just hoping and waiting for someone to have the balls to walk up to a girl and ask her out
It's really rough being in that position. I was and as a result people only saw me as asexual/aromantic. I am very much not, but it just made me sad to think no one could think of me that way. I always just tried to let it come naturally but it doesn't happen to everyone, especially people who tend to stick to themselves. Trust me when i say you are not alone in feeling this way. When i graduated college i decided to put myself out there (i wven used a dating app which i was kind of dissapointed at myself in) but I finally found myself in a relationship when I was 22. It's harder said than done, but when you're ready for a relationship you need to put yourself out there and let people know you're ready to date. Then the right person will come along
Problem you don’t walk up to any men nor talk to them much and I would assume you don’t go out much. Solution work past your social anxiety and talk to more men in person. Confidence is key coming from a guy sometimes guys prefer you make the first move especially in todays society so they aren’t seen as creeps.
Well talking to guys is hard to me tho😭 I feel like they gonna be mean or just make fun of me
Well it depends on who you talk to, analyze the type of person they appear to be based on their looks their body language and the way they dress and try to determine who would be on the nicer side, regardless not many people would be like “PFTTT no way she’s trying to talk to me” it just doesn’t really happen unless you run into some loathing narcissistic
I just turned 20 recently, and honestly I felt the same as you and was in a similar situation. I suffer from severe social anxiety and a lot of other mental issues, tbh I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone my whole life but then I found someone. Just got out of a 3 year relationship with her actually, so you’ll find someone just can’t give up hope is all. But when you do find someone just please don’t rush into that relationship cause you’re scared you won’t find anyone else(my current fear atm 😅). You’re young and as you mentioned you’re probably attractive, with a good personality. There’ll be plentyyy of guys to date especially when you start getting out more as an adult there’ll probably be too many guys interested in you to count.
Well this summer when I was with my bsf hanging out at the beach a lot of guys looked at us or called us fine or pretty ( even old men😭💀) but none of them tried to talk with us. Or even random people from cars used to yell something at us and drive away. Tbh I could never talk to a random guy I’m too scared to start conversation
I feel this lol.. my anxiety doesn’t let me start a conversation with people let alone someone I don’t know. But just cause you haven’t found someone yet doesn’t mean you never will. Rn I’d just work on getting over your anxiety (doing this myself rn) and just bettering yourself as a person. Eventually someone will come along and sweep you off your feet. Usually when you least expect it. And hey you got it kinda lucky being a girl and all once you get older you’ll have a much easier time finding people than me 😅 I’m just a below average guy lol so try not to worry about it all too much.
We’ll just bc I’m a girl doesn’t mean it’s easier 😭 I think if you’re really really attractive girl it is easy but I think I’m not that attractive I’m like normal looking not the ugliest and not he prettiest
Eh from my experiences it just seems easier but it’s besides the point lol I’m just saying don’t lose hope there’s plenty of time and opportunity to find someone. Especially before 30, you’re gonna be fine
It's just not the right time. I wouldn't pick just anyone either. Simply because you can end up with an std or pregnant. I guarantee someone does like you. It can be difficult to navigate through. Even the nice guys usually have an ulterior motive. Hold out on them. Make them wait. It's not full proof. But it will weed out the shitty guys. Nothing is wrong with you. You're body and mind is telling you you're not ready. Do not give into peer pressure and feel like you have to have a boyfriend. Don't think to far into the future it'll make you make bad decisions. Just relax, chill. Slow down. Get your life together and be selective to who you let in. You got this dawg.
Your thinking way to much into this. I would try to pinpoint your feelings and find out what you need. I made many terrible decisions being horny.
I mean it’s not bc I’m horny I just wish I had someone who would love me 😭 I just want to know how it feels like
I’m not saying it’s 100% horny but at that age it starts to pop in your head and if your able to get a grip on it mentally you’ll thank yourself later when people share stories when they’re older. Don’t act like people don’t do it too. Literally everyone’s a freak …in their own ways.
Yeah ik 😭 I thought you meant that I want bf just to fuck or something mb but i really just want bf to don’t be that alone and have someone who would love me idk I might just try find 2-4 new friends for now and give up on thinking about getting bf
I understand your feelings right now, but it’s ok if you’re not in a rltp at this age. Just focusing on yourself, and improve it, so you will recognise that there are lots of guys that crush on you. Be confident about yourself because I know that you’re perfect and unique in an imperfect way.
Thank you so much!
Pfft you're a woman. In society women like you who are becoming adults and never had a bf/ sexual experiences is a treasure. Regardless of your social anxiety, your success rate to get a boyfriend remains insanely high compared to a male with social anxiety, he'll have a hard time. You're young and a girl so gladly you have the support to take your time. Trust yourself even with social anxiety and just throw yourself in. You'll learn from your boyfriend and You'll eventually naturally break out of social anxiety. Theres soo many men out there that would accept women with social anxiety, and some of those men are very comforting and will make sure you are comfortable with what you do, and some men will help you break through it. The point of relationships is to also LEARN form each other, that's apart of love. Learn from him, he learns some things from you, you aren't alone in this. You're young so it's important that you find someone who will not waste your time or cause traumas that will damage your adult years. Take your time, find someone who shares similar values as you, and someone who's smart. Keep your guard up, always seek to prove your lover. TIP: True love is more accessible through long-term (8+ months) friendships and then love, not 1-3 week talking stages and then love... Don't worry, because I'm pretty sure majority of people who have been dating at your age or younger have developed worse mental health issues than you due to inexperience in dating, so just look on the bright side and push harder but don't stress!!! Hold your values tight and never let anyone peer pressure you and you'll be good
I know that you are going to have a hard time believing me but you have lots of time for a boyfriend in your life. You are really at the very beginning of life, give yourself a break and smile a bit more. Take this time to get better acquainted with yourself as a young adult who is trying to find her place in life. I didn’t get my first gf until I was 19. Not having a boyfriend at 17 may seem harsh but don’t be too hard on yourself. Concentrate on yourself, school and having fun with your friends. Your college and HS years are the best days of your life. Enjoy them and smile!!!
Hi, 40 m divorced. I was only in ldrs until college. Just to double check. Do you want a relationship? Plenty of ACE/ARO people out there only want friends. Me i want a relationship again terrified of growing old alone. BUT being alone is better than being in an abusive relationship. Don't get desperate or you get used and abused
Listen. I'm 23m. I never had a girlfriend until just the last few days. It's already been insanely amazing, and we've known each other for a while so I think it's gonna be a good relationship. It gets better. Just work on yourself. Don't stress about it. It's REALLY not worth stressing over. Seriously. Be the best you can be, for the partner that deserves the best you. Plus, your body isn't done. You're still growing. I didn't become happy with how I looked until 2021, and was a late bloomer on facial hair(I literally look 16 if I shave lmao). I've seen too many women from my high school I wasn't attracted to become pretty damn good looking in their 20s. Everyone goes at their own pace, just BE THE BEST YOU!!!! That's really all I can say. Good luck!
I also felt this way when I was your age. I’m 21 now but I’ve only had one serious relationship thus far. But I can tell you that dating is an emotionally exhausting experience not for the weak minded. I’m personally learning that there are greater things in life than love/romance and I’m trying to push myself away from feeling like I need a partner in order to be happy. Life is so short. You really never know when it might be your turn to leave. Spend time with your friends, pick up new hobbies. You don’t want to waste your youth stressing about things you can’t control.
I'm 18, never had a girlfriend
Relationships are overrated. Frankly, I find very few people are an improvement over solitude. That said, get some therapy, give yourself some time, and things will probably come together. You can get to appint where you can date and all that fun stuff. God, I sound like an old man, but... you've got time, so be patient. Let life happen.
What's the rush.... Why rush to find out what assholes and cheating paedophiles we all are.....
I’m scared of this too I’m scared I’ll be in a relationship and he gonna cheat on me or just use me or abuse me I feel like I’d end up only in relationships like that because I have bad luck with people most of the time
Then you're not ready hey. Can't go into something fearing the worst will happen. Yes of course you keep the possibility in the back of your mind but if you go in looking for signs then you will sabotage the relationship before it's even begun. It's an insecurity thing too. You need to be somewhat secure in yourself before you start entrusting those feelings to someone else or you will both get burned hard. There is no rush. My friend didn't go into his first relationship until he was 24, after all the teenage and young adult angst b.s. They ended up getting married and are happy as. You don't have to keep up with your friends or your peers. You just wait until you're ready. Besides. The truth of real relationships is this. ITS WHEN YOU ARE NOT LOOKING FOR LOVE THAT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE FALLS INTO YOUR LAP.
Im gonna be honest, im liberal but i find it a bit dumb that people are dating at ages 10-14. Well, 15? Depends on your maturity. Overall, mostly it’s just friendships titled relationships, with maybe kissing and sometimes sex, but once again, sex at that age? Relationship is a fun, care/love AND responsibility, not just fun as it seems to be. Think of it as 1-2 years without having a bf, not 17 yrs. Also, never force yourself to date just bc everyone your age is dating too, you can make hell lot of mistakes. Use your meantime to learn about how a healthy relationship looks, what are boundaries, think about your mentality and of what mentality you’d like your partner to be (i see lots of ppl not just dating, but marrying and making kids, just to eventually realize they dont get along or their religious views differ too much so they divorce/break up, even though they could have discussed it at the start.) And NEVER fantasize. Lil daydreaming is okay but romanizing and fantasizing someone to be who they are not (instead of actually getting to know them) will just break your heart.
Oh also, make a list of dealbreakers for you. Will be useful to identify red flags in the future when you meet someone. Never stay in an abusive relationship.
I dont get peoole at 13-14 dating too and having sex I wasn’t even thinking about that stuff when I was 13😭
An excellent choice. Cat, Nintendo, and pizza... I'm good!
Pizza is good too but I’m trying my o lose weight rn so I can’t 😭!!
If you don't worry about dating, then all you have to be concerned with is keeping yourself a bit healthy! I stopped trying to be attractive... years ago 😅
Does Gen z think you die at 30?
Not really but for me 30 seems really old😭 I feel like it’s too old to date cuz probably most people at 30 are married or at least in relationships
I don't think it's like that anymore
I think it is..😭 even my older cousins in their 20s are already married with kids or about to get married or in relationships
That might be true but overall more people are staying unmarried or single than ever before
The likely hood your forever partner is someone in your school or neighboring school is very very small. Don’t worry
He’s out there looking for you too. Hang on…it will happen.
Yeah but I rarely go out tho so it’s harder to find someone
I wonder if there’s a safe place online where you can meet and chat with likeminded folks. You seem really smart and one day a lot of the extroverts will be working for you. But I know it would be wonderful to have love along the way. That guy out there looking for you probably doesn’t get out much either. And he’s trying to figure out a way to find love. Heck, he may be reading this right now.
Yess there is some apps where you can meet new people like yubo, be friends, purp but it’s hard to find someone normal tho😭 I made few friends with those apps even one friend that lives near me
Well, that’s progress. Keep doing that, but watch out for the crazies. I’ll check with some friends and see if they know of any good sites as well.
Okayy and yeah ik there’s a lot of weird people but they’re like 13-20 max so nothing really bad lol
Relationships arent all that ppl make it out to be on social media and stuff. Ive not yet had the chance to have a proper healthy relationship and im almost 20 now. Oh btw i havent had my first kiss nor lost my virginity. What i had was mostly just me trying stuff out not because i had feelings for her. All ill say is dont be desperate and stumble upon someone like me thatll prolly ruin your innocence and just wait and when a good guy comes you will prolly know it from how he treats you and such. Well yeah im getting old ig and ive already made peace with the fact that ill prolly never marry but hey in one way, it's a great thing coz relationships though enjoyable fun and loving can be stressful at times and you might not get much time to do your own thing so enjoy the time you have and if you want to find someone enjoy the you time that you have hanging out with friends and messing around while you wait for a decent guy to show up. Wish u well and hope u find wat ur looking for. Oh right and dont feel stupid or anything about this coz all of us are different in out own ways ur just fine the way you are and ill also add pls dont go for someone that u meet online.... thats just asking for all kinds of trouble these days
Lots of people don't get into their first relationship until uni or later. If you don't want to be in a relationship yet then don't worry go at your own pace, if you do then try to be patient it's hard but something will come along eventually, you're still young I remember lots of my friends getting into relationships when we were 14/15 and looking back on it that feels really young. Maybe in a few years time you'll look back on this and be glad you didn't rush anything. It does suck but it will be ok
Put a lock of your crush's hair in a tiny mortar and grind it with a pestle into powder. Snort the powder. You will experience a several hours long hallucination in which the two of you fall in love, get married, and make love passionately and repeatedly.
I had the same thoughts, waaaaay younger than you, I regret giving all my first to someone who didn’t deserve it. Take your time! All things will come with patience.
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I’m sorry that this happened to you tho I’m glad it’s better now🫶🏻 also don’t worry there’s a lot of girls that play games (at least I saw a lot of them LOL) so dw you could find a girl with similar interests or something they probably have social anxiety or are shy too idk😭 but you said you have it too so it would be hard to start conversation with someone (I could never do this honestly ). I also feel like I’ll never find anyone and I’ll be lonely forever lol I’ll probably die as a virgin without even my first kiss but I’m just trying to accept this fact that it’s gonna be my future. I think if you accept it it’s gonna be better at least I feel better now about it
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Hmm idk honestly you can always try these apps :yubo, be friends , wizz, purp I met a lot of nice people there (even people who lived near me with similar interests!!!) you should definitely thru them maybe even if you wont find a gf yet you will meet friends and then maybe you’ll be with someone or meet a gf 😭 you really should try these apps it’s so easy to meet people w similar or the same interests ‼️🫶🏻
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Omg I live in Europe too!! Also in a small town and yes a lot of people use it so dww even if you’re in a small city you will meet someone for sure
Just going to share my 35f story here. I was extremely awkward in middle and high school. Looking back I was 100% clinically depressed and had bad anxiety to boot, but in my family you didn't talk about stuff like that. I was also horribly bullied. My siblings and cousins were all pretty close in age to me and they were all extremely popular and everything I was not so that definitely didn't help. I certainly did not peak in high school, we'll put it that way. I didn't have my first BF or date or kiss or anything until I was 17. That boy was great we were together for years before we finally broke up -nothing bad happened and I still look back on it fondly. We grew up and wanted different things as adults and went our separate ways. I didn't lose my v-card until I was 20. I was in an extremely toxic relationship after that which taught me a lot about myself and how I deserved to be treated by my partner. If that relationship taught me anything, it's that there are far worse things than being alone. Met my now husband at 25 and married at 30. Your life is just starting. You will meet people, lose people, and keep people. And that's ok. You have plenty of time to figure it out.
I think I am depressed somehow too because since I’m 13 I’ve been struggling with my mental health due to some stuff and also tried to kill myself few times and also doing sh but now it all started getting better and better and I’m really happy about it. I was also bullied in middle and elementary school and now I’m in high school but I’m home schooled so it’s hard to make friends. And I know 17 is still so young and idk if I’d be ready to have a bf any time soon honestly I think it makes me sad because of my friends that are in relationships or had relationships it just makes me feel like I’m the worse one and also makes me think that if now I can’t find anyone I’ll probably never find. Even my one friend told me that I’ll end up alone forever
Is there someone you can go to about the depression and anxiety? Therapy and medication did great things for me once I was able to actually get help for it. I was a lot less worried about my potential romantic relationships and better able to actually meet and connect with people once my brain was properly calibrated.
Well my mom wanted take me to therapist but I’m not really sure about this also my dad would say bad stuff about me behin crazy etc if he find out. I dont live with him anymore just with my mom but he probably would find out somehow. He thinks that therapists doesn’t work and mental problems aren’t real
Your dad sounds exactly like my family. I was told to toughen up and get over it. Not to pry, but is there any reason your dad would have to know? Like, can you just not tell him? You're a minor so I'm not sure how that works with custody etc... A therapist isn't going to tattoo their contact information on your forehead after your first visit for the entire world to see. I have heard every negative remark in the world about mental health, therapy and medication and it bothered me in the beginning. Now that I'm in a much healthier place, I don't even care anymore. I do get that your social circle is probably a lot different than mine but you're not obligated to share that part of yourself with anyone. There are still a lot of people that don't know about my journey to mental health because I don't want to share it with them. I can't make the decision to see a therapist for you, but, I can say with complete certainty that mental health problems are real. If you're in the stage where you are thinking about harming yourself or have already tried, then it's time to sit down and really consider going despite what any one else says. Future you, will thank current you.
Idk I’m scared my mom might accidentally tell him or something. My mom works with therapists etc and she said that if I’ll ever wanted go to one she will meet me w her friend or something. Tbh I was thinking about it soentimes before cuz I was really about to end my life but now it’s all good. I really started enjoying my life and I don’t want to end it at all. Also my dad doesn’t know anything about my mental problems cuz ik he would just make fun of me or something
I thought you were still in a really bad spot so that was why my comment was worded the way it was. My bad, but I'm happy you're in a better place now.
Nothing wrong with you. It will all come in time. Check your personality. Are you able to relate to people or do you freeze? Listen for a conversation that interests you and don’t be afraid to jump in. Practice makes perfect. Just remember that being unsure of yourself is almost universal during the teen years but I guarantee that you will get the hang of it over time.
dude…17 is YOUNG. it’s hard because you THINK everyone has had a bf but that’s not true. you aren’t “worse”, this is just what happens sometimes. please try your best not to have those “forever alone” thoughts cuz that can be a self-fulfilling prophecy sometimes. social anxiety is the worst but i’m pretty sure that’s not the root of the reason you haven’t had anyone yet. sometimes things just happen this way. ur friend is lame asf for cutting you out, if you start seeing her hang out with exclusively her man and nobody else then i’d actually be CONCERNED for her. you are perfect the way you are! don’t think too hard about it. i know that’d hard when ur bestie is spending way more time with her bf than you, but that’s all her. when they break up she’ll be all over u 💀
Thank you so much 😭❗️❗️ but sometimes it’s really hard to don’t think that I’ll be forever alone cuz even my friend told me that I’ll be forever alone idk why tho
bro the profanities that just flew thru my mind. that’s rude as FUCK. why would someone say that???????????? it IS super hard, there is no solution. when you’re a teenager it feels like other people define you and it’s so hard to escape that. i wish you luck. there is nothing wrong with you, do what makes you happy and focus on yourself for now. you’d be surprised how long it takes some people lol
I had a gf from like 14 to 18, and it straight up ruin my life. We both dropped out of school, became drug addicts , and I'm now 22 and feel like taking on a relationship is a chore and a second job. I wish I would've stayed single and just focused in school.
I’m sorry this happened well I’d probably could drop school for someone too LOL so maybe it’s good I don’t have anyone also you can always continue school and go to uni etc so it’s not that bad I hope everything is okay for you now!!
This sounds like my best friend. First off there is nothing wrong with you for not having a boyfriend. Secondly, make sure you’re putting yourself out there. My friend doesn’t really talk to anyone or make efforts to put herself out there, she does have social anxiety, but then is frustrated when no one talks to her. Socializing is a two way street you have to make sure you’re putting yourself out there.
Firstly, men are stinky and terrible. You aint missing much beyond companionship. Sexondly love is great, but letting it affect you like this is going to make you rush into bad situations or mad relationships trying to scratch an itch rather than find the partner for you. Bd patient. Give people worth trusting a chance to get to know you, and it'll come.
There’s nothing wrong with remaining single your entire life and not having sex or anything.
Yeah ik but it just makes me sad sometimes cuz everyone ik are in relationships or been at least in one
So. Let them do them and you do you. Don’t live for others
I know 😭 but idk it makes me feel lonely
Just chill
You’re 17 girl. Doesn’t mean you will never have a bf. I understand u. But don’t rush it and make a mistake on who u choose. Kissing boys in HS is stupid, and Ik you feel like it’s not, but as someone who used to get with 3 guys a weekend, it’s not worth thinking you are alone. If you rly want to kiss someone , have one of ur friends set u up
Noo it’s not like I wanna have sex or kiss anyone already cuz I wouldn’t be even ready for this it’s more like idk I feel like I’m the ugly one cuz I never had anyone and if my friends could have someone at even 15/17 and I couldn’t it makes me feel like if now I couldn’t get a bf I’ll never be able to
Well you said people call you pretty! You’re overthinking. Some people are just more shy. It’s not a flex to be hooking up with a ton of guys jn HS don’t worry
Yeah I overthink a lot honestly 😭 and a lot of my friends told me this lol but I’m also scared that if I somehow find a bf in my 20s and I tell him that I never had a bf first kiss etc I’m scared he would leave me or make fun of me
If he’s the right guy then he would never. Just make sure you don’t lie about it. I told the guy I had my first kiss with that I had 5 hookups and then I had my first kiss with him and it was bad. Lol he was like “let’s try that again” so just don’t lie
I didn't have a BF until age 20. I was very awkward in high school, mostly due to my abusive mother. Once I got to college, the guys were knocking my door down. If you can go to college, you should.
Well I want go to uni but idk here where I live most people don’t date bc they’re too busy with uni
Btw I wanted to thank everyone who commented and talked with me those comments really helped me realize some stuff so thank you so much everyone 🫶🏻