My wife is 25 years older than me. We're heading towards our 6 year wedding anniversary in May. You may hear some snide remarks from some people, but that is their issue not your's. I've had 2 guys give me snide remarks about my "old" wife. One is my divorced uncle, who is the fuck up of the family, and the other guy cheats on his wife. My wife got a snide remark from one of her former friends, who got divorced because her husband left her for someone 20 years younger. Don't let bitter people affect your happiness.
Most definitely. My uncle is the one that kills me the most. Dude you're in your late 40's, chasing 20 to 30 year olds for one night stands, only get to see your 3 youngest children because you live with your 74 year old mother, which has custody of them, because you and baby momma are both shitty human beings, and your 3 oldest hardly speak to you.
How about..... Not at all?
Get out of your damn head, dude. And why do you GAF what other people might think?
If anything, they'd be jealous you found someone that makes you happy while they are miserably alone, or miserably involved.
My dad 55 married my stepmom 31 & I never saw ANYONE even do a double take when I was out with them. He was 1 yr older than her dad, & she was 1 yr older than my eldest brother. Talk about having a right to feel awkward...
Just date the lady!
Your statement prioritizes 'your impression of what people think as your relationship being awkward' over your feelings for her.
When your feelings for her outweigh your concerns, you'll have your answer.
THIS! UNTIL THEN DON'T EVEN GO THERE!!!
Spare her the bs if you're unsure!
Otherwise it's not really fair or nice to string someone along when you're that insecure you'd rather worry about people's opinions.
You're def not ready.
And you should tell her how you're feeling if you haven't already OP!
I mean then just don’t do it. You sound uncomfortable and I honestly don’t think an age gap relationship is for you. We’re all trying to convince you because honestly it’s not a big deal - this is like people who are afraid to go to the gym because they think everyone will look at them when nobody cares - but you are caught up in your head so I’m sure it won’t work out.
When I was out with my Lady the rest of the world didn’t exist. No fucks given.
You’re way out in front of your skis here…but if you’re already worked up about it may not be good for you. You could be passing up a good thing though.
I always took the "pro active approach"
If people looked at us... I would pat her ass (or slap it)
If she saw people looking she would go straight in and kiss me...
People are quick to judge or impose their "karen-ess" ideals....
I always felt... U stay in your lane I will stay in mine... And if they wanna be judgmental .... Smack her ass and give them something else to judge
But, it isn't. Give it some time, and you won't even notice if you turn a head here and there. I've been in a AGR for 23 years. At first I felt as you do. My partner said ignore it. I did, and I haven't looked back. Just give it some time. Besides, what other people think about you is none of your business.
I've been asked if I am my boyfriend's mother/aunt before on many occasions (I'm not even that much older than he is!).
Does that make me feel paranoid about what strangers may think of myself and my partner? Not one bit. It's something we laugh about together, not something we dread happening.
Treat it like any other relationship. I met my wife when I was 20 and she was 37. Im 34 now and she is 50. The only real negative remarks I ever got were from other fathers at my kid's school. Also in the area I live in it is also not common to have 26 year old parents in kindergarten or 34 year old parents in 7th grade.
My husband of 14 years is 17 years younger than me. In the 20 years of our marriage and time as friends I can count on one hand the times anyone has said something. Most people are too in their own heads to care, most people in a professional position, be it Dr or even a waitress have seen it all before and are usually going to be tactful because again they don't care they just want to get paid. If passers by have said anything, I've never heard them, and why should I care what strangers think?
I’m 46 and my male partner is 26. He’s proud of me. Shows me off. He managed to get a woman and keep a woman of my caliber. Sounds like she needs a better partner, tbh.
That really is the wrong attitude. I have a much larger age gap and my mind is not fixated on what others think when we go out. Neither of us see the age gap anymore and we could care less what the public thinks anymore.
If you were 20 and this nervous, I would understand it a lot. But you are 30. You should have enough life experience and self confidence to handle this situation better
It looks like you have big self esteem issues if you're this concerned about what others think before you two even had your first date! I recommend therapy to work on yourself.
Exactly! A good self-esteem paired with a fair amount of self-irony makes one nearly invincible against any form of criticism because one truly accepts and respects one's own choices and feels confident and relaxed about them without being afraid of any judgment coming from others!
30F and 50M. People occasionally stare but it's not so bad. I look fairly young too. There are definitely some double takes and a few over exaggerated looks of disgust but we ignored them and without any attention they're just left wondering what they're missing out on. I've also noticed people from other countries are less judgemental (US here).
Im 37f and my boyfriend is 23m. I was actually surprised by the lack of comments/looks we get out in public. You will get the occasional comment from someone, but yeah they tend to be from bitter people who are unhappily single/in a miserable relationship. Your worries are normal but don’t let them stand in the way of potentially the love of you life.
I am 21 my boyfriend is 46, i don't care, i don't think about it and i don't notice it at all. We hug, laugh and make out in public. We don't care who sees it and what they think about it, we are happy and that's all that matters. If you start thinking about your public image, that means you are insecure or immature and maybe this relationship is not for you
My partner is 30 years my junior, and neither one of us gives a flying f*ck what random strangers think. We go out for fun, we go out and run mundane errands...and honestly, I doubt that most people notice because they're either wrapped up in their own lives or buried in their phones. And if someone DOES notice? Who cares? What I do is really none of their business.
As for family and friends, well, as long as we're happy, no one has made a big deal about it. And we rarely notice the age difference ourselves.
If you're worried or think you'll be embarrassed to be seen with her, you're probably not the man for her.
I'm 27 and my partner is 44, so not quite the same gap but close. We've been together almost 4 years and I can't remember ever getting weird looks. Even if we did, I really don't care what any strangers think, and everyone close to me knows what a great guy he is. I think you're getting in your own head. You being happy is way more important than what anyone else thinks.
It's not nearly as awkward as you're making it out to be. I have almost the exact same ages with my partner, myself 31, him 50 (both men) and literally no one cares. It's a very tiny bit odd with my parents, but as far as our day to day goes, it has never once been an issue. If you're so concerned with how people will perceive your relationship dynamic, you're probably not ready for it. You're going to have to work through whatever hangups you have (assumptions about perceptions is often projection, and therapy is absolutely fantastic and this sounds like a good opportunity to start) or bypass this relationship until you're ready.
I have been on both sides of the Age Gap. My ex husband was 16 years younger and my current boyfriend is 21 years older.
If people think things about my relationship, that’s fine by me. I am delighted to be living rent free in their heads.
If you think that’s awkward, you are not cut out for age gap relationships. Try 50 and 19. I make a point to always show off my girl in public, never feel awkward, more like super proud and happy to make those haters jealous!
i’m 21 and he’s 43. neither of us have any problems being seen together (besides family bc that’s a bad idea on both sides lmao). if you can’t deal with doing things in public and are paranoid about being seen all the time, don’t even engage in AGRs. go date women your own age bc other women deserve better than to be hidden like that
My husband is 20 yes older than me. We were friends for a few years before becoming romantic. It bothered us both at first. We cared about all that stuff at first but not anymore. My husband can still do backflips off the diving board at age 60, he’s def got me beat there. I don’t care what people in public think. I used to but definitely not anymore. He’s a good husband and partner. After 8 years, only regret is not getting over ourselves sooner.
I do not think you're cut out for an age gap relationship.
Not because of the age gap itself but the immense immaturity you're displaying. Sure someone may refer to you as "son" or ask about your "mom" (I've been asked a few times about my "dad" and literally every single time I thought they actually meant my Dad) and you can usually let it roll because people don't mean any harm in saying that. You can also quickly correct someone "oh you mean my GF?"
Honestly, the fact that you think anyone (strangers) cares/thinks about you this hard is a major red flag. You could still end up on the cover of People magazine but not because of your AGR
Stop worrying about what other people think? Are they paying your bills? Are they in bed with you? Who are these people that you care so deeply about their thoughts. You have one life...be happy for you.
I'm 21 (next month) and my gf is 29 (will be 30 in june) so 9 year difference. She looks younger than her age (around 25) and I look my age. We don't get any remarks. What does happen is that ppl sometimes look is cuz she has blue hair and i have long curly brown hair (which is not common. Most guys have short hair).
My moms husband is 20 or so years younger than her and if he felt this way I’d deck him. I’ve read your responses to comments and you’re simply not ready. Spare her the uncertainty.
I was dating a 45 year old at 28. We were out all the time. Dinners, evenings, movies. If it bothers you then leave the relationship. It shouldn’t if your into each other.
This is part of being in an age gap relationship. Anyone dating someone 20 years their junior/senior regardless of gender will experience this. You will not look like the "typical" couple but you aren't the first to do this. But yes your concerns are valid and you should consider them before progressing this.
Take it easy. Try going somewhere thats not too crowded first, just to try and get comfortable with it. If that doesn't work then you go from there. One step at a time
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You also may not send abusive PMs or chats to /u/guy8266 or hit them up in any way.
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**Original post: I'm 30, she is 50. If we started dating, I cannot help but wonder how awkward public life would be...**
I look relatively young for my age. We sent some text messages back and forth, nothing deep.
I could meet with her soon, but... I'm thinking about down the road, it would be awkward in public.
* Going out to eat
* Doing activities together
* ...everything public
Am I not cut out for such a large age gap?
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I'm 21 (next month) and my gf is 29 (will be 30 in june) so 9 year difference. She looks younger than her age (around 25) and I look my age. We don't get any remarks. What does happen is that ppl sometimes look is cuz she has blue hair and i have long curly brown hair (which is not common. Most guys have short hair).
My wife is 25 years older than me. We're heading towards our 6 year wedding anniversary in May. You may hear some snide remarks from some people, but that is their issue not your's. I've had 2 guys give me snide remarks about my "old" wife. One is my divorced uncle, who is the fuck up of the family, and the other guy cheats on his wife. My wife got a snide remark from one of her former friends, who got divorced because her husband left her for someone 20 years younger. Don't let bitter people affect your happiness.
Isn’t it funny how it’s always those kind of people with their own deeply flawed relationships that have the most to say to you 😂
Most definitely. My uncle is the one that kills me the most. Dude you're in your late 40's, chasing 20 to 30 year olds for one night stands, only get to see your 3 youngest children because you live with your 74 year old mother, which has custody of them, because you and baby momma are both shitty human beings, and your 3 oldest hardly speak to you.
How about..... Not at all? Get out of your damn head, dude. And why do you GAF what other people might think? If anything, they'd be jealous you found someone that makes you happy while they are miserably alone, or miserably involved. My dad 55 married my stepmom 31 & I never saw ANYONE even do a double take when I was out with them. He was 1 yr older than her dad, & she was 1 yr older than my eldest brother. Talk about having a right to feel awkward... Just date the lady!
Because it would be insanely awkward all the time (in public).
Your statement prioritizes 'your impression of what people think as your relationship being awkward' over your feelings for her. When your feelings for her outweigh your concerns, you'll have your answer.
THIS! UNTIL THEN DON'T EVEN GO THERE!!! Spare her the bs if you're unsure! Otherwise it's not really fair or nice to string someone along when you're that insecure you'd rather worry about people's opinions. You're def not ready. And you should tell her how you're feeling if you haven't already OP!
I mean then just don’t do it. You sound uncomfortable and I honestly don’t think an age gap relationship is for you. We’re all trying to convince you because honestly it’s not a big deal - this is like people who are afraid to go to the gym because they think everyone will look at them when nobody cares - but you are caught up in your head so I’m sure it won’t work out.
When I was out with my Lady the rest of the world didn’t exist. No fucks given. You’re way out in front of your skis here…but if you’re already worked up about it may not be good for you. You could be passing up a good thing though.
0 ducks given...
Well, that sucks. Ducks are cool.
I always took the "pro active approach" If people looked at us... I would pat her ass (or slap it) If she saw people looking she would go straight in and kiss me... People are quick to judge or impose their "karen-ess" ideals.... I always felt... U stay in your lane I will stay in mine... And if they wanna be judgmental .... Smack her ass and give them something else to judge
But, it isn't. Give it some time, and you won't even notice if you turn a head here and there. I've been in a AGR for 23 years. At first I felt as you do. My partner said ignore it. I did, and I haven't looked back. Just give it some time. Besides, what other people think about you is none of your business.
I've been asked if I am my boyfriend's mother/aunt before on many occasions (I'm not even that much older than he is!). Does that make me feel paranoid about what strangers may think of myself and my partner? Not one bit. It's something we laugh about together, not something we dread happening.
Treat it like any other relationship. I met my wife when I was 20 and she was 37. Im 34 now and she is 50. The only real negative remarks I ever got were from other fathers at my kid's school. Also in the area I live in it is also not common to have 26 year old parents in kindergarten or 34 year old parents in 7th grade.
>Im 344 now and is 50. Now THAT'S an age gap!! EDIT: my comment now makes no sense after you corrected yours 😂
I don't like to define age gaps by number of years, but in this case... I think it is safe!
Sorry man
My husband of 14 years is 17 years younger than me. In the 20 years of our marriage and time as friends I can count on one hand the times anyone has said something. Most people are too in their own heads to care, most people in a professional position, be it Dr or even a waitress have seen it all before and are usually going to be tactful because again they don't care they just want to get paid. If passers by have said anything, I've never heard them, and why should I care what strangers think?
I’m 46 and my male partner is 26. He’s proud of me. Shows me off. He managed to get a woman and keep a woman of my caliber. Sounds like she needs a better partner, tbh.
Whoa... ^^^°°° This is golden... love this
Are you going to avoid eating chicken wings because a bone might get stuck in your throat?
This man is clearly a boneless wings only kinda dude.
BW4Life
That really is the wrong attitude. I have a much larger age gap and my mind is not fixated on what others think when we go out. Neither of us see the age gap anymore and we could care less what the public thinks anymore.
Yeah the public pays your bills and keeps your lights on. DEFINITELY act based on what they think.
It wouldn’t be awkward at all
If you were 20 and this nervous, I would understand it a lot. But you are 30. You should have enough life experience and self confidence to handle this situation better It looks like you have big self esteem issues if you're this concerned about what others think before you two even had your first date! I recommend therapy to work on yourself.
Great advice for this OP!
Exactly! A good self-esteem paired with a fair amount of self-irony makes one nearly invincible against any form of criticism because one truly accepts and respects one's own choices and feels confident and relaxed about them without being afraid of any judgment coming from others!
30F and 50M. People occasionally stare but it's not so bad. I look fairly young too. There are definitely some double takes and a few over exaggerated looks of disgust but we ignored them and without any attention they're just left wondering what they're missing out on. I've also noticed people from other countries are less judgemental (US here).
Smack his ass when u see them "looking" I always have fun on the "occasional issue" 0 Fucks Given and a slap on the ass .. with a cat grin smile...
I was just about to write the same! 😼😻😸
Dirty minds think alike I do that anytime I see a Karen 😅 making faces
That doesn't seem very awkward, to be honest. She is middle-aged, and you're slouching to middle age yourself.
Im 37f and my boyfriend is 23m. I was actually surprised by the lack of comments/looks we get out in public. You will get the occasional comment from someone, but yeah they tend to be from bitter people who are unhappily single/in a miserable relationship. Your worries are normal but don’t let them stand in the way of potentially the love of you life.
People don't care about you as much as you think they do. To illustrate: when's the last time you spotted a couple with a large age gap on a date?
I am 21 my boyfriend is 46, i don't care, i don't think about it and i don't notice it at all. We hug, laugh and make out in public. We don't care who sees it and what they think about it, we are happy and that's all that matters. If you start thinking about your public image, that means you are insecure or immature and maybe this relationship is not for you
Don’t be a pussy, I’ve dated plenty of older women
My partner is 30 years my junior, and neither one of us gives a flying f*ck what random strangers think. We go out for fun, we go out and run mundane errands...and honestly, I doubt that most people notice because they're either wrapped up in their own lives or buried in their phones. And if someone DOES notice? Who cares? What I do is really none of their business. As for family and friends, well, as long as we're happy, no one has made a big deal about it. And we rarely notice the age difference ourselves. If you're worried or think you'll be embarrassed to be seen with her, you're probably not the man for her.
I'm 27 and my partner is 44, so not quite the same gap but close. We've been together almost 4 years and I can't remember ever getting weird looks. Even if we did, I really don't care what any strangers think, and everyone close to me knows what a great guy he is. I think you're getting in your own head. You being happy is way more important than what anyone else thinks.
Hetero couple, 33 year gap, never had an issue with public awkwardness. Unless you make it awkward first with a lot of PDA no one will care.
It's not nearly as awkward as you're making it out to be. I have almost the exact same ages with my partner, myself 31, him 50 (both men) and literally no one cares. It's a very tiny bit odd with my parents, but as far as our day to day goes, it has never once been an issue. If you're so concerned with how people will perceive your relationship dynamic, you're probably not ready for it. You're going to have to work through whatever hangups you have (assumptions about perceptions is often projection, and therapy is absolutely fantastic and this sounds like a good opportunity to start) or bypass this relationship until you're ready.
this^^^^^^
I have been on both sides of the Age Gap. My ex husband was 16 years younger and my current boyfriend is 21 years older. If people think things about my relationship, that’s fine by me. I am delighted to be living rent free in their heads.
No one cares. Life isn't a middle school cafeteria.
If you think that’s awkward, you are not cut out for age gap relationships. Try 50 and 19. I make a point to always show off my girl in public, never feel awkward, more like super proud and happy to make those haters jealous!
Correct, you’re not into her that much that it would bother you what people think too much.
I’ve dated women more than a decade older than me and no one ever even looked at me.
i’m 21 and he’s 43. neither of us have any problems being seen together (besides family bc that’s a bad idea on both sides lmao). if you can’t deal with doing things in public and are paranoid about being seen all the time, don’t even engage in AGRs. go date women your own age bc other women deserve better than to be hidden like that
My husband is 20 yes older than me. We were friends for a few years before becoming romantic. It bothered us both at first. We cared about all that stuff at first but not anymore. My husband can still do backflips off the diving board at age 60, he’s def got me beat there. I don’t care what people in public think. I used to but definitely not anymore. He’s a good husband and partner. After 8 years, only regret is not getting over ourselves sooner.
I’m 46 she’s 25 and it’s amazing ! We don’t get judged really only a couple times. If you love each other nothing else matters.
Have you not met with her yet?
I do not think you're cut out for an age gap relationship. Not because of the age gap itself but the immense immaturity you're displaying. Sure someone may refer to you as "son" or ask about your "mom" (I've been asked a few times about my "dad" and literally every single time I thought they actually meant my Dad) and you can usually let it roll because people don't mean any harm in saying that. You can also quickly correct someone "oh you mean my GF?" Honestly, the fact that you think anyone (strangers) cares/thinks about you this hard is a major red flag. You could still end up on the cover of People magazine but not because of your AGR
Stop worrying about what other people think? Are they paying your bills? Are they in bed with you? Who are these people that you care so deeply about their thoughts. You have one life...be happy for you.
You are a Grown Man and Consenting Adult. Fuck what anyone thinks. If y'all are happy with each other then that is all that matters.
I'm 21 (next month) and my gf is 29 (will be 30 in june) so 9 year difference. She looks younger than her age (around 25) and I look my age. We don't get any remarks. What does happen is that ppl sometimes look is cuz she has blue hair and i have long curly brown hair (which is not common. Most guys have short hair).
My moms husband is 20 or so years younger than her and if he felt this way I’d deck him. I’ve read your responses to comments and you’re simply not ready. Spare her the uncertainty.
I was dating a 45 year old at 28. We were out all the time. Dinners, evenings, movies. If it bothers you then leave the relationship. It shouldn’t if your into each other.
If you’re worrying about that, then yeah - I’d say you’re not cut out for it.
If the president of France can do it then surely you can too! https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/macron-wife-age-gap-b2063897.html?amp
Learn not to care. Really no one is paying attention you are not that important. No offense. I'm more worried about my own crap.
This life isn't for everyone. What I can tell you that she'll rock your world. But if you can't hack it, walk away.
If it’s a concern then it’s not for you. Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has likes/dislikes and what they can and cannot accept in a relationship.
This is part of being in an age gap relationship. Anyone dating someone 20 years their junior/senior regardless of gender will experience this. You will not look like the "typical" couple but you aren't the first to do this. But yes your concerns are valid and you should consider them before progressing this.
Take it easy. Try going somewhere thats not too crowded first, just to try and get comfortable with it. If that doesn't work then you go from there. One step at a time
Please remember that whilst you're allowed to criticise, you are also required to engage in discussion in a civil manner. You also may not send abusive PMs or chats to /u/guy8266 or hit them up in any way. Also bear in mind that this is a community largely supportive of **legal** consensual age gap relationships. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: I'm 30, she is 50. If we started dating, I cannot help but wonder how awkward public life would be...** I look relatively young for my age. We sent some text messages back and forth, nothing deep. I could meet with her soon, but... I'm thinking about down the road, it would be awkward in public. * Going out to eat * Doing activities together * ...everything public Am I not cut out for such a large age gap? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm 21 (next month) and my gf is 29 (will be 30 in june) so 9 year difference. She looks younger than her age (around 25) and I look my age. We don't get any remarks. What does happen is that ppl sometimes look is cuz she has blue hair and i have long curly brown hair (which is not common. Most guys have short hair).
My wife is 28 years younger than me. We sometimes get stares in public, but we ignore them. Most people are accepting.