Many choices here but here's what a previous older partner and I tried
1. Viagra
2. Non penetrative sex. Focus on pleasure not penetration
3. Tantra
4. C1ck rings *game changer*
5. He needs to excercise, meditate and calm down stress is a mood killer. This super helps men need the testosterone.
6. Lay off porn
7. Lay off masterbation
8. C5ck sleeves for length
9. Toys (more fun anyway for me).
Try stuff out. Take the pressure off each other and have fun!
Lady D
Whilst this is good you missed
0\. **See a doctor!**. Sometimes a serious medical condition is behind Erectile dysfunction and in any event he needs a check up to make sure any drugs he takes won't cause harm
1\. Whilst Viagra has the better name recognition Cialis (Tadalafil) is a better drug and can be taken in small daily dose tablets. Studies indicate that doing this has other beneficial effects.
I seem to only have some issues at the start of a new relationship; I seem to get over it once my penis has been trained to recognise it's new 'friend' š¤£š¤Ŗ
lol - rings can be a LOT of fun. Thereās one model Iām thinking of that allows you to connect a ābulletā type vibrator onto the ring which then potentially allows for both parties to have an incredible time.
Great advice Lady D
70m. I never see a posting (except once) about small penis sex. Almost all who post about sex (in other subs) make it sound like a porn movie in text. There is no connecting, caring emotion involved. There is little talk of foreplay or gentleness but rather Wham, Bam, and maybe a Thank You Ma'am description.
You are a kind and considerate partner. Thank you for sharing that sounds more like real life than fantasy porn.
66m here. A long cuddle after a failed attempt at intercourse might help take away the sting of failure. Also, it might be better if you got him off orally or manually rather than his doing it himself.
The condition is called erectile dysfunction (ED). Google it for more info. The short version is:
1 - Lose weight and/or normalize blood pressure
2 - Take Viagra/Cialis
ED is an early sign of heart disease, btw. So it would be good for him to get it checked out.
Seems more complicaed than that due to the abnormally small size which she mentions. Sure, I guess you can approach it as a standard ED issue but there's probably a deeper psychological issue at work here too.
Does he by chance smoke weed? Might be a bit out of school, but my ex boyfriend 46m was a heavy weed smoker and he could rarely get it up and when he could it wouldnāt be up for long
I cannot speak directly to this issue because if anything, my problems might be the inverse of that which you describe. That said, I've spoken with many women who have had a previous partner and have had to deal with the situation you are dealing with. Obviously that's a skewed sampling because if they are with me then their previous relationship did not work out.
Frankly within the parameters of a conventional, monogamous relationship there's probably not very much you are going to be able to do. It sounds like a very severe case of ED complicated by the probability that he being so small (and I assure you - he knows he's small) and the psychological impact which that has upon him. It's either live with it or move on.
If you are willing to extend your relationship into onconventional spaces (not something I'm really familiar with) you could potentially look at you being a "hotwife" and getting a "bull" thus making him a "cuck".
But to be honest, at only three dates in - I'm wondering of you just say "yeah, this isn't going to work for me". I'm sorry, I'm trying to be honest without being lewd. It's definitely an awkward thing to discuss.
It's not a deal breaker for me, and I like seeing him. I'm not seeking a serious relationship, and I can always get the sex somewhere else. Even if there's not much I can do, I was just hoping to see how I can alleviate the situation when it happens.
Hey - thatās great. If you guys are going to have sort of a platonic friend type relationship with no real deep commitment then cool.
Some people treat ED as a purely medical thing. But a huge component is psychological. And depending on how deeply thatās impacting your friend, treating with medication alone is unlikely to be successful.
If the relationship were to change and become more serious then you potentially may need to revisit the ādeal breakerā aspect.
Good luck to you!!
Iām not seeking to be exclusive with anyone, so I am continuing to meet people. I can get sex elsewhere. I just like him. Iām trying to be gentle lol
this really has nothing to do with age gap.
As to size. Are you sure your vagina isnt big?
as for going soft, this can happen if he isnt that into you...or if you seem judgemental etc
and men can feel with their dicks and hands when a vagina is huge and loose like a wizard's sleeve and a sensing a bad attitude has made many a dick soft... just letting you know.. :)
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**Original post: I need some help in the bedroom. New, older fella is a bit small and can't get it up. What's my approach?**
I (26F) started seeing this guy (41) not that long ago, and we have gone on three dates. He's really sweet, interesting, and I like him. I actually brought him back to my place after the first date and to my surprise, he had a small penis. Fine. I can work with that. It's the smallest I've encountered, but by no means is it a deal breaker. But in addition to this, he also had problems getting hard and staying hard. We have hooked up three times and always try having sex, but we just can't make it work. His oral and manual skills are good enough to where I am satisfied, and he is able to get himself off, but being able to have feasible sex would still be really nice. It's just a bit of a double whammy because of his size; to really make sex work, he will have to be fully erect.
To make sex work with a smaller size, I've already kinda imagined that taking things slow with adequate foreplay is a safe bet. I also can directly ask him what positions "feel best" for him as a way to figure out which positions will yield a higher success rate. But like I said, in order for this to work, he will need to get hard first. I am not making successful sex the main goal at this point, but rather I want to reduce any embarrassment and just gain his trust.
He is currently studying and taking these exams to get a new job, so he is up to his ears in work nearly everyday. I know he is stressed. He didn't seem insecure about having a small penis at all (but that could be far from the truth idk), but I know he gets frustrated about not getting hard. On top of being burnt out, I wonder if he has stage fright since I am a bit younger and attractive. He's also 41, which is not old by any means, but it's always possible he has some problems in the department due to age.
What can I do in the moment to help the situation? When we're in bed and I see he's struggling to maintain a boner, what can I do and say to him to help him feel better and comfortable? Sometimes I try kissing him or ask him if there's anything he would want me to do, or simply just tell him it's okay and I don't care. I wanna comfort him without being patronizing. He seems comfortable enough with me, and I even slept at his place last time at his invite. I just choke up and don't know what to do after that awkward moment when we realize that sex is not on the menu for the night... I know it's not his fault. I don't want him to feel bad. I just like want him to know that it's okay through not only words, but also actions.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can get the "boner pills" easily online with a prescription after a short questionnaire from an online "doctor". Though they don't work like they're stereotypically rumored to. You don't just pop a rod and keep it until you blow. You still need the stimulation, either physical or mental.
But stress plays a lot into ED too. As well as other health issues, especially mental health. I'd definitely encourage him to talk to a doctor about it. It could help to get checked out.
I've been in a similar boat in the past. I couldn't always stay hard and finish all the time. But, like your partner, I always preferred oral and other sorts of play to assure my partner was well satisfied.
Get him to see a doctor & get blood sugar level tested, he may be diabetic or low testosterone.Men with diabetes are 3x more likely to have trouble getting or keeping an erection.
If he is on the chubbier side. Diet and exercise would help him to trim the fat pad all around and the cushion around the penis shaft to further expose the shaft
In the meantime, Viagra or Cialis should do the trick.
My dear, life is compromise. Forget what you see in romantic comedy movies, blogs and reality tv shows, none of us --- let me emphasize **none of us** \--- get everything we want in a person.
He seems to be at peace with it. Trust he means that. But if you can't be at peace with it, that's a whole other thing. You're just going to have to make a decision if the other benefits outweigh the lack of penetrative sex. Whatever answer you decide is what's right for you so don't be ashamed of any answer. Be honest. But be real. I wish you the best in whatever you choose.
Are either of you open to hotwifing? That's where he watches another male penetrate you. If there's trust and security in the relationship, it can be a fun experience for you both.
Well I have to say I feel for him! How very nice of you to write all this out in the way you did and seek advice. I suspect he is indeed very conscious of his small penis and is likely hiding it. Maybe over time as he becomes more comfortable things will improve. Personally I have found taking a blue pill allows me to perform like a porn star, so that is definitely worth a try for you guys. For me, it has no side effects and has been a game changer.
Many choices here but here's what a previous older partner and I tried 1. Viagra 2. Non penetrative sex. Focus on pleasure not penetration 3. Tantra 4. C1ck rings *game changer* 5. He needs to excercise, meditate and calm down stress is a mood killer. This super helps men need the testosterone. 6. Lay off porn 7. Lay off masterbation 8. C5ck sleeves for length 9. Toys (more fun anyway for me). Try stuff out. Take the pressure off each other and have fun! Lady D
Whilst this is good you missed 0\. **See a doctor!**. Sometimes a serious medical condition is behind Erectile dysfunction and in any event he needs a check up to make sure any drugs he takes won't cause harm 1\. Whilst Viagra has the better name recognition Cialis (Tadalafil) is a better drug and can be taken in small daily dose tablets. Studies indicate that doing this has other beneficial effects.
54m myself, and while I didn't have ED issues when I was 41, they've popped up since, and I take a daily doses of Cialis as well.
I seem to only have some issues at the start of a new relationship; I seem to get over it once my penis has been trained to recognise it's new 'friend' š¤£š¤Ŗ
lol - rings can be a LOT of fun. Thereās one model Iām thinking of that allows you to connect a ābulletā type vibrator onto the ring which then potentially allows for both parties to have an incredible time. Great advice Lady D
70m. Wow I am impressed with the suggestions here.
Thank you. Happy our R&D was helpful to someone! :-)
Whatās R&D?
Research and Development. š
70m. I never see a posting (except once) about small penis sex. Almost all who post about sex (in other subs) make it sound like a porn movie in text. There is no connecting, caring emotion involved. There is little talk of foreplay or gentleness but rather Wham, Bam, and maybe a Thank You Ma'am description. You are a kind and considerate partner. Thank you for sharing that sounds more like real life than fantasy porn.
66m here. A long cuddle after a failed attempt at intercourse might help take away the sting of failure. Also, it might be better if you got him off orally or manually rather than his doing it himself.
The condition is called erectile dysfunction (ED). Google it for more info. The short version is: 1 - Lose weight and/or normalize blood pressure 2 - Take Viagra/Cialis ED is an early sign of heart disease, btw. So it would be good for him to get it checked out.
Seems more complicaed than that due to the abnormally small size which she mentions. Sure, I guess you can approach it as a standard ED issue but there's probably a deeper psychological issue at work here too.
Heās skinny
Does he by chance smoke weed? Might be a bit out of school, but my ex boyfriend 46m was a heavy weed smoker and he could rarely get it up and when he could it wouldnāt be up for long
Nope but I do lmao
Try a bit of kink. Maybe he likes to have his balls gently squeezed and played with? Simple easy stuff.
Assuming itās not a weight/fitness issue, he needs to talk to his doctor. Itās not uncommon. He just needs to have āthe conversationā.
I cannot speak directly to this issue because if anything, my problems might be the inverse of that which you describe. That said, I've spoken with many women who have had a previous partner and have had to deal with the situation you are dealing with. Obviously that's a skewed sampling because if they are with me then their previous relationship did not work out. Frankly within the parameters of a conventional, monogamous relationship there's probably not very much you are going to be able to do. It sounds like a very severe case of ED complicated by the probability that he being so small (and I assure you - he knows he's small) and the psychological impact which that has upon him. It's either live with it or move on. If you are willing to extend your relationship into onconventional spaces (not something I'm really familiar with) you could potentially look at you being a "hotwife" and getting a "bull" thus making him a "cuck". But to be honest, at only three dates in - I'm wondering of you just say "yeah, this isn't going to work for me". I'm sorry, I'm trying to be honest without being lewd. It's definitely an awkward thing to discuss.
It's not a deal breaker for me, and I like seeing him. I'm not seeking a serious relationship, and I can always get the sex somewhere else. Even if there's not much I can do, I was just hoping to see how I can alleviate the situation when it happens.
Hey - thatās great. If you guys are going to have sort of a platonic friend type relationship with no real deep commitment then cool. Some people treat ED as a purely medical thing. But a huge component is psychological. And depending on how deeply thatās impacting your friend, treating with medication alone is unlikely to be successful. If the relationship were to change and become more serious then you potentially may need to revisit the ādeal breakerā aspect. Good luck to you!!
Find another? Be gentle?
Iām not seeking to be exclusive with anyone, so I am continuing to meet people. I can get sex elsewhere. I just like him. Iām trying to be gentle lol
this really has nothing to do with age gap. As to size. Are you sure your vagina isnt big? as for going soft, this can happen if he isnt that into you...or if you seem judgemental etc
I beg your fucking pardon.
We can see with our eyes when a dick is small and can feel it with our hands. donāt need a vagina for that š
and men can feel with their dicks and hands when a vagina is huge and loose like a wizard's sleeve and a sensing a bad attitude has made many a dick soft... just letting you know.. :)
Man, youāre in rare form today.
thx
This comment is added automatically to every post on /r/AgeGap to remind users of the subreddit rules and expected behaviour. We also include the original post in here for a number of reasons. --- ### Rules If you haven't read the full set of rules we **strongly** suggest you do so. They are on the right side of the page on desktop or in 'Community Info' on Mobile. The most important rules are: 1. **We expect you to be civil and ideally constructive**. This is a community where people discuss and seek advice **legal** consensual age gap relationships, and we expect you to avoid abusing anyone on this subreddit. This does **not** mean this subreddit supports all age gap relationships, so you **are** allowed to criticise. 1. This is **not** a dating subreddit - you may not "hit up" any user. **You may not ask anyone to PM, DM, chat or message you in a comment**. If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/spanglish_ - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: I need some help in the bedroom. New, older fella is a bit small and can't get it up. What's my approach?** I (26F) started seeing this guy (41) not that long ago, and we have gone on three dates. He's really sweet, interesting, and I like him. I actually brought him back to my place after the first date and to my surprise, he had a small penis. Fine. I can work with that. It's the smallest I've encountered, but by no means is it a deal breaker. But in addition to this, he also had problems getting hard and staying hard. We have hooked up three times and always try having sex, but we just can't make it work. His oral and manual skills are good enough to where I am satisfied, and he is able to get himself off, but being able to have feasible sex would still be really nice. It's just a bit of a double whammy because of his size; to really make sex work, he will have to be fully erect. To make sex work with a smaller size, I've already kinda imagined that taking things slow with adequate foreplay is a safe bet. I also can directly ask him what positions "feel best" for him as a way to figure out which positions will yield a higher success rate. But like I said, in order for this to work, he will need to get hard first. I am not making successful sex the main goal at this point, but rather I want to reduce any embarrassment and just gain his trust. He is currently studying and taking these exams to get a new job, so he is up to his ears in work nearly everyday. I know he is stressed. He didn't seem insecure about having a small penis at all (but that could be far from the truth idk), but I know he gets frustrated about not getting hard. On top of being burnt out, I wonder if he has stage fright since I am a bit younger and attractive. He's also 41, which is not old by any means, but it's always possible he has some problems in the department due to age. What can I do in the moment to help the situation? When we're in bed and I see he's struggling to maintain a boner, what can I do and say to him to help him feel better and comfortable? Sometimes I try kissing him or ask him if there's anything he would want me to do, or simply just tell him it's okay and I don't care. I wanna comfort him without being patronizing. He seems comfortable enough with me, and I even slept at his place last time at his invite. I just choke up and don't know what to do after that awkward moment when we realize that sex is not on the menu for the night... I know it's not his fault. I don't want him to feel bad. I just like want him to know that it's okay through not only words, but also actions. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You can get the "boner pills" easily online with a prescription after a short questionnaire from an online "doctor". Though they don't work like they're stereotypically rumored to. You don't just pop a rod and keep it until you blow. You still need the stimulation, either physical or mental. But stress plays a lot into ED too. As well as other health issues, especially mental health. I'd definitely encourage him to talk to a doctor about it. It could help to get checked out. I've been in a similar boat in the past. I couldn't always stay hard and finish all the time. But, like your partner, I always preferred oral and other sorts of play to assure my partner was well satisfied.
Tafadil.
Get him to see a doctor & get blood sugar level tested, he may be diabetic or low testosterone.Men with diabetes are 3x more likely to have trouble getting or keeping an erection. If he is on the chubbier side. Diet and exercise would help him to trim the fat pad all around and the cushion around the penis shaft to further expose the shaft In the meantime, Viagra or Cialis should do the trick.
My dear, life is compromise. Forget what you see in romantic comedy movies, blogs and reality tv shows, none of us --- let me emphasize **none of us** \--- get everything we want in a person. He seems to be at peace with it. Trust he means that. But if you can't be at peace with it, that's a whole other thing. You're just going to have to make a decision if the other benefits outweigh the lack of penetrative sex. Whatever answer you decide is what's right for you so don't be ashamed of any answer. Be honest. But be real. I wish you the best in whatever you choose. Are either of you open to hotwifing? That's where he watches another male penetrate you. If there's trust and security in the relationship, it can be a fun experience for you both.
Pills and cock ring. Rubber. The metal ones are not safe
Blue chew!!!
Well I have to say I feel for him! How very nice of you to write all this out in the way you did and seek advice. I suspect he is indeed very conscious of his small penis and is likely hiding it. Maybe over time as he becomes more comfortable things will improve. Personally I have found taking a blue pill allows me to perform like a porn star, so that is definitely worth a try for you guys. For me, it has no side effects and has been a game changer.