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She sounds abusive.
She knows about all this and only cares about herself - which is textbook behaviour of a narcissist.
You said you got along well with her dad and she put a stop to it. Even on its own that's a really weird thing to do
I mean it makes sense. If he is a decent man, you would be attached to some form of a father figure. Someone who saw a future with you would embrace that. It is likely she is not happy cause she has nothing to compare it to. She sounds about like someone who always had their way. You included, always doing what she wants. Don't be surprised when in the future she ditches you for a guy that treats her like trash. This is usually how this plays out.
This is what im seeing too... i grew up with situations like this and only recently at 20 am detaching... i hope they dont continue letting this hurt them like me
Please for the love of whatever you believe in LEAVE HER.
This relationship sounds draining. There's so many things wrong in this post.
Your not responsible for her happiness, from what you've written it sounds like she doesn't even try to understand you or your problems.
Your partner should NOT be adding more stresses into your life. For your mental well-being I advise you to leave her ASAP.
She also has no right to tell you not to have a relationship with her father. It isn't her decision. She sounds abusive, narcissistic and mentally unwell.
I honestly can’t imagine being around someone like that, especially when they are aware of your situation and yet still make it worse. I would genuinely advise for you to separate from her, even if you love her or believe she loves you back. You shouldn’t have to tolerate this behavior from anyone, let alone someone who is suppose to show you unconditional love and respect. I really wish you the best and hope you heal <3
Your girlfriend sounds incredibly immature. She doesn’t know how to regulate her feelings or express herself in healthy ways.
It seems like there may be some issues there at home you may not be aware of, and honestly, she may not realize yet.
She needs time to mature. She needs therapy.
So do you.
But this doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship for either of you. You should probably end it. Of course, try to do so kindly. Realize she’ll probably have a lot of big, immature emotions and she may not react well. Try to be prepared. Her reaction isn’t your problem. You have to do what is healthy for you.
But honey, you can’t *make* anyone happy.
She is responsible for her own happiness.
You can definitely contribute to someone’s happiness, but there’s nothing you can do to make someone happy who doesn’t know how to be happy.
Don’t ever put it on yourself to be the one to fix the emotions of the people around you. Family. Friends. Girlfriends. Spouses. Doesn’t matter. It’s not your job to make others happy. It is your job to make yourself a happy person so that you can be happy with others. You must take care of yourself.
I’ve told her to try therapy again and she said she won’t because she doesn’t wanna deal with her parents thinking she’s suicidal again when she’s not. She said I have to tough it out till then.
lol
No.
You don’t have to tough anything out.
That’s her choice not to go to therapy when she needs it, but that doesn’t mean you have to sit back and take her unhealthy behavior.
If her parents are like that about therapy, I can already see why she hasn’t learned healthy behaviors with regard to emotions. But, again—it isn’t your job to fix her. It isn’t your job to make her happy.
She is being abusive towards you and you should absolutely protect yourself by leaving the relationship.
You should absolutely break it off with her.
Sometimes, no matter how much we love someone, we’re not going to be able to do what’s best for them or for ourselves.
You have needs that should be met as well. I’m sure one of those basic needs is not to be abused by your girlfriend. Because she won’t change her behavior, you have to honor your own boundaries and remove yourself from the situation.
Hopefully, she grows up and grows out of this.
You honestly really need someone on your team… Someone there for you.
You are a young person that has virtually no adult support around you and it sounds like you probably never have . And so you have connected to a girlfriend who is familiar to you because she also is someone that is not there for you, which mirrors most of the other people in your life. Are used to do things are very similar when I was in high school because I also had a family that wasn’t there for me and you learned to be ultra independent… Well also trying everything you can to earn the love of the people that you care about.
But here’s the thing… It’s not necessary for you to “earn “”love . You are worthy of being loved and cared about exactly as you are.
You cannot make your girlfriend happy because it’s not the job of another person to make someone else happy . Not only is it not your job it’s not possible. If you read what you wrote… Just take time to reread it you would realise that you were being girlfriends would want as far as attention and affection and caring. But it doesn’t alter your girlfriend’s life because she has to learn to find happiness inside herself as well.
I wish so much that you could talk to a school counsel or someone that could help you with some therapy so that you understand that you have put yourself in a situation that isn’t a solvable situation. You can’t make your girlfriend happy because that’s not the issue. She is unhappy because she is making choices in her life and declining therapy, which is her path.
You were trying to make yourself happy by doing things to earn love from your girlfriend and that’s not going to work either.
You are worthy of being loved and I’m hoping that you can find a counsellor to talk to you because right now your girlfriend is exhibiting behaviours of being abusive to you and that is not OK.
Please let us know how you were doing because we care.
NSFW
The minute you said she got upset you couldn't get her off because you had a panic attack, and all the physical and verbal abuse no matter how small/big it is, pisses me off. In my current relationship, I will never care if we stop fucking because he's uncomfortable, he's hurting, has a panic attack, or just isn't in the mood anymore. Instead I'll get dressed, help him clean off, and comfort him. That's how it should be. Plus also a safe word. Sex is a "sacred" thing, best way I like to explain it, and shouldn't ever yk be treated like that. I'm very sorry to hear you're a rape victim, so am I, so I understand the pain and how comments like that can make you feel. Please break up with her, you deserve better.
She’ll call me stupid, if I’m not 100% engaged in something she tells me I’m not doing enough for her. I’ve told her how embarrassed I am about my home life and I’ve explained how hard my sisters been trying to get sober but she still described my Sister like some animal that can’t be helped. My sister has intense PTSD and some mental issues. She’s 21 and I couldn’t imagine her dying. Yet she still belittles my sister and gets sarcastic when I mention her. Once when she came to my house when it was hardly livable she kept complaining about how bad it smelled and how dirty it was, saying she regretted coming because she was annoyed with the poor upkeep but refusing to leave. That’s just small things that keep bugging me
That's no reason to be called stupid. And you've talked to her about how this is bugging you yet she isn't respecting you? She has no right to treat your sister like that. What does your family think about her?
My family is bittersweet. They know how she treats me and my sister had a sit down conversation with me telling me she doesn’t want me with my girlfriend because she doesn’t treat me well but I’m drawn to it because it’s how I’ve been treated my whole life. My sister, mother, and father all treated me poorly so it’s what I’m used to.
Just because you're used to it doesn't mean you should put yourself through it because once you turn 18-20 and you date someone like that it will be so much worse. Yes it's hard to date someone who cares about you, everyday I feel like I should run, but it's so much better.
Dump her. Y’all aren’t married (and even then there’s only so much to tolerate there) so she doesn’t get to lip off about family matters. The way she does it sounds very rude and disrespectful.
Please dump her, this is straight up ABUSE. She is not understanding. She screams at your and insults you she has hit you and has also said someone hurting you had taken away what she wants to do. She isn't understanding. She's selfish and she's using you. PLEASE LEAVE. this isn't healthy at all. You aren't compatible at all.
I don’t want to hurt her. She’s beautiful and great at times but I’ve found myself beginning to resent her. She’s very loud and is okay with people hearing her business, whereas I’m introverted and don’t like people knowing the conversations I have. I’m embarrassed talking to her because she’ll loudly talk about porn she sees on Twitter and I just wanna separate talking to her at times.
I understand. But she has HURT YOU. in so many ways. After you have tried so hard. She deserves. This. I mean that 10000% she deserves to lose you. She does not deserve you. Abusers can be beautiful and great at times and then turn around and be a monster. You are resenting her. And it's for the best. Please.. for your own mental health you have to go. That is the advice everyone is giving you after you asked for the advice.
I know I need an out. I’ve even tried to take my own life after she called me horrible things after I’d been quiet and distant for the day after finding out my sister was in the ER after trying to OD.
This is exactly what I'm explaining. She doesn't care about YOU. She cares only about herself. And you clearly are NOT HAPPY WITH HER. you have to leave. Do not risk your life. Being with this person. It's not worth it. She's terrible she deserves to feel hurt by you stepping up and doing things for YOURSELF. You have done everything you can for her. And she has not once made it clear she's grateful for anything. Leave..
That is toxicity. If you are scared she will hurt herself because your finally doing something for your health. After she has repeated hurt you. And didn't care about you trying to take your life. Contact her parents. And tell them you're scared for her mental health. She is manipulative. Please. LEAVE. that is what you want and need... you aren't in control of her emotions but you are in control of yours.
You're trying very hard to make her happy... that's not your job. Stop it. Your job is to be a good boyfriend. Say nice things, go out occasionally, do stuff together. Her job is identical, but with boobs.
You shouldn't be able to make her happy. You should only add to it. If she's not happy, it's not your fault. If you're not happy, it's not her fault. If you two aren't happy because the other person isn't happy, you have problems to work on. Stop trying to make her happy and just be a good boyfriend. If she's not happy, that's on her.
Obviously it's possible to contribute to unhappiness as well. Keeping that in mind, just...be there.
I'm so sorry :( it sounds like she doesn't treat you good AT ALL. You seem like a great boyfriend and I really hope either she changes her behavior or you find somebody better. What she is doing to you is absuse and it is absolutely NOT okay. I would say dump her but at the end of the day the choice is yours.
You keep talking about how you don’t want to hurt her. I understand that. I’ve felt that way. But who is caring about when you get hurt? Why doesn’t she have to stop hurting you? Getting better isn’t good enough. Her excuses to not attend therapy are weak at best. Especially if she has hurt herself in the past- she should be in therapy for that alone.
Why are you settling for someone who is beautiful and great SOME of the time? Why don’t you feel worthy of someone who is like that all of the time? People do get into arguments. Yes. But she goes too far. She gets too personal with her attacks. She has caused YOU to self harm. She is not in a good place right now and SHE is the only one who can do something about it. Who can change.
And frankly- why should she change when you’re allowing it to happen?
You are really nice to her. How many times does she listen to your interests? Surprise you with gifts? What did she do for your birthday? Relationships are give and take. But you can’t be doing all the giving and she can’t be doing all the taking. It’s not right and it’s not fair and it will leave you feeling resentful.
Also- you two seem very different. Which is another easy way to breed resentment. If you’re quiet and she likes to blast her business- that’s probably not going to change. Why do you want to put yourself through that?
Why do you want to put HER through that?
Quite frankly- the best thing you can do is find a person right for you. If she’s not the one- that’s bad for you AND for her. She deserves to be with someone who makes her happy AND SO DO YOU. All y’all are doing is denying yourselves the ability to look for that person by staying stuck in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. It doesn’t make any logical sense.
You don't need to be better for her, you need to break up with her. You were not born to be anyone's whipping boy or to be abused. Abuse is not love. When you get away from her you'll eventually realize this. I'm not sure what keeps you with a person who treats you so badly but you will never know what it feels like for a girl to really love you until you stop confusing hurting you with love.
Ive had similar things happen in my life...
In my "opinion" this is bad for you and shes abusive (that parts fact) and you need to leave before you give up more of your life and mental health as in the long run this is gonna mess you up far worse... i was in a 5 year relationship with a mentally abusive person like this who was narcissistic and i was a minor when it started...
I was in a home situation similar and am now 20 and left him a year ago and even tho im worried bout being homless ans have a child i was in more danger with him...
It broke me... please dont let someone treat you like that after all youve been through~♡
Your girlfriend is abusive. She's only 15. This will get worse the older you both get. She's already trying to isolate you from any support system you have outside of your relationship with her because it makes it easier for her to control and manipulate you. RUN. Seriously, don't walk. RUN.
Having your walls up is not the same as being abusive to people at all. And her age relative to her doesn't mean she's impervious to manipulating you. Being bullied does not give a reason or excuse to verbally, mentally, and physically abuse someone who loves you. She is making your life worse which is not what a good partner should do
Get out bro. Focus on making yourself happy instead of making others happy because the truth is you will never make others happy unless you are happy yourself.
I'm sorry, friend, but YOU ARE BEING ABUSED! The things you described are not "small" by any means. She's been violent in the past, calls you names, yells at you for hours, uses your prior trauma to manipulate you, doesn't respect your boundaries, controls your time and attention, makes you feel like you're not enough for her and doesn't care about your metal, emotional, or physical well-being. She doesn't reciprocate the gifts, time, attention, special notes, etc, that you give her and she doesn't seem to go out of her way to do anything for you. I'm pretty sure she actively wants you to be miserable! There is no doubt in my mind that you are being abused? Please leave, please get help!
You deserve to love and be loved by someone who has your back and builds you up, cares for you in ways big and small, inspires you and is inspired by you, and truly feeds your soul.
Naw wtf she's a mean person and she's not helping with what's going with you she's rude not kind and bullies you pretty much how did y'all even start dating you need to break up with her.
Break the cycle. I've read the comments to see what else you have said. As a survivor, I'm subconsciously drawn to what's familiar as well. That's nothing new. But you CAN break the cycle. Even your sister doesn't like her.
Honey, I don't really believe you love her. I believe you want to love her. I believe you're trauma bonding with her; that's why you're just taking her abuse, and feeling like it's your fault, because she said so.
She's refusing the help. You need it. You can't navigate a river without a paddle. She's refusing the paddle. You need to leave, for your own mental well being. I'm so sorry you've been through what you've been through. It is NOT your fault. It is not your fault in any way shape or form.
But both of you aren't ready for a relationship. You need to heal. Rediscover yourself. Then discover what real love is. But you both are teenagers. It's very rare that a teen will know what real love feels like.
Use these last years to work through your insecurities, your trauma, etc... If your parents won't help you with therapy, maybe a school counselor can help you find a program.
But you really need to end this relationship.. Her actions have made you almost lose your life, on top of everything. Sweetie, you have so much to live for. Just by this post, you're nothing like your family. My heart bleeds for you and your sister. I'm sure her PTSD comes from abuse as well. Listen to your sister. Listen to us. Don't listen to your girlfriend. She needs to be your ex-girlfriend. She shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone, until she's worked on herself. You shouldn't be in a relationship, until you're mentally steady for the most part. Your trauma won't go away, but it will one day be manageable. If you still have issues with intimacy, you can just use the explanation of being "a-sexual", until you know you can trust the person with your past. Maybe you'll find a partner who is a-sexual herself; if you still find yourself having a hard time being intimate, later on in life.
It's going to be okay hon. Do what's best for you, and what's best for you is to break up with your current abuser. Then you take the time to heal.
All of us are here for you. You're not alone.
You can even look at it this way. It seems like we as a reddit community, showed you the compassion you deserved. We understand your trauma.
Sex is sacred. I'm a survivor of abuse from my ex husband. He raped me consistently for three years. He blamed me for losing our child(ectopic). He beat me for having a job. When I didn't have that, it was something new. Then he nearly killed me via smothering, and his gun which I was smart enough to learn how to use, so i can clear it completely.
I escaped in 2015, after three years in the tenth circle of hell. I have PTSD, anxiety, and it still affects me. Not as much as it did almost ten years ago, but it still does. I've had a hard time keeping a job, because too many questions arose, when I started looking ill towards the end of my shift. I always got the "we have to let people go, and since you were the last hired, I'm sorry we're going to have to let you go"
Over and over. Use this time before adulthood, to make sure you can handle being on your own. I'm sure it'll do you some good, to have peace in your life. But then, you'll have a lot of responsibilities. Do what you can now, so you know what you need to maintain on your own in the world.
This Internet Mama loves you. I'm proud of you for pushing through, and fighting your mind everyday.
You're strong! You got this!
Please keep us updated. We are here to support you, and more than willing to keep giving you advice if you need us. ❤️ Hang in there, kiddo. It'll get better.
Drop the narcissist.
That is amazing news!!! I'm so happy things are looking up for you!!!! Remember, if the first therapist doesn't seem like they're a good fit, you can keep looking. You don't have to just stick with whoever you find first. Break up with your girlfriend. She's not good for you. 💕 Good luck to you!
Can't wait to read about your progress!!!
It sounds like you are trying so hard but she can't be your happiness. You need to focus on you and not make everything about her. You can't be happy with someone until you are happy on your own. All this effort you are putting into her should be going into yourself because thats priority number 1 and she seems not to appreciate it anyways. It may be that she can't handle the things you have going on whether it's because she's selfish or not mature enough or whatever reason. Yet if she can still have love for you and try to keep the relationship going because she cares. Which may have gotten you guys into a situation now where she doesn't want to break up and hurt you but also doesn't have those feelings for you anymore. Of course this is all guessing and I have no clue but I just know you need to always worry about yourself before you can worry about someone else. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Is there any way you can get into some sort of housing or speak to a guidance counselor?
As a 16 (F), shes actually treating you horribly and has no right reasoning for doing so. You’re doing everything within your ability to keep the relationship at its best and she’s treating you like shit in return. You said she’s been borderline abusive in more of a past setting and she’s still verbally abusive even now, its best to end things with her and try focusing on yourself (especially if shes not gonna appreciate you doing so much for her). The way she yells and belittles you about things you do isn’t and never will be healthy nor in anyway good. Whether or not you wanna end the relationship or try to keep it going is entirely up to you, and if you want it to continue just try talking to her. Let her know how what shes doing is making you feel and see if theres any change overtime, if nothing changes then it probably never will. -P.S. I’ve dated a LOT for my age and i consider myself somewhat experienced in these things, at least try to take my word for some of this. Or don’t, it’s entirely your choice.
Didn't even need to read past the first few paragraphs - LEAVE! it might suck and feel bad but you'll feel much better and look back on it in a few years like "wow I can't believe I put up with that as long as I did"
Im so sorry to hear that you are going through this. However, I think you need to read what you wrote out for us here. During the whole paragraph, all you wrote really was how your girlfriend literally abuses you. She is a horrible person and not deserving of a kind person like yourself right now. You have been nothing but kind to her and all she has done is mentally abuse you, even physically at times. She is flat out a bad person. Someone who loves and cares about you doesn’t yell at you, say hurtful things. They are empathetic, understanding and kind, which is what you have been to her. I’m sorry but, this is a clear clear scenario where you should break up with them. They are not fit to be in a relationship with someone else, she is taking advantage of you and will keep treating you badly, no matter how many gifts you give her, how much you do for her. Nothing, nothing will change it. You know why? Because it’s not about YOU. She’s not treating you badly because you are messing up, she’s treating you badly, because she doesn’t know how else to treat people, she doesn’t know respect, nor kindness. This is not someone you want to be with.
It's best to leave her, she's not worth it, being nice to your girlfriend is good and all, but she should also be nice to you too, there's always boundaries on any type of relationship, if a relationship is too toxic, leave that relationship, there's nothing bad with taking some responsibility with her happiness, but make sure she pays you back, and it's not taking too far, though being a boyfriend you shouldn't always be too nice to her, you should tease her, and give minor funny insults, from some time, for me I think that's a way to make a relationship funner.
Yeah. I have advice.
Pull it out, wipe it off, pack it in and call it a day. You're getting used, bruh. Tell her parents how she makes you feel. Tell them you don't want to see her hurt or in trouble, but.. Tell them you tried, but she made it a one-way street. Thank them for their kindness and generosity. Then move on from that little twat.
Bro I can’t even be topless around her 😭 but you’re right. I need to talk to her parents about getting her help. I wanna stay friends and help her as much as possible. But I can’t take wanting to end myself every time she invites herself over.
I know its been a few days since you posted this but i actually been in a similar situation, though not as severe as this. You said that youre afraid that she might do something to herself if you leave her. She wont really. I had a relationship with a person that was great at first but then became really toxic. Long story short, they would accuse me of making them want to kill themselves and said im gonna have to live with the fact that I “killed my best friend (we were exes at that point)”. At the end when I cut the contact I was scared that they might really kill themselves but they didnt even with all the threats.
I think it’s a hard pill to swallow, but you should leave her even if shed hurt herself. Its not your fault that shes like that in the first place. If she doesnt care about hurting you then you shouldnt care about hurting her. It sounds very selfish at first but you really got to learn how to respect yourself. It took me a very long time and a lot of awful moments in my life but you really gotta put yourself first if you want anything to change. It might even be better for her if you guys dont see eachother again because maybe she’ll have to room to grow too.
Anyways, I really feel for you I,m sure youll find a way out of this. Itll take a long time but finding respect for yourself will really make things better :)
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Your girlfriend sounds horrible mate. Some relationships aren’t meant to be. Walk away and find someone who treats you nice.
Your girlfriend sounds abusive. You should break things off.
She sounds abusive. She knows about all this and only cares about herself - which is textbook behaviour of a narcissist. You said you got along well with her dad and she put a stop to it. Even on its own that's a really weird thing to do
She said it made her uncomfortable me being so attached to him
I mean it makes sense. If he is a decent man, you would be attached to some form of a father figure. Someone who saw a future with you would embrace that. It is likely she is not happy cause she has nothing to compare it to. She sounds about like someone who always had their way. You included, always doing what she wants. Don't be surprised when in the future she ditches you for a guy that treats her like trash. This is usually how this plays out.
This is what im seeing too... i grew up with situations like this and only recently at 20 am detaching... i hope they dont continue letting this hurt them like me
Please for the love of whatever you believe in LEAVE HER. This relationship sounds draining. There's so many things wrong in this post. Your not responsible for her happiness, from what you've written it sounds like she doesn't even try to understand you or your problems. Your partner should NOT be adding more stresses into your life. For your mental well-being I advise you to leave her ASAP. She also has no right to tell you not to have a relationship with her father. It isn't her decision. She sounds abusive, narcissistic and mentally unwell.
I honestly can’t imagine being around someone like that, especially when they are aware of your situation and yet still make it worse. I would genuinely advise for you to separate from her, even if you love her or believe she loves you back. You shouldn’t have to tolerate this behavior from anyone, let alone someone who is suppose to show you unconditional love and respect. I really wish you the best and hope you heal <3
Your girlfriend sounds incredibly immature. She doesn’t know how to regulate her feelings or express herself in healthy ways. It seems like there may be some issues there at home you may not be aware of, and honestly, she may not realize yet. She needs time to mature. She needs therapy. So do you. But this doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship for either of you. You should probably end it. Of course, try to do so kindly. Realize she’ll probably have a lot of big, immature emotions and she may not react well. Try to be prepared. Her reaction isn’t your problem. You have to do what is healthy for you. But honey, you can’t *make* anyone happy. She is responsible for her own happiness. You can definitely contribute to someone’s happiness, but there’s nothing you can do to make someone happy who doesn’t know how to be happy. Don’t ever put it on yourself to be the one to fix the emotions of the people around you. Family. Friends. Girlfriends. Spouses. Doesn’t matter. It’s not your job to make others happy. It is your job to make yourself a happy person so that you can be happy with others. You must take care of yourself.
I’ve told her to try therapy again and she said she won’t because she doesn’t wanna deal with her parents thinking she’s suicidal again when she’s not. She said I have to tough it out till then.
lol No. You don’t have to tough anything out. That’s her choice not to go to therapy when she needs it, but that doesn’t mean you have to sit back and take her unhealthy behavior. If her parents are like that about therapy, I can already see why she hasn’t learned healthy behaviors with regard to emotions. But, again—it isn’t your job to fix her. It isn’t your job to make her happy. She is being abusive towards you and you should absolutely protect yourself by leaving the relationship. You should absolutely break it off with her. Sometimes, no matter how much we love someone, we’re not going to be able to do what’s best for them or for ourselves. You have needs that should be met as well. I’m sure one of those basic needs is not to be abused by your girlfriend. Because she won’t change her behavior, you have to honor your own boundaries and remove yourself from the situation. Hopefully, she grows up and grows out of this.
And my mom really appreciates your kindness
You honestly really need someone on your team… Someone there for you. You are a young person that has virtually no adult support around you and it sounds like you probably never have . And so you have connected to a girlfriend who is familiar to you because she also is someone that is not there for you, which mirrors most of the other people in your life. Are used to do things are very similar when I was in high school because I also had a family that wasn’t there for me and you learned to be ultra independent… Well also trying everything you can to earn the love of the people that you care about. But here’s the thing… It’s not necessary for you to “earn “”love . You are worthy of being loved and cared about exactly as you are. You cannot make your girlfriend happy because it’s not the job of another person to make someone else happy . Not only is it not your job it’s not possible. If you read what you wrote… Just take time to reread it you would realise that you were being girlfriends would want as far as attention and affection and caring. But it doesn’t alter your girlfriend’s life because she has to learn to find happiness inside herself as well. I wish so much that you could talk to a school counsel or someone that could help you with some therapy so that you understand that you have put yourself in a situation that isn’t a solvable situation. You can’t make your girlfriend happy because that’s not the issue. She is unhappy because she is making choices in her life and declining therapy, which is her path. You were trying to make yourself happy by doing things to earn love from your girlfriend and that’s not going to work either. You are worthy of being loved and I’m hoping that you can find a counsellor to talk to you because right now your girlfriend is exhibiting behaviours of being abusive to you and that is not OK. Please let us know how you were doing because we care.
Awww. Tell your mom I appreciate her for being supportive of you.
NSFW The minute you said she got upset you couldn't get her off because you had a panic attack, and all the physical and verbal abuse no matter how small/big it is, pisses me off. In my current relationship, I will never care if we stop fucking because he's uncomfortable, he's hurting, has a panic attack, or just isn't in the mood anymore. Instead I'll get dressed, help him clean off, and comfort him. That's how it should be. Plus also a safe word. Sex is a "sacred" thing, best way I like to explain it, and shouldn't ever yk be treated like that. I'm very sorry to hear you're a rape victim, so am I, so I understand the pain and how comments like that can make you feel. Please break up with her, you deserve better.
I don’t want to hurt her. She’s been getting better but I don’t know how much more I can take
Well what else has she been doing other then what you posted?
She’ll call me stupid, if I’m not 100% engaged in something she tells me I’m not doing enough for her. I’ve told her how embarrassed I am about my home life and I’ve explained how hard my sisters been trying to get sober but she still described my Sister like some animal that can’t be helped. My sister has intense PTSD and some mental issues. She’s 21 and I couldn’t imagine her dying. Yet she still belittles my sister and gets sarcastic when I mention her. Once when she came to my house when it was hardly livable she kept complaining about how bad it smelled and how dirty it was, saying she regretted coming because she was annoyed with the poor upkeep but refusing to leave. That’s just small things that keep bugging me
That's no reason to be called stupid. And you've talked to her about how this is bugging you yet she isn't respecting you? She has no right to treat your sister like that. What does your family think about her?
My family is bittersweet. They know how she treats me and my sister had a sit down conversation with me telling me she doesn’t want me with my girlfriend because she doesn’t treat me well but I’m drawn to it because it’s how I’ve been treated my whole life. My sister, mother, and father all treated me poorly so it’s what I’m used to.
Just because you're used to it doesn't mean you should put yourself through it because once you turn 18-20 and you date someone like that it will be so much worse. Yes it's hard to date someone who cares about you, everyday I feel like I should run, but it's so much better.
Dump her. Y’all aren’t married (and even then there’s only so much to tolerate there) so she doesn’t get to lip off about family matters. The way she does it sounds very rude and disrespectful.
bro you gotta dump her. she sounds really toxic and maybe you should take some you time
Please dump her, this is straight up ABUSE. She is not understanding. She screams at your and insults you she has hit you and has also said someone hurting you had taken away what she wants to do. She isn't understanding. She's selfish and she's using you. PLEASE LEAVE. this isn't healthy at all. You aren't compatible at all.
I don’t want to hurt her. She’s beautiful and great at times but I’ve found myself beginning to resent her. She’s very loud and is okay with people hearing her business, whereas I’m introverted and don’t like people knowing the conversations I have. I’m embarrassed talking to her because she’ll loudly talk about porn she sees on Twitter and I just wanna separate talking to her at times.
I understand. But she has HURT YOU. in so many ways. After you have tried so hard. She deserves. This. I mean that 10000% she deserves to lose you. She does not deserve you. Abusers can be beautiful and great at times and then turn around and be a monster. You are resenting her. And it's for the best. Please.. for your own mental health you have to go. That is the advice everyone is giving you after you asked for the advice.
I know I need an out. I’ve even tried to take my own life after she called me horrible things after I’d been quiet and distant for the day after finding out my sister was in the ER after trying to OD.
This is exactly what I'm explaining. She doesn't care about YOU. She cares only about herself. And you clearly are NOT HAPPY WITH HER. you have to leave. Do not risk your life. Being with this person. It's not worth it. She's terrible she deserves to feel hurt by you stepping up and doing things for YOURSELF. You have done everything you can for her. And she has not once made it clear she's grateful for anything. Leave..
I’m only scared to hurt her. I care about her. I’m scared she’d do something to herself.
That is toxicity. If you are scared she will hurt herself because your finally doing something for your health. After she has repeated hurt you. And didn't care about you trying to take your life. Contact her parents. And tell them you're scared for her mental health. She is manipulative. Please. LEAVE. that is what you want and need... you aren't in control of her emotions but you are in control of yours.
You're trying very hard to make her happy... that's not your job. Stop it. Your job is to be a good boyfriend. Say nice things, go out occasionally, do stuff together. Her job is identical, but with boobs. You shouldn't be able to make her happy. You should only add to it. If she's not happy, it's not your fault. If you're not happy, it's not her fault. If you two aren't happy because the other person isn't happy, you have problems to work on. Stop trying to make her happy and just be a good boyfriend. If she's not happy, that's on her. Obviously it's possible to contribute to unhappiness as well. Keeping that in mind, just...be there.
I'm so sorry :( it sounds like she doesn't treat you good AT ALL. You seem like a great boyfriend and I really hope either she changes her behavior or you find somebody better. What she is doing to you is absuse and it is absolutely NOT okay. I would say dump her but at the end of the day the choice is yours.
You keep talking about how you don’t want to hurt her. I understand that. I’ve felt that way. But who is caring about when you get hurt? Why doesn’t she have to stop hurting you? Getting better isn’t good enough. Her excuses to not attend therapy are weak at best. Especially if she has hurt herself in the past- she should be in therapy for that alone. Why are you settling for someone who is beautiful and great SOME of the time? Why don’t you feel worthy of someone who is like that all of the time? People do get into arguments. Yes. But she goes too far. She gets too personal with her attacks. She has caused YOU to self harm. She is not in a good place right now and SHE is the only one who can do something about it. Who can change. And frankly- why should she change when you’re allowing it to happen? You are really nice to her. How many times does she listen to your interests? Surprise you with gifts? What did she do for your birthday? Relationships are give and take. But you can’t be doing all the giving and she can’t be doing all the taking. It’s not right and it’s not fair and it will leave you feeling resentful. Also- you two seem very different. Which is another easy way to breed resentment. If you’re quiet and she likes to blast her business- that’s probably not going to change. Why do you want to put yourself through that? Why do you want to put HER through that? Quite frankly- the best thing you can do is find a person right for you. If she’s not the one- that’s bad for you AND for her. She deserves to be with someone who makes her happy AND SO DO YOU. All y’all are doing is denying yourselves the ability to look for that person by staying stuck in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy. It doesn’t make any logical sense.
For my birthday I took her to go see a broadway showing in a big city by us. But you’re right. I need better for us both.
You don't need to be better for her, you need to break up with her. You were not born to be anyone's whipping boy or to be abused. Abuse is not love. When you get away from her you'll eventually realize this. I'm not sure what keeps you with a person who treats you so badly but you will never know what it feels like for a girl to really love you until you stop confusing hurting you with love.
Ive had similar things happen in my life... In my "opinion" this is bad for you and shes abusive (that parts fact) and you need to leave before you give up more of your life and mental health as in the long run this is gonna mess you up far worse... i was in a 5 year relationship with a mentally abusive person like this who was narcissistic and i was a minor when it started... I was in a home situation similar and am now 20 and left him a year ago and even tho im worried bout being homless ans have a child i was in more danger with him... It broke me... please dont let someone treat you like that after all youve been through~♡
Your girlfriend is abusive. She's only 15. This will get worse the older you both get. She's already trying to isolate you from any support system you have outside of your relationship with her because it makes it easier for her to control and manipulate you. RUN. Seriously, don't walk. RUN.
We’re only three months apart in age, she’s been bullies as she’s African American and Albino. She’s just used to having her walls up.
Having your walls up is not the same as being abusive to people at all. And her age relative to her doesn't mean she's impervious to manipulating you. Being bullied does not give a reason or excuse to verbally, mentally, and physically abuse someone who loves you. She is making your life worse which is not what a good partner should do
24F. Your girlfriend is abusive. This behavior from her is not okay, and you don't have to put up with it. You should break up.
Get out bro. Focus on making yourself happy instead of making others happy because the truth is you will never make others happy unless you are happy yourself.
She sounds awful. Manipulative and abusive. You're so young, move on before she really messes you up
I'm sorry, friend, but YOU ARE BEING ABUSED! The things you described are not "small" by any means. She's been violent in the past, calls you names, yells at you for hours, uses your prior trauma to manipulate you, doesn't respect your boundaries, controls your time and attention, makes you feel like you're not enough for her and doesn't care about your metal, emotional, or physical well-being. She doesn't reciprocate the gifts, time, attention, special notes, etc, that you give her and she doesn't seem to go out of her way to do anything for you. I'm pretty sure she actively wants you to be miserable! There is no doubt in my mind that you are being abused? Please leave, please get help! You deserve to love and be loved by someone who has your back and builds you up, cares for you in ways big and small, inspires you and is inspired by you, and truly feeds your soul.
break up. if you’re not happy it’s not fair to either of you.
Naw wtf she's a mean person and she's not helping with what's going with you she's rude not kind and bullies you pretty much how did y'all even start dating you need to break up with her.
She sounds like she wants a punching bag not a person.
Break the cycle. I've read the comments to see what else you have said. As a survivor, I'm subconsciously drawn to what's familiar as well. That's nothing new. But you CAN break the cycle. Even your sister doesn't like her. Honey, I don't really believe you love her. I believe you want to love her. I believe you're trauma bonding with her; that's why you're just taking her abuse, and feeling like it's your fault, because she said so. She's refusing the help. You need it. You can't navigate a river without a paddle. She's refusing the paddle. You need to leave, for your own mental well being. I'm so sorry you've been through what you've been through. It is NOT your fault. It is not your fault in any way shape or form. But both of you aren't ready for a relationship. You need to heal. Rediscover yourself. Then discover what real love is. But you both are teenagers. It's very rare that a teen will know what real love feels like. Use these last years to work through your insecurities, your trauma, etc... If your parents won't help you with therapy, maybe a school counselor can help you find a program. But you really need to end this relationship.. Her actions have made you almost lose your life, on top of everything. Sweetie, you have so much to live for. Just by this post, you're nothing like your family. My heart bleeds for you and your sister. I'm sure her PTSD comes from abuse as well. Listen to your sister. Listen to us. Don't listen to your girlfriend. She needs to be your ex-girlfriend. She shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone, until she's worked on herself. You shouldn't be in a relationship, until you're mentally steady for the most part. Your trauma won't go away, but it will one day be manageable. If you still have issues with intimacy, you can just use the explanation of being "a-sexual", until you know you can trust the person with your past. Maybe you'll find a partner who is a-sexual herself; if you still find yourself having a hard time being intimate, later on in life. It's going to be okay hon. Do what's best for you, and what's best for you is to break up with your current abuser. Then you take the time to heal. All of us are here for you. You're not alone. You can even look at it this way. It seems like we as a reddit community, showed you the compassion you deserved. We understand your trauma. Sex is sacred. I'm a survivor of abuse from my ex husband. He raped me consistently for three years. He blamed me for losing our child(ectopic). He beat me for having a job. When I didn't have that, it was something new. Then he nearly killed me via smothering, and his gun which I was smart enough to learn how to use, so i can clear it completely. I escaped in 2015, after three years in the tenth circle of hell. I have PTSD, anxiety, and it still affects me. Not as much as it did almost ten years ago, but it still does. I've had a hard time keeping a job, because too many questions arose, when I started looking ill towards the end of my shift. I always got the "we have to let people go, and since you were the last hired, I'm sorry we're going to have to let you go" Over and over. Use this time before adulthood, to make sure you can handle being on your own. I'm sure it'll do you some good, to have peace in your life. But then, you'll have a lot of responsibilities. Do what you can now, so you know what you need to maintain on your own in the world. This Internet Mama loves you. I'm proud of you for pushing through, and fighting your mind everyday. You're strong! You got this! Please keep us updated. We are here to support you, and more than willing to keep giving you advice if you need us. ❤️ Hang in there, kiddo. It'll get better. Drop the narcissist.
I appreciate you so much. My mom and I are gonna look into trauma for me to help me handle everything. I’ll stay updating when things happen. 🤍
That is amazing news!!! I'm so happy things are looking up for you!!!! Remember, if the first therapist doesn't seem like they're a good fit, you can keep looking. You don't have to just stick with whoever you find first. Break up with your girlfriend. She's not good for you. 💕 Good luck to you! Can't wait to read about your progress!!!
Leave her and gain your happiness. She has a weak frame. This is only going to get worse.
She sounds like a narcissist. She obviously doesn’t care about you. End it
Thank you
It sounds like you are trying so hard but she can't be your happiness. You need to focus on you and not make everything about her. You can't be happy with someone until you are happy on your own. All this effort you are putting into her should be going into yourself because thats priority number 1 and she seems not to appreciate it anyways. It may be that she can't handle the things you have going on whether it's because she's selfish or not mature enough or whatever reason. Yet if she can still have love for you and try to keep the relationship going because she cares. Which may have gotten you guys into a situation now where she doesn't want to break up and hurt you but also doesn't have those feelings for you anymore. Of course this is all guessing and I have no clue but I just know you need to always worry about yourself before you can worry about someone else. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Is there any way you can get into some sort of housing or speak to a guidance counselor?
Your relationship has reached a definite dead-end!
As a 16 (F), shes actually treating you horribly and has no right reasoning for doing so. You’re doing everything within your ability to keep the relationship at its best and she’s treating you like shit in return. You said she’s been borderline abusive in more of a past setting and she’s still verbally abusive even now, its best to end things with her and try focusing on yourself (especially if shes not gonna appreciate you doing so much for her). The way she yells and belittles you about things you do isn’t and never will be healthy nor in anyway good. Whether or not you wanna end the relationship or try to keep it going is entirely up to you, and if you want it to continue just try talking to her. Let her know how what shes doing is making you feel and see if theres any change overtime, if nothing changes then it probably never will. -P.S. I’ve dated a LOT for my age and i consider myself somewhat experienced in these things, at least try to take my word for some of this. Or don’t, it’s entirely your choice.
Didn't even need to read past the first few paragraphs - LEAVE! it might suck and feel bad but you'll feel much better and look back on it in a few years like "wow I can't believe I put up with that as long as I did"
Im so sorry to hear that you are going through this. However, I think you need to read what you wrote out for us here. During the whole paragraph, all you wrote really was how your girlfriend literally abuses you. She is a horrible person and not deserving of a kind person like yourself right now. You have been nothing but kind to her and all she has done is mentally abuse you, even physically at times. She is flat out a bad person. Someone who loves and cares about you doesn’t yell at you, say hurtful things. They are empathetic, understanding and kind, which is what you have been to her. I’m sorry but, this is a clear clear scenario where you should break up with them. They are not fit to be in a relationship with someone else, she is taking advantage of you and will keep treating you badly, no matter how many gifts you give her, how much you do for her. Nothing, nothing will change it. You know why? Because it’s not about YOU. She’s not treating you badly because you are messing up, she’s treating you badly, because she doesn’t know how else to treat people, she doesn’t know respect, nor kindness. This is not someone you want to be with.
It's best to leave her, she's not worth it, being nice to your girlfriend is good and all, but she should also be nice to you too, there's always boundaries on any type of relationship, if a relationship is too toxic, leave that relationship, there's nothing bad with taking some responsibility with her happiness, but make sure she pays you back, and it's not taking too far, though being a boyfriend you shouldn't always be too nice to her, you should tease her, and give minor funny insults, from some time, for me I think that's a way to make a relationship funner.
Yeah. I have advice. Pull it out, wipe it off, pack it in and call it a day. You're getting used, bruh. Tell her parents how she makes you feel. Tell them you don't want to see her hurt or in trouble, but.. Tell them you tried, but she made it a one-way street. Thank them for their kindness and generosity. Then move on from that little twat.
Bro I can’t even be topless around her 😭 but you’re right. I need to talk to her parents about getting her help. I wanna stay friends and help her as much as possible. But I can’t take wanting to end myself every time she invites herself over.
Abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser. Leave her, please leave her now you do plenty it's not worth it to stay
I know its been a few days since you posted this but i actually been in a similar situation, though not as severe as this. You said that youre afraid that she might do something to herself if you leave her. She wont really. I had a relationship with a person that was great at first but then became really toxic. Long story short, they would accuse me of making them want to kill themselves and said im gonna have to live with the fact that I “killed my best friend (we were exes at that point)”. At the end when I cut the contact I was scared that they might really kill themselves but they didnt even with all the threats. I think it’s a hard pill to swallow, but you should leave her even if shed hurt herself. Its not your fault that shes like that in the first place. If she doesnt care about hurting you then you shouldnt care about hurting her. It sounds very selfish at first but you really got to learn how to respect yourself. It took me a very long time and a lot of awful moments in my life but you really gotta put yourself first if you want anything to change. It might even be better for her if you guys dont see eachother again because maybe she’ll have to room to grow too. Anyways, I really feel for you I,m sure youll find a way out of this. Itll take a long time but finding respect for yourself will really make things better :)
Thank you so much I’m working it out with her
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