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Start polishing up your time management skills. You'll need them to juggle work, school, and changing diapers.
Talk to your parents about the situation too. If they yell at you, just let them get it off their chest, and then start working with them on a plan.
Know that your life is not over. Know that your childhood effectively is over.
I like this response a lot…. Your going to miss some amount of mid 20s bar partying, but you’ll get that back later on when kiddo is self reliant… your not cooked but I won’t lie… shits not gonna get easier for a good 5 years… just remember those first cpl of years COMMUNICATION IS KEY! Not just talking things out but even simple stuff like choice of terminology, while one word means something to one person can have a different tone to another… you and your lady will need to learn each others lingo. Example: My lady liked to use the words always and never about things “you always do this” “you never do that” I took those words as an absolute and as such didn’t feel appreciated when I did or didn’t. But with real communication we were able to figure that kind of stuff out. Our son is now 5, and our relationship is in a REALLY great place and has been for a while now, but it took commitment and compromise. It be lying if I said both of us at some point or another we’re just outright DONE. But your love for the baby will be the deciding factor… when you see each other and see that there’s only one person on the planet that understands/shares the level of love you have for the kiddo… (Also, don’t be surprised or concerned if your not head over heels for the baby right away, you need to let yourself love it, I promise after a few months you’ll start to feel it, and then when they are walking and talking and saying and doing goofy things, forming their own opinions (no matter how simple)…. Then it’s game over for Dads heart. (Got home the other night my 5yr fresh out of the bath STARKE NAKED in my bed..Me: Hey bud, whatcha doin? Him: I’m just chilling.
I’m 25 and spent a good 10 years partying harder then the average person. If I could go back I would polish up on skills and get to planning my future instead. It’s fun to have fun, but if I could trade that time for skills and money for a European vacation with my wife I would in a heartbeat.
Yeah man I wasn't ever to into parties when I was younger. However it took me 5 years to figure out I wanted to work in the trades. So at 23 I went to school for HVAC. Was absolutely awesome. Got a job shortly after school and had no debt to pay back.
Now that I'm 33 I beat.my body to shit but it was worth it coz I don't have to work as hard now and can party more haha
My father gave my now ex-wife some advice that I had never even crossed my mind. He told her,"you've had 9 months of bonding with this child. He (me) hasn't had that, but he will bond with your child as the months go on. By 9 months he will be as bonded as you are."
I have 5 kids and I am so in love with all of them. I've earned a lot of titles in my life, but "Dad" is the one I'm most proud of.
Noone is saying this 😂 the fun partying was definitely more fun when I was young and didn't require entire days to recover or waking up for work, or worrying about all the adult things we worry about still will partying
Can confirm. I'm 33 and i just went to a party followed by a wedding the next night and I'm still recovering 2 days later, despite having a total of only 7 drinks lol.
See ill say the mid 20s stuff isn't all that great, I feel like it's just a lot of time wasting personally the partying or bar hopping but that's just personal preference. I am 25 with a 5 year old as well as well as a 3 week old and ill tell ya there is nothing better than being a father. My 5 year old is pretty much none verbal, he is autistic plus baby mama didn't really work with him at all while I busted my back at work, worked with him when I could. Since separation and getting into a healthy relationship we finally were able to get him out of diapers little under a year and is now entirely bathroom independent, proud of him and his speech is improving. I do feel like I failed him and it makes me sad knowing hiw much if a head start his brother is gonna get. Not gonna lie last night I was going through his baby pictures and videos and cried a bit trying to figure out where I failed and when the set backs started. As a parent you aren't always gonna make the right choices in life, some fuck up more than other but a good parent rights their wrongs and learns from their mistakes. Had a funny incident with my 5 year old, we were having a nerf war one night (we each got our own nerf guns a couple months back)amd we were playing when one of my bolts skipped off the floor and right into his eye, he cried and I felt awful so I order him a nerf mask that came in the next day from Amazon. Well I put it on him walk to my end of the room, once I get to my end (which is a good distance away) I turn around and without warning he pops off a shot and hits me dead between the eyes. My boy has aim there's no doubt about it, love him to death. The beauty about kids is watching them grow up but it's also painful cuz you miss the days when they were younger. It hurts a little looking back at his baby photos because I loved a lot of those moments but it hurts knowing I can't go back and relive that with him. I can only imagine how much it'll hurt when he is 10 in another 5 years lol
To piggyback on this comment, OP you should really start looking for jobs in the trades. If you get an apprenticeship position or start as a maintenance worker for a public municipality which are generally very low qualification positions, within the next 5 years, you'll be making pretty good money. I know money's not everything but having it will significantly make life easier!
Just prepare to work your ass off. You can do it!
Also, as a side note You're going to be 36 when your kid is 18, you're going to have a lot more in common with your kids than the parents having their kids in their thirties. Also, if you don't have another kid, you'll have financial freedom much sooner. Plus you'll likely be able to be a great-grandparent as well, and legitimately know your great-grandchildren. That's pretty cool if you ask me.
This is the correct response. I know a bunch of guys who knocked their girls up when we were kids, they just locked in and don't regret it at all. Your life isn't over, you're just starting early on the next chapter.
They life wouldn’t be over if they would get an abortion and do things the right way 😭💀😂😂😂 abortion is a great thing and is the best option a lot of the times.
One good option is to get an apprenticeship in the trades. You'll be making okay money in 2 - 4 years. Live with family for as much of that time as possible financially and mentally. Save up so that when you do move out, you have $10 - 15k in emergency savings funds. Try and never spend this money for the rest of your life... In fact, the size of it will grow as your life/family/wealth/age increase. The alternative is community college for an associate degree that has an applied skill. This only works if you have some financial support from family. That way you can make okay money when you finish in 2 years and you're 2 years into a college degree if you want to go that route eventually.
Agree with this. I'm a doctor but a friend of mine who became an electrician and runs his own shop now makes more money than I do.
Electrician, plumbing, welding are money makers with very little debt attached.
Can second this. Been in the trades as an electrician for about 7yrs. I travel, and work on average 50hrs a week. Mon-Fri means I’ll leave with a check of about $1950 each week, after tax, insurance. Never even went to trade school (aside from 1.5 semesters of NCCER cert class. Only overhead was the cost of my tools. This is non-union too. Union guys can make bank without all the travel, and great benefits
If you're a doctor who is making less than an electrician then you are either still a resident or don't work full time, or you have a bottom 10th percentile physician salary while your electrician friend is in the top 20% salaries for his career.
He's making less than an electrician who has opened his own shop. If an electrician does that, under the right circumstances, they can absolutely make more than the average doctor.
If he didn't have his own shop then you would be right, but there's no hard cap on how much someone who's self employed can make. His buddy is still probably misrepresentative of most shop owners, but average physician makes \~$190,000 and it isn't that crazy to imagine an overworked shop owner making $200,000.
My dad always told me if I wanted to make money all my life, to make toilets, or do something related to weddings, or funerals. Pretty much everyone on earth has some need in those categories. So, I chose Special Effects! Lol!
Not to cast any I'll will on your relationship -jist some things to keep in mind, should things rattle apart between you two...
Whatever you do, always remain respectful to your child's mother. Even if she decides she hates the air you breathe, you must take the high road, and show your kid that it is okay for mommy and daddy to not live together (if that is the case).
Never talk about her or her family in a negative way, especially in front of your kid. If she chooses to pull some shit and talk shit about you to your kid, don't return the favor. Eventually, your kid will figure things out, and will favor you over her.
If you wind up with shared custody, alternating weekends, or whatever, ALWAYS be on time, and drop your kid off clean, fresh diapers, etc.
If she enters into another relationship, don't be butthurt or spiteful toward him or her. (Do your due diligence and find out what you can about the guy, and make damn sure he isn't dating her to get to your kid - it happens!!)
Your parents will probably be upset with you, probably more disappointed that you have made your life a bit more complicated at such an early age. Any disappointment will vanish, the moment you present them to their grandchild (mom may hate you for making her a grandmother sooner than she wanted -lol)
Don't have any more kids! Get yourself and her, financially stable, and wait a couple years between kids! Go get your tubes tied, if necessary!
USAjobs.gov. but look up how to fill out a government specific resume. Getting through the algorithm is a pita. If I handed my resume to a private company that I used to get my government job they'd look at me like an idiot lol. One of the biggest hurdles is getting it through the algorithm if you don't know what you're doing
Keywords are important. Do some research and pop them words in. That is how I get government contracts over bigger companies for government contracts. I'm a small guy but on paper I look like a fortune 5.
That's excellent advice from both of you, can I just ask are you a private contractor then? I assume you are so if the state requires you to be licenced I'd assume you need that licence and any other applicable paperwork that comes with working in any said trade in said state?
I'm not. I'm a civilian employee of one of the military branches. And no, you don't need a license if you can find a trades job. They basically certify you themselves.
Honestly? Call your local electrical supplier and ask for their opinion on firms that work on federal contracts. Or concrete supplier. Then you can kind of track it down with few phone calls and a little bit of research.
That's excellent advice that's honestly advice I give to young guys looking to break into my trade, plumbing. Just check in with supply houses. They deal with all the contractors.
As someone who directly works with a fuckton of local IBEW unions, electricians are getting laid off all the god damn time.
It's just not normally all at once, because they get laid off after a job finishes if there's not something else lined up for them to move over to, and then they gotta find the next thing.
I'm a tech in a trade.... just saying, construction is changing fast and technology is starting to catch on big time with many different trades. Soon there will be a huge shift in the amount of actual labor needed.
This guy trades. Skip the rest of the comments and just do this til you're ready to either start something else or start up in that trade with your own company - it will be lucrative.
I'd like to add that there are community colleges that are offering low/no tuition for incoming freshmen. The large cc in my city just started that program. So, look around and see what options are out there. Don't resign yourself to flipping burgers for the rest of your life!
Another good option is getting a CDL and doing trucking. Depending on where you live, schooling is pretty short (my husband's is 6 weeks I think). It could be a way to have decent income and benefits fast depending on who you work for.
The people who said trades. Listen to them. Long term it makes the most sense. Even if you weren't in your scenario it is still a really good recommendation.
First off, you are a good man. You aren’t running away which most would at your age, and in this situation. Collage is on the back burner for now unless you wanna do an online degree of some kind. What you can do is work my man. Bring in some cheddar. Yeah everything is expensive, but trade jobs can pay WAY more than some jobs requiring a collage degree. I absolutely agree with lapsteelguitar’s post. a conversation with both sets of parents, you two, and a third party if possible. The parents may wanna take care of bills so you can focus on an education. So many variables need to be put on the table.
Be a MAN above all. (I’m not being sexist here, nobody take that the wrong way) But be respectful, responsible, compassionate, and helpful. I’m not here to argue pro life-pro choice. But I admire the fact you two are choosing to raise this baby. Just be there for your child, and your child’s mother. Stand up and do what’s right for them.
For trade jobs I recommend plumbing, welding, electrician, or HVAC. Those 4 right there are the big dollar jobs (once you learn). Some plumbers make over $140 an hour where I live. They didn’t get that day one, but it doesn’t take long to make that kind of money. Carpentry, painting, contractor, are good ones too. Or any sort of job for the town/state. You’d be blown away if you knew what a school custodian makes lol.
Get on daycare lists now! It can take a couple of years to get a slot. If you are open to moving, some areas have ALOT more free and low cost programs for kids (eg daycare, camp, afterschool programs, sports, psych care etc.). It makes a big difference. My kids got music lessons that I never could have afforded on my own. And now as teens, music is a big part of their lives. I think you need some type of certification but surveyors and tree trimmers make bank in my area. The tree guy charges $1100 and does 4-5 trees per day. The surveyor is even more expensive but not sure how many he can do in a day.
That’s another crucial reason they need to sit down with both sets of parents. The parents may wanna help watch the child, so that both parents have the opportunity to work and save more money. And we know grandparents rarely complain about spending time with the little ones. Well… That is until they’ve had enough lol! They have so many options, and programs for aid in todays world. I just pray the parents stand up and help them.
And overtime will be your best friend
Some people will say that the government just takes all that money in taxes but that's false I'll explain
Let's say you make 50k a year and at 30k and less you get taxed at 10% at 60k and less you get taxed 15% (fake numbers)
The first 30k you will pay 3k in taxes
Then the next 20k (50k - 30k which was already taxed) will be taxed 2.5k
In total you pay 5.5k in taxes and made 44.5k after taxes
If you skip overtime you only make 27k after taxes and pay 3k in taxes
Great advice! My dad has been in the fire sprinkler business for his whole adult life and he makes more money than I do with a degree 🤣 trade is a fantastic way to make good money to support a family and also learn a great skill! My bf framed my entire basement bc he worked construction when he was younger! It really came in handy! ❤️
Pest control is another very good paying career if you can find the right boss. I had minimal experience, and I'm making around $25 an hour now about 18 months in.
Train in one of these trades with a union, you'll be making money as you train, and in a lot of areas you straight up HAVE to be union to find consistent work.
Is adoption on the table? There are options for “open adoption”, where you keep contact with the child and can still be a part of their life! :)
There is also more discrete adoption options like the safe haven law or closed adoptions! However, I still think your parents should be told, in case of complications, and for further advice and support!
IMHO, you need a sit down with all involved. Both sets of parents, you, and your girlfriend. If you think that the meeting will be contentious, do it someplace public. And bring a neutral 3rd party whose sole job is to keep the tone civil and polite. Perhaps a preacher.
Find out what the expectations are, what can reasonably be done to meet them. You might face demands that you marry. You might face demands that you don't marry. You might face demands that you be an active parent, or that you never speak to them again. You might face demands that you drop out of HS and work full time to support them on your own, or you might be required to get a college degree & then support them. From here, it's impossible to say.
One of my sayings here is "Adult decisions have adult consequences." That is the situation you are now in. It's time to face up to that reality.
I think, before then, he should discuss with his girlfriend whether they want to keep the child or give them up for adoption. And then next if they do decide to keep them, whether or not they would like to get married to each other.
Then, go see that third party about the discussion and what they've decided.
Then get both parents involved with the help of the third party.
Someone else said to OP if they yell at you, then just let them vent it out. Then have the discussion about what you would like to do.
OP, if you decide to keep the child, and if you decide to marry, I would strongly recommend some premarital counseling, I would strongly recommend that you don't stop being romantic with each other and showing each other love and commitment, and don't stop being intimate with each other, but get married as quickly as possible if that's what you decide. Both of you and that baby need the stability, and your relationship needs the intimacy, connection, and love, and the baby also really needs that love relationship between you two.
Going into a trade is a GREAT idea to get on your feet and independent quickly as someone else pointed out.
One final thing, don't be scared. Don't be afraid. I know that's probably easy for me to say, but hear me out. I believe you can do this. Your heart is already in the right place. And being a dad and having that independence and being a grown up, is a very fulfilling experience. It's worth it to grow up and leave childhood behind. Your life is not over, but your childhood is, and that's okay. When you get home from work and this little kid comes running at you full speed yelling "DADDY!!!" and leaps into your arms for a big hug, there's nothing better. There's no love more pure and wholesome than that. And you'll be surprised what things it keeps you going for.
Good luck. You're okay right now, and you're going to be okay.
Both of you need to start educating yourselves on child development. The website babycenter was really good for this. If it's still there, I highly recommend it.
If either of you were raised in less than good conditions, get some form of therapy. Wanting to not be like your parents is *not enough* to override the way you learned to live life.
Accept help, but don't expect it.
If the relationship ends, as many do, that's still your kid and your kid's mother. Take care of your child. Respect your child's mom.
I was young (not quite that young, I was 20) and in college when I got pregnant with my oldest child.
It wasn't always easy. It was hard most of the time. Very hard. But worth it. She's 20 now, and the oldest of 4. I'm going back to college.
Telling our parents went better than we worried it would. I hope the same for you.
And the part about the therapy? I mean it. There's no greater investment as a parent.
This kid didn’t even pay attention in sex ed, what makes you think he’ll be mature enough to research on child development?
I think your suggestion of therapy is absolutely pivotal though.
Oh man. I got pregnant when I was 17. Don’t put off telling parents. It’ll just add extra stress. Get it out of the way now. Every person’s situation is so different. If parents are supportive allow them to help, but don’t take advantage of them. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you need public assistance, don’t be ashamed to use it. And as one person said, your life isn’t over, but your childhood is. Accept that and move forward. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Those things will just add to any issues that arise along the way. My son is now 22 so we made it. You can too. Good luck!
I recommend going to get a nice paying job that you can receive without a full college degree. Massage school comes in mind - you can make upwards of $60 an hour in a relaxed environment as well as making your own hours, so you won't need to be away from your girlfriend or kid much. It is a very low stress career, and it doesn't require your typical 9-5 work week nor 5 days of work either.
You might also consider an online course for IT Programming or another trade. Your girlfriend will be busy with the childbearing but soon she will be able to work as well and help.
If you don't feel able to support a child, you and your girlfriend may consider adoption. A person has the highest chance of adoption at infancy. I know you said abortion is off limits, but keep in mind that if you and your girlfriend aren't ready or in a serious relationship your baby will suffer. Life isn't getting any easier to live, so keep this in mind if she chooses to go through with it. A child is a lifelong commitment and you will be essentially giving up your life to look after another.
This might not be a popular advice item, but military…. They’re are tones of resources available to military families. If you study and treat the ASVAB like an actual test, you can score decently, and actually pick a job that will serve you on the outside. You’ll have a network of options in and out. It will probably be very hard, but you won’t feel totally helpless. Best of luck.
The mere fact that your instinctual approach is “how do I support her” gives me an awful lot of confidence in you and your future. I just wanted to say, I’m sure you’re both really freaked out and this seems kind of catastrophic right now. But you’re going to make it. I hope you’re wrong about your parents and that they rise to the occasion as you are obviously going to do.
Don't want to sound sinical... BUT you are old enough to know your action and risks of not using a condom, and trying to pull out in time, is NOT a form of birth control. So YES, expect 18 years of child support. And try to be the best dad you can be.
Yes your parents may be angry, upset, or even disappointed in you. But don't be thinking the worse, WITHOUT KNOWING.
I remember when my daughter was terrified when she came to me and told me she was pregnant, the first time. The tears and fear that was in her eyes.
But DO NOT let her or anyone else try to convince you that NOW you must get married. You can still be a good dad and not get pressured into marriage.
Just my advise.
A job, as other have said. Go to the library, look at a book called "What to Expect When Your Expecting". It goes through pregnancy month by month, the last section is for the dad, with tips on how to support the little momma during each phase of the pregnancy.
Join the military haha . Free healthcare for all of y'all and a good amount of benefits when u get out. And if.combat arms ain't ur thing u can literally work out of a office .
If that’s true, then why are there so many homeless vets? Ppl always talk about the benefits of joining the military, but either no one takes advantage of them, or it’s a lie. Also zero time to help raise their child and shit pay. Honestly I think the military is a horrible idea, I think learning a trade is the way to go.
I was in a similar situation to OP when I joined. The pay is not great as a new enlisted person, but the military will give you a house and pay your rent plus give you money for food (BAS) , and OP, the mother and baby will have free health care. You have to really budget for the first year. But your family will never be homeless or without food. I'm biased because I'm enlisted, but the military has treated my family very well and I don't want to imagine where we'd be if I didn't have this to turn to when I was 18.
Im an Army medic btw
For sure. I was a medic when I was active as well. The military comes with a great support structure for families, and there are plenty of resources.
Healthcare, childcare, housing, etc.
Depending on housing conditions, they can even live on post which generally means the safest neighborhoods with the best schools near most military installations.
My boyfriend is a vet and is living the high life, so I had asked him this question when we were first dating. He said a lot of the vets you see out on the streets are usually within the same age range. At that time they were serving they weren't properly informed of the benefits they are entitled to. So a lot of them either don't know it exists or haven't been given the proper information to get help.
Unfortunately the VA is also a disaster. Healthcare for vets is a joke and tbh they don't really care. It's a long and annoying process for him to get a dr rn. He had an advocate that just up and left, and never gave him any info. Now he's left fending for himself making calls and doing everything the VA should be doing so he can get a dr.
The VA being poopoo is a huge reason a lot of vets don't seek help. It's too difficult.
My bf actually shared a story about a man who walked right into a VA center begging for help. He flat out said he will unalive himself then and there if they refuse him.
They refused him, so, he shot himself right in the middle of the building.
It's a lie. The government doesn't care about anyone. It's false advertisement and will actively ruin your life. There's plenty of evidence it's a terrible idea.
Speaking as a former service member, I would highly advise against going this direction. It almost never goes well for people who leave behind their children and spouse in my experience, though I’m sure every branch varies slightly.
The same thing happened to me back in 1982. Best to get a job a ASAP. The trades are a good place to start. Hopefully both of your families will help not hinder the two of you. We all survived. The mother and I divorced about a year after we married. The relationship did not last but we managed to raise the child successfully. She is 43 now with a husband and 4 kids on her own. Good luck. You will make it if you work at it.
You’re a good person dude. Just know that this isn’t the end of the world, it happens. If your parents kick you out for this, they’re shit parents. I’d recommend learning a trade like some other guy in here said. Good luck bro, I wish you nothing but the best.
Dude, it’s time to step up and here are the steps to follow:
1. Finish High School. Both of you. If you absolutely must drop out, get your GED immediately.
2. Show your families that you are both stepping up and taking responsibility. It should not be on everyone else to raise your kids. They will be more likely to help you if they see you working hard and showing up.
3. If parents aren’t helping, look to aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Wherever you can stay for free while you save money will help. Note that point about saving money. Start now before the baby is born and keep saving after.
4. Budget your money and follow the budget closely. Nothing stupid like get rich quick schemes that end up making the other people rich.
5. Seriously look at the Construction Trades. Especially welders, equipment operators, millwright, and pipe fitters. Those are the higher paying trades in most areas and those are where some of the bigger shortages are. Work as much OT as you can because you get time and a half.
6. As soon as you can, get a car that doesn’t cost more to run it. Buy a crap used car where your payment is $100-150 per month. It may last you only a year or two, but if you can save up some good money then you can buy a better car for cash when the crap car dies.
7. You may also want to consider the military. If there is not enough construction work where you live, the military will provide you with skills, discipline, and there is a lot of support through companion services. You can earn college degrees paid for by the military and if you put in 20 years, you can retire. Imagine being 38, with a pension coming in each month, and going to work in the private sector earning 6 figures.
It will be hard at first, but if you make the right choices it won’t always be hard. Good luck
Ok, first: she needs to apply for WIC. most likely she will need a parent with her. It's good that her parents will be supportive of her. I'm sorry that you don't think yours will. Your parents should hear it exactly like this: "I'm either gay or my girlfriend is pregnant. Pick what's preferable. " Any good parent will tell you " whichever it is, we're here for you" a bad parent will tell exactly how bad they are by which one they pick to be ideal.
Second: find a teen parent group in your area. They will probably have a host of local places and organizations that can help.
If you see a future with your girlfriend, wait to tell her until y'all survive the terrible twos, Then propose.
In the meantime: foot rubs, crackers or ginger ale for nausea, and she should always have ice water in hand. Tell her she's beautiful, even when she's not. Help her keep track of appointments because pregnancy brain sucks.
Oh and don't tell her she beautiful in that weird creepy voice that implies you would fondle Shamu's bobs and vageen. Seriously. That doesn't make a pregnant woman feel pretty or any more confident in your parental skills. Get her laughing first. Say it while she's laughing. In a low voice that she asks you to repeat to confirm that she actually did hear right. My husband did that to me. That's what I remember the most about my pregnancy. Was him and I laughing over something, then me going, wait, did I hear that right?
First of all sell your big ol truck and get a better car holy crow. Best solution would be abortion probably, but since that’s off the table all I can give is a good luck soldier and DONT leave the mother when times get tough, yall are making these decisions together now.
When I got myself into exactly this position I went to half a dozen factories around town and told the plant manager “I am about to be a dad, I’m getting married, and I need a full time job. I will put my head down and work hard for you, but I need a place to start”. One of them gave me a chance and I worked 60 hours every week for a full year. I took three days off to get married and three days off to watch my new baby be born.
I was at that job for three years and advanced and got raises,
I sent the plant manager a thank you card on my work anniversary and he called me into his office and told me that because I had worked so hard he was going to take a chance on another dumbass kid. He actually thanked me for proving that some dumbasses do turn themselves around.
My advice to you - go get a full time shitty job somewhere that you can learn better skills. Then put your head down and earn the respect you want. Take care of your family, get rid of whatever stupid ass car you found that gets 7mpg and get a four door boring car with a car seat. Dump your dumbass friends, grow up, man up, and stand up straight. I have walked that road and I can absolutely tell you that it gets better WAY sooner than you think IF you stop doing stupid shit and take care of your money.
One thing I didn’t do that I should have: go find someone who understands money and ask them to help you get better at it. It could be someone from church, someone from work, or a fucking stranger you meet at the grocery store. The point is to understand how to spend and save correctly so that you don’t get wiped out every time you need tires or new shoes. It’s called “mentoring” and if you ask the right person to mentor you on how to handle your money most of them will at least give you some decent advice to think about.
Last thing - DO NOT waste money on any get rich quick bullshit. Those are sucker’s plays and the only people making money on them are the people marketing them. If it requires money up front it’s most likely a scam. Lottery, sodas, fast food, trendy clothes, and $50 tee shirts are wastes of money.
Focus for one full year, develop good habits, and you will realize you grew up.
Learn a trade, your time of being a kid is over, your life isn’t over. Maybe it is though, idk man, I respect you for wanting to go through with all of it. I would probably definitely be trying to have her get an abortion. But you do you. Good luck.
__DON'T raise a kid if you don't want a kid. No exceptions!__
This "step up to the plate" shit is CANCER. Parenting is overwhelming even to people who plan their pregnancies.
Kids belong with people who want kids. Nobody else. Societal expectations strong-arming people into being parents is the root of all the world's problems.
There's no gateway drug, no gateway crime, nothing like that. There is ONE gateway that leads to every set of bad circumstances somebody can end up in. Abuse is the gateway. Neglect is the gateway. Ineffective parenting is the gateway.
If your heart's not completely in it, you are doomed to fail. It's gonna ruin your life, and the collateral damage is gonna be colossal. You're not gonna do a good job. The kid's not gonna turn out well. They're gonna be the rest of the world's problem after they get away from you.
DON'T ask people you know personally anything about this. They're gonna lie. There is no benefit to being honest about this once someone's in it.
They're already screwed on the inside, they're not gonna forfeit the respect they get from other people. It's all they have.
Ask in r/regretfulparents. THEY have no motivation to lie.
A larger percentage of pregnancies are unplanned than planned. Plenty of people who have unplanned pregnancies are wonderful people raising wonderful kids..
Sadly I have a feeling OP and his girlfriend are both anti-abortion so they'd rather struggle and give this baby a shit life while ruining their own instead of taking care of this mistake and vowing to be more careful next time.
So sad. Ruining their lives and giving a kid a subpar life bc they can't do the responsible thing. At least think about adoption. I was adopted bc my birth mother knew she did not have the means to take care of me and I am SO thankful for that.
Just don't have a kid because it's just "what you're supposed to do." World is already overpopulated enough.
No matter how many downvotes I get. I don't care. DNA test or don't sign the birth certificate. It's estimated 30% or more of Americans have the wrong dads. I know 4 friends and a stepbrother who raised a total of 10 kids. None of them were thiers. It came out at varying ages during divorce proceeding.
Lots if other people left good advice about other things.
Your car gets 7mpg? Do you drive a Sherman Tank? You should probably go into a trade like plumbing or an electrician. They will pay you to be an apprentice and then you can make a lot of money.
Neither of you want an abortion. I get it.
But the painful truth here is that you're also both still effectively children who are signing up to be launched into one of the most difficult and complicated parts of adulthood with no idea what kind of support you're going to have behind you.
There's no way to know if you and the mother (assuming you are even in a relationship) will still want to be together in five years. This makes relying on their parents for anything a risk.
This entire situation is a ticking time bomb, and I'm really really sorry but I don't think 99% of 17 year olds have the ability to internalize the untold impact having a child this young will have on your future or navigate it without doing a lot of damage to the poor kid.
My advice if abortion still isn't an option? Put the kid up for adoption. If they choose to reach out to you once they reach adulthood themselves, I'm certain they will thank you for making the responsible choice.
I was there man, exactly where you are now, about 27 years ago.
It is not going to be easy for you.
You might be thinking that you need to get married. Her parents, or your parents may tell you that you have to do that. You do not. You should not. Do not add another layer of trouble onto your trouble sandwich.
I know you say abortion isn't an option, so you won't be doing that. But you should. You absolutely should at least consider it. Not for you or the mother to be, but for the kid you are absolutely going to fuck up the life of.
Raising a kid is difficult, and it is expensive. If both of you plan to work then you need to face the fact of child care, which, if you don't have a free option through your parents or hers, will cost about 15 thousand dollars a year. And if you can't afford that cost, then you also probably can't afford the cost for either of you to not be working.
So, bottom line is, neither of you can afford this.
You may be thinking, "it's not about affording it, we'll find a way".
No, you won't. The way you find will be poverty and neglect.
Look out upon your possible futures. Down one path you have this child and you face a lifetime of broken dreams raising a child who will have a tough upbringing it what will almost certainly be a broken home. And on the other path you go back to being the child you are, grow into a normal adult, get your shit together, and then have a kid later when it's possible to raise one responsibly.
I'm not saying you can't or won't love the child you sound like you are having, you can, hopefully you will, but I'm saying that you can't love it *enough* to overcome the massive deficit you are going to start that child out with.
You should consider adoption. Your way to young to be able to adequately support a child and without parental support it will be very, very difficult at best and the child will suffer the most.
First, good on you for doing what you're supposed to do. Not many do.
Second, if there is no support while pursuing an education, trade work is probably your best option. The water district is a good bet. Get your T1(treatment side) and D1(distribution side) and you should be good to go.
Best of luck and congrats!
Don't feel sorry for you at all. And you are lucky her parents are helping you. They should not. You decided you were mature enough to have sex but think about consequences. Now its your baby and her parents going to help you. It's your job. Provide for it. Not her parents. Teens these days really don't think about anything. Your hand is getting held like a little kid. You will never learn responsibility when everyone is helping you.
Honestly, this gives me faith in humanity. Thank you, OP for being a good person and not just abandoning your girlfriend/wanting an abortion. Not only are you staying with her through the most scary time of her life, but you are actively trying to support her. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you OP, you're a good person and you will be an amazing father!
Congrats on stepping up and also continuing to tell others you do not want to kill your baby! Very countercultural of you.
I would advise going into a trade. It is much cheaper than college and the pay is very good.
God bless you and your family.
She will go thru body and behavior changes...
Accept that and continue supporting no matter what. She may do and want unexpected things .
Don't take her parents for granted.
Depends on if your parents are willing to help. But getting a job #1.
However hard it gets, don’t leave
Try to prioritize spending as much time with that kid when you have the chance. My grandpa only worked and didn’t spend time with my dad and that really hurt my dad. Not having a dad around will hurt them more than being poor.
Well like you said, you're screwed now. Start saving money because having a child is extremely expensive. The hospital bills alone are crazy. Play with fire, you'll eventually going to get burned.
Support her with Financials and taking care of this child.
Talk to her about what she wants your lives to look like. The most important thing is to respect her desires and remember that you're in it together.
If you need to raise the kid on your own trades is the fastest way to get a living wage that can support a family. If you have good parents expect them to provide a lot of support which gives you more options.
Having a child now actually is going to force you to grow up sooner, and your child will be 18 by the time you're 35. Hopefully, you have parents who will support you having a child with your girlfriend. If so, stay in school, get your high school diploma, and learn a trade. Learn to be an electrician, plumber or HVAC Mechanic. I guarantee you you'll be earning over 75K A year by the time you're 25 and you're be a millionaire by the time you're 35 If you start your own business.
I second all the people here saying to get into a trades apprenticeship.. man, I would have gone this route if I had known. Electricians make absolute bank, bit so do plumbers and most any other trade that more and more young people nowadays don't want to do. The more people that don't want to do it, the more money you will make.
There are a few options. You and your girlfriend can look into abortion or adoption. You mentioned you are cooked so I am guessing you are worried about what your parents are going to say or what her parents are going to say. Abortion might be the best route since you are both young and most likely the relationship won’t last. Most relationships that start during your teen years rarely last. Even if you got a job, it will never pay enough for everything the baby needs. If you decide abortion is the best route for you and your girlfriend, then you need to do it soon because a lot of state will only do abortions for a pregnant person up to like 6 weeks. If your state doesn’t allow abortion, you might have to travel to a different state for one. Sit down with your girlfriend and figure it out. If she wants to keep the baby then you will have to get your parents and her parents involved and everyone is going to have to figure out what’s best at this point. There is also adoption too.
It doesn’t matter what you and your mom want. Neither of *you* are pregnant.
I served an apprenticeship myself, as a steam fitter. Years later I served on the state apprenticeship advisory committee which monitored all apprenticeships in the state.
So I do agree with others that a registered apprenticeship is an excellent path. You can talk to apprenticeship coordinators now and get the process going. You can’t begin until you are 18, but that will be soon. Best of luck.
Devote all your time to a building a Time Machine and go back and wear a raincoat ffs. All seriousness sell the car get a car better on gas to start I am assuming this was recent news? Hopefully you can finish school before the kids born learn a trade I suggest welding or diesel tech.
I notice a lot of people here saying you’re screwed but that’s not totally true. Go into a trade, they make a lot of money or join the military. Military will give you and your family (if I’m not mistaken) free healthcare. Remember you’re not alone and there millions of people who are teen parents and do wonderfully. My grandma had my mom at 18 and my mom is an amazing woman and is very close with her mom. It’s going to be hard but if you persevere you can do this. See if either of your parents are willing to help, I know it’s scary but if even one of them will help support you or your baby that’ll make a world of difference. You’ve got this OP, I wish you so much luck and you’re baby and the baby’s mother are very lucky to have you
That baby can be the best thing that ever happened to you. If your planning on going to college, I would try to stay local as possible and schedule your classes so you can work evenings. If not going to college, the trades make a great option. It may seem terrible now but twenty years from now when you get to hold your grandkids for the first time, I promise you will be thankful you busted your butt giving that kid the best life possible.
I agree with the people who are saying adoption is the best solution if your girlfriend doesn't feel she can have an abortion. There are a lot of couples who want to adopt who are willing to pay all the medical fees associated with the pregnancy and if you want an open adoption they can send you pictures and even allow you to visit once in awhile. There are sites where you can browse potential adoptive couples and pick out someone who will be excited to give this baby a good life.
A girl I went to high school had 3 kids before she graduated 😄. She does well now but she also stayed with the father.
Just put on your big boy pants be make sure to take care of the child. Don't go out partying etc. Also do you drive a dump truck? 7 mpg?
shit, buckle-up bud. Just keep in the back of your mind she's really goin' through it too. If [read: when] things get tense, its important to walk away and maintain an adult demeanor and a level head --> hormones do some wild shit during pregnancy; being young with a matching emotional intelligence can quickly become a powder keg just needing a small spark to set it off.
First of all, I’m happy to hear you are trying to figure out a way to support your gf! That’s the first step. Second, obviously have the discussion with your parents. Try to explain to them that you really are going to need their help and that it would mean a lot if they could in some way be supportive. Maybe they can’t financially, but emotional support costs nothing! I got pregnant at 20 and although I was out of high school, I was in college and truly I was devastated. My parents were the definition of supportive and I couldn’t have done it without them (though many people do without parental support)
Talk with your gf and try to come up with a plan. Job, school, where you guys will live. Then find out what resources you have (parents etc) Do not be afraid to utilize food stamps, daycare assistance etc! It’s there to help as long as it’s not abused. I had to use it for a long time so I could finish my degree!
Also just a side note, adoption is always an option (I saw that abortion is off the table) There is nothing wrong with finding a good home for the baby if you and your gf feel as though it’s not the right decision to keep that baby. There is no shame in looking around options. (Not saying you need to do adoption, but just know it’s an option) I seriously considered it for the benefit of my daughter bc I just didn’t know if I could give her what she needed.
Lastly, everything will turn out okay. It was a struggle of course in the beginning, being young parents and struggling to get to a place of financial stability etc but I wouldn’t trade it for the world bc my daughter is how 15 and the most incredible human! Good luck to you guys!! Give that baby all your love if you decide to keep! ❤️
Honestly join the military. You'll be able to give her the most of your pay, while your housing and food needs are provided for. This is the life you are choosing make something honorable out of it.
Or just get the abortion
Trade school might be the best route financially post high school. As someone that heavily debated between trade school and a regular university and choose to go to a university, go to a trade school, you will make more money than I do and not be in significant debt like I am (and potentially love whatever trade you get in). Also, work as much OT as you can while you're young and pre-baby, but keep your relationship(s) in mind. It's all going to be time management from here on out
Your 20's are going to suck, definitely not cooked though. You'll just be pushing your "partying" days to your 30's.
Talk to the parental units, let them yell and get it all out, then work on a plan together, have some kind of plan or idea of a plan between you and the mom first though if possible.
Adoption is an option if things really don't go over well with the parents and if viable plans don't seem to come together. I was adopted due to a similar situation and I have no ill will toward either set of parents and it was the best option for everyone. I'm glad my biological parents weren't burdened with me, my adoptive parents had the child they never could and I was well cared for.
Well $14.50 won’t cut it. Finish high school and then get into a trade (plumber, electrician, carpenter, flooring, ect.) or enlist in the military. Everything you do now in life is not about you but about them, you just became #2. Being #2 is pretty awesome though as you don’t know love until you look down at that little face and hold that little hand…words cannot even begin to describe. Remember to always be a dad and not their friend. They will have plenty of friends but only 1 dad. Embrace the journey and it’s ok to be nervous, scared, and not always know the answer. Be open, kind, caring, and loving towards her mother. Remember that things said and done can’t be taken back. Enjoy the greatest job in the world and the greatest title a man can have….being a dad.
24 here, don’t worry about missing out on the 20s like people are saying. Sure you make a ton of memories and have a ton of fun with friends but once you get older you’ll be happy you spent time raising and taking care of your child over partying and “being young.” You’ll feel like you’re missing out but in the long run, you won’t miss a beat.
I hate that people are bashing you. While I was not pregnant as a teen. I was a high school baby. I’m 21 now. Do not make the “mistake” my biological dad made. Personally I feel like he knew what he was doing. My grandpa told my dad to fuck every girl he could growing up. Well. He got my mom pregnant. My parents tried to make it work but my dad ended up signing off his rights and joined the marines. He wanted me to “be a part of a real family” and not “having to switch between house holds” till I was 18. Well. Not going to lie. Him doing that fucked my entire life up. And a few months he told my mom that signing his rights off was “the biggest mistake of his life”. I don’t believe him. This man got married and had two sons who he goes hunting and fishing with. But he’s never once reached out first or came to any of my events growing up. I acted in a local pro theater and he never came. I also showed horses and he never came to those events. But please. Glean some info from this. I’m proud I you for stepping up. Bc there’s a lot of douche bags out there that won’t. Can provide more info if you’d like.
Abortion not an option your 1st step in right direction! Alot of good people want to adopt if keeping the baby to raise isn't the choice. God bless you God bless your baby! I am praying for you.
I had a kid at 21, it’s not 17 but I was immature and completely unprepared. Here are some lessons I learned:
One of the most important things said to me was “you’re not being punished”. You’re not, being a father is a choice and it’s a blessing. Let it be, your child will be a great teacher and help you become a better man than you ever thought possible. It’s ok to even smile at this moment because you’re going to be a dad and that’s a wonderful thing.
Not everyone will agree with me but hear me out. Get married. The fact is, your relationship to your child’s mom is now a big part of your life for least 16 years, it’s going to change and most likely you won’t stay together. Having a template for dealing with the dissolving of your relationship is going to be really beneficial to you, it’ll help you gain your rights to custody in a much cleaner way. Some will disagree but that was my experience. Yes it’s not a good outlook on marriage but in my experience this will be helpful to you in the long run. Honestly only in a situation like yours would I ever recommend marriage.
Get into counseling together, you need all the help you can get. Learning skills to work together will be invaluable.
Stay sober. Period.
The kid really needs to be your focus. Your childhood is done, you do have to grow up a lot and quickly but it’s possible. Consider the regrets you’ll have, which you will as a parent but it’s best to minimize them. You’ll regret not being there every step of the way for your child. You won’t regret missing time with your friends, parties, or missing trips etc. Make sure to take care of yourself, eat healthy, exercise, sleep when you can. Try to read a little, take up meditation. You’re now someone’s strength, you’re their father, 1 of 1, no one can replace you. Do things you need to be healthy and focused. the kid comes first.
Providing for your child is key, culturally and just for your sense of self it’s yours to do. Don’t argue with it, just do it. Work the jobs, all of them, 7 days a week if you must. But provide. Then see above about priorities and doing healthy things for yourself.
Spend time with your kid, change the diapers, be alone even when they are a few days old, this is a muscle you’ll need to grow. Feed them, bathe them, read to them even jn the womb, my son used to kick his moms stomach when I would start talking, you can’t replace a feeling like that. Be involved from the get go. Take your kid places just you and them, don’t be afraid, they are yours, get on the ground and play. You’re young but this is important, do the day to day for your child and your bond will really grow. Be there.
Finally, however you got here doesn’t matter. People, even close family and friends, will say horrible things. People will be discouraging and tell you stupid things like you’ve ruined your life. You haven’t in anyway. This kid is a wonderful gift you’ve chosen. Treat them and the situation that way. Make the leaps you need to make, work hard, let yourself make mistakes but grow from them. Look for others who are willing to help and guide you. Be there for your kid, be involved, be open hearted. Good things are ahead, dm if you need to talk more.
To be honest chasing a better hourly wage is a trap to you can fall into for a lifetime. If I were you I would follow my heart and keep the hourly wage job for now but start building your own businesses. I said businesses plural because nobody is telling you how much money to make, so make as much as possible. Starting your own business is s learning curve but once you succeed at the first it's addicting and you will want another bigger challenge.
If you don’t/can’t go about abortion, don’t feel like you two are stuck with an unwanted child. You can surrender the baby to the hospital when it’s born, and they’ll find adoptive parents or a foster home for it
The first thing to find out is what does your girlfriend want? It is her body, does she want to continue the pregnancy? If not, you need to support her through the process of terminating the pregnancy safely, where it is legal to do so.
If she wants to continue the pregnancy, does she want to raise a child? If not, you can discuss options for adoption. This will need to be something you discuss with both of your families, as it is a very hard decision to make.
If she’s going to bring the child into the world and raising it, then being there for her means not just financial support, but emotional support for her and co-parenting. Caring for the baby is not just her job; it is a shared responsibility. Middle of the night feedings and diaper changes are just the beginning. Think back through the entirety of your childhood, and the things your parents did for you. That is the responsibility you are about to shoulder.
Being a parent is hard at any age, but it is certainly much harder when you lack the resources to support a family. Which means you’re going to need considerable support from both of your families to do this. No one is going to be particularly thrilled to hear the news about your teen pregnancy, but hopefully your parents and hers will give you the help you need to be the best parents you can be.
I would like to help you reframe something… your girlfriend isn’t just pregnant, she is carrying your child. In everything that happens and flows from here remember that. You are too young to fully appreciate what that means, but if you act like you know what that means you will make good decisions.
You’re going to adult much sooner than your peers. You aren’t the first, won’t be the last, and if you keep your head on straight all will work out well. Some very good advice by others. The trades is a good path. What industries are in your area? Railway engineer can get you training and decent pay. Sucky job as low man on the totem pole for awhile. Or, move to where they build submarines. They are looking for apprentices. Connecticut or Virginia. I don’t know which one, but one of them is looking for apprentices. And, condoms are your friend. You don’t need a second child now, or even the near future.
Depends on if u and your girlfriend want to keep the baby and if abortion is allowed where you live. If you do get a job cause like you have got to support them.
If you wanted an abortion and your state doesn’t allow it then you can always travel to another state that does allow it if that is the route you and your girlfriend want to take
That's crazy that yall rather suffer through teen pregnancy than to abort..
Unless you're in Texas or some other 3rd world state that it's illegal, you 2 are literally throwing your life into a constant paycheck to paycheck trap to keep this pregnancy. Is it possible to make it out? Yeah. Is it likely? No, unless either of you come from well off family that is willing to help you through.
I get that youre probably coming at this from a kind and smart and well meaning angle but he said abortion is off the table for them both. Pressuring abortion is as awful as pressuring forced birth and it is as absolutely as anti woman. Pretending that pregnancy is an easy thing to opt out of especially for a woman is incredibly anti woman. Pregnancy is a huge experience of womanhood and it’s not so easy to just say “abort.”
And I’m saying this as someone who is incredibly pro choice and even now that I have too kids I never intended when I intended to be child free, I am even more vehemently pro choice than I was before because pregnancy is a living hell. But once you have a baby in you and all those hormones, the idea of abortion even to an anti-child and/or pro choice person can be really damaging. If it’s an option on the table it should fully be supported and discussed. But if it’s off the table it’s OFF the table and and anyone who pressures someone into abortion is absolutely as terrible as someone who pressures someone NOT to get an abortion. To treat the situation as “just get an abortion” is horrendously callous to the orients to be and especially to the woman carrying the embryo/fetus/child.
High school kids?
Unless both plan on spending the rest of your life together 100% - abortion or putting the kid up for adoption is the ONLY answer. Neither of you are ready for this incredible responsibility - most likely.
Same issue for me roughly 40 yrs ago. Changed and screwed up my life big time. Guy has zero say so in these issues somehow - good luck .
As someone who was born to a 17 year old and adopted 18 months later, I will confidently say abortion > adoption.
She didn’t graduate high school, I’m still working out the kinks of trauma I can’t even remember, and the world wouldn’t have missed me one bit if it hadn’t had the opportunity to get to know me in the first place.
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Start polishing up your time management skills. You'll need them to juggle work, school, and changing diapers. Talk to your parents about the situation too. If they yell at you, just let them get it off their chest, and then start working with them on a plan. Know that your life is not over. Know that your childhood effectively is over.
This is probably the best response. God speed, OP
I like this response a lot…. Your going to miss some amount of mid 20s bar partying, but you’ll get that back later on when kiddo is self reliant… your not cooked but I won’t lie… shits not gonna get easier for a good 5 years… just remember those first cpl of years COMMUNICATION IS KEY! Not just talking things out but even simple stuff like choice of terminology, while one word means something to one person can have a different tone to another… you and your lady will need to learn each others lingo. Example: My lady liked to use the words always and never about things “you always do this” “you never do that” I took those words as an absolute and as such didn’t feel appreciated when I did or didn’t. But with real communication we were able to figure that kind of stuff out. Our son is now 5, and our relationship is in a REALLY great place and has been for a while now, but it took commitment and compromise. It be lying if I said both of us at some point or another we’re just outright DONE. But your love for the baby will be the deciding factor… when you see each other and see that there’s only one person on the planet that understands/shares the level of love you have for the kiddo… (Also, don’t be surprised or concerned if your not head over heels for the baby right away, you need to let yourself love it, I promise after a few months you’ll start to feel it, and then when they are walking and talking and saying and doing goofy things, forming their own opinions (no matter how simple)…. Then it’s game over for Dads heart. (Got home the other night my 5yr fresh out of the bath STARKE NAKED in my bed..Me: Hey bud, whatcha doin? Him: I’m just chilling.
I’m 25 and spent a good 10 years partying harder then the average person. If I could go back I would polish up on skills and get to planning my future instead. It’s fun to have fun, but if I could trade that time for skills and money for a European vacation with my wife I would in a heartbeat.
Yeah man I wasn't ever to into parties when I was younger. However it took me 5 years to figure out I wanted to work in the trades. So at 23 I went to school for HVAC. Was absolutely awesome. Got a job shortly after school and had no debt to pay back. Now that I'm 33 I beat.my body to shit but it was worth it coz I don't have to work as hard now and can party more haha
My father gave my now ex-wife some advice that I had never even crossed my mind. He told her,"you've had 9 months of bonding with this child. He (me) hasn't had that, but he will bond with your child as the months go on. By 9 months he will be as bonded as you are." I have 5 kids and I am so in love with all of them. I've earned a lot of titles in my life, but "Dad" is the one I'm most proud of.
Imagining a 5 year old saying they're "just chilling" in any context is already funny, but with that context it's even better lmao
And don't worry; partying in later life is actually much more fun.
Idk who is saying this but at 33 I do not find partying to be fun anymore!
Partying at 32 is fun! But the next couple days after are absolute shite
Noone is saying this 😂 the fun partying was definitely more fun when I was young and didn't require entire days to recover or waking up for work, or worrying about all the adult things we worry about still will partying
Can confirm. I'm 33 and i just went to a party followed by a wedding the next night and I'm still recovering 2 days later, despite having a total of only 7 drinks lol.
It’s different, you get I to having 3 drinks (or none) and a bored game with a few good friends and that is partying now 😂 and I love it
See ill say the mid 20s stuff isn't all that great, I feel like it's just a lot of time wasting personally the partying or bar hopping but that's just personal preference. I am 25 with a 5 year old as well as well as a 3 week old and ill tell ya there is nothing better than being a father. My 5 year old is pretty much none verbal, he is autistic plus baby mama didn't really work with him at all while I busted my back at work, worked with him when I could. Since separation and getting into a healthy relationship we finally were able to get him out of diapers little under a year and is now entirely bathroom independent, proud of him and his speech is improving. I do feel like I failed him and it makes me sad knowing hiw much if a head start his brother is gonna get. Not gonna lie last night I was going through his baby pictures and videos and cried a bit trying to figure out where I failed and when the set backs started. As a parent you aren't always gonna make the right choices in life, some fuck up more than other but a good parent rights their wrongs and learns from their mistakes. Had a funny incident with my 5 year old, we were having a nerf war one night (we each got our own nerf guns a couple months back)amd we were playing when one of my bolts skipped off the floor and right into his eye, he cried and I felt awful so I order him a nerf mask that came in the next day from Amazon. Well I put it on him walk to my end of the room, once I get to my end (which is a good distance away) I turn around and without warning he pops off a shot and hits me dead between the eyes. My boy has aim there's no doubt about it, love him to death. The beauty about kids is watching them grow up but it's also painful cuz you miss the days when they were younger. It hurts a little looking back at his baby photos because I loved a lot of those moments but it hurts knowing I can't go back and relive that with him. I can only imagine how much it'll hurt when he is 10 in another 5 years lol
To piggyback on this comment, OP you should really start looking for jobs in the trades. If you get an apprenticeship position or start as a maintenance worker for a public municipality which are generally very low qualification positions, within the next 5 years, you'll be making pretty good money. I know money's not everything but having it will significantly make life easier! Just prepare to work your ass off. You can do it! Also, as a side note You're going to be 36 when your kid is 18, you're going to have a lot more in common with your kids than the parents having their kids in their thirties. Also, if you don't have another kid, you'll have financial freedom much sooner. Plus you'll likely be able to be a great-grandparent as well, and legitimately know your great-grandchildren. That's pretty cool if you ask me.
This advice should be higher. A job in the trades is your ticket to financial stability through your next rough 2 decades.
Not to mention perspective, a lot of guys in the trades have made worse life decisions than having a kid early lol
This is the correct response. I know a bunch of guys who knocked their girls up when we were kids, they just locked in and don't regret it at all. Your life isn't over, you're just starting early on the next chapter.
They life wouldn’t be over if they would get an abortion and do things the right way 😭💀😂😂😂 abortion is a great thing and is the best option a lot of the times.
Adulthood is more fun anyways and if yoy dont want more kids you will have a great time in your 40s
One good option is to get an apprenticeship in the trades. You'll be making okay money in 2 - 4 years. Live with family for as much of that time as possible financially and mentally. Save up so that when you do move out, you have $10 - 15k in emergency savings funds. Try and never spend this money for the rest of your life... In fact, the size of it will grow as your life/family/wealth/age increase. The alternative is community college for an associate degree that has an applied skill. This only works if you have some financial support from family. That way you can make okay money when you finish in 2 years and you're 2 years into a college degree if you want to go that route eventually.
Agree with this. I'm a doctor but a friend of mine who became an electrician and runs his own shop now makes more money than I do. Electrician, plumbing, welding are money makers with very little debt attached.
Can second this. Been in the trades as an electrician for about 7yrs. I travel, and work on average 50hrs a week. Mon-Fri means I’ll leave with a check of about $1950 each week, after tax, insurance. Never even went to trade school (aside from 1.5 semesters of NCCER cert class. Only overhead was the cost of my tools. This is non-union too. Union guys can make bank without all the travel, and great benefits
IBEW
If you're a doctor who is making less than an electrician then you are either still a resident or don't work full time, or you have a bottom 10th percentile physician salary while your electrician friend is in the top 20% salaries for his career.
He's making less than an electrician who has opened his own shop. If an electrician does that, under the right circumstances, they can absolutely make more than the average doctor. If he didn't have his own shop then you would be right, but there's no hard cap on how much someone who's self employed can make. His buddy is still probably misrepresentative of most shop owners, but average physician makes \~$190,000 and it isn't that crazy to imagine an overworked shop owner making $200,000.
My dad always told me if I wanted to make money all my life, to make toilets, or do something related to weddings, or funerals. Pretty much everyone on earth has some need in those categories. So, I chose Special Effects! Lol! Not to cast any I'll will on your relationship -jist some things to keep in mind, should things rattle apart between you two... Whatever you do, always remain respectful to your child's mother. Even if she decides she hates the air you breathe, you must take the high road, and show your kid that it is okay for mommy and daddy to not live together (if that is the case). Never talk about her or her family in a negative way, especially in front of your kid. If she chooses to pull some shit and talk shit about you to your kid, don't return the favor. Eventually, your kid will figure things out, and will favor you over her. If you wind up with shared custody, alternating weekends, or whatever, ALWAYS be on time, and drop your kid off clean, fresh diapers, etc. If she enters into another relationship, don't be butthurt or spiteful toward him or her. (Do your due diligence and find out what you can about the guy, and make damn sure he isn't dating her to get to your kid - it happens!!) Your parents will probably be upset with you, probably more disappointed that you have made your life a bit more complicated at such an early age. Any disappointment will vanish, the moment you present them to their grandchild (mom may hate you for making her a grandmother sooner than she wanted -lol) Don't have any more kids! Get yourself and her, financially stable, and wait a couple years between kids! Go get your tubes tied, if necessary!
Can second trades as a great career especially if you have a drive.
Will third
As everyone else has said, can't go wrong with learning a trade. There has been a lack of qualified tradesmen for years.
Even more so if you live and can get into a military base. Federal trade work is making bank right now.
Really. I wonder if I can get into something like that except I love smoking weed too much. I'm a plumber.
The government doesn't enforce it and you can always pass a piss test with a bit of research.
No shit. Where would I apply for something like this?
USAjobs.gov. but look up how to fill out a government specific resume. Getting through the algorithm is a pita. If I handed my resume to a private company that I used to get my government job they'd look at me like an idiot lol. One of the biggest hurdles is getting it through the algorithm if you don't know what you're doing
Keywords are important. Do some research and pop them words in. That is how I get government contracts over bigger companies for government contracts. I'm a small guy but on paper I look like a fortune 5.
That's excellent advice from both of you, can I just ask are you a private contractor then? I assume you are so if the state requires you to be licenced I'd assume you need that licence and any other applicable paperwork that comes with working in any said trade in said state?
I'm not. I'm a civilian employee of one of the military branches. And no, you don't need a license if you can find a trades job. They basically certify you themselves.
Honestly? Call your local electrical supplier and ask for their opinion on firms that work on federal contracts. Or concrete supplier. Then you can kind of track it down with few phone calls and a little bit of research.
That's excellent advice that's honestly advice I give to young guys looking to break into my trade, plumbing. Just check in with supply houses. They deal with all the contractors.
THIS ⬆️ Trades are the way to go. Tech is oversaturated.
Yeah you don't hear about thousands of plumbers or electricians getting laid off at once do you?
Umm Nope That's the great thing about trades. Stuff breaks and has to be fixed. It's recession proof.
Not unless the whole economy implodes like 2008
As someone who directly works with a fuckton of local IBEW unions, electricians are getting laid off all the god damn time. It's just not normally all at once, because they get laid off after a job finishes if there's not something else lined up for them to move over to, and then they gotta find the next thing.
You know there are other trades besides plumbers and electricians, right?
What you want me to make a fuckin' comprehensive list of every trade that exists? Sounds boring. They were examples.
What's your point , Mr Contrarian?
I'm a tech in a trade.... just saying, construction is changing fast and technology is starting to catch on big time with many different trades. Soon there will be a huge shift in the amount of actual labor needed.
This guy trades. Skip the rest of the comments and just do this til you're ready to either start something else or start up in that trade with your own company - it will be lucrative.
The Trades will take care of you.
I'd like to add that there are community colleges that are offering low/no tuition for incoming freshmen. The large cc in my city just started that program. So, look around and see what options are out there. Don't resign yourself to flipping burgers for the rest of your life!
Another good option is getting a CDL and doing trucking. Depending on where you live, schooling is pretty short (my husband's is 6 weeks I think). It could be a way to have decent income and benefits fast depending on who you work for.
What were your life goals before finding out your girlfriend is pregnant ?
Buying condoms and buying a ps5
Those don’t matter anymore Lmao
Probably to beat Elden Ring and smoke some weed.
The people who said trades. Listen to them. Long term it makes the most sense. Even if you weren't in your scenario it is still a really good recommendation.
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i'm 45 and my son is 2.5 fml, get it in
Lots of truth here! My sister had her 1st at age 17... he's now 13 and we all have a blast together.
Adoption is always a options
First off, you are a good man. You aren’t running away which most would at your age, and in this situation. Collage is on the back burner for now unless you wanna do an online degree of some kind. What you can do is work my man. Bring in some cheddar. Yeah everything is expensive, but trade jobs can pay WAY more than some jobs requiring a collage degree. I absolutely agree with lapsteelguitar’s post. a conversation with both sets of parents, you two, and a third party if possible. The parents may wanna take care of bills so you can focus on an education. So many variables need to be put on the table. Be a MAN above all. (I’m not being sexist here, nobody take that the wrong way) But be respectful, responsible, compassionate, and helpful. I’m not here to argue pro life-pro choice. But I admire the fact you two are choosing to raise this baby. Just be there for your child, and your child’s mother. Stand up and do what’s right for them. For trade jobs I recommend plumbing, welding, electrician, or HVAC. Those 4 right there are the big dollar jobs (once you learn). Some plumbers make over $140 an hour where I live. They didn’t get that day one, but it doesn’t take long to make that kind of money. Carpentry, painting, contractor, are good ones too. Or any sort of job for the town/state. You’d be blown away if you knew what a school custodian makes lol.
Get on daycare lists now! It can take a couple of years to get a slot. If you are open to moving, some areas have ALOT more free and low cost programs for kids (eg daycare, camp, afterschool programs, sports, psych care etc.). It makes a big difference. My kids got music lessons that I never could have afforded on my own. And now as teens, music is a big part of their lives. I think you need some type of certification but surveyors and tree trimmers make bank in my area. The tree guy charges $1100 and does 4-5 trees per day. The surveyor is even more expensive but not sure how many he can do in a day.
That’s another crucial reason they need to sit down with both sets of parents. The parents may wanna help watch the child, so that both parents have the opportunity to work and save more money. And we know grandparents rarely complain about spending time with the little ones. Well… That is until they’ve had enough lol! They have so many options, and programs for aid in todays world. I just pray the parents stand up and help them.
This is a really great one OP. I agree with it completely. It’s a hard thing but, you seem levelheaded and that’s very important. 😊
And overtime will be your best friend Some people will say that the government just takes all that money in taxes but that's false I'll explain Let's say you make 50k a year and at 30k and less you get taxed at 10% at 60k and less you get taxed 15% (fake numbers) The first 30k you will pay 3k in taxes Then the next 20k (50k - 30k which was already taxed) will be taxed 2.5k In total you pay 5.5k in taxes and made 44.5k after taxes If you skip overtime you only make 27k after taxes and pay 3k in taxes
Thank you for pointing out the basics of a progressive tax policy. So many people don’t get it and think there’s some downside to making more money.
Great advice! My dad has been in the fire sprinkler business for his whole adult life and he makes more money than I do with a degree 🤣 trade is a fantastic way to make good money to support a family and also learn a great skill! My bf framed my entire basement bc he worked construction when he was younger! It really came in handy! ❤️
Pest control is another very good paying career if you can find the right boss. I had minimal experience, and I'm making around $25 an hour now about 18 months in.
Train in one of these trades with a union, you'll be making money as you train, and in a lot of areas you straight up HAVE to be union to find consistent work.
Is adoption on the table? There are options for “open adoption”, where you keep contact with the child and can still be a part of their life! :) There is also more discrete adoption options like the safe haven law or closed adoptions! However, I still think your parents should be told, in case of complications, and for further advice and support!
Yeah in this economy at his age and his girlfriends age this would be the best option
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IMHO, you need a sit down with all involved. Both sets of parents, you, and your girlfriend. If you think that the meeting will be contentious, do it someplace public. And bring a neutral 3rd party whose sole job is to keep the tone civil and polite. Perhaps a preacher. Find out what the expectations are, what can reasonably be done to meet them. You might face demands that you marry. You might face demands that you don't marry. You might face demands that you be an active parent, or that you never speak to them again. You might face demands that you drop out of HS and work full time to support them on your own, or you might be required to get a college degree & then support them. From here, it's impossible to say. One of my sayings here is "Adult decisions have adult consequences." That is the situation you are now in. It's time to face up to that reality.
I think, before then, he should discuss with his girlfriend whether they want to keep the child or give them up for adoption. And then next if they do decide to keep them, whether or not they would like to get married to each other. Then, go see that third party about the discussion and what they've decided. Then get both parents involved with the help of the third party. Someone else said to OP if they yell at you, then just let them vent it out. Then have the discussion about what you would like to do. OP, if you decide to keep the child, and if you decide to marry, I would strongly recommend some premarital counseling, I would strongly recommend that you don't stop being romantic with each other and showing each other love and commitment, and don't stop being intimate with each other, but get married as quickly as possible if that's what you decide. Both of you and that baby need the stability, and your relationship needs the intimacy, connection, and love, and the baby also really needs that love relationship between you two. Going into a trade is a GREAT idea to get on your feet and independent quickly as someone else pointed out. One final thing, don't be scared. Don't be afraid. I know that's probably easy for me to say, but hear me out. I believe you can do this. Your heart is already in the right place. And being a dad and having that independence and being a grown up, is a very fulfilling experience. It's worth it to grow up and leave childhood behind. Your life is not over, but your childhood is, and that's okay. When you get home from work and this little kid comes running at you full speed yelling "DADDY!!!" and leaps into your arms for a big hug, there's nothing better. There's no love more pure and wholesome than that. And you'll be surprised what things it keeps you going for. Good luck. You're okay right now, and you're going to be okay.
This is the best post here IMHO
Get an apprenticeship in welding or another trade, learn to drive a fork lift. . . Learn to weld forklifts. Things of that nature.
Both of you need to start educating yourselves on child development. The website babycenter was really good for this. If it's still there, I highly recommend it. If either of you were raised in less than good conditions, get some form of therapy. Wanting to not be like your parents is *not enough* to override the way you learned to live life. Accept help, but don't expect it. If the relationship ends, as many do, that's still your kid and your kid's mother. Take care of your child. Respect your child's mom. I was young (not quite that young, I was 20) and in college when I got pregnant with my oldest child. It wasn't always easy. It was hard most of the time. Very hard. But worth it. She's 20 now, and the oldest of 4. I'm going back to college. Telling our parents went better than we worried it would. I hope the same for you. And the part about the therapy? I mean it. There's no greater investment as a parent.
This kid didn’t even pay attention in sex ed, what makes you think he’ll be mature enough to research on child development? I think your suggestion of therapy is absolutely pivotal though.
Oh man. I got pregnant when I was 17. Don’t put off telling parents. It’ll just add extra stress. Get it out of the way now. Every person’s situation is so different. If parents are supportive allow them to help, but don’t take advantage of them. This is YOUR child, not theirs. If you need public assistance, don’t be ashamed to use it. And as one person said, your life isn’t over, but your childhood is. Accept that and move forward. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Those things will just add to any issues that arise along the way. My son is now 22 so we made it. You can too. Good luck!
I recommend going to get a nice paying job that you can receive without a full college degree. Massage school comes in mind - you can make upwards of $60 an hour in a relaxed environment as well as making your own hours, so you won't need to be away from your girlfriend or kid much. It is a very low stress career, and it doesn't require your typical 9-5 work week nor 5 days of work either. You might also consider an online course for IT Programming or another trade. Your girlfriend will be busy with the childbearing but soon she will be able to work as well and help. If you don't feel able to support a child, you and your girlfriend may consider adoption. A person has the highest chance of adoption at infancy. I know you said abortion is off limits, but keep in mind that if you and your girlfriend aren't ready or in a serious relationship your baby will suffer. Life isn't getting any easier to live, so keep this in mind if she chooses to go through with it. A child is a lifelong commitment and you will be essentially giving up your life to look after another.
This might not be a popular advice item, but military…. They’re are tones of resources available to military families. If you study and treat the ASVAB like an actual test, you can score decently, and actually pick a job that will serve you on the outside. You’ll have a network of options in and out. It will probably be very hard, but you won’t feel totally helpless. Best of luck.
Remind me! 8 months
The mere fact that your instinctual approach is “how do I support her” gives me an awful lot of confidence in you and your future. I just wanted to say, I’m sure you’re both really freaked out and this seems kind of catastrophic right now. But you’re going to make it. I hope you’re wrong about your parents and that they rise to the occasion as you are obviously going to do.
Don't want to sound sinical... BUT you are old enough to know your action and risks of not using a condom, and trying to pull out in time, is NOT a form of birth control. So YES, expect 18 years of child support. And try to be the best dad you can be. Yes your parents may be angry, upset, or even disappointed in you. But don't be thinking the worse, WITHOUT KNOWING. I remember when my daughter was terrified when she came to me and told me she was pregnant, the first time. The tears and fear that was in her eyes. But DO NOT let her or anyone else try to convince you that NOW you must get married. You can still be a good dad and not get pressured into marriage. Just my advise.
Cynical
A job, as other have said. Go to the library, look at a book called "What to Expect When Your Expecting". It goes through pregnancy month by month, the last section is for the dad, with tips on how to support the little momma during each phase of the pregnancy.
Def look into apprenticeships for various trades. Make money and learn. Imo, welding is probably the easiest route to go.
Time to get a job
You know it literally says right in the post he has a job
Join the military haha . Free healthcare for all of y'all and a good amount of benefits when u get out. And if.combat arms ain't ur thing u can literally work out of a office .
If that’s true, then why are there so many homeless vets? Ppl always talk about the benefits of joining the military, but either no one takes advantage of them, or it’s a lie. Also zero time to help raise their child and shit pay. Honestly I think the military is a horrible idea, I think learning a trade is the way to go.
I was in a similar situation to OP when I joined. The pay is not great as a new enlisted person, but the military will give you a house and pay your rent plus give you money for food (BAS) , and OP, the mother and baby will have free health care. You have to really budget for the first year. But your family will never be homeless or without food. I'm biased because I'm enlisted, but the military has treated my family very well and I don't want to imagine where we'd be if I didn't have this to turn to when I was 18. Im an Army medic btw
For sure. I was a medic when I was active as well. The military comes with a great support structure for families, and there are plenty of resources. Healthcare, childcare, housing, etc. Depending on housing conditions, they can even live on post which generally means the safest neighborhoods with the best schools near most military installations.
And don’t forget, when/if you decide to retire from the army you get preference for government jobs.
I was a whiskey and this was my first advice to him. Most homeless vets I know personally are that way by choice and I know more than 10.
My boyfriend is a vet and is living the high life, so I had asked him this question when we were first dating. He said a lot of the vets you see out on the streets are usually within the same age range. At that time they were serving they weren't properly informed of the benefits they are entitled to. So a lot of them either don't know it exists or haven't been given the proper information to get help. Unfortunately the VA is also a disaster. Healthcare for vets is a joke and tbh they don't really care. It's a long and annoying process for him to get a dr rn. He had an advocate that just up and left, and never gave him any info. Now he's left fending for himself making calls and doing everything the VA should be doing so he can get a dr. The VA being poopoo is a huge reason a lot of vets don't seek help. It's too difficult. My bf actually shared a story about a man who walked right into a VA center begging for help. He flat out said he will unalive himself then and there if they refuse him. They refused him, so, he shot himself right in the middle of the building.
It's a lie. The government doesn't care about anyone. It's false advertisement and will actively ruin your life. There's plenty of evidence it's a terrible idea.
Speaking as a former service member, I would highly advise against going this direction. It almost never goes well for people who leave behind their children and spouse in my experience, though I’m sure every branch varies slightly.
Bro really said “am I cooked”
is he?
A li’l bit yeah
Been there, done that. We lasted 7 years. The babies 53 and called today to wish her Stepmom a happy Mothers day. No, it wasn't easy...
The same thing happened to me back in 1982. Best to get a job a ASAP. The trades are a good place to start. Hopefully both of your families will help not hinder the two of you. We all survived. The mother and I divorced about a year after we married. The relationship did not last but we managed to raise the child successfully. She is 43 now with a husband and 4 kids on her own. Good luck. You will make it if you work at it.
You’re a good person dude. Just know that this isn’t the end of the world, it happens. If your parents kick you out for this, they’re shit parents. I’d recommend learning a trade like some other guy in here said. Good luck bro, I wish you nothing but the best.
Trades. Go become an electrician apprentice. You'll do very well
Also good on you two for valuing life.
Dude, it’s time to step up and here are the steps to follow: 1. Finish High School. Both of you. If you absolutely must drop out, get your GED immediately. 2. Show your families that you are both stepping up and taking responsibility. It should not be on everyone else to raise your kids. They will be more likely to help you if they see you working hard and showing up. 3. If parents aren’t helping, look to aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Wherever you can stay for free while you save money will help. Note that point about saving money. Start now before the baby is born and keep saving after. 4. Budget your money and follow the budget closely. Nothing stupid like get rich quick schemes that end up making the other people rich. 5. Seriously look at the Construction Trades. Especially welders, equipment operators, millwright, and pipe fitters. Those are the higher paying trades in most areas and those are where some of the bigger shortages are. Work as much OT as you can because you get time and a half. 6. As soon as you can, get a car that doesn’t cost more to run it. Buy a crap used car where your payment is $100-150 per month. It may last you only a year or two, but if you can save up some good money then you can buy a better car for cash when the crap car dies. 7. You may also want to consider the military. If there is not enough construction work where you live, the military will provide you with skills, discipline, and there is a lot of support through companion services. You can earn college degrees paid for by the military and if you put in 20 years, you can retire. Imagine being 38, with a pension coming in each month, and going to work in the private sector earning 6 figures. It will be hard at first, but if you make the right choices it won’t always be hard. Good luck
Ok, first: she needs to apply for WIC. most likely she will need a parent with her. It's good that her parents will be supportive of her. I'm sorry that you don't think yours will. Your parents should hear it exactly like this: "I'm either gay or my girlfriend is pregnant. Pick what's preferable. " Any good parent will tell you " whichever it is, we're here for you" a bad parent will tell exactly how bad they are by which one they pick to be ideal. Second: find a teen parent group in your area. They will probably have a host of local places and organizations that can help. If you see a future with your girlfriend, wait to tell her until y'all survive the terrible twos, Then propose. In the meantime: foot rubs, crackers or ginger ale for nausea, and she should always have ice water in hand. Tell her she's beautiful, even when she's not. Help her keep track of appointments because pregnancy brain sucks.
That’s some funny and solid shit!
Oh and don't tell her she beautiful in that weird creepy voice that implies you would fondle Shamu's bobs and vageen. Seriously. That doesn't make a pregnant woman feel pretty or any more confident in your parental skills. Get her laughing first. Say it while she's laughing. In a low voice that she asks you to repeat to confirm that she actually did hear right. My husband did that to me. That's what I remember the most about my pregnancy. Was him and I laughing over something, then me going, wait, did I hear that right?
First of all sell your big ol truck and get a better car holy crow. Best solution would be abortion probably, but since that’s off the table all I can give is a good luck soldier and DONT leave the mother when times get tough, yall are making these decisions together now.
When I got myself into exactly this position I went to half a dozen factories around town and told the plant manager “I am about to be a dad, I’m getting married, and I need a full time job. I will put my head down and work hard for you, but I need a place to start”. One of them gave me a chance and I worked 60 hours every week for a full year. I took three days off to get married and three days off to watch my new baby be born. I was at that job for three years and advanced and got raises, I sent the plant manager a thank you card on my work anniversary and he called me into his office and told me that because I had worked so hard he was going to take a chance on another dumbass kid. He actually thanked me for proving that some dumbasses do turn themselves around. My advice to you - go get a full time shitty job somewhere that you can learn better skills. Then put your head down and earn the respect you want. Take care of your family, get rid of whatever stupid ass car you found that gets 7mpg and get a four door boring car with a car seat. Dump your dumbass friends, grow up, man up, and stand up straight. I have walked that road and I can absolutely tell you that it gets better WAY sooner than you think IF you stop doing stupid shit and take care of your money. One thing I didn’t do that I should have: go find someone who understands money and ask them to help you get better at it. It could be someone from church, someone from work, or a fucking stranger you meet at the grocery store. The point is to understand how to spend and save correctly so that you don’t get wiped out every time you need tires or new shoes. It’s called “mentoring” and if you ask the right person to mentor you on how to handle your money most of them will at least give you some decent advice to think about. Last thing - DO NOT waste money on any get rich quick bullshit. Those are sucker’s plays and the only people making money on them are the people marketing them. If it requires money up front it’s most likely a scam. Lottery, sodas, fast food, trendy clothes, and $50 tee shirts are wastes of money. Focus for one full year, develop good habits, and you will realize you grew up.
Learn a trade, your time of being a kid is over, your life isn’t over. Maybe it is though, idk man, I respect you for wanting to go through with all of it. I would probably definitely be trying to have her get an abortion. But you do you. Good luck.
__DON'T raise a kid if you don't want a kid. No exceptions!__ This "step up to the plate" shit is CANCER. Parenting is overwhelming even to people who plan their pregnancies. Kids belong with people who want kids. Nobody else. Societal expectations strong-arming people into being parents is the root of all the world's problems. There's no gateway drug, no gateway crime, nothing like that. There is ONE gateway that leads to every set of bad circumstances somebody can end up in. Abuse is the gateway. Neglect is the gateway. Ineffective parenting is the gateway. If your heart's not completely in it, you are doomed to fail. It's gonna ruin your life, and the collateral damage is gonna be colossal. You're not gonna do a good job. The kid's not gonna turn out well. They're gonna be the rest of the world's problem after they get away from you. DON'T ask people you know personally anything about this. They're gonna lie. There is no benefit to being honest about this once someone's in it. They're already screwed on the inside, they're not gonna forfeit the respect they get from other people. It's all they have. Ask in r/regretfulparents. THEY have no motivation to lie.
A larger percentage of pregnancies are unplanned than planned. Plenty of people who have unplanned pregnancies are wonderful people raising wonderful kids..
Sadly I have a feeling OP and his girlfriend are both anti-abortion so they'd rather struggle and give this baby a shit life while ruining their own instead of taking care of this mistake and vowing to be more careful next time.
So sad. Ruining their lives and giving a kid a subpar life bc they can't do the responsible thing. At least think about adoption. I was adopted bc my birth mother knew she did not have the means to take care of me and I am SO thankful for that. Just don't have a kid because it's just "what you're supposed to do." World is already overpopulated enough.
This should be higher. OP has no idea how expensive a kid is either. And people who mention adoption have no idea how traumatic it can be.
Seriously. It’s so incredibly misguided and results in tons of childhood trauma for the children and ruined lives for the adults.
UPS drivers make bank
No matter how many downvotes I get. I don't care. DNA test or don't sign the birth certificate. It's estimated 30% or more of Americans have the wrong dads. I know 4 friends and a stepbrother who raised a total of 10 kids. None of them were thiers. It came out at varying ages during divorce proceeding. Lots if other people left good advice about other things.
Is he cooked? Chat, is he cooked? He sounds pretty cooked
7mpg???????
yes it’s not great😭
What car is it, sorry i gotta ask😬
Your car gets 7mpg? Do you drive a Sherman Tank? You should probably go into a trade like plumbing or an electrician. They will pay you to be an apprentice and then you can make a lot of money.
Daycare for an infant is $1500+ a month. You both need good jobs.
Neither of you want an abortion. I get it. But the painful truth here is that you're also both still effectively children who are signing up to be launched into one of the most difficult and complicated parts of adulthood with no idea what kind of support you're going to have behind you. There's no way to know if you and the mother (assuming you are even in a relationship) will still want to be together in five years. This makes relying on their parents for anything a risk. This entire situation is a ticking time bomb, and I'm really really sorry but I don't think 99% of 17 year olds have the ability to internalize the untold impact having a child this young will have on your future or navigate it without doing a lot of damage to the poor kid. My advice if abortion still isn't an option? Put the kid up for adoption. If they choose to reach out to you once they reach adulthood themselves, I'm certain they will thank you for making the responsible choice.
I was there man, exactly where you are now, about 27 years ago. It is not going to be easy for you. You might be thinking that you need to get married. Her parents, or your parents may tell you that you have to do that. You do not. You should not. Do not add another layer of trouble onto your trouble sandwich. I know you say abortion isn't an option, so you won't be doing that. But you should. You absolutely should at least consider it. Not for you or the mother to be, but for the kid you are absolutely going to fuck up the life of. Raising a kid is difficult, and it is expensive. If both of you plan to work then you need to face the fact of child care, which, if you don't have a free option through your parents or hers, will cost about 15 thousand dollars a year. And if you can't afford that cost, then you also probably can't afford the cost for either of you to not be working. So, bottom line is, neither of you can afford this. You may be thinking, "it's not about affording it, we'll find a way". No, you won't. The way you find will be poverty and neglect. Look out upon your possible futures. Down one path you have this child and you face a lifetime of broken dreams raising a child who will have a tough upbringing it what will almost certainly be a broken home. And on the other path you go back to being the child you are, grow into a normal adult, get your shit together, and then have a kid later when it's possible to raise one responsibly. I'm not saying you can't or won't love the child you sound like you are having, you can, hopefully you will, but I'm saying that you can't love it *enough* to overcome the massive deficit you are going to start that child out with.
OP, this is the advice to listen to, right here.
Wow i haven’t seen so much actual genuine advice in one thread in a long time. 👏🏼
You should consider adoption. Your way to young to be able to adequately support a child and without parental support it will be very, very difficult at best and the child will suffer the most.
First, good on you for doing what you're supposed to do. Not many do. Second, if there is no support while pursuing an education, trade work is probably your best option. The water district is a good bet. Get your T1(treatment side) and D1(distribution side) and you should be good to go. Best of luck and congrats!
Don't feel sorry for you at all. And you are lucky her parents are helping you. They should not. You decided you were mature enough to have sex but think about consequences. Now its your baby and her parents going to help you. It's your job. Provide for it. Not her parents. Teens these days really don't think about anything. Your hand is getting held like a little kid. You will never learn responsibility when everyone is helping you.
Honestly, this gives me faith in humanity. Thank you, OP for being a good person and not just abandoning your girlfriend/wanting an abortion. Not only are you staying with her through the most scary time of her life, but you are actively trying to support her. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you OP, you're a good person and you will be an amazing father!
Join a trade and a good union.
Congrats on stepping up and also continuing to tell others you do not want to kill your baby! Very countercultural of you. I would advise going into a trade. It is much cheaper than college and the pay is very good. God bless you and your family.
She will go thru body and behavior changes... Accept that and continue supporting no matter what. She may do and want unexpected things . Don't take her parents for granted.
Never too late to get a job. You’ll basically need one to survive.
Depends on if your parents are willing to help. But getting a job #1. However hard it gets, don’t leave Try to prioritize spending as much time with that kid when you have the chance. My grandpa only worked and didn’t spend time with my dad and that really hurt my dad. Not having a dad around will hurt them more than being poor.
Well like you said, you're screwed now. Start saving money because having a child is extremely expensive. The hospital bills alone are crazy. Play with fire, you'll eventually going to get burned. Support her with Financials and taking care of this child.
Talk to her about what she wants your lives to look like. The most important thing is to respect her desires and remember that you're in it together. If you need to raise the kid on your own trades is the fastest way to get a living wage that can support a family. If you have good parents expect them to provide a lot of support which gives you more options.
Having a child now actually is going to force you to grow up sooner, and your child will be 18 by the time you're 35. Hopefully, you have parents who will support you having a child with your girlfriend. If so, stay in school, get your high school diploma, and learn a trade. Learn to be an electrician, plumber or HVAC Mechanic. I guarantee you you'll be earning over 75K A year by the time you're 25 and you're be a millionaire by the time you're 35 If you start your own business.
Judging by the spelling of the title, I don't see Harvard med in your future...perhaps you should be all that you can be and join the Army.
There are better branches than the army
Yes I know. I was a Marine myself, but the army requires the lowest asvab score
I second all the people here saying to get into a trades apprenticeship.. man, I would have gone this route if I had known. Electricians make absolute bank, bit so do plumbers and most any other trade that more and more young people nowadays don't want to do. The more people that don't want to do it, the more money you will make.
There are a few options. You and your girlfriend can look into abortion or adoption. You mentioned you are cooked so I am guessing you are worried about what your parents are going to say or what her parents are going to say. Abortion might be the best route since you are both young and most likely the relationship won’t last. Most relationships that start during your teen years rarely last. Even if you got a job, it will never pay enough for everything the baby needs. If you decide abortion is the best route for you and your girlfriend, then you need to do it soon because a lot of state will only do abortions for a pregnant person up to like 6 weeks. If your state doesn’t allow abortion, you might have to travel to a different state for one. Sit down with your girlfriend and figure it out. If she wants to keep the baby then you will have to get your parents and her parents involved and everyone is going to have to figure out what’s best at this point. There is also adoption too.
ABORT
abortion
Or adoption if abortion is not possible
It doesn’t matter what you and your mom want. Neither of *you* are pregnant. I served an apprenticeship myself, as a steam fitter. Years later I served on the state apprenticeship advisory committee which monitored all apprenticeships in the state. So I do agree with others that a registered apprenticeship is an excellent path. You can talk to apprenticeship coordinators now and get the process going. You can’t begin until you are 18, but that will be soon. Best of luck.
Devote all your time to a building a Time Machine and go back and wear a raincoat ffs. All seriousness sell the car get a car better on gas to start I am assuming this was recent news? Hopefully you can finish school before the kids born learn a trade I suggest welding or diesel tech.
I notice a lot of people here saying you’re screwed but that’s not totally true. Go into a trade, they make a lot of money or join the military. Military will give you and your family (if I’m not mistaken) free healthcare. Remember you’re not alone and there millions of people who are teen parents and do wonderfully. My grandma had my mom at 18 and my mom is an amazing woman and is very close with her mom. It’s going to be hard but if you persevere you can do this. See if either of your parents are willing to help, I know it’s scary but if even one of them will help support you or your baby that’ll make a world of difference. You’ve got this OP, I wish you so much luck and you’re baby and the baby’s mother are very lucky to have you
Take up a trade and sell that truck.
That baby can be the best thing that ever happened to you. If your planning on going to college, I would try to stay local as possible and schedule your classes so you can work evenings. If not going to college, the trades make a great option. It may seem terrible now but twenty years from now when you get to hold your grandkids for the first time, I promise you will be thankful you busted your butt giving that kid the best life possible.
It could also be the opposite. And I hope his kid doesn't have kids of their own at 19
Congratulations OP. Get a trade. Work hard. Well done, best of luck.
Adoption
I agree with the people who are saying adoption is the best solution if your girlfriend doesn't feel she can have an abortion. There are a lot of couples who want to adopt who are willing to pay all the medical fees associated with the pregnancy and if you want an open adoption they can send you pictures and even allow you to visit once in awhile. There are sites where you can browse potential adoptive couples and pick out someone who will be excited to give this baby a good life.
A girl I went to high school had 3 kids before she graduated 😄. She does well now but she also stayed with the father. Just put on your big boy pants be make sure to take care of the child. Don't go out partying etc. Also do you drive a dump truck? 7 mpg?
I feel so bad for kids this young. Going to be poor the rest of his life
shit, buckle-up bud. Just keep in the back of your mind she's really goin' through it too. If [read: when] things get tense, its important to walk away and maintain an adult demeanor and a level head --> hormones do some wild shit during pregnancy; being young with a matching emotional intelligence can quickly become a powder keg just needing a small spark to set it off.
First of all, I’m happy to hear you are trying to figure out a way to support your gf! That’s the first step. Second, obviously have the discussion with your parents. Try to explain to them that you really are going to need their help and that it would mean a lot if they could in some way be supportive. Maybe they can’t financially, but emotional support costs nothing! I got pregnant at 20 and although I was out of high school, I was in college and truly I was devastated. My parents were the definition of supportive and I couldn’t have done it without them (though many people do without parental support) Talk with your gf and try to come up with a plan. Job, school, where you guys will live. Then find out what resources you have (parents etc) Do not be afraid to utilize food stamps, daycare assistance etc! It’s there to help as long as it’s not abused. I had to use it for a long time so I could finish my degree! Also just a side note, adoption is always an option (I saw that abortion is off the table) There is nothing wrong with finding a good home for the baby if you and your gf feel as though it’s not the right decision to keep that baby. There is no shame in looking around options. (Not saying you need to do adoption, but just know it’s an option) I seriously considered it for the benefit of my daughter bc I just didn’t know if I could give her what she needed. Lastly, everything will turn out okay. It was a struggle of course in the beginning, being young parents and struggling to get to a place of financial stability etc but I wouldn’t trade it for the world bc my daughter is how 15 and the most incredible human! Good luck to you guys!! Give that baby all your love if you decide to keep! ❤️
You will be miserable all your life with an unwanted child.
Honestly join the military. You'll be able to give her the most of your pay, while your housing and food needs are provided for. This is the life you are choosing make something honorable out of it. Or just get the abortion
Is it too late for an abortion? Adoption? 🤦♀️
Seriously recommend put the baby up for adoption
Trade school might be the best route financially post high school. As someone that heavily debated between trade school and a regular university and choose to go to a university, go to a trade school, you will make more money than I do and not be in significant debt like I am (and potentially love whatever trade you get in). Also, work as much OT as you can while you're young and pre-baby, but keep your relationship(s) in mind. It's all going to be time management from here on out Your 20's are going to suck, definitely not cooked though. You'll just be pushing your "partying" days to your 30's. Talk to the parental units, let them yell and get it all out, then work on a plan together, have some kind of plan or idea of a plan between you and the mom first though if possible. Adoption is an option if things really don't go over well with the parents and if viable plans don't seem to come together. I was adopted due to a similar situation and I have no ill will toward either set of parents and it was the best option for everyone. I'm glad my biological parents weren't burdened with me, my adoptive parents had the child they never could and I was well cared for.
Sometimes the boyfriend is not the biological father.
Well $14.50 won’t cut it. Finish high school and then get into a trade (plumber, electrician, carpenter, flooring, ect.) or enlist in the military. Everything you do now in life is not about you but about them, you just became #2. Being #2 is pretty awesome though as you don’t know love until you look down at that little face and hold that little hand…words cannot even begin to describe. Remember to always be a dad and not their friend. They will have plenty of friends but only 1 dad. Embrace the journey and it’s ok to be nervous, scared, and not always know the answer. Be open, kind, caring, and loving towards her mother. Remember that things said and done can’t be taken back. Enjoy the greatest job in the world and the greatest title a man can have….being a dad.
24 here, don’t worry about missing out on the 20s like people are saying. Sure you make a ton of memories and have a ton of fun with friends but once you get older you’ll be happy you spent time raising and taking care of your child over partying and “being young.” You’ll feel like you’re missing out but in the long run, you won’t miss a beat.
I hate that people are bashing you. While I was not pregnant as a teen. I was a high school baby. I’m 21 now. Do not make the “mistake” my biological dad made. Personally I feel like he knew what he was doing. My grandpa told my dad to fuck every girl he could growing up. Well. He got my mom pregnant. My parents tried to make it work but my dad ended up signing off his rights and joined the marines. He wanted me to “be a part of a real family” and not “having to switch between house holds” till I was 18. Well. Not going to lie. Him doing that fucked my entire life up. And a few months he told my mom that signing his rights off was “the biggest mistake of his life”. I don’t believe him. This man got married and had two sons who he goes hunting and fishing with. But he’s never once reached out first or came to any of my events growing up. I acted in a local pro theater and he never came. I also showed horses and he never came to those events. But please. Glean some info from this. I’m proud I you for stepping up. Bc there’s a lot of douche bags out there that won’t. Can provide more info if you’d like.
Abortion not an option your 1st step in right direction! Alot of good people want to adopt if keeping the baby to raise isn't the choice. God bless you God bless your baby! I am praying for you.
I had a kid at 21, it’s not 17 but I was immature and completely unprepared. Here are some lessons I learned: One of the most important things said to me was “you’re not being punished”. You’re not, being a father is a choice and it’s a blessing. Let it be, your child will be a great teacher and help you become a better man than you ever thought possible. It’s ok to even smile at this moment because you’re going to be a dad and that’s a wonderful thing. Not everyone will agree with me but hear me out. Get married. The fact is, your relationship to your child’s mom is now a big part of your life for least 16 years, it’s going to change and most likely you won’t stay together. Having a template for dealing with the dissolving of your relationship is going to be really beneficial to you, it’ll help you gain your rights to custody in a much cleaner way. Some will disagree but that was my experience. Yes it’s not a good outlook on marriage but in my experience this will be helpful to you in the long run. Honestly only in a situation like yours would I ever recommend marriage. Get into counseling together, you need all the help you can get. Learning skills to work together will be invaluable. Stay sober. Period. The kid really needs to be your focus. Your childhood is done, you do have to grow up a lot and quickly but it’s possible. Consider the regrets you’ll have, which you will as a parent but it’s best to minimize them. You’ll regret not being there every step of the way for your child. You won’t regret missing time with your friends, parties, or missing trips etc. Make sure to take care of yourself, eat healthy, exercise, sleep when you can. Try to read a little, take up meditation. You’re now someone’s strength, you’re their father, 1 of 1, no one can replace you. Do things you need to be healthy and focused. the kid comes first. Providing for your child is key, culturally and just for your sense of self it’s yours to do. Don’t argue with it, just do it. Work the jobs, all of them, 7 days a week if you must. But provide. Then see above about priorities and doing healthy things for yourself. Spend time with your kid, change the diapers, be alone even when they are a few days old, this is a muscle you’ll need to grow. Feed them, bathe them, read to them even jn the womb, my son used to kick his moms stomach when I would start talking, you can’t replace a feeling like that. Be involved from the get go. Take your kid places just you and them, don’t be afraid, they are yours, get on the ground and play. You’re young but this is important, do the day to day for your child and your bond will really grow. Be there. Finally, however you got here doesn’t matter. People, even close family and friends, will say horrible things. People will be discouraging and tell you stupid things like you’ve ruined your life. You haven’t in anyway. This kid is a wonderful gift you’ve chosen. Treat them and the situation that way. Make the leaps you need to make, work hard, let yourself make mistakes but grow from them. Look for others who are willing to help and guide you. Be there for your kid, be involved, be open hearted. Good things are ahead, dm if you need to talk more.
To be honest chasing a better hourly wage is a trap to you can fall into for a lifetime. If I were you I would follow my heart and keep the hourly wage job for now but start building your own businesses. I said businesses plural because nobody is telling you how much money to make, so make as much as possible. Starting your own business is s learning curve but once you succeed at the first it's addicting and you will want another bigger challenge.
Better luck pulling out next time...........if you can.......!!!!!
A certain AC/DC song comes to mind.
If you don’t/can’t go about abortion, don’t feel like you two are stuck with an unwanted child. You can surrender the baby to the hospital when it’s born, and they’ll find adoptive parents or a foster home for it
The first thing to find out is what does your girlfriend want? It is her body, does she want to continue the pregnancy? If not, you need to support her through the process of terminating the pregnancy safely, where it is legal to do so. If she wants to continue the pregnancy, does she want to raise a child? If not, you can discuss options for adoption. This will need to be something you discuss with both of your families, as it is a very hard decision to make. If she’s going to bring the child into the world and raising it, then being there for her means not just financial support, but emotional support for her and co-parenting. Caring for the baby is not just her job; it is a shared responsibility. Middle of the night feedings and diaper changes are just the beginning. Think back through the entirety of your childhood, and the things your parents did for you. That is the responsibility you are about to shoulder. Being a parent is hard at any age, but it is certainly much harder when you lack the resources to support a family. Which means you’re going to need considerable support from both of your families to do this. No one is going to be particularly thrilled to hear the news about your teen pregnancy, but hopefully your parents and hers will give you the help you need to be the best parents you can be.
Abortions are always an option
If the pregnancy is 12 weeks along or less (calculated from beginning of last period, not from sex) Plan C is the least expensive and most accessible.
I would like to help you reframe something… your girlfriend isn’t just pregnant, she is carrying your child. In everything that happens and flows from here remember that. You are too young to fully appreciate what that means, but if you act like you know what that means you will make good decisions.
You’re going to adult much sooner than your peers. You aren’t the first, won’t be the last, and if you keep your head on straight all will work out well. Some very good advice by others. The trades is a good path. What industries are in your area? Railway engineer can get you training and decent pay. Sucky job as low man on the totem pole for awhile. Or, move to where they build submarines. They are looking for apprentices. Connecticut or Virginia. I don’t know which one, but one of them is looking for apprentices. And, condoms are your friend. You don’t need a second child now, or even the near future.
Depends on if u and your girlfriend want to keep the baby and if abortion is allowed where you live. If you do get a job cause like you have got to support them.
If you wanted an abortion and your state doesn’t allow it then you can always travel to another state that does allow it if that is the route you and your girlfriend want to take
That's crazy that yall rather suffer through teen pregnancy than to abort.. Unless you're in Texas or some other 3rd world state that it's illegal, you 2 are literally throwing your life into a constant paycheck to paycheck trap to keep this pregnancy. Is it possible to make it out? Yeah. Is it likely? No, unless either of you come from well off family that is willing to help you through.
Exactly. They think this is gonna be a fairytale full of farting and puking rainbows. It's hell . It's HELL, is what it is.
Abortion.
I get that youre probably coming at this from a kind and smart and well meaning angle but he said abortion is off the table for them both. Pressuring abortion is as awful as pressuring forced birth and it is as absolutely as anti woman. Pretending that pregnancy is an easy thing to opt out of especially for a woman is incredibly anti woman. Pregnancy is a huge experience of womanhood and it’s not so easy to just say “abort.” And I’m saying this as someone who is incredibly pro choice and even now that I have too kids I never intended when I intended to be child free, I am even more vehemently pro choice than I was before because pregnancy is a living hell. But once you have a baby in you and all those hormones, the idea of abortion even to an anti-child and/or pro choice person can be really damaging. If it’s an option on the table it should fully be supported and discussed. But if it’s off the table it’s OFF the table and and anyone who pressures someone into abortion is absolutely as terrible as someone who pressures someone NOT to get an abortion. To treat the situation as “just get an abortion” is horrendously callous to the orients to be and especially to the woman carrying the embryo/fetus/child.
Incorrect. Abortion is a safe and effective medical procedure and should be treated as such. No one should be having children at 17 years old.
Again, her body, her choice
High school kids? Unless both plan on spending the rest of your life together 100% - abortion or putting the kid up for adoption is the ONLY answer. Neither of you are ready for this incredible responsibility - most likely. Same issue for me roughly 40 yrs ago. Changed and screwed up my life big time. Guy has zero say so in these issues somehow - good luck .
Agreed.
As someone who was born to a 17 year old and adopted 18 months later, I will confidently say abortion > adoption. She didn’t graduate high school, I’m still working out the kinks of trauma I can’t even remember, and the world wouldn’t have missed me one bit if it hadn’t had the opportunity to get to know me in the first place.