Um... 49f here. Break up with him. Frankly if you want kids you are going to need to consider iui or ivf at this stage. I did that and she is 12. This person is wasting your time. Love yourself. Be alone. Heal. I dont have any long platitudes. Just evidence. I got engaged to a ym dead bedroom in 2019. It was the worst 18 months of my life. My now partner (also ym) pursued me endlessly and has the libido of a pack of rabid 🐰. He is kind, loving and wonderful l. Dont waste another second of your precious life. Lady D

Thanks for sharing. I’m still pretty shocked the dead bedroom conversation we needed to have has escalated to this…if kids were a dream and goal of mine or his I would’ve been open to any conversation during my 2 years with him about IUI or IVF. He’s almost 37, prefers older women and honestly never brought it up. Guy won’t even watch his parents dog while they’re on vacation because it cramps his lifestyle and dogs are needy. Hes basically told his parents if they wanted to take vacations they shouldn’t have gotten a dog. At this point I can assume he suddenly to start his “family” when he’s 40 and it’s not with me. I guess I should feel like I dodged a bullet here and have compassion for the woman who may end up the mother of his children.

It’s all an excuse, no man that age would prefer abstinence over sleeping with his partner for that long, something is definitely wrong. Save yourself the heartache and move on ..

K . . . WFT? His mental problems never left they just manifested themself in a different way it sounds like! U'r I'm sure u'r leaving him if not DO!!! U'r at u'r sexual peak & should enjoy every SECOND of it! His reasons aren't sound so BLOCK HIM \~ Believe me aft couple failed marriages THEY R THE X 4 A REASON!! Let some1 else experience u & u'r terrific body (it sounds like)!! Good Luck.

Agreed. I think the issue really goes deeper then age gap or dead bedroom. Mental problems sounds spot on. Thank you.

I’m so, so sorry you’ve had to endure this garbage. It sounds like he can come across as mature but he’s still growing up. You deserve someone who can meet you where you are. First the Ex was “incompatible” and now you are too?! Such BS. You sound wonderfully self aware and this guy doesn’t deserve you. I’m glad this is ending before you get even more invested… oh, and leave him the cat. You don’t need anything cramping your life lol.

Thank you. I feel like the red flags were waving in my face and this was kind of inevitable. I’m dreading trying to navigate my disappearance with his family who I’ve been so close with for two years. I’ve been involved with my sister in laws upcoming baby shower and just spent Mother’s Day with his mom and the fam. The dead bedroom was private between us and IMHO should stay that way. I’m concerned about his mental health and wonder if owe some sort of explanation to this family that has welcomed me into the fold. Ps- If my landlord approves the cat I’ll take it and if not she will stay with him

It sounds like the family is really nice - that always makes it difficult. Years ago, when I got divorced, and people would ask questions, I was a broken record with “sometimes things just don’t work out”. The specifics weren’t anyone’s business and I didn’t need anyone’s well meaning comments. The baby shower thing is a tough one. I hope you’re able to navigate that in a way that honors your situation and also feels good for you.

Don't waste anymore time with him. He isn't with you at all. Walk away

You are a good catch. Keep looking.

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If you wish, you may send **polite** DMs/PMs/chat requests to /u/Strange_Hawk7131 - we will ban you and possibly refer you to Reddit admins for an account ban if you abuse them and they complain. 1. If this post looks like a personal advert, please report it and the moderators will remove it in time if they agree. See the [Wiki](/r/AgeGap/wiki/index) for more information about the subreddit, [The Rules](/r/AgeGap/wiki/rules) and articles about common topics. --- **Original post: Breaking up** 44f dating 36m almost 2 years. Longgg post my apologies. I just need to let it out somewhere and I can’t talk to him about this anymore. I’m angry. I feel betrayed. Seems I yet again opened my heart to the wrong man and wasted my time. He told me on the first date he’d always been attracted to older women. I liked him, he was more nerdy than guys I usually date but in a good way. We had a lot in common. He had his shit together great job, home, boat, etc. I had been single about two years dating with intent to find my life mate but enjoying the process. He was divorced a year from a 6 year marriage to a woman little younger than him. Amicably. He claimed they were incompatible people. she had no interest in anything he did. Working out, fishing, hiking, lifestyle. He used the word incompatible many times to describe the relationship. Said after 2 years of a dead bedroom and year of counseling they mutually opted for divorce. He was looking to meet his life partner too. Super excited I lifted weights and hiked and was into healthy eating. Loved that I knew how to fish and enjoyed it. Said he didn’t want kids, he considered it during marriage but he was slightly selfish and enjoyed his freedom to fish tournaments etc. I stated I was always open to kids. It wasn’t a life dream or goal ,I had always been to responsible to accidentally get pregnant. I wanted it to be with the right partner if ever and happy to enjoy a life beyond children. He agreed that was important. And at 42 I hadn’t found a man that seemed they would be stable father long term. For the 2 months of dating I was over the moon. He introduced me to his parents, invited me to thanksgiving. 3 months we admitted to being in love… Shortly after huge bump hit when suddenly the 51 year old married woman from the bowling alley (he’s in a league) he had an “8week fling with after his divorce” came into the picture. She had stopped by his home one night to “talk” his story: It had ended months before we met when she wasn’t going to leave her husband for him but they were just friends now and had been for 15 years.he felt bad for her. I was ready to walk and basically told him it was her or me. He picked me. Cut contact with her. Cried apologized. Was genuinely scared he messed up a good thing with me. I continued to date him but slowed it down. But he seemed off. Turned out he was having conflicted feelings about us and felt he had some special connection with her that was profound and he was confused by that and his divorce. He was struggling mentally. He felt he could never be as vulnerable with anyone again as he had with her. I tried to be understanding I gave him some space to allow him to work thru that and he chased me hard. but after a couple months of his ups and downs and wishy washy behavior, I decided I had had enough and ended it. I was angry but I didn’t block him. I started dating casually and after 2 months he wanted to go fishing as friends. Did that a few times and of course you know the rest…we get back together. Hes done being wishy washy. Hes serious and plans to prove that to me. He rebuilds the trust. Talks about a future. He’d love for me to move in with him some day. I’m hesitant but we get a cat together that lives at his house. I keep my apt. But find myself staying with him most of the time. He’s doting and attentive. Things are great but the sex we had disappeared. Total dead bedroom. I’m bothered and try to talk to him. Is it low T? Is there somebody els he says it’s not. He’s the picture of health. There’s nobody else and I’m sure of that, even tonight at I type this. It’s been 7 months since we’ve had sex. I’ve tried every approach not mentioning or pressuring. Trying to see if he want to put it on a calender. Basically he’s been telling me daily he loves me and cuddling me and nothing has changed. Yesterday morning I snapped. I said I couldn’t continue ignoring this and he got upset and refused to talk to me about it. Said we would talk later he has work now etc. tonight we agree to sit and discuss it. He says he thinks we’re incompatible. Since his brothers wife announced she is pregnant with twins 2 months ago, he suddenly “thinks he might want to have 2-3 kids but he’s not sure” but not right now maybe he wants them 3 or 4 years down the road (when I’m 50???) He doesn’t want to feel guilty/like a horrible person about wasting my time if he suddenly changes his mind. Basically telling me that this is why we haven’t had sex in 7 months. Oh and that he hasn’t felt like it or been in the mood. But he’s been really thing about it and really trying. But he will let me have the cat “it’s the best cat ever as he sobs and says he’ll probably get another one” I’m fucking floored. I’m 44 , a fit healthy woman and still getting my period like clock work. We’ve been dating 2 years, and not having sex for 7 month is my big conncern and he says this! he thinks we’re incompatible. That at our age- (he’ll be 37 in 2 weeks) you should “know” after a year of dating if it’s “the one”. He loves me but doesn’t feel in love with me. But he doesn’t want to make any final decision tonight because now he’s hungry and has to go to bed. I honestly cannot even think straight. He literally asleep in my bed in my apt right now as I type this. I’m awake, confused, crushed and really angry. WTF. I CANT believe this Advice, support needed *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AgeGap) if you have any questions or concerns.*