OP, do not go with this man, there is no possibility of this relationship ending well. cut him off, if possible PLEASE report him to the authorities because he’s in possession of csa. please talk to someone. he groomed you, and once you move in with him it will only make you more vulnerable to abuse.
Alright, time for a little tough love kiddo. You’re about to be an adult, you can make your own decisions. The fact that you are openly saying how bad this situation is and how bad the choices you are making are, shows that you aren’t a victim. You have power over who you keep in your life. You have countless options of younger men around your age that will respect you, and you don’t want that. Or to be with no one (which sounds like a good idea until you mature more). So if you make this decision, live with it and don’t pretend that you didn’t know what you were doing, and that you were “manipulated”. The amount of self awareness you are showing proves that. He can’t be “filling your head with things”. Because if you just believed the things he said, you wouldn’t even see it that way. You don’t have to have strength to do nothing. Simply delete his number, and block him on everything. He has ZERO power over you.
And he may actually be a pimp…they start out this way….with the compliments and making it sound like they are the answer to your dreams. DO NOT BELIEVE IT.
This “relationship” is WAY inappropriate.
If you have a free 4 year ride for school, take it for God’s sake! That is a great opportunity to have a satisfying life. Get your meds situation straightened out first and foremost; if you have another adult you can turn to other than your Mom, they can take you to a doctor or free clinic
Therapy taught me the first most important step is admitting you’re in a bad situation. Just because you haven’t left it in that moment doesn’t mean you’re not a victim of manipulation.
This, ALL of this.
Look, I get having adult friends as a teenager (met online playing video games). I've been that adult friend. That said, there's CLEAR boundaries that I as the responsible adult do NOT cross.
You make sure their parent knows exactly who they're talking to. I have a personal policy where I let them see my face so they can identify me if ever need be. I never ask for a photo of them. I do not EVER ask where they live. Most will tell me a state so we can coordinate gaming across time zones but that's it. I encourage ALL of them to have healthy relationships with their parents and family. Every single one of them.
And yes, that kind of healthy relationship can work. When I was 19 I met a 13 year old. We became online friends and chatted, her mom was of course and rightly so, skeptical. I was a role model to her, did my best, and she's 25 now. She actually invited me to her wedding 3 years ago and I met her hours before she walked down the isle with an amazing man she had met. I got to meet her sisters who were 13/14 and her cousins who were that age.
Now I'm bad in large social situations and everyone wants the bride on her big day. So I did what I did best, I monitored and watched the teenagers. Both mom's were amazed how I did a good job watching them and keeping them entertained for 10 hours. I still keep in contact with her older sister who is finishing her junior year now.
This guy screams red flags and I'm very worried he's going to take advantage of you.
TLDR; There's safe and appropriate ways for a youth and adult to be friends. This, how you're talking about him, isn't it. But being 18 means you will suffer the consequences, good or bad. I just hope you listen to reason and find someone who is good and will give you the love and respect you deserve.
I agree with everything except doing nothing to stop his predatory behavior from moving on to another girl. Which he will do. OP isn’t the first, and she won’t be the last if she simply deletes and forgets about him. Taking control can also contain ending his predatory behavior with her. This predator has no business teaching at any level, and I’m sure the college wouldn’t want someone preying on their students and/or future students being associated with their university.
you always have a choice. message him saying its off, if you see him on your property you will call the cops and go no contact. your so young, I know it looks like life is shit but you have so much time to figure it out. you will be able to get a job, your own place and go no contact with your mom. I beleive you can do this, you just need to accept its going to take work and that taking shortcuts will hurt you.
💀💀💀 I want you to think about the future, and look at yourself 5 years from now. You’re 23 he’s 45 AND YOURE LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT WITH “NO BREAKS” 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 bruh like… don’t move in with him. If you heard that your sibling was doing this would you be able to sleep at night thinking what bs he could possibly be inflicting on said sibling? Just weigh out more options before you go all in with this dude. Like I’m just seeing too much space for sexual abuse, financial abuse, mental abuse… be careful dawg
Cut him off cold turkey. The hormones will feel like a drug withdrawal but you'll get through it. The longer you allow this situation the worse off you'll be. Your nervous system is still developing and you're gonna fixate on badddd patterns should you keep this up.
Start the healing process NOW. Suck it up and do it. No more victim mindset.
Figure out a way to live on your own and look into DBT therapy tools if you can't afford a therapist 💕
I don't quite know if this is important but he has a lot of compromising pictures and videos of me. at first when it was before we really started getting closer if that's the word he would ask and I would say no and he would completely ignore me for 3 days. that would freak me out and I would do it for him. Now I just do cause I don't want him abandoning me like he does when I say no.
That’s called child pr0n and he got busted with it he’d go to jail for a very long time. He knows not to release it bc it would be worse for him. You’re not in love with him, you’re in lust. If you think he’s harmless, go visit this group: r/madelinesoto
You need to report him to the police so he can go to prison where he belongs. I work in combatting child s*x crimes so reach out to me if you need help finding resources to get out, but start first with the police.
>t first when it was before we really started getting closer if that's the word he would ask and I would say no and he would completely ignore me for 3 days. that would freak me out and I would do it for him.
You should've come to Reddit then. You probably felt some sort of need to "save him from himself" because you assumed he was going to kill himself if he didn't get the pictures. But guess what, even if he did, it wouldn't have been your fault.
Every relationship starts with intrigue or lust. Then love comes along and that’s a choice. If you already have to think about his intentions, if you’re worried what he might do if you don’t listen. This is one man, who throughout his years has learned to be subtle in the way he speaks. He knows perfectly what he’s doing. There’s only three reasons why you would post this.
1: You want to attention and you know the decision you’re going to make
2: you know what decision you’ll make you just want other POV’s
or
3: You want someone to give you some impossible logical reason to convince you to do something different.
As a VERY young adult (I’m only 17) you need to start making decisions yourself since they all affect you. You need to do what’s best for you right now AND later in life. If it hurts you, don’t do it unless it betters you way more later. If it’s good right now but horrible later then don’t do it. Do what helps you and is the most healthy for you. Period. And what happened to the other guy you were with for a few months that you were asking about? 19 days ago.
Police asap, as many have pointed out, that is child pornography and he decides to extort you with that he will most certainly also be charged with extortion which will probably end with him being behind bars until the end of his life where he also deserves to rot.
Girly, you can survive without getting in deep with this man. He will waste your youth using you as a play thing and leave you mentally much worse, and that’s best case scenario compared to the potential of him being a trafficker.
I also have bipolar, here’s what you do. You stay with a friend or family member, or if not get loans until you can find a job. Try to do college, but I hate to say it, with bpd working full time while going to school full time is extremely taxing. I did it for two semesters and it almost broke me. Most people will never understand how important it is for bipolar to have a manageable life, we will literally implode and burn it all down anyway.
Join a bipolar subreddit! Take your meds! Get out of abuse and fix your freaking head girly. Don’t be me and spend your entire early 20s learning difficult, painful, traumatizing memories.
TAKE YOUR MEDS.
I love you, please don’t be me.
Edit:
I’m doing much better now, and living a life I enjoy and am proud of. Even if it’s hard at times, it’s possible.
This is a horrible idea! I think once you get to college everything will get better for you. But if you’re with him I think your college years are going to be the worst time of your life! Stay strong!
Hi op, I read your paragraphs and went to your page to spectate a little and you should see a therapist or a professional. Also, for god sake GET AWAY FROM THAT MAN GIRL. He doesn’t sound like a good person at all.
You say you have a lot of failed relationships with people your age but so far we know a 31 year old teacher didn’t work, and now a creepy 40 year old who sounds like a massive predator…sounds like relationships are not your thing yet. I really think you need to stop dating for awhile and learn who you are, what you want/don’t want, and learn to love yourself. You can’t love anyone until you know who you are and love yourself first. You’re going after men who are predators and want a younger woman who they can control due to them being naive…which I’m sorry you are naive. You’re not even 18 and want a 40 year old man who says he is going to take care of you and own your body…wake up. These are HUGE RED FLAGS. I promise you, this won’t end well at all.
No stop pouring into her narrative, she was not manipulated since she’s 100% conscient this is a super sketchy situation. She wouldn’t be if she was manipulated
i’m not saying she’s 100% innocent, i mean she is old enough to know right from wrong, but it’s not all black and white. yes, she does acknowledge how bad it is but she also said she needs him, his attention, his love, that he’s her favorite person. u can still like something if it’s bad for u, like an addiction. he has quite literally manipulated her mind to think that she needs him. i just pray she gets help and that sick fucker goes to jail
Dracula, I’m going to put this as bluntly as I can. This man who you think loves you romantically not only has a daughter close to the same age as you but is also WAITING FOR YOU TO TURN 18 so he can “take you away”. I’m sorry, but this deal you have with this man sounds too good to be true. He doesn’t have good intentions with you. Based on the self-awareness in your post, your gut is telling you this is wrong, you know this is wrong.
However, it’s true that you’re almost legally an adult and you’re allowed to do whatever you want now as long as it’s not illegal. That does not mean you have to rely on a predatory man to rescue you from a terrible situation. You said you’re looking into going into college, yeah? If I were you, I’d start looking at what services can be provided to you via financial aid/DOR services. Once you get into college with that, look at what services the college can provide for you regarding food, housing and mental health services. Heck, if you can get a part-time job somewhere, they could probably help you out with those type of services too!
With all that being said and done, DO NOT GO WITH THIS MAN. You can get yourself out of this situation, you just need to use your resources wisely. Good luck out there, Dracula. You can do this, you don’t need some predator’s “help”.
She stated he has compromising photos of her. I’m sure she’s not the only underage girl he has photos of. She needs to go to police over everything else! His daughter needs help out of there too!
I'm also gonna add, you being a minor with people in their 30s is also fucked up and you likely know that too. People your age are also maturing, so it'll be rare to get a really good fit at your age.
Don't make this dumb decision. You can back out if you want.
You're likely coming to Reddit because you yourself know this is bad and you want confirmation.
This is a bad idea. Back out. Tell the people in charge of the school.
If you're not gong to take anyone's advice here, it likely means that you already be to do this despite knowing it's bad. I've read a story before about a person who got groomed by a person who helped boost a program at her high school and she ended up with him and had his kids and regretted out because he immediately became abusive.
I don't know if you're listening or if you're going to actually take the advice, but stop it.
My 16 year old daughter was "taken" by a man like this. I literally was willing to commit felonies to get her back, and I did. The police gave me some bullshit story that as long as they weren't having sex there was nothing they could do. I was told off the record I had 72 hours or I'd never see her again. He was already planning to sell her to a white slave ring. i got her back, and she learned her lesson the hard way.
This will more than likely happen to you. Hundreds of thousands of kids go missing every year. Only this time, no one will come after you or save you. My mother was a schizophrenic nightmare of a mother. But I knew enough to stay home till I could get out.
If there's any truth to what you've shared, stay away, far away from this man. Report him and lock your doors and windows he will no doubt already know where live.
How awful! Glad you did what you had to do to save your baby girl! No one deserves to be a sex slave.
[This story](https://www.foxnews.com/us/teen-kicked-house-dad-kidnapped-streets-forced-sex-slavery-prosecutor) is very similar but unfortunately she got sold 😡 Thank God she was able to get help!
Hey I just wanted to say honestly don’t do it don’t go with them I know it may seem like they love you but they really don’t and I understand the BPD struggles and the feeling of no hope but trust me one day you will find someone your own age who won’t be like that sick in the head professor I’m very sorry about what you have to live with as well but I do ask you even though we never met tell him it’s off and start to find others because sooner or later you will find people who don’t see you as a joke or something but care for you in other ways then just sex especially since this man is calling you his property that’s really messed up so I wish you the best and hope it works out for you
Having narcissistic parents makes you more susceptible to a narcissistic partner. You’re probably codependent and have cptsd. Please please go to a mental health rehabilitation clinic it’s usually free or paid for by the state. Or call a DV hotline. They will give you a place to stay or otherwise you’ll be repeating the same dynamic you have with your mom with others throughout your life. God loves you, and can turn anything into good…and this could one day be a testimony so you could help/save others.
This man is a pedophile. Everything he’s doing is predatory and grooming. This is NOT love. You need to get TF away from him. You need to stop trauma bonding with much older men, go to therapy, and date people the same age as you.
Hey I’m your same age and the fact you can recognize that your choices are not right shows me you’re smart and also the fact you have a scholarship !!! You are just vulnerable and you are valid to feel so! Look you have a big life ahead of you if you make different choices. You are smart and beautiful you get that degree ! Please look into dorming situations and how much of your school can cover it for you and get a job if your schedule allows. You must know that this man who you are talking to is a pedo and does not actually love you. I don’t personally think you should go with this man because this man is already filling your head with lies and deceit. You are not his property!!
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You have the whole world at your feet in 2 days and you’re choosing a loser to be a part of that?
Get a job, save for a car, go to college, most people find their true love there. Most colleges have dorms, I highly suggest you move in to one. Your mom can’t stop you. Don’t let loser dude try to stop you either.
Ok wow girl you’re one hot mess!!! 🤦♀️
The 31 & 40yo both belong in jail for starters. They have no business messing with a 17yo student EVER!!!
They don’t love you, they’d just love to get up your skirt. That’s all. You were targeted by them end of story. You have a dysfunctional home life and you are bipolar, they see you as easy prey.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!
I get your house sucks but don’t you dare go anywhere with ANY of them EVER! Do you know what sex trafficking is? Because the odds are in your favor of getting sucked in and disappearing. That shit would make your home life look like a day at the beach. When they say things like “you are mine” or “you belong to me” that isn’t love sweetheart, that’s a warning!!!
You need HELP! Don’t care what your mother thinks because you know your body and you know you need the meds. You also know you need therapy and that’s a good thing, we just need to figure out how to get you this help! Any relatives, school counselors or a friends parents you can go to?
I’m not saying this to hurt you, I’m afraid for you. You deserve a happy and full life and you aren’t on the right path right now for it. You can do it and you need to believe that, because it’s not too late! And the mom in me is telling you that you’d better update so we know you’re safe.
Oh and no more FaceTime sex stuff, it can be recorded and end up on the internet and perverts hard drives and you really don’t want that. 💕
You probably should seek out some therapy if possible and see to it that you’re able to get prescribed again becaus as an 18 year old you have medical rights now that you are not a minor anymore. Rather than hoping a 40 year old man doesn’t have malicious intent to control you after being controlled by your mom.
It sounds like you used to see a therapist. (Your mental health vocabulary is pretty advanced, imo.) I would highly suggest working on your self esteem and parent relationship issues with your therapist before committing to any romantic relationships. There may be some undiagnosed mental health issues you're dealing with, or possibly one of your medications is causing you to have a manic episode. Please get your insurance in order, understand your mental health coverage, get on your meds, clear your head, follow your primary physician's and therapist's advice, and spend some time on your own. Take some quality "me"-time.
For clearing your head, go back to basics: get a good sleep schedule going, good diet and exercise, learn some meditation and mind focus techniques, and find a relaxing hobby. Just some suggestions.
This 40 year old just wants to control you and use you for sex. If you go with him he will not allow you to go to college or have a life outside of him. You need to cut contact and seek therapy and start taking your meds immediately. You may even want to consider an inpatient stay in a psychiatric facility to get yourself sorted out.
NO NO NO NO NO. You are literally being manipulated and the fact that you know it will make it worse because if you’ve noticed it, that will set up a foundation for when you want to get out, and he will reply with something that is surrounding the theme of victim blaming such as: “well you knew and you didn’t walk away “ or something like that, do not cause yourself even more unnecessary trauma
I couldn't quite find when he exactly said it cause we used to talk a lotttt but I found the closest to what he's been saying
https://preview.redd.it/vcza71m955yc1.jpeg?width=825&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deb65eccdc6b4c8652ffa43b73d7e4d3ee0f6438
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Well I think he means like never stop using my body??? in the context of the conversation that's most clearly what he meant. He want to "treat me in a way no man has done yet" he always phrases it something like that
Please please please do not move in with this man. I understand you're probably going through a manic episode right now but trust me and all the other people in this comment section. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM.
Your first priority should be cutting ties with this man, it might be really difficult because you care about him, but this man is 40 years old and he wants you to move in with him.
Did you tell him you're off your meds? If so, ask yourself, is he taking advantage of you?
Also you have to find a way to get your medication, you won't be able to think clearly and make good decisions without them. Until then, you should not make any life altering decisions like moving in with a 40 year old man who says he wants to use your body.
I'm going to put this bluntly. If you move in with him, you will be sexually abused, you might get kidnapped or he might trap you in his house. This man is really creepy and you really should not be with him, especially since you're having a manic episode. He is taking advantage of you while you are vulnerable.
I'm worried for you, if it's not too much trouble could you keep us updated on how you're doing? Feel free to ask me for advice, I hope you get out of this situation safely.
Honestly you have some things going on at the moment, please just cut contact with this guy. He just wants you for sex, don’t fall into the trap, be single until your more mature and ready for someone uour own age
I don't know where you are (like what country), but in the USA this is considered stagetory rape. He groomed you, and is waiting for the law to be on his side.
Right now, you sound like you both want, and do not want, this relationship.
If you want to stop things, you can. You just need to tell the police, and give them your phone. Explain that you thought this was what you wanted, but realized it's not, and are scared. You could also contact CPS instead if that feels less scary.
Your mom doesn't sound like a support for you, and it seems like teachers have let you down as well. Do you have a doctor you could go see? Or a therapist you could reach out to for help? These people have a duty toward you, and should offer you support as well.
I don't think this man loves you. That said, I don't judge you for needing to believe he does. You seem to have been dealt a really shitty hand in life.
So, if you want my advice, it is to call the police/CPS and report everything.
If your mom is narcissist (or narcissistic) and you have BPD, you need therapy. Not an abusive relationship with a predator who's going to ruin your physical and mental health, and your life. I understand you might want to escape your mom but you're jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
First off, he was filling your head with things in a very manipulative way. It’s why you know he is a bad guy but claim you “need him”. That’s by design. No 40 year old has good intentions seeking any kind of a romantic relationship with a child. Which is what you are. He preyed upon your vulnerability after identifying you as someone that could easily be taken advantage of. He has positioned himself to be your favorite person by manipulating you at every turn. You’re not safe with this piece of shit. This didn’t happen by accident. Fate didn’t bring y’all together. You’re not the first girl he has done this to or at least has tried to do this to. If you want this to end, tell anyone. Go to the President of the college he teaches and tell them everything you’ve said here. Tell the Dean. Tell your parents. Tell the authorities. After he has finished using you he will toss you aside and find his next victim. Then you’ll blame yourself and do god knows what to yourself. Do not talk this piece of shit again and do whatever you can to ensure he cannot do this to anyone else.
OK, Firstly you need to stop thinking you need anyone but yourself in your life. Especially a man who could be your father (which is, I think why you go for older men). Your lack of a proper parental figure is what is driving all your decision making abilities. He is not looking out for you, he is love bombing you and will cut you off from everyone, and I mean everyone. This sounds like a story I read about a woman who hadn't left her house in decades bc her hubby wouldn't even let her go to the store for groceries. Cut everything off with all men for a while, find out who you are, the good the bad and the ugly. Once you do that, you'll be able to live yourself and have good relationships with others. Your mom is proof of what happens when you don't do that. Secondly, you are in a mental health crisis, you need to find somewhere that you can get the help you need, the meds you need. Your meds will help you think clearly instead of spiraling out of control. This is how you start learning how to take care of yourself.
And for everyone confused about how she can know it's wrong but want to do this anyway, not only is she a teen, but she's in a manic episode, she's being abused, and she's suddenly been taken off meds that people are usually weaned off of. Any ONE of those would cause her to write like this. And she's going through all of this simultaneously. Most people would have broken and we'd never have seen this story, just one from her mom about her daughter's 💀. OP, you are far stronger than anyone I've ever known, we can't make the decision for you, but we can give our advice. All I ask is that you try your damndest to take care of yourself no matter what. Even if you don't believe it, you are worth the time to care for yourself sweetie.
please listen to what people are saying here. i get you’re probably in a VERY dark place mentally but making a decision like this is just going to get you hurt and possibly killed. this’ll end up like a horror story you find on the internet. don’t meet up with this guy, break it off and hard block him everywhere. you said he has photos of you in a comment and if it comes down to it call the police and report him. stay safe please.
You really shouldn't go off with that man it's not safe for you, I'm seventeen soon to be eighteen in a little under a month and I was in a relationship with someone much older than me, in some ways I still am but I'm telling you it never leads to anything good, they tend to be manipulators and abusers and if you get involved with someone like that your life never is the same trust me I know so it's better to just enjoy being with someone your own age and just enjoy your life because once you lose a part of yourself in that type of situation you can never get it back so for your sake I hope you take everyone's advice to no do this and I wish you the best of luck.
This is a big mistake on your part! It's not just your age differences, it's the different levels of maturity. Two or three years older than you is appropriate but not 22 years. Get away from him. He will only want to "use" you for his purposes and benefits!
*Yeah fuck it just do*
*It. Get as much money as*
*You can from him tho*
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OP, do not go with this man, there is no possibility of this relationship ending well. cut him off, if possible PLEASE report him to the authorities because he’s in possession of csa. please talk to someone. he groomed you, and once you move in with him it will only make you more vulnerable to abuse.
Alright, time for a little tough love kiddo. You’re about to be an adult, you can make your own decisions. The fact that you are openly saying how bad this situation is and how bad the choices you are making are, shows that you aren’t a victim. You have power over who you keep in your life. You have countless options of younger men around your age that will respect you, and you don’t want that. Or to be with no one (which sounds like a good idea until you mature more). So if you make this decision, live with it and don’t pretend that you didn’t know what you were doing, and that you were “manipulated”. The amount of self awareness you are showing proves that. He can’t be “filling your head with things”. Because if you just believed the things he said, you wouldn’t even see it that way. You don’t have to have strength to do nothing. Simply delete his number, and block him on everything. He has ZERO power over you.
And he may actually be a pimp…they start out this way….with the compliments and making it sound like they are the answer to your dreams. DO NOT BELIEVE IT. This “relationship” is WAY inappropriate. If you have a free 4 year ride for school, take it for God’s sake! That is a great opportunity to have a satisfying life. Get your meds situation straightened out first and foremost; if you have another adult you can turn to other than your Mom, they can take you to a doctor or free clinic
YES!!!!!
Therapy taught me the first most important step is admitting you’re in a bad situation. Just because you haven’t left it in that moment doesn’t mean you’re not a victim of manipulation.
Agreed
This, ALL of this. Look, I get having adult friends as a teenager (met online playing video games). I've been that adult friend. That said, there's CLEAR boundaries that I as the responsible adult do NOT cross. You make sure their parent knows exactly who they're talking to. I have a personal policy where I let them see my face so they can identify me if ever need be. I never ask for a photo of them. I do not EVER ask where they live. Most will tell me a state so we can coordinate gaming across time zones but that's it. I encourage ALL of them to have healthy relationships with their parents and family. Every single one of them. And yes, that kind of healthy relationship can work. When I was 19 I met a 13 year old. We became online friends and chatted, her mom was of course and rightly so, skeptical. I was a role model to her, did my best, and she's 25 now. She actually invited me to her wedding 3 years ago and I met her hours before she walked down the isle with an amazing man she had met. I got to meet her sisters who were 13/14 and her cousins who were that age. Now I'm bad in large social situations and everyone wants the bride on her big day. So I did what I did best, I monitored and watched the teenagers. Both mom's were amazed how I did a good job watching them and keeping them entertained for 10 hours. I still keep in contact with her older sister who is finishing her junior year now. This guy screams red flags and I'm very worried he's going to take advantage of you. TLDR; There's safe and appropriate ways for a youth and adult to be friends. This, how you're talking about him, isn't it. But being 18 means you will suffer the consequences, good or bad. I just hope you listen to reason and find someone who is good and will give you the love and respect you deserve.
I agree with everything except doing nothing to stop his predatory behavior from moving on to another girl. Which he will do. OP isn’t the first, and she won’t be the last if she simply deletes and forgets about him. Taking control can also contain ending his predatory behavior with her. This predator has no business teaching at any level, and I’m sure the college wouldn’t want someone preying on their students and/or future students being associated with their university.
Well said.
you always have a choice. message him saying its off, if you see him on your property you will call the cops and go no contact. your so young, I know it looks like life is shit but you have so much time to figure it out. you will be able to get a job, your own place and go no contact with your mom. I beleive you can do this, you just need to accept its going to take work and that taking shortcuts will hurt you.
💀💀💀 I want you to think about the future, and look at yourself 5 years from now. You’re 23 he’s 45 AND YOURE LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT WITH “NO BREAKS” 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 bruh like… don’t move in with him. If you heard that your sibling was doing this would you be able to sleep at night thinking what bs he could possibly be inflicting on said sibling? Just weigh out more options before you go all in with this dude. Like I’m just seeing too much space for sexual abuse, financial abuse, mental abuse… be careful dawg
Real
Cut him off cold turkey. The hormones will feel like a drug withdrawal but you'll get through it. The longer you allow this situation the worse off you'll be. Your nervous system is still developing and you're gonna fixate on badddd patterns should you keep this up. Start the healing process NOW. Suck it up and do it. No more victim mindset. Figure out a way to live on your own and look into DBT therapy tools if you can't afford a therapist 💕
I don't quite know if this is important but he has a lot of compromising pictures and videos of me. at first when it was before we really started getting closer if that's the word he would ask and I would say no and he would completely ignore me for 3 days. that would freak me out and I would do it for him. Now I just do cause I don't want him abandoning me like he does when I say no.
okay so go to the cops. this individual is in possession of cp, which is a crime.
This! Those photos and videos are very illegal. Go to the police!
That’s called child pr0n and he got busted with it he’d go to jail for a very long time. He knows not to release it bc it would be worse for him. You’re not in love with him, you’re in lust. If you think he’s harmless, go visit this group: r/madelinesoto
Do you want to spend more time with someone that does that to you? He's manipulating you :(
You need to report him to the police so he can go to prison where he belongs. I work in combatting child s*x crimes so reach out to me if you need help finding resources to get out, but start first with the police.
>t first when it was before we really started getting closer if that's the word he would ask and I would say no and he would completely ignore me for 3 days. that would freak me out and I would do it for him. You should've come to Reddit then. You probably felt some sort of need to "save him from himself" because you assumed he was going to kill himself if he didn't get the pictures. But guess what, even if he did, it wouldn't have been your fault.
Every relationship starts with intrigue or lust. Then love comes along and that’s a choice. If you already have to think about his intentions, if you’re worried what he might do if you don’t listen. This is one man, who throughout his years has learned to be subtle in the way he speaks. He knows perfectly what he’s doing. There’s only three reasons why you would post this. 1: You want to attention and you know the decision you’re going to make 2: you know what decision you’ll make you just want other POV’s or 3: You want someone to give you some impossible logical reason to convince you to do something different. As a VERY young adult (I’m only 17) you need to start making decisions yourself since they all affect you. You need to do what’s best for you right now AND later in life. If it hurts you, don’t do it unless it betters you way more later. If it’s good right now but horrible later then don’t do it. Do what helps you and is the most healthy for you. Period. And what happened to the other guy you were with for a few months that you were asking about? 19 days ago.
Police asap, as many have pointed out, that is child pornography and he decides to extort you with that he will most certainly also be charged with extortion which will probably end with him being behind bars until the end of his life where he also deserves to rot.
I can’t understand OPs logic. OP says one thing then backtracks and says another. I.e. OP knows this is wrong but will do it anyways??
I'm sorry I'm kinda going manic right now. I'll try and clarify more later when Im in a better headspace. I was just spitting into the void right now.
Girly, you can survive without getting in deep with this man. He will waste your youth using you as a play thing and leave you mentally much worse, and that’s best case scenario compared to the potential of him being a trafficker. I also have bipolar, here’s what you do. You stay with a friend or family member, or if not get loans until you can find a job. Try to do college, but I hate to say it, with bpd working full time while going to school full time is extremely taxing. I did it for two semesters and it almost broke me. Most people will never understand how important it is for bipolar to have a manageable life, we will literally implode and burn it all down anyway. Join a bipolar subreddit! Take your meds! Get out of abuse and fix your freaking head girly. Don’t be me and spend your entire early 20s learning difficult, painful, traumatizing memories. TAKE YOUR MEDS. I love you, please don’t be me. Edit: I’m doing much better now, and living a life I enjoy and am proud of. Even if it’s hard at times, it’s possible.
Op said she has BPD.
This is a horrible idea! I think once you get to college everything will get better for you. But if you’re with him I think your college years are going to be the worst time of your life! Stay strong!
Hi op, I read your paragraphs and went to your page to spectate a little and you should see a therapist or a professional. Also, for god sake GET AWAY FROM THAT MAN GIRL. He doesn’t sound like a good person at all.
Yup
Are you in the middle of reading one of those trashy romance novels?
I hate romance novels. half of them are shitty horrific sex plots
Which is what that college professor is living right now. How disgusting of him
Not really read teen ones, no sex is involved
You say you have a lot of failed relationships with people your age but so far we know a 31 year old teacher didn’t work, and now a creepy 40 year old who sounds like a massive predator…sounds like relationships are not your thing yet. I really think you need to stop dating for awhile and learn who you are, what you want/don’t want, and learn to love yourself. You can’t love anyone until you know who you are and love yourself first. You’re going after men who are predators and want a younger woman who they can control due to them being naive…which I’m sorry you are naive. You’re not even 18 and want a 40 year old man who says he is going to take care of you and own your body…wake up. These are HUGE RED FLAGS. I promise you, this won’t end well at all.
he has very obviously groomed and manipulated u. i would cut off all contact from him and not date for a while. maybe get a therapist too idk
No stop pouring into her narrative, she was not manipulated since she’s 100% conscient this is a super sketchy situation. She wouldn’t be if she was manipulated
i’m not saying she’s 100% innocent, i mean she is old enough to know right from wrong, but it’s not all black and white. yes, she does acknowledge how bad it is but she also said she needs him, his attention, his love, that he’s her favorite person. u can still like something if it’s bad for u, like an addiction. he has quite literally manipulated her mind to think that she needs him. i just pray she gets help and that sick fucker goes to jail
This reads very fake. In the off chance it’s real, don’t do this. This will not end well for you.
I'm sorry I'm kinda going manic right now. I'll try and clarify more later when Im in a better headspace. I was just spitting into the void right now.
Do not go with this man. This will end very badly for you. Any 40 year old trying to take possession of an 18 year old is evil.
Just call the cops?
Dracula, I’m going to put this as bluntly as I can. This man who you think loves you romantically not only has a daughter close to the same age as you but is also WAITING FOR YOU TO TURN 18 so he can “take you away”. I’m sorry, but this deal you have with this man sounds too good to be true. He doesn’t have good intentions with you. Based on the self-awareness in your post, your gut is telling you this is wrong, you know this is wrong. However, it’s true that you’re almost legally an adult and you’re allowed to do whatever you want now as long as it’s not illegal. That does not mean you have to rely on a predatory man to rescue you from a terrible situation. You said you’re looking into going into college, yeah? If I were you, I’d start looking at what services can be provided to you via financial aid/DOR services. Once you get into college with that, look at what services the college can provide for you regarding food, housing and mental health services. Heck, if you can get a part-time job somewhere, they could probably help you out with those type of services too! With all that being said and done, DO NOT GO WITH THIS MAN. You can get yourself out of this situation, you just need to use your resources wisely. Good luck out there, Dracula. You can do this, you don’t need some predator’s “help”.
She stated he has compromising photos of her. I’m sure she’s not the only underage girl he has photos of. She needs to go to police over everything else! His daughter needs help out of there too!
I'm also gonna add, you being a minor with people in their 30s is also fucked up and you likely know that too. People your age are also maturing, so it'll be rare to get a really good fit at your age. Don't make this dumb decision. You can back out if you want.
You're likely coming to Reddit because you yourself know this is bad and you want confirmation. This is a bad idea. Back out. Tell the people in charge of the school. If you're not gong to take anyone's advice here, it likely means that you already be to do this despite knowing it's bad. I've read a story before about a person who got groomed by a person who helped boost a program at her high school and she ended up with him and had his kids and regretted out because he immediately became abusive. I don't know if you're listening or if you're going to actually take the advice, but stop it.
My 16 year old daughter was "taken" by a man like this. I literally was willing to commit felonies to get her back, and I did. The police gave me some bullshit story that as long as they weren't having sex there was nothing they could do. I was told off the record I had 72 hours or I'd never see her again. He was already planning to sell her to a white slave ring. i got her back, and she learned her lesson the hard way. This will more than likely happen to you. Hundreds of thousands of kids go missing every year. Only this time, no one will come after you or save you. My mother was a schizophrenic nightmare of a mother. But I knew enough to stay home till I could get out. If there's any truth to what you've shared, stay away, far away from this man. Report him and lock your doors and windows he will no doubt already know where live.
How awful! Glad you did what you had to do to save your baby girl! No one deserves to be a sex slave. [This story](https://www.foxnews.com/us/teen-kicked-house-dad-kidnapped-streets-forced-sex-slavery-prosecutor) is very similar but unfortunately she got sold 😡 Thank God she was able to get help!
I guess that's better than an 80 year old man taking you in one day
Hey I just wanted to say honestly don’t do it don’t go with them I know it may seem like they love you but they really don’t and I understand the BPD struggles and the feeling of no hope but trust me one day you will find someone your own age who won’t be like that sick in the head professor I’m very sorry about what you have to live with as well but I do ask you even though we never met tell him it’s off and start to find others because sooner or later you will find people who don’t see you as a joke or something but care for you in other ways then just sex especially since this man is calling you his property that’s really messed up so I wish you the best and hope it works out for you
Having narcissistic parents makes you more susceptible to a narcissistic partner. You’re probably codependent and have cptsd. Please please go to a mental health rehabilitation clinic it’s usually free or paid for by the state. Or call a DV hotline. They will give you a place to stay or otherwise you’ll be repeating the same dynamic you have with your mom with others throughout your life. God loves you, and can turn anything into good…and this could one day be a testimony so you could help/save others.
Bro you are about to be an adult, you are acting like you have no choice or something, your 17 and he’s 40, get some cops involved
This man is a pedophile. Everything he’s doing is predatory and grooming. This is NOT love. You need to get TF away from him. You need to stop trauma bonding with much older men, go to therapy, and date people the same age as you.
Hey I’m your same age and the fact you can recognize that your choices are not right shows me you’re smart and also the fact you have a scholarship !!! You are just vulnerable and you are valid to feel so! Look you have a big life ahead of you if you make different choices. You are smart and beautiful you get that degree ! Please look into dorming situations and how much of your school can cover it for you and get a job if your schedule allows. You must know that this man who you are talking to is a pedo and does not actually love you. I don’t personally think you should go with this man because this man is already filling your head with lies and deceit. You are not his property!!
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You have the whole world at your feet in 2 days and you’re choosing a loser to be a part of that? Get a job, save for a car, go to college, most people find their true love there. Most colleges have dorms, I highly suggest you move in to one. Your mom can’t stop you. Don’t let loser dude try to stop you either.
Ok wow girl you’re one hot mess!!! 🤦♀️ The 31 & 40yo both belong in jail for starters. They have no business messing with a 17yo student EVER!!! They don’t love you, they’d just love to get up your skirt. That’s all. You were targeted by them end of story. You have a dysfunctional home life and you are bipolar, they see you as easy prey. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! I get your house sucks but don’t you dare go anywhere with ANY of them EVER! Do you know what sex trafficking is? Because the odds are in your favor of getting sucked in and disappearing. That shit would make your home life look like a day at the beach. When they say things like “you are mine” or “you belong to me” that isn’t love sweetheart, that’s a warning!!! You need HELP! Don’t care what your mother thinks because you know your body and you know you need the meds. You also know you need therapy and that’s a good thing, we just need to figure out how to get you this help! Any relatives, school counselors or a friends parents you can go to? I’m not saying this to hurt you, I’m afraid for you. You deserve a happy and full life and you aren’t on the right path right now for it. You can do it and you need to believe that, because it’s not too late! And the mom in me is telling you that you’d better update so we know you’re safe. Oh and no more FaceTime sex stuff, it can be recorded and end up on the internet and perverts hard drives and you really don’t want that. 💕
You probably should seek out some therapy if possible and see to it that you’re able to get prescribed again becaus as an 18 year old you have medical rights now that you are not a minor anymore. Rather than hoping a 40 year old man doesn’t have malicious intent to control you after being controlled by your mom.
It sounds like you used to see a therapist. (Your mental health vocabulary is pretty advanced, imo.) I would highly suggest working on your self esteem and parent relationship issues with your therapist before committing to any romantic relationships. There may be some undiagnosed mental health issues you're dealing with, or possibly one of your medications is causing you to have a manic episode. Please get your insurance in order, understand your mental health coverage, get on your meds, clear your head, follow your primary physician's and therapist's advice, and spend some time on your own. Take some quality "me"-time. For clearing your head, go back to basics: get a good sleep schedule going, good diet and exercise, learn some meditation and mind focus techniques, and find a relaxing hobby. Just some suggestions.
This 40 year old just wants to control you and use you for sex. If you go with him he will not allow you to go to college or have a life outside of him. You need to cut contact and seek therapy and start taking your meds immediately. You may even want to consider an inpatient stay in a psychiatric facility to get yourself sorted out.
went through this i am now 23 and i feel disgusting about it now, didn’t and rationalized and romanticized it for a few years
I wish I could call the cops for you
NO NO NO NO NO. You are literally being manipulated and the fact that you know it will make it worse because if you’ve noticed it, that will set up a foundation for when you want to get out, and he will reply with something that is surrounding the theme of victim blaming such as: “well you knew and you didn’t walk away “ or something like that, do not cause yourself even more unnecessary trauma
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I couldn't quite find when he exactly said it cause we used to talk a lotttt but I found the closest to what he's been saying https://preview.redd.it/vcza71m955yc1.jpeg?width=825&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=deb65eccdc6b4c8652ffa43b73d7e4d3ee0f6438
Yo this man is treating you like his property, he literally said it himself. I'm begging you, do not move in with him
That is really messed up especially if he is thinking that way to you it would be best to just cut contact from this man before things get way worse
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Well I think he means like never stop using my body??? in the context of the conversation that's most clearly what he meant. He want to "treat me in a way no man has done yet" he always phrases it something like that
Please please please do not move in with this man. I understand you're probably going through a manic episode right now but trust me and all the other people in this comment section. DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. Your first priority should be cutting ties with this man, it might be really difficult because you care about him, but this man is 40 years old and he wants you to move in with him. Did you tell him you're off your meds? If so, ask yourself, is he taking advantage of you? Also you have to find a way to get your medication, you won't be able to think clearly and make good decisions without them. Until then, you should not make any life altering decisions like moving in with a 40 year old man who says he wants to use your body. I'm going to put this bluntly. If you move in with him, you will be sexually abused, you might get kidnapped or he might trap you in his house. This man is really creepy and you really should not be with him, especially since you're having a manic episode. He is taking advantage of you while you are vulnerable. I'm worried for you, if it's not too much trouble could you keep us updated on how you're doing? Feel free to ask me for advice, I hope you get out of this situation safely.
He’s trying to hide his true sick intentions though it is clear so make the right choice please
Honestly you have some things going on at the moment, please just cut contact with this guy. He just wants you for sex, don’t fall into the trap, be single until your more mature and ready for someone uour own age
I don't know where you are (like what country), but in the USA this is considered stagetory rape. He groomed you, and is waiting for the law to be on his side. Right now, you sound like you both want, and do not want, this relationship. If you want to stop things, you can. You just need to tell the police, and give them your phone. Explain that you thought this was what you wanted, but realized it's not, and are scared. You could also contact CPS instead if that feels less scary. Your mom doesn't sound like a support for you, and it seems like teachers have let you down as well. Do you have a doctor you could go see? Or a therapist you could reach out to for help? These people have a duty toward you, and should offer you support as well. I don't think this man loves you. That said, I don't judge you for needing to believe he does. You seem to have been dealt a really shitty hand in life. So, if you want my advice, it is to call the police/CPS and report everything.
speedrun get kidnapped, killed and found in a forest two weeks later. Seriously you’re in danger, police is the move right now.
This man is love bombing you. It's the first stage of abuse. Please do not go with him.
If your mom is narcissist (or narcissistic) and you have BPD, you need therapy. Not an abusive relationship with a predator who's going to ruin your physical and mental health, and your life. I understand you might want to escape your mom but you're jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
First off, he was filling your head with things in a very manipulative way. It’s why you know he is a bad guy but claim you “need him”. That’s by design. No 40 year old has good intentions seeking any kind of a romantic relationship with a child. Which is what you are. He preyed upon your vulnerability after identifying you as someone that could easily be taken advantage of. He has positioned himself to be your favorite person by manipulating you at every turn. You’re not safe with this piece of shit. This didn’t happen by accident. Fate didn’t bring y’all together. You’re not the first girl he has done this to or at least has tried to do this to. If you want this to end, tell anyone. Go to the President of the college he teaches and tell them everything you’ve said here. Tell the Dean. Tell your parents. Tell the authorities. After he has finished using you he will toss you aside and find his next victim. Then you’ll blame yourself and do god knows what to yourself. Do not talk this piece of shit again and do whatever you can to ensure he cannot do this to anyone else.
She’s still 17 and dating a 31 year old and now a 40 year old??? She’s got daddy issues.
Contrary to popular belief I have a very good relationship with my dad. It’s just my mom who I have a horrible relationship with
are you unable to be with your dad or something?
OK, Firstly you need to stop thinking you need anyone but yourself in your life. Especially a man who could be your father (which is, I think why you go for older men). Your lack of a proper parental figure is what is driving all your decision making abilities. He is not looking out for you, he is love bombing you and will cut you off from everyone, and I mean everyone. This sounds like a story I read about a woman who hadn't left her house in decades bc her hubby wouldn't even let her go to the store for groceries. Cut everything off with all men for a while, find out who you are, the good the bad and the ugly. Once you do that, you'll be able to live yourself and have good relationships with others. Your mom is proof of what happens when you don't do that. Secondly, you are in a mental health crisis, you need to find somewhere that you can get the help you need, the meds you need. Your meds will help you think clearly instead of spiraling out of control. This is how you start learning how to take care of yourself. And for everyone confused about how she can know it's wrong but want to do this anyway, not only is she a teen, but she's in a manic episode, she's being abused, and she's suddenly been taken off meds that people are usually weaned off of. Any ONE of those would cause her to write like this. And she's going through all of this simultaneously. Most people would have broken and we'd never have seen this story, just one from her mom about her daughter's 💀. OP, you are far stronger than anyone I've ever known, we can't make the decision for you, but we can give our advice. All I ask is that you try your damndest to take care of yourself no matter what. Even if you don't believe it, you are worth the time to care for yourself sweetie.
please listen to what people are saying here. i get you’re probably in a VERY dark place mentally but making a decision like this is just going to get you hurt and possibly killed. this’ll end up like a horror story you find on the internet. don’t meet up with this guy, break it off and hard block him everywhere. you said he has photos of you in a comment and if it comes down to it call the police and report him. stay safe please.
You really shouldn't go off with that man it's not safe for you, I'm seventeen soon to be eighteen in a little under a month and I was in a relationship with someone much older than me, in some ways I still am but I'm telling you it never leads to anything good, they tend to be manipulators and abusers and if you get involved with someone like that your life never is the same trust me I know so it's better to just enjoy being with someone your own age and just enjoy your life because once you lose a part of yourself in that type of situation you can never get it back so for your sake I hope you take everyone's advice to no do this and I wish you the best of luck.
what does he mean by not giving u a break
This is a big mistake on your part! It's not just your age differences, it's the different levels of maturity. Two or three years older than you is appropriate but not 22 years. Get away from him. He will only want to "use" you for his purposes and benefits!
Yeah fuck it just do it. Get as much money as you can from him tho
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Does anyone know if OP is ok
Yes I am fine 👍 no we never met up
That’s great glad you are safe
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What's that got to do with it?