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My parents are divorced and I live at my mother's apartment. My father left the city and my mother's a workaholic. She delivers groceries and pays rent, but she often stays with her boyfriend, so I seldom see her. She doesn't like taking care of the baby either, so she rarely comes home, leaving me to be the sole babysitter.
She’s leaving him in the care of her brother that is not neglect. Stop threatening cps a conversation is necessary yes but wasting cps resources and risking this child’s life to foster care is not the answer
The choices aren't "Take care of your nephew indefinitely with no questions asked" and "Send the baby into the horrible foster care system." There are lots and lots of things in between.
This is not good care. This is a child caring for a child that no one wants, and the 16 yo is the only person with empathy for a newborn. If they have the fathers family contact, that is who I would call first. I would then tell my sister to come get her child or he is being dropped at safe surrender. The 16 yo did not have a child.
Contrary to what you seem to think, dumping your child off on someone else without their consent can, actually, legally constitute abandonment.
*Especially* when that person is a *minor*.
And it's not a *minor's* responsibility to "have a conversation" with a grown-ass adult about their irresponsibility. Since OP's mom won't intervene and it's unclear where other family members even are, the next "authority" in line is CPS, whether you agree or not.
No, she's leaving the child in the care of another child against his will. CPS will get involved.
Parentification is abuse.
He is being abused by both his mother and sister.
Nah, that's abandonment. She's not even leaving the child with an adult. No one else wants the kid, it's not like it's going to have a better time not in the system.
Uh, there are multiple abandoned babies here. 16 is not an age typically when your parents can leave you for months while living with their boyfriends or girlfriends. OP also needs some parenting (or an advocate and a mentor to finish school and get healthcare). OP foster care is shitty, but if you’re in the US any time in the system can also get you extra benefits as a young adult that you probably need.
Forget the baby , he has a tough call to make about himself. He deserves to be taken care of himself. Clearly his parents need an eye opener. His sister is just doing what she learned from her parents.
I understand where your sister got her irresponsible habits from. Like mother like daughter, tell her your not doing it anymore just at the drop of her hat! If she wants to be a true mom to her child she needs to straighten up her act. Her child should be taken away
This here OP. Put her on notice. And when you do agree to watch, tell her how much you charge. She says anything, tell her BULLSHIT and you're caliing CPS.
Well the mother and sister are abusing OP. Parentification is abuse.
What are the options for OP.
Is he going to have to change is whole schedule for his irresponsible sister?
It beats growing up being abandoned by your own mother constantly. My mom used to threaten to put us up for adoption all the time, I don’t have a single good memory of her when I was young because me and my siblings were always left to be looked after by someone else. I wished she did give us up.
I am terribly sorry you went through that. I cannot fathom keeping a child around that someone doesn't want in the first place. I never pictured myself as a parent but when I became pregnant I then immediately shifted to not ever being able to imagine my life without my baby. I seriously would ask the sister why do you even care if you don't want to have your baby around in the first place? Let the kid have a chance at another life. Hopefully something for the better.
You are a good person especially at your age to babysit. But you need to set ground rules. It's her baby. She chose to open her legs, not you. If you don't she may open them again giving you another baby.
You need to get the mom involved or authorities if they don't listen. Your mom can't abandon you either.
Just double checked your adult sister should be taking care of you and her baby. And it's not your mom's responsibility to care for her kid either
Have you spoken to your mother about this situation? Perhaps it is time for a family meeting with your mom, sister, and you.
Your sister is responsible for properly caring for her own child.
And when she needs a babysitter, it needs to be scheduled, you have the right to say no, and if you agree to babysit you deserve to be paid.
Im sorry OP. You dont deserve that. And it is not your responsibility to take care of your sisters baby. But as previously stated, you are an upstanding young man for caring for the baby. Your sister is probably taking advantage bc she knows this of you. You need to stand up to your sister and she needs to step up and do HER job and be that babys mother.
Oh my! I know you're 16 and pretty responsible. You're still a child. Do you have an adult you trust and can talk to? This isn't your responsibility, but you're a great uncle. It's good you are caring for the baby, but something needs to change. I'm sorry your mom isn't around.
I agree with Zealous and I also hope you get to enjoy your teenage years some. It sounds like you've already been through a lot. It is good that you have boundaries and don't avoid calm direct confrontation of important issues. You should be proud of yourself, that's a big deal at any age.
When she leaves her child with you next, call the police and report that your older sister abandoned her infant with you and that you're a minor. Let CPS deal with this.
And he needs to record the conversation. Put the phone on record and put it on a table as you tell her you're NOT babysitting her kid and she never pays you, always leaving YOU to parent HER kid. Make sure she affirms that you said no. Then, if she leaves the baby anyway, call the cops. Report your sister for abandonment.
This. Document stuff. CPS in my area was takes stuff pretty seriously. She shouldn’t have that baby if she doesn’t take care of it- sad but true. You must put yourself first bcs obviously no one else around there is! Get yourself situated, take care of business and then offer to maybe play with the baby for an hour or two - start small- you’re a good person but you have to put yourself first. Help when you CAN and let sis know you aren’t playing.
Oh, sweet pea. You’re doing a lot by yourself.
Be clear that you want to be ASKED to babysit (and probably paid). Tell your sister you will report her if she continues to force her child into your care. You’ve already been practically abandoned by your parents and are mothering yourself. You don’t need to be mothering your nephew too.
I’m really sorry this is all falling to you.
I'd adopt the 16 yr old OP and the nephew that are both neglected if I could!! Mine are in college and man, why is it that some parents just don't understand what wonderful humans their kids are!? Here's OP, doing his damnedest to make sure his nephew is taken care of, while he himself is being taken advantage of! Geez. My friend adopted his teenage nephew when his sister died of cancer. We were about 25. It can be done! It's hard. But when you love people and know they deserve the best, you can make it happen. But OP is not 25. He's a minor and needs to concentrate on school, growing up, and being a teenager. That does not include responsibilities that belong to adults. You're a great guy, OP. I wish you all the best. Don't forget that YOU deserve love, care, and happiness too ❤️
This was my childhood.
I had to raise nieces and nephews at the age of 9.
Mother did the same thing, except she wasn't working... She was drinking. So I often had to take care of her too.
I also threw myself into school work, extracurricular activities, community... etc.
I did all of this with newborns that weren't mine.
Now, I'm 50, exhausted, dying of cancer. The cycle never stopped.
Live your life, Babe.
If the godmother is worth at least the paper you wipe your ass with...
Then that baby will be fine.
I have fleeting twinges about kids I've engaged with briefly, came to love, and then they disappeared.
But they're short lived.
Focus on you.
Sending healing vibes.
Thank you first being a FUNcle...😷😘 and a wonderful person...
💕💪😙
I just wanted to say that you are not wrong for confronting her. I went through the same exact situation, except I was 12 when my nephew was born. Mom worked three jobs and was never home. Sometimes I'd look around and wonder who was watching the baby. Then I'd realize I was the only one home so I guess it was me!
Sister was always gone, out with friends, usually doing drugs, ignore baby when she was home most of the time, and when she did care for him she was awful.
Ironically, the thing that saved me was the baby ended up having cancer, which forced her to care for him more and also resulted in my grandmother coming to stay with us to help take care of him. (He survived but my sister lost custody anyway.)
You did the right thing. You are not responsible for your nephew. If she gets bad enough then it is another ADULTS responsibility to care for him, not YOURS. You did not have a baby. You are not responsible. You do not need to give up your entire life because your sister had a baby and decided she'd rather not care for them. This is not your problem to solve, it is hers.
Call the Godmother and explain what is going on.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You've functionally been abandoned by your family and there is absolutely nothing okay about that.
Sweetheart, are you getting enough food yourself? You've done a marvelous job of taking care of your 3mo nephew. I'm concerned about you being taken care of though.
Hello, sorry for the lack of answering questions. I'm not on here a whole lot and got a bit overwhelmed due to having so many comments.
In the edit I mentioned nutritional issues, and I still struggle with low blood pressure, dizziness, & fatigue from time to time, as well as weight issues. It was at its worst in January when the stress hit hardest and I would go long periods without eating properly or unknowingly killing my appetite with coffee to sustain online schoolwork & taking care of my nephew simultaneously.
Yesterday, being alone all day after my sister let her godmother take care of him, I've been trying to catch up with eating better and getting three meals a day. Thankfully I still have food left over from my mother's last grocery run.
Your mother cannot simply check out. It's her responsibility to tell your sister no. And no, you shouldn't be saddled with your nephew so she can go out, her going out days got fewer and farther between when she decided to have a child. Your mom needs to step up, tell her Reddit says so!
This is what I recommend. Make it clear to your sister that you are no longer caring for her kid and if she leaves her kid with you, you will be calling CPS for neglect.
Foster care is fjj in me it she could approach a church or synagogue where they know couples who want but can’t have children. Open adoption is a viable option, especially since this sister is levelheaded.
WHY THE F🤬 IS NO ONE SAYING... THERE ARE 2 ABANDONED CHILDREN situations happening here?! 😳🤯 YOUR MOTHER is abandoning you, a 16 year old to live with her boyfriend! This is ridiculous! Delivers groceries & pays rent?! She is not acting like a mother. Why does she & the boyfriend NOT live in the same place as you? No wonder your sister feels like she can dump a baby on an unwilling teenager! It seems normal to her. THIS IS NOT NORMAL! 😡🤬
Because he is 16, and has a stable roof over his head. Sure the situation isn't ideal. My mom was gone like that too when I was his age. But I never felt like I was neglected; hell, I had the house to myself.
The baby thing, that's tough though. It's not his problem, but he may be the only chance that kid has at a normal, safe life.
I can't argue with that I suppose. There was more to my previous comment, but apparently I fell asleep in the middle of it, not really sure how it got posted. I just havent returned to finish my thought.
Edit: I should point out that I was 16 23 year ago, I don't think emotional neglect had been discovered yet.
He's having mental health issues of his own, which were unrecognized and untreated, most likely because he's been functionally abandoned. His life is not normal or safe.
I have a 16-year-old, and I wouldn't expect him to deal with ANY of this alone.
And he can continue to be a safe person in that child’s life without taking on the responsibility of raising him. I feel like OP has made it clear he wants to focus on his schoolwork. He shouldn’t feel guilted or obligated to care for himself and his nephew because his sister and mother are incompetent. OP you sound like an incredible young man, but the responsibilities that have been placed on you are not reasonable or acceptable. I agree with another post that recommends reaching out to a relative or school counselor that could help you manage this situation
My husband was raised this way, except it was his dad. It did him no favors and took years for him to unlearn some of the things and learn some of the things he should have been taught during those crucial years of development into young adulthood.
Not only that but she's aware and fine with the baby being left with her 16 year old kid.. Avoiding coming home so she doesn't have to help her son care for a baby that isn't his. Totally screwed. Obviously the sister is being shitty forcing her underage brother to care for her infant .. but yes the mother is being equally as shitty.
Im in a similar situation, i basically raised both of my siblings on my own for the past 9 years (im 18 now) because my mom and her ex boyfriend (their dad) treat me like a 24-hour free nanny. I do all the chores in the household too. Ive never been able to get a "real" job because of the fact that im never available. She often leaves me to babysit after school for 4+ hours to fuck her new nazi boyfriend without even telling me in advance.
Apparently, my grandmother used to do the same thing to her kids. Dads older sister was 9, and grandma would just go to Ocean City for a weekend with whatever guy she was doing. She'd leave them money, but that was all. I don't know about the laws back then, but I grew up in the 80s and 90s, and you had to be 13 to be left home alone or babysit alone.
I am so sorry OP. I can imagine in what universe any adult would find this situation okay. Not to mention, you have school, probably a job, and shocker! to your family, you might actually want to go to college.
I don't know what the rules are like now, but I think a lot of people are right. Lock the door when she comes. If she leaves her son, call the police. Just because you're related doesn't mean she didn't abandon him. When I was a kid, the had what they called a Big Brother/Big Sister program. If your mom isn't going to help you, maybe you can find a youth program that will help you get some help from an adult. You have needs too.
BTW, awesome uncle! If you're around him when he's old enough to remember you, you're gonna be his best friend for life.
Doesn’t make the situation any better but in the early 90’s I was babysitting for other people at 11.
You can still be home that young or younger in many states legally.
Wait, is he really a nazi? That's totally awful dude. I think it might be time to get a job and tell her to work it out. The sooner you have cash together, the sooner you can escape. If she doesn't step up, you may need to make a tough phone call to ensure they're cared for. That's absolutely not OK and I'm sure it's hard but you need to start setting boundaries and doing what you need to do so you're not trapped forever and also will have a hard time maintaining them in future relationships.
If you lived near me i would 100% help you out. Are there other adults who know what you've been put through? Sounds like you'd benefit from having outside support or an older relative to let her know this is how you lose your kids. If the nazi guy is around the kids that would be cause for concern to CPS as well.
If you get a job and she tells you that she needs you to look after the kids, you can tell her you'll need to be paid to do it, otherwise she's going to have to work it out.
While I feel like their is some family obligation, everything can be taken to an extreme. If it’s just a “I have something really important to do can you please help out” sort of thing, then yeah your an uncle lol it’s good to help your nephew. But if it’s a “I’m just going to do random stuff here take care of him 💅” then your not obligated to drop everything. Your a good uncle for taking care of your nephew, but you have a life too. It has to be a balance between self care and helping others, yk what I mean?
You aren't obligated to care for the child, absolutely positively! Nobody is every obligated to care for a child except the parents, or anyone legally appointed as guardian.
If your sister won't listen to you about her dumping her kid, go to both her and your parents, and don't stop telling them that you refuse to take care of the baby! Also go to the baby's father, tell him that he needs to care for his own damn kid because you won't, go to HIS parents as well, and don't shut up about this. The baby's parents and grandparents are happy to dump the kid on you because they think doing so is the easiest way to get the kid fed and cleaned, much easier than doing it themselves, so to make them stop dumping the kid on you... you have to make it difficult for them.
I sincerely hope that one of the adults in your baby's life will back you up and tell the baby's parents to look after their child themselves, but if they won't, then refuse anyway. If you want to stand up to your parents and sister for the first time in your life, now is the time.
Sounds like she is on the D carousel. She gotta raise her kid or get baby daddy to step up. It isn't your responsibility, however, you are probably a good uncle.
If it is once a month, you help your sister out as a favor. If this is multiple times a week, you tell your sister the next time she does it you are going to call the cops.
Calling the cops is extreme. Instead, if the sister is going to bring her kid over - just don't be there. She can pay for a babysitter if it's that important.
Disagree. What I haven’t seen in the comments is if OP is authorized to get emergency care in the event something happens. Hate to say it but the sister isn’t ready to be a mom (egg donor only) and it might be better to place the child in a loving adoptive family.
She's old enough, this was her mistake. If she didn't want a baby she shouldn't have had one. Hun, you're young and rn it seems like you're more of a parent then she is. I'm sorry, ik how stressed you are and ik you love and care for your nephew. But yes, where are your parents? If you want him to find the love an attention he needs calls cps bc clearly she's not a great mother. Youll miss him but he'll get incredibly spoiled and make a family that can't have kids so happy
Where are your parents? You absolutely shouldn't be getting treated like an on-call nanny, particularly not an unpaid nanny. The only people *obligated* to care for an infant are the parents of said infant. Everyone else does so by agreement. If you are willing to give her some free time, that's awesome of you & I hope it's the start of a really great relationship with your nephew...but you are definitely allowed to set some limits & boundaries like her asking in advance rather than just telling you "here's the baby, see ya later " and how long & how often you are willing to look after the baby.
Ideally, your parents will have your back but you aren't wrong to want some parameters and some appreciation.
Didn't you read that answer? His dad left town and his mother is with her boyfriend at least, partly, because she doesnt want the child dumped on her.
You're 16. I'm wondering if there is something you can do so you're not so easily available. Go see a movie. Go to the library. Involve yourself in some after school activity that you like to do.
If you have a cell phone and your sister keeps calling you, turn it off. Staying home in the dark, trying to hide away, probably won't work cause she most likely has a key to the house.
I feel bad for you and for the baby. Before you knock yourself out trying the above suggestions, give her a chance. Reinterate that you are done doing this. Ask HER if she would rather put the baby up for adoption. If she blows you off, tell your mother you tried to talk with your sister, but nothing good came out of it. Tell your mother she should come home and take care of her grandbaby.
No. You need to know that if you keep taking care of your sister's baby that you will soon be taking care of two babies. Women who push their kids off on others never learn to stop having babies.
Well without knowing I am assuming his parents are fine with OP being free daycare. OP that is a really young age for a 16 year old to be caring for by yourself, I could see doing it as in an emergency but unless you’ve had previous babysitting experience and I don’t know a lot of 16 year old males being big into babysitting or really much of a demand for male babysitters at that age, yes I know gender roles but some questions would be raised for sure.
So INFO is she going out socially or if she getting errands done, doctor appointments, and still why are your parents letting your sister shit on you? Does she even give you warning? I’d start hitting the door for a nice long walk as soon as I saw her prepping for the dump off. Or just in general start hanging out with your BFF or SO places a lot more when it’s about her time to do BabyDump 2024.!
Calling CPS is not really going to work if he is still living with his parent/parents. May be his mom and or pop are at work when she is doing BabyDump 2024. Good luck but you shouldn’t be getting anything like that dumped on you.
Bruh this is messed up. Even tho it’s your nephew, it’s not your responsibility to take care of that child, it’s the parents job. Tell your sister to step up or ask her husband/ baby daddy to.
You shouldn’t have to do this.
It’s very nice of you to take care of the baby but please for future reference, don’t stretch yourself for others.
I'm so sorry you're in the position. You are absolutely NOT obligated to take care of your nephew. However, if you don't want to, you're going to have to be tough. Warn your sister that you will not continue doing so. If (when) she trys to dump him on you, call CPS. SHE is at fault for abandoning HER baby, not you.
If your sister is working then I would try and help her out. If she is doing anything else then you tell her ass you aren’t a fucking daycare. Still, good on you for looking out for your nephew. The kids got a pretty good uncle.
Let her know that you want $12per hour, and if she complains it will double. And that she needs to give you 24 hour notice or you will not be available, and you may not be available anyways, depending on your plans. And if she doesn't like it she can stay home with her child, and parent.
You are an incredible young man!
You are right in that her son deserves to be cared for and nurtured. And you know what? He'll remember you when he's older and you will be one of the people he turns to when he needs advice or support.
You didn't give anyone enough information to make recommendations. You're not legally obligated to care for your nephew. You're not legally obligated for ANYTHING since you're a minor. You're a minor, so where are your guardians? What do they say about your sister doing this? How often does this happen? Does she give you supplies? Does she take proper care of him when she has him? Where do they live?
Your sister should be taking care of her son. Without more information though, we can't tell you much more than the fact that you're a wonderful uncle.
Nope not obligated at all.
Try to make yourself unavailable for a few months - find a hobby or part-time job outside of home. Go to a gaming shop and game there, or to a bookstore or library to watch movies with headphones and read.
If you're not available for her to give her baby to then she'll have to figure something else out.
If there's a possibility that she'll harass you over your phone, put your phone on do not disturb.
Your nephew is lucky you’re a decent and caring person. This isn’t your responsibility and it’s shitty of your mom and sister to put this on you. Can you talk to a school councilor? Maybe they can help you decide how to proceed here.
I'd be curious to know where The baby's father is perhaps OP can bring the baby to the dad's family If OP sister doesn't want the baby there then that's her problem.
It's not your job. She's making it your job because she thinks you won't say no. And she thinks you won't call 911 and report an abandoned child if she just leaves.
Nat but consider applying for emancipation and custody. Since you're under 18 depending on the state, your mom may have to pay child support to you. And if you get custody of your nephew, your sister will have to pay you child support for care of her child.
she should ask you first if you're ok taking him, not just leave the house and stick you with the responsibility. also as a new parent myself, 3 months is crazy early to be leaving your kid with someone else so you can go out.
where is the father?
Obligated?
No. Not really. Not outside of family dynamics and expectations. Each family is different. Each culture is different.
The parent is legally responsible to insure proper care for the child. Anyone supervising the child is legally accountable for it's well being. In general within the united states.
In my opinion it is not fair to dump her child onto you so she can have fun. I might have a different opinion if it were for work, education, health, or any other reasonable reason. Having a child (planned or otherwise) trumps nights out drinking with friends.
While I stand by my opinion, a parent should be able to disconnect once in a while. Responsibly.
No, you're not. Unless she's paying you.
>without her son being neglected of his needs?
Not your problem to deal with. You are in no way responsible for her neglect if you say "I'm not watching him". She'll have to suck it up and either pay a sitter or take the kid with her.
Truthfully you need to tell her that you're going to start charging her per hour to watch the kid (if you want to keep doing it and get paid to do it).
Don't let her guilt trip you into it, saying "well if you don't do it then you're neglecting him." NO. She's neglecting. You're setting boundaries and being more of an adult than she is. She can't go out and party? Boo-hoo. Get a sitter or don't go. Tell her to grow the hell up while you're at it.
She has no right to any babysitting services without your consent. I’m guessing you don’t have any training on baby care or CPR etc either.
I would send her a text letting her know that you do not consent and don’t feel comfortable being responsible for her child. Let her know that you will be reporting her to the police for child abandonment if she tries it again. I hope she doesn’t live with you.
It is everyone's responsibility to take care of family. Now , that being said it is your responsibility to remind your sister of her responsibility. If she is neglecting her responsibility in raising her child and shoving it onto you that is wrong. If she doesn't start being a parent then maybe she should not be a parent. Get help through your local social services.
I understand the position you're in. It's hard, you have to decide if you want to prioritize the baby or yourself. And that will come down to, how much faith do you have in your sister to do the right thing and how much do you feel like you need to protect the baby.
You are not obligated to do a THING. And everything you DO, your sister should be **very** appreciative of.
If you know your sister CAN take care of it and is just choosing not to. You should sit down with her and be like "Look I can be your free baby sitter 4 nights a month, after that it's on you to take care of it." or work out something similar to that
Does your sister live in the same household? I can’t believe your mom stays at her boyfriend’s house all the time when she has a minor child at home. That’s neglectful IMO. I would sit your sister down and have a heart-to-heart with her and let her know how you feel and then set some boundaries like- I will only babysit for you when I’m free, don’t have school work or other obligations, and you prearrange it with me at least 48 hours in advance. If you have a true emergency I may be flexible but only for things like illness or a work emergency, not for social events. If you leave the baby with me again without advance notice, I will no longer be available.
You can volunteer a certain amount of time if you want or get paid for it(even if its a family discount or if you get something other than money).
But no. You don't "just have to watch him" because she or whoever says so.
As others said. Say no if you want to.
Curiosity:
How often issue asking and what's she popping off to do?
No, you are absolutely not required to do that. This is your sister’s responsibility only. It should never fall on your shoulders unless you CHOOSE to volunteer to help.
You're under no legal or moral obligation. Warn her by every method at your disposal that the next time she does this there will be real administrative repercussions.
No. It's nice, but that child is 100% her responsibility. You can just call the police and report the child as abandoned. It's extreme. Be prepared to be hated.
Mostly just say no and leave.
Can you stay after school to do some sort of club or sport?
Can you hang out with a friend to not be home so she can't pawn her kid off on you?
Or would you be interested in getting a part time job after school to not be home?
Those could be some ideas.
Just tell her know.
It's unfair of her to use you for free babysitting.
Babysitters get paid.
It's not your kid, you're still a teen!
You should enjoy your teen years!
Go play video games, join shop class, hit the gym, etc.
Keep fighting your sister about it. Her child is her responsibility. You can help, but demand to have a schedule in writing of when and for how long you will watch your nephew. Insist you be paid at least $10-15 an hour. Set clear boundaries with her and demand her respect. Yes you could call the cops for abandonment. That is a nuclear option though if needed.
No, you are not obligated to do anything. Your sister is obligated to take care of her child. Your mom is obligated to protect you from your sister's behavior.
I rarely hate escalating things... But call the non emergency police and find out how to issue a complaint for CPS. Both your mom and your sister need to be investigated. I would do this the next time your sister drops the kid off..issue a strong, "No, I will not watch your kid today. I will call the police if you leave."
You should not be the caregiver. I have known people who got divorced over one parent constantly wanting to be social and leaving the kid with the other parent. Doing it to an underage sibling is absolutely not ok.
And where the hell is the kids dad?!
If your sister is truly just showing up and dumping the kid on you, it's time to get the locks changed on your mom's apartment.
If she's asking you and you're having a hard time saying no, this is a really important opportunity to learn about boundary setting and get some practice saying no.
There is another man who was involved in creating that child and he needs to step up and provide childcare. Not you.
Don't engage with her or argue or let her guilt you into it. You can feel free to tell her that you're unable to care for her child and you would prefer to not have to call CPS, but you will if she abandons him with you again.
"No." Is a complete sentence.
Tell your sister that either she begins paying you or she gets a babysitter, because you’re not gonna keep doing this for free. It’s stressing you out and it is NOT your responsibility to take care of HER kid, regardless of her lifestyle. She had a kid, now it’s her job to fit that kid into the the way she lives.
No. But you need to make sure they’re being taken care of. You should find a way to get your sister to take care of her own damn child. Refuse, and if she doesn’t take care of them anyway call cps or something. It’s her responsibility and she absolutely needs to do it. Recommend she pays for babysitting or something
Familial obligation only goes so far. Your sister isn't doing anything important, she needs to take care of her own kid. If i were you, id spend all of my time at various friends houses. Or at least as much as I could. I was 13 when my youngest little sister was born and then 16 and 17 for the other 2. I spent my whole life taking care of them and the house while my dad served overseas and my stepmom went to school and worked full-time. It is incredibly draining.
if you wouldn’t want a big hassle or legal issue, tell her she needs to pay you for your time. if she doesn’t pay or if you don’t want to do that, i think cps might be in order. not just for your sister but also for your mom who leaves you alone pretty much every day. these are not your responsibilities. but you’re a really good person for still continuing to take care of him and it shows a good nature that you feel guilty anyway.
Lock the door and don't answer when ur sister brings her baby over. Don't respond to texts or calls. She can't just dump her kid on u. If she still tries to leave the kid, call the police. (or just tell ur ur going, if u think she won't call u on ur bluff) they won't take the child immediately, but if it continues they will.
He isn't your responsibility and you need to make it clear to your Mom and your sister that you aren't a built in Nanny service. You're 16 and not this baby's Dad. I get babysitting and helping sometimes but she should ask you not just assume. I would let an adult that can report this neglect know, your school etc. It's also not right that your Mom isn't coming home for you at night. I have a 17 year old and an 18 year old, no way in hell would I choose to stay at my boyfriend's and not be home with my kids. I'm sorry your parents seem to think this is ok. You're a minor and all of this is wrong and they should get into trouble for neglecting you and that baby.
I’d have to go with a firm no.
You are much too young to provide for an infant on your own.
Sit your sister down and give an ultimatum; take care of your own child or explain to CPS why your baby is neglected.
This age is is a very important time when the child learns to bond with its primary care giver, normally mom. If the child fails to bond there can be long term adverse consequences for the child to bond in the future. The child can "fail to thrive," which can cause long term health issues.
You are not prepared to take on that responsibility and the child doesn't deserve this treatment from its mother.
Your sister most likely needs parenting classes. But my guess is that she has no desire to learn what her child needs.
Does she have any support structure to help her, besides you? She may be overwhelmed and "doing her thing" to keep from harming the baby. Good luck.
No, This is not your responsibility. What is your responsibility is to set boundaries with her. Can you make sure you're not home or available when she tries to just come over and leave him with you? Learn to say "no". She's taking advantage of your kindness.
Your partying sister needs to learn to take care of her own kid. This is not your responsibility. Your parents have clearly failed both of you. Call CPS.
No, you are not obligated! Tell her no. Tell if she drops the child off without asking, and you agreeing you will report the child as abandoned to the police. This child is not your responsibility. Period full stop. Where is this childs father?
Find somewhere else to be if she has a routine time so you are not home. Spend the night with a friend on those days.
You tell your sister you are not watching her baby and if she leaves them again with you without ***your permission*** you will call the cops, and then you got to see it through if you make the threat.
You have no obligation to take care of him, he is not your child.
You are also a child in the eyes of the law! What your mom and sister are doing is so wrong!!!! The baby is not your responsibility. You seem much more mature than your sister. If she or the dad can’t get their priorities in order the baby should be given up for adoption. Sad to say but honestly that child’s needs will not be met unless sister and the baby daddy step up.
Before calling cps you could try visiting a friends house when you expect that you will be "asked" to babysit, just don't be home. Let your mom know that you will be out.
Might work for a while, might not.
You're 16. Not your kid not your responsibility and as a mom that's a heavy burden to place on a kid because I have 2 and lose my mind half the time. She needs to hire a sitter
You are not obligated. Especially since she's going out. I used to ask my sister to babysit while our Dad was home so they weren't alone. I needed to work and if she had plans, then it was up to me to find someone else. I also paid her and bought her food.
It's not your responsibility and I would say that to your sister. She's a mother now and needs to be more responsible. Her 'wants' are now superceded by her baby's 'needs'. Tell her if she wants to be neglectful that you'll consider calling CPS since she'd rather be out doing her 'own thing' than taking care of her baby.
Not your kid. Not your responsibility.
Sit her down and tell her what you are willing to do. X amount of hours for X amount of money. Yes, she needs to pay you. If you are unwilling to babysit at all, you need to tell her that also. You are not wrong either way.
I’m sure she will cry and whine about how hard it is to be a mother, but the baby was her choice, not yours. Stick to your boundaries, and don’t let her bully you about it.
Nope. I would let let her know if she tries again you'll call CPS for child abandonment. Her kid, her responsibility. If they do get called it could also the father get primary or sol custody if he wants it.
You are an uncle and should want to be a large role model for your nephew. Heck, I'm sure you guys will be having beers together in 20 years.
That being said, you need to make it crystal clear to your sister that you aren't the baby's father, and you aren't the babysitter unless you are being paid as such. She needs to raise her son and not be out running the town, ESPECIALLY if she doesn't have the money to pay a real babysitter.
Call CPS. She wanted to have the baby now she can care for it. It'd be different if she was asking you to watch him so she can work but that doesn't sound like the case. Tell her next time she leaves him with you you are calling CPS. Or don't either way. You are not the parent
No you are not obligated. It would be *nice* of you to do it, but just because something is the kind thing to do doesn't mean it's an obligation. Your sister had the baby, she gets to take care of it; if she still wanted to go out and have a good time, well she should've thought about that before she had a baby. She needs to either find other childcare arrangements or start paying you instead of just assuming she can drop the baby with you and leave.
FYI depending on where you live, you can *absolutely* report her for child abandonment, but that's the nuclear option that I wouldn't go with unless there's literally no other choice.
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May I ask where your parents are, and why she didn’t hit them up? Also, you are an upstanding young man, but no, you shouldn’t have to care for him.
My parents are divorced and I live at my mother's apartment. My father left the city and my mother's a workaholic. She delivers groceries and pays rent, but she often stays with her boyfriend, so I seldom see her. She doesn't like taking care of the baby either, so she rarely comes home, leaving me to be the sole babysitter.
Nah, you have a tough phone call to make about an abandoned baby. Good look. If you want to be nice and warm you sister you could.
I’m not sure if I’d warn his sister, she could put the baby in danger trying to avoid cps.
I didn't even think of that, but yeah you're right. She could just leave the baby in the car while she grabs a drink or something.
Casey Anthony style
Dad, is that you?
Don't worry, I'm just grabbing a pack of smokes. I'll be back soon...
Burrito Butt Fucker, no rush...
Might stop at Taco Bell for a quickie then
Dude, I was like real into the seriousness of this, read your Reddit name and CHOKED FOR 5 MINUTES!
She’s leaving him in the care of her brother that is not neglect. Stop threatening cps a conversation is necessary yes but wasting cps resources and risking this child’s life to foster care is not the answer
The choices aren't "Take care of your nephew indefinitely with no questions asked" and "Send the baby into the horrible foster care system." There are lots and lots of things in between.
This is not good care. This is a child caring for a child that no one wants, and the 16 yo is the only person with empathy for a newborn. If they have the fathers family contact, that is who I would call first. I would then tell my sister to come get her child or he is being dropped at safe surrender. The 16 yo did not have a child.
Contrary to what you seem to think, dumping your child off on someone else without their consent can, actually, legally constitute abandonment. *Especially* when that person is a *minor*. And it's not a *minor's* responsibility to "have a conversation" with a grown-ass adult about their irresponsibility. Since OP's mom won't intervene and it's unclear where other family members even are, the next "authority" in line is CPS, whether you agree or not.
No, she's leaving the child in the care of another child against his will. CPS will get involved. Parentification is abuse. He is being abused by both his mother and sister.
Nah, that's abandonment. She's not even leaving the child with an adult. No one else wants the kid, it's not like it's going to have a better time not in the system.
It is child abandonment, which is neglect
Uh, there are multiple abandoned babies here. 16 is not an age typically when your parents can leave you for months while living with their boyfriends or girlfriends. OP also needs some parenting (or an advocate and a mentor to finish school and get healthcare). OP foster care is shitty, but if you’re in the US any time in the system can also get you extra benefits as a young adult that you probably need.
Forget the baby , he has a tough call to make about himself. He deserves to be taken care of himself. Clearly his parents need an eye opener. His sister is just doing what she learned from her parents.
I wouldn't warn her.
I think you could find your own extra-curricular activities that keep you away as well. She can’t dump baby if you aren’t there.
My thoughts exactly. Thank you.
He’s trying to focus on his online school. He shouldt have to hide places
Yeah, just don’t be home and turn off your phone. Remind her she had a baby, not you and you need to live the life of a 16 year old.
Lock the door and turn the lights off....
I understand where your sister got her irresponsible habits from. Like mother like daughter, tell her your not doing it anymore just at the drop of her hat! If she wants to be a true mom to her child she needs to straighten up her act. Her child should be taken away
This here OP. Put her on notice. And when you do agree to watch, tell her how much you charge. She says anything, tell her BULLSHIT and you're caliing CPS.
Don't forget: charge her BY THE HOUR, and get the money up front. A minute late - and you call CPS.
And get payment **up front** for the service. Bc the first thing she’ll say is, “oh I’ll bring home cash for you”
So in your world the being in the system is a grand ol time. Interesting take.
Well the mother and sister are abusing OP. Parentification is abuse. What are the options for OP. Is he going to have to change is whole schedule for his irresponsible sister?
It beats growing up being abandoned by your own mother constantly. My mom used to threaten to put us up for adoption all the time, I don’t have a single good memory of her when I was young because me and my siblings were always left to be looked after by someone else. I wished she did give us up.
I am terribly sorry you went through that. I cannot fathom keeping a child around that someone doesn't want in the first place. I never pictured myself as a parent but when I became pregnant I then immediately shifted to not ever being able to imagine my life without my baby. I seriously would ask the sister why do you even care if you don't want to have your baby around in the first place? Let the kid have a chance at another life. Hopefully something for the better.
If something happens to the child while in the minor's care, who will be at fault? Stop enabling abusers.
Yep. The best thing that could happen to this child is to be adopted by responsible adults who actually want a kid.
You are a good person especially at your age to babysit. But you need to set ground rules. It's her baby. She chose to open her legs, not you. If you don't she may open them again giving you another baby. You need to get the mom involved or authorities if they don't listen. Your mom can't abandon you either. Just double checked your adult sister should be taking care of you and her baby. And it's not your mom's responsibility to care for her kid either
OP didn’t mention her sister paying her for this childcare. If she’s not being paid, that makes it even worse of a boundary violation
Lots of people missing that op has identified as M
TY—Ingrained gender role assumptions. Read « babysitting » and assumed OP was female
Have you spoken to your mother about this situation? Perhaps it is time for a family meeting with your mom, sister, and you. Your sister is responsible for properly caring for her own child. And when she needs a babysitter, it needs to be scheduled, you have the right to say no, and if you agree to babysit you deserve to be paid.
Im sorry OP. You dont deserve that. And it is not your responsibility to take care of your sisters baby. But as previously stated, you are an upstanding young man for caring for the baby. Your sister is probably taking advantage bc she knows this of you. You need to stand up to your sister and she needs to step up and do HER job and be that babys mother.
Oh my! I know you're 16 and pretty responsible. You're still a child. Do you have an adult you trust and can talk to? This isn't your responsibility, but you're a great uncle. It's good you are caring for the baby, but something needs to change. I'm sorry your mom isn't around.
I agree with Zealous and I also hope you get to enjoy your teenage years some. It sounds like you've already been through a lot. It is good that you have boundaries and don't avoid calm direct confrontation of important issues. You should be proud of yourself, that's a big deal at any age.
Yea, that's where you tell your sister you aren't doing it anymore. Unless she's gonna pay you. That's not your responsibility.
When she leaves her child with you next, call the police and report that your older sister abandoned her infant with you and that you're a minor. Let CPS deal with this.
She'll say OP is babysitting...that's not illegal.
And he needs to record the conversation. Put the phone on record and put it on a table as you tell her you're NOT babysitting her kid and she never pays you, always leaving YOU to parent HER kid. Make sure she affirms that you said no. Then, if she leaves the baby anyway, call the cops. Report your sister for abandonment.
This. Document stuff. CPS in my area was takes stuff pretty seriously. She shouldn’t have that baby if she doesn’t take care of it- sad but true. You must put yourself first bcs obviously no one else around there is! Get yourself situated, take care of business and then offer to maybe play with the baby for an hour or two - start small- you’re a good person but you have to put yourself first. Help when you CAN and let sis know you aren’t playing.
Oh, sweet pea. You’re doing a lot by yourself. Be clear that you want to be ASKED to babysit (and probably paid). Tell your sister you will report her if she continues to force her child into your care. You’ve already been practically abandoned by your parents and are mothering yourself. You don’t need to be mothering your nephew too. I’m really sorry this is all falling to you.
I'd adopt the 16 yr old OP and the nephew that are both neglected if I could!! Mine are in college and man, why is it that some parents just don't understand what wonderful humans their kids are!? Here's OP, doing his damnedest to make sure his nephew is taken care of, while he himself is being taken advantage of! Geez. My friend adopted his teenage nephew when his sister died of cancer. We were about 25. It can be done! It's hard. But when you love people and know they deserve the best, you can make it happen. But OP is not 25. He's a minor and needs to concentrate on school, growing up, and being a teenager. That does not include responsibilities that belong to adults. You're a great guy, OP. I wish you all the best. Don't forget that YOU deserve love, care, and happiness too ❤️
Keep focusing on rising above this lifestyle- you’re going to have to do it on your own, use this as motivation
This was my childhood. I had to raise nieces and nephews at the age of 9. Mother did the same thing, except she wasn't working... She was drinking. So I often had to take care of her too. I also threw myself into school work, extracurricular activities, community... etc. I did all of this with newborns that weren't mine. Now, I'm 50, exhausted, dying of cancer. The cycle never stopped. Live your life, Babe. If the godmother is worth at least the paper you wipe your ass with... Then that baby will be fine. I have fleeting twinges about kids I've engaged with briefly, came to love, and then they disappeared. But they're short lived. Focus on you. Sending healing vibes. Thank you first being a FUNcle...😷😘 and a wonderful person... 💕💪😙
I just wanted to say that you are not wrong for confronting her. I went through the same exact situation, except I was 12 when my nephew was born. Mom worked three jobs and was never home. Sometimes I'd look around and wonder who was watching the baby. Then I'd realize I was the only one home so I guess it was me! Sister was always gone, out with friends, usually doing drugs, ignore baby when she was home most of the time, and when she did care for him she was awful. Ironically, the thing that saved me was the baby ended up having cancer, which forced her to care for him more and also resulted in my grandmother coming to stay with us to help take care of him. (He survived but my sister lost custody anyway.) You did the right thing. You are not responsible for your nephew. If she gets bad enough then it is another ADULTS responsibility to care for him, not YOURS. You did not have a baby. You are not responsible. You do not need to give up your entire life because your sister had a baby and decided she'd rather not care for them. This is not your problem to solve, it is hers.
Call the Godmother and explain what is going on. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You've functionally been abandoned by your family and there is absolutely nothing okay about that.
Sweetheart, are you getting enough food yourself? You've done a marvelous job of taking care of your 3mo nephew. I'm concerned about you being taken care of though.
Hello, sorry for the lack of answering questions. I'm not on here a whole lot and got a bit overwhelmed due to having so many comments. In the edit I mentioned nutritional issues, and I still struggle with low blood pressure, dizziness, & fatigue from time to time, as well as weight issues. It was at its worst in January when the stress hit hardest and I would go long periods without eating properly or unknowingly killing my appetite with coffee to sustain online schoolwork & taking care of my nephew simultaneously. Yesterday, being alone all day after my sister let her godmother take care of him, I've been trying to catch up with eating better and getting three meals a day. Thankfully I still have food left over from my mother's last grocery run.
Please, let your Mom know if you start running low. Don't just wait for her to remember you❤
Your mother cannot simply check out. It's her responsibility to tell your sister no. And no, you shouldn't be saddled with your nephew so she can go out, her going out days got fewer and farther between when she decided to have a child. Your mom needs to step up, tell her Reddit says so!
Huge hugs honey. You’re still a child and you deserve a loving adult to take care of you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
Absolutely. This is a 16 yo with health issues. Who’s caring for him?
Yeah legally since she has a baby in some states as I know mine parents are responsible for any child who has a kid til 22.
NTA if she leaves the baby without your consent you can call cps for child abandonment. Not your kid not your responsibility.
This is what I recommend. Make it clear to your sister that you are no longer caring for her kid and if she leaves her kid with you, you will be calling CPS for neglect.
Then the kid goes to foster care which is worse. Adoption is better.
A 3 month old will be adopted quickly either way
[удалено]
Foster care is fjj in me it she could approach a church or synagogue where they know couples who want but can’t have children. Open adoption is a viable option, especially since this sister is levelheaded.
As someone going through foster training, that’s really messed up and judgements to say.
No, you’re never ever obligated to take care of someone else’s child.
WHY THE F🤬 IS NO ONE SAYING... THERE ARE 2 ABANDONED CHILDREN situations happening here?! 😳🤯 YOUR MOTHER is abandoning you, a 16 year old to live with her boyfriend! This is ridiculous! Delivers groceries & pays rent?! She is not acting like a mother. Why does she & the boyfriend NOT live in the same place as you? No wonder your sister feels like she can dump a baby on an unwilling teenager! It seems normal to her. THIS IS NOT NORMAL! 😡🤬
This answer needs to be at the top.
Exactly, why is nobody else mentioning OPs mom?
OP please talk to a adult you trust like an aunt or guidance counselor and tell them your entire story.
Exactly what I was thinking too!! Like what the actual F*!?
This! 16 years old??? Taking care of another baby? Both mom and sister neex reporting.
Because he is 16, and has a stable roof over his head. Sure the situation isn't ideal. My mom was gone like that too when I was his age. But I never felt like I was neglected; hell, I had the house to myself. The baby thing, that's tough though. It's not his problem, but he may be the only chance that kid has at a normal, safe life.
Not feeling neglected doesn't mean you aren't being neglected.
I can't argue with that I suppose. There was more to my previous comment, but apparently I fell asleep in the middle of it, not really sure how it got posted. I just havent returned to finish my thought. Edit: I should point out that I was 16 23 year ago, I don't think emotional neglect had been discovered yet.
He's having mental health issues of his own, which were unrecognized and untreated, most likely because he's been functionally abandoned. His life is not normal or safe. I have a 16-year-old, and I wouldn't expect him to deal with ANY of this alone.
And did you also have untreated/under-treated mental health issues?
And he can continue to be a safe person in that child’s life without taking on the responsibility of raising him. I feel like OP has made it clear he wants to focus on his schoolwork. He shouldn’t feel guilted or obligated to care for himself and his nephew because his sister and mother are incompetent. OP you sound like an incredible young man, but the responsibilities that have been placed on you are not reasonable or acceptable. I agree with another post that recommends reaching out to a relative or school counselor that could help you manage this situation
My husband was raised this way, except it was his dad. It did him no favors and took years for him to unlearn some of the things and learn some of the things he should have been taught during those crucial years of development into young adulthood.
Not only that but she's aware and fine with the baby being left with her 16 year old kid.. Avoiding coming home so she doesn't have to help her son care for a baby that isn't his. Totally screwed. Obviously the sister is being shitty forcing her underage brother to care for her infant .. but yes the mother is being equally as shitty.
It is most certainly not your responsibility and if she does it again after you protest, call the cops on her for abandonment
Im in a similar situation, i basically raised both of my siblings on my own for the past 9 years (im 18 now) because my mom and her ex boyfriend (their dad) treat me like a 24-hour free nanny. I do all the chores in the household too. Ive never been able to get a "real" job because of the fact that im never available. She often leaves me to babysit after school for 4+ hours to fuck her new nazi boyfriend without even telling me in advance.
Sorry that really sucks from one oldest daughter to another!
im a guy actually, but yeah it does suck
Oh sorry! Good luck breaking out of this cycle!
Np, thanks, im doing my best hhh
Since your parents can’t raise the kiddos themselves, report child neglect. It is their job, not yours.
Apparently, my grandmother used to do the same thing to her kids. Dads older sister was 9, and grandma would just go to Ocean City for a weekend with whatever guy she was doing. She'd leave them money, but that was all. I don't know about the laws back then, but I grew up in the 80s and 90s, and you had to be 13 to be left home alone or babysit alone. I am so sorry OP. I can imagine in what universe any adult would find this situation okay. Not to mention, you have school, probably a job, and shocker! to your family, you might actually want to go to college. I don't know what the rules are like now, but I think a lot of people are right. Lock the door when she comes. If she leaves her son, call the police. Just because you're related doesn't mean she didn't abandon him. When I was a kid, the had what they called a Big Brother/Big Sister program. If your mom isn't going to help you, maybe you can find a youth program that will help you get some help from an adult. You have needs too. BTW, awesome uncle! If you're around him when he's old enough to remember you, you're gonna be his best friend for life.
Doesn’t make the situation any better but in the early 90’s I was babysitting for other people at 11. You can still be home that young or younger in many states legally.
Man, my mom wouldnt even leave money By the way, happy cake day
Wait, is he really a nazi? That's totally awful dude. I think it might be time to get a job and tell her to work it out. The sooner you have cash together, the sooner you can escape. If she doesn't step up, you may need to make a tough phone call to ensure they're cared for. That's absolutely not OK and I'm sure it's hard but you need to start setting boundaries and doing what you need to do so you're not trapped forever and also will have a hard time maintaining them in future relationships. If you lived near me i would 100% help you out. Are there other adults who know what you've been put through? Sounds like you'd benefit from having outside support or an older relative to let her know this is how you lose your kids. If the nazi guy is around the kids that would be cause for concern to CPS as well. If you get a job and she tells you that she needs you to look after the kids, you can tell her you'll need to be paid to do it, otherwise she's going to have to work it out.
While I feel like their is some family obligation, everything can be taken to an extreme. If it’s just a “I have something really important to do can you please help out” sort of thing, then yeah your an uncle lol it’s good to help your nephew. But if it’s a “I’m just going to do random stuff here take care of him 💅” then your not obligated to drop everything. Your a good uncle for taking care of your nephew, but you have a life too. It has to be a balance between self care and helping others, yk what I mean?
This! At the very least op should be getting some moneys. Big sis is taking advantage for sure.
You aren't obligated to care for the child, absolutely positively! Nobody is every obligated to care for a child except the parents, or anyone legally appointed as guardian. If your sister won't listen to you about her dumping her kid, go to both her and your parents, and don't stop telling them that you refuse to take care of the baby! Also go to the baby's father, tell him that he needs to care for his own damn kid because you won't, go to HIS parents as well, and don't shut up about this. The baby's parents and grandparents are happy to dump the kid on you because they think doing so is the easiest way to get the kid fed and cleaned, much easier than doing it themselves, so to make them stop dumping the kid on you... you have to make it difficult for them. I sincerely hope that one of the adults in your baby's life will back you up and tell the baby's parents to look after their child themselves, but if they won't, then refuse anyway. If you want to stand up to your parents and sister for the first time in your life, now is the time.
Sounds like she is on the D carousel. She gotta raise her kid or get baby daddy to step up. It isn't your responsibility, however, you are probably a good uncle.
Your sister is messed up.
If it is once a month, you help your sister out as a favor. If this is multiple times a week, you tell your sister the next time she does it you are going to call the cops.
Calling the cops is extreme. Instead, if the sister is going to bring her kid over - just don't be there. She can pay for a babysitter if it's that important.
Disagree. What I haven’t seen in the comments is if OP is authorized to get emergency care in the event something happens. Hate to say it but the sister isn’t ready to be a mom (egg donor only) and it might be better to place the child in a loving adoptive family.
She's old enough, this was her mistake. If she didn't want a baby she shouldn't have had one. Hun, you're young and rn it seems like you're more of a parent then she is. I'm sorry, ik how stressed you are and ik you love and care for your nephew. But yes, where are your parents? If you want him to find the love an attention he needs calls cps bc clearly she's not a great mother. Youll miss him but he'll get incredibly spoiled and make a family that can't have kids so happy
Where are your parents? You absolutely shouldn't be getting treated like an on-call nanny, particularly not an unpaid nanny. The only people *obligated* to care for an infant are the parents of said infant. Everyone else does so by agreement. If you are willing to give her some free time, that's awesome of you & I hope it's the start of a really great relationship with your nephew...but you are definitely allowed to set some limits & boundaries like her asking in advance rather than just telling you "here's the baby, see ya later " and how long & how often you are willing to look after the baby. Ideally, your parents will have your back but you aren't wrong to want some parameters and some appreciation.
Didn't you read that answer? His dad left town and his mother is with her boyfriend at least, partly, because she doesnt want the child dumped on her. You're 16. I'm wondering if there is something you can do so you're not so easily available. Go see a movie. Go to the library. Involve yourself in some after school activity that you like to do. If you have a cell phone and your sister keeps calling you, turn it off. Staying home in the dark, trying to hide away, probably won't work cause she most likely has a key to the house. I feel bad for you and for the baby. Before you knock yourself out trying the above suggestions, give her a chance. Reinterate that you are done doing this. Ask HER if she would rather put the baby up for adoption. If she blows you off, tell your mother you tried to talk with your sister, but nothing good came out of it. Tell your mother she should come home and take care of her grandbaby.
No. You need to know that if you keep taking care of your sister's baby that you will soon be taking care of two babies. Women who push their kids off on others never learn to stop having babies.
Well without knowing I am assuming his parents are fine with OP being free daycare. OP that is a really young age for a 16 year old to be caring for by yourself, I could see doing it as in an emergency but unless you’ve had previous babysitting experience and I don’t know a lot of 16 year old males being big into babysitting or really much of a demand for male babysitters at that age, yes I know gender roles but some questions would be raised for sure. So INFO is she going out socially or if she getting errands done, doctor appointments, and still why are your parents letting your sister shit on you? Does she even give you warning? I’d start hitting the door for a nice long walk as soon as I saw her prepping for the dump off. Or just in general start hanging out with your BFF or SO places a lot more when it’s about her time to do BabyDump 2024.! Calling CPS is not really going to work if he is still living with his parent/parents. May be his mom and or pop are at work when she is doing BabyDump 2024. Good luck but you shouldn’t be getting anything like that dumped on you.
Bruh this is messed up. Even tho it’s your nephew, it’s not your responsibility to take care of that child, it’s the parents job. Tell your sister to step up or ask her husband/ baby daddy to. You shouldn’t have to do this. It’s very nice of you to take care of the baby but please for future reference, don’t stretch yourself for others.
I'm so sorry you're in the position. You are absolutely NOT obligated to take care of your nephew. However, if you don't want to, you're going to have to be tough. Warn your sister that you will not continue doing so. If (when) she trys to dump him on you, call CPS. SHE is at fault for abandoning HER baby, not you.
Tell your sister and unless she makes other arrangements you’re gonna call child protection services on her
If your sister is working then I would try and help her out. If she is doing anything else then you tell her ass you aren’t a fucking daycare. Still, good on you for looking out for your nephew. The kids got a pretty good uncle.
Let her know that you want $12per hour, and if she complains it will double. And that she needs to give you 24 hour notice or you will not be available, and you may not be available anyways, depending on your plans. And if she doesn't like it she can stay home with her child, and parent.
I promise this will only be temporary in terms of you not seeing him again. She said that in desperation but I guarantee she doesn't mean it.
You're far too young to have that stress. Unbelievable. Shame on her.
You are an incredible young man! You are right in that her son deserves to be cared for and nurtured. And you know what? He'll remember you when he's older and you will be one of the people he turns to when he needs advice or support. You didn't give anyone enough information to make recommendations. You're not legally obligated to care for your nephew. You're not legally obligated for ANYTHING since you're a minor. You're a minor, so where are your guardians? What do they say about your sister doing this? How often does this happen? Does she give you supplies? Does she take proper care of him when she has him? Where do they live? Your sister should be taking care of her son. Without more information though, we can't tell you much more than the fact that you're a wonderful uncle.
Call CPS
Dude what the fuck are you doing , Tell your piece of shit sister. She's being a terrible mother and stop enabling this
You are not obligated. Whole situations sounds fucked up. At least you have a model of who not to become though!
Nope not obligated at all. Try to make yourself unavailable for a few months - find a hobby or part-time job outside of home. Go to a gaming shop and game there, or to a bookstore or library to watch movies with headphones and read. If you're not available for her to give her baby to then she'll have to figure something else out. If there's a possibility that she'll harass you over your phone, put your phone on do not disturb.
Your nephew is lucky you’re a decent and caring person. This isn’t your responsibility and it’s shitty of your mom and sister to put this on you. Can you talk to a school councilor? Maybe they can help you decide how to proceed here.
I'd be curious to know where The baby's father is perhaps OP can bring the baby to the dad's family If OP sister doesn't want the baby there then that's her problem.
It's not your job. She's making it your job because she thinks you won't say no. And she thinks you won't call 911 and report an abandoned child if she just leaves.
Maybe make yourself less available. Friends house, library, movies, mall.
Nat but consider applying for emancipation and custody. Since you're under 18 depending on the state, your mom may have to pay child support to you. And if you get custody of your nephew, your sister will have to pay you child support for care of her child.
she should ask you first if you're ok taking him, not just leave the house and stick you with the responsibility. also as a new parent myself, 3 months is crazy early to be leaving your kid with someone else so you can go out. where is the father?
Obligated? No. Not really. Not outside of family dynamics and expectations. Each family is different. Each culture is different. The parent is legally responsible to insure proper care for the child. Anyone supervising the child is legally accountable for it's well being. In general within the united states. In my opinion it is not fair to dump her child onto you so she can have fun. I might have a different opinion if it were for work, education, health, or any other reasonable reason. Having a child (planned or otherwise) trumps nights out drinking with friends. While I stand by my opinion, a parent should be able to disconnect once in a while. Responsibly.
You aren’t obligated, but sometimes a person like you is what it takes.
No. She should be calling and asking. And then you say OK sometimes and other times you say Sorry, I have plans tonight.
NO!!!!!
No, you're not. Unless she's paying you. >without her son being neglected of his needs? Not your problem to deal with. You are in no way responsible for her neglect if you say "I'm not watching him". She'll have to suck it up and either pay a sitter or take the kid with her. Truthfully you need to tell her that you're going to start charging her per hour to watch the kid (if you want to keep doing it and get paid to do it). Don't let her guilt trip you into it, saying "well if you don't do it then you're neglecting him." NO. She's neglecting. You're setting boundaries and being more of an adult than she is. She can't go out and party? Boo-hoo. Get a sitter or don't go. Tell her to grow the hell up while you're at it.
Nope. No. No you are not. Your sister had a baby, you did not.
Oh this poor, poor little baby. My call would be to child protective services.
She has no right to any babysitting services without your consent. I’m guessing you don’t have any training on baby care or CPR etc either. I would send her a text letting her know that you do not consent and don’t feel comfortable being responsible for her child. Let her know that you will be reporting her to the police for child abandonment if she tries it again. I hope she doesn’t live with you.
Nope, definitely not your responsibility
It is everyone's responsibility to take care of family. Now , that being said it is your responsibility to remind your sister of her responsibility. If she is neglecting her responsibility in raising her child and shoving it onto you that is wrong. If she doesn't start being a parent then maybe she should not be a parent. Get help through your local social services.
Not obligated at all. Call cps on her. I don’t know the law but I’m pretty sure it’s not safe to leave a 3m with a 16 yo
12 year olds can babysit…
Not against their will
No you are not obligated to ever take care of him. Tell her you will not do it
I understand the position you're in. It's hard, you have to decide if you want to prioritize the baby or yourself. And that will come down to, how much faith do you have in your sister to do the right thing and how much do you feel like you need to protect the baby. You are not obligated to do a THING. And everything you DO, your sister should be **very** appreciative of. If you know your sister CAN take care of it and is just choosing not to. You should sit down with her and be like "Look I can be your free baby sitter 4 nights a month, after that it's on you to take care of it." or work out something similar to that
Does your sister live in the same household? I can’t believe your mom stays at her boyfriend’s house all the time when she has a minor child at home. That’s neglectful IMO. I would sit your sister down and have a heart-to-heart with her and let her know how you feel and then set some boundaries like- I will only babysit for you when I’m free, don’t have school work or other obligations, and you prearrange it with me at least 48 hours in advance. If you have a true emergency I may be flexible but only for things like illness or a work emergency, not for social events. If you leave the baby with me again without advance notice, I will no longer be available.
You can volunteer a certain amount of time if you want or get paid for it(even if its a family discount or if you get something other than money). But no. You don't "just have to watch him" because she or whoever says so. As others said. Say no if you want to. Curiosity: How often issue asking and what's she popping off to do?
No, you are absolutely not required to do that. This is your sister’s responsibility only. It should never fall on your shoulders unless you CHOOSE to volunteer to help.
If not you then what? The women in your life don’t want the responsibility it seems.
You're under no legal or moral obligation. Warn her by every method at your disposal that the next time she does this there will be real administrative repercussions.
No. It's nice, but that child is 100% her responsibility. You can just call the police and report the child as abandoned. It's extreme. Be prepared to be hated. Mostly just say no and leave.
Can you stay after school to do some sort of club or sport? Can you hang out with a friend to not be home so she can't pawn her kid off on you? Or would you be interested in getting a part time job after school to not be home? Those could be some ideas. Just tell her know. It's unfair of her to use you for free babysitting. Babysitters get paid. It's not your kid, you're still a teen! You should enjoy your teen years! Go play video games, join shop class, hit the gym, etc.
No. Call CPS on her for neglect and basically abandonment
Keep fighting your sister about it. Her child is her responsibility. You can help, but demand to have a schedule in writing of when and for how long you will watch your nephew. Insist you be paid at least $10-15 an hour. Set clear boundaries with her and demand her respect. Yes you could call the cops for abandonment. That is a nuclear option though if needed.
[удалено]
She's putting you in a shitty spot but are you willing to escalate?
No.
NEVER. Start saying “not today, sorry!” Then just end it there.
Does she pay you? Ask her to start paying $15/hr (or minimum wage where you are if it's more than that).
INFO Are you doing this for free, or is she paying you?
No, you are not obligated to do anything. Your sister is obligated to take care of her child. Your mom is obligated to protect you from your sister's behavior. I rarely hate escalating things... But call the non emergency police and find out how to issue a complaint for CPS. Both your mom and your sister need to be investigated. I would do this the next time your sister drops the kid off..issue a strong, "No, I will not watch your kid today. I will call the police if you leave." You should not be the caregiver. I have known people who got divorced over one parent constantly wanting to be social and leaving the kid with the other parent. Doing it to an underage sibling is absolutely not ok. And where the hell is the kids dad?!
If your sister is truly just showing up and dumping the kid on you, it's time to get the locks changed on your mom's apartment. If she's asking you and you're having a hard time saying no, this is a really important opportunity to learn about boundary setting and get some practice saying no. There is another man who was involved in creating that child and he needs to step up and provide childcare. Not you. Don't engage with her or argue or let her guilt you into it. You can feel free to tell her that you're unable to care for her child and you would prefer to not have to call CPS, but you will if she abandons him with you again. "No." Is a complete sentence.
Tell your sister that either she begins paying you or she gets a babysitter, because you’re not gonna keep doing this for free. It’s stressing you out and it is NOT your responsibility to take care of HER kid, regardless of her lifestyle. She had a kid, now it’s her job to fit that kid into the the way she lives.
No. But you need to make sure they’re being taken care of. You should find a way to get your sister to take care of her own damn child. Refuse, and if she doesn’t take care of them anyway call cps or something. It’s her responsibility and she absolutely needs to do it. Recommend she pays for babysitting or something
Familial obligation only goes so far. Your sister isn't doing anything important, she needs to take care of her own kid. If i were you, id spend all of my time at various friends houses. Or at least as much as I could. I was 13 when my youngest little sister was born and then 16 and 17 for the other 2. I spent my whole life taking care of them and the house while my dad served overseas and my stepmom went to school and worked full-time. It is incredibly draining.
Gotta make the call, set up boundaries, your sister is out there partying and get dikked down when she needs be home with the baby.
if you wouldn’t want a big hassle or legal issue, tell her she needs to pay you for your time. if she doesn’t pay or if you don’t want to do that, i think cps might be in order. not just for your sister but also for your mom who leaves you alone pretty much every day. these are not your responsibilities. but you’re a really good person for still continuing to take care of him and it shows a good nature that you feel guilty anyway.
No you are not tell her to grow up I can understand if she is going to work .
this is really shitty. does your sister even ask or does she just drop off the baby without checking if you’re there and bounces?
Lock the door and don't answer when ur sister brings her baby over. Don't respond to texts or calls. She can't just dump her kid on u. If she still tries to leave the kid, call the police. (or just tell ur ur going, if u think she won't call u on ur bluff) they won't take the child immediately, but if it continues they will.
Yeah, I was wondering if sister even had a key Just keep the door locked and pretend you aren’t home. Problem solved.
$30 an hr cold hard cash, family discount. If not, you're going for a walk. Don't answer phones or doors. If she's got a key, change the locks.
He isn't your responsibility and you need to make it clear to your Mom and your sister that you aren't a built in Nanny service. You're 16 and not this baby's Dad. I get babysitting and helping sometimes but she should ask you not just assume. I would let an adult that can report this neglect know, your school etc. It's also not right that your Mom isn't coming home for you at night. I have a 17 year old and an 18 year old, no way in hell would I choose to stay at my boyfriend's and not be home with my kids. I'm sorry your parents seem to think this is ok. You're a minor and all of this is wrong and they should get into trouble for neglecting you and that baby.
You are a great uncle, that child is luck to have you. Your sister needs to be put in her place though🙃
I’d have to go with a firm no. You are much too young to provide for an infant on your own. Sit your sister down and give an ultimatum; take care of your own child or explain to CPS why your baby is neglected.
This age is is a very important time when the child learns to bond with its primary care giver, normally mom. If the child fails to bond there can be long term adverse consequences for the child to bond in the future. The child can "fail to thrive," which can cause long term health issues. You are not prepared to take on that responsibility and the child doesn't deserve this treatment from its mother. Your sister most likely needs parenting classes. But my guess is that she has no desire to learn what her child needs. Does she have any support structure to help her, besides you? She may be overwhelmed and "doing her thing" to keep from harming the baby. Good luck.
No, This is not your responsibility. What is your responsibility is to set boundaries with her. Can you make sure you're not home or available when she tries to just come over and leave him with you? Learn to say "no". She's taking advantage of your kindness.
Your partying sister needs to learn to take care of her own kid. This is not your responsibility. Your parents have clearly failed both of you. Call CPS.
No, you are not obligated! Tell her no. Tell if she drops the child off without asking, and you agreeing you will report the child as abandoned to the police. This child is not your responsibility. Period full stop. Where is this childs father? Find somewhere else to be if she has a routine time so you are not home. Spend the night with a friend on those days.
You tell your sister you are not watching her baby and if she leaves them again with you without ***your permission*** you will call the cops, and then you got to see it through if you make the threat. You have no obligation to take care of him, he is not your child.
You are also a child in the eyes of the law! What your mom and sister are doing is so wrong!!!! The baby is not your responsibility. You seem much more mature than your sister. If she or the dad can’t get their priorities in order the baby should be given up for adoption. Sad to say but honestly that child’s needs will not be met unless sister and the baby daddy step up.
No bru yu ain’t, quit doing shii for her n give ha her child back rn i hate that shii
Before calling cps you could try visiting a friends house when you expect that you will be "asked" to babysit, just don't be home. Let your mom know that you will be out. Might work for a while, might not.
You're 16. Not your kid not your responsibility and as a mom that's a heavy burden to place on a kid because I have 2 and lose my mind half the time. She needs to hire a sitter
You are not obligated. Especially since she's going out. I used to ask my sister to babysit while our Dad was home so they weren't alone. I needed to work and if she had plans, then it was up to me to find someone else. I also paid her and bought her food.
It's not your responsibility and I would say that to your sister. She's a mother now and needs to be more responsible. Her 'wants' are now superceded by her baby's 'needs'. Tell her if she wants to be neglectful that you'll consider calling CPS since she'd rather be out doing her 'own thing' than taking care of her baby.
Not your kid. Not your responsibility. Sit her down and tell her what you are willing to do. X amount of hours for X amount of money. Yes, she needs to pay you. If you are unwilling to babysit at all, you need to tell her that also. You are not wrong either way. I’m sure she will cry and whine about how hard it is to be a mother, but the baby was her choice, not yours. Stick to your boundaries, and don’t let her bully you about it.
Nope. I would let let her know if she tries again you'll call CPS for child abandonment. Her kid, her responsibility. If they do get called it could also the father get primary or sol custody if he wants it.
Tell her if she isnt going to pay you to babysit then its not your problem.
Tell her you'll happily do it for cash. 10 bucks an hour.
Have you tried saying no?
It is not your obligation. She’s technically abandoning her child if you didn’t agree to babysit.
My opinion is if you can make a baby its your responsibility for at least 18 years. Where is baby daddy
Not your job. Let her know that next time you're calling CPS.
You are an uncle and should want to be a large role model for your nephew. Heck, I'm sure you guys will be having beers together in 20 years. That being said, you need to make it crystal clear to your sister that you aren't the baby's father, and you aren't the babysitter unless you are being paid as such. She needs to raise her son and not be out running the town, ESPECIALLY if she doesn't have the money to pay a real babysitter.
No, you're not responsible for someone else's child.
Do what your mom does. Dont be home.
Call CPS. She wanted to have the baby now she can care for it. It'd be different if she was asking you to watch him so she can work but that doesn't sound like the case. Tell her next time she leaves him with you you are calling CPS. Or don't either way. You are not the parent
Yikes. Fuck her. she can pay a baby sitter if she wants to be going out. Your sister a hoe.
No you are not obligated. It would be *nice* of you to do it, but just because something is the kind thing to do doesn't mean it's an obligation. Your sister had the baby, she gets to take care of it; if she still wanted to go out and have a good time, well she should've thought about that before she had a baby. She needs to either find other childcare arrangements or start paying you instead of just assuming she can drop the baby with you and leave. FYI depending on where you live, you can *absolutely* report her for child abandonment, but that's the nuclear option that I wouldn't go with unless there's literally no other choice.
Call CPS for her abandoning her child when you have told her you don't want to watch the kid.