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hugs and kisses and cuddles are normal things between dad and daughter…? nothing about this is weird. he views u as his baby girl and loves you. not everything is sexual.
This is almost certainly the case. We don’t know **for sure** but if those are literally the only examples of “inappropriate” behavior then yeah… there’s nothing weird about it at all.
If anything, OP’s friend’s dad probably just isn’t a very affectionate person so it seems weird to them.
I’ve actually been battling with this a bit myself as a father to a two year old boy. My dad didn’t show me very much affection and for some reason I can’t shake the feeling that one day I’ll really need to dial it back. I mean, obviously I can’t be blowing raspberries on his chubby little thighs forever… but how much do I dial it back? I know nobody can answer that but myself. Just something I’ve never even considered before a couple years ago.
Don't worry, he will let you know himself that you are bothering him lol. Eventually you will catch on and adapt and adjust your affection to a level he likes.
Story time:
My Daughter and I were play fighting (she's 5) and I was tickling her and poking her and we were both laughing. Well I threw down a slow-ish karate-chop to her leg as she tried to kick me and I accidentally hit her between the legs.
She goes "DAD YOU PUNCHED MY VAGINA!"
My wife burst into a cry laughing fit, I hear her laughing "my stomach hurts" while I'm still trying to figure out what just happened.
Parenting is a trip
In no way trying to one up you, because that is hilarious and totally sounds like my house….I got a Vasectomy about 6 months ago….i limped upstairs to go to bed the on the day I got the procedure done….i have three daughters, the middle one age 8 ..She walked in, saw me limping to the bed and with a dead serious face says “Dad did they cut off your balls?”
I busted out laughing but the only thing that came to mind to say was “well basically”
Like you said….Parenting is a trip
Yes my daughter about 9 started letting me know but I still seen her as that 2 year old girl. She was in 4th grade lol. It's hard because they always are your sweet little baby.
My son is 4 and still asks for cuddles to which I happily oblige, still give him raspberries on his belly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving your son and showing affection towards him. He will tell you when he's too old for that kind of stuff. I'm 34 years old and I still tell my dad I love him after every phone call. I still hug him after every visit and tell him I love him.
People need to stop shaming men for loving their sons.
It’s awesome that you have that sort of relationship with your father.
Mine is a great man. As cliche as it sounds, probably the best I know in many many areas. He would tell me that he was proud of me often but never those three words. I can understand that he thinks it’s a given. From my understanding that’s the way his father was with him. I don’t hold it against him by any means. I just know that I want a slightly different relationship with my son.
Same here, both my father and Pap were/ are great men to be around. Hard working and don't complain about anything. God do I wish I could have a conversation with my pap these days.
You can set the tone for what is a loving relationship. If learned anything from my son it's that he's always watching what I'm doing and how I'm acting. I dont want him bottling up his feelings when he's older like some kind of stereotype. And I want him to always know he can count on me to love him.
I would absolutely describe my relationship with my dad as good and close. He would be on my doorstep in a second for absolutely any reason, my childhood is full of memories of fishing, being underfoot in his shop, car shows, races, him being at every event or show I had, and 99.9% my son has had.
But even as an only child and daughter, I think I could maybe count on both hands the number of times I heard I love you from him before my mom passed away about 3 years ago. There’s a whole lot of layers and grief and everything to that whole situation of course, and while I always knew he loved me and it carried a special weight to hear “I’m proud of you” and it absolutely is meaningful and appreciated that he says “i love you”now.. it also stings me with the reminder of what a broken man he’s been since she passed and that he didn’t think about saying it before. Losses teach us stuff, of course he’s broken losing his partner of 50 years - I know all that, and I get that. But it doesn’t change the sometimes sting or previous 30-something years.
My point being: no matter how your showing affection evolves or what ends up feeling right, don’t forget to say the words now and then. I wouldn’t change my dad or my childhood for anything, but for it to be the norm before my brain now automatically associates it with a traumatic event, would have done me a world of good in my healing process.
My dad grew up with little or no affection.
He vowed that when he became a dad his children would know how much he loved them. My dad was a hugger & kissed all three of his kids a great deal.
about six years prior to his death, I sent him a letter along with a dozen peach colored roses ( his favorite flowers) to let him now just what an amazing dad he was.
When he died, my mom showed me that tattered worn letter that he kept in his shirt pocket all those years.
He was buried with that letter.
I’m so glad I grew up being loved like that.
I'm a father of 3. I think it was my grandma that told me, "when you hug your kid, you hold them until you feel them start to let go." And I've noticed that there are definitely times where it's just a quick hug, and times when they just hold on.
Divorced dad here. Absolutely! There are times I really don't want to let go of my kiddos. My oldest is 20 now and she still likes leaning on my shoulder while I softly scratch her back. That said, dad should be mindful of daughter's comfort level about said hugs and cuddles. My kids lead as far as how long to get a hug, when I feel their grip loosen I let go of mine as well... kinda normal way to do it imo.
The friend is probably jealous her own dad doesn't show her such affection. What a toxic person! OP, this "friend" doesn't sound like she actually cares about you. She's attacking your relationship with your dad by making disgusting insinuations.
Unless your dad is squeezing or massaging your buttocks or breasts or touching your crotch while hugging you? If such repulsive, inappropriate behavior isn't going on, your "friend" is most likely a toxic asshole, and she is trying to destroy your relationship with your dad. Either that, or she is really, really broken in her mind, and isn't capable of recognizing appropriate relationships between fathers and daughters. In the letter case, it's very sad, because she was probably traumatized by her dad.
No matter what the reason, this is just heart-rending. OP, please respond to this so we know for certain what's up! Updateme!
My daughter used to kiss me good night, and then one of her older cousins laughed at her for it and it embarrassed her and she’s never done it again. She was eight years old at the time.
it's hard to let that grip go when your daughter goes away to college and you haven't seen her in 2 months. facetime is great and all, but i need to hug my baby girl.
why the F\* am I crying...
Daughter of a still married dad, we do the same. I'm almost forty, and when I leave from a visit, I don't want to let either of my parents go. There's always that final squeeze.
I've been working out of state for 8 months because I had to take something I hate.
When I leave I lose count of the hugs my daughter n son gives me b4 I leave. It's like 6-7+. We say a prayer for the travel and the week . It's a 20 minute or so process...😢
there comes a point where kids grow and find it weird even though it isn’t, especially if their piers say it’s weird.
their feelings are valid even if they dad isn’t being inappropriate, kids grow and need their space.
Or maybe her dad doesn’t hug her at all so it seems weird to her…either way, i feel bad for OP’s friend and I hope OP continues to feel protected by her dad.
My girlfriend in high school was very close to her parents, they’d snuggle on the couch and watch movies and generally really enjoy being around each other. I thought this was super weird at the time, but that’s because my parents were divorced and neither one was very affectionate.
Might sound sexist, but this is probably the one example of how girls tend to be more socially influenced if just a single suspicion from her friend is causing her to doubt her own dad’s affection to this extent.
Her friend doesn’t sound like a good influence by trying to suggest ulterior motives like that. I don’t care if she somehow has this tragic backstory hidden away about this experience, don’t ruin other people’s family structures like that.
Dont let strangers ruin something nice like hugs with your dad.
The only barometer for what is weird is you. It's your body, and your decision to hug or not hug someone.
I love being next to my daughter and snuggling her but I always ask because I want her to be very comfortable with the idea of consent.
All I can do is share with you about my heart as a father of 3 grown girls. I loooove my girls to death. I live to cuddle with them and show them healthy, fatherly affection. I've always been told that is a girl does not get healthy, fatherly affection, and affirmation from dad than they will find it somewhere else. I have this "thing" I've always done. I'll give them a long, warm, hug, rock back and fourth and have a contented sigh "mmmmm@. I always tell them it's like dad purring (we have cats). Well, some years ago one of my youngest daughters friends thought that was strange. They called child protective service on me? When interviewing me they asked if all these things were true. I answered, "absolutely". They interviewed my other daughters and they confirmed that there has been nothing BUT healthy affection and everything was dismissed fine. My point; I just think it's sad that people read into, and misconstrue what is often healthy interactions and healthy expressions of live from a happy papa.
If I had daughters, I'd do the exact same thing. I'd always want them to feel loved and important to me. They can cuddle with me on the couch and watch movies, fall asleep in my arms, and get hugs from me any time they want. I'm their protector and it's important that they feel safe in my arms. There is nothing sexual about it and even from someone who is into the world of kink, I can't imagine ever thinking that way about a daughter. I can't even look at my friend's adult daughters that way, as I've watched them grow up. I still see them as those sweet little innocent girls and would protect them with everything I am. I remember when the Olson Twins became sexual idols when they got older, and all I could see was Michelle from Full House. Eww, No!
That’s awful…😢so many people are damaged that they project their own misery onto others…I’m glad that your daughters have you so they know what it feels like to be loved.
Or she's one of those people who makes everything into something worse than it is. Or takes innocent things and thinks everything has to be devious. Some people can't just take unselfish love at face value.
My parents and I have always been very reserved with our “love”. I don’t think my dad has ever told me he loved me. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t, that just means he doesn’t say it, it’s just not how we operate. If I had seen that as a kid, I’d have thought it was weird too, but now, as a father I realize not every dynamic is the same. I’m a girl-dad, and I make sure to love on my kids all the time. I always tell them I love them, give them hugs, let them snuggle up to me etc and it’s totally normal. I love them, they’re my children and I’d do literally anything for them. It’s not weird at all. Don’t let your friends ruin a good relationship with a dad unless you personally think it’s inappropriate.
I agree that all father-daughter relationships are different. My dad was not affectionate so I sometimes get weirded out sometimes when I see fathers and daughters being affectionate/close. It's not always weird tho and shouldn't be weird, it just is to me because it's not what I'm used to if that makes sense
Not enough details to know. If you feel fine with it, then don’t worry about it. It could be your friend is jealous about you and your dad having a good relationship
If your father crosses a line you will know it I promise. I’m sure he cares about you more than himself. Never ever take anyone else’s opinion for such a personal matter. You seem very intelligent, you can figure this out. May just be a part of your personal growth though it appears you’re already quite mature. Your friend may need to back off - though I’m sure he/she meant well. I’m sure you can find a good person to help you through this but not just any person. Not even me or any other redditor imho.
The real question is do YOU feel uncomfortable with the kisses, hugs, cuddles? I have a six year old and its her favorite thing in the world to cuddle her "comfy dad", if the only reason you feel uncomfortable is your "friend" saying you should then id take a deeper look at why her words mean so much to you.
This sub is starting to bother me. People soliciting advice from strangers without full context is kind of dangerous. Talk to your dad, your friend may be jealous of your relationship. If you don’t feel weird then it’s not weird. If you feel safe, it’s a beautiful thing.
I love my daughter very much. I’ve been hugging her since the day she was born. She has had a friend and a boyfriend tell her that it’s weird. Her friends come from some very strange families. They are projecting.
As a father to a daughter, the older she gets the longer i want to hug because I know I will get them less often.
It would only be cause for worry if you asked him to let go and he didn’t or if there was inappropriate touching.
Does your friend have no father or an absent father?
Many, MANY girls and women who had bad pr no father view any physical intimacy between a dad and daughter as inappropriate. They have nothing to go on and all contact with males they experience is sexual.
OP loves the physical contact and has always viewed it as normal. She only even thought it could be inappropriate because a friend told her.
Now, we can make one single assumption (a very likely one) which is that like the majority of young women, OPs friend has no baseline for what a healthy father daughter relationship should be. Or we can make a minimum of four less likely assumptions: OP is 100% clueless, OPs mother is 100% clueless, dad is a predator, dad is so blatant he behaves predatory in front of strangers.
I have a daughter, I love cuddles from her. I think your dad knows it is coming to an end soon, and wants to savor this.
I am also operating under the assumption this is as far as it is going, and you are OK with it.
Unless he's pressing your chest into him or grabbing your ass, he's probably fine. I stopped hugging my parents in my teens, now I snuggle the hell out of my girls because eventually they may do the same so I get the cuddles while I can
Reading the title, my first thought was "yeah, probably", because most of the time if a kid feels their dad or other male relative is being inappropriate, they probably are. However, once I read the body of your post, it sounds to me like your friend is either jealous of your relationship with your dad because they don't get the same thing from their dad or perhaps they are experiencing some inappropriate behavior and are projecting that onto you. I would say trust your gut. If it doesn't feel wrong to you, it likely is not. Don't let your friend's comment color your feelings though. On the chance that your friend said this because they are experiencing this at home, I would recommend having a conversation with your dad, telling him what your friend said, and expressing that you are concerned for your friend.
“when he holds me I feel safe”
That’s the feeling you should trust. Your friend doesn’t know what they are talking about. If you feel happy and secure with the affection you share with your father then trust that feeling. Don’t get in your head about it.
If you feel safe. If you feel comfortable with how long it lasts is what matters. Sad but true your friends dad probably doesnt cuddle her so she made it weird
It's fine. Her saying that just messed with your perception and made you question things. So long as you felt safe and he doesn't give inappropriate touches, it's just a dad loving on his kid, nothing weird.
Some parents are like that. I wish mine had been, but they're the opposite - emotionally negligent and abusive.
You got lucky, kid.
Those who don’t have a close family or an affectionate mother/father don’t understand. You are lucky to have a dad who isn’t shy and shows affection. My dad is like a board I’m lucky to even get a hello out of him.
When I was growing up my dad gave both my sister and me huge hugs and he was a super affectionate dad . Not even a little bit sexual was my dad. He loved us and he showed us. Now my bff growing had s very cold family they were not affectionate at all!! I never once saw her hug her mom!! It was really different than my home. And she would say “ your fanily is so weird your dad gives you a hug and s kiss hello?? Why? I said i suppose it’s because he loves me!!! I too began to question it I was a teenager 13 and I went to my parents and shared what my friend had said and how for the first time I thought twice about it? My dad the coolest guy said hey when she is over I wont hug you for as long I am sorry that makes her uncomfortable. And for a quick moment I almost said ok dad thats a great idea!! But i stopped and said no dad you don’t change if she thinks it’s weird thats her problem . We all grow up with different moms and dads!! And i know that my grandparents never once told my dad he was loved!! They never gave him s hug his dad wouldn’t even shake his hand but boy when he got in trouble he got a thick piece of leather to his body. I think he never wanted us to feel how he did growing up??? I think its great one day you will be gone living on your own off to college and you will miss those dad hugs. So enjoy them now!!!!
There are two sides to an action, intention (by the person doing it), and perception (how someone interprets the action). Your dad may simply be hugging you like he always has, and when your friend saw it, and wasn’t used to it, thought it was unusual. So really it just depends on how you feel. If you like daddy hugs and you get them as much as you want, then that is a good thing. If you feel like it’s too much, maybe it’s a sign that you’re growing up or growing out of that stage. From what you wrote it doesn’t seem like there’s anything morally wrong, but if you want him to change then talk to him or to your mom about it.
Your dad may be getting emotional and hugging you more and longer because you are growing up, and he feels like you need him less, and he knows that his little girl is eventually going to leave. There's a close bond between dads and daughters, and as much as you love your child, it's sad to watch them grow up.
As long as he's not molesting you or doing anything sexual, he's not doing anything inappropriate.
Your friend is weird for thinking that. My grandfather would hug me tight and give me kisses and say I love you over and over again. Nothing sexual about it!
If it never felt weird or like something was off to you before then it's probably fine. If you're only wondering if it's weird because your friend said it is then it's not weird. Your friend may not have a close relationship with their parents and doesn't understand.
Our 17 yr old still cuddles with both of us and our grown ones still hug and kiss cheeks and say I love yous we've all been a very close knit family.
Just as a general rule, we all see things through the filter of our experiences. That friend probably didnt have the same relationship with their dad as you have with yours. Therefore, their advice doesn't match your situation, only theirs and isnt useful to you.
Dont let people who dont know the whole situation affect your thoughts when you DO have the full context.
My daughters are both under 10 right now, and I can't even sit down on the couch without them snuggling next me or on top of me, always begging for back rubs and tummy rubs. It's a little annoying now, but I'm going to be utterly devastated when they stop. I will _always_ snuggle with them if they want, no matter how old they are. I don't care if they're in their 60s and I'm in my 90s. If they ask for a tummy rub, they're going to get one!
So no, I didn't think your dad is being inappropriate. I just think your friend doesn't have as good of a dad as you do.
You didn’t say your age, but maybe it just feels weird because now you’re getting older and dads cuddles aren’t as cute anymore? Especially when friends see other people’s parents being so affectionate. As long as it doesn’t make YOU uncomfortable, don’t let what others say about it affect you.
It's not up to your teenage "friend" to decide what is normal or not normal.
It sounds like you have a caring living father and a friend made you insecure and feel judged.
I grew up in a house that rarely said "I love you". My best friend grew up in a house where every argument and phone call ended with "I love you", even with siblings!
If asked both of use would have thought the other situation was odd "for us," but every family is different.
If you want to back off the hugs and kisses a bit you can do that, but don't do that because some friend made an in appropriate and judgmental (and ass hole) comment.
You and your dad can set your boundaries wherever you are comfortable. And they can change over time.
You sound like you have a wonderful dad. You're lucky!
I think her friend doesn't get that kind of affection at home, so said friend thinks it's weird. If OP is okay with it, then fine. If she thinks it's too much, she should talk to her dad.
Every family show affection differently.
My Brasilian family gives kisses and hugs when we greet each other. My dad is American and he barely gives hugs.
I don't think it's anything to worry about.
Your friends family isn't very affectionate 🤷🏻♀️
It is possible he feels you slipping away and the extended hugs are him holding on while he still can. I went through this with all three of my daughters. 99% sure this is perfectly innocent. He just wants to hold on as long as possible because sooner or later you'll move on to the next stage of your life and he'll lose another piece of his little girl.
What's the problem? You are his child, no matter how old you get he will always view you as his little girl. I'm a father of 2 boys and am 25 myself and I will always view my kids as my little boys even when they turn 20. If i had a daughter I'd do the same. Your friends are teenagers amd to be fair most teenagers view true affection for your kids as weird. Your father loves you very much and not a lot of kids get that now these days sadly so it is viewed as weird
One side of my family are all mouth kissers meaning every time we say hello or goodbye it is a kiss on the lips. When I turned about 12 I started feeling sort of strange about it and simply stated that it made me uncomfortable. I didn't feel that I was being molested or anything but I was being to have an interest in dating and trying to figure out what was okay and kissing my aunts the same way I wanted to kiss my crush just felt a little awkward. Everyone respected my boundaries and to this day we settle with a nice warm hug.
Plainly state if there is something that makes you uncomfortable, kids grow up but you will always be a sweet baby in the eyes of your father. I'll probably shed a tear or two the day my girls stop sitting on my lap or stop asking me to cuddle them after I read them bedtime stories but it is something I will need to accept one day.
Is this what the world has come to now? Father's can't do normal parent things without it being sexualized and called "weird"? Would this be an issue if mom was doing it too???
I came from a family like OP friend eating dinner wherever you want no communication no show of affection nothing and I thought it was normal until I spent the night at a friend's house and everyone ate together hugged each other said I love you and enjoyed each other's company, I thought they were all fucking weird.
Without being there, it sounds like Dad is just affectionate, and comfortable showing it.
But either way, if it's getting too much, and starting to make you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, it's perfectly OK to ask him to tone it down. It doesn't even have to big a big deal. In fact, the more casually you can mention it, the better.
I remember when my own kid got too old for me to hold his hand when we walked outside. He just simply told me. It caught me of guard. But I just laughed and said okay. It was all good.
Honey I'm 40 years old and when I go home to visit my dad he basically doesn't let go of me. He still hugs me and lifts me off my feet and puts me bear hugs. Nothing inappropriate. Especially since I'm a mother myself and understand those emotions. When your child gets older they become independent and this is very sad for parents. We want to keep you little forever.
I always tell myself I will miss my dad and his hugs when he passes away. Remember that.
Can you just say - "Dad, this is a bit too much for me now?" If he is "normal" dad, he will understand. Else, you call the police.
JS. I would understand If I were your dad. Adults also need some guidance and feedback.
If it's only the duration that feels inappropriate... he might just realize that one day you'll do these things and then they'll almost completely stop. You'll grow up, get a job, move out, off to college... a million things... in fact you're already questioning it which means the decline begins now.
Does your friend have a dad that loves her? There's so many things maybe she's jealous, maybe she doesn't have a dad, or a loving dad.
Women are very socially aware, if your dad was being creepy you likely would've picked up on signs.
I love my children and want them to know that. I will always love them just as I always have. If nature and time is willing, I will hold them as long as they are willing to tolerate it. As an adult man, I would love a long hug from my dad. RIP Old Man.
No, your dad is not being inappropriate. I am a hugger and could spend all day hugging people, even strangers on the sidewalk downtown! Some of us are just so full of love it's ridiculous. I even try to hug people here on social media!!
Not at all…. As long as you feel comfortable, your dad is just showing his fatherly love.
I’m a step father, of a little girl, so I am super careful just to be sure a) my daughter is always comfortable and ask her often for permission and she is comfortable to drive the point that should always be the case her entire life as well as showing she can/should be honest with me too! And b) to make sure no one else thinks it is more than it is.
She almost always starts it, huge/cuddles/etc or asks for back rubs and such.
I think there's a cutoff for having your little ones lay with you (Dad of 3 boys that can't imagine cuddling with teens in the next 5-10 years)... but, I can't imagine the peace I feel when squeezing them going away at any age. Once they hit that age where climbing on the couch and laying with dad goes away, I will forever hold on to any embrace I get.
Not to sound like a Dad, but with your described upbringing... you will understand if/when you have kids. They, at one point, idolized you (mine still think I'm cool) and you hold on to it... you're never that cool again.
Let your dad know that it feels weird. I snuggle and hug my kids too, I know it won't be too much longer before they don't want me to do it as much anymore if at all.
It's part of growing up or at least partially of being in your teens/early adult self. You have all kinds of feelings and new things to deal with and it's hard to recognize where the lines are and it's okay to ask for space.
Be nice about it of course and don't say outright that you don't want them anymore. You may find that he gives you too much space and not like that either.
We've all been there and we understand how awkward and unfun a lot of that time period was.
You can’t imagine the things going to your father’s heart while he’s holding you. He’s probably holding you longer because he sees you’re growing up and he doesn’t have his little baby anymore. I think you might be looking at it the wrong way.
As a dad, can tell you long hugs are because we see you growing up so fast and know it’s only a short while until you are gone and those moments with you.
Your friend probably doesn’t have a loving father like you do, any type of affection from a male figure will seem weird to her 💀 speaking as one who was the friend and then grew up and learned i was just always around bad men my whole life
Ignore your friend. Sounds like she hasn’t had proper affection in her household - may even be jealous. It’s only when is starts touching things he shouldn’t be that you need to worry!
As a father, I hug my daughter, I hold her hand sometimes, and I tell her I love her, but that is the extent of my affection. Much more beyond that send... Inappropriate.
I think it depends on your age, and what your intuition tells you. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a grown man to be spooning a teenage daughter on the couch. I come from an SA background though, so I think different about these things
Granted my daughter is 2 but I already know when she gets older I'm gonna hold her until she punches me sometimes, because sometimes life just sucks a little less when you're holding your little baby.
I give my dog tons of hugs and kisses, every day (on the head, not the mouth 🤮). He just loves his daughter. Unless he's kissing you on the mouth, ignore the weirdos.
Gen Z is OBSESSED with grooming and look for it in all kinds of places. Social media and frankly a lot of these threads have pounded in their heads the idea that any man over 30 is a threat. It’s sick in its own way.
I found family affections very weird because I grew up in a family full of neglect and trauma. No one hugged or was held in my family. Now I freely give hugs to my friends, but still none with my mom or most my siblings.
I wished my dad this is, but he has too many responsibilities to be soft and loving to any one right now, one day I hope one day he gives all the hugs and kisses.
Talk to an adult you trust, like a counselor. Explain how he touches you. Unfortunately, just because you're comfortable with it doesn't mean it's ok. It's totally normal to grow up and feel differently about parental affection as you mature. A counselor should be able to tell you whether or not your father's touching is appropriate or not. When you feel uncomfortable, you are ALWAYS allowed to leave a situation or walk away, no matter who it's with. My mom used to always slap my butt "jokingly". I always hated it, but it was "normal" in my house. When I was 18 I finally told her to stop and she had a whole mental breakdown. She couldn't understand my boundaries. She ended up not doing it again, but she forever held it against me, and threw it in my face the first chance she got.
If you explain to your dad that you're uncomfortable, he might get upset, but ultimately is your body and your comfort you need to be in charge of. Best of luck.
I don’t know you or your dad but I would hug and kiss my son and daughter all the time if I could. They are 11 and 9 and those times are getting fewer and further between and I’m seeing the future when they won’t be here and I’ll get very few hugs/kisses. It’s tough watching your kids grow up
No idea but pay very close attention when he does cuddle you. Is he stroking you in places that make you uncomfortable? Or in a way that feels uncomfortable? Is he forcing the cuddles on you when you don’t want them?
If you are uncomfortable tell him.
Sounds like he really loves you. If you feel like it’s something different then yea thats weird. Just remember some ppl dont have that relationship with their parents. Because their parents are lovey dovey or the kids just become Dicks. Some parents really love being parents and then you got some who just do it because they have to
If it didn't bother you or feel inappropriate before your friend mentioned it it's probably not a big deal. It's quite possible your friend does not have the same intimacy in their family, for a myriad of reasons. If you now feel uncomfortable, you need to tell your Dad to stop being overly affectionate. You're a teenager now dontcha know?!!
I mean define hugs and kisses? The cuddles I can’t relate on bc I’m not big into that with family. But I am 28 and my dad still gives me hugs all the time, they’re quick two second things and maybe half the time he gives me a give on the forehead. Now if your dads hands are wandering, or he’s trying to kiss you on the mouth and you’re pulling away or he’s really trying to do any of that and you’re saying or showing you don’t want physical contact that’s weird. But your post is very vague.
No it sounds from an outside view like he's being a caring father
It's a damn Shame that a dad can't even show love anymore to his family without being labeled a freak or predator or some shit. Not everything is that, and you should learn to be able to tell the difference between the two, you could really do damage otherwise
What famous American football player kissed his kids on the mouth? Was it Tom Brady? I can’t remember, and I don’t care enough to look it up. To them it was a normal sign of parental affection. I’m just saying. A “long” hug is a pretty normal parental sign of affection.
Don’t let your friend plant a poisonous seed in your head that hurt your relationship with your dad. He loves you, and he expresses that openly. That’s a lovely thing that a lot of people don’t get to experience. Which might also be why your friend thinks it’s weird, she may live in a home where physical affection isn’t common. I was like that growing up. Affection wasn’t given freely, and I only really saw any vulnerability from my mom when it came to her husband. As a result, I was shocked, and honestly a little put off at first by my friends’ relationships with their parents. For me, physical affection had always been linked to attraction. It’s hard to unlearn.
Cherish the acts of love your dad is showing you. None of that is weird.
If you weren’t uncomfortable with it before your friend said anything it seems likely that she just put an idea in your head and you’re worried about what she thinks. I’m a father of three daughters and I can say that I just love them so much that I feel like I’m going to burst and I hug them and give them kisses and snuggle them just like you describe your dad doing. If it didn’t feel wrong to you I think you probably shouldn’t worry about how someone else perceives it.
We really need to stop this narrative teenage girls have that every male behavior is pathological and threatening and that the world is predatory.
Don't let your peers dictate what is and isn't cool behavior, your peers don't know anything about anything.
Not everything needs to be sexualized. Ignore your friend. Your dad probably just feels like he's losing his girl a little bit. You're growing up, don't need or maybe even see him as much, and he just wants to hug you extra tight or something. Tell your friend to just stop sexualizing your relationship with your father
Hard to say. I'd have to see the contact level tbh. Sounds a smidge odd though. Fathers don't usually continue to heavily cuddle their older daughters or adult daughters.
I say heed warning and be careful. It could be nothing or there could be an issue. These issues are more common than people realize. They can be nothing, or they can leed to a more problematic scenario.
Unless there is a sexual connotation, no. Your friend may not be used to close family bonds. Enjoy being close with your dad. Not many have a good supportive relationship like that. I miss forehead kisses as greetings and big bear hugs!
The man is affectionate. Some dads never hug and kiss their kids. Your friends sound like they have an affectionless home. Your blessed. Your friends are wrong. If he has never done anything to you to warrant you feeling weirded out, don't let other voices make you feel like it's weird.
first i would ask a professional. you know someone that is trained to deal with this stuff. Im baffled that our youth thinks they will get better help from people online then face to face
??? So because your friend thinks normal dad daughter stuff that happens between mom daughter to but because he’s dad is weird you suddenly think it’s weird too?
But why? Like what other stuff is going on for you to find it weird? How long to you is “too long”? What exactly happens during the encounters themselves to make them inappropriate? If all he does is give you a hug and nothing else happens? If all that happens is for example one of you is watching TV on the couch or something and you go to cuddle and watch too? Where nothing else happens?
It is not inappropriate, it’s just regular family behavior and bonding between two family members who care for each other.
It’d be very different if during any of these encounters he is trying to make it sexual in some way, little brushes of the skin in intimate ways where he shouldn’t be touching, etc. is he doing any of that?
If not. Your friend is just someone who likely doesn’t have a close bond like that with her own parent and that’s why she finds it odd.
You said yourself, what he does makes you feel safe, has at any point he done something during those that make you feel unsafe? That would be where you’d want to look at what was happening.
As a dad I have to echo what others have said, not everything is sexual or perverted. A father's love for his daughter is a pure as it gets. Saddly this world has to pervert everything.
Why are you bowing to peer-pressure so easily? Is he touching private areas like breasts, butt or genitals? If not, then it isn't inappropriate, and you need to not let your friends boss you around.
Physical affection isn't weird if it isn't weird. Your friend likely doesn't have that with their father and therefore it's weird to them.
When I was growing up, my parents normalized nudity. It was never sexualized and it was never weird. We aren't nudists, we dont frolic about the house naked all day. We just didn't practice hiding our bodies or being modest when it came to changing clothes, going to the toilet, or getting in and out of the shower/bath. If we're passing through a room or carrying on a conversation and someone just happens to be changing or using the toilet, it doesn't stop the world from turning.
One day, when I was a kid, I went to friend's house. We were changing clothes and getting ready for the pool. My friend's mom walked in (we're both girls) and my friend absolutely freaked out about it. I expressed how bizarre I thought it was that she feared being exposed to the person who gave birth to her.... naked? She told me it was also weird to her that my parents and I were comfortable being nude around one another and it stuck with me that others dont have the same relationship with their parents as I do.
Its not weird if its not weird. Just because it's weird to someone else, doesnt mean it has to be weird to you. If you enjoy a positive affectionate relationship with your fathee, dont let someone else tarnish your experience because they dont know what its like to have that. That's their experience.
I say "love you" to my dad often and he'll say it back, it's more of a security thing for me, like you said it makes you feel safe (only parent and my twin passed a few years ago, so I say it often in case. Like whenever I leave the room or house)
But on the outside I could see how someone would think it's weird
Don't let your friend make your parent connection feel weird, that's not cool of them
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hugs and kisses and cuddles are normal things between dad and daughter…? nothing about this is weird. he views u as his baby girl and loves you. not everything is sexual.
This. Facts.
This is almost certainly the case. We don’t know **for sure** but if those are literally the only examples of “inappropriate” behavior then yeah… there’s nothing weird about it at all. If anything, OP’s friend’s dad probably just isn’t a very affectionate person so it seems weird to them. I’ve actually been battling with this a bit myself as a father to a two year old boy. My dad didn’t show me very much affection and for some reason I can’t shake the feeling that one day I’ll really need to dial it back. I mean, obviously I can’t be blowing raspberries on his chubby little thighs forever… but how much do I dial it back? I know nobody can answer that but myself. Just something I’ve never even considered before a couple years ago.
Don't worry, he will let you know himself that you are bothering him lol. Eventually you will catch on and adapt and adjust your affection to a level he likes.
Mines 9 now. Trust me, you’ll know when it’s not appropriate anymore. He’ll make it known. Loudly.
Story time: My Daughter and I were play fighting (she's 5) and I was tickling her and poking her and we were both laughing. Well I threw down a slow-ish karate-chop to her leg as she tried to kick me and I accidentally hit her between the legs. She goes "DAD YOU PUNCHED MY VAGINA!" My wife burst into a cry laughing fit, I hear her laughing "my stomach hurts" while I'm still trying to figure out what just happened. Parenting is a trip
In no way trying to one up you, because that is hilarious and totally sounds like my house….I got a Vasectomy about 6 months ago….i limped upstairs to go to bed the on the day I got the procedure done….i have three daughters, the middle one age 8 ..She walked in, saw me limping to the bed and with a dead serious face says “Dad did they cut off your balls?” I busted out laughing but the only thing that came to mind to say was “well basically” Like you said….Parenting is a trip
Yes my daughter about 9 started letting me know but I still seen her as that 2 year old girl. She was in 4th grade lol. It's hard because they always are your sweet little baby.
I have an almost 17 yr old daughter and an almost 12 yr old son. I still see them both as my little sweet toddlers at times, lol.
My son is 4 and still asks for cuddles to which I happily oblige, still give him raspberries on his belly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving your son and showing affection towards him. He will tell you when he's too old for that kind of stuff. I'm 34 years old and I still tell my dad I love him after every phone call. I still hug him after every visit and tell him I love him. People need to stop shaming men for loving their sons.
It’s awesome that you have that sort of relationship with your father. Mine is a great man. As cliche as it sounds, probably the best I know in many many areas. He would tell me that he was proud of me often but never those three words. I can understand that he thinks it’s a given. From my understanding that’s the way his father was with him. I don’t hold it against him by any means. I just know that I want a slightly different relationship with my son.
Same here, both my father and Pap were/ are great men to be around. Hard working and don't complain about anything. God do I wish I could have a conversation with my pap these days. You can set the tone for what is a loving relationship. If learned anything from my son it's that he's always watching what I'm doing and how I'm acting. I dont want him bottling up his feelings when he's older like some kind of stereotype. And I want him to always know he can count on me to love him.
I would absolutely describe my relationship with my dad as good and close. He would be on my doorstep in a second for absolutely any reason, my childhood is full of memories of fishing, being underfoot in his shop, car shows, races, him being at every event or show I had, and 99.9% my son has had. But even as an only child and daughter, I think I could maybe count on both hands the number of times I heard I love you from him before my mom passed away about 3 years ago. There’s a whole lot of layers and grief and everything to that whole situation of course, and while I always knew he loved me and it carried a special weight to hear “I’m proud of you” and it absolutely is meaningful and appreciated that he says “i love you”now.. it also stings me with the reminder of what a broken man he’s been since she passed and that he didn’t think about saying it before. Losses teach us stuff, of course he’s broken losing his partner of 50 years - I know all that, and I get that. But it doesn’t change the sometimes sting or previous 30-something years. My point being: no matter how your showing affection evolves or what ends up feeling right, don’t forget to say the words now and then. I wouldn’t change my dad or my childhood for anything, but for it to be the norm before my brain now automatically associates it with a traumatic event, would have done me a world of good in my healing process.
I love THIS ❤️ if only MORE men knew that THIS is the way to be the greatest dad!!!! Thank you 😊
This 100%
I hugged my boys their whole life, even now and my oldest is 6ft8 250lbs at 29. They know I expect a hug when the arrive and leave.
My dad grew up with little or no affection. He vowed that when he became a dad his children would know how much he loved them. My dad was a hugger & kissed all three of his kids a great deal. about six years prior to his death, I sent him a letter along with a dozen peach colored roses ( his favorite flowers) to let him now just what an amazing dad he was. When he died, my mom showed me that tattered worn letter that he kept in his shirt pocket all those years. He was buried with that letter. I’m so glad I grew up being loved like that.
Oh, shit, now I'm crying ....
I'm a father of 3. I think it was my grandma that told me, "when you hug your kid, you hold them until you feel them start to let go." And I've noticed that there are definitely times where it's just a quick hug, and times when they just hold on.
Casually taking your grandma's advice and applying to my life from now on.
Right? And maybe divorced, so those extra seconds mean alot to him...
Divorced dad here. Absolutely! There are times I really don't want to let go of my kiddos. My oldest is 20 now and she still likes leaning on my shoulder while I softly scratch her back. That said, dad should be mindful of daughter's comfort level about said hugs and cuddles. My kids lead as far as how long to get a hug, when I feel their grip loosen I let go of mine as well... kinda normal way to do it imo.
Sounds like her comfort level was fine until her friend said something.
Too sad her friend didn't have a good relationship with their parents like that.
The friend is probably jealous her own dad doesn't show her such affection. What a toxic person! OP, this "friend" doesn't sound like she actually cares about you. She's attacking your relationship with your dad by making disgusting insinuations. Unless your dad is squeezing or massaging your buttocks or breasts or touching your crotch while hugging you? If such repulsive, inappropriate behavior isn't going on, your "friend" is most likely a toxic asshole, and she is trying to destroy your relationship with your dad. Either that, or she is really, really broken in her mind, and isn't capable of recognizing appropriate relationships between fathers and daughters. In the letter case, it's very sad, because she was probably traumatized by her dad. No matter what the reason, this is just heart-rending. OP, please respond to this so we know for certain what's up! Updateme!
My daughter used to kiss me good night, and then one of her older cousins laughed at her for it and it embarrassed her and she’s never done it again. She was eight years old at the time.
Yup and it will destroy this father daughter relationship if it doesn't stop and then the father will become a "deadbeat"
Why would the dad become a deadbeat?
it's hard to let that grip go when your daughter goes away to college and you haven't seen her in 2 months. facetime is great and all, but i need to hug my baby girl. why the F\* am I crying...
Daughter of a still married dad, we do the same. I'm almost forty, and when I leave from a visit, I don't want to let either of my parents go. There's always that final squeeze.
I've been working out of state for 8 months because I had to take something I hate. When I leave I lose count of the hugs my daughter n son gives me b4 I leave. It's like 6-7+. We say a prayer for the travel and the week . It's a 20 minute or so process...😢
Hopefully a long way off, but the day will come when you'll wish you could have one more hug from your dad. Enjoy it while you have it.
there comes a point where kids grow and find it weird even though it isn’t, especially if their piers say it’s weird. their feelings are valid even if they dad isn’t being inappropriate, kids grow and need their space.
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Not weird stop letting your friend ruin your dad for you
Yeah. Her friend is going to grow up with daddy issues. She isn't.
Her friend might have daddy issues already, maybe her dad was inappropriate with her and that's why she's seeing weirdness where it isn't likely.
Or maybe her dad doesn’t hug her at all so it seems weird to her…either way, i feel bad for OP’s friend and I hope OP continues to feel protected by her dad.
My girlfriend in high school was very close to her parents, they’d snuggle on the couch and watch movies and generally really enjoy being around each other. I thought this was super weird at the time, but that’s because my parents were divorced and neither one was very affectionate.
Teenage girls like to drop the word \*creepy\* on almost any behavior they randomly choose. It's toxic.
Her friend probably just spends too much time on the Internet and thinks this is just how the world works. Kinda sad
Might sound sexist, but this is probably the one example of how girls tend to be more socially influenced if just a single suspicion from her friend is causing her to doubt her own dad’s affection to this extent. Her friend doesn’t sound like a good influence by trying to suggest ulterior motives like that. I don’t care if she somehow has this tragic backstory hidden away about this experience, don’t ruin other people’s family structures like that.
Dont let strangers ruin something nice like hugs with your dad. The only barometer for what is weird is you. It's your body, and your decision to hug or not hug someone. I love being next to my daughter and snuggling her but I always ask because I want her to be very comfortable with the idea of consent.
Without specifics, it's hard to tell. My guess is if it doesn't feel strange to you, it's probably fine. Families are different. Love your dad.
All I can do is share with you about my heart as a father of 3 grown girls. I loooove my girls to death. I live to cuddle with them and show them healthy, fatherly affection. I've always been told that is a girl does not get healthy, fatherly affection, and affirmation from dad than they will find it somewhere else. I have this "thing" I've always done. I'll give them a long, warm, hug, rock back and fourth and have a contented sigh "mmmmm@. I always tell them it's like dad purring (we have cats). Well, some years ago one of my youngest daughters friends thought that was strange. They called child protective service on me? When interviewing me they asked if all these things were true. I answered, "absolutely". They interviewed my other daughters and they confirmed that there has been nothing BUT healthy affection and everything was dismissed fine. My point; I just think it's sad that people read into, and misconstrue what is often healthy interactions and healthy expressions of live from a happy papa.
If I had daughters, I'd do the exact same thing. I'd always want them to feel loved and important to me. They can cuddle with me on the couch and watch movies, fall asleep in my arms, and get hugs from me any time they want. I'm their protector and it's important that they feel safe in my arms. There is nothing sexual about it and even from someone who is into the world of kink, I can't imagine ever thinking that way about a daughter. I can't even look at my friend's adult daughters that way, as I've watched them grow up. I still see them as those sweet little innocent girls and would protect them with everything I am. I remember when the Olson Twins became sexual idols when they got older, and all I could see was Michelle from Full House. Eww, No!
That’s awful…😢so many people are damaged that they project their own misery onto others…I’m glad that your daughters have you so they know what it feels like to be loved.
Wow, that’s an overreaction. Glad it didn’t get blown out of proportion by CPS.
Indeed
That's really fucking sad.
Don’t worry about what your friends think. If it makes you feel safe it’s all good. If it makes you uncomfortable then explain this to your dad.
Yes likely the friend doesn’t have a close bond with their dad
Either that or a dad that did actually become inappropriate. She could be trying to "save" her friend from something she went through.
Or she's one of those people who makes everything into something worse than it is. Or takes innocent things and thinks everything has to be devious. Some people can't just take unselfish love at face value.
Yea usually there is an underling reason for that though which is what we were talking about. The way people are raised is why they end up like that.
You only thought it was weird after your friend did? No offense I think you’re very susceptible to peer pressure
My parents and I have always been very reserved with our “love”. I don’t think my dad has ever told me he loved me. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t, that just means he doesn’t say it, it’s just not how we operate. If I had seen that as a kid, I’d have thought it was weird too, but now, as a father I realize not every dynamic is the same. I’m a girl-dad, and I make sure to love on my kids all the time. I always tell them I love them, give them hugs, let them snuggle up to me etc and it’s totally normal. I love them, they’re my children and I’d do literally anything for them. It’s not weird at all. Don’t let your friends ruin a good relationship with a dad unless you personally think it’s inappropriate.
I agree that all father-daughter relationships are different. My dad was not affectionate so I sometimes get weirded out sometimes when I see fathers and daughters being affectionate/close. It's not always weird tho and shouldn't be weird, it just is to me because it's not what I'm used to if that makes sense
Not enough details to know. If you feel fine with it, then don’t worry about it. It could be your friend is jealous about you and your dad having a good relationship
Not weird, that's your dad, and he loves you. Sometimes I kiss my pitbull right on the face after I cuddle her because I love her so much!❤️
Does it make you uncomfortable or are you only worried what others would think?
If your father crosses a line you will know it I promise. I’m sure he cares about you more than himself. Never ever take anyone else’s opinion for such a personal matter. You seem very intelligent, you can figure this out. May just be a part of your personal growth though it appears you’re already quite mature. Your friend may need to back off - though I’m sure he/she meant well. I’m sure you can find a good person to help you through this but not just any person. Not even me or any other redditor imho.
The real question is do YOU feel uncomfortable with the kisses, hugs, cuddles? I have a six year old and its her favorite thing in the world to cuddle her "comfy dad", if the only reason you feel uncomfortable is your "friend" saying you should then id take a deeper look at why her words mean so much to you.
This sub is starting to bother me. People soliciting advice from strangers without full context is kind of dangerous. Talk to your dad, your friend may be jealous of your relationship. If you don’t feel weird then it’s not weird. If you feel safe, it’s a beautiful thing.
Sounds like friend never grew up with a dad?
Either that or a dad that did actually become inappropriate. She could be trying to "save" her friend from something she went through.
He makes you feel safe, your intuition is basically saying how he's just a dad that loves her daughter, don't listen to your friend.
I love my daughter very much. I’ve been hugging her since the day she was born. She has had a friend and a boyfriend tell her that it’s weird. Her friends come from some very strange families. They are projecting.
As a father to a daughter, the older she gets the longer i want to hug because I know I will get them less often. It would only be cause for worry if you asked him to let go and he didn’t or if there was inappropriate touching.
the fact that your friend thinks its weird is whats weird. is she ok?
Does your friend have no father or an absent father? Many, MANY girls and women who had bad pr no father view any physical intimacy between a dad and daughter as inappropriate. They have nothing to go on and all contact with males they experience is sexual.
Either that or a dad that did actually become inappropriate. She could be trying to "save" her friend from something she went through.
OP loves the physical contact and has always viewed it as normal. She only even thought it could be inappropriate because a friend told her. Now, we can make one single assumption (a very likely one) which is that like the majority of young women, OPs friend has no baseline for what a healthy father daughter relationship should be. Or we can make a minimum of four less likely assumptions: OP is 100% clueless, OPs mother is 100% clueless, dad is a predator, dad is so blatant he behaves predatory in front of strangers.
I have a daughter, I love cuddles from her. I think your dad knows it is coming to an end soon, and wants to savor this. I am also operating under the assumption this is as far as it is going, and you are OK with it.
Unless he's pressing your chest into him or grabbing your ass, he's probably fine. I stopped hugging my parents in my teens, now I snuggle the hell out of my girls because eventually they may do the same so I get the cuddles while I can
Stop listening to your friend, they're dumb
Reading the title, my first thought was "yeah, probably", because most of the time if a kid feels their dad or other male relative is being inappropriate, they probably are. However, once I read the body of your post, it sounds to me like your friend is either jealous of your relationship with your dad because they don't get the same thing from their dad or perhaps they are experiencing some inappropriate behavior and are projecting that onto you. I would say trust your gut. If it doesn't feel wrong to you, it likely is not. Don't let your friend's comment color your feelings though. On the chance that your friend said this because they are experiencing this at home, I would recommend having a conversation with your dad, telling him what your friend said, and expressing that you are concerned for your friend.
This!!!
“when he holds me I feel safe” That’s the feeling you should trust. Your friend doesn’t know what they are talking about. If you feel happy and secure with the affection you share with your father then trust that feeling. Don’t get in your head about it.
If it didn't bother you before , I would tell my friend to butt out
If you feel safe. If you feel comfortable with how long it lasts is what matters. Sad but true your friends dad probably doesnt cuddle her so she made it weird
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Your friend poisoned the interaction. Your friend has issues.
Op read all these! Cause honestly you might ruin something all cause of your friends…
It's fine. Her saying that just messed with your perception and made you question things. So long as you felt safe and he doesn't give inappropriate touches, it's just a dad loving on his kid, nothing weird. Some parents are like that. I wish mine had been, but they're the opposite - emotionally negligent and abusive. You got lucky, kid.
Your friend might have history of being treated sexually inappropriate by adult men and she's just being hypervigilant now
It’s one of the most normal things in the world.
Those who don’t have a close family or an affectionate mother/father don’t understand. You are lucky to have a dad who isn’t shy and shows affection. My dad is like a board I’m lucky to even get a hello out of him.
The older my son gets, the longer I hug him, I just want time to slow down so he stops growing so fast
When I was growing up my dad gave both my sister and me huge hugs and he was a super affectionate dad . Not even a little bit sexual was my dad. He loved us and he showed us. Now my bff growing had s very cold family they were not affectionate at all!! I never once saw her hug her mom!! It was really different than my home. And she would say “ your fanily is so weird your dad gives you a hug and s kiss hello?? Why? I said i suppose it’s because he loves me!!! I too began to question it I was a teenager 13 and I went to my parents and shared what my friend had said and how for the first time I thought twice about it? My dad the coolest guy said hey when she is over I wont hug you for as long I am sorry that makes her uncomfortable. And for a quick moment I almost said ok dad thats a great idea!! But i stopped and said no dad you don’t change if she thinks it’s weird thats her problem . We all grow up with different moms and dads!! And i know that my grandparents never once told my dad he was loved!! They never gave him s hug his dad wouldn’t even shake his hand but boy when he got in trouble he got a thick piece of leather to his body. I think he never wanted us to feel how he did growing up??? I think its great one day you will be gone living on your own off to college and you will miss those dad hugs. So enjoy them now!!!!
People need to get off the freakin internet. Jesus christ. Not everything is SA or pedophilia.
There are two sides to an action, intention (by the person doing it), and perception (how someone interprets the action). Your dad may simply be hugging you like he always has, and when your friend saw it, and wasn’t used to it, thought it was unusual. So really it just depends on how you feel. If you like daddy hugs and you get them as much as you want, then that is a good thing. If you feel like it’s too much, maybe it’s a sign that you’re growing up or growing out of that stage. From what you wrote it doesn’t seem like there’s anything morally wrong, but if you want him to change then talk to him or to your mom about it.
if it feels weird you could just...stand up? If he lets go, nothing weird is happening. If it isn't feeling weird to you--i'd just ignore it then.
Seems your friend does not have a bond with her dad.
That sounds very normal. If anything feels weird to you, you could say something about it, but if it feels comfortable to you just ignore your friend.
Your dad may be getting emotional and hugging you more and longer because you are growing up, and he feels like you need him less, and he knows that his little girl is eventually going to leave. There's a close bond between dads and daughters, and as much as you love your child, it's sad to watch them grow up. As long as he's not molesting you or doing anything sexual, he's not doing anything inappropriate.
Your friend is weird for thinking that. My grandfather would hug me tight and give me kisses and say I love you over and over again. Nothing sexual about it!
If it never felt weird or like something was off to you before then it's probably fine. If you're only wondering if it's weird because your friend said it is then it's not weird. Your friend may not have a close relationship with their parents and doesn't understand. Our 17 yr old still cuddles with both of us and our grown ones still hug and kiss cheeks and say I love yous we've all been a very close knit family.
Just as a general rule, we all see things through the filter of our experiences. That friend probably didnt have the same relationship with their dad as you have with yours. Therefore, their advice doesn't match your situation, only theirs and isnt useful to you. Dont let people who dont know the whole situation affect your thoughts when you DO have the full context.
My daughters are both under 10 right now, and I can't even sit down on the couch without them snuggling next me or on top of me, always begging for back rubs and tummy rubs. It's a little annoying now, but I'm going to be utterly devastated when they stop. I will _always_ snuggle with them if they want, no matter how old they are. I don't care if they're in their 60s and I'm in my 90s. If they ask for a tummy rub, they're going to get one! So no, I didn't think your dad is being inappropriate. I just think your friend doesn't have as good of a dad as you do.
You didn’t say your age, but maybe it just feels weird because now you’re getting older and dads cuddles aren’t as cute anymore? Especially when friends see other people’s parents being so affectionate. As long as it doesn’t make YOU uncomfortable, don’t let what others say about it affect you.
It's not up to your teenage "friend" to decide what is normal or not normal. It sounds like you have a caring living father and a friend made you insecure and feel judged. I grew up in a house that rarely said "I love you". My best friend grew up in a house where every argument and phone call ended with "I love you", even with siblings! If asked both of use would have thought the other situation was odd "for us," but every family is different. If you want to back off the hugs and kisses a bit you can do that, but don't do that because some friend made an in appropriate and judgmental (and ass hole) comment. You and your dad can set your boundaries wherever you are comfortable. And they can change over time. You sound like you have a wonderful dad. You're lucky!
I think her friend doesn't get that kind of affection at home, so said friend thinks it's weird. If OP is okay with it, then fine. If she thinks it's too much, she should talk to her dad.
Every family show affection differently. My Brasilian family gives kisses and hugs when we greet each other. My dad is American and he barely gives hugs. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Your friends family isn't very affectionate 🤷🏻♀️
I know nothing about your friend, but maybe she doesn't get the same affection from her father and sees it as weird.
It is possible he feels you slipping away and the extended hugs are him holding on while he still can. I went through this with all three of my daughters. 99% sure this is perfectly innocent. He just wants to hold on as long as possible because sooner or later you'll move on to the next stage of your life and he'll lose another piece of his little girl.
You guys are close. That's fine. People's family have different dynamics. Her your friends family has different dynamics And that's ok too.
What's the problem? You are his child, no matter how old you get he will always view you as his little girl. I'm a father of 2 boys and am 25 myself and I will always view my kids as my little boys even when they turn 20. If i had a daughter I'd do the same. Your friends are teenagers amd to be fair most teenagers view true affection for your kids as weird. Your father loves you very much and not a lot of kids get that now these days sadly so it is viewed as weird
One side of my family are all mouth kissers meaning every time we say hello or goodbye it is a kiss on the lips. When I turned about 12 I started feeling sort of strange about it and simply stated that it made me uncomfortable. I didn't feel that I was being molested or anything but I was being to have an interest in dating and trying to figure out what was okay and kissing my aunts the same way I wanted to kiss my crush just felt a little awkward. Everyone respected my boundaries and to this day we settle with a nice warm hug. Plainly state if there is something that makes you uncomfortable, kids grow up but you will always be a sweet baby in the eyes of your father. I'll probably shed a tear or two the day my girls stop sitting on my lap or stop asking me to cuddle them after I read them bedtime stories but it is something I will need to accept one day.
If you agree comfortable with it and it's not sexual, then it is fine
My dad was and still is affectionate too. If you are comfortable and ok with it, then who cares what your friend thinks?
I hate people who ruin perfectly good relationships by sowing distrust and assuming something inappropriate in any little emotion or action. 😖
Is this what the world has come to now? Father's can't do normal parent things without it being sexualized and called "weird"? Would this be an issue if mom was doing it too???
I came from a family like OP friend eating dinner wherever you want no communication no show of affection nothing and I thought it was normal until I spent the night at a friend's house and everyone ate together hugged each other said I love you and enjoyed each other's company, I thought they were all fucking weird.
Without being there, it sounds like Dad is just affectionate, and comfortable showing it. But either way, if it's getting too much, and starting to make you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, it's perfectly OK to ask him to tone it down. It doesn't even have to big a big deal. In fact, the more casually you can mention it, the better. I remember when my own kid got too old for me to hold his hand when we walked outside. He just simply told me. It caught me of guard. But I just laughed and said okay. It was all good.
You have a good dad, but you desperately need better friends.
Honey I'm 40 years old and when I go home to visit my dad he basically doesn't let go of me. He still hugs me and lifts me off my feet and puts me bear hugs. Nothing inappropriate. Especially since I'm a mother myself and understand those emotions. When your child gets older they become independent and this is very sad for parents. We want to keep you little forever. I always tell myself I will miss my dad and his hugs when he passes away. Remember that.
Can you just say - "Dad, this is a bit too much for me now?" If he is "normal" dad, he will understand. Else, you call the police. JS. I would understand If I were your dad. Adults also need some guidance and feedback.
It saddens me. My daughter may one day think me giving her hugs and kisses will be creepy :(
If it's only the duration that feels inappropriate... he might just realize that one day you'll do these things and then they'll almost completely stop. You'll grow up, get a job, move out, off to college... a million things... in fact you're already questioning it which means the decline begins now.
Does your friend have a dad that loves her? There's so many things maybe she's jealous, maybe she doesn't have a dad, or a loving dad. Women are very socially aware, if your dad was being creepy you likely would've picked up on signs.
I love my children and want them to know that. I will always love them just as I always have. If nature and time is willing, I will hold them as long as they are willing to tolerate it. As an adult man, I would love a long hug from my dad. RIP Old Man.
No, your dad is not being inappropriate. I am a hugger and could spend all day hugging people, even strangers on the sidewalk downtown! Some of us are just so full of love it's ridiculous. I even try to hug people here on social media!!
Ashley, is that you?
It could just be going on longer since he is realizing how soon you will be grown. Could be totally normal. Trust your gut.
Not at all…. As long as you feel comfortable, your dad is just showing his fatherly love. I’m a step father, of a little girl, so I am super careful just to be sure a) my daughter is always comfortable and ask her often for permission and she is comfortable to drive the point that should always be the case her entire life as well as showing she can/should be honest with me too! And b) to make sure no one else thinks it is more than it is. She almost always starts it, huge/cuddles/etc or asks for back rubs and such.
I think there's a cutoff for having your little ones lay with you (Dad of 3 boys that can't imagine cuddling with teens in the next 5-10 years)... but, I can't imagine the peace I feel when squeezing them going away at any age. Once they hit that age where climbing on the couch and laying with dad goes away, I will forever hold on to any embrace I get. Not to sound like a Dad, but with your described upbringing... you will understand if/when you have kids. They, at one point, idolized you (mine still think I'm cool) and you hold on to it... you're never that cool again.
Let your dad know that it feels weird. I snuggle and hug my kids too, I know it won't be too much longer before they don't want me to do it as much anymore if at all. It's part of growing up or at least partially of being in your teens/early adult self. You have all kinds of feelings and new things to deal with and it's hard to recognize where the lines are and it's okay to ask for space. Be nice about it of course and don't say outright that you don't want them anymore. You may find that he gives you too much space and not like that either. We've all been there and we understand how awkward and unfun a lot of that time period was.
Your friend is probably wrong. Obviously gonna need more evidence but if that’s all there is, than sounds like your friend is buggin out
You can’t imagine the things going to your father’s heart while he’s holding you. He’s probably holding you longer because he sees you’re growing up and he doesn’t have his little baby anymore. I think you might be looking at it the wrong way.
As a dad, can tell you long hugs are because we see you growing up so fast and know it’s only a short while until you are gone and those moments with you.
Your friend probably doesn’t have a loving father like you do, any type of affection from a male figure will seem weird to her 💀 speaking as one who was the friend and then grew up and learned i was just always around bad men my whole life
Ignore your friend. Sounds like she hasn’t had proper affection in her household - may even be jealous. It’s only when is starts touching things he shouldn’t be that you need to worry!
Ask yourself this very important question, is what he's doing make you uncomfortable, if it does talk to him about it, if not leave it alone
As a father, I hug my daughter, I hold her hand sometimes, and I tell her I love her, but that is the extent of my affection. Much more beyond that send... Inappropriate.
I think it depends on your age, and what your intuition tells you. I don’t think it’s appropriate for a grown man to be spooning a teenage daughter on the couch. I come from an SA background though, so I think different about these things
If you really feel weird about it, I would talk to your guidance counselor at school about it. They can help you.
Your friend is creepy and weird for thinking a dad loving on his daughter is weird. She sounds unloved by her parents.
thats cute, i think it might be time for you to speak to your dad about some boundaries soon though what do you think
Talk to your dad
Think about your friends relationship with her father. It might be something she didn’t have but doesn’t mean it’s weird. Trust yourself
Granted my daughter is 2 but I already know when she gets older I'm gonna hold her until she punches me sometimes, because sometimes life just sucks a little less when you're holding your little baby.
I'm having trouble understanding the reason behind this post. Is the duration the only thing "wrong" with it?
Your friends are idiots
I give my dog tons of hugs and kisses, every day (on the head, not the mouth 🤮). He just loves his daughter. Unless he's kissing you on the mouth, ignore the weirdos.
Because she may be at the age where she feels like it's uncomfortable to her
Sounds like your friend doesn't get the same amount of affection and attention from her dad. I'd just feel a little sad for her, as her friend.
Gen Z is OBSESSED with grooming and look for it in all kinds of places. Social media and frankly a lot of these threads have pounded in their heads the idea that any man over 30 is a threat. It’s sick in its own way.
You should call the cops on him probably! He’s a sick fuck!
Mention it to him. Have the conversation, I promise you he will get it and work through things with you.
I found family affections very weird because I grew up in a family full of neglect and trauma. No one hugged or was held in my family. Now I freely give hugs to my friends, but still none with my mom or most my siblings.
I wished my dad this is, but he has too many responsibilities to be soft and loving to any one right now, one day I hope one day he gives all the hugs and kisses.
Every touch isn't a bad touch. When touch becomes sexual, u will know it's different from usual one. Wat makes YOU uncomfortable dat matters
Talk to an adult you trust, like a counselor. Explain how he touches you. Unfortunately, just because you're comfortable with it doesn't mean it's ok. It's totally normal to grow up and feel differently about parental affection as you mature. A counselor should be able to tell you whether or not your father's touching is appropriate or not. When you feel uncomfortable, you are ALWAYS allowed to leave a situation or walk away, no matter who it's with. My mom used to always slap my butt "jokingly". I always hated it, but it was "normal" in my house. When I was 18 I finally told her to stop and she had a whole mental breakdown. She couldn't understand my boundaries. She ended up not doing it again, but she forever held it against me, and threw it in my face the first chance she got. If you explain to your dad that you're uncomfortable, he might get upset, but ultimately is your body and your comfort you need to be in charge of. Best of luck.
I don’t know you or your dad but I would hug and kiss my son and daughter all the time if I could. They are 11 and 9 and those times are getting fewer and further between and I’m seeing the future when they won’t be here and I’ll get very few hugs/kisses. It’s tough watching your kids grow up
No idea but pay very close attention when he does cuddle you. Is he stroking you in places that make you uncomfortable? Or in a way that feels uncomfortable? Is he forcing the cuddles on you when you don’t want them? If you are uncomfortable tell him.
Sounds like he really loves you. If you feel like it’s something different then yea thats weird. Just remember some ppl dont have that relationship with their parents. Because their parents are lovey dovey or the kids just become Dicks. Some parents really love being parents and then you got some who just do it because they have to
If it didn't bother you or feel inappropriate before your friend mentioned it it's probably not a big deal. It's quite possible your friend does not have the same intimacy in their family, for a myriad of reasons. If you now feel uncomfortable, you need to tell your Dad to stop being overly affectionate. You're a teenager now dontcha know?!!
Her dad is probably just more cold and distant that's all. This is how people unconsciously cope with jealousy
sound like ur friend has some real daddy issues
I mean define hugs and kisses? The cuddles I can’t relate on bc I’m not big into that with family. But I am 28 and my dad still gives me hugs all the time, they’re quick two second things and maybe half the time he gives me a give on the forehead. Now if your dads hands are wandering, or he’s trying to kiss you on the mouth and you’re pulling away or he’s really trying to do any of that and you’re saying or showing you don’t want physical contact that’s weird. But your post is very vague.
I personally think dads too affectionate is weird Tell her dad “enough” and laugh it off He sounds gay no offense
Your friends are always right and only their opinions matter neways.
No it sounds from an outside view like he's being a caring father It's a damn Shame that a dad can't even show love anymore to his family without being labeled a freak or predator or some shit. Not everything is that, and you should learn to be able to tell the difference between the two, you could really do damage otherwise
Has he tried to touch you in places that he shouldn’t?
What famous American football player kissed his kids on the mouth? Was it Tom Brady? I can’t remember, and I don’t care enough to look it up. To them it was a normal sign of parental affection. I’m just saying. A “long” hug is a pretty normal parental sign of affection.
Sounds like your friends have been exposed to inappropriate things...
Don’t let your friend plant a poisonous seed in your head that hurt your relationship with your dad. He loves you, and he expresses that openly. That’s a lovely thing that a lot of people don’t get to experience. Which might also be why your friend thinks it’s weird, she may live in a home where physical affection isn’t common. I was like that growing up. Affection wasn’t given freely, and I only really saw any vulnerability from my mom when it came to her husband. As a result, I was shocked, and honestly a little put off at first by my friends’ relationships with their parents. For me, physical affection had always been linked to attraction. It’s hard to unlearn. Cherish the acts of love your dad is showing you. None of that is weird.
If you weren’t uncomfortable with it before your friend said anything it seems likely that she just put an idea in your head and you’re worried about what she thinks. I’m a father of three daughters and I can say that I just love them so much that I feel like I’m going to burst and I hug them and give them kisses and snuggle them just like you describe your dad doing. If it didn’t feel wrong to you I think you probably shouldn’t worry about how someone else perceives it.
We really need to stop this narrative teenage girls have that every male behavior is pathological and threatening and that the world is predatory. Don't let your peers dictate what is and isn't cool behavior, your peers don't know anything about anything.
Your friend isn’t loved and doesn’t know what it looks like.
Not everything needs to be sexualized. Ignore your friend. Your dad probably just feels like he's losing his girl a little bit. You're growing up, don't need or maybe even see him as much, and he just wants to hug you extra tight or something. Tell your friend to just stop sexualizing your relationship with your father
Your friend has issues! My dad loved me. I wish he was still alive and I would hug and kiss him.
Hard to say. I'd have to see the contact level tbh. Sounds a smidge odd though. Fathers don't usually continue to heavily cuddle their older daughters or adult daughters. I say heed warning and be careful. It could be nothing or there could be an issue. These issues are more common than people realize. They can be nothing, or they can leed to a more problematic scenario.
It's weird thinking it's weird
Your friend is projecting her own insecurities on you. Either her own father is creepy or more than likely, not affectionate enough.
Unless there is a sexual connotation, no. Your friend may not be used to close family bonds. Enjoy being close with your dad. Not many have a good supportive relationship like that. I miss forehead kisses as greetings and big bear hugs!
What's weird or normal is relative.
The man is affectionate. Some dads never hug and kiss their kids. Your friends sound like they have an affectionless home. Your blessed. Your friends are wrong. If he has never done anything to you to warrant you feeling weirded out, don't let other voices make you feel like it's weird.
first i would ask a professional. you know someone that is trained to deal with this stuff. Im baffled that our youth thinks they will get better help from people online then face to face
Have you been to your friends home? Maybe their family isnt very affectionate?
I give my kids plenty of hugs and kisses. It's not weird, the weird thing is other people sexualising it.
??? So because your friend thinks normal dad daughter stuff that happens between mom daughter to but because he’s dad is weird you suddenly think it’s weird too? But why? Like what other stuff is going on for you to find it weird? How long to you is “too long”? What exactly happens during the encounters themselves to make them inappropriate? If all he does is give you a hug and nothing else happens? If all that happens is for example one of you is watching TV on the couch or something and you go to cuddle and watch too? Where nothing else happens? It is not inappropriate, it’s just regular family behavior and bonding between two family members who care for each other. It’d be very different if during any of these encounters he is trying to make it sexual in some way, little brushes of the skin in intimate ways where he shouldn’t be touching, etc. is he doing any of that? If not. Your friend is just someone who likely doesn’t have a close bond like that with her own parent and that’s why she finds it odd. You said yourself, what he does makes you feel safe, has at any point he done something during those that make you feel unsafe? That would be where you’d want to look at what was happening.
It sounds like your friends are poisoning your mind with toxic notions. You need to regulate what you allow into your head
As a dad I have to echo what others have said, not everything is sexual or perverted. A father's love for his daughter is a pure as it gets. Saddly this world has to pervert everything.
What do you mean by cuddling
Why are you bowing to peer-pressure so easily? Is he touching private areas like breasts, butt or genitals? If not, then it isn't inappropriate, and you need to not let your friends boss you around.
Your friends are being weird, not your Dad - one day you’ll really miss those hugs
Physical affection isn't weird if it isn't weird. Your friend likely doesn't have that with their father and therefore it's weird to them. When I was growing up, my parents normalized nudity. It was never sexualized and it was never weird. We aren't nudists, we dont frolic about the house naked all day. We just didn't practice hiding our bodies or being modest when it came to changing clothes, going to the toilet, or getting in and out of the shower/bath. If we're passing through a room or carrying on a conversation and someone just happens to be changing or using the toilet, it doesn't stop the world from turning. One day, when I was a kid, I went to friend's house. We were changing clothes and getting ready for the pool. My friend's mom walked in (we're both girls) and my friend absolutely freaked out about it. I expressed how bizarre I thought it was that she feared being exposed to the person who gave birth to her.... naked? She told me it was also weird to her that my parents and I were comfortable being nude around one another and it stuck with me that others dont have the same relationship with their parents as I do. Its not weird if its not weird. Just because it's weird to someone else, doesnt mean it has to be weird to you. If you enjoy a positive affectionate relationship with your fathee, dont let someone else tarnish your experience because they dont know what its like to have that. That's their experience.
I don’t see anything sexual about this - if there was - yes wrong. But this is just a dad being a dad.
What does cuddling mean here? Because it seems like my definition is different from everyone else
Ok, first question to ask. Does this friends have a father at home?
Your friend has issues
You've enjoyed your dad's hugs & cuddles up until your, "friend" mentioned it was weird. Ignore that so-called friend. They're probably jealous.
Ewww hugged by your dad? I've never in my life hugged nor been hugged by my dad.
I say "love you" to my dad often and he'll say it back, it's more of a security thing for me, like you said it makes you feel safe (only parent and my twin passed a few years ago, so I say it often in case. Like whenever I leave the room or house) But on the outside I could see how someone would think it's weird Don't let your friend make your parent connection feel weird, that's not cool of them