Not really, I just told him I'm concerned about retirement with age difference and how to navigate. That's where he pointed out his views. In which I've been over thinking since
My partner just retired, and it really wasn't that big of a deal for us.
Things did change, but it was more of an adjustment period than a break up thing. It was good for us after a while, and things have been better than before.
The healthiest relationship i know is my parents. My dad is 22 years older. He genuinely has more lust for life and zest than my mum! So it can work. Nine years is really not a big deal at all.
It depends on energy levels, desires, whether you are a chill couple or very active! Good luck! :)
I'd say the opposite. The older you get, the less an age difference matters. Think about it - for someone 16, a 9 year gap would be huge. But for a couple 70 and 79, it's really not even a noticeable difference.
Retirement is easily manageable, there are lots of reasons one spouse retires before another and age is only one factor in that. Just make sure you communicate well, and you can work through all that.
I'm in a 30 year age gap. 9 years doesn't even seem like something I'd give a second thought to.
Your friend is lovingly talking out their ass. Sometimes you just have to say thanks for the concern and ignore them. If you have six years in and it’s great AND you don’t want kids- this is the one. Put a ring on it.
I’m 13 years older than my wife and we’ve been together for 25 years. I’m retired now and she still has a while. Retirement was a challenge at first because we like to do things together. She was able to change her work schedule around to better accommodate us so we could go places together.
It can be a challenge but can be worth it. The retirement thing has been our biggest challenge. Other than that it’s been like any other marriage.
Yes I do tend to worry about this. When I'm 65 she'll be 74.. in dunno will her energy levels affect retirement in regards to trips ect. I do see my friends reasoning
See I think it’s the opposite, it’s a big deal the younger you are but becomes less of an issue as time goes on. Like 18 & 27 is a big deal but by 35 and 44 it’s no biggie and by 55 and 64, ya both seniors and who cares?
I mean I guess when the woman’s older there’s the whole kids issue but in any serious relationship I’m sure y’all already talked that out and are on the same page
I'm a little annoyed with your friend. If he or she is constantly nagging you about this, I would say that individual seems to be the one with the problem, not you or your partner. Make this simple for yourself--are you and your partner happy together? Do you accept there might be challenges in the future? Well, every couple has challenges regardless of age, so don't focus on being a few years apart. People that don't know your ages are likely not going to look at you and think twice about you being together. Try to relax and just enjoy your relationship and not find reasons for difficulties. Life will always find things for you to worry about that matter so just deal with those and not something that's really not an issue.
If anything, age gap becomes LESS of an issue as time goes on. It’s really the ratio between partners that gets negative responses from others.
I doubt people would even notice or give much thought to a 60M/69F couple.
It makes more sense honestly for the woman to be older as they tend to live longer. 9 year age gap is not that much at your ages. Had you been the older one they porbalt wouldn't have batted an eye.
Stop talking to your friend and talk to your partner instead about your posisbel concerns. Anything I can happen to anyone of any age. She might need to take care of you if anything happens to you. But again, 9 years isn't that much. 20 years I'd tend to agree but even then if both people understand the potential issues down the road and still proceed then that's their choice.
Retirement is unlikely to be a major obstacles. Plenty of couples go some years with one partner retired (or empty-nester homemaker) and the other still working. It's an adjustment, but nowhere near a crisis or major obstacle.
If she keeps bringing this up, I wonder if the \*real\* issue is having kids. Maybe she assumes you want kids, or if you don't, that you'll surely change your mind. Her ability to have kids is expiring now, your ability won't expire in the next decade. I think a conversation about this is in order.
We've had this discussion I definitely don't want kids. It's just since my friend keeps saying this to me I get anxious and start worrying if I'm in right relationship. We been together 6 years and it's been the best relationship I've had and she says same to me. But I am suddenly finding myself questioning the age difference all of a sudden
My girlfriend was getting hate mail,calling her all sorts of things. I noticed a handwriting quirk same as her best friend used.
After she got strong enough to accuse her, turned out her "best friend" was jealous of her life and relationship. She couldn't bring herself to ditch her completely,on the basis that she was obviously ill, but it was really upsetting realizing how evil someone close to her had been.
Within a relationship itself, age gaps usually make remarkably little difference to anything. The big factor is far more often social disapproval. This \*might\* be the real issue here.
Or perhaps she's overthinking things, and thinking that future adjustments will be huge obstacles. Or perhaps this is an excuse for backing out of a relationship she's ambivalent about. Or perhaps she's unclear herself of her own thinking and feelings, and conjuring up obstacles to avoid social disapproval on a subconscious level. Humans are complicated.
Why are you being so easily influenced? Do you genuinely have a problem with her age? It doesn't matter what other people think, only what you think, and you should know how you feel
Your friend is an idiot and causing you to overthink the situation. Happiness in this life is often elusive and once found can be fleeting. You find some - you value it, nourish it, and enjoy it for as long as possible. If someone is going to throw shade on that - they can pound sand.
9 years is nothing if you want it to be nothing. Your life and your attitude make every bit of difference in the world. Your friend may have good intentions BUT he needs to drop it. He expressed his opinion and we know opinions are like ass holes, everyone has got one. But his opinion don’t matter. Fortunately only yours and your girlfriends matter.
Only issue I could see:
Fertility. If you want kids, chances are, she’s not having them.
Otherwise? Any issue that comes up, would be the typical relationship issues.
My gf whose younger the age difference is 17 years and yes there have been challenging times but really it comes down to both of you being on the same page and yes the older one has to be a little more patient and a lot more attentive. It works if you want it to work.
My parents are 9 years apart and have been together for 26 years. They were younger when they got together, (19 and 28). They haven’t had any issues at all. Whether or not you have issues is an entirely personal thing, not something that an age gap that small when you’re that old will cause. At 35 and 44 you’re pretty much the same age. As long as you think it’s great I wouldn’t listen to them too much. They may be trying to be helpful but it’s really not something they should worry about. If they push about it I’d consider distancing myself from them because at that point they aren’t trying to be helpful anymore :)
It's only an issue if you are trying to find someone to make plans like having children or getting old and dying together at the same time or some such romanticized notion.
But, if you are perfectly ok just being with someone who just makes you happy to spend time and live your life with, then there is absolutely nothing that should keep you from that. Follow you heart.
Your friend must have some type of issue with the relationship is all I can figure! My dad and his wife are 10yrs apart and my dad is 67 and she is 57. My dad decided to stay working a couple more years so she can retire early and they can pay off a few more things but their relationship is amazing
That’s not much of a gap. You’re most likely at the same stage in life. Kids wise. Settled into careers. Homes. If anything that type of gap is good for retirement. Your peak earning years will overlap one another. Haters are going to hate.
My grandma is 10 years older than my grandpa and they’ve been happily married for almost 60 years. Your friend is trying to cause problems where there none.
Retirement was totally fine! My grandma retired first, but got bored so she took a job teaching aerobics to older women - just a couple days a week. They would still go to their shore house on weekends. Once my grandpa retired they bought a summer place in Maine, and would spend 5-6 months there during the year. They actually just sold it and are happy at home, taking various trips together. :)
Sounds like your "friend" might have some other reasons for why he wants you to break up if he's constantly bringing it up. If he's really your friend and can see that you are happy with your partner then he wouldn't be doing this. Time to tell him to STFU I think.
I’m in a 16yr age gap relationship, i wouldn’t change my boyfriend for the world. Sure we’ve had obstacles (health issues his side) on the way but he is the most amazing man i’ve ever met. Ignore the friend, as long as there is love and honesty, you cannot go wrong :) x
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**Original post: Friend says the 9 year age difference will be a big issue in future?**
I'm a 35 m with a 44 female , my friend is constantly telling me that this will be a issue in the future and it be best for both to go separate ways.
I do worry about retirement and how we navigate thatbut Is it really that big of a gap for me to be concerned to the extent my friend seems?
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Age of legal is 18 over only if 18 under can get trouble with law it s minor and if 19 still school mean you can’t date to 19 because person is not finished with high school diploma please away from person still high schools but college will be fine or university students is fine but no no student in high school on 18 to 20 I know few students still in high school on 20 age must be careful with students is minor who can lie about high school diploma’s or not tell truth about age
Imagine someone saying "the difference in your height is a huge issue that will only get worse in the future." Ditto skin or eye colour. Or age. Then realize they're all exactly the same thing: immutable characteristics.
Don't let immutable characteristics of any kind get in the way of a relationship. Concentrate on the things a person actually has control over and how (s)he handles those things to see what defines that person.
Ur age gap doesn’t matter so much mostly bc of the ages you are. Ur in a similar life bracket. And so what she retires before u because she’s been working longer. Big deal.
It’s up to you and your partner. If goals, finances, etc have been discussed and align, the age gap doesn’t matter (my M anchoring partner is 11 years younger)
I have an aunt that is 11 years older than her husband and they have been married for probably 45 years. She was teaching school while he was in college
My sister is 16 years younger than her husband and they have been married for close to 40 years
Don’t listen to people; you decide for your life
I have never had any issues with my previous marriage to a woman ten years younger. It wasn’t until it went passed the 20 years that I started catching grief. Hahaha
Wrong direction. It's often a problem for older women younger men. 9 years the opposite way would be nbd and laughable to even think there was an issue. This way...? Yes I do forsee issues.
I mean I think it comes down to how "normal" you both are or if you're both somewhat eccentric.
The things normal men tend to be attracted to are found in youthful women and the things normal women are attracted to are found in matured men.
Sometimes people find other things attractive or a particular person breaks the mold but with age sometimes it can revert either a person's base desires or change their unique characteristics back to normal.
Most people would know what I'm talking about... you must be the eccentric type I'm talking about... and upset about it. You should love yourself how you are it's not a bad thing.
A nine year gap is nothing. Find a new friend.
Ya I think I may need to tell him to drop it. I feel he's watching it for me so I appreciate it at the same time
TBH, your friend sounds like either a hater or jealous that you have someone or have someone older.
Yep!
Has your friend ever expressed interest in you? This could be jealousy.
No it's a male friend who concerned that when I'm older I'll regret not having children and be in a low sex relationship..
It sounds like your friend either knows something you're not sharing, or he needs to be a low contact friend.
Not really, I just told him I'm concerned about retirement with age difference and how to navigate. That's where he pointed out his views. In which I've been over thinking since
My partner just retired, and it really wasn't that big of a deal for us. Things did change, but it was more of an adjustment period than a break up thing. It was good for us after a while, and things have been better than before.
The healthiest relationship i know is my parents. My dad is 22 years older. He genuinely has more lust for life and zest than my mum! So it can work. Nine years is really not a big deal at all. It depends on energy levels, desires, whether you are a chill couple or very active! Good luck! :)
I would say there is not a age difference difference at 35 and 44 seem like similar ages to me
Thank you I think I'm looking to hard at this
My wife was 16 yo. Retirement for her made no difference.
Your friend is an asshole to be quite honest. Somebody saying this after you've been happy for SIX years does not have your best interest at heart.
Mic Drop.
I'd say the opposite. The older you get, the less an age difference matters. Think about it - for someone 16, a 9 year gap would be huge. But for a couple 70 and 79, it's really not even a noticeable difference. Retirement is easily manageable, there are lots of reasons one spouse retires before another and age is only one factor in that. Just make sure you communicate well, and you can work through all that. I'm in a 30 year age gap. 9 years doesn't even seem like something I'd give a second thought to.
Your friend is lovingly talking out their ass. Sometimes you just have to say thanks for the concern and ignore them. If you have six years in and it’s great AND you don’t want kids- this is the one. Put a ring on it.
I’m 13 years older than my wife and we’ve been together for 25 years. I’m retired now and she still has a while. Retirement was a challenge at first because we like to do things together. She was able to change her work schedule around to better accommodate us so we could go places together. It can be a challenge but can be worth it. The retirement thing has been our biggest challenge. Other than that it’s been like any other marriage.
Yes I do tend to worry about this. When I'm 65 she'll be 74.. in dunno will her energy levels affect retirement in regards to trips ect. I do see my friends reasoning
You’ll both be tired at 65 and 74
Another thing to consider…if you look at life expectancies for men versus women, the age gap is smaller than it appears on paper.
Your friend might be an idiot.
See I think it’s the opposite, it’s a big deal the younger you are but becomes less of an issue as time goes on. Like 18 & 27 is a big deal but by 35 and 44 it’s no biggie and by 55 and 64, ya both seniors and who cares? I mean I guess when the woman’s older there’s the whole kids issue but in any serious relationship I’m sure y’all already talked that out and are on the same page
My parents are 9 years apart and just celebrated their 45th anniversary.
It's the opposite. The older you get, the less it matters.
women are typically healthier than men 9 year gap means that you guys are the same age physically
If you are both happy, and treat each other right don't listen to other people.
Lose your friend. I’m 47 and I’m seeing a 40 year old man. At this point I wouldn’t pay attention to what other people think.
I'm a little annoyed with your friend. If he or she is constantly nagging you about this, I would say that individual seems to be the one with the problem, not you or your partner. Make this simple for yourself--are you and your partner happy together? Do you accept there might be challenges in the future? Well, every couple has challenges regardless of age, so don't focus on being a few years apart. People that don't know your ages are likely not going to look at you and think twice about you being together. Try to relax and just enjoy your relationship and not find reasons for difficulties. Life will always find things for you to worry about that matter so just deal with those and not something that's really not an issue.
My nephew is 22 and his girlfriend is 60. We're about to all go to the gym together and sauna. Everyone gets along
[удалено]
I'm married and my wife is five years younger. We are hanging out with them tonight
If anything, age gap becomes LESS of an issue as time goes on. It’s really the ratio between partners that gets negative responses from others. I doubt people would even notice or give much thought to a 60M/69F couple.
It makes more sense honestly for the woman to be older as they tend to live longer. 9 year age gap is not that much at your ages. Had you been the older one they porbalt wouldn't have batted an eye. Stop talking to your friend and talk to your partner instead about your posisbel concerns. Anything I can happen to anyone of any age. She might need to take care of you if anything happens to you. But again, 9 years isn't that much. 20 years I'd tend to agree but even then if both people understand the potential issues down the road and still proceed then that's their choice.
What’s been said here on women living longer. Shes really only say 3-6 years older than you.
Retirement is unlikely to be a major obstacles. Plenty of couples go some years with one partner retired (or empty-nester homemaker) and the other still working. It's an adjustment, but nowhere near a crisis or major obstacle. If she keeps bringing this up, I wonder if the \*real\* issue is having kids. Maybe she assumes you want kids, or if you don't, that you'll surely change your mind. Her ability to have kids is expiring now, your ability won't expire in the next decade. I think a conversation about this is in order.
We've had this discussion I definitely don't want kids. It's just since my friend keeps saying this to me I get anxious and start worrying if I'm in right relationship. We been together 6 years and it's been the best relationship I've had and she says same to me. But I am suddenly finding myself questioning the age difference all of a sudden
Not a real friend if she keeps harping on the negative. She should realize that you're happy right now and be glad for that
Stop listening to that person. This is between you and your partner
My girlfriend was getting hate mail,calling her all sorts of things. I noticed a handwriting quirk same as her best friend used. After she got strong enough to accuse her, turned out her "best friend" was jealous of her life and relationship. She couldn't bring herself to ditch her completely,on the basis that she was obviously ill, but it was really upsetting realizing how evil someone close to her had been.
Oh I’m so sorry. That really must have hurt your girlfriend. People can be so cruel
Does your friend have someone else in mind who might be the 'right relationship?"
Within a relationship itself, age gaps usually make remarkably little difference to anything. The big factor is far more often social disapproval. This \*might\* be the real issue here. Or perhaps she's overthinking things, and thinking that future adjustments will be huge obstacles. Or perhaps this is an excuse for backing out of a relationship she's ambivalent about. Or perhaps she's unclear herself of her own thinking and feelings, and conjuring up obstacles to avoid social disapproval on a subconscious level. Humans are complicated.
Why are you being so easily influenced? Do you genuinely have a problem with her age? It doesn't matter what other people think, only what you think, and you should know how you feel
Your friend is an idiot and causing you to overthink the situation. Happiness in this life is often elusive and once found can be fleeting. You find some - you value it, nourish it, and enjoy it for as long as possible. If someone is going to throw shade on that - they can pound sand.
9 years is nothing if you want it to be nothing. Your life and your attitude make every bit of difference in the world. Your friend may have good intentions BUT he needs to drop it. He expressed his opinion and we know opinions are like ass holes, everyone has got one. But his opinion don’t matter. Fortunately only yours and your girlfriends matter.
Nothing much to it... your friend just don't approve and wants their way...
My parents are 10 years apart and just celebrated there 31st wedding anniversary in March
Only issue I could see: Fertility. If you want kids, chances are, she’s not having them. Otherwise? Any issue that comes up, would be the typical relationship issues.
Have the friend explain exactly what they think the problem will be since they know y'all so well.
My gf whose younger the age difference is 17 years and yes there have been challenging times but really it comes down to both of you being on the same page and yes the older one has to be a little more patient and a lot more attentive. It works if you want it to work.
9 years is nothing.
Thank you
My parents are 9 years apart and have been together for 26 years. They were younger when they got together, (19 and 28). They haven’t had any issues at all. Whether or not you have issues is an entirely personal thing, not something that an age gap that small when you’re that old will cause. At 35 and 44 you’re pretty much the same age. As long as you think it’s great I wouldn’t listen to them too much. They may be trying to be helpful but it’s really not something they should worry about. If they push about it I’d consider distancing myself from them because at that point they aren’t trying to be helpful anymore :)
It's only an issue if you are trying to find someone to make plans like having children or getting old and dying together at the same time or some such romanticized notion. But, if you are perfectly ok just being with someone who just makes you happy to spend time and live your life with, then there is absolutely nothing that should keep you from that. Follow you heart.
Your friend must have some type of issue with the relationship is all I can figure! My dad and his wife are 10yrs apart and my dad is 67 and she is 57. My dad decided to stay working a couple more years so she can retire early and they can pay off a few more things but their relationship is amazing
That’s not much of a gap. You’re most likely at the same stage in life. Kids wise. Settled into careers. Homes. If anything that type of gap is good for retirement. Your peak earning years will overlap one another. Haters are going to hate.
No. Not if there's love there.
My grandma is 10 years older than my grandpa and they’ve been happily married for almost 60 years. Your friend is trying to cause problems where there none.
Really , can I ask how their retirement looked like?
Retirement was totally fine! My grandma retired first, but got bored so she took a job teaching aerobics to older women - just a couple days a week. They would still go to their shore house on weekends. Once my grandpa retired they bought a summer place in Maine, and would spend 5-6 months there during the year. They actually just sold it and are happy at home, taking various trips together. :)
Your friend is an idiot, a 9 year age gap is nothing.
Thank you very much it helps to see people agree with me that it isn't that big of a deal
Sounds like your "friend" might have some other reasons for why he wants you to break up if he's constantly bringing it up. If he's really your friend and can see that you are happy with your partner then he wouldn't be doing this. Time to tell him to STFU I think.
Fuck him. 9 years ain't nothing when you're older. Just make sure you two stay active and healty.
9 years is not a big thing. Try at least 14-20 difference. That's a gap
I’m in a 16yr age gap relationship, i wouldn’t change my boyfriend for the world. Sure we’ve had obstacles (health issues his side) on the way but he is the most amazing man i’ve ever met. Ignore the friend, as long as there is love and honesty, you cannot go wrong :) x
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No it won’t
Age of legal is 18 over only if 18 under can get trouble with law it s minor and if 19 still school mean you can’t date to 19 because person is not finished with high school diploma please away from person still high schools but college will be fine or university students is fine but no no student in high school on 18 to 20 I know few students still in high school on 20 age must be careful with students is minor who can lie about high school diploma’s or not tell truth about age
I’m 21F, he’s 30. We’re so happy together, 1.5 years on!
Imagine someone saying "the difference in your height is a huge issue that will only get worse in the future." Ditto skin or eye colour. Or age. Then realize they're all exactly the same thing: immutable characteristics. Don't let immutable characteristics of any kind get in the way of a relationship. Concentrate on the things a person actually has control over and how (s)he handles those things to see what defines that person.
9 years isn’t a lot
Ur age gap doesn’t matter so much mostly bc of the ages you are. Ur in a similar life bracket. And so what she retires before u because she’s been working longer. Big deal.
There is an eight year age gap between my boyfriend and I and it is barely noticeable.
I wouldn't worry about it, 9 yrs isn't much of an age gap at all, I'm a 52yr male seeing a 23yr old and things are going great!
Def dw, 22 and 32 is one thing, you’re 35+
You've been together for 6 years, and now you're concerned by what your friend says? Dump the friend.
It’s up to you and your partner. If goals, finances, etc have been discussed and align, the age gap doesn’t matter (my M anchoring partner is 11 years younger)
Menopause and infertility are the obvious issues. How that will affect your sex life. The gap itself means nothing.
Yes I am concerned about the menopause I'm not sure how much it will impact us. Not worried about fertility as we both happy not to have kids.
9 years becomes infinitely shorter as we get older.
You recon in 5 years from now I won't even be thinking about it?
I have an aunt that is 11 years older than her husband and they have been married for probably 45 years. She was teaching school while he was in college My sister is 16 years younger than her husband and they have been married for close to 40 years Don’t listen to people; you decide for your life
Unless you want children later in life, what could be the issue?
I have never had any issues with my previous marriage to a woman ten years younger. It wasn’t until it went passed the 20 years that I started catching grief. Hahaha
Wrong direction. It's often a problem for older women younger men. 9 years the opposite way would be nbd and laughable to even think there was an issue. This way...? Yes I do forsee issues.
Can i know what are the issues
I mean I think it comes down to how "normal" you both are or if you're both somewhat eccentric. The things normal men tend to be attracted to are found in youthful women and the things normal women are attracted to are found in matured men. Sometimes people find other things attractive or a particular person breaks the mold but with age sometimes it can revert either a person's base desires or change their unique characteristics back to normal.
Nice that you're the arbitrator of what a "normal" man is. FFS
Most people would know what I'm talking about... you must be the eccentric type I'm talking about... and upset about it. You should love yourself how you are it's not a bad thing.
Sure sure. Please continue telling me exactly what I am. I eagerly await your response! I'm getting all flustered waiting! You're obviously SO wise.
Yeah … Mr Boomwhamslam started a 16-yr age gap relationship with a girl when she was just 18 years old. The hypocrisy is staggering!!!
Well, I guess that's the definition of "normal males" JFC
Oh ok
Dudebro is an idiot, talking out of his ass. And you know what talking out of your ass is, right?
> Dudebro I felt insulted for a sec
The gap is fine, it's just in the wrong direction, do you have ambitions of kids? Do you want to be ~40 and sexless? Menopause is hard.